Human Boil Ted Cruz Starts Trouble with Jimmy Kimmel Again

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  • Опубликовано: 24 май 2021
  • Jimmy once again found himself in a squabble with Ted Cruz on Twitter last night, Governor Ron DeSantis signed a new law that would fine social media companies for permanently removing anyone who is running for office in Florida, Trump has a new ad on Newsmax begging for cash, Republicans in Congress finally came out against Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Holocaust comments, the Fox 4 News team in Dallas is the winner of our “Excellence in Reporting” award, California is currently experiencing a “Baby Bust,” and we look back a year ago this week for a new installment of “This Week in COVID History.”
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Комментарии • 4,7 тыс.

  • @ArmyStich
    @ArmyStich 3 года назад +621

    As someone who lives in TX hopefully we vote him out.

  • @livetime5815
    @livetime5815 3 года назад +735

    "Human Boil Ted Cruz." That is so not right! Get rid of the Human part.

    • @SLAYERSWINE1
      @SLAYERSWINE1 3 года назад +25

      Brilliant comment. But he is so foul I bet hungry cannibals would not touch him when he is done cooking.

    • @firestream93
      @firestream93 3 года назад +2

      As opposed to someone like Kimmel?

    • @linda1lee2
      @linda1lee2 3 года назад +16

      @@SLAYERSWINE1 Too fatty. He's got a very protruding belly like Trump.

    • @andywelsh3031
      @andywelsh3031 3 года назад +17

      "Human Boil Ted Cruz " lol 😂

    • @georgesbrodeur9608
      @georgesbrodeur9608 3 года назад +4

      @@firestream93 Jimmy Kimmel got you here.

  • @ruthharris123
    @ruthharris123 2 года назад +122

    I am born and raised floridian and I cant wait to vote DeSantis out

    • @SWHBOYCE
      @SWHBOYCE 2 года назад +6

      ...Happy voting !!! ; I would be careful , too many tricks in the past down 'der though . "W "s run in 2000 , or was it "H "s run , can't remember . Do the resident's of Florida have solar power devices down there yet ? ( if not ; ever wonder why ? )Good luck !!

    • @RankinMsP
      @RankinMsP 2 года назад +9

      Please. Please. Please.
      We can't beg you enough to send DeSantis packing in disgrace!

    • @davidwoods7408
      @davidwoods7408 2 года назад +6

      My question is...who the hell voted him in??

    • @SWHBOYCE
      @SWHBOYCE 2 года назад +7

      @@davidwoods7408 ...Florida politics..careful they've long been ' 'crooked 'The GOP seems to embrace any method of getting their people into office , except running a legitimate , straight forward election ,'cuz they know no one in their right mind would vote for their policies .

    • @davidwoods7408
      @davidwoods7408 2 года назад +4

      @@SWHBOYCE Thank you. I did wonder about the demographics of Florida. Whats the literacy level there?

  • @lisachaput2952
    @lisachaput2952 2 года назад +140

    Never mess with comedians!😁

  • @user-ms3jz7ub7n
    @user-ms3jz7ub7n 3 года назад +259

    "Send your money" because I'm absolutely broke and I don't want to go to prison. Donald Dump

    • @yallianamelia634
      @yallianamelia634 3 года назад

      W:h:at:s:A:p:p..Me ‪+1 :8:7:8:2:2:6:2:5:0:7‬

    • @ralphburns6659
      @ralphburns6659 3 года назад +11

      JUST 49 CENTS A DAY COULD HELP KEEP AN OLD MAN OUT OF PRISON!

    • @jsd858
      @jsd858 2 года назад +8

      PS, The Orange Orangutan!

    • @missyreed1804
      @missyreed1804 2 года назад

      Lmao 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 but how broke is broke to Trump.

    • @ShaithMaster
      @ShaithMaster 2 года назад

      Tronald Dump

  • @joredor994
    @joredor994 3 года назад +295

    She doesnt need a statue of Satan, just a mirror.

    • @nakedreef
      @nakedreef 3 года назад +15

      :) Priceless!

    • @ceterisparabus
      @ceterisparabus 3 года назад +2

      You must be referring to the mighty CH .

    • @stephenjacks8196
      @stephenjacks8196 3 года назад +4

      She (her hubby) bought a gym club so she could watch herself flex in the giant mirrors.

    • @ayadali9112
      @ayadali9112 3 года назад +1

      😮😮😮

    • @Lhawk2107
      @Lhawk2107 3 года назад +1

      @@stephenjacks8196 that being true is like WAW!!!!

  • @aufait-
    @aufait- 3 года назад +142

    I have such a hard time believing that someone would give a "billionaire" money. Doesn't it give them pause to think that maybe he isn't a "billionaire" after all. Or that he is using them for free money? I don't get it. They must be really stupid.

    • @myliver9149
      @myliver9149 3 года назад +3

      So you don't understand politics at all then? Democrats raise new record amounts EVERY campaign cycle. Not aware of that? But please, continue to post your uneducated baseless thoughts. You all do.

    • @jacksparrowismydaddy
      @jacksparrowismydaddy 3 года назад +10

      they want favors and kickbacks so they give gifts in the form of money that isn't theirs to friends. as George Carlin said, its a big club and we anit in it.

    • @Damremont18
      @Damremont18 2 года назад +21

      @@myliver9149 Trump’s not raising money for anyone other than himself.

    • @larrysmac
      @larrysmac 2 года назад +10

      @@myliver9149 WAH WAH WAH! Give it up with the false equivalencies already.

    • @herzkine
      @herzkine 2 года назад +4

      Simple: they are

  • @threeeyedfish4363
    @threeeyedfish4363 2 года назад +84

    Human boil... That is so Ted Cruz. Thank you, Jimmy.

