My Take On Relationships with ADHD - Can You Relate? 🤔
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 14 июн 2024
- How to get a Diagnosis ➡️ • How To Get Tested For ...
Join this channel to get access to perks ➡️
/ @adhdmastery
Please note I am not a medical professional.
#ADHD #Relationships
![Moneybagg Yo - WHISKEY WHISKEY [feat. Morgan Wallen] (Official Audio)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kJamyq0WplE/mqdefault.jpg)
Having a purpose in life that you can throw all of your heart and soul into is absolute key to staying fulfilled and distracted from potential loneliness as a singleton.
U speak the truth 👍 thanks for gving me a understanding of this shit
But we still need people. Distraction won't fill that hole. Fulfilling our purpose only fulfills that purpose. It doesn't fulfil our other needs.. Its important, but its not going to be everything.
@@Plethorality it is what it is
But we have trouble staying consistent on just one thing.. and most of the time has trouble starting with what you love doing.
@@remynisce33 keep looking my friend. Something will stick.
Hyper focusing on a breakup is exhausting 😩
GIIIIRRRRRRLLLLL😭😭😭😭
very exhausting. I can't f%@ let go.
Damn same.....
He killed it on that one. Especially when they were in the wrong and you’re better off, it still hits hard
2 YEARS! He cheated and im still hung up? Make it make senseeee
It's like I feel more alone in a relationship than I do when I'm single.
If I could like your comment a gazillion times I would. facts!
Soo tru
That statement hits differents. Ow.
Then, you're not in a good relationship. A good relationship will give you a sense of fulfillment.
Same
Meeting my wife is by far the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Aside from high anxiety, she’s very neurotypical. Fortunately, both our strengths and weaknesses strongly compliment each other. She truly is my best friend.
One of the lucky ones mate! Happy for you.
Awwwww ❤️
I’ve been single for years now and I think you kind of get used to doing everything on your own so much that you don’t feel the need for anyone else. This is like icing on a cake if you have experience with getting nagged and breakups etc.. but I truly believe you still can find a good partner and communication is very very important to make a neurotypical person understand how you operate. The sooner they get told the sooner they adjust and accept you for who you are... I’m yet to find someone but let’s see how it goes ..
@@seanmatherson4050 I think, we can educate and inform. I think we cant make others learn, I think they'll want to learn if they are on the same level and understanding and have a desire to pursue the other person. Hang in there!
yep, very lucky.
I feel like having a relationship with another ADHDer could be either the best or the worst thing ever
Yeah, I'd imagine it's hit or miss
Didn't see this comment! I'm asking myself the same! Haha
I am in such a relationship (4+ years)
At first it’s INCREDIBLE, the way you can communicate, fully understand each other and are able to completely open up and be yourself is such a refreshing releave, really beautyful. And it still is, bút having the same flaws is deffinately a big challenge. And because of the double enthousiasm we rushed into it way too fast, which comes back to bite you in the ass as you can imagine 😉
So the biggest challenge for us is actually focusing on ourselves instead of on each other all the time. That was always my problem, which is why I function best on my own as well. But I love love like no other, so this is surely recognizable! All in all I’d say it’s deffinately worth it and amazing to experience, but you both really have to keep yourself in check. It’s very easy to drift off into your own little ADHD world together... ❤️
I can not speak relationship-wise as it relates to having a significant other...
but I know being around people with my same weaknesses can make me hate them only because I see myself in them (I know it is horrible) but being around people who have the strengths that I want to have makes me hate myself since I feel like I am receiving more than I can ever give which makes me feel incompetent. (So bottom line is any relationship at all is hit or miss).
Its funny that there is a baseline set of skills that each individual needs to have for themselves in order to feel like an adult, even if they have amazing talents it can never feel like enough...
@@haleygray6443 Gurl Please! Being as thoughtful as you are puts you above most people in society. Sheep. Way I see it, the world isn't right for us, not the other way around. And knowing is half the battle, you can work through areas you feel need improvement. And yes It's difficult to look at things positively, especially if we've had to pretend or conform. But there is no bigger reward than appreciating your own greatness, and acknowledging what you have to give. At the very least understanding ourselves, and how our brains operate, should not excuse us but help us appreciate our shortcomings, and transform some into strengths.
Even the postS you've made on this video, have reached and helped someone :)
We need to normalise being single. Many people are stuck in bad relationships just because they don't want to be single. Applies to both adhd and non adhd people. People need to learn to be happy alone before getting into relationships.
Agreed.
@@ADHDMastery western society is still a bit open minded and accepting of variations, in India its very conservative and judgemental
I have to disagree. It was well meaning statements like this that really made me so depressed for years and years. I wanted a relationship so badly and I believed it would really help to calm my emotions and when I finally had the one who stuck around it turned out that I was right. Being who I am both dealing with childhood trauma and late diagnosis ADHD being ‘happy alone’ is a goal that for many I feel for many is nothing short of a lifelong process and to some completely unattainable.
Rather, normalize taking time to select good partners. IMO being single isn’t going to solve toxic relationships, to some it may only delay it.
What if your culture requires you to have children or else your ancestors in the spirit world will "die the final death" and you personally know that you cannot raise children without the help of a spouse because you're already wading through 3 feet of water taking care of yourself?
(I mean you're right... but what about for those of us stuck between a rock and a hard place?)
I know plenty of ADHD folks who are in loving, fulfilling relationships. Their ADHD doesn't affect their ability to love and be loved. Keep hope alive, y'all!
Love ❤️ your comment . Thanks for sharing that
most are more than likely mild-ADHD'ers
Adhders might all be u know sitting on 🌈
Perhaps he isn't bipolar... 😩😩😩😩I can't even love.
ADHD lovebombing. It's a combination of hyperfocusing but also people pleasing to regulate our emotions. We're giving them all the love we've always wanted others to give us. .... And then we get bored. And then this becomes a cycle.
Yeah overtime with a therapist and a lot of reflection I'm realizing that I am very much also to blame for the toxic relationships I've found myself in. I'm a slave to whatever will placate my emotions and regulate them, even if it ultimately doesn't serve me. Last relationship I finally got the nerve to end a toxic relationship that I knew was already in the gutter, but man...the loss devastated me. I chose what is better for me long term rather than what would keep me temporarily happy. I had to take muscle relaxers for three months to assist my nervous system in calming down. I was having frequent panic attacks from the separation. It was hell. That was two years ago. I haven't even tried to get into a relationship since. Just isolated completely. I can't go through that kind of hell again, honestly. My emotions were so strong I was in immense physical pain.
