This hit home. My mom, named Linda, looked at me with such concern and told me “you better go find your mom she is probably worried about you”. Saddest day of my life. But I just rolled with it
I'm sorry you are having to experience such heartache. It sounds like part of her knows who you are but is so confused about who and when she is that it doesn't make sense to consider herself the person she's telling you to find. I hope you find solace in the little things that go right ❤
My grandma holding a picture of me when we were younger and pointing to me saying “I never got to know her too well” when I’m with her taking care of her every week. But the love is so strong. It’s whatever. She knows I’m important and she loves me.
I was watching TV with my mom one day. Then I realized that she wasn't watching the television, she was watching me instead. She was staring at me so intently! All of a sudden she said, "Are you my daughter?" I told her that I was and told her my name. She got the biggest grin on her face and nodded. She was obviously so proud of the fact that she'd worked out who I was. I reveled right along with her. I wasn't offended. I was just happy with her in that moment of accomplishment.
You have to enjoy those victories, everyone of them. My mum is fixated on the day.. every day she thinks it’s Sunday, there’s no convincing her otherwise. Today she looked at her little calendar clock and said “It’s Monday today”. I was over the moon.
Went through this with my mama.. I walked into her room and she asked who I was.. I said it’s Connie.. she said I have a daughter named Connie, and I just went with it and had a wonderful conversation with her about her daughter.. I asked her to tell me about her. And she said oh, she’s wonderful, everyone loves her.. then, she said, “ I feel sorry for anyone that doesn’t have a Connie.. I will always treasure that conversation.. she passed a couple of weeks later.. but I will never forget how animated she was and the smile she wore.. telling me how she really saw me.. such a blessing.. she’s been gone for 11 yrs and I miss her, every day.
That's beautiful. To know that you've been so cherished. I'm happy for you that though you certainly know the more painful sides, too, you got this one!
I tell people that dementia patients are basically like dreaming all the time, they are led by feelings and memories a lot of the time which makes them vulnerable. A lot of distress can be relieved by following their story so to speak
I like your insight! You should join our our free dementia workshop on Sep 19-21 at 7:30pm ET on How to Stop The Most Common Dementia Behaviors join us here: dementiasuccesspath.com/how-to-stop-the-top-4-challenging-behaviors-sep23yt
That's really interesting! They say that if someone is sleepwalking or sleep talking you should just go with it as it can be dangerous and scary to wake them up - I wonder if it's kind of similar in the case of dementia so it's better not to "wake them up"? 🤔
@@maddythelion. The sleepwalking thing is a myth btw. It can be more dangerous to not wake them up, as they can end up accidentally hurting themselves.
@maddythelion while it is not dangerous to wake up a sleep talker (except maybe for you as the startle reflex is indeed a thing) I love asking sleep talkers what is happening to wake them. It makes them realize that the world isnt as cement as it appears and can help them wake up.
In caring for an aunt with dementia, I came to understand that in her mind she was in her late teens/ early twenties. It took a while of being with her daily to figure this out. It really helped in learning how to care for her. The battles over getting her dressed when she would complained “those aren’t my clothes” subsided when I bought her clothes that were more like the ones I had seen in old pictures. I also asked her what colors she liked, and they were different from the color palette of later years. It explained why she didn’t recognize photos of her husband of 68 years, unless it was of the early years before they married. That’s why she called him her boyfriend, not her husband. It explained why she thought I was her aunt not her niece. Before her dementia, I had dark hair. The gray hair I had now didn’t make sense to her. I know others with her disease might not experience dementia as she did. But there may be a caregiver of someone like my aunt who may be helped by my experience. I hope so.
Yes! Well said! I tell my interns, when talking with Demetia pts, remember, their minds are in the past. Ask them questions about their past, good things, and let them share those stories. And I remind them, how scary it would be to suddenly not recognize yourself or the people around you or your home. Don't try to "bring them into the present" - but work with them to feel comfortable.
My mother-in-law would have moments of semi- lucidity where she knew she was married, but thought her children were pre-kindergarten (they were in their 50’s) and then she would revert mentally to about seven or eight, talking about her mother and grandparents in present tense. She always knew her husband, though, even after she forgot everyone else….when the day came that she didn’t, we knew she was declining fast. Two weeks after she said, “Who are you?” to Dad, she passed.
@@naomihatfield3015 My grandma told me a story about when my grandpa had Alzheimer's, he was running around in a panic & almost in tears. When she asked him what was wrong, he said he couldn't find the baby. He thought thought his baby daughter (my mom) was missing and he couldn't find her anywhere in the house. My mom was in her 50s and had long moved away from home by then :(
My mom and I used to visit my great aunt at her nursing home and were so blessed that, because of the age she believed herself to be and a strong matrilineal resemblance among women in our family, she just saw us as her sister and her niece (rather than her niece and her grandniece). She experienced a lot of distress when visiting with most of her friends and family, but mom and I were her one truly relaxing visit of the week because we slotted into where she was comfortable already.
this reminds me of when I saw Grandma. she didn't recognize me but I took it in stride and introduced myself as if we were strangers. fast forward to 2 hours of talking later and she says "I may not remember you but I know I love you". saying I cried is an understatement
Something to add: the first time they don't know who you are, it's going to break your heart. But know, if they could see what was going on, it would break theirs.
My mamaw had a plastic plant that she watered all the time. For ever! I told her to stop watering it because it wasn't real. Finally , one day I decided why am I fighting a losing battle? So when she ended up in a nursing home , she took her plastic plant. I said mamaw your plant looks so good and is getting so big. She smiled and agreed. I was in my early twenties then. Fast-forward to when I'm in my late 40s , I cared for my husband's mom with dementia. I knew then, I needed a more positive and round about approach to things. I tried never to corrected her. I found a way not to embarrass her. I listened, even when she didn't make sense. And even tho I was afraid of the disease, I let her know I was listening, and trying to understand. I also had conversations with her. She came home and cried on my shoulder. I just held her. She said no one would talk to her at the reunion. I let her know her family loves her but they were afraid to speak to her for fear of not understanding and they want to talk to her. I never let her know she was doing something wrong. I would just guide her out of the predicament. It's hard to deal with dementia. I also think you should speak to professionals so they can give you proper tools to cope and still care for your love ones. It's so much easier when you kinda just roll with it , instead of trying to get the dementia sufferer to understand. They aren't. So we gotta learn to just ride that rollercoaster. It's not easy I know
That’s so true. Of course when I was taking care of my mother in law she had an episode or two, but the best was when she asked if I liked her son (my husband) and I said very much. I told her we even got married- she was so happy❤. Then she apologized and said her never told her anything.
My most heartbreaking moment with my dad was as we were driving and talking. I realized he didn’t know who I was. I asked him if he knew my name. He said “ No, but you seem like a really nice woman.” I almost burst out crying. Most of the time he thought I was his favorite cousin from Ohio. 😢 As he passed he had a very nice conversation with her, as I stood by his bed side talking with him, answering as if I was his cousin. If I couldn’t talk to my dad at least he could talk to his cousin.
My mom had dementia. I came into the room to visit with her. She recognized me and said, “ Honey aren’t you in the fifth grade now?”. I was a bit shocked since I was in my forties. For some reason I automatically blurted out “No Mom, I’m in the sixth grade now”. My sisters who were also there just looked stunned. I just smiled because it made mom happy. It’s so helpful to just go with the flow rather than confuse the person with dementia. My auntie also had dementia years before my mom . She was the first of my family to have dementia. I would get so frustrated when she would ask the same thing over and over. One day she kept asking the question over and over Before I could respond to her a little voice in my head said.. To her this is the first time she’s asked you that question…so just shut up and answer her. Sorry so long winded but my auntie taught me a lot. In the years to follow 😮I had a husband with dementia and after that my mom. My auntie taught me a lot. in the present I now have my eldest sister and a brother in law with dementia
Goodness you have a plateful. My sister used to come in like a whirlwind and kept asking "dad, remember..." it drove me crazy. One funny thing..daddy had a short stay in a nursing home. We are German (daddy was born there) very fair skin. One of the CNAs came in he was black, he was from Africa. Daddy asked me if that was my brother. Lololol
Makes me think of Christmas a few years ago when my uncle came around and said: “Merry Christmas, Grandma” And my great-granny just stared him down and was like: “you do not decide when I get to be a grandma, young lad” in the sassiest voice ever😂
My Mom thought I was a caregiver. She wouldn’t recognize me at all and would think I was a different caregiver than the one earlier in the day. She would complain about “that girl from earlier” or “last night” not being nice or the terrible food. It was hard but I got through it. Caregiving is hard work, especially when you are their child.
My Nana did the same thing she called me “that girl who takes care of me” and for some reason thought she was in a nursing home or something. She would complain to me about me and I would just agree and tell her how much that other girl sucks. We did everything we could to keep her at home but she still thought she was in some type of care home. I hate dementia. I had to say goodbye to my Nana long before she died. Her real death was almost a relief.
@@samsalamander8147 I get that. It's like when you put all your efforts and free time into organizing some nice little experiences and activities for them and they have a lot of fun in the moment but an hour later have forgotten everything and are complaining to everyone that you keep them locked up in the house and overwork them like a slave. It's so frustrating and heartbreaking but we have to understand that it's not really them speaking. My heart goes out to all other caregivers, it takes a lot to stay strong and carry on through everything. Just please take some time to take care of yourself too, and if you see that it's become too much and it's taking a toll on your health remember that there is absolutely no shame in taking a step back and considering other options
My mom started to call me ”mom” when her alzheimers got really bad and she couldn’t even remember me, at all. So i called her by name and added, that’s my little girl with her name or called her my little sweetheart and her name. She lit up everytime, i said that so i just continued with it. Last time, this february, that i called her name was after i did cpr and later the paramedics, trying desperately to revive her from heartstop… 😭 and said, goodbye mama’s sweetheart.. i miss my mom. 💔 Your video hit a nerve, thankyou. ❤️
As the previous commenter said, that was extremely generous of you to provide the comfort your mom needed in the way she needed it despite you hurting (and I’m sure grieving her loss of memory of you at the same time too). Make sure to take care of yourself okay?
