If a man seriously wants to get to know me, i think he naturally wants to hear from me everyday. I can't fathom being into a person and go through a whole day without knowing if they are ok! That's just me...
Me too! We go out on the weekend, then this is Tues. nite, and no contact. Then if you contact them, the dating coaches normally say you will be perceived as needy.
This dating scene is omg I didn’t realize how things have changed. I’ve been married most of my life, and now that I’m single and dating this is scarier than I thought 😮
I was married for 11 yrs and it’s different for me too. The important thing is taking time to heal, knowing what you want, presenting your true self to new people, and not wasting time on men who are not on the same page with you. I also started approaching dates as an opportunity to create a new experience with a new friend and not so much putting pressure on myself or them to be the “one” focus on fun dates and not the traditional dinner/movie. Have fun be safe❤
Right!!! I was single for the first time 2 years ago after being in long term relationships for 18 years and I had no idea how to date and the first date I had being newly single the guy ended up being a legit psychopath and unfortunately I was very naive and vunerable and was taken advantage of. I got out of it after 3 months and have been single since for 2 years. I’m still afraid to get involved with anyone. It’s really hard to trust people nowadays.
Dumped a guy three times due to inconsistent actions. Every time he returned, I forgave him. I had hope. He dumped me after the third time I let him back in. 😢😂. But met a good and consistent man now. Fingers crossed.
If a man were to be inconsistent with me, the last thing i'd be worrying about doing would be trying to decode that sort of behavior. I'd be more worried about moving on to a man more willing to express himself without the game playing. Maybe that's just me. Knowing how to communicate effectively solves sooo much!! But you also gotta be with the right person. Sometimes, you have to let people go. Too many folks block their blessings by tryna force shit not meant for them. Most respectfully, & myyyy opinion😊
I am at a stage in my life where I shouldn't have to teach a man how to treat me. Consistency is one of my standards and if he doesn't know how to do that then he is not for me. If he's ready, it shouldn't take this much work.
Inconsistency is his way of showing a lack of commitment to the woman he is with. Best is to let him go for good as a man who truly loves you will never give another man the chance to get you. Kick him to the curb.
Going through this at the moment ,to be honest ,I am giving up !! No longer wasting my time and engery anymore!! There is no misunderstanding its just rude !!
a guy I was seeing, when I was leaving said the person he ends up with "will be such a peacekeeper that no matter how much hell he raises, she will keep the peace and do whatever it takes to keep them together." This shocked me. I used to think the goal was unconditional love but this is just unhealthy. I should mention he became verbally abusive and was attempted to control and manipulate me in overt, extreme ways. So I appreciate what Stephan says "anytime a person believes that no matter what they do, you will never leave them, you lost." This is setting the stage for serious abuse.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that and pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks it was quite a painful experience as I felt in love with him and he turned out to be quite narcissistic. It did teach me a lot about realizing what I want and need and I need to communicate that clearly. And if they can’t/ don’t want to meet that I am learning that that is okay.
Same here...my last marriage I had to really heal from. Took God and me over 2 years and I became so happy. It was peaceful, I had my dogs, I had and still have this amazing job. Wasn't looking for anybody. When I saw him, I found out who he was and then did my best never to run into him at work until that faithful day. Now? I am trying to figure this all out. One day I will, I'm sure 😅
Date your man with detachment. Date this man like you were an investigator mentally. Collect data about a man you’re are dating and set a time frame. If they are being defensive when you bring up something even in a loving and calm manner, make sure your exit door is ready for you to walk away silently. A wise person doesn’t need to explain herselfl/himself.
I just went through this and I had to coach him through the process of going from Netflix and chill to being in a relationship. He was very defensive at first even though I was very calm when speaking with him. He actually came over the next day and apologized about his behavior. The difference between us is he’s not a communicator and I am. I feel that we’re on the right track now. 🤞🏽
@@MeetStephanSpeaks You’re welcome! I’ve watched your videos and it has helped me navigate through the dating process after my divorce. I think your videos are spot on. Keep up the good work or should I say, keep up the God work.❤️
They often need training. Some are willing and some are not. It requires our considerable patience. I’m curious, will you need to repeat the lesson, or will it be consistently better going forward? I’ve been doing this process for a year with an man. Hope it works out for you 😊
As a therapist, using very clear boundaries is usually the go to when it comes to inconsistency. Your feelings matter and are valid bc inconsistency is a behavior of non healthy people.
This is my current reality right now. I am thankful for your video. I have been deciding on what my next steps are in my situation. One of the things that I struggle with is having chemistry and connection but no consistency! Dating should not be this difficult
Even a man who is not serious is consistent. A man who shows trust consistency as a way of interest will know your schedule, and you will know his. Ex. Each other's break times at work, what time you get off from work, and communication that is daily. sometimes, as the relationship grows, it becomes a safety matter or care for each other. Time us also important regardless of the work
Men got feelings to ,it's a two way thing To be inconsistent only means someone is lacking interest God first in everything we just cannot go wrong Be honest ladies ,if we cannot change our minds when necessary Then we cannot change anything Great video Fabulous coach Stephan God bless you and yours
Going through this now. I've mentally and emotionally checked out. I expressed myself over the 2 month period of my intentions and my hating to waste my time, especially when you're over 50. Went in one ear and right out the other. All I get is what he dislikes, what he doesn't want, why he can't make plans, why he has to wait a while longer to make sure I'm okay...so many things. My takeaway is he doesn't want a woman he wants a placeholder. I'm not her. He even knows he's been inconsiderate and inconsistent. Had the audacity to ask if I'm withdrawn because he ain't got his ish together. Men today are like my teenage sons again. I ain't got time.😢.