  • @LHarrolle
    @LHarrolle 3 года назад +390

    "Send the billionaire your money, dummies". LMAO!

    • @anderjpoo
      @anderjpoo 3 года назад +31

      sad part? millions will

    • @unicornbeliver517
      @unicornbeliver517 3 года назад

      Not a politician,there after us not him wake up

    • @williamhvx
      @williamhvx 3 года назад +1

      I want the link of that add lol

    • @unicornbeliver517
      @unicornbeliver517 3 года назад +1

      Like 100 million,don't forget all the votes they threw in the trash

    • @minneyruth
      @minneyruth 3 года назад +3

      🤣🤣🤣 that killed me

  • @bruiz5240
    @bruiz5240 3 года назад +60

    Set crusty Cruz straight Jimmy👏🙋💖

    • @lillyanderson3623
      @lillyanderson3623 3 года назад +8

      @@CalebAdams2002 No, you are for making a comment like that on a show you're not forced to watch.

  • @MsWarriordiva
    @MsWarriordiva 2 года назад +10

    Did you notice the guys behind DeSantis who were laughing when he said this is for "all Floridians"??!! Even his own goons know better!!!!

  • @michaeleasler5249
    @michaeleasler5249 2 года назад +138

    Jimmy should be campaign manager for the dems! Just brutal - and hilariously true.

  • @RugNug
    @RugNug 3 года назад +472

    If I was the CEO of Twitter, I would say fine. No more Twitter in Florida.

    • @msoperator510
      @msoperator510 3 года назад +30

      DeSatan, w/his diarrhea of the mouth, "When you deplatform the POTUS, but you allow Ayatollah Ho-mein-knee,...talk about killing Jews"
      What a loser.

    • @ill_iill_llname7652
      @ill_iill_llname7652 3 года назад +22

      Bye. Texas and Georgia next?

    • @AndrewVelonis
      @AndrewVelonis 3 года назад +8

      Did you notice the two guys on the right when the governor was explaining that the bill was for the benefit of all Floridians?

    • @Cimmerian415
      @Cimmerian415 3 года назад +1

      So you're ok with big tech censorship?

    • @IlDeimos
      @IlDeimos 3 года назад +25

      Who cares about Twitter anyway, or Facebook? The world would be better off without Twitter and Facebook.

  • @merryhunt9153
    @merryhunt9153 3 года назад +177

    At 8:10. I can't believe Marjorie Greene addressing a city council in short shorts and flipflops. That is just plain low class.

    • @peterpiper7441
      @peterpiper7441 3 года назад +8

      She's waiting for someone to say, 'Hey you sexy!'

    • @cynthiahernandez3598
      @cynthiahernandez3598 3 года назад +20

      she is GROSS

    • @StudeSteve62
      @StudeSteve62 3 года назад +13

      Marjorie Trailer Greene...

    • @Camey71073
      @Camey71073 3 года назад +5

      Omg😱 someone else felt that way!!!!

    • @pinkpriss
      @pinkpriss 3 года назад +9

      You should see the food-stained pajamas and slippers she wears to Walmart and casinos.

  • @carolewenman4558
    @carolewenman4558 2 года назад +148

    After a a shitty day,you have made me laugh , so thank you Jimmy,

    • @mdoy5667
      @mdoy5667 2 года назад

      you will have a lot of shitty days Thanks Joebama Live what you reap

    • @williamcashcash5078
      @williamcashcash5078 2 года назад

      Not much makes you laugh if you think he's funny

    • @dollyadams6931
      @dollyadams6931 2 года назад +1

      Amen to that remarks we can use a big laugh I love ❣️❤️❣️ Jimmy ....

  • @TrishBenedict
    @TrishBenedict 2 года назад +27

    This is why they hate us. They just don’t have the biting wit and satire on their side.
    Nicely played, Jimmy! I saw it when it was current and I had to watch it again because it’s so darn funny.

    • @evaadams8298
      @evaadams8298 2 года назад +3

      Trish, that is exactly correct! The Republicans wouldn’t know biting wit or satire if they fell over it! Jimmy is hilarious 😂 🤣😂🤣

    • @Nemesis-pe7mw
      @Nemesis-pe7mw 2 года назад +1

      Now only if Americans, including the side you're talking of, would learn to direct the satire at themselves. It's so darn funny how incapable you are (Americans as a culture, not you specifically, I have to little info to make that determination) of self reflection and how quick you are to point to the other side...

    • @TrishBenedict
      @TrishBenedict 2 года назад +2

      @@Nemesis-pe7mw i’m not quite sure if you’re being critical of me or not, but I’ll tell you that I direct satire at myself all the time. That’s how I get through things. And I am always the first one to point out my own hypocrisies. Or at least I try to. But Americans - as a culture - certainly deserve a whole lotta opprobrium. Maybe the last truly great thing we did was the Berlin Airlift.
      I think of Aaron Sorkin as our moral compass of how great we could be. But we’re bogged down by Puritans. We were founded by religious zealots and we’re still controlled by them. They’re ruthless and self-righteous. For me nothing is worth compromising my values, but for them the ends justify the means and they’re willing to look the other way and ignore moral values. “Christians “? I think not.

    • @jeanhendersonharley3228
      @jeanhendersonharley3228 12 дней назад +1

      Right

    • @jeanhendersonharley3228
      @jeanhendersonharley3228 12 дней назад +1

      ​@evaadams8298 😂😂😂😂😂 true

  • @linorful
    @linorful 3 года назад +37

    Florida needs a new governor

    • @totallyaccuratebotansimula9493
      @totallyaccuratebotansimula9493 3 года назад +5

      agreed. cant imagine how they dont feel shame

    • @xominousowlx6959
      @xominousowlx6959 3 года назад +2

      @Niamh De Na Crainn Arda On the direction of the changing world with more land base ice melting into ocean because of human consumption of fossil fuels and Co2. Yeah, Florida is going to be gone in this century.

