exactly. im struggling alone and I don't have any kids. I cant imagine being broke and bringing a child into this world. some people have kids juss so they can dress them up. smh I have heard stuff like this
I was talking to my fiancé about this the other day, I saw a video on Facebook about homeless parents with kids on the streets!!! Like they literally have a few little kids with them LITERALLY living on a sidewalk somewhere or in a tent !! With no running water, no healthy foods, no clean clothes, no beds , no money like nothing !! I’m so confused ! That should be illegal!! They are children living on “the streets” or shelter life “ .. It’s so crazy to me and so unreal to me !! I guess I’m alit Native to the real world and what goes on but shouldn’t those kids have the same lifestyle as the middle class& up ?? It’s not their fault ... It’s bizarre to me that there are homeless families... :( it’s so sad!!!
Some people be focusing too much on having a baby instead of being a parent. You do not have the child, the child has you. And YOU need to be the best you can be for that child..
'You do not have the child, the child has you!' If this isnt the truth. When yiu have a child literally everything revolves around them, theyre not just accessories you can show off to people, they are humans that need constant time and love.
This is why I didn’t want to have kids until I graduated college and was solid in my career. Mostly everyone around me was having kids right out of high school. Mostly all of my cousins have multiple children, are currently pregnant, or have gotten women pregnant. I don’t judge them for that. I just knew that I didn’t want that for my life. My Mom would tell me how it made her sad to see the women she grew up with have their grandkids, see them pictured with them, see them bring them to Church, and she didn’t have any yet. I can understand her feelings, but I wasn’t about to bring children into this world and struggle the way my family struggled. Now, I’m waiting to get married. My twenties were devoted to my career. I’ll get married and have children in my thirties.
Definitely do what's best for you BUT I'd say it's not necessary to be so strict on the age thing. For example if you get out of college at 22 and then have you first kid at 26, that's already 4 years of work experience under you belt that will allow you to keep your job or find another good job after having kids. Some women, if they find the right partners, prefer to have kids in the early stages of their careers so that when they fully go back to work, they have the rest of their lives to catch up as well as a loving family to go home to. You just have to be confident you can be a boss and a mom. Depends on the situation I guess
We waited 5 yrs. We were living in a studio apartment and finishing up college. During that time we were able to save enough to buy a home. It was in a new development and had to be built. So it took a little time. But it’s still a beautiful home, with three beautiful children.🙌🌈🌤💛
but you see the key word you said? you said, “we” a lot of people don’t have that we factor when it comes to having children.. im not any way knocking you guy’s hustle but I’d think you guys had each other to depend on and lean on when times got hard.
@@6095202516jkk..I don't think she was knocking single mothers, that takes incredible strength and patience; and if that is what you are you are to be commended for those qualities. Things do happen even when you plan for the best, but overall it is better to wait.
I agree with Loni!!!! Don’t have kids if you are not financially stable!!! I know folks that will depend on their parents to take care of those kids when they come into this world. The grandparents should not have to worry about providing for the grandchildren!!!
@Roxanne Bernabe that's not quite the point. It's when people plan (or fail to plan) to bring kids into the world when they aren't ready. Those other caregivers are essentially picking up the pieces, which prves Ade's point.
I am a 21 year old virgin, in college, building a business, I will wait on God, my husband and THEN we'll see about kids. Everyone's switch doesn't turn on about the true responsibility of a child and in this day and age, people are working so hard for much less than they used to. My mom did better than her parents to provide for and so on, I will do the same and more. I want the opportunity to decide to continue working at 36 , because I don't believe in the traditional retirement timeline and I'd like some energy, time and money to truly enjoy my life. Anything can happen yes, but we do have control over the most important part: ourselves.
Afia Griffith let me give you some wisdom on life I was a 21 year old virgin as well God help those that help themselves you need to be working towards your future okay building a business is great but if you want to be married you need to be working towards that as well you can't tell God you want to be married but you're not preparing yourself to be a wife and you can't tell God oh well I want to be a mother and you're not preparing yourself to be a mother so everything you have to do you need to do on bait on faith right now you're just building a business that's where your faith is he said where your heart is there you are also so if your heart is in your business your heart is not being married in your heart is not having kids pray on that and ask God for a keen Direction love you sis in the Lord
I had a an accident and I wouldn’t change that for the world. I had to move back in with my family because I had lost support from my child’s father and was super sick. I didn’t have a ton of money but I made 👏🏽 it 👏🏽 work👏🏽. God has amazing timing for everything and if a baby is part of that plan then he’s going to take care of that baby. I have been busting my a** for my kid and made sure always that he is LOVED, SAFE, TAKEN CARE OF, HEALTHY. I love you ladies and I appreciate he honest replies. Once a mother always a mother. Abel and I have so much fun on a low budget right now but I will continue to try and do my best as a mother.
GIRL, YOU DID IT FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY!! NOT THE PERSON UPSTAIRS!!!! YOU MADE IT WORK !! YOU MADE IT HAPPEN !! AND WITH THE HELP WHEN YOU MOVED BACK IN
These dummies are not taking into consideration that sometimes things happen...but as long as u do your best to work things out It can be done even if you didnt plan on your situatuon....sometimes u can plan all u want but obstacles arise
I agree with Adrienne So much ! My mom only has 2 kids my brother and I and she really wanted a third one but she was like we don’t have the money for it, she needed to work because my dad wasn’t making enough alone and she said daycare is pricey and I need baby sitters but obviously that’s expensive as well ! Although she really wanted to expand her family she knew they didn’t have enough money to provide to the baby !
Gosh I did it the right way I swear I proceeded to marry my husband after only one year of knowing him although that was so silly, it ended up great, now considering I married him so quick I have 3 years until our first child arrived so now we have been married for 5 years known each other for 6 and have a beautiful little girl, and it’s really worked out for us
I plan to have kids but as of now, Im making sure that I am prepared financially, emotionally, mentally and physically!! Yes Im 29 but I believe I still have alot of time to get myself together before I become a parent. Im going to give my kids the best values, discipline and morals that life has to offer so they can be productive, good members of society. I owe that to them!
Taneshae Davis I feel the same way and I'm 33! Most people do not consider that these cute babies will grow up into a world that will shape them. Sadly many have the desire for a child, but do not prepare or really consider what they will have to sacrifice to help their children have the best start. I believe that parents really do love their child and want the best for them, but preparation and investment beforehand always pays off.
I applaud you for not rushing to start a family for fertility reasons (sorry for bringing this up but people do). 29 is a young age and you're right, we have to be prepared in all those aspects before taking on the responsibility!
I'm also 29 a I just finished college 🎓 but I still don't feel ready to bring a child in this world... Do I want one now? Hell yea but I'm working on having my dream job on lockdown for atleast a year before I do the only thing I am worried about is my age I know hoe that goes after the age of 30 and I would hate to struggle later when im ready
Tamara looks so classy & beautiful! She is always well put together and shows women that u don't have 2show 2much 2look gorgeous! Not only is she beautiful in the inside as well as the outside! She's a gem!
If you're so fascinated on the actual pregnancy and trying to be a mother just to show off your kid as an accessory then you SHOULD NOT be a parent... there's more to babies then cute faces , these are children that'll be go out in the world once they become adults... you have to make sure that child is taken care of at all times ( aside from finances ) until they turn 18... and yes they're at adult age but you are a parent for LIFE not just for those 18 years you're aging ! Do what's best for you and your family ! Just make sure you're working towards what's actually BEST for you and your family !
I've always wanted kids but I want to adopt. My dad did a lot of work in foster care and adoptions and it was always cool to her his stories of when kids got adopted
I would love to adopt too. I am hoping to pursue a career in Social Work as well so I am hoping this will make the process slightly more smoother as I know it can take up to 2 years to complete! There are already so many young kids in need of a loving home so why not make them a priority? I am honestly considering foster care and adoption before giving giving birth and I wish more people would be open to this too!
Tam is so real... that's what I kept my focus on during my engagement. The wedding day is a nice day, but its really about the marriage you are starting. Same with babies and pregnancy.
I just wanna point out that, men, you too have rights to your kids, and if you're in an unsafe relationship, be sure to watch yourselves as well. Don't get screwed up with the wrong type of women who is gonna drag you down.
Interesting.... My ex and I broke up for this exact reason. He had been on disability for 3 months and didn't know if he could even go back to doing his job and wanted to start a family and I couldn't make him understand that it was "irresponsible" to plan a child knowing we could not take care of it. If I was on maternity leave and he on disability then who would feed the child. I agree with Adrienne 100% when you want something there are steps!!
