Five Parenting Mistakes I've Made
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- Опубликовано: 15 июл 2024
- "There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one." - Jill Churchill
No parent is perfect, myself included! In this week's "Sunday with Sarah," I discuss five things I would do differently if I were to start my parenting journey over again.
What mistakes have you made as a parent? What would you do differently if you could? Please share your comments below!
If you found this video helpful, please give it a thumb's up above and don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to my "Sunday with Sarah" channel!
Have a question or topic you would like addressed in a future video? Leave a comment below or email me at sundaywithsarah@bellalunatoys.com
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Thank you Sarah
1. Choice of toys
2. Screen timing
3. Helicopter parenting
4. Movie rigidity
5. Fear
street sharks! hahaha. If I had a do-over I would not let my kids choose so much of their own foods. I gave a 'variety' and let them choose. I thought eating carrots, applesauce and yogurt were just fine. All items were organic and I thought that was 'well-rounded' enough. It wasn't. When I read GAPS when my youngest was 10 I realized I had made a huge mistake! I should've had MUCH more fat and probiotics in their diet and not let them choose their own foods - because their gut was not healthy enough to provide guidance. It was working entirely off of a sugar addiction- even though we ate no candy, no juice and no artificial or processed foods.
My second one is rhythm. I found Waldorf when my girls were in preschool and I finally learned about rhythm. OMG, my life became INFINITELY easier! Before that I had no rhyme or reason to my day- I would head the grocery store at no particular time, attend playdates whenever anyone called and had no plan to my day- other than "I need to get to the store at some point today and naps happen after lunch if we are home." Once I established a strong rhythm, my life transformed and literally 90% of all meltdowns and problem areas of my day magically disappeared! Imagine, not taking tired kids to the grocery store and the entire trip being enjoyable! haha. It's the little things! :) .
Angelina Hart great to hear you’ve found GAPS! I plan on feeling my future family like that.
Weston a price!!! Hell yea, this is how to feed our kiddos.
It’s a struggle. My son only eats yogurt right now, 2.5, but it’s homemade so that’s better. Sourkrout sometimes too, and my breast milk.
I love this video! I am currently pregnant with my sixth baby...and my other children range from toddler to late teens. I have noticed that I am definitely more open to letting my kids be kids in recent years. The other day my husband rushed into the house, all out of sorts, asking if I knew that our 18-month old was playing in mud puddles with her older brothers...in her brand new clothes. I laughed and told him that both babies AND clothes are washable and to let her play. I never would have said that when my oldest two were toddlers. Thank you for this video! It is truly appreciated. ::hugs::
Thank you for sharing this information. One thing I have been doing is inviting boredom into my children’s day. It’s amazing to see their creativity! I hear so many moms talk about how busy they are with soccer practice, swimming, jobs etc.
I love how you said inviting boredom into their day! That's awesome!
I love what you said about fear, it is so true. I would say I am guilty of the same things you are, and slowly trying to overcome them. It's hard once a child receives a plastic toy or finds a TV show they like to change things without an extreme detrimental change. I didn't let my son watch TV shows until he was two but it was a nice distraction for him while I cleaned the house so I could make some headway, or so I thought at the time. Now I know how I could have just involved him in my housework more, it was a foreign concept to me then and I didn't know how to involve him.
He is now almost five and I keep making small changes one at a time, but it's hard when he goes to play with his cousins and they watch TV and plays video games while he is there at their house. Then he comes home with all kinds of bad habits and I have to correct them everytime he gets exposed. I hate that family visits are something we have to overcome over the next few days afterwards. I guess I just need to find some like-minded families to also go play with too since my son is an only child at this point. To give him some other exposure to the kind of play I hope for him to experience.
I applaud you restricting your son's movie exposure when it comes to rated-R movies. I feel most people don't and it has a detrimental effect on the still-a-child's perception of the world. My parents did not restrict my brother's movie watching in high school so I was able to see first hand what poor images can do to a growing mind. I've seen it in roommates in college and even adults and on and on. When we see poor behavior, language, and disturbing images on a regular basis we become accustomed to them and even begin exuding the same behaviors and language that were previously uncomfortable for us to behold.
