It's almost a lot different when you are an adult because your parents don't hold anything back. When you are a child your parents hide divorce from you because they don't want you to feel sad. When you are an adult you become the marriage counselor.
How tf did life turn so horrendously wrong that I'm even watching this video. This situation is so exhausting, dealing with my own life is hard enough, and now this... Thank you for your words, they really are of help. Getting my life together at 22, or starting it over as an adult as such has been a rough task, and this situation just ads up a huge weight to it, I'll try to be as stoic as possible and focus on dealing with all this the best way I can, help my sister too, and, as you say, love my parents equally no matter what.
All these years, I've always pitied my friends with divorced parents, but I never understood them. Not really. Now I'm here, and I'm not even in my 20s. I'm 18. I just started college. And I've realized that there's absolutely nothing worse than being away from home...and not having a home to go back to anymore.
I’m in the exact same situation, I found out the news halfway through my first semester. It’s rough, but I’m sure we’ll get through it. Good luck Katie, I hope you stay strong
This is exactly how I feel!! My mum's gone overseas and my dad moved out the day she left, my home doesn't feel like a home anymore. I'm 19 so I'm an adult and should know how to navigate this but I don't.
Feels like it came out of nowhere. Dad told me and my sister he was leaving my mom…3 days later he moved out. Now somehow I, the kid, am the parent. I’m the therapist, mediator, nurse, caretaker…when I’m just about to come up for air, life tries to push me back down, only drowning me further. I almost feel like it happening at 22 is worse than at 8. Now I’m put in the middle of it all, feeling the heartbreak.
Sydney, set limits on what you will and won't do and realize that you will have to enforce them, they will walk all over them. It is so difficult and you are not alone.
I'm astonished that our experience is exactly the same, 2 years ago I was 22 and my dad told me he's leaving my mom, the next day he was gone... Me and my sister even had to pack his things because he didn't have time because he left ao fast
I’m currently dealing with something extremely similar. I’m 22. I am studying at a community college after working with my father for a year as a truck driver. Now, my parents are getting a divorce. My father wants to go back to Europe. I am left with my mom and my sisters. My mom keeps telling me that I need to keep going to school. And that she’s gonna work 3 jobs. We are left with car payments and credit card debt. I can’t just not work and go to school. I’ve been making my resume for the past 2 days and creating a cover letter, and trying to look for companies that I can work at. I never worked anything else besides truck driving. I want to work as an engineer or designer. But I don’t know if I’ll be able to get a job in that field. I have no work experience besides taking architecture classes and engineering classes in highschool and college. Now I keep trying to see if I can get a job that I can work from home on my own time, so that I can also go to school. But I don’t think that I’ll be able to do that. We’re packing up, trying to sell all the stuff that we can so that we can maybe put a down payment for a house. My dad’s not going to pay for rent anymore, and the house is falling apart. We can’t stay here anymore. We have to find a place to live, while also trying to find a place to work and pay for all of this, and also somehow hopefully try to keep onto school.
This is exactly how I feel, except I'm 19 and my mum's overseas. Dad moved out a day after she left so it's just me alone at home trying to stay on top of uni work and everything, with no siblings either. It feels suffocating
My mom is divorcing my dad after 26 years. Im 24; she told me it took her this long to do this because she wanted to wait til me and my brother were 18
Going thru the same thing. I'm about to turn 24, my sister is 20, and My other siblins are under 18. Never thought I would be looking for this videos but it's just so strange, so hard to deal with... I literally feel like a little girl rn. Hope you guys arw doing fine.
@@Psykitty96 Oh my gosh wow. Okay. 💜 Happy for you and them. I'm literally 24 right now and just got the news myself. I have a 23yr old sister. It's rough. I genuinely hope my own parents can get back together too.
Chris L., there are many reasons a marriage would break up,Chria L Their mistakes are not yours and if their marriage lasted that long, there must have been a few successes along the way.
Thank you for this. My father is considering divorcing my mother, and now that we're all stuck in quarantine, I'm drowning in a sea of ambiguity. I can't go out to speak to a therapist or other third party. I cried watching this, it was so helpful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You are welcome, Maddie Hess. Thank you for watching. I don't know if your parents are open to getting any assistance to help them work through this time, but we have a video called "How To Save Marriage On The Brink Of Divorce" (ruclips.net/video/dL_42-K3TM4/видео.html) which others have had success with. You might want to share it with your parents. If they appreciate that video, we have a playlist called "How to Fix a Marriage that's been Damaged" (ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPD7ZFUy4BGprDhRq8tDD2yg) which may have additional value to them. As for you, please consider checking out anything on our Positive Personal Development playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV, or our Positive Relationship Resources playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPA410uJ9woXx9B9WiPyM7fX I also want to let you know that we are offering a free 25 minute call with a Live On Purpose coach; if you or your parents would like to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
My parents live abroad now and I just literally found out now that they are separating. I know it's not the end of the world but I'm feeling extremely sad. I can't really believe it.
The worst part for me is that I’ve known since I was 12. Came across an article on my mom’s computer about divorce and everything made sense. My whole life I knew they were just together for my sister and I. I just didn’t expect it to hurt this much when the time came.
Be strong! To every young adult who go through this kind of situation in the whole world ! ( including me ) i know sometimes your life might be hard not like your friends... be strong! Love from sri lanka!⚘may you get all the love ❤
When you said it was "never EVER your fault", I had tears in my eyes. Thank you. I thought I could handle everything on my own, and thanks to the Japanese anime and manga of being the bigger person and living life for yourself, it wasn't enough though.
You are welcome, piedathemokona. I hope the video helped. I'm not sure it's possible for people to handle everything on their own, all the time. I'm a psychologist and a coach, I assist people with handling their issues! And I'd like to be on your team, if you let me. We have a Positive Personal Development playlist with a wide variety of topics: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV We also have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If you ever want to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall Thanks for being part of the Live On Purpose family.
3 года назад+54
You don't know how much this video has helped me. I just can't get over the feeling that I have the obligation to save them, to connect them and to make my family whole again. How can I get over this kind of feeling. I know it's not my job but what can I say to myself to overcome this... Thank you very much.
Hoàng Công Vân Hạ, I have never talked to you, but is part of this about control for you? I know we want our families to be whole, that is a good thing to want, but do you have control over how others feel, speak, and their motivation. You do not. Stay in your sphere of influence and not in others. Do what you can and then be at peace.
I’m watching this video bawling my eyes out. I knew this was coming eventually, this is a peaceful divorce I guess, but the fact that it’s so near Christmas and I’ve always loved Christmas but now it won’t be the same anymore.
My siblings and I got the news out of nowhere on Easter. I'm 20, just graduated college, and experiencing a lot of change at once. They're still cohabitating, and I'm home between undergrad and grad school for the summer. It's... weird. Trying to show I love them both while setting boundaries about conversation topics has been difficult. Thank you for making this video.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV It is very helpfull! :) Best video on this topic, because it left me feeling better. When You said that part, that no, it's no my fault, i started to cry. It's exactly what i'm feeling. and felt all my life. But You are right, it's their story, not children. I should be respectfull for both of them. And just love them. :)
For more than five years now I tried to figure out what ruined my parents' marriage. I tried so damn hard. I still don't know where it went wrong. I don't think that they even know. I'm 26 now, but I still feel like a little boy who watched his whole world burn to ashes. It is painful for me to admit that I don't even know why I (and my family, my parents included) had to live through it.
Anselm Van Pfannkuchen the Younger, I get that you may want to know why so that you wouldn't make the same mistake, but does it really matter why? It happened and now we have move on and build something from the ashes. It is possible.
i never thought i'd actually be watching a video like this. it was such a normal day too. we had things to do for the next day, dinner planned for that night, went through a normal freakin day. that night was so explosive. the next thing i knew, we were packing our bags and i was driving my mom and i to stay at a friend's house. what the hell is even real at this point
Before I learned about generational trauma, I just tried to see my parents as children & you know we do what our parents do as they’re our teachers. Heal your generational trauma before you look for a partner or you’ll be picking what you know even if it’s abuse. Yes, I learned this post-divorce. 😢
I am a 22 y.o university student. No money in the bank and very challenging (for me at least) speciality - electric engineering. Just got back from the day of studying to find out that my mum told my dad it's over. He clearly doesn't want a divorce - yet he still agreed. On the 30th of June we will be leaving this apartment (they rented it together) and I need to either find enough money to move out or choose one of them to stay with. I am honestly so lost. I don't have a boyfriend or extended family members. No grandparents or grown siblings. And the weirdest thing? I wanted them to separate for years! They never got along. Violent arguments were a casual occurrence when I was a kid but died dowm later on. But somehow it happened with the worst timing possible......
Miriam, I hope the video is helpful for you. There will be a lot of choices to make, but hopefully your parents can keep their problems between themselves and you can have a relationship with both.
