Thank you Terry - I’ve been using NVC ‘script’s’ for a while and your relational work weaves the threads together for a powerful and relatable strategy.
Thank you, Terry! This was really helpful. I was a little confused by what you meant at the very end though. Were you detailing an example of a partner that on Tuesday apologizes and reassures his wife that he will work on it. But, on Thursday, is late once again and asks her to get off his back? Or something else?
Hi Charlotte, (Wil here, I help Terry on FB) Terry is talking about letting go. That once you do the feedback wheel, and if your partner agrees and promises to do better, your last step is to let go of the outcome. They may do great on Tuesday after you practice the feedback wheel, but then by thursday it's back to crap. It doesn't mean you should go back to complaining and your old "Tactics". It means you stick with the process. Hope that helps.
Super well defined. I heard that this was the Complainer side, is there a "defendant" side? If yes what is it called? I'd look forward to practicing that.
Yes, we just call that Reception work. There is the one giving the feedback, the one doing the Transmission. Then the other has to receive, Reception work. We have a course that goes much more deeply into that called The Art of Relational Living. And Terry also speaks about it in his books.
The part about the stories we make up is extremely powerful! I learned about this years ago at something called The Forum (repackaged EST from the seventies but with bathroom breaks lol). Just being able to then discern the difference between the actual WHAT happened, and the story I made up about WHY it happened, was life changing! I often have folks pretend that they are looking in a window at what is happening, and then to tell me what they made up… then I tell them the actuality of the exchange and it’s so revealing!! Then we know there is that feeling/story to work on, because we bring that story, or some variation of it, to every party (relationships of ALL kinds; partners, friends, bosses, neighbors, etc ) we attend. Wonderful stuff; thank you!
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Thank you Terry - I’ve been using NVC ‘script’s’ for a while and your relational work weaves the threads together for a powerful and relatable strategy.
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Terry! This was really helpful. I was a little confused by what you meant at the very end though. Were you detailing an example of a partner that on Tuesday apologizes and reassures his wife that he will work on it. But, on Thursday, is late once again and asks her to get off his back? Or something else?
Hi Charlotte, (Wil here, I help Terry on FB) Terry is talking about letting go. That once you do the feedback wheel, and if your partner agrees and promises to do better, your last step is to let go of the outcome. They may do great on Tuesday after you practice the feedback wheel, but then by thursday it's back to crap.
It doesn't mean you should go back to complaining and your old "Tactics". It means you stick with the process. Hope that helps.
As an extrover, confident, (according to my friends) charismatic, but socially unaware thank you so much.
This also helps with other complaining!
You're so welcome!
Thank you Terry. This goes well with NVC. I wish all of us could understand and practice this.
Yes that is a wonderful combination. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Terry. ❤ Doing our imperfect best in each interaction with relational mindfulness.
Absolutely!
Super well defined. I heard that this was the Complainer side, is there a "defendant" side? If yes what is it called? I'd look forward to practicing that.
Yes, we just call that Reception work. There is the one giving the feedback, the one doing the Transmission. Then the other has to receive, Reception work. We have a course that goes much more deeply into that called The Art of Relational Living. And Terry also speaks about it in his books.
Brilliant ❤
The part about the stories we make up is extremely powerful! I learned about this years ago at something called The Forum (repackaged EST from the seventies but with bathroom breaks lol). Just being able to then discern the difference between the actual WHAT happened, and the story I made up about WHY it happened, was life changing! I often have folks pretend that they are looking in a window at what is happening, and then to tell me what they made up… then I tell them the actuality of the exchange and it’s so revealing!! Then we know there is that feeling/story to work on, because we bring that story, or some variation of it, to every party (relationships of ALL kinds; partners, friends, bosses, neighbors, etc ) we attend.
Wonderful stuff; thank you!
Thank you Terry!
You bet!