Hi, Dan, as you know my boyfriend Joel Lane is totally deaf and has Aspergers Syndrome and ADHD. Since Joel and I have been together, our relationship has been amazing. I just love Joel so much. I've seen on video chat how Aspergers Syndrome affects him. I've had to calm him down. Joel being totally deaf and having Aspergers Syndrome will not change my feelings for him.
My 17 year old son has Aspberger's. He was diagnosed at 3 years old. I have done everything possible to help him be all he can be. I really thought I knew how he felt. After seeing this video, I feel I owe my son an apology. Now I get why he gets upset over simple things. I thought I understood him and why he does the things he does. I was wrong. Thank you so much for taking the time to make this video.
I am married to a man with aspergers, and we have found that communication is KEY! If I am unsure about how he feels, I ask and vice versa. If he's unsure what I mean when I say something, he asks and we work out where the confusion is coming from. It really helps.
@@DEFBONEZZ my specail needs teachers say that sometimes but u should go to some more shops because they are more autism understanding i was struggling to count my money to buy a t shirt and a lady helped me and i then was 5p short and she said its ok and not to pay her back
I had dated an Asperger he broke up, because i couldnt ask him whats wrong with him or what i did wrong. He blocked himself and Day after he asked if my attituede has gone or if i still think/feel like that. I really tried my best to make it work, and i been forgive him alot of Things he said. I wish i could make it better, what would u recommend if u cannot talk with him About your own Problems? He also said not to talk with others About him/Problems i have with him.
Dude, I cannot thank you enough. After non-stop fights and hurtful exchanges with my partner that got us nowhere but a consistent on-again, off-again status, my therapist suggested just last night, "wait... is he on the spectrum?" "Of what?" I asked. LOL. Completely ignorant. After a long discussion with her, the pieces were coming together and she encouraged me to research Aspergers. He's undiagnosed or perhaps has hidden the truth of his diagnosis. Your videos have been so educational and informative and have raised so much compassion and understanding. Just brilliant. Everything makes so much more sense. THANK YOU.
yes! Just yes...Thank you.. this is our life :D My husband and I began dating when we were teens and he had been misdiagnosed with ADD because ASD wasn't really thought of, and now here we are 20 years later. He was diagnosed several years after we had been married, and already had one child. I see so many resources that say it can't be done and that long lasting relationships aren't possible, but that is not true- they are more difficult sometimes, and they come with challenges, but they are completely possible. My husband, Jason, is a great husband and a wonderful Father, and we have learned how to deal with the issues, and use humor, and make life work. I love how much I can relate to your description. I laughed and silently agreed with every bit of this.. Great Video!
This helped me understand my husband better. I sometimes feel like he just doesn't care. Having deep conversations is really hard for him and I could never understand why he gets so angry when I cry. I think he just doesn't understand. Thank you with for this channel.
I am learning and I am sending your channel his way, he is also a gamer and I think he needs to feel less alone in how he feels and his experiences. Just today we had a situation where I felt sensitive to something and he didn't feel like he should be sorry and it's difficult for him to say "I'm sorry." About anything. Often times it seems like he doesn't even feel bad. From what I'm learning, he does feel but just doesn't know how to put it in to words and the social cues of when it's time to realize, hey this thing hurt someone's feelings, don't just feel bad, show the person you care about how you made them feel. I use to think it was on purpose. I am so thankful for the information out there and wish I would have taken the time to learn sooner. I feel he is really appreciative that I'm taking this effort. I hope so.
Hey, Dan. The advice in this video is extremely helpful. Just to let you know that I myself have Asperger’s syndrome and some of my previous relationships were quite short, with my longest lasting about a month and a half and my shortest lasting only one afternoon. Been single for nearly 5 years come November. Plus, I have trouble asking girls out because of my anxiety of being rejected. But I know it’s often expected anyway, until I find the right one who genuinely likes me more than just a friend. The best I can do is not look at all and wait to meet the right girl to form a friendship and when I do, I’ll see how the friendship progresses.
I WISH I COULD THUMBS UP THIS VIDEO FOURTY THOUSAND TIMES!!!! I cant even describe how exceptionally helpful this video was for me with my newlywed relationship to my husband!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!
I've been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome before...I even started school and since then...I thought I was alone...a freak...I was depressed and just alone...and I felt totally worth less...I still do sometimes...and I thought that people like us were unlovable...but you teach me that it's ok to be different and that there is hope for people like us...😊☺️thank you and don't stop ok your amayzing and I love your Chanel your my hero thank you for everything...😊🤗😘
Hi I've been following your channel off and on for the past few months and I think I'm finally ready to tell people openly that I have Asperger's thank you
I have been receiving your videos for a few months but they were not a priority for me given all that I had been doing to help my son. Now, I'm listening and I will go back and play the others. I saved them!! Thank you for letting the world in on your experiences.
People always ask me out as a joke and I'll think it's real and get really upset when they tell me it's joke. But now I have a boyfriend, I don't live with him but I always talk to him about things. Also, I like to be hugged and to be touched to be calmed down. And, I take the arguement really far and then it's ok this messes my parents up so bad. And being by myself is favourite thing ever.
+Millie Churchill Oh that's not nice, but I am glad you have a boyfriend. Yeah, it's just tolerance that people need to learn / understand with aspies.
Millie Churchill That happened to me too! Cute, pretty girls I liked would ask me if I liked them or would like to date them. When I would tell them I'm interested they would laugh at me. I gave up on trying to find a girlfriend through out high school. I've never had a girlfriend but would like one but I'm to scared to approach attractive girls . I'm even to scared to talk to the girls in my church.
I never say that I don't want to get married because a lot of pyschartist said people with autism will not be able able to have marriage relationships (which isn't true). There are some autistic people that are married. But the reason I don't want to get married or have kids (that will be too much for me)- that would be my choice. Same as neurotypicals-when they choose to be single.
Trying to be in a relationship have been nothing but a curse to me after I was bullied, betrayed, and scammed. I feel as though my talents as an Aspie came at a price. However, it's my hobbies, my close friends, and my 2 favorite video game characters that help keep me together and really help me cope with the emotional pain that I suffer from.
I'm not dating and I'm not in a relationship (actually I have never even been...), however the things you said here apply to my relationship with people such as family members and coworkers. Witnessing meltdowns freaks them out a lot and I always feel guilty for hours or days after they happen, and I never plan the actions that go along with these meltdowns...they just happen and I just have to go through them. I also have trouble understanding what people say to me on a daily basis, and I also confuse others on a daily basis - so basically communication skills are nearly non-existent in my case. Some people find it irritating when I seemingly start talking about a completely irrelevant topic instead of answering their questions, and it always turns out I thought they were talking about something else. I try to turn it into humor and call myself The King of Miscommunication...lol. But it's a lingering problem that I can't really just solve in one day, one week or one month. Arguments...well, I tend to get into arguments with the NT folks in my life on a pretty frequent basis and I always feel guilty as I'm always the one who caused them without initially even understanding HOW I did it. I DO get time to myself, 100% to myself, and I try to casually ask people not to disturb me during that time. During that time I sit at my computer and do virtual trips on Google Earth while listening to online radio. It's my time, my space. I might need such time even more frequently. At the same time, people very often call me loyal/truthful/always there, just like you talked about towards the end of the video Dan.
Awesome video! So helpful actually and it's nice to here it from your point of view and it also being so positive because so many people assume that we can't have "normal" relationships when we can it will just work a little differently than neurotipical people. I know I have aspergers but I think my boyfriend does too as he is just like me and has so many traits and when he took that test you suggested he came up high at 33. We are so bonded like we are so loyal and love each other more than anything and that never changes but we face day to day challenges where I get so annoyed at him because he forgets to do simple things everyday so I have to constantly remind him because my routine is very organised whilst his is totally focuses on doing his hobbies and stuff so we struggle with that kind of stuff but I could never be without him. He is my world ☺️
Dan, this was a great video. I've been in my current relationship 2+ years (a big accomplishment for me) and one thing we established before I moved in is that I needed my own room, even a small one; it's really helpful, as both a retreat and a space to pursue my interests. (they were fine with it). The hardest thing to work through has been the touch issue -- certain touches feel horrible, and when I'd jerk away, even when I'd try to explain, my partner would feel emotionally wounded. We're finally at a point where they started to rub my shoulders the other day, remembered, stopped, and asked: "Is this OK?" I know that took extra effort and it's probably still painful for them to have to check in. You do a good job of acknowledging how difficult and confusing some things can be for NT partners of people on the spectrum -- your video is kind and informative and I think it will help a lot of people. Thanks for what you do. :)
Yeah, my wife told me that she feels like I don't love her. She asked me why I don't express affection towards her. I told her that I do love her very much but I don't know how I'm suppose to be showing this affection. She is very special to me and I would be devastated if she ever left me. We actually get along so well together, even though we are at the opposite ends of the scale. She is a social, party girl and yet we still work well together somehow.