I hate when people keep asking when are you going to have a baby or what are you waiting for. I mean come on ; its my life. are you going to babysit? are you going to help me support? some people think once you get married is to have babies right away. i got married very young and now i have to enjoy the stage being with my husband before adding to the family. My advice to people out there; never let anyone pressure you into having kids. That's a decision between you and your husband. You know your lives, you know your finances. My husband an i have started from scratch and build our lives and accomplish what we have with the help of NO ONE. Everything we do we do on our own. make sure your marriage is ready for a kid. You plan ahead and make sure God is a part of those plans. By the time this kid arrive , they will be in a stable home. nothing is perfect but at least you made the best of it.
What Jeannie said was so overlooked. If there needs to be qualifications to buy a house there should be qualifications to be a parent because not everyone should be a parent.
I swear to M&Ms that yall be speaking to my soul. I was just trying to tell my fiance who really is ready to add to our family(I have 2 kids he has 2 kids) that i also want to start a family but DEFINITELY NOT NOW or nowhere in the future.I love him and want babies so bad but we are really young and life hit us hard early. We are only 26 and JUST stepping into our careers. He feels that since our careers allow the slack we should start having babies right after the wedding(we are currently celibate) but i want to save enough money to start a small business and still be financially stable enough to not struggle in the first few slow months. He says he understands but he still really wishes i would change my mind. I feel guilty for bringing my kids into the world at 19 and 20 for being irresponsible and I REFUSE TO WORSEN THAT SITUATION FOR THEM OR DO THAT TO ANOTHER OF MY BABIES. Thank you so much for making me feel better in my choices. I love you guys.
Keioaka Barconey yes girl wait your still young and tell him your just getting into your career your not going to add a 5th child to the mix that’s crazy it’s not like u had 1 kid you had 2 has he thought of daycare cost whom Is gonna watch the kids etc ask him all that and see if the response changes and honestly if he’s pressuring u to have a baby beyond this I think u may want to evaluate that relationship
Do what's best for you don't change your mind for him. He needs to consider you as well its not only about what he wants. Since you said that he hopes you change your mind, don't change it for him. It doesn't matter how much love you have for someone. Make sure you have what you want first. Don't change your mind for him because if you do, you'll wish you hadn't years down the line. Not bashing him but just saying. Do what's best for you, not your partner.
Keioaka Barconey 😇 SWEETIE...GOOD GIRL STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF YOU ALREADY HAVE A BLENDED FAMILY...CAREER TIME FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS...YOU KNOW THE STRUGGLE IS REAL LOVE DON'T PAY THE BILLS... GET FINANCIAL STABLE SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY LIKE YOU SAID...YOU SAID HE UNDERSTAND... DON'T CHANGE YOUR MIND ENJOY YOUR HONEYMOON FOR A FEW YEARS BEFORE YOU EXTEND YOUR BASEBALL TEAM LOL😇IF HE DON'T UNDERSTAND OH WELL...LOL P.S. GOOD LUCK TO YOU & YOUR FUTURE HUBBY!!! "CHEERS" 🍹💏🍹
I respect you staying true to yourself. However, I feel uneasy about his desire for more children NOW. I was in a 4 1/2 year relationship and what started as a quiet suggestion turned into an overwhelming roar of him trying to control me and force me into motherhood. He began manipulating my emotions and gaslighting me into making me think I was the problem for wanted to be stable. He would even become irrational about how we would support having children. Anyway, not saying that this will turn into your situation, I just wanted to give my input. I too am 26, celibate, and far away from that man and thank my lucky stars almost every day that I didn't bend to his will. I came horrifyingly close and praise God he didn't bring that into fruition. I currently don't have children and am joyous in my life of rediscovery of self. I know that I am worth the wait and will be presented with an amazing man to respect me, my celibacy, and future endeavours because true authentic love doesn't pain or have pause. I wish you all the best and come from a sincere place of love. I apologize if I brought you a dark cloud, I just want your decision, whatever that may be, to be truly informed. Good luck.
It's really important to plan ahead for the future because life is so difficult having so many kids if you're not financially stable. Seeing your children go hungry is a very stressful thing, so better have kids according to your budget .
Thank you Loni!! I had my son at 18.... Thank God I did have my parents who stepped up when my child’s father decided not to be involved. Ladies and Gents..... protect yourself from a situation that you aren’t ready for!
Completely agree and it’s not just finances either. I know for a fact I’m not emotionally or mentally ready for children so until I’m sure, I’ll stick to being only a dogmom🐾💚
Don’t let these baby pics on social media fool you.!! Baby fever goes away once they grown up and there’s more to having a child than cute pictures and videos. It’s a lifelong responsibility.
It’s a shame that I know/met women that think it’s okay to keep having kids (like 6 of them) because the government helps them. I’ve also learned that people that are financially/work stable only ever have 1-3 kids and people that aren’t keep popping them out.
seriously, shame on them. no matter how harsh this sounds, sometimes I wish it was illegal to have kids until you can afford to take care of them and of course are clearly wise enough to raise them
yea looking back on this it does sound bad (and I'm not sure if I'd approve of government intervention with having kids xD) but some people don't realize how many children's lives are ruined with awful parents. a lot of problems could be solved with proper parenting and responsibility. i guess it's about improving cultures and subcultures at that, and educating people.
This is so damn true. I might not be the richest woman, but my kids are fed, healthy, and happy and with a roof over their heads. Yes I struggle, working 60 hours a week with 4 kids from ages 9, 7, 4 & 1 but I manage and somehow make it through. I’m grateful for the kids I do have. My husband would want one more but it’s just not possible anymore with both of us working so much and the kids getting older.
Medic Friends I have one job. I could easily be a stay at home mother if I chose to because he runs our business and we are financially stable. I work anywhere from 45-60 hours a week. I just don’t want to go through the entire labor and pains anymore. Your body isn’t the same as it was during the first pregnancy
what was written was that you struggle working 60 hours a week with 4 kids from 9 and lower and it's not uncommon for people to work two jobs that work those hours. I'm glad your family is well off financially but like you said, it really doesn't make sense for you to physically and mentally (not financially in your case) strain by having another child. Selfish might be a strong word, but in some ways your husband needs to understand that raising 5 kids is no easy task (as you have stated). I commented this because unfortunately (not you) some people, especially in certain cultures, decide to have kids or too many, thinking everything will work out as long as they work hard and only care about the desirable idea of having a big family. I came from a family that gave up success to find opportunities here in America and hard work was something my parents were born with, if you will. I'm glad they found opportunity's here with little to no connections and no applicable education what so ever, and love is there as long as we have been put into this world as a family. But even with their planning, our family struggled as you can imagine and it almost came to being homeless, and we struggled as a family not only financially but emotionally. I know a lot of families out there are broken because young parents were simply not ready and although money is secondary for the reason being, it really affects the relationship, and most of all, it limits the opportunities the children in the family could have had. I see people say something like "as long as I work minimum wage and provide basic and minimal requirements for the child to survive, it will be more than enough." Although I don't condemn people who are in these situations, it isn't right that one feels it's best for the child when you (not you but others) have trouble paying rent in a safe neighborhood and not even in the path of being able to save up for the child's future. It's not cheap to raise a child and it's a choice to bring a child into this world and it's no one elses responsibility but yours. Sorry for saying what I did in my earlier comment, but I hope you understand why I did. Hope your business continues to thrive and you seem like a loving mother and that is what counts the most.
its not always about the money either. It's the emotional, psychology support needed to raise a child . You can still have all the money in the world and not be prepared to be a parent
Ugh this hits home for me.. I had a child recently with a great career locked down, but still at my parent's house until my student loans and car payments were paid off. Which happens to be this year. I'm also in my mid thirty's and the child was unplanned with someone I was with for 3 years. He didn't want this and left. The only thing I am missing at this point is the father and it really is hard - only emotionally though. I cared about him a lot and I still do, which made it painful for me. All things considered, I was fully prepared mentally to have and take care of my girl knowing that my family would help me out. If not, I would find a way to do it on my own. She is cared for, loved, healthy as can be and I hope happy. The point of all this is it's so incredibly important to be in a stable relationship where your goals are in line with your partners. My issue was I was older and it terrified me to have an abortion, I couldn't do it and lost the father. I'm still struggling with that. My daughter is and will be happy, of that I am not worried. The sleepless nights and responsibility are worth it 100%. I love her more than myself.