I do not believe that imitation is strictly a behavior of toddlers, I would say that all people unconsciously imitate whatever they are regularly exposed to as they start to accept what is on TV as what is going on in the real world around them. The more TV and movies we watch, the more our world becomes like the characters portrayed in them. The more tolerant we are of crude language, behavior and humor, the more our world becomes like an R-rated movie. That's my experience at least.
You are ABSOLUTELY right abt R rated movies, and tv exposure to kids as well as adults ! 100 % and we hv the cousins problem too !
I completely agree about R rated movies. My parents were blasé about it and perhaps even thought it would make me sophisticated. I find even now if I watch a TV series it really impacts my mood and thinking. I also wish, in hindsight, that my parents hadn't let me read adult books as a young teen. It makes you think you're all wise and grown up when you're really not. Needless to say my kids don't watch any TV!
I have a 10 month old son and worry about doing right by him in our current world, and what you said about fear really resonated with me. Thank you for making these videos, Sarah. I look forward to them every weekend.
Wow thank you for your honesty. I made so many of those same mistakes raising children that are now in their 30s and 40s, I thought I was the only one that now sees things differently and wishes I could change things and maybe rewrite history. My daughter is such a great mother using Peaceful parenting ideas. I read and study those ideas to try to come beside her as a support. Not easy but so much more fulfilling . My daughter even encourages me saying I am too hard on myself and she and her brothers are able to build on my shoulders. I was raised in a home with parents that both drank, then at 8 when my dad stopped drinking my mom left and I was left to help run a household with my brother and our long distance truck driving dad. He was a great dad when he was home and after he stopped drinking. I totally broke the drinking/leaving cycle and was there for my three children but still made mistakes similar to yours. Thank you for sharing and lifting a bit more burden from-my shoulders. I too watch your you tubes each Monday.
Sarah, I just discovered your channel, and I think I am going to be glued to it for the foreseeable future. Thank you so much for such relevant, insightful and inspiring content x
So beautiful. As my oldest daughter is almost 9 it is good to hear the lessons of your heart. So valuable.
What a powerful message about love and fear. Thank you for sharing! ♥
love what you said " the opposite of love is fear, is not hate. this is so true.
Thank you Sara for sharing....
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and wisdom. Especially the part about fear and Love. I cried when you spoke about seeing the chains around your heart, I have also seen this in meditation. I needed to hear those exact words ant that exact time. Thank you. I Love synchronicity :)
Dear Sarah, what a wonderfull video. Last year we changed school for our elderst daughter. She goes to a Waldorf school now. I had so many insights since then. I learn more and more about the waldorf ways and I often feel that I already did too many things different to really change them now. It's really comforting to see that not starting from the moment of birth, doesn't mean you can't start doing otherwise. And so comforting to hear how many 'mistakes' we all make and what a wonderfull mums we are at the same time. A really regognizeble video, thank you!
Insightful and I did the same things. My hope is that my children do things way differently. I always had an insight that some of my mistakes I knew in my heart were not best.
Thanks, beautiful video. I love the meditation part and I truly believe that with the right steps since early childhood, time by time, we can trust little by little, on what our children can protect themselves. We won't be with them all the time and everywhere, so we should build this place where love and trust are priority 😊❤️
thank you so much Sarah ❤️
Thank you for openness in sharing things you would have done differently. The TV is a struggle in our house still, but we are working on it. But, thank you especially for discussing the struggle with fear that I am sure we all have. My soon to be five year old son has food allergies and ever since his diagnosis after a severe reaction I cannot shake the anxiety and fear of another reaction and I do not want to pass that onto him, even though we constantly teach and remind him to be cautious. The meditation image you shared and encouragement to replace our fears with love is so helpful and lovely. It truly is wonderful advice I will take with me to be mindful that precautions are fine, but do not let my fear be the decision maker for his life and activities. And he deserves a mom that is mindful and loving, not on the verge of a panic attack at every outting ;).