. . .talking about sensory overload, I am not an aspie, but the streaming music during this presentation is quite distracting and makes it difficult to listen to what is being said. ... just sayin'
Thank you so much for all of your amazing videos! My son is 9, and he is on the Autism Spectrum, and it's so helpful as his parent to learn more about what (maybe) it's like to be inside his head! Just FYI, we recently started him on an "off-label" medication for ASD called Namenda, and it's really helping him! Researchers think it blocks one of the neurotransmitters that ASD brains have a little too much of (glutamate), so the signals coming into his brain from the world around him are easier to decipher. So far, it has been astonishing: stimming, withdrawing into his own world, and repetitive speech have been reduced probably by 85-90%; rigidity, resistance to new things, getting "stuck" and having difficulty transitioning have ALL been almost completely erased! His eye contact is better, and he actually made A NEW FRIEND yesterday at school (something which as been incredibly difficult for him over the past 5 years). It hasn't changed his personality AT ALL, and so far, no side-effects. So... yeah, just wanted you, or anyone who's interested in ASD and Asperger's, to know this medication exists. Thanks again for posting these videos!! Keep making them, they are awesome. :)
If I could heart your videos like a facebook comment I would, I can't even begin to explain how it feels to hear someone talk about their condition and express things that mirror myself, I have been in such a dark place these recent months and finding your channel has brought so much relief into my life.thank you so so much for doing what you do :)
Thank you for this video. I am currently dating someone I love very much with aspergers and we are going through rough patch because of our difficulties understanding each other. This video outlined almost all of our major issues and I’m so happy to have a better understanding of his mindset. Thank you :)
I’ve literally been binge watching your videos. They’ve helped me so much understand what’s going on with me, thank you for pointing me in the right direction.
omg the do de do de do you do at 3:25 is exactly what i do often when im trying to get my thoughts out sort of like a buffer, im 26 uk only diagnosed with aspergers earlier this year, it made my life make so much more sense to me. my partner of over 3 years now is still in the process of learning about my condition so i've sent her this video too
Thank you for this video :) Recently entered a relationship with an aspie guy and I find it hard to understand how he is feeling sometimes. I suffer with anxiety too so I always worry that I am doing something really wrong when he is being distant with me, but this really gave me a different view and perspective on the situation! I have definitely come to realize that it is all about learning about the person and making that extra bit of effort to understand how their brain is working :)
I date someone with Asperger's syndrome. She is the nicest, kindest, funniest and most random person ive ever had the honour of knowing. She is brilliant and her own little person who has dreams and goals who now teaches people how to control their Asperger's. You can be in a relationship with someone who has this condition. No aspie is the same :). she hates that name though. Its all about being patient and understanding. :)
This is a extremely old video but I was looking for something to help me with my relationships. As you said your meltdowns are bad mine is too. But the difference is texting meltdowns. I have online friends and something pressed in a conversation soo much starts to get my irritation going and I easily get overwelmed attempting to explain how something is bothering me. It starts a cycle in meltdowns where I’ll try to talk but it ends up being rambling and becoming the opposite of what I mean to say. For instance I try to be kind and nice telling someone “can you please spend more time with me? Or stop talking about those things that I don’t understand?” But it ends up becoming in their view hostile. So to them all they would see is. “Well?! What’s wrong with what we’re talking about. How do you now understand this!” It puts pressure on me to then picking up on their hostile or tone and attitude towards my “simple questions” and my defense mechanism kicks in where they become my enemy. They’re angry at me and I must defend myself. It’s really bad because I keep trying honestly trying to explain to them my kindness and love towards them but they see me as hostile so I end up lashing out to protect myself from their words with my words. Ends up being a huge argument and I’ll be obsessed with trying to “solve it.” So I won’t stop texting. Once the meltdown ends I cry from hurting my friends so much by guilt tripping them and everything else I said to defend myself in uncontrollable ramble. That it leaves me and them exhausted and they believe I’m the most toxic person out there. This is a constant issue I’m working on in relationships. If you have any ideas on how to help with that I’d definitely love it. This video helped a lot but I’m hoping for more videos like this that dive deeper.
I’ve been with my Aspie boyfriend for almost 6 years, we moved into our first home together in September just gone, and everyone asked why it took so long for us to make that step. no matter how hard I try to explain “I didn’t want to pressure him or rush him” they just don’t seem to get that he has autism. Love your channel btw! I came across it recently & I will definitely subscribe!
While seeing a guy with Aspergers, I did notice meandering eye contact and some long pauses between sentences. We was quite shy, which was really adorable. I'm shy too and am not the best at conversation, as well have rather petrifying awkwardness around company. I suffer with ADD and dyslexia. I think I pose a problem for people with Aspergers because I am needy and can become addicted to company and fail to give people their space. It's not that I disrespect their space but I fear abandonment. If I knew that people with Aspergers like space, before the fact, I probably wouldn't have been so clingy.
Found this helpful, if it's not too much, things like going into disagreements of different kinds and how you work through them would be SO helpful. I am an Aspie myself and my Fiancee needs help understanding why I am the way I am. Thanks again for this.
This was actually so useful! I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and I'm really trying to put myself in his shoes, so our relationship can run as smoothly as possible, but he can't always communicate with me how he feels. I now understand what he meant when he attempted to explain what goes through his mind during an argument! Thank you for that! P.S. Love your videos very useful and have helped me to understand my boyfriend so much better!
This was very helpful.. I actually just met a guy with Asperger's and even though I have experience with Autism because of a couple of my family members. I needed more information... So thank you.
i got very lucky and have a boyfriend who understands my meltdowns, my sudden mood changes and knows ways to calm me down especially if we are in public. to those with autism who wish they had a supportive partner: you will find one. they are hard to find sometimes, but there are caring and supportive people out there ready to have a relationship with you. ♡
My boyfriend has autism and I have Aspergers. We met through our special ed classes. It seems like we’re the only people who understand each other. We help each other with our meltdowns and can even tell when the other is on the verge of a meltdown. We know we’re not the typical couple, but we are the only people who actually understand what we’re going through.
I really appreciate you uploading these videos. My boyfriend has aspergers and your videos have been key to me learning and understanding about him more so, I've actually taken notes over some of your videos and I'll ask him questions as to what pertains to him and what does not, so I can make a specific list of his traits and symptoms for him personally. And what I can do to help him through things like his breakdowns and meltdowns when he has those. Thank you so much for these videos and you've been very helpful into my understanding of aspergers. It's very much appreciated.
The blue in your shirt brings out your eyes.. (I normally only look at eyes in photos or videos) I had a small chuckle when mentioning the practical or multi-use of gifts. That has me written all over it..haha. buying some random frilly silly trinket type gift is not something I would think of doing. [I also liked the music]
Very useful video. I have BPD, my man is aspie. Very difficult at times, as total opposite brains, but we're learning how to make it better. I struggle with the lack of romance and affection, but he is there for me in other ways, making sure all the practical stuff is taken care of so I don't have to stress over it. He is the most loyal boyfriend I've had. We are now engaged (because I kept saying I wanted to get married!) We keep our interests seperate, use time alone to watch RUclips videos on facts (him) and emotional stuff (me). And time together for common interests (exercise, travel). Most of the time it feels like we're just best friends, but we also fancy eachother a lot, and really what else could you want from a relationship? Just a case of learning that holding hands doesn't mean the same thing to him as me, but a sensory back scratch will let him know I love him. X
Ahhhh, thank heavens this channel exists!!! Advice: my bf with ASD is the sweetest most charming man ive ever met, this video hit all the nails on the head but I'm curious , whats the best way to calm him down when he has anxiety , space alone ?
The worst part for me is I need at least 4 hours a day alone to feel ok and at least 4 or 5 days alone to feel good. I don't really get this when we live together and I don't really think she understands this. I think that even though she is very understanding and patient with me she takes this as rejection (which it is not).