When it comes to planning a family, take a realistic point of view as much as possible and have several scenarios of your soon to be family based on your current situations and future potential.
My husband and I worked opposite shifts. So one of us was always home with them. It took a toll, but our kids were taken care of. That was the main thing.
The reason why I said that was because I planed for more then 10 years and trust me the planning did not work out. I plan that I would be graduating this year with a Master's Degree but that didn't work out. I was not in the financial stability to do that. I got fired from two good jobs. Luck was not on my side this year because I keep applying more then 30 jobs every week and getting interviews but no jobs offers. Plans don't work out sometimes.
So true. Life is unexpected. My mom married a person who had money like my dad but as soon as I was born he died, the whole family grew up poor. But shocking part is that we lived happy as a poor family. I agree with what Jeanie said here, health and love is number 1. You don't need to be rich in order to raise a child.
I have to say. I agree with most of the points presented at the table during conversation. Being that 3 of the 4 woman do not have children the advice was keen. And Tamera was spot on with things she said
This is the reason why my husband and I think twice about having a 2nd child. We’ve been together for 10 years, married for 7 and we have a beautiful 4yr old girl. Whom, thank God, don’t struggle to give her what she needs. We live extremely comfortable and she’s a very independent little girl. Does it make me sad at times to think that she might grow up alone, yes!! However, living in America is expensive and as the best parents we want to be for her, we want to make sure we don’t struggle to give her the best life and for us to also live the best life. I do not miss the cost of diapers and formula at all! We live in IN and between my husband and I, we make 85k. This is more than the average and it might shock you to see the number if you’re in California. Cost of living here is cheaper though. My family is all about us having a second child but they’re not living in our shoes. We don’t have much family to watch a second kid so we would have to pay for daycare all over again. No thank you!! Does anyone else relate to this?! Especially my family, we’re Hispanic and it’s not common for someone to just decide to have one child.
Elena Boult exactly same here just do what I do take her to programs and arrange play dates with your friends don’t pop out a second kid just for her to have company
I’m Hispanic too and I know the struggle of everybody expecting you to pop out another kid 😩 I have 2 kids, 2 and 4. People in my church (everybody is Hispanic too) are always asking me “when is the next one coming?” It bothers me so much. As much as I know they mean well and that they love babies, I refuse to let them influence me on the size of my family. I know I am not ready. Both my pregnancies were hell, and emotionally I’m not all there as a mom because of depression and anxiety. I know I cannot handle another child. While I think financially I would be ok if I had another, I know I would not be able to give them the care and attention that they need and deserve. I still don’t understand why in Hispanic cultures, you’re expected to have a big family and pop out kids left and right 😒
i dont mean any offense to hispanic culture, but i think it's irresponsible for people to have kids (and more than 1 at that) just because it's part of their culture (which I see in multiple cultures too). once that kid comes to life, it's your responsiblity as a parent and no other. i'm in CA and we see children in tough neighborhoods with awful parents and it's sad to see the child have to suffer for their parent's decisions. it takes more than being a good parent too, and requires MONEY and EDUCATION, and it's common to see children struggle with their parents not being able to offer much support and only can rely on government assistance.
I was married and had 2 kids. My husband and I both worked. We worked opposite shifts so one of us was always able to be with our children. It ruined our marriage but we raised our kids to the best we could. Couples need to have time together. Its necessary. But we put ourselves to the side to make sure our girls had the time and things that they needed.
I am married and am almost 25, I dont want kids til after I finish college and be financially stable by myself and own a house and have a long term plan, me and my husband have both discussed this and are on the same page, birth control ladies, it works.
I've seen so many seemingly stable couples break up after the having children so I think it's important to consider that if you had to raise the baby by yourself if would you still have one. The most loved up couples will be put to the test. It's so exhausting that precious "me time" becomes more important than "couple time".
Listening to these incredible women, makes me humble. I grew up in a broken home, ended up in foster care, went out of my way to make sure my parents had failed on me, in the most embarrassing ways.. fast forward, I got pregnant. My mom and stepdad built a house for my son and I to live in, close to their home. They gave us a new roof over our heads, to build our lives together. They have the best relationship with my son, and I could never ask for more. But they knew I was struggling, to get my degrees, and trying to become the best version of myself for me and my son. In our family we have learned how life itself takes a village, so we became one for each other. Even my sister ended up living under their roof with her son and husband, while they are building their own home, in our hometown♥️ Living on the countryside I Denmark, is truly a blessing, and where ever you go, you know everyone. Life just makes more sense, when you suddenly find out how important family is.
I think jeannie comment is great for her country were you have family to help raise the baby and you dont have a mortgage, rent and Bill's knocking on your door.( just like in afric) you can give birth literally whenever. But here in America your life will be miserable if not planned.
Things happen and pregnancies aren't always planned. All I say is have a plan and pray for guidance. Both of my friends got pregnant early and were terrified but are smart, determined women who have goals and a plan and steady jobs and are in school. Once they got pregnant they had to move out sadly but it all worked out
I'm 26 and I still believe in starting a family after marriage. I currently am working hard everyday so I can provide for my future offspring. It's just taking some time 😅😅
My parents raised me in a middle class home! We always would get food from food banks at churches for hungry people! I never want to rush into having kids along with kids comes added financial stress and mental health struggles and I never want to rush into having kids! I’m more concerned about buying my first home!
if im going to be a parent i'm going to be financially stable because i want my kid to have the best childhood and not worry if they are going to eat tonight
I never wanna have a children even at one point if u were financially stable no one knows what can happen and I can fend for myself but i never wanna put a child in a situation where they don't have enough.
In San Francisco a studio starts at around $3,000 monthly. So yes, there are lots of people that live with parents or young couples that share a two bedroom. Its expensive AF here!
Good afternoon and awesome videos , because it does not take much to figure it all out that is the first thing that you do it get your life in place before the babies come because that's where the struggle comes in but sometime life don't always go as planed and I don't judge nobody because you never know how the person got the baby if might have been that something happened to the woman against her will or whatever the reason so don't just assume that the woman wanted the baby ,so much said for now,and love you guys and have a good one.
I know this is another topic,but children who do are raised poor sometimes are the most strongest and productive adults look at Oprah, look at the host, look at a lot of us....if it wasn't for the humble beginning and our parents work ethic we would not be able to give our children the best now and some rich kids who I grew up with who parents gave them the world never finished school and are on drugs, unproductive, and very selfish people.....just a thought
we know that thought but it doesn't excuse the parents (many I've met were unmarried and alll of it was unplanned and just couldn't control themselves if you know what i mean) who start families knowing they couldn't provide for them both financially and psychologically
Trust me a failed marriage can happen and your left with the child I’ve never had children from a good time but the one time I settled down I had a child and it didn’t work out and I was stuck with the child my fault was giving up my job and career for the guy so I wouldn’t advise any woman to give up their job or school in a marriage there vital when raising children!
Yes! I think it’s actually scary to not have any money of your own. Even if I was married, the thought of not being able to leave or not being able to live if we ever separated makes me nauseous.
Education, education, education if you need to get the assistance from the government for food, shelter and daycare thats ok! work and go to school at night even if you started out on the wrong foot you can still change it around 4 years of school to get yourself together is nothing compared to 18 years of struggling in a disassembled society
Heres the thing if people are already struggling to pay their bills, it is reckless to have kids because even if you offer them the love and safety they will not feel safe because they will feel and hear their parents/parent stress over money which will impact them whether the parents/parent like it or not, it becomes part of their programming. If people are already struggling to take care of themselves it is not responsible to have children. I agree with Tamera as there are many who have kids because they want someone to love them, so they won't be alone, they use their children to boost them up, to use them as accessories, to create little mini-me's... They see those children as their possessions. One person who is an expert on that is Dr. Shefali, she wrote a book called conscious parenting, she is a motivational speaker and has been featured on Oprah Winfreys channel, OWN, Supersoul Sessions. She is brilliant! HIGHLY RECOMMEND HER!
No Loni some families and cultures living in the same house as grandparents is normal and actually it's a beautiful thing because upholds family tightness. It just depends on dynamics
I grew up poor also when we moved to the US and my biggest fear is that I won't be able to pay my bills. We waited 5 years before having kids. I'm glad we did.
