One of the last issues Dr Ramani speaks about is being in a rush. Be careful of people who try to pressurise you or rush you into doing something or making a decision such as getting engaged, going on holiday, moving to another area, etc.
This is Exactly what my ex husband did to me. Pressured me to go out with him, move in with him and to get married. It didn’t get bad until we had our 3 children. I stayed at home with them until 8th grade and the children and I were Very attached and close. My X was Extremely Very JEALOUS! He said that the kids Love me more then him. Then he tried turning them against me PARENTAL ALLIANATION! He became demonic. I believe NARCS are the Devil 👿
I have always said this. They cant keep up their mask for longer. They also suffocate and stalk you so you dont have time to thi k and process it. So dangerous. I wish i had known Dr Romani years ago. To understand first then helps you to heal. Its so damaging.
Selling MY flat, taking the money to cover his huge debts, complete denial of having any money off me, moving in with me, getting married….huge rush! 😢
Yes and they keep a fire lit under you to keep you busy in servitude to them. If you slow down they prod you on and try to KEEP you on your toes serving them.
Agreed 💯 I was with a man who wanted to rush into living together and then was talking about marriage way too soon. I knew the marriage part was a red flag and after living with him I saw many red flags such as lying or withholding information about himself from me. When I found out he had an addiction to porn I started to slowly leave him in my mind and after 6 months I was completely done with him.
I was told that I couldn't work, drive or even have my mail delivered to the letterbox. I had to go & collect it from his workplace. I also had to ask for money, I didn't have any money of my own. I can not believe now that I ever accepted this. I see him now as like a concentration camp guard. Everything that was me was slowly, insidiously chipped away. I now feel such joy to know that he has no control, at all, that I am completely independent & free of this awful being.
I think they call it coercive control. I had a similar experience where he would keep tabs on me and tell me what to do and once I got away he became a stalker. Protective order has kept him away. If I would have known I wouldn't have gone out on the first date with that monster.
Wow! I have called my marriage a concentration camp... All our stories are so much alike it amazes me!! 😮 Thank you for commenting this... And bless you... 😊
To recover from this 28 year relationship has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Just like Robin explained I gave up so much of what was me. Thank you Dr Ramani for your intelligence and insightfulness around such a complex issue. I have listened and learnt from you now for the past 3 years, and have read your book. Thank you for helping survivors recover and to be able to look forward. I am so grateful.
I had 28 years in a relationship like this and it’s hard to get over. Took me so long to “get it” now my summation is being with someone that must be superior and with someone that must not feel guilt. These two traits play out in so many covert ways which is soul destroying.
dr. ramani’s expertise and wisdom gave me those words, vocabularies to finally describe what was really going on behind the scenes, things that i knoe there is something is not right but i can’t pinpoint it. i finally saw clearly the manipulative, abusive, dishonest, gas lighter , control freak, cheater wife. i can noy l can not unsee those ugly things ive seen.. she purposely stole more than 40 yrs of the most precious possession of a man , can never be recovered and replaced . talking about forgiveness, can you forgive an unremorseful, self entitled m, cheat who wasted , robbed your life.??.. thanks for this video…
Healing is an amazing journey. After 6 years divorced I went on a vacation solo.. a 1500 mile motorcycle tour in the southwest Canyons. I was full of fear and I did it anyway, it was the best experience. I am really proud of myself. Through my canyon stops , I sent my ex narc pictures with no text. And got no reply. That was validation too. Lol as he sat and watched me grow without him must be frustrating. 😊😅 As he use to say to me,,, "watch and learn" ditto!!
What really threw me, was that she never loved me, *and* I didn't *realize* it! And *that* was my lightbulb moment. (A therapist had alluded to it many years before but I was not able to hear it...) What I *realized* was that both my parents were narcissists -and that had set me up for a whole string of narcissistic relationships -in my personal life and my budding professional life too. I gradually realized that I had naturally concluded that "(yet again) it was my fault." There are two types of folk who have a string of broken relationships: Narcissists *and their victims!* . No one wants to see themselves as a "victim" or as "supply" "I'm too smart, too empathic and sophisticated to get caught in *that* trap." Once the Honeymoon's over, the "house lights" go on.
I relate so much to this conversation! I have a narc partner of 27 years. But I only learned about narcissistic abuse this year. 2024. It wasn't always bad or questionable. However it became more apparent in recent years. I'm learning to manage it well because I'm not in a position to leave. Dr. Ramani has been a great light in understanding what I'm living thru. Thankyou very much! I'm in radical acceptance, for the most part. I love myself enough to really work on self care. I've mentally left him.
Fabulous podcast. Very special experiencing this host interviewing Dr Romani who was a victim of abuse herself. She clearly is so empathetic and sweet, who went thru abuse herself and you thru her how vile her abuser is ( her x husband) to abuse someone SO clearly sweet and kind so horrifically. Dr Romani says so many helpful things. Listen to this from start to finish. Dr Romani your delivery is always with love and empathy who supports our healing. Love what you say, the victims will never see the world the same way. We are forever aware and vigilant. We know the “shit” is real and it exists. Thank you both for this great podcast.
I am SOOOOOOO glad that I walked away from that situation. My gut intuition notified me the very first time he did something and that never left. Yes, it did take a while to figure out what was happening and it was on the Universe's timeline since I had to really figure it out. I am now writing my new chapters in Life with so much excitement! I am thankful that my headstrong heart, soul, mind, and body with the keen gut instincts, were never brought down or destroyed. I learned a whole hell of a lot about narcissistic behavior from this person, and from Dr. Ramani during her many different podcasts, and have all that in my toolbox going forward. I also learned even more about myself and solidified more what I want with an emotionally stable/grounded gentleman in the future. Being true to me!! ♥
Just because a marriage lasts a long time doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s healthy. My covert narc mom and codependent dad were married 60 plus years and my dad went to his grave trying to “make her happy” and he never succeeded. I learned from him and tried to please her (and others) too. Until…I finally began learning (mainly from Dr. Ramani) how to disengage. Thank you so very much. At least the rest of my 50s and beyond will be less enmeshed with these toxic people.
