I think one thing to be considered when talking about how kids of families that don’t eat together are at higher risk of a lot of “poor life outcomes” is that these are also affiliated with children raised in poverty, which is likely the reason their parents don’t eat with them. My parents weren’t working multiple jobs or crappy shifts so we could eat together nearly every night growing up. A parent who had to go to a second job or who works nights probably wants to eat with their partner and kids, but isn’t afforded that. I think I little over simplified to say that not eating dinner with your kids is what leads to the undesirable outcomes.
yep. or there simply not being enough food for everyone to be eating dinner. My mum never ate dinner while I was growing up. We were poor and it was just our normal.
Something that worked for my son is I stopped saying "Try it you'll like it." I realized that put so much pressure on him. And when he had gotten so used to eating his 5 foods, different textures and flavors were bound to be unfamiliar and unpleasurable. I also realized, he didn't want to be like that, to be picky. So I said, "Try it, you wont like it. It takes time to get used to different food. You must try a food 20 times to get used to it. Then you can like different foods and eat like us." It took the pressure off and gave him a pathway. It also put us on the same team. I told him he should to try 20 new foods 20 times for 2020 and I made a tracker in the fridge. Since then the tracker has been covered with different foods he's tried and his attitude towards food has changed a lot! I don't usually post comments on youtube, but I thought it might help another parent out there.
@@maddydickens7554 It's not 20 times in a row. But basically everytime we eat it we offer it and it allows him time to come around to the idea. Also, it's a power thing. One day at the store he said "I want to try cream cheese." So I grabbed a small container. Then he said "get a bigger box in case I like it." And if it's something he really doesn't like, I don't push it. Hope that helps =)
My parents always asked us what we thought of new foods, whether we liked it, what we liked or didn’t like about it. It made trying new foods fun because we would all talk about it. It made it an adventure we all did together.
We are trying this approach after years of limiting "bad" foods. My kids are generally good eaters who have preferences (as all people regardless of age do). But, unfortunately we've created an atmosphere where sweets are offered so rarely that when they go to grandma's house they lose their minds and ignore their body's signals just shoveling sweets as fast as they can. One of my kids just ate FOUR cornbread muffins at dinner simply because it was a little sweet🤦♀️. What. Have. We. Done. I'm trying to fix my relationship with food and not pass down a bad relationship with food to my kids. But man, it's humbling.
Not to upset you or worry you but as a child, I did the same thing and now I have a mild binge eating disorder. Sweets were restricted as a kid so when I went to my Nans I would eat and eat and eat as much chocolate, sweets and crisps as I could, because it would be the only time I would get them. Now as an adult, I binge often on any sweets I have because I guess my brain still has the memory of binging as a kid. Even though I'm an adult and can buy my own sweets whenever I want, I have trouble not finishing off a whole family-sized bar or packet of sweets in one go because of habit.
@@allureofdarkness thank you for sharing your story with me. Part of our issue is that we just didn't regularly buy sweets or make dessert, but that meant that my kids weren't getting to practice self regulation with these highly satisfying foods. I'm happy to report that after a couple weeks of serving their meals with a few mini marshmallows, oreo or dumdum sucker they are doing much much better and aren't so treat focused!
I was that child when I went to my grandparents house..who ate unhealthy,I'd binge on sweets there and end up puking later.. EVERYTIME 🤦 My parents told me it was because I was eating too many sweets and that's why I was throwing up after eating the sweets..I was able to realize that and I stopped binging on sweets when I stayed with them. I wasn't a picky eater growing up but hated squash and sweet potatoes..love them now!
I really appreciate how you keep your kid's identity secret! A lot of RUclipsrs share their kids' names or faces etc and I'm not saying they're bad parents, but I do appreciate you not doing that and respecting your kid's privacy.
I love this video, it was definitely spot on! Pediatric nutrition is one of my passions (I'm earning my M.S. in clinical nutrition and I have 2 young kids) and I've done a lot of these things with my kids with great success. I feel like they are so in tune with their hunger cues and satiety signals and they never feel pressured to eat anything they don't want to. My husband and I always tell them they don't have to eat what they don't want and we always have 1-2 safe foods. If they don't eat a lot at dinner, they still sleep well through the night and then eat a lot in the morning with no issues. However, you helped me recognize that I need to be more careful with the words I use for sweets and put them on a more level playing field with all other foods. Thanks so much for your great content, I am completely in love with your channel and it's so amazing learning from someone who's passionate about intuitive eating, unbiased, and always evidence-based! Your kids are so lucky to have a mama like you!
I dont have kids at all and am not even remotely close to having one but I definitely want to learn how to teach these principles to my younger cousins and nephews/nieces!
My mother and I have been having this argument for months now. She doesn't agree that having and offering "junk food" often will stop children from wanting to binge on it because, in her experience, every time she brought something sweet into the house we ate it all up in one sitting. She is still missing the "every time I brought it into the house" angle. It was forbidden, it was rare, and it was better than all other food. It makes it really hard as an adult to have restraint with sweets because they're so "special" still even now.
I struggle with this as well as an adult. I also grew up in the countryside then moved to the city and my family was so not into supermarket food, yoghurt, cheese etc. It made me very wierd to not eat sweets or junk food or even some products like creame cheese and store bought bread, cause they were so rare while i grew up.
I wish people like you existed years ago.This video is phenomenal and as a teen almost adult (at the not considering having children ever) this video is something that everyone needs to see.
Yes! I've been implementing this with my 16mo and IT WORKS! It's my job to offer and his job to eat. Turns out he loves curries and mashed potato with wilted spinach in it which I never expected. And by dinner he's never super hungry so after a couple bites he's done and the world doesn't end! Thankyou for putting this all in to one video so I can share xx
I once came across the concept of "tiny tastes" that can help a kid (or adult!) learn to like new foods. Similar to the "no thank you" or "polite bite" but without the pressure. If a kid doesn't like or thinks they don't like a food, the idea is to ask them if they want to do "tiny tastes." If they're up for it, they try a small piece of that food every day or so for a couple weeks. Most of the time, that repeated exposure means it becomes familiar and they learn to like it. I'm not sure it would work with very strongly flavored or bitter foods so I don't think something like olives would be a good place to start to see if it works, but I bet you could get a kid not to be afraid of a mushroom on the table. And since it works on adults too, you could even do tiny tastes with your child for a food you don't like very much! Unrelated to that, I do think pureeing a vegetable into a sauce or soup is a good trick though, as long as you don't lie about it. It can teach kids with texture issues that they can still like a lot foods if they're prepared right!
This is purely anecdotal, but when I was a kid and refused to eat apples I was labeled a picky eater by a lot of adults. It wasn’t until I was fully able to verbalize what was going on to my parents (like 7 or so) that they took me to a doctor and learned that I had a pretty severe apple allergy. In talking to other people who developed food allergies as a kid they had similar stories of avoiding a particular food and people just thinking they were picky eaters. That’s all to say, I wonder if an added benefit of division of responsibility might be the ability to observe what foods are continuously being avoided and if that could in fact be because of a yet unknown allergy? Not a doctor, just a thought from someone who still has to avoid a lot of foods as a non picky adult.
Same, I never drank milk as a kid my mom even tried to bribe me with spicy things to get me to drink it. Turns out I'm allergic to casin and lactose intolerant I should add that as an infant I was on soy formula since I had severe indigestion from breast milk.
That’s super interesting! I think this kind of thing also goes the other way: my partner has a lot of food allergies and sensitivities (the worst being an anaphylactic contact peanut allergy), so growing up he ate basically the same things all the time because they knew they were safe. This turned him into a pretty picky eater because they didn’t introduce him to new foods as a kid, likely out of concern for a new allergy.
❤️😭 thank you, thank you, thank you for this video!!! I was an over weight child and to this day I am over weight and obsess about “treat” foods. I was worried that if I didn’t restrict certain foods that my kids would be like me. BUT this video helps me see why I was obsessed with “treat” foods so early in life and that if I make some easy changes now my children will not have the same obsessive relationship with food. Such a relief and weight has been lifted off of me🙌🏼
Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for this video. I love it! My baby is 11 months and she barely eats anything. I learned so much from this little video. So grateful for your channel - such a great free resource of good quality information!
I learned very early on that my daughter is much happier when I follow her hunger cues. We allowed her to be a picky eater and trusting in her body cues. Even though at some times she would over feeding on sugar or pasta or something like that. She learned to understand her body cues.She has never had an eating problem, weight problem or unhealthy relationship with food. We cook at home, we always have our meals together.Today as a teenager she is a very healthy and fit young woman who is happy to try new foods in eating as well as cooking.