😅lol i m not alone, hope we can heal us through therapy
For the first time in my life I’m dating someone else with ADHD and it is AMAZING. I don’t know how typical this is of relationships where both partners have ADHD but when we’re together it’s like we’re able to form a single fully functional adult. We’ve both put a lot of time into learning how our ADHD affects us and that may be a part of it. But here’s a few reasons why it’s awesome. 1) Neither of us judges the other for ways ADHD affects us, 2) ya know how we need external motivation? We’re able to simultaneously be each other’s external motivation. If we’re on our own we’ll say “I should do the dishes” and then nothing will happen. When we’re together one of us will say “we should do the dishes” and the other will say “yeah, lets go ahead and get that done” and then we actually do it! 3) I’ve never been so in-tune with another person. We’ll walk into a room together and I can immediately tell that she’s just forgotten why we went in there and be able to remind her, or vice versa. 4) One of us will develop a new interest/obsession with something and the other will too and then we’ve actually got someone to talk to about it.
Also, i don’t know if this is related to ADHD, but we’re both VERY into respecting each other’s boundaries. We also make sure that we don’t spend too much time together because we know that will lead to us becoming bored with each other. After 2 years it’s still exciting to spend time together. Anyway, i feel like a lot of the issues you described could be solved by just having healthy boundaries.
My husband and I are both ADHD too & what you described is us to a T! Only difference is we spend every moment together, even if that means we are doing an individual activity, we like to be in the same room. We like the company & having the other person there to stave off boredom.
😂"It's like we're able to form a single fully functional adult" - so funny, so true.
@@artsaffron wish I could convince my neurotypical partner to do this. *sigh
I love this so much!
I’m ADHD and my husband is Aspergers! Like opposites. But we can complement each other. When I’m hyper over-whelmed he’s like a rock. Any brain type can find a match if they work on open, honest communication, self-awareness, and as you say, boundaries!
All the best x
@@SpiralMystic Any brain type can find a match 💕
"I see relationships as a loss of control over pace of events that I set up for myself. It means sacrificing my ability to consistently govern myself according to how I best see it in terms of my schedule and living practices."
That nails down what I am struggling so hard to piece together within my brain. At the beginning of a relationship I am always hyperfocussed on the other person and things are easy. Later down the road it is so freaking hard to adapt your life around this other person because if affects your routine and need for being alone with yourself so much.
I’m definitely more productive etc when I’m single, but I still think I’ll meet someone who compliments me, even with my ADHD.😊
I have severe adhd and I met the most amazing linear functioning guy. He is so understanding and gentle and never fights with me for forgetting anything. I find that his structure and routine helps me also stay in routine and on top of things. He never parents me or tells me what to do rather he helps me remember my appointments and important events. I could never ask for better. I'm just trying to say that people with Adhd can absolutely have healthy relationships if they find the right partner.
100%!
Lol jk
@Happyface321 glad to help😊just keep looking (if that's what you want) the right one will come along.. I had to kiss many frogs to find my prince 😅
because of your ADHD! Just find someone who hates to start things but loves to finish things and you will be a perfect match!
I feel like that too. I'm happy on my own and I don't feel lonely. If only people could stop pushing me, nagging me to find a partner and get kids!
👍👍👍
Exactly! I have a dog, a horse and a tortoise😁 It makes me happy and I never feel lonely!
OMG people need to shut up about pushing people to have kids. There are enough humans on the planet having kids, it is not every woman's responsibility to produce more.
@@FortheBudgies totally agree. Luckily I didn't get too much of the nagging to find a partner/have kids from my adoptive family, but there were some weirds as fuck unsolicited conversations about it, initiated by 'mum', while I was growing up, and some judgmental opinions on why XYZ family member thought I was single. I have had boyfriends but I'm single and child-free by choice. DGAF if anyone else doesn't like it.
Jesus man. Once again you very specifically describe something in my life. The very beginning of every single relationship is exactly as you described. I hate playing games and the start of every relationship is a game and if you commit too fast then you scare the other person away.
Your videos and the way you describe things is scary accurate.
I just had a fantastic first date yesterday and now as a person with ADHD I'm frantically waiting for him to send a text saying anything good about it. We were together for almost 5 hours, so many little moments so precious in my head. Laughed so much together and changed locations a couple times in that time. I am even picturing myself getting into a serious relationship with the guy and changing ALL my plans I had for the near future.
I knew I tend to be this dramatic when I meet someone and bond on this level and that was the reason I abstained from even meeting people for a whole year now.
This is so draining to me. Your brain goes a thousand miles a minute and immediately starts obsessing about the person. Wish I wasn't like this, it's so depressing.
This might be off base for you, but in case it helps: I noticed as I got older (early to late 20s) the whole RSD dynamic improved a lot. I think it had a lot to do with me not understanding what my problems were and seeing other people as potential answers to those problems. As I got a handle on my adhd, career, and myriad other problems and questions I was able better to orient myself in the world and stopped obsessing over crushes as much. I'd still get them, but the mystique of individual people was diminished - along with my RSD. Bit of a double-edged sword, but I'd say I'm better off now overall. So on the off chance you can relate, I guess I'd just say enjoy the excitement while it lasts, because your focus might shift as you get older.
The best thing is that you know it. So you can calm yourself a little bit.
and you don´t need to act out on it.
Maybe you could do something where your ind needs to be focused on something other stuff.. or even exercise.
OR keep the day daydreaming, it is nothing bad you know. bad is sharing those day dreams ^^
I completely did that. Head over heels into a relationship with someone with ADD and self proclaimed OCD because I thought he would be everything
Long story short he couldn’t keep promises and sabotaged our relationship. I saw it all coming. With my brilliant ADHD mind I saw all the possibilities and placed my hopes and dreams into my favorite paths. I didn’t allow myself to think of the red flags along the way, and the excuses I made. I loved the night we met. We were together for 6 hours, it was magical.
