I feel this! I came out as non-binary a few months ago. Since I was a kid I occasionally had thought like “I wish I was a girl” but when I imagined it I thought I’d have to give up my “boy interests”. Now, I identify as Enby, would like to be read as a woman who presents both androgynous and fem. I guess I’d say I’d like to be read as a tom-boy. Still figuring it out even as I’m in the process of socially transitioning. I working up the courage to pursue HRT this year.
Yes I totally get this! I can’t remember if I said this in this video but I remember when I was out as a trans woman, walking past the mens section in target and being sad I “couldn’t buy boys clothes anymore”. I’m glad you’re learning who you are, and good luck with HRT if you decide that’s right for you. You got this! 💛
First of all: congratulations on the surgery date! I'm always happy when you upload a new video ;-) The more I think about it, the more I feel comfortable with the term non-binary as well. It's what you say with "playing my own character of myself": I don't feel like a "real" woman, but I'm definitely not a real man either. Seeing myself as a non-binary takes so much pressure off of me to pretend to be something I'm probably not. I have trouble using a truly feminine name (I adjust my name all the time, but none seems to be right) and I also think that for me wide feminine hips would also trigger dysphoria. Even though I prefer to be seen as feminine rather than masculine, but it feels wrong to call myself a woman. Just don't know for sure if maybe that's just internalized transphobia on my part. I think I still need to figure that out.
That makes sense. It can definitely be confusing trying to figure out what parts are internalized transphobia and what parts are inherent. But eventually I’m sure you’ll get to a point where you have that answer. Best wishes to you, I definitely understand what you’re feeling 💛
I totally relate to "If I'd be seen as binary I'd prefer to be seen as a gender-non-conforming woman". Personaly I only found my gender identify when learning about the concept of non binary because I never fully felt like a trans woman even though I was really obviously trans.
I’m the same. My transition is taking T and stopping and taking it again (if needed). I love the freedom being non-binary brings with my transition. Definitely achieving a very “other” look. And how I feel about manhood and not really fitting there is exactly that. I wish I could hang out with you. You’re so cool!! These are my literal thoughts exactly.
Aw I totally get all that! I think that’s awesome you can start and stop T as needed (I think a lot of people don’t realize that’s an option). Thank you so much!!! 💛
Thanks for making these vids Bryn. I see the person I want to be in you. It’s very frightening for me though. I don’t know if I’ll ever really go for it. Maybe someday. Thanks for the flicker of hope. You’re awesome. :-)
hi bryn, first of all thank you so so much for your content. i've watched plenty of trans youtubers and your story has by far been the most relatable to me and the most helpful in terms of figuring out my own shit. similar to you i've been pre-HRT binary trans woman identified for about a year and as of recent i'm now 99% positive that considering myself binarily female is a misrepresentation of myself, that the goal of holistic female transition wouldn't be beneficial for me let alone realistic, and that i've always kinda wanted to feminize myself in an androgynous/nonbinary way and that i should be listening to That voice in my head and acting accordingly. i have a question for you, and obv no pressure if it's invasive. what has been your experience with brain fog pre and post HRT? i've heard theories that the people who benefit the most from HRT (i.e. "real trans people" if you believe in such a concept) are people who have unexplained brain fog, emotional numbness, slow cognitive processing, and derealization pre-HRT and then the HRT corrects those things and makes their brain finally "click". so now i'm kind of nervous about if HRT will help or harm me, because i have felt majorly emotionally numb and cognitively slow at various points in my life but the whole "brain fog" thing doesn't make me go "YES, that's 100% me", plus those things i listed could just be autism which i know i have, so i'm just really really uncertain. obviously not asking you to solve my dilemma lol but i'm just wondering what your own experiences with these things have been? does your pre-to-post HRT experience line up with this theory or throw a wrench in it, or something in-between? if you already have a video that touches on this, please send, i might've missed it! thank you!
First, I’m really glad my videos have been helpful, and I’m glad you’re able to figure out who you are. That’s a breath of fresh air As far as brain fog, I’d never heard of that before, so it’s not something I’ve really been thinking about/expecting from my transition. I will say though that as a child & teen I did experience a lot of trauma (in my experience, being trans in this society is very likely to be traumatic, as well as things I experienced outside of being trans) and so a lot of my childhood and adolescence has been a blur.. but within the past few months I’ve been doing a lot of internal work to uninternalize things and to heal my inner child, and I’ve noticed little snippets of memory coming back. Random moments or details about my childhood that I couldn’t access prior to the internal work I’m doing. So it wouldn’t surprise me if trans people, especially those who would consider their childhood/past traumatizing, were able to get rid of that brain fog when beginning their transition, simply because it’s healing something inside them. Hope that makes sense 💛
Bryn, this might be a long comment, but i need to say this: i spent the last 3 years or so questioning my gender, and by the end of the last year i came with terms with my non binary identity. Being trans youth in Brazil can be very harsh, we lack the "older wiser people" to look up to and have them tell us their experience in this world so we can have a liiiiiittle better you know? Well youve been this person to me, youve become very important to me, and gave me the courage to look for HRT. I finally could admit to myself my feelings of dysphoria, and comprehend to wich extent internalized transphobia was keeping me off hoping for a future where i can be myself. Thank you, from the bottom of my motherfucking-fatherhater heart. Your journey is inspiring. Keep it up. Lots of love from Brazil, Láila Vênus.