I totally agree! Life happens but I'll make sure I won't get pregnant and not financially stable. My man and I decided we gonna have kids when we're FINANCIAL STABLE! But if it happens unexpectedly we will try our best to be amazing parents! I always dreamed of getting pregnant and birthing my future kids but I don't see myself struggling to provide for them. I'm 20 and my man is 27! Him and I said we definitely going to have kids together but in the future when we both are financially ready
Sis, there is no reason for it to happen unexpectedly. Yall are 100% able to prevent having a child before you are ready! Birth control, contraception, plan b, the counting method...take advantage of them all! Live life, yall grow & mature, stack your bread, fix your demons, then plan...coming from a 34 year old happily married woman with 1st child on the way. ❤
Exactly. If you can support yourself first then bring human being into the world have the same health and safety. Don’t be selfish and have a baby when you were living under your parents roof, still in school, and only have a part-time job. You are burdening Your Own parents by depending on them to care for your baby
I always wanted to have kids but once I got pregnant at 18 with no job and no help I had to take myself and my feelings and I wanted out. Of the picture and do what was best for my son and that was adoption thank god he was adopted by family and I am very involved in his life and he knows who I am but he also knows that he isn’t with me cuz that’s how much I love him and I wanted him to have the life that he deserves and I couldn’t do that for him best of all Is he has a great life one that he deserves and he knows the truth. My point being is things happen but we need to do what is best for the children who don’t have a choice and put ourselves to the side and what we want to the side
Here’s the thing though ladies, most people don’t plan on having kids. People who can afford and who want kids mostly cannot have kids. And people who didn’t plan on getting kids they r the ones to get pregnant. But even if you aren’t financially stable, I still see a lot of people being motivated to go out their and work harder to support their family. Let’s be real, not everyone will be financially stable. Some people aren’t as fortunate to have stable incomes due to whatever reasons but having a kid even out of poverty shouldn’t be so judgemental. People will grow and often times a lot of poor family’s come out magnificent. Look at all my black people out here. We aren’t born rich. We have to struggle to be who we r today.
I think this is a great introductory topic, but not everything that needs to be discussed can be covered in 3-5 minute clips, or even in the limited time a talk show provides. Moreover, there does need to be a certain level of caution and context provided when discussing something like this, because it's bordering socioeconomic eugenics. This country has a marred history of villainizing a demographic without looking at the malicious, sinister, and targeted systems put in place to ensure that those in poverty stay in poverty. Yes, saving for 1-2 years could help some. Yes, financial literacy and economic understanding should be active parts of every life of every parent. You are not wrong that financial stability, or the high probability of that, would benefit all involved, and provide more opportunities for all involved. But to ignore the reasons behind someone being in a state of poverty or destitution, and then having a conversation about the types of decisions they should make, and engaging in a rhetoric that tries not to be judgmental, but still has subtle traces of condemnation is both negligent and ignorant. More than that, it feeds into a narrative that certain people have been trying to popularize, politicize, and enforce for centuries now: eugenics. This topic, this ideology, has been at the forefront of a lot of atrocities nation- and worldwide. The question "Should you have kids if you are not financially stable?" should also be followed by, "Why is it so difficult to become financially stable?" because, at the end of the day, there are people working 50-60 hour weeks, without being able to make ends meet. This topic is significantly more multi-layered than just, "Don't have kids if you don't have the money," especially when it sounds so similar to, "Don't have sex if you don't want kids." Abstinence-only sex education doesn't work, because it's deeper than that, so why would this?
Best comment on this topic. Nuance and gray areas, people. They exist in all areas of life. You cant address a topic with some short, black and white answer and expect it to be that simple.
It's not all that abstract and the opposite of this is what people are saying. You may think people are entitled to having a kid depending on their misfortunes, but ultimately, one does not have to have a child to be happy, and to say I live in a system that limits my ability to work on a career that will help me reach financial stability is not true. Yes, those who are born in wealthy or well-connected families have advantages that many people don't. It doesn't mean one can not wait and get some work experience, get an education for a job that is in-demand, and even wait before starting a relationship. Bringing a child into the world is an absolute choice, despite our primitive desires. Life is precious and once that child is born, I applaud those who do everything they can to take care of that child. But I don't applaud those who say I'm entitled to have a child despite the fact that the parent knows the situation they are in. Just because things don't work and people refuse to take the responsibility doesn't mean it makes it wrong. There is no definite financial income to starting a family, but there is an obvious line where it just becomes irresponsible. If you can't think for your own future and know what it takes to get there, it becomes even more difficult to think about what is best for your child's. No one's a demon for bringing a child into this world, but it's also your choice and your responsibility, no matter what you want or what socioeconomic class you are born into. Your child on the other hand has no choice, and I would want my child to be brought in an environment where he can feel stable and safe.
This is how I see it too.Dont have another child if you’re in the same position you were in when you had the first one.And mistake ok but don’t make the same mistake twice.
i actually had an abortion today with the pill ... was the worst pain i’ve ever felt and i haven’t stopped crying . but this show made me feel better about my decision .
It's a fixed society to place ppl in situations having to make decisions about having children which is a natural thing to do. Also realistically, people sometimes have children despite their situation, it has always been that way. It's sad how everything makes ppl not live the life they deserve based on the limitations of what society offers and they need ppl to get things done.
I waited till I was grown over 21 and I worked 3 jobs for just for myself and one child now I hve 2 kids 17 and 3 an my husband works night an I work days and we watch our son together but he’s both my kids step dad and he helps me as I help him with his son who’s grown now so it’s take Dedication and team work an money 💰
My husband and I just work3d different hours with our first three I worked days and he worked nights so there was always one of us with the kids...I get to stay home now with the 4th
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Not having money is stressful alone. Having kids is stressful alone. IMAGINE BOTH 😩
Cray May It must be hell 😩😩
exactly. im struggling alone and I don't have any kids. I cant imagine being broke and bringing a child into this world. some people have kids juss so they can dress them up. smh I have heard stuff like this
broke with a child on your hip. 🤦🏽♂️ i feel weird just not having money on me so imagine that and having a child to feed and raise.
I was talking to my fiancé about this the other day, I saw a video on Facebook about homeless parents with kids on the streets!!! Like they literally have a few little kids with them LITERALLY living on a sidewalk somewhere or in a tent !! With no running water, no healthy foods, no clean clothes, no beds , no money like nothing !! I’m so confused ! That should be illegal!! They are children living on “the streets” or shelter life “ .. It’s so crazy to me and so unreal to me !! I guess I’m alit Native to the real world and what goes on but shouldn’t those kids have the same lifestyle as the middle class& up ?? It’s not their fault ... It’s bizarre to me that there are homeless families... :( it’s so sad!!!
I'm stressed enough having to struggle alone with no money. Being broke and alone with children would be a nightmare.
Some people be focusing too much on having a baby instead of being a parent. You do not have the child, the child has you. And YOU need to be the best you can be for that child..
Natalie Stephens Well said!! 🙌🏼
Say it again for the people in the back!!!!!!
yess Natalie, i like that 👌🏿
And babies don’t stay babies forever...
'You do not have the child, the child has you!' If this isnt the truth. When yiu have a child literally everything revolves around them, theyre not just accessories you can show off to people, they are humans that need constant time and love.
I will never bring a child into this world without having myself together
Rianna You’re a smart young lady! 😉
Elena Boult thank you ❤💯
Some people a child puts them together 😂
Rianna 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
I feel the same way. How am I going to guide another being when I haven't even found a way?
"Once you are a mother, you are a mother FOREVER" Well spoken Tamera 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Adrienne done got married and been speaking nothing but facts 😂😍 YOU GO GIRL!
3:06 Absolutely agree with A. That comment is spot on!
Lol I wanna be a parent cause its my dream
Absolutely. She was speaking facts
This is why I didn’t want to have kids until I graduated college and was solid in my career. Mostly everyone around me was having kids right out of high school. Mostly all of my cousins have multiple children, are currently pregnant, or have gotten women pregnant. I don’t judge them for that. I just knew that I didn’t want that for my life. My Mom would tell me how it made her sad to see the women she grew up with have their grandkids, see them pictured with them, see them bring them to Church, and she didn’t have any yet. I can understand her feelings, but I wasn’t about to bring children into this world and struggle the way my family struggled. Now, I’m waiting to get married. My twenties were devoted to my career. I’ll get married and have children in my thirties.
LumiereDarling Same Here
You are very smart. Do what's best for you.
i love the way you see things. hopefully it works out for you 💜
Definitely do what's best for you BUT I'd say it's not necessary to be so strict on the age thing. For example if you get out of college at 22 and then have you first kid at 26, that's already 4 years of work experience under you belt that will allow you to keep your job or find another good job after having kids. Some women, if they find the right partners, prefer to have kids in the early stages of their careers so that when they fully go back to work, they have the rest of their lives to catch up as well as a loving family to go home to. You just have to be confident you can be a boss and a mom. Depends on the situation I guess
Aïcha Diagne
Is ur name pronounced I-E-SHAH?
