oh gosh i understand this completely. the other week i had some friends over and they've never been to my house before, and normally nobody does so i just put a bunch of sticky notes on my wall whenever i think of something to write about or make later or if i see a quote i like but i was so worried about what they thought if i was being "fake deep" or if my thoughts were dumb or pretentious so i moved these all to the closet so they couldn't see them. people say they know me so well but i hide so much because im so terrified of criticism or not being good enough. if i write something for class and it has like my true thoughts about it in there instead of something made just for the sake of the essay i won't let anyone read it because i think it's bad. idk sorry if this was long i just really am confused as to why i do this
savanna I don't think that's dumb, I do very similar things. I worry about what people will think of me when they see my room or where I live so I try to change it so they think better of me
Are you talking about my life because what you described is literally me. The other week I wrote an essay for my History class ahead of everyone else and they were like post it to our facebook group so we can have a better idea on how to write and I agreed and then I postponed it so much bc I was so self-councious about it and I didn't want them to read it that I didn't post it at all... And I have this ALL of the time
Tori Jarvis yeah, i do things like that too. it might sound weird but really it's nice to hear that someone understands. im sorry you're going through this though
I.. yes. I appreciated Tessa's video but this one really resonated with me. Wowowow. I didn't even realize this about myself but you're right- I've lived my entire life *not* doing things because I was afraid of being bad. Things that I LOVE to do. I love to sing but I can't even sing in the car with friends because what if I'm not as good as I think I am? For me this fear translated into not even trying. I've gotten over it just naturally, a bit, with age, but I'm still not over it. I always called it stage fright, but it's part of so much of my life that more recently I've just been calling it anxiety. But maybe it's not anxiety? Maybe it's just fear. I don't know. Maybe I should see a therapist. I mean.. I know I should, but I'm uninsured at the moment so I have to wait until I get a better job. Which is horrible. Alas.
i can relate sooooo much. being a perfectionist really screws with your brain and makes you second guess everything you do and set such high expectations for yourself and its really irritating
I think it's always important to understand, what is often seen as typical, and could be somewhat diluted into a cliche, but is so important that everything is a perception, and it is so good to grow and create, but not shy away from critical rather see it as getting a variety of sources to feed back from. And understand what's good is just a perception. But anyway lovely video sav x
I haven't got over this either but I think the closest I've got is realising when things don't work out, when things aren't great, that knocks you down. And being knocked down is a good idea sometimes because, especially in creativity, egotism can be a bad thing. Realising you're not the best and therefore taking that step to learn from others and work harder in yourself is really important.
I relate to this so much. I often really struggle to share my ideas and creations with people because I'm so worried they're bad and I'll be judged. I wish I had some advice for you but I'm still trying to figure it out myself
Not only are people always thinking about themselves looking silly and the same thing as you but even if you do look silly, people like that. It's relatable.
this is exactly how i feel constantly, and it is extremely comforting to have it put into words, and to know that someone (let alone someone i look up to) experiences it this much.
Thank you so much for making this video, I think this is a huge problem that is not frequently addressed. I took a theater class a couple weeks ago and my professor told us that the final assignment for the class would be to perform; whether it was a song or stand up or even dance didn't really matter. He told us about this assignment for the first day of our class. To be honest I was excited but completely terrified at the idea of not just going up in front of people, but creating something, presenting it, and not having it be executed exactly the way i would want it to be and then have my classmates think that what I had created was bad and then think myself that what I had created was bad. Throughout the entirety of the class we were all made to get up in front of everyone and perform exercises and I discovered that the theater community is extremely supportive and they all want you to succeed or at least try. I stumbled across this quote that really helped me conquer this fear of not wanting to be vulnerable around people " you are enough, you are so enough, it is unbelievable how enough you are". this quote helped me accept myself and know that I am enough just being where I am and trying is enough. The fear that comes with perfectionism creates this constant battle with self acceptance. It's an ongoing struggle but what really helped me was accepting that I am enough and the fact that i would try to create something and present it is enough, I don't need to be anything more. I understand it is extremely hard it's like unlearning years of fear thats been drilled into us. When I got up for my performance that night I was still absolutely terrified but I performed anyway and though it did not go exactly as I'd planned I accepted it and realized what i'd done was enough. You've probably been told this a million times but the mistakes we make are how we learn and grow; being vulnerable around people is absolutely terrifying but sometimes you have to value your art over that fear and accept that the fact that you have created something is enough. (I hope this helps you sav, you've really helped me a lot over the years)
Oh my lord, this was so on point. Especially the part where you said that the utter fear of not being perfect could originate from a thought of people somehow thinking less of you. I was obsessed about being perfect for that exact reason all of my early teenage years and I still sometimes am. THANK YOU for this video. Brilliant as always.
I resonate with everything you're saying to such a high degree. My fear of looking stupid and subsequently having people think less of me prevents me from doing a lot of things I wish I could do (dancing is a really big one, and it's a comfort that you said that as well because I've felt very alone in these feelings). A lot of people tend to just say, 'just let go and enjoy yourself!' but if I feel self conscious because I'm afraid of failure and/or imperfection, it's very hard for me to enjoy myself or admit to my shortcomings. It's probably a lot to do with vulnerability. I haven't really been able to get past this yet...if I ever figure out how to handle it, I'll let you know.
this really resonated with me, as did tessa's video, as i have always thought vulnerability wasn't a problem for me - i can share my feelings and that is being vulnerable, that is trusting people so thats not an issue. but from your videos i have realised, that is not what makes me vulnerable. what makes me feel vulnerable and what i don't seem to be able to trust anyone with is putting myself in a position where someone can turn around and say actually no, don't do that. i won't dance in case someone says i look stupid, same with singing, i find it hard to make friends because i won't talk in case i would get in the way and someone might take me aside and tell me they don't like me, i won't ask someone if something i have done is okay, or think something i have done is good in case someone tells me i am wrong. i think this is about trust, because i do not allow anyone in the position for one of these scenarios to actually occur, and so i am trying to work on my own vulnerability. lovely video sav, thank you so much for being you, and for being honest, i really related to it, like when i got two marks under an a** for biology and everyone was saying it was stupid and selfish to be upset, the a* didn't upset me, it was that i felt i could have gotten the a** and i was thinking of how my parents would be proud , and i would be proud for once. you made me feel much less alone so thank you 💛💛💛
I am exactly the same. I always, ALWAYS want to give more than it's asked. It's kind of a mixture with what you talked about in your "i wish i was" video. It's like wanting to be the best at everything without messing up, not even in the process of becoming that "best" person that you want to be. I am TERRIFIED of being judged; hence why, for example, if I have a group project in which we have to do a video, I am the one who comes up with the idea, directs, records and edits the video but not once makes an appearance in it. It's a bit selfish, but I cannot bear the thought of having a group of people or an authority thinking I am silly or not good enough in what I do.
I totally feel the same. I'll always have these tendencies but I've pushed through to be able to create short films. I had periods of time I just wasn't making anything because of the fear. Can't wait to see your short!
i definitely get feelings like this but what i started doing which i've found really helpful is focussing on what i would think if i saw someone else mess up the same thing, and i knew i probably wouldn't even notice or if i did i'd understand people mess up and would in no way hold it against the person. thinking like that has really helped me and also kinda made me realise people really don't care and arent so focussed on your performance as you think they are, theyre probably more focussed on the same thing for themself ahaha. love you loads, so excited for your film!!! xx
Letting loose was the absolute hardest thing for me in the world, something i still struggle with! what has somehow helped me sightly is watching other people be funny and strange? there's a certain comfort in knowing that some people out there are willing and able to do it. makes me feel like i can too!
ahh i get ya. I make lots of creative stuff and short films and i love making it, dont get me wrong, but if someone were to ask me 'so whats the plot about' I would never be able to answer. But one day i was having lunch with a guy who writes plays and novels and I told him that I had made a short film recently and he asked me what its about and i spent the next 5 minutes telling him that it was just a really rough film and loads of things went wrong, and joking about how bad it was, but then he told me to never be ashamed of my work because if I say I hate it, then everyone I worked with to create it will also be brought down and think with the same mindset. If you can't be positive for yourself, then do it for others. idk, im still not over the anxiety i get from talking about my work, but I do like to remember what that guy said coz it made me think.
the moment you talked about people feeling less than you my heart just swelled because i live in constant fear of that. i have a lot of mentors/old teachers around me that i feel talk me up a lot, and i know that i am a very hard worker despite any talent or lack thereof, but being surrounded by people, especially towards the end of high school (i've just finished my first year of university), who were constantly raving about me when i don't see myself as that spectacular, really freaks me out. i really sound like i'm complaining like "ohmygod people talk about me so much in a good way" but i feel like i do stand out from other people my age simply because i work hard, try to stay out of the way and i really really don't like drawing attention to myself, i'm happy to just do things for other people to help out, or just for myself to achieve my own goals. i feel i've gone off topic, but anyway, really interesting video as always, thanks sav x
I can relate so much to what you talked about, especially showing vulnerability and thinking others will think less of me for not being/doing the best i can
Oh my god Sav, everything you said in this video resonates with me so much. :( Thank you for voicing your thougts, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one with these problems.
