The only thing I truly feel for the ex is pity. She clearly never knew what true love was and had no idea how to love anyone, let alone herself. She sacrificed everything to try and earn the attention of a bunch of enttield, selfish narcissists that didn't care about her even in death. It was a sad life from beginning to end. A part of me feels that she likely came to this conclusion before ending it. The only peope who ever truly cared about her, OP, she had thrown away and abused. Perhaps, deep down, she had come to the realization that she had beoome just like her family. I'm glad OP doesn't want anything to do with the letter. Although I pity the ex, 🦆 her. She was a grown woman and made her choices. OP never really knew this woman. Anything she wrote in that letter would be words from a stranger. How can a stranger give you closure? He's better off cutting all of his losses from this relationship and moving on to find a better life for himself. Let the past stay in the past.
knowing them they will just use their own money instead and call her a coward, probably just gonna let the hospital dump her body on a ditch or something
Abuse sucks, especially from family bc they're the foundation and the foundation is trash. I hate that she didn't get a chance to properly heal and that the family will essentially move onto their next victim
While she didn't deserve to die she basically threw away everything and anyone she ever cared about. She did this to herself to please people who we can clearly see at the end never cared about her to begin with. She was her own Achilles' heal and downfall.
Part if it comes with some form of love bombing, whether it be attention, or gifts, the person will keep trying to find a way for that bit to be the norm, instead of the reintroduction of narcissistic abuse cycle
It definitely is. I’ve seen this sort of thing with members of my own family. The abusers love is a trophy and if you work hard enough and win that love it’s like you’re floating, like you’re untouchable. I feel bad for this woman but she really needs to recognize this for herself. If she won’t listen to others she needs to look inwards. EDIT: Just got to the update where she passed away. This is sadly all too common. I hope she finally gets some peace, I hope OP does too.
I was raised by a narcissistic mother and it certainly is addicting. It's really hard to break free of but worth it if you can escape. I'm almost 3 years NC with my mother. I was ready to check out a lot growing up and it's just so horrible to have to live through.
I had an overwhelming feeling it would end like that. There's only soo much a person can take before they break, and everyone has a different breaking point.
Stories like this break my heart, because they’re usually the result of a lot of abuse and mental instability that follows such treatment. At the same time, someone that won’t set healthy boundaries with their toxic family is, in turn, abusive to their partner. The same type of problem occurs when momma’s boys get married and allow the monster-in-law to insult and belittle their wives. Without boundaries, you cannot successfully form your own family.
My best friend's family is exactly like the ex fiancee's family. We're currently in the process of getting them TF OUT! I will NOT let their story end the same way.
Man, this story was cathartic for me. My relationship with my step-father, the closest parental figure I had in my life, fell apart because he kept listening to her, stone-walling me when I tried to tell him my side by going on about his shitty family or rationalizing her behaviour with things like "it's probably a mental illness" or how I "just don't understand" cuz I don't have kids. Never mind I'm diagnosed with mental illnesses myself cuz of the abuse and had to be my little brother's part-time and at one point full-time parent for a good part of my childhood. I hated how things fell apart between us at first and I miss him sometimes, but now I don't have that tense relationship in my life. The more stories like this I hear, the more I realize how complicated an abusive situation is. It's not just the Abuser and Victim, there's the Enablers who play peace-keeper, the Ass-kissers who try to stay in the abuser's good graces, the Saviours who feel like they have to save the situation, and now I just found out about the Shields, people made to get in-between the abuser and victim.
This is going to be something AH to be said... But good riddance. She destroyed everything and was as selfish as her family. She bit the hand that was helping her, she was cheating for months and instead of dealing with her BS, she took the easy way out. She failed in life. All thanks to her parents and the never ending cicle of abuse and I can understand if she reflects the same type of abuse, but cheating is another level. She willingly destroyed all her support system.
this just sounds really insensitive im going to be honest - I've been through abusive family and while I know cheating is horrible its very hard to end a cycle and it doesn't mean she deserves to die. please grow empathy
Just like the best friend of another Reddit story where she k herself after get caught with the op boyfriend, crying and being petty after she block all contact and the boyfriend leave her. Then she took her own life out of "guilty" and everyone was forcing reconciliation from the op and treating the cheater like a victim.
