Trust me, you’ll get to a point in life where hooking up is going to become old. You’re going to start to feel emotionally drained, depressed, and feeling extreme loneliness. That’s when you’re going to have more respect for yourself, not that you don’t, but you’ll see. With every encounter, we give a little piece of ourselves away. One of these days, you’ll know when it’s time to stop. But, you’re young and have a little ways to go. My advice is to live your life as you please for now. The day will come when you’re going to feel like the “old guy” in the clubs or the old, used up dude that everyone has had…..if you’re lucky. Be well.
I would tell people im not into hooking up and they would look at me like im lying because they expect all gays to be into that. Personally, I crave intamacy at deeper level. To each their own. Thanks for sharing!
Yeah, it’s like every single guy. I’ve crossed paths with has been like interested in that. There’s so many guys that are that. It feels like it’s almost impossible to find someone who has a similar personality to yours
The problem I had when I was younger, was I could get with basically anyone I wanted. When one is a very attractive man (or woman) one is confronted with the "Choice Paradox." When given 1 to 3 choices - you will be satisfied with the choice you made. The more choices you have, the more likelihood you won't be satisfied and second guess your choice. I wasn't aware of this when I was younger, and wish I would have just stayed with one of the great people I had a chance in a relationship with. Instead I was always wondering if "something better was out there." So foolish. Now I am in my 50's and single and all those choices aren't there anymore.
I’m 46 and can totally relate. We grew up in a time where technology wasn’t in our pockets. Where we had to make social connections to date and meet people. I miss that era. I’m a good looking, in shape guy but I refuse to go online to date and I’ve now been single for over 6 years. It’s a lonely place but I choose to redirect that energy into other areas of my life like fitness and work. Men are born to walk through this world alone. Sad but true.
@@la2atl I'm 71 and am in that same boat. Lost my LTR 6 years ago this month and it's (dating) just not happening. Listening to this video explains most of my single-ness!!! NEVER gonna do what he's describing. NE-VER!!! Alone and done, babe. And NO-body will "See me on the next one"!! EV-ER.
YOUR JUST A LOSER PEOPEL DESERVE OPTIONS YOU LOSERS WNAT THE DAYS WHERE UGLY PEOPLE GOT PLAY NO THOSE DAYS ARE OVER UGKY WEIRD AND CONSERVATIVES NO LONGER WILL GET PICKED THEY WILL BE IGNORED SAME WITH UGLY PEOPLE
I'm a '70s gen gay man so now in my "daddy" phase (long as the looks and body hold out) but prefer playing with other daddies or older men. I give mini-massages and like chatting for a bit after hooking up but I have to be honest : most men are so self-absorbed they basically engage in monologues about themselves. It's as if they don't understand that a conversation is a dance involving two people, not just an opportunity for self-extolling and self-aggrandizing. Another thing missing among the "apps" sexual warriors : a sense of humor! I have heard younger gay men criticize us '70s gen men for being "too promiscuous" but when we hooked up back then we were very happy just to be with men who had been through what we had (the familial rejection, the bullying, the being shamed, etc,) so we took an interest in each others' lives, including job or career, our aspirations and dreams, etc. We tried to lift each other up a bit, not just get off and walk out the door. We shared books, records, and our own reviews of movies recently seen. We fixed breakfast for each other the morning after. Now it's like getting a sexual door dash delivery and it's just sex...sometimes hot, sometimes mediocre, sometimes truly terrible sex. Not that one must fall in love with every man he hooks up with on apps, but I don't think the temporary self-validation one gets from 50,000 hook-ups can match the experience of one magical man who offers not only good sex, but is respectful, fun, and interested in a life beyond his own.
O - M - F - G!!! Even your "name" tells it all. TBH? Weren't those "the days"!!?? Every word you wrote spoke directly to me and brought back "the fun" of meeting, dating and getting to know someone. The part where you said "Making breakfast for each other the morning after", sharing dreams, lifting each other up... every word. TY for reminding me how absolutely GLORIOUS my life was!!! I too often lament not having that but you have reminded me that I DID have that... ALL THAT!! THANK YOU!!! TY. Love and Peace to you, friend. And if you ever see Dorothy, say "HEY" for me??!! Why am I teary eyed???
I totally agree. It's a very different breed of men out there. Now I have less sex but I'm much choosier. At some point, young guys are just too much work for what they bring to the table -or should I say bed.
Hookup culture is so.... interesting to me. Because I truly can't imagine just having sex and bouncing. My attachment style is far too anxious for that. I get so attached to people so quickly. I'd never be able to be that vulnerable with someone and then just move on
You need to stop hooking up. Learn to love you and love being with you! Like how you are open with what is happening. but, take the time to love you and being alone with you. Read a book.
Hooking up is so useless. Like you find someone interesting and instead of actually letting things develop and see where it goes you jump to certain chapters and it ruins the whole curiosity part. So you go to the next and rinse, repeat. Until one day you realize that it was never about the s3x but the connection and then you either find someone to date or have a bunch of first dates that feel kinda lame too. I know my match is out there but maybe I haven't mastered self-love enough for that.
@@KoalaBeer. well for Tyson it's calling each other babe and playing house. For me equal sharing of vulnerability and intimacy (often prematurely). For a lot of people just having s3x itself. It's not the same to set a place and time and skip to a certain activity than to have it develop naturally. The real feelings are only there when you let it happen instead of making it happen. (When both are in their own energy and in their flow something wild can happen. But even then it's easy to get knocked out of balance. Some people never experience this at all so they settle for senseless gym like s3x or unfulfilled relationships because "it's just not like the movies". Well actually it is but only if you are stable in yourself. I have only been for short amounts of time, for now. But that's a real connection you actually want to trade all the hookups for.)
Sorry but I'd never want to fuck you now or ever no matter who I am lol, such a turn off though from someone that there could be some self respect at the least, I guess im different and "old fashioned" 😂❤✌️🙇♥️
Hooking up is not useless, it's fun and validates you. It always makes me feel better about myself knowing there are people who find me attractive and want to have sex with me, call that whatever you want but it works for me.
Thank goodness I'm older generation now. I don't want to hook up with anyone . The pressure is off. You are all welcome to it , and good luck to you all. You are going to need it.
i use to be into the hook up culture all throughout my 20s and now being 32 ive realized how much i hate hooking up with randoms. I ended up deleting my grindr account and been celibate for the past few months and i feel much happier and not gross from hook ups. idk why it took me so long to realize that i actually prefer/ want to build a connection with someone and potentially date before having sex.
Tyson if you want to eliminate some of the “playing house” things (cuddling for a while, having a guy cook food for you both in the morning, etc) don’t get together with a hookup in your home, simply go to a hotel, do whatever, and leave. Having people come to your home, makes it more personal. I’m hearing you don’t want a relationship, yet you said it feels weird hooking up, then the guy leaves in a few mins. Do you feel safe knowing most of these men know where you live, and some of your personal business, just by being in your home? Just a thought!
That’s actually good advice. Because my space is almost sacred to me 😂 And usually they don’t come straight to my place. We will go out for a drink and see where things go. But yeah If we are close to my apartment we usually end up coming back there :/
@@TysonStevenn Tyson, a follow-up to my initial post. I didn’t mean to “sound” shallow about hook ups, and you not wanting to get serious at this time in your life. As a straight woman, years ago, I went through a time of dating after a breakup, and I wasn’t good with men who only wanted to shack up (lol showing my age with that term). I may have given in a few times out of loneliness, but was never fulfilled. I like to feel connections with people. Being a gay man, your situation is different. I have had gay friends, and a gay close relative, and at younger ages (20’s, 30’s) at times they felt lost in that community, feeling like their only option (and the expectation), was to hookup a lot, cruise the gay area of the city, parties, etc. Many couldn’t find a serious relationship if they wanted. I’m not sure why that is so prevalent in the male gay community. I think it’s improved somewhat because the community is recognized more, have rights they deserve, & I think many people are more tolerant. However, watching your videos, not much has changed with the younger guys hooking up so much. Nothing wrong if you’re ok with it, and not ready for something serious, but when you are older you may want to feel close, have that guy cook breakfast 😄and plan your day together. Now that I think about it, you already had that with your seven year long-term relationship. Sorry, I forgot. Nothing wrong with dating and figuring out what you want out of life before getting serious again. You’re still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Sorry for the long post.
Don’t let yourself get caught in the routine of hooking up with those you’re attracted to, but not having that connection to grow a relationship. You may find yourself alone but just surrounded by sexual encounters. You may miss the guy that could be the relationship meant for you.
It’s all just like empty calories. It’s fun for a period but one day you realize you feel empty and wonder why you feel lonely. Gay men want their cake and to eat it too but what is the ends to the means. I say have your fun but keep your long term goal in mind as well. Life is short. BTW I wish I knew about you when I lived in Tempe. We would definitely be buds.