Girl, same! All the way through. I wouldn't say I've gotten over this, but I definitely am actively struggling with the work to move past it haha. I think it's a layered issue, and like you mentioned it's pervasive in so many different areas of life that it's such a task to combat AND additionally it's hard to challenge when you it sometimes serves me well. I'd say it's mostly about trust. Trusting other people to be kind to you (SO DIFFICULT) and trusting yourself to be kind to you (also very difficult). At the crux of it, the only person who cares that we look silly when we're dancing is us. Everyone else is either happy we're enjoying ourselves or ignoring us. The perfect gaze projects itself onto the world and distorts our reality. The real work is in admitting to ourselves that we limit our capabilities by living inside of our preconceived notions. Sending light for your journey! You have awareness which is such a huge first step in finding your comfort with this.
thanks for making this video, it opened my eyes. now i realise that i'm the same. before trying something new or something that i don't know if i'm good at, i tend to imagine what other people may think of me after i 'possibly' end up looking silly because i'm not experienced. so i don't do it. i believe that is actually me who thinks less of myself when i fail but i don't what to accept that i'm insecure so i put the blame into the others. i would say "everyone will judge me for not doing this correctly" but in my head i know that is on myself, i am my biggest fear. failing myself. after i discovered that, i got less critical about what i do and i try to get over it by thinking that no one is actually looking at me and they are concentrating on not failing themselves. maybe that could work for you. excuse my english, i'm from argentina so i am not that good at it. again, thanks for this video. i love your poetry but also when you talk about you with us.
I can definitely relate to what you were saying about not doing things out of a fear of appearing silly or people thinking less of me, and it's frustrating because I know that I wouldn't think less of someone because they did something that was silly or not perfect? It's as if I think I'm the exception. I think I'm a bit of a perfectionist too, and it tends to get in the way of me making things. If I want to do something or make something, but I don't believe I can make it as good as I believe it should be, then a lot of the time I won't do it. It's frustrating because I completely understand that you can't always make things perfectly the first time and that if you practice you'll get better. I wish I wasn't afraid of making the mistakes that I need to make in order to improve. Good luck with your first film though! I did an HND in Television and had to direct my own film as part of my course and it was definitely one of the most challenging things I've ever done as I struggle with social anxiety. I found it helpful to have people that I really trust working with me. They helped me get through the process and at the end I felt proud that I had managed to make something despite being so scared.
it's crazy how much i resonate with this. im really grateful for you bringing this up so that i can also read the advice in the comments. my whole life i felt like this and i would only find escape from this insane sense of perfectionism by convincing myself nothing matters and i shouldn't do/create anything if i wasn't able to do it perfectly. I felt like everything i produced had to satisfy myself all while everyone around me could not find any flaws in it. i constantly disassociated myself from things i love, like art, music and writing, to avoid making something that made me feel awful about my skill and artistic point of view.
I have the exact feelings, especially because I am a studio art major. I overcome these feels by remembering that art is not always serious. Sometimes it is best to be loose and more expressionistic! I really look up to Pablo Picasso in the sense that art is what you made that no one else took the time for. Best wishes Savannah, you are a gorgeous inspiration!
OH my god i resonate with this video so strongly ive never really been able to identify why i was so afraid to talk about feelings or share things ive created & its totally 100% bc im afraid of being vulnerable in front of others
I experience the same kind of shame when I don't feel I do good enough. Honestly is rather crippling because I can't get past this fear of fucking up so I just don't do a lot of things. I haven't gotten over this and I still have no idea how to but it's pretty comforting that there's someone else who deals with this too, so thank you for making this video
I related to this so much, especially when you talked about how you felt with acting and sometimes I think by not allowing ourselves the opportunity to be silly or make mistakes it can deny us opportunities. I think its a process of becoming comfortable with not always being perfect and the more we express and actually do the things that we aren't comfortable with because we're too afraid of the embarrassment of failing the more able we are to understand and accept that not being perfect is only human. If we put ourselves on the line and experience the feeling of not knowing how people will react to our work more often by putting ourselves in the situation we're afraid of I have found that for me it became less difficult to work with others.
I experience this 100%. Like, it gets so bad I will put off looking at feedback for something for weeks because I know I won't be able to handle it, or spend all my energy trying not to cry because I didn't get an A. Like, it especially manifests in school work. But I so relate to what you mentioned about tying your worth into your work! Getting anything less than perfect can seriously ruin the whole day for me because I will think of myself as less because of it.
anxiety and fear to mess things up stops me from doing so many things, and i know that it's ridiculous to think that way because everyone starts with something and it's okay to do things wrong sometimes and nobody is perfect but still i can't make myself do something :c
I know excactly what you are talking about and I always find me in situations where I'm convinced that I am worse than everybody around me and everybody knows excatly what he/she is doing but me. After getting to know people that I thought are "perfect" or at least more perfect than me, I realised that they are not confident as well about their work and themselves but somehow cover up their insecuritys better than I do. I have this worne out phrase in my head that seems true for me "fake it till you make it." If you act self confident, than most people will believe you... and there was a ted talk about that topic as well that you can't expect to be self confident and then you start to do the things you are afraid about. You need to start to do the scary things and grow with the experience (maybe not always good ones) and after a while you get self confidence in what you are doing. I sometimes even think about the scary situations as "training" for myself. So I will learn from it and I even started to push myself in these situations. I have always issues with this as well, so I'm with you at this point but that's what I always tell myself :) even though the video is 2 months old, maybe someone else reads this or even you and it helps somehow. :)
i relate to you so much.'( its that fear of rejection and this perfectionism and the sad part is that even though you push yourself to be perfect youre never satisfied with something youve done its never perfect. and this anxiety,this fear of getting something wrong,of being judged of loss of control of something not going as perfectly as you wanted it to is not only exhausting but it also prevents you from doing the things you love its like being a hostage of an enemy inside yourself and you wish to be friends with it but you try and its hard its hard to accept yourself when you seem to be the only one or one of very few that struggle with this pain when they get criticized to the point where you just give up on things cause you can no longer take the pain. i wish your short film is related to anxiety. anxiety has caused me to have no friends.to be scared of leaving the house.to be terrified of small talks with strangers.to be terrified of showing my face even to take a photo,to be intimate with people to talk smoothly with people to dance around people to be myself to be happy to not want to kill myself every day and yet when i tell people im suicidal they say nothing they stay silent which may seem calming but its more violent than words. im alone and i too am afraid of rejection. today actually someone rejected me..i really liked him,i threw myself at him too much,i was too nice and too excited to meet him.he couldnt even say i was beautiful when i told him i believe im ugly.he just said that maybe this little girl thinks im pretty cause she looked at me. rejection hurts but the anxiety of not knowing weather youll be rejected or not kills on the inside even more. yet this person just caused me to belive further more i am nothing.
I relate to you so much!! When I used to get papers back in history class I would just refuse to look at the comments, because I was so embarrassed and couldn't help but take criticism personally.. I guess I was just afraid of looking stupid in front of the teacher too. Same with giving my writing to my friends to review, half of me wants to get critiqued and the other half is terrified of getting any vaguely negative comments. This resonates with me so much, thanks for showing that I'm not alone in this one.
i completely understand how you feel. for a very long time, i convinced myself that everyone had to like me. i strived for this image of a perfect friend, perfect daughter, perfect student. i put on a false but likable persona, but every bit of it was forced. and after all my efforts, no one liked me any better; rather, people started disliking me more for being so noticeably faked. after an even longer time, i convinced myself that not everyone had to like me. because the right people will /love/ me. and no amount of artificiality (in personality or acceptance) could come close to that.