Honestly that final update sounds like something added for drama by some other party, which has happened many times with these Reddit stories. The whole story up to the second to last update has been around for a long time, so this update just coming out now, yet only being 1.5 months later, is suspicious. Also the drama supposedly happened immediately after he left, which makes the timeline with the second to last update not exactly make sense. Ex’s friends were still relaying info between her and OP, so she was alive and still involved with the friend group. Just smells suspicious. No hint of infidelity previously, but all of a sudden it’s here because it’s the number one drama go to. Ex was desperate to get back with OP, even though supposedly the plan was to leave him anyway. I think at the very least the last update is fake, though likely the whole saga is a work of fiction.
i think it was in the first week when the affair was discovered after op received the messages, then everything went crashing down as quickly as one can expect
1) your not a doctor and neither am I 2) this sounds more like narcissistic abuse. 3) I have bipolar and did not get that vibe from this story. Bipolar doesn’t lead to this insane level of abuse and manipulation. Bipolar is a mood disorder not a personality disorder
One thing I'd suggest is to consider being a landing site for Tiffany (the mutual friend that was helping him during the breakup) as she pieces her life back together. This might be starting an FWB relationship with her, taking her out as a wing woman, or just starting a full relationship once they've both recovered from their respective relationships. Either way, if her current support system is crumbling, she's looking to move to a new area, and her own hometown/state isn't an option because of past issues she's escaped or that's where she is, then maybe following OP is a good idea for Tiffany.
Meh, no loss here. Clearly she never wanted help. She cheated, and she took an easy way out. She literally is the cause of her whole friend group breaking up because she spread her legs while she was in a relationship. So yeah no loss here.
People tend to be very polarized in how they think about victims and ab*sers, and see the two as mutually exclusive. They're not mutually exclusive, at all. In fact the reality is that most victims eventually become ab*sers themselves. OP's ex was a prime example of this. Even when you look at many of the worst serial k*llers in US history you see exactly the same pattern: they started out in life innocent victims of severe ab*se. Their whole childhoods ruined, and then.. they become ab*sers, villains, themselves.
My parents are like this and luckily I figured out their tactics and processed it in therapy and now the truly difficult part is cutting them off. I don't love my parents, I love what they could have and should have been for me. I know I should cut them off for my future and my relationship, my bf has been supportive and we have both made a plan to cut them out entirely this year. I've done it before by blocking them but I always went back on it, this time I'm changing my number and I'm not going back. I hope that anyone who is doing this is successful. You deserve better and how they treated you is a reflection of themselves not you.
Self reinforcing narrative. No one loves me, I’m unloveable = drives everyone closest away, goes after a taken man of her friend, just feeds into the narrative of the self. No doubt all she heard as a child. Extremely sad.
I wonder if she actually did something awful like accidentally kill a sibling, which is why the family abused her so much and why she never tried to escape.
Ya they definitely wanted her with a guy who wouldn't push for her to cut them off. Better a single side chick than getting healthier and setting boundaries.
You took back your sanity by not reading the letter an whos to say she actually killed herself and her family didnt think about she moved back lost job and family didnt have money but extra mouth to feed
The ex basically had been traumatized to the point where she lacked individual identity. You can’t form a proper relationship with someone with no identity.
It’s tragic she took her life and didn’t see anything better. She did do horrible things, but I can tell OP still wished she could have been happy.
The only thing I truly feel for the ex is pity. She clearly never knew what true love was and had no idea how to love anyone, let alone herself. She sacrificed everything to try and earn the attention of a bunch of enttield, selfish narcissists that didn't care about her even in death. It was a sad life from beginning to end. A part of me feels that she likely came to this conclusion before ending it. The only peope who ever truly cared about her, OP, she had thrown away and abused. Perhaps, deep down, she had come to the realization that she had beoome just like her family. I'm glad OP doesn't want anything to do with the letter. Although I pity the ex, 🦆 her. She was a grown woman and made her choices. OP never really knew this woman. Anything she wrote in that letter would be words from a stranger. How can a stranger give you closure? He's better off cutting all of his losses from this relationship and moving on to find a better life for himself. Let the past stay in the past.
