Trans? Butch? So much back and forth!

Talking about how I feel differently, in terms of gender, in different situations or times of my life.
Sometimes I want to be exactly like the buff dudes I see at the rock climbing gym, but then at other times I am proud to be like other butch women whom I see! Crazy.
Perhaps there isn't just one answer - that's what I suspect it will always be like for me, for better or worse...