The Loneliness of Protracted Withdrawal // Mental Health Professionals
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- Опубликовано: 2 июн 2020
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I feel your pain in every word that you uttered. The loneliness, lack of understanding and feeling that life is totally pointless. I just want to say, I’m a member on ICI and your silliness/funniness have brought small moments of laughter into my life, so I don’t believe your life and mine are totally pointless. That being said, I feel the same way as you almost all the time. I hear you, in every way.
Thank You for your videos I’m one year off all meds and I’ve lost a ton of feelings, sexual, emotional, every level of human interaction has been damaged by prescription Xanax for 20 years, I’m still working by the grace of God, however I’m also just exhausted, This “med” gave me a chemical Lobotomy and now I’m struggling to heal, you’re not alone, there are many of us out here that have been damaged by these poisons, I’m healing I just don’t know how long it will take , May God Bless Us and hopefully we find comfort, peace and health sooner than later.
Coming off any of these meds, including the taper has led to a depression/ anxiety that is obviously worse than any of the symptoms I had before I was put on these drugs...I have been in polypharmacy
( over medicated ) since 1992... which is insane! I'm grateful for your videos because I can put a name to the Insanity such as " I am coming off Seroquel, Alcohol, and Cigarettes and feel absolutely Horrible" I can only imagine the residual I will have to live with! Not to mention it has taken years to reduce Klonopin from 6mg down to 2 mg...We are very strong to be taking this on...I've watched your latest videos and you have definitely come a long way with your healing journey which is giving me hope
I completely relate to every word of this. I'm in a place where it feels like more invalidation is life threatening. So I just keep to myself. Thank you for your words! 100% articulate.
Yes! “Invalidation is life threatening.” I know exactly what you mean and feel the same way. I just CANNOT let people keep doing it to me
Lee Shipman lee has been stalking me for a long time. He acts like he’s healed but he is not. Otherwise he wouldn’t be watching my videos so much, commenting, then deleting them.
@@AngiePeacockMSW I know what ya saying big time...hey here is my email gary.a.simone@gmail.com. ta making great great sense pls never doubt yourself. Yes and cova is the worst for us....I am here if NEEDED
"is it a cosmic joke where we just come to Earth to suffer "
I feel that way too sometimes. I know it's the symptoms messing with my personality, but it has been so many years that I can't be sure it's the symptoms alone anymore
i'm sorry angela,i can truly relate to every word you said.i still have those same things myself.life is very lonely and like you said,like no one exists unless they are actually around me talking to me .I've also been single since 2006 thanks to meds,like you,it's so lonely,,especially knowing the extent of what these meds have done to us and all we have lost.Unable to feel good emotions,no sex drive,numb and everything.this is such a horrendous thing to go through and so unfair it takes us so long to get better.Stay strong girl,you seriously are one of the strongest people i know .You've come so far and i hope things get better for you soon,you deserve it so much after all you've gone through
I’m 4 .5 years off a cold turkey xnanax withdrawal. I have a lot of physical symptoms lately. It makes me sad to think you don’t feelings of joy , I can laugh , a lot of strange shit, but I can feel happiness. I wish you the very best. You’re videos over time have helped me, I’m sure they’ve helped others, so , thank you
I feel ya, you made perfect sense, I’m 3 years off so maybe that’s why 😉
Thank you for all you share, the not being heard is one of the hardest things. Big Love to you Angela ✌️
Thank you for making this video & sharing with us. You expressed exactly what I & many feel. Exhausted, tired, lonely, grieving for time lost in this benzo nightmare, questioning our existence, etc. The Coronavirus & rioting can exacerbate our trauma & daily stress levels. I took Klonopin for 25 years as prescribed, 27 months free now after a very looong taper. I will NEVER trust another doctor again. Doing better but still ill & recovering. Some days there’s just no fight left so I surrender, accept, & allow. How can this sh*t not be depressing? We are STRONG though 💪. This is not for the weak! Got my ticket last night to see the film you’re in, “Medicating Normal” , thru BIC for W-BAD. Really looking forward to watching it! Thank you for your courage & your voice, we need you! It’s a full moon & a lunar eclipse on Friday-the energy is extra heavy now. This too shall pass. Hang in there friend. 💝💕
Oceanskye thank you for your kind words!