Hi Stephen, So I would like to share my situation, for the first 3-4 months there was consistent communication and things were good. It was CLEAR there was a relationship and interest present. Like you said, afterwards it dropped to the minimum and then no communication. This made me feel "in the dark." Now over a year later, I have discovered there were "other women" who were taking on his interest. His previous "wife / long term connection", and some new "girl interest" within his workplace. This was hidden from me until I discovered it.
I just broke up with him for this. He doesn't do phone calls so you can't have a conversation with someone like that. My heart hurts and it's sore but I spoke to him about it before and he said he didn't want to lose me but put himself in the position to lose me. He can go days without speaking with me, hardly ever spends time with me and no intimacy at all, even when I spoke to him and asked.
Same... Watching this video makes me want to try and talk to him again... Truly see if I'm giving the wrong attitude while I talk.. But then I have to remember that he said he was like this, that he was the one that stopped communicating and he was the one that lied, cheated and made me hurt and angry in the first place... I was calm. Until his actions.
@@Gerealistic That's what I keep asking myself. I keep trying to say to myself that I understood and I won't take him back... But letting go hasn't happened yet. So I was just trying to communicate about where we're at now. But why I made the comment, he was inconsistent before he cheated and lied. No phone calls, no intimacy( that wasn't sex) and no time together. That's why I said same.
@joyjemmott6278 oh okay makes sense. He still doesn't deserve you though. Men can be so selfish, putting you on a shelf and doing the bare minimum whilst you try to love them harder or watch all the videos under the sun trying to understand him better...and he isn't even bothered. Living his life and communicating with you when he feels like it
Starts off strong. Then just starts fizzling out. Somebody else got his attention or his fearful attachment got the best of him. Stay working on yourself. A consistent man will enter when he is supposed to.
I’m dealing with this very thing right now and think I will walk away. I know my worth and have standards. We are not children. This man is good with being inconsistent… he’s hot and cold. I don’t have time for the games… it’s a waste of time and energy. I’m done. Next…
Stephen I gotta give it to you: you were right. I intentionally decided to try the communication route after watching your video again, whereas I at first was fully prepared to just leave this guy alone. I kindly talked to him about the inconsistency, and it turns out he saw my "wall" I had up and was thinking the same: that I wasn't that into him and didn't have time for him (I was reciprocating the inconsistency). He had some things going on that occupied his mind and he was reciprocating MY inconsistency lol. It blew my mind 🤯 that this actually happened! I knew for sure he was just playing games or not interested. Anyway, we'll see how it goes. But yeah, its crazy how spot on you were.
Don’t do anything to win him because you can end up chasing him like I did. Worst of all, he acts like nothing happened when I bring it up and expects me to forget about it. He knows this stuff hurts me and yet he still does it. Your best bet is to communicate your standards while making sure you own up to it or walk away if he doesn’t step up. More importantly, stay busy with your life so you won’t have time to think about him like that.
So Stefan, you’re saying that he don’t know how to show up in the beginning of the dating process as well as the progression of the relationship. I would really feel like he’s not that interested! When you’re dating, you’re collecting data. You’re getting to know each other ways, likes, and dislikes! I guess what I’m saying is that if he really wants to be with her, he will make time for her. In my opinion, inconsistency = Not interested. I’m not playing no games! Either he’s interested or he’s not and, I’m good either way! Thank you for your insight! Much love!❤️ ❤
Current SITIATION but also it's like this I am 42 YEARS of age NOT 14 if this is the kind of stuff PEOPLE have to deal with in dating I see why it dont work out and or dont go no where I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE SAYING crazy stuff to me as if something isnt right if a man makes the initiave to make plans than its on that person not me and IF A MAN HAVE BEEN THROUGH SITUATIONS where he has been played that's his PROBLEM BECAUSE no woman is obligated to KEEP SHOWING a man shes nothing like what he's use to That pushes a woman AWAY like aight bet good I DON'T even want to meet you now is how I think its CHILDESS and being ignorant ❤
Stephan, all of what you say is dependent on the man willing to have a conversation. I'm not gonna force a man to have a conversation with me who is not willing to. I can also create distractions for myself.
Some people call intermittent communication inconsistent… but isn’t there also room for casual dating? I feel like there are a lot of expectations to talk every day and spend a lot of time together right away and I just don’t always feel the need for that. Sometimes there are other work and family obligations. Sometimes people just don’t have such a high need for constant connection. I feel the busy professionals and introverts of the world are getting beat up in the dating scene for not attaching and bonding right away; it’s not that we aren’t interested or a player, It’s just that we have different needs and comfort levels. And people just don’t seem to get it when you tell them you’re looking for friendship more than anything else. Some of us women out there are not looking for super serious relationships or need to take it super slow and feel the pressure from men who don’t want to accept that.
Some people don't want a man to be casual about them, they are children of God who want to find a husband. Not all women ascribe to and want men to walk and into their lives casually. Sorry with disease etc it's not worth it.
Gurl as a fellow introvert I agree with u! I always left my exs bcus I felt suffocated n lost myself = it was not until recently that I realized I could never choose the right partner/maintain a long term relationship bcus I was following the normative standard of dating i.e. texting every day, attached at the hip all the time, lack of alone time. I am getting used to not texting daily as I do like the closeness but I enjoy having time n peace to myself more lol
I feel you 😂 I’m the inconsistent one I hate hanging out and texting everyday. & I’m 30 plus no kids I love my space and men get so mad when I don’t want a relationship like I know I’m relationship material but I love just being friends and casually dating
Yes, self centered/NPD type don’t want any responsibility and devalue you in a transactional relationship to get what they want from you as a role in their world to serve them. Told by them, not to take their words personally. I take their actions of not caring, personally. Still follow, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Non-caring people not that ‘special’ and a waste of my precious time.
i don't know what i would do if I hadn't found this channel, every video you put out is like a message from the universe or god himself, i cannot thank you enough for continuing to provide this level of content. for those of us trying to be intentional in dating & truly looking for the man who is best for us, i know i can always come to your content for reliable advice & information & i just feel so lucky. i tell everyone about this channel. thank you so much for being the light in the dark while we're out here searching for our person- appreciate you so much ❤
Inconsistency is not a trait that God presents to us. God wants our relationships to be consistent with great understanding and love in the Miraculous and on time name of Jesus. Always Love Almeta ❤️🙏🏿
My man has been going through financial troubles/changes in jobs, etc. for the last 4-6 months, I just recently put him on to a job opp that gave him a significant increase in salary, but he is still troubled in ways I can't help. (not saying im trying to, I also applied to the job, just told him about it.) but the communication, routine, all that has went down the drain. I get it, but why would he not say "hey, right now im going through a lot and need space." instead of changing his behavior? Cause the triggering part is, I WANT TO DIP!!!