Same here now. I’m 24, trying to start a business, and still living at home and now my Mom is moving out on my father when he needs her support the most
My parents broke up recently, I am 21 and I'm a mess. I live at home with my dad who is having it really rough. He loved her with all his heart and she left him. I'm so lost and don't know what to do. I want to help him, but I also don't have the strength to watch him go through that. I'm the only kid left. I fear that if I'm gone too, he might do something stupid. I am torn in half. I try to tell him often that I love him and that he's a hero to me. We also got family involved, they talk to us daily and try to help us. It feels so hopeless right now, I just want us both to learn to live again. It's so stressful living with a divorced parent who might or might not depend on you being there to recover. He lost his thumb, there is still five more years of debt to pay off for the house, and his wife left him. I'm so scared. Please advise.
It’s going to get better. Remember that you have to live for yourself, and that you are HIS child and he is not yours. (If you’re religious, know that he is God’s child and not yours). You can’t possibly serve as a therapist to your parents or do anything to fix their situation other than love and support them. As the video says, your job is to love your father. But you have to recognize and set boundaries between your life and your father’s life, because it’s easy for the two to become mixed, and that’s what causes you to emotionally spiral. Sometime’s you may have to love him from a distance, and take time to recharge and reconnect with the things that make you happy and grateful in your own life. I’m 23 going through it too, my father has been having suicidal thoughts throughout the divorce and for a while it was weighing down on me but I had to seek outside help, realize that it’s not about me, and remember who I am. It’s going to be hard, but hopefully my words can help you to get through this because you will. Also know that your parents are going through a crisis right now and the last thing they want is for their children to be sucked into the darkeness with them. Do what you can to shift your perspective, heal yourself, and recharge your spirit so that you can have the strength lift them up.
What happens between your parents is not your business and you should not be put in between them. Encourage your dad to get some support from counseling or a support group for those going through divorce. Don't ever give up hope. There is always hope.
My parents have separated over 10 times since I was in 4th grade and got back together 4 years ago. However, finally divorced this year while I was in college. I’m 22 now graduating from ucla this year. I just entered depression. It’s hitting me that my life long childhood dream of having a simple dinner all together will never happen ever again. I’ve never had a home to come home to till 4 years ago. But now I really don’t have a home to come to. I come home to my dad bad mouthing my mom. I feel immense pain and suffering every time I see both of them. I don’t want to date anymore. I don’t want to have kids because I went through so much pain growing up. I put on a fake show that I’m doing good and that I don’t care for their divorce so at least they don’t have to worry about their daughter struggling. This video helped me a lot to put boundaries and what my job as a daughter is. Thank you
I’m 22 , my parents have been divorced over 10 years . I just had a breakdown today remembering all and just cried my eyes out and I decided to come watch .
Thank you for this. I feel like my world is falling apart and I didn’t know where to turn so I eventually just typed into the RUclips search bar and found this video
As someone who’s 19 and parents separated at like a year old. It sucks so much. Still cry about it till this day. They always told me to say “I was too young to remember it didn’t affect me” but it does sm. I hate my dad’s fiance so much. They’re so toxic to each other too. I just wish my parents were a family man
This is something I really need. My parents are getting a divorced and I've been feeling really lost, confused, depressed, basically anything. As the eldest child, I really feel that I failed to help my parents, especially the fact how both talk to me about basically everything. I really needed this because I've been beating myself over and over of how I couldn't do much let alone being able to help them resolve their problems. THANK YOU FOR REMINDING THAT ITS OKAY TO DECLINE because I'm really sick and tired of being a courier for them both.
No matter what happened. Screw it life goes on guys, stay strong, have faith and try to be nice to your parents as much as possible, you only have them once.
Never thought I'd be here. Just started college in august and saw no signs of this coming. My parents are now divorcing and Im scared of whether I will be able to continue my education
My parents separated when I was 17. I saw it coming and thought that it wouldn't affect me. Boy oh boy was I wrong because everything was downhill from there for my mom and I. I'm 24 now and don't think I will ever get over this or at least any time soon.
i can't thank you enough for this video. i went in thinking, "he's not gonna say things that i need to hear". low and behold, you absolutely hit the nail on the head. i was so surprised because i was convinced nobody would ever have it worse, but i was wrong.
Thanks for the video. Just been told my dad is leaving my mum, I was the only one left at home and was with my crying mum all night trying to support her. It came out of nowhere complete shock.
Zoro, This is huge for you and your family, glad you are there for support, understand that your mom might need someone other than you to help her out at some point. Find the resources that will help your mom as she goes through this forced transition.
It's been one year since my parents divorced. I'm still sad about it. But what you said has helped me to understand it on a different perspective. Thank you!
26 year old here, I’ll be honest, I hate watching this, don’t get me wrong you’re doing a wonderful thing, but I hate knowing that i’ve reached this point in my life. To me the hard part isn’t dealing with the divorce myself, i’m okay with that notion, but seeing my mother cry all day every day while my father just points fingers at her over things she hasn’t done is devastating to a son, seeing the person who raised me and cared for me the most be in this state is something i’m having some real trouble with.
They just had a conversation and I’m panicking. My mom is immediately upset with me for saying that I don’t want to hear it from her. And I don’t want to hear it from my dad either. I’ve shut both of them down and I’m sick of it. I feel like if they go through with this then it’ll get worse than it’s already been for the last 10 years.
Almost 10 years after, this video still made some things click for me that haven’t ever before. I learned it is not my job to see my dad the way my mom sees him. Eventhough he is my mom’s ex, he is still my dad and it would be a shame if I view him otherwise. I don’t have to buy into either one fantasy, image or view on the other and can stand my ground and remain as neutral as I want, their divorce is no pre destined path for me to follow. Thank you!
My parents told me they're divorcing two days ago. I cry on and off sporadically throughout the day. They're still sleeping in the same bed and plan to sell the house next year, they just said they realized they're more friends than partners - but I feel like my family is dying. I'm 24 and they've been married 27 years and together over 30. They're still going to be friends and do things together but I'm so devastated. 😔
I'm sorry. Your parents have had time to talk this through, to experience the change and this is a shock to you. Give yourself time and know that your parents are not divorcing you. They expect to have a relationship with you.
i cried throughout the video. every word you said felt relatable and like a balm on wounds. thank you so much for this. after years of toxic, abusive relationship my parents are getting divorced but it's as nasty as all the fights combined...
I was scared at first but now its ok and my heart starts racing every time I talk with my father cause he was the one due to whom they had to get divorced Thanks man for the help
My parents are getting a divorce I'm in my 20s and I moved out 4 years ago my dad earns a good wage but my mum not so much I'm training at the moment so I earn low wages i cant help out im barely making ends meet I cant eat knowing the financial impact this is going to have on them I feel like it's my fault for moving out I feel constant guilt
MissdivaUK, you cannot control the decision your parents make and you should not be taking responsibility for their decisions. Divorce has lots of consequences and they will have to figure out how they are going to work through them.
My parents divorced 2 weeks after I moved out for the first time (I'm 26). It felt like such a stab to the back. I felt like I caused it like I could have controlled it by staying. But then I thought about how if I was there and it would of happen, I would have been a scenario that I could A) could not control and B) would have hurt me even more than it already does. I am in the same boat, my parents will both struggle finically and as a young adult, I get that you feel guilty because you maybe wish you could help ease the fall a little. However, please don't take on that burden. I fight it every day and I feel like it is wrecking me. You are a good enough person for wanting to lend a hand, but you just have to do what you can and be there as an emotional support (when you feel up to it). I think that will mean the most.
I'm in a similar situation...except where I'm from and my major don't really allow us to have a part time job. This divorce isn't unexpected but I'm just worried about my mother, it sucks.
I’m a young adult, and student. My parents have a healthy relationship, however, they do not romantically love each other anymore. My father is not as stable with money, as he is a stay at home dad, compared to my mother who makes the house income. My parents have subtly said in the past they would consider divorce once they complete their job in supporting my sister and I in our education. I’m afraid of growing up and ruining their connection. Without my sister and I they wouldn’t be together..and I can’t help but worry what will happen to my father, how can he make money? And I can’t imagine my mother being with another person... it just breaks my heart and I don’t know how to prepare for this. I just wish they would be able to have a chance to reconnect. I see other families have parents who love each other for years and I can’t help but feel envious...I just want to see my parents together.
Well said about the loyalty. I think the big takeaway for me is, I would like to stay neutral. They’re probably not the best husband and wife for each other, but they’re still trying their best to be best dad and mum for us. That’s so touching to hear, we should love them equally
I am really glad I found this video. I am 23 and my Dad just told my Mom that he is going to move out. You really helped me to focus on what my role in this whole mess is. Thank you.
Thank you. This helped me tremendously a lot. It is what you described what my parents are doing during their divorce. Both parents are telling different stories and bad mouth about each other terribly. My father decided to not support the family anymore and be a nomad because he feels he's missing out on life as he grows older. My mom, only left with a house and no income to support the rest of the family, decided to sell the house this year and find a job despite her physical disability. My parent's relationship has always been bad since as long as I could remember, but the financial crisis during the pandemic had been the tip of the iceberg. I only worry that because of the dynamic separation of my immediate family, we won't be able to communicate or see each as well anymore.
I never thought I would be here watching a video like this. But look at me… all these comments suck and I really hope that it is better for you now. We can get through this
My parents are divorcing after my father started blaming my mother for everything. He keeps wanting me to be on his side and I don’t want too. Thank you for this video because it’s hard even at 20 and going forward I hope I can stay neutral.