Oceanskype, 'The Coronavirus & rioting can exacerbate our trauma & daily stress levels' ONLY if you let it. Have you ever thought of turning off your TV that's inducing all this trauma and daily stress by their hourly reporting of coronavirus hysteria? Most people create their own stress by allowing it in in the first place.
Smile Mor-phony Yup, I agree-Only if you let it! When Coronavirus 1st hit it it added stress for many-in BWS or not. I limit TV to 2-3 hours a day & do not watch the News anymore. It’s just so negative & not good when you’re very sensitive.
I'm a guy exactly in the same position. 15+ years... I just want someone to understand me too. No feelings, etc. You describe my life.
Dave Nelson so sorry Dave. How long have you been off?
@@AngiePeacockMSW It's been 2 1/2 years since I finished my taper off Klonopin, although it doesn't seem like it's been that long. By now, I thought things would feel normal again and I'm truly scared I'll never feel normal.
Dave Nelson I felt really bad at 2.5 years off. Every year I feel better and better. We need a lot of time to heal from this. I’m so sorry.
My partner only understood after watching your videos.
When you are on benzos, you are not you.
I almost lost everything.
So blessed that I have a little family now.
I hear you
Understand every single word. 7 years in.
I know exactly what you are saying :( I was cold turkey from kolonapin 5 months ago and I'm in hell. It's so inhumane that we suffer so bad. Lots of love and prayers to you 🙏
Same here I'm still tapering off :(
2020 has been a hell of a year so far. Stay the course Ang everything is going to calm down soon. You’ve been through a lot...like a lot a lot. 🙏🏼😷✊🏼
Angela your videos have done so much for me. I really thought you were doing much better especially after I was watching your R.V videos but now I realize you are still struggling which is heartbreaking. Im on my 34th month and Im not completely healed but i'm far enough that I am here if you need to talk.I dont do the groups and I dont do social media but I am a good listener and I am not a "one upper". Im just a "normal" person that had a dumb ass doctor and am now too suffering but is starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Take care of you and Joe and let me know if there is anything I can do to help the way you have helped me for so long.
You are really an amazing person. I relate to so much of what you are expressing. Keep talking. You make sense, all kinds of sense that I wouldn't hear anywhere else. The loneliness was at a pathological level. I can't believe I survived what I went thru. No one in my world knows what a super hero I am which is really weird for a humble person to feel.
Thank you Angie for this video!!! I am actually at 4 years 1 month off and I see myself in you!!! This is me!!! I know you are soooo much better at 6.5 years off. So happy for you. So I guess I will just keep going and trust that I will heal also. Bless you for sharing your journey. ❤❤❤
Keep going!
Oh honey. 😢 I wanted to give you such a hug. I know how strong you are and how hard it is to break down. I’m a pusher as well. I do know you are sooooo much better now for those who are watching. 🩷
Precisely! I hear you and relate 1000%
Thank you for sharing your story.
i am 4 1/2 years in protracted lexapro withdrawal and i feels exactly the same. everday you struggle to get "a normal life". but it gets better every day even if you don't feel it..everday you try to get a normal life setbacks destroy it.. its so hard to cope with this but we never give up
I feel this so much! You’re so amazing and such a big inspiration! We’re all here cheering you on! I have hardly anyone to talk to about this besides my mom and even she doesn’t understand but she’s trying. I’m not sure she 100% believes me along with literally everyone else but at least she’s pretending. Could really use someone to talk to as well. I haven’t really reached out to anyone in the Benzo community but really could use the support from someone who knows what I’m going through. We could try to help each other 😊
Also feel you on the therapist issue! Soooo hard to find a good therapist!