I needed to hear this. I was told by my son’s pediatrician recently to not feed him. That eventually he’ll eat what is given. I tried the methods he mentioned and it was so hard. I’m trying my best. But I got more great and helpful tips from this video. Can’t wait to try to implement these tips.
I wasn’t allowed to leave the table and do my homework until I had eaten my whole plate. Usually it was the sad, over steamed veggies that did me in. Now I have learned to love a light steam, roasting, and sautéing my veggies. Having my food doled out for me up until I left for college made picking and portioning food from the cafe overwhelming.
As a child, I would gain weight faster and easier than my siblings. Therefore my mom would not let me have a lot of sweets and such. The thing is, even if she let me, I wouldn't stop. I always liked food as a kid and I never cared about it. I remember overeating, because I simply liked the food. I would be an overweight child if my mom wasn't there. But am I glad she did so? Yes... And no. I struggle with an eating disorder now, not directly because of it, but because I had insecurities about my weight that were created from my family. So I was prone to it. I'm watching this video now so I can do all these things when I make my own children, probably in 15 years from now. Thanks for the information, I think more parents should be educated on this.
I try not to make sweets into something special but sometimes I'll admit I get a bit stressed if my 3 year old goes on a veggie strike for a week lol I just have to remind myself kids go through phases. As I'm saying this my youngest is asking for a second helping of hummus and carrots, I guess it's a good week! Another really informative video, thank you!
Abbey, if it’s at all within your control, please make your videos louder. I find that I have to adjust the volume and then the ads are literally SO loud. Not sure why this doesn’t happen with other channels. As always, thank you for the great content ❤️
I just discovered your channel yesterday and I am so excited to watch your videos! My best friend and I have each gone on a long journey to becoming intuitive eaters, and at the same time both struggle with auto immune disorders which has also changed our approach to eating. It's been a rewarding journey but we spend a lot of time discussing how we will help our future children (not mom's yet) learn to have a healthy, loving relationship with food. Your videos are so helpful and line up with our ideas about how to best help our future children, and ourselves really, to have a positive relationship with food.
This is so incredibly helpful! I had never heard of intuitive eating until watching your videos and as a nanny for 9+ years now, I’m feeling terrible for all the kids I pushed the clean plate club or 3-bite-rule on 🤦🏼♀️BUT no shame, just pivot and give the kids I’m with now (and my future children) a fighting chance at a healthy relationship with food. Thanks Abbey!
This video just blew my mind. I was just diagnosed with ARFID, and every single tip you included would have been so incredibly helpful as a kid/teenager. Heck, even now as an adult. Thank you!
re telling kids what's in their food, i remembered how my mom got me to eat fish by telling me that it contains a lot of phosphorus, and i knew that phosphorus made things glow because i had these plastic glow in the dark stars all over my ceiling. so i ate fish because i thought that it would make me glow eventually :') much healthy!!
Same! I’m still around kids from time to time and I wanna be conscious of these things. Besides, not talking about foods as good or bad but instead as creamy, colourful, etc is probably good general advice for eating with adults too
Paused the video 2 minutes in- I need to watch this with my husband later. We have a 3 and 4 year old who eat relatively healthy, but we have recently started to consider the idea we may be too restrictive. I hope this video will help give us some guidance. Thank you! 💕
Very informative, thank you for your videos. I have a 12 year old son who has been eating constantly for the past year. My mother always tries to have him eat the way her bariatric dr has told her to eat, and not for a prepubescent, already thin, 12 year old. I just want him to have a healthy relationship with food, feed himself without shame or restriction, and break cycles that were instilled into me during my childhood.
My fav part is making dessert a level playing field with food... this helped me as an adult years ago when I was working on ending my restrictive habits and mindset. I love that this method allows you to meet all your satisfactions without going past your bodies fullness cues.
This is the video I’ve been looking for! I have a Very picky 4 year old & it’s 70% my fault because we haven’t laid the ground rules early on like you mention. Thank you for sharing this information!!
I don’t have kids, but have plenty niece and nephews and find this so interesting. Thanks for sharing such great content. I think our relationship with food is so important!
I never limited deserts at all. They ate a lot only once and then learned that overeating them doesn't feel so good. They learned quickly to self monitor. All my friends couldn't believe it, and couldn't let go of all the raising desserts to a higher level and then limiting them and their kids always wanted them constantly. My kids even mentioned it.
A family I used to work for used "treat" to refer to foods that were expensive or generally inaccessible, like berries in the winter or rhubarb ever (it doesn't grow in the region) or a visit to an upscale restaurant. Just wondering what your thoughts are on that.
What a great video!! I don't have kids, but its actually been super useful for ME, teaching myself to be intuitive and re-wire my own brain after the 'clean plate' club!
Abbey, you've been helping me sooo much lately! I'm recovering from ED and slowly developing a healthier relationship with food. I was already making a lot of progress, but your videos just made everything so much easier! Thank you thank you thank you! I've been having the most nutritious and satisfying snacks ever and feeling amazing because of the hunger crushing combo. I feel amazing and I'm doing my best to teach everything I'm learning to my family - especially my sister and my 3 year old nephew. Wish you all light, love and delicious food
Thank you for making this video. I was doing DR with my kids but I couldn’t understand the safe food part. My daughter does not like to eat any type of meat so it hard for me to see her just eat bananas but I didn’t even think about carbs. DR totally works she at broccoli for the first time in a long time and finished the whole serving I made.
Can you do a video about dealing with older generations (aka our parents) and how to deal with these new ways with them. My mom, as I'm sure many others who raised kids in the 80s and 90s, did everything exactly opposite and my brothers are still struggling with their weight and food. There are many things we can't even talk about, because she gets defensive. I don't have kids yet, but I can only imagine it will get harder.
It's so hard. I talked to my mom about constantly feeding my son juice and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and I got the whole "this is what you are and you turned out fine." No!
@@melissagreene6445 Ugh the you turned out fine is the most annoying. Well kinda sure... but don't we want to keep doing better. I get the defensiveness on some level, but can we make some adjustments without assuming I'm calling your entire life into question 🙄
I was just thinking this! However, with your child, you make the rules. Grandma doesn’t feed the way you want? Grandma doesn’t get to watch your kid. 🤷🏼♀️
This is seriously so helpful! I'd love to see more about healthy eating and raising kids! I grew up with so many food issues that I'd love to not pass those down to my daughter
Great video Abbie! Though I have to say, kids are born hooked on sugar. Especially when we breastfeed them, their milk is suuuuuper sweet. I dont try my BM but when it spills it is super sticky. So we are wired towards sugar from day one. I am no judging if it is a good or bad thing, it is evolutionary essential, but we are not that neutral. Sweet flavour is favoured. That said we shouldn’t put it on a pedestal as well.
you always make having kids fun and lovely challenging. not planning yet, bit scared, but your videos about your mum life give me the feeling that you don't have to give up your busy adult life to turn into the perfect Pinterest mama. For sure it's life changing but it's possible to readjust your personal routine and still be yourself.
I have been hoarding information and articles about DOR for when I have a child (let's hope it's soon!) and this video is the ULTIMATE compendium. I loved it so much. I'm going to send it to my husband too :)
Going to try tons of these tips. I’ve been overwhelmed for a decade… would LOVE a video for moms about it not being too late to start. I have a 7 year old son and an 11 year old. My son has never eaten a vegetable…. NEEDING HELP WITH OLDER KIDS
Holy crap this is helpful. I feel like I have done a million things wrong when it comes to food. I'm going to try to improve this for my kids starting today. Thanks Abbey!
I was brought up with very strict food rules and developed a binging restricting eating disorder, I’m almost full recovered but don’t want this to happen to my children. Thank you so much for this video.
When I was a child, I refused to eat tomatoes, dark chocolate, and some citrus fruits and was absolutely labeled a picky eater. Later in life I found out I have acid reflux and those are my trigger foods (especially tomatoes). Luckily, my mom really didn't care and let me not eat those foods in peace. My mom has also told me many times that she could always tell where I sat at a birthday party because the piece of cake only had a bite or two taken out of it. Goes to show that not attaching a "good" or "bad" label to foods and not restricting that food actually works!
