‘They walk dead among the dead.’ That helps to understand the narcissist’s icy detachment; nothing and no one is inside them. It also explains their dark personality as death is the inner world they inhabit.
This hits the nail on the head. I have watched the last years of my mother living exactly like this with no hope to ever be truly borne, never even meeting herself... Doing nothing but ruminating about all the ghosts that once insulted her. What is the point of life if you have no hope, no clue what life is really about. Surely there can't be any spiritual realm to produce something like this. If you'd strip my mother of her personality disorder, what would even be left behind to walk the streets of "heaven".
Interesting that you say that today. I had the idea yesterday that, in order to be loved and survive, the child had to become invisible and suppress its existence. But once the child no longer exists, there is nothing to see and nothing to love. It's a catch-22, there is literally no solution and the child cannot be born. It feels like being constantly on the verge of being born and on the verge of dying simultaneously. It looks like ambivalence, but it's not, it's being stuck in limbo. I'd say that's a fairly accurate description. This is also a first hand account, but from the other side of that wonderful "personality disorder" dyad :) Hi! 10 years ago I would have been angry and desperate about it, but now I'm pragmatic. No one said I can't be a happy, funny and creative ghost while I wait for my body to catch up with my death. My rational mind, my sense of humor and my imagination are intact so it's not like everything is dead. I'm just missing a self, no biggie (that's a joke :P)
Is it also that they are severely dissociated, and because they are not self-led (nobody is home), their split-off parts are scattered, and they have no access to their parts? This can certainly feel like death since there is no internal contact. Dissociation is a by-product of childhood abuse, the birthplace of 'the dark triad'. The parts don't communicate with each other, and they don't communicate with the "self"; an emotional wasteland. Another fantastic video - thank you, my Shoshan! :). You are an amazing teacher and healer.
I love your Humor 😂❤. In addition, your presentations are quite impactful and, therefore, I suspect you are well aware, useful. On a note for today's presentation, I also crossed over and came back. I recall in great detail those transpirings, and consequently, have largely no fear of dying. I feel peaceful; only my physical body will be pained upon expiration I gather.
My mother has recurring UTIs and she went to the hospital with sepsis she was unconscious for a few days and I hoped that she would have a spiritual experience where she would understand how she treated me poorly all these years and made me the scapegoat of my whole family. Unfortunately this didn't happen and she continued to abuse me until I finally went no contact last year.
I suffer borderline and narcissistic traits.. have come to an awareness where i am emotionally functional now. Got caught in a river current with my fiance, she is not a strong swimmer and was falling into despair and panic. Could see rocks and rapids ahead. Something told me despite never being in such a situation how to deal with it. Felt like an awakening, just pure instinct. I saw her fighting the current, a fight that is not winnable. I managed to dive under enough to push against the bottom to heave her up onto a rock. I let myself go another few hundred feet and swim adjacent to the flow enough to estimate that it would pull me bacl towards a rapid between two rocks and I'd be able to use the rocks to pull out. There have been multiple times in real danger where i felt that guidance come to me, but this is the most vivid. Another was a bad car wreck and despite being injured felt a message about reaching up to find the ignition switch and pull the key out before the fuel pump flooded where I was lain
Dude, you are definitely not a narc. My ex narc would have expected me to save HIM. Twice he left me and our kids to fend for ourselves in a bad situation.
My mother died few days ago due to suicide and after years, I realized she may have had BPD. Your video was exactly what I was looking for (the bridge between spiritual and pathological understanding of what happened in her mind and psyche). Thank you 🩵🩷💛
I've had a near death experience with drugs combined with alcohol (not intentionally just BPD acting out I guess). I've become sober and I thought now I finally on the right path... but after half a year passed I developed a new favourite person and of course it was a covert narc, I'm a narcissist magnet. So long story short the fairy tale collapsed with my mental stability too, because I've sacrificed myself to the favourite person and I left with nothing except the void. The sober promise from the past self is totally alien for me, like if the past self were a total stranger from the streets who has nothing to do with me. I had no hokus pokus spiritual experience.