    • @edwardrichardson7076
      @edwardrichardson7076 5 дней назад +1

      Because of global climate change, Florida will be totally under water in this century.

    • @edwardrichardson7076
      @edwardrichardson7076 5 дней назад +1

      Some smart people are already selling their Florida property and moving out.

  • @sandyheyse1093
    @sandyheyse1093 3 года назад +109

    Oh Jimmy! You always crack me up! I love watching your monologues especially when it involves Cheeto and his embicilic followers!

  • @hectormacias3495
    @hectormacias3495 3 года назад +9

    A few months ago Panocha Cruz and his family walked in to Carrabba's on Kirby and half the place booed him. It was sooo satisfying. They must be used to it cauae they sat and had dinner.

  • @patriciawright8786
    @patriciawright8786 2 года назад +45

    LOL! I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I have only gotten to where Kimmel answers Ted's first text. HA HA! Why would you be so stupid to keep annoying a professional comedian? LOL! I can see how furious he must have gotten.

    • @lydialebron8293
      @lydialebron8293 2 года назад

      I told him move on and you keep sending me texts

  • @nicolastutor
    @nicolastutor 3 года назад +39

    Jimmy's strength is as the strength of ten. Because his heart is pure.

    • @nicolastutor
      @nicolastutor 3 года назад

      thanks for including "sir" in quotes. I'm glad you don't make assumptions about my gender! My sister is a Sara, no H. Good for you "miss!"

  • @sirdrakey
    @sirdrakey 3 года назад +64

    I live in Florida and I agree with Jimmy!

  • @KALIMAN-jl8de
    @KALIMAN-jl8de 3 года назад +32

    Man... I'm not going to Florida anymore... I've had enough of them.

    • @sct4040
      @sct4040 2 года назад +3

      I did not go to DC during the whole Trump period.

    • @KALIMAN-jl8de
      @KALIMAN-jl8de 2 года назад +1

      @@sct4040 hello buddy... how are you?
      I understand exactly what you're talking about... I've been to DC twice... first, during the Obama administration and then during that dude's term.
      And I'll tell you what... the second time around, even the energy was heavy, there were times when it was even hard to breath.

  • @sylvia9675
    @sylvia9675 3 года назад +4

    Love Jimmy Kimmel ❤

  • @pierrebibeau9861
    @pierrebibeau9861 3 года назад +196

    By God, DeSantis is a first-class clown. Unbelievable.

    • @richardhartman5032
      @richardhartman5032 3 года назад +1

      No need to be jealous of the man, because he governs like a boss!!!!

    • @Pepe-em9gj
      @Pepe-em9gj 3 года назад +15

      @@richardhartman5032 Sure Jan 🙄 How about DeSatan is a beta male kissing a fake billionaire's wide orange a$$

    • @beckv8526
      @beckv8526 3 года назад +1

      @@richardhartman5032 In Cancun!

    • @mxmurphy
      @mxmurphy 3 года назад +3

      @@richardhartman5032 boss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????

    • @koleyw932
      @koleyw932 3 года назад +1

      @@richardhartman5032 A mafia boss, that is.

  • @Jackd-lz2hn
    @Jackd-lz2hn 3 года назад +63

    Did she forget she was going to a courtroom. She dressed like she was going to a club to pick up a guy.

    • @lillyanderson3623
      @lillyanderson3623 3 года назад +14

      She's such a low life.

    • @ferox965
      @ferox965 3 года назад +6

      No amount of possible fun crazy is worth putting a letter in that mailbox.

    • @evaadams8298
      @evaadams8298 3 года назад +15

      I think she looks like she’s going to Walmart.... She is sooo awful!

    • @Jackd-lz2hn
      @Jackd-lz2hn 3 года назад +3

      😂

    • @anonimothy5979
      @anonimothy5979 3 года назад +5

      Club Walmart? Lol

  • @Alexander-rq9he
    @Alexander-rq9he 2 года назад +8

    Love how she stopped picking up all the dog poop in the backyard to make it over to the council meeting..Whew..just in time! 😅

  • @stranraerwal
    @stranraerwal 2 года назад +19

    how elegantly she presents herself to the council meeting.

    • @luga718
      @luga718 Год назад

      😂😂😂😂

  • @tophers3756
    @tophers3756 3 года назад +308

    Why do people, especially right-wing politicians, take on professional comedians. You're gonna get smeared.

    • @FrayJaeBen
      @FrayJaeBen 3 года назад +15

      Yes! They Are Professional Roasters!! LMAO! 😭😂😂😭🤣😅💯

    • @australien6611
      @australien6611 3 года назад +14

      wouldn't it be cool to have a team of writers behind you and 24hrs notice to have the perfect comeback every time. My life would be very different 😉

    • @justagirlsd3000
      @justagirlsd3000 3 года назад +6

      Shmeared like Cruz’s face

    • @doneachus6780
      @doneachus6780 3 года назад +24

      Ego. Pure and simple. They get used to having everybody around them agreeing with them. They end up thinking they're the cleverest in the room. Good to see them smeared with their own words.

    • @JerseyNYC83
      @JerseyNYC83 3 года назад +6

      @@australien6611 Jimmy tweeted back at him before the show-you tried! 😂

  • @jessicajewell709
    @jessicajewell709 3 года назад +32

    Human boil?!?! I'm dead!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @thereseduran7377
    @thereseduran7377 2 года назад +18

    I watched that game and man was it humiliating and Jimmy was a damn good sport about it.