Yes Lonnie! Yes Adrienne! Ladies protect yourselves and it is an honor and we should ALL earn it. Everyone should not have children.
We waited 5 yrs. We were living in a studio apartment and finishing up college. During that time we were able to save enough to buy a home. It was in a new development and had to be built. So it took a little time. But it’s still a beautiful home, with three beautiful children.🙌🌈🌤💛
_tinaloveseddie that is amazing. I hope your family is blessed and live long and healthy lives._
Sabbi thank u so much💜
but you see the key word you said? you said, “we” a lot of people don’t have that we factor when it comes to having children.. im not any way knocking you guy’s hustle but I’d think you guys had each other to depend on and lean on when times got hard.
@@6095202516jkk..I don't think she was knocking single mothers, that takes incredible strength and patience; and if that is what you are you are to be commended for those qualities. Things do happen even when you plan for the best, but overall it is better to wait.
tinaloveseddie
Beautiful 👏🏾...Glad your plans turned out well.
I agree with Loni!!!! Don’t have kids if you are not financially stable!!! I know folks that will depend on their parents to take care of those kids when they come into this world. The grandparents should not have to worry about providing for the grandchildren!!!
Normally I don't agree with Adrianne, but she is spot on!
The world forgets about single dads as if they don't exist please drop a like for those great single dads.
true
My dad was one!!! An outstanding one! May his perfect soul rest in peace...
Props to you. Too many guys just fail to step up.
@Roxanne Bernabe that's not quite the point. It's when people plan (or fail to plan) to bring kids into the world when they aren't ready. Those other caregivers are essentially picking up the pieces, which prves Ade's point.
Growing up, my dad always heard about how hard single moms had it, and always said "what about single dads?"
I am a 21 year old virgin, in college, building a business, I will wait on God, my husband and THEN we'll see about kids. Everyone's switch doesn't turn on about the true responsibility of a child and in this day and age, people are working so hard for much less than they used to. My mom did better than her parents to provide for and so on, I will do the same and more. I want the opportunity to decide to continue working at 36 , because I don't believe in the traditional retirement timeline and I'd like some energy, time and money to truly enjoy my life. Anything can happen yes, but we do have control over the most important part: ourselves.
Afia Griffith let me give you some wisdom on life I was a 21 year old virgin as well God help those that help themselves you need to be working towards your future okay building a business is great but if you want to be married you need to be working towards that as well you can't tell God you want to be married but you're not preparing yourself to be a wife and you can't tell God oh well I want to be a mother and you're not preparing yourself to be a mother so everything you have to do you need to do on bait on faith right now you're just building a business that's where your faith is he said where your heart is there you are also so if your heart is in your business your heart is not being married in your heart is not having kids pray on that and ask God for a keen Direction love you sis in the Lord
Afia Griffith likewise!
You must be commended!
I had a an accident and I wouldn’t change that for the world. I had to move back in with my family because I had lost support from my child’s father and was super sick. I didn’t have a ton of money but I made 👏🏽 it 👏🏽 work👏🏽. God has amazing timing for everything and if a baby is part of that plan then he’s going to take care of that baby. I have been busting my a** for my kid and made sure always that he is LOVED, SAFE, TAKEN CARE OF, HEALTHY. I love you ladies and I appreciate he honest replies. Once a mother always a mother. Abel and I have so much fun on a low budget right now but I will continue to try and do my best as a mother.
GIRL, YOU DID IT FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY!! NOT THE PERSON UPSTAIRS!!!!
YOU MADE IT WORK !! YOU MADE IT HAPPEN !! AND WITH THE HELP WHEN YOU MOVED BACK IN
These dummies are not taking into consideration that sometimes things happen...but as long as u do your best to work things out It can be done even if you didnt plan on your situatuon....sometimes u can plan all u want but obstacles arise
It is a blessing your parents was there for you some people don't have a family members house to move back to
Thats wasn’t god, that was you!
Give yourself the credit.
I agree with Adrienne So much ! My mom only has 2 kids my brother and I and she really wanted a third one but she was like we don’t have the money for it, she needed to work because my dad wasn’t making enough alone and she said daycare is pricey and I need baby sitters but obviously that’s expensive as well ! Although she really wanted to expand her family she knew they didn’t have enough money to provide to the baby !
Gosh I did it the right way I swear I proceeded to marry my husband after only one year of knowing him although that was so silly, it ended up great, now considering I married him so quick I have 3 years until our first child arrived so now we have been married for 5 years known each other for 6 and have a beautiful little girl, and it’s really worked out for us
If you both are adults who know what they want, a year is plenty of time. I'm very happy for you and your good life.
What Adrienne said at 3:04-3:08 is my favorite thing I’ve heard her say on this show. She is so right! 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
I plan to have kids but as of now, Im making sure that I am prepared financially, emotionally, mentally and physically!! Yes Im 29 but I believe I still have alot of time to get myself together before I become a parent. Im going to give my kids the best values, discipline and morals that life has to offer so they can be productive, good members of society. I owe that to them!
Taneshae Davis I feel the same way and I'm 33! Most people do not consider that these cute babies will grow up into a world that will shape them. Sadly many have the desire for a child, but do not prepare or really consider what they will have to sacrifice to help their children have the best start. I believe that parents really do love their child and want the best for them, but preparation and investment beforehand always pays off.
I applaud you for not rushing to start a family for fertility reasons (sorry for bringing this up but people do). 29 is a young age and you're right, we have to be prepared in all those aspects before taking on the responsibility!
I feel the same way, I'm 27.
I feel you. Im 27 and i still have a few things to prepare before having children😊
I'm also 29 a I just finished college 🎓 but I still don't feel ready to bring a child in this world... Do I want one now? Hell yea but I'm working on having my dream job on lockdown for atleast a year before I do the only thing I am worried about is my age I know hoe that goes after the age of 30 and I would hate to struggle later when im ready
Tamara looks so classy & beautiful! She is always well put together and shows women that u don't have 2show 2much 2look gorgeous! Not only is she beautiful in the inside as well as the outside! She's a gem!
If you're so fascinated on the actual pregnancy and trying to be a mother just to show off your kid as an accessory then you SHOULD NOT be a parent... there's more to babies then cute faces , these are children that'll be go out in the world once they become adults... you have to make sure that child is taken care of at all times ( aside from finances ) until they turn 18... and yes they're at adult age but you are a parent for LIFE not just for those 18 years you're aging ! Do what's best for you and your family ! Just make sure you're working towards what's actually BEST for you and your family !
Myronn Coleman never heard of adults wanting babies for accessories lol, i think she made that up .. Like for what ? Lol
I've always wanted kids but I want to adopt. My dad did a lot of work in foster care and adoptions and it was always cool to her his stories of when kids got adopted
A Girl And Her Dragons i want to adopt too .
I would love to adopt too. I am hoping to pursue a career in Social Work as well so I am hoping this will make the process slightly more smoother as I know it can take up to 2 years to complete! There are already so many young kids in need of a loving home so why not make them a priority? I am honestly considering foster care and adoption before giving giving birth and I wish more people would be open to this too!
Tam is so real... that's what I kept my focus on during my engagement. The wedding day is a nice day, but its really about the marriage you are starting. Same with babies and pregnancy.
I just wanna point out that, men, you too have rights to your kids, and if you're in an unsafe relationship, be sure to watch yourselves as well. Don't get screwed up with the wrong type of women who is gonna drag you down.
"Things do happen" , is not how a child should come into the world.
thank you.
Well unfortunately rape happens and babies are brought into this world, so....
fazyt86 exactly and condoms and birth control doesn't always work and some don't won't to abort a baby sooo...
FINESSED IT
Tell it! That's why I'm celibate. I don't trust birth control due to side effects
fazyt86 exactly! things happen if you know you did your best that's nothing more you can do them keep trying. It's not like people can go back in time
Interesting.... My ex and I broke up for this exact reason. He had been on disability for 3 months and didn't know if he could even go back to doing his job and wanted to start a family and I couldn't make him understand that it was "irresponsible" to plan a child knowing we could not take care of it. If I was on maternity leave and he on disability then who would feed the child. I agree with Adrienne 100% when you want something there are steps!!
Isabel Adame I wish you all the best and success.