I had three of these out of body / Near death experience when I was a toddler. They are very real. Unfortunately only about 70% of you ever returns to your body. The remaining portion remains outside (at least in my experience)
I get this! I had an experience when I was very young, maybe 4 or 5, then another at 18. I’ve spent my life only partially here. These occurrences opened something in my perception of this human life so it’s hard for me to participate in “normal things”. To me, almost everything humans do is hurtful, egotistical, nonsense and I live with a heavy sadness knowing that so many humans will spend their entire human existence without seeing all the beauty that is offered here and in other humans. I’m interested in hearing about your life experience.
My out of body experience/NDE was rather dark. When I was a toddler my babysitter's father was a closet pedophile and would pretend to cut me with knives when he abused me. I was 300% certain that I was going to die anyway so I left my body and my mind hid out in a ceiling fan. The psychologists say that leaving my body saved me from going insane, but when I came back to my body it was no longer mine, I live in my body but in the 3rd person.
@@prismbrandingrealestatebra6301 Hey, very sorry about what's happened to you. Try deliverance. It's possible you have demonic attachments that are blocking you from returning. It's not outright possession but very possible oppression.
An interesting perspective. But so many near death experiences include reports of the person feeling connected to all things, while narcissists are quite the opposite, feeling disconnected from others.
I suffer from this condition and I am on the verge of taking my own life because I just cannot take this anymore. It makes me so sad because I have two daughters and I just want to live life like everyone else does it I wish someone had an answer for this and could explain why we have to suffer this lifetime living like this.
Please wait! Life is really not easy but what helped me a lot during my journey was to ask God for answers. I was so lost and hurting very bad. I felt a gentle hand showing me my path and all the possibilities. During the time we search for meaning and purpose it's very hard but please trust God, rely on God he will help you! People will show up in your life to support you. Please don't give up. We love you.
If you are narcissistics I have zero empathy for you, people like you ruin lives and make life hell for everyone around you, you all are wrong for having empathy for this person. It’s like having empathy for an abusers, a murder, exct. Evil people are evil they do not deserve any empathy whatsoever.
That’s very interesting as I have been in a place where I felt the need for my mother to kill me. Like I need her to end up the mental abuse she served me over my life. I felt like I don’t want to kill myself anymore but that it’s her that I’m waiting to do that. And then I’ve read about polyvagal theory and the last mode of the nervous system after freeze fawn fight or flight - being shame and waiting for death. And I feel like I can’t get back to the living world, like my body and mind gave up and can’t connect with myself as I don’t even exist because my identity is jus trauma response mechanisms.
Thank you so much all the way from Kona, Hawaii🌺 p.s. I listen to you everyday going on Over 1 year now…thank god for you to help educate myself on narcissism and helping me to understand what the hell happened to my life life after being married to a narc for 30 years (going through divorce right now and Boi it’s a whole new mind %*#^ery) this lecture is different for me though, it’s sadness and more forgiving of a feeling towards him. I remember, as I was leaving my home with all the strength and courage that I had as I could not take anymore of the cheating silent treatment, the crazy and chaotic living with this individual, it did tell me “I won’t ever change”, it also did tell me “ I adapt” and as I was leaving, I did ask him. Is there any way I am worth changing for And it responded “ why would you want to stay with somebody like me” as I went back through my text messages reading everything seeing all the red flag conversations, it texted me “in actuality, I felt empty, sadness, and confusion” at that time I had no idea what it was talking about but now I do. Thank you professor Sam Vaknin, for every single lecture….Aloha🌺 Jody
Jody, sorry you went tru so much struggle in a marriage. I read your comment and felt a connection when you wrote about all the texts. Were you two in the same house and texting angrily back and forth or was it just him throwing daggers thru his texts trying to hurt you. I have a wife who may be Borderline and she texts me with these long screeds about how she hates me calls me a psychopath, narcissistic gaslighter. I am none of the aforementioned, I am on the autism spectrum and do have trouble with people. But we together when young were so great together. I admit I was always jealous when she wore sexy clothes and spoke to other men. I was always insecure and shy. But now I'm wiser and look good for my age, she let herself go with eating too much bad stuff. I love her dearly. No matter anything. I want my Patty back. But after many heart attacks and stents I think all this stress and mood swings of hers is gonna kill me. I have 2 mini pins I love to pieces. I love animals and kids and they all love me back. Adults, some yes most I try to tolerate. Anyway I hope the best for you Jody. Enjoy living in paradise. Praise every sunrise and sunset. Peace and love from Long Island.