I’ve never met a narcissistic woman. Only men. I have a lot of hate towards men now. I want to balance out my perspective by hearing more about kind men and narcissistic women.
@@monadeberry9060Ditto, 66 and just got out of a seven year relationship with a narc. At this moment, have no desire to be in another intimate relationship 😔.
Such true and great advice to follow from Dr Romani. 😊❤❤ This fabulous lady has helped me and so many thousands of people who have gone through this horrendous experience, which is so hard to explain to our friends and family, realise its not me thank you Dr Romani from the bottom of my heart ❤❤ you are truly a godsend to all of us who has lived this awful experience xxx
I just had to tell you. I got the book it's not you just now and am so happy! It was the last one, and as I'm typing this message to you, I'm stood reading it in the Bustation waiting for my Bus. Thank you!! 🍒
You are saving my mind ❤ I thought I was going crazy and my feelings of embarrassment . I moved my life to be with this Woman. Then my life became Toxic, I had no friends, my Son was miserable and arguing all the time. About how I changed. It was awful. Now, I am trying to get my sense of self back. In addition, I am a therapist? Now I understand I WAS THE SUPPLY😢🙏🏾
2:22 I had no idea he was a narcissist. Then I heard about a covert narcissist and my mouth dropped. He was ALL of those traits. Sullen, moody, almost felt sorry for him when I met him. I knew after the first date, but I ignored my gut. I gave him the benefit of doubt allowing me to cause so much destruction in my life for about a year. I wish I went with my gut. The manipulation, the victimization, the woe is me, and it’s everyone’s fault except his. It was all about I did for him. Now I am still reeling from this but on the road to healing. I must listen to 3-5 of these videos a day. Not only am I learning but I am recognizing that as an empath, narcissist are attract empaths. I can’t change my personality but I can only look out for the red flags in the future. I am so exhausted from all of the abuse ( and I never thought I’d be a victim of abuse). I do feel lighter and these videos are life savers. I actually take notes on them because they are so eye opening and extremely helpful!!!
@@GossipIsSlander idiom. informal. : to know how to act or how to treat others in order to get what one wants. He pretends to be impartial, but believe me, he knows which side his bread is buttered on.
Dr. Ramani has written a profound book , it will be life changing for many people who have been impacted by these relationships . It’s complicated and she is bringing it out into the light .
I admire you Dr. Ramani. Its been 6 years I have been listening to your videos. You have helped me so much ❤ and made me understand these dynamics. Cant wait to start reading your new book "It's Not You" Congratulations Dr.Ramani
"Grandiose excuses" is such an apt description. I am all too familiar with them and truly exhausted by them. It seems like everything, no matter how small, becomes a huge issue for narcissists.
Good Luck on your healing journey. Thank you for sharing this content. I have been dealing with Narcissistic Abuse for the past 10 years. It’s actually a Blessing knowing that I’m finally free. ❤
Stumbled upon this podcast, as I follow Dr. RAM, and she has been teaching me and opening my eyes that this is a real thing, and its not my emotions, or being unkind. Narcs are soul sucking and want to control you. Robin, keep being the warm and kind person you were wonderfully made to be. It's not you.
That’s the thing… That lack of empathy, the inability to care, no desire to care about other people leads me to believe that the narcissist cannot love another person in any definition that seems reasonable of what love is. I think they are devoid of the capacity or the willingness to love. Just transact that’s it.
Thank you much for this incredible interview! I really felt the part that I was always wrong ,selfish an ungrateful when some topic o behavior came up ,that I should behave accordingly because so many women in town wanted my life,my house,my family... I was the crazy one because he was always right . I gave up my morning green juice because the noise of the blender bothered him at 8am coming back from talking the girls to school. Simple as parking my car in the driveway coming from grocery shopping and kids and stroller to take down , but No! he had a client or a friend over and allowed them to park in my space and I had to meanwhile park in the guest packing. So yes the little unrespectful things make you live your life as other want to run it . 😢
Dr. R is amazing on his topic. Wonderful communicator. Clear and concise explanations and advice. Professional. I have started listening to ‘it’s not you’ thank you Dr. R you came into my life just when I needed you the most
It took me 8 years to figure it out. I have been told multiple times by my friends that her behavior is not just acceptable. I was blindsighted. Now that I realized, it feels like it got too late. The emotional and psychological abuse that I have received for such a a long time has made this overall trauma more painful.
Sadly I knew after the first date. After about half an hour of polite talk, he told me he had been raped by a family member. He invited me to lunch at the weekend then disappeared for a week. When I went to his place he told me he was called away on work . Then he said he was a weapons expert with dangerous associations. Fool me, I fell for it all. I actually believed him. Fifteen years later I am free, out of the fog and finally getting my life back. Thank with with all my heart dr Ramani for your wonderful insightful book ❤
Thank you for your channel & this awesome community! I’m on the healing journey for the last year from a Narcissist ex, I’m grieving his loss & losing my Dad in result of COVID, finally after 11 or so Hoovers, I closed the door shut 3 months! Thank you Dr. Ramani, you’ve helped me from the beginning of my awakening moment, I’m always grateful for your knowledge & all the warriors teachings us to be strong to put our health & safety first! Bless you all!
