This is the first time I've seen an actual former fan of Onion Boy come out about their experiences. I'm glad you're willing to be open about that - as someone who only discovered him well after he was exposed I never saw the appeal. I have a similar thing - though not nearly as bad. That being, Nostalgia Critic. I used to watch Channel Awesome all the time through middle and early high school. He was what made me realize I like picking apart movies; put my analytical nature to use. When Change the Channel happened and people came out about their experiences - finding out that Doug was so incompetent he couldn't even use his own equipment at times - it crushed me. That someone who had molded me in some way was hiding vile shit under the surface and was unqualified to be the authority of anything. It wasn't until I discovered Lindsay Ellis (ironically a former employee and rival of his) and Dan Olsen among others, that I realized how he was looking at movies was not only flawed but degrading to the work itself. And I was analyzing movies in the same way.That was, like, 3-4 years ago I came to that realization. I've kicked the habit but it hurts every time I see a video of his. I suppose that Onision and NC are important, to a certain extent, when growing up. A warning not to put all of your eggs in the basket of one seemingly "intelegent" dude.
Wow I didn’t know about all of that. I was a super huge Nostalgia Critic fan when I was younger. Like same situation, but I noticed the downgrade in quality and stopped watching. I had no idea...thanks for sharing
Dude I had this exact same experience with Blair White?? Well, not exact, but when I finally came out as trans I was like so desperate to come off as a """reasonable trans person""" and felt like I was under this huge pressure to pass as fast as possible in the right way and have the right talking points bc I felt like the only way I'd be valued is if I transitioned 'correctly'. Big respect to you for this video Aus-mom, it feels good knowing that you're not alone in things like this. Also I teared up at the end and I hate you for that >:'(
Slightly unrelated to you story, but from my understanding the LGBTQA+ community is about being and embracing yourself, whomever you may be. There's no right or wrong way to transition. Only you way and other ways. Don't let anyone tell you any differently again. Not Blair. Not me. Not anyone. You are beautiful, and you know it. Always remember that and you do you.
As a 41, almost 42 year old mom ot kills me inside to see so many people say they're ashamed of liking him. Shame can be a part of growing and learning and everyone has things they're ashamed of. But if you dwell on them too much it can be a form of punishing yourself even further. I want to say that I hope everyone here gets to the best place they possibly can get and love to you all
God I can relate to this video,,, I used to watch him, used to defend the things he was accused of. “Well if him rating peoples bodies was bad, they wouldn’t send them in in the first place”. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to take a step back and really look at the harm he was doing to me, to everyone he interacted with. to not trust his word of being the most honest person. That what he said only hurt me and That I deserved better than to subject myself to him. Im thankful I wasn’t massively interested in him, but I know he still had an affect on me and how I views myself, my own mental health and others. He didn’t have to be hugely in my interest for very long for those affects to be put on me. Im so thankful his bullshit has properly been called out over the years, that he cant hurt people anymore.
Don’t be too hard on your younger self. These sorts of mistakes and traps are very easy to fall into and you’ve clearly come out the other side a better person. Keep it up! ♥️
I found him when I was younger, like 8 or so... I “liked” his content, but I stopped watching him when he said that a girl who was being verbally abused by her mom to “get over it, just don’t listen to her, it’s your fault if your upset about it.” I didn’t like that statement and stopped watching him. But I internalized it because it’s what my dad would say. I went to RUclips to get away from that and onion boy didn’t do it for me...
It's easy for that kind of scary mentality of indoctrination to be pushed on us, especially with topics we're ignorant about and at such a young age. It does feel like toxin, like a disease almost. The REALLY scary part is we usually don't know when it's happening. Keep growing and stay safe. Thanks for sharing your personal experiences!
I was almost drawn in by Onision (as in drawn into his fanbase) but then I saw his depression video and I dropped that guy faster than a hot potato set on fire
yeah same here! i remember watching his "looking at pics emo on Google", and then him started talking about self harm. i remember being shocked at how mean he was.
I'm not a girl (incase my name isn't a dead giveaway) but a lot of what you say about being young and wanting validation from a youtuber and virtual self-harm I found very reliable, even now I occasionally suffer from self-loathing, long story short great video keep it up.
As someone who's in those years myself (I'm 16 at the moment, turning 17 in a month) I felt a lot of this. Though I never was in that sort of situation with The Onion, I did have a lot of situations like that. When I was 14 I had a relationship with someone where I was forced into an onion-esque ideology where I was pushed into being "good", and pushing away everyone who tried to drag me from that situation. I won't go too far into it, I'm sure that story isn't one I should tell here. I sometimes look towards others to push my self hatred and act superior, looking down at the traits that they have which I hate (and a lot of the time, I have myself) that are caused by mental illness. I hate people who lie, but I myself have a compulsive tendency to lie especially when I'm stressed. I sometimes will force myself to look at the past and beat myself down over it, or I'll look at things that pushed those bad ideologies on me for no reason other than to beat myself down. I wouldn't be able to explain to you why I do these things, and even when I know I shouldn't do them, sometimes I can't help myself. Maybe they aren't physical harm, but they're still a method of self harm that is difficult to stop. And I think it's important for everyone to try to realize what they're doing, and look at these things from a distance to ask why. Obviously I still do all these things, but honestly? This video made me take a big step back and realize that I really, REALLY need to stop this. nd I think everyone else should take a big look too. Mental illness doesn't make you weak, having scars doesn't make you weak, you're strong just for being here. I never thought I'd make it to 18 either, but I'm getting there! Just one more year! And I'm sure the rest of you can keep going too. I believe in y'all. Have a great day, week, year, however long you need the good vibes for
Hapoy early birthday! You've made it this far, I know you'll make it to 18 and even more. I'm so impressed with your ability to introspect honestly and express your thoughts/feelings so well. Search for your happiness and what brings you peace. And always keep learning! If you're struggling, please know you don't have to suffer alone. If you go to someone who isn't helpful, don't give up! They might just be the wrong person to talk to, maybe they just don't know what to say. If you have a school counselor you feel comfortable talking to, talk to them. Or find a therapist you trust and can talk to. I think you'll find their support invaluable! I wish you all the best, you deserve it!
i never thought i'd make it to 18 either. i started realising i was acting in the way you described around 17-18 too and i'm still growing so much at 21 now. i believe in you, you can definitely keep going :) i had some fked relationships like you're describing around ages 9-16 so i definitely understand where you come from. i punched down and made fun of my own friends who were like me and tried to distance myself from the only people who weren't treating me like shit because i wanted to fit in more and mask my autism. i definitely stopped and i know you can
I hope 18 is nice for you 💖 Please remind yourself that your brains ability to assess threats and repercussions for your actions (frontal lobe) isn't fully developed till your mid 20s! You'll make mistakes more-so between now and then and that's perfectly normal and okay. :)
So, just real quick I'm 25, and I remember watching his videos when I was a really young impressionable teen who had grown up alone and was struggling to catch up on everything my peers already knew. It messed me up a lot till I ended up losing access to reliable internet, again. But at least that helped distance myself from stuff that was hurting me more than I could have thought of. And after watching your video I didn't even realize how bad it was till I saw a bit of my younger self in what you and others have said and experienced as well. I hope all of us who have been harmed by hateful toxic people like Onion boy can heal from it all and learn to love ourselves more.
I used to watch his channels in highschool. So the ages of 13-16 I thought that everything he said was true and every time I saw him criticize girls bodies that looked like mine or smaller than mine I thought something was wrong with me. I WAS A THREE SPORT ATHLETE AND I THOUGHT MY BODY WASNT GOOD ENOUGH BECAUSE THIS MAN TOLD ME IT WASNT. I ended up developing a binging disorder that I’m still working on at age 20. I finally stopped watching when I passed out during practice because I hadn’t eaten for two days. Please remember that you are enough. Your body is capable of so much and you are beautiful.
Gifts are meant to be a language of love. Gifts that poison you from the inside either show that the person does not love you, or that love is by extension poison. I am glad that you were able to get to a better place. That last part was something I really needed to hear, it helped validate something that I was trying to convince myself of and I appreciate it.