You are making sense to me; not speaking jibberish: No one to understand how hard you fight every day for years. Sheer loneliness. The gaslighting. Thank you for uploading. Thank you for sharing. The reason I thank you is because your video and your experience tells me I am not alone. So so sorry for your pain and suffering. Thank you for the solace and comfort your sharing brings to others. I read elsewhere about how you helped people fill in the adverse reactions forms that have resulted in the recent improvements to the FDA info on benzos. Thank you for all the difference you make even while you continue to suffer. Sarah in New Zealand Ps I also supposedly have 'PTSD' from a specific trauma 3 years ago but I reckon I would have recovered from that by now if it weren't for the medical gaslighting of my medication harm/toxicity after that event. I appreciate what Shay says about the concept of Moral Injury (in US) and what others (in Britain) say about how pts response is normal biological response to really abnormal stuff - ie it's not us who are disordered - it's the crap we've had to contend with - especially imo the medical harm and gaslighting).
Sarah P yes- we are not disordered! I’m so sorry you had to go through this too!
Well said, and I validate you. Going through it right now…have been for years. Good to you getting it all out…or…for that day. Each day is like ground hog day. So many injured out there due to benzos. I wish I could snap my fingers and take all the pain and suffering away for all who are going through this. Thank you for sharing. These types of videos are very important. Much Love.
Yes you made sense and that’s why I stay silent too, Angela.
The irony of this video is that I played several of your’s today so I felt like I wasn’t alone and had a friend that understood. I hope you realize the positive impact you’re having on peoples lives and my wish for you is that you receive the same. I am not withdrawing from benzos but antipsychotics and it’s difficult finding people on the same journey that understand. I am fortunate to have an extremely supportive husband and I recognize that, even so it still feels lonely when the people that love you don’t care to “get their hands dirty” as I like to say, with you. A nice long talk, tears, questions, encouragement, all of that looks like what my dream conversation would be with some of my friends but I’m starting to realize many don’t have the capacity for various reasons. You’re such an inspiration and I’ll continue to silently stalk you (haha) for more. I hope you know that despite you not knowing me from Adam, I consider myself a very good listener and would be honored to talk through with you whatever, anytime :) I truly mean that. Wishing you continued healing and many good days ahead.
I sit on my porch every evening with my cat's. I feel so lost and alone Every single day.
I'm 4 yrs into Klonopin WD from taking it for 31 yrs. Even on benzo groups I don't feel accepted. I don't know when tolerance started but I've been sick for decades I totally relate to you
Losa Jenkins how r u now
dude i totally feel you on not being able to connect with people in the recovery community. everyone seriously tries to one up you.
I can resonate so much with what you describe. Grateful for your videos. You are a true warrior.
I could write a ten-page comment,
Very well said thank you!! 🙏💗🙏
Thank you so much for your videos! They really help me and I'm so proud of you!!! I feel that way also, I wonder if we ever feel joy again? I'm the same very social and I feel no connection to anyone! Omg I feel exactly like you people are always you were only on 0.5mg of Ativan! I'm 100% with you.
Ty for making another video. I am so sorry for your suffering. I was just hoping for a new video last night. Weird..
I'm tired so tired of fighting..will be 3 yrs off a cold turkey this August
What did you cold turkey from? I was on kolonapin and it's hell.
@@lisafowler5454 , off of clonazapam
@@lisafowler5454 how many years did it take?
Me too, how are you ladies now?
love ya! im sorry for what you are dealing with... it breaks my heart!
I hear you. I hear you.
I’m so sorry.. you deserve better as a veterans so angry how this is always the case
Much love to you my friend ❤️🙏
I feel very same and I am 5 years off.Sorry Angela,i am really proud of you for moving forward,even though its really tough.You are really appreciated.You have been the voice,I have related to,the most.Thank you for being so Brave.
Thankyou.i can relate.much love Angela.
I wish I could go back in time to hug you. But thank you for sharing your experiences and you are wonderful for being there for others. Your videos are healing for you, me and countless others. Thank you for being so awesome🙏
You are awsome. .ya great gift to all of us... keep vids coming pls we are all here for you but understand were ya coming from
keep strong, don't listen to negative people, im struggling now at 4mg on valium taper. constantly twitching and insomnia 1hr at time sleep for months. the list list goes on. im so glad you are off it all!!
This crap all happened to me at 23 right as I was just getting my life going. Now I have no feelings or sexuality and all of the problems I had previously before meds are way worse.