So so excited for your short film, sav! Loved the thoughts in this video because I can definitely relate to them. I always get afraid of sharing projects I envision in my head with other people because I have SUCH a fear of being embarrassed or misunderstood. I feel so silly in regards to that but I can't shake it !!
i have this same feeling too! specially with creativity as well. Its so hard for me to trust myself that an idea/ drawing/ poetry is good enough to show other people. 99% of the time im so embarassed of what i create. BUT im trying to become less of a perfectionist with myself ):)
I get like this in English class when we have to edit and revise our classmates papers because they'll comment on a part I might have thought was really great and then I get insecure and don't bring my paper next time so nobody can revise it, probably shooting myself in the foot
I can relate so much! :'D In English class I always used to repress every creative idea I had and write something totally boring and safe, something of which I knew no one would criticize it. I was super insecure that anyone would judge me for trying to be creative or funny or criticize my idea
this really really speaks to me, i've always struggled with criticism and i'm too scared to make things with other people because i hate sharing my ideas until the finished project is complete and i deem it good enough to share. great video & i cant wait for your short film!!
i definitely have always experienced this too. it does go back to that fear of vulnerability tessa talked about in her vid, especially the part about just throwing around ideas without having confidence that they're any good... i SO feel that. im glad to hear someone talking about it though!!
I know this feeling so well and I've been working on it for years now. I've seen Tessa's video as well and I think, for me, it's always been a sort of "confidence" thing. Not the kind of self-confidence that makes you feel good about the way you look, but some sort of innate trust in your personality. I'm not gonna go ahead and pretend like I've solved this problem for myself but I keep doing this thing where I make little moments happen. For example, when I'm in social situations I will consciously say something I want to say but feel self-conscious about and see what happens. Usually it turns out a lot better than I thought but when it doesn't go well, I always realise that it wasn't so bad. So I guess my advice is just do things in baby steps and somewhat further the boundaries of your comfort zone and while doing that, be aware of what you're feeling. Just knowing what's happening and working on it has always helped me a lot. I think a kind of "fake it til you make it" approach isn't so bad. Either way, loved the video and all the best of luck with your short film x
i get like this all the time. no matter how pure the intention is, any sort of judgment or criticism makes me so so insecure and suddenly i regret ever putting myself out there. i'm very sensitive to that kind of stuff, and any sort of feedback makes me feel inadequate and makes me crawl back into my shell
this whole video resonates so much!!! i believe some of it is maladaptive perfectionism which is like perfectionism but it stops you from doing stuff and some of it is super high expectations, both of which are me to a t
This has really hit hard with me but with school right now. I just got done with exams and I have a 4.0. To keep said 4.0, I had to get a certain grade on the exam. (Of course I figured what I needed to get on the exam and studied for each exam constantly since three days before the exam). I took the English exam and I got my results back and I got a 90.23%. I needed to get a 91% to keep my 4.0. My final grade came to a 92.96%. A 93% is an A. If I would have gotten one more right on this 200+ question exam, I would have kept it. My journal entry of that night as follows. "I think I failed myself. I am disappointed in myself. This is the saddest I have been at myself." The next day, she said she curved the test and I got my A back, reclaiming my 4.0. Through this experience, I realized I am mortified of failure. And failure for me = not a perfect GPA, which is silly. I've always gotten good grades and my parents have always told me that if I tried my best, they are proud. If I don't get the perfect GPA, I feel like I haven't tried my best, gave 100%, or even cared enough. I am mortified of failure and that scares the crap out of me.
I relate to you so much. Through experience, I've found that the best way to deal with this feeling of embarrassment is to just own it. I know it doesn't sound easy at all, but if you just laugh at yourself in that moment and decide to look past it, that'll make things a lot more comfortable for you. I've also learned that the best way to deal with awkward situations like these is to treat them exactly like what they are and be honest with your reactions. It's okay to make mistakes, nobody's perfect. xx♥
I completely understand! I usually have 'good' (see I'm doing it again) ideas but I never have the confidence to say them. On some occasions people have said an idea that I was also thinking of and they get a really positive reaction, but the thing is I would never judge someone else for having a 'bad' idea so I don't understand why I judge myself for my bad ideas.
i relate SOO much to this. it've gone to the point when i am afraid to give my essays to a teacher as i am afraid that my Deep Thinking™ is either way too deep or conversely too superficial. and i can't help the fear knowing that somebody would be able to get inside my head by just reading what i think about this goddamn character of the book. so umm lately trying to see all this with the eyes of a person who you show your whatever piece of art to helped a bit. and i'm desperatly trying to fully understand that IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE THE BEST! but as i said - desperatly. and thank you so much sav! you're one of my favourite persons in the entire world
i do drama, musical theatre, and dance, as i have done for 13 years. i can perform infront of an audience of strangers, but when performing in class in lower school i was always so scared due to judgement. i didn't like the idea of people looking at me, and possibly picking at all my flaws at the same time both within my drama, and not. aswell as that, i used to make covers. people found these and i was bullied because i "couldn't sing". my confidence was completely wrecked so i refuse to sing infront of people. when i have to (i.e. when i'm in shows) i spend the entire time focusing on how i sound terrible, even though i genuinely don't. im not over my fear of performing infront of my peers, but i'm a lot less nervous than i used to be. it'll get better sav, it just takes time
I relate to this so much, every time someone reads something I've written or the teacher gives me feedback or anything I get so much anxiety? and people tell me "you did what you could" but I know that I could have done better, I could have procrastinated less
definitely have had similar experiences, I think this rly describes the person i was a couple years ago, and what helped was surrounding myself w/ people who are less afraid of what people think of them, or at least open themselves up more to others' judgements? and i realized, the only ones dancing at a party are having way more fun than anyone else, and you could be them! easier said than done ik, but when i thought about it in terms of/prioritizing my actual experience over the opinion people around me have of me, it helped :) xx
im definitely the same way!! ahah it definitely manifests in my schoolwork there's always a constant fear of "i could have done this so much better!" i dont rly know how to combat it yet. lov u sav xx
I am the same! I hate theatre rehearsals because I'm not good yet but everyone can see me not being good. It's also why I don't like people to read what I'm writing over my shoulder. No one can see my work until I've agonised over it in detail.
I know that feeling from theatre class! Most of the time I feel good, but the times when I DO feel like I was doing an awful job it's like..NOOO WHYYY. There are witnesses!! haha btw. i think i remember your user name from when you helped me out with a grammar problem in English (they pronoun) :D cheers from Austria xx
Some of the best advice I've ever received is to do something that scares you everyday. If it is terrifying in some way, that probably means you will grow from the experience. Dance just one day and you'll see that no one thinks less of you. After the first time, it's infinitely easier to do it again. For every first time, a door is opened to a next time. This was a lovely video I loved hearing your thoughts. I have definitely felt this way before, but I do feel that I have overcome it in many ways. Best wishes :)
I FEEL LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME!! And it makes me so annoyed because I know the fear of what other people think is holding me back from doing and sharing things that I genuinely enjoy. As for coping tools I don't have many but I think it really comes down to perfectionism and trying to (harmfully) uphold an almost perfect image of yourself you've created, scared to make mistakes because they seem so permanent, scared to destroy that idea of yourself. Honestly I don't have much but the things that help me are: when I'm writing/creating/presenting try to imagine that what you're doing is for you and you only, I find whenever other people's opinions are involved I change how I do things and the second thing I try to remember is something that my friend always reminds me when I get anxious about what other people think- people aren't mean, they are not trying to find fault in you, the majority of people will see the good stuff. I'm not sure if this helps at all but I hope it does! You're definitely not alone in feeling this way. If you find ways of dealing with it please make another video explaining, it would be so so helpful!
Sav it's a good thing to feel vulnerable when making art. It shows that you care and it also shows that you're reaching a new level of experimentation. You're pushing boundaries and therefore feel wary as to whether people will accept it! Either way it's a great thing. Don't worry!
I can definitely relate. Feedback and criticism is scary, and being vulnerable is as well. I took a nonfiction writing class this semester, and most of our writing assignments involved writing very personal things about our lives and in some cases, having the entire class read and workshop the essay during class. We talked a lot about how there really is no way to be comfortable being vulnerable, and that the only way to do it is to force the vulnerable parts out into the world, because those are the parts that need to be there, the things that need to be said. As for criticism, the same applies: it is okay if you are afraid of criticism and sometimes take it personally, even though you know you shouldn't, as long as you force yourself to read it, to accept it, and to consider it valid to the extent that you see fit. Putting yourself out into the world is scary, and if it wasn't, then you wouldn't really be vulnerable. My professor says that although it does get easier, the fear is a part of the art.