Let him know up front that you aren't going to take sides and what is up for conversation and what isn't. Stick to it and walk away if you have to so he gets the message.
You are the Mr. Rogers figure I needed at this time in my life. I cried listening to your words. Thank you for making this video. This wasn’t what I expected when I clicked on it but it was exactly what I needed
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I have an enmeshed, codependent relationship with my parents. I'm trying to be the adult I needed as a child, and to get me through this. It's not my battle to fight. When my last relationship ended my parents didn't take sides or try to fix everything.
I have been there; I was in College. I felt a sense of loss in identity. Parents are not related; they had seperate lives before they got married. They have their identity prior to marriage that thet can go back to. But they are the only life I knew before the divorce. I used that experience, as painful as it was, to create my own identity. I am now very protective of that new identity. They made a decision that was best for them and that taught me to do what is best for me and not tske things personally. I worked towards my goals and excelled. Almost 10 years later, I love them both but I have my own life and have stronger boundaries in place.
My parents are divorcing after 22 years of their marriage and i am 16. I cant believe its happening. I never ever expected this. I am so sad and i feel so bad talking abt this to my friends and family.
I wish someone had told me these things when I was 15 (my parents divorced that time). It was horrible, they even made me argue about money like 'dad, keep the car but give mom the house'... Now, almost 15 years later I feel like I'm still deeply hurt and emotionally unstable because of them. My mother could never move on and still hates my father so much that she makes me feel guilty every time I speak with him. What should I do? I want to forget about their divorce and live my life but it's like a black cloud above us, it's always there and in some way it always gets mentioned when I visit my mom. She is obviously depressed and I want to help her but I can't and she hurts me and reminds me of the painful past. (My father hardly sees me by the way...)
s88u88e, you are older now and I would talk to your mother and let her know that you want to put what you can in the past and have wonderful memories of her so you don't want to talk about your dad when you visit. Try to find something that the both of you like and focus on that for a while so you have something to talk about.
I want to ask you for a tipp: Im 17 right now and some weeks ago my parents told me that they dont want tl live together anymore. They said nothing will change exept the distance but its clear that they never be the same again. Recently i felt a lot of pressure on my shoulders since a week before they told me i thought everything will be ok. I couldnt imagine they would seperate and now im always trying to think about a way it might work. I feel like if they would have told me earlier i would have had a chance to fix it. How do you continue living a normal life with this? How can i avoid getting depressed by these feeling of pressure and stress?
@@tdtstretched1909 Thank you for watching, and I am sorry you are going through this difficult time with your parents. There are a couple things you should know: their separation is not your fault; please don't dwell on "If I had known, I could have done something." That is a trap and it will bring you down. This is something they have probably been dealing with and talking about for some time, and it doesn't have to do with you. The second thing - how do you continue living a normal life? Well, you will have a new normal. It won't be the same as the old normal. However, you can bring some of the "old normal" into the new - love both your parents the same, and be the best person you can be (the only control you have). Also, remember to forgive them. Forgiveness will free you of any bitterness that may be tempting you at the moment. Best wishes.
@@tdtstretched1909 I almost forgot to say, TDT Stretched, we have some videos on depression here. If you would like to know what I have to say on the subject, please search "Live on Purpose depression," and several videos will come up. You may also want to check out our "Just for kids and teens" playlist (ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV) to help you navigate life in general. Thank you for watching, I hope this video - and any other videos you may view - are useful.
Bro same thing happening with right , I feel I could do something about it, in my situation my dad want to come back but mom doesn't ( past situations) i need your help, want to know your experience, so that I can avoid mistakes. Have any insta or something to connect ?
Thank you for this video. I'm a guy in my late 20s and my parents are currently getting divorced. I never thought this could happen. My mom initiated the divorce and my dad is despairing. It's really difficult for me to see. I feel like I owe it to my dad to be there for him, but his negativity and depression sucks all joy and energy out of me, and I've even experienced anxiety attacks. It's much easier to talk to my mom since she's not having an absolute meltdown over this, so I haven't been in touch with my dad as much, and I feel like I should limit my contact with him for a while for the sake of my own mental health-at least until he starts to accept this new reality to some extent. I pray that he won't have to suffer for too long.
I hope you doesn't suffer too long and is able to get some help. Perhaps you could see what is out there for him where you are and suggest he get some help so he can create a happier life for himself with you in it.
This is very similar to my situation. Not a nice thing to say but I'm glad there's someone else out here that can understand a similar situation. We gotta stay strong through this brother.
This is actually very similar to my current situation, so I feel you. My dad’s mental state is sometimes triggering for me which is hard because I’m super close emotionally with both parents and am trying to support both. Thankfully he is going to therapy so hopefully that will help over time. If your dad isn’t in therapy yet, I would highly suggest looking into it. We’ll be okay.
@@noramad13 Luckily my dad is doing much better now. I'm in touch with both him and my mom. Therapy would be a good idea, but unfortunately it takes several months before you can see a psychologist here through the public health care system. Only people with insurance can get help right away. Luckily I've been going to a psychologist for several months, so I taught my dad what I've learned and it helped him a lot.
This is exactly what is happening these days , I understand your feelings towards your dad's depression and rejection of reality , but I think you should let him know that you're there for him especially in these times , because believe me he might be thinking that you're taking your mum's side and this is no good at all ( I just don't want you to be in my situation because that's what I did with my dad and now he feels like he's completely in his own )
Thank you for your video. My mother still tolds me that I am the reason why she has not left my father earlier because she wanted to protect me. She says she was suffering for me in staying in this relationship and lying to both me and my father. My father was left by her from on day to the other....Its difficult to not hate her since she makes me the reason for her suffering and now she is fianlly free.... :(
You are welcome, Anja A. Please know that you are not the reason your parents separated or stayed together in an unhappy marriage. That may be the reason they told themselves and you, but it was their decision. I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive; forgiveness is freeing and allows you more freedom and happiness. We have a few videos on forgiveness when you're ready. Thanks for watching.
Im 25 my parents are going through a relationship crisis. I never thought I would need this advice because I thought my parents will be always together as they did love each other a lot before... I have a picture on my bedside cabinet with me smiling with them on one of our happiest moments together... It's very hard watching it all fall apart and that picture mentally crumbling in my mind... My heart is broken and I can't believe it's happening to me...
It’s almost like I didn’t find this video, but it was itself to find me… I looked for “parent’s divorce” on RUclips without even expecting to find something which could apply to adult kids (I’m 20). I knew I wanted to cry and it took a minute for me to do it. It felt like listening to the right things from someone I could trust. It also seems I’m behaving the right way: you “confirmed” my observations. I’m trying to set boundaries, I’m communicating my needs and point of views to my parents but it is not always easy to be properly understood. Thank you for everything you’ve said, especially the “x” thing… it was crucial and I’m gonna take it more into account from now on.
thank you dear sir for this video... i almost began to hate my dad after listening to my mom about her experiences with him, i bought the ticket..... thanks for making me realize that..... god bless you sir
I'm 25 and my parents are finally getting divorced, and in a way, it's a relief. Cause its way worse when they "stay together for the kids", the drama goes on for years.
Thank you so much for making this video. My parents are now separating due to revelation of dad's years of infidelity. I honestly don't know how to deal with the fallout since I'm in my early 20s and have been living with them up until the separation. I don't know how to be there for them as individuals especially mom. I can't tell you how much your advice means to me. Your tip about setting up boundary is so important. I'm still struggling to cope but your help is everything.
I'm in a sea of tears, bc my parents broke up rn and the thing tha hurts me more is that they Don't care about each other. I understand the feeling of splitting ways but it hurts to know my parents (used to be seen as a fresh couple) can't even talk to each other, they never tell each other how they feel. Hope I can get over this and that they learn how to listen and deal together not as a couple but as humans.
This video was a bit of a journey. Thanks for making it. I'm still coming to terms with this news. I do love my parents! I just really wish this didn't happen. I can adapt to change but I just, feel like I'm going to be angry/upset for a very very very long time. A bunch of articles I've read are not even helpful either. All talking about finding "support groups" and "focusing on your strengths". I don't go to school any more, I graduated and have my degree. What am I going to do? Just walk up to people and try and find divorced adult children friends? Start a little club? It doesn't work like that. Not now. Not anymore. Especially not now in terms of time/year (pandemic). Even so. Thanks for this. It was helpful overall and you're helping out a lot of people. I'm glad that you are and have been able to do so. Even if I feel sour. I'll be able to get through this. It'll just be really really rough.