Thank you so much for sharing...
i have been following you since the beginning of your utube journey i am 14 months off ativan it is brutal yet and you speak the serious truth about it all i love your pure honesty about it all im truly sorry u cannot find peace and a life without pain
i tear up watching what you have endured for way to long much love from wisconsin
Keri Furuta thank you Keri and I’m so sorry you have to go through this too.
Awesome video.. Thank you👍
Thank you!!
When u say competition at 4:40. That's is exactly me. Always trying to find what others didnt have, etc.. i never say this to person but it's in my head all the time. And I am really ashamed and pissed about myself doing this. Honestly I am just mad at me and my anxiety. You are really brave and I hope one day I'll be at least half as brave as you are. Take care and thank you for your videos.
You make perfect sense with the medical community. They are so dismissive most who have not gone through this benzodiazopene thing would have no idea. Yet you speak to me and so many others that have gone through this.
Yup I can relate! Keep making videos 🙏🏻
And look at you now!!🎉❤
Thank you for sharing ❤
Ditto Angie. Terrible loneliness and lack of understanding. Thanks for this video. I'll share it with love ones.
You are heard and understood. I am living with my mother after four years of hell. And she not only doesnt umderstand or listen. She makes my loneliness and trauma worse. You are not alone. Mental health professionals need to be put on these meds and then ripped off of them and then maybe just maybe they willl believe it's real. Therapists are even more uselss. No one gets it. You are making total sense to me. Xoxoxo
Can you live elsewhere? Your mom sounds like she’s making it worse.
@@Geoplanetjane I wish. I have been disabled to the point where I cannot work and have been denied Social Security Disability four times in four years. I am now.destitue and have nowhere else to live. I have tried but I cannot get away. People with mental health disabilities are discriminated against and forced into abject poverty. This is a policy travesty that demands our attention NOW!
I am so sorry for you that you’re own mother does not understand. That’s bad as it is, but she must see you’re dispair. Wish she would care for you!!❤
@@lonnievisch6009 thank you for understanding. My mother's dismissive attitude toward my suffering is baffling. I can only assume she sees me as a failure and a burden. No other explanation makes sense. If only all parents could give love unconditionally the world.would surely be a better place.
@@lauragandee9864 so so very sorry. I love my children so much. Succes or winning is not at all important. I think is very American.
You are not a failure. You are a hero to go through this. Find you’re own people who love you unconditionally ❤️
You make total sense in how you feel.
People think I'm selfish when I say I'm struggling.
I can relate. 6 years off after 15 years use. Also stopped 4 other prescribed meds.
How are you getting on?
I’m tired of this trip too. I’m not alone. Thank you for reminding me. I hope things get better.
You are not alone. ❤️
Thanks for sharing your experience I am going through this it hurts bad❤
I feel exactly how you do xx
You are describing my life, I hope you are better, anyway I am sending you a video that will soon reach your soul and your heart. Receive a sweet hug.
ruclips.net/video/QTxJsdWwGzE/видео.htmlsi=iCe_dkv_oOFEOJAF
I am much better. Watch some of my more recent videos
❤️ Big hug.
I didn’t really know what was happening to me until I found you and Medicating Normal. Thank you so much for sharing.
Just watched this. Yes yes yes. All of that. Feel you 100%.
Tfs I’ve been on meds 20 years and just nobody can understand unless you’ve gone through it ! It has been very hard lately! Thank for sharing ✌️we do feel disconnected , I need a new dr been treated quite poorly , from pill shaming to Your a big girl now WTF it makes me so mad
You are amazing!!
Thats why I listen to you.
Talk to God He really cares for you! Don't ever give up! You are precious to the most High God! Turn to Him and He will heal you if you believe. You are loved!💓🌺
you make perfect sense.
You are cared for!😊👼💓I prayed for you! I really hope things get better. I prayed God's angels would comfort you!👼
BTW your story really resonates with so many of us long time psych drug users! It's completely normal to just say "Fu** It" I'm done in the event we were to tragically fall ill with something else.
If it weren't for my fifteen year old son I would have long ago already exited stage door left when I was at my worse. The aforementioned coupled with the current state of the universe is quite simply enough for even those "Non Benzo WD Survivors" to stay fu** it I'm done with this thing supposedly called life! I'm not quite sure how you found the strength to pursue psych drug advocacy however I applaud you for such. I started following your story years ago...you have been through so much...your ridiculously strong👊👊👊
R C thank you RC. Yes I am strong.