Thank you so much Sarah! You are truly a gem!
I enjoy your videos! “Do not be afraid” is written over and over again in the Bible. I agree that fear and worry can plague us as mothers and disable us from loving our children. When considering homeschooling I talked with a friend and told her how afraid I was of my children being unsafe at school. She told me not to make this decision (or any!) out of fear but out of wisdom and prayer! This changed my entire perspective about decisions I make regarding my kids. To be wise and not afraid. Thank you for reminding me!
I'm grateful ma'am .
This blessed me
I try and bring my little ones somewhere safe to play often does not even have playground 2 of the children I care for are on the spectrum. I find this so valuable even a open field as they just instinctively run and play and explore. I also provide what I call a neutral zone in my house. This is for open safe unassisted play. I find it helps with behavior, anxiety, sleep and creativity. Thanks for sharing your great insights and bit of wisdom Sarah, I find hindsight is 20/20
Thank you for sharing. Love the video.
LOOOOVE that! I am currently struggling as an adult with parents so fearful for me that I don't feel love.
Thank you very much for your sincerity. I also raised my first child until three years without knowing anthroposophy, I also made mistakes. This is rather life. I’m Italian mummy. Thank you for sincerely sharing your experience.
Thanks for sharing
Just loving this
Your voice and the way of talking is so relaxing, i hope you will help me for being a better mother.
Thank you. I made and keep making many mistakes with My sons
Thank you for sharing. Very helpful
Amazing and beautiful video. Thank you!!
Thank you.
I love this!
It makes me feel so great hearing you only discovered Waldorf when your son was about to go into kindergarten (or thereabouts) as I have recently chosen to follow a Waldorf curriculum for my homeschooling for my son who just turned five. I felt disheartened that I had waited too long to start Waldorf values and create a Waldorf home, so your story gives me hope and helps me to realize that my son IS still a little boy and that there is room and time for change even though it feels like he is half grown already. Initially I instinctively kept my son away from tv and tried my best to only have minimal non-plastic toys (without even knowing about Waldorf.) But it was hard to get family to understand the toy request and then when he turned 2 his grandmother came to visit and started him watching youtube nursery rhyme shows. As they say, the rest is history. We are about to move onto a converted school bus that we have been converting for most of his life (nearly four years) which we started because we wanted a life closer to nature and to have him be an outside kid. We never expected it to take this long and as a result, most of our free time has gone into working on the bus, which the past few years has involved letting him watch shows while we work to keep him occupied and safe on the jobsite. I want to make the move onto the bus a happy time and not traumatic, but I also think it would be a great time to implement a lot of Waldorf changes since so much of our life will be changing anyway, I feel like maybe I can sneak them in, lol. Of course I will have to try to keep some things the same for some stability, but I want to try really hard to make it a transition that feels joyful.
This has been so helpful!! Shared it with other!
Hi Sarah!
I’m so glad I found you.
I like the way you talk and all the subjects.
🌷
Thais
I’m not a parent, but I’m an aunt and I still live with my parents. When my niece was born, I was really still just a teenager, and I only have half siblings from both sides, so I already had nieces I didn’t see very much of at all. I’m also neurodivergent and have a visual impairment. When my elder half brothers had children, I didn’t realise how fearful I was and how little I actually understood of the situation, because of the fact that my mother was becoming a grandma and I knew that those kids are growing up with both sets of grandparents when it wasn’t long after I’d lost “grandad Jim”, my mother’s father AND my “grandad Barney” my father’s father and his second wife within a year of each other. I somehow had a fear that my mother would have less time for me as I was away at blind school and Uni very often and she was also very busy at her work as a teacher. The expectation was that I’d just drop those fears and “step up to the plate” as a loving auntie to the kids, but I just couldn’t and didn’t want to do it. To my parents, this was “selfish” and “you’ve just got to learn to share my love”, but to me it was sharing her love with a kid who’s not my full blood relative.