I love Adrianne! YES GIRL!! You have to earn being a parent! Absolutely!
LONNIE IS REALLY INTELLIGENT AND SO IS ADRIANNE
I hate when people keep asking when are you going to have a baby or what are you waiting for. I mean come on ; its my life. are you going to babysit? are you going to help me support? some people think once you get married is to have babies right away. i got married very young and now i have to enjoy the stage being with my husband before adding to the family. My advice to people out there; never let anyone pressure you into having kids. That's a decision between you and your husband. You know your lives, you know your finances. My husband an i have started from scratch and build our lives and accomplish what we have with the help of NO ONE. Everything we do we do on our own. make sure your marriage is ready for a kid. You plan ahead and make sure God is a part of those plans. By the time this kid arrive , they will be in a stable home. nothing is perfect but at least you made the best of it.
I love lonis advice always protect yourself girls. Always put yourself first
What Jeannie said was so overlooked. If there needs to be qualifications to buy a house there should be qualifications to be a parent because not everyone should be a parent.
I swear to M&Ms that yall be speaking to my soul. I was just trying to tell my fiance who really is ready to add to our family(I have 2 kids he has 2 kids) that i also want to start a family but DEFINITELY NOT NOW or nowhere in the future.I love him and want babies so bad but we are really young and life hit us hard early. We are only 26 and JUST stepping into our careers. He feels that since our careers allow the slack we should start having babies right after the wedding(we are currently celibate) but i want to save enough money to start a small business and still be financially stable enough to not struggle in the first few slow months. He says he understands but he still really wishes i would change my mind. I feel guilty for bringing my kids into the world at 19 and 20 for being irresponsible and I REFUSE TO WORSEN THAT SITUATION FOR THEM OR DO THAT TO ANOTHER OF MY BABIES. Thank you so much for making me feel better in my choices. I love you guys.
Keioaka Barconey yes girl wait your still young and tell him your just getting into your career your not going to add a 5th child to the mix that’s crazy it’s not like u had 1 kid you had 2 has he thought of daycare cost whom Is gonna watch the kids etc ask him all that and see if the response changes and honestly if he’s pressuring u to have a baby beyond this I think u may want to evaluate that relationship
Do what's best for you don't change your mind for him. He needs to consider you as well its not only about what he wants. Since you said that he hopes you change your mind, don't change it for him. It doesn't matter how much love you have for someone. Make sure you have what you want first. Don't change your mind for him because if you do, you'll wish you hadn't years down the line. Not bashing him but just saying. Do what's best for you, not your partner.
Keioaka Barconey 😇
SWEETIE...GOOD GIRL STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF YOU ALREADY HAVE A BLENDED FAMILY...CAREER TIME FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS...YOU KNOW THE STRUGGLE IS REAL LOVE DON'T PAY THE BILLS... GET FINANCIAL STABLE SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY LIKE YOU SAID...YOU SAID HE UNDERSTAND... DON'T CHANGE YOUR MIND ENJOY YOUR HONEYMOON FOR A FEW YEARS BEFORE YOU EXTEND YOUR BASEBALL TEAM LOL😇IF HE DON'T UNDERSTAND OH WELL...LOL
P.S.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU & YOUR FUTURE HUBBY!!!
"CHEERS"
🍹💏🍹
You’re wise, don’t let anyone change your mind!! Your future children really deserve stability ☺️ you have your whole life in front of you ❤️
I respect you staying true to yourself. However, I feel uneasy about his desire for more children NOW. I was in a 4 1/2 year relationship and what started as a quiet suggestion turned into an overwhelming roar of him trying to control me and force me into motherhood. He began manipulating my emotions and gaslighting me into making me think I was the problem for wanted to be stable. He would even become irrational about how we would support having children. Anyway, not saying that this will turn into your situation, I just wanted to give my input. I too am 26, celibate, and far away from that man and thank my lucky stars almost every day that I didn't bend to his will. I came horrifyingly close and praise God he didn't bring that into fruition. I currently don't have children and am joyous in my life of rediscovery of self. I know that I am worth the wait and will be presented with an amazing man to respect me, my celibacy, and future endeavours because true authentic love doesn't pain or have pause. I wish you all the best and come from a sincere place of love. I apologize if I brought you a dark cloud, I just want your decision, whatever that may be, to be truly informed. Good luck.
It's really important to plan ahead for the future because life is so difficult having so many kids if you're not financially stable. Seeing your children go hungry is a very stressful thing, so better have kids according to your budget .
Speak the facts miss Loni 💋
Thank you Loni!! I had my son at 18.... Thank God I did have my parents who stepped up when my child’s father decided not to be involved. Ladies and Gents..... protect yourself from a situation that you aren’t ready for!
Get that mental health in check too before bringing a little one into this world. 😊❤
Completely agree and it’s not just finances either. I know for a fact I’m not emotionally or mentally ready for children so until I’m sure, I’ll stick to being only a dogmom🐾💚
Don’t let these baby pics on social media fool you.!! Baby fever goes away once they grown up and there’s more to having a child than cute pictures and videos. It’s a lifelong responsibility.
I agree starting a family is a beautiful thing and especially the bond. Also being authentic with yourself and with your family.
It’s a shame that I know/met women that think it’s okay to keep having kids (like 6 of them) because the government helps them. I’ve also learned that people that are financially/work stable only ever have 1-3 kids and people that aren’t keep popping them out.
seriously, shame on them. no matter how harsh this sounds, sometimes I wish it was illegal to have kids until you can afford to take care of them and of course are clearly wise enough to raise them
Medic Friends Preach!!!
yea looking back on this it does sound bad (and I'm not sure if I'd approve of government intervention with having kids xD) but some people don't realize how many children's lives are ruined with awful parents. a lot of problems could be solved with proper parenting and responsibility. i guess it's about improving cultures and subcultures at that, and educating people.
This is so damn true. I might not be the richest woman, but my kids are fed, healthy, and happy and with a roof over their heads. Yes I struggle, working 60 hours a week with 4 kids from ages 9, 7, 4 & 1 but I manage and somehow make it through. I’m grateful for the kids I do have. My husband would want one more but it’s just not possible anymore with both of us working so much and the kids getting older.
You’re doing an amazing job!! I hope life gets easier for you xxx
you have 4 kids and work two jobs. your husband is being selfish by asking for another child. having children is not like owning pets...
Medic Friends I have one job. I could easily be a stay at home mother if I chose to because he runs our business and we are financially stable. I work anywhere from 45-60 hours a week. I just don’t want to go through the entire labor and pains anymore. Your body isn’t the same as it was during the first pregnancy
what was written was that you struggle working 60 hours a week with 4 kids from 9 and lower and it's not uncommon for people to work two jobs that work those hours. I'm glad your family is well off financially but like you said, it really doesn't make sense for you to physically and mentally (not financially in your case) strain by having another child. Selfish might be a strong word, but in some ways your husband needs to understand that raising 5 kids is no easy task (as you have stated).
I commented this because unfortunately (not you) some people, especially in certain cultures, decide to have kids or too many, thinking everything will work out as long as they work hard and only care about the desirable idea of having a big family. I came from a family that gave up success to find opportunities here in America and hard work was something my parents were born with, if you will. I'm glad they found opportunity's here with little to no connections and no applicable education what so ever, and love is there as long as we have been put into this world as a family. But even with their planning, our family struggled as you can imagine and it almost came to being homeless, and we struggled as a family not only financially but emotionally. I know a lot of families out there are broken because young parents were simply not ready and although money is secondary for the reason being, it really affects the relationship, and most of all, it limits the opportunities the children in the family could have had.
I see people say something like "as long as I work minimum wage and provide basic and minimal requirements for the child to survive, it will be more than enough." Although I don't condemn people who are in these situations, it isn't right that one feels it's best for the child when you (not you but others) have trouble paying rent in a safe neighborhood and not even in the path of being able to save up for the child's future. It's not cheap to raise a child and it's a choice to bring a child into this world and it's no one elses responsibility but yours.
Sorry for saying what I did in my earlier comment, but I hope you understand why I did. Hope your business continues to thrive and you seem like a loving mother and that is what counts the most.