I’m so glad I can be a source of support for you, even just through my videos. I actually had someone from Brazil reach out to me a few years back when I had just started out on RUclips regarding my transition, and they also mentioned that Brazil was a difficult place to be non binary. I’m really glad I can be a voice for you and help you figure out who you are. But on the other hand, you should be proud of yourself for doing the work and figuring it out. Best of luck moving forward 💛💛💛
Làila you are not alone. I hope you find the support you need. I hope you can be yourself. Don’t give up. I’m 55 and getting bottom surgery in May and it is never too late. Know you are supported. ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Congrats on your bottom surgery date. 🥳🎉🎉 Thanks as always for sharing your story and your views. They really do help those of us starting out figuring out what we want out of transition and who we are. Hope you have a great new year! Here's to your bottom surgery and continued growth as a person and the channel. 🥂🥂🥂
Thank you so much!! I’m so excited 💛 I’m really happy my videos are helping people. I never imagined I’d be able to have a big platform like this (even if it’s not huge) and I’m happy to be able to help however I can. Happy New Year! 💛
@@brynnavery Your platform is just perfect. Do I want you to reach as many people as possible yes. 55 years and you are the first to explain how I have felt all these years. I have gay siblings and although they are supportive they always say I don’t get it but I support. My sister found my surgeon. I will be at her house while I heal. Her daughter even understands uncle Johnny is non-binary. Not that she totally understands but she knows I am. ♥️
@@jdthompson01 I’m so happy to be that person for you. I know how relieving it can be to finally have the answers you’ve been looking for for so long. I’m so glad you have support from your siblings and your niece. Support is so important, and even tho it can still be lonely if they don’t understand, I’m really happy you have people in your corner 💛
I am also non binary, was going with fluid or even flux as term for a long time over a year for sure, now-a days idk. i know that from all nonbinary ppl i have meet you are in the 2 most i relate to. if i had to be perceived in a way i guess i prefer androgynous gender non-conforming man, even though i don't identity that way all the time, or like a femboy i guess. i actually do identify with my genitals, i should say i am amab, but wouldn't mind boobs might prefer boobs actually so opposite of you in that case. I also always have long nails :) have you ever though about getting longer nails so you feel better about your fingers?? that's kindof the case for me plus i love long nails. I feel you i would a space with "my gender" like guys and girls do like an enby space, although i do feel fluid some times connected with men or women as time does on my connection with enbys growies. some identities i have been resonated with fluid fluid flux nonbinary androgynous gender nonconforming trans femme Girly Guy? (opposite of tom boy i guess) i heard sally boy before i don't mind it not my favorite though.
That makes sense. We’re the same but opposite 😊 lol. As far as nails, long nails make me feel wayyyyy too feminine. I’ve even tried other colors other than just black nail polish to see if that would help but it comes across as too feminine to me when I do that. It’s interesting you brought up girly guy vs tomboy. I remember being in maybe kindergarten or first grade and my friends told me what a tomboy was and I thought it was so cool (they said it was a girl that likes to dress like a boy) and I remember wondering if I was a “Tom Girl” but the term didn’t feel right, but it also sort of fits I think a non binary space would be awesome. I’ve been to the Philadelphia trans health conference a few times and it’s been wonderful (that also includes binary trans people as well, but there were so many non binary people there it felt so nice)
@@brynnavery Thanks for replying I really appreciate it as I honestly don't have anyone that relates to me that much irl, I love your channel ❤ Yeah I would love a non binary space I live in Toronto now but I'm too new to figure it out.
I don’t “officially” use that term, because I do have a feminine side to me (and even a little bit of a masculine side), but I definitely do resonate with that term in a lot of ways
I feel this! I came out as non-binary a few months ago. Since I was a kid I occasionally had thought like “I wish I was a girl” but when I imagined it I thought I’d have to give up my “boy interests”.
Now, I identify as Enby, would like to be read as a woman who presents both androgynous and fem. I guess I’d say I’d like to be read as a tom-boy.
Still figuring it out even as I’m in the process of socially transitioning. I working up the courage to pursue HRT this year.