Sarah... I can relate so much to your experience... my boys are still little but I struggle so much with fears about them... I do yoga and meditation to help my self be calm, patient and to avoid transferring my anxiety to them, but I’ve never came across this concept that fear is the opposite of love... it’s sound so true now that I’ve heard it... can you please suggest me some books (or articles) about it to learn more? Thank you as always ❤️
I love your thought process. if I may add some insight, my children LOVE stuffed animals. We have a lot and I alternate them out. my kids like to line them up and love to have many to play with. Also, tv, I have a 1 hour limit for my kids on their ipad and tv per day. I try to only use it when I absolutely need to not be interrupted and I feel ok with 1 hr a day.
Very good video. On the movie issue, I am very similar in controlling content. Many people will allow their kids to watch “The Lion King”. But after reviewing this movie, I felt like that content was not “G”. The theme of death portrayed in this way, was more mature. I totally agree about checking that movie link first. Duality is a part of our lives. This is an essential truth. Everything is learning. Learning about our human nature is essential to grow in our experiences. Blessings!
Living Tree 🙄
Sarah I love your videos. I wish though that there was more on waldorf and special needs children. I cannot just tell my son to go play outside. He is on the spectrum and doesn't filter the world will. We are doing our best to limit screen time. I wish I could start over with him. How do I trust when the danger is real. We live in a depressed area.
Thanks for watching and commenting, @ablindgibsongirl. I apologize for any misunderstanding. My suggestion is not to allow children to play outside unsupervised in an unsafe area, especially if a child has special needs. But rather to find ways to allow plenty of time free and unstructured play without overscheduling them and without hovering.
Is there maybe a special day to set aside to take him to a park in a safer open area and just perhaps let him do whatever without being at his elbow?
I lol’ed at the street shark story 😂 💕
I'm a single mum so I'm finding it hard to do zero TV. I really enjoy having no TV at all! However, some days, it just feels like a necessity for me. I'm going to keep cutting it down, keep it to a minimum... In a former video you've spoken about saying 'no'. I'm really annoyed that I've let the 'saying no' thing take over. I hope I can reverse that now and use it for dangerous/ precarious situations. He's almost 2. He's saying 'no' a lot. One of the only words he says. 😑😏💜🙏🕉️
Love your videos. I would say that fear is definitely something that I feel messed with my parenting. If that made sense.
Common sense media is good, but still quite liberal in my mind. I agree about ratings and children’s ages-we live in a fantastic neighborhood where my 8 year old leaves everyday after homeschool to ride bikes with her girlfriends-ONLY ON OUR STREET but still...they all come in and out all afternoon & it’s adorable. ♥️♥️you Sarah!!
Hello Sarah,
We are from Vietnam. My son is 7.5 years old. We raise him from kindergarten to grade 2 at Waldorf Steiner schools in Vietnam. Our mistake is that we shared too much fear during the COVID pandemic with our son, now I watched your video and regret of the mistake we made and don’t want to repeat it. For this summer vacation, we planed to travel to Mongolia but the costs is about 5,000$. We still can afford that but I fear of the uncertain economic conditions in near future and want to save that money for the rainy days ahead. However, we already discussed about the vacation with our son so I’m now torn between going ahead with the trip or change to a cheaper vacation without transferring too much fear to our son. Could you please share some thoughts and give some advice? Thank you very much.
Please mrs Sarah,could you make a video about hitting?i have 2 boys(6 and 2) and the big boy hits the littlenone and then he hits him back,awww.A circle of hitting and i cannot handle this situation easily.i yell at both of them and espesially my bigger one.is there any waldorf tips to use?thank you.you are doing wonderful job.hello frln Greece
♥️
Hello Sarah I have a 24 mo old girl, we used to watch lots of TVI thought I was introducing her to wonderful things like musicals but have since learned the damage tv can do. Can you please recommend some toys for our playroom!! I don't even know where to start she is average for a two-year-old if not slightly behind the only thing that currently have is a dollhouse and blocks
I had a feeling your “mistakes” would not really be mistakes. :) Sounds like you were a very thoughtful and caring mom. I think age plays a big role in parenting style. I parent my 4 year old a little differently than I did his 14, 12 and 11 year old siblings. Part of it is having more financial resources. Part of it is having more help. Part of it is age and wisdom. The nice thing is at least the older kids get to see the newer style modeled and can participate in things I maybe didn’t get to do with them at an earlier age.