It's not healthy mentally or spiritually... Close physical interactions of a sexual nature is actually exchanging engery with those people who you do not know. Casual sex is dangerous not just because you don't know who you're letting into your home or putting yourself into some strangers home, which can be dangerous physically. If you're physically safe you're not mentally or spiritually safe because you are exchanging energy with them. You're worth more than that. How you treat yourself is exactly how you're gonna be treated, if you f*ck around your gonna be f*cked around with. Be good to yourself first & take better care of yourself. It's a social construct to f*ck around, it has become a gay norm to have casual sex like changing your socks, it's not good for us psychologically or spiritually.
I use to do it, it was a learned behaviour for me when I came out. I stopped, now it’s dating only and if a quick hook up is what they’re after , I politely say that’s fine and say good bye and leave. ( that behaviour can tear your soul inner spirit apart). I wonder now what’s the issues/ cover up going on inside a person 🤔( gay or heterosexual)
@@bcusaaus4749 When I was young & just starting to test the waters I was led to believe by the guys (by their behaviors & comradery) I was around that I used to think that you had to "do it" in order to be "gay right" I believed that no one was going to like you if you didn't participate in the extracurricular activities, so like a stupid, innocent, starved for attention young man I started emulating the actions of the guys around me. It wasn't until I was older in therapy exploring what was going wrong in my life that it dawned on me that I had simply ignorantly copied the actions of those I so naively admired & wanted to be like & was searching for their acknowledgment & approval.
Now imagine being a community c*mdump 😂 now that's energy exchange to the max. I follow many creators in OF that their niche is that. They are successful, have money and lead happy sex filled lives. I'm not sure if it's just a front or they are designed for that. Sometimes I envy that lifestyle
Those friends groups are 100% fucking. There's one in my area I call "the country club" because they are very exclusive. I believe the whole purpose of them is to be FWBs or back-up boyfriends/husbands if it doesn't work out with the main piece. Despite being friendly with at least four of them I'm apparently completely barred.
I think people need to have the right expectations for hookups. There is nothing wrong with two consenting adults doing adult things. Everyone has their needs. But hookups are not a way to fill in the void when you are longing for closeness, intimacy or even love. No matter how attractive the other person is. No matter if you spent the night cuddling together. If you need to heal from something (trauma, breakups), hookups cannot even remotely heal you. It could even make things worse since you often feel lonelier and emptier afterwards. It doesn’t mean that you can’t look for hookups to address your needs; but just set the expectation straight: it will do no more than addressing your needs at that moment.
Allow yourself to feel the loneliness. Therapy can help to get in touch with your inner self and feelings. It can feel uncomfortable and scary at times, but it’s the key to healing and understanding yourself more. It will also change your picker and you’ll be attracted to healthier people.
Hooking up as an OF content creator with other creators while being in an open relationship with another OF creator is wild. I’m still navigating it all.
I’m like an emotional Pisces too, and I’m only looking for something that’s meaningful with a guy and it’s like impossible to find a guy who is not sexually promiscuous or inappropriate and some sort of way
Hook-up culture has it's place, however, I think that if a person continues to participate in it long enough, that it can become familiar. In my opinion, it shouldn't be a life-long habit.
Hookup culture is self-sabotaging at best. Self destructive at worst. The more partners you have, the lower your ability to “pair bond” becomes. It trains you into thinking that there’s always something else out there, which becomes the primary option when a relationship hits the rocks. The next thing you know, you’re old, single, and no one wants you anymore. This is when the loneliness, isolation, and depression really start to take hold. So while it may seem fun now, it does come at a price later.
Good take. I can’t imagine hooking up in my 60s and on. That just seems sad. I’m taking advantage of it while I’m young but the ultimate goal is to find someone I love and share the rest of my life with them
I've had some friends who got too involved in hookup culture, even before apps, and they ended up in S-Anon groups. You can become an addict where it controls your life. Maybe take a break and just hang out with friends you're not attracted to.
I can relate to you 100%. As a gay man from South Africa who dated for a very long time and find themselves single in their 30s especially after Covid19 I seem to be lonely. Having fun with people is cool to find yourself again but, you always tend to feel lonely again after they leave and people do not seem to want to be committed anymore and the more you hook up the more lonely you start to become. I must say that I do enjoy your clips in the morning while I am eating breakfast in my lounge on the TV. Keep on being you and don't care what other people say. I think it take a lot of courage to do what you have done with your channel and that people don't understand the amount of work that goes into these videos. You have balls bro. Just keep it up.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with hooking up, but it becomes an issue when we have a variety of people with differing wants, needs, attachment styles, etc. effectively only being given the one option. If you want sexual intimacy, there’s very few options outside of hooking up through the apps. It’s gotten better over the years as open communication is getting more regular and everyone is able to express their needs and wants more easily and find like-minded guys to match with, but the inertia of decades of having to hide our sexuality and limit it to something so narrow is hard to combat.
You’re right about energy. People don’t realise it! We straight people have the same issue, and I suspect it’s an attachment problem. Healthy people capable of secure genuine attachment to others are automatically turned off by it. If you’re securely attached to yourself primarily, you don’t need anyone else. Want but not need - this leads to secure attachment to others and that’s the key. I think people who hook up have problems attaching to others in a genuine way, and that’s why so many seem to be Cluster B. They’d have to be to do what hook ups involve… Those who aren’t Cluster B eventually come to their senses, and in the case of straight people sometimes in the light of an unplanned pregnancy!
First off Tyson, you are an absolutely gorgeous man Ok. And then you are absolutely right how its bizarre how these encounters can run a spectrum. I learned quick that it was definitely not as easy as I thought. Had plenty sweet fun satisfying experiences opening myself up to be disappointed or heartbroken and it happened many times. I was adventurous and loving the finding the love. It was there I experienced the beautiful blossoming of a seemingly equally synced love story that was so amazing and for a while it was bliss. Then I watched the flower shrivel up and die in front of me. I had a meltdown and cried like a baby daily for a few months. I didn't know if I would ever recover. Eventually I did and was never bitter because how special it was for that little amount of time we shared it was like a fairy tale and everything I ever thought it could be and more. So it is out there. I hope you find it because you deserve it. It's very hard to keep and foster. Well in my experience. But I always treasure the ones that I had deep connections intimacy with. So the memories I will have but it was never meant to be for me a long lasting thing. I learned that my destiny was something more important than what I wanted. and brought me back to someone who loves me more and that I love more than anything in this world. My real soulmates, my family. And I didn't expect it but I had been brought back to them when it was time. So I feel so blessed and happy because the spirit bond is something deeper and bigger than anything I ever wanted for myself. But don't get me wrong I still love a good poke. Haha wish you love and happiness. 😊 ps side note, this all went down in Central Phoenix too!
Gurlllllll it is what it is in dat Gay world......just live yo life as you feel it's best for you in the moment. You're a free spirited Pisces ♓ just don't let the emotional attachment get to you and understand that you're just experiencing life but you're responsible for your own actions in this world.!!!! We humans are unpredictable.
As a senior gay guy, I found your story both entertaining and informative. I came out in my 40's thinking I was already way past my "best before" date. I was wrong. I discovered the internet was a vast world of hookup sites. I dove in head first and had many of the experiences you describe and went through many of the same thought processes you did. One of the major features of gay culture that I found appealing was that, as a gay man, I wasn't required to follow or heed any of the institutions or social constructs that the larger society forces upon you. Gay men made their own rules, created their own templates that worked for them and for me hookup culture was a perfect fit. I've always been considered a "daddy". That was a perfect fit for me. As you mention, you learn something about each man and something about yourself with each interaction. Yes, there are the inevitable rough spots but, by and large, I have enjoyed meeting the many men that have graced my bed. You sound like you've found your 'sweet spot' in the system and are mulling it over, seeking feedback from others. That's a good thing, but remember, you need to follow what works for you. No one else can -or should- do that for you. As Dr. Seuss says, "Be who you want , because the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter. Thanks for your video.
Sounds like you need therapy, and I did after many years of dating and hooking up. That is not an insult just some advice from a therapist ;) Make sure to make this 'time out' count ;) Thanks bud for your openness and honesty, and I agree, in smaller towns its even worse, everyone knows everyone
@shaunmcgowan-d8u l am 72, ans SO MUCH that was good and welcoming and inviting in gay life is tollay GONE WITH THE WIND. Non-alcoholic gay bars, like a big multi-room Starbucks that looked like steakhouse. The Mafia burned, that in itself is a whole story in itself. I went to dance clubs in the '70's and it was as if the best backyard barbeque had gay dancing. Well enter semi-naked barback guys pushing Jell-O shots in test tubes and now it was a nightmare of uninhibited frat boys getting blind stinking drunk, having blind stinking sex. Yyuucchh! There were gay organizations out the ying yang and zap! Pandemic. Is there still gay baseball? Gay boing? Gay aquarium groups? And after AIDS introduced TALKING and no pressure gay dating and safe sex what do we have. Uneducated half-wits on PrEP thinking barebacking is nirvanah while oops l forgot my 3 month test for anti-biotic resistant gonarrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, herpes and monkey pox! Ist's the fucking 21rst Century and we STILL have crab lice, scabies ..... and hook up culture of collaborations and ooppssss yes there also my sugar daddy, my escort encounters and a couple encounters just for fun?? People will slowly start dying AGAIN! sadly. Oh and computer nerds who cannot spell making up like new uh words like to use like in everday fucking discourse like.