Oh, this is so sad ❤ I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm 27 and lost my mama when I was a teenager, and although I miss her, I'm glad I will never have to go through something scary like this. When my mom was sick, she told me that her ideal death would be to turn back into a baby and to be held by me. The strength of our mothers flows through us, and your story reminded me of this conversation. You got to come full circle with her. What a beautiful thing you got to do for your mama. ❤
I once had a neighbor who was good friends with the previous owners of my house (Eileen). I moved in when Eileen and her husband had passed away, and quickly friended the neighbor (Sue). When Sue got dementia she thought I was Eileen, the previous owner. Every day she came to the fence and talked to me as if I was Eileen. I just enjoyed the conversations and learned a lot about both women’s lives. Sometimes I told her I wasn’t Eileen, but other times I just listen. I miss Sue. I don’t even know my current neighbors they are a young family that keeps to themselves.
I live in my grandparents house now (they passed a while back) and I was friends with the next door neighbor, who was very long-lived. The new neighbors don't make an effort to fit in with the neighborhood, even going so far as to try to start petitions against the public school behind us using their sport field because it makes noise (the lawyer neighbor was like, yeah, that's not gonna work, and no one else supported it anyway.) But you better believe I cried like a baby when they ripped out my friend's old kitchen just to update it to their tastes. It was immaculate vintage and full of memories to boot. It took me some months to be able to look at them again. And it's one of those things that you could never explain to them. They would never understand.
Darn, this has me weeping. My mom passed 2 years ago. I could tell when she wasn't sure who I was, because she would treat me a bit more politely, almost formally. When she didn't recognize me, I'd just do "weather level" chat, nothing specific about people/places. And we could always talk about dogs. Mom loved dogs.
After my grandmother past I found a photo of her mother and I looked so much like her. It must have given her great comfort to call me Mamma and have me to remind her to get ready for bed and be tucked in. In talking to her in this way I found out so much a out her childhood - the color of her room’s wall paper, sneaking out to listen to her sister play piano at the speakeasy, who her best friend was. I could just ask simply questions and get incredible answers.
My mom was non verbal, lots of babbling but boy did we have some beautiful conversations. I would nod and laugh at her "stories", I could tell when she was serious or not. She had a vintage Peter Rabbit stuffed animal that went everywhere with us. She would protect Peters eyes in the car if the sun was shining in them, or wrap him up with a napkin at dinner. She was a wonderful human to all. My adventures with Priscilla and Peter are forever in my heart and on my camera. Every once in a while she'd say something clear as day and we'd laugh.. I'd say, "I know your in there." She passed last March and I'm giving myself a year to honor my grief and let myself be sad about her death. My father had the same disease and passed in December of 2020, both of them had such brilliant minds so to watch them die from this was challenging. But by the grace of God they left me slowly and I realized how much I appreciated that. I'm not sure how an unexpected quick death would have been but I got the honor of helping and being present for them. Might not feel like it in the moment but the 3 1/2 years I got with them both was a big gift. I miss them both dearly and somedays terribly. Thank you Jack and Cil for adopting me, raising me, unconditionally loving me and giving me your hearts. Dementia is a true test of patience and compassion. Some family will show up for this and others won't. I'm so grateful I was able to be there for them. My advice would be roll with them, don't worry about them getting the life facts straight, try and get any information or questions answered about their lives before they go into a babble mode, take videos of them for yourself for later. Never make them feel bad about themselves, they need to feel SAFE. I've been spreading my folks ashes in places they loved, Sanibel FL, Harbert, MI and Lutsen,MN. When I go to these treasured places I know we are all together and they are one with Mother Nature and their maker. I'm always game for a vacation with my mom and dad. ❤ good luck to anyone on this journey, it's a unforgettable experience. And lastly, Be very kind to yourself as well, I know how the body holds stress. I recall being in Urgent care w Priscilla and Peter, she fell and was yet again getting her head stapled and I was in a chair crying because my sciatic nerve was on fire and movement was no fun. We were quite the pair! Peter always remained calm. Tend to your own health, this is a bumpy ride and requires much strength in your mind and body . ❤
When my mom saw her dad in the hospital before he passed, she and my dad were talking with him. 15min into the convo he looked at my mom with surprise and said "oh Peggy! When did you get here?" She just smiled and said "I just walked in dad" he had thought my mom and dad were one of the nurses. My mom said it hurt so much but she had to play along so she wouldn't upset him in his final days
I started to call my mom by her first name because she didn't realize I was her daughter anymore. Children of people with dementia need to do what is best for their parents. learn what is coming next so you are prepared and not hurt.
My memere thought it was sweet, cool, and odd when the "nursing home staff" (her grandkids) called her Memere. She seemed to feel very loved and popular.
Lost my mom 6 months ago and she had dementia that completely affected her speech and her word comprehension, so it was really difficult to communicate with her. I would lead conversations by talking about anything and nodding my head whenever my mom tried to speak to give her comfort/not make her feel embarrassed or self conscious about her inability to coherently speak. By the end of her life, the only words she really recognized were “I love you,” as she would smile every time I said it to her. She may have forgotten my name at some point, but she ALWAYS had the that look of love and recognition whenever she saw my face, and I am grateful for that. My heart goes out to anyone with a loved one suffering from dementia. They call it a “family disease” for a reason.
My Granddad often isn't sure who we are. My Mum calls him "Dad" all the time. It doesn't bother him, I'm not sure he notices. It doesn't seem to help him know she's his daughter, as he often doesn't know even right after she's said it. Sometimes he asks her who her father is, and she's say "You're my father, Dad." She finds it very upsetting, also when he thinks she's a man. I don't let it bother me, even when he doesn't remember my name or thinks I'm male. Mum takes it personally, thinks it means she looks like a man, but I know it doesn't because he thinks I'm a man too sometimes, and I know I look very womanly.
When my grandpa had dementia he thought that my 13 year old little sister was actually me at 13. He kept asking her questions about my school and my basketball and my favorite shows of when I was 13 and kept asking to see my little sister. He thought I was a babysitter who was kind enough to accompany his grandkid to see him. It was rough but seeing him remember all the things I loved at 13 helped me know how much he loves me
I took care of a woman with dementia for 5.5 years and her son, who visited EVERY day would call her by her name. To avoid confusion, on her part. So, this is the best approach, in my experience.
I started to tell my mom I was like her daughter that she reminded me of my mom!! It made her so happy. Talking to her in the 3rd person made things so much better
Luckily my Grandma never asked why I called her that she just knew deep down that's who she was, but she did forget my name, most often towards the end to both of my Grandma's I was just "the little girl" I was over 30😅 I thought it was so sweet.
My momma had dementia. She went down really fast. A couple days before she passed, she came back to herself while my dad and I were in the room with her and she told us each how much she loved us the best she could. It was the last time she spoke. I’ll always cherish the memory.
Your videos warm my heart! I used to work in a retirement home and so many of the residents there would have lapses in memory. It would break my heart when other employees would correct them, usually in an unkind way. I would just go along with the conversation. If they realized what was happening during the conversation they were often embarrassed, but would always thank me for being kind. Other times they would not, but would forget after, so what's the harm in giving them a moment of love. I think the most heartwarming moment was when a man thought that I was his wife. He was actively dying and bedridden. He thought we were in the car driving, and he asked if I wanted to take a drive. He used his arms as if he was steering the car and took my hand. He told me that he was sorry for "what happened in the old house". I told him that I forgave him, and I saw him smile for the first time. Another time a woman had lost the tennis ball on the bottom of her walker (it helps them glide easier). She came to me crying telling me that her son was home from school and the boys across the street (there was an apartment building and playset) had taken his baseball and he really wanted it back. I asked what it looked like, how old he was, she said he was 8. I promised her I would get the ball back for him. Another time a woman came into the dining room and told me she was meeting her mom for lunch and asked for a table. I sat her in her normal spot in the empty dining room and brought waters as if another person was coming. I sat with her and told her I would wait with her. It broke my heart when 10 minutes later she said "my mom is dead, I'm 83 years old". She told me she felt stupid, and i assured her it was okay and that I enjoyed sitting with her. Act with love always!
These short videos have helped me so much. My Mom's name is Linda. :) And she is going through Dementia. She is showing levels of stage 3 to stage 5 depending on the day. We are both widows and have lived together for the past 9 years. Her symptoms started about 3 years ago. I love her so much. I work from home and she is still able to do for herself pretty well and follow directions. You have helped me find my patience and stop being hurt when she asks if she gave birth to me. This road is hard, but I cherish every day I still ca n be with her. God bless you for what you do.
Bless you and your family. I think you'd really benefit from my free dementia workshop on Sep 19-21 at 7:30pm ET on How to Stop The Most Common Dementia Behaviors join us here: dementiasuccesspath.com/how-to-stop-the-top-4-challenging-behaviors-sep23yt
Took my mom home to me when the homecarers didn’t do their job and i am so grateful for the last years, that my mom lived with me. It can be very stressfull so make sure that you can get some ”alone” time by yourself. Breathe deep and cherish still, the times you get with your mom. That’s the most important side of it, even something as little as to hold her hand when your outside, makes them feel safe.. I never regretted that i took my mom home, even if it got to be very tough but i would do it all again, in a heartbeat…!
@@dementiasuccesspath2239I was a CNA in college and had patients call me son or call me by their children’s name. Usually I just went along with it. But I’m not sure I did the right thing.