YES YES YES, i relate to this so much. I've found that it really helps to think of yourself in the other person's situation. An example being theater or public speaking: When you see someone maybe stumble over their lines or seem REALLY nervous, do you think they are the worst person? No (unless you are a really mean person...and if so, why???), usually you have some feeling of compassion for the person or understanding that doing what they do takes a lot of bravery. Even if you DO get negative comments or reactions from people, it's ultimately YOU that decides how their comment impacts you.
yeah... I deal with this too. so far, I haven't really gotten over it completely, but I find it helps to kinda ease yourself into it by showing a few friends who you know won't hate you or think any less of you no matter how your creation is, and just starting there for feedback
I feel you, really. I used to be the prime example of 'the-person-who-only-has-to-read-the-material-once-and-they-score-A's'. I'm not anymore. The week immediately after a busy exchange our school scheduled a testweek, and seeing myself score insufficients has been brutal on my mental health. School's getting tougher, to the point i have to put more and more effort in studying the material. My marks aren't even that bad, my mind just makes it seem like the end of the world. I know i shouldn't care, but for some reason i still do.
i resonate with this on a high level. this is something i have always struggled with and continue to work on. i am a writer and musician and have been all my life, yet i have only shared a few original pieces with others. i tend to have the mentality that if i share something and receive negative feedback, that it, essentially, means i am not good at the things that mean the most to me. which, in essence, i think, is understandable, but is still something that i hope to overcome soon.
I am currently in a late stage of recovery from depression and anxiety, and at this point I've decided that I'm hilarious and that I'm beautiful and that that will be true no matter how many times I slip up. in order to have good you have to have bad so as long as you realize that and let the bad happen, you'll be fine
This was, and is still, so relatable to me and how I live my life also. I love performing arts, and the fact that I can lose myself in the process of being another character. But I used to be so scared of interpretations and having to do something on the spot - it scared me that I might not be able to show the best of myself because I haven't prepared anything to do so. And now I still walk away from some rehearsals being like, I know I did that terribly or I could have done that so much better, but due to practise I have built my self-confidence in that area and as a person. There are of course other, more specific ways but I found that practise for me was key! I hope this helps you and others who watch your video. Keep making these because you inspire me to speak out. ❤
Every single thing you said in this video made me go "um, yeah, that's me, 100%". Being bad at stuff is my worst fear, and like you said, I simply don't know how to separate myself from the things I do. If something I do is (in my opinion, not necessarily anyone else's) "bad", I beat myself up sooo much about it. I'm such a perfectionist too, and hate sharing things I'm not done or happy with. Like, in school I always hated when the teacher wanted to look at what I was writing halfway through because I was like well, no, I'm not done, this isn't ready, even though I knew logically that it was a good thing because they might give me helpful pointers and stuff. Criticism, or even potential criticism just terrifies me. Thank you for this video, and for making me feel less weird and alone. Love from Sweden
Wowee zowee I have these EXACT same feelings. An acquaintance of mine said to me recently that I have really great ideas and I just need to share them. I don't think he realized how much that actually meant to me but it meant a lot. Now my mantra is "my ideas matter." Because they really do. I'm still working on getting over perfectionism, it will be a life long battle, but the only way I'm getting over it is by making things and making mistakes.
This really resonated with me and made me feel so much better at a time I really needed it. Good for you for doing the things youre scared of anyway :3 Good luck with your short film, we can't wait to see it x
I've always felt the same way, but I had an amazing teacher who taught me to envision a wall whenever I felt stuck, or that I couldn't/shouldn't do something that I wanted to for fear of failure. He told me to throw all of the reasons that I wanted to do it at that wall, then to envision myself running straight through it. I did this every day for about three years, and I'm finally living fearlessly, 5 years after receiving that advice. it just becomes habit. now, I make speeches, I dance, and I've mastered the subjects in school that I was terrified of. I'm 3 years above my grade level in math, which I was so scared of, and I'm in the top 1% of my 500 piece class. I'm really proud of what I've overcome, and I am only now seeing how it held me back. I actually wrote a poem or two about it! thanks for this, sav!
I completely understand this feeling, I experience the same thing and it stops me for what I want to do in life, which is to become a ballet dancer however I'm so scared of "looking silly" when dancing other types of dance like contemporary or hip hop and it's frustrating. I know I'm not a bad dancer but I also know I could be a much better one if I felt more confident and didn't care what other people think of me. That thought is always on my mind. Thank you for making this video it made me realise that I'm not the only one who's is felling like this and that I have to get over this mindset. I'm fucking going to school tomorrow and dancing for me, no one else!
This is probably the most relatable video of yours that I've watched so far. I'm dealing with the exact same thing, but in my case it only occurs when I'm performing (I'm a musician). I'm just afraid of other people judging me and as you already said thinking less of me. And funny enough I don't feel that way so much when I play in front of my professors and colleagues but when I play in front of people with little to no knowledge of music. But what I found out recently is that when doing certain things you need to put yourself and your feelings first and stop trying to impress or please others. Sometimes it has helped me to be less critical of myself, but I still have a long way to go to get rid of it, if that's even possible.
i'm excited for your short film :) i do understand the issue you're having right now and i have that issue too. i can't get over it just yet, but hopefully some day i might.
I resonate with this too. How I've tried working on it is to surround myself with people who don't mind trying new things and looking stupid. It helps a lot that I can do stupid things with my friends, we all know we look stupid, and no one cares because we're enjoying it. It's hard sometimes and I still struggle, but it helps that my friends don't mind if I'm 'stupid' or 'bad.'
i understand this so much. i'm in the same boat about making short films. i like to work independently, not because i don't work well with others, but because of that same fear of putting myself out there. can't wait to see what you make!
I'm in college now and I STILL struggle with looking at feedback on essays and such. The fear of failure is a huge hurdle that I have been working to conquer, and I think I've found that you just have to accept that failure is a part of life and make the leap. Without failure there is no progress, no growth. Feeling you so, so hard on this front my dude. We got this.
I totally know what you're talking about! I've managed work towards overcoming this by exactly what you have started doing. Having AWARENESS. this is key. if you can understand that these feelings aren't the truth and bring awareness to it every time you feel it eventually it falls away. just give it time and give yourself lots of love and compassion as it is only normal to not want to fail as failure could mean being un loved and therefore un safe. its human nature but we can over ride it with awareness that we are safe to mess up and it doesn't mean we aren't valuable and loveable!
Same. Time and maturity do the trick I think. I would advise not trying too hard to "lose grip", in this field, things tend to solve themselves spontaneously.
Recognize my self in so much of this. This fear of being silly, being the mocking object, being weird. You're younger than me so this means you figured this out just in time :-) Cant wait for the short film :-)
i relate to most of this way too much, and the whole theatre thing - I'm going through that right now at school, the thought of me acting worse when i could've done better is life shattering for me
same with me for painting and drawing and writing and anything even mildly creative honestly (the dancing too!) I wish I could help you out with some advice, but im still on the search for some too lol
I find a lot of the time when I'm scared of something (judgement, failure, not being good enough, etc.), it helps me to write down every reason why that fear is in my head (for example, I'm scared of failure because I think people will think less of me). Then, I write down everything I can think of to challenge those ideas (ex. people won't think less of me because they're too caught up in their own thoughts to bother). Idk, it's just a suggestion, but it helps me.
oh gosh i understand this completely. the other week i had some friends over and they've never been to my house before, and normally nobody does so i just put a bunch of sticky notes on my wall whenever i think of something to write about or make later or if i see a quote i like but i was so worried about what they thought if i was being "fake deep" or if my thoughts were dumb or pretentious so i moved these all to the closet so they couldn't see them. people say they know me so well but i hide so much because im so terrified of criticism or not being good enough. if i write something for class and it has like my true thoughts about it in there instead of something made just for the sake of the essay i won't let anyone read it because i think it's bad. idk sorry if this was long i just really am confused as to why i do this
this sounds dumb im sorry it was so long
savanna I don't think that's dumb, I do very similar things. I worry about what people will think of me when they see my room or where I live so I try to change it so they think better of me
Are you talking about my life because what you described is literally me. The other week I wrote an essay for my History class ahead of everyone else and they were like post it to our facebook group so we can have a better idea on how to write and I agreed and then I postponed it so much bc I was so self-councious about it and I didn't want them to read it that I didn't post it at all... And I have this ALL of the time
It doesn't sound dumb. I totally relate to that, many others do too. Look how many likes your comment got.