My daughter is 15 months and is such a good eater! We serve her a variety of foods like 3 each meal and she always finishes her vegetables. She loves black beans, broccoli, potatoes, lentils and ALL fruit. Also never did Baby led weaning but now she's very independent is loves everything! I can't wait to see how she does... and yes I was also part of the clean plate club! I worked YEARS to get where I am today! :)
This video was evidence-based, thoughtful, extremely well-organized. I’m totally blown away! I’m a child psychiatrist and learned a lot about child development from this video! ☺️ One question since you mentioned the milk at night: I have an 18 month old, she gets a bottle (5-6oz) of whole milk when she wakes up and before bed. Any thoughts about how long to continue that? Based on these tenants I feel like the answer might be to allow the child to naturally wean themselves off milk when they are ready, but maybe there is a better way to tackle that? Thank you so so much for all of this wonderful information!
My daughter is almost 4 and most nights she still wants warm milk before bedtime. I don't see it as something they need to be weened off of, as long as they're brushing their teeth afterwards. After she brushes her teeth, she knows she can only have water if she's thristy
Thejust try a bite thing worked well for me as a kid but that may be because my mom never phrased it as a favor to her. She didn't force me either but she always suggested I try things that I may not have liked a few months ago because I might like it now and then I did. I grew up to be a person who enjoys a great variety of food.
I remember my mother always telling me to finish everything on my plate because "poor kids" didn't have any, and I remember thinking it didn't make any sense, but she literally forced me to eat. I also remember her always telling me how this or that vegetable was good for me, and kept asking me why I refused to even come close to any vegetables as if that was a very big disappointment for her. I actually hated basically any kind of fruit and veggy up until age 21!!! My mother also had a troubled relationship with food herself and, as a kid, I absorbed it. Now I'm 27, I educated myself and learned to eat more and more kinds of food, I actually like quite a lot of veggies now and they make me feel well. I'm also triying to be more mindful and at peace with food, I don't restrict, I just try to listen to my body even though sometimes guilt comes back. I'm trying my best, as I'm sure my mother was trying her best too, she just didn't know better... I hope I can be a better example for my kids in the future though, putting so much pressure around food is just so unnatural. Thank you Abbey for all your content, I truly appreciate how onest and Informed your videos are!
I won't have kids for many years yet but this video was so interesting and informative! I and all of my siblings were really picky eaters growing up and my mum sometimes cooked four different things for a single meal time :D obviously not ideal haha eventually I just grew into my palate and now eat basically everything, except mushrooms because of a traumatic experience in kindergarten where I was forced to^^ just goes to show how impactful these seemingly innocuous decisions some adults make can be for children! thank you for educating us to do better
I really like this approach. Kids and food is a hard mix. I dont have kids but I am a scouts leader ages 7 t/m 11. The problem that arises is that at camp food is different from home and kids run around much more so they need more food to have enough energy than they usually eat at home. Bc food is different than the kids are used to and we cant possibly cater to all picky eaters, some kids have a really hard time eating. From experience we know that when we let those kids eat nothing/very little, they get over tired, are quick to anger, trow tantrums, etc. We do encourgage them to eat at least a small portion, but we have had some cases were we had to coerce a kid to eat bc it would eat nothing, even when allowed to choose what to eat. As leaders these situations are very very hard, but those kids do not tend to have a healthy relationship with food from their home. As leaders we cant fix that bc we are not their parents, so we unfortunately have to deal with the results. The one thing we can do is offer the kids healthy (and sometimes not so healthy) and good tasting food and we see it always as a major succes when a picky eater voluentarily eats something he/she normally does not like!
It’s definitely hard when it’s not your kid. I would in this case speak to the parents. I would personally never want to force a child to eat as it could make the problem worse. But together you may be able to find some safe foods the kids could enjoy
I used to hide veggies in soups and smoothies. Now I have my kiddos " help me" by helping pick ingredients or stir soup. I make them the same way, but acted as though I was letting them in on the secret ingredients that make them tasty. Right or wrong, we have treats. I talk to them (one not yet old enough to understand) about how treats are for sometimes, because they are tasty but not grow foods. We have to balance treats and grow foods, so we can run a lot and play more. 🤷♀️
You touched on a child going to bed without food and then having a big breakfast when they wake - do you think this impacts the child’s attitude towards food for the rest of the day? As in, they’ll start to rely on a big breakfast? We’re experiencing this with my son and would love to be assured that this isn’t affecting his eating for the rest of the day, or guided to deal with this attitude? Love the video.
I grew up in a family where meals were always a fight between me and my parents. I was a picky eater, and the yelling in my face and serving my cold dinner the next day for breakfast did not make me look forward to dinner time or wish to try other food. Combine that with defensive eating (I have a disabled sibling who as a kid ate all sweets and cookies and no parent that tried to stop and teach them) and I have only now that I'm nearing my 30s reached a place where 1 cookie is enough, and I have made the choice to try something new like a vegetable. If I could do one thing different as a parent it is to make meals not a fight, and make sure that my kids have the tools to be as intuitive with their eating as possible.
This was a fantastic and informative video. I don't have kids yet but plan to and happy to have this guide here. THAT SAID: For someone who is retraining myself to eat more intuitively.. this info was great to even apply to some of the "internal" conversation or rules we put on ourselves regarding meal time and the way we talk about food. You could say I am raising my own "inner child" to be a better intuitive eater :P
This intuitive eating series has been so helpful for me! I ended up watching this one even though I don't have kids, and I actually think a lot of the recommendations are helpful for figuring out how to feed myself in a more intuitive way - I think the family method of serving and including the dessert with the rest of dinner might really help me to break the clean plate mentality I was raised with. I'd really appreciate a video on how to eat intuitively on a budget, if that's something you would be able to make. I have to be really strict with the cost of my food shop at the moment, and find myself picking less nutritious and less satisfying foods because of price concerns, especially when it comes to sweet options. For example, I love these date-based bars that come in all sorts of different flavours, but I can usually only afford the supermarket own-brand biscuits. I think the nutrition angle of this has been addressed more often, but I actually find it really difficult from an intuitive perspective: I feel like I end up in a restrictive mindset even though I'm not restricting from a diet standpoint, and sometimes binge on foods I don't want because I'm looking for the foods I really want. I miss nuts and berries so much!
Good tips! I was never made to eat things I didn’t like or made to clean my plate but my husband was and it definitely affected him even into his adulthood. Also my son didn’t start being a picky eater until age four but it must be a phase because he’s already decided to add some of those foods back in on his own so we don’t sweat it.
I've always wondered about this even though I am a childless adul. This was so informative and well presented, I now suddenly have a few answers to the parents that inevitably think I think everything due to my psychology degree!
I love these tips! I can see how it may seem odd since it's so against the "norm" but I have seen in my own life and those around me how some of the more common approaches to get kids to eat some things and not others can cause unintentional harm. When I was 17 my friend would buy a huge pack of gum every time we hung out since her mom refused to let her ever get any. She then would hide it when she was home. Over gum guys!? I will totally start implementing some of these practices with my nephews and nieces and later on with my own kids. Also, side note I can totally see you Abbey creating merch that says "etcetera" on the front. Every time I hear that word I always think of you :)
This is a great subject matter to address! I wasn't a picky eater, and really enjoyed my food (if it wasn't liver [ I never have as an adult either!] brussel sprouts and frozen peas [I like both of those now!]). 😁❤️🍽️
This video is so dense with good advice it’s crazy. My eldest is a very picky eater , starting from when he was a baby suffering from silent reflux - and was underweight-! I find it SO difficult to keep my cool and don’t be pushy. Also, abbey, can you please do a video on how to eat intuitively as a parent! I struggle with this because I’m constantly interrupted by my 3 and 1 year old. Because we always sit down to eat with them, it means that I cannot really eat relaxed myself, and then i eat too quick and often too much. HELP!!
My great grandmother always used the "if you don't like it, just spit it out" which shocking considering she was raised during the depression in Arkansas. I fully believe in trying everything on your plate, that doesn't mean a full bite though.
I love this! I taught my baby to spit out foods as soon as I possibly could because I was afraid of her choking on a food she didn't like (when she about 5 months old, I noticed that whenever she didn't like something, she would just leave it in her mouth and not know what to do). She understood it right away and now she's not afraid of trying new foods because she knows I never get mad at her for spitting food out.