Her family will find out there's a problem: no more source of money. Too bad for her.
knowing them they will just use their own money instead and call her a coward, probably just gonna let the hospital dump her body on a ditch or something
Abuse sucks, especially from family bc they're the foundation and the foundation is trash. I hate that she didn't get a chance to properly heal and that the family will essentially move onto their next victim
While she didn't deserve to die she basically threw away everything and anyone she ever cared about. She did this to herself to please people who we can clearly see at the end never cared about her to begin with. She was her own Achilles' heal and downfall.
I recently heard that narcissistic abuse can be addicting. This very much looks like that case.
Part if it comes with some form of love bombing, whether it be attention, or gifts, the person will keep trying to find a way for that bit to be the norm, instead of the reintroduction of narcissistic abuse cycle
It definitely is. I’ve seen this sort of thing with members of my own family. The abusers love is a trophy and if you work hard enough and win that love it’s like you’re floating, like you’re untouchable. I feel bad for this woman but she really needs to recognize this for herself. If she won’t listen to others she needs to look inwards.
EDIT: Just got to the update where she passed away. This is sadly all too common. I hope she finally gets some peace, I hope OP does too.
I was raised by a narcissistic mother and it certainly is addicting. It's really hard to break free of but worth it if you can escape. I'm almost 3 years NC with my mother. I was ready to check out a lot growing up and it's just so horrible to have to live through.
I had an overwhelming feeling it would end like that. There's only soo much a person can take before they break, and everyone has a different breaking point.
real
Her family drove her into madness. Sad.
Stories like this break my heart, because they’re usually the result of a lot of abuse and mental instability that follows such treatment. At the same time, someone that won’t set healthy boundaries with their toxic family is, in turn, abusive to their partner. The same type of problem occurs when momma’s boys get married and allow the monster-in-law to insult and belittle their wives. Without boundaries, you cannot successfully form your own family.
My best friend's family is exactly like the ex fiancee's family. We're currently in the process of getting them TF OUT! I will NOT let their story end the same way.
Man, this story was cathartic for me. My relationship with my step-father, the closest parental figure I had in my life, fell apart because he kept listening to her, stone-walling me when I tried to tell him my side by going on about his shitty family or rationalizing her behaviour with things like "it's probably a mental illness" or how I "just don't understand" cuz I don't have kids. Never mind I'm diagnosed with mental illnesses myself cuz of the abuse and had to be my little brother's part-time and at one point full-time parent for a good part of my childhood. I hated how things fell apart between us at first and I miss him sometimes, but now I don't have that tense relationship in my life.
The more stories like this I hear, the more I realize how complicated an abusive situation is. It's not just the Abuser and Victim, there's the Enablers who play peace-keeper, the Ass-kissers who try to stay in the abuser's good graces, the Saviours who feel like they have to save the situation, and now I just found out about the Shields, people made to get in-between the abuser and victim.
This is going to be something AH to be said... But good riddance.
She destroyed everything and was as selfish as her family. She bit the hand that was helping her, she was cheating for months and instead of dealing with her BS, she took the easy way out.
She failed in life. All thanks to her parents and the never ending cicle of abuse and I can understand if she reflects the same type of abuse, but cheating is another level. She willingly destroyed all her support system.
If there is a silver lining to this story, it means her shitty family won't have their Meal Ticket anymore.
this just sounds really insensitive im going to be honest - I've been through abusive family and while I know cheating is horrible its very hard to end a cycle and it doesn't mean she deserves to die. please grow empathy
Just like the best friend of another Reddit story where she k herself after get caught with the op boyfriend, crying and being petty after she block all contact and the boyfriend leave her.
Then she took her own life out of "guilty" and everyone was forcing reconciliation from the op and treating the cheater like a victim.
Nah, no place in the world for cheaters. That it isn't illegal everywhere, when marriage falls under the purview of the law, is baffling.