Yes I totally get this! I can’t remember if I said this in this video but I remember when I was out as a trans woman, walking past the mens section in target and being sad I “couldn’t buy boys clothes anymore”. I’m glad you’re learning who you are, and good luck with HRT if you decide that’s right for you. You got this! 💛
First of all: congratulations on the surgery date!
I'm always happy when you upload a new video ;-)
The more I think about it, the more I feel comfortable with the term non-binary as well. It's what you say with "playing my own character of myself": I don't feel like a "real" woman, but I'm definitely not a real man either. Seeing myself as a non-binary takes so much pressure off of me to pretend to be something I'm probably not.
I have trouble using a truly feminine name (I adjust my name all the time, but none seems to be right) and I also think that for me wide feminine hips would also trigger dysphoria. Even though I prefer to be seen as feminine rather than masculine, but it feels wrong to call myself a woman. Just don't know for sure if maybe that's just internalized transphobia on my part. I think I still need to figure that out.
That makes sense. It can definitely be confusing trying to figure out what parts are internalized transphobia and what parts are inherent. But eventually I’m sure you’ll get to a point where you have that answer. Best wishes to you, I definitely understand what you’re feeling 💛
I totally relate to "If I'd be seen as binary I'd prefer to be seen as a gender-non-conforming woman". Personaly I only found my gender identify when learning about the concept of non binary because I never fully felt like a trans woman even though I was really obviously trans.
That makes total sense. I’m glad you’ve been able to figure out who you are! 💛
I’m the same. My transition is taking T and stopping and taking it again (if needed). I love the freedom being non-binary brings with my transition. Definitely achieving a very “other” look. And how I feel about manhood and not really fitting there is exactly that. I wish I could hang out with you. You’re so cool!! These are my literal thoughts exactly.
Aw I totally get all that! I think that’s awesome you can start and stop T as needed (I think a lot of people don’t realize that’s an option). Thank you so much!!! 💛
Thanks for making these vids Bryn. I see the person I want to be in you. It’s very frightening for me though. I don’t know if I’ll ever really go for it. Maybe someday. Thanks for the flicker of hope. You’re awesome. :-)
I’m glad my videos are able to help! It’s totally understandable to be scared; I hope you do whatever is right for you 💛
hi bryn, first of all thank you so so much for your content. i've watched plenty of trans youtubers and your story has by far been the most relatable to me and the most helpful in terms of figuring out my own shit. similar to you i've been pre-HRT binary trans woman identified for about a year and as of recent i'm now 99% positive that considering myself binarily female is a misrepresentation of myself, that the goal of holistic female transition wouldn't be beneficial for me let alone realistic, and that i've always kinda wanted to feminize myself in an androgynous/nonbinary way and that i should be listening to That voice in my head and acting accordingly.
i have a question for you, and obv no pressure if it's invasive. what has been your experience with brain fog pre and post HRT? i've heard theories that the people who benefit the most from HRT (i.e. "real trans people" if you believe in such a concept) are people who have unexplained brain fog, emotional numbness, slow cognitive processing, and derealization pre-HRT and then the HRT corrects those things and makes their brain finally "click". so now i'm kind of nervous about if HRT will help or harm me, because i have felt majorly emotionally numb and cognitively slow at various points in my life but the whole "brain fog" thing doesn't make me go "YES, that's 100% me", plus those things i listed could just be autism which i know i have, so i'm just really really uncertain. obviously not asking you to solve my dilemma lol but i'm just wondering what your own experiences with these things have been? does your pre-to-post HRT experience line up with this theory or throw a wrench in it, or something in-between? if you already have a video that touches on this, please send, i might've missed it! thank you!
First, I’m really glad my videos have been helpful, and I’m glad you’re able to figure out who you are. That’s a breath of fresh air
As far as brain fog, I’d never heard of that before, so it’s not something I’ve really been thinking about/expecting from my transition. I will say though that as a child & teen I did experience a lot of trauma (in my experience, being trans in this society is very likely to be traumatic, as well as things I experienced outside of being trans) and so a lot of my childhood and adolescence has been a blur.. but within the past few months I’ve been doing a lot of internal work to uninternalize things and to heal my inner child, and I’ve noticed little snippets of memory coming back. Random moments or details about my childhood that I couldn’t access prior to the internal work I’m doing. So it wouldn’t surprise me if trans people, especially those who would consider their childhood/past traumatizing, were able to get rid of that brain fog when beginning their transition, simply because it’s healing something inside them. Hope that makes sense 💛
Bryn, this might be a long comment, but i need to say this: i spent the last 3 years or so questioning my gender, and by the end of the last year i came with terms with my non binary identity. Being trans youth in Brazil can be very harsh, we lack the "older wiser people" to look up to and have them tell us their experience in this world so we can have a liiiiiittle better you know? Well youve been this person to me, youve become very important to me, and gave me the courage to look for HRT. I finally could admit to myself my feelings of dysphoria, and comprehend to wich extent internalized transphobia was keeping me off hoping for a future where i can be myself.