Tori Jarvis yeah, i do things like that too. it might sound weird but really it's nice to hear that someone understands. im sorry you're going through this though
I totally agree with the whole "needing other people to complete a project makes me nervous and weird" fear
I.. yes. I appreciated Tessa's video but this one really resonated with me. Wowowow. I didn't even realize this about myself but you're right- I've lived my entire life *not* doing things because I was afraid of being bad. Things that I LOVE to do. I love to sing but I can't even sing in the car with friends because what if I'm not as good as I think I am? For me this fear translated into not even trying. I've gotten over it just naturally, a bit, with age, but I'm still not over it. I always called it stage fright, but it's part of so much of my life that more recently I've just been calling it anxiety. But maybe it's not anxiety? Maybe it's just fear. I don't know. Maybe I should see a therapist. I mean.. I know I should, but I'm uninsured at the moment so I have to wait until I get a better job. Which is horrible. Alas.
i can relate sooooo much. being a perfectionist really screws with your brain and makes you second guess everything you do and set such high expectations for yourself and its really irritating
I think it's always important to understand, what is often seen as typical, and could be somewhat diluted into a cliche, but is so important that everything is a perception, and it is so good to grow and create, but not shy away from critical rather see it as getting a variety of sources to feed back from. And understand what's good is just a perception. But anyway lovely video sav x
SAV IS MAKING A SHORT FILM? OMG YAAAAS
spooky gi christmas your username and propic are amazing 😂💫
Nikki Pastelz hehe ty fren
spooky gi christmas oh look it's someone who types in all caps and still uses the word 'yas'.
Cheez whiz Is important yep that's me
NOONA??? IS THAT NOONA I SEE??? HOLY SHIT SKAAAAAAAAAM
I haven't got over this either but I think the closest I've got is realising when things don't work out, when things aren't great, that knocks you down. And being knocked down is a good idea sometimes because, especially in creativity, egotism can be a bad thing. Realising you're not the best and therefore taking that step to learn from others and work harder in yourself is really important.
Izzy! fancy seeing you here. Big fan :D
you're super beautiful and talented :)
undeniably trash DODIE
I relate to this so much. I often really struggle to share my ideas and creations with people because I'm so worried they're bad and I'll be judged. I wish I had some advice for you but I'm still trying to figure it out myself
Not only are people always thinking about themselves looking silly and the same thing as you but even if you do look silly, people like that. It's relatable.
this is exactly how i feel constantly, and it is extremely comforting to have it put into words, and to know that someone (let alone someone i look up to) experiences it this much.
I struggle with a lot of the same things. I'm glad you shared it.
Thank you so much for making this video, I think this is a huge problem that is not frequently addressed. I took a theater class a couple weeks ago and my professor told us that the final assignment for the class would be to perform; whether it was a song or stand up or even dance didn't really matter. He told us about this assignment for the first day of our class. To be honest I was excited but completely terrified at the idea of not just going up in front of people, but creating something, presenting it, and not having it be executed exactly the way i would want it to be and then have my classmates think that what I had created was bad and then think myself that what I had created was bad. Throughout the entirety of the class we were all made to get up in front of everyone and perform exercises and I discovered that the theater community is extremely supportive and they all want you to succeed or at least try. I stumbled across this quote that really helped me conquer this fear of not wanting to be vulnerable around people " you are enough, you are so enough, it is unbelievable how enough you are". this quote helped me accept myself and know that I am enough just being where I am and trying is enough. The fear that comes with perfectionism creates this constant battle with self acceptance. It's an ongoing struggle but what really helped me was accepting that I am enough and the fact that i would try to create something and present it is enough, I don't need to be anything more. I understand it is extremely hard it's like unlearning years of fear thats been drilled into us. When I got up for my performance that night I was still absolutely terrified but I performed anyway and though it did not go exactly as I'd planned I accepted it and realized what i'd done was enough. You've probably been told this a million times but the mistakes we make are how we learn and grow; being vulnerable around people is absolutely terrifying but sometimes you have to value your art over that fear and accept that the fact that you have created something is enough. (I hope this helps you sav, you've really helped me a lot over the years)
listening to sav talk is oddly super calming god bless u sav u help so many people
i absolutely love hearing your voice! it's very calming
Oh my lord, this was so on point. Especially the part where you said that the utter fear of not being perfect could originate from a thought of people somehow thinking less of you. I was obsessed about being perfect for that exact reason all of my early teenage years and I still sometimes am.
THANK YOU for this video. Brilliant as always.
Your sweater is winning in a focus war with your face
Well said, sir, well said
I can relate! I feel safe in my creativity so the thought of 'my' world - the world I create and belong being shaken makes me feel vulnerable.
Y'know Sav, your hair is the best.
I resonate with everything you're saying to such a high degree. My fear of looking stupid and subsequently having people think less of me prevents me from doing a lot of things I wish I could do (dancing is a really big one, and it's a comfort that you said that as well because I've felt very alone in these feelings). A lot of people tend to just say, 'just let go and enjoy yourself!' but if I feel self conscious because I'm afraid of failure and/or imperfection, it's very hard for me to enjoy myself or admit to my shortcomings. It's probably a lot to do with vulnerability.
I haven't really been able to get past this yet...if I ever figure out how to handle it, I'll let you know.
this really resonated with me, as did tessa's video, as i have always thought vulnerability wasn't a problem for me - i can share my feelings and that is being vulnerable, that is trusting people so thats not an issue. but from your videos i have realised, that is not what makes me vulnerable. what makes me feel vulnerable and what i don't seem to be able to trust anyone with is putting myself in a position where someone can turn around and say actually no, don't do that. i won't dance in case someone says i look stupid, same with singing, i find it hard to make friends because i won't talk in case i would get in the way and someone might take me aside and tell me they don't like me, i won't ask someone if something i have done is okay, or think something i have done is good in case someone tells me i am wrong. i think this is about trust, because i do not allow anyone in the position for one of these scenarios to actually occur, and so i am trying to work on my own vulnerability. lovely video sav, thank you so much for being you, and for being honest, i really related to it, like when i got two marks under an a** for biology and everyone was saying it was stupid and selfish to be upset, the a* didn't upset me, it was that i felt i could have gotten the a** and i was thinking of how my parents would be proud , and i would be proud for once. you made me feel much less alone so thank you 💛💛💛
This is so relatable it hurts...
I am exactly the same. I always, ALWAYS want to give more than it's asked. It's kind of a mixture with what you talked about in your "i wish i was" video. It's like wanting to be the best at everything without messing up, not even in the process of becoming that "best" person that you want to be. I am TERRIFIED of being judged; hence why, for example, if I have a group project in which we have to do a video, I am the one who comes up with the idea, directs, records and edits the video but not once makes an appearance in it. It's a bit selfish, but I cannot bear the thought of having a group of people or an authority thinking I am silly or not good enough in what I do.
I totally feel the same. I'll always have these tendencies but I've pushed through to be able to create short films. I had periods of time I just wasn't making anything because of the fear. Can't wait to see your short!
i definitely get feelings like this but what i started doing which i've found really helpful is focussing on what i would think if i saw someone else mess up the same thing, and i knew i probably wouldn't even notice or if i did i'd understand people mess up and would in no way hold it against the person. thinking like that has really helped me and also kinda made me realise people really don't care and arent so focussed on your performance as you think they are, theyre probably more focussed on the same thing for themself ahaha. love you loads, so excited for your film!!! xx
Letting loose was the absolute hardest thing for me in the world, something i still struggle with! what has somehow helped me sightly is watching other people be funny and strange? there's a certain comfort in knowing that some people out there are willing and able to do it. makes me feel like i can too!
Goodness gracious you're a lovely flower
thats a fact
Rosalie Aria Martinez extremely well put
Rosalie Aria Martinez I second this
Rosalie Aria Martinez I am a flour too
ahh i get ya. I make lots of creative stuff and short films and i love making it, dont get me wrong, but if someone were to ask me 'so whats the plot about' I would never be able to answer.