When I was young I went through this with my grandfather…. He would have those bouts of confusion and would think I was my grandmother… would ask me where I’d been…. That he missed me (she’d passed away several years before)…. We had some things to help him through though…. Once he calmed a bit we’d ask him to look up at the ceiling… there was a purple stain above his bed from some kinda play doh he’d given me when I was little and I threw it up and the color stayed… when he saw it it brought him back to the moment… hardest thing to go through… but I learned sooo much about patience, empathy, understanding, and love from that man!!!
I finally started calling my grandma by her first name last friday! Up until recently (last month or so), she didnt respond to me calling her anything but Grandma, for some reason. She didnt remember me, but she knew me calling her by first name felt weird. Now, she lights up when i say her name because she hears it said with such love and affection, which she probably didnt hear a lot growing up. I love her and my Papa so much, and im so glad i get to know her even if she's nothing like she used to :)
At my wedding, my grandmother came up to me and said "Oh Honey, you look so beautiful, but who are you?" "I'm Trish, Lee's daughter. " She seemed confused and her sister, who she lived with, ran up and hustled her off. That was our first indication that she had altsheimers.
I'm bracing for a day when my grandpa forgets us. He hasn't yet and always remembers me and my children. I always say his heart is there even if the memories aren't.
I look so much like my mom. When I was 14, I looked exactly like photos of her when she was 14, back in the 70's. Every time my grandma, who had dementia, saw me, she thought I was my mom circa 1974, she called me by my mom's name. She thought she was in the 70's. (The fact that I mostly wore tie-dye shirts when I was 14 didn't really help matters.) But, if she saw my mom alone, she didn't have that problem. She had memory issues, but she knew roughly what year it was. That was really tough for me. Of course I wanted to see my grandma, but I didn't want to confuse her further.
Watching this video made me feel ill, but in a way where I had to accept the reality of the world and it hit me all at once. My grandma has dementia and my mom is suspected to be next. Having to have this interaction sometime soon is… I’m just sad. It’s not her fault but I’m just so sad.
I feel your pain and sadness. We lost my grandmother to dementia this year. I'm in my 20s and my parents in their 50s, but the fear of losing them, of slowly losing my mom to that, lingers over me every day. You're not alone, and if you need to talk, I'm here.
My great grandmother mixed up generations, a lot, and would usually call a person by the name of whichever relative they resembled most one generation up. So my sister got called mom's name, mom got called her mom's name, my cousin was my aunt, she even called my other sister by her dad's name once. Not me tho, I look completely like my father's side of the family, and also I've had the same face since I was a toddler, so I stayed me but she was confused about my age. OTOH, I look EXACTLY like my paternal grandmother, so if my grandfather ever gets dimentia he'll probably call me her name regularly. Only positive is that he always listened to her and trusted she'd take care of things, so that part would probably also carry over, so getting him to take meds or do any other medical care would probably be easier than average.
I'm doing a few days a week at my grandma's house, she's 89 and probably in the early stages of dementia. The first time she walked into the room I was cleaning and said "remind me which of my children you're related to?" was tough, and she sometimes calls me by my mum's name (to be fair, my mum and I have similar voices and look similar, and my grandma is mostly blind and deaf...) but she gets so upset and self-recriminating if she realises she's gotten us muddled that it's much easier to go along with it. But even if she isn't sure who I am, she's always very insistent that she knows I'm meant to be there and she knows I am family to her - just mixes up *how* we're related.
This happens with my client and her daughter alot. I can see how bad her daughter is hurting. But I also see how bad her mom is trying to remember. I hope I can show her this and help them. Thank you for your content.
❤ I work with those living w dementia. But often felt I didn't know how to best support the families as they go through this tough journey. These tips are❤ practical, easy to explain, and instead of focusing on loss in dementia, focus on the true person that still remains. Thank you and keep up the strong work!❤
You should join our our free dementia workshop on Sep 19-21 at 7:30pm ET on How to Stop The Most Common Dementia Behaviors join us here: dementiasuccesspath.com/how-to-stop-the-top-4-challenging-behaviors-sep23yt
I worked on a dementia unit myself over ten years ago now. Wow, I hadn’t realized it’d been that long already. But the management there had been shady for a while. (It’s switched names over 3 times in the last ten years so that only goes to show it definitely was management itself and not who owned the joint.) I loved loved loved that job.. I wound up getting fired on my 89th day over the phone. Because I was an activity aide, there were certain places I had to be at certain times.. one day I had to go downstairs to the rehab unit and check on my residents down there. Most just liked to sit and talk with me more than actually DO anything but my problem at hand was it was lunch time and as I was passing our main dining hall to get to the elevators I was asked to help get everyone’s drinks there first before I went downstairs because we were so short staffed that day (we were on a code white because of a blizzard but aides could still come and go. But I knew how stretched thin our poor nurses and CNAs were cuz they’d been there over 48 hours already.) So I grabbed cups and started filling with water.. then a coworker of mine, NOT a manager, got into a screaming match with me because “I wasn’t where I was supposed to be”. I’m like “do you not see they need my help here?!” She says, “that’s none of your responsibility, get downstairs, NOW!” So since I didn’t wanna get into a screaming match with the B, I just went down and did what I was supposed to be doing. The next day I get called and let go for “abandoning” my residents when in fact I didn’t abandon anyone at all. Tried telling them my side of the story and then what’s her face tried telling me what to do yada yada… it did nothing. No matter what I said or did that day was going to make a difference because I wasn’t the only one they’d done that to. They just didn’t wanna put out for the benefits I was about to receive through the company. One of my best friends husbands was a pharmacist that had our home as one of his stops. She called the next day to figure out what happened when he told her I wasn’t at work (which was strange for me) I told her what happened and she’s like “I was afraid you were going to say that.. Eric said they kept doing that to people but I didn’t think they were doing it to you aides, I thought it was only the CNAs.” Nope. Me too.. and others. It fkn SUCKED. I’d built bonds and relationships with so many residents the short time I was there. They kept asking for me for months afterwards and I hated hearing that 😢 (the ones that were on the other floor and still lucid.)
That's very accurate. I've been a nurse for over 30 years caring for those with dementia. I find that families have a harder time than the patient, and most of my time is spent consoling and educating them because their loved ones are oblivious to the situation.
This would be so heartbreaking. So much gentleness is needed for these situations. Recently my grandma told my aunt (her daughter) that she recognized her from somewhere, but instantly recognized my mom (her daughter in law) when she walked in the room.
My father was blessed not to have dementia, but he always had a saying he would randomly proclaim throughout my youth: "It's rough to get old!" I used to wonder why he'd say that, but now I know.😢
I remember when my grandmother's dementia happened, all the grandkids were still relatively remembered by her, at least vaguely and kept calling her grandma. But the first time I walked in she immediately started scolding me about what I was wearing (I was 16 but looked to be about 12-13 and was wearing a crop top type shirt) and called me by my mother's name (my mother was not in the room at the time) anyways she kept assuming I was my mother and I called her "mom" because anything else she saw as a disrespectful teenager lashing out. It really seemed to affect my mother behind closed doors, because while she treated me like her daughter, my mother was an absolute stranger to her, to the point that my grandmother barely wanted her around for big, emotional, family moments. But my mother put on a strong face for my grandmother because she knew my grandmother's feelings mattered more in that moment
Thank you. For these videos. My mom has Alzheimer’s and although I spent some time working in a Dementia/ Alzheimer’s unit and and being there as a support for the families, it’s 100% different having it be your own mom. I need all the coaching I can get!
You need to meet them at whatever time or space they are mentally in i.e. if a child like state pretends to be a friend. It gets complicated if they are in a state where they remember you, but you are supposed to be a child. This can get a little rough. Luckily in the case of a step fam the mum i.e. step grandmum in my case, thought my stepmum her daughther was actually her dil. She was more civil due to thinking her daughter was her dil. You would think it would be the opposite but no.
Your videos would have been soo helpful for me quite some years ago, when my grandma started symptoms... But I am glad they exist now for all those, who are just starting there journey with a loved one with dementia... Thank for your work!!!!
There were times were I would be with my grandma and she would ask how were we related and I’ll tell her “ I’m your granddaughter “ and she would giggle and clap saying “ omg I’m so glad because I really like you and how you treat me” whenever she said that I had to hold my tear back so bad
My brothers came to see mom yesterday, and she asked me who the older brother was. This is the first time this has happened and I was unprepared for it. I told who he was and she was so upset that she did not recognize him. I will do better next time. Thanks for your video.
I lost my dad to dementia earlier this year. He suffered for 5 years with it. I felt like I was cutting out my own heart with every visit. Your approach seems so caring. I wish I’d had these then. 😢❤
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. I know many people who have struggled with a loved one going through dementia. I know this will help someone with their loved one too.
When my grandmother developed severe dementia in her old age, she couldn’t remember that my mom and aunts were her daughters, but she was always so happy to interact with them and clearly more comfortable with them than she was with strangers or even her favorite caretakers at the nursing home. She still knew their personalities and how to interact with them, she just had no idea how she knew them or what their relation to her was. It really speaks to how strong a mother’s love is, the fact that so many women still feel a bond with their children even when they can’t remember who they are.
When my grandmother would ask who I was or when I introduced myself I would tell her things like, "I am your neighbor", "we go to church together", "oh, I knew your sisters (perhaps named the 3 I knew)", or "I live down by (extremely small town where she used to live near)". These were always met with smiles and peace. They were also true as I grew up only a few miles from her house. So much better than trying to connect the dots for her, as obviously she wasn't old enough to have kids, let alone grandkids. ;) She also called all her daughters 'mom'.
I really appreciate your videos. My mom is in the early stages of alzheimers at only 61 years old. She is not at this stage yet, but I know one day she will be. I want to be ready and be able to be the best caregiver I can. Thanks for all the pointers. ❤
What I’m gathering from this channel is that if my parents get dementia, it’s a ton of very creative gentle parenting techniques. Going with the flow without making them feel invalidated and not in control of their lives, but in ways that still accomplish what needs to happen.