What I’ve learned from passing that experience and dating again: Please ask yourself the hard questions. What DONT I like about this guy? What words and/or actions occurred that made me cringe, even just a little? Be critical and listen to how they describe themselves in the beginning. Do they say little things like “I’m an asshole” or flake on people and brag about it? Just be aware. It’ll save yourself finding out in the long run, then you remember later down the line it’s been said before
@@MeepitQueen27 the thing is he seemed perfectly fine on every level. at the surface at least. I think I am too much for people and maybe that was the case in here too.
No he didn't text or call back. just saw him delete his account on the app we met, although seems like he still has my number cause I can see his whatsapp pp when I can't see it from my work phone book with my other number.
I am always too much when I get excited about someone. I talk too much. it even annoys me tbh. but I can't stop.
never had a date like this before, hardly ever met guys like him. but sure seems like my lovely adhd got in the way
it's so hard to be hopeful with this. almost 29 and still totally single
Sue Ribelle Sue Ribelle If there’s one thing I learned from going through what I have, it’s that you are not too much for the right people. I used to put that burden on myself and try to “tone myself down” in the beginning. But that puts you in a box. That person is building who they think you are in their head from the moment they meet you. So if you’re not authentically yourself from the first moment, you won’t EVER really get to be yourself
I boxed myself into that situation with my ex husband. He got annoyed with my hyperactivity, didn’t like how I organized things (or didnt clean a certain way), didn’t like my “flow” of life, got angry at my emotional dysregulation, called me bipolar and crazy, and the list of atrocities keep going. Now that I’m a year away, I realize he didn’t know me or love me for me. He loved the image I put up
I was married at 23, dumped by 26, and now I’m dating again. After a year of dating (I’m 27 on Thursday), I’ve learned a lot more and rewired my brain on meeting new men. I go into the first date reminding myself to be authentically myself. If they’re turned off, they don’t turn me on anymore. I don’t allow myself to dwell on if they are annoyed. Trust your intuition and listen to the signals they’re giving you.
He hasn’t texted or called you back, I’m sorry babe, he’s not interested. But know that it wasn’t because you’re not incredible. He deleted the app, so that’s a bigggg sign he’s not ready and has his own shit to deal with. A quote that really helped me was “Relationships arent meant to last forever. When they end, it’s not a failure on either part” Cheating & lying is an exception to that rule, that means the OTHER person failed to keep promises that THEY made to YOU. That means they broke the relationship, and you cannot fix it. If someone drops a vase, is it your job to glue it back together? No, they need to take the initiative since it was their error
I hope this helps you. Please don’t worry about your age either, you’re still young! The average lifespan is about 90, so you’re not even 1/3rd of the way into your life, possibly even smaller of a fraction. Finding someone you deeply connect with, that wants to build a life with you, and puts the effort in is key. Keep your chin up!
Man we sound exactly the same. I am nice to be around when I am calm but as soon as I am irritated I tend to over react. Once people realise this they tend to distance themselves.
2 minutes in and I can say that you have described my life. I thought there was something genuinely wrong with me. After learning about my ADHD I decided to analyse my strengths and weaknesses and at that point you realise whether being in a relationship is for you or not. The downside in choosing not be in one results in those around you being judgemental or concerned since being in a relationship especially after a certain age is the norm in society. Just another thing we have to deal with I guess. Thanks for this :)
I have ADHD and I've been in two serious relationships in my life. When they both ended, they messed me up really badly. After my last break up, it's been just over a year ago (we were together for ten years) and it still affects me negatively every day and I wish it didn't. I wish I could shake it from my memory and move on. However, now that I'm on my own I feel way less stressed, my emotions are way more manageable, I don't feel like a constant disappointment or like some broken thing that needs to be fixed all the time. Which means I'm not constantly beating myself up for not being perfect. Do I miss being with someone and feeling loved? Yes, all the time. Do I miss the constant stress and anxiety? No.
This is so relatable omg :(... my last breakup has caused me so many issues too.. even 2 years later i find myself hyperfixating on it and its put me off completely. Ive also been on my own for a while now and at least that takes away the added stress of responsibility, feeling guilty if you start to get bored of the person, or hyperfixating on every little thing
Omg!!!! So perfectly put....
Were you on medication?
It’s very difficult ADHD piss’s partners off and then their aggravation mess’s with your mind and your Rsd will be crazy! Most people think ADHD is bs so that’s likely to come out! Also break ups smash us to pieces! The silent treatment kills not reading the situation well flying off the handle! Low tolerance for stress and needing alone time a lot is also problematic! I think you just need to meet somebody who really likes you with the patience of a bus load of saints and you will be set 😁
Ufff. Heartbroken and it's for the ADHD issues. You described it well.
We Start pissing family members since childhood
A whole busload !!!
I have ADHD and have never been in a relationship. I just can't imagine being able to share the life I try so hard to keep in order with another person. I had no idea the two might be interconnected in this way. Thank you for your insight!
I’m in the same boat
I've been single for seven years. I hate the idea of a relationship because of men being controlling, rude and abusive and I never want to go through that again. I wasn't a doormat either so leaving was easy but I hurt me so deeply that some things to this day I haven't been able to fully get over. It's like I get a huge dopamine rush in causal/serious relationships and when it ends it's a horrendous depressive suicidal drop. I'm also highly selective of who I keep in my life, don't want many friends as well as a partner. So I relate to trying to minimise stress and being controlled.
I have similar views and I've been told I have a more adult/mature mind set. I got diagnosed at 35 with ADHD. I was fortunate to have help with learning social skills in my early 20s when I couldn't connect with my peers due to social skills I had missed learning because of my ADHD. This led me to form deep friendships that I value. Some day I would like to have a partner, but I am completely satisfied with the companionship and loveliness my friendships provide. This keeps me from being lonely. I also don't want a partner to feel neglected because I like the freedom to focus on my diverse interests or that I need a lot of alone time to recharge. Staying single allows me to do this. Being single also allows me to maintain my friendship because I don't have a partner whose needs I need to accommodate. I want a partner, but don't need one to be happy.
Holy shit dude! This hits home in such a sensitive way.
I listen from the non-adhd wife perspective . This is a very mature self-aware and responsible position to take. My husband and I dated long distance and didn’t live together until after marriage: he hid a ton of information from me about himself that people should not do when involving another persons life. Although he has not been officially diagnosed-yet, he is completely aware of his challenges. His RSD has him leaving at the notion of conflict- as tiny as it may be. I could go on and on. I’ve don’t coaching with with Scott and I think you are extremely mature for making this decision it saves both people involved a ton of heartache. Great content as always. I’ve learned so much from you.