Really interesting. What I see is that people react to things that are not there. For example, I went to a restaurant, and the table was imbalanced. I asked the waitress to balance it. She argued for 10min that it was impossible (changing views all the time), but at the end I put newspaper under, and I never spilt a single drop of coffee. It was crazy that, in her mind, there was no way the table could be balanced. And it took me 10min to work through her "fears", to be able to do it myself. At the end, I asked was that so hard? She didn't even answer, but just asked what I'd like to order. So, she was seeing things that weren't real? I'm not sure. Or, her perception of reality was different from mine, which was just table-newspaper-done.
Dear Sam, please tell us more about flying monkeys, how to cope with them and how one as daughter of narc. mother can break symbiotic relationship with her?
Sam, do you know what lessen is to be learned for a narcessist in a life without warmth comfort trust hope, etc. I'm so sad Sam because of my ex's inner misery.
maybe there werent any nervous system reactions because at the time they didnt have a nervous system. in contrast, perhaps there are nervous systems that don't have a they
You can be tricked and instantly chemically addicted to a sociopath/narcissist if they make prolinged eye contact with you. Avoid it. It is locking eyes with a predator. It feels like intense i terest to you, but they are only interested in you as prey.
I don't know if this will help... During my journey I was wondering why life was hitting so hard, had to go through so many dualities and fast 🏀. Was dragged around earth without having anytime to seetle down... What came to me at one point was that... How can I know myself if it was easy! Think of yourself as a sculpture that life forge. One day you will be so grateful of all the lessons you learned. You will know yourself and nothing on your road will look scary anymore. If you need to cry, cry. If you feel pain listen to it, don't ignore, don't judge it. Its painful to put a smile on your face if you really need to explode in tears 😭. If you do so, you are prolonging the suffering... That's is one of the reasons why we suffer! We ignore the feelings we have! We don't listen to our heart and try to distract ourselves... But one day you will have to sit and listen. We do do do go go go do do for years and one day your body says HEY we need to talk... Don't ignore your ❤️. I promise that after a while you will feel great and in track. Also... If at one point you are lost enough... You will scream for God help and... Wow just wow... You will calm down mega fast I promise...
I love a BPD partner and after 8 years, I finally broke it off but I miss her to death and I can't deal with the fact our family is broken now. I raise my son as a single father now but even knowing how bad the relationship was..I still want her back. I feel insane. I've come to be aware of codependency and have delved deep into books, groups, therapy.. but I don't think any of the knowledge is helping me.
My covert narc. mother-in-law does not believe in God - and not even in an afterlife - many religious narc people or pastors do think - they are just like God themselves - insane pure.
It is uncanny and eerie. I will never get over the feeling that no one is home, in spite of all of the emotions one witnesses.
True. All the charm and charades….are just that. No substance.
‘They walk dead among the dead.’
That helps to understand the narcissist’s icy detachment; nothing and no one is inside them. It also explains their dark personality as death is the inner world they inhabit.
So they are the true NPCs then?
They must have an enormous emptiness.They only exist by being in friction with others.
Sam, besonders berührt bin ich immer wieder von Ihrem traurigen Blick am Ende Ihrer Vorträge.
This hits the nail on the head. I have watched the last years of my mother living exactly like this with no hope to ever be truly borne, never even meeting herself... Doing nothing but ruminating about all the ghosts that once insulted her. What is the point of life if you have no hope, no clue what life is really about. Surely there can't be any spiritual realm to produce something like this. If you'd strip my mother of her personality disorder, what would even be left behind to walk the streets of "heaven".