I used to be the EXACT same way. Same reason why I used to watch onision too (before I saw THE Shiloh videos). I feel like I was in such a bad mental state, and I would talk myself down because that what was I was used to. My parents never took my mental health seriously, so obvi I didn’t either. When I watched his videos, I was a vulnerable& hurt kid that didn’t know what to turn to. Onion guy is very good at manipulating his audience & those around him. I’m embarrassed I ever used to watch his videos
The way that I was able to get through hard times in high school was to do a mental exercise. I would imagine I was on a stage and the people in the audience were the people I interacted with and watched. They would be yelling at me saying things they normally would to me. Did i like what i was hearing? Was it positive or negative? Who were saying the things i didnt like? Now ignore what's being said and see their expressions. The ones that looked worried were the ones I knew I needed to listen to as long as it was positive and not tearing me down.
Listening to this was so chilling to me cause it’s so similar to how I used to be back at highschool as well. I was 16/17 when I watched his self harm videos and remember thinking of ways to ether hide it or some alternative to it cause ‘I don’t want to be like the dumb girls he talking about.’ Thank you so much for sharing your experience with him, it helped.
Oh god this is relatable to me too... It's really sad how many people had to go through this. The damage that he has caused. I hope you're doing okay now :heart with wings:
I gotta admit this hit me alittle harder than I thought I kinda fell down a similar mind set as a teen I got so prideful that i was the edgy kid that wasn't a cutter or didn't have depression that I became a bully to my peers. A pretty bad one and I eventually realised I had no friends and no one who wanted to be around me not. even my best friend saw me as nothing more than an evil person And only stuck around because I bullied him less then everyone else. Still feeling the effects of that to this day.
Glad I found this, I like many watched him when I was younger. I grew up in a Christian esc home with personally LGBTQIA leanings. I thought he was just an aggressive version of what I thought. Really let me dive into a hole of hating everyone and thinking I was above it all. I’m very happy that people can come out about this embarrassing part of a collective history
The "edgy yet manipulative as heck"phase is a cursed thing that unfortunately everyone goes trough at a moment,at different levels,and at best we'll cringe over ourselves.I'm glad you and lots of people here managed to past this and get better over time.Keep going ppl
I've never known much about Onision (my first language is not English) but I remember stumbling upon his video where he rates girls bodies and it made me feel very disturbed. I have a history of experiencing sexual assault and harassment when I was younger, so I guess I kind of projected on this video lol. Anyway, it made me very surprised how somebody like this could have such a large following. I'm glad people gave him and his deeds the publicity that he deserves (not a positive one hehe :3). And yeah, bonds with other people, be it family or friends, can seriously help you. I don't think I would have been alive to write this comment right now hadn't some people come to help me in the time of need. I hope this video reaches more people, it's really good!
Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm relieved you've been able to make it through with your friends and family at your side. I hope you're doing well and living very happily now! 💖
I haven't watched onision in so many years, but still every now and then I'll remember the video he made on glow-ups, calling everybody ugly. That shit hurted
This video hit way too close to home oof. But I think the teenage girl experience is disgustingly universal in respect to a lot of the things you talked about. I was always afraid to cut because people would see it, but I craved someone, ANYONE seeing I was in pain, even if I didnt admit at the time. I felt emotionally destroyed by the world around me and not having anything to show for it really didnt help. Onision and others like him confirmed my suspicions about myself and just threw me into a feedback loop of "god I feel awful, someone needs to justify this" and "god why cant I be the kind of girl he would like???" From the bottom of my heart, I'm glad you made this and I'm so glad people will see it. Teenage girls get enough shit as it and the NLOG mindset just perpetuates the idea that they can never be good enough. Teenage girls, and everyone really, ARE already good enough, despite their """""bland"""""" or """"boring""""" interests. Tl;dr: cringe culture is dead, let teenage girls be like the other girls, and I wanted to wear pink at 14, leave me alone 😌💕
I'm so glad to have found this video: i have had pretty much the same experience as you, just with extra steps (i used to s.h. and then watch his videos to feel guilty, while feeling special to have found his videos), and i'm glad i found the strength to snap out of it, with the help of my friends. You are the first youtuber i have seen talking about this and I'm glad I wasn't alone after all, that we made it out. ♡
With the "I'm not like other girls thing" U know when ur legitimately uninterested in girly things and everyone tells you you'll grow out of being like that. I get everyone has phases but I'm still into goth stuff and rock music Hitting a specific age doesn't make your interests go away if they're legitimate. Like damn leave me alone bud, sorry I don't wear pink
True, but it still has that nasty implication, even if it's said to get away from stupid people. A better way of saying that would be, "My gender is not a monolith." as you don't put down other people in the process of expressing individuality, intentional or not.
The problem isn't having a taste or style,or a certain ideological chain.The problem is thinking that your way is absolutely better than everyone else's and openly put other people down, idols things that are obviously harmful ,or even repeating this all the time or use it as a token of your personality.I still like many things i liked when i was on my "edgy phase",and i'm also not into "tHat gOrlY stuFf" usually,but honestly if some people are that's absolutely okay.The wolrd is diverse and,even if we feel better with our way, we are no better than other people just cuz they are different.
Thank you. Thank you for making this video. You’ve really opened my eyes to not only how toxic that “Not like the other girls” culture can be (i’ve always found it to be strange but i never really realized why) But also… that part at the end, telling me and everyone else watching how great we’re doing, how proud you are that we’re still fighting… all that was just what i needed. I don’t like making things about myself, but I just want to tell you how you’ve helped me in this moment. I’m 15 right now, struggling with Depression and social anxiety, not really getting out and such, plus having doubts about my identity and sexuality as many people my age do. It’s a lot, but just those words of encouragement that aren’t even directed at me specifically… really made my day, almost brought me to tears honestly. Thank you again, that’s all. I hope you have a good day :)
Let me reaffirm directly to you as well, I'm glad you're here. Happy you're here and I can read these words from you. Fifteen is a rough age, but you're chugging on through it anyway and you're going to come out the other side a wonderful adult. Wishing you the best. 🤍
Every youtuber I uses to like turned out to be bad. Used to watch Alex Jones, Onision, Shane Dawson, Cosmodore, Creepy Produce, Cryotic, Destrey Smith, and I'm sure others that I just cant think of right now.
As someone in his 30s, that still deal with alot of things that I rather not go into, but one of them being insecurity and something that still plays alot into my daily life, the advice in this video is amazing. Its hard to cancel out those negative thoughts in our heads, specially when they get louder or confirmed by some idiot online or in real life. I always find myself thinking of what those that love me think of me, instead of what I think of myself. As I focus on that, I slowly noticed that I with time came to accept myself more and more. Treat others as you want to be treated. Amazing Video, really hope this spreads to as many people as possible.
That's such a great way of thinking, to think of how those who love us think of us. Sometimes (this may sound morbid lol sry), I think of what my best friends/family/fiance would say at my funeral, and it actually makes me feel better about myself and stop beating myself up, because I know what a lot of them would say and it makes me feel good. That's probably weird af to a lot of people but oh well. I love this comment though, thank you for it. I needed to read that.
@@mandapanties I get it. You're reminding yourself that these people would care if you died and would talk about you with all the love in their hearts because they do love you. Eulogies are meant to express how much you love a person who recently passed, so your thinking of how much they love you, and that makes you want to keep living. Sorry for analyzing you and your coping mechanism. This is probably really weird.
@@queen-monarch it's not weird at all! It's exactly how my brain would react to a comment like mine (psychology is my passion/field of study and I psychoanalyze everything lmao). You're totally right. I wish our society made it more normalize to speak to people BEFORE they're dead, the way we'd speak about them at a eulogy. Imagine if we told all the people we love, all the reasons we loved them on a consistent basis, without it being "weird". Why is society's way to wait til they're *dead* to say those things. We should normalize telling everyone the things we'd say about them at their funeral 💕
What you said wasn’t stupid, it meant everything to me and I don’t think I convey how much I needed to hear it. Thank you so much, I will Survive the night.
i've been meaning to watch this for ages and i finally did, and let me tell you?? i am experiencing so many emotions right now, and all of them boil down to the feeling of just. unbelievable validation and support and feeling way less alone in the lasting damage that onision's narratives caused, and i can't adequately express how amazing you are for being so open about all of this and sharing in this way ;;
I am going through the same things right now. I've been having suicidal thoughts a lot lately and I've been feeling terrible. Seeing this video and just hearing someone describe my thoughts perfectly is honestly the best thing for me right now. Thank you
You're right, still being around is stronger than anything the onion ballbag could do or say. it's good to hear you could break away from that teeny voice
I grew up being assumed as female, and by god I fell heavily into 'not like the other girls'. I relied heavily on the fact I like cars, games, trains. You know typical 'boyish interests'. I felt ashamed that I liked watching make up videos, I enjoyed cute girly things etc. Onion's videos was a huge part of that horrible time of my childhood because I did everything in my power to reject ANY feminine I had, and heavily questioning if I was even a girl to begin with. Turns out I am non binary and that exploring that made me okay with 'girly' things.