So thankful that you're making these shorts. I volunteered at a hospice and the dementia patients break you heart. Knowing how to interact with them is so important!
When I realized my grandmother no longer recognized me, I locked myself in a bathroom and cried my heart out. She was such an important person in my life, so knowing that her dementia had gotten that bad was like a knife to the heart. From then on, I would sit and gossip with her and exchange stories, like we were old friends, and even though I was no longer her grand daughter, I was happy to know I was her friend. I miss her so very much.
I'm so glad you're doing these little videos working through the changes that are happening to their bodies. I just lost my mom last year she had dementia and frontotemporal seizures that time she was lucid and we're able to carry on a fairly decent conversation. just want to encourage those were watching your videos. You're doing a great job thank you
My great grandmother passed from dementia when I was 13. She was a huge part of my moms life as my grandma had my mother at 19, so we visited frequently. My great aunt passed from ovarian cancer when I was 8. She was blonde and blue eyed like me. Her name was Sandy. As the dementia stole my of great grandma’s mind she forgot the past few year and in her final year she referred to me as Sandy. It was hard, I loved my aunt and the loss had hit me hard, but I also loved my grandmother. I learn very early that it would be cruel to make her relive the loss of her child. My mom told me that my great grandmother had been terrified of losing her memories. In the 80’s-90’s she had stop using antiperspirant because it came out that they were linked to memory loss. She took great care of herself; working out, eating right, maintaining her seamstress business, sleeping 8-10 hours a night, anything to avoid dementia. On top of making her relive losing her daughter, by revealing that I was her great grand daughter, I would also make her realize that her worst nightmare is reality.
Your videos are so helpful. I work in a rest home kitchen. The residents often come up to us when they’re distraught and want help. I can’t always help since I’m not a caregiver, but letting them chat to me as a friend always helps to distract them. One lovely lady even calls me her new son, I don’t see her often but she’s so special to me ❤
My grandmother never let me know that she didn't know who I was. My mom told me that she would ask sometimes who I was when I wasn't around, or she wouldn't remember my name. But I feel blessed that when we were in the same room, she seemed to know that I was someone she loved, and that I loved her too. I was her favorite (secondary) caretaker. I always told her I loved her and gave her a cheek kiss when I tucked her in at night, and sometimes she would say "I love you too!" So I felt blessed that she at least understood that we were loved ones of some sort. Weather she really remembered that I was her granddaughter, I don't know. But she never rebuffed my affections.
My grandfather was very puzzled when I told him my name. He looked as though he felt he should know me, but my proper name didn't help. I then referred to myself with the nickname he had given me when I was born. Upon hearing my nickname, he grabbed me in a bear hug and burst into tears, asking me where I had been for so long. We both cried hard tears, and although it lasted only a few minutes, I had never felt so loved than that moment or since. I miss my Papa so badly. I feel like there's a huge void in my chest where my heart should be.
My Grandma has started showing early signs on dementia, and watching your videos has really been helping me find more peace with this. Its been hard seeing one of strongest and most capable women I've known start to lose her herself, but I feel like im more equipped now for whats coming and how to help her now. Thank you for sharing these. ❤ you're helping more than you know.
Literally sobbing becauae i recently lost my grandma to dementia and her name was linda 😭😭😭😭 i love your content and its helping me so much to deal with the loss of my grandma and also to help my grandpa who is curry suffering from Alzheimer's and dementia
This really hit home for me. My great grandmother recently passed after her battle with dimentia and i was lucky enough to be able to visit her before she got really bad. She didn't recognize that i was her grandson but she knew we were related. I spend an hour or 2 talking to her. It was the last time i saw her before she was on her death bed.
I wish I knew this information years ago when my dad was still alive… it all makes so much more sense now. Thank you for educating those who still have the chance, I miss my dad so much
I just L ♡VE your loving approach!! This can be so tough for families and seeing you bring light to issues that arise is just beautiful. It's hard for them n hard for the living. Finding a way to understand both is a blessing. Comfort is unparalleled. Thank you! ♡
Thank you! Lots of hands on experience. Have you heard about our free dementia workshop on Sep 19-21 at 7:30pm ET on How to Stop The Most Common Dementia Behaviors join us here: dementiasuccesspath.com/how-to-stop-the-top-4-challenging-behaviors-sep23yt
I helped take care of my great aunt whom I hadn’t had a lot of interactions with when I was growing up because she lived in a different state but my mom moved her into their basement apartment when she started declining in health and cognitive abilities. I think it helped to have me around because she didn’t really know who I was but when she asked and I told her I was her brother’s granddaughter it always seemed to make her feel more comfortable because even though I was a stranger I was family. She only had one sibling, my grandpa who was her older brother, so she would always tell me stories about him because she had a lot of memories from her early years but not so much her adult life.
I have a friend whose father has dementia and I came across your videos recently and was so impressed that I recommended them to him. Then just a few days ago I had a new client (Im a massage therapist) whose wife has dementia and I introduced him to your videos. He was very appreciative! I think you're doing a wonderful thing!! God bless you!!
My grandma just recently passed away after having dementia and you started showing up on my page. My mom's 53, and asked if she started showing the signs she wanted..... assistance passing away from a doctor. I am worried about her showing signs but I'll definitely come to your videos when she does....thank you for the tips and helping me feel prepared for the possibility..... I still hope my mom never has to experience dementia
One of the things I've learned with demetia pts is to give them CHOICE in anything we can safely do so. So much of their life is outside of their control - to give them the power of choice is powerful in how it can make them feel.
My step dad is in early stages of dementia and is slowly getting worse. If I spend a few days away from my moms house he can’t remember my name. It’s hard to go through but I try so hard to remember it’s worse for them. Thank you for your videos
Every time one of your videos shows up, I am so grateful for your work. I just wish I had found your channel back when my grandma was still alive. You have such a compassionate approach and I wish you the best in life!
When you said Linda I burst into tears, my grandma is named Linda, she's got really bad dementia, and she's going to forget me and Mt family soon, she's going to forget about me, and that scares me. So much.
My friends grandmother has dimentia, and my favorite thing is to get her started in conversation. She has a point to make and eventually she will get there one of these years. She retells the same stories with details forgotten from the last retelling. Im not looking forward to the day i dont get to hear her laugh about the crazy things her kids and she did.
Reminds me of that video of the adult daughter talking to her dad, but he doesn't remember her as his daughter. He tells her he has feelings for her in a protective way, saying how he doesn't know who he is, but keeps saying "I MUST be your dad!" His logic side of his brain was FIGHTIN for him to remember ❤
I had a seizure for the first time while I was driving my then 2 year old and I remember after I hit a pole (I don’t remember that) there was an rn and a first responder that were right behind me and both pulled over. I don’t remember this either. I do remember a lady asking me what year it was, who the president was and not knowing either. When she asked me who the little boy in the back was to me, I remember the feeling of knowing he was someone I loved very much, I remember crying and saying “I don’t know, but I know I love him.” And she backed off with the questioning. I remember feeling odd that I didn’t know the year or president. It’s like I remembered that these were common things to know- but I didn’t feel bad about not knowing either. It wasn’t until she asked about him (he was rear facing until 2 and this was days before his 2nd birthday, so he was rear facing and completely fine. I remember the man picking him up and looking him over and he didn’t have a bruise on him. I had to be rushed to the ER to make sure I wasn’t intoxicated and to make sure I was fine. I was. I had more seizures, but didn’t drive for 3 months after each per my state’s law. But I will never forget the that feeling. It was literally the worst.
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This hit home. My mom, named Linda, looked at me with such concern and told me “you better go find your mom she is probably worried about you”. Saddest day of my life. But I just rolled with it
I'm sorry you are having to experience such heartache. It sounds like part of her knows who you are but is so confused about who and when she is that it doesn't make sense to consider herself the person she's telling you to find. I hope you find solace in the little things that go right ❤
Sending love❤️
😬
My grandma holding a picture of me when we were younger and pointing to me saying “I never got to know her too well” when I’m with her taking care of her every week. But the love is so strong. It’s whatever. She knows I’m important and she loves me.
and she still worried and cared for you so much to look out for you
I was watching TV with my mom one day. Then I realized that she wasn't watching the television, she was watching me instead. She was staring at me so intently! All of a sudden she said, "Are you my daughter?" I told her that I was and told her my name. She got the biggest grin on her face and nodded. She was obviously so proud of the fact that she'd worked out who I was. I reveled right along with her. I wasn't offended. I was just happy with her in that moment of accomplishment.
What a beautiful moment.. 😊
oh im actually crying omg
WOW, that is a huge moment! Even just that small acknowledgment, in that one moment, can make a world of difference ❤
You have to enjoy those victories, everyone of them. My mum is fixated on the day.. every day she thinks it’s Sunday, there’s no convincing her otherwise. Today she looked at her little calendar clock and said “It’s Monday today”. I was over the moon.
That's so sweet you sound like you are a great supporter to your mom❤
Went through this with my mama.. I walked into her room and she asked who I was.. I said it’s Connie.. she said I have a daughter named Connie, and I just went with it and had a wonderful conversation with her about her daughter.. I asked her to tell me about her. And she said oh, she’s wonderful, everyone loves her.. then, she said, “ I feel sorry for anyone that doesn’t have a Connie.. I will always treasure that conversation.. she passed a couple of weeks later.. but I will never forget how animated she was and the smile she wore.. telling me how she really saw me.. such a blessing.. she’s been gone for 11 yrs and I miss her, every day.