1:50 feedback 4:38 not changing 5:36 no self reflection 7:27 traits 14:21 who they target 17:46 behavior/personality 19:32 inability to love 20:18 they don’t care 21:38 grief 26:45 shame 28:24 healing 29:1130:38 acceptance 32:14 don’t allow them in 33:39 hero’s journey 39:07 euphoric recall 40:05 making lists 40:43 trauma bonding 42:52 bad behavior 43:47 lists what you gave up 46:08 faucet dripping 48:13 rebuilding yourself 48:54 core values bending 52:39 resistance 54:38 validating people 55:39 healing program 58:09 blessing
The absence of people that are supporting you after the breakup. It’s so harsh. Instead of supporting they are listening to the gossip about the victim . 😢Healing takes time and there is not always a good support because of the misunderstanding of the impact on the impact of the narcissistic abuse 😢
Try not to pay attention to the toxic people. I used to work in a toxic environment and I got out of there. Cut off the toxic people from there. Went through a breakup with an ex coworker there. Sucks majorly at first but it's getting better for me now. Takes time to heal...self care works.
I think what helped me go no-contact is that I'd already been ignored by my narcissistic family members for decades, I had developed friendships outside of my family. Even at my workplace, also full of narcs, I developed hobbies and met people who were not narcs. So when I left my job after someone failed to help me out in a family emergency (after I'd been covering for people for years with no questions), I didn't suffer from it. I was scared, but I changed my career, and I'm so much happier. Going no contact with my family has been sad, but.... I've also grown to understand I have many friends who are SO DIFFERENT from my family of origin. They are my chosen family. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb."
That section in the front of the book about the Hunter and the Lion was so powerful I had to put the book down. I couldn't read anymore because as simple as it was explained, my mind had to absorb the words especially because for the best part of a year I've been writing my own autobiography and wondered how I could communicate it in this on going book I was doing because this has been my frustration for a long time. I've made it clear that growing up, I've been bullied, developed a stammer and part of a disability I have is that I don't articulate as well as others or explain a situation so well so in my later years when I'm having frequent issues with my family I'm basically saying they listen to each other as the truth so if my Mom has a problem with me, or somethings happened badly between the both of us (I don't normally draw other family members in she does) but the way she'll present what's happened has taken place it's said in a certain way as if I'm coming across maliciously and I've heard things she's said even with my sister and I'm left thinking yeah if it's spoken in that such of a way to other family members of course they'll think terribly of me controlling the narrative. I'm not saying I haven't tried to say what really happened but they don't listen to me. What really happened is irrelevant now because they believe Mom or my sister and I can't convince them of anything. Yet, all my family have at various stages said they know me, they understand me and I'm left thinking if they did, truly did they wouldn't believe all the twisted things they've said because if either my Dad or my sister said did I or did I not say those words I can't deny I haven't said them but how Mom would have driven the punch lines in would have been completely diffrent as to how I would have said it and even, even if I could get across over two hours of a family intervention that's not how I'd have meant it and I think they're listening to me then they've just come back with but you have to watch the things you say and how they come across. So there is no winning. There is no support. I have to be okay with the fact either my sister, Mother or sometimes on occasion my Father will control the narrative. I don't think I'm ever going to be okay with my family thinking terribly about me and they've hurt me to high heaven because of it but I can't change the way they think of me which is why I entitled my autobiography Fallen From Grace. There's a dark side to it for sure, but there's light at the end of the tunnel where I feel more authentic which is better than feeling controlled
This is really insightful. Thanks Dr Ramani, I appreciate all your videos and the time and effort you have taken to do this. I am grateful that there is valuable content as such on RUclips, designed for audiences that have gone through or are going through narcissistic abuse. I had lost my self, gave up on my self, values and even passion for my career because of one nasty narcissistic person who threw me away in the bin in just one second, after a 1.4 year relationship… Thank you god and the universe for saving me from this evilness.
Thank you, Robin, for sharing your feelings, experiences, and thoughts which resonated strongly with me. Dr. Ramani's comments once again brought to the fore the multiplicities associated with having experienced narcissistic abuse. I still have a hard time using terms as a way to label behaviour, sensitive to the psycho-babble and shaming culture we live in. However, as a behavioral scientist, I am learning to draw on terminology based on research and insight more, appreciating this to be important for us to honor our painful experiences with compassion and as an important component for us to move forward. There were so many takeaways from this today, including the point that this healing process is not a step-by-step cookie-cutter approach, that it is not linear, and terms like the 'hero journey', 'inner sanctum' 'reframing', finding your home, and 'healing is a superpower'. Thank you again to both you, Robin, and Dr. Ramani.
Any tools for coping with an adult narcissistic adult son who blames me for everything and constantly blame shifts. I can't take it any more and am distancing more than I have before. Broken hearted.
Sir, I know he's your son, your flesh & blood, but you have to apply Dr Ramani advices of DO NOT ENGAGE, DO NOT EXPLAIN, GO GRAY ROCKS !! I myself came from a toxic family too. It took me 55 yrs to finally step away + stay away from all of their evil 😈 abusives, physically, mentally, and emotionally 😢 After healing myself from my childhood traumas, I'm becoming much Stronger + Wiser than ever before ! Life's too short and precious to waste on any toxic people + relationship, which includes our own families. Good luck to you + wishing you all the Best. God blessed 🙌 😇 Buddha Blessed🙏
This whole talk is everything I experienced, Everything I did, accepted, told myself. My therapist never directed me to an article, a book or a video. She sent me to couples therapy which is not NOT recommended bc the narc will put on his mask and charm the therapist. Which is exactly what happened and then he got to say “we tried therapy and YOU couldn’t do it”. 👌🏼
I'm hearing exactly "he's your son so you need to fix it". I tried for over 40 years to help him to only be thrown away again, again and again and my heart torn out over and over again. I can not ever go there again! I'm a current cancer SURVIVOR and want it to stay that way!