I really appreciate the sentiment in the video. I spent the bulk of my life having people feed into my anxieties - kept in fear and held back by a physical issue that I refused to admit was a limitation. Its only been recent that I've had a chance to start admitting the issues I've had, to begin to improve. I feel like I wanted to leave this comment to ultimately say - definitely be kind to yourself. Its hard to do after turning yourself into a machine for others, but its so worth the effort in the long term. If you're reading this - you're amazing. Remember that. :)
I'm french so sorry for any weird wording ^^' I only know about some french helplines, in France I think there is the "planning familial" who can help lgbt+ people and most universities have health service that can provide some psychological help, both for free. Thanks. Thank you for talking about the "not like the other girls" mentality and the self-deprecation that a lot of people that age suffers from. I think a lot of people need to hear this. As someone who had that mentality since 12~13, dragged that with me through years and was sure to never make it through 18, I think that type of discourse would have helped a lot, and it needs to be said. I'm 21 now and my mental state is way better. It's nice to hear that no one is alone with those problems and that they can get better. It's good to say those sappy things because they are so true! Yes, friendship help, it helps a lot. It's not everything, it's not magic but having friends help. Mental healthcare systems and professionals are here to help you too! The same way you wouldn't walk your days on a broken leg, don't drag yourself with a broken heart or brains. Ask/Search for help. If you don't have good friends/close people right now, don't panic about it, take your time and I assure you, you will find some. And they will be so happy and so grateful that you are still here. You have the right to be happy! The right to be yourself! That may take time, but things will get better. I wish you all an amazing day, week and life in general.
I think this video really helped me self reflect on the toxic ideals i was taught about mental health. The comments about self harm are the exact thoughts i had when i was younger, believing i would always be doing better than others who left more obvious marks, no matter the self loathing or harm i would do. I needed to be better in some way, even than the people i loved, and that made getting help harder, that made intimidate friendships drift... Thank you for your message, the lessons you learned years back definitely taught me a lil bit of something.
Offtopic buy your voice is so soothing it sort of gives me wise fairy vibes,, and it matches your oc/sona (the character used for ur sprites) super well ^^
Mal this is such a nice video - hearing your experiences and breakdown of what it was like felt so informative and interesting. You have such a positive and fun, yet serious energy that really carries the weight of the topic. I hope you're doing alright. Also my eyes were absolutely GLUED to the art - Gosh is it beautiful and emotional. Absolutely adore it 🌻❤️
its eerie hearing you talking about onision's tactics and seeing how a person like Darksydephil uses those exact same tactics. Like, to the letter. Even the wording. Also, i'm sorry for so many comments, i just discovered your channel and I really love your stuff. Hope I can catch a stream some time.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story. What you said towards the end was definitely something I needed to hear, and I just wanted to say thank you for that. Keep fighting, beautiful human!
I deal a lot with mental health issues and especially with social anxiety, which I get from my parents. And what people might not know, is that it makes things such as depression that much more severe. There have been times in my life where I just couldn’t take it and I didn’t want to live anymore. I’m lucky I never got to be a part of that. Cause I would never have come out the other side. Even if I’ve watched this video multiple times, I still appreciate it every time. Thank you for sharing your experience.
The fact that he got into the minds of young people who were struggling so easily is so terrifying:( And Im just gonna focus on the part about selfharm for a bit since I have been struggling for the past 3 or 4 so years. It rlly hurts to hear how he made people think of people like me as these disgusting low lives and that scars are something to be ashamed of. I struggle so greatly with finding myself pretty or deserving of physical affection bc of my scars, I usually find myself telling myself that Im unlovable and grotesque even tho I know Im not so hearing that there are people who actually would think that way of me is really difficult. Theres no way for me to avoid my scars and theyre a constant reminder of all my trauma, they give me really bad flashbacks from time to time and people like me dont need to be hearing about how we’re gross and unlovable because, chances are, we are already telling ourselves that.
Thus far I have loved your videos. You provide the information in a calm and concise manner. You look at everything as objectively as possible. After watching this I have an entire new level of respect for you. This video was empowering and I am glad you are here today as well. Please keep being you. ♡♡♡
Honestly, as an adult, seeing a grown adult hang out with a bunch of teens who look up to them with no other adults involved always seems like a red flag. Kids are so impressionable and can be taken advantage of so easily, it’s terrifying. I was never exposed to anyone so toxic, but I was a vulnerable kid who very easily could have fallen into these wannabe cult-leaders. This is a wonderful video. So many videos describe what Onision has done, but you are the first one that describes what makes him so damn effective. Great job.
Its nice to have someone finally talk about the damage his videos have caused for his past audience! I watch onision cause my mates watch him and I thought he was funny and got what I was thinking, but my wake up was his video saying him and kia were getting a divorce, I didn't know what was going on with the billy situation at the time but somat about it felt wrong about the video so I stopped watching and never really went back. I watch for the same reason as you cause he told me I was worthless for being depressed and I thought he was the only one being brutally honest with me about it. Id liken the way he talks to Ben Shipiro; fast, confidently and with now substance. There's so much I remember about watching his videos and how they made me feel. Its so comforting knowing someone else understands the madness and the pain that was being a fan of his. Sorry this is so long
I was never a real fan of Onision but I remember watching his videos on self harm specifically right after I've done that to feel worse about myself. To have emotional pain with the physical.
Everytime onion boy comes up I'm glad I never fell into that rabbit hole. I was 1st introduced to him via Shane, I watched one video of him and couldn't stand him at all. I was wondering how people could stan him, thank you for making this!
This was a great video. I personally never watched his videos, but I've seen what he's done to some people. I admire the confidence you used while talking about this topic.
......I just realized that this is what my parents do to me "U don't faint or panic in exams so ur better than people who do ur fine" "U can function and do basic stuff so ur fine " It hurts ngl
thank you for making this, i had a similar experience with his videos and i am still trying to unlearn everything i internalised from it. idk i felt so stupid for ages for ever believing him but yeah thank you
Oh, yikes, I remember going through that INLOG phase w/ the onion man. The whole cutting bit really hits closest to home. I legitimately had the same idea where I'd basically given up because I was fully convinced I'd be dead before I ever went to college, and yet I somehow thought I was so much better than cutters because I'm no attention wh*re or whatever the hell. I remember when I fully stopped watching him. It was when I walked into the kitchen and saw my dad had one of his videos up on his computer while he was doing something else, (presumably it came up from autoplay). He clicked off the video long before it ended, but it made me so uncomfortable watching it, that I for some reason just never touched his channel again. For some reason seeing how literally anybody else would've perceived that video made me realize how absolutely intolerable the guy actually was. Of course, I was also falling out with his content. I'd be skipping half of his skits because they were so cringy to watch. Plus, my brother was almost as pushy about his opinions but also infinitely better at citing his sources and not a manipulative prick about it. If he didn't convince me against banana man's dumb ideas, he'd at least get me to research it and form my own opinion, which was a big help in not becoming a mindless drone for the guy. I once had a back and forth with a user online who was trying to tell me what a terrible person the guy was, and in doing research for myself to try and find a counter, I just ended up ending the argument with something like 'Well, yeah I guess he *is* an a-hole, but I'll still watch him. ' lol Still got a bit of that toxic mentality in me, though. Like as soon as I heard the outro bit, I immediately want to be annoyed by it, but then I also almost teared up because of how true it felt. Anyway, you're a very sweet person, and I'm glad you're doing better. Best of luck to you
I know this video was made about a month ago, but this just popped up on my recommendations and I wanted to say thank you. This was me back in high school too when I used to be a fan of Onision back then. I didn't realize until watching this video honestly how fucked it all was. I feel like a lot of us, a lot of the young high school and middle school female fans of his were. I think it was when I got out of high school and started working when I stopped watching him. I started feeling disgusting watching his rating videos and I started feeling shitty watching any of his other videos. When everything started coming out about him and everyone started going against him, I wasn't surprised but I avoided his channels like the plague because I subconsciously knew that if I saw any clips or anything, even his voice sometimes still if I'm watching a video that plays a clip of something he said, it reminds me of that mindset I was in and that place I was in back then. I'll just cut myself off before this gets too long but this goes to show just how far his reach was. That he didn't need to personally contact anyone to harm them.