I have been suffering for ten years I feel your pain you are NOT THE ONLY ONE I promise you aren't alone. I'm just saying that to try to help no competition or anything. NOTHING last forever hang in there I know its so hard it will pass i promise you it will.
Thank you Matt.
Yes I am just takes stupid long for your body to get back on track you know. Its hard but you are doing everything right. I found a hobby to take my mind out of my body in a way I just keep moving forward exercising and focusing on my job and hobby. That's what worked for me. I really hope this helps
@@connelly0966 thank you for telling me I'm doing everything right. That really helps me.
@@AngiePeacockMSW your very welcome thankyou! ❤
It s very important to share this experience because we can understand we are not alone in going through this. We should create a group or platform where this things can be narrated and told 🔆
Almost 3O months off and relate to the numb emotions except anger ect.
Sheer loneliness is right. I will listen to your whole story and will give you validation. Your story is like mine. I lost everyone and struggle daily, as well. My life was destroyed from
Klonipin.
Just discovered your video on RUclips. I’m a quadriplegic suffering with severe anxiety and depression, etc. I also deal with severe pain and burning of lower extremities. Pain management doctor put me on Subutex which is a partial opiate, and Klonapin for the anxiety and depression. You have really been and are suffering I hope you have gotten better. I’m trying to get off Klonapin so I can get the Sublocade shot to get off the opiate. But afraid that symptoms will return after tapering and hopefully ending. Drugs will can mess you up. I will pray for you and your mental well being. Stay strong. Thank you for your service. Best wishes.
I’m 8 years off now and much much better. Go watch some of my newer videos. I think you’ll find lots of hope on my channel!
Thank you Angie. I will give them a look. Glad you are free and feeling better.
I totally get your pain with no one listening, im being treated like a drug addict mental case, when I was given this f-ing med to help, now my family and doctors think im making it up.. so over it
Coming off slowly, feelings start to surface one right after the other, right way...line a rapid cycle of 15 mins of sadness, 15 mins of gratitude to feel anything, 15 minutes of happiness, 15 minutes of trauma! And I cried through them all. But the LAST feeling to rear its ugly head is a RAGE I have never known! I call this FURY & if these letters were as tall as the Empire State Building, you’d get my point! No warning when it’s coming, until one gets used to it & then there’s warning & more warning & much less intensity. Those who were cold turkeyed, for them seems it’s a whole other ballgame! All the Very Best to All on this Tough Journey back to sanity & health! ♥️🌹🌿
Thank you for "all that crap"! That is what it is. My god I'm the same freaking way!! I have lost the few friends I had left! You have cover everything I am going through. I'm still not off and trying to stop. I have epilepsy, and I'm almost sure that it came from the fucking meds. It was a great film and I think your doing a great job just being able to do this RUclips stuff! You want get one up from me!
Oh my god, I had NO IDEA how lucky I was. My therapist is so validating and genuinely compassionate. I was on and off suicidal when I first started going to her. I didn't realize she was such a rare type. I wish everyone could have that. Being HEARD and validated is so important to healing. But also hearing bits and pieces of your own experience reflected back at you from other people going through it, which is why I just really want to say THANK YOU for your videos. You are so strong and so inspiring. Keep healing!
I can hear you.
The therapists I have seen in UK have not been like that at all. Maybe it is different here, humanistic, art therapy etc. Allowed me to scream, cry, get it all out, encouraged it. Gaslighted by Drs but not private therapists.
Life is pointless. The only meaning is that which we give it.
I am not religious so never believed there is a ‘point’ other than what we do with it.
Existentialism 101.
Problem is not been able to do what is meaningful to me since got ill in 1996.
Now can’t do anything - not even enjoy food or pottering in garden or being hugged etc.
Certainly not writing books or making art or working.