Common Steven. In my experience, a man who’s sincere & into a woman, will NOT have to be coaxed or handled carefully. Especially in the beginning. Once in a committed relationship, of course there will always be fine tuning. First video you’ve made I disagree with. No, she should absolutely walk away from inconsistency in the beginning. If you walk, and he really likes you he’ll straighten up, and come for you the right way. And I’m talking about a woman who is in her feminine energy, has reciprocated, with no walls up.
I always make sure that I compliment and say thank you when someone does a thing that I like. That way I don't feel like im being bossy or needy but I'm letting them know that I like and appreciate those particular things. I have never been very good at asking for what I need/want. I feel like I'm being bossy or come off rude or something like that.
I'm scared! LOL I say that jokingly but I'm so serious. It's been a minute since I've been in the dating arena but the time has come to enter back in. I know that God is with me! I'm picky and particular so that ought to cut out a lot of nonsense and drama from the gate and I have a GREAT coach! Thanks Stephan! I appreciate you!!
You could have a man who is very consistent and sometimes it don't mean anything action do speak louder than words someone telling you they love you calling you 24/7 to be honest with sometimes that means nothing sometimes men tell women what they want to hear to get what they want in some cases but I've learned in life when somebody truly loves you it doesn't matter how long it takes for them to respond to you if the Love is real nothing can get in the way of that loyalty and trust blessings
I was just browsing and decided to see this video. So true what your saying. It's challenge to have a conversation in a calm and loving way though. Better yet to stay calm throughout
If the people get use to being single and walking away they keep doing it. Being alone and leaving relationships does not make you better in them. Sorry man, humans are rarely perfect. Men and Women are made for each other, so just work it out everyone as long as the person isn't doing crazy bad things.
I only seem to attract the guys who only want to "hangout" never go on dates or anything, they only text never call, and are very inconsistent with communication where I only hear from them every few days and such. Its just ridiculous.
Am dealing with inconsistent now the truth is that am totally tired after 3yrs of not being in a relationship just wanted to give a try again here he come again with almost the same attitude after 3months of his persuasion Just tired already I'm about to quit... But after hearing this....hmmm...will give a try and see what will happen Seriously watching you now just calm me down 😅😅😅😅
Yes but they keep showing up, guess what I just lock them off without explanation. I'm a high value women I'm definitely not giving that guy my precious time
Steph what if it's the man that's holding back and not opening up much. He said he wants to go with the flow. He separated(not divorced) works every day almost every night. Says they don't live together. He's seen my place I haven't seen his. He claims it's because of how over protective his dogs are. 🤔And when I bring up certain pressing conversations he claims we shouldn't be having these conversations this early. 😮
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@angeljackson9507 .... My situation was similar. I'll sum up things by sharing this - save your time. Either walk away or at least entertain other possible suitors simultaneously. If this guy wants to be with you, he will correct his behaviors. It may hurt by walking away if he's the person you really chose to be with. But, it will hurt more by staying. Understand that It is possible to love and care about a person (if it's progressed this far) from a distance. If it's meant to be, then maybe it will - later. .... Just a thought .
I want to take this advice but at the same time I don’t. Why do men only do things because we want it? Like do y’all ever WANT to these things? Y’all don’t want communication as well. I just can’t get with the idea of telling someone exactly what to do. I just would rather see what their desire is for me and if it’s not enough oh well I guess😭
Man listen my problem is I be ready to leave every 45 minutes 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I'm here tryin to get tips on how to give ol boy some room to breathe lol. If I don't like the way he text ✌🏾✌🏾🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️💨🤣🤣🤣. I know I gotta chill 😮💨🤦🏾♀️
When you've done all of the steps to try to salvage the relationship and nothing works, then you know he or she is not ready for a real relationship or not interested in moving forward with you in life.
Great Video! I hope you grant me this opportunity to explain what I am hearing. But it sounds like both parties are not really consulting God. First the lack of communication is happening. and no one is communicating in their truth. Especially in the fear of not getting what both parties really want. 1. Is it really LOVE or infatuation? 2. Is it fear, loneliness {settling} or potential? Because it sounds like their discernment and clear decision making are clouded by sexually intimacy happening in this union. Which maybe transpiring theses unpleasant events and unhealthy triggers? I PRAY they come to a true resolution and work it out in a healthy manner or move forward {apart}. And please excuse.my lack of acknowledgement. Good afternoon and Happy Resurrection to you and your family, ❣🙏🏼
When I asked him he said idk I suck, my stomach dropped and my thought was okay he is full of it I need to walk away and I said I need a better response than that. He jus really didn’t know what to say and then I told him what I’m looking for in communication and how I operate and what I would like and then he did become consistent again but then reverted back to being inconsistent so I let it be and the next day he says if u notice I’ve been inconsistent is bcuz I relapsed to smoking weed again and I fall asleep. But he cancelled our next date then wanted to see me the next day and I said no bcuz I’m not Gna available when he wants me to be and also he had plans that day that he cancelled me and I’m not sure with who and I did not want to ask bcuz I felt he would not be honest. So then I just eventually walked away bcuz I felt I deserved more and he was meeting what I asked. And he said that he felt that I told him what I been wanting to tell him which is walk away. I’m like hmm did he try to do things so I can bcuz he didn’t know how to cut me off? But I’m glad it’s done then he texts me a week later saying hey how u been blah blah after seeing my pic of a transformation I had in my hair in my head I’m like nope ur not Gna get the same access and was flat on my responses. Then he jus stopped texting overall again then txt me one word again after a day and didn’t respond for the Rest of the day I jus laugh at this guy now bcuz I’m like what r u doing? lol
Some people have situations that come up. Illness in the family work whatever else that are reality. Is there a timeline or good guide to find a balance of how much time or effort to expect? I feel like communication is excellent and distance is a factor. I know that there's a difference between people who aren't that interested vs actually dedicated to it. Some people go years and for the sake of transitioning I was just wondering when people have big life altering changes how long to give it.