That was VERY helpful... I'm in a long term relationship with someone who has that and in the beginning of our relationship i couldn't understand why and everything that you have said in this video has happened. I've had to deal with it and I'm learning how to handle things. We also live together and he has his own space for him to be which really does help. Its hard but hes the best boyfriend I've ever had in my life
Hey, I just started watching your channel some more and I must say that your tips and things I can totally relate to! I like to consider myself unique in the sense that, while I do have traits of ASD, I never needed a full diagnosis. As such, I do find myself trying to keep track of all the things you mentioned when it comes to interacting with someone (eye contact, facial expression, etc.) and it's never the easiest. Good thing is, I can most easily carry on a conversation with someone and stay on topic without getting sidetracked with my own obsessive interest -- social cues can sometimes be a problem, though. And, although I consider myself a people person, I still get the need to have some time to myself in case I ever get overwhelmed always talking to people. Rarely ever to I find myself having meltdowns I generally like to stay calm even in stressful situations. Overall, I believe I have what it takes to at least hold a steady relationship with a woman if ever I found the right incentives to pursue one. I'm 21 and have always wanted one, but, as of now, I don't feel like I gotta rush into one just yet. Is it possible you would have a video or two on approaching the subject I could check out? Would certainly appreciate it!
Thank you for explaining it so well. Hopefully this can help my husband understand me better and understand why I punch the walls and get so angry when he tries to hug me to get me to stop. I explain it to him but never well enough for a thorough understanding on his part. Yet another downfall of not knowing exactly how you feel, in order to explain to another human.
i have a tip for aspergic which i have just worked out . we are very often clumsy and get annoyed at our clumsyness , slow down , we do things too fast ( like this guys talking ) or faster than other people , if you just take things slower you dont make so many mistakes, look at other people, they dont rush. now i just have to work out why sudden loud noises make me instantly angry.
I have many of these same issues but I've had a bit of a different problem when trying to be in relationships: I can't handle, I guess you could call it "chilling time." Just being around someone with no goal makes me feel like I'm in this state of limbo, always waiting for something to happen. I can't just exist with someone and also be myself, and it causes me great anxiety.
my partner and I have been married for 5 years now, but I wasn't officially diagnosed with ASD until last year. Things have always been stressful as I have frequent meltdowns and there are 9 dogs when we got together. luckily we have a 4 bedroom house and I actually have the upstairs set up as a get away which we are both happy with. also since I'm up until 3 or 4 am everyday, I have my own bedroom. things have been getting better since my diagnosis as we are both understanding more about what is going on.
The Aspie World it is a lot of dogs, sometimes the barking gets overwhelming, but I love them. I think more than anything, I'm at least gaining understanding, and my partner and I are finding better solutions to problems like my meltdowns. Thank you again for doing your videos, and know that you are really helping people.
Why does every time I talk to someone about an accomplishment they just say “cool” and walk away, but when someone else talks to other people, they get so excited and shit ?
I personally love your idea if someone bought me a flashlight for Valentine's Day with added features especially one of those tactical flashlights for protection I would be thrilled.
Yeah ASD don't play relationship games because at least for me and here comes very blunt aspie statement, relationship games are too much work for me just get to the point. Because I don't get your social coding. And yeah I hated it when my ex-bf would get in my space and touch me when I was upset. He never tried to get it that's one of the reasons he's my ex.
The content in your videos is so good and I really want to hear what you're saying, but I have a hell of a time concentrating through the music. Have you considered releasing duplicates of your videos without the background tracks? I'm aware I can use subtitles as well, but it isn't as helpful for me in terms of understanding. Thanks!
Thanks for the video. It's very difficult for me to discuss my Asperger's with my boyfriend. It has always been a source of contention throughout my entire life. I don't intend to come across as aggressive as people say I do, people don't understand when they are in the situation and then become intentionally aggressive and hurtful.
I have aspergers syndrome and the guy that likes me has aspergers to, we met when we both couldn't get partners for a science project (we both love science) we both also kinda got a custom to asking the teacher to wear headphones and sit under the table or in the small room.
Could you do a video about the work place? I find it very difficult to interact with people at work, to the point that I shut myself away from them because it is a sensory overload. Thanks!
I feel like my relationship is really strained and a lot of it is down to my Aspergers. It's not like that's the only thing that can make it bad but my symptoms make it a lot worse
I am married to a man who has Asperger syndrome and it is hard sometimes he hates listen to me, when he is playing his video games and yea he doesn't get me flowers often and it is rare if he surprises me but he is sweet when he really puts his mind to it and yes he is very loyal kind and funny and cut lol
I seem to be the polar opposite to the expectation for aspies, if I love someone I am entirely focused on that person and can not accept in my mind if they don’t like me back, like this girl I’m friends with I love her genuinely in more than just a romantic sense, we were close briefly and it was just long enough for me to get into the mindset that it’d be a long thing and that we would be together and all that but then she said we couldn’t be and I want to remain friends we are best friends but idk if I can stay and watch her go dating other guys the only solution I have is that we never allow whoever she’s dating to be around when I am around but she won’t go for that but straight up she said she liked a guy two days ago at a carnival we were at and when he was waiting outside afterwards because of mutual friends I genuinely was about to just leave there and then because if they started being close on the walk from the carnival I’d have just snapped and gone home anyways
Can you please upload a video over irritating little things that make u snappy and angry and stressed. Im struggeling a lot with that and it i thing it only would help so much to hear that other people experience the same thing
I have had many conversations with my aspie partner about things that I want or need in the relationship. At the time she will agree with me but then nothing changes. It makes me feel like she doesn't care but then she will say things like "you are my top priority" or "you are very important to me" and it makes me realize that maybe I'm just focusing too much on the negative? I don't know what to do. I want to feel like I matter to her, not like I'm alone in a relationship
worst is I cant read body language... so my girl has gotten mad at me for not kissing her first or so. I cant tell what she wants and need. she's the only person who can touch me though, if I freak out i need time alone. and I don't like crowds and lots of people around me. fortunately she's a quiet person. mostly she confused me, so I've gone to ask her, well tell me what to do what do you need. I'll do it. get what I'm trying to say? most of the time I spend alone... but always excited to see her. I just feel awkward because I do weird things to around her when I'm excited. always afraid I overwhelm her, I'm afraid I do this or that to little or to much. seem obsessive or none emotional. but she's seems to understand me, and now its getting to the point where she doesn't feel awkward to ask me stuff right off the top, its easier for me. i feel stupid though to ask things off the top though.
I'm 33 and have Asperger's. Problem is I'm also into BDSM (sub, and don't find regular sex enjoyable at all) - which a psychiatrist told me is rather common in people with Asperger's. It makes it ALOT harder to find someone than if you're just an aspie... It's like, until you get to that stage that you find a girl that will tolerate the fact that you're not socially/emotionally perfect, you also have to add at a certain stage "oh, and btw I'm also a pervert. We still cool?"
Thanks for making great video. I'm in a distance relationship with an ASD boyfriend. It's kind of difficult especially when we had argument, either staying together or distant. Your video gives me more idea on how I can handle with him and to keep our relationship. Thanks again :)
Hey Sarinna, just curious, I also date an Aspie, you said you have a hard time staying together when y'all get in fights? What was your new idea to make it work better?
+April Foley Hi April, In general of having argument, if staying together, just try to calm him down with less words. More explanations may make things worse, also less touching but find the way to calm him down. I find that being together is not as difficult as being away since he may try not to response to me but I have to let him know my care and concern. :)
I have had 2 realationships and i have slight autism One lasted 9 months (12) The other one was a week and 2 days (15) I do have a best friend who helped me get over my 1st one who i like and he finds a way to make me laugh if I'm sad at one point i got bullied and he helped me and looked arfter me at school and the boy i like has slight autism like i do but he doesn't act like he does in a way
I get very upset when I go to a crowded event like a party and then am left there for hours after I said I wasn't feeling well. I get migraine and can be nauseated by lights. Now I pack training gear in case this happens. In crowds I wither.