Not everybody is meant to be one of two. Many people, like, me have no desire to be coupled or married. Sex can be about love and commitment. It can also be just recreational. I have had really great sex with total strangers. If that’s what you are looking for, the apps like Tindr are great. Just don’t try to make them what they are not. If you’re looking for love, you probably need to look elsewhere.
Before you will be good with any relationship, you have to be good with yourself-meaning know yourself. You need to know what you want, but more importantly what you don't want. In order to figure what you don't want, you have to explore a little. So once you've played enough to know what that means to you, then you can be yourself and not compromise. That leaves you be real with the other person. Then the trick (poor choice of word) is meeting someone who also knows themselves. What does a relationship mean to you? What do you want from it and what are those boundaries? I wasn't ready for a long time and just after 40 I met the man I've been with for 21 years, still going strong.
This culture is annoying... The real men who want a relationship, something profound and meaningful go unnoticed handsome or not. I don't understand what people want anymore so I stay to myself and God. ✌🏽✌🏽Hookup culture is not for me, great topic though bro be safe
I’ve done my share of hooking up early on but as some others have said, I think over time it takes its toll. If you’re not really feeling the whole relationship thing I guess staying single gives you all the freedom to hook up however you want and however often you want. But I think it’s important to ask yourself what and where you want to be in five years. If you see yourself settling down as a couple it takes work to focus your energy towards that goal. For some lightning just falls in your lap with the perfect partner but for most of us it’s something you have to work on. If you are deep into hookup culture it can be hard to back out and create a more stable pattern to your social life.
... ur sufficiently self-aware (good) yet w/ tendency to nano-manage thoughts (not so good) .... ur alive, healthy, explorative and easy-on-the eyes (feign happiness sparingly and Simply Go w/ IT).
Omg this video and all of the commenters pass the vibe check. I'm celibate and it's so alienating in the gay world. Everyone here sharing their experiences and feelings are so heartening 💜
Hooking up is something people do because they can’t find a relationship at the moment or don’t think they are ready for a relationship at the moment. Or wants a relationship but the other person doesn’t offer that so a hookup is easier. I don’t think hooking up is the worse it could be fun but I don’t think humans are meant to have sex with strangers as a goal. Specially gay man because the key is survival and raise young. Having more than one partner or a friend with benefits feels better because naturally sex is a way to bond with someone and have some kind of connection whether short or long term. Plus hooking up a lot is dangerous because you don’t know the stranger’s intentions or character if he was just met one night. Also risk of sexual diseases increases with more people one has sex with. However I do get it being easier for gay guys to accept it as normal because so many gay guys are in the closet or don’t want to settle with a feminine guy at times etc. Or just don’t want to being attention to themselves even if their family knows doesn’t mean they want coworkers to know etc. Also a lot of gay people have trouble with jobs or feeling accepted etc. Some don’t have resources to feel confident enough to be in a relationship or have low confidence for other reasons etc. Or some gay guys want to have sex with guys who are perhaps more attractive than what they think they would be able to settle in a relationship with. Since many cute gay guys, are willing to have sex well it is tempting for some gay guys. So finding a healthy relationship for many gay guys could be challenging.
Everything your feeling is completely normal, there is no standard to “how relationships work” and anyone who says they have it figured out is a complete liar. You just have to find what works for you, and if you’re lucky you’ll find that other wondering idiot who happens to have the same pet peeves and odd peculiarities. If the stars are aligned and you can sit in silence and not feel weirded out. Then maybe you’ve found your other half. If not, then get a dog and join some gay softball team and volunteer at GMHC. In the end, it’s whatever makes you happy, but if your looking for a Dekkoo movie style ending, then your going to be disappointed. It’s unrealistic.
Your intuitive guide is working for you. Yes, when you hook up, you share energy fields, which do last for a period of time. Too many in a short period of time will leave you drained and confused. Take time for yourself, and continue to listen to your internal guide. It's okay to be alone with yourself. You'll be satisfied with yourself when you do.
I have found, at least from my experience with everybody I've ever known, it's fun and exciting in the short term, but every single person who does the random hookups ends up regretting it. And the more they do it, the worse it gets. Every dude that has ever attempted or succeeded in unaliving himself was a hookup guy. Monogamous gays seem to be far more stable, mentally, and the ones who are promiscuous tend to die of horrible diseases or they unalive themselves. What you are talking about with the emotional separation is a thing that trauma victims do, it's called emotional compartmentalization. And it eventually will turn you crazy if you do it long enough. It's a form of self-brainwashing that criminals do to try and not feel the emotions and feelings associated with doing things that deep down, they know is not good. People who leave the hookup culture and go back to being monogamous, they often have to go through one hell of an emotional, painful process of undoing the self-brainwashing and de-compartmentalize the emotions. It's literally like a "come to Jesus" moment where they have to repent of what they've done, and kinda try to repair the broken parts of their psyche with something transcendent, like love. Probably why religious conversion is one of the best ways to go about it, because religion allows people to examine the meaning behind their actions, not just in the short term, but in the long term, and how it connects you to eternity. I really hope you don't go through the "hoe phase" for long. It's a treacherous and unstable road to go down. It is sexual gluttony that will never satisfy the soul or the mind. Be careful, my friend.
I wholeheartedly do not agree--I think your judgement or at least analysis comes from a heteronormative perspective...true, a long term "hoe phase" CAN be generally damaging but as gay men we have our own culture, can find our way within that culture without the guilt and shaming ("sexual gluttony"???? come on...) handed down by the mainstream-hetero-2.5 kids-and-a-house-in-the-burbs mindset. Trust yourself, Tyson...you seem to be asking yourself the right questions. However, DO be careful with that onlyfans culture, it goes too far.
It all depends on what kind of person you are. If you're someone who thinks and feels deeply, that should be how you live your life. Sex becomes more of a full-body experience and it's something you become much more creatively invested in. Hookup culture and the business side of porn is really the opposite of that in many ways. A lot of people do thrive in that environment, but it's because that's authentic to who they are and how they navigate the world. Trying to fit that mold just ends up being uncomfortable and you can find yourself making excuses to stay because it seems like everyone else is able to do it, so why can't you? That being said, everything in life is a learning experience. Nothing is a waste of time as long as you're learning. Maybe there's some important lessons at the end of the experience.
Hookup culture is dysfunctional at best. I will say this I'm avoidant (I'm always working on it) but I like clingy types. I get Tyson's sex bonding attachment. I don't have an issue with it. For some it's how they communicate bonding. Anyway, at least with the clingy types you're not having to figure out where their heads at. My beef is when you have made it clear it's no more than just an extended bromance and weeks later they make you an insta-boyfriend. Anyway there seems to be a clique or cliques of OF creators that are just exclusively screwing each other which is a turnoff. I think as a creator you have to be pretty professional about interactions. But just like IRL it only takes a few queens to spoil it for everyone else. When you're messing around with a guy, the last thing you wanna know is how many others are gonna get pinned down for money. At that point you're just a number and that's a bit skanky. Hookups should be fun, no strings and a multuple repeats if the sex is great. Afterward if you decide, hey he's an interesting dude let's hit the reset button and do on a date then you do that or move on to the next hookup. 🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️
Thanks for sharing. My experience has been everyone has their own path. There's always some give and take no matter and sometimes you might want to bust a nut and go, and other times where just the companionship is what you need. Be safe and All the Best!
You'll never find real love because it's lust! You trying to fill the void of your heart with this world. It will never satisfy you. It will always leave you lonely!
Ya it is weird that gay guys are so comfortable using other people as if they are free prostitutes. It’s weird not having feelings for somebody you are doing something so intimate with.
Well, here are my thoughts: As men, we are conditioned to be self-sufficient and good at taking care of things-- on the surface, anyway. Once emotional conflict crops up, or deeper issues arise, we dont know how to deal with them. And guess what happens in relationships? So hookups are great! You get all the positives, none of the work or hassle, and you'll never need to deal with other peoples' problems! ... yet, they're thinking the same of you, aren't they? Keep the drama to yourself, and ya keep the hookups, ka'piche? Lol, but idk. I'm gay, but also ace. Idgaf about sex. xP You enjoy your life however you can, bro!
Freedom and independence, exploration and self-discovery, minimal emotional investment, flexibility, stress relief snd fun, building confidence, to name but a few, but hookups certainly have some positive aspects. Of course, safety should always be the priority.