I totally disagree, Sara is right abt her mistakes except that restricting r rated was NOT a mistake. You seem to be not a waldorfy person at all.
euphoria156 Waldorf is growth minded, not rigid. There are developmental stages for parents just as there are for children. New parents tend to be very rigid in their ideas. Old parents soften.
It is interesting to me how the Waldorf method and anthroposophy in general values the spiritual development of a child, honors every milestone and "phase", protects the innocence of children, and is the only method of parenting that allows a child to be a child for as long as possible. To allow my son to watch rated R movies at an "early" age seems like the antithesis of all the Waldorf-oriented foundational building blocks I have sacrificed tooth and nail for. My children will never watch rated R movies in my home because I do not watch them- and I know I am plenty mature for those films. They can resent me all they want. There is plenty of time for them to watch those movies on their own time under their own roof as adults.
We try so hard with the screen time, it’s probably about 30 minutes a day. He is 2.5 and struggling with his newborn sister being born. As of right now we only play nature videos and prodigies music lessons.
At 45 minutes, on the dot everytime, he gets up and turns off the tv himself.
I need a break though, it’s so hard to be in flight or flight constantly with him. I need time to bond with my newborn, even if it’s just 45 minutes of calm.
Other than that, we pretty much Waldorf. He has some plastic toys (magnet tiles)
It is good to know personal experiences.. then I can sort of compare n understand more abt upbringing.. My 14yo girl thinks she knows more at times. Frustrating 😯
Hi Sarah and possible other readers. I am a parent of a 1st grader at a Waldorf school. Out of 21 kids in her class, she and 1 other kid are the only 2 that haven't watched a current movie. Screen time with me is limited to once every 4 months or so and with her dad, I am not positive, bc we are divorced, but I think it equals about 30 min to 1 hour a weekend. I am hoping she communicates to me when she is feeling very different from her peers and would like to watch a movie, so far I haven't heard that from her. I worry about being the parent that is too restrictive on this aspect on her life and she will resent me later. Any advice? I have heard the 9 year change brings more vocalizing in the need to be more similar to peers, so that is kind of what I am waiting to happen. The other parent that does not allow screen time, has two older children, all boys and the two older children do not seem to care about their restriction, but she says this younger one has been more vocal about caring, so she doesn't know how she will handle it as he gets older.
Such a great conversation! Would love your advice on how to cut our screen time? My 2 1/2 year old son has become accustomed to screen time habits as i struggled with the end of my pregnancy and then the newborn phase. I would love to just switch it off, but he is a very strong willed child! Please help!
Just turn it off. He will throw tantrums but he will get used to it. We went all the way and now don't even own a TV anymore. Good Luck
Yes I would say to get the tv entirely out. It’s a big step but it’s towards a positive change. What interests him? Start from there in finding ways to entertain him. Have him do craft kits instead!
Roberta L here are a few suggestions
1. Cold Turkey...yes it will be rough for a few days, but having the WHOLE family go screen free (at least while the little ones are awake) for a set goal of time,perhaps a month, it will really be the best option and give you the cleanest chance to see what creativity children can come up with.
2. If you don’t think the family can go screen free, try going screen free just between sunrise and sunset, and then in the evening join your son for his screen time rather than plopping him down to watch something on his own. This help to limit it but really isn’t ideal.