Adam, you are not alone. There are many people, reach out to someone in the comments. You can start a group online, your age group is very technical. We will be here for you.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Hey, I didn't get to reply. A lot has happened since I wrote this comment. I've had other significant stresses come into my life that I had to focus on. While I feel less "raw" than I did nearly 2 months ago, I still am definitely not happy about this. I turned 25 on July 4th so I am not 24 anymore. Both my parents are already starting to do things they wouldn't normally do. I found a book about "conversation starting" that one of them got, they're both dieting far more than they ever have. They're likely going to get ready to date people again and I am not going to be able to handle that well. I just know I won't. I know how to be cordial but I am going to hate it and the people that come into those vacant areas. I've been thinking of a lot of things lately and honestly it just doesn't seem as though anything can "lift me up" out of this. Despite being "optimistic" normally. This is still a fundamental life shift. My graduation photo has a picture of me and my parents holding a picture of me as a toddler with them while my Mom graduated from University. I wanted to keep taking that photo and have it become a tradition in my family. That idea is "ruined" now and it doesn't feel the same for me since I had that idea. I had so many "cute family traditions" I wanted to start and it involved them. That's all over now and I just feel an empty vacuum where stability once was. The idea of other people not related to me being "with" my parents while they look after my future kids. So many things I never thought about happening are going to happen and I am going to hate it or stop it from happening. Neither outcome is good from here, does that make sense? Oh also worse news. I didn't get to comment about this. Someone I was really interested in and thought things were going great with decided she didn't want to see me anymore after I told her about my parents breaking up. We were supposed to hang out on my birthday last month and go to the park and she called me the day before and told me she felt too much pressure to make me happy despite everything going on. This has already begun to affect areas of my life in so many ways now and honestly a part of me just wants to let the sadness take hold. I am already dealing with depression and while normally I find ways to cope, the more I think about this and the ways it'll change everything the worse I feel. Holidays? No more. I'm a fighter and sometimes they'd come to watch me at fights, no more. Wtf are we going to do for X-Mas every year.
Thanks for this. I really should have watched this long ago. I've bought every ticket to my parents' drama, never missed one. Now I gotta watch your other videos to deal with the aftermath.
After watching this a few times, I've made all the mistakes you've mentioned and I can say that it doesn't help anyone and has made me more bitter. The best advice is that the person they're manufacturing is not my parent. This video is such a blessing despite me not following the advice, so I encourage others to follow the advice because it is crucial
definitely like your monologue about cognitive dissonance as that applied to my dissolution of my marriage. it was this that fueled her choices to pursue divorce, get primary custody in mediation, and assassinate my character to friends and family.
This was so comforting, i finally let it all out after hearing your words. I just joked about it for a while to numb it and now im so lost. I wish i could find some way to earn but i just turned 18 and frankly im more worried about my 13 year old sister and who will support her. Atleast more than half of my eduaction is already done
Stay focused on your education for now and be there for your sister. In the long-run you will be able to support yourself and your sister will have someone she can talk to.
Idk I’m 25 and my parents are not only showing signs more and more of divorce but have brought it up a lot recently ... lol this feel so wrong that I feel sad over this idk why it make me feel this way , I recently lost health insurance so I can’t go back to therapy and my depression is off and on ... do people usually feel this way ?
Fullrusher, you are never wrong about how you feel. Talk to your parents and let them know how you are feeling. Maybe then they can share with you why they are thinking of divorcing and you can better understand. While I would like it if they stayed together and worked it out, understand that you have no control over that happening. Your job is to love and respect your parents.
@@mariacarolina7904 hey Maria idk how you could message me but if you wanna talk I’d gladly be an ear , I’m still in the situation and have gotten a lot more able to traverse it mentally an have come up with some ways to get through it mentally. I hope your all right and I look forward to your update.
Dr. Paul Jenkins, thank you for this. I really needed to hear these because my heart can’t take it anymore. Divorce really does bring out the worst. Thank you
Going through this right now. It's a lot harder when one parent stole my college funds behind my back to cover the fact they weren't working for months and got a DUI, which was the breaking point of my parent's marriage. Didn't help that they stole from me fully knowing I was also going through my 1st break-up with my ex-GF, which is a whole different layer of heartlessness. It's especially hard considering I would have never expected my parent to do something so vile to me. My college graduation is coming up and I'm honestly dreading it.
Thank you so much for this video. It's good to know that I am not alone! (easy to feel it as a 19 y'o in a society where divorce is not "normal" if the marriage wasn't particularly abusive)
I’ve always known my parent’s relationship was toxic and I’ve wanted them to split for awhile. But now that it has happened, I’m still glad that they no longer live in a toxic environment together anymore, but now they live toxic apart and it isn’t any better . It’s worst actually and can’t believe that I’m missing the days before. Because where do you even turn to , like what memory can I hold unto. And I never knew I’d be here laying down crying watching this video but here we are. And it’s true divorce brings out the worst in people and it’s something I never want to become or go through . Don’t even know what else to say it’s just hard to explain. This video is so true and I’m thankful that I knew a lot of what he talked about it just validated what I have to do.
I don't know what should I do anymore, both of them are already coldly distant, emotionally neglectful, and abusive to me and my younger siblings for the whole 20 years of marriage. They don't bother asking their child to pick a side, they just continue on live with their new lovers while at the same time ignoring their kids emotional needs. I still have my grandma place to stay, but I don't know if I ever want to see their faces again. I'm just really broken hearted and disappointed. I'm happy for them to finally stop fighting all these years but I'm afraid I'm not important in their life anymore because they already got new family somewhere else to love and care. This semester gotta be a trainwreck for my grades... Like damn...
Petra Severin, you can make the semester what you want to. You may be having trouble with your parents, but hopefully you will do what serves you best.
i really didnt think in a thousand years i would watch this
lillian sodeifi, so many things in life are this way. There are going to be hard things, but we can get through them together.
i agree
I actually can't believe I'm even watching this video. Life feels strange rightnow.....
I am sincerely sorry if you are dealing with this situation, IVZA. Remember to not take sides and love both your parents no matter what. Best wishes.
Same
Same
Same. Can’t believe it.
@@madrididista16 does it get better?
It's almost a lot different when you are an adult because your parents don't hold anything back. When you are a child your parents hide divorce from you because they don't want you to feel sad. When you are an adult you become the marriage counselor.
Ben Kleshinsky, and that is not a fun place to be. Set some boundaries.
I feel this is so true 😂
I feel this on my skin
Tooooo freaking true.
Oh, absolutely. Talking from experience unfortunately.
How tf did life turn so horrendously wrong that I'm even watching this video. This situation is so exhausting, dealing with my own life is hard enough, and now this... Thank you for your words, they really are of help. Getting my life together at 22, or starting it over as an adult as such has been a rough task, and this situation just ads up a huge weight to it, I'll try to be as stoic as possible and focus on dealing with all this the best way I can, help my sister too, and, as you say, love my parents equally no matter what.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Glad you have your sister and can help each other.
Mann… i am 23 i can’t believe how hard this hit me but we’re all gonna get through this
All these years, I've always pitied my friends with divorced parents, but I never understood them. Not really.
Now I'm here, and I'm not even in my 20s. I'm 18. I just started college. And I've realized that there's absolutely nothing worse than being away from home...and not having a home to go back to anymore.
I am so sorry, Katie. I hope your parents are able to help you through this and to have a place for you wherever you are.
I’m in the exact same situation, I found out the news halfway through my first semester. It’s rough, but I’m sure we’ll get through it. Good luck Katie, I hope you stay strong
Similar situation as well with my first year of college. Stay strong
This is exactly how I feel!! My mum's gone overseas and my dad moved out the day she left, my home doesn't feel like a home anymore. I'm 19 so I'm an adult and should know how to navigate this but I don't.
In the same situation, to top it over even more, my mother has cancer now! And... I grew up idolizing my parents!
I’m almost 26 and can’t believe I’m here. I was thinking about finally moving out, now I can’t leave my mother alone.
Feels like it came out of nowhere. Dad told me and my sister he was leaving my mom…3 days later he moved out. Now somehow I, the kid, am the parent. I’m the therapist, mediator, nurse, caretaker…when I’m just about to come up for air, life tries to push me back down, only drowning me further. I almost feel like it happening at 22 is worse than at 8. Now I’m put in the middle of it all, feeling the heartbreak.
Sydney, set limits on what you will and won't do and realize that you will have to enforce them, they will walk all over them. It is so difficult and you are not alone.
I'm astonished that our experience is exactly the same, 2 years ago I was 22 and my dad told me he's leaving my mom, the next day he was gone... Me and my sister even had to pack his things because he didn't have time because he left ao fast
@@esmarimostert7668 I hope things are better now :)
I’m currently dealing with something extremely similar. I’m 22. I am studying at a community college after working with my father for a year as a truck driver. Now, my parents are getting a divorce. My father wants to go back to Europe. I am left with my mom and my sisters. My mom keeps telling me that I need to keep going to school. And that she’s gonna work 3 jobs. We are left with car payments and credit card debt. I can’t just not work and go to school. I’ve been making my resume for the past 2 days and creating a cover letter, and trying to look for companies that I can work at. I never worked anything else besides truck driving. I want to work as an engineer or designer. But I don’t know if I’ll be able to get a job in that field. I have no work experience besides taking architecture classes and engineering classes in highschool and college. Now I keep trying to see if I can get a job that I can work from home on my own time, so that I can also go to school. But I don’t think that I’ll be able to do that. We’re packing up, trying to sell all the stuff that we can so that we can maybe put a down payment for a house. My dad’s not going to pay for rent anymore, and the house is falling apart. We can’t stay here anymore. We have to find a place to live, while also trying to find a place to work and pay for all of this, and also somehow hopefully try to keep onto school.