I was also a fan of him at some point. And massive general trigger warning for the following as I’ll be discussing my own experiences with onion and his videos. The video you brought up where he talked about people cutting was interesting because I’m the opposite side of that. I did end up doing that. And it got pretty bad. When I first found that video I hated it, I recognized immediately how dangerous it was. And then I went back to it years later when I was deep in it. And I liked the video. I thought he had a point. And that definitely did not help my issues. I blamed myself for things way out of my control (like my home struggles) and thought I was disgusting and weak because I was doing that. Now I have a partner and I’m clean. Have been for a while, at least with cutting. My partner struggles with knowing I did that but he loves me regardless. He doesn’t think any of me is disgusting. And it took that to realize just how deeply that video affected me. And then add on his videos of literally rating minors bodies and his constant love of “nlog” kind of girls and you have a big muddy mess. The fact it took so freaking long to get him off the internet is horrendous. And he’s still on the internet, he’s just not on RUclips as much. The amount of damage he has single handedly done to an entire generation is nauseating. It was very interesting seeing the other side of that and how we were two sides of the same coin. Agreed with a video that was directly harming us, and fell into the roles he set. I’m not a woman (I’m trans masc) but he changes the trajectory of my teen years and not at all in a good way.
Hey Mal, I don't know if you'll see this, but I just wanted to say I loved how emotionally honest this video was. I do this to myself sometimes, but you never need to apologize for "being sappy". Emotions and being vulnerable are how we connect with each other. Obviously sometimes it's not safe to be vulnerable, but your words and insights are appreciated.
As a kid watching Onision, watching him look at people's sh and mock them I nearly started to sh, eventually I did struggle with that due to other factors But at 12 I wanted to sh because of his videos
You know what they say, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will leave emotionally deep scars that will never heal” Onion boy is just the pit of self loathing you slide down into and don’t even realise until you wake up on the side of a ditch and wonder what the f*** you did last night until it all comes back to you like a depressing waterfall
“Treat yourself how you would treat someone you care about.” Hmmmmm, ok! (Seriously 😅) “I immediately stop watching the video & give myself a Long-Hug” (AKA a five minute hug)
I never really watched Onion Boi as I was nothing but a dumb child playing flash games at the time, but I am currently going through the phase you are talking about. I think I maybe saw his 15 ways to kill Yoshi video? Maybe it was another creator. It really does not make sense how people like Onion Boi can get famous until you realize what his audience consists of. He made his content like this on purpose, so he could get young and impressionable kids to watch his trash content only for him to groom them to feed his disgusting fantasies.
I'm ashamed of my 11-12 year old self being a fan of him, believing what he said about his exes before Billie, and defending him. Though it took him pushing pseudoscience and fallacy induced veganism forcing to get me to hate him.
Kinda weird hearing other people's perspective of "Not like the other girls" and weirder hearing it labelled as misogynist. Growing up by far the most bullying I received was from other women and I heard that line from women more than men, and of the times I've heard it from men only 3 times was it as some kind of pickup line. "Oh, you're athletic and don't share our interest? You're not like the other girls." The racism over being asian, the bullshit over my height, teasing over liking martial arts and to read all evolved into a general "you're not normal" when people figured out I'm a lesbian. But the men I knew were far more understanding than the women I knew. Whenever I heard "You're not like the other girls" from a guy it usually was a compliment that I wasn't some snotnosed bitch in a gossip ring looking down on everyone else. It eventually became a point of pride instead of a point of shame for me. Felt empowering to be told I wasn't like the people I hated, lol. Of course, the people using it like a pickup line can go fuck themselves, but they're usually scum for an entirely different (or maybe adjacent?) reason. I'm glad other people found ways out of whatever put them down through having solid connections and friendships. I didn't have that and the way I found my way out ingrained some habits (thankfully not drugs or something) I'm still not proud of and trying to grow out of. "If you corner an animal eventually it'll bite" and all that. The more people that can get out of such a depressing place through kindness rather than self harm or in my case lashing out, the better.
Hey my guy, I’m so sorry those people treated you like trash in that way! It’s just awful, I hope you’re far away from them now and doing a bit better. You wear and act however the hell you want, let them be jealous on their own time. Also the INLOG phenomenon is caused by a lot of social pressures misogyny is just one of them and women perpetuate misogyny just as much as men can. Those girls that were harassing you about the ‘right way to be feminine’ were being misogynistic. They’re part of the reason the INLOG response even exists. Just wanted to make sure that was clear as well. And most importantly! You don’t have to like pink or dress ‘girly’, what you like and how you express yourself is entirely up to you. It’s the right to be able to like those things freely without judgment that the INLOG stuff can cause problems with. Anyways, I hope you’re doing great now and thank you for sharing your experience with us too.
as another former fan of the onion man himself i can say i walked away with a pretty similar "gift". though mine was wrapped up in a neat little bow of body insecurities. i watched a lot of the videos where he rated girls bodies and though i identify as a boy now back then i watched him call girls half my size fat and obese for having slighly pudgy stomachs and "muffin tops" (wich by the way is a phrase ive only ever seen him use) and looked at myself and saw something he would probably see as some amorphous blob of fat. even though looking back at it I wasn't even that big back then. I've never really seen a former fan of onision talk about how he made them think while they watched him so its nice to know I'm not the only one who walked away from his fandom with some unwanted baggage.
![The Nice Guy's Best Friend [Storytime Speedpaints]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/XJi1x9aao_w/mqdefault.jpg)
You just made me realize how toxic the "Not like other girls" idea is Jesus
The gift Mal gave us today, TL:DR: Don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm. You're not the only one you'll end up burning.
This is the first time I've seen an actual former fan of Onion Boy come out about their experiences. I'm glad you're willing to be open about that - as someone who only discovered him well after he was exposed I never saw the appeal. I have a similar thing - though not nearly as bad. That being, Nostalgia Critic. I used to watch Channel Awesome all the time through middle and early high school. He was what made me realize I like picking apart movies; put my analytical nature to use. When Change the Channel happened and people came out about their experiences - finding out that Doug was so incompetent he couldn't even use his own equipment at times - it crushed me. That someone who had molded me in some way was hiding vile shit under the surface and was unqualified to be the authority of anything. It wasn't until I discovered Lindsay Ellis (ironically a former employee and rival of his) and Dan Olsen among others, that I realized how he was looking at movies was not only flawed but degrading to the work itself. And I was analyzing movies in the same way.That was, like, 3-4 years ago I came to that realization. I've kicked the habit but it hurts every time I see a video of his. I suppose that Onision and NC are important, to a certain extent, when growing up. A warning not to put all of your eggs in the basket of one seemingly "intelegent" dude.
Wow I didn’t know about all of that. I was a super huge Nostalgia Critic fan when I was younger. Like same situation, but I noticed the downgrade in quality and stopped watching. I had no idea...thanks for sharing
@@HeyRae youtuber Quinton Reviews has made several great videos explaining the situation - trust me, it's worth the watch!
@@JackedThor-so Thank you so much, I definitely will check it out!
@@JackedThor-so wait, what did doug do?
The ioiiiiiii
I really enjoyed this video, I as going through the "angst /edgy" face and luckily escaped this kind of bad influence
Hehe same.