That’s an amazing memory to have ❤
😭
😭❤
That's beautiful. To know that you've been so cherished. I'm happy for you that though you certainly know the more painful sides, too, you got this one!
it went from bittersweet to so so heartwarming
I tell people that dementia patients are basically like dreaming all the time, they are led by feelings and memories a lot of the time which makes them vulnerable. A lot of distress can be relieved by following their story so to speak
I like your insight! You should join our our free dementia workshop on Sep 19-21 at 7:30pm ET on How to Stop The Most Common Dementia Behaviors join us here: dementiasuccesspath.com/how-to-stop-the-top-4-challenging-behaviors-sep23yt
@@dementiasuccesspath2239 thank you
That's really interesting! They say that if someone is sleepwalking or sleep talking you should just go with it as it can be dangerous and scary to wake them up - I wonder if it's kind of similar in the case of dementia so it's better not to "wake them up"? 🤔
@@maddythelion. The sleepwalking thing is a myth btw. It can be more dangerous to not wake them up, as they can end up accidentally hurting themselves.
@maddythelion while it is not dangerous to wake up a sleep talker (except maybe for you as the startle reflex is indeed a thing) I love asking sleep talkers what is happening to wake them. It makes them realize that the world isnt as cement as it appears and can help them wake up.
In caring for an aunt with dementia, I came to understand that in her mind she was in her late teens/ early twenties. It took a while of being with her daily to figure this out. It really helped in learning how to care for her. The battles over getting her dressed when she would complained “those aren’t my clothes” subsided when I bought her clothes that were more like the ones I had seen in old pictures. I also asked her what colors she liked, and they were different from the color palette of later years. It explained why she didn’t recognize photos of her husband of 68 years, unless it was of the early years before they married. That’s why she called him her boyfriend, not her husband. It explained why she thought I was her aunt not her niece. Before her dementia, I had dark hair. The gray hair I had now didn’t make sense to her. I know others with her disease might not experience dementia as she did. But there may be a caregiver of someone like my aunt who may be helped by my experience. I hope so.
Yes! Well said! I tell my interns, when talking with Demetia pts, remember, their minds are in the past. Ask them questions about their past, good things, and let them share those stories. And I remind them, how scary it would be to suddenly not recognize yourself or the people around you or your home. Don't try to "bring them into the present" - but work with them to feel comfortable.
My mother-in-law would have moments of semi- lucidity where she knew she was married, but thought her children were pre-kindergarten (they were in their 50’s) and then she would revert mentally to about seven or eight, talking about her mother and grandparents in present tense. She always knew her husband, though, even after she forgot everyone else….when the day came that she didn’t, we knew she was declining fast. Two weeks after she said, “Who are you?” to Dad, she passed.
wow she was all the way back that time..
@@naomihatfield3015 My grandma told me a story about when my grandpa had Alzheimer's, he was running around in a panic & almost in tears. When she asked him what was wrong, he said he couldn't find the baby. He thought thought his baby daughter (my mom) was missing and he couldn't find her anywhere in the house. My mom was in her 50s and had long moved away from home by then :(
My mom and I used to visit my great aunt at her nursing home and were so blessed that, because of the age she believed herself to be and a strong matrilineal resemblance among women in our family, she just saw us as her sister and her niece (rather than her niece and her grandniece). She experienced a lot of distress when visiting with most of her friends and family, but mom and I were her one truly relaxing visit of the week because we slotted into where she was comfortable already.
this reminds me of when I saw Grandma. she didn't recognize me but I took it in stride and introduced myself as if we were strangers. fast forward to 2 hours of talking later and she says "I may not remember you but I know I love you".
saying I cried is an understatement
Awwwww 😭❤️ thats sad but also so wholesome
Made me cry too. That is one of the sweetest dementia stories I’ve ever read.
& now I’m crying 😭
Now I'M gonna cry....let me get back to studying for this exam.... 😞
Now I'm crying. How wholesome is this. Her heart knows that she Loves you
Something to add: the first time they don't know who you are, it's going to break your heart. But know, if they could see what was going on, it would break theirs.
That is so good! Thank you, thank you so much for the warning. And the reassurance!
damn this made me tear up
Thank you for this perspective
Thank you for all the lovely comments - I wish you all the best of luck 🩷
@@jocelynsmyth6604 appreciate you. If this day ever comes this will help me immensely
My mamaw had a plastic plant that she watered all the time. For ever! I told her to stop watering it because it wasn't real. Finally , one day I decided why am I fighting a losing battle?
So when she ended up in a nursing home , she took her plastic plant. I said mamaw your plant looks so good and is getting so big. She smiled and agreed. I was in my early twenties then. Fast-forward to when I'm in my late 40s , I cared for my husband's mom with dementia. I knew then, I needed a more positive and round about approach to things. I tried never to corrected her. I found a way not to embarrass her. I listened, even when she didn't make sense. And even tho I was afraid of the disease, I let her know I was listening, and trying to understand. I also had conversations with her. She came home and cried on my shoulder. I just held her. She said no one would talk to her at the reunion. I let her know her family loves her but they were afraid to speak to her for fear of not understanding and they want to talk to her. I never let her know she was doing something wrong. I would just guide her out of the predicament.
It's hard to deal with dementia. I also think you should speak to professionals so they can give you proper tools to cope and still care for your love ones.
It's so much easier when you kinda just roll with it , instead of trying to get the dementia sufferer to understand. They aren't. So we gotta learn to just ride that rollercoaster. It's not easy I know
I might try "Oh, I already watered it today. It's doing so well, I wouldn't want to overwater it!"
That’s so true. Of course when I was taking care of my mother in law she had an episode or two, but the best was when she asked if I liked her son (my husband) and I said very much. I told her we even got married- she was so happy❤. Then she apologized and said her never told her anything.
You are a blessing. 🫂🫂
@DelphineDenton you missed the point
Good skills and I know about the watering of fake plants I used to work on assisted livings and it happened all
The time 😅
My most heartbreaking moment with my dad was as we were driving and talking. I realized he didn’t know who I was. I asked him if he knew my name. He said “ No, but you seem like a really nice woman.” I almost burst out crying. Most of the time he thought I was his favorite cousin from Ohio. 😢 As he passed he had a very nice conversation with her, as I stood by his bed side talking with him, answering as if I was his cousin. If I couldn’t talk to my dad at least he could talk to his cousin.
At least he saw you as someone he deeply loved
My mom had dementia. I came into the room to visit with her. She recognized me and said, “ Honey aren’t you in the fifth grade now?”. I was a bit shocked since I was in my forties. For some reason I automatically blurted out “No Mom, I’m in the sixth grade now”. My sisters who were also there just looked stunned. I just smiled because it made mom happy. It’s so helpful to just go with the flow rather than confuse the person with dementia. My auntie also had dementia years before my mom . She was the first of my family to have dementia. I would get so frustrated when she would ask the same thing over and over. One day she kept asking the question over and over Before I could respond to her a little voice in my head said.. To her this is the first time she’s asked you that question…so just shut up and answer her. Sorry so long winded but my auntie taught me a lot. In the years to follow 😮I had a husband with dementia and after that my mom. My auntie taught me a lot. in the present I now have my eldest sister and a brother in law with dementia
Goodness you have a plateful. My sister used to come in like a whirlwind and kept asking "dad, remember..." it drove me crazy. One funny thing..daddy had a short stay in a nursing home. We are German (daddy was born there) very fair skin. One of the CNAs came in he was black, he was from Africa. Daddy asked me if that was my brother. Lololol
Praying you remain healthy for all this good you've done.
Makes me think of Christmas a few years ago when my uncle came around and said: “Merry Christmas, Grandma”
And my great-granny just stared him down and was like: “you do not decide when I get to be a grandma, young lad” in the sassiest voice ever😂
My Mom thought I was a caregiver. She wouldn’t recognize me at all and would think I was a different caregiver than the one earlier in the day. She would complain about “that girl from earlier” or “last night” not being nice or the terrible food. It was hard but I got through it. Caregiving is hard work, especially when you are their child.
My Nana did the same thing she called me “that girl who takes care of me” and for some reason thought she was in a nursing home or something. She would complain to me about me and I would just agree and tell her how much that other girl sucks. We did everything we could to keep her at home but she still thought she was in some type of care home. I hate dementia. I had to say goodbye to my Nana long before she died. Her real death was almost a relief.
@@samsalamander8147 I get that. It's like when you put all your efforts and free time into organizing some nice little experiences and activities for them and they have a lot of fun in the moment but an hour later have forgotten everything and are complaining to everyone that you keep them locked up in the house and overwork them like a slave. It's so frustrating and heartbreaking but we have to understand that it's not really them speaking. My heart goes out to all other caregivers, it takes a lot to stay strong and carry on through everything. Just please take some time to take care of yourself too, and if you see that it's become too much and it's taking a toll on your health remember that there is absolutely no shame in taking a step back and considering other options
My mom started to call me ”mom” when her alzheimers got really bad and she couldn’t even remember me, at all. So i called her by name and added, that’s my little girl with her name or called her my little sweetheart and her name. She lit up everytime, i said that so i just continued with it. Last time, this february, that i called her name was after i did cpr and later the paramedics, trying desperately to revive her from heartstop… 😭 and said, goodbye mama’s sweetheart.. i miss my mom. 💔
Your video hit a nerve, thankyou. ❤️
That is so kind of you ❤ she needed a mama, for you to be able to give that to her (while you are hurting too) is such a generous gift
As the previous commenter said, that was extremely generous of you to provide the comfort your mom needed in the way she needed it despite you hurting (and I’m sure grieving her loss of memory of you at the same time too). Make sure to take care of yourself okay?
Oh, this is so sad ❤ I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm 27 and lost my mama when I was a teenager, and although I miss her, I'm glad I will never have to go through something scary like this. When my mom was sick, she told me that her ideal death would be to turn back into a baby and to be held by me. The strength of our mothers flows through us, and your story reminded me of this conversation. You got to come full circle with her. What a beautiful thing you got to do for your mama. ❤
May your mothers beautiful soul always find water and shade, and may you both know true peace
@@LemonFlump Thankyou.