This is exactly how I feel, except I'm 19 and my mum's overseas. Dad moved out a day after she left so it's just me alone at home trying to stay on top of uni work and everything, with no siblings either. It feels suffocating
My mom is divorcing my dad after 26 years. Im 24; she told me it took her this long to do this because she wanted to wait til me and my brother were 18
Asuna Yuuki, sorry, I wish you all the best.
Going thru the same thing. I'm about to turn 24, my sister is 20, and My other siblins are under 18. Never thought I would be looking for this videos but it's just so strange, so hard to deal with... I literally feel like a little girl rn. Hope you guys arw doing fine.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Update: she ended up going back to him
@@Psykitty96 Oh my gosh wow. Okay. 💜 Happy for you and them. I'm literally 24 right now and just got the news myself. I have a 23yr old sister. It's rough. I genuinely hope my own parents can get back together too.
@@AdamJMGamesDev it isnt the greatest situation; it seems like my mom is back to square one when it comes to depression
my parents divorced when i was 27 i feel like everything was a lie and what i may be capable of
Chris L., there are many reasons a marriage would break up,Chria L Their mistakes are not yours and if their marriage lasted that long, there must have been a few successes along the way.
I’m 34 and its happening
Me also
Thats exactly how i feel rn..
same ...we are in this together. Would you share how you feel now ? As well as the others here that commented ? Love to you
Thank you for this. My father is considering divorcing my mother, and now that we're all stuck in quarantine, I'm drowning in a sea of ambiguity. I can't go out to speak to a therapist or other third party. I cried watching this, it was so helpful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You are welcome, Maddie Hess. Thank you for watching. I don't know if your parents are open to getting any assistance to help them work through this time, but we have a video called "How To Save Marriage On The Brink Of Divorce" (ruclips.net/video/dL_42-K3TM4/видео.html) which others have had success with. You might want to share it with your parents. If they appreciate that video, we have a playlist called "How to Fix a Marriage that's been Damaged" (ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPD7ZFUy4BGprDhRq8tDD2yg) which may have additional value to them. As for you, please consider checking out anything on our Positive Personal Development playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV, or our Positive Relationship Resources playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPA410uJ9woXx9B9WiPyM7fX
I also want to let you know that we are offering a free 25 minute call with a Live On Purpose coach; if you or your parents would like to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
Im 22, like everyone here, I didn't expect to be here, I wish I didn't have to go through this. Thank you for your message. Its really helpful.
Honored to be on your team.
My parents live abroad now and I just literally found out now that they are separating. I know it's not the end of the world but I'm feeling extremely sad. I can't really believe it.
darlingblue, You are never wrong about your feelings. It is o.k. to be sad, things are changing.
I needed to hear this you don’t even know
Rama Samara, Thank you for your comment, it makes everything worthwhile.
The worst part for me is that I’ve known since I was 12. Came across an article on my mom’s computer about divorce and everything made sense. My whole life I knew they were just together for my sister and I. I just didn’t expect it to hurt this much when the time came.
Sarah, I wish you and your family the best. I hope you and your sister can be a support to each other.
I’m feeling this right now.
Be strong! To every young adult who go through this kind of situation in the whole world ! ( including me ) i know sometimes your life might be hard not like your friends... be strong! Love from sri lanka!⚘may you get all the love ❤
samadhi nikapitiya, glad to have you at the channel.
Damn. I can’t believe I’m watching this, but if you are too than neither of us are alone. We’ll get through it ❤️
You will, it will just be unpleasant for a while.
When you said it was "never EVER your fault", I had tears in my eyes. Thank you.
I thought I could handle everything on my own, and thanks to the Japanese anime and manga of being the bigger person and living life for yourself, it wasn't enough though.
You are welcome, piedathemokona. I hope the video helped. I'm not sure it's possible for people to handle everything on their own, all the time. I'm a psychologist and a coach, I assist people with handling their issues! And I'd like to be on your team, if you let me. We have a Positive Personal Development playlist with a wide variety of topics: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV
We also have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If you ever want to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
Thanks for being part of the Live On Purpose family.
You don't know how much this video has helped me.
I just can't get over the feeling that I have the obligation to save them, to connect them and to make my family whole again. How can I get over this kind of feeling. I know it's not my job but what can I say to myself to overcome this...
Thank you very much.
Hoàng Công Vân Hạ, I have never talked to you, but is part of this about control for you? I know we want our families to be whole, that is a good thing to want, but do you have control over how others feel, speak, and their motivation. You do not. Stay in your sphere of influence and not in others. Do what you can and then be at peace.
I am 28 but feel like a little girl going through this
It can really bring up those feelings. I wish your families the best.
My parents announced their divorce this weekend and I live with them. I have no idea how to deal with this huge transition
C. Grecco, one day at a time, maybe one hour at a time. You can do this.
I hope you got better at dealing with all these changes.
I never thought I’d end up here. I just found out last night.
I am so sorry, Dawson.
I’m watching this video bawling my eyes out. I knew this was coming eventually, this is a peaceful divorce I guess, but the fact that it’s so near Christmas and I’ve always loved Christmas but now it won’t be the same anymore.
I hope you are able to develop new traditions and memories.
My siblings and I got the news out of nowhere on Easter. I'm 20, just graduated college, and experiencing a lot of change at once. They're still cohabitating, and I'm home between undergrad and grad school for the summer. It's... weird. Trying to show I love them both while setting boundaries about conversation topics has been difficult. Thank you for making this video.
You are welcome. Good luck to you and your sibs. Glad you are setting and enforcing boundaries and good luck in grad school.
i'm 30, this is my situation now. thanks Mr. tears all over my face
I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope the video is helpful.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV It is very helpfull! :) Best video on this topic, because it left me feeling better. When You said that part, that no, it's no my fault, i started to cry. It's exactly what i'm feeling. and felt all my life. But You are right, it's their story, not children. I should be respectfull for both of them. And just love them. :)
For more than five years now I tried to figure out what ruined my parents' marriage. I tried so damn hard. I still don't know where it went wrong. I don't think that they even know.
I'm 26 now, but I still feel like a little boy who watched his whole world burn to ashes. It is painful for me to admit that I don't even know why I (and my family, my parents included) had to live through it.
Anselm Van Pfannkuchen the Younger, I get that you may want to know why so that you wouldn't make the same mistake, but does it really matter why? It happened and now we have move on and build something from the ashes. It is possible.
i never thought i'd actually be watching a video like this. it was such a normal day too. we had things to do for the next day, dinner planned for that night, went through a normal freakin day. that night was so explosive. the next thing i knew, we were packing our bags and i was driving my mom and i to stay at a friend's house. what the hell is even real at this point
It sounds like you are in shock. Take it one day at a time. More will probably come out where you will discover it wasn't all good.
Before I learned about generational trauma, I just tried to see my parents as children & you know we do what our parents do as they’re our teachers. Heal your generational trauma before you look for a partner or you’ll be picking what you know even if it’s abuse. Yes, I learned this post-divorce. 😢
So wise. Thank you for sharing.
I am a 22 y.o university student. No money in the bank and very challenging (for me at least) speciality - electric engineering.
Just got back from the day of studying to find out that my mum told my dad it's over. He clearly doesn't want a divorce - yet he still agreed.
On the 30th of June we will be leaving this apartment (they rented it together) and I need to either find enough money to move out or choose one of them to stay with.
I am honestly so lost.
I don't have a boyfriend or extended family members. No grandparents or grown siblings.
And the weirdest thing? I wanted them to separate for years! They never got along. Violent arguments were a casual occurrence when I was a kid but died dowm later on.
But somehow it happened with the worst timing possible......
Miriam, I hope the video is helpful for you. There will be a lot of choices to make, but hopefully your parents can keep their problems between themselves and you can have a relationship with both.
Im in the exact same situation now buddy. Does it get better?
Same here now. I’m 24, trying to start a business, and still living at home and now my Mom is moving out on my father when he needs her support the most
I am 23, I can’t believe how hard this hit me…
I am sorry you are going through this. I hope the video is helpful.
My parents broke up recently, I am 21 and I'm a mess. I live at home with my dad who is having it really rough. He loved her with all his heart and she left him. I'm so lost and don't know what to do. I want to help him, but I also don't have the strength to watch him go through that. I'm the only kid left. I fear that if I'm gone too, he might do something stupid. I am torn in half. I try to tell him often that I love him and that he's a hero to me. We also got family involved, they talk to us daily and try to help us. It feels so hopeless right now, I just want us both to learn to live again. It's so stressful living with a divorced parent who might or might not depend on you being there to recover. He lost his thumb, there is still five more years of debt to pay off for the house, and his wife left him. I'm so scared. Please advise.
It’s going to get better. Remember that you have to live for yourself, and that you are HIS child and he is not yours. (If you’re religious, know that he is God’s child and not yours). You can’t possibly serve as a therapist to your parents or do anything to fix their situation other than love and support them.
As the video says, your job is to love your father. But you have to recognize and set boundaries between your life and your father’s life, because it’s easy for the two to become mixed, and that’s what causes you to emotionally spiral. Sometime’s you may have to love him from a distance, and take time to recharge and reconnect with the things that make you happy and grateful in your own life.