*done coaching
Good to see you here Pamela. I hope things are going well for you.
Patience is my posture- I’m seeking Gods direction, I trust Him much more than I do myself. Thanks again for the amazing selfless approach you’re taking. You are greatly appreciated 🙏🏼
You have made me feel so much better. I'm 56 (I always state my age as it indicates how long I have been experimenting with ways of living), and I am a complete " failure" with long term relationships. I always put way too much into them, am critical of myself, am continually trying to be "normal" and not highly sensitive and highly reactive. It's is exhausting and stressful and I end up resenting my partner (unfairly) because I see them as part of this world that demands too.much of me. I am so happy being single - this contentment only happened about a year ago!! It is such a wonderful feeling. It's taken me this long to accept myself and the way I need to live for me.
Limited attention bandwidth is barely enough for ourselves, let alone others.
Oh baby, I can hyper focus on others. No problem.
@@Plethorality yes, but problems start when your hyperfocus wanes, it can make it seem like youve stopped loving them or got mad because youre more distant
@@aurone7235 I don't do distant when I'm with someone. They probably wished it did!
@@Plethorality ah, I was talking from experience, it happened to me in a relationship and whenever I've had interest in someone, it's just that my hyperfixations are temporal, I may return to them but it's not a permanent thing.
@@aurone7235 I understand. I was speaking from experience too, which includes asoergers, in my case. Plus I'm a sentimental sook,, once I do fall in love . takes s brave nan to get me there, though : )
I hope we both find our balance.
Absolutely agree. I have always put my needs last in relationships. Their needs and wants always come 1st so i basically live on anxiety for the full relationship, analyzing everything. Its exhausting. Also, yes, it takes me years to get over a relationship. Im in year 3 of healing after my last relationship break up. So no more romantic relationships for me. They are detrimental to my mental health.
I completely understand what you are saying. I met my now husband in my 30's. He is autistic ( I suspect I am too as well as my ADHD).
We are each others rocks. Both of us finally felt we didn't have to mask our true selves and yes there were some very tough times, especially when our twins were young.
I had given up on relationships prior to meeting him and he kinda just stuck at it with me 😂. Our particular set of traits tend to compliment each other.
I am too driven, he's too laid back. I am more able to understand others emotions than he is, so step in to help him there. He is able to remind me that I am good enough as I am and not be a slave to others perceptions of me.
I love that we have made a good life for our twins, both ADHD/ASD wonder kids and that they have two parents who understand their makeup.
It's certainly never a dull moment here 😂😂
Your life situation sounds a lot like mine! I also have ADHD & ASD, am married to someone with ADHD & ASD, & we’re raising our daughter who has ADHD & ASD! There are plenty of challenges but there is also so much more honesty, connectedness & mutual support than if I were to be with someone neurotypical.
I crave that level of mutuality in a relationship! Those reassurances you utter to each other can only be possible when your with someone neurodivergent as you
The right person is magic the wrong person is a nightmare but honesty is the key there are so many different ways of being a couple
Yeah, but you're never sure if the other person is honest and when you find out that they're not ...
at least for me I think it's better to completely avoid getting in that situation than trying to find a person that I could trust..
Sometimes, if not usually, a person can be both.
I think a relationship can be good for someone with adhd , because a significant other can be the consistent motivation and support needed for someone with adhd to function. My girlfriend has proven so. I do wish you good luck with future relationships. Your heart can open up again. Rooting for you .
I can’t i have to be single or marry a psychologist lol
My partner and I both have ADHD which honestly works amazingly! I feel like we understand each other way better and we know what it's like to have ADHD. Our apartment is always a goddamn mess but I wouldn't have it any other way.
I was happy alone, but I'm glad I took the chance.
I'm the same way my apartment is also a mess but it doesn't truly bother it's cozy to me lol
@@tylersoto7465 haha yeah. It would be weird if it was too clean/ organized. Wouldn't feel like home.
I’m pretty new to all of this but I can honestly say that I resonate with everything that you’ve just said. I am so tired of hyper focusing on one person, before during and after a relationship and having it dominate my entire existence.
I’m beginning to hit a sweet spot in my life where things are becoming a little easier with certain systems, rituals and routines in place, something that would have to be compromised if I were to let anyone in on my little world.
Relationships can be beautiful but I have never found peace in any of the ones that I’ve experienced, so I’m just focusing on cultivating meaningful friendships with a few people.
Thank you for sharing your story. 💜
I’ve always thought I was destined to be “forever alone” and I would never be consistently happy with a partner or I would always want to date around... I am in a long-term relationship now and it most definitely has not been easy but I’ve put in a lot of work and therapy and making life changes for myself to better understand why I run from relationships and issues I have within myself that I project onto other people. I dealt with Childhood trauma, etc. there’s so much to be worked through 😳 or there is for me anyway. But I think I’ll be able to do it. And it’s not for everyone, and some days I do wonder if it is for me. But I guess I don’t know where I’ll end up and can only do things to improve myself every day. It’s a wild ass ride man. And I wish anyone reading this the very very very best. You are stronger than you think 💖
Same here, but the ADHD was arguable the least of the concerns. Eventually, I sucked it up and hired a matchmaker. She expects to run the household and do the cleaning, which is great. Unfortunately, she seems to have OCD and the amount of cleaning is disproportionate to the need for cleaning.
We've definitely had to adjust a bit, I don't want her getting up in the middle of the night to clean and I'm sure she'd rather my work room not be such a mess. But, overall, it's definitely doable.
I've chosen to be alone for the past 15 years and it has been good for me. I am glad that I don't feel lonely.
That being said, I know that this does not only have to do with my ADHD, but not being constantly confronted with my ADHD symptoms as they brush up against the other person's capability is very hard on my selv esteem, even if said person is patient and understanding as all get out.
I'm in my 40s now and very much at peace. Fortunately I never wanted children, so "missing out" on that doesn't feel like a loss either.
All that aside, I see people with ADHD in healthy and good relationships frequently, and that makes me glad for them.