Have your fun now and live life. Do your own thing and be independent. You need this for yourself to explore and enjoy sex. The farthest I ever went for a hook up was an hour and forty five minutes away, surprisingly it was a good hook up. Yeah, most of those groups of gay guys that hang out are definitely fucking eachother lol. There's a group like that in almost every city. You have a lot of emotions and there's nothing wrong with that, just be realistic in your head space, a hook up is a hook up. If you're wanting more set the mindset and the expectation. You'll know when you've truly had enough of the hook up phase. It starts to feel like " why do I keep doing this to myself ?" Try to build a few solid friendships first...then be opened to the idea of a new relationship. It really seems like most gay men settle down by the time they are 30, but it's different for everyone. Just don't wait too long. It's amazing how fast time goes by, remember that. :)
As far as I’m concerned, hook up culture works for those who are fit/in good shape. I’ve been told I’m handsome have a good personality such and such, but being a bit overweight not many were looking to hook up when I joined apps such as Grindr. That’s ok though as I’ve never really been into hook up culture as I catch emotions too easily. I’m much happier spending quality time with my partner daily and growing together.
Dang, when I was his age (basically the 1800s), there were zero gay guys who looked like him. We had to settle for a penis and a pulse (and the pulse was optional).
Weird is an understatement, it’s to the point I don’t even have faith in humanity. Like why can’t two consenting adults have fun together n communicate how to please the other? Such an immovable mountain am I right?🤯
i am very much under looked as a dark skinned gay man, and i have had these date/hookup apps deleted for sometime cause it just doesn’t work for me. it’s also partially where i live now, but also i want to be a slut for one man. i’m very much a freak, but before that i’m a lover boy. i just dropped out the game entirely and focusing on becoming sexy for which ever boy who actually wants to give me there time of day
Feelings are complicated, humans are meant for connection, and honestly being single for years and met a couple of fwbs I’ve enjoyed my own company. However, I’d be down for a date :) no hookup. Also as a Taurus I love Pisces haha ;)
I find that everybody wants to get married. I had a crazy stalker, so I almost had to involve the police. I'm still a crazy horndog, but taking a break!
Hey if you're interested in meeting gay people and have it NOT be about hookups try a Gay sports league like a local Stonewall sports league. Great way to make friends. Not that you asked, it's just a thought and something I recently tried. It's been nice.
I have no issue with hook-ups. They are great and serve a purpose. I appreciate they are not for everyone. As long as there is a connection, then I'm down. How or what determines that connection is something I have tried but just cannot describe or elaborate. You just know.
I vicariously live my best hookup life through you and your adventures , love your channel ❤. Also we need a podcast from you , like ASAP. It needs to give The Wild podcast but like by a Pisces, bottom , butch queen ❤
Yeah the whole 'every gay knows each other' stereotype, the older I get, seems to be more and more true. There are people that I know and then I see their social media and they know other people that are pretty prominent in the gay community (porn). It's weird and jarring.
I agree just randomly hooking up never worked for me, I did the FWB for years, before I met my boyfriend. I liked getting to know someone and have a connection before fucking
When your life is about wanting to have someone to yourself while you want to have an Only Fans and Twitter Pages. you have to understand that for the rest of your life (while you have the looks) you will be having meaningless sex for money, and never forming close relationships. These "Collabs" you do, are still with strangers. You would probably die if you grew up in the 70's or 80's when there was no online anything, or apps or "Creating" which is a kind word for having sex on camera, you would be LOST. Your generation has no social skills, you have no understanding of personal relationships, boundaries, love, dedication, or having any kind of interpersonal or social skills. It's all about followers and likes and that's what you live for. How sad.
I just recently found your videos on here and i couldn't agree with you more. Seems like a lot in the gay community (Not everyone) just wants to hookup instead having a friendship of some kind or just a connection in a way. Don't get me wrong i definetly have my fun for sure but it's like always about sex with other gays for some reason. I feel like FWB is where it's at honestly.
At This Point Everyone Is Entitled To Their Own Opinion, The Whole Situation Doesn't Bother Me, The World Worry About The Smallest Things In Life. Me As A Black Person Hooking Ups Is Not At The Top Of My List, Life & Death Is To Be Completely Honest
But we have the freedom to be with whomever we want to hookup with. And then once you had enough you can kick them out and get someone else or several people.
One of the hottest guys I slept with eventually didn't even do it for me anymore. Abs, model looks, etc, it wasn't enough. Tired of hookups, would like to date someone emotionally healthy which apparently is a tall order nowadays!
Not a fan of hookup culture myself. I definitely want a connection more than just a one night stand. As far as mutual friends, the gay community is small but don't automatically think that WE all sleep around. I'm a cancerian (July) and I know a lot of gays all over the world due to school life, work life, vacations I've taken, the sports I play......bust a nust by using your hand haha!!
Honestly I believe hookup culture is one of the factors in why gay collective is so disconnected or for lack of better words shitty. People are no longer people just transactional objects. Humans desire connection but gays suffer from inverted intimacy where we try to fuck our way into intimacy at a subconscious level. We never learned how to form real friendships/relationships without sex being in equations. Its the norm to lead with sex and it shouldn't. Sex has lost all of it sacredness due to the influence of Porn. Its just something we do and it has 0 value when its supposed to be one of the most intimate energetic exchanges you can have with someone. I digress.....
I act so raunchy on this alt account but tbh this is just an outlet. I cant do hookup.. I want a real thing. I cant find it anywhere because hookups all that exist :(
Man, I got to 7 mins in and I couldn’t keep watching… you need an education and long term therapy… nothing wrong with what you do, it is what you don’t do; for yourself that’s the problem. Peace out & go luck ahead.
I was in the same boat too, I use to be think that when I was 18-19 if I hookup with someone I’ll think he’ll like me. But growing up into my 20s I changed my mind set knowing that guys in my city and all they want to do is 🥜. Rn I’m 22 but there’s a time that I want a guy but guys don’t be to seem into me. So I’m stuck in hookup culture but not caring anymore.
Hell, the majority of us would love to have your woes. You are way above average in looks and physique. Trust me when I say don’t overthink the gay community. We’re a community that has been beaten down for forever. It created a lot of deep-seated self hate and self doubt. Those things can make people do crazy things, in their feeble attempts hurt someone before they get hurt. Change your thinking and take charge of your confidence. I can say without a doubt that over 90% of us are the ones who are jealous of you.
What you say makes no sense, so because you’re jealous he should turn off any feelings he has in himself? Because in your jealousy (don’t know why it’s not like you’re ugly) you can’t possibility see something he is struggling with . But you’re right in the not overthinking part I agree with you there.
@@hirsch4155 Of course I didn't say that I think he should turn off his feelings. I'm saying that he is poised to both express his feelings but allow himself to also be confident, on camera, as opposed to being insecure about so many things. My words weren't meant to tear down. They were meant to help him see his true potential. Hell, he should genuinely try out for acting. The camera loves him.
I think at this point we need to admit that a lot of gay men are sex addicts. I don’t care whether they pursue stable relationships or funs. Still one thing is very clear that if you have sex with multiple different people every week or month, it is not normal or healthy. That’s a symptom of sex addictions. It needs to be fixed period.
And seems like your heart and mind and soul is wanting something more than you are thinking, and you’re just not letting go of your thinking you’re not feeding those two other things, btw your a very handsome guy
Trust me, you’ll get to a point in life where hooking up is going to become old. You’re going to start to feel emotionally drained, depressed, and feeling extreme loneliness. That’s when you’re going to have more respect for yourself, not that you don’t, but you’ll see. With every encounter, we give a little piece of ourselves away. One of these days, you’ll know when it’s time to stop. But, you’re young and have a little ways to go. My advice is to live your life as you please for now. The day will come when you’re going to feel like the “old guy” in the clubs or the old, used up dude that everyone has had…..if you’re lucky.
Be well.
I would tell people im not into hooking up and they would look at me like im lying because they expect all gays to be into that. Personally, I crave intamacy at deeper level. To each their own. Thanks for sharing!
Me too I want a lot more than just sexual intimacy,That alone is very fleeting.
Yeah, it’s like every single guy. I’ve crossed paths with has been like interested in that. There’s so many guys that are that. It feels like it’s almost impossible to find someone who has a similar personality to yours
@@jamesburress2284 🫶
@@WilliamAlanLong 🫶 don't give up. It is like finding a needle in a haystack tho lol.
@@its_eli me too😊
The problem I had when I was younger, was I could get with basically anyone I wanted. When one is a very attractive man (or woman) one is confronted with the "Choice Paradox." When given 1 to 3 choices - you will be satisfied with the choice you made. The more choices you have, the more likelihood you won't be satisfied and second guess your choice. I wasn't aware of this when I was younger, and wish I would have just stayed with one of the great people I had a chance in a relationship with. Instead I was always wondering if "something better was out there." So foolish. Now I am in my 50's and single and all those choices aren't there anymore.
I’m 46 and can totally relate. We grew up in a time where technology wasn’t in our pockets. Where we had to make social connections to date and meet people. I miss that era. I’m a good looking, in shape guy but I refuse to go online to date and I’ve now been single for over 6 years. It’s a lonely place but I choose to redirect that energy into other areas of my life like fitness and work. Men are born to walk through this world alone. Sad but true.