But one day i was having lunch with a guy who writes plays and novels and I told him that I had made a short film recently and he asked me what its about and i spent the next 5 minutes telling him that it was just a really rough film and loads of things went wrong, and joking about how bad it was, but then he told me to never be ashamed of my work because if I say I hate it, then everyone I worked with to create it will also be brought down and think with the same mindset. If you can't be positive for yourself, then do it for others.
idk, im still not over the anxiety i get from talking about my work, but I do like to remember what that guy said coz it made me think.
the moment you talked about people feeling less than you my heart just swelled because i live in constant fear of that. i have a lot of mentors/old teachers around me that i feel talk me up a lot, and i know that i am a very hard worker despite any talent or lack thereof, but being surrounded by people, especially towards the end of high school (i've just finished my first year of university), who were constantly raving about me when i don't see myself as that spectacular, really freaks me out. i really sound like i'm complaining like "ohmygod people talk about me so much in a good way" but i feel like i do stand out from other people my age simply because i work hard, try to stay out of the way and i really really don't like drawing attention to myself, i'm happy to just do things for other people to help out, or just for myself to achieve my own goals. i feel i've gone off topic, but anyway, really interesting video as always, thanks sav x
this really, really resonates with me. I'm glad to hear that someone else feels this way because I really thought I was being insane or something.
I can relate so much to what you talked about, especially showing vulnerability and thinking others will think less of me for not being/doing the best i can
Oh my god Sav, everything you said in this video resonates with me so much. :(
Thank you for voicing your thougts, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one with these problems.
Girl, same! All the way through. I wouldn't say I've gotten over this, but I definitely am actively struggling with the work to move past it haha. I think it's a layered issue, and like you mentioned it's pervasive in so many different areas of life that it's such a task to combat AND additionally it's hard to challenge when you it sometimes serves me well. I'd say it's mostly about trust. Trusting other people to be kind to you (SO DIFFICULT) and trusting yourself to be kind to you (also very difficult). At the crux of it, the only person who cares that we look silly when we're dancing is us. Everyone else is either happy we're enjoying ourselves or ignoring us. The perfect gaze projects itself onto the world and distorts our reality. The real work is in admitting to ourselves that we limit our capabilities by living inside of our preconceived notions.
Sending light for your journey! You have awareness which is such a huge first step in finding your comfort with this.
thanks for making this video, it opened my eyes. now i realise that i'm the same. before trying something new or something that i don't know if i'm good at, i tend to imagine what other people may think of me after i 'possibly' end up looking silly because i'm not experienced. so i don't do it. i believe that is actually me who thinks less of myself when i fail but i don't what to accept that i'm insecure so i put the blame into the others. i would say "everyone will judge me for not doing this correctly" but in my head i know that is on myself, i am my biggest fear. failing myself. after i discovered that, i got less critical about what i do and i try to get over it by thinking that no one is actually looking at me and they are concentrating on not failing themselves. maybe that could work for you.
excuse my english, i'm from argentina so i am not that good at it.
again, thanks for this video. i love your poetry but also when you talk about you with us.
i relate to every single word you said. thank you for posting this because i thought i was the only one who feels like this.
I can definitely relate to what you were saying about not doing things out of a fear of appearing silly or people thinking less of me, and it's frustrating because I know that I wouldn't think less of someone because they did something that was silly or not perfect? It's as if I think I'm the exception. I think I'm a bit of a perfectionist too, and it tends to get in the way of me making things. If I want to do something or make something, but I don't believe I can make it as good as I believe it should be, then a lot of the time I won't do it. It's frustrating because I completely understand that you can't always make things perfectly the first time and that if you practice you'll get better. I wish I wasn't afraid of making the mistakes that I need to make in order to improve.
Good luck with your first film though! I did an HND in Television and had to direct my own film as part of my course and it was definitely one of the most challenging things I've ever done as I struggle with social anxiety. I found it helpful to have people that I really trust working with me. They helped me get through the process and at the end I felt proud that I had managed to make something despite being so scared.
it's crazy how much i resonate with this. im really grateful for you bringing this up so that i can also read the advice in the comments. my whole life i felt like this and i would only find escape from this insane sense of perfectionism by convincing myself nothing matters and i shouldn't do/create anything if i wasn't able to do it perfectly. I felt like everything i produced had to satisfy myself all while everyone around me could not find any flaws in it. i constantly disassociated myself from things i love, like art, music and writing, to avoid making something that made me feel awful about my skill and artistic point of view.
I have the exact feelings, especially because I am a studio art major. I overcome these feels by remembering that art is not always serious. Sometimes it is best to be loose and more expressionistic! I really look up to Pablo Picasso in the sense that art is what you made that no one else took the time for. Best wishes Savannah, you are a gorgeous inspiration!
OH my god i resonate with this video so strongly ive never really been able to identify why i was so afraid to talk about feelings or share things ive created & its totally 100% bc im afraid of being vulnerable in front of others
I really relate on the point you made about dancing, and it's hurting my social life
I experience the same kind of shame when I don't feel I do good enough. Honestly is rather crippling because I can't get past this fear of fucking up so I just don't do a lot of things. I haven't gotten over this and I still have no idea how to but it's pretty comforting that there's someone else who deals with this too, so thank you for making this video
I didn't know other people felt like this, you've summed up how I feel about being a perfectionist and simultaneously a creative person.
I related to this so much, especially when you talked about how you felt with acting and sometimes I think by not allowing ourselves the opportunity to be silly or make mistakes it can deny us opportunities. I think its a process of becoming comfortable with not always being perfect and the more we express and actually do the things that we aren't comfortable with because we're too afraid of the embarrassment of failing the more able we are to understand and accept that not being perfect is only human. If we put ourselves on the line and experience the feeling of not knowing how people will react to our work more often by putting ourselves in the situation we're afraid of I have found that for me it became less difficult to work with others.
I experience this 100%. Like, it gets so bad I will put off looking at feedback for something for weeks because I know I won't be able to handle it, or spend all my energy trying not to cry because I didn't get an A. Like, it especially manifests in school work. But I so relate to what you mentioned about tying your worth into your work! Getting anything less than perfect can seriously ruin the whole day for me because I will think of myself as less because of it.
anxiety and fear to mess things up stops me from doing so many things, and i know that it's ridiculous to think that way because everyone starts with something and it's okay to do things wrong sometimes and nobody is perfect but still i can't make myself do something :c
I know excactly what you are talking about and I always find me in situations where I'm convinced that I am worse than everybody around me and everybody knows excatly what he/she is doing but me. After getting to know people that I thought are "perfect" or at least more perfect than me, I realised that they are not confident as well about their work and themselves but somehow cover up their insecuritys better than I do. I have this worne out phrase in my head that seems true for me "fake it till you make it." If you act self confident, than most people will believe you... and there was a ted talk about that topic as well that you can't expect to be self confident and then you start to do the things you are afraid about. You need to start to do the scary things and grow with the experience (maybe not always good ones) and after a while you get self confidence in what you are doing. I sometimes even think about the scary situations as "training" for myself. So I will learn from it and I even started to push myself in these situations. I have always issues with this as well, so I'm with you at this point but that's what I always tell myself :) even though the video is 2 months old, maybe someone else reads this or even you and it helps somehow. :)
i relate to you so much.'(
its that fear of rejection and this perfectionism and the sad part is that even though you push yourself to be perfect youre never satisfied with something youve done its never perfect.
and this anxiety,this fear of getting something wrong,of being judged of loss of control of something not going as perfectly as you wanted it to is not only exhausting but it also prevents you from doing the things you love its like being a hostage of an enemy inside yourself and you wish to be friends with it but you try and its hard
its hard to accept yourself when you seem to be the only one or one of very few that struggle with this pain when they get criticized to the point where you just give up on things cause you can no longer take the pain.
i wish your short film is related to anxiety.
anxiety has caused me to have no friends.to be scared of leaving the house.to be terrified of small talks with strangers.to be terrified of showing my face even to take a photo,to be intimate with people to talk smoothly with people to dance around people to be myself to be happy to not want to kill myself every day
and yet when i tell people im suicidal
they say nothing
they stay silent which may seem calming but its more violent than words.
im alone
and i too am afraid of rejection.
today actually someone rejected me..i really liked him,i threw myself at him too much,i was too nice and too excited to meet him.he couldnt even say i was beautiful when i told him i believe im ugly.he just said that maybe this little girl thinks im pretty cause she looked at me.
rejection hurts
but the anxiety of not knowing weather youll be rejected or not kills on the inside even more.
yet this person just caused me to belive further more i am nothing.
I relate to you so much!! When I used to get papers back in history class I would just refuse to look at the comments, because I was so embarrassed and couldn't help but take criticism personally.. I guess I was just afraid of looking stupid in front of the teacher too. Same with giving my writing to my friends to review, half of me wants to get critiqued and the other half is terrified of getting any vaguely negative comments. This resonates with me so much, thanks for showing that I'm not alone in this one.
i completely understand how you feel. for a very long time, i convinced myself that everyone had to like me.
i strived for this image of a perfect friend, perfect daughter, perfect student. i put on a false but likable persona, but every bit of it was forced. and after all my efforts, no one liked me any better; rather, people started disliking me more for being so noticeably faked.
after an even longer time, i convinced myself that not everyone had to like me. because the right people will /love/ me. and no amount of artificiality (in personality or acceptance) could come close to that.