I'm happy you've escaped that negativity
Sameeeeee
Dude I had this exact same experience with Blair White?? Well, not exact, but when I finally came out as trans I was like so desperate to come off as a """reasonable trans person""" and felt like I was under this huge pressure to pass as fast as possible in the right way and have the right talking points bc I felt like the only way I'd be valued is if I transitioned 'correctly'. Big respect to you for this video Aus-mom, it feels good knowing that you're not alone in things like this. Also I teared up at the end and I hate you for that >:'(
Slightly unrelated to you story, but from my understanding the LGBTQA+ community is about being and embracing yourself, whomever you may be. There's no right or wrong way to transition. Only you way and other ways. Don't let anyone tell you any differently again. Not Blair. Not me. Not anyone. You are beautiful, and you know it. Always remember that and you do you.
As a 41, almost 42 year old mom ot kills me inside to see so many people say they're ashamed of liking him. Shame can be a part of growing and learning and everyone has things they're ashamed of. But if you dwell on them too much it can be a form of punishing yourself even further.
I want to say that I hope everyone here gets to the best place they possibly can get and love to you all
God I can relate to this video,,,
I used to watch him, used to defend the things he was accused of. “Well if him rating peoples bodies was bad, they wouldn’t send them in in the first place”. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to take a step back and really look at the harm he was doing to me, to everyone he interacted with. to not trust his word of being the most honest person. That what he said only hurt me and That I deserved better than to subject myself to him.
Im thankful I wasn’t massively interested in him, but I know he still had an affect on me and how I views myself, my own mental health and others. He didn’t have to be hugely in my interest for very long for those affects to be put on me. Im so thankful his bullshit has properly been called out over the years, that he cant hurt people anymore.
Don’t be too hard on your younger self. These sorts of mistakes and traps are very easy to fall into and you’ve clearly come out the other side a better person. Keep it up! ♥️
I found him when I was younger, like 8 or so... I “liked” his content, but I stopped watching him when he said that a girl who was being verbally abused by her mom to “get over it, just don’t listen to her, it’s your fault if your upset about it.” I didn’t like that statement and stopped watching him. But I internalized it because it’s what my dad would say. I went to RUclips to get away from that and onion boy didn’t do it for me...
It's easy for that kind of scary mentality of indoctrination to be pushed on us, especially with topics we're ignorant about and at such a young age. It does feel like toxin, like a disease almost. The REALLY scary part is we usually don't know when it's happening. Keep growing and stay safe. Thanks for sharing your personal experiences!
I was almost drawn in by Onision (as in drawn into his fanbase) but then I saw his depression video and I dropped that guy faster than a hot potato set on fire
yeah same here! i remember watching his "looking at pics emo on Google", and then him started talking about self harm. i remember being shocked at how mean he was.
I'm not a girl (incase my name isn't a dead giveaway) but a lot of what you say about being young and wanting validation from a youtuber and virtual self-harm I found very reliable, even now I occasionally suffer from self-loathing, long story short great video keep it up.
As someone who's in those years myself (I'm 16 at the moment, turning 17 in a month) I felt a lot of this. Though I never was in that sort of situation with The Onion, I did have a lot of situations like that. When I was 14 I had a relationship with someone where I was forced into an onion-esque ideology where I was pushed into being "good", and pushing away everyone who tried to drag me from that situation. I won't go too far into it, I'm sure that story isn't one I should tell here. I sometimes look towards others to push my self hatred and act superior, looking down at the traits that they have which I hate (and a lot of the time, I have myself) that are caused by mental illness. I hate people who lie, but I myself have a compulsive tendency to lie especially when I'm stressed. I sometimes will force myself to look at the past and beat myself down over it, or I'll look at things that pushed those bad ideologies on me for no reason other than to beat myself down.
I wouldn't be able to explain to you why I do these things, and even when I know I shouldn't do them, sometimes I can't help myself. Maybe they aren't physical harm, but they're still a method of self harm that is difficult to stop. And I think it's important for everyone to try to realize what they're doing, and look at these things from a distance to ask why.
Obviously I still do all these things, but honestly? This video made me take a big step back and realize that I really, REALLY need to stop this. nd I think everyone else should take a big look too. Mental illness doesn't make you weak, having scars doesn't make you weak, you're strong just for being here.
I never thought I'd make it to 18 either, but I'm getting there! Just one more year! And I'm sure the rest of you can keep going too. I believe in y'all. Have a great day, week, year, however long you need the good vibes for
I’m so relieved you got something out of this video and I KNOW you’ll make it well past 18 and beyond. You’ll do great. 🌟
Hapoy early birthday! You've made it this far, I know you'll make it to 18 and even more.
I'm so impressed with your ability to introspect honestly and express your thoughts/feelings so well.
Search for your happiness and what brings you peace. And always keep learning!
If you're struggling, please know you don't have to suffer alone. If you go to someone who isn't helpful, don't give up! They might just be the wrong person to talk to, maybe they just don't know what to say. If you have a school counselor you feel comfortable talking to, talk to them. Or find a therapist you trust and can talk to. I think you'll find their support invaluable!
I wish you all the best, you deserve it!
i never thought i'd make it to 18 either. i started realising i was acting in the way you described around 17-18 too and i'm still growing so much at 21 now. i believe in you, you can definitely keep going :)
i had some fked relationships like you're describing around ages 9-16 so i definitely understand where you come from. i punched down and made fun of my own friends who were like me and tried to distance myself from the only people who weren't treating me like shit because i wanted to fit in more and mask my autism.
i definitely stopped and i know you can
I hope 18 is nice for you 💖 Please remind yourself that your brains ability to assess threats and repercussions for your actions (frontal lobe) isn't fully developed till your mid 20s! You'll make mistakes more-so between now and then and that's perfectly normal and okay. :)
So, just real quick I'm 25, and I remember watching his videos when I was a really young impressionable teen who had grown up alone and was struggling to catch up on everything my peers already knew. It messed me up a lot till I ended up losing access to reliable internet, again.
But at least that helped distance myself from stuff that was hurting me more than I could have thought of. And after watching your video I didn't even realize how bad it was till I saw a bit of my younger self in what you and others have said and experienced as well.
I hope all of us who have been harmed by hateful toxic people like Onion boy can heal from it all and learn to love ourselves more.
I used to watch his channels in highschool. So the ages of 13-16 I thought that everything he said was true and every time I saw him criticize girls bodies that looked like mine or smaller than mine I thought something was wrong with me. I WAS A THREE SPORT ATHLETE AND I THOUGHT MY BODY WASNT GOOD ENOUGH BECAUSE THIS MAN TOLD ME IT WASNT. I ended up developing a binging disorder that I’m still working on at age 20. I finally stopped watching when I passed out during practice because I hadn’t eaten for two days. Please remember that you are enough. Your body is capable of so much and you are beautiful.
Gifts are meant to be a language of love. Gifts that poison you from the inside either show that the person does not love you, or that love is by extension poison. I am glad that you were able to get to a better place. That last part was something I really needed to hear, it helped validate something that I was trying to convince myself of and I appreciate it.
I used to be the EXACT same way. Same reason why I used to watch onision too (before I saw THE Shiloh videos). I feel like I was in such a bad mental state, and I would talk myself down because that what was I was used to. My parents never took my mental health seriously, so obvi I didn’t either. When I watched his videos, I was a vulnerable& hurt kid that didn’t know what to turn to. Onion guy is very good at manipulating his audience & those around him. I’m embarrassed I ever used to watch his videos
The way that I was able to get through hard times in high school was to do a mental exercise. I would imagine I was on a stage and the people in the audience were the people I interacted with and watched. They would be yelling at me saying things they normally would to me. Did i like what i was hearing? Was it positive or negative? Who were saying the things i didnt like? Now ignore what's being said and see their expressions. The ones that looked worried were the ones I knew I needed to listen to as long as it was positive and not tearing me down.
Wow thats so interesting! That’s pretty cool, I might try it for myself :)
Listening to this was so chilling to me cause it’s so similar to how I used to be back at highschool as well. I was 16/17 when I watched his self harm videos and remember thinking of ways to ether hide it or some alternative to it cause ‘I don’t want to be like the dumb girls he talking about.’
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with him, it helped.