My friend is consistent with communicating but he’s busy during the week working 2 jobs (single man 39 with no kids) and his parents live 2 hours away and sick so he goes home to help with out some weekends (he’s the only child) I’m trying to have a positive mindset about it lol but it’s annoying that he’s not as free as I am.
If he is inconsistent that I can easily assume he is dating others and/or he is not serious about me. I am not going to have a conversation with him. Sorry I am not on the same page with you on this one Stephan.
I don’t play the games especially jealousy I honestly do not know or have anyone in my life at this point that I would entertain or be in a possible relationship with
I have 2 conversations, and that is it. I'm gone. No self-inflicted womb. One thing about super clowns, they'll try to circle back around on their circus bike, but I don't entertain.
By the way biblically it does talk about going back to your ex but even though I have forgiven all my ex husbands we have both moved on since our divorce they have either died or remarried and I have chosen to remain single and celibate for the last 14/15 years and because God/Jesus/Holy Spirit has been helping me to heal and be more open heart wise but also more cautious I am better prepared to date but I still could use more lessons in order to improve myself as well as my experience expectations and overall outcomes
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Actually 3 simple steps :
LEAVE !👏🏾
HIM !👏🏾
LONE ! 👏🏾
lol many times yes it’s that simple, but there are other things to consider as mentioned in the video
YES
Maybe we are considering too much factors and give him circumstances attenuate. In the end is always spoke our intuition, that never faild 😢
@phazean2273 yes 🙌 if he inconsistent I’m out. 😊
😂😂😂
If he is inconsistent, I’m going to assume he not interested and move on.
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
U didn’t listen to anything he said
If a man seriously wants to get to know me, i think he naturally wants to hear from me everyday. I can't fathom being into a person and go through a whole day without knowing if they are ok! That's just me...
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
You are welcome ❤️
I feel the same way ! I want more contact and consistency. But seems like I keep getting inconsistent men also!
Me too! We go out on the weekend, then this is Tues. nite, and no contact. Then if you contact them, the dating coaches normally say you will be perceived as needy.
@@joconna Hit him up to check if he is still breathing, if yes then wish him many more years to come and keep it going!. All the best 💪
This dating scene is omg I didn’t realize how things have changed. I’ve been married most of my life, and now that I’m single and dating this is scarier than I thought 😮
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
Chile, I was married for 25 years, my husband passed away 3 years ago. The dating scene is down right scary to me.
I was married for 11 yrs and it’s different for me too. The important thing is taking time to heal, knowing what you want, presenting your true self to new people, and not wasting time on men who are not on the same page with you. I also started approaching dates as an opportunity to create a new experience with a new friend and not so much putting pressure on myself or them to be the “one” focus on fun dates and not the traditional dinner/movie. Have fun be safe❤
Don’t give up!! I finally found my match and it took me 2 years
Right!!! I was single for the first time 2 years ago after being in long term relationships for 18 years and I had no idea how to date and the first date I had being newly single the guy ended up being a legit psychopath and unfortunately I was very naive and vunerable and was taken advantage of. I got out of it after 3 months and have been single since for 2 years. I’m still afraid to get involved with anyone. It’s really hard to trust people nowadays.
Dumped a guy three times due to inconsistent actions. Every time he returned, I forgave him. I had hope. He dumped me after the third time I let him back in. 😢😂. But met a good and consistent man now. Fingers crossed.
Don’t do this to yourself you are worth so much more ❤
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
You were being consistent in taking him back.
@@gwenlee9562 thanks, very helpful
@@gwenlee9562 You are not being obvious, love is not black and white
I'm a man who takes great pride in being consistent at a militant level. I have little to no patience for inconsistencies.
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
Same here
I too! If a man is intentional from the beginning there will less inconsistencies. Imo
I also hate consistency..ps r u single?
If a man were to be inconsistent with me, the last thing i'd be worrying about doing would be trying to decode that sort of behavior. I'd be more worried about moving on to a man more willing to express himself without the game playing. Maybe that's just me. Knowing how to communicate effectively solves sooo much!! But you also gotta be with the right person. Sometimes, you have to let people go. Too many folks block their blessings by tryna force shit not meant for them. Most respectfully, & myyyy opinion😊
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for sharing. Sometimes a breakup is a blessing in disguise!
I am at a stage in my life where I shouldn't have to teach a man how to treat me. Consistency is one of my standards and if he doesn't know how to do that then he is not for me. If he's ready, it shouldn't take this much work.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Yes LORD
Just walk away, problem solved. 🤷🏾♀️ Inconsistency and breaking promises means he's not into you.
That or he is emotionally immature and unavailable
Literally rolled my eyes, and then he said, “some of you are gonna roll your eyes.” 😂
Lol ❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching. I appreciate your feedback!
Lol I did exactly that to 😂
@@The2bratts 😂😂
Inconsistency is his way of showing a lack of commitment to the woman he is with. Best is to let him go for good as a man who truly loves you will never give another man the chance to get you. Kick him to the curb.