I’m 23 going through it too, my father has been having suicidal thoughts throughout the divorce and for a while it was weighing down on me but I had to seek outside help, realize that it’s not about me, and remember who I am. It’s going to be hard, but hopefully my words can help you to get through this because you will. Also know that your parents are going through a crisis right now and the last thing they want is for their children to be sucked into the darkeness with them. Do what you can to shift your perspective, heal yourself, and recharge your spirit so that you can have the strength lift them up.
What happens between your parents is not your business and you should not be put in between them. Encourage your dad to get some support from counseling or a support group for those going through divorce. Don't ever give up hope. There is always hope.
I’m also only kid staying with my mum, it breaks my heart seeing her like this. How on the earth I will leave her alone
i never ever like NEVER thought i would be watching this right now.
Humam_4334. it can come out of left field.
My parents have separated over 10 times since I was in 4th grade and got back together 4 years ago. However, finally divorced this year while I was in college. I’m 22 now graduating from ucla this year. I just entered depression. It’s hitting me that my life long childhood dream of having a simple dinner all together will never happen ever again. I’ve never had a home to come home to till 4 years ago. But now I really don’t have a home to come to. I come home to my dad bad mouthing my mom. I feel immense pain and suffering every time I see both of them. I don’t want to date anymore. I don’t want to have kids because I went through so much pain growing up. I put on a fake show that I’m doing good and that I don’t care for their divorce so at least they don’t have to worry about their daughter struggling. This video helped me a lot to put boundaries and what my job as a daughter is. Thank you
You are welcome and congrats on your graduation. I wish you much success.
I never thought I would be searching for this.
Christina, thank you for being here.
I’m 22 , my parents have been divorced over 10 years . I just had a breakdown today remembering all and just cried my eyes out and I decided to come watch .
Sheviva's World, as we grow and mature sometimes we need to relive the trauma to put it in perspective of where we are now.
Thank you for this. I feel like my world is falling apart and I didn’t know where to turn so I eventually just typed into the RUclips search bar and found this video
Metazoo, sorry you have having to deal with this. Hang in there, it will pass and get better.
I'm 17 and my parents are going to divorce this week, i wish i could deal with that easily, thank you so much for your advice you really helped me
Mohammed Zangana, good luck to you and your family. I hope you are able to work out something that benefits everyone.
As someone who’s 19 and parents separated at like a year old. It sucks so much. Still cry about it till this day. They always told me to say “I was too young to remember it didn’t affect me” but it does sm. I hate my dad’s fiance so much. They’re so toxic to each other too. I just wish my parents were a family man
It is interesting that they told you what to say and didn't ask you how you were feeling...
I'm crying as I watch, thank you so much for doing this and being here.
Hideaki Anno, honored to be on your team.
This is something I really need. My parents are getting a divorced and I've been feeling really lost, confused, depressed, basically anything. As the eldest child, I really feel that I failed to help my parents, especially the fact how both talk to me about basically everything. I really needed this because I've been beating myself over and over of how I couldn't do much let alone being able to help them resolve their problems.
THANK YOU FOR REMINDING THAT ITS OKAY TO DECLINE because I'm really sick and tired of being a courier for them both.
Yuuki Shiruku, yes, you are NOT responsible for the success or failure of their marriage. Let them work out their problems.
No matter what happened. Screw it life goes on guys, stay strong, have faith and try to be nice to your parents as much as possible, you only have them once.
Oussama AMOR, very true. Thank you.
Never thought I'd be here. Just started college in august and saw no signs of this coming. My parents are now divorcing and Im scared of whether I will be able to continue my education
gamer, continue regardless of what they do. Many work through college and maybe you will have to go a little slower, but keep going.
My parents separated when I was 17. I saw it coming and thought that it wouldn't affect me. Boy oh boy was I wrong because everything was downhill from there for my mom and I. I'm 24 now and don't think I will ever get over this or at least any time soon.
Stacie, have hope, you can create a beautiful life regardless of your parent's choices.
Well, that was a breath of fresh air.
Haha, FelineHYPER, no one has ever said it like that before! Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
i can't thank you enough for this video. i went in thinking, "he's not gonna say things that i need to hear". low and behold, you absolutely hit the nail on the head. i was so surprised because i was convinced nobody would ever have it worse, but i was wrong.
RUBBERSOULED, I am so glad you found the video helpful - thank you for letting me know. It's a tough time for sure, but you can get through this.
Thanks for the video. Just been told my dad is leaving my mum, I was the only one left at home and was with my crying mum all night trying to support her. It came out of nowhere complete shock.
Zoro, This is huge for you and your family, glad you are there for support, understand that your mom might need someone other than you to help her out at some point. Find the resources that will help your mom as she goes through this forced transition.
It's been one year since my parents divorced. I'm still sad about it. But what you said has helped me to understand it on a different perspective. Thank you!
Shabrina Alyani, you are welcome, it is tough to go through but you are on the right track.
26 year old here, I’ll be honest, I hate watching this, don’t get me wrong you’re doing a wonderful thing, but I hate knowing that i’ve reached this point in my life. To me the hard part isn’t dealing with the divorce myself, i’m okay with that notion, but seeing my mother cry all day every day while my father just points fingers at her over things she hasn’t done is devastating to a son, seeing the person who raised me and cared for me the most be in this state is something i’m having some real trouble with.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope your parents can part ways so things can be more peaceful for you all.
They just had a conversation and I’m panicking. My mom is immediately upset with me for saying that I don’t want to hear it from her. And I don’t want to hear it from my dad either. I’ve shut both of them down and I’m sick of it. I feel like if they go through with this then it’ll get worse than it’s already been for the last 10 years.
Almost 10 years after, this video still made some things click for me that haven’t ever before. I learned it is not my job to see my dad the way my mom sees him. Eventhough he is my mom’s ex, he is still my dad and it would be a shame if I view him otherwise. I don’t have to buy into either one fantasy, image or view on the other and can stand my ground and remain as neutral as I want, their divorce is no pre destined path for me to follow. Thank you!
You are welcome! Glad our paths crossed.
Such a loving and thoughtful message. Thank you ❤️ watching 10 years after the divorce as a 23-year old. Wished to have known this earlier ❤️
My parents told me they're divorcing two days ago. I cry on and off sporadically throughout the day. They're still sleeping in the same bed and plan to sell the house next year, they just said they realized they're more friends than partners - but I feel like my family is dying. I'm 24 and they've been married 27 years and together over 30. They're still going to be friends and do things together but I'm so devastated. 😔
I'm sorry. Your parents have had time to talk this through, to experience the change and this is a shock to you. Give yourself time and know that your parents are not divorcing you. They expect to have a relationship with you.
I needed a good cry. Thank you for what you said and what you repeated enough times that I heard it ❤
You are so welcome, hang in there.
i cried throughout the video. every word you said felt relatable and like a balm on wounds. thank you so much for this. after years of toxic, abusive relationship my parents are getting divorced but it's as nasty as all the fights combined...
Diya Agarwal, I am so sorry, hang in there.
I was scared at first but now its ok and my heart starts racing every time I talk with my father cause he was the one due to whom they had to get divorced
Thanks man for the help
usa server, I am glad things have gotten better for you.
My parents are getting a divorce I'm in my 20s and I moved out 4 years ago my dad earns a good wage but my mum not so much I'm training at the moment so I earn low wages i cant help out im barely making ends meet I cant eat knowing the financial impact this is going to have on them I feel like it's my fault for moving out I feel constant guilt
MissdivaUK, you cannot control the decision your parents make and you should not be taking responsibility for their decisions. Divorce has lots of consequences and they will have to figure out how they are going to work through them.
My parents divorced 2 weeks after I moved out for the first time (I'm 26). It felt like such a stab to the back. I felt like I caused it like I could have controlled it by staying. But then I thought about how if I was there and it would of happen, I would have been a scenario that I could A) could not control and B) would have hurt me even more than it already does. I am in the same boat, my parents will both struggle finically and as a young adult, I get that you feel guilty because you maybe wish you could help ease the fall a little. However, please don't take on that burden. I fight it every day and I feel like it is wrecking me. You are a good enough person for wanting to lend a hand, but you just have to do what you can and be there as an emotional support (when you feel up to it). I think that will mean the most.
Michael Giaimo thank you for sharing this, it has really helped me.
I'm in a similar situation...except where I'm from and my major don't really allow us to have a part time job. This divorce isn't unexpected but I'm just worried about my mother, it sucks.
I’m a young adult, and student. My parents have a healthy relationship, however, they do not romantically love each other anymore. My father is not as stable with money, as he is a stay at home dad, compared to my mother who makes the house income. My parents have subtly said in the past they would consider divorce once they complete their job in supporting my sister and I in our education. I’m afraid of growing up and ruining their connection. Without my sister and I they wouldn’t be together..and I can’t help but worry what will happen to my father, how can he make money? And I can’t imagine my mother being with another person... it just breaks my heart and I don’t know how to prepare for this. I just wish they would be able to have a chance to reconnect. I see other families have parents who love each other for years and I can’t help but feel envious...I just want to see my parents together.
Well said about the loyalty. I think the big takeaway for me is, I would like to stay neutral. They’re probably not the best husband and wife for each other, but they’re still trying their best to be best dad and mum for us. That’s so touching to hear, we should love them equally
JW W, your attitude will bypass a lot of heartache for all of you. Honored to have you at the channel.