Interesting that you say that today. I had the idea yesterday that, in order to be loved and survive, the child had to become invisible and suppress its existence. But once the child no longer exists, there is nothing to see and nothing to love. It's a catch-22, there is literally no solution and the child cannot be born. It feels like being constantly on the verge of being born and on the verge of dying simultaneously. It looks like ambivalence, but it's not, it's being stuck in limbo. I'd say that's a fairly accurate description.
This is also a first hand account, but from the other side of that wonderful "personality disorder" dyad :) Hi!
10 years ago I would have been angry and desperate about it, but now I'm pragmatic. No one said I can't be a happy, funny and creative ghost while I wait for my body to catch up with my death. My rational mind, my sense of humor and my imagination are intact so it's not like everything is dead. I'm just missing a self, no biggie (that's a joke :P)
I hope you feel better soon and thank you for presenting this in spite of being sick. In spite of death. A small bit of humor in there. 😊
Is it also that they are severely dissociated, and because they are not self-led (nobody is home), their split-off parts are scattered, and they have no access to their parts? This can certainly feel like death since there is no internal contact. Dissociation is a by-product of childhood abuse, the birthplace of 'the dark triad'. The parts don't communicate with each other, and they don't communicate with the "self"; an emotional wasteland.
Another fantastic video - thank you, my Shoshan! :). You are an amazing teacher and healer.
I love your Humor 😂❤. In addition, your presentations are quite impactful and, therefore, I suspect you are well aware, useful. On a note for today's presentation, I also crossed over and came back. I recall in great detail those transpirings, and consequently, have largely no fear of dying. I feel peaceful; only my physical body will be pained upon expiration I gather.
My mother has recurring UTIs and she went to the hospital with sepsis she was unconscious for a few days and I hoped that she would have a spiritual experience where she would understand how she treated me poorly all these years and made me the scapegoat of my whole family. Unfortunately this didn't happen and she continued to abuse me until I finally went no contact last year.
I'm truly sorry that happened to you.
I suffer borderline and narcissistic traits.. have come to an awareness where i am emotionally functional now. Got caught in a river current with my fiance, she is not a strong swimmer and was falling into despair and panic. Could see rocks and rapids ahead. Something told me despite never being in such a situation how to deal with it. Felt like an awakening, just pure instinct. I saw her fighting the current, a fight that is not winnable. I managed to dive under enough to push against the bottom to heave her up onto a rock. I let myself go another few hundred feet and swim adjacent to the flow enough to estimate that it would pull me bacl towards a rapid between two rocks and I'd be able to use the rocks to pull out. There have been multiple times in real danger where i felt that guidance come to me, but this is the most vivid. Another was a bad car wreck and despite being injured felt a message about reaching up to find the ignition switch and pull the key out before the fuel pump flooded where I was lain
Dude, you are definitely not a narc. My ex narc would have expected me to save HIM. Twice he left me and our kids to fend for ourselves in a bad situation.
My mother died few days ago due to suicide and after years, I realized she may have had BPD. Your video was exactly what I was looking for (the bridge between spiritual and pathological understanding of what happened in her mind and psyche). Thank you 🩵🩷💛
Couldn't imagine what you have been/are going through. Wishing healing for you and sending a hug ❤
Professor Vaknin, thank you.
Many times I saw that with my narcissist ex, She was an empty soul, nobody home, except for a black void. Thank you for taking on this subject.
I've had a near death experience with drugs combined with alcohol (not intentionally just BPD acting out I guess). I've become sober and I thought now I finally on the right path... but after half a year passed I developed a new favourite person and of course it was a covert narc, I'm a narcissist magnet. So long story short the fairy tale collapsed with my mental stability too, because I've sacrificed myself to the favourite person and I left with nothing except the void. The sober promise from the past self is totally alien for me, like if the past self were a total stranger from the streets who has nothing to do with me. I had no hokus pokus spiritual experience.
This is extremely interesting.