BRAVO Stuart! I’m so tired of everyone constantly asking me why I am not looking for someone, why I don’t want to be married, why aren’t I on dating sites, etc. When I tell them that I’m fine being alone right now they either don’t understand or feel sorry for me, lol. My life is a lot less complicated and irrational like this. It’s a nice change from the past chaos I’ve gone through. It makes perfect sense to me that I want to be okay with myself before I involve someone else. I find that most people can’t be happy with being alone and they look to fulfill their insecurities through someone else. That never works. Not in a healthy relationship anyway.
I find the judgment about being single (and happy) totally weird.
Good video! I found being in a relationship very hard because I was so drained putting work into someone else I found I was all over the place and mental health suffered. Us people with adhd need our space and free time
It's hard being in a relationship with RSD, maybe we can wait for the right person at the right time.
I'm married and have ADHD. I think that it's as much about finding a person who is laid back, who will hold you to account, but not parent you. It's not just about falling in love, which I do easily, its about finding a partner who fits well with your lifestyle.
I know it doesn't sound romantic, but most of living together isn't romance. In some ways it also helps that my emotions tend towards sadness or loneliness over anger most of the time. I don't get angry at my partner, I get upset with myself. This is easier for him to deal with than if I was angry at him for having different needs.
I thrive on my own and I’ve come to accept that. The problem with relationships and dating are all the games and over saturation of choices. It’s overwhelming for me... and like he mentions, it can destroy any structure you have created for yourself...get a guinea pig...they don’t argue (at least not in a language you understand) and college tuition is quite inexpensive for them 😊
Never ever I could relate more to someone’s insight! First time I feel like I’m not alone in this hyperfixation and heartache! Thank you for sharing this…
Exactly how I felt. This guy is amazing:):):)
My years of learning to control my emotions through my wife have saved my life. Has it been easy? NO. Really *really* hard. But it’s been worth it.
Having a team where we work together on our issue.
I was diagnosed as an adult last year. It explained much of my childhood and adulthood and answered a lot of questions I had about why I was the way I was. I’ve found not being in a relationship to be much easier and far less stressful than trying to force myself to be the kind of partner society expects one to be. It’s often difficult to get through the day doing my own thing, or trying to anyway. Whenever I’m in a relationship it’s significantly more difficult.
I have never agreed to anything more in my life. After my last relationship (which ended for so many of the reasons you mentioned), I have now been single for 3 years and came to the exact same conclusion. Basically, you put into words the exact situation I am living right now. And I agree, I'm not looking for sympathy or for the right person to come along, I honestly believe and am totally ok with this realization that life is so much more peaceful on my own. It is hard enough trying to organize my own life day to day, to get the most basic things done, and that system can change daily depending on how I'm feeling, which I know and understand, can drive another person who likes schedules and order crazy. It was exhausting, to say the least, trying to "act neurotypical" to appease my partner and not seem "crazy" or flaky or lazy or dirty, unorganized, unmotivated, passionless, useless, inefficient, etc. Not to mention my self-esteem slowly flittering away when my best efforts were met with disappointment and being told I was a liar to myself and to others when I didn't come through with completing plans I was excited about before but wasn't any longer. By the end of the relationship, I hated myself and literally cried every day because I couldn't and would never be good enough for this person to love me. I have come a long way since then, but yeah, to say I am closed off to letting others in is an understatement lol. But as I say, I am so much happier now and all this time alone has let me learn so much about who I am and what works for me, and I am a better person because of this decision.
+5
Amen to this… it is hard enough to keep things together without the continual barrage of criticism and disappointment from partners. Also finding that the ADHD imperfections justify outright verbal and sometimes physical abuse, leaving no means to challenge this as in truth I did fail to tidy after myself and aggravate them to that extent… I’m done on relationships - once the latest disaster moves on I will be solo to focus on managing my ADHD and it’s cousin cPTSD from trying to be in relationships in the first place!
I could relate to each and everything you said. My friends kept nagging me about '' why don't i get into a relationship and my reply always was '' i can't even manage myself then why would i bring someone else into my life''. My friends once said that i think that people don't deserve me that's why i don't get into a relationship whereas i'm comfortable being single and being alone with myself it is the only time i feel peace. This was before i identified i had ADHD so now when they ask me i tell them that i'm asexual. Case closed. I can't tell them i have ADHD because i don't wan't the sympathy filter to ruin our friendship.
There are so many things that I’m learning are from ADHD! I always thought how weird it was that rejection made me lose my shit
I just don’t like feeling I have anything else to worry about I already have a lot on my mind
Same
Wow! You sound so much like me although I crave a relationship despite my very similar worries. I just like having someone with me. :)
Your videos are short, full of substance, fast and have those background effects that work well with my inability to focus on just one thing. This is perfect for someone with AHDH! I love your work already.
Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable in this video.
Haha yes I definitely can relate! Looking back at my past relationships I've realized that I lost myself into the relationship. I let the pursuit of my own wants and goals fall too far by the wayside. Right now my focus is finishing my post-grad study and I can confidently say, for probably the second time ever in my life, that I am content and glad that I am not in a relationship. I know 100% it would distract me right now but I know I'll be open to it in the future. I briefly dated a guy with ADHD last year before I was diagnosed and the connection was amazing. I think maybe dating another person with ADHD is the way to go hahaha
I have adhd and I‘ve just started dating someone, things are getting pretty serious. Now I‘m a bit worried that adhd will be an issue. I weirdly don‘t really have any problems with my emotions, I can manage them quite well. But I’m quite clumsy, and very forgetful.. I think the worst part is, people will never understand what you feel like and that the world’s very different for adhd-patients..I’m starting therapy next week. Hopefully I can work on it.✨
Everyone has personal limitations. Be honest, communicate a lot, talk about your needs...... it works for many people, have faith 😊
Don’t waste your money on therapy it will not help with adhd i had bad experience
@@AshTheDuke That's sad. Good behavioural therapy and medication work well. I'm a counsellor, and I know counselling doesn't help ADHD...but I attend sessions with a therapist (also a counsellor), and I feel some benefit from working with my emotions there.
Thank you so much for your honesty. You have a calling and your touching people's hearts.
Thank you for making this video! I identify with this so much, you put into words the thoughts and feeling I've been having a lot lately. Especially the obligation of having to take care of things according to someone else's timetable, that friction causes so much resentment. I had no idea that was attached to my ADHD. Even if those feelings can't be fixed in the moment, knowing that other people feel that way too and knowing where it's coming from is such a relief!!
Mate you sound identical to me. All of your struggles are exactly what I've been through. Even when you spoke about being so selective with your friends and building up a wall, I've done all that myself over the years, and now of course, I know why.