Honestly that final update sounds like something added for drama by some other party, which has happened many times with these Reddit stories. The whole story up to the second to last update has been around for a long time, so this update just coming out now, yet only being 1.5 months later, is suspicious.
Also the drama supposedly happened immediately after he left, which makes the timeline with the second to last update not exactly make sense. Ex’s friends were still relaying info between her and OP, so she was alive and still involved with the friend group.
Just smells suspicious. No hint of infidelity previously, but all of a sudden it’s here because it’s the number one drama go to. Ex was desperate to get back with OP, even though supposedly the plan was to leave him anyway. I think at the very least the last update is fake, though likely the whole saga is a work of fiction.
i think it was in the first week when the affair was discovered after op received the messages, then everything went crashing down as quickly as one can expect
100% bipolar disorder, I don't think anything else can explain this whole mess.
1) your not a doctor and neither am I
2) this sounds more like narcissistic abuse.
3) I have bipolar and did not get that vibe from this story. Bipolar doesn’t lead to this insane level of abuse and manipulation. Bipolar is a mood disorder not a personality disorder
One thing I'd suggest is to consider being a landing site for Tiffany (the mutual friend that was helping him during the breakup) as she pieces her life back together. This might be starting an FWB relationship with her, taking her out as a wing woman, or just starting a full relationship once they've both recovered from their respective relationships. Either way, if her current support system is crumbling, she's looking to move to a new area, and her own hometown/state isn't an option because of past issues she's escaped or that's where she is, then maybe following OP is a good idea for Tiffany.
I had a feeling that the self-sabotage wouldn't end there, but this is her own fault. The family will rot for what they've done.
I hope he read the letter
You can't fix people.
You can’t fix people *who don’t want to be fixed*
This is such a sad story. Poor girl….
Meh, no loss here. Clearly she never wanted help. She cheated, and she took an easy way out. She literally is the cause of her whole friend group breaking up because she spread her legs while she was in a relationship. So yeah no loss here.
After four years, you still hadn't;t smelled the coffee? Better late than never!
I only feel pity for the ex I have seen this before without fifth update and I thought she can get back on track. Rest in peace
People tend to be very polarized in how they think about victims and ab*sers, and see the two as mutually exclusive. They're not mutually exclusive, at all. In fact the reality is that most victims eventually become ab*sers themselves. OP's ex was a prime example of this. Even when you look at many of the worst serial k*llers in US history you see exactly the same pattern: they started out in life innocent victims of severe ab*se. Their whole childhoods ruined, and then.. they become ab*sers, villains, themselves.
That’s such bs sure most abusive people were abused but that doesn’t mean that most people who were abused go on to abuse others!
My parents are like this and luckily I figured out their tactics and processed it in therapy and now the truly difficult part is cutting them off. I don't love my parents, I love what they could have and should have been for me. I know I should cut them off for my future and my relationship, my bf has been supportive and we have both made a plan to cut them out entirely this year. I've done it before by blocking them but I always went back on it, this time I'm changing my number and I'm not going back. I hope that anyone who is doing this is successful. You deserve better and how they treated you is a reflection of themselves not you.
In a way, the ex girl friend is also an abuser. OP dodged a bomb.
I knew that outcome was going to happen.
Self reinforcing narrative. No one loves me, I’m unloveable = drives everyone closest away, goes after a taken man of her friend, just feeds into the narrative of the self. No doubt all she heard as a child. Extremely sad.
This has got to be the most saddest reddit story I've ever heard 😢
I wonder if she actually did something awful like accidentally kill a sibling, which is why the family abused her so much and why she never tried to escape.
Ya they definitely wanted her with a guy who wouldn't push for her to cut them off. Better a single side chick than getting healthier and setting boundaries.
You took back your sanity by not reading the letter an whos to say she actually killed herself and her family didnt think about she moved back lost job and family didnt have money but extra mouth to feed
Dang I feel bad for op
The ex basically had been traumatized to the point where she lacked individual identity. You can’t form a proper relationship with someone with no identity.
Bro these stories are f ed up :|