Oh god this is relatable to me too... It's really sad how many people had to go through this. The damage that he has caused. I hope you're doing okay now :heart with wings:
I gotta admit this hit me alittle harder than I thought
I kinda fell down a similar mind set as a teen I got so prideful that i was the edgy kid that wasn't a cutter or didn't have depression that I became a bully to my peers.
A pretty bad one and I eventually realised I had no friends and no one who wanted to be around me not.
even my best friend saw me as nothing more than an evil person
And only stuck around because I bullied him less then everyone else.
Still feeling the effects of that to this day.
Glad I found this, I like many watched him when I was younger. I grew up in a Christian esc home with personally LGBTQIA leanings. I thought he was just an aggressive version of what I thought. Really let me dive into a hole of hating everyone and thinking I was above it all. I’m very happy that people can come out about this embarrassing part of a collective history
The "edgy yet manipulative as heck"phase is a cursed thing that unfortunately everyone goes trough at a moment,at different levels,and at best we'll cringe over ourselves.I'm glad you and lots of people here managed to past this and get better over time.Keep going ppl
I've never known much about Onision (my first language is not English) but I remember stumbling upon his video where he rates girls bodies and it made me feel very disturbed. I have a history of experiencing sexual assault and harassment when I was younger, so I guess I kind of projected on this video lol. Anyway, it made me very surprised how somebody like this could have such a large following. I'm glad people gave him and his deeds the publicity that he deserves (not a positive one hehe :3).
And yeah, bonds with other people, be it family or friends, can seriously help you. I don't think I would have been alive to write this comment right now hadn't some people come to help me in the time of need.
I hope this video reaches more people, it's really good!
Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm relieved you've been able to make it through with your friends and family at your side. I hope you're doing well and living very happily now! 💖
@@MaliMalware thanks for your words of encouragement :)
Life is somewhat tough for me right now but it's worth living!
I haven't watched onision in so many years, but still every now and then I'll remember the video he made on glow-ups, calling everybody ugly. That shit hurted
As someone who also watched Onion boy I recommend adding NEDA feeding hope.
Absolutely! Thank you for the suggestion. 💕
This video hit way too close to home oof. But I think the teenage girl experience is disgustingly universal in respect to a lot of the things you talked about. I was always afraid to cut because people would see it, but I craved someone, ANYONE seeing I was in pain, even if I didnt admit at the time. I felt emotionally destroyed by the world around me and not having anything to show for it really didnt help. Onision and others like him confirmed my suspicions about myself and just threw me into a feedback loop of "god I feel awful, someone needs to justify this" and "god why cant I be the kind of girl he would like???"
From the bottom of my heart, I'm glad you made this and I'm so glad people will see it. Teenage girls get enough shit as it and the NLOG mindset just perpetuates the idea that they can never be good enough. Teenage girls, and everyone really, ARE already good enough, despite their """""bland"""""" or """"boring""""" interests.
Tl;dr: cringe culture is dead, let teenage girls be like the other girls, and I wanted to wear pink at 14, leave me alone 😌💕
I'm so glad to have found this video: i have had pretty much the same experience as you, just with extra steps (i used to s.h. and then watch his videos to feel guilty, while feeling special to have found his videos), and i'm glad i found the strength to snap out of it, with the help of my friends. You are the first youtuber i have seen talking about this and I'm glad I wasn't alone after all, that we made it out. ♡
With the "I'm not like other girls thing"
U know when ur legitimately uninterested in girly things and everyone tells you you'll grow out of being like that.
I get everyone has phases but I'm still into goth stuff and rock music
Hitting a specific age doesn't make your interests go away if they're legitimate. Like damn leave me alone bud, sorry I don't wear pink
True, but it still has that nasty implication, even if it's said to get away from stupid people. A better way of saying that would be, "My gender is not a monolith." as you don't put down other people in the process of expressing individuality, intentional or not.
The problem isn't having a taste or style,or a certain ideological chain.The problem is thinking that your way is absolutely better than everyone else's and openly put other people down, idols things that are obviously harmful ,or even repeating this all the time or use it as a token of your personality.I still like many things i liked when i was on my "edgy phase",and i'm also not into "tHat gOrlY stuFf" usually,but honestly if some people are that's absolutely okay.The wolrd is diverse and,even if we feel better with our way, we are no better than other people just cuz they are different.
Thank you. Thank you for making this video. You’ve really opened my eyes to not only how toxic that “Not like the other girls” culture can be (i’ve always found it to be strange but i never really realized why) But also… that part at the end, telling me and everyone else watching how great we’re doing, how proud you are that we’re still fighting… all that was just what i needed. I don’t like making things about myself, but I just want to tell you how you’ve helped me in this moment. I’m 15 right now, struggling with Depression and social anxiety, not really getting out and such, plus having doubts about my identity and sexuality as many people my age do. It’s a lot, but just those words of encouragement that aren’t even directed at me specifically… really made my day, almost brought me to tears honestly. Thank you again, that’s all. I hope you have a good day :)
Let me reaffirm directly to you as well, I'm glad you're here. Happy you're here and I can read these words from you. Fifteen is a rough age, but you're chugging on through it anyway and you're going to come out the other side a wonderful adult.
Wishing you the best. 🤍
Every youtuber I uses to like turned out to be bad. Used to watch Alex Jones, Onision, Shane Dawson, Cosmodore, Creepy Produce, Cryotic, Destrey Smith, and I'm sure others that I just cant think of right now.
As someone in his 30s, that still deal with alot of things that I rather not go into, but one of them being insecurity and something that still plays alot into my daily life, the advice in this video is amazing. Its hard to cancel out those negative thoughts in our heads, specially when they get louder or confirmed by some idiot online or in real life. I always find myself thinking of what those that love me think of me, instead of what I think of myself. As I focus on that, I slowly noticed that I with time came to accept myself more and more. Treat others as you want to be treated. Amazing Video, really hope this spreads to as many people as possible.
That's such a great way of thinking, to think of how those who love us think of us. Sometimes (this may sound morbid lol sry), I think of what my best friends/family/fiance would say at my funeral, and it actually makes me feel better about myself and stop beating myself up, because I know what a lot of them would say and it makes me feel good. That's probably weird af to a lot of people but oh well. I love this comment though, thank you for it. I needed to read that.
@@mandapanties Glad that this comment helped you! Took me a long time myself to acually be able to do this myself and feel like it helps somehow c:
@@mandapanties I get it. You're reminding yourself that these people would care if you died and would talk about you with all the love in their hearts because they do love you. Eulogies are meant to express how much you love a person who recently passed, so your thinking of how much they love you, and that makes you want to keep living. Sorry for analyzing you and your coping mechanism. This is probably really weird.
@@queen-monarch it's not weird at all! It's exactly how my brain would react to a comment like mine (psychology is my passion/field of study and I psychoanalyze everything lmao). You're totally right. I wish our society made it more normalize to speak to people BEFORE they're dead, the way we'd speak about them at a eulogy. Imagine if we told all the people we love, all the reasons we loved them on a consistent basis, without it being "weird". Why is society's way to wait til they're *dead* to say those things. We should normalize telling everyone the things we'd say about them at their funeral 💕
What you said wasn’t stupid, it meant everything to me and I don’t think I convey how much I needed to hear it. Thank you so much, I will Survive the night.
i've been meaning to watch this for ages and i finally did, and let me tell you?? i am experiencing so many emotions right now, and all of them boil down to the feeling of just. unbelievable validation and support and feeling way less alone in the lasting damage that onision's narratives caused, and i can't adequately express how amazing you are for being so open about all of this and sharing in this way ;;
I am going through the same things right now. I've been having suicidal thoughts a lot lately and I've been feeling terrible. Seeing this video and just hearing someone describe my thoughts perfectly is honestly the best thing for me right now. Thank you
You're right, still being around is stronger than anything the onion ballbag could do or say. it's good to hear you could break away from that teeny voice
I grew up being assumed as female, and by god I fell heavily into 'not like the other girls'. I relied heavily on the fact I like cars, games, trains. You know typical 'boyish interests'. I felt ashamed that I liked watching make up videos, I enjoyed cute girly things etc. Onion's videos was a huge part of that horrible time of my childhood because I did everything in my power to reject ANY feminine I had, and heavily questioning if I was even a girl to begin with. Turns out I am non binary and that exploring that made me okay with 'girly' things.