Everytime I start dating someone my work attendance gets really bad. I have a hard time balancing the new relationship luke you said. I'm glad to know there is a cause for this.
This is so well explained, and actually really explains the issues I've been having within my own relationship. Thankfully we're working together to sort it out and trying to understand each other.
I can absolutely relate to everything you said in this video. You were very articulate and thank you for sharing your reasonings behind your choice.
as a person with hypersensitivity and ADD, I definitely agree. I'm probably happier on my own, only sharing some parts of my life with someone I want to and at times I want to - all picked by me
I might think that the reason for this might be, that if I start a relation with someone, I'm really gonna be invested in it, using up a bunch load of energy. and if a relationship ends, it hurts even more, because I have spent insane (probably inadequately much) energy into it in the first place. I also need my peace and self-time so much - totally relate to the video.
I’ve been married for 28 years. I have ADD and my husband is a friggin’ saint for putting up with and loving me. If I were ever single again, I’d stay that way because I know I’ll never find anyone like him ever again.
You are so incredibly self-aware and your ability to articulate these things is lovely and I can relate on every level.
Makes a lot sense. Something I have been struggling with greatly. Thanks for all of the info! It helps a lot!
All I did was read the title so far but, yeah. I can relate. I was actually thinking about this earlier today.
Not just single, mind you. But completely independent from anyone who has some kind of stake in my activities, including children and parents. I need total freedom. The less freedom I have to govern my own way of life, the more I am I am whittled away to a pathetic, neurotic shell of a woman liable to crumble at the slightest hint of upheaval. When I am single and independent, I'm a confident, unstoppable force that ironically inspires those around me to try and "catch" me in a relationship.
Married for 10 years to another ADHDer. We tend to fill each other’s gaps since our symptoms are different enough to compensate. (I’m very patient but less empathetic, hubby is more empathetic but less patient.) We’re also 2E, so some of our coping can come from that as well. We’re both good at reminding each other about things that need to be done and find ways to motivate each other to do better in areas where we struggle. All that said, I have a friend who is single by choice with ADHD and a grandmother who has been single for 50 years. What works for some people might not work for others.
I can ABSOLUTELY relate.
It's not wrong to be a connoisseur of people when it comes to your interpersonal relations.
Thank you explaining exactly what i kept thinking all these years.... All over internet, relationships are so much worshipped that nobody suggest any alternative to it. You video felt like a breath of fresh air.
Yes, i do agree with you! But, if, just if, you find that one person, that really acknowledges and loves your ADHD "quirks" (the things you describe here), it brings so so much more! I had it, even if I didn't know back than I had ADHD, that girl loved me for whoever and whatever I was and did. There was indeed some friction, as I didnt know why things happened the way they happened with me. But she made me aware of a lot of my quirks and personality, and she helped me with the downsides of my ADHD; the 'procrastination', she helped me do things, my loved my hyperfocus on the things i did and even stimulated me to get there, and she even dropped extra ideas and focus on top of that. She loved me for who I was, and supported me lots, if you'll ever find that, your 'negative' sides and things will not matter anymore, they will only be for the better in the relationship. Hope you'll find that one person, until then indeed just stay single, it's not always worth the trouble and extra energy spend.
You were so lucky to find that. I wish everyone could have a relationship like that 💖 Thank u for sharing!
Really appreciate your content. I’m waiting for my psych appointment in the coming week, and hoping like heck that I get the diagnosis I believe I’m overdue for. It’s not just romantic relationships for me, but also friendships. I’ve cut people off over the years and outright avoided forming new friendships due to feeling pressured by expectations (this goes both ways), as well as a lack of patience and understanding, which I can only partially ‘blame’ others for since there’s a part of me that I’ve only recently come to suspect is a contributing factor at the age of 38...
I was diagnosed in my 40s. I totally get it.
Any relationships are difficult, thank you for being so honest.
Omg this is so realistic. I’ve been needing to hear this. Very informative! Thank you
Couldn't agree more! Always wondered why I never enjoyed being in relationships like all my friends seemed to. I find I get bored of people super quickly, and along with RSD and low tolerance for bullshit it's just too much
H’mm I’m a 48 year old married mother of 3 - and I totally understand what you mean. I do get quite stressed just being around my family at times - actually anyone for any length of time. I actually love being on my own. But in order to grow & develop relationships may be necessary. They are hard yes - but isn’t that how we develop in those essential human aspects of tolerance, patience, love, compassion, resilience, empathy...? If you don’t put yourself in uncomfortable situations - then you don’t grow outside your comfort zone or circle of influence. The 7 habits of highly effective people talks about that & how we develop through our reliance on one another & interconnectedness - rather than stopping at the level of being responsible for only ourselves. However in saying that, I have noticed a lot of v successful career people do not have children. And having a partner & children is difficult though no denying that & it can put the brakes on pursuing your own individual career or intellectual goals & aspirations which can be frustrating.
Interesting points. I'm a 41yo spinster, rarely have relationships & when I do they have a life of 6mths max because I get bored & they're always too emotional/intense /chaotic. I attract horrible ppl so I've all but given up for the last 7 yrs. I also have BPD & worked really hard on that. I've recently been diagnosed with ADD & the psychiatrist said I "hadn't grown out of BPD" because I don't have relationships & kids to form boundaries around & grow as a person. So I think you're right. Unfortunately some of us don't get what we want, & if I'm not a good partner I shouldn't inflict myself on people. At the same time, the intense stress of trying to have another person in my life doesn't seem worth it to me either. Maybe the only answer is to do what feels best once you've had a good lot of trial & error & not to shut out all possibilities completely. Aim for stability & contentment first, however that happens to come a person's way.
aussiejubes - yes, true - good points.
Just seen it’s been 2 years of this video, but I didn’t think I would hear another person who think exactly like I do about this topic.