My boyfriend (of 10 months) has aspergers, he gets very frustrated with me ( I have dyslexia) and he gets very annoyed with me when I spell words wrong and it can often go way too far and is very upsetting. I love him so much and I hate fighting but it seems to become such a thing that happens often I don’t know what to do when he is like this I leave him alone for a while. He also doesn’t talk a lot about personal stuff there are some days where he will talk so so much and other days where he won’t it’s really confusing I don’t know whether to ask him to talk to me about how he feels. Thank you xx
In past relationships, it bothered the shit out of me when someone would touch me at all, but in my current relationship, I want to cuddle with him all the time, but in public it's a bit more difficult for me to express my feelings, like I feel "judged" so when I just want to hold his hand or something, I put my hand on the table and look at him and feel embarrassed... I don't want to ask in public cause I feel like people be judging!
Ooo your flashlight you described sounds neat! I'm so nerd-girling haha. XD and yeah my husband isn't romantic either but he is sweet and he is there for me when it matters.
When I would get in a fight with my parents they would try and touch me to comfort me and calm me down but tbh they would just make things a lot worst.
I had my ex leave me because i choked her in a meltdown. How do you even begin to try and explain you didn't try and do that? You can't. It's a course. I'm affected by all those things too I did so much for her. I was romantic. In fact several of those things you have issues with I don't. I was still misunder stood and i was told I push away people...it still hurts and it's been oven half a year
wow this surely sounds like me. I also mentally push people away but I don't mean it. We also need affection, but I cannot express it in a propper way to other people that I need it. I feel so misunderstood.
My boyfriend has Asperger's and it's been hard between us. We do have a brilliant relationship and we do live together but sometimes I come back home and my boyfriend needs his space and I understand that. However he is lovely but I spoke to this lady and her daughter has Asperger's and I spoke to my situation with him and spoke that he keeps asking about my past relationships and I can't white lie to or lie to him but I've never lie to him and I am very loyal to him. However before him i was in a horrible relationship he cheated on me and I have a fear of getting cheated again but he ask about the bed stuff personal questions but he gets mad if I can't remember. However he's seeing Counciling to understand are relationship and to understand each other but we haven't got jobs at the moment and we are looking for work and applying for so much but he's decided to go back to college and maybe work but happy I am about that but hasn't been easy and I don't want to broke up with him because I love him so much and I admire about he is very passionate about films and very intelligent.
My ex partner did not understand that I did not like affection as he did. It was difficult to explain to him. I was happy enough with him in the same room. Plus he did not comprehend that I needed alone time to pursue my interests. The romance thing is confusing.
See and with me it's not that I wouldn't think about marriage and stuff, I just wouldn't know if what I felt for that woman was something I'd only feel for her or if I'd feel the same for any other woman that would be with me.. seeings how not many have ever wanted to be with me.. In fact I only know of a couple at the moment. (as in ever) I don't know jack about love, I think I love someone just because she's being nice to me and doing nice things for me when no one else ever wants to.. I don't see a woman and lust for her or pine for her.. I just wish I could have a girlfriend... If a woman ever asked me to marry her I'd probably inhale hard from the shock of it, and then start crying not knowing how to respond or why she'd want me like that.. But then I'm the odd kind of Aspie (probably, not diagnosed) that actually LOVES cuddling and has a sense of humor (albeit a very abrasive/odd one) and wants to go on dates and trips and do special activities together and am a bit of a hopeless romantic.. I just have none of the social skills to go with it. I know nothing about being friends or what actually goes on during dates or anything..
I know this video is 2 or more years old, but I have a question that didn't seem appropriate for any of your other videos. Okay. So my question is, have you at any point in time, being in the Aspie community, found other Aspie persons enjoy a lot of physical contact? Reason being, I've been speaking with a guy who has mentioned that he has Aspergers, but I don't feel he has the symptoms that would characterize him as such. Granted, we have only talked online or over the phone and have not met face to face(we have plans to). He is just super affectionate when he talks or texts me. He talks about holding hands and cuddling and such. And it didn't seem like it took him much effort to talk to me and become friends. Should I just regard everything on a case to case basis? I have tried asking about his triggers and such, but I don't feel I have the whole picture. I'm still watching a lot of your videos and still learning about Aspergers since he mentioned it. You have been such a huge help in understanding this condition. I hope you can answer my questions...
Many people in my life such as my family and a few outsiders have accused my husband of being abusive towards me or are kids, He never hits us or anything but he has trouble understanding peoples basic social concepts and emotional cues, Unfortunately this has somewhat ruined my family because my kids were taken due to reports from others claiming my husband was verbally abusive or controlling to me and my children when i know for a fact that is not the case. Ive been married for about 11 years now with him and i just came to the notion that this has to be aspergers because he himself explained to me and a therapist that he seriously has no understanding of peoples social concenpts emotions etc. He lashes out quite often i think these would be meltdowns and because i don't really understand how to deal with this he and i fight alot and it takes a toll on our relationship, Im doing what i can to get my kids back unfortunatly hubs does not have insurance currently so he cannot go get diagnosed.... And when i mentioned the idea that he may have aspergers he got upset with me and told me to stop diagnosing him that im not a doctor, Im not sure as to how to go about telling him to possibly look into this without offending him. I love him to death but with how he is not understanding what im trying to do im not sure what else i can do about this
Well, Im divorced and it was pretty sad for me and Im left of caring for my daughter basically by myself. I did not have much experience in relationships before I got married mainly because I was not really attracted to almost no one and if I did, guys usually did not even know I was there. I never understood my "neurotypical" girlfriends getting in and out of relationships like its nothing or dating, all that is beyond my understanding. At this point, Im just terrified to even meet anyone especially because could hurt my girl and I would be devastated. I have been taken advantage of for being trusty by my ex husband. I have found out the the two guys I had relationships with before I married did not consider me as special or memorable and were also mean to me. Im sorry for the rant is just that this subject makes me feel confused and as a failure. I preffer to continue on my own for my own sake.
I am going through a difficult and sad situation. I met a boy with Asperger online. we started kind of dating and he broke up with me really quickly...I really don't understand what happened. also he lied about some things. he says he likes me but can't be with me... I would like to know if it's common for aspies to lie
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Hi, Dan, as you know my boyfriend Joel Lane is totally deaf and has Aspergers Syndrome and ADHD. Since Joel and I have been together, our relationship has been amazing. I just love Joel so much. I've seen on video chat how Aspergers Syndrome affects him. I've had to calm him down. Joel being totally deaf and having Aspergers Syndrome will not change my feelings for him.
My 17 year old son has Aspberger's. He was diagnosed at 3 years old. I have done everything possible to help him be all he can be. I really thought I knew how he felt. After seeing this video, I feel I owe my son an apology. Now I get why he gets upset over simple things. I thought I understood him and why he does the things he does. I was wrong. Thank you so much for taking the time to make this video.
Kimberly Harting one thing to say to spell it is aspergers.
I have autism and nearly 17 and your story made me cry almost well done love well done
I am married to a man with aspergers, and we have found that communication is KEY! If I am unsure about how he feels, I ask and vice versa. If he's unsure what I mean when I say something, he asks and we work out where the confusion is coming from. It really helps.
+OtakuChristian Perfect! That is amazing help thank you!
So solution is....just ask. Mhm. And I suspect aspies traits in both husband and I.
@@DEFBONEZZ my specail needs teachers say that sometimes but u should go to some more shops because they are more autism understanding i was struggling to count my money to buy a t shirt and a lady helped me and i then was 5p short and she said its ok and not to pay her back
I had dated an Asperger he broke up, because i couldnt ask him whats wrong with him or what i did wrong. He blocked himself and Day after he asked if my attituede has gone or if i still think/feel like that. I really tried my best to make it work, and i been forgive him alot of Things he said. I wish i could make it better, what would u recommend if u cannot talk with him About your own Problems? He also said not to talk with others About him/Problems i have with him.
@@karinaneumann7619 maybe a narcissist?
Dude, I cannot thank you enough. After non-stop fights and hurtful exchanges with my partner that got us nowhere but a consistent on-again, off-again status, my therapist suggested just last night, "wait... is he on the spectrum?"
"Of what?" I asked. LOL. Completely ignorant.
After a long discussion with her, the pieces were coming together and she encouraged me to research Aspergers.
He's undiagnosed or perhaps has hidden the truth of his diagnosis.
Your videos have been so educational and informative and have raised so much compassion and understanding.
Just brilliant. Everything makes so much more sense. THANK YOU.
yes! Just yes...Thank you.. this is our life :D My husband and I began dating when we were teens and he had been misdiagnosed with ADD because ASD wasn't really thought of, and now here we are 20 years later. He was diagnosed several years after we had been married, and already had one child. I see so many resources that say it can't be done and that long lasting relationships aren't possible, but that is not true- they are more difficult sometimes, and they come with challenges, but they are completely possible. My husband, Jason, is a great husband and a wonderful Father, and we have learned how to deal with the issues, and use humor, and make life work. I love how much I can relate to your description. I laughed and silently agreed with every bit of this.. Great Video!