Exactly
The men out here are very consistent... being INconsistent.😂😂😂
Love this ❤❤❤
Loool😂😂
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
I see what u did there
I know. That's too bad.
Going through this at the moment ,to be honest ,I am giving up !! No longer wasting my time and engery anymore!!
There is no misunderstanding its just rude !!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate hearing from you ❤
It sure is!
💯 bad manners is so rude
a guy I was seeing, when I was leaving said the person he ends up with "will be such a peacekeeper that no matter how much hell he raises, she will keep the peace and do whatever it takes to keep them together."
This shocked me. I used to think the goal was unconditional love but this is just unhealthy. I should mention he became verbally abusive and was attempted to control and manipulate me in overt, extreme ways.
So I appreciate what Stephan says "anytime a person believes that no matter what they do, you will never leave them, you lost." This is setting the stage for serious abuse.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that and pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks it was quite a painful experience as I felt in love with him and he turned out to be quite narcissistic. It did teach me a lot about realizing what I want and need and I need to communicate that clearly. And if they can’t/ don’t want to meet that I am learning that that is okay.
"You can't keep trying to pull the right things out of the wrong man" ❤😪🙌🏽
I have been alone for 3 years, I have my own house, I pay my own bills and I do not feel like putting up with BS !!
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback 🙏
Me too
So don't. Welcome to being an adult.
Same here...my last marriage I had to really heal from. Took God and me over 2 years and I became so happy. It was peaceful, I had my dogs, I had and still have this amazing job. Wasn't looking for anybody. When I saw him, I found out who he was and then did my best never to run into him at work until that faithful day. Now? I am trying to figure this all out. One day I will, I'm sure 😅
Be honest theese cannot take the place of a handsome hot hunk lol 😂
Date your man with detachment. Date this man like you were an investigator mentally. Collect data about a man you’re are dating and set a time frame. If they are being defensive when you bring up something even in a loving and calm manner, make sure your exit door is ready for you to walk away silently. A wise person doesn’t need to explain herselfl/himself.
Talking to God should be number 1.
It’s always a priority 💯
@@MeetStephanSpeaks on the other hand, if I had listened to God from the beginning I wouldn’t have found you 🤣
May God bring the consistent man ❤
🙏 ❤️
I just went through this and I had to coach him through the process of going from Netflix and chill to being in a relationship.
He was very defensive at first even though I was very calm when speaking with him.
He actually came over the next day and apologized about his behavior.
The difference between us is he’s not a communicator and I am. I feel that we’re on the right track now. 🤞🏽
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks You’re welcome! I’ve watched your videos and it has helped me navigate through the dating process after my divorce. I think your videos are spot on. Keep up the good work or should I say, keep up the God work.❤️
They often need training. Some are willing and some are not. It requires our considerable patience. I’m curious, will you need to repeat the lesson, or will it be consistently better going forward? I’ve been doing this process for a year with an man. Hope it works out for you 😊
As a therapist, using very clear boundaries is usually the go to when it comes to inconsistency.
Your feelings matter and are valid bc inconsistency is a behavior of non healthy people.
This is my current reality right now. I am thankful for your video. I have been deciding on what my next steps are in my situation. One of the things that I struggle with is having chemistry and connection but no consistency! Dating should not be this difficult
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback 🙏
I agree
Word
Even a man who is not serious is consistent. A man who shows trust consistency as a way of interest will know your schedule, and you will know his. Ex. Each other's break times at work, what time you get off from work, and communication that is daily. sometimes, as the relationship grows, it becomes a safety matter or care for each other. Time us also important regardless of the work
If both parties are serious, they will BOTH put in the reciprocal effort.
I walked away, although I miss him terribly, I feel so much more secure and peaceful.
Men got feelings to ,it's a two way thing
To be inconsistent only means someone is lacking interest
God first in everything we just cannot go wrong
Be honest ladies ,if we cannot change our minds when necessary
Then we cannot change anything
Great video
Fabulous coach Stephan
God bless you and yours
Thank you very much ❤️
Just had to let someone go because he was consistently INCONSISTENT!
Tired of playing games!
MOVE ON!!!!
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback 🙏
Exactly inconsistent men are playing games, they want nothing
I am not afraid to be alone I have lived alone for 14/15 years
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️ 🙏
Going through this now. I've mentally and emotionally checked out. I expressed myself over the 2 month period of my intentions and my hating to waste my time, especially when you're over 50. Went in one ear and right out the other. All I get is what he dislikes, what he doesn't want, why he can't make plans, why he has to wait a while longer to make sure I'm okay...so many things. My takeaway is he doesn't want a woman he wants a placeholder.
I'm not her. He even knows he's been inconsiderate and inconsistent. Had the audacity to ask if I'm withdrawn because he ain't got his ish together. Men today are like my teenage sons again. I ain't got time.😢.
Haha. Girl sounds like you and I need to chat! .... Over 50 & 60 and still playing games!?!?!?! Shameful
Hi Stephen,
So I would like to share my situation, for the first 3-4 months there was consistent communication and things were good. It was CLEAR there was a relationship and interest present. Like you said, afterwards it dropped to the minimum and then no communication. This made me feel "in the dark." Now over a year later, I have discovered there were "other women" who were taking on his interest. His previous "wife / long term connection", and some new "girl interest" within his workplace. This was hidden from me until I discovered it.
I'm sorry to hear about that. I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
I just broke up with him for this. He doesn't do phone calls so you can't have a conversation with someone like that. My heart hurts and it's sore but I spoke to him about it before and he said he didn't want to lose me but put himself in the position to lose me. He can go days without speaking with me, hardly ever spends time with me and no intimacy at all, even when I spoke to him and asked.
Same... Watching this video makes me want to try and talk to him again... Truly see if I'm giving the wrong attitude while I talk..