For myself, I’m building the best relationship I can with myself, and that’s totally enough for me.🤗
I really appreciate your take on this - I'm 25 & recently diagnosed, I've personally never been in a relationship before and believe the reasoning is heavily tied into all of what you just explained - the idea of factoring in another person's well-being and emotions while trying to manage my own is such a daunting concept that it would take an immense amount of focus and self-regulation. Great video, I love the way you explain things
This has been amazing. I had a violent reaction to the ending of my last relationship, like uncharacteristic emotional reactions (Like shooting a bone-chilling glare at the person), throwing up, not being able to eat or keep food down. The relationship was almost 7 years old, there was infidelity involved with the other side, that person ended up breaking up with me. It's been over a year since the breakup, almost a year since I was forced to leave. I had to move across the United States back to live with my parents. I was close to that person's family, so it was like losing a whole family, too. Continued to have physical pain reactions to everything, dissociation, intrusive thoughts. Ended up pushing everyone away without meaning to, in different ways. Self-isolated. Suicidal feelings, general lack of zest for anything and life. Lethargy. In the end, it really changed me. I was kind of beginning to get close to someone who also experiences ADHD, and that did not end up anywhere. We were both realizing we may be better off alone in life. This person I was talking to, we're still friends. The person I was in a relationship with for almost 7 years will not speak to me, probably because of my almost bi-polar messages and reactions to them and everything that happened. I never said anything cruel to the person just things like "I trusted you more than anyone else" "you don't care about me." "Your -new partner- is a dick and a homewrecker". That person cannot and will not understand what I have been through to react in such a way. I wish they could. I could not control myself at the time. It's been like a constant roller coaster of emotions since everything happened. Like a constant roller coaster of resentment, obsessiveness, neediness, guilt, depression, love, heart-break all over again, trying to learn how to just be my own person again, etc. It's been difficult, and I'm still not over it, but at least I have been healing over time, but I really feel like I will never be able to trust a person like I did my last partner again. Or really put my whole soul into another partner again. I can't look at relationships with the starry eyes I used to. I still have a whole lot of love I want to give, but I mean friends and family are still a thing, right? I still hope someday I can love romantically again and hopefully it'll be a person who doesn't betray and reject me again. I dunno. It all really sucks so much.
Thank you for the video, learning about RSD and how it may have contributed to my reaction to the breakup really opened my eyes.
EDIT: Also, it's amazing how much I otherwise relate to what's said in this video. I was saying things to my last partner like "You can't fix me, only I can fix me. I just needed you to be there for me, just support me while I try to figure this out, just be with me at my side." and the whole "mothering" thing is waaay too relatable. I was willing to conform to all of the changes and guidelines set by my last partner, even if it felt unnatural for me. Well, now that it's just me I have had revelations like "Oh, I can just clean up the mess at my own pace. If it doesn't bother me, it's okay. Wow."
This is heavy. Too close to home.
People definitely have to do what they feel is right for themselves, for sure. I think I found a really good situation for myself personally. My partner is a Psych PhD who is 100% a type A personality. While a lot of people looking in would probably say that he does a lot of "mothering", it's really a system we have worked out that works best for us. The key is that there is mutual benefits in the relationship. My partner doesn't mind reminding me of things and actually helps me keep something of a routine which is something that is really helpful for people with ADHD but often difficult to develop as an adult who didn't have treatment growing up. On the flip side, he has a REALLY hard time having fun, because he is a big workoholic. So I help him by getting him out and doing things, playing games together, making him food and making sure he takes a break to eat it(which honestly helps me remember to do so when I am taking my Adderall XR as well). He also has a lot of anxiety that I have helped him with a lot. I have gotten really good at helping him through panic attacks and in most cases ending them sooner than what they would have been alone. One of the big benefits of ADHD is that we are bigger picture folks who can generate ideas rapidfire, so I have actually helped him a lot with research papers because I look at things so much differently than he does. So while it might seem like a lot of work to other people that he functions as my personal secretary, he has at least told me that to him it's an equal exchange.
As someone who is Autistic/ADHD, having a relationship with someone who also has ADHD has been just the best thing. We understand each other and where we lack in organisation and balance sometimes, there is so much love and empathy for each other. It's hard sometimes but it does genuinely work. Yes, the house is almost always messy and sometimes we are both incredibly unproductive but we are happy 🤷🏻♀️
Came to the same conclusion a while ago. The way you're able to put this into a clear description is honestly cathartic.
Nearing 30, and I've always felt I would be a burden to anyone I could date. Growing up, I could never own up to my feelings for people, I guess that's what RSD is about, but damn, is it hard.
I feel the same. I am extremely busy, and tons of responsibilities. On top of my ADHD. I have a hard enough time trying to prioritize it all.. Everytime I started a new relationship, for some reason they expected me to be a second mother. Also overtime they expected me to take on their responsibilities without offering mine. Is it just the lack of boundaries I create in relationships? Or perhaps dating very needy people? Either way I'm going on a break from all that. To many issues that comes of it, then benefit. I enjoy your channel btw.
this is such a good channel it feels like you just narrate my life sometimes
"I see relationships as the loss of controls over the pace of events I've setup for myself" Yes, that's their magic.
Been single for 1,5 years now :) My last relationship was a complete bust w a guy lying to me through his teeth. Relationships are hard but mainly trusting someone that they are not going to lie to you or suddenly show their true colors. Your reflecting on yourself like it’s your fault that relationships don’t work for us: but unfortunately it’s not always our fault at all
i had to rewind constantly because i cannot focus.
Being single, sometimes is best❤. Excellent video thank you so much 🙏🏻🙏🏻. Pets can be very comforting too
thank you for your honesty. incredibly helpful
Wow. This video was so relatable. Its been so much easier being single. Ive been too afraid to dive back into the serious dating scene due to my last serious break up having seriously awful effects even 2 years later. But its completely put me off opening up to the idea of dating.. my ADHD causes me to hyper-fixate pretty easily when im even slightly interested by someone and that completely ruins my routine and i hate it. On top of that, after a few months - unless im really interested in the person (very unlikely) i end up getting bored/under-stimulated by the person and leaving. Maybe people with severe ADHD like me are better off alone after all.. its just so disheartening. I wish i could regulate my emotions and responses better :/
I really like your videos. They are honest and raw. Although I disagree slightly this time. It seems that you are speaking more from your pain from past experiences than from a fairly objective place. I get it. It is difficult to say something optimistic when carrying a certain backpack of negative experiences. I just wanted to tell you that there is hope. Your ADHD is not all that you are. The difficulties associated with the disorder are obviously going to influence, but ... it is more than possible to find someone to navigate them with. Do not lose hope. Signed: Extremely introverted woman with overly extroverted ADHD + cPTSD boyfriend. 🤗
Studies actually suggest there is a huge disparity, I think part of the diagnostic even questions the ability to sustain relationships. But you're right sis, it's nice to have hope, there are definitely gems out there. ❤️
I think he is being objective and realizes the challenges and difficulties having another person in your life....its NOT easy at all for most ADHD'ers(its actually a bit "shocking" to me that some ADHD people manage; marriage, a job and kids. I knew early on in my 20s this would never be the case for me).....