Hi. I've been listening to your story & following your vids. I don't want to say the wrong thing. I been on a Benzo for 26 years plus all kinds of other $hit - sorry. I just want you to know I am listening and hearing you & I care. I have gotten good caring support from Jocelyn at her channel "Benzo Brains". I don't want to say the wrong thing and just be another person whose words have hurt you. I wish I had the power to heal. I do care as @ 11 months off (well 2 meds to go) I suffer as well. I will continue to tune in & listen if you will please allow me to do so. PLEASE, I am here as are others who are currently suffereing. Thank You for all you have done for us & for our Country. Please just take it one day at a time & know we all care about you. Very Sincerely, JAMES.
Buzz Clark thank you for your kind words James! ❤️
@@AngiePeacockMSW You know I watch your videos because believe it or not you really do help keep me in the game. I struggle with many issues - betrayal, isolation, loss, sorry I don't mean to complain or cause harm. I'm trying to be careful here but also to be real at the same time. I used to say I would never tell someone else to do something that I myself am not willing to do. I know that my words are only words and that they will always fall short. You know once when I got stuck someone gave me $20 and a can of warm soda & I been tryin' to give back that $20 ever since. Please believe that I (& I can't speak for others) but I think we are all trying to give back to our fellow human beings who have always fallen short but who at this juncture in time are all just trying to help someone else out & maybe by that we can help ourselves as well. Please. Let me continue to watch and please don't be hurt anymore. I'm sorry - I don't know how to word things. I'm a nobody - but I'm here for you. Thank You for what you have given. Sincerely, JAMES.
Yo, ur clips helped me out enormously & provided mad comfort & validation when i was suffering thru protracted withdrawal syndrome thru most of last year, so ima try 2 return tha favor if i can
Ima admit straight up dat idk what sort of horrible shit u seen & xperienced during ur tenure in tha military or dat caused u to develop ptsd or what its for it to specifically implode ones relationships, but i do know wat loneliness & isolation is like, even b4 tha covid bullshit, & i know wat its like to stagnate & feel locked in tha past. From tha way u describe it, it sound like tha anhedonia & emotional numbness is ur deepest concern & wats causin u tha greatest distress. Have u considered tha possibility dat ur numbness is a product not of ongoing longterm benzo withdrawals, but of tha sheer solitary state of ur xistence? From how u describe it, u just xisting from day 2 day witout pretty much anyone to be with or rly look forward to or think about in a positive way or bounce ideas off of or in whom to invest urself, nahmean?
We is tribal animals, & we evolved to have emotions so as to be better capable of understanding one anothers xperiences & promoting tribal cohesion & thus improving our odds of survival on tha ancient savannahs; if you have no one with whom 2 share ur emotional states, ur capacity to feel, like any other unused muscle or mental faculty, atrophies & gradually dies. Contrary to the individualist rhetoric of our post-industrial post-modern neoliberal consumerist technocracy state, to maintain emotional stability & psychological health, we as human animals was not meant 2 live alone & atomized & independent: we need others like us, & we need to be needed in turn. One can front like an island, but unless one is a soulless sociopath, dat shit is always an act. No one wit a soul is an island, & u don strike me as tha soulless type. People wit souls dont cry.
Jus sum shit 4 u to consider ma. If u got dis far, tt 4 reading my blog post, & i wish u all tha best 💯💯💯
ÅᑎƬwΛN ᗩNᗪƦΞϟƠИ that was really good thank you so much for the blog post. I try so hard to connect but feel nothing. I’m actually an extrovert and am around people a lot (before covid) but it’s fake it till you make it- very little feelings of closeness if any.
@@AngiePeacockMSW word, they prolly mad mundane & superficial interactions, no? Like i wrote, we is tribal animals, not jus social animals: we need ppl like ourselves to connect, & I'd imagine in ur case, to rly connect emotionally wit someone, u need ppl on ur level, who been thru real shit & aint afraid to admit or discuss how bad thangs can be, u know? Thats a rough position in which to be, as most folk have no interest in acknowledging tha less than savory parts of our lives
You’ll probably never see this, but I relate to your situation more than you’ll ever know. I’m 27, and male. And I’m also still actively addicted. So yeah, there’s those differences. But Literally everything else is the same. The utter emotionlessness. The occasional “reprieves” as I call them, where I finally feel good. The complete loneliness. I make random videos a lot, like you do, to document things and talk about life.