I just learned from you few months ago-20 years ago I divorced narcissist!!! For years I thought he was a child of holocaust survivor and I was not good enough to “cure his wounds”. Last few months I lived with my 33 y old daughter, who gave me MONSTROUS REPETITION of years with him!! I am still recovering , learning from your podcast and DREADING her visiting me! And I am no longer trying to make my other daughter make a peace with her sister. But what is a future for my Narcisa ?!?!??? Thank you doctor !!! Elizabeth, MD
Eight years of physical abuse, emotional psychological gaslighting my nebulization eight years that’s just have a part of before it was. I knew there was control there. Thank you.
I lost ME!! I was doing nothing but taking care of the narcissists in my life! I meant nothing to them but they were my everything. Now i take care of ME!!!!
Thanks so much for your videos. I realise now its common to take about 1 to 2 years to wake up to a narc or the cheating in a long term relationship as we are blinded and put red flags on a shelf waiting to find out more or our brain goes into flight mode. I no longer feel like an idiot for missing the signs. ❤
I divorced once, got re married. Thought it was the perfect person. After a few yrs, things slowly changed. Then I felt I lost my joy. Like he was taking it( I was giving). I’m basically a happy person, I longed for the old relationship to come back. Was a hard realization that I couldn’t control that. Good days were great, bad days were bad. We got into a slight argument about a family member, not a big deal, I thought. I said, maybe you should leave. He says, he’s calling my bluff. Then shot his self. Talk about guilt. I’m healing day by day. His action, his pain.
Dr Ramani do you believe that online therapy would be a good avenue of healing from one’s involvement with a narc or any toxic relationship? Or what do you feel about walking into the organization called ACA? Not suicidal … I’ve actually got out of the last toxic relationship I was in almost 2 years ago. But that was only one of a lifetime of toxic relationships … my many attempts of seeking help is sadly dealing with therapist who are clueless.
So true. Just leave them to live in their wonder world.They are very unlikely to change ( and no it's not just men believe me). Don't waste your daylight on these people. They will waste your time and they enjoy it.
This was an INCREDIBLE interview! I am listening to Dr. Ramani crash course! I need help as I have been with a narcissist mom, spouse and “friend”. In process of getting away from all. Thank you!!! How can I be part of your group please?
It is hard, just found out my narc is Machiavelli and he planned it....heard he even makes jokes to let me getting killed now he knows I really am going to leave this time....
I would like @dr. Ramni to cover why I have launched many businesses but I completely dissociate and don’t keep any consistency and then a whole year passes and I remm again that I have theee gifts for the world but same thing happens again… there’s something in me that I’m not quite zooming in on.
Perhaps one loss is leading to the next. I went through a series of losses (deaths, jobs, relationships) and it felt neverending. Finally, I made one decision and stuck with it and built a life through a series of building blocks (buy a home, start a business, build a relationship). What do you want? It’s okay to know and pursue what you want and build a life. It begins with believing you deserve it and making one solid decision after another….wishing you well…you can do it.
I think living in a narc partnership is like reliving your childhood wounds, as the narc plays theirs out on you. It seems like the most heinous betrayal of trust I can think of. How deeply sad that anyone could be so cruel, and keep passing the buck onto others. We, at least, need to face up to our past. Use the narcs hurt to reveal what needs healing in you. Let your healing be what you gain. Otherwise we are just going to be casualties. Healing and grief are one and the same. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are not alone ❤
Hi all, I experienced 16 years marriage where sacrificed all I had. After divorce he continued to manipulate me and my children. Any advice to coo parent ( where he live in other country and only see children few weeks in a year… ) Financial things also not cleared… it is very painful and long journey and yeah that guilt and shame feeling is a huge issue to move and start living. Sadly there is not much legal help.
But how does it go from normal relationship compromise (i.e. gluten free pasta, white colored walls, etc) to my life is not my own - bc we’re taught to compromise and in the moment it doesn’t seem so big or abusive. I guess compromise should go both ways?
I am not sure how detrimental this is going to be, but I went COMPLETELY ZERO CONTACT with my ex husband of 16 years and we have a teenager (15 year old girl) that obviously don’t co-parent. However, as much as I have tried to consider having minimal contact for my daughter’s sake, I freeze, my anxiety is much more and I can’t find a real valid reason since he does nothing to keep in contact with our daughter, nor does he provide anything financially. B
I am a Christian, so back in the day, I knew little from the Bible. Going to therapy, my body falling apart, crying, only to hear narcissist Melford Morris would say, I thought she would be like Ruth and Naomi, I wanted to kick him and the Pastor, he was a liar and a thief, after making several changes and adjustments, it was never ending. I am still healing Prayers Psalm 23 -73🙏🇯🇲🫅❤️
I was dating a toxic person, who's chronical people pleaser, he wanting to date forever, used me as a company, no progress in relationship. I broke after ten month of dating to nowhere, he was keeping all on superficial level, it felt like he didn't care. New type of toxic personality to me
My father is an EXTREME NARCISSIST! Then my Ex husband DID NOT SHOW SIGNS UNTIL AFTER HE FILED FOR DIVORCE AND TRIED TO PUNISH ME BY ALIENATING MY CHILDREN FROM ME! But the SADDEST PART FOR ME IS I DONT FEEL LOVE since all of the Abuse from my dad. So HOW DO YOU MAKE YOURSELF FEEL ANYTHING INCLUDING LOVE! I WANT SO MUCH TO LOVE! The ONLY PEOPLE I LOVE ARE MY 3 young adult children and my dog! I want soooooo desperately to Love and not be Numb and Afraid. PLEASE HELP !!!!
Yes, he didn’t intentionally hurt me, but he didn’t even think about me and how his actions affected me. And yes, he offloaded his shame on me and was the one that looked good in public, so I’ve borne the brunt of shame on so many levels. I left but haven’t been able to work because I’m now prone to trauma responses, and I don’t know what the rest of my life is going to look like. The grief is overwhelming on so many levels.