That’s killing the gay community. The paradox of choice and social media. Everyone gonna end of alone and miserable
@@la2atltrauma response. Very few people are authentically happy alone.
@@la2atl I'm 71 and am in that same boat. Lost my LTR 6 years ago this month and it's (dating) just not happening. Listening to this video explains most of my single-ness!!! NEVER gonna do what he's describing. NE-VER!!! Alone and done, babe. And NO-body will "See me on the next one"!! EV-ER.
YOUR JUST A LOSER PEOPEL DESERVE OPTIONS YOU LOSERS WNAT THE DAYS WHERE UGLY PEOPLE GOT PLAY NO THOSE DAYS ARE OVER UGKY WEIRD AND CONSERVATIVES NO LONGER WILL GET PICKED THEY WILL BE IGNORED SAME WITH UGLY PEOPLE
I'm a '70s gen gay man so now in my "daddy" phase (long as the looks and body hold out) but prefer playing with other daddies or older men. I give mini-massages and like chatting for a bit after hooking up but I have to be honest : most men are so self-absorbed they basically engage in monologues about themselves. It's as if they don't understand that a conversation is a dance involving two people, not just an opportunity for self-extolling and self-aggrandizing. Another thing missing among the "apps" sexual warriors : a sense of humor! I have heard younger gay men criticize us '70s gen men for being "too promiscuous" but when we hooked up back then we were very happy just to be with men who had been through what we had (the familial rejection, the bullying, the being shamed, etc,) so we took an interest in each others' lives, including job or career, our aspirations and dreams, etc. We tried to lift each other up a bit, not just get off and walk out the door. We shared books, records, and our own reviews of movies recently seen. We fixed breakfast for each other the morning after. Now it's like getting a sexual door dash delivery and it's just sex...sometimes hot, sometimes mediocre, sometimes truly terrible sex. Not that one must fall in love with every man he hooks up with on apps, but I don't think the temporary self-validation one gets from 50,000 hook-ups can match the experience of one magical man who offers not only good sex, but is respectful, fun, and interested in a life beyond his own.
O - M - F - G!!! Even your "name" tells it all. TBH? Weren't those "the days"!!?? Every word you wrote spoke directly to me and brought back "the fun" of meeting, dating and getting to know someone. The part where you said "Making breakfast for each other the morning after", sharing dreams, lifting each other up... every word. TY for reminding me how absolutely GLORIOUS my life was!!! I too often lament not having that but you have reminded me that I DID have that... ALL THAT!! THANK YOU!!! TY. Love and Peace to you, friend. And if you ever see Dorothy, say "HEY" for me??!! Why am I teary eyed???
I totally agree. It's a very different breed of men out there. Now I have less sex but I'm much choosier. At some point, young guys are just too much work for what they bring to the table -or should I say bed.
Hookup culture is so.... interesting to me. Because I truly can't imagine just having sex and bouncing. My attachment style is far too anxious for that. I get so attached to people so quickly. I'd never be able to be that vulnerable with someone and then just move on
Yeah doesn’t seem to appealing huh? . Well it’s sex only simple.
I agree. I tried it and it didn't work out well.
I’d say your attachment style is healthy and normal 🙂
You must be of a certain age.
Same for me. 🤦♂️🤦♂️
You need to stop hooking up. Learn to love you and love being with you! Like how you are open with what is happening. but, take the time to love you and being alone with you. Read a book.
Hooking up is so useless. Like you find someone interesting and instead of actually letting things develop and see where it goes you jump to certain chapters and it ruins the whole curiosity part. So you go to the next and rinse, repeat. Until one day you realize that it was never about the s3x but the connection and then you either find someone to date or have a bunch of first dates that feel kinda lame too. I know my match is out there but maybe I haven't mastered self-love enough for that.
Jump to certain chapters? Mind explaining or giving me example.
@@KoalaBeer. well for Tyson it's calling each other babe and playing house. For me equal sharing of vulnerability and intimacy (often prematurely). For a lot of people just having s3x itself. It's not the same to set a place and time and skip to a certain activity than to have it develop naturally. The real feelings are only there when you let it happen instead of making it happen.
(When both are in their own energy and in their flow something wild can happen. But even then it's easy to get knocked out of balance. Some people never experience this at all so they settle for senseless gym like s3x or unfulfilled relationships because "it's just not like the movies". Well actually it is but only if you are stable in yourself. I have only been for short amounts of time, for now. But that's a real connection you actually want to trade all the hookups for.)
Sorry but I'd never want to fuck you now or ever no matter who I am lol, such a turn off though from someone that there could be some self respect at the least, I guess im different and "old fashioned" 😂❤✌️🙇♥️
Hooking up is not useless, it's fun and validates you. It always makes me feel better about myself knowing there are people who find me attractive and want to have sex with me, call that whatever you want but it works for me.
@@OpinionatedChicken59some people also see you as a means to an end. Regardless of your attractiveness
Thank goodness I'm older generation now. I don't want to hook up with anyone . The pressure is off. You are all welcome to it , and good luck to you all. You are going to need it.
i use to be into the hook up culture all throughout my 20s and now being 32 ive realized how much i hate hooking up with randoms. I ended up deleting my grindr account and been celibate for the past few months and i feel much happier and not gross from hook ups. idk why it took me so long to realize that i actually prefer/ want to build a connection with someone and potentially date before having sex.
Tyson if you want to eliminate some of the “playing house” things (cuddling for a while, having a guy cook food for you both in the morning, etc) don’t get together with a hookup in your home, simply go to a hotel, do whatever, and leave. Having people come to your home, makes it more personal. I’m hearing you don’t want a relationship, yet you said it feels weird hooking up, then the guy leaves in a few mins. Do you feel safe knowing most of these men know where you live, and some of your personal business, just by being in your home? Just a thought!
That’s actually good advice. Because my space is almost sacred to me 😂 And usually they don’t come straight to my place. We will go out for a drink and see where things go. But yeah If we are close to my apartment we usually end up coming back there :/
@@TysonStevennI understand now. Good idea to meet for a drink first. 🙂
@@TysonStevenn Tyson, a follow-up to my initial post. I didn’t mean to “sound” shallow about hook ups, and you not wanting to get serious at this time in your life. As a straight woman, years ago, I went through a time of dating after a breakup, and I wasn’t good with men who only wanted to shack up (lol showing my age with that term). I may have given in a few times out of loneliness, but was never fulfilled. I like to feel connections with people. Being a gay man, your situation is different. I have had gay friends, and a gay close relative, and at younger ages (20’s, 30’s) at times they felt lost in that community, feeling like their only option (and the expectation), was to hookup a lot, cruise the gay area of the city, parties, etc. Many couldn’t find a serious relationship if they wanted. I’m not sure why that is so prevalent in the male gay community. I think it’s improved somewhat because the community is recognized more, have rights they deserve, & I think many people are more tolerant. However, watching your videos, not much has changed with the younger guys hooking up so much. Nothing wrong if you’re ok with it, and not ready for something serious, but when you are older you may want to feel close, have that guy cook breakfast 😄and plan your day together. Now that I think about it, you already had that with your seven year long-term relationship. Sorry, I forgot. Nothing wrong with dating and figuring out what you want out of life before getting serious again. You’re still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Sorry for the long post.
Don’t let yourself get caught in the routine of hooking up with those you’re attracted to, but not having that connection to grow a relationship. You may find yourself alone but just surrounded by sexual encounters. You may miss the guy that could be the relationship meant for you.
You are not alone when you're with yourself.
It’s all just like empty calories. It’s fun for a period but one day you realize you feel empty and wonder why you feel lonely. Gay men want their cake and to eat it too but what is the ends to the means. I say have your fun but keep your long term goal in mind as well. Life is short. BTW I wish I knew about you when I lived in Tempe. We would definitely be buds.
Yeah I guess we will see what I want in the future. Things are constantly changing haha and yeah I could use a good friend rn tbh 😂
Empty calories is actually a genius way to put it
It's not healthy mentally or spiritually... Close physical interactions of a sexual nature is actually exchanging engery with those people who you do not know. Casual sex is dangerous not just because you don't know who you're letting into your home or putting yourself into some strangers home, which can be dangerous physically. If you're physically safe you're not mentally or spiritually safe because you are exchanging energy with them. You're worth more than that. How you treat yourself is exactly how you're gonna be treated, if you f*ck around your gonna be f*cked around with. Be good to yourself first & take better care of yourself. It's a social construct to f*ck around, it has become a gay norm to have casual sex like changing your socks, it's not good for us psychologically or spiritually.
Beautifully written and 100% accurate.
I agree!!