  • @followsuittrading
    @followsuittrading 2 года назад +4

    I love how politically charged he has become. He doesn't give AF and he tells it how it is 🤘

  • @stephanie5249
    @stephanie5249 3 года назад +740

    A lot of people are a bit embarrassed by their parents... but an we just have a moment of silence for Ted Cruz’s kids. 😬 That has to be absolutely mortifying. Dude makes ME feel second hand embarrassment

    • @candicemonique5927
      @candicemonique5927 3 года назад +61

      Most think Trump's kids should be embarrassed, but they're just like him, so. 🤷🏽‍♀️

    • @livewiiiiire
      @livewiiiiire 3 года назад +30

      @@candicemonique5927 we're all embarrassed enough for them I guess

    • @greyson3421
      @greyson3421 3 года назад +36

      *That’s how us Texans with morals feel bro.*

    • @sunshine3914
      @sunshine3914 3 года назад +18

      Fled’s kids may have the smarts to disown clown. But MTG’s....
      I see them having their own TLC show & topping the Palin’s

    • @lucky14cricket56
      @lucky14cricket56 3 года назад +7

      @@sunshine3914 haha of course it would be TLC. They have the best freakshows on earth.

  • @JeremyToh
    @JeremyToh 3 года назад +170

    Comedians are fearless... Never pick a fight with a Comedian.

    • @michaelpipkin9942
      @michaelpipkin9942 3 года назад +11

      Yeah, it's suicide. Imagine if George Carlin was on Twitter...

    • @scotchbarrel4429
      @scotchbarrel4429 3 года назад +1

      Has Jimmy responded to Hannitys criticism? Ive been looking forward to that video.

    • @henrylawson430
      @henrylawson430 3 года назад +4

      There is nothing fearless about Kimmel, he is a corporate stooge.

    • @blackcandyish
      @blackcandyish 3 года назад

      They don't lose

    • @pureblooded7343
      @pureblooded7343 3 года назад

      🤬 Kimmel! He doesn't scared anyone!

  • @FinnandMaxsMom
    @FinnandMaxsMom 3 года назад +21

    "Human Boil Ted Cruz" - priceless!

    • @eltorocal
      @eltorocal 3 года назад +1

      Lyin' Led Curse

  • @TedsHoldOver
    @TedsHoldOver 2 года назад +38

    "He [Cruz] was Trump's Theon Greyjoy." 🎯

    • @jodihamilton9053
      @jodihamilton9053 2 года назад

      😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I love the analogy.

    • @jodihamilton9053
      @jodihamilton9053 2 года назад

      Bwhaaaaabwhaaaaa 😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @caliguy1260
      @caliguy1260 2 года назад

      🤣🤣🤣🤣🍼🍼😢

    • @psygn0sis
      @psygn0sis Месяц назад +1

      Kimmel was Epstein's pool boy.

  • @Tiffany-vj1tv
    @Tiffany-vj1tv 3 года назад +295

    I feel bad for Marjorie Taylor Greens kids and I wouldn't want that lunatic teaching anyone anything!

    • @mikiohirata9627
      @mikiohirata9627 3 года назад +16

      Remember movie Carrie ? and her mom ?

    • @sanders555
      @sanders555 3 года назад +29

      She procreated? That's terrifying.

    • @markfairbanks3533
      @markfairbanks3533 3 года назад +14

      How high on meth must her boyfriend have been to tap that. I just vomited in my mouth thinking of that.

    • @4realfran
      @4realfran 3 года назад +13

      @@markfairbanks3533 surprisingly she has a husband and 3 kids. Btw she cheated on him with her personal trainer and was caught. I think the guy is scared to leave because of what she might do to the kids. Very disgusting woman.

    • @markfairbanks3533
      @markfairbanks3533 3 года назад +7

      @@4realfran i know she is married, but like many married men what they are married to now, is not what they walked down the isle. I'm assuming he has stopped being with her physically a long time ago and is still there to protect the kids, even though they may not be his. I know she has stepped out of the marriage and those are the guys I am referring to. I'd personally choose to put my manhood into a rusty meat grinder that has an occasional electrical short set to the slowest setting while i stand in a bucket of scalding water before entering that nut.
      Remember guys, never nut in a nut..

  • @SamukelisoNgobese
    @SamukelisoNgobese 3 года назад +45

    "Listen, do not teach about slavery!
    Also, do not take down statue we need to remember our history."
    said a hypocrite.

  • @saphahmedia
    @saphahmedia 2 года назад +29

    Guillermo would be hilarious if he were a comedian. Somebody get him the Steve Martin Master Class on comedy--puleeze.

    • @SWHBOYCE
      @SWHBOYCE 2 года назад +1

      Broad Topix is what you need ; Kim Congdon and Alex Scarlato " Get a hold up y'all get a hold up ..."

  • @Robertjf1000
    @Robertjf1000 3 года назад +6

    There should be a law against Marjorie Taylor Greene wearing shorts.

    • @fredalbright3864
      @fredalbright3864 2 года назад

      So true, but think how bad she would taste & smell like? Depends

  • @thisistheaccountname
    @thisistheaccountname 3 года назад +605

    Make sure y'all are voting in your local, state, and presidential elections.

    • @terrystevens3998
      @terrystevens3998 3 года назад +43

      And school boards..they are all about taking over schools now a days...sooooo many Karens

    • @ariaaustin
      @ariaaustin 3 года назад +7

      This! 🙌🏽

    • @whyputaname
      @whyputaname 3 года назад +6

      Ohh I am👍👍

    • @BeegYoshi24
      @BeegYoshi24 3 года назад +4

      Oh I will! Republican ticket all the way! You libs enjoy the critical race theory)!