My 4 yo was taught in his online class that there's healthy and unhealthy foods. Unhealthy should never ever be consumed. And that (white) flour is healthy. They made them match healthy and unhealthy to further instill the dichotomy. Thank God my children have some understanding around healthy feeding habits so he came to me and we had a discussion on the things the teacher got right and what she didnt know. These guidelines should really be updated
My parents always had a sweets-cupboard , that we were allowed to go to and pick a sweet of our choice a day. The only condition was asking, but they said yes and so we learned that sweets are not forbidden, but to be eaten moderately. When we had friends at the house, they would immediately go to the sweets cupboard and indulge because their parents wouldn’t let them eat sweets. We (sis and I) never understood how one could eat so much sweets in one sitting :) Another thing I liked was my parents reaction to us not eating our salad. One day they stopped serving it to us but instead served only them a very colourful and great looking salad. My mom Told me we were staring at their salad for half the meal time, then asking for trying and ending up eating half the salad. We simply wanted to have what looked so good and what we hadn’t. Very clever I think :)
My parents always made us try everything. As a result, there are few things I won’t eat. My sister didn’t make her children try anything and actively told them “You won’t like that”. As a result, her kids , 14 and 19, are the pickiest eaters. To the point that when they were younger, she would bring Kraft macaroni and cheese to holiday meals because they wouldn’t eat any of the food that was being made v
I was bless with my son. He eats all his veggies and loves the ones other kids hates. Nowadays the majority of children don't like salad or veggies, this depends of the parents patient and diet. Some foods took some time for my son to like it but eventually he learned to love it and now he eats almost every vegetable and fruits, but it's a process of learning through the years. Even me as an adult there's some foods I don't like to eat often or at all.
I used to put as much food as I wanted my son to eat on his plate and it seemed like luck if he even ate half of it. Somewhat recently, I started letting my 7 yo choose his serving sizes and while he ends up with less food on the plate, he's eating more total. Also including him in choosing meals AND cooking them has helped a lot with what and how much he consumes.
My grandparents would only feed us kids fast food and candy. We loved it for two days, but after that we would ask if we could also have some broccoli etc. After eating a full bag of candy, we wouldnt touch new ones. I think this really helped our relationship with food tbh
Thank you for the great video, Abbey! Could you please comment on how to help a diabetic kid with food choices? I don't want to restrict carbs or sugar, but also need to dose insulin properly.
Hey Abbey! I was hoping to get your opinion on something. My family was very poor growing up, and as a result I haven’t had much variety in my diet, and even developed a sensitivity to certain textures. (I can’t stand soggy foods after years of partially thawed veggies and cold cuts) I want to try new foods, but I’m scared that if I don’t like them, it’ll be a waste or ill force myself to finish it. As a result, I’ve just stuck completely to my comfort zone. How can I be adventurous without worrying about waste? If you’re seeing this, please like so she will see it!
I have a hard time with the word "treat." I let my children have sweets because I want them to know they can be satisfied with one peanut butter cup or 1 cookie. But I struggle with explaining why they can only have 1. It is complicated by the fact that I have Type 1 Diabetes and what they perceive as me eating Skittles at 9am is me trying to get my glucose levels up. I try to tell them it's my medicine but I don't know if they understand.
I would love to know the answer to this! I've found it hard to talk to grandparents about what they feed my son, they seem to think that I'm overbearing or obsessive.
Great question! We all struggle with this. You can send them this video or the blog posts I linked. I had talks w my parents / in laws explaining this philosophy. I tell them the feeding schedule , tell them I don’t care if he gets popsicles or cookies etc as long as it sticks to the structure of the DOR.
Don’t have kids yet but plan on definitely doing some of these with my kids. So idk why but whatever my parents did, my sister and i love veggies. Especially broccoli. We used to fight over who got the rest of the broccoli 😂
My toddler is hilarious when we shop the produce section she's like a kid in a candy store. She likes to pick out the vegetables and fruits and even cries if I don't put certain colorful ones such as bell peppers into my cart. But when it's served in a meal she's simply doesn't want it. Sigh I was a bit picky as a kid but once I was about 8 or 9 I came around.
I do what my parents did to us...no snacks, only meals and desserts. We were given vitamins everyday on top of that. We served ourselves and were told to only put what we think we'll eat. If we're still hungry, we can put more. Up until this day we don't just eat bc we're bored.
I dont have children yet but this is something that has scared me for a long time. My husband has a healthy relationship with food, but I was raised in a household where sweets and junk food were strictly forbidden with the exception of holidays and special occasions (my mother was anorexic). I have memories of going to sleepovers where I had unrestricted access to pizza, cheetos, brownies and cookies... etc. and eating until I was sick because I did not know when I would have those foods again. I never realized how much of an impact my your parents can have on your relationship with food.
I know it's not related to the topic of this video, but I would love to see an in-depth video on pre-workout (like the ones you did for different oils and sweeteners). I'd like to know if it's safe, how much to take, and which ingredients you should look for or be wary of.
Hey Abby, how do you think the world outside of your home influences this strategy? You can't monitor the way your kid interacts with food when at a sleepover, and you can't avoid the way "junk foods" are portrayed on tv and in media. How do you prevent these influences from undoing the work you've done?
Thanks for talking about age because I was the EXACT situation you presented....almost 2 year old screams through entire meal because no more cookies 🤦 will try it again later on 👍
Abby, when we say "you dont have to eat it" and an after an hr or 30mins they say i am hungry? would you give them the plate back (leftover they didnt eat) or would you give them a healthy snack? that is my struggle. thank you for this video
If they’re old enough to wait I say we just had dinner but snack is in 30 minutes. If they’re young and can’t wait, I give the plate or a “filling not thrilling” snack
I need more of these tips. I've had food and body issues since I was my son's age and dealt with disordered eating (mostly binge eating, sometimes trying to over correct by purging or restriction). My eating has gotten a lot better after CBT and the book Heathy at Every Size but I have a lot of anxiety around my son's eating habits and if I'm doing the right thing or not. I don't have a ton of safe foods for him and they change regularly (sometimes he loves grapes, other times he ignores it completely) and both of us having ADHD adds its extra challenges on top. I'm definitely guilty of the try "everything on the plate" rule. He's 7 and quite skinny and very picky. I will try to take in some of these suggestions.
![Kumamoto Masters Japan 2024 | Gregoria Mariska Tunjung (INA) [5] vs. Akane Yamaguchi (JPN) [2] | F](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/EIjZybhsWqA/mqdefault.jpg)
I don’t plan on having kids any time soon but still love listening to you talk about this topic😅
So glad!
Me too 😂❤️
the same here 😂😂
I think one thing to be considered when talking about how kids of families that don’t eat together are at higher risk of a lot of “poor life outcomes” is that these are also affiliated with children raised in poverty, which is likely the reason their parents don’t eat with them. My parents weren’t working multiple jobs or crappy shifts so we could eat together nearly every night growing up. A parent who had to go to a second job or who works nights probably wants to eat with their partner and kids, but isn’t afforded that. I think I little over simplified to say that not eating dinner with your kids is what leads to the undesirable outcomes.
Ellyn Satter’s website has some really great, more nuanced writing on this topic
yep. or there simply not being enough food for everyone to be eating dinner. My mum never ate dinner while I was growing up. We were poor and it was just our normal.
Yeah, I agree
@@mariafordon121 thanks for the suggestion!
Yes, so important. Correlation is not causation.
Something that worked for my son is I stopped saying "Try it you'll like it." I realized that put so much pressure on him. And when he had gotten so used to eating his 5 foods, different textures and flavors were bound to be unfamiliar and unpleasurable. I also realized, he didn't want to be like that, to be picky. So I said, "Try it, you wont like it. It takes time to get used to different food. You must try a food 20 times to get used to it. Then you can like different foods and eat like us." It took the pressure off and gave him a pathway. It also put us on the same team. I told him he should to try 20 new foods 20 times for 2020 and I made a tracker in the fridge. Since then the tracker has been covered with different foods he's tried and his attitude towards food has changed a lot! I don't usually post comments on youtube, but I thought it might help another parent out there.
Thanks for sharing!
@@maddydickens7554 It's not 20 times in a row. But basically everytime we eat it we offer it and it allows him time to come around to the idea. Also, it's a power thing. One day at the store he said "I want to try cream cheese." So I grabbed a small container. Then he said "get a bigger box in case I like it." And if it's something he really doesn't like, I don't push it. Hope that helps =)
That sounds like pressure still though. Knowing you have a chart to fill out that they are something that many times even when they don't like it
My parents always asked us what we thought of new foods, whether we liked it, what we liked or didn’t like about it. It made trying new foods fun because we would all talk about it. It made it an adventure we all did together.