So so excited for your short film, sav! Loved the thoughts in this video because I can definitely relate to them. I always get afraid of sharing projects I envision in my head with other people because I have SUCH a fear of being embarrassed or misunderstood. I feel so silly in regards to that but I can't shake it !!
i have this same feeling too! specially with creativity as well. Its so hard for me to trust myself that an idea/ drawing/ poetry is good enough to show other people. 99% of the time im so embarassed of what i create. BUT im trying to become less of a perfectionist with myself ):)
I get like this in English class when we have to edit and revise our classmates papers because they'll comment on a part I might have thought was really great and then I get insecure and don't bring my paper next time so nobody can revise it, probably shooting myself in the foot
We did that once and it made me feel the same thing
just me its so stressful isn't it??
I can relate so much! :'D
In English class I always used to repress every creative idea I had and write something totally boring and safe, something of which I knew no one would criticize it. I was super insecure that anyone would judge me for trying to be creative or funny or criticize my idea
A Bardeft omg same.😛😔
this really really speaks to me, i've always struggled with criticism and i'm too scared to make things with other people because i hate sharing my ideas until the finished project is complete and i deem it good enough to share. great video & i cant wait for your short film!!
i definitely have always experienced this too. it does go back to that fear of vulnerability tessa talked about in her vid, especially the part about just throwing around ideas without having confidence that they're any good...
i SO feel that. im glad to hear someone talking about it though!!
I know this feeling so well and I've been working on it for years now. I've seen Tessa's video as well and I think, for me, it's always been a sort of "confidence" thing. Not the kind of self-confidence that makes you feel good about the way you look, but some sort of innate trust in your personality. I'm not gonna go ahead and pretend like I've solved this problem for myself but I keep doing this thing where I make little moments happen. For example, when I'm in social situations I will consciously say something I want to say but feel self-conscious about and see what happens. Usually it turns out a lot better than I thought but when it doesn't go well, I always realise that it wasn't so bad. So I guess my advice is just do things in baby steps and somewhat further the boundaries of your comfort zone and while doing that, be aware of what you're feeling. Just knowing what's happening and working on it has always helped me a lot. I think a kind of "fake it til you make it" approach isn't so bad.
Either way, loved the video and all the best of luck with your short film x
i get like this all the time. no matter how pure the intention is, any sort of judgment or criticism makes me so so insecure and suddenly i regret ever putting myself out there. i'm very sensitive to that kind of stuff, and any sort of feedback makes me feel inadequate and makes me crawl back into my shell
this whole video resonates so much!!! i believe some of it is maladaptive perfectionism which is like perfectionism but it stops you from doing stuff and some of it is super high expectations, both of which are me to a t
This has really hit hard with me but with school right now. I just got done with exams and I have a 4.0. To keep said 4.0, I had to get a certain grade on the exam. (Of course I figured what I needed to get on the exam and studied for each exam constantly since three days before the exam). I took the English exam and I got my results back and I got a 90.23%. I needed to get a 91% to keep my 4.0. My final grade came to a 92.96%. A 93% is an A. If I would have gotten one more right on this 200+ question exam, I would have kept it. My journal entry of that night as follows. "I think I failed myself. I am disappointed in myself. This is the saddest I have been at myself." The next day, she said she curved the test and I got my A back, reclaiming my 4.0. Through this experience, I realized I am mortified of failure. And failure for me = not a perfect GPA, which is silly. I've always gotten good grades and my parents have always told me that if I tried my best, they are proud. If I don't get the perfect GPA, I feel like I haven't tried my best, gave 100%, or even cared enough. I am mortified of failure and that scares the crap out of me.
I relate to you so much. Through experience, I've found that the best way to deal with this feeling of embarrassment is to just own it. I know it doesn't sound easy at all, but if you just laugh at yourself in that moment and decide to look past it, that'll make things a lot more comfortable for you. I've also learned that the best way to deal with awkward situations like these is to treat them exactly like what they are and be honest with your reactions. It's okay to make mistakes, nobody's perfect. xx♥
I'm so glad you made this video. This resonates with me so much
I completely understand! I usually have 'good' (see I'm doing it again) ideas but I never have the confidence to say them. On some occasions people have said an idea that I was also thinking of and they get a really positive reaction, but the thing is I would never judge someone else for having a 'bad' idea so I don't understand why I judge myself for my bad ideas.
i relate SOO much to this. it've gone to the point when i am afraid to give my essays to a teacher as i am afraid that my Deep Thinking™ is either way too deep or conversely too superficial. and i can't help the fear knowing that somebody would be able to get inside my head by just reading what i think about this goddamn character of the book. so umm lately trying to see all this with the eyes of a person who you show your whatever piece of art to helped a bit. and i'm desperatly trying to fully understand that IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE THE BEST! but as i said - desperatly.
and thank you so much sav! you're one of my favourite persons in the entire world
i do drama, musical theatre, and dance, as i have done for 13 years. i can perform infront of an audience of strangers, but when performing in class in lower school i was always so scared due to judgement. i didn't like the idea of people looking at me, and possibly picking at all my flaws at the same time both within my drama, and not.
aswell as that, i used to make covers. people found these and i was bullied because i "couldn't sing". my confidence was completely wrecked so i refuse to sing infront of people. when i have to (i.e. when i'm in shows) i spend the entire time focusing on how i sound terrible, even though i genuinely don't. im not over my fear of performing infront of my peers, but i'm a lot less nervous than i used to be.
it'll get better sav, it just takes time
I relate to this so much, every time someone reads something I've written or the teacher gives me feedback or anything I get so much anxiety?
and people tell me "you did what you could" but I know that I could have done better, I could have procrastinated less
definitely have had similar experiences, I think this rly describes the person i was a couple years ago, and what helped was surrounding myself w/ people who are less afraid of what people think of them, or at least open themselves up more to others' judgements? and i realized, the only ones dancing at a party are having way more fun than anyone else, and you could be them! easier said than done ik, but when i thought about it in terms of/prioritizing my actual experience over the opinion people around me have of me, it helped :) xx
im definitely the same way!! ahah it definitely manifests in my schoolwork there's always a constant fear of "i could have done this so much better!" i dont rly know how to combat it yet. lov u sav xx
I am the same! I hate theatre rehearsals because I'm not good yet but everyone can see me not being good. It's also why I don't like people to read what I'm writing over my shoulder. No one can see my work until I've agonised over it in detail.
I know that feeling from theatre class! Most of the time I feel good, but the times when I DO feel like I was doing an awful job it's like..NOOO WHYYY. There are witnesses!! haha
btw. i think i remember your user name from when you helped me out with a grammar problem in English (they pronoun) :D cheers from Austria xx
wasn't that on lucy moon's video? no problem haha
exactly, that was it :D xx
Thank you for endlessly inspiring me xox
Some of the best advice I've ever received is to do something that scares you everyday. If it is terrifying in some way, that probably means you will grow from the experience. Dance just one day and you'll see that no one thinks less of you. After the first time, it's infinitely easier to do it again. For every first time, a door is opened to a next time. This was a lovely video I loved hearing your thoughts. I have definitely felt this way before, but I do feel that I have overcome it in many ways. Best wishes :)
I FEEL LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME!! And it makes me so annoyed because I know the fear of what other people think is holding me back from doing and sharing things that I genuinely enjoy. As for coping tools I don't have many but I think it really comes down to perfectionism and trying to (harmfully) uphold an almost perfect image of yourself you've created, scared to make mistakes because they seem so permanent, scared to destroy that idea of yourself. Honestly I don't have much but the things that help me are: when I'm writing/creating/presenting try to imagine that what you're doing is for you and you only, I find whenever other people's opinions are involved I change how I do things and the second thing I try to remember is something that my friend always reminds me when I get anxious about what other people think- people aren't mean, they are not trying to find fault in you, the majority of people will see the good stuff.
I'm not sure if this helps at all but I hope it does! You're definitely not alone in feeling this way. If you find ways of dealing with it please make another video explaining, it would be so so helpful!
Sav it's a good thing to feel vulnerable when making art. It shows that you care and it also shows that you're reaching a new level of experimentation. You're pushing boundaries and therefore feel wary as to whether people will accept it! Either way it's a great thing. Don't worry!