    • @geraltrivia6148
      @geraltrivia6148 3 года назад +38

      @@BeegYoshi24 We will! Along with critical thinking!

  • @kimp428
    @kimp428 3 года назад +800

    When Marjorie Taylor Greene speaks, she just takes ALL of the air out of the room. Why exactly does she get ANY airtime?

    • @kimp428
      @kimp428 3 года назад +20

      @Niamh De Na Crainn Arda Indeed!

    • @jamesfranksain3227
      @jamesfranksain3227 3 года назад +51

      Because if they don't give her airtime she'll start demanding to speak to the manager and it will turn into a whole thing.

    • @kimp428
      @kimp428 3 года назад +13

      @@jamesfranksain3227 ha ha ... fun answer!

    • @jamesfranksain3227
      @jamesfranksain3227 3 года назад +5

      @@kimp428 I know. I'm so original. Don't know how I do it. Lol jk

    • @gladtravis
      @gladtravis 3 года назад +18

      To show what the Republican Party has become.

  • @robertcastaneda8978
    @robertcastaneda8978 3 года назад +10

    Love the part of his commercial send your money to me lol 😆 yeah right not getting my money

  • @susanbettencourt8958
    @susanbettencourt8958 2 года назад +9

    Jimmy you make my day 💙 never stop ✋️

  • @dyskelia
    @dyskelia 3 года назад +479

    ‘He was Trump’s Theon Greyjoy’ DYING 🤩

  • @australien6611
    @australien6611 3 года назад +35

    anyone who wears shorts to court should be dismissed on the spot

    • @breakmylegs7294
      @breakmylegs7294 3 года назад +6

      The ding bat thinks she's sexy she wants to try to engage in more extra marital affairs the number stands at 4 she's a piece of work

    • @annemettefrederiksen7751
      @annemettefrederiksen7751 3 года назад +3

      I agree with the statue issue,but for crying out loud , knowing that she would probably take down every thing she disagrees with (paintings,statues ect)just makes her reveal how hippocritic she is.

    • @dontbefatuousjeffrey2494
      @dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 3 года назад +1

      nice pfp and username
      love from Brissy
      also - yup. Courts (not so sure about city council meetings, but it's a formal proceeding so I expect the principle still applies) don't tend to take ANY show of disrespect too well - that includes dress (particularly when the person in question has adequate means - I mean even the poorest people standing up in court will go to considerable lengths to pull together a reasonably neat and sober ensemble... she just has no excuse smh)

    • @TampaDave
      @TampaDave 3 года назад

      @@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 -- being ignorant trailer trash is not an excuse?

    • @ferretfriend5458
      @ferretfriend5458 3 года назад

      Judge Judy would make her leave... And just to add this woman is crazy 🤪🤪🤪🤪

  • @debwest7816
    @debwest7816 2 года назад +3

    Kimmel is great ! I am laughing ti tears.

  • @theresedignard4267
    @theresedignard4267 2 года назад +11

    Love your getting under any crazy Right Winger like Crazy Cruz. Keep up the good work.

  • @davidlickiss1609
    @davidlickiss1609 3 года назад +218

    You know what's really gross... MTG is a mother. She is raising kids! Lord help us and those poor children

    • @Mibbitmaker
      @Mibbitmaker 3 года назад +18

      They'll probably end up like Uday and Qusay Trump and their sister Complicity (thank you, SNL)

    • @ferox965
      @ferox965 3 года назад +15

      @@Mibbitmaker MTG is definitely capable of flying planes into buildings.

    • @michelekett8450
      @michelekett8450 3 года назад +13

      She doesn’t seem to spend much time with, so they may get a break?

    • @markstevens1729
      @markstevens1729 3 года назад +6

      Future mass-casualty suspects.

    • @gunhedd5375
      @gunhedd5375 3 года назад +11

      CPS might want to pay Leatherface a home visit. She really should not have procreated.

  • @1982MaxPower
    @1982MaxPower 3 года назад +78

    Yeah that's exactly what statues are there for: honoring people we hate! This woman is ridiculous

    • @dave210yt
      @dave210yt 3 года назад +4

      LOL - good point

    • @calinasagilitypartner4444
      @calinasagilitypartner4444 3 года назад +3

      But she doesn't hate them. That's the problem. She also doesn't understand history at all.

    • @victordecastro7221
      @victordecastro7221 2 года назад

      _ at least calamity greene shaves before she puts on a mask ❗

    • @wirefeed3419
      @wirefeed3419 2 года назад +2

      @@calinasagilitypartner4444 She doesn’t understand history but also doesn’t have a grasp on reality either.

  • @triciac1019
    @triciac1019 2 года назад +4

    Funny how they all cheered when they all should have known the Ayatolla has been dead for quite awhile. Must have flipped on the applause sign to tell them when to applaud.

  • @palmereldritch7777
    @palmereldritch7777 2 года назад +2

    Oh, Jimmy, this was vicious. Love it !

  • @kevinbwillson4161
    @kevinbwillson4161 3 года назад +125

    Thanks again for saying what needs to be said allowing us to laugh at some really sad sick people. Your the Man

    • @fostecc
      @fostecc 2 года назад +2

      It's you're the man.

    • @madeleineprice9645
      @madeleineprice9645 2 года назад +1

      @@fostecc Thank you 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰!

  • @hippiedachshunds1632
    @hippiedachshunds1632 3 года назад +304

    Does this headline actually call my senator a "human boil"? Well done, headline writer, well done.