I’m currently addicted to phenibut, a gabaergic. I’m also addicted to kratom and adderall. I do not actively get euphoric or high though. I’m in the middle of a taper. My plan is to get off the phenibut, and that’s it. Low dose kratom and adderall doesn’t concern me at the moment. But the phenibut is the true issue. Even while on it, you get in these crippling states. Where you can’t make food, walk the dog, even socialize. I’m totally faking it to even smile sometimes.
I feel like I need to talk someone. Not someone who’s gonna give me some “by the book” medical response. I need to just talk. Have someone hear me, explain my entire situation. Someone to listen about how fucking hard I fight to get through days sometimes. I want to talk about why I started using drugs, why I still do, why it’s hard to stop. I’m almost positive that with someone to talk to, I could get through this and get my life together eventually.
I live alone in a damn cabin, this isn’t the life I wanted. I’m capable of so much more. I grew up in a nice neighborhood, with plenty of friends, sociable, good looking, in shape, funny. But I had this inner, severe social anxiety and unhappiness no one ever knew about. And when I started self medicating - and it fucking HELPED - it was all downhill. And now here I am, living alone in a fucking cabin like some fucking weirdo.
Anyways. I’d be 100% willing to listen to you. Some days I may just be completely anhedonia ridden and emotionless. Other days I may be a hit more into exchanging ideas. But on 100% of the days, I will be benefiting from talking to someone like you, who may be able to teach me a thing or two about the process of tapering, dealing with brain damage from anxiety-relieving drug use, and just general life shit. And maybe I can help you too, if only by listening.
You are not alone bro. Stick to the plan, you will be all right
I’m
Over 3 years off klonopin & I get everything you describe including the sexual dysfunctions. No sexual feelings only about three times I had a window feeling those feelings. Hubby tries to understand but he feels like I don’t like him
I can definitely appreciate where you're coming from. Sorry for all the comments, it's a bad habit lol
Comment all you want!
I've seen you on the live chat with all the doctors and you did phenomenal I'm so glad you are far from where you were I am now on 3 mg a day of Lorazepam I'm weaning myself off my methadone that I was on for perks so I've been on this Lorazepam 3 mg + more way more than that because I would buy them off the streets are all friends because 3 disc wasn't cutting it anymore I'm I was at 120 mg of methadone which is a lot play with those doctors they didn't give a s*** they just give you the highest dose you recommend for yourself that's all they do but I'm down to 23 mg that's it and I'm good like I can't wait to most off of that. But this is so real if I go one day just one day without my Lorazepam I am not leaving my bedroom I don't talk to anyone I can't even shower I can't I can't do basic things like go to the grocery store half the time it's so has took over my life the looping thoughts are just intrusive I don't know it's like I don't have one good thought to hang on to any more I never feel safe I'm always in fear of people dying I lost my daughter and that's when I went on Lorazepam just over four years ago I had twins my son's alive and well and healthy my daughters and happy in heaven with her family that test passed before her. Im just sick of being sick. I am so grateful for you and all the others that have put all this out there so I know what's really going on and it's the medication can I watch one of your other videos these are definitely worse than methadone withdrawal and it's worse than for me anyways worse than Percocets ,. It's truly torturous mentally physically and emotionally torturous. I can't even care for my son most days so in a good day or two like if I go one day without Lorazepam it takes me 3 to stabilize myself again 3 days. I'm so scared all the time I know exactly what you're talkin about and what all of many are talking about I tried to explain to people on this no one gets it. I'm so scared too but my temper is going to start once my 23 mg of methadone or Dunwich that's going to be another few weeks and I'm now sticking to, no more than four 1 mg Lorazepam per day and that's even extremely hard... Today was my third time talking to my counselling session started three weeks ago I talk to my counsellor once a week. And I'm looking for now I just wrote down and I healthy diet plan for myself so I'm going to get those foods and force myself to eat them even when I can't eat. In Jesus Christ God's name please pray for me and I pray that we are all gonna get out of this with a life worth getting up everyday living for and we have that power back and and know what it's like to feel Joy again please and thank you I pray all thses this and that our brains Minds bodies heart souls and Spirits completely heal from all of this for me and all of in Jesus Christ God's name please and thank you amen
And the ppl that don't understand and say Oh you can't still be suffering actually don't know that they have a hand on the knife that's digging away at you! Most of the time that's family and it hurts 😔. the alienated feeling that comes with it is also depressing and in itself a lonely place. CT 4 months off.