I once had a neighbor who was good friends with the previous owners of my house (Eileen). I moved in when Eileen and her husband had passed away, and quickly friended the neighbor (Sue). When Sue got dementia she thought I was Eileen, the previous owner. Every day she came to the fence and talked to me as if I was Eileen. I just enjoyed the conversations and learned a lot about both women’s lives. Sometimes I told her I wasn’t Eileen, but other times I just listen. I miss Sue. I don’t even know my current neighbors they are a young family that keeps to themselves.
I live in my grandparents house now (they passed a while back) and I was friends with the next door neighbor, who was very long-lived. The new neighbors don't make an effort to fit in with the neighborhood, even going so far as to try to start petitions against the public school behind us using their sport field because it makes noise (the lawyer neighbor was like, yeah, that's not gonna work, and no one else supported it anyway.)
But you better believe I cried like a baby when they ripped out my friend's old kitchen just to update it to their tastes. It was immaculate vintage and full of memories to boot. It took me some months to be able to look at them again. And it's one of those things that you could never explain to them. They would never understand.
Darn, this has me weeping.
My mom passed 2 years ago. I could tell when she wasn't sure who I was, because she would treat me a bit more politely, almost formally.
When she didn't recognize me, I'd just do "weather level" chat, nothing specific about people/places.
And we could always talk about dogs. Mom loved dogs.
After my grandmother past I found a photo of her mother and I looked so much like her. It must have given her great comfort to call me Mamma and have me to remind her to get ready for bed and be tucked in.
In talking to her in this way I found out so much a out her childhood - the color of her room’s wall paper, sneaking out to listen to her sister play piano at the speakeasy, who her best friend was. I could just ask simply questions and get incredible answers.
Awww she got her mother back!
My mom was non verbal, lots of babbling but boy did we have some beautiful conversations. I would nod and laugh at her "stories", I could tell when she was serious or not. She had a vintage Peter Rabbit stuffed animal that went everywhere with us. She would protect Peters eyes in the car if the sun was shining in them, or wrap him up with a napkin at dinner. She was a wonderful human to all. My adventures with Priscilla and Peter are forever in my heart and on my camera. Every once in a while she'd say something clear as day and we'd laugh.. I'd say, "I know your in there." She passed last March and I'm giving myself a year to honor my grief and let myself be sad about her death. My father had the same disease and passed in December of 2020, both of them had such brilliant minds so to watch them die from this was challenging. But by the grace of God they left me slowly and I realized how much I appreciated that. I'm not sure how an unexpected quick death would have been but I got the honor of helping and being present for them. Might not feel like it in the moment but the 3 1/2 years I got with them both was a big gift. I miss them both dearly and somedays terribly. Thank you Jack and Cil for adopting me, raising me, unconditionally loving me and giving me your hearts. Dementia is a true test of patience and compassion. Some family will show up for this and others won't. I'm so grateful I was able to be there for them. My advice would be roll with them, don't worry about them getting the life facts straight, try and get any information or questions answered about their lives before they go into a babble mode, take videos of them for yourself for later. Never make them feel bad about themselves, they need to feel SAFE. I've been spreading my folks ashes in places they loved, Sanibel FL, Harbert, MI and Lutsen,MN. When I go to these treasured places I know we are all together and they are one with Mother Nature and their maker. I'm always game for a vacation with my mom and dad. ❤ good luck to anyone on this journey, it's a unforgettable experience. And lastly, Be very kind to yourself as well, I know how the body holds stress. I recall being in Urgent care w Priscilla and Peter, she fell and was yet again getting her head stapled and I was in a chair crying because my sciatic nerve was on fire and movement was no fun. We were quite the pair! Peter always remained calm. Tend to your own health, this is a bumpy ride and requires much strength in your mind and body . ❤
When my mom saw her dad in the hospital before he passed, she and my dad were talking with him. 15min into the convo he looked at my mom with surprise and said "oh Peggy! When did you get here?" She just smiled and said "I just walked in dad" he had thought my mom and dad were one of the nurses. My mom said it hurt so much but she had to play along so she wouldn't upset him in his final days
I started to call my mom by her first name because she didn't realize I was her daughter anymore. Children of people with dementia need to do what is best for their parents. learn what is coming next so you are prepared and not hurt.
you may be prepared but its not easy no matter what to not get hurt when your parent doesnt remember you
It still hurts. You can be as prepared as can be and it will still hurt.
My memere thought it was sweet, cool, and odd when the "nursing home staff" (her grandkids) called her Memere. She seemed to feel very loved and popular.
I couldn't do this. Not only it broke my heart but it landed me in therapy. After 7 years Im still devastated.
Lost my mom 6 months ago and she had dementia that completely affected her speech and her word comprehension, so it was really difficult to communicate with her. I would lead conversations by talking about anything and nodding my head whenever my mom tried to speak to give her comfort/not make her feel embarrassed or self conscious about her inability to coherently speak. By the end of her life, the only words she really recognized were “I love you,” as she would smile every time I said it to her. She may have forgotten my name at some point, but she ALWAYS had the that look of love and recognition whenever she saw my face, and I am grateful for that.
My heart goes out to anyone with a loved one suffering from dementia. They call it a “family disease” for a reason.
My Granddad often isn't sure who we are. My Mum calls him "Dad" all the time. It doesn't bother him, I'm not sure he notices. It doesn't seem to help him know she's his daughter, as he often doesn't know even right after she's said it. Sometimes he asks her who her father is, and she's say "You're my father, Dad." She finds it very upsetting, also when he thinks she's a man. I don't let it bother me, even when he doesn't remember my name or thinks I'm male. Mum takes it personally, thinks it means she looks like a man, but I know it doesn't because he thinks I'm a man too sometimes, and I know I look very womanly.
When my grandpa had dementia he thought that my 13 year old little sister was actually me at 13. He kept asking her questions about my school and my basketball and my favorite shows of when I was 13 and kept asking to see my little sister. He thought I was a babysitter who was kind enough to accompany his grandkid to see him. It was rough but seeing him remember all the things I loved at 13 helped me know how much he loves me
I took care of a woman with dementia for 5.5 years and her son, who visited EVERY day would call her by her name. To avoid confusion, on her part. So, this is the best approach, in my experience.
I started to tell my mom I was like her daughter that she reminded me of my mom!! It made her so happy. Talking to her in the 3rd person made things so much better
Luckily my Grandma never asked why I called her that she just knew deep down that's who she was, but she did forget my name, most often towards the end to both of my Grandma's I was just "the little girl" I was over 30😅 I thought it was so sweet.
My momma had dementia. She went down really fast. A couple days before she passed, she came back to herself while my dad and I were in the room with her and she told us each how much she loved us the best she could. It was the last time she spoke. I’ll always cherish the memory.
Your videos warm my heart! I used to work in a retirement home and so many of the residents there would have lapses in memory. It would break my heart when other employees would correct them, usually in an unkind way. I would just go along with the conversation. If they realized what was happening during the conversation they were often embarrassed, but would always thank me for being kind. Other times they would not, but would forget after, so what's the harm in giving them a moment of love. I think the most heartwarming moment was when a man thought that I was his wife. He was actively dying and bedridden. He thought we were in the car driving, and he asked if I wanted to take a drive. He used his arms as if he was steering the car and took my hand. He told me that he was sorry for "what happened in the old house". I told him that I forgave him, and I saw him smile for the first time. Another time a woman had lost the tennis ball on the bottom of her walker (it helps them glide easier). She came to me crying telling me that her son was home from school and the boys across the street (there was an apartment building and playset) had taken his baseball and he really wanted it back. I asked what it looked like, how old he was, she said he was 8. I promised her I would get the ball back for him. Another time a woman came into the dining room and told me she was meeting her mom for lunch and asked for a table. I sat her in her normal spot in the empty dining room and brought waters as if another person was coming. I sat with her and told her I would wait with her. It broke my heart when 10 minutes later she said "my mom is dead, I'm 83 years old". She told me she felt stupid, and i assured her it was okay and that I enjoyed sitting with her. Act with love always!
Your stories are so beautiful. They brought tears to my eyes because of your kindness. Thank you so much for sharing them! ❤️
These short videos have helped me so much. My Mom's name is Linda. :) And she is going through Dementia. She is showing levels of stage 3 to stage 5 depending on the day. We are both widows and have lived together for the past 9 years. Her symptoms started about 3 years ago. I love her so much. I work from home and she is still able to do for herself pretty well and follow directions. You have helped me find my patience and stop being hurt when she asks if she gave birth to me. This road is hard, but I cherish every day I still ca n be with her. God bless you for what you do.
❤❤❤ sending hugs to you & your Ma 🫂
Bless you and your family. I think you'd really benefit from my free dementia workshop on Sep 19-21 at 7:30pm ET on How to Stop The Most Common Dementia Behaviors join us here: dementiasuccesspath.com/how-to-stop-the-top-4-challenging-behaviors-sep23yt
Took my mom home to me when the homecarers didn’t do their job and i am so grateful for the last years, that my mom lived with me. It can be very stressfull so make sure that you can get some ”alone” time by yourself. Breathe deep and cherish still, the times you get with your mom. That’s the most important side of it, even something as little as to hold her hand when your outside, makes them feel safe..
I never regretted that i took my mom home, even if it got to be very tough but i would do it all again, in a heartbeat…!
@@dementiasuccesspath2239I was a CNA in college and had patients call me son or call me by their children’s name. Usually I just went along with it.
But I’m not sure I did the right thing.