I use to do it, it was a learned behaviour for me when I came out. I stopped, now it’s dating only and if a quick hook up is what they’re after , I politely say that’s fine and say good bye and leave. ( that behaviour can tear your soul inner spirit apart). I wonder now what’s the issues/ cover up going on inside a person 🤔( gay or heterosexual)
@@bcusaaus4749 When I was young & just starting to test the waters I was led to believe by the guys (by their behaviors & comradery) I was around that I used to think that you had to "do it" in order to be "gay right" I believed that no one was going to like you if you didn't participate in the extracurricular activities, so like a stupid, innocent, starved for attention young man I started emulating the actions of the guys around me. It wasn't until I was older in therapy exploring what was going wrong in my life that it dawned on me that I had simply ignorantly copied the actions of those I so naively admired & wanted to be like & was searching for their acknowledgment & approval.
Now imagine being a community c*mdump 😂 now that's energy exchange to the max. I follow many creators in OF that their niche is that. They are successful, have money and lead happy sex filled lives. I'm not sure if it's just a front or they are designed for that. Sometimes I envy that lifestyle
Sounds like you don’t know what you want and are probably never satisfied fully with anything. Hope you find happiness one day.
No, mate. You are literally projecting some mess that your head produced in response to his video.
@@MFRUclips683 no my analysis was clear as crystal
@@markstar6056 right. 😂
Those friends groups are 100% fucking. There's one in my area I call "the country club" because they are very exclusive. I believe the whole purpose of them is to be FWBs or back-up boyfriends/husbands if it doesn't work out with the main piece. Despite being friendly with at least four of them I'm apparently completely barred.
This is why I can't have gay friends. All my friends are heterosexual.
I think people need to have the right expectations for hookups. There is nothing wrong with two consenting adults doing adult things. Everyone has their needs. But hookups are not a way to fill in the void when you are longing for closeness, intimacy or even love. No matter how attractive the other person is. No matter if you spent the night cuddling together. If you need to heal from something (trauma, breakups), hookups cannot even remotely heal you. It could even make things worse since you often feel lonelier and emptier afterwards. It doesn’t mean that you can’t look for hookups to address your needs; but just set the expectation straight: it will do no more than addressing your needs at that moment.
Allow yourself to feel the loneliness. Therapy can help to get in touch with your inner self and feelings. It can feel uncomfortable and scary at times, but it’s the key to healing and understanding yourself more. It will also change your picker and you’ll be attracted to healthier people.
If you do your best to avoid catching feelings you might end up catching loneliness. Or worse: regret.
Hooking up as an OF content creator with other creators while being in an open relationship with another OF creator is wild. I’m still navigating it all.
Hahaha
I’m like an emotional Pisces too, and I’m only looking for something that’s meaningful with a guy and it’s like impossible to find a guy who is not sexually promiscuous or inappropriate and some sort of way
Hook-up culture has it's place, however, I think that if a person continues to participate in it long enough, that it can become familiar. In my opinion, it shouldn't be a life-long habit.
Hookup culture is self-sabotaging at best. Self destructive at worst.
The more partners you have, the lower your ability to “pair bond” becomes. It trains you into thinking that there’s always something else out there, which becomes the primary option when a relationship hits the rocks.
The next thing you know, you’re old, single, and no one wants you anymore. This is when the loneliness, isolation, and depression really start to take hold.
So while it may seem fun now, it does come at a price later.
Its called Life welcome to it.
💯💯💯
@@fumarate1Existing more like!
Good take. I can’t imagine hooking up in my 60s and on. That just seems sad. I’m taking advantage of it while I’m young but the ultimate goal is to find someone I love and share the rest of my life with them
I've had some friends who got too involved in hookup culture, even before apps, and they ended up in S-Anon groups. You can become an addict where it controls your life. Maybe take a break and just hang out with friends you're not attracted to.
All that focus on the somatic, to the exclusion of the emotional and spiritual has to have an effect.
I can relate to you 100%. As a gay man from South Africa who dated for a very long time and find themselves single in their 30s especially after Covid19 I seem to be lonely. Having fun with people is cool to find yourself again but, you always tend to feel lonely again after they leave and people do not seem to want to be committed anymore and the more you hook up the more lonely you start to become. I must say that I do enjoy your clips in the morning while I am eating breakfast in my lounge on the TV. Keep on being you and don't care what other people say. I think it take a lot of courage to do what you have done with your channel and that people don't understand the amount of work that goes into these videos. You have balls bro. Just keep it up.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with hooking up, but it becomes an issue when we have a variety of people with differing wants, needs, attachment styles, etc. effectively only being given the one option. If you want sexual intimacy, there’s very few options outside of hooking up through the apps. It’s gotten better over the years as open communication is getting more regular and everyone is able to express their needs and wants more easily and find like-minded guys to match with, but the inertia of decades of having to hide our sexuality and limit it to something so narrow is hard to combat.
You’re right about energy. People don’t realise it!
We straight people have the same issue, and I suspect it’s an attachment problem. Healthy people capable of secure genuine attachment to others are automatically turned off by it. If you’re securely attached to yourself primarily, you don’t need anyone else. Want but not need - this leads to secure attachment to others and that’s the key.
I think people who hook up have problems attaching to others in a genuine way, and that’s why so many seem to be Cluster B. They’d have to be to do what hook ups involve… Those who aren’t Cluster B eventually come to their senses, and in the case of straight people sometimes in the light of an unplanned pregnancy!
First off Tyson, you are an absolutely gorgeous man Ok. And then you are absolutely right how its bizarre how these encounters can run a spectrum. I learned quick that it was definitely not as easy as I thought. Had plenty sweet fun satisfying experiences opening myself up to be disappointed or heartbroken and it happened many times. I was adventurous and loving the finding the love. It was there I experienced the beautiful blossoming of a seemingly equally synced love story that was so amazing and for a while it was bliss. Then I watched the flower shrivel up and die in front of me. I had a meltdown and cried like a baby daily for a few months. I didn't know if I would ever recover. Eventually I did and was never bitter because how special it was for that little amount of time we shared it was like a fairy tale and everything I ever thought it could be and more. So it is out there. I hope you find it because you deserve it. It's very hard to keep and foster. Well in my experience. But I always treasure the ones that I had deep connections intimacy with. So the memories I will have but it was never meant to be for me a long lasting thing. I learned that my destiny was something more important than what I wanted. and brought me back to someone who loves me more and that I love more than anything in this world. My real soulmates, my family. And I didn't expect it but I had been brought back to them when it was time. So I feel so blessed and happy because the spirit bond is something deeper and bigger than anything I ever wanted for myself. But don't get me wrong I still love a good poke. Haha wish you love and happiness. 😊 ps side note, this all went down in Central Phoenix too!
Have fun. Be safe. If something doesn't feel right change your behavior. Self preservation is key
I find it funny that many consider hooking up "dating".
Gurlllllll it is what it is in dat Gay world......just live yo life as you feel it's best for you in the moment. You're a free spirited Pisces ♓ just don't let the emotional attachment get to you and understand that you're just experiencing life but you're responsible for your own actions in this world.!!!! We humans are unpredictable.
As a senior gay guy, I found your story both entertaining and informative. I came out in my 40's thinking I was already way past my "best before" date. I was wrong. I discovered the internet was a vast world of hookup sites. I dove in head first and had many of the experiences you describe and went through many of the same thought processes you did.
One of the major features of gay culture that I found appealing was that, as a gay man, I wasn't required to follow or heed any of the institutions or social constructs that the larger society forces upon you. Gay men made their own rules, created their own templates that worked for them and for me hookup culture was a perfect fit. I've always been considered a "daddy". That was a perfect fit for me. As you mention, you learn something about each man and something about yourself with each interaction. Yes, there are the inevitable rough spots but, by and large, I have enjoyed meeting the many men that have graced my bed. You sound like you've found your 'sweet spot' in the system and are mulling it over, seeking feedback from others. That's a good thing, but remember, you need to follow what works for you. No one else can -or should- do that for you. As Dr. Seuss says, "Be who you want , because the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.
Thanks for your video.
its just a modern practice. not bad not good it just is
Sounds like you need therapy, and I did after many years of dating and hooking up. That is not an insult just some advice from a therapist ;) Make sure to make this 'time out' count ;) Thanks bud for your openness and honesty, and I agree, in smaller towns its even worse, everyone knows everyone
"Catch feelings" ?? Is that like catching syphilis? As an older man, from when lots of men died from AIDS, this is a wierd spiel.
@shaunmcgowan-d8u l am 72, ans SO MUCH that was good and welcoming and inviting in gay life is tollay GONE WITH THE WIND. Non-alcoholic gay bars, like a big multi-room Starbucks that looked like steakhouse. The Mafia burned, that in itself is a whole story in itself. I went to dance clubs in the '70's and it was as if the best backyard barbeque had gay dancing. Well enter semi-naked barback guys pushing Jell-O shots in test tubes and now it was a nightmare of uninhibited frat boys getting blind stinking drunk, having blind stinking sex. Yyuucchh! There were gay organizations out the ying yang and zap! Pandemic. Is there still gay baseball? Gay boing? Gay aquarium groups? And after AIDS introduced TALKING and no pressure gay dating and safe sex what do we have. Uneducated half-wits on PrEP thinking barebacking is nirvanah while oops l forgot my 3 month test for anti-biotic resistant gonarrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, herpes and monkey pox! Ist's the fucking 21rst Century and we STILL have crab lice, scabies ..... and hook up culture of collaborations and ooppssss yes there also my sugar daddy, my escort encounters and a couple encounters just for fun?? People will slowly start dying AGAIN! sadly. Oh and computer nerds who cannot spell making up like new uh words like to use like in everday fucking discourse like.