That's great!
We are trying this approach after years of limiting "bad" foods. My kids are generally good eaters who have preferences (as all people regardless of age do). But, unfortunately we've created an atmosphere where sweets are offered so rarely that when they go to grandma's house they lose their minds and ignore their body's signals just shoveling sweets as fast as they can. One of my kids just ate FOUR cornbread muffins at dinner simply because it was a little sweet🤦♀️. What. Have. We. Done. I'm trying to fix my relationship with food and not pass down a bad relationship with food to my kids. But man, it's humbling.
Thank you for sharing. I hope the video was helpful
Not to upset you or worry you but as a child, I did the same thing and now I have a mild binge eating disorder. Sweets were restricted as a kid so when I went to my Nans I would eat and eat and eat as much chocolate, sweets and crisps as I could, because it would be the only time I would get them. Now as an adult, I binge often on any sweets I have because I guess my brain still has the memory of binging as a kid. Even though I'm an adult and can buy my own sweets whenever I want, I have trouble not finishing off a whole family-sized bar or packet of sweets in one go because of habit.
@@allureofdarkness thank you for sharing your story with me. Part of our issue is that we just didn't regularly buy sweets or make dessert, but that meant that my kids weren't getting to practice self regulation with these highly satisfying foods. I'm happy to report that after a couple weeks of serving their meals with a few mini marshmallows, oreo or dumdum sucker they are doing much much better and aren't so treat focused!
I was that child when I went to my grandparents house..who ate unhealthy,I'd binge on sweets there and end up puking later.. EVERYTIME 🤦 My parents told me it was because I was eating too many sweets and that's why I was throwing up after eating the sweets..I was able to realize that and I stopped binging on sweets when I stayed with them. I wasn't a picky eater growing up but hated squash and sweet potatoes..love them now!
I really appreciate how you keep your kid's identity secret!
A lot of RUclipsrs share their kids' names or faces etc and I'm not saying they're bad parents, but I do appreciate you not doing that and respecting your kid's privacy.
Thank you
I love this video, it was definitely spot on! Pediatric nutrition is one of my passions (I'm earning my M.S. in clinical nutrition and I have 2 young kids) and I've done a lot of these things with my kids with great success. I feel like they are so in tune with their hunger cues and satiety signals and they never feel pressured to eat anything they don't want to. My husband and I always tell them they don't have to eat what they don't want and we always have 1-2 safe foods. If they don't eat a lot at dinner, they still sleep well through the night and then eat a lot in the morning with no issues. However, you helped me recognize that I need to be more careful with the words I use for sweets and put them on a more level playing field with all other foods. Thanks so much for your great content, I am completely in love with your channel and it's so amazing learning from someone who's passionate about intuitive eating, unbiased, and always evidence-based! Your kids are so lucky to have a mama like you!
I dont have kids at all and am not even remotely close to having one but I definitely want to learn how to teach these principles to my younger cousins and nephews/nieces!
I hope this video is helpful!
My mother and I have been having this argument for months now. She doesn't agree that having and offering "junk food" often will stop children from wanting to binge on it because, in her experience, every time she brought something sweet into the house we ate it all up in one sitting. She is still missing the "every time I brought it into the house" angle. It was forbidden, it was rare, and it was better than all other food. It makes it really hard as an adult to have restraint with sweets because they're so "special" still even now.
I struggle with this as well as an adult. I also grew up in the countryside then moved to the city and my family was so not into supermarket food, yoghurt, cheese etc. It made me very wierd to not eat sweets or junk food or even some products like creame cheese and store bought bread, cause they were so rare while i grew up.
Yes very common for that generation but prove her wrong!!
I wish people like you existed years ago.This video is phenomenal and as a teen almost adult (at the not considering having children ever) this video is something that everyone needs to see.
So glad it is helpful!
Yes! I've been implementing this with my 16mo and IT WORKS! It's my job to offer and his job to eat. Turns out he loves curries and mashed potato with wilted spinach in it which I never expected. And by dinner he's never super hungry so after a couple bites he's done and the world doesn't end! Thankyou for putting this all in to one video so I can share xx
Yesss
I once came across the concept of "tiny tastes" that can help a kid (or adult!) learn to like new foods. Similar to the "no thank you" or "polite bite" but without the pressure. If a kid doesn't like or thinks they don't like a food, the idea is to ask them if they want to do "tiny tastes." If they're up for it, they try a small piece of that food every day or so for a couple weeks. Most of the time, that repeated exposure means it becomes familiar and they learn to like it. I'm not sure it would work with very strongly flavored or bitter foods so I don't think something like olives would be a good place to start to see if it works, but I bet you could get a kid not to be afraid of a mushroom on the table. And since it works on adults too, you could even do tiny tastes with your child for a food you don't like very much!
Unrelated to that, I do think pureeing a vegetable into a sauce or soup is a good trick though, as long as you don't lie about it. It can teach kids with texture issues that they can still like a lot foods if they're prepared right!
Thank you for sharing that tip!
This is purely anecdotal, but when I was a kid and refused to eat apples I was labeled a picky eater by a lot of adults. It wasn’t until I was fully able to verbalize what was going on to my parents (like 7 or so) that they took me to a doctor and learned that I had a pretty severe apple allergy. In talking to other people who developed food allergies as a kid they had similar stories of avoiding a particular food and people just thinking they were picky eaters.
That’s all to say, I wonder if an added benefit of division of responsibility might be the ability to observe what foods are continuously being avoided and if that could in fact be because of a yet unknown allergy?
Not a doctor, just a thought from someone who still has to avoid a lot of foods as a non picky adult.
Same, I never drank milk as a kid my mom even tried to bribe me with spicy things to get me to drink it. Turns out I'm allergic to casin and lactose intolerant I should add that as an infant I was on soy formula since I had severe indigestion from breast milk.
Possibly! Thanks for sharing your experience
That’s super interesting! I think this kind of thing also goes the other way: my partner has a lot of food allergies and sensitivities (the worst being an anaphylactic contact peanut allergy), so growing up he ate basically the same things all the time because they knew they were safe. This turned him into a pretty picky eater because they didn’t introduce him to new foods as a kid, likely out of concern for a new allergy.
I had a similar experience.
Erika Bee oh that totally makes sense too! It’s a very tricky line to toe especially when the outcome can be so serious.
❤️😭 thank you, thank you, thank you for this video!!! I was an over weight child and to this day I am over weight and obsess about “treat” foods. I was worried that if I didn’t restrict certain foods that my kids would be like me. BUT this video helps me see why I was obsessed with “treat” foods so early in life and that if I make some easy changes now my children will not have the same obsessive relationship with food.
Such a relief and weight has been lifted off of me🙌🏼
Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for this video. I love it! My baby is 11 months and she barely eats anything. I learned so much from this little video. So grateful for your channel - such a great free resource of good quality information!
I learned very early on that my daughter is much happier when I follow her hunger cues. We allowed her to be a picky eater and trusting in her body cues. Even though at some times she would over feeding on sugar or pasta or something like that. She learned to understand her body cues.She has never had an eating problem, weight problem or unhealthy relationship with food. We cook at home, we always have our meals together.Today as a teenager she is a very healthy and fit young woman who is happy to try new foods in eating as well as cooking.
Thanks for sharing!
I needed to hear this. I was told by my son’s pediatrician recently to not feed him. That eventually he’ll eat what is given. I tried the methods he mentioned and it was so hard. I’m trying my best. But I got more great and helpful tips from this video. Can’t wait to try to implement these tips.
Glad it was helpful
I wasn’t allowed to leave the table and do my homework until I had eaten my whole plate. Usually it was the sad, over steamed veggies that did me in. Now I have learned to love a light steam, roasting, and sautéing my veggies. Having my food doled out for me up until I left for college made picking and portioning food from the cafe overwhelming.
Thanks for sharing your experience
As a child, I would gain weight faster and easier than my siblings. Therefore my mom would not let me have a lot of sweets and such. The thing is, even if she let me, I wouldn't stop. I always liked food as a kid and I never cared about it. I remember overeating, because I simply liked the food. I would be an overweight child if my mom wasn't there. But am I glad she did so? Yes... And no. I struggle with an eating disorder now, not directly because of it, but because I had insecurities about my weight that were created from my family. So I was prone to it. I'm watching this video now so I can do all these things when I make my own children, probably in 15 years from now. Thanks for the information, I think more parents should be educated on this.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm so glad it is helpful
I try not to make sweets into something special but sometimes I'll admit I get a bit stressed if my 3 year old goes on a veggie strike for a week lol I just have to remind myself kids go through phases. As I'm saying this my youngest is asking for a second helping of hummus and carrots, I guess it's a good week! Another really informative video, thank you!