I was in amartaige with a Narcissist. And lol he was a psychoanalyst he left after 25 yrs which ended in divorce and then after another 35 yrs Ifaell got attracted to a man finally who turns out to be a narcissist how strange he love bombed me and i got obsessed with him and eventually got out
I don't believe in staying in a relationship when kids are involved as it teaches your children that this is a normal relationship so damaging. Teach your children respect selfworth and self-esteem to leave a abusive manipulator.
Right. And when they do know, they don’t care, or are glad to hear your marriage is not as happy as you pretended to be. Lots of “friends” get dropped during this stage.
It’s not that people CAN’T change it’s because they just don’t choose to change.
One of the last issues Dr Ramani speaks about is being in a rush. Be careful of people who try to pressurise you or rush you into doing something or making a decision such as getting engaged, going on holiday, moving to another area, etc.
This is Exactly what my ex husband did to me. Pressured me to go out with him, move in with him and to get married. It didn’t get bad until we had our 3 children. I stayed at home with them until 8th grade and the children and I were Very attached and close. My X was Extremely Very JEALOUS! He said that the kids Love me more then him. Then he tried turning them against me PARENTAL ALLIANATION! He became demonic. I believe NARCS are the Devil 👿
I have always said this. They cant keep up their mask for longer. They also suffocate and stalk you so you dont have time to thi k and process it. So dangerous. I wish i had known Dr Romani years ago. To understand first then helps you to heal. Its so damaging.
Selling MY flat, taking the money to cover his huge debts, complete denial of having any money off me, moving in with me, getting married….huge rush! 😢
Yes and they keep a fire lit under you to keep you busy in servitude to them. If you slow down they prod you on and try to KEEP you on your toes serving them.
Agreed 💯 I was with a man who wanted to rush into living together and then was talking about marriage way too soon. I knew the marriage part was a red flag and after living with him I saw many red flags such as lying or withholding information about himself from me. When I found out he had an addiction to porn I started to slowly leave him in my mind and after 6 months I was completely done with him.
I was told that I couldn't work, drive or even have my mail delivered to the letterbox. I had to go & collect it from his workplace.
I also had to ask for money, I didn't have any money of my own.
I can not believe now that I ever accepted this.
I see him now as like a concentration camp guard.
Everything that was me was slowly, insidiously chipped away.
I now feel such joy to know that he has no control, at all, that I am completely independent & free of this awful being.
I think they call it coercive control. I had a similar experience where he would keep tabs on me and tell me what to do and once I got away he became a stalker. Protective order has kept him away. If I would have known I wouldn't have gone out on the first date with that monster.
@@insiteandawareness3500 Wow. Glad you got away. Hope he stays away.
Congrstulations and salutes to all Ladies who got free 🥳🥳🥳 be free like the wind from toxic men !!❤❤❤❤
Wow! I have called my marriage a concentration camp... All our stories are so much alike it amazes me!! 😮 Thank you for commenting this... And bless you... 😊
Been there
To recover from this 28 year relationship has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Just like Robin explained I gave up so much of what was me. Thank you Dr Ramani for your intelligence and insightfulness around such a complex issue. I have listened and learnt from you now for the past 3 years, and have read your book. Thank you for helping survivors recover and to be able to look forward. I am so grateful.
I had 28 years in a relationship like this and it’s hard to get over. Took me so long to “get it” now my summation is being with someone that must be superior and with someone that must not feel guilt. These two traits play out in so many covert ways which is soul destroying.
dr. ramani’s expertise and wisdom
gave me those
words, vocabularies to finally describe what was really going on behind the scenes, things that i knoe there is something is not right but i can’t pinpoint it. i finally saw clearly the manipulative, abusive, dishonest, gas lighter , control freak, cheater wife. i can noy l can not unsee those ugly things ive seen.. she purposely stole more than 40 yrs of the most precious possession of a man , can never be recovered and replaced . talking about forgiveness, can you forgive an unremorseful, self entitled m, cheat who wasted , robbed your life.??.. thanks for this video…
Healing is an amazing journey. After 6 years divorced I went on a vacation solo.. a 1500 mile motorcycle tour in the southwest Canyons. I was full of fear and I did it anyway, it was the best experience. I am really proud of myself. Through my canyon stops , I sent my ex narc pictures with no text. And got no reply. That was validation too. Lol as he sat and watched me grow without him must be frustrating. 😊😅
As he use to say to me,,, "watch and learn" ditto!!
Good for you! This is confirmation for me to get moving even if I am afraid and cry the entire time!
Your freedom from him is the best revenge.
You can do it. Remember, you matter ❤️@@cotinaevans6763
What really threw me, was that she never loved me, *and* I didn't *realize* it! And *that* was my lightbulb moment. (A therapist had alluded to it many years before but I was not able to hear it...) What I *realized* was that both my parents were narcissists -and that had set me up for a whole string of narcissistic relationships -in my personal life and my budding professional life too. I gradually realized that I had naturally concluded that "(yet again) it was my fault." There are two types of folk who have a string of broken relationships: Narcissists *and their victims!* . No one wants to see themselves as a "victim" or as "supply" "I'm too smart, too empathic and sophisticated to get caught in *that* trap." Once the Honeymoon's over, the "house lights" go on.
I relate so much to this conversation! I have a narc partner of 27 years. But I only learned about narcissistic abuse this year. 2024.
It wasn't always bad or questionable. However it became more apparent in recent years. I'm learning to manage it well because I'm not in a position to leave.
Dr. Ramani has been a great light in understanding what I'm living thru.
Thankyou very much!
I'm in radical acceptance, for the most part.
I love myself enough to really work on self care.
I've mentally left him.