But then I have to remember that he said he was like this, that he was the one that stopped communicating and he was the one that lied, cheated and made me hurt and angry in the first place...
I was calm. Until his actions.
@@joyjemmott6278 why would you go back if he cheated?
@@Gerealistic That's what I keep asking myself. I keep trying to say to myself that I understood and I won't take him back... But letting go hasn't happened yet.
So I was just trying to communicate about where we're at now.
But why I made the comment, he was inconsistent before he cheated and lied.
No phone calls, no intimacy( that wasn't sex) and no time together. That's why I said same.
@joyjemmott6278 oh okay makes sense. He still doesn't deserve you though.
Men can be so selfish, putting you on a shelf and doing the bare minimum whilst you try to love them harder or watch all the videos under the sun trying to understand him better...and he isn't even bothered. Living his life and communicating with you when he feels like it
@@Gerealistic you said a mouth full in this response. So true. ..... Good luck to both you ladies .
Starts off strong. Then just starts fizzling out. Somebody else got his attention or his fearful attachment got the best of him.
Stay working on yourself. A consistent man will enter when he is supposed to.
I’m dealing with this very thing right now and think I will walk away. I know my worth and have standards. We are not children. This man is good with being inconsistent… he’s hot and cold. I don’t have time for the games… it’s a waste of time and energy. I’m done. Next…
Stephen I gotta give it to you: you were right. I intentionally decided to try the communication route after watching your video again, whereas I at first was fully prepared to just leave this guy alone.
I kindly talked to him about the inconsistency, and it turns out he saw my "wall" I had up and was thinking the same: that I wasn't that into him and didn't have time for him (I was reciprocating the inconsistency). He had some things going on that occupied his mind and he was reciprocating MY inconsistency lol.
It blew my mind 🤯 that this actually happened! I knew for sure he was just playing games or not interested. Anyway, we'll see how it goes. But yeah, its crazy how spot on you were.
You’re always so right on time Stephan. You’re appreciated. Thank you!! 🙏🏾 ❤
My pleasure ❤️
Don’t do anything to win him because you can end up chasing him like I did. Worst of all, he acts like nothing happened when I bring it up and expects me to forget about it. He knows this stuff hurts me and yet he still does it. Your best bet is to communicate your standards while making sure you own up to it or walk away if he doesn’t step up. More importantly, stay busy with your life so you won’t have time to think about him like that.
So Stefan, you’re saying that he don’t know how to show up in the beginning of the dating process as well as the progression of the relationship. I would really feel like he’s not that interested! When you’re dating, you’re collecting data. You’re getting to know each other ways, likes, and dislikes! I guess what I’m saying is that if he really wants to be with her, he will make time for her. In my opinion, inconsistency = Not interested. I’m not playing no games! Either he’s interested or he’s not and, I’m good either way! Thank you for your insight! Much love!❤️ ❤
My husband of 25 years passed 3 years ago. So things are too different theses days then they were 25 years ago. It scares me frfr.
It's honestly brutal out in the dating world compared to when we were younger.
I'm sorry about your loss. I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
@bethanymills190..my husband passed away three years ago and it is super scary. I am just into my kids and building myself.
Current SITIATION but also it's like this I am 42 YEARS of age NOT 14 if this is the kind of stuff PEOPLE have to deal with in dating I see why it dont work out and or dont go no where I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE SAYING crazy stuff to me as if something isnt right if a man makes the initiave to make plans than its on that person not me and IF A MAN HAVE BEEN THROUGH SITUATIONS where he has been played that's his PROBLEM BECAUSE no woman is obligated to KEEP SHOWING a man shes nothing like what he's use to That pushes a woman AWAY like aight bet good I DON'T even want to meet you now is how I think its CHILDESS and being ignorant ❤
Stephan, all of what you say is dependent on the man willing to have a conversation. I'm not gonna force a man to have a conversation with me who is not willing to. I can also create distractions for myself.
Some people call intermittent communication inconsistent… but isn’t there also room for casual dating?
I feel like there are a lot of expectations to talk every day and spend a lot of time together right away and I just don’t always feel the need for that. Sometimes there are other work and family obligations. Sometimes people just don’t have such a high need for constant connection.
I feel the busy professionals and introverts of the world are getting beat up in the dating scene for not attaching and bonding right away; it’s not that we aren’t interested or a player, It’s just that we have different needs and comfort levels.
And people just don’t seem to get it when you tell them you’re looking for friendship more than anything else.
Some of us women out there are not looking for super serious relationships or need to take it super slow and feel the pressure from men who don’t want to accept that.
Some people don't want a man to be casual about them, they are children of God who want to find a husband. Not all women ascribe to and want men to walk and into their lives casually. Sorry with disease etc it's not worth it.
Gurl as a fellow introvert I agree with u! I always left my exs bcus I felt suffocated n lost myself = it was not until recently that I realized I could never choose the right partner/maintain a long term relationship bcus I was following the normative standard of dating i.e. texting every day, attached at the hip all the time, lack of alone time. I am getting used to not texting daily as I do like the closeness but I enjoy having time n peace to myself more lol
I feel you 😂 I’m the inconsistent one I hate hanging out and texting everyday. & I’m 30 plus no kids I love my space and men get so mad when I don’t want a relationship like I know I’m relationship material but I love just being friends and casually dating
@@mytrp7616 Thank you so much for validating my experience. I feel heard! ♥️
There needs to be a platform for single successful independent women who aren’t whores, yet don’t desire full blown relationships, & normalize this
Yes, self centered/NPD type don’t want any responsibility and devalue you in a transactional relationship to get what they want from you as a role in their world to serve them.
Told by them, not to take their words personally. I take their actions of not caring, personally. Still follow, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Non-caring people not that ‘special’ and a waste of my precious time.