Thank you for the comment, that is an amazing story. I am happy my video helps, :).
purplecatfish01 YASSSSSSS YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!
This helped me understand my husband better. I sometimes feel like he just doesn't care. Having deep conversations is really hard for him and I could never understand why he gets so angry when I cry. I think he just doesn't understand. Thank you with for this channel.
+Moonstar Guidance Yea it is very difficult to understand emotions and have deep conversations :(. It is just pet of who he is.
I am learning and I am sending your channel his way, he is also a gamer and I think he needs to feel less alone in how he feels and his experiences. Just today we had a situation where I felt sensitive to something and he didn't feel like he should be sorry and it's difficult for him to say "I'm sorry." About anything. Often times it seems like he doesn't even feel bad. From what I'm learning, he does feel but just doesn't know how to put it in to words and the social cues of when it's time to realize, hey this thing hurt someone's feelings, don't just feel bad, show the person you care about how you made them feel. I use to think it was on purpose. I am so thankful for the information out there and wish I would have taken the time to learn sooner. I feel he is really appreciative that I'm taking this effort. I hope so.
Hey, Dan. The advice in this video is extremely helpful. Just to let you know that I myself have Asperger’s syndrome and some of my previous relationships were quite short, with my longest lasting about a month and a half and my shortest lasting only one afternoon. Been single for nearly 5 years come November.
Plus, I have trouble asking girls out because of my anxiety of being rejected. But I know it’s often expected anyway, until I find the right one who genuinely likes me more than just a friend. The best I can do is not look at all and wait to meet the right girl to form a friendship and when I do, I’ll see how the friendship progresses.
I WISH I COULD THUMBS UP THIS VIDEO FOURTY THOUSAND TIMES!!!! I cant even describe how exceptionally helpful this video was for me with my newlywed relationship to my husband!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!
+Shii Wak Hey you are very welcome! :)!
I've been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome before...I even started school and since then...I thought I was alone...a freak...I was depressed and just alone...and I felt totally worth less...I still do sometimes...and I thought that people like us were unlovable...but you teach me that it's ok to be different and that there is hope for people like us...😊☺️thank you and don't stop ok your amayzing and I love your Chanel your my hero thank you for everything...😊🤗😘
Hi I've been following your channel off and on for the past few months and I think I'm finally ready to tell people openly that I have Asperger's thank you
+Jason Hayes Hey! Welcome to the community!
The Aspie World Thank you it feels good to be welcome somewhere with people who understand what I go through on a daily basis.
I have been receiving your videos for a few months but they were not a priority for me given all that I had been doing to help my son. Now, I'm listening and I will go back and play the others. I saved them!! Thank you for letting the world in on your experiences.
+Juliette Balabanian Hey thank you for watching them!
That music is highly annoying..
+Linda Maria Ozol Sorry 😩
Linda Maria Ozol lol I think it's cute.
Linda Maria lol
People always ask me out as a joke and I'll think it's real and get really upset when they tell me it's joke. But now I have a boyfriend, I don't live with him but I always talk to him about things. Also, I like to be hugged and to be touched to be calmed down. And, I take the arguement really far and then it's ok this messes my parents up so bad. And being by myself is favourite thing ever.
+Millie Churchill Oh that's not nice, but I am glad you have a boyfriend. Yeah, it's just tolerance that people need to learn / understand with aspies.
Millie Churchill That happened to me too! Cute, pretty girls I liked would ask me if I liked them or would like to date them. When I would tell them I'm interested they would laugh at me. I gave up on trying to find a girlfriend through out high school. I've never had a girlfriend but would like one but I'm to scared to approach attractive girls . I'm even to scared to talk to the girls in my church.
I never say that I don't want to get married because a lot of pyschartist said people with autism will not be able able to have marriage relationships (which isn't true). There are some autistic people that are married. But the reason I don't want to get married or have kids (that will be too much for me)- that would be my choice. Same as neurotypicals-when they choose to be single.
Trying to be in a relationship have been nothing but a curse to me after I was bullied, betrayed, and scammed. I feel as though my talents as an Aspie came at a price. However, it's my hobbies, my close friends, and my 2 favorite video game characters that help keep me together and really help me cope with the emotional pain that I suffer from.
+SariaFan93 Hang in there, not everyone is like that and you will find some one who will be just as awesome as you in a relationship.
I'm not dating and I'm not in a relationship (actually I have never even been...), however the things you said here apply to my relationship with people such as family members and coworkers. Witnessing meltdowns freaks them out a lot and I always feel guilty for hours or days after they happen, and I never plan the actions that go along with these meltdowns...they just happen and I just have to go through them. I also have trouble understanding what people say to me on a daily basis, and I also confuse others on a daily basis - so basically communication skills are nearly non-existent in my case. Some people find it irritating when I seemingly start talking about a completely irrelevant topic instead of answering their questions, and it always turns out I thought they were talking about something else. I try to turn it into humor and call myself The King of Miscommunication...lol. But it's a lingering problem that I can't really just solve in one day, one week or one month. Arguments...well, I tend to get into arguments with the NT folks in my life on a pretty frequent basis and I always feel guilty as I'm always the one who caused them without initially even understanding HOW I did it. I DO get time to myself, 100% to myself, and I try to casually ask people not to disturb me during that time. During that time I sit at my computer and do virtual trips on Google Earth while listening to online radio. It's my time, my space. I might need such time even more frequently. At the same time, people very often call me loyal/truthful/always there, just like you talked about towards the end of the video Dan.
LOVED the bit about the Valentine's flashlight gift. So true. My aspie boyfriend would do something exactly like that.
Haha
Awesome video! So helpful actually and it's nice to here it from your point of view and it also being so positive because so many people assume that we can't have "normal" relationships when we can it will just work a little differently than neurotipical people.
I know I have aspergers but I think my boyfriend does too as he is just like me and has so many traits and when he took that test you suggested he came up high at 33. We are so bonded like we are so loyal and love each other more than anything and that never changes but we face day to day challenges where I get so annoyed at him because he forgets to do simple things everyday so I have to constantly remind him because my routine is very organised whilst his is totally focuses on doing his hobbies and stuff so we struggle with that kind of stuff but I could never be without him. He is my world ☺️
Dan, this was a great video. I've been in my current relationship 2+ years (a big accomplishment for me) and one thing we established before I moved in is that I needed my own room, even a small one; it's really helpful, as both a retreat and a space to pursue my interests. (they were fine with it).
The hardest thing to work through has been the touch issue -- certain touches feel horrible, and when I'd jerk away, even when I'd try to explain, my partner would feel emotionally wounded. We're finally at a point where they started to rub my shoulders the other day, remembered, stopped, and asked: "Is this OK?" I know that took extra effort and it's probably still painful for them to have to check in. You do a good job of acknowledging how difficult and confusing some things can be for NT partners of people on the spectrum -- your video is kind and informative and I think it will help a lot of people. Thanks for what you do. :)
+Elizabeth Leinback Thank you for the kind words and the comment, :).
Yeah, my wife told me that she feels like I don't love her. She asked me why I don't express affection towards her. I told her that I do love her very much but I don't know how I'm suppose to be showing this affection. She is very special to me and I would be devastated if she ever left me. We actually get along so well together, even though we are at the opposite ends of the scale. She is a social, party girl and yet we still work well together somehow.
This video made my day. Your description of the interactions and dynamics of the typical aspie'a social interaction was spot on.
. . .talking about sensory overload, I am not an aspie, but the streaming music during this presentation is quite distracting and makes it difficult to listen to what is being said.
... just sayin'
Thank you so much for all of your amazing videos! My son is 9, and he is on the Autism Spectrum, and it's so helpful as his parent to learn more about what (maybe) it's like to be inside his head!
Just FYI, we recently started him on an "off-label" medication for ASD called Namenda, and it's really helping him! Researchers think it blocks one of the neurotransmitters that ASD brains have a little too much of (glutamate), so the signals coming into his brain from the world around him are easier to decipher. So far, it has been astonishing: stimming, withdrawing into his own world, and repetitive speech have been reduced probably by 85-90%; rigidity, resistance to new things, getting "stuck" and having difficulty transitioning have ALL been almost completely erased! His eye contact is better, and he actually made A NEW FRIEND yesterday at school (something which as been incredibly difficult for him over the past 5 years). It hasn't changed his personality AT ALL, and so far, no side-effects.