Haha I like Aid's analogy. That was pretty good.
its not always about the money either. It's the emotional, psychology support needed to raise a child . You can still have all the money in the world and not be prepared to be a parent
Ugh this hits home for me.. I had a child recently with a great career locked down, but still at my parent's house until my student loans and car payments were paid off. Which happens to be this year. I'm also in my mid thirty's and the child was unplanned with someone I was with for 3 years. He didn't want this and left. The only thing I am missing at this point is the father and it really is hard - only emotionally though. I cared about him a lot and I still do, which made it painful for me. All things considered, I was fully prepared mentally to have and take care of my girl knowing that my family would help me out. If not, I would find a way to do it on my own. She is cared for, loved, healthy as can be and I hope happy. The point of all this is it's so incredibly important to be in a stable relationship where your goals are in line with your partners. My issue was I was older and it terrified me to have an abortion, I couldn't do it and lost the father. I'm still struggling with that. My daughter is and will be happy, of that I am not worried. The sleepless nights and responsibility are worth it 100%. I love her more than myself.
Jeanie is 100% real. I truly love to hear her speak, the information she provides is relatable
When it comes to planning a family, take a realistic point of view as much as possible and have several scenarios of your soon to be family based on your current situations and future potential.
My husband and I worked opposite shifts. So one of us was always home with them.
It took a toll, but our kids were taken care of. That was the main thing.
Words of wisdom ladies👏bravo!Adrienne's part might have sounded funny but was very true.
You can plan and plan but plans don't work out sometimes. The job you had, tomorrow you can be fired. Nothing in life is predictable.
The reason why I said that was because I planed for more then 10 years and trust me the planning did not work out. I plan that I would be graduating this year with a Master's Degree but that didn't work out. I was not in the financial stability to do that. I got fired from two good jobs. Luck was not on my side this year because I keep applying more then 30 jobs every week and getting interviews but no jobs offers. Plans don't work out sometimes.
Aisha Abdi then don't have children if your plan don't work out
Children need sustenance and stability, period.
Vanity Chair wow harsh much?
nomadonearth having children whose need cannot be fulfilled is way harsher
So true. Life is unexpected. My mom married a person who had money like my dad but as soon as I was born he died, the whole family grew up poor. But shocking part is that we lived happy as a poor family. I agree with what Jeanie said here, health and love is number 1. You don't need to be rich in order to raise a child.
I have to say. I agree with most of the points presented at the table during conversation. Being that 3 of the 4 woman do not have children the advice was keen. And Tamera was spot on with things she said
This is the reason why my husband and I think twice about having a 2nd child. We’ve been together for 10 years, married for 7 and we have a beautiful 4yr old girl. Whom, thank God, don’t struggle to give her what she needs. We live extremely comfortable and she’s a very independent little girl. Does it make me sad at times to think that she might grow up alone, yes!! However, living in America is expensive and as the best parents we want to be for her, we want to make sure we don’t struggle to give her the best life and for us to also live the best life. I do not miss the cost of diapers and formula at all! We live in IN and between my husband and I, we make 85k. This is more than the average and it might shock you to see the number if you’re in California. Cost of living here is cheaper though. My family is all about us having a second child but they’re not living in our shoes. We don’t have much family to watch a second kid so we would have to pay for daycare all over again. No thank you!! Does anyone else relate to this?! Especially my family, we’re Hispanic and it’s not common for someone to just decide to have one child.
Elena Boult exactly same here just do what I do take her to programs and arrange play dates with your friends don’t pop out a second kid just for her to have company
I’m Hispanic too and I know the struggle of everybody expecting you to pop out another kid 😩 I have 2 kids, 2 and 4. People in my church (everybody is Hispanic too) are always asking me “when is the next one coming?” It bothers me so much. As much as I know they mean well and that they love babies, I refuse to let them influence me on the size of my family. I know I am not ready. Both my pregnancies were hell, and emotionally I’m not all there as a mom because of depression and anxiety. I know I cannot handle another child. While I think financially I would be ok if I had another, I know I would not be able to give them the care and attention that they need and deserve. I still don’t understand why in Hispanic cultures, you’re expected to have a big family and pop out kids left and right 😒
i dont mean any offense to hispanic culture, but i think it's irresponsible for people to have kids (and more than 1 at that) just because it's part of their culture (which I see in multiple cultures too). once that kid comes to life, it's your responsiblity as a parent and no other. i'm in CA and we see children in tough neighborhoods with awful parents and it's sad to see the child have to suffer for their parent's decisions. it takes more than being a good parent too, and requires MONEY and EDUCATION, and it's common to see children struggle with their parents not being able to offer much support and only can rely on government assistance.
@@duckdown9 Siblings are overrated.
Adrienne is soo pretty here,and speaks so much truth and wisdom I literally wanna stare at her all day!
I was married and had 2 kids. My husband and I both worked. We worked opposite shifts so one of us was always able to be with our children.
It ruined our marriage but we raised our kids to the best we could.
Couples need to have time together. Its necessary. But we put ourselves to the side to make sure our girls had the time and things that they needed.
Amen! Think about the marriage not the wedding, the future not just the baby
Loni is absolutely absolutely right.
I am married and am almost 25, I dont want kids til after I finish college and be financially stable by myself and own a house and have a long term plan, me and my husband have both discussed this and are on the same page, birth control ladies, it works.
Poverty isn’t the worst thing to happen to a child. Instilling good values in them will ensure they succeed and get themselves outside of families
I've seen so many seemingly stable couples break up after the having children so I think it's important to consider that if you had to raise the baby by yourself if would you still have one. The most loved up couples will be put to the test. It's so exhausting that precious "me time" becomes more important than "couple time".
Listening to these incredible women, makes me humble. I grew up in a broken home, ended up in foster care, went out of my way to make sure my parents had failed on me, in the most embarrassing ways.. fast forward, I got pregnant. My mom and stepdad built a house for my son and I to live in, close to their home. They gave us a new roof over our heads, to build our lives together. They have the best relationship with my son, and I could never ask for more. But they knew I was struggling, to get my degrees, and trying to become the best version of myself for me and my son. In our family we have learned how life itself takes a village, so we became one for each other. Even my sister ended up living under their roof with her son and husband, while they are building their own home, in our hometown♥️ Living on the countryside I Denmark, is truly a blessing, and where ever you go, you know everyone. Life just makes more sense, when you suddenly find out how important family is.
What Jeannie said was gold!
Ladies, you kept it all the way real on this segment! 100% facts
Where's Adrienne's dress from?
I agree with all of them except Jeannie!
Javi Ruiz 😂 she too much of an optimist
I think jeannie comment is great for her country were you have family to help raise the baby and you dont have a mortgage, rent and Bill's knocking on your door.( just like in afric) you can give birth literally whenever. But here in America your life will be miserable if not planned.
Things happen and pregnancies aren't always planned. All I say is have a plan and pray for guidance. Both of my friends got pregnant early and were terrified but are smart, determined women who have goals and a plan and steady jobs and are in school. Once they got pregnant they had to move out sadly but it all worked out
I'm 26 and I still believe in starting a family after marriage. I currently am working hard everyday so I can provide for my future offspring. It's just taking some time 😅😅
"I want to be a parent because it's my dream" lol Adrienne
Her dream came true
This was a very good topic. These ladies are all gorgeous and intelligent 💁♀️
My parents raised me in a middle class home!
We always would get food from food banks at churches for hungry people! I never want to rush into having kids along with kids comes added financial stress and mental health struggles and I never want to rush into having kids! I’m more concerned about buying my first home!
Also, about the marriage segment, most people want a wedding not a marriage.
And that bad to think that way
if im going to be a parent i'm going to be financially stable because i want my kid to have the best childhood and not worry if they are going to eat tonight
I never wanna have a children even at one point if u were financially stable no one knows what can happen and I can fend for myself but i never wanna put a child in a situation where they don't have enough.
I love everything about Tamera’s outfit today...the color, the ruffles, EVERYTHING! Where is it from? I want it!
In San Francisco a studio starts at around $3,000 monthly. So yes, there are lots of people that live with parents or young couples that share a two bedroom. Its expensive AF here!
Thank you Adriane.
Good afternoon and awesome videos , because it does not take much to figure it all out that is the first thing that you do it get your life in place before the babies come because that's where the struggle comes in but sometime life don't always go as planed and I don't judge nobody because you never know how the person got the baby if might have been that something happened to the woman against her will or whatever the reason so don't just assume that the woman wanted the baby ,so much said for now,and love you guys and have a good one.