  • @calliecooke1817
    @calliecooke1817 2 года назад +1

    Reminds me of the famous exchange between Lady Astor and William Churchill. "Sir Winston, you're drunk." "Yes Lady Astor, but you're ugly, and I'll be sober tomorrow."

  • @hectornegron9155
    @hectornegron9155 2 года назад +6

    Guillermo: "I'M JUST TRYING TO BE NICE". 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @bruhmann6264
    @bruhmann6264 3 года назад +32

    Kimmel, it's not fair having a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

  • @leapingkitties
    @leapingkitties 3 года назад +238

    Grifters gotta grift. Cheato has no class.

  • @eltonparks659
    @eltonparks659 2 года назад +2

    Too funny! That desantos guy was hilarious; glad he's in florida.

  • @bluezinnia847
    @bluezinnia847 2 года назад +1

    Love it, Jimmy!

  • @equalityforall8418
    @equalityforall8418 3 года назад +62

    Ouiser Boudreaux (Shirley MacLaine-Steel Magnolias):
    "He is a boil on the butt of humanity!"

  • @cc-cc4499
    @cc-cc4499 3 года назад +55

    The moral lesson: don't even try to roast a comedian

    • @smiller2044
      @smiller2044 3 года назад

      @Harry Orchard guess even idiots draw a crowd. . .

    • @jaredfinley4986
      @jaredfinley4986 3 года назад

      @@smiller2044 they always have, other idiots

    • @jaredfinley4986
      @jaredfinley4986 3 года назад

      @Harry Orchard hes such a tool

    • @cc-cc4499
      @cc-cc4499 3 года назад

      @Harry Orchard lol feel free to tell him that, and see what would happen

  • @wrinkleypinkley
    @wrinkleypinkley 2 года назад +1

    I love it when Jimmy's voice cracks; when he's talking, suddenly it goes up ^^^ on some certain syllable.

  • @brenbren3061
    @brenbren3061 2 года назад +1

    One of his best yet 😂

  • @billf7062
    @billf7062 3 года назад +337

    God bless you Jimmy! Keep exposing the hypocrites and lunatics with good humor!

    • @championette..
      @championette.. 2 года назад +6

      Word! 💯

    • @meridithgreen4873
      @meridithgreen4873 2 года назад +9

      Agree with you Kimmel 💯% Spot on as always!

    • @SWHBOYCE
      @SWHBOYCE 2 года назад +6

      @@championette.. I agree , Championette !!!!

    • @SWHBOYCE
      @SWHBOYCE 2 года назад +5

      @@meridithgreen4873 And funny too !!! , welll , you gotta be these days , don't ya think ?

    • @championette..
      @championette.. 2 года назад +1

      @S.W.H. BOYCE
      Haha... you know it!! 😉

  • @nononsense7615
    @nononsense7615 3 года назад +257

    *“Anyway, Florida is that toilet seat”*
    Best quote of 2021 thus far!

    • @celinehary3222
      @celinehary3222 3 года назад +12

      Floriduh!

    • @krissifaith6709
      @krissifaith6709 3 года назад +2

      Ironically NY and Cali flocking to the Sunshine State...

    • @celinehary3222
      @celinehary3222 3 года назад +6

      @@krissifaith6709
      We're trying to save it and taking the "DUH" out of Floriduh.

    • @silverprad
      @silverprad 3 года назад

      why is he saying swastika a horrible thing?

    • @krotchlickmeugh627
      @krotchlickmeugh627 3 года назад

      @@celinehary3222 lmfao more like ruin it. California and new york are cesspool i should know i lived in both and currently live in california.

  • @sandwichman4534
    @sandwichman4534 2 года назад +3

    I can't wait til I see Jimmy's tribunal. It's gonna be epic

  • @ellenlaken8440
    @ellenlaken8440 2 года назад +14

    Florida, there and Texas, 2 places I'd never move to.

  • @MAYK1NG
    @MAYK1NG 3 года назад +74

    I LIVE for these monologs! They cheer me the hell up when I have to hear about any of these slimeballs.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage 3 года назад +59

    That is a viscous slander of boils.

  • @thegameisafoot3801
    @thegameisafoot3801 2 года назад

    "Human boil"... No two words were ever so appropriately paired. Kudos!

  • @daveb6815
    @daveb6815 3 года назад +57

    Ted Cruz, the ultimate Texan,, oh hold on he's Cuban,, or is he Canadian? I dunno he's a Trump mini me,, like in Austin powers 🤣

    • @seivaDsugnA
      @seivaDsugnA 3 года назад +3

      Someone dragged him up from somewhere by his bootstraps.

    • @robhaskell4043
      @robhaskell4043 2 года назад +6

      As a Canadian born and bred, I take exception to that comment! Cruz IS a human boil - get used to it. Or better yet, VOTE HIM OUT!

    • @daveb6815
      @daveb6815 2 года назад +7

      @@robhaskell4043 I apologize to all Canadians and Cubans everywhere 🤣

    • @margaretlambert3483
      @margaretlambert3483 2 года назад +4

      NO! He's not Canadian! He might have been born here, but you got him. you keep him!

    • @argon6548
      @argon6548 2 года назад +2

      @@daveb6815 Thank you!

  • @annek1226
    @annek1226 3 года назад +187

    So the guy who claims to be a billionaire is trolling for cash donations??

    • @peterpiper7441
      @peterpiper7441 3 года назад +17

      He's basically left with 'send me your money!' just like a televangelist.

    • @victordecastro7221
      @victordecastro7221 2 года назад

      _ it is gonna need that jet when it flees/flies to that wannabe💀czar💀vlad💀putin💀 for political asylum - rush your money in trumpees ❗❓❗

    • @nancydemoss608
      @nancydemoss608 2 года назад +5

      @@peterpiper7441 Just like all of the televangelists.

