Konoe: Desperate, I ran through the forest following only my instinct. Rai… And that smile… That was… The previous scene flashed back in my foggy mind. Since the battle against Leaks, Rai hadn’t left me behind, nor had he gone somewhere my voice couldn’t reach him. It can’t be, Rai has again… Desperately holding back the anxiety that possessed me, I hastened my pace even more. Konoe: But I have a bad feeling. Konoe: I want it to be nothing. I need to reach Rai soon. As I decided to follow that single thought, the forest’s wind brought a certain scent. This is… The smell of blood. Proceeding towards that smell, I saw something glimmering in a small clearing. A familiar silver hair, it’s Rai! Anxiety hit me. Konoe: Rai! Konoe: Can’t he hear me? Although he was close enough to hear my shouts, Rai’s ears didn’t move at all. Konoe: Ohi, Rai! Rai: … Konoe: Rai! You’re always too reckless! We are Touga and Sanga! Rai… Konoe: I was so worried, so scared, that when I saw Rai’s figure, Rai’s face, I couldn’t help but be harsh with him. Like I wanted to complain “Do you understand how worried I was?”. Konoe: Why aren’t you saying anything? Is there something wrong? Rai: It’s not that. Konoe: Wai- Ohi! Rai! Konoe: I tried stopping Rai, who was leaving the place without saying a word. But my hands kept missing Rai’s body, and only brushed gently the end of his tail. Konoe: ! Konoe: Rai’s feelings came pouring into me. Just a little bit. But that was enough. Rai had… Again… He had been trapped again in that pain. Rai’s anxiety made my eyes quiver. Rai was suffering alone. Till the moment I came… Konoe: Rai… Konoe: Proceeding onward, his back that always looked so big, now looked somehow small. Even without touching him, Rai’s anxiety clearly reached me now. Again? Anxiety came spreading through my chest, but even so the one who was suffering the most was Rai. Telling myself that, I followed Rai’s back as we walked our way back through the forest. Returning to the forest’s entrance in Ransen, neither of us exchanged a single word. I just tried to be careful not to lose sight of Rai. I thought we would reach the city without interruptions, but we stopped in the woods close-by. When we sat at the base of a big tree to rest, it seemed Rai’s mood had gone back to normal from his previous gloom. Rai: The guide leaves. Konoe: Ah, yes. Rai: Now sleep. Konoe: You too. Sleep. You don’t look too well. Rai: Aren’t you sleepy? Konoe: Yeah. Rai: I see. Konoe: The air surrounding Rai- No, it was Rai’s anxiety that was permeating the air around him. Even if he told me to sleep, there’s no way I could possibly sleep in this state. Rather, if Rai fell asleep first I would have been able to sleep myself. While thinking those things, Rai opened his mouth… Rai: Do you remember? Konoe: Eh? Rai: At Bardo’s inn, what I said, the night I hurt you… Konoe: Of course I remembered. That night madness dwelled in Rai’s eyes. He was talking about the night he strangled me. Rai: This urge obviously, isn’t something I wished for myself. But… It has become something I need to satisfy every time I can. The first time I did it consciously, was the first time I had been brought to hunt. In order to try out what I had learned with the sword, I caught a prey. It was a small hare. Slashing it, when I touched the blood overflowing from its body, this is what I thought: “It’s warm.” Honestly, I wonder if the reason I wanted to become strong was to taste blood and flesh. I wonder if at a certain point in time I started to enjoy taking lives. Do I, hate myself? In the end I just stared quietly at the flesh and blood. It’s so wretched, my madness… I should have… Ended my life while I was sane, probably it would have been wise. Konoe: Yeah. Of course. I- Rai: Listen. No… It doesn’t matter. I’m just speaking to myself. Konoe: Mh? Konoe: It’s not the usual Rai. But this is the Rai I know. That’s why I listened to him in silence. Rai: Both my parents were killed and I was taken in by Bardo. After that, a while before Bardo made a pact with a Devil, for the first time, I took someone else’s life with my own hands. Konoe: … Rai: Thinking about it now, it’s probably then that I gave in to madness. And also when he… When Froud set his eyes on me. Since then it’s always been like this. When I returned to my senses, I would find myself surrounded by a sea of blood. Chasing the choking smell of blood, and as if it weren’t enough, bathing in blood, I would open my eyes. A delicate smile, plastered on my face. That time too, I didn’t mean to kill! But, he died. I had no intention to kill. When I came back to my senses, in the eyes of the dead cat, my face was reflected. At that time, why was I smiling? In that moment I became aware of my own madness. Konoe: … Konoe: I wasn’t able to keep listening in silence. But I didn’t say anything. That’s why, instead of words, I snuggled up to his shoulder. Even just a bit, if I could relieve him from his sorrow… As to give coherence to those thoughts… Rai: … Konoe: But today, as if brushing aside my feelings, Rai only sighed. Am I still… Not dependable enough for Rai? Rai: I’m sorry. Sleep. Konoe: … Konoe: Like that, as if he hadn’t said a word, Rai turned his back to me. And so, I was able neither to look at his face nor cuddle close to him. Translation by Camicarlot
Konoe: Desperate, I ran through the forest following only my
instinct. Rai… And that smile… That was… The previous scene flashed back
in my foggy mind.
