This is the joke from the video in case you want a copy. If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas . Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park . Judge #3 was an inexperienced chili taster Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL . Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3." Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the heck is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting smashed from all of the beer. CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac! CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I feel like I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone. CHILI # 7 -- SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be a bit distressed as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Who cares; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.. Judge # 3 - No Report Credit Goes To The Respective Owner
OH MY GOD!!!! I could not stop laughing at your joke!!! I literally laughed until I cried the first and the second time I heard it. Can you please send me a copy of this story? It is the best one that I have heard in forever!!! Absolutely hilarious. I played it for my mom who is in the hospital and it totally brightened up her whole day!! We both laughed until we cried. So funny…Thanks Lisa! Oh….and your card is beautiful too!
Love the book binding fold. Years ago, when in high school, a friends sister died at 17 of Cystic Fibrosis. So sad. I remember Nancy would have to helo her dad beat on her back to loosen the phlegm. Theresa would cry and say "Oh no daddy, not the upside down ones." I can almost hear her today. A very hard disease on the caretakers.
Watched the replay. I think the black screen issue might have been the light/ brightness on your phone. Just a thought. P.s. I listened to the joke & laughed so hard, I had to run to the bathroom as I had a full bladder!🤣🌶🔥
I never thought of being an organ donor until I became a mom. Then I realized that if I could save someone's child, no matter their age, I would gladly do it.
I had CASED this card that you made before and sent it to my SU up line who had given a wonderful Christmas party. She loved it and picked it for a class and it was a big hit. I need to make it again! I missed an explanation of the card contest. Are there some parameters?
This is the joke from the video in case you want a copy.
If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas .
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park .
Judge #3 was an inexperienced chili taster Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the heck is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting smashed from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac!
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I feel like I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 -- SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be a bit distressed as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Who cares; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili..
Judge # 3 - No Report
Credit Goes To The Respective Owner
My favorite design, book card, and quilting. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
Watching replay. Beautiful card.
Thanks so much!
Interesting quilt card. Very pretty.
Thank you! 😊
Beautiful design!
These cards are beautiful and easy! Thanks!
Lovely cards, Lisa! Thanks for sharing.
You are so welcome!
Watching the replay because I didn’t catch the whole live last night. Fantastic card again! ❤
Thanks so much!
Watching replay on Friday evening. Fantastic card! I love it!
Watching the replay from Wisconsin
watching the replay! Beautiful card! the joke was too funny! Always love watching your videos!
Thanks so much! 😊
watched the replay really pretty cards, the joke was hilarious even without picture TFS
Thanks so much!!😊
So pretty!
Thanks so much! 😊
Gorgeous love it.
Thank you! 😊
Such a pretty card! I will make some for Christmas with that sample. Thanks
Have fun! Thanks so much! 😊
Love quilted book binding cards! So glad the screen didn't go black while you were working on the card! It turned out beautiful!!!
I know!! I didn’t even realize it til I finished the joke. Thanks so much! 😊
Liked and shared😊
Beautiful card, hysterical joke!
Thanks!😊
Like this card…..Will be casing it soon!
Great!
Beautiful cards! The joke was hilarious 😂 😂😂
Thanks so much! 😊
I watched the replay your giggles. Tell it all Lisa the joke was funny. My daughter just moved down to Texas.
lol!
I really like these cards! Thank you for the measurements! Thank you for your creativity and sharing it with us! Blessings & Hugs!
Thank you so much!😊
Beautiful cards Lisa
Thanks so much! 😊
Cute card. I want too try this card.
You should!
Love your quilty card! My daughter is a quilter. I think I'll make her one of these for her birthday. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks so much! 😊 have fun!
Oh wow, that’s gorgeous! I love it!
Thank you! 😊
OMG 😂😂 I love chili, but agree with Frank about spiciness!
lol! I would be like Frank. I can’t take anything spicy.
These are gorgeous cards!
Thanks so much!
I was so happy when I saw this! Your card is beautiful. I've been looking for a quilt card for friends I have that quilt! Thank you for sharing.
You are so welcome!
My favorite of yours is book binding cards. I am happy!
Yay! Thank you!
Hello from Hudson NY. I love this fold!
Awesome! Thank you!
OH MY GOD!!!! I could not stop laughing at your joke!!! I literally laughed until I cried the first and the second time I heard it. Can you please send me a copy of this story? It is the best one that I have heard in forever!!! Absolutely hilarious. I played it for my mom who is in the hospital and it totally brightened up her whole day!! We both laughed until we cried. So funny…Thanks Lisa! Oh….and your card is beautiful too!
lol! I’m so glad you liked it. I posted it in the comments at the top.
many laughs with that joke !!!!! love the cards
Thanks so much! 😊
Best joke. I have tears rolling down my face from laughing.
Thanks so much! 😊
Missed the live! Love the cards!
No worries. Thanks so much!!
I rewatched ! The picture disappeared when the joke started! Loved the joke.
Watching the replay! Forgot you were on today!🥰
Next time!
The joke had me rolling, The card are beautiful as well.
Thanks so much! 😊. I’m glad you liked it.
No video, but tears came trickling during the joke! I mailed a card to you for the contest. ❤
lol! It was a funny one! Can’t wait to see your card.
I love Connie Bells envelope
Love the book binding fold.
Years ago, when in high school, a friends sister died at 17 of Cystic Fibrosis. So sad. I remember Nancy would have to helo her dad beat on her back to loosen the phlegm. Theresa would cry and say "Oh no daddy, not the upside down ones." I can almost hear her today.
A very hard disease on the caretakers.
When I first saw this, I thought no way. But just a little time consuming. I am going to try it.
It’s really pretty easy. I’m going to do the other one sat.
I missed the live, watching replay.
I got married at 18 and 4 days after just getting together 12 days earlier. Crazy days! It lasted for 27 years.
Wow!!
Lisa ! I was out on a pontoon boat!
Fun!
Lost picture here too! At least we could hear the joke!
Thank goodness.
Watched the replay. I think the black screen issue might have been the light/ brightness on your phone. Just a thought. P.s. I listened to the joke & laughed so hard, I had to run to the bathroom as I had a full bladder!🤣🌶🔥
I never thought of being an organ donor until I became a mom. Then I realized that if I could save someone's child, no matter their age, I would gladly do it.
Yes. I’ve always been one. I figured I don’t need them after I die so why not give them to someone who needs them.
At least the black screen waited until after the card was done. Audio was fine!
Thank goodness!!
Love your cards! Funny joke! Can hear you but not see you lol. Screen went black when you started the joke. Hope you get my fall card soon!
I had CASED this card that you made before and sent it to my SU up line who had given a wonderful Christmas party. She loved it and picked it for a class and it was a big hit. I need to make it again! I missed an explanation of the card contest. Are there some parameters?
That’s awesome!! The directions for the card contest are at the beginning of the last several videos.
Black screen, can hear you but saw last picture.beautiful
Thanks so much! 😊
I wanted a paper pumpkin refill 😢 didn’t even see it offered.
It was only offered for an hour. Usually the refill is available the Monday after the 15th. But I kept waiting and checking and never saw it.
This was a GREAT funny joke. Could you publish a copy, (love your laugh) but missed some lines. 💝💝💝💝
I added it to the top of the comment section.
I’m a demonstrator and no new book yet…😊
I don’t think we’ve gotten them yet.
Does anyone know if the Expressions of Kindness kit is coming back?
Cystic fibrosis
Yes. That was it.
Great card! Could hear your joke but no picture.
Sorry!
Yea no pic!!!