    • @keithfriedman
      @keithfriedman 2 года назад

      Yes nobody in the Democrat Party has to Troll for money because, between Soros and Zuckerberg they're siphoning in Billions of Dollars every voting cycle.

    • @thomascattington1660
      @thomascattington1660 2 года назад

      Well, ya gotta have lots and lots of "faith" to believe any of these Maggots. (And few, few brain cells.)

  • @FixNewsPlease
    @FixNewsPlease 3 года назад +29

    "Human boil!" 🤣😂
    I love you Jimmy.

  • @ronaldevans9043
    @ronaldevans9043 3 года назад +1

    Human boil ha ha. Perfect, there are so many of them now.

  • @mk-lk7gi
    @mk-lk7gi 2 года назад +1

    Cheeto in Chief, Mar-A-Lardo, Weasel News ... damn ... your writers nailed it again Amazin'

  • @gorllik26
    @gorllik26 3 года назад +43

    MTG doesn't even know that the stars were yellow. She says gold stars, she thinks that they were awards ?
    This horror belongs in psychiatry

    • @Sargethe1st
      @Sargethe1st 3 года назад +10

      You just can’t fix stupid and in this case, pure evil.
      Failure to arrest and prosecute will end in the death of the democratic experience that is the USA.
      Those who don’t or won’t learn from history will repeat it and the subsequent time is always worse than the preceding one.

    • @soltantio
      @soltantio 2 года назад

      Srsly

  • @MrWolfchamp-xi3cu
    @MrWolfchamp-xi3cu 3 года назад +512

    Ted left his state during a snow storm. Has anyone held him accountable? Was the people's tax dollars funding that vacation of his?

    • @Verick.
      @Verick. 3 года назад +71

      Ted Snooze CanCruz is a disgrace to all Texans. We’ll get him out in 2024

    • @eduardogutierrez3753
      @eduardogutierrez3753 3 года назад +33

      @@Verick. we sure as hell are gonna try!

    • @angelaveale3615
      @angelaveale3615 3 года назад +44

      @@Verick. I'm with you! He has never and will never get my vote nor will Gregg Abbott.

    • @brandielliott4208
      @brandielliott4208 3 года назад +28

      I think you are right....tax payer funded cancun trip 🙁

    • @shahnulislam9897
      @shahnulislam9897 3 года назад +7

      No and yes

  • @lk4871
    @lk4871 2 года назад

    Thank you for showing 12 months ago. This is the only way to remind people, including myself

  • @hub8075
    @hub8075 3 года назад +11

    Just thought about it MT Green has children Oh that’s truly sad !!! Can you imagine ?

    • @TampaDave
      @TampaDave 3 года назад

      Call Social Services.

  • @mareezy
    @mareezy 3 года назад +185

    Lol this whole segment was freaking awesome. Can't say it enough. Jimmy, your writers are ON FIRE

  • @operator0017
    @operator0017 3 года назад +44

    "He always says the white thing " 🤣 you'er the man Jimmy 🤙🏽

  • @mikewalsh2643
    @mikewalsh2643 2 года назад +1

    JIME KIMMEL..."A LEGEND IN HIS OWN MIND"

  • @hawaiifishguy
    @hawaiifishguy 2 года назад +3

    Hand to God I swear I was thinking in my mind grandpa Munster just 2 seconds before it came out of your mouth.

  • @AndrewVelonis
    @AndrewVelonis 3 года назад +108

    She wears shorts to a City Council meeting? I believe the term is "ratchet".

    • @dontbefatuousjeffrey2494
      @dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 3 года назад +8

      She looked like she'd just walked in after a bit of gardening :-D

    • @dontbefatuousjeffrey2494
      @dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 3 года назад

      @Niamh De Na Crainn Arda Well, that's just, like, your opinion, ma'am... ;-)

    • @effyleven
      @effyleven 3 года назад +12

      I am amazed she let ANYBODY see the backs of those thighs!
      Yeuch!

    • @vuksgitau
      @vuksgitau 3 года назад +4

      The ratchetest if that's a word.

  • @Youhaveashittyyunion
    @Youhaveashittyyunion 3 года назад +364

    Emasculated Ted crying like a little girl.

  • @fancynancy6330
    @fancynancy6330 2 года назад

    Awesome. Jimmy you are brilliant.

  • @rona4444
    @rona4444 2 года назад

    Thank you Jimmy.

  • @theedrstrangelove
    @theedrstrangelove 3 года назад +198

    Trust me, there are some of us Floridians fighting back.

    • @toastedjoe1013
      @toastedjoe1013 3 года назад +3

      Is that why all the Manatee's are dead?

    • @lesleyobrien1492
      @lesleyobrien1492 3 года назад +10

      Good luck

    • @Lucifer-qt9gh
      @Lucifer-qt9gh 3 года назад +6

      Trust a floridian...I'd rather not

    • @jc.1191
      @jc.1191 3 года назад +9

      Good luck dealing with that kinda stupid. I wouldn't know how.

    • @oatnoid
      @oatnoid 3 года назад +1

      Why don't you move back to New York City?

  • @cjdr.4145
    @cjdr.4145 3 года назад +69

    All that I remember is that he (Ted) won TX. last election; it was said at the time that: "It was the closest a Democrat came to toppling a Republican incumbent U.S. senator since 1978." It didn't happen because the Texas voting majority STILL vote AGAINST their own interests. Remember Cancun Ted?
    They Won't!