I am really glad I found this video. I am 23 and my Dad just told my Mom that he is going to move out. You really helped me to focus on what my role in this whole mess is. Thank you.
Thank you, I am glad you feel some control in moving forward. My best to your family.
Thank you. This helped me tremendously a lot. It is what you described what my parents are doing during their divorce. Both parents are telling different stories and bad mouth about each other terribly. My father decided to not support the family anymore and be a nomad because he feels he's missing out on life as he grows older. My mom, only left with a house and no income to support the rest of the family, decided to sell the house this year and find a job despite her physical disability. My parent's relationship has always been bad since as long as I could remember, but the financial crisis during the pandemic had been the tip of the iceberg. I only worry that because of the dynamic separation of my immediate family, we won't be able to communicate or see each as well anymore.
Bafia Y., I hope as time goes on everyone can settle down and get along.
I never thought I would be here watching a video like this. But look at me… all these comments suck and I really hope that it is better for you now. We can get through this
Thank you for your support of others going through this.
My parents are divorcing after my father started blaming my mother for everything. He keeps wanting me to be on his side and I don’t want too.
Thank you for this video because it’s hard even at 20 and going forward I hope I can stay neutral.
Let him know up front that you aren't going to take sides and what is up for conversation and what isn't. Stick to it and walk away if you have to so he gets the message.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you!
You are the Mr. Rogers figure I needed at this time in my life. I cried listening to your words. Thank you for making this video. This wasn’t what I expected when I clicked on it but it was exactly what I needed
You're very welcome, I wish you peace as your family moves forward.
I’m not even near my twenty’s I just needed advice for this because frankly I needed it thank you
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I have an enmeshed, codependent relationship with my parents. I'm trying to be the adult I needed as a child, and to get me through this.
It's not my battle to fight. When my last relationship ended my parents didn't take sides or try to fix everything.
Aisling O'Brien, sounds like you have the emotional intelligence to get through this time.
I have been there; I was in College. I felt a sense of loss in identity. Parents are not related; they had seperate lives before they got married. They have their identity prior to marriage that thet can go back to. But they are the only life I knew before the divorce.
I used that experience, as painful as it was, to create my own identity. I am now very protective of that new identity. They made a decision that was best for them and that taught me to do what is best for me and not tske things personally. I worked towards my goals and excelled. Almost 10 years later, I love them both but I have my own life and have stronger boundaries in place.
Thank you for showing others that you can build something positive out of a difficult situation.
Thank you for this. My parents has been hating each other for so long, I don’t know how to behave when they are in the same room.
Just try to stay out of it, I know easier said than done.
My parents are divorcing after 22 years of their marriage and i am 16. I cant believe its happening. I never ever expected this. I am so sad and i feel so bad talking abt this to my friends and family.
xyz xyz, I am so sorry. I hope the video is helpful. Stay connected to both parents.
I wish someone had told me these things when I was 15 (my parents divorced that time). It was horrible, they even made me argue about money like 'dad, keep the car but give mom the house'... Now, almost 15 years later I feel like I'm still deeply hurt and emotionally unstable because of them. My mother could never move on and still hates my father so much that she makes me feel guilty every time I speak with him. What should I do? I want to forget about their divorce and live my life but it's like a black cloud above us, it's always there and in some way it always gets mentioned when I visit my mom. She is obviously depressed and I want to help her but I can't and she hurts me and reminds me of the painful past. (My father hardly sees me by the way...)
s88u88e, you are older now and I would talk to your mother and let her know that you want to put what you can in the past and have wonderful memories of her so you don't want to talk about your dad when you visit. Try to find something that the both of you like and focus on that for a while so you have something to talk about.
I want to ask you for a tipp: Im 17 right now and some weeks ago my parents told me that they dont want tl live together anymore. They said nothing will change exept the distance but its clear that they never be the same again. Recently i felt a lot of pressure on my shoulders since a week before they told me i thought everything will be ok. I couldnt imagine they would seperate and now im always trying to think about a way it might work. I feel like if they would have told me earlier i would have had a chance to fix it. How do you continue living a normal life with this? How can i avoid getting depressed by these feeling of pressure and stress?
@@tdtstretched1909 Thank you for watching, and I am sorry you are going through this difficult time with your parents. There are a couple things you should know: their separation is not your fault; please don't dwell on "If I had known, I could have done something." That is a trap and it will bring you down. This is something they have probably been dealing with and talking about for some time, and it doesn't have to do with you. The second thing - how do you continue living a normal life? Well, you will have a new normal. It won't be the same as the old normal. However, you can bring some of the "old normal" into the new - love both your parents the same, and be the best person you can be (the only control you have). Also, remember to forgive them. Forgiveness will free you of any bitterness that may be tempting you at the moment. Best wishes.
@@tdtstretched1909 I almost forgot to say, TDT Stretched, we have some videos on depression here. If you would like to know what I have to say on the subject, please search "Live on Purpose depression," and several videos will come up. You may also want to check out our "Just for kids and teens" playlist (ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV) to help you navigate life in general. Thank you for watching, I hope this video - and any other videos you may view - are useful.
Bro same thing happening with right , I feel I could do something about it, in my situation my dad want to come back but mom doesn't ( past situations) i need your help, want to know your experience, so that I can avoid mistakes. Have any insta or something to connect ?
Thank you for this video. I'm a guy in my late 20s and my parents are currently getting divorced. I never thought this could happen. My mom initiated the divorce and my dad is despairing. It's really difficult for me to see. I feel like I owe it to my dad to be there for him, but his negativity and depression sucks all joy and energy out of me, and I've even experienced anxiety attacks. It's much easier to talk to my mom since she's not having an absolute meltdown over this, so I haven't been in touch with my dad as much, and I feel like I should limit my contact with him for a while for the sake of my own mental health-at least until he starts to accept this new reality to some extent. I pray that he won't have to suffer for too long.
I hope you doesn't suffer too long and is able to get some help. Perhaps you could see what is out there for him where you are and suggest he get some help so he can create a happier life for himself with you in it.
This is very similar to my situation. Not a nice thing to say but I'm glad there's someone else out here that can understand a similar situation. We gotta stay strong through this brother.
This is actually very similar to my current situation, so I feel you. My dad’s mental state is sometimes triggering for me which is hard because I’m super close emotionally with both parents and am trying to support both. Thankfully he is going to therapy so hopefully that will help over time. If your dad isn’t in therapy yet, I would highly suggest looking into it. We’ll be okay.
@@noramad13 Luckily my dad is doing much better now. I'm in touch with both him and my mom. Therapy would be a good idea, but unfortunately it takes several months before you can see a psychologist here through the public health care system. Only people with insurance can get help right away. Luckily I've been going to a psychologist for several months, so I taught my dad what I've learned and it helped him a lot.
This is exactly what is happening these days , I understand your feelings towards your dad's depression and rejection of reality , but I think you should let him know that you're there for him especially in these times , because believe me he might be thinking that you're taking your mum's side and this is no good at all ( I just don't want you to be in my situation because that's what I did with my dad and now he feels like he's completely in his own )
Thank you so much. Honestly.
You're very welcome!
Thank you for your video. My mother still tolds me that I am the reason why she has not left my father earlier because she wanted to protect me. She says she was suffering for me in staying in this relationship and lying to both me and my father. My father was left by her from on day to the other....Its difficult to not hate her since she makes me the reason for her suffering and now she is fianlly free.... :(
You are welcome, Anja A. Please know that you are not the reason your parents separated or stayed together in an unhappy marriage. That may be the reason they told themselves and you, but it was their decision. I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive; forgiveness is freeing and allows you more freedom and happiness. We have a few videos on forgiveness when you're ready. Thanks for watching.
Im 25 my parents are going through a relationship crisis. I never thought I would need this advice because I thought my parents will be always together as they did love each other a lot before... I have a picture on my bedside cabinet with me smiling with them on one of our happiest moments together... It's very hard watching it all fall apart and that picture mentally crumbling in my mind... My heart is broken and I can't believe it's happening to me...
AmZiee Herb, glad you found the video. Best of luck to you and your family. I hope they can repair things.
This really helped me. Super underrated video. Thanks for the advice.
TripleTapHK, you are welcome. I am honored to be on your team. This has a very specific audience, so perhaps that is why fewer people have watched it.
35 and I’ve just been told it’s happening.
I’m an absolute mess now.
Was my entire childhood a lie?
It’s almost like I didn’t find this video, but it was itself to find me… I looked for “parent’s divorce” on RUclips without even expecting to find something which could apply to adult kids (I’m 20). I knew I wanted to cry and it took a minute for me to do it. It felt like listening to the right things from someone I could trust. It also seems I’m behaving the right way: you “confirmed” my observations. I’m trying to set boundaries, I’m communicating my needs and point of views to my parents but it is not always easy to be properly understood. Thank you for everything you’ve said, especially the “x” thing… it was crucial and I’m gonna take it more into account from now on.
Chiara Costa, I wish you the best. Glad our paths crossed.
I’m a 16-17 year old dealing with trauma. Thank you for this. :)
Olivia Swan, honored to be on your team.
thank you dear sir for this video... i almost began to hate my dad after listening to my mom about her experiences with him, i bought the ticket..... thanks for making me realize that..... god bless you sir
NottysukkuCS, I am glad you are not getting into the middle of their problems.