Not everybody is meant to be one of two. Many people, like, me have no desire to be coupled or married. Sex can be about love and commitment. It can also be just recreational. I have had really great sex with total strangers. If that’s what you are looking for, the apps like Tindr are great. Just don’t try to make them what they are not. If you’re looking for love, you probably need to look elsewhere.
Before you will be good with any relationship, you have to be good with yourself-meaning know yourself. You need to know what you want, but more importantly what you don't want. In order to figure what you don't want, you have to explore a little. So once you've played enough to know what that means to you, then you can be yourself and not compromise. That leaves you be real with the other person. Then the trick (poor choice of word) is meeting someone who also knows themselves. What does a relationship mean to you? What do you want from it and what are those boundaries? I wasn't ready for a long time and just after 40 I met the man I've been with for 21 years, still going strong.
They only want to stuff you like a turkey and dip 😂
Thanks for being real. You pose great questions. Your comments are real and we can all relate.
This culture is annoying... The real men who want a relationship, something profound and meaningful go unnoticed handsome or not. I don't understand what people want anymore so I stay to myself and God. ✌🏽✌🏽Hookup culture is not for me, great topic though bro be safe
DONT DO IT. FIND A MAN. AND SETTLER DOWN.😂😂😂
I’ve done my share of hooking up early on but as some others have said, I think over time it takes its toll. If you’re not really feeling the whole relationship thing I guess staying single gives you all the freedom to hook up however you want and however often you want. But I think it’s important to ask yourself what and where you want to be in five years. If you see yourself settling down as a couple it takes work to focus your energy towards that goal. For some lightning just falls in your lap with the perfect partner but for most of us it’s something you have to work on. If you are deep into hookup culture it can be hard to back out and create a more stable pattern to your social life.
... ur sufficiently self-aware (good) yet w/ tendency to nano-manage thoughts (not so good) .... ur alive, healthy, explorative and easy-on-the eyes (feign happiness sparingly and Simply Go w/ IT).
Omg this video and all of the commenters pass the vibe check. I'm celibate and it's so alienating in the gay world. Everyone here sharing their experiences and feelings are so heartening 💜
Hooking up is something people do because they can’t find a relationship at the moment or don’t think they are ready for a relationship at the moment. Or wants a relationship but the other person doesn’t offer that so a hookup is easier. I don’t think hooking up is the worse it could be fun but I don’t think humans are meant to have sex with strangers as a goal. Specially gay man because the key is survival and raise young. Having more than one partner or a friend with benefits feels better because naturally sex is a way to bond with someone and have some kind of connection whether short or long term. Plus hooking up a lot is dangerous because you don’t know the stranger’s intentions or character if he was just met one night. Also risk of sexual diseases increases with more people one has sex with. However I do get it being easier for gay guys to accept it as normal because so many gay guys are in the closet or don’t want to settle with a feminine guy at times etc. Or just don’t want to being attention to themselves even if their family knows doesn’t mean they want coworkers to know etc. Also a lot of gay people have trouble with jobs or feeling accepted etc. Some don’t have resources to feel confident enough to be in a relationship or have low confidence for other reasons etc. Or some gay guys want to have sex with guys who are perhaps more attractive than what they think they would be able to settle in a relationship with. Since many cute gay guys, are willing to have sex well it is tempting for some gay guys. So finding a healthy relationship for many gay guys could be challenging.
Everything your feeling is completely normal, there is no standard to “how relationships work” and anyone who says they have it figured out is a complete liar. You just have to find what works for you, and if you’re lucky you’ll find that other wondering idiot who happens to have the same pet peeves and odd peculiarities. If the stars are aligned and you can sit in silence and not feel weirded out. Then maybe you’ve found your other half. If not, then get a dog and join some gay softball team and volunteer at GMHC. In the end, it’s whatever makes you happy, but if your looking for a Dekkoo movie style ending, then your going to be disappointed. It’s unrealistic.
Your intuitive guide is working for you. Yes, when you hook up, you share energy fields, which do last for a period of time. Too many in a short period of time will leave you drained and confused. Take time for yourself, and continue to listen to your internal guide. It's okay to be alone with yourself. You'll be satisfied with yourself when you do.
I have found, at least from my experience with everybody I've ever known, it's fun and exciting in the short term, but every single person who does the random hookups ends up regretting it. And the more they do it, the worse it gets. Every dude that has ever attempted or succeeded in unaliving himself was a hookup guy. Monogamous gays seem to be far more stable, mentally, and the ones who are promiscuous tend to die of horrible diseases or they unalive themselves.
What you are talking about with the emotional separation is a thing that trauma victims do, it's called emotional compartmentalization. And it eventually will turn you crazy if you do it long enough. It's a form of self-brainwashing that criminals do to try and not feel the emotions and feelings associated with doing things that deep down, they know is not good.
People who leave the hookup culture and go back to being monogamous, they often have to go through one hell of an emotional, painful process of undoing the self-brainwashing and de-compartmentalize the emotions. It's literally like a "come to Jesus" moment where they have to repent of what they've done, and kinda try to repair the broken parts of their psyche with something transcendent, like love. Probably why religious conversion is one of the best ways to go about it, because religion allows people to examine the meaning behind their actions, not just in the short term, but in the long term, and how it connects you to eternity.
I really hope you don't go through the "hoe phase" for long. It's a treacherous and unstable road to go down. It is sexual gluttony that will never satisfy the soul or the mind. Be careful, my friend.
I wholeheartedly do not agree--I think your judgement or at least analysis comes from a heteronormative perspective...true, a long term "hoe phase" CAN be generally damaging but as gay men we have our own culture, can find our way within that culture without the guilt and shaming ("sexual gluttony"???? come on...) handed down by the mainstream-hetero-2.5 kids-and-a-house-in-the-burbs mindset. Trust yourself, Tyson...you seem to be asking yourself the right questions. However, DO be careful with that onlyfans culture, it goes too far.
It all depends on what kind of person you are. If you're someone who thinks and feels deeply, that should be how you live your life. Sex becomes more of a full-body experience and it's something you become much more creatively invested in. Hookup culture and the business side of porn is really the opposite of that in many ways. A lot of people do thrive in that environment, but it's because that's authentic to who they are and how they navigate the world. Trying to fit that mold just ends up being uncomfortable and you can find yourself making excuses to stay because it seems like everyone else is able to do it, so why can't you?
That being said, everything in life is a learning experience. Nothing is a waste of time as long as you're learning. Maybe there's some important lessons at the end of the experience.
Hookup culture is dysfunctional at best. I will say this I'm avoidant (I'm always working on it) but I like clingy types. I get Tyson's sex bonding attachment. I don't have an issue with it. For some it's how they communicate bonding. Anyway, at least with the clingy types you're not having to figure out where their heads at. My beef is when you have made it clear it's no more than just an extended bromance and weeks later they make you an insta-boyfriend.
Anyway there seems to be a clique or cliques of OF creators that are just exclusively screwing each other which is a turnoff. I think as a creator you have to be pretty professional about interactions. But just like IRL it only takes a few queens to spoil it for everyone else. When you're messing around with a guy, the last thing you wanna know is how many others are gonna get pinned down for money. At that point you're just a number and that's a bit skanky. Hookups should be fun, no strings and a multuple repeats if the sex is great.
Afterward if you decide, hey he's an interesting dude let's hit the reset button and do on a date then you do that or move on to the next hookup. 🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️
I’m 24 and never been in a relationship and a virgin lol. Right now I’m just focusing on me and my career lol
Thanks for sharing. My experience has been everyone has their own path. There's always some give and take no matter and sometimes you might want to bust a nut and go, and other times where just the companionship is what you need. Be safe and All the Best!
If you have a one night stand and they catch feelings it’s cause you’re getting mixed signals…
You'll never find real love because it's lust! You trying to fill the void of your heart with this world. It will never satisfy you. It will always leave you lonely!
Ya it is weird that gay guys are so comfortable using other people as if they are free prostitutes. It’s weird not having feelings for somebody you are doing something so intimate with.
Love the perspective about hooking up with someone with connection. FWB is awesome for sure.
Well, here are my thoughts:
As men, we are conditioned to be self-sufficient and good at taking care of things-- on the surface, anyway. Once emotional conflict crops up, or deeper issues arise, we dont know how to deal with them. And guess what happens in relationships?
So hookups are great! You get all the positives, none of the work or hassle, and you'll never need to deal with other peoples' problems!
... yet, they're thinking the same of you, aren't they? Keep the drama to yourself, and ya keep the hookups, ka'piche?