When I was young I went through this with my grandfather…. He would have those bouts of confusion and would think I was my grandmother… would ask me where I’d been…. That he missed me (she’d passed away several years before)…. We had some things to help him through though…. Once he calmed a bit we’d ask him to look up at the ceiling… there was a purple stain above his bed from some kinda play doh he’d given me when I was little and I threw it up and the color stayed… when he saw it it brought him back to the moment… hardest thing to go through… but I learned sooo much about patience, empathy, understanding, and love from that man!!!
I finally started calling my grandma by her first name last friday! Up until recently (last month or so), she didnt respond to me calling her anything but Grandma, for some reason. She didnt remember me, but she knew me calling her by first name felt weird. Now, she lights up when i say her name because she hears it said with such love and affection, which she probably didnt hear a lot growing up. I love her and my Papa so much, and im so glad i get to know her even if she's nothing like she used to :)
At my wedding, my grandmother came up to me and said "Oh Honey, you look so beautiful, but who are you?" "I'm Trish, Lee's daughter. " She seemed confused and her sister, who she lived with, ran up and hustled her off. That was our first indication that she had altsheimers.
I'm bracing for a day when my grandpa forgets us. He hasn't yet and always remembers me and my children. I always say his heart is there even if the memories aren't.
I look so much like my mom. When I was 14, I looked exactly like photos of her when she was 14, back in the 70's. Every time my grandma, who had dementia, saw me, she thought I was my mom circa 1974, she called me by my mom's name. She thought she was in the 70's. (The fact that I mostly wore tie-dye shirts when I was 14 didn't really help matters.) But, if she saw my mom alone, she didn't have that problem. She had memory issues, but she knew roughly what year it was. That was really tough for me. Of course I wanted to see my grandma, but I didn't want to confuse her further.
Watching this video made me feel ill, but in a way where I had to accept the reality of the world and it hit me all at once.
My grandma has dementia and my mom is suspected to be next. Having to have this interaction sometime soon is…
I’m just sad. It’s not her fault but I’m just so sad.
I feel your pain and sadness.
We lost my grandmother to dementia this year.
I'm in my 20s and my parents in their 50s, but the fear of losing them, of slowly losing my mom to that, lingers over me every day.
You're not alone, and if you need to talk, I'm here.
My great grandmother mixed up generations, a lot, and would usually call a person by the name of whichever relative they resembled most one generation up. So my sister got called mom's name, mom got called her mom's name, my cousin was my aunt, she even called my other sister by her dad's name once. Not me tho, I look completely like my father's side of the family, and also I've had the same face since I was a toddler, so I stayed me but she was confused about my age.
OTOH, I look EXACTLY like my paternal grandmother, so if my grandfather ever gets dimentia he'll probably call me her name regularly. Only positive is that he always listened to her and trusted she'd take care of things, so that part would probably also carry over, so getting him to take meds or do any other medical care would probably be easier than average.
My grandpa just straight up asks: which one are you again? 😂😂😂😂
I hope this will be me. I’m trying to develop more humility and kindness in hopes that I’ll be a lot easier on my caretakers in a few decades.
I'm doing a few days a week at my grandma's house, she's 89 and probably in the early stages of dementia. The first time she walked into the room I was cleaning and said "remind me which of my children you're related to?" was tough, and she sometimes calls me by my mum's name (to be fair, my mum and I have similar voices and look similar, and my grandma is mostly blind and deaf...) but she gets so upset and self-recriminating if she realises she's gotten us muddled that it's much easier to go along with it. But even if she isn't sure who I am, she's always very insistent that she knows I'm meant to be there and she knows I am family to her - just mixes up *how* we're related.
This happens with my client and her daughter alot. I can see how bad her daughter is hurting. But I also see how bad her mom is trying to remember. I hope I can show her this and help them. Thank you for your content.
❤ I work with those living w dementia. But often felt I didn't know how to best support the families as they go through this tough journey. These tips are❤ practical, easy to explain, and instead of focusing on loss in dementia, focus on the true person that still remains. Thank you and keep up the strong work!❤
Excellent!
You should join our our free dementia workshop on Sep 19-21 at 7:30pm ET on How to Stop The Most Common Dementia Behaviors join us here: dementiasuccesspath.com/how-to-stop-the-top-4-challenging-behaviors-sep23yt
I worked on a dementia unit myself over ten years ago now. Wow, I hadn’t realized it’d been that long already. But the management there had been shady for a while. (It’s switched names over 3 times in the last ten years so that only goes to show it definitely was management itself and not who owned the joint.) I loved loved loved that job.. I wound up getting fired on my 89th day over the phone. Because I was an activity aide, there were certain places I had to be at certain times.. one day I had to go downstairs to the rehab unit and check on my residents down there. Most just liked to sit and talk with me more than actually DO anything but my problem at hand was it was lunch time and as I was passing our main dining hall to get to the elevators I was asked to help get everyone’s drinks there first before I went downstairs because we were so short staffed that day (we were on a code white because of a blizzard but aides could still come and go. But I knew how stretched thin our poor nurses and CNAs were cuz they’d been there over 48 hours already.) So I grabbed cups and started filling with water.. then a coworker of mine, NOT a manager, got into a screaming match with me because “I wasn’t where I was supposed to be”. I’m like “do you not see they need my help here?!” She says, “that’s none of your responsibility, get downstairs, NOW!” So since I didn’t wanna get into a screaming match with the B, I just went down and did what I was supposed to be doing. The next day I get called and let go for “abandoning” my residents when in fact I didn’t abandon anyone at all. Tried telling them my side of the story and then what’s her face tried telling me what to do yada yada… it did nothing. No matter what I said or did that day was going to make a difference because I wasn’t the only one they’d done that to. They just didn’t wanna put out for the benefits I was about to receive through the company. One of my best friends husbands was a pharmacist that had our home as one of his stops. She called the next day to figure out what happened when he told her I wasn’t at work (which was strange for me) I told her what happened and she’s like “I was afraid you were going to say that.. Eric said they kept doing that to people but I didn’t think they were doing it to you aides, I thought it was only the CNAs.” Nope. Me too.. and others. It fkn SUCKED. I’d built bonds and relationships with so many residents the short time I was there. They kept asking for me for months afterwards and I hated hearing that 😢 (the ones that were on the other floor and still lucid.)
Photo books help with this too. Showing photos of two ppl together, family, etc, helps. At least that’s what our docs had us do on our unit.
Sometimes as a cna at a nursing home I feel like I spend more time helping family vs residents.
That's very accurate. I've been a nurse for over 30 years caring for those with dementia. I find that families have a harder time than the patient, and most of my time is spent consoling and educating them because their loved ones are oblivious to the situation.
This would be so heartbreaking. So much gentleness is needed for these situations. Recently my grandma told my aunt (her daughter) that she recognized her from somewhere, but instantly recognized my mom (her daughter in law) when she walked in the room.
I’m gonna use this with my grandma. She’s 95, I’m thinking she’ll pass in a year or two at best. Thanks for the advice.
My father was blessed not to have dementia, but he always had a saying he would randomly proclaim throughout my youth: "It's rough to get old!"
I used to wonder why he'd say that, but now I know.😢
I remember when my grandmother's dementia happened, all the grandkids were still relatively remembered by her, at least vaguely and kept calling her grandma. But the first time I walked in she immediately started scolding me about what I was wearing (I was 16 but looked to be about 12-13 and was wearing a crop top type shirt) and called me by my mother's name (my mother was not in the room at the time) anyways she kept assuming I was my mother and I called her "mom" because anything else she saw as a disrespectful teenager lashing out. It really seemed to affect my mother behind closed doors, because while she treated me like her daughter, my mother was an absolute stranger to her, to the point that my grandmother barely wanted her around for big, emotional, family moments. But my mother put on a strong face for my grandmother because she knew my grandmother's feelings mattered more in that moment
Thank you. For these videos. My mom has Alzheimer’s and although I spent some time working in a Dementia/ Alzheimer’s unit and and being there as a support for the families, it’s 100% different having it be your own mom. I need all the coaching I can get!
I am learning so much from this Channel that I never even knew. Thank you for this and hopefully I will never have to use what I've learned here
always show love
dementia is sometimes like being in another time warp
Thank you, youre teaching us to change the way we speak to people with dementia. May you become famous and change the way everyone does. ❤
I was the last person my grandmother forgot.
You need to meet them at whatever time or space they are mentally in i.e. if a child like state pretends to be a friend. It gets complicated if they are in a state where they remember you, but you are supposed to be a child. This can get a little rough. Luckily in the case of a step fam the mum i.e. step grandmum in my case, thought my stepmum her daughther was actually her dil. She was more civil due to thinking her daughter was her dil. You would think it would be the opposite but no.
You're very good. I've been around eople with dementia and you give great, positive advice that I will use. It's thoughtful and respectful.Thank you.x
Her words are the wisdom of nurses through the years of experience with patients, clients and people who need guidance.
Your videos would have been soo helpful for me quite some years ago, when my grandma started symptoms... But I am glad they exist now for all those, who are just starting there journey with a loved one with dementia... Thank for your work!!!!
Wished I had these to help care when she was alive and suffering from this terrible disease. Her advice is right on…
thank you for these videos. my grandmother had dementia and i always fear that one of my parents develop it too.
you are amazingly empathic and kind!
There were times were I would be with my grandma and she would ask how were we related and I’ll tell her “ I’m your granddaughter “ and she would giggle and clap saying “ omg I’m so glad because I really like you and how you treat me” whenever she said that I had to hold my tear back so bad
Meet them where they are in that moment. It will be a lot less stressful for both of you.
ABSOLUTE KUDOS! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL HEART YOU HAVE. LOVE TO ALL THOSE BEAUTIFUL SOULS DEALING WITH THESE ISSUES. ❤❤❤❤
My brothers came to see mom yesterday, and she asked me who the older brother was. This is the first time this has happened and I was unprepared for it. I told who he was and she was so upset that she did not recognize him. I will do better next time. Thanks for your video.