Thanks for sharing. Glad it was helpful!
Abbey, if it’s at all within your control, please make your videos louder. I find that I have to adjust the volume and then the ads are literally SO loud. Not sure why this doesn’t happen with other channels. As always, thank you for the great content ❤️
Thank you for the feedback!
I just discovered your channel yesterday and I am so excited to watch your videos! My best friend and I have each gone on a long journey to becoming intuitive eaters, and at the same time both struggle with auto immune disorders which has also changed our approach to eating. It's been a rewarding journey but we spend a lot of time discussing how we will help our future children (not mom's yet) learn to have a healthy, loving relationship with food. Your videos are so helpful and line up with our ideas about how to best help our future children, and ourselves really, to have a positive relationship with food.
This is so incredibly helpful! I had never heard of intuitive eating until watching your videos and as a nanny for 9+ years now, I’m feeling terrible for all the kids I pushed the clean plate club or 3-bite-rule on 🤦🏼♀️BUT no shame, just pivot and give the kids I’m with now (and my future children) a fighting chance at a healthy relationship with food. Thanks Abbey!
This video just blew my mind. I was just diagnosed with ARFID, and every single tip you included would have been so incredibly helpful as a kid/teenager. Heck, even now as an adult. Thank you!
re telling kids what's in their food, i remembered how my mom got me to eat fish by telling me that it contains a lot of phosphorus, and i knew that phosphorus made things glow because i had these plastic glow in the dark stars all over my ceiling. so i ate fish because i thought that it would make me glow eventually :') much healthy!!
😂😂
😂 well eating healthy can give you the 'glow of health' not what you were aiming for but you weren't completely wrong
I'm a college student but I enjoyed this video! Really great helpful tips when I raise my own children in the future!
Same here!
Glad it was helpful!
Same! I’m still around kids from time to time and I wanna be conscious of these things. Besides, not talking about foods as good or bad but instead as creamy, colourful, etc is probably good general advice for eating with adults too
This is the one I’ve been most excited for! Thank you Abbey! ❤️
Hope it is helpful!
Paused the video 2 minutes in- I need to watch this with my husband later. We have a 3 and 4 year old who eat relatively healthy, but we have recently started to consider the idea we may be too restrictive. I hope this video will help give us some guidance. Thank you! 💕
I hope it is helpful!
Very informative, thank you for your videos. I have a 12 year old son who has been eating constantly for the past year. My mother always tries to have him eat the way her bariatric dr has told her to eat, and not for a prepubescent, already thin, 12 year old. I just want him to have a healthy relationship with food, feed himself without shame or restriction, and break cycles that were instilled into me during my childhood.
My fav part is making dessert a level playing field with food... this helped me as an adult years ago when I was working on ending my restrictive habits and mindset. I love that this method allows you to meet all your satisfactions without going past your bodies fullness cues.
This is the video I’ve been looking for! I have a Very picky 4 year old & it’s 70% my fault because we haven’t laid the ground rules early on like you mention. Thank you for sharing this information!!
Would love to see a video showing what foods you give to your kids+ what and how much they finish and what you do with the leftovers!
I don’t have kids, but have plenty niece and nephews and find this so interesting. Thanks for sharing such great content. I think our relationship with food is so important!
I never limited deserts at all. They ate a lot only once and then learned that overeating them doesn't feel so good. They learned quickly to self monitor. All my friends couldn't believe it, and couldn't let go of all the raising desserts to a higher level and then limiting them and their kids always wanted them constantly. My kids even mentioned it.
As an RD myself, I love all of this. Thanks for putting together the research in a concise, digestible video !
So glad you enjoyed it!
A family I used to work for used "treat" to refer to foods that were expensive or generally inaccessible, like berries in the winter or rhubarb ever (it doesn't grow in the region) or a visit to an upscale restaurant. Just wondering what your thoughts are on that.
I think it’s up to how the child reacts to it! As long as it doesn’t communicate good vs bad I think it’s ok!
What a great video!! I don't have kids, but its actually been super useful for ME, teaching myself to be intuitive and re-wire my own brain after the 'clean plate' club!
Abbey, you've been helping me sooo much lately! I'm recovering from ED and slowly developing a healthier relationship with food. I was already making a lot of progress, but your videos just made everything so much easier! Thank you thank you thank you! I've been having the most nutritious and satisfying snacks ever and feeling amazing because of the hunger crushing combo. I feel amazing and I'm doing my best to teach everything I'm learning to my family - especially my sister and my 3 year old nephew.
Wish you all light, love and delicious food
Thank you for making this video. I was doing DR with my kids but I couldn’t understand the safe food part. My daughter does not like to eat any type of meat so it hard for me to see her just eat bananas but I didn’t even think about carbs. DR totally works she at broccoli for the first time in a long time and finished the whole serving I made.
Can you do a video about dealing with older generations (aka our parents) and how to deal with these new ways with them. My mom, as I'm sure many others who raised kids in the 80s and 90s, did everything exactly opposite and my brothers are still struggling with their weight and food. There are many things we can't even talk about, because she gets defensive. I don't have kids yet, but I can only imagine it will get harder.
It's so hard. I talked to my mom about constantly feeding my son juice and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and I got the whole "this is what you are and you turned out fine." No!
@@melissagreene6445 Ugh the you turned out fine is the most annoying. Well kinda sure... but don't we want to keep doing better.
I get the defensiveness on some level, but can we make some adjustments without assuming I'm calling your entire life into question 🙄
I was just thinking this! However, with your child, you make the rules. Grandma doesn’t feed the way you want? Grandma doesn’t get to watch your kid. 🤷🏼♀️
@@runahorsey do you have kids?
@@valerieborovik3885 I do not, but if I did, those would be my rules.
This is seriously so helpful! I'd love to see more about healthy eating and raising kids! I grew up with so many food issues that I'd love to not pass those down to my daughter
So glad it is helpful!
Great video Abbie! Though I have to say, kids are born hooked on sugar. Especially when we breastfeed them, their milk is suuuuuper sweet. I dont try my BM but when it spills it is super sticky. So we are wired towards sugar from day one. I am no judging if it is a good or bad thing, it is evolutionary essential, but we are not that neutral. Sweet flavour is favoured. That said we shouldn’t put it on a pedestal as well.
you always make having kids fun and lovely challenging. not planning yet, bit scared, but your videos about your mum life give me the feeling that you don't have to give up your busy adult life to turn into the perfect Pinterest mama. For sure it's life changing but it's possible to readjust your personal routine and still be yourself.
I’m not a mom yet, I do plan to get pregnant some time in the next few years. This video was very informative and helpful. Thank you for sharing it!
My kids are all grown. I wish I had this knowledge 30 years ago. Every bit makes perfect sense.
Glad it was helpful
I have been hoarding information and articles about DOR for when I have a child (let's hope it's soon!) and this video is the ULTIMATE compendium. I loved it so much. I'm going to send it to my husband too :)
Going to try tons of these tips. I’ve been overwhelmed for a decade… would LOVE a video for moms about it not being too late to start. I have a 7 year old son and an 11 year old. My son has never eaten a vegetable…. NEEDING HELP WITH OLDER KIDS
So much of what you said, especially the devision of authority, reminds me of what I learn in uni as a teacher-to-be on how to work with children 😳❤️
Holy crap this is helpful. I feel like I have done a million things wrong when it comes to food. I'm going to try to improve this for my kids starting today. Thanks Abbey!
So glad you made a video on this! As an early childhood educator(aka preschool teacher), this confirms a lot of what we know about children and eating
Glad it was helpful!
I was brought up with very strict food rules and developed a binging restricting eating disorder, I’m almost full recovered but don’t want this to happen to my children.
Thank you so much for this video.
When I was a child, I refused to eat tomatoes, dark chocolate, and some citrus fruits and was absolutely labeled a picky eater. Later in life I found out I have acid reflux and those are my trigger foods (especially tomatoes). Luckily, my mom really didn't care and let me not eat those foods in peace.