Fabulous podcast. Very special experiencing this host interviewing Dr Romani who was a victim of abuse herself. She clearly is so empathetic and sweet, who went thru abuse herself and you thru her how vile her abuser is ( her x husband) to abuse someone SO clearly sweet and kind so horrifically. Dr Romani says so many helpful things. Listen to this from start to finish. Dr Romani your delivery is always with love and empathy who supports our healing. Love what you say, the victims will never see the world the same way. We are forever aware and vigilant. We know the “shit” is real and it exists. Thank you both for this great podcast.
I am SOOOOOOO glad that I walked away from that situation. My gut intuition notified me the very first time he did something and that never left. Yes, it did take a while to figure out what was happening and it was on the Universe's timeline since I had to really figure it out.
I am now writing my new chapters in Life with so much excitement! I am thankful that my headstrong heart, soul, mind, and body with the keen gut instincts, were never brought down or destroyed.
I learned a whole hell of a lot about narcissistic behavior from this person, and from Dr. Ramani during her many different podcasts, and have all that in my toolbox going forward. I also learned even more about myself and solidified more what I want with an emotionally stable/grounded gentleman in the future.
Being true to me!! ♥
Just because a marriage lasts a long time doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s healthy. My covert narc mom and codependent dad were married 60 plus years and my dad went to his grave trying to “make her happy” and he never succeeded. I learned from him and tried to please her (and others) too. Until…I finally began learning (mainly from Dr. Ramani) how to disengage. Thank you so very much. At least the rest of my 50s and beyond will be less enmeshed with these toxic people.
I’ve never met a narcissistic woman. Only men. I have a lot of hate towards men now. I want to balance out my perspective by hearing more about kind men and narcissistic women.
Months???? Took me 15 years to figure what this is. Knowledge is power
Same! Took me 14 years
I understand i'm 66, last relationship 7 years, no more
@@monadeberry9060Ditto, 66 and just got out of a seven year relationship with a narc. At this moment, have no desire to be in another intimate relationship 😔.
Same here, took me 12 yrs in.
@@monadeberry9060I’m there with you! Done!
Such true and great advice to follow from Dr Romani. 😊❤❤ This fabulous lady has helped me and so many thousands of people who have gone through this horrendous experience, which is so hard to explain to our friends and family, realise its not me thank you Dr Romani from the bottom of my heart ❤❤ you are truly a godsend to all of us who has lived this awful experience xxx
I just had to tell you. I got the book it's not you just now and am so happy! It was the last one, and as I'm typing this message to you, I'm stood reading it in the Bustation waiting for my Bus. Thank you!! 🍒
I am receiving mine in this coming week and I can't wait!
What a super interview between two beautiful women
Have my book
Every survivor from narcissistic abuse should have this book
It's simply brilliant ❤
Dr Ramani has saved my life!! That is literally! Thank you!❤
You are saving my mind ❤ I thought I was going crazy and my feelings of embarrassment . I moved my life to be with this Woman. Then my life became Toxic, I had no friends, my Son was miserable and arguing all the time. About how I changed. It was awful. Now, I am trying to get my sense of self back. In addition, I am a therapist? Now I understand I WAS THE SUPPLY😢🙏🏾
2:22 I had no idea he was a narcissist. Then I heard about a covert narcissist and my mouth dropped. He was ALL of those traits. Sullen, moody, almost felt sorry for him when I met him. I knew after the first date, but I ignored my gut. I gave him the benefit of doubt allowing me to cause so much destruction in my life for about a year. I wish I went with my gut. The manipulation, the victimization, the woe is me, and it’s everyone’s fault except his. It was all about I did for him.
Now I am still reeling from this but on the road to healing. I must listen to 3-5 of these videos a day. Not only am I learning but I am recognizing that as an empath, narcissist are attract empaths. I can’t change my personality but I can only look out for the red flags in the future. I am so exhausted from all of the abuse ( and I never thought I’d be a victim of abuse). I do feel lighter and these videos are life savers. I actually take notes on them because they are so eye opening and extremely helpful!!!
Wow.beautiful and heartwarming introduction and best message for us warriors,Thank you
When I met the narcissist he told his friends he got a good one this time. Now I know what he really meant.
Mine said to me, “I know which side my bread is buttered” because I earned more than him.
😢 yes been there trofee , just know you are much more than a 🏆 ,value yourself
@@GossipIsSlander idiom. informal. : to know how to act or how to treat others in order to get what one wants. He pretends to be impartial, but believe me, he knows which side his bread is buttered on.
Wow. So true.
@@GossipIsSlander meaning he knows when he is better off.
Dr. Ramani has written a profound book , it will be life changing for many people who have been impacted by these relationships . It’s complicated and she is bringing it out into the light .
💖💖💖
I admire you Dr. Ramani. Its been 6 years I have been listening to your videos. You have helped me so much ❤ and made me understand these dynamics. Cant wait to start reading your new book "It's Not You" Congratulations Dr.Ramani
"Grandiose excuses" is such an apt description. I am all too familiar with them and truly exhausted by them. It seems like everything, no matter how small, becomes a huge issue for narcissists.
Good Luck on your healing journey. Thank you for sharing this content. I have been dealing with Narcissistic Abuse for the past 10 years. It’s actually a Blessing knowing that I’m finally free. ❤
Stumbled upon this podcast, as I follow Dr. RAM, and she has been teaching me and opening my eyes that this is a real thing, and its not my emotions, or being unkind. Narcs are soul sucking and want to control you. Robin, keep being the warm and kind person you were wonderfully made to be. It's not you.
Dr Ramani is my only voice of rationale that keeps me going.....
That’s the thing… That lack of empathy, the inability to care, no desire to care about other people leads me to believe that the narcissist cannot love another person in any definition that seems reasonable of what love is. I think they are devoid of the capacity or the willingness to love. Just transact that’s it.