So... yeah, just wanted you, or anyone who's interested in ASD and Asperger's, to know this medication exists. Thanks again for posting these videos!! Keep making them, they are awesome. :)
+Cara Winter That drug sounds incredible!
I'm a recently diagnosed Aspergers (age 46). I completely empathise and understand everything you said. You could almost have been describing myself.
Hey that so cool.
If I could heart your videos like a facebook comment I would, I can't even begin to explain how it feels to hear someone talk about their condition and express things that mirror myself, I have been in such a dark place these recent months and finding your channel has brought so much relief into my life.thank you so so much for doing what you do :)
Thank you for this video. I am currently dating someone I love very much with aspergers and we are going through rough patch because of our difficulties understanding each other. This video outlined almost all of our major issues and I’m so happy to have a better understanding of his mindset. Thank you :)
+Krista Roussel Hey thanks for the comment, I am so glad you are getting help from my videos :)
I’ve literally been binge watching your videos. They’ve helped me so much understand what’s going on with me, thank you for pointing me in the right direction.
omg the do de do de do you do at 3:25 is exactly what i do often when im trying to get my thoughts out sort of like a buffer, im 26 uk only diagnosed with aspergers earlier this year, it made my life make so much more sense to me. my partner of over 3 years now is still in the process of learning about my condition so i've sent her this video too
Hey that is cool!
The Aspie World yeah man, I really enjoy your channel, it's really helpful for explaining things to neurotypicals. Do de do de do :D
Thank you for this video :) Recently entered a relationship with an aspie guy and I find it hard to understand how he is feeling sometimes. I suffer with anxiety too so I always worry that I am doing something really wrong when he is being distant with me, but this really gave me a different view and perspective on the situation! I have definitely come to realize that it is all about learning about the person and making that extra bit of effort to understand how their brain is working :)
Thanks for your honesty. I am learning to counsel people with Asperger's so this really helps.
I definetely agree, i´m an aspie too, so i know how hard is to explain those things to a NT person... great job, man! :)
+Gabriel Jóri Thank you, :).
I have this thing where after an argument, I can't hug and make up. I say, "I will be able to hug you later, even though I forgive you now."
I date someone with Asperger's syndrome. She is the nicest, kindest, funniest and most random person ive ever had the honour of knowing. She is brilliant and her own little person who has dreams and goals who now teaches people how to control their Asperger's. You can be in a relationship with someone who has this condition. No aspie is the same :). she hates that name though. Its all about being patient and understanding. :)
This is a extremely old video but I was looking for something to help me with my relationships. As you said your meltdowns are bad mine is too. But the difference is texting meltdowns. I have online friends and something pressed in a conversation soo much starts to get my irritation going and I easily get overwelmed attempting to explain how something is bothering me.
It starts a cycle in meltdowns where I’ll try to talk but it ends up being rambling and becoming the opposite of what I mean to say. For instance I try to be kind and nice telling someone “can you please spend more time with me? Or stop talking about those things that I don’t understand?” But it ends up becoming in their view hostile. So to them all they would see is. “Well?! What’s wrong with what we’re talking about. How do you now understand this!”
It puts pressure on me to then picking up on their hostile or tone and attitude towards my “simple questions” and my defense mechanism kicks in where they become my enemy. They’re angry at me and I must defend myself. It’s really bad because I keep trying honestly trying to explain to them my kindness and love towards them but they see me as hostile so I end up lashing out to protect myself from their words with my words.
Ends up being a huge argument and I’ll be obsessed with trying to “solve it.” So I won’t stop texting.
Once the meltdown ends I cry from hurting my friends so much by guilt tripping them and everything else I said to defend myself in uncontrollable ramble. That it leaves me and them exhausted and they believe I’m the most toxic person out there.
This is a constant issue I’m working on in relationships. If you have any ideas on how to help with that I’d definitely love it. This video helped a lot but I’m hoping for more videos like this that dive deeper.
My Boyfriend has Asperger's and he is very smart and sweet and i hope this video helps me understand my boyfriend more.
I’ve been with my Aspie boyfriend for almost 6 years, we moved into our first home together in September just gone, and everyone asked why it took so long for us to make that step. no matter how hard I try to explain “I didn’t want to pressure him or rush him” they just don’t seem to get that he has autism. Love your channel btw! I came across it recently & I will definitely subscribe!
Hey that is awesome you guys will Love living together! Thank you for being part of my family on here!!
While seeing a guy with Aspergers, I did notice meandering eye contact and some long pauses between sentences. We was quite shy, which was really adorable. I'm shy too and am not the best at conversation, as well have rather petrifying awkwardness around company. I suffer with ADD and dyslexia. I think I pose a problem for people with Aspergers because I am needy and can become addicted to company and fail to give people their space. It's not that I disrespect their space but I fear abandonment. If I knew that people with Aspergers like space, before the fact, I probably wouldn't have been so clingy.
Found this helpful, if it's not too much, things like going into disagreements of different kinds and how you work through them would be SO helpful. I am an Aspie myself and my Fiancee needs help understanding why I am the way I am. Thanks again for this.
My videos are designed for people to get all that kind of info and help. Please subscribe as I have so much more content planned :)!
This was actually so useful! I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and I'm really trying to put myself in his shoes, so our relationship can run as smoothly as possible, but he can't always communicate with me how he feels. I now understand what he meant when he attempted to explain what goes through his mind during an argument!
Thank you for that!
P.S. Love your videos very useful and have helped me to understand my boyfriend so much better!
This was very helpful.. I actually just met a guy with Asperger's and even though I have experience with Autism because of a couple of my family members. I needed more information... So thank you.
+Kiara Blessed You are more than welcome!
i got very lucky and have a boyfriend who understands my meltdowns, my sudden mood changes and knows ways to calm me down especially if we are in public. to those with autism who wish they had a supportive partner: you will find one. they are hard to find sometimes, but there are caring and supportive people out there ready to have a relationship with you. ♡
My boyfriend has autism and I have Aspergers. We met through our special ed classes. It seems like we’re the only people who understand each other. We help each other with our meltdowns and can even tell when the other is on the verge of a meltdown. We know we’re not the typical couple, but we are the only people who actually understand what we’re going through.
✌🏼
I really appreciate you uploading these videos. My boyfriend has aspergers and your videos have been key to me learning and understanding about him more so, I've actually taken notes over some of your videos and I'll ask him questions as to what pertains to him and what does not, so I can make a specific list of his traits and symptoms for him personally. And what I can do to help him through things like his breakdowns and meltdowns when he has those. Thank you so much for these videos and you've been very helpful into my understanding of aspergers. It's very much appreciated.
Hey no problem, thank you so much for the support and kind words and thank you for the comment.
The blue in your shirt brings out your eyes.. (I normally only look at eyes in photos or videos) I had a small chuckle when mentioning the practical or multi-use of gifts. That has me written all over it..haha. buying some random frilly silly trinket type gift is not something I would think of doing. [I also liked the music]
For me it has to be multifunctional or something you can use for a purpose. Decorative object with no use really annoy me, :).
The torch with a USB drive is definitely my idea of a good Valentine's gift.
+BookSlug Yeah that sounds Awesome!
Very useful video. I have BPD, my man is aspie. Very difficult at times, as total opposite brains, but we're learning how to make it better. I struggle with the lack of romance and affection, but he is there for me in other ways, making sure all the practical stuff is taken care of so I don't have to stress over it. He is the most loyal boyfriend I've had. We are now engaged (because I kept saying I wanted to get married!) We keep our interests seperate, use time alone to watch RUclips videos on facts (him) and emotional stuff (me). And time together for common interests (exercise, travel). Most of the time it feels like we're just best friends, but we also fancy eachother a lot, and really what else could you want from a relationship? Just a case of learning that holding hands doesn't mean the same thing to him as me, but a sensory back scratch will let him know I love him. X
Hey!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
Ahhhh, thank heavens this channel exists!!! Advice: my bf with ASD is the sweetest most charming man ive ever met, this video hit all the nails on the head but I'm curious , whats the best way to calm him down when he has anxiety , space alone ?