Since the battle against Leaks, Rai hadn’t left me behind, nor had he gone somewhere my voice couldn’t reach him.
It can’t be, Rai has again… Desperately holding back the anxiety that possessed me, I hastened my pace even more.
Konoe: But I have a bad feeling.
Konoe:
I want it to be nothing. I need to reach Rai soon. As I decided to
follow that single thought, the forest’s wind brought a certain scent.
This is… The smell of blood. Proceeding towards that smell, I saw
something glimmering in a small clearing. A familiar silver hair, it’s
Rai! Anxiety hit me.
Konoe: Rai!
Konoe: Can’t he hear me? Although he was close enough to hear my shouts, Rai’s ears didn’t move at all.
Konoe: Ohi, Rai!
Rai: …
Konoe: Rai! You’re always too reckless! We are Touga and Sanga! Rai…
Konoe: I was so worried, so scared, that when I saw Rai’s figure, Rai’s face, I couldn’t help but be harsh with him.
Like I wanted to complain “Do you understand how worried I was?”.
Konoe: Why aren’t you saying anything? Is there something wrong?
Rai: It’s not that.
Konoe: Wai- Ohi! Rai!
Konoe:
I tried stopping Rai, who was leaving the place without saying a word.
But my hands kept missing Rai’s body, and only brushed gently the end of
his tail.
Konoe: !
Konoe: Rai’s feelings came
pouring into me. Just a little bit. But that was enough. Rai had… Again…
He had been trapped again in that pain. Rai’s anxiety made my eyes
quiver. Rai was suffering alone. Till the moment I came…
Konoe: Rai…
Konoe:
Proceeding onward, his back that always looked so big, now looked
somehow small. Even without touching him, Rai’s anxiety clearly reached
me now. Again? Anxiety came spreading through my chest, but even so the
one who was suffering the most was Rai. Telling myself that, I followed
Rai’s back as we walked our way back through the forest.
Returning
to the forest’s entrance in Ransen, neither of us exchanged a single
word. I just tried to be careful not to lose sight of Rai.
I
thought we would reach the city without interruptions, but we stopped
in the woods close-by. When we sat at the base of a big tree to rest, it
seemed Rai’s mood had gone back to normal from his previous gloom.
Rai: The guide leaves.
Konoe: Ah, yes.
Rai: Now sleep.
Konoe: You too. Sleep. You don’t look too well.
Rai: Aren’t you sleepy?
Konoe: Yeah.
Rai: I see.
Konoe:
The air surrounding Rai- No, it was Rai’s anxiety that was permeating
the air around him. Even if he told me to sleep, there’s no way I could
possibly sleep in this state. Rather, if Rai fell asleep first I would
have been able to sleep myself. While thinking those things, Rai opened
his mouth…
Rai: Do you remember?
Konoe: Eh?
Rai: At Bardo’s inn, what I said, the night I hurt you…
Konoe: Of course I remembered. That night madness dwelled in Rai’s eyes. He was talking about the night he strangled me.
Rai:
This urge obviously, isn’t something I wished for myself. But… It has
become something I need to satisfy every time I can. The first time I
did it consciously, was the first time I had been brought to hunt. In
order to try out what I had learned with the sword, I caught a prey. It
was a small hare. Slashing it, when I touched the blood overflowing
from its body, this is what I thought: “It’s warm.” Honestly, I wonder
if the reason I wanted to become strong was to taste blood and flesh. I
wonder if at a certain point in time I started to enjoy taking lives. Do
I, hate myself?
In the end I just stared quietly at the flesh and blood. It’s so wretched, my madness… I should have… Ended my life while I was sane, probably it would have been wise.
Konoe: Yeah. Of course. I-
Rai: Listen. No… It doesn’t matter. I’m just speaking to myself.
Konoe: Mh?
Konoe: It’s not the usual Rai. But this is the Rai I know. That’s why I listened to him in silence.
Rai:
Both my parents were killed and I was taken in by Bardo. After that, a
while before Bardo made a pact with a Devil, for the first time, I took
someone else’s life with my own hands.
Konoe: …
Rai:
Thinking about it now, it’s probably then that I gave in to madness. And
also when he… When Froud set his eyes on me. Since then it’s always
been like this. When I returned to my senses, I would find myself
surrounded by a sea of blood. Chasing the choking smell of blood, and as
if it weren’t enough, bathing in blood, I would open my eyes. A
delicate smile, plastered on my face.
That time too, I didn’t mean
to kill! But, he died. I had no intention to kill. When I came back to
my senses, in the eyes of the dead cat, my face was reflected. At that
time, why was I smiling? In that moment I became aware of my own
madness.
Konoe: …
Konoe: I wasn’t able to keep listening
in silence. But I didn’t say anything. That’s why, instead of words, I
snuggled up to his shoulder. Even just a bit, if I could relieve him
from his sorrow… As to give coherence to those thoughts…
Rai: …
Konoe: But today, as if brushing aside my feelings, Rai only sighed. Am I still… Not dependable enough for Rai?
Rai: I’m sorry. Sleep.
Konoe: …
Konoe:
Like that, as if he hadn’t said a word, Rai turned his back to me. And
so, I was able neither to look at his face nor cuddle close to him.
Translation by Camicarlot