100% and they never change, only get worse with age.
Thank you much for this incredible interview! I really felt the part that I was always wrong ,selfish an ungrateful when some topic o behavior came up ,that I should behave accordingly because so many women in town wanted my life,my house,my family... I was the crazy one because he was always right . I gave up my morning green juice because the noise of the blender bothered him at 8am coming back from talking the girls to school. Simple as parking my car in the driveway coming from grocery shopping and kids and stroller to take down , but No! he had a client or a friend over and allowed them to park in my space and I had to meanwhile park in the guest packing. So yes the little unrespectful things make you live your life as other want to run it . 😢
Dr. R is amazing on his topic. Wonderful communicator. Clear and concise explanations and advice. Professional. I have started listening to ‘it’s not you’ thank you Dr. R you came into my life just when I needed you the most
It took me 8 years to figure it out. I have been told multiple times by my friends that her behavior is not just acceptable. I was blindsighted. Now that I realized, it feels like it got too late. The emotional and psychological abuse that I have received for such a a long time has made this overall trauma more painful.
Definitely a grieving process, and taking yourself back. Loved Ramani's new book, beautifully written
Sadly I knew after the first date. After about half an hour of polite talk, he told me he had been raped by a family member. He invited me to lunch at the weekend then disappeared for a week. When I went to his place he told me he was called away on work . Then he said he was a weapons expert with dangerous associations. Fool me, I fell for it all. I actually believed him. Fifteen years later I am free, out of the fog and finally getting my life back. Thank with with all my heart dr Ramani for your wonderful insightful book ❤
Fog is so true!! The years are a fog!
Grief of the loss of oneself.
This is one of the best interviews with Dr. Ramani I've watched. Kudos
Thank you for your channel & this awesome community! I’m on the healing journey for the last year from a Narcissist ex, I’m grieving his loss & losing my Dad in result of COVID, finally after 11 or so Hoovers, I closed the door shut 3 months! Thank you Dr. Ramani, you’ve helped me from the beginning of my awakening moment, I’m always grateful for your knowledge & all the warriors teachings us to be strong to put our health & safety first! Bless you all!
Thank You Dr. Ramani So Much For Your Help With This Topic!!! I Appreciate You So Very Much!!!🎉❣️
So touching that Robin herself is going thru this, it is somehow comforting that this is not only happening to me😢
1:50 feedback
4:38 not changing
5:36 no self reflection
7:27 traits
14:21 who they target
17:46 behavior/personality
19:32 inability to love
20:18 they don’t care
21:38 grief
26:45 shame
28:24 healing
29:11 30:38 acceptance
32:14 don’t allow them in
33:39 hero’s journey
39:07 euphoric recall
40:05 making lists
40:43 trauma bonding
42:52 bad behavior
43:47 lists what you gave up
46:08 faucet dripping
48:13 rebuilding yourself
48:54 core values bending
52:39 resistance
54:38 validating people
55:39 healing program
58:09 blessing
The absence of people that are supporting you after the breakup. It’s so harsh. Instead of supporting they are listening to the gossip about the victim . 😢Healing takes time and there is not always a good support because of the misunderstanding of the impact on the impact of the narcissistic abuse 😢
Try not to pay attention to the toxic people. I used to work in a toxic environment and I got out of there. Cut off the toxic people from there. Went through a breakup with an ex coworker there. Sucks majorly at first but it's getting better for me now. Takes time to heal...self care works.
I think what helped me go no-contact is that I'd already been ignored by my narcissistic family members for decades, I had developed friendships outside of my family. Even at my workplace, also full of narcs, I developed hobbies and met people who were not narcs. So when I left my job after someone failed to help me out in a family emergency (after I'd been covering for people for years with no questions), I didn't suffer from it. I was scared, but I changed my career, and I'm so much happier. Going no contact with my family has been sad, but.... I've also grown to understand I have many friends who are SO DIFFERENT from my family of origin. They are my chosen family. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb."
Yes, I hear you.😢my siblings chose his side even offered him a place to stay 😮😅
That section in the front of the book about the Hunter and the Lion was so powerful I had to put the book down. I couldn't read anymore because as simple as it was explained, my mind had to absorb the words especially because for the best part of a year I've been writing my own autobiography and wondered how I could communicate it in this on going book I was doing because this has been my frustration for a long time. I've made it clear that growing up, I've been bullied, developed a stammer and part of a disability I have is that I don't articulate as well as others or explain a situation so well so in my later years when I'm having frequent issues with my family I'm basically saying they listen to each other as the truth so if my Mom has a problem with me, or somethings happened badly between the both of us (I don't normally draw other family members in she does) but the way she'll present what's happened has taken place it's said in a certain way as if I'm coming across maliciously and I've heard things she's said even with my sister and I'm left thinking yeah if it's spoken in that such of a way to other family members of course they'll think terribly of me controlling the narrative. I'm not saying I haven't tried to say what really happened but they don't listen to me. What really happened is irrelevant now because they believe Mom or my sister and I can't convince them of anything. Yet, all my family have at various stages said they know me, they understand me and I'm left thinking if they did, truly did they wouldn't believe all the twisted things they've said because if either my Dad or my sister said did I or did I not say those words I can't deny I haven't said them but how Mom would have driven the punch lines in would have been completely diffrent as to how I would have said it and even, even if I could get across over two hours of a family intervention that's not how I'd have meant it and I think they're listening to me then they've just come back with but you have to watch the things you say and how they come across. So there is no winning. There is no support. I have to be okay with the fact either my sister, Mother or sometimes on occasion my Father will control the narrative. I don't think I'm ever going to be okay with my family thinking terribly about me and they've hurt me to high heaven because of it but I can't change the way they think of me which is why I entitled my autobiography Fallen From Grace. There's a dark side to it for sure, but there's light at the end of the tunnel where I feel more authentic which is better than feeling controlled
This is really insightful. Thanks Dr Ramani, I appreciate all your videos and the time and effort you have taken to do this. I am grateful that there is valuable content as such on RUclips, designed for audiences that have gone through or are going through narcissistic abuse.