Yay, so glad to have you here!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
The worst part for me is I need at least 4 hours a day alone to feel ok and at least 4 or 5 days alone to feel good. I don't really get this when we live together and I don't really think she understands this. I think that even though she is very understanding and patient with me she takes this as rejection (which it is not).
Yeah isolation relaxation is really good for recharging the mind.
That was VERY helpful... I'm in a long term relationship with someone who has that and in the beginning of our relationship i couldn't understand why and everything that you have said in this video has happened. I've had to deal with it and I'm learning how to handle things. We also live together and he has his own space for him to be which really does help. Its hard but hes the best boyfriend I've ever had in my life
Awesome!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
Hey, I just started watching your channel some more and I must say that your tips and things I can totally relate to!
I like to consider myself unique in the sense that, while I do have traits of ASD, I never needed a full diagnosis. As such, I do find myself trying to keep track of all the things you mentioned when it comes to interacting with someone (eye contact, facial expression, etc.) and it's never the easiest. Good thing is, I can most easily carry on a conversation with someone and stay on topic without getting sidetracked with my own obsessive interest -- social cues can sometimes be a problem, though. And, although I consider myself a people person, I still get the need to have some time to myself in case I ever get overwhelmed always talking to people. Rarely ever to I find myself having meltdowns I generally like to stay calm even in stressful situations.
Overall, I believe I have what it takes to at least hold a steady relationship with a woman if ever I found the right incentives to pursue one. I'm 21 and have always wanted one, but, as of now, I don't feel like I gotta rush into one just yet. Is it possible you would have a video or two on approaching the subject I could check out? Would certainly appreciate it!
This video has helped me understand the person I love even more thank you
Thank you for explaining it so well. Hopefully this can help my husband understand me better and understand why I punch the walls and get so angry when he tries to hug me to get me to stop. I explain it to him but never well enough for a thorough understanding on his part. Yet another downfall of not knowing exactly how you feel, in order to explain to another human.
i have a tip for aspergic which i have just worked out . we are very often clumsy and get annoyed at our clumsyness , slow down , we do things too fast ( like this guys talking ) or faster than other people , if you just take things slower you dont make so many mistakes, look at other people, they dont rush. now i just have to work out why sudden loud noises make me instantly angry.
I have many of these same issues but I've had a bit of a different problem when trying to be in relationships: I can't handle, I guess you could call it "chilling time." Just being around someone with no goal makes me feel like I'm in this state of limbo, always waiting for something to happen. I can't just exist with someone and also be myself, and it causes me great anxiety.
klutterkicker
Meeee toooo
my partner and I have been married for 5 years now, but I wasn't officially diagnosed with ASD until last year. Things have always been stressful as I have frequent meltdowns and there are 9 dogs when we got together. luckily we have a 4 bedroom house and I actually have the upstairs set up as a get away which we are both happy with. also since I'm up until 3 or 4 am everyday, I have my own bedroom. things have been getting better since my diagnosis as we are both understanding more about what is going on.
+dann bunting That's a lot of dogs, I am glad that the diagnosis is helping :)!
The Aspie World it is a lot of dogs, sometimes the barking gets overwhelming, but I love them. I think more than anything, I'm at least gaining understanding, and my partner and I are finding better solutions to problems like my meltdowns. Thank you again for doing your videos, and know that you are really helping people.
Why does every time I talk to someone about an accomplishment they just say “cool” and walk away, but when someone else talks to other people, they get so excited and shit ?
Hmm, not sure that is an interesting question.
@@SatanenPerkele phycopaths? Wow. Well I guess it is really hard to see through our neutral or false expressions towards things.
Hey Dan, this is another great video which is so relatable and it's good to know I'm not the only one who finds some things difficult :)
Hey awesome, thank you for the kind words!!!
I realized I'm less stressed out and closer to happiness alone! Unusual I guess.
+Élizabeth Saint-Pierre It is all down to what makes us happy, no one is the same.
I personally love your idea if someone bought me a flashlight for Valentine's Day with added features especially one of those tactical flashlights for protection I would be thrilled.
I don't mind explaining myself because no one ever gets me anyway unless I explain.
Yeah ASD don't play relationship games because at least for me and here comes very blunt aspie statement, relationship games are too much work for me just get to the point. Because I don't get your social coding. And yeah I hated it when my ex-bf would get in my space and touch me when I was upset. He never tried to get it that's one of the reasons he's my ex.
Yeah for sure
My Aspie friends emotions often changes. He loved my company half of time and other time he doesn’t reach out. He loves watching documentaries.
This video is so helpful. Thank u . You are a gem
Thankyou. Ive just come across you and your vids have been so helpful 🙏
thank you for your video so I can learn a little more about Asperger Syndrome
The content in your videos is so good and I really want to hear what you're saying, but I have a hell of a time concentrating through the music. Have you considered releasing duplicates of your videos without the background tracks? I'm aware I can use subtitles as well, but it isn't as helpful for me in terms of understanding. Thanks!
Thanks for the video. It's very difficult for me to discuss my Asperger's with my boyfriend. It has always been a source of contention throughout my entire life. I don't intend to come across as aggressive as people say I do, people don't understand when they are in the situation and then become intentionally aggressive and hurtful.
I have aspergers syndrome and the guy that likes me has aspergers to, we met when we both couldn't get partners for a science project (we both love science) we both also kinda got a custom to asking the teacher to wear headphones and sit under the table or in the small room.
+The Awkward Flower Child That is awesome!
Lucky!
I don't really know how to react with emotions so we're going to talk about it when we're older.
Thanks so much, this was really helpful!
Could you do a video about the work place? I find it very difficult to interact with people at work, to the point that I shut myself away from them because it is a sensory overload. Thanks!
Yes I will excellent video idea.
I feel like my relationship is really strained and a lot of it is down to my Aspergers. It's not like that's the only thing that can make it bad but my symptoms make it a lot worse
Thank you! This help my spouse out on understanding how i really am and this what us aspie do
I am married to a man who has Asperger syndrome and it is hard sometimes he hates listen to me, when he is playing his video games and yea he doesn't get me flowers often and it is rare if he surprises me but he is sweet when he really puts his mind to it and yes he is very loyal kind and funny and cut lol
love all of your videos.
I seem to be the polar opposite to the expectation for aspies, if I love someone I am entirely focused on that person and can not accept in my mind if they don’t like me back, like this girl I’m friends with I love her genuinely in more than just a romantic sense, we were close briefly and it was just long enough for me to get into the mindset that it’d be a long thing and that we would be together and all that but then she said we couldn’t be and I want to remain friends we are best friends but idk if I can stay and watch her go dating other guys the only solution I have is that we never allow whoever she’s dating to be around when I am around but she won’t go for that but straight up she said she liked a guy two days ago at a carnival we were at and when he was waiting outside afterwards because of mutual friends I genuinely was about to just leave there and then because if they started being close on the walk from the carnival I’d have just snapped and gone home anyways
Can you please upload a video over irritating little things that make u snappy and angry and stressed. Im struggeling a lot with that and it i thing it only would help so much to hear that other people experience the same thing
Yes good video idea!
I have had many conversations with my aspie partner about things that I want or need in the relationship. At the time she will agree with me but then nothing changes. It makes me feel like she doesn't care but then she will say things like "you are my top priority" or "you are very important to me" and it makes me realize that maybe I'm just focusing too much on the negative? I don't know what to do. I want to feel like I matter to her, not like I'm alone in a relationship
worst is I cant read body language... so my girl has gotten mad at me for not kissing her first or so. I cant tell what she wants and need. she's the only person who can touch me though, if I freak out i need time alone. and I don't like crowds and lots of people around me. fortunately she's a quiet person. mostly she confused me, so I've gone to ask her, well tell me what to do what do you need. I'll do it. get what I'm trying to say? most of the time I spend alone... but always excited to see her. I just feel awkward because I do weird things to around her when I'm excited. always afraid I overwhelm her, I'm afraid I do this or that to little or to much. seem obsessive or none emotional. but she's seems to understand me, and now its getting to the point where she doesn't feel awkward to ask me stuff right off the top, its easier for me. i feel stupid though to ask things off the top though.
I'm 33 and have Asperger's. Problem is I'm also into BDSM (sub, and don't find regular sex enjoyable at all) - which a psychiatrist told me is rather common in people with Asperger's. It makes it ALOT harder to find someone than if you're just an aspie... It's like, until you get to that stage that you find a girl that will tolerate the fact that you're not socially/emotionally perfect, you also have to add at a certain stage "oh, and btw I'm also a pervert. We still cool?"