I can definitely relate. Feedback and criticism is scary, and being vulnerable is as well. I took a nonfiction writing class this semester, and most of our writing assignments involved writing very personal things about our lives and in some cases, having the entire class read and workshop the essay during class. We talked a lot about how there really is no way to be comfortable being vulnerable, and that the only way to do it is to force the vulnerable parts out into the world, because those are the parts that need to be there, the things that need to be said. As for criticism, the same applies: it is okay if you are afraid of criticism and sometimes take it personally, even though you know you shouldn't, as long as you force yourself to read it, to accept it, and to consider it valid to the extent that you see fit. Putting yourself out into the world is scary, and if it wasn't, then you wouldn't really be vulnerable. My professor says that although it does get easier, the fear is a part of the art.
YES YES YES, i relate to this so much. I've found that it really helps to think of yourself in the other person's situation. An example being theater or public speaking: When you see someone maybe stumble over their lines or seem REALLY nervous, do you think they are the worst person? No (unless you are a really mean person...and if so, why???), usually you have some feeling of compassion for the person or understanding that doing what they do takes a lot of bravery.
Even if you DO get negative comments or reactions from people, it's ultimately YOU that decides how their comment impacts you.
"the embarrassment of knowing I could have done better" I know how you feel !
yeah... I deal with this too. so far, I haven't really gotten over it completely, but I find it helps to kinda ease yourself into it by showing a few friends who you know won't hate you or think any less of you no matter how your creation is, and just starting there for feedback
I've struggled with these tendencies my entire life, crazy impressed by how well you just vocalized them.
I feel you, really.
I used to be the prime example of 'the-person-who-only-has-to-read-the-material-once-and-they-score-A's'. I'm not anymore. The week immediately after a busy exchange our school scheduled a testweek, and seeing myself score insufficients has been brutal on my mental health. School's getting tougher, to the point i have to put more and more effort in studying the material. My marks aren't even that bad, my mind just makes it seem like the end of the world. I know i shouldn't care, but for some reason i still do.
i resonate with this on a high level. this is something i have always struggled with and continue to work on. i am a writer and musician and have been all my life, yet i have only shared a few original pieces with others. i tend to have the mentality that if i share something and receive negative feedback, that it, essentially, means i am not good at the things that mean the most to me. which, in essence, i think, is understandable, but is still something that i hope to overcome soon.
I am currently in a late stage of recovery from depression and anxiety, and at this point I've decided that I'm hilarious and that I'm beautiful and that that will be true no matter how many times I slip up. in order to have good you have to have bad so as long as you realize that and let the bad happen, you'll be fine
This was, and is still, so relatable to me and how I live my life also. I love performing arts, and the fact that I can lose myself in the process of being another character. But I used to be so scared of interpretations and having to do something on the spot - it scared me that I might not be able to show the best of myself because I haven't prepared anything to do so. And now I still walk away from some rehearsals being like, I know I did that terribly or I could have done that so much better, but due to practise I have built my self-confidence in that area and as a person. There are of course other, more specific ways but I found that practise for me was key! I hope this helps you and others who watch your video. Keep making these because you inspire me to speak out. ❤
Every single thing you said in this video made me go "um, yeah, that's me, 100%". Being bad at stuff is my worst fear, and like you said, I simply don't know how to separate myself from the things I do. If something I do is (in my opinion, not necessarily anyone else's) "bad", I beat myself up sooo much about it. I'm such a perfectionist too, and hate sharing things I'm not done or happy with. Like, in school I always hated when the teacher wanted to look at what I was writing halfway through because I was like well, no, I'm not done, this isn't ready, even though I knew logically that it was a good thing because they might give me helpful pointers and stuff. Criticism, or even potential criticism just terrifies me. Thank you for this video, and for making me feel less weird and alone. Love from Sweden
Wowee zowee I have these EXACT same feelings. An acquaintance of mine said to me recently that I have really great ideas and I just need to share them. I don't think he realized how much that actually meant to me but it meant a lot. Now my mantra is "my ideas matter." Because they really do. I'm still working on getting over perfectionism, it will be a life long battle, but the only way I'm getting over it is by making things and making mistakes.
This really resonated with me and made me feel so much better at a time I really needed it. Good for you for doing the things youre scared of anyway :3 Good luck with your short film, we can't wait to see it x
I've always felt the same way, but I had an amazing teacher who taught me to envision a wall whenever I felt stuck, or that I couldn't/shouldn't do something that I wanted to for fear of failure. He told me to throw all of the reasons that I wanted to do it at that wall, then to envision myself running straight through it. I did this every day for about three years, and I'm finally living fearlessly, 5 years after receiving that advice. it just becomes habit. now, I make speeches, I dance, and I've mastered the subjects in school that I was terrified of. I'm 3 years above my grade level in math, which I was so scared of, and I'm in the top 1% of my 500 piece class. I'm really proud of what I've overcome, and I am only now seeing how it held me back. I actually wrote a poem or two about it! thanks for this, sav!
I completely understand this feeling, I experience the same thing and it stops me for what I want to do in life, which is to become a ballet dancer however I'm so scared of "looking silly" when dancing other types of dance like contemporary or hip hop and it's frustrating. I know I'm not a bad dancer but I also know I could be a much better one if I felt more confident and didn't care what other people think of me. That thought is always on my mind. Thank you for making this video it made me realise that I'm not the only one who's is felling like this and that I have to get over this mindset. I'm fucking going to school tomorrow and dancing for me, no one else!
This is probably the most relatable video of yours that I've watched so far. I'm dealing with the exact same thing, but in my case it only occurs when I'm performing (I'm a musician). I'm just afraid of other people judging me and as you already said thinking less of me. And funny enough I don't feel that way so much when I play in front of my professors and colleagues but when I play in front of people with little to no knowledge of music. But what I found out recently is that when doing certain things you need to put yourself and your feelings first and stop trying to impress or please others. Sometimes it has helped me to be less critical of myself, but I still have a long way to go to get rid of it, if that's even possible.
i'm excited for your short film :) i do understand the issue you're having right now and i have that issue too. i can't get over it just yet, but hopefully some day i might.
I resonate with this too. How I've tried working on it is to surround myself with people who don't mind trying new things and looking stupid. It helps a lot that I can do stupid things with my friends, we all know we look stupid, and no one cares because we're enjoying it. It's hard sometimes and I still struggle, but it helps that my friends don't mind if I'm 'stupid' or 'bad.'
i understand this so much. i'm in the same boat about making short films. i like to work independently, not because i don't work well with others, but because of that same fear of putting myself out there. can't wait to see what you make!
I'm in college now and I STILL struggle with looking at feedback on essays and such. The fear of failure is a huge hurdle that I have been working to conquer, and I think I've found that you just have to accept that failure is a part of life and make the leap. Without failure there is no progress, no growth. Feeling you so, so hard on this front my dude. We got this.
i feel this so hard you have an eloquent way of putting things into words that I think all the time in my head thank the lord for you
I totally know what you're talking about! I've managed work towards overcoming this by exactly what you have started doing. Having AWARENESS. this is key. if you can understand that these feelings aren't the truth and bring awareness to it every time you feel it eventually it falls away. just give it time and give yourself lots of love and compassion as it is only normal to not want to fail as failure could mean being un loved and therefore un safe. its human nature but we can over ride it with awareness that we are safe to mess up and it doesn't mean we aren't valuable and loveable!
Same. Time and maturity do the trick I think. I would advise not trying too hard to "lose grip", in this field, things tend to solve themselves spontaneously.
ahhh you took the things I feel & put them into words, which is so so cool. I relate so much to this
Recognize my self in so much of this. This fear of being silly, being the mocking object, being weird. You're younger than me so this means you figured this out just in time :-)
Cant wait for the short film :-)
can't wait to see what you create, i know it'll be beautiful
i relate to most of this way too much, and the whole theatre thing - I'm going through that right now at school, the thought of me acting worse when i could've done better is life shattering for me
same with me for painting and drawing and writing and anything even mildly creative honestly (the dancing too!) I wish I could help you out with some advice, but im still on the search for some too lol
"i like the solitude of creating something" yep, that's it.
I find a lot of the time when I'm scared of something (judgement, failure, not being good enough, etc.), it helps me to write down every reason why that fear is in my head (for example, I'm scared of failure because I think people will think less of me). Then, I write down everything I can think of to challenge those ideas (ex. people won't think less of me because they're too caught up in their own thoughts to bother). Idk, it's just a suggestion, but it helps me.