I had three of these out of body / Near death experience when I was a toddler. They are very real. Unfortunately only about 70% of you ever returns to your body. The remaining portion remains outside (at least in my experience)
I get this! I had an experience when I was very young, maybe 4 or 5, then another at 18. I’ve spent my life only partially here. These occurrences opened something in my perception of this human life so it’s hard for me to participate in “normal things”. To me, almost everything humans do is hurtful, egotistical, nonsense and I live with a heavy sadness knowing that so many humans will spend their entire human existence without seeing all the beauty that is offered here and in other humans. I’m interested in hearing about your life experience.
My out of body experience/NDE was rather dark. When I was a toddler my babysitter's father was a closet pedophile and would pretend to cut me with knives when he abused me. I was 300% certain that I was going to die anyway so I left my body and my mind hid out in a ceiling fan.
The psychologists say that leaving my body saved me from going insane, but when I came back to my body it was no longer mine, I live in my body but in the 3rd person.
@@prismbrandingrealestatebra6301 Hey, very sorry about what's happened to you. Try deliverance. It's possible you have demonic attachments that are blocking you from returning. It's not outright possession but very possible oppression.
This is so sad. I feel so much empathy for them 😪
Professor I need you to stay healthy you’re my teacher
Very interesting concept.
An interesting perspective. But so many near death experiences include reports of the person feeling connected to all things, while narcissists are quite the opposite, feeling disconnected from others.
I suffer from this condition and I am on the verge of taking my own life because I just cannot take this anymore. It makes me so sad because I have two daughters and I just want to live life like everyone else does it I wish someone had an answer for this and could explain why we have to suffer this lifetime living like this.
Please wait! Life is really not easy but what helped me a lot during my journey was to ask God for answers. I was so lost and hurting very bad. I felt a gentle hand showing me my path and all the possibilities. During the time we search for meaning and purpose it's very hard but please trust God, rely on God he will help you! People will show up in your life to support you. Please don't give up. We love you.
Sending love and faith. Ypu are loved and your presence would be missed, God loves you. Your suffering is not what God wants for you🕊
If you are narcissistics I have zero empathy for you, people like you ruin lives and make life hell for everyone around you, you all are wrong for having empathy for this person. It’s like having empathy for an abusers, a murder, exct. Evil people are evil they do not deserve any empathy whatsoever.
That’s very interesting as I have been in a place where I felt the need for my mother to kill me. Like I need her to end up the mental abuse she served me over my life. I felt like I don’t want to kill myself anymore but that it’s her that I’m waiting to do that. And then I’ve read about polyvagal theory and the last mode of the nervous system after freeze fawn fight or flight - being shame and waiting for death. And I feel like I can’t get back to the living world, like my body and mind gave up and can’t connect with myself as I don’t even exist because my identity is jus trauma response mechanisms.
Ana making way to describe tour perspective
Hi, I know this is an old comment, but I went through this thing exactly. I hope you're doing a lot better now, sending you love 💗
Omg! Finally found it. Thank you ❤
Thank you so much all the way from Kona, Hawaii🌺 p.s. I listen to you everyday going on Over 1 year now…thank god for you to help educate myself on narcissism and helping me to understand what the hell happened to my life life after being married to a narc for 30 years (going through divorce right now and Boi it’s a whole new mind %*#^ery) this lecture is different for me though, it’s sadness and more forgiving of a feeling towards him. I remember, as I was leaving my home with all the strength and courage that I had as I could not take anymore of the cheating silent treatment, the crazy and chaotic living with this individual, it did tell me “I won’t ever change”, it also did tell me “ I adapt” and as I was leaving, I did ask him. Is there any way I am worth changing for And it responded “ why would you want to stay with somebody like me” as I went back through my text messages reading everything seeing all the red flag conversations, it texted me “in actuality, I felt empty, sadness, and confusion” at that time I had no idea what it was talking about but now I do. Thank you professor Sam Vaknin, for every single lecture….Aloha🌺 Jody
Jody, sorry you went tru so much struggle in a marriage. I read your comment and felt a connection when you wrote about all the texts. Were you two in the same house and texting angrily back and forth or was it just him throwing daggers thru his texts trying to hurt you. I have a wife who may be Borderline and she texts me with these long screeds about how she hates me calls me a psychopath, narcissistic gaslighter. I am none of the aforementioned, I am on the autism spectrum and do have trouble with people. But we together when young were so great together. I admit I was always jealous when she wore sexy clothes and spoke to other men. I was always insecure and shy. But now I'm wiser and look good for my age, she let herself go with eating too much bad stuff. I love her dearly. No matter anything. I want my Patty back. But after many heart attacks and stents I think all this stress and mood swings of hers is gonna kill me. I have 2 mini pins I love to pieces. I love animals and kids and they all love me back. Adults, some yes most I try to tolerate. Anyway I hope the best for you Jody. Enjoy living in paradise. Praise every sunrise and sunset. Peace and love from Long Island.