Lol, but idk. I'm gay, but also ace. Idgaf about sex. xP
You enjoy your life however you can, bro!
Freedom and independence, exploration and self-discovery, minimal emotional investment, flexibility, stress relief snd fun, building confidence, to name but a few, but hookups certainly have some positive aspects. Of course, safety should always be the priority.
Have your fun now and live life. Do your own thing and be independent. You need this for yourself to explore and enjoy sex. The farthest I ever went for a hook up was an hour and forty five minutes away, surprisingly it was a good hook up. Yeah, most of those groups of gay guys that hang out are definitely fucking eachother lol. There's a group like that in almost every city. You have a lot of emotions and there's nothing wrong with that, just be realistic in your head space, a hook up is a hook up. If you're wanting more set the mindset and the expectation. You'll know when you've truly had enough of the hook up phase. It starts to feel like " why do I keep doing this to myself ?" Try to build a few solid friendships first...then be opened to the idea of a new relationship. It really seems like most gay men settle down by the time they are 30, but it's different for everyone. Just don't wait too long. It's amazing how fast time goes by, remember that. :)
Hooking up is gross. Yuck.
Ultimately it reinforces loneliness.
You basically read my mind word for word, I hate it so much… still do it occasionally but it’s just so emotionally confusing
As far as I’m concerned, hook up culture works for those who are fit/in good shape. I’ve been told I’m handsome have a good personality such and such, but being a bit overweight not many were looking to hook up when I joined apps such as Grindr. That’s ok though as I’ve never really been into hook up culture as I catch emotions too easily. I’m much happier spending quality time with my partner daily and growing together.
Nah good looking people are used like meat in the gay world . And please don’t say you wish you had that problem .
Dang, when I was his age (basically the 1800s), there were zero gay guys who looked like him. We had to settle for a penis and a pulse (and the pulse was optional).
Weird is an understatement, it’s to the point I don’t even have faith in humanity. Like why can’t two consenting adults have fun together n communicate how to please the other? Such an immovable mountain am I right?🤯
i am very much under looked as a dark skinned gay man, and i have had these date/hookup apps deleted for sometime cause it just doesn’t work for me. it’s also partially where i live now, but also i want to be a slut for one man. i’m very much a freak, but before that i’m a lover boy. i just dropped out the game entirely and focusing on becoming sexy for which ever boy who actually wants to give me there time of day
Hook up between man and women is not normal but homosexuality is normal. 😊
Feelings are complicated, humans are meant for connection, and honestly being single for years and met a couple of fwbs I’ve enjoyed my own company. However, I’d be down for a date :) no hookup. Also as a Taurus I love Pisces haha ;)
I find that everybody wants to get married. I had a crazy stalker, so I almost had to involve the police. I'm still a crazy horndog, but taking a break!
Hi Tyson I love your videos
Love you ❤️❤️
@@TysonStevenn 😍
Hey if you're interested in meeting gay people and have it NOT be about hookups try a Gay sports league like a local Stonewall sports league. Great way to make friends. Not that you asked, it's just a thought and something I recently tried. It's been nice.
I have no issue with hook-ups. They are great and serve a purpose. I appreciate they are not for everyone. As long as there is a connection, then I'm down. How or what determines that connection is something I have tried but just cannot describe or elaborate. You just know.
I vicariously live my best hookup life through you and your adventures , love your channel ❤. Also we need a podcast from you , like ASAP. It needs to give The Wild podcast but like by a Pisces, bottom , butch queen ❤
This is so interesting because its my same situation
Yeah the whole 'every gay knows each other' stereotype, the older I get, seems to be more and more true. There are people that I know and then I see their social media and they know other people that are pretty prominent in the gay community (porn). It's weird and jarring.
Arrested development is a real thing. 25 going on 16...
I agree just randomly hooking up never worked for me, I did the FWB for years, before I met my boyfriend. I liked getting to know someone and have a connection before fucking
Everything you said is so true
Sounds like you go to events that draw the same people. That’s not my experience.
When your life is about wanting to have someone to yourself while you want to have an Only
Fans and Twitter Pages. you have to understand that for the rest of your life (while you have the looks) you will be having meaningless sex for money, and never forming close relationships. These "Collabs" you do, are still with strangers. You would probably die if you grew up in the 70's or 80's when there was no online anything, or apps or "Creating" which is a kind word for having sex on camera, you would be LOST. Your generation has no social skills, you have no understanding of personal relationships, boundaries, love, dedication, or having any kind of interpersonal or social skills. It's all about followers and likes and that's what you live for. How sad.
I just recently found your videos on here and i couldn't agree with you more. Seems like a lot in the gay community (Not everyone) just wants to hookup instead having a friendship of some kind or just a connection in a way. Don't get me wrong i definetly have my fun for sure but it's like always about sex with other gays for some reason. I feel like FWB is where it's at honestly.
9 outta 10 hookups that I had were WEAK as (F) the best (intimacy) was with a man that i was in a relationship with…
At This Point Everyone Is Entitled To Their Own Opinion, The Whole Situation Doesn't Bother Me, The World Worry About The Smallest Things In Life. Me As A Black Person Hooking Ups Is Not At The Top Of My List, Life & Death Is To Be Completely Honest
But we have the freedom to be with whomever we want to hookup with. And then once you had enough you can kick them out and get someone else or several people.
Never been into it either. You are so good looking and seem nice. Have a nice day. From Australia
04:02 This needs to be a lyric in a song haha music
One of the hottest guys I slept with eventually didn't even do it for me anymore. Abs, model looks, etc, it wasn't enough. Tired of hookups, would like to date someone emotionally healthy which apparently is a tall order nowadays!
awww you poor little thing. My heart just bleeds for you.
Me: "I am not looking for casual sex."
Random dude who kept touching my cake: "YOU'RE WEIRD!!!"
Usually love comes with a friendship or one with a benefit. That's how I found the right man for me. ♥
This is rare though. More often one person catches feelings and the other doesn’t.
Not a fan of hookup culture myself. I definitely want a connection more than just a one night stand. As far as mutual friends, the gay community is small but don't automatically think that WE all sleep around. I'm a cancerian (July) and I know a lot of gays all over the world due to school life, work life, vacations I've taken, the sports I play......bust a nust by using your hand haha!!
Honestly I believe hookup culture is one of the factors in why gay collective is so disconnected or for lack of better words shitty. People are no longer people just transactional objects. Humans desire connection but gays suffer from inverted intimacy where we try to fuck our way into intimacy at a subconscious level. We never learned how to form real friendships/relationships without sex being in equations. Its the norm to lead with sex and it shouldn't. Sex has lost all of it sacredness due to the influence of Porn. Its just something we do and it has 0 value when its supposed to be one of the most intimate energetic exchanges you can have with someone. I digress.....
I act so raunchy on this alt account but tbh this is just an outlet. I cant do hookup.. I want a real thing. I cant find it anywhere because hookups all that exist :(
Man, I got to 7 mins in and I couldn’t keep watching… you need an education and long term therapy… nothing wrong with what you do, it is what you don’t do; for yourself that’s the problem. Peace out & go luck ahead.
I was in the same boat too, I use to be think that when I was 18-19 if I hookup with someone I’ll think he’ll like me. But growing up into my 20s I changed my mind set knowing that guys in my city and all they want to do is 🥜. Rn I’m 22 but there’s a time that I want a guy but guys don’t be to seem into me. So I’m stuck in hookup culture but not caring anymore.
Hell, the majority of us would love to have your woes. You are way above average in looks and physique. Trust me when I say don’t overthink the gay community. We’re a community that has been beaten down for forever. It created a lot of deep-seated self hate and self doubt. Those things can make people do crazy things, in their feeble attempts hurt someone before they get hurt. Change your thinking and take charge of your confidence. I can say without a doubt that over 90% of us are the ones who are jealous of you.
What you say makes no sense, so because you’re jealous he should turn off any feelings he has in himself? Because in your jealousy (don’t know why it’s not like you’re ugly) you can’t possibility see something he is struggling with .
But you’re right in the not overthinking part I agree with you there.
@@hirsch4155 Of course I didn't say that I think he should turn off his feelings. I'm saying that he is poised to both express his feelings but allow himself to also be confident, on camera, as opposed to being insecure about so many things. My words weren't meant to tear down. They were meant to help him see his true potential. Hell, he should genuinely try out for acting. The camera loves him.
And I don't know or am known by no-one. 🤷♂️🤷♂️
He needs a baby to calm him down and bring him to reality.
I think at this point we need to admit that a lot of gay men are sex addicts. I don’t care whether they pursue stable relationships or funs. Still one thing is very clear that if you have sex with multiple different people every week or month, it is not normal or healthy. That’s a symptom of sex addictions. It needs to be fixed period.
Wait I should of made this more clear I want to collab on youtube not onlyfans and no sex lol 😂
And seems like your heart and mind and soul is wanting something more than you are thinking, and you’re just not letting go of your thinking you’re not feeding those two other things, btw your a very handsome guy