Best advice ever, loved it.
Great, ErickVc j. Honored to be on your team.
im 21, going through this, with parents who love to fight😭
Aryan Jaiswal, hopefully you can get your own place soon, that is so hard to hear.
I'm 25 and my parents are finally getting divorced, and in a way, it's a relief. Cause its way worse when they "stay together for the kids", the drama goes on for years.
Thank you for sharing.
My parents currently divorced and this video really helped me
I'm glad the video was helpful. At the same time, I am sorry you are going through this. Remember what's important. Thanks for watching.
All I can say is "THANK YOU!"
Mary Rose S, my pleasure. Honored to be on your positivity team.
Thank you. Not enough people make videos about this for young adults
Thank you for sharing. Adults may think it won't be as difficult for little children, but it really isn't.
Thank you so much for making this video. My parents are now separating due to revelation of dad's years of infidelity. I honestly don't know how to deal with the fallout since I'm in my early 20s and have been living with them up until the separation. I don't know how to be there for them as individuals especially mom. I can't tell you how much your advice means to me. Your tip about setting up boundary is so important. I'm still struggling to cope but your help is everything.
Tar Coal, I wish you the best of luck. Glad you got the video in time.
I'm going through this right now thank God I found this video.
I am glad also.
I'm in a sea of tears, bc my parents broke up rn and the thing tha hurts me more is that they Don't care about each other. I understand the feeling of splitting ways but it hurts to know my parents (used to be seen as a fresh couple) can't even talk to each other, they never tell each other how they feel. Hope I can get over this and that they learn how to listen and deal together not as a couple but as humans.
I can't also bear the necessity to help my parents economically but i5a so hard to find a job when I'm just finishing high school
Thom C, I hope they are not trying to put you in the middle.
How can I not feel furious and angry when someone is putting this many people in this kind of pain. That’s not easy. How to forgive. How to move on.
This video was a bit of a journey. Thanks for making it. I'm still coming to terms with this news. I do love my parents! I just really wish this didn't happen. I can adapt to change but I just, feel like I'm going to be angry/upset for a very very very long time. A bunch of articles I've read are not even helpful either. All talking about finding "support groups" and "focusing on your strengths". I don't go to school any more, I graduated and have my degree. What am I going to do? Just walk up to people and try and find divorced adult children friends? Start a little club? It doesn't work like that. Not now. Not anymore. Especially not now in terms of time/year (pandemic).
Even so. Thanks for this. It was helpful overall and you're helping out a lot of people. I'm glad that you are and have been able to do so. Even if I feel sour. I'll be able to get through this. It'll just be really really rough.
Adam, you are not alone. There are many people, reach out to someone in the comments. You can start a group online, your age group is very technical. We will be here for you.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Hey, I didn't get to reply. A lot has happened since I wrote this comment. I've had other significant stresses come into my life that I had to focus on. While I feel less "raw" than I did nearly 2 months ago, I still am definitely not happy about this. I turned 25 on July 4th so I am not 24 anymore. Both my parents are already starting to do things they wouldn't normally do. I found a book about "conversation starting" that one of them got, they're both dieting far more than they ever have. They're likely going to get ready to date people again and I am not going to be able to handle that well. I just know I won't.
I know how to be cordial but I am going to hate it and the people that come into those vacant areas. I've been thinking of a lot of things lately and honestly it just doesn't seem as though anything can "lift me up" out of this. Despite being "optimistic" normally. This is still a fundamental life shift. My graduation photo has a picture of me and my parents holding a picture of me as a toddler with them while my Mom graduated from University. I wanted to keep taking that photo and have it become a tradition in my family. That idea is "ruined" now and it doesn't feel the same for me since I had that idea. I had so many "cute family traditions" I wanted to start and it involved them. That's all over now and I just feel an empty vacuum where stability once was. The idea of other people not related to me being "with" my parents while they look after my future kids. So many things I never thought about happening are going to happen and I am going to hate it or stop it from happening. Neither outcome is good from here, does that make sense?
Oh also worse news. I didn't get to comment about this. Someone I was really interested in and thought things were going great with decided she didn't want to see me anymore after I told her about my parents breaking up. We were supposed to hang out on my birthday last month and go to the park and she called me the day before and told me she felt too much pressure to make me happy despite everything going on. This has already begun to affect areas of my life in so many ways now and honestly a part of me just wants to let the sadness take hold. I am already dealing with depression and while normally I find ways to cope, the more I think about this and the ways it'll change everything the worse I feel. Holidays? No more. I'm a fighter and sometimes they'd come to watch me at fights, no more. Wtf are we going to do for X-Mas every year.
Thanks for this. I really should have watched this long ago. I've bought every ticket to my parents' drama, never missed one. Now I gotta watch your other videos to deal with the aftermath.
Have fun! There are lots of videos to watch, please share if you feel someone would benefit.
Thank you so much for this video. I felt trapped and helpless, caught in the middle and trying to be a mediator
Hope you can turn that around. Let them work out the details.
After watching this a few times, I've made all the mistakes you've mentioned and I can say that it doesn't help anyone and has made me more bitter. The best advice is that the person they're manufacturing is not my parent. This video is such a blessing despite me not following the advice, so I encourage others to follow the advice because it is crucial
CAB1802, thank you for your comment. Appreciated.
definitely like your monologue about cognitive dissonance as that applied to my dissolution of my marriage. it was this that fueled her choices to pursue divorce, get primary custody in mediation, and assassinate my character to friends and family.
Sorry all that happened to you, stickaman. I hope you are getting through it with gratitude and are able to see your children.
This was so comforting, i finally let it all out after hearing your words. I just joked about it for a while to numb it and now im so lost. I wish i could find some way to earn but i just turned 18 and frankly im more worried about my 13 year old sister and who will support her. Atleast more than half of my eduaction is already done
Stay focused on your education for now and be there for your sister. In the long-run you will be able to support yourself and your sister will have someone she can talk to.
You're a smart and empathetic man. I appreciate this video so much.
I appreciate that!
i cried every time you made a point. thank you
sabeen, thank you for watching, I hope this helps you and your family.
Idk I’m 25 and my parents are not only showing signs more and more of divorce but have brought it up a lot recently ... lol this feel so wrong that I feel sad over this idk why it make me feel this way , I recently lost health insurance so I can’t go back to therapy and my depression is off and on ... do people usually feel this way ?
Fullrusher, you are never wrong about how you feel. Talk to your parents and let them know how you are feeling. Maybe then they can share with you why they are thinking of divorcing and you can better understand. While I would like it if they stayed together and worked it out, understand that you have no control over that happening. Your job is to love and respect your parents.
I am 21 yo living with them bc I am finishing nursing school this year. This is basicaly what I am feeling rn.
@@mariacarolina7904 hey Maria idk how you could message me but if you wanna talk I’d gladly be an ear , I’m still in the situation and have gotten a lot more able to traverse it mentally an have come up with some ways to get through it mentally. I hope your all right and I look forward to your update.
Dr. Paul Jenkins, thank you for this. I really needed to hear these because my heart can’t take it anymore. Divorce really does bring out the worst. Thank you
You are welcome, hang in there.
Going through this right now. It's a lot harder when one parent stole my college funds behind my back to cover the fact they weren't working for months and got a DUI, which was the breaking point of my parent's marriage.
Didn't help that they stole from me fully knowing I was also going through my 1st break-up with my ex-GF, which is a whole different layer of heartlessness.
It's especially hard considering I would have never expected my parent to do something so vile to me. My college graduation is coming up and I'm honestly dreading it.
So proud of you for completing college. What an accomplishment. Glad you are at the channel.
Thank you so much for this video. It's good to know that I am not alone! (easy to feel it as a 19 y'o in a society where divorce is not "normal" if the marriage wasn't particularly abusive)
You are definitely not alone.
I’ve always known my parent’s relationship was toxic and I’ve wanted them to split for awhile. But now that it has happened, I’m still glad that they no longer live in a toxic environment together anymore, but now they live toxic apart and it isn’t any better . It’s worst actually and can’t believe that I’m missing the days before. Because where do you even turn to , like what memory can I hold unto. And I never knew I’d be here laying down crying watching this video but here we are. And it’s true divorce brings out the worst in people and it’s something I never want to become or go through . Don’t even know what else to say it’s just hard to explain. This video is so true and I’m thankful that I knew a lot of what he talked about it just validated what I have to do.
Best of luck to you.
I don't know what should I do anymore, both of them are already coldly distant, emotionally neglectful, and abusive to me and my younger siblings for the whole 20 years of marriage. They don't bother asking their child to pick a side, they just continue on live with their new lovers while at the same time ignoring their kids emotional needs. I still have my grandma place to stay, but I don't know if I ever want to see their faces again. I'm just really broken hearted and disappointed. I'm happy for them to finally stop fighting all these years but I'm afraid I'm not important in their life anymore because they already got new family somewhere else to love and care. This semester gotta be a trainwreck for my grades... Like damn...
Petra Severin, you can make the semester what you want to. You may be having trouble with your parents, but hopefully you will do what serves you best.