Wow. That was harsh, and scary. Thx! Lol
Really interesting. What I see is that people react to things that are not there. For example, I went to a restaurant, and the table was imbalanced. I asked the waitress to balance it. She argued for 10min that it was impossible (changing views all the time), but at the end I put newspaper under, and I never spilt a single drop of coffee. It was crazy that, in her mind, there was no way the table could be balanced. And it took me 10min to work through her "fears", to be able to do it myself. At the end, I asked was that so hard? She didn't even answer, but just asked what I'd like to order. So, she was seeing things that weren't real? I'm not sure. Or, her perception of reality was different from mine, which was just table-newspaper-done.
7:59 Sam you did it again
Dear Sam, please tell us more about flying monkeys, how to cope with them and how one as daughter of narc. mother can break symbiotic relationship with her?
The same way you break a relationship with any other narcissist: you search this channel.
Hello Sam!, Can narcissistic personality disorder be comorbid with borderline personality disorder? my ex boyfriend had both
Yes.
Sam, do you know what lessen is to be learned for a narcessist
in a life without warmth comfort trust hope, etc.
I'm so sad Sam because of my ex's inner misery.
maybe there werent any nervous system reactions because at the time they didnt have a nervous system. in contrast, perhaps there are nervous systems that don't have a they
Let the dead bury the dead. JC
Is there anyway to get fixed?
Amazing!
Could you explain what happens when someone makes prolonged eye contact with someone (1-4 minutes)?
Getting crosseyed?
You can be tricked and instantly chemically addicted to a sociopath/narcissist if they make prolinged eye contact with you. Avoid it. It is locking eyes with a predator. It feels like intense i terest to you, but they are only interested in you as prey.
Well I guess I need to heal my borderline personality ASAP ît’s deeper than I thought 😂
I don't know if this will help... During my journey I was wondering why life was hitting so hard, had to go through so many dualities and fast 🏀. Was dragged around earth without having anytime to seetle down... What came to me at one point was that... How can I know myself if it was easy! Think of yourself as a sculpture that life forge. One day you will be so grateful of all the lessons you learned. You will know yourself and nothing on your road will look scary anymore. If you need to cry, cry. If you feel pain listen to it, don't ignore, don't judge it. Its painful to put a smile on your face if you really need to explode in tears 😭. If you do so, you are prolonging the suffering... That's is one of the reasons why we suffer! We ignore the feelings we have! We don't listen to our heart and try to distract ourselves... But one day you will have to sit and listen. We do do do go go go do do for years and one day your body says HEY we need to talk... Don't ignore your ❤️. I promise that after a while you will feel great and in track. Also... If at one point you are lost enough... You will scream for God help and... Wow just wow... You will calm down mega fast I promise...
I love a BPD partner and after 8 years, I finally broke it off but I miss her to death and I can't deal with the fact our family is broken now. I raise my son as a single father now but even knowing how bad the relationship was..I still want her back. I feel insane. I've come to be aware of codependency and have delved deep into books, groups, therapy.. but I don't think any of the knowledge is helping me.
Let time pass.
Your family was broken. You fixed it by leaving. You and your son are both safe from the abuse.
Interesting
My covert narc. mother-in-law does not believe in God - and not even in an afterlife - many religious narc people or pastors do think - they are just like God themselves - insane pure.
Question: why do narcs commit suicide..?
Search the channel.
It's a choice.