Thank you, from the bottom of my motherfucking-fatherhater heart. Your journey is inspiring.
Keep it up.
Lots of love from Brazil,
Láila Vênus.
I’m so glad I can be a source of support for you, even just through my videos. I actually had someone from Brazil reach out to me a few years back when I had just started out on RUclips regarding my transition, and they also mentioned that Brazil was a difficult place to be non binary. I’m really glad I can be a voice for you and help you figure out who you are. But on the other hand, you should be proud of yourself for doing the work and figuring it out. Best of luck moving forward 💛💛💛
Làila you are not alone. I hope you find the support you need. I hope you can be yourself. Don’t give up. I’m 55 and getting bottom surgery in May and it is never too late. Know you are supported. ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Congrats on your bottom surgery date. 🥳🎉🎉 Thanks as always for sharing your story and your views. They really do help those of us starting out figuring out what we want out of transition and who we are. Hope you have a great new year! Here's to your bottom surgery and continued growth as a person and the channel. 🥂🥂🥂
Thank you so much!! I’m so excited 💛 I’m really happy my videos are helping people. I never imagined I’d be able to have a big platform like this (even if it’s not huge) and I’m happy to be able to help however I can. Happy New Year! 💛
@@brynnavery
Your platform is just perfect. Do I want you to reach as many people as possible yes. 55 years and you are the first to explain how I have felt all these years. I have gay siblings and although they are supportive they always say I don’t get it but I support. My sister found my surgeon. I will be at her house while I heal. Her daughter even understands uncle Johnny is non-binary. Not that she totally understands but she knows I am. ♥️
@@jdthompson01 I’m so happy to be that person for you. I know how relieving it can be to finally have the answers you’ve been looking for for so long. I’m so glad you have support from your siblings and your niece. Support is so important, and even tho it can still be lonely if they don’t understand, I’m really happy you have people in your corner 💛
thank you sm for this
Of course, glad I can help 💛
OMG! Congrats on your date! 🎉
Thank you!! 💛
Congrats on the bottom surgery date! I am so happy and excited for you!!
Thank you!! 💛
A group for androgynous non-binary people would be awesome!
That makes sense. I wish there was more of a community (in person)!
I’ll love to join you all 💜
I think I understand. I am AFAB non-binary and I like to be perceived as a boy because I know that I will never be seen as non-binary.
You’re valid! 💛
I am also non binary, was going with fluid or even flux as term for a long time over a year for sure, now-a days idk.
i know that from all nonbinary ppl i have meet you are in the 2 most i relate to.
if i had to be perceived in a way i guess i prefer androgynous gender non-conforming man, even though i don't identity that way all the time, or like a femboy i guess.
i actually do identify with my genitals, i should say i am amab, but wouldn't mind boobs might prefer boobs actually so opposite of you in that case. I also always have long nails :) have you ever though about getting longer nails so you feel better about your fingers?? that's kindof the case for me plus i love long nails.
I feel you i would a space with "my gender" like guys and girls do like an enby space, although i do feel fluid some times connected with men or women as time does on my connection with enbys growies.
some identities i have been resonated with
fluid
fluid flux
nonbinary
androgynous
gender nonconforming
trans femme
Girly Guy? (opposite of tom boy i guess) i heard sally boy before i don't mind it not my favorite though.
That makes sense. We’re the same but opposite 😊 lol. As far as nails, long nails make me feel wayyyyy too feminine. I’ve even tried other colors other than just black nail polish to see if that would help but it comes across as too feminine to me when I do that.
It’s interesting you brought up girly guy vs tomboy. I remember being in maybe kindergarten or first grade and my friends told me what a tomboy was and I thought it was so cool (they said it was a girl that likes to dress like a boy) and I remember wondering if I was a “Tom Girl” but the term didn’t feel right, but it also sort of fits
I think a non binary space would be awesome. I’ve been to the Philadelphia trans health conference a few times and it’s been wonderful (that also includes binary trans people as well, but there were so many non binary people there it felt so nice)
@@brynnavery Thanks for replying I really appreciate it as I honestly don't have anyone that relates to me that much irl, I love your channel ❤
Yeah I would love a non binary space I live in Toronto now but I'm too new to figure it out.
@@hadhad129 of course! And thank you!! I hope as time goes on, non binary spaces become a thing, I would absolutely love that 💛
Congratulations on bottom surgery date!
Thank you!! 💛
do you also consider yourself agender too?
I don’t “officially” use that term, because I do have a feminine side to me (and even a little bit of a masculine side), but I definitely do resonate with that term in a lot of ways