I really appreciate the sentiment in the video. I spent the bulk of my life having people feed into my anxieties - kept in fear and held back by a physical issue that I refused to admit was a limitation. Its only been recent that I've had a chance to start admitting the issues I've had, to begin to improve. I feel like I wanted to leave this comment to ultimately say - definitely be kind to yourself. Its hard to do after turning yourself into a machine for others, but its so worth the effort in the long term.
If you're reading this - you're amazing. Remember that. :)
Gah...this almost made me cry. I never watched the onion man but still have a good chunk of those thoughts. This helped me. Thank you.
Thank you for your hard work!
I'm french so sorry for any weird wording ^^' I only know about some french helplines, in France I think there is the "planning familial" who can help lgbt+ people and most universities have health service that can provide some psychological help, both for free.
Thanks. Thank you for talking about the "not like the other girls" mentality and the self-deprecation that a lot of people that age suffers from. I think a lot of people need to hear this.
As someone who had that mentality since 12~13, dragged that with me through years and was sure to never make it through 18, I think that type of discourse would have helped a lot, and it needs to be said. I'm 21 now and my mental state is way better. It's nice to hear that no one is alone with those problems and that they can get better.
It's good to say those sappy things because they are so true! Yes, friendship help, it helps a lot. It's not everything, it's not magic but having friends help. Mental healthcare systems and professionals are here to help you too! The same way you wouldn't walk your days on a broken leg, don't drag yourself with a broken heart or brains. Ask/Search for help.
If you don't have good friends/close people right now, don't panic about it, take your time and I assure you, you will find some. And they will be so happy and so grateful that you are still here.
You have the right to be happy! The right to be yourself! That may take time, but things will get better.
I wish you all an amazing day, week and life in general.
I think this video really helped me self reflect on the toxic ideals i was taught about mental health. The comments about self harm are the exact thoughts i had when i was younger, believing i would always be doing better than others who left more obvious marks, no matter the self loathing or harm i would do. I needed to be better in some way, even than the people i loved, and that made getting help harder, that made intimidate friendships drift...
Thank you for your message, the lessons you learned years back definitely taught me a lil bit of something.
i still revisit this video now and again because fuck this video is so special
Not me about to cry because I felt like her saying that she's glad I'm still here was actually aimed directly through my body
that was really brave to talk about your mental health struggles like that, im proud of your courage
Offtopic buy your voice is so soothing it sort of gives me wise fairy vibes,, and it matches your oc/sona (the character used for ur sprites) super well ^^
Mal this is such a nice video - hearing your experiences and breakdown of what it was like felt so informative and interesting. You have such a positive and fun, yet serious energy that really carries the weight of the topic.
I hope you're doing alright.
Also my eyes were absolutely GLUED to the art - Gosh is it beautiful and emotional. Absolutely adore it 🌻❤️
its eerie hearing you talking about onision's tactics and seeing how a person like Darksydephil uses those exact same tactics. Like, to the letter. Even the wording. Also, i'm sorry for so many comments, i just discovered your channel and I really love your stuff. Hope I can catch a stream some time.
Thank you for existing honestly, that's all
Thank you for having the courage to share your story. What you said towards the end was definitely something I needed to hear, and I just wanted to say thank you for that. Keep fighting, beautiful human!
As someone who had the same mindset as you in my teenage years and the same "gifts" i really appreciate this ❤️
I deal a lot with mental health issues and especially with social anxiety, which I get from my parents. And what people might not know, is that it makes things such as depression that much more severe. There have been times in my life where I just couldn’t take it and I didn’t want to live anymore. I’m lucky I never got to be a part of that. Cause I would never have come out the other side. Even if I’ve watched this video multiple times, I still appreciate it every time. Thank you for sharing your experience.
The fact that he got into the minds of young people who were struggling so easily is so terrifying:(
And Im just gonna focus on the part about selfharm for a bit since I have been struggling for the past 3 or 4 so years. It rlly hurts to hear how he made people think of people like me as these disgusting low lives and that scars are something to be ashamed of. I struggle so greatly with finding myself pretty or deserving of physical affection bc of my scars, I usually find myself telling myself that Im unlovable and grotesque even tho I know Im not so hearing that there are people who actually would think that way of me is really difficult. Theres no way for me to avoid my scars and theyre a constant reminder of all my trauma, they give me really bad flashbacks from time to time and people like me dont need to be hearing about how we’re gross and unlovable because, chances are, we are already telling ourselves that.
Thus far I have loved your videos. You provide the information in a calm and concise manner. You look at everything as objectively as possible. After watching this I have an entire new level of respect for you. This video was empowering and I am glad you are here today as well. Please keep being you. ♡♡♡
Honestly, as an adult, seeing a grown adult hang out with a bunch of teens who look up to them with no other adults involved always seems like a red flag. Kids are so impressionable and can be taken advantage of so easily, it’s terrifying. I was never exposed to anyone so toxic, but I was a vulnerable kid who very easily could have fallen into these wannabe cult-leaders.
This is a wonderful video. So many videos describe what Onision has done, but you are the first one that describes what makes him so damn effective. Great job.
I love the background of this drawing.
I had the exact same experience with him in my youth. Still working though it myself. Thank you for talking about it.
Its nice to have someone finally talk about the damage his videos have caused for his past audience!
I watch onision cause my mates watch him and I thought he was funny and got what I was thinking, but my wake up was his video saying him and kia were getting a divorce, I didn't know what was going on with the billy situation at the time but somat about it felt wrong about the video so I stopped watching and never really went back.
I watch for the same reason as you cause he told me I was worthless for being depressed and I thought he was the only one being brutally honest with me about it.
Id liken the way he talks to Ben Shipiro; fast, confidently and with now substance.
There's so much I remember about watching his videos and how they made me feel.
Its so comforting knowing someone else understands the madness and the pain that was being a fan of his.
Sorry this is so long
Thanks a lot for the last bit, I’ve been struggling for such a long time, I really needed it
I was never a real fan of Onision but I remember watching his videos on self harm specifically right after I've done that to feel worse about myself. To have emotional pain with the physical.
Can agree with the edgy phase when i was 11 or 13 but i was watching people like leafy instead of onision 👵🏼🤚🏼💀
Its so scary to think that if I were a few years older I would have definitely been in the Onision Cult.
Well, I certainly wasn't expecting to tear up near the end. Wow, that ending.
nah you made me smile so much from 19:10 on-wards 😭it was exactly what I needed to hear, thank you :) hope you're doing alright yourself btw
I haven't even fully watched the video just loving the no harassment message you gave feels like something another RUclipsr I watch acheeto would say
this was so insanely heartwarming, thank you for your words 💖
You made me cryyyy. Jokes aside thank you so much for this vid- I have a very similar experience and man your words ring true
0:40
That is the best threat I've ever heard.
Everytime onion boy comes up I'm glad I never fell into that rabbit hole. I was 1st introduced to him via Shane, I watched one video of him and couldn't stand him at all. I was wondering how people could stan him, thank you for making this!
This was a great video. I personally never watched his videos, but I've seen what he's done to some people. I admire the confidence you used while talking about this topic.
......I just realized that this is what my parents do to me
"U don't faint or panic in exams so ur better than people who do ur fine"
"U can function and do basic stuff so ur fine "
It hurts ngl
thank you for making this, i had a similar experience with his videos and i am still trying to unlearn everything i internalised from it. idk i felt so stupid for ages for ever believing him but yeah thank you
Thank you for this video I’ve not being feeling great lately and this video really made my day thank you! ❤️🥺
Oh, yikes, I remember going through that INLOG phase w/ the onion man. The whole cutting bit really hits closest to home. I legitimately had the same idea where I'd basically given up because I was fully convinced I'd be dead before I ever went to college, and yet I somehow thought I was so much better than cutters because I'm no attention wh*re or whatever the hell.
I remember when I fully stopped watching him. It was when I walked into the kitchen and saw my dad had one of his videos up on his computer while he was doing something else, (presumably it came up from autoplay). He clicked off the video long before it ended, but it made me so uncomfortable watching it, that I for some reason just never touched his channel again. For some reason seeing how literally anybody else would've perceived that video made me realize how absolutely intolerable the guy actually was.