    • @jwoolman5
      @jwoolman5 2 года назад +3

      Also remember in 2018 that some Democrats voting a straight party ticket checked their ballots before leaving the machine and saw just their vote for Senator switched from Beto O'Rourke to Ted Cruz. And that was just the ones who checked.... Hmmmm. What a curious machine malfunction. The election was quite close regardless.
      We've had reports of such switches D > R on machines since 2004, but not in 2020. Methinks that Chris Krebs and his team stifled domestic fiddling with machine votes when they worked to prevent foreign interference. Plus paper ballots are secure from that kind of fiddling if properly monitored. So having twice the usual absentee paper ballots also helped make 2020 the most honestly counted election this century.

    • @lorianngrilley-jamroz7631
      @lorianngrilley-jamroz7631 2 года назад +5

      Bcuz they're all too busy making sure they have enough bullets for their polished guns.....

  • @maureenkarkos9882
    @maureenkarkos9882 2 года назад +1

    I I’m born and raised in Florida. Sadly you are correct.🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

  • @ericalston6677
    @ericalston6677 2 года назад

    MY PAST FEW NIGHTS, HAVE BEEN SPENT WATCHING JIMMY KIMMEL'S SHOW AND IT'S A GOOD FEELING TO LAUGH UNTIL MY SIDE ACHES THANKS JIMMY

  • @ssjrose9641
    @ssjrose9641 3 года назад +171

    The best part is when the reporter asks biden...the response is "he's a fool" LOL

    • @missmiou6273
      @missmiou6273 3 года назад +7

      yes

    • @richardhartman5032
      @richardhartman5032 3 года назад +3

      Takes one to know one...LOL !!!

    • @Joe-fn9mi
      @Joe-fn9mi 3 года назад +18

      @@richardhartman5032 No. No it doesn't

    • @edvh88
      @edvh88 3 года назад +11

      It’s so refreshing to have someone call out his BS and not tolerate it at all.

    • @czechmate784
      @czechmate784 3 года назад +16

      @@richardhartman5032 did you stay up all night thinking that one up? trump university grad?

  • @qasimsikander3419
    @qasimsikander3419 3 года назад +52

    Please don’t stop calling MTG Klan Mom.

    • @bukketkid2567
      @bukketkid2567 3 года назад +7

      👍 you got it

    • @GothamThotSlayer
      @GothamThotSlayer 3 года назад +3

      I also call her Asylum Karen

    • @karinbarger9192
      @karinbarger9192 2 года назад

      Sara Mill but hating evil is the only correct response, so Dems choose wisely.

  • @johnswatching4156
    @johnswatching4156 2 года назад +4

    True comedy!! Six months later, it's just as funny as the night it aired. I'm still waiting for Cancun Teddy's conjoined fetus to exit his chin boil.

  • @BoB-Dobbs_leaning-left
    @BoB-Dobbs_leaning-left 2 года назад +11

    I loved the way DeSatanis' stage friends applauded fact that the former guy got banned from Twitter yet they allowed a dead guy to post.

    • @SWHBOYCE
      @SWHBOYCE 2 года назад

      The Murdock's insist upon 'theatre ' that's theyh ' entahtianment' It really impresses them to no means when they notice all the pancake makeup that their 'theater ' clowns ' perform for them in ; you see , they start to drool when they fulfill a skit !!! Isn't that just adorable ??? Then a regimen of Ambien , then some alcohol to waltz them to another day of tuker carlson and all the over -made up suckahs at fox to bs the American public over and over and over again . What a life , huh ? then plastered on to a trip to the nearest televangelst's bs session for political purposes ....the bs nevah stops !! ; do it ???

  • @Leonaza7
    @Leonaza7 3 года назад +327

    I’m with Kimmel in his opinions on Cruz and then some !

    • @jaddlawand2358
      @jaddlawand2358 3 года назад +14

      Jadd J.A.D.D. Jadd
      I completely agree with you. I can't stand Trump, Cruz or anyone like them.

    • @ronathanjonathan257
      @ronathanjonathan257 3 года назад +8

      It’s storming in Texas tonight and we’re all hoping he runs back to Mexico.

    • @CasualGamerGameplay
      @CasualGamerGameplay 3 года назад +12

      I'm not an American, I'm a European and yet this man(Ted Cruz) annoys and infuriates the crap out of me an entire Atlantic Ocean away,i can only imagine what's it like for you

    • @andywelsh3031
      @andywelsh3031 3 года назад +6

      Me too

    • @amramjose
      @amramjose 3 года назад +5

      I think of him as Ted "la cucaracha" Cruz or Ted "fidel castro" Cruz...=))

  • @Riverrockphotos
    @Riverrockphotos 3 года назад +192

    She is so concerned about history that she want to make it illegal to teach anything about slavery or the civil war.

    • @Joseph-ro6wq
      @Joseph-ro6wq 3 года назад +7

      The funny thing to me is, they don't want CRT taught is schools but I don't think they realize all their children have to do is, turn on their televisions, go to the movies or search RUclips videos.

    • @mariovallieres4956
      @mariovallieres4956 3 года назад +1

      You do know that the civil war started be a use some whites wanted to free the slaves right? Yeah, whites. ...

    • @danadudley3127
      @danadudley3127 3 года назад +2

      @@mariovallieres4956
      No. The slaves wanted freedom and they would have gotten it with whites help or not.

    • @roc7880
      @roc7880 3 года назад +4

      the same people who are afraid of cancel culture.

    • @mariovallieres4956
      @mariovallieres4956 3 года назад +2

      @@danadudley3127 how do you figure? Try to use logic now.....Explain that and I will gladly have an open mind with an explanation.....try to use guns availability, money, influence etc.........

  • @votephillips2564
    @votephillips2564 3 года назад +1

    "Human Boil" is funny !!

  • @maevematthee4312
    @maevematthee4312 Год назад

    This week in covid history is my favorite!