My mom has also told me many times that she could always tell where I sat at a birthday party because the piece of cake only had a bite or two taken out of it. Goes to show that not attaching a "good" or "bad" label to foods and not restricting that food actually works!
I won't be having kids any time soon but I'm a babysitter, so I'm watching this to help me with work.
How can I re-train myself?
Don't have kids but I can see how my eating environment growing up has impacted me now..
My daughter is 15 months and is such a good eater! We serve her a variety of foods like 3 each meal and she always finishes her vegetables. She loves black beans, broccoli, potatoes, lentils and ALL fruit.
Also never did Baby led weaning but now she's very independent is loves everything!
I can't wait to see how she does... and yes I was also part of the clean plate club! I worked YEARS to get where I am today! :)
That's great! Thanks for sharing
Abbey Sharp thank you Abbey love your content 🥰🥰
This video was evidence-based, thoughtful, extremely well-organized. I’m totally blown away! I’m a child psychiatrist and learned a lot about child development from this video! ☺️ One question since you mentioned the milk at night: I have an 18 month old, she gets a bottle (5-6oz) of whole milk when she wakes up and before bed. Any thoughts about how long to continue that? Based on these tenants I feel like the answer might be to allow the child to naturally wean themselves off milk when they are ready, but maybe there is a better way to tackle that? Thank you so so much for all of this wonderful information!
My daughter is almost 4 and most nights she still wants warm milk before bedtime. I don't see it as something they need to be weened off of, as long as they're brushing their teeth afterwards. After she brushes her teeth, she knows she can only have water if she's thristy
Thejust try a bite thing worked well for me as a kid but that may be because my mom never phrased it as a favor to her. She didn't force me either but she always suggested I try things that I may not have liked a few months ago because I might like it now and then I did. I grew up to be a person who enjoys a great variety of food.
So excited for this vid!! ❤️
Edit: Is it just me, or do you just get prettier and prettier? I'm jealous gurl!!
So glad!
I remember my mother always telling me to finish everything on my plate because "poor kids" didn't have any, and I remember thinking it didn't make any sense, but she literally forced me to eat. I also remember her always telling me how this or that vegetable was good for me, and kept asking me why I refused to even come close to any vegetables as if that was a very big disappointment for her. I actually hated basically any kind of fruit and veggy up until age 21!!! My mother also had a troubled relationship with food herself and, as a kid, I absorbed it. Now I'm 27, I educated myself and learned to eat more and more kinds of food, I actually like quite a lot of veggies now and they make me feel well. I'm also triying to be more mindful and at peace with food, I don't restrict, I just try to listen to my body even though sometimes guilt comes back. I'm trying my best, as I'm sure my mother was trying her best too, she just didn't know better... I hope I can be a better example for my kids in the future though, putting so much pressure around food is just so unnatural. Thank you Abbey for all your content, I truly appreciate how onest and Informed your videos are!
My toddler likes to feed me his food to make absolute sure that it's something that I would eat myself 😊
cute, and smart ;) !
Oh, that's adorable! 😆
I won't have kids for many years yet but this video was so interesting and informative! I and all of my siblings were really picky eaters growing up and my mum sometimes cooked four different things for a single meal time :D obviously not ideal haha eventually I just grew into my palate and now eat basically everything, except mushrooms because of a traumatic experience in kindergarten where I was forced to^^ just goes to show how impactful these seemingly innocuous decisions some adults make can be for children! thank you for educating us to do better
Thank you for sharing! Glad it was helpful
I really like this approach. Kids and food is a hard mix. I dont have kids but I am a scouts leader ages 7 t/m 11. The problem that arises is that at camp food is different from home and kids run around much more so they need more food to have enough energy than they usually eat at home. Bc food is different than the kids are used to and we cant possibly cater to all picky eaters, some kids have a really hard time eating. From experience we know that when we let those kids eat nothing/very little, they get over tired, are quick to anger, trow tantrums, etc. We do encourgage them to eat at least a small portion, but we have had some cases were we had to coerce a kid to eat bc it would eat nothing, even when allowed to choose what to eat. As leaders these situations are very very hard, but those kids do not tend to have a healthy relationship with food from their home. As leaders we cant fix that bc we are not their parents, so we unfortunately have to deal with the results. The one thing we can do is offer the kids healthy (and sometimes not so healthy) and good tasting food and we see it always as a major succes when a picky eater voluentarily eats something he/she normally does not like!
It’s definitely hard when it’s not your kid. I would in this case speak to the parents. I would personally never want to force a child to eat as it could make the problem worse. But together you may be able to find some safe foods the kids could enjoy
This is great. It really got me thinking even with my teen.
So glad!
I used to hide veggies in soups and smoothies. Now I have my kiddos " help me" by helping pick ingredients or stir soup. I make them the same way, but acted as though I was letting them in on the secret ingredients that make them tasty.
Right or wrong, we have treats. I talk to them (one not yet old enough to understand) about how treats are for sometimes, because they are tasty but not grow foods. We have to balance treats and grow foods, so we can run a lot and play more. 🤷♀️
You touched on a child going to bed without food and then having a big breakfast when they wake - do you think this impacts the child’s attitude towards food for the rest of the day? As in, they’ll start to rely on a big breakfast? We’re experiencing this with my son and would love to be assured that this isn’t affecting his eating for the rest of the day, or guided to deal with this attitude? Love the video.
I grew up in a family where meals were always a fight between me and my parents. I was a picky eater, and the yelling in my face and serving my cold dinner the next day for breakfast did not make me look forward to dinner time or wish to try other food. Combine that with defensive eating (I have a disabled sibling who as a kid ate all sweets and cookies and no parent that tried to stop and teach them) and I have only now that I'm nearing my 30s reached a place where 1 cookie is enough, and I have made the choice to try something new like a vegetable.
If I could do one thing different as a parent it is to make meals not a fight, and make sure that my kids have the tools to be as intuitive with their eating as possible.
This was a fantastic and informative video. I don't have kids yet but plan to and happy to have this guide here. THAT SAID: For someone who is retraining myself to eat more intuitively.. this info was great to even apply to some of the "internal" conversation or rules we put on ourselves regarding meal time and the way we talk about food. You could say I am raising my own "inner child" to be a better intuitive eater :P
I'm glad it was helpful!
This intuitive eating series has been so helpful for me! I ended up watching this one even though I don't have kids, and I actually think a lot of the recommendations are helpful for figuring out how to feed myself in a more intuitive way - I think the family method of serving and including the dessert with the rest of dinner might really help me to break the clean plate mentality I was raised with. I'd really appreciate a video on how to eat intuitively on a budget, if that's something you would be able to make. I have to be really strict with the cost of my food shop at the moment, and find myself picking less nutritious and less satisfying foods because of price concerns, especially when it comes to sweet options. For example, I love these date-based bars that come in all sorts of different flavours, but I can usually only afford the supermarket own-brand biscuits. I think the nutrition angle of this has been addressed more often, but I actually find it really difficult from an intuitive perspective: I feel like I end up in a restrictive mindset even though I'm not restricting from a diet standpoint, and sometimes binge on foods I don't want because I'm looking for the foods I really want. I miss nuts and berries so much!
I'm so glad it is helpful! And thanks for the suggestion
me too, it has gotten me to think about my own troubled history with food. great video.
Good tips! I was never made to eat things I didn’t like or made to clean my plate but my husband was and it definitely affected him even into his adulthood. Also my son didn’t start being a picky eater until age four but it must be a phase because he’s already decided to add some of those foods back in on his own so we don’t sweat it.
Thanks for sharing!
I've always wondered about this even though I am a childless adul. This was so informative and well presented, I now suddenly have a few answers to the parents that inevitably think I think everything due to my psychology degree!
So glad it was helpful!
Girl yes. I hated all veggies until I learned HOW I liked them cooked. I was raised on the canned mushy stuff.
I love these tips! I can see how it may seem odd since it's so against the "norm" but I have seen in my own life and those around me how some of the more common approaches to get kids to eat some things and not others can cause unintentional harm. When I was 17 my friend would buy a huge pack of gum every time we hung out since her mom refused to let her ever get any. She then would hide it when she was home. Over gum guys!? I will totally start implementing some of these practices with my nephews and nieces and later on with my own kids.