I lost my dad to dementia earlier this year. He suffered for 5 years with it. I felt like I was cutting out my own heart with every visit.
Your approach seems so caring. I wish I’d had these then. 😢❤
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. I know many people who have struggled with a loved one going through dementia. I know this will help someone with their loved one too.
When my grandmother developed severe dementia in her old age, she couldn’t remember that my mom and aunts were her daughters, but she was always so happy to interact with them and clearly more comfortable with them than she was with strangers or even her favorite caretakers at the nursing home. She still knew their personalities and how to interact with them, she just had no idea how she knew them or what their relation to her was. It really speaks to how strong a mother’s love is, the fact that so many women still feel a bond with their children even when they can’t remember who they are.
This will always hit hard my grandpa died last year of dementia and he called my mom his wife and completely forgot who I was
This is so sad. Sorry christa. This sucks so bad. Thanks for helping mom maintain her dignity in the face of the most devastating disease ever ❤
When my grandmother would ask who I was or when I introduced myself I would tell her things like, "I am your neighbor", "we go to church together", "oh, I knew your sisters (perhaps named the 3 I knew)", or "I live down by (extremely small town where she used to live near)". These were always met with smiles and peace. They were also true as I grew up only a few miles from her house. So much better than trying to connect the dots for her, as obviously she wasn't old enough to have kids, let alone grandkids. ;)
She also called all her daughters 'mom'.
I really appreciate your videos. My mom is in the early stages of alzheimers at only 61 years old. She is not at this stage yet, but I know one day she will be. I want to be ready and be able to be the best caregiver I can. Thanks for all the pointers. ❤
What I’m gathering from this channel is that if my parents get dementia, it’s a ton of very creative gentle parenting techniques. Going with the flow without making them feel invalidated and not in control of their lives, but in ways that still accomplish what needs to happen.
So thankful that you're making these shorts. I volunteered at a hospice and the dementia patients break you heart. Knowing how to interact with them is so important!
When I realized my grandmother no longer recognized me, I locked myself in a bathroom and cried my heart out. She was such an important person in my life, so knowing that her dementia had gotten that bad was like a knife to the heart. From then on, I would sit and gossip with her and exchange stories, like we were old friends, and even though I was no longer her grand daughter, I was happy to know I was her friend. I miss her so very much.
I'm so glad you're doing these little videos working through the changes that are happening to their bodies. I just lost my mom last year she had dementia and frontotemporal seizures that time she was lucid and we're able to carry on a fairly decent conversation. just want to encourage those were watching your videos. You're doing a great job thank you
My great grandmother passed from dementia when I was 13. She was a huge part of my moms life as my grandma had my mother at 19, so we visited frequently. My great aunt passed from ovarian cancer when I was 8. She was blonde and blue eyed like me. Her name was Sandy. As the dementia stole my of great grandma’s mind she forgot the past few year and in her final year she referred to me as Sandy. It was hard, I loved my aunt and the loss had hit me hard, but I also loved my grandmother. I learn very early that it would be cruel to make her relive the loss of her child. My mom told me that my great grandmother had been terrified of losing her memories. In the 80’s-90’s she had stop using antiperspirant because it came out that they were linked to memory loss. She took great care of herself; working out, eating right, maintaining her seamstress business, sleeping 8-10 hours a night, anything to avoid dementia. On top of making her relive losing her daughter, by revealing that I was her great grand daughter, I would also make her realize that her worst nightmare is reality.
Your videos are so helpful. I work in a rest home kitchen. The residents often come up to us when they’re distraught and want help. I can’t always help since I’m not a caregiver, but letting them chat to me as a friend always helps to distract them. One lovely lady even calls me her new son, I don’t see her often but she’s so special to me ❤
My grandmother never let me know that she didn't know who I was. My mom told me that she would ask sometimes who I was when I wasn't around, or she wouldn't remember my name. But I feel blessed that when we were in the same room, she seemed to know that I was someone she loved, and that I loved her too. I was her favorite (secondary) caretaker. I always told her I loved her and gave her a cheek kiss when I tucked her in at night, and sometimes she would say "I love you too!"
So I felt blessed that she at least understood that we were loved ones of some sort. Weather she really remembered that I was her granddaughter, I don't know. But she never rebuffed my affections.
My grandfather was very puzzled when I told him my name. He looked as though he felt he should know me, but my proper name didn't help. I then referred to myself with the nickname he had given me when I was born. Upon hearing my nickname, he grabbed me in a bear hug and burst into tears, asking me where I had been for so long. We both cried hard tears, and although it lasted only a few minutes, I had never felt so loved than that moment or since. I miss my Papa so badly. I feel like there's a huge void in my chest where my heart should be.
Think of them in a time machine... They just live in the past and you're back to the future ❤❤❤
This is such caring IMPORTANT information. Thank you.
My Grandma has started showing early signs on dementia, and watching your videos has really been helping me find more peace with this. Its been hard seeing one of strongest and most capable women I've known start to lose her herself, but I feel like im more equipped now for whats coming and how to help her now. Thank you for sharing these. ❤ you're helping more than you know.
Literally sobbing becauae i recently lost my grandma to dementia and her name was linda 😭😭😭😭 i love your content and its helping me so much to deal with the loss of my grandma and also to help my grandpa who is curry suffering from Alzheimer's and dementia
This really hit home for me. My great grandmother recently passed after her battle with dimentia and i was lucky enough to be able to visit her before she got really bad. She didn't recognize that i was her grandson but she knew we were related. I spend an hour or 2 talking to her. It was the last time i saw her before she was on her death bed.
I wish I knew this information years ago when my dad was still alive… it all makes so much more sense now. Thank you for educating those who still have the chance, I miss my dad so much
I just L ♡VE your loving approach!! This can be so tough for families and seeing you bring light to issues that arise is just beautiful. It's hard for them n hard for the living. Finding a way to understand both is a blessing. Comfort is unparalleled. Thank you! ♡
Where did you learn your amazing skills? Ty!!! Such needed and valuable content
Thank you! Lots of hands on experience. Have you heard about our free dementia workshop on Sep 19-21 at 7:30pm ET on How to Stop The Most Common Dementia Behaviors join us here: dementiasuccesspath.com/how-to-stop-the-top-4-challenging-behaviors-sep23yt
I really appreciate you sharing these tips ❤
I helped take care of my great aunt whom I hadn’t had a lot of interactions with when I was growing up because she lived in a different state but my mom moved her into their basement apartment when she started declining in health and cognitive abilities. I think it helped to have me around because she didn’t really know who I was but when she asked and I told her I was her brother’s granddaughter it always seemed to make her feel more comfortable because even though I was a stranger I was family. She only had one sibling, my grandpa who was her older brother, so she would always tell me stories about him because she had a lot of memories from her early years but not so much her adult life.
I have a friend whose father has dementia and I came across your videos recently and was so impressed that I recommended them to him. Then just a few days ago I had a new client (Im a massage therapist) whose wife has dementia and I introduced him to your videos. He was very appreciative! I think you're doing a wonderful thing!! God bless you!!
My grandma just recently passed away after having dementia and you started showing up on my page.
My mom's 53, and asked if she started showing the signs she wanted..... assistance passing away from a doctor.
I am worried about her showing signs but I'll definitely come to your videos when she does....thank you for the tips and helping me feel prepared for the possibility..... I still hope my mom never has to experience dementia
One of the things I've learned with demetia pts is to give them CHOICE in anything we can safely do so. So much of their life is outside of their control - to give them the power of choice is powerful in how it can make them feel.
My step dad is in early stages of dementia and is slowly getting worse. If I spend a few days away from my moms house he can’t remember my name. It’s hard to go through but I try so hard to remember it’s worse for them. Thank you for your videos
Every time one of your videos shows up, I am so grateful for your work. I just wish I had found your channel back when my grandma was still alive. You have such a compassionate approach and I wish you the best in life!
When you said Linda I burst into tears, my grandma is named Linda, she's got really bad dementia, and she's going to forget me and Mt family soon, she's going to forget about me, and that scares me. So much.
My friends grandmother has dimentia, and my favorite thing is to get her started in conversation. She has a point to make and eventually she will get there one of these years. She retells the same stories with details forgotten from the last retelling.
Im not looking forward to the day i dont get to hear her laugh about the crazy things her kids and she did.
Wish I had these videos ages ago. They are so helpful
Thankfully my grandmother passed away before she started to forget us, but when she said Linda, I burst into tears
Reminds me of that video of the adult daughter talking to her dad, but he doesn't remember her as his daughter. He tells her he has feelings for her in a protective way, saying how he doesn't know who he is, but keeps saying "I MUST be your dad!" His logic side of his brain was FIGHTIN for him to remember ❤
As a nurse that worked for 20 year with people with dementia thanks for the video Great work!
My mom has started showing signs of dementia and I feel like this channel will help out coping and handling all these coming years
I had a seizure for the first time while I was driving my then 2 year old and I remember after I hit a pole (I don’t remember that) there was an rn and a first responder that were right behind me and both pulled over. I don’t remember this either. I do remember a lady asking me what year it was, who the president was and not knowing either. When she asked me who the little boy in the back was to me, I remember the feeling of knowing he was someone I loved very much, I remember crying and saying “I don’t know, but I know I love him.” And she backed off with the questioning. I remember feeling odd that I didn’t know the year or president. It’s like I remembered that these were common things to know- but I didn’t feel bad about not knowing either. It wasn’t until she asked about him (he was rear facing until 2 and this was days before his 2nd birthday, so he was rear facing and completely fine. I remember the man picking him up and looking him over and he didn’t have a bruise on him. I had to be rushed to the ER to make sure I wasn’t intoxicated and to make sure I was fine. I was. I had more seizures, but didn’t drive for 3 months after each per my state’s law. But I will never forget the that feeling. It was literally the worst.