An inconsistent man is not interested & immature.
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate that ❤️
Leave the dude, there’s no point of this conversation, he’s inconsistent, RUN.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback 🙏🏼
Stephan I can spend hrs & hrs watching your videos. They're so insightful. ❤❤❤
Glad to her that. Don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤️ 🙏🏼
i don't know what i would do if I hadn't found this channel, every video you put out is like a message from the universe or god himself, i cannot thank you enough for continuing to provide this level of content. for those of us trying to be intentional in dating & truly looking for the man who is best for us, i know i can always come to your content for reliable advice & information & i just feel so lucky. i tell everyone about this channel. thank you so much for being the light in the dark while we're out here searching for our person- appreciate you so much ❤
you are like the big brother i never had but always wanted 😊
I just love how Stephan laughs after he says something he knows ppl will have something to say about. He just knows lol
I love your quote ❤️💯
It’s so true.
I love that you speak the truth & you don’t sugarcoat anything.💯
❤️ 🙂 Thank you very much. I appreciate your feedback!
Communication is really key ✨
Just what i needed ♥️ thank you
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
The only reason I still go to David’s ministry is because I still learn things that I need but I don’t expect us to be together
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback 🙏
Inconsistency is not a trait that God presents to us. God wants our relationships to be consistent with great understanding and love in the Miraculous and on time name of Jesus.
Always Love Almeta ❤️🙏🏿
Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate hearing from you 🙏🏼
My man has been going through financial troubles/changes in jobs, etc. for the last 4-6 months, I just recently put him on to a job opp that gave him a significant increase in salary, but he is still troubled in ways I can't help. (not saying im trying to, I also applied to the job, just told him about it.) but the communication, routine, all that has went down the drain. I get it, but why would he not say "hey, right now im going through a lot and need space." instead of changing his behavior? Cause the triggering part is, I WANT TO DIP!!!
🙏 I hope he reaches the point of truly doing what is best.
I come to Stephan when I need honest, wise, and Biblical dating advice. I can't thank you enough, Stephan!
Common Steven. In my experience, a man who’s sincere & into a woman, will NOT have to be coaxed or handled carefully. Especially in the beginning. Once in a committed relationship, of course there will always be fine tuning. First video you’ve made I disagree with. No, she should absolutely walk away from inconsistency in the beginning. If you walk, and he really likes you he’ll straighten up, and come for you the right way. And I’m talking about a woman who is in her feminine energy, has reciprocated, with no walls up.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback 🙏
I'm not informing a grown man about inconsistency. My actions will tell you. I'm out..
I always make sure that I compliment and say thank you when someone does a thing that I like. That way I don't feel like im being bossy or needy but I'm letting them know that I like and appreciate those particular things. I have never been very good at asking for what I need/want. I feel like I'm being bossy or come off rude or something like that.
I'm scared! LOL I say that jokingly but I'm so serious. It's been a minute since I've been in the dating arena but the time has come to enter back in. I know that God is with me! I'm picky and particular so that ought to cut out a lot of nonsense and drama from the gate and I have a GREAT coach! Thanks Stephan! I appreciate you!!
You could have a man who is very consistent and sometimes it don't mean anything action do speak louder than words someone telling you they love you calling you 24/7 to be honest with sometimes that means nothing sometimes men tell women what they want to hear to get what they want in some cases but I've learned in life when somebody truly loves you it doesn't matter how long it takes for them to respond to you if the Love is real nothing can get in the way of that loyalty and trust blessings
I was just browsing and decided to see this video. So true what your saying. It's challenge to have a conversation in a calm and loving way though. Better yet to stay calm throughout
If the people get use to being single and walking away they keep doing it. Being alone and leaving relationships does not make you better in them. Sorry man, humans are rarely perfect. Men and Women are made for each other, so just work it out everyone as long as the person isn't doing crazy bad things.
Seems we're all commodities anymore.
Dating a guy now who is consistent. I like him and i know I’m the problem. I know i have my guard up and hold back, but I’m working on that.
Thank you for sharing ❤️
This is me 😩
Thank you for this Stephen ❤
My pleasure ❤️
Thank you Stefan this channel is the best thing that could have happened to some of us women.Great job I really appreciate you doing what you do
I do too!
I am not daily but I am getting texts and prayers every morning I need to hear his voice
Inconsistency is a red flag. Run!
These days if a man is inconsistent with me...I just move on, that's it!!
As always, great advice, perspective, and information! Thank you!
I only seem to attract the guys who only want to "hangout" never go on dates or anything, they only text never call, and are very inconsistent with communication where I only hear from them every few days and such. Its just ridiculous.
Am dealing with inconsistent now the truth is that am totally tired after 3yrs of not being in a relationship just wanted to give a try again here he come again with almost the same attitude after 3months of his persuasion
Just tired already I'm about to quit...
But after hearing this....hmmm...will give a try and see what will happen
Seriously watching you now just calm me down 😅😅😅😅
Yes but they keep showing up, guess what I just lock them off without explanation. I'm a high value women I'm definitely not giving that guy my precious time
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
Thank you I love your videos they are so very informative. I pray I will find my person
I pray that you receive the person who is truly best for you, the person God has for you 🙏
Thank you Stephan for sharing these valuable and healthy lessons❤
Steph what if it's the man that's holding back and not opening up much. He said he wants to go with the flow. He separated(not divorced) works every day almost every night. Says they don't live together. He's seen my place I haven't seen his. He claims it's because of how over protective his dogs are. 🤔And when I bring up certain pressing conversations he claims we shouldn't be having these conversations this early. 😮
My video on the five signs he's into you but moving slow 👉 ruclips.net/video/Ve6WHHJItXQ/видео.html 👈 and the seven signs he's using you and wasting your time 👉 ruclips.net/video/IttwlOD0wjI/видео.html 👈 will give you the clarity you need.
Run!!