I would bet I am older than most on here and found out about my ADHD(diagnosed in the 3rd grade with LD) since the mid 90s. I have severe ADHD and could write a book on the subject from a Man's perspective, and all my interesting life experiences. I have been in a LOT of relationships(it has never been a issue with attracting women for me as I am tall and athletic, actually played college football) and most ended because of my emotional sensitivity issues and anger problems. I have never been married and have no kids, mostly all due to my severe ADHD(which causes employment issues--big time!) I have been alone probably 75 percent of my adult life(currently in a 2 1/2 year living relationship with a "neurotypical")....I just subscribed to this channel a month or so ago and I relate to this video more than any other one he has posted. ADHD is very interesting to me because each person is so much different in how well they live and deal with their unique ADHD symptoms.
@Greg Hill....well said!
This is crazy! I'm a total romantic person and I want to believe in all this "love for life" experience but on the other side I can crazy relate what you said and struggle with this every day. great video!
Speaking to my soul. Thank you
hey man, serious suggestion
try not to avoid relationship, but try to reimagine the right relationship for you, maybe its a committed relationship in which you don't live together? maybe have a polyamorous arrangement in which you and your partner have a few people to take care of different needs... the possibilities are endless, just open your mind and use your ADHD imagination to really decide what fits you, and then try to aim to make it happen.
don't lock yourself in a lonley prison just because society only calls a narrow bandwidth of arrangements "a relationship"
I think I'd call it a 'rotation' 😇😅
Well put
𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕.. 𝙸𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚜 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 .. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚍𝚞𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚢𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚘𝚌𝚞𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚞 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚎 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚋𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚛𝚞𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚍.. 𝚄𝚗𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚗𝚎𝚎 𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚎𝚝𝚌 𝚒𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗𝚝 𝚢𝚒𝚎𝚕𝚍 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚜 #𝚘𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚗
𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚒 𝚊𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚎
We all have different ways of being fulfilled right 😅. If you're happier single that's also okay, 2 or more people could also be single together lol that's also okay - labels can sometimes beharmful and change the dynamics of many relationships right? And if you have least 1 true friend in life then that could also be enough. 😅
Woahh this is quite interesting and relatable to me? I’m 19 and have found myself in my first ever relationship, after realising I’m on the aromantic spectrum, and was indifferent to relationships. Since being in this relationship (7 months now) I am realising I likely have ADHD (helped by my partner and massively by your videos) and am in the process of getting a diagnosis/help. I also feel apprehensive about my current & future routine being disrupted, and worried about losing my freedom and independence, despite my girlfriend being super supportive, as I never really thought I’d be in a relationship, especially not this soon/young, so I thought I’d have my whole life to live completely by my own rules/desires. I think I struggle with RSD too as I’m always worried that a disagreement about even something trivial means I’m wrong/silly for thinking or believing what I do, even though it’s normal and fine to have different interests and opinions.
This is the best way to articulate what I've been trying to explain to people
Thanks for that, that was really insightful & you shed a light on things I didn’t realise I had done or how I was reacting in a relationship.
I was ready to disagree with the premise because I’m a big believer in LOVE. However, speaking for myself, I need a ton of silence and I’m a fixer/do-er/nurturer, so that means that if the other person isn’t self-initiated, competent, or independent, I take on the burden of being the main adult, so to speak.
In walks my husband....... with Aspergers. WTH universe!?
It has been a nightmare 5 years. However, now that we’ve discovered our neuro-divergent brains, (we didn’t know!) there is huge hope. My impatience and frustration is lessened knowing his limitations.
Now. Would I be “better off’ single? In many ways, yes, absolutely. Peace, less stress..... Would I be worse off? He loves me like no other. He’ll do anything for me. He’s an amazing father. He makes me laugh. He supports every single crazy idea my brain conjures up. I would be poorer for not having his love.
Here’s the thing. We tend to see life in a very limited way - social norms. But we can create a partnership/marriage that looks how WE need it to look.
He knows I need space - he enjoys his job. Bring on over-time, working away, etc. If he’s home, he understands to find things to do outside. Or he takes our daughter out - bliss.
Have separate hobbies, live separately, whatever works. And don’t make your neuro-divergency an excuse to not compromise. EVERY relationship requires it. Happy to have a messy house but learning to tidy up for your partner’s and family’s sake is called maturity. If you can cultivate amazing communication, both of you can get what you need.
I really relate to 2:20 - 3:08 !! When i tell people that I do not want romantic relationships and that i want to live alone, they always tell me i'll change my mind and will want someone to come home to. Thank you for this video!
They can't fathom it because it goes against tradition.
All very good points. I totally understand you!! Thanks for sharing. The pain at the end is very intense....indeed it is.
omg that clarified so much about how ive been feeling lately. I love my boyfriend, but many times i feel like im a mother to him, i put up a lot of work to make him happy and care lessa bout myself, until i broke and got tired. Lately I can only think about being on my own and taking care of my own space.
Wait.. Are you the one with adhd or him? I can't tell.
@@ADHDMastery we both have it. For a long time I made efforts (as a people pleaser) to avoid conflicts and be the nicest person for him. With time I lost the sense of self.
This is interesting!! I'm actually moving out of my place with my AMAZING roommates cause I'm trying to reduce stimulation, and I've decided not to take on a relationship for a while for the same reasons. My HOPE is that being able to establish a pattern with myself, be more self-aware, etc, it'll be easier to incorporate another person into my world. So theorizing more on a middle ground :)
Honestly dude - it depends ENTIRELY on the personality of your partner, your personality, and how you synergies together. It’s not as simple as you theorizing. For example, why would you have a relationship with someone you are afraid to over share with? Date someone who loves over sharing... another one is, date someone who is fine that you leave things messy or genuinely enjoys cleaning... you’re make a crap ton of assumptions that can actually be false...
heartbreak is something I suffer tremendously under as well. Thank you for sharing!
This was very insightful. Needed to hear this tonight. Thanks