Also, side note I can totally see you Abbey creating merch that says "etcetera" on the front. Every time I hear that word I always think of you :)
Thank you for sharing! And great suggestion!
watching these as a 17 year old so i can internalize it for my future kids/any kids i babysit or hang out with >>>
This is a great subject matter to address! I wasn't a picky eater, and really enjoyed my food (if it wasn't liver [ I never have as an adult either!] brussel sprouts and frozen peas [I like both of those now!]). 😁❤️🍽️
This video is so dense with good advice it’s crazy. My eldest is a very picky eater , starting from when he was a baby suffering from silent reflux - and was underweight-! I find it SO difficult to keep my cool and don’t be pushy. Also, abbey, can you please do a video on how to eat intuitively as a parent! I struggle with this because I’m constantly interrupted by my 3 and 1 year old. Because we always sit down to eat with them, it means that I cannot really eat relaxed myself, and then i eat too quick and often too much. HELP!!
My great grandmother always used the "if you don't like it, just spit it out" which shocking considering she was raised during the depression in Arkansas. I fully believe in trying everything on your plate, that doesn't mean a full bite though.
For sure!
I love this! I taught my baby to spit out foods as soon as I possibly could because I was afraid of her choking on a food she didn't like (when she about 5 months old, I noticed that whenever she didn't like something, she would just leave it in her mouth and not know what to do). She understood it right away and now she's not afraid of trying new foods because she knows I never get mad at her for spitting food out.
My 4 yo was taught in his online class that there's healthy and unhealthy foods. Unhealthy should never ever be consumed. And that (white) flour is healthy. They made them match healthy and unhealthy to further instill the dichotomy.
Thank God my children have some understanding around healthy feeding habits so he came to me and we had a discussion on the things the teacher got right and what she didnt know.
These guidelines should really be updated
My parents always had a sweets-cupboard , that we were allowed to go to and pick a sweet of our choice a day. The only condition was asking, but they said yes and so we learned that sweets are not forbidden, but to be eaten moderately. When we had friends at the house, they would immediately go to the sweets cupboard and indulge because their parents wouldn’t let them eat sweets. We (sis and I) never understood how one could eat so much sweets in one sitting :)
Another thing I liked was my parents reaction to us not eating our salad. One day they stopped serving it to us but instead served only them a very colourful and great looking salad. My mom Told me we were staring at their salad for half the meal time, then asking for trying and ending up eating half the salad. We simply wanted to have what looked so good and what we hadn’t. Very clever I think :)
My parents always made us try everything. As a result, there are few things I won’t eat. My sister didn’t make her children try anything and actively told them “You won’t like that”. As a result, her kids , 14 and 19, are the pickiest eaters. To the point that when they were younger, she would bring Kraft macaroni and cheese to holiday meals because they wouldn’t eat any of the food that was being made v
I was bless with my son. He eats all his veggies and loves the ones other kids hates. Nowadays the majority of children don't like salad or veggies, this depends of the parents patient and diet. Some foods took some time for my son to like it but eventually he learned to love it and now he eats almost every vegetable and fruits, but it's a process of learning through the years. Even me as an adult there's some foods I don't like to eat often or at all.
Thanks for sharing! That's great
I used to put as much food as I wanted my son to eat on his plate and it seemed like luck if he even ate half of it. Somewhat recently, I started letting my 7 yo choose his serving sizes and while he ends up with less food on the plate, he's eating more total. Also including him in choosing meals AND cooking them has helped a lot with what and how much he consumes.
My grandparents would only feed us kids fast food and candy. We loved it for two days, but after that we would ask if we could also have some broccoli etc.
After eating a full bag of candy, we wouldnt touch new ones.
I think this really helped our relationship with food tbh
Thank you for the great video, Abbey! Could you please comment on how to help a diabetic kid with food choices? I don't want to restrict carbs or sugar, but also need to dose insulin properly.
Hey Abbey! I was hoping to get your opinion on something. My family was very poor growing up, and as a result I haven’t had much variety in my diet, and even developed a sensitivity to certain textures. (I can’t stand soggy foods after years of partially thawed veggies and cold cuts) I want to try new foods, but I’m scared that if I don’t like them, it’ll be a waste or ill force myself to finish it. As a result, I’ve just stuck completely to my comfort zone. How can I be adventurous without worrying about waste?
If you’re seeing this, please like so she will see it!
I have a hard time with the word "treat." I let my children have sweets because I want them to know they can be satisfied with one peanut butter cup or 1 cookie. But I struggle with explaining why they can only have 1. It is complicated by the fact that I have Type 1 Diabetes and what they perceive as me eating Skittles at 9am is me trying to get my glucose levels up. I try to tell them it's my medicine but I don't know if they understand.
Can you try the unlimited snack option?
Is this worth talking to grandma about, or let it happen for two days a week and discuss it at home?
I would love to know the answer to this! I've found it hard to talk to grandparents about what they feed my son, they seem to think that I'm overbearing or obsessive.
I want to know the answer to this too please
Also what to do when they go to friends’ houses
Great question! We all struggle with this. You can send them this video or the blog posts I linked. I had talks w my parents / in laws explaining this philosophy. I tell them the feeding schedule , tell them I don’t care if he gets popsicles or cookies etc as long as it sticks to the structure of the DOR.
Why does this interest me so much, when I'm single and have no plans of having children :DD
I'm glad it's interesting!
Don’t have kids yet but plan on definitely doing some of these with my kids. So idk why but whatever my parents did, my sister and i love veggies. Especially broccoli. We used to fight over who got the rest of the broccoli 😂
That's great!
My toddler is hilarious when we shop the produce section she's like a kid in a candy store. She likes to pick out the vegetables and fruits and even cries if I don't put certain colorful ones such as bell peppers into my cart. But when it's served in a meal she's simply doesn't want it. Sigh I was a bit picky as a kid but once I was about 8 or 9 I came around.
I do what my parents did to us...no snacks, only meals and desserts. We were given vitamins everyday on top of that. We served ourselves and were told to only put what we think we'll eat. If we're still hungry, we can put more. Up until this day we don't just eat bc we're bored.
I dont have children yet but this is something that has scared me for a long time. My husband has a healthy relationship with food, but I was raised in a household where sweets and junk food were strictly forbidden with the exception of holidays and special occasions (my mother was anorexic). I have memories of going to sleepovers where I had unrestricted access to pizza, cheetos, brownies and cookies... etc. and eating until I was sick because I did not know when I would have those foods again. I never realized how much of an impact my your parents can have on your relationship with food.
Thank you for sharing your experience
I'm really looking forward to teaching my kids to identify edible plants... so I can tell them to go pick themselves a snack!
Yum!
I know it's not related to the topic of this video, but I would love to see an in-depth video on pre-workout (like the ones you did for different oils and sweeteners). I'd like to know if it's safe, how much to take, and which ingredients you should look for or be wary of.
Thanks for the suggestion!
my parents definitely rewarded me with ice cream when I was younger to get me to eat vegetables!!! They made desserts a big no-no in the house!!!
🙁
Hey Abby, how do you think the world outside of your home influences this strategy? You can't monitor the way your kid interacts with food when at a sleepover, and you can't avoid the way "junk foods" are portrayed on tv and in media. How do you prevent these influences from undoing the work you've done?
You can’t control those things but if they’re hearing one thing from you 90% of the time then the 10% won’t matter as much
Thanks for talking about age because I was the EXACT situation you presented....almost 2 year old screams through entire meal because no more cookies 🤦 will try it again later on 👍
you should do another tiktok reaction video but react to people who are actually promoting healthy balanced eating like Brittany Lancaster!
Another one is coming soon!
Abby, when we say "you dont have to eat it" and an after an hr or 30mins they say i am hungry? would you give them the plate back (leftover they didnt eat) or would you give them a healthy snack?
that is my struggle.
thank you for this video
If they’re old enough to wait I say we just had dinner but snack is in 30 minutes. If they’re young and can’t wait, I give the plate or a “filling not thrilling” snack
Abbey, one question: does this work in husbands as well? 😜 Thanks for the info! This is a great resource.
I need more of these tips. I've had food and body issues since I was my son's age and dealt with disordered eating (mostly binge eating, sometimes trying to over correct by purging or restriction). My eating has gotten a lot better after CBT and the book Heathy at Every Size but I have a lot of anxiety around my son's eating habits and if I'm doing the right thing or not. I don't have a ton of safe foods for him and they change regularly (sometimes he loves grapes, other times he ignores it completely) and both of us having ADHD adds its extra challenges on top. I'm definitely guilty of the try "everything on the plate" rule. He's 7 and quite skinny and very picky. I will try to take in some of these suggestions.