@angeljackson9507 .... My situation was similar. I'll sum up things by sharing this - save your time. Either walk away or at least entertain other possible suitors simultaneously.
If this guy wants to be with you, he will correct his behaviors. It may hurt by walking away if he's the person you really chose to be with. But, it will hurt more by staying. Understand that It is possible to love and care about a person (if it's progressed this far) from a distance. If it's meant to be, then maybe it will - later. .... Just a thought .
I want to take this advice but at the same time I don’t. Why do men only do things because we want it? Like do y’all ever WANT to these things? Y’all don’t want communication as well. I just can’t get with the idea of telling someone exactly what to do. I just would rather see what their desire is for me and if it’s not enough oh well I guess😭
Thank you for this information. It was very valuable for me ❤
I'm happy this has been helpful to you. Don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤️ 🙏🏼
Man listen my problem is I be ready to leave every 45 minutes 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I'm here tryin to get tips on how to give ol boy some room to breathe lol. If I don't like the way he text ✌🏾✌🏾🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️💨🤣🤣🤣. I know I gotta chill 😮💨🤦🏾♀️
When you've done all of the steps to try to salvage the relationship and nothing works, then you know he or she is not ready for a real relationship or not interested in moving forward with you in life.
Move on to someone who is consistent with his actions. 🙏🏽
Most definitely!
Great Video! I hope you grant me this opportunity to explain what I am hearing. But it sounds like both parties are not really consulting God. First the lack of communication is happening. and no one is communicating in their truth. Especially in the fear of not getting what both parties really want. 1. Is it really LOVE or infatuation? 2. Is it fear, loneliness {settling} or potential? Because it sounds like their discernment and clear decision making are clouded by sexually intimacy happening in this union. Which maybe transpiring theses unpleasant events and unhealthy triggers? I PRAY they come to a true resolution and work it out in a healthy manner or move forward {apart}. And please excuse.my lack of acknowledgement. Good afternoon and Happy Resurrection to you and your family, ❣🙏🏼
Good afternoon and Happy Resurrection to you too and thank you for your feedback. I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
I simply am jaded by the thought of putting in effort to be romantic/understanding.
I’m sure this will pass.
I don't know how to chase anyone. If he stops communicating with me, he doesn't want to. That's all I understand.
When I asked him he said idk I suck, my stomach dropped and my thought was okay he is full of it I need to walk away and I said I need a better response than that. He jus really didn’t know what to say and then I told him what I’m looking for in communication and how I operate and what I would like and then he did become consistent again but then reverted back to being inconsistent so I let it be and the next day he says if u notice I’ve been inconsistent is bcuz I relapsed to smoking weed again and I fall asleep. But he cancelled our next date then wanted to see me the next day and I said no bcuz I’m not Gna available when he wants me to be and also he had plans that day that he cancelled me and I’m not sure with who and I did not want to ask bcuz I felt he would not be honest. So then I just eventually walked away bcuz I felt I deserved more and he was meeting what I asked. And he said that he felt that I told him what I been wanting to tell him which is walk away. I’m like hmm did he try to do things so I can bcuz he didn’t know how to cut me off? But I’m glad it’s done then he texts me a week later saying hey how u been blah blah after seeing my pic of a transformation I had in my hair in my head I’m like nope ur not Gna get the same access and was flat on my responses. Then he jus stopped texting overall again then txt me one word again after a day and didn’t respond for the Rest of the day I jus laugh at this guy now bcuz I’m like what r u doing? lol
I’m tired of everyone bashing men. PS I’m a woman, older and yikes. If I was a guy I’d run from all of yall.
I appreciate learning these skills so much so when I start dating I will be more prepared
I'm happy this has been helpful to you. Don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤ 🙏
Some people have situations that come up. Illness in the family work whatever else that are reality. Is there a timeline or good guide to find a balance of how much time or effort to expect? I feel like communication is excellent and distance is a factor. I know that there's a difference between people who aren't that interested vs actually dedicated to it. Some people go years and for the sake of transitioning I was just wondering when people have big life altering changes how long to give it.
I wonder as well
You made some good points. Thank you😊
Men can’t be that slow… you should not have to tell a man how to treat you or to be consistent whatsoever, I’d rather be single
My friend is consistent with communicating but he’s busy during the week working 2 jobs (single man 39 with no kids) and his parents live 2 hours away and sick so he goes home to help with out some weekends (he’s the only child) I’m trying to have a positive mindset about it lol but it’s annoying that he’s not as free as I am.
He's not serious and interested, move on. We have no time to waste
I feel like a man who genuinely loves you will be inconsistent when they’re hiding something or has issues with commitment or rejection of loneliness
I agree with you
If he is inconsistent that I can easily assume he is dating others and/or he is not serious about me. I am not going to have a conversation with him. Sorry I am not on the same page with you on this one Stephan.
I don’t play the games especially jealousy I honestly do not know or have anyone in my life at this point that I would entertain or be in a possible relationship with
I pray that you receive the person who is truly best for you, the person God has for you 🙏
It’s so sad how we run 🏃🏾♀️ from reality.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
Love that quote 👏
Hey Stephan can you please do a video based on avoidant attached guys
Great suggestion, I will add it to my list to get it done!
Walk away baby!!!!
I have 2 conversations, and that is it. I'm gone. No self-inflicted womb. One thing about super clowns, they'll try to circle back around on their circus bike, but I don't entertain.
By the way biblically it does talk about going back to your ex but even though I have forgiven all my ex husbands we have both moved on since our divorce they have either died or remarried and I have chosen to remain single and celibate for the last 14/15 years and because God/Jesus/Holy Spirit has been helping me to heal and be more open heart wise but also more cautious I am better prepared to date but I still could use more lessons in order to improve myself as well as my experience expectations and overall outcomes
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that 🙏
I don't ever here from him unless he wants some