Of course, I was also falling out with his content. I'd be skipping half of his skits because they were so cringy to watch. Plus, my brother was almost as pushy about his opinions but also infinitely better at citing his sources and not a manipulative prick about it. If he didn't convince me against banana man's dumb ideas, he'd at least get me to research it and form my own opinion, which was a big help in not becoming a mindless drone for the guy.
I once had a back and forth with a user online who was trying to tell me what a terrible person the guy was, and in doing research for myself to try and find a counter, I just ended up ending the argument with something like 'Well, yeah I guess he *is* an a-hole, but I'll still watch him. ' lol
Still got a bit of that toxic mentality in me, though. Like as soon as I heard the outro bit, I immediately want to be annoyed by it, but then I also almost teared up because of how true it felt.
Anyway, you're a very sweet person, and I'm glad you're doing better. Best of luck to you
I know this video was made about a month ago, but this just popped up on my recommendations and I wanted to say thank you. This was me back in high school too when I used to be a fan of Onision back then. I didn't realize until watching this video honestly how fucked it all was. I feel like a lot of us, a lot of the young high school and middle school female fans of his were. I think it was when I got out of high school and started working when I stopped watching him. I started feeling disgusting watching his rating videos and I started feeling shitty watching any of his other videos. When everything started coming out about him and everyone started going against him, I wasn't surprised but I avoided his channels like the plague because I subconsciously knew that if I saw any clips or anything, even his voice sometimes still if I'm watching a video that plays a clip of something he said, it reminds me of that mindset I was in and that place I was in back then.
I'll just cut myself off before this gets too long but this goes to show just how far his reach was. That he didn't need to personally contact anyone to harm them.
I was also a fan of him at some point. And massive general trigger warning for the following as I’ll be discussing my own experiences with onion and his videos. The video you brought up where he talked about people cutting was interesting because I’m the opposite side of that. I did end up doing that. And it got pretty bad. When I first found that video I hated it, I recognized immediately how dangerous it was. And then I went back to it years later when I was deep in it. And I liked the video. I thought he had a point. And that definitely did not help my issues. I blamed myself for things way out of my control (like my home struggles) and thought I was disgusting and weak because I was doing that. Now I have a partner and I’m clean. Have been for a while, at least with cutting. My partner struggles with knowing I did that but he loves me regardless. He doesn’t think any of me is disgusting. And it took that to realize just how deeply that video affected me. And then add on his videos of literally rating minors bodies and his constant love of “nlog” kind of girls and you have a big muddy mess. The fact it took so freaking long to get him off the internet is horrendous. And he’s still on the internet, he’s just not on RUclips as much. The amount of damage he has single handedly done to an entire generation is nauseating. It was very interesting seeing the other side of that and how we were two sides of the same coin. Agreed with a video that was directly harming us, and fell into the roles he set. I’m not a woman (I’m trans masc) but he changes the trajectory of my teen years and not at all in a good way.
Hey Mal, I don't know if you'll see this, but I just wanted to say I loved how emotionally honest this video was. I do this to myself sometimes, but you never need to apologize for "being sappy". Emotions and being vulnerable are how we connect with each other. Obviously sometimes it's not safe to be vulnerable, but your words and insights are appreciated.
Your art is GORGEOUS! 🥰
for the first video to see of yours and stuble upon cause recomendations, can definatly saying im subbing ~
the philza music got me tho
great vid
As a kid watching Onision, watching him look at people's sh and mock them
I nearly started to sh, eventually I did struggle with that due to other factors
But at 12 I wanted to sh because of his videos
You know what they say, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will leave emotionally deep scars that will never heal”
Onion boy is just the pit of self loathing you slide down into and don’t even realise until you wake up on the side of a ditch and wonder what the f*** you did last night until it all comes back to you like a depressing waterfall
“Treat yourself how you would treat someone you care about.”
Hmmmmm, ok! (Seriously 😅)
“I immediately stop watching the video & give myself a Long-Hug” (AKA a five minute hug)
Onision gave me the gift of suicidal thoughts and seld depreciation, thanks it means alot😑🧚♀️.
I never really watched Onion Boi as I was nothing but a dumb child playing flash games at the time, but I am currently going through the phase you are talking about. I think I maybe saw his 15 ways to kill Yoshi video? Maybe it was another creator. It really does not make sense how people like Onion Boi can get famous until you realize what his audience consists of. He made his content like this on purpose, so he could get young and impressionable kids to watch his trash content only for him to groom them to feed his disgusting fantasies.
I'm ashamed of my 11-12 year old self being a fan of him, believing what he said about his exes before Billie, and defending him. Though it took him pushing pseudoscience and fallacy induced veganism forcing to get me to hate him.
Kinda weird hearing other people's perspective of "Not like the other girls" and weirder hearing it labelled as misogynist. Growing up by far the most bullying I received was from other women and I heard that line from women more than men, and of the times I've heard it from men only 3 times was it as some kind of pickup line. "Oh, you're athletic and don't share our interest? You're not like the other girls." The racism over being asian, the bullshit over my height, teasing over liking martial arts and to read all evolved into a general "you're not normal" when people figured out I'm a lesbian. But the men I knew were far more understanding than the women I knew. Whenever I heard "You're not like the other girls" from a guy it usually was a compliment that I wasn't some snotnosed bitch in a gossip ring looking down on everyone else. It eventually became a point of pride instead of a point of shame for me. Felt empowering to be told I wasn't like the people I hated, lol.
Of course, the people using it like a pickup line can go fuck themselves, but they're usually scum for an entirely different (or maybe adjacent?) reason.
I'm glad other people found ways out of whatever put them down through having solid connections and friendships. I didn't have that and the way I found my way out ingrained some habits (thankfully not drugs or something) I'm still not proud of and trying to grow out of. "If you corner an animal eventually it'll bite" and all that. The more people that can get out of such a depressing place through kindness rather than self harm or in my case lashing out, the better.
Hey my guy, I’m so sorry those people treated you like trash in that way! It’s just awful, I hope you’re far away from them now and doing a bit better. You wear and act however the hell you want, let them be jealous on their own time.
Also the INLOG phenomenon is caused by a lot of social pressures misogyny is just one of them and women perpetuate misogyny just as much as men can. Those girls that were harassing you about the ‘right way to be feminine’ were being misogynistic. They’re part of the reason the INLOG response even exists. Just wanted to make sure that was clear as well.
And most importantly! You don’t have to like pink or dress ‘girly’, what you like and how you express yourself is entirely up to you. It’s the right to be able to like those things freely without judgment that the INLOG stuff can cause problems with.
Anyways, I hope you’re doing great now and thank you for sharing your experience with us too.
I got chills because of how much i could relate to this video
Ah yes. Make me cry why don't ya...
“Do not harass anyone.” As much as I want to harass Onision, he doesn’t deserve my time or effort.
damn this made me cry like a lil bish
I have not gotten into the video at all, but the thought I had when I saw the titles was
“The gift that onision gave me: the gift of endless content”
9:36 You sure you’re not talking about Prisonmate Luke here?
If I had a dollar for every time an Inappropriate grown man told me I’m not like other girls I could probably afford therapy for it
I cried a little thank you
Nothing to do with the topic but your voice is so soothing to me somehow. 😔❤
I’m a new viewer here, but that art style though!
Who is also in the club of
"Idk wtf I'm doing because I didnt think I'd be alive at 18"
👇🏼
as another former fan of the onion man himself i can say i walked away with a pretty similar "gift". though mine was wrapped up in a neat little bow of body insecurities. i watched a lot of the videos where he rated girls bodies and though i identify as a boy now back then i watched him call girls half my size fat and obese for having slighly pudgy stomachs and "muffin tops" (wich by the way is a phrase ive only ever seen him use) and looked at myself and saw something he would probably see as some amorphous blob of fat. even though looking back at it I wasn't even that big back then. I've never really seen a former fan of onision talk about how he made them think while they watched him so its nice to know I'm not the only one who walked away from his fandom with some unwanted baggage.
He's back....
Two little words to ruin my day.... I feel personally responsible for this tragedy.
NGL I feel like crying
Onion boy is basically Satan at this point