I have found that trying to reduce screen time is MUCH harder than cutting it out completely, because it is like an addiction, having a little tends to be a slippery slope and if kids have even limited screen time every day, it tends to dominate their non screen time as well....it’s what they think about/talk about (talking about favorite characters etc) and leaves little room for them to have a clear mind that creates and invents their own stories, characters and expressions. Having screens on everyday will often end up being a situation where there is fits and struggles all day, until the pacifying screentime and struggles when it’s time to turn it off. Going cold turkey is my best recommendation and after the first few days, it’s amazing how different children are...they really fliurish and bloom in the absence of electronic entertainment 👍🏻 If you can get the whole family on board, try going screen free for a whole month (until after kids bedtime) and see how amazing it feels.
@@searose6192 ecaxtly
It is so hard! My little toddler actually knows how to work the iPad, much to my shame! I was tandem nursing my babe and toddler and we just did a lot of screen time, kept my sanity going. Now when she takes it I let her put music and she asks to dance. She likes to watch our little home videos of her and her brother but after a few minutes I say ok enough, music or bye bye. It's tough. I find I am addicted to it. Sadly. It can be lonesome home alone with the little ones. 🙈😅
I always wanted my kids to only have a few high quality durable toys. We didn't have a lot of money, and family kept buying and buying my boys lots of plastic toys etc. I felt like it would be ungrateful for me to ask them to stop. I wish I had.
I live in a apartment complex and got crucified by the bus driver and 2 neighbors for letting my almost 7 year old walk to and from the bus. Mind u I can walk from my front door to the bus stop in 15 seconds (I timed it)
Everyone is so fearful that u have “big kids” being treated like 2&3 yr olds.
Am I in the wrong?
I was walking a half mile to school in kindergarten. So I’m probably not a great person to answer this question lol. I turned out great and was super independent my whole life.
There’s trackers you can put in your child’s backpack or attach to their shoe! Maybe buying one and looping it onto your son will put their minds at ease. There are definitely predators out there preying on kiddos, so this may help put everyone’s minds at ease!
I’ve made so many mistakes and he’s only 5🤦🏻♀️
I love street sharks 🦈
I don't think at all that restricting your son from R rated was a mistake at all. His interest was in that technical field and he might a "particular" who was mature enough for those but not all are same neither we can judge/tell/predict at that time mostly if they r mature enough or not. I 'll just stay on the safe side and restrict.
All very good and insightful advice but it it is NOT a mistake to protect our children from harm. We do not live in the utopia that once was the 60s, 70s and early 80s. We cannot leave our children alone to explore the world especially if we live in an urban or densely populated area. Sure, that is ideal for an upper middle class neighborhood, but many families do not have that luxury. I have a severely disabled child who cannot be left alone. She does not understand danger or limitations. And perhaps it is our society and our environment that must be reformed to make it SAFER for children to explore.
Please look up actual statistics on this- the frequency of crimes has not actually gone up, only the reporting of those events.
Yes, statistically speaking we are safer now than we have ever been.
Utopia lol. You can protect your children without breathing down their necks.
If your child is disabled and cannot discern from danger and safety you have no choice but to breathe down their necks. Freedom is a privilege for some, @@StellaPlayss
She wasn’t referring to special needs children. She was talking about her own children. You also have to consider appropriateness of the situation. No one is suggesting you let a two year old or special needs child out onto an urban street. You’d be arrested for one. But you can foster independence at an appropriate level. That may not be at all possible for your daughter. I don’t know her level of physical or cognitive abilities, but for the majority of children she had a valid point about being a helicopter parent. You seemed to take offense to a very benign statement.
Can I just be honest about the movie rigidity and say, I don't let my kids watch movies with language or nudity because I don't want to watch it. Maturity or not.
What do you mean parents are afraid to give children those freedoms. Parents aren't ALLOWED to give children those freedoms. If I set my son loose in the neighborhood he'd be the only one out there, and someone would call the cops on an unattended child. It sucks he is stuck in the house with me. I know he not getting key needs met by not having the freedom to explore and make friendship on his own, but it's a societal problem. not a parenting one
You talk about fear- what or how would you talk about fear in today’s world of chaos...?
Thank you Sara for sharing....