I know this is another topic,but children who do are raised poor sometimes are the most strongest and productive adults look at Oprah, look at the host, look at a lot of us....if it wasn't for the humble beginning and our parents work ethic we would not be able to give our children the best now and some rich kids who I grew up with who parents gave them the world never finished school and are on drugs, unproductive, and very selfish people.....just a thought
we know that thought but it doesn't excuse the parents (many I've met were unmarried and alll of it was unplanned and just couldn't control themselves if you know what i mean) who start families knowing they couldn't provide for them both financially and psychologically
Trust me a failed marriage can happen and your left with the child I’ve never had children from a good time but the one time I settled down I had a child and it didn’t work out and I was stuck with the child my fault was giving up my job and career for the guy so I wouldn’t advise any woman to give up their job or school in a marriage there vital when raising children!
Sams Beauty 😭😭
Glad you know your mistake. Always be prepared to protect yourself...coming from a happily married woman.
Yes!
I think it’s actually scary to not have any money of your own. Even if I was married, the thought of not being able to leave or not being able to live if we ever separated makes me nauseous.
Education, education, education if you need to get the assistance from the government for food, shelter and daycare thats ok! work and go to school at night even if you started out on the wrong foot you can still change it around 4 years of school to get yourself together is nothing compared to 18 years of struggling in a disassembled society
The best show everrrrrrrrr
Preach Tamera, 🙌🏼 Yes girl!
Heres the thing if people are already struggling to pay their bills, it is reckless to have kids because even if you offer them the love and safety they will not feel safe because they will feel and hear their parents/parent stress over money which will impact them whether the parents/parent like it or not, it becomes part of their programming. If people are already struggling to take care of themselves it is not responsible to have children. I agree with Tamera as there are many who have kids because they want someone to love them, so they won't be alone, they use their children to boost them up, to use them as accessories, to create little mini-me's... They see those children as their possessions. One person who is an expert on that is Dr. Shefali, she wrote a book called conscious parenting, she is a motivational speaker and has been featured on Oprah Winfreys channel, OWN, Supersoul Sessions. She is brilliant! HIGHLY RECOMMEND HER!
No Loni some families and cultures living in the same house as grandparents is normal and actually it's a beautiful thing because upholds family tightness. It just depends on dynamics
I grew up poor also when we moved to the US and my biggest fear is that I won't be able to pay my bills. We waited 5 years before having kids. I'm glad we did.
I totally agree! Life happens but I'll make sure I won't get pregnant and not financially stable. My man and I decided we gonna have kids when we're FINANCIAL STABLE! But if it happens unexpectedly we will try our best to be amazing parents! I always dreamed of getting pregnant and birthing my future kids but I don't see myself struggling to provide for them. I'm 20 and my man is 27! Him and I said we definitely going to have kids together but in the future when we both are financially ready
Sis, there is no reason for it to happen unexpectedly. Yall are 100% able to prevent having a child before you are ready! Birth control, contraception, plan b, the counting method...take advantage of them all! Live life, yall grow & mature, stack your bread, fix your demons, then plan...coming from a 34 year old happily married woman with 1st child on the way. ❤
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had family members and friends tell me high quality child care is too expensive after having a child.
Exactly. If you can support yourself first then bring human being into the world have the same health and safety. Don’t be selfish and have a baby when you were living under your parents roof, still in school, and only have a part-time job. You are burdening Your Own parents by depending on them to care for your baby
I always wanted to have kids but once I got pregnant at 18 with no job and no help I had to take myself and my feelings and I wanted out. Of the picture and do what was best for my son and that was adoption thank god he was adopted by family and I am very involved in his life and he knows who I am but he also knows that he isn’t with me cuz that’s how much I love him and I wanted him to have the life that he deserves and I couldn’t do that for him best of all Is he has a great life one that he deserves and he knows the truth. My point being is things happen but we need to do what is best for the children who don’t have a choice and put ourselves to the side and what we want to the side
Preachhhh Adrienne!!!
I agree with Loni, the question was about couples *planning* to have a baby with limited funds. That is irresponsible and selfish.
Here’s the thing though ladies, most people don’t plan on having kids. People who can afford and who want kids mostly cannot have kids. And people who didn’t plan on getting kids they r the ones to get pregnant. But even if you aren’t financially stable, I still see a lot of people being motivated to go out their and work harder to support their family. Let’s be real, not everyone will be financially stable. Some people aren’t as fortunate to have stable incomes due to whatever reasons but having a kid even out of poverty shouldn’t be so judgemental. People will grow and often times a lot of poor family’s come out magnificent. Look at all my black people out here. We aren’t born rich. We have to struggle to be who we r today.
Adrienne and Jeani got it 👌👏
I think this is a great introductory topic, but not everything that needs to be discussed can be covered in 3-5 minute clips, or even in the limited time a talk show provides. Moreover, there does need to be a certain level of caution and context provided when discussing something like this, because it's bordering socioeconomic eugenics. This country has a marred history of villainizing a demographic without looking at the malicious, sinister, and targeted systems put in place to ensure that those in poverty stay in poverty. Yes, saving for 1-2 years could help some. Yes, financial literacy and economic understanding should be active parts of every life of every parent. You are not wrong that financial stability, or the high probability of that, would benefit all involved, and provide more opportunities for all involved. But to ignore the reasons behind someone being in a state of poverty or destitution, and then having a conversation about the types of decisions they should make, and engaging in a rhetoric that tries not to be judgmental, but still has subtle traces of condemnation is both negligent and ignorant. More than that, it feeds into a narrative that certain people have been trying to popularize, politicize, and enforce for centuries now: eugenics. This topic, this ideology, has been at the forefront of a lot of atrocities nation- and worldwide. The question "Should you have kids if you are not financially stable?" should also be followed by, "Why is it so difficult to become financially stable?" because, at the end of the day, there are people working 50-60 hour weeks, without being able to make ends meet. This topic is significantly more multi-layered than just, "Don't have kids if you don't have the money," especially when it sounds so similar to, "Don't have sex if you don't want kids." Abstinence-only sex education doesn't work, because it's deeper than that, so why would this?
49MissyMon You better preach!
Thank you so much for this well thought out and nuanced comment.
Best comment on this topic. Nuance and gray areas, people. They exist in all areas of life. You cant address a topic with some short, black and white answer and expect it to be that simple.
It's not all that abstract and the opposite of this is what people are saying. You may think people are entitled to having a kid depending on their misfortunes, but ultimately, one does not have to have a child to be happy, and to say I live in a system that limits my ability to work on a career that will help me reach financial stability is not true. Yes, those who are born in wealthy or well-connected families have advantages that many people don't. It doesn't mean one can not wait and get some work experience, get an education for a job that is in-demand, and even wait before starting a relationship. Bringing a child into the world is an absolute choice, despite our primitive desires. Life is precious and once that child is born, I applaud those who do everything they can to take care of that child. But I don't applaud those who say I'm entitled to have a child despite the fact that the parent knows the situation they are in. Just because things don't work and people refuse to take the responsibility doesn't mean it makes it wrong.
There is no definite financial income to starting a family, but there is an obvious line where it just becomes irresponsible. If you can't think for your own future and know what it takes to get there, it becomes even more difficult to think about what is best for your child's.
No one's a demon for bringing a child into this world, but it's also your choice and your responsibility, no matter what you want or what socioeconomic class you are born into. Your child on the other hand has no choice, and I would want my child to be brought in an environment where he can feel stable and safe.
Tam, what is an assessory? And Loni, what does inerate mean? I love how eloquent you lovely ladies are but these new words got me laughing!
Yes it's hard thanks for saying that Mrs love
This is how I see it too.Dont have another child if you’re in the same position you were in when you had the first one.And mistake ok but don’t make the same mistake twice.
i actually had an abortion today with the pill ... was the worst pain i’ve ever felt and i haven’t stopped crying . but this show made me feel better about my decision .
Hold on and keep your head high. Better days may come; be easy with yourself. Well wishes from me to you. Hugs if that's okay : )
At the end of the day you do what you have to do. Period. If you have a baby you do what you need to do.
Perrriod
It's a fixed society to place ppl in situations having to make decisions about having children which is a natural thing to do. Also realistically, people sometimes have children despite their situation, it has always been that way. It's sad how everything makes ppl not live the life they deserve based on the limitations of what society offers and they need ppl to get things done.
I waited till I was grown over 21 and I worked 3 jobs for just for myself and one child now I hve 2 kids 17 and 3 an my husband works night an I work days and we watch our son together but he’s both my kids step dad and he helps me as I help him with his son who’s grown now so it’s take Dedication and team work an money 💰
My husband and I just work3d different hours with our first three I worked days and he worked nights so there was always one of us with the kids...I get to stay home now with the 4th
im with Loni on this one