This music make it hard to follow
I know sorry :(.
Thanks for making great video. I'm in a distance relationship with an ASD boyfriend. It's kind of difficult especially when we had argument, either staying together or distant. Your video gives me more idea on how I can handle with him and to keep our relationship. Thanks again :)
+Sarinna T Thank you for the kind words.
Hey Sarinna, just curious, I also date an Aspie, you said you have a hard time staying together when y'all get in fights? What was your new idea to make it work better?
+April Foley
Hi April,
In general of having argument, if staying together, just try to calm him down with less words. More explanations may make things worse, also less touching but find the way to calm him down.
I find that being together is not as difficult as being away since he may try not to response to me but I have to let him know my care and concern. :)
I have had 2 realationships and i have slight autism
One lasted 9 months (12)
The other one was a week and 2 days (15)
I do have a best friend who helped me get over my 1st one who i like and he finds a way to make me laugh if I'm sad at one point i got bullied and he helped me and looked arfter me at school and the boy i like has slight autism like i do but he doesn't act like he does in a way
I get very upset when I go to a crowded event like a party and then am left there for hours after I said I wasn't feeling well. I get migraine and can be nauseated by lights. Now I pack training gear in case this happens. In crowds I wither.
My boyfriend (of 10 months) has aspergers, he gets very frustrated with me ( I have dyslexia) and he gets very annoyed with me when I spell words wrong and it can often go way too far and is very upsetting. I love him so much and I hate fighting but it seems to become such a thing that happens often I don’t know what to do when he is like this I leave him alone for a while. He also doesn’t talk a lot about personal stuff there are some days where he will talk so so much and other days where he won’t it’s really confusing I don’t know whether to ask him to talk to me about how he feels.
Thank you xx
Hey no problem. All relationships are work, don’t worry. Keep doing your best :)
In past relationships, it bothered the shit out of me when someone would touch me at all, but in my current relationship, I want to cuddle with him all the time, but in public it's a bit more difficult for me to express my feelings, like I feel "judged" so when I just want to hold his hand or something, I put my hand on the table and look at him and feel embarrassed... I don't want to ask in public cause I feel like people be judging!
It’s whatever works for you guys :).
Ooo your flashlight you described sounds neat! I'm so nerd-girling haha. XD and yeah my husband isn't romantic either but he is sweet and he is there for me when it matters.
When I would get in a fight with my parents they would try and touch me to comfort me and calm me down but tbh they would just make things a lot worst.
+loulou4811 Yeah, I totally get that!
I had my ex leave me because i choked her in a meltdown. How do you even begin to try and explain you didn't try and do that?
You can't. It's a course.
I'm affected by all those things too
I did so much for her. I was romantic. In fact several of those things you have issues with I don't. I was still misunder stood and i was told I push away people...it still hurts and it's been oven half a year
👍🏼
wow this surely sounds like me. I also mentally push people away but I don't mean it. We also need affection, but I cannot express it in a propper way to other people that I need it. I feel so misunderstood.
My boyfriend has Asperger's and it's been hard between us. We do have a brilliant relationship and we do live together but sometimes I come back home and my boyfriend needs his space and I understand that. However he is lovely but I spoke to this lady and her daughter has Asperger's and I spoke to my situation with him and spoke that he keeps asking about my past relationships and I can't white lie to or lie to him but I've never lie to him and I am very loyal to him. However before him i was in a horrible relationship he cheated on me and I have a fear of getting cheated again but he ask about the bed stuff personal questions but he gets mad if I can't remember. However he's seeing Counciling to understand are relationship and to understand each other but we haven't got jobs at the moment and we are looking for work and applying for so much but he's decided to go back to college and maybe work but happy I am about that but hasn't been easy and I don't want to broke up with him because I love him so much and I admire about he is very passionate about films and very intelligent.
My ex partner did not understand that I did not like affection as he did. It was difficult to explain to him. I was happy enough with him in the same room. Plus he did not comprehend that I needed alone time to pursue my interests. The romance thing is confusing.
It can be so confusing. It takes a little understanding on both sides.
I can't find the meltdown video? would you post a link please?
See and with me it's not that I wouldn't think about marriage and stuff, I just wouldn't know if what I felt for that woman was something I'd only feel for her or if I'd feel the same for any other woman that would be with me.. seeings how not many have ever wanted to be with me.. In fact I only know of a couple at the moment. (as in ever) I don't know jack about love, I think I love someone just because she's being nice to me and doing nice things for me when no one else ever wants to.. I don't see a woman and lust for her or pine for her.. I just wish I could have a girlfriend... If a woman ever asked me to marry her I'd probably inhale hard from the shock of it, and then start crying not knowing how to respond or why she'd want me like that..
But then I'm the odd kind of Aspie (probably, not diagnosed) that actually LOVES cuddling and has a sense of humor (albeit a very abrasive/odd one) and wants to go on dates and trips and do special activities together and am a bit of a hopeless romantic.. I just have none of the social skills to go with it. I know nothing about being friends or what actually goes on during dates or anything..
That "space" is VERY important. :) I have a man cave in our flat now.
+Dawson Wylie berube Good, :).
I know this video is 2 or more years old, but I have a question that didn't seem appropriate for any of your other videos. Okay. So my question is, have you at any point in time, being in the Aspie community, found other Aspie persons enjoy a lot of physical contact? Reason being, I've been speaking with a guy who has mentioned that he has Aspergers, but I don't feel he has the symptoms that would characterize him as such. Granted, we have only talked online or over the phone and have not met face to face(we have plans to). He is just super affectionate when he talks or texts me. He talks about holding hands and cuddling and such. And it didn't seem like it took him much effort to talk to me and become friends. Should I just regard everything on a case to case basis? I have tried asking about his triggers and such, but I don't feel I have the whole picture. I'm still watching a lot of your videos and still learning about Aspergers since he mentioned it. You have been such a huge help in understanding this condition. I hope you can answer my questions...
Many people in my life such as my family and a few outsiders have accused my husband of being abusive towards me or are kids, He never hits us or anything but he has trouble understanding peoples basic social concepts and emotional cues, Unfortunately this has somewhat ruined my family because my kids were taken due to reports from others claiming my husband was verbally abusive or controlling to me and my children when i know for a fact that is not the case. Ive been married for about 11 years now with him and i just came to the notion that this has to be aspergers because he himself explained to me and a therapist that he seriously has no understanding of peoples social concenpts emotions etc. He lashes out quite often i think these would be meltdowns and because i don't really understand how to deal with this he and i fight alot and it takes a toll on our relationship, Im doing what i can to get my kids back unfortunatly hubs does not have insurance currently so he cannot go get diagnosed.... And when i mentioned the idea that he may have aspergers he got upset with me and told me to stop diagnosing him that im not a doctor, Im not sure as to how to go about telling him to possibly look into this without offending him. I love him to death but with how he is not understanding what im trying to do im not sure what else i can do about this
Well, Im divorced and it was pretty sad for me and Im left of caring for my daughter basically by myself. I did not have much experience in relationships before I got married mainly because I was not really attracted to almost no one and if I did, guys usually did not even know I was there. I never understood my "neurotypical" girlfriends getting in and out of relationships like its nothing or dating, all that is beyond my understanding. At this point, Im just terrified to even meet anyone especially because could hurt my girl and I would be devastated. I have been taken advantage of for being trusty by my ex husband. I have found out the the two guys I had relationships with before I married did not consider me as special or memorable and were also mean to me. Im sorry for the rant is just that this subject makes me feel confused and as a failure. I preffer to continue on my own for my own sake.
Do what makes you happy :)!
I am going through a difficult and sad situation. I met a boy with Asperger online. we started kind of dating and he broke up with me really quickly...I really don't understand what happened. also he lied about some things. he says he likes me but can't be with me...
I would like to know if it's common for aspies to lie
Not that I know of, but we are all very individual in personality.
The Aspie World
Thanks for answering. I just wanted to understand what happened...he said I deserved better than him :(
Omg 😮 I’m really going to the doctor to ask for diginose
For sure! Best of luck
I wish I was as sorted as you. x
+Asperger's Advocate it is all down to hard work and loving your self.
+The Aspie World i do x and i love my partner
Thank you for helping me understand mu husband. 😇
You are more than welcome!!!