Hey good to see you. Thx for doing videos angie. Did you ever have musculoskeletal symptoms or hear of that? I feel you on being so tired of THIS whole ordeal.
Jeff Galaska yes it’s very common. I have a lot of pain in my body.
@@AngiePeacockMSW thx. Take care
Healingfrom Benzos Being tough and patient gets old after many years. I can’t relate to chronic pain, though. I’m 50, so I’m starting to learn. 🤨
Hey Angie, I recently gave up smoking ( multiple decades of smoking ) and for a while there I could not experience any satisfaction at all of any kind , it was an extremely uncomfortable feeling , so I can't imagine how horrible it would feel if that state was on-going and persistent.
15 years and counting! Woo hoo. These drugs do not discriminate. You don't want to feel your pain? Good- you won't feel anything at all.
@@AngiePeacockMSW 👍👍👍
You are just emotionally exhausted & you have a. Big Heart & ur tired of caring about others & u need to have people caring about you now & give u time to “ check out” to balance out the years of STRUGGLING🙏
I’ve been isolated for so long because of covid and benzos. It’s harsh.
Same, thanks for sharing. PAWS. Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome
Hey Angie! I just touched base with D Foster and thought I'd check in to see how you are holding up too? I just hit my 36 month and in a wave so thought I'd see how my favorite warriors are doing
I'm the same, I like to think that I'm one of those lone wolves who can live alone, but I'm not, I have duped myself. Probably the scariest thing to realize you are not who you think you are, why would you not feel sick about this realization, why would your body not go into fight or flight mode. My mother had clinical depression, I'm not judging her, she was wired as a child for a normal life, so when life turned abnormal as it often happens she was not prepared to cope by herself. The new generation (z) is in even worse off.
I am beginning to wonder if it's even a good idea to come off my meds? 4.5 years and still "lost"? No good emotions? What is the point of stopping? I am at the point where I dont know if should stop or just change my meds? Either way I appreciate what you do for our community. ❤
I was on more than 40 psych drugs in a 13 year period and tons of trauma in the military. Don’t compare to me. Go read success stories.
@@AngiePeacockMSW I have been on them 20 years. Never 40 different drugs though. Only 3. Valium, depakote, and zoloft. I am not just drawing my question based on the things you have said, but many others as well. And a lot of people several years out, was on less then either of us and for a shorter period of time and have very similar issues. I consider you a success story just because you made it through getting off them....
Jared Daniel for all the stories you know, there are probably millions more that got off somewhat easily and are probably off living their lives without looking back. I still say my worst day off meds is better than my best day on them. Hands down.
I totally get ya..I’m going threw this as well
Wayne Lotz so sorry Wayne.
3 years ago I travelled to los angeles for a dream trip and canada to see relatives, now I cant even travel an hour down the road to see my dentist without risking a major akathesia flare up
❤️
I feel you. If you ever need to talk, let's have a chat !
10 years on lexapro.. almost 17 months off.... WD is the worst. 😢 maybe after 18 months mark I will see some improvement?
My heart hurts for you. I'm feeling EVERYTHING you have and some other physical symptoms. I feel like I'm going insane. Lorazepam/Ativan for 3 years and now Clonazepam/Klonopin 3 years after quitting Ativan
get off that shit. All of them are evil and disabling!
@@AngiePeacockMSW I'm trying so hard. I am in hell... I don't want to seize and die
Lauren Davis taper smart! Do you know about the Ashton manual? Google that. Also read this: withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/learn/psychiatric-drug-taper-rates-review-and-discussion
@@AngiePeacockMSW I will look that up I've heard of it before. Thank you for sharing this. I need all the help I can get right now. The insomnia is awful. The twitches and anxiety too.
@@laurendavis-pence7484 Follow it to a "T" as your long term success may very well depend on it! Additionally please visit benzobuddies.org and read posts / comments posted by other members going through similar situations.