I had lost my self, gave up on my self, values and even passion for my career because of one nasty narcissistic person who threw me away in the bin in just one second, after a 1.4 year relationship…
Thank you god and the universe for saving me from this evilness.
I felt the love in this podcast and am ready to embark on my Heroes Journey. Thank you both for sharing this with us 💗
Thank you, Robin, for sharing your feelings, experiences, and thoughts which resonated strongly with me. Dr. Ramani's comments once again brought to the fore the multiplicities associated with having experienced narcissistic abuse. I still have a hard time using terms as a way to label behaviour, sensitive to the psycho-babble and shaming culture we live in. However, as a behavioral scientist, I am learning to draw on terminology based on research and insight more, appreciating this to be important for us to honor our painful experiences with compassion and as an important component for us to move forward. There were so many takeaways from this today, including the point that this healing process is not a step-by-step cookie-cutter approach, that it is not linear, and terms like the 'hero journey', 'inner sanctum' 'reframing', finding your home, and 'healing is a superpower'. Thank you again to both you, Robin, and Dr. Ramani.
So True living their life..about food..vacation..i left my Job...move to his country..Great video..i am in proces od healing..Thank you ❤
No euphoric recall here. All I have is overhaul and that is a challenge, too. I am so exhausted.
Exhausting and they don’t care!
I love Dr Ramani so much. I also appreciate the host for pronouncing her name correctly. 😁
Daaaang. Around 43:00 about doing everything they want and being a bit player in their life…. That truth hit hard.
Oh thank you for explaining the grief....eye opener! Thank you!!
One of my favorite interviews with Dr Ramani ❤
Any tools for coping with an adult narcissistic adult son who blames me for everything and constantly blame shifts. I can't take it any more and am distancing more than I have before. Broken hearted.
Sir, I know he's your son, your flesh & blood, but you have to apply Dr Ramani advices of DO NOT ENGAGE, DO NOT EXPLAIN, GO GRAY ROCKS !! I myself came from a toxic family too.
It took me 55 yrs to finally step away + stay away from all of their evil 😈 abusives, physically, mentally, and emotionally 😢 After healing myself from my childhood traumas, I'm becoming much Stronger + Wiser than ever before !
Life's too short and precious to waste on any toxic people + relationship, which includes our own families. Good luck to you + wishing you all the Best. God blessed 🙌 😇 Buddha Blessed🙏
This is an awesome conversation! Thank you-
This is a wonderful video. Thank you.
This whole talk is everything I experienced, Everything I did, accepted, told myself. My therapist never directed me to an article, a book or a video. She sent me to couples therapy which is not NOT recommended bc the narc will put on his mask and charm the therapist. Which is exactly what happened and then he got to say “we tried therapy and YOU couldn’t do it”. 👌🏼
I'm hearing exactly "he's your son so you need to fix it". I tried for over 40 years to help him to only be thrown away again, again and again and my heart torn out over and over again. I can not ever go there again! I'm a current cancer SURVIVOR and want it to stay that way!
Boy I deeply appreciate hearing my truth 👍💯
Ooh we definitely stigmatize divorce today. Absolutely!!! 💯 It’s a societal issue~ the shame and judgement around it, Indeed!!
I was told to express myself, the house had not been painted in many years, so the writing is on the walls. Anger set in
I really enjoyed the work you guys did to produce an educational video. Thank you both ❤
Thanking you,
I just learned from you few months ago-20 years ago I divorced narcissist!!! For years I thought he was a child of holocaust survivor and I was not good enough to “cure his wounds”. Last few months I lived with my 33 y old daughter, who gave me MONSTROUS REPETITION of years with him!! I am still recovering , learning from your podcast and DREADING her visiting me! And I am no longer trying to make my other daughter make a peace with her sister. But what is a future for my Narcisa ?!?!??? Thank you doctor !!! Elizabeth, MD
❤❤❤ Thank you both for this talk! 💕💕💕
Caring and cherishing. Yep, that’s it. Bingo!
Yes the solution to healing & to become better ‼️
Eight years of physical abuse, emotional psychological gaslighting my nebulization eight years that’s just have a part of before it was. I knew there was control there. Thank you.
I lost ME!! I was doing nothing but taking care of the narcissists in my life! I meant nothing to them but they were my everything. Now i take care of ME!!!!
Thanks so much for your videos. I realise now its common to take about 1 to 2 years to wake up to a narc or the cheating in a long term relationship as we are blinded and put red flags on a shelf waiting to find out more or our brain goes into flight mode. I no longer feel like an idiot for missing the signs. ❤
I divorced once, got re married. Thought it was the perfect person. After a few yrs, things slowly changed. Then I felt I lost my joy. Like he was taking it( I was giving). I’m basically a happy person, I longed for the old relationship to come back. Was a hard realization that I couldn’t control that. Good days were great, bad days were bad. We got into a slight argument about a family member, not a big deal, I thought. I said, maybe you should leave. He says, he’s calling my bluff. Then shot his self. Talk about guilt. I’m healing day by day. His action, his pain.
Dr Ramani do you believe that online therapy would be a good avenue of healing from one’s involvement with a narc or any toxic relationship? Or what do you feel about walking into the organization called ACA? Not suicidal … I’ve actually got out of the last toxic relationship I was in almost 2 years ago. But that was only one of a lifetime of toxic relationships … my many attempts of seeking help is sadly dealing with therapist who are clueless.
Please, what is the process that a narc goes from beeing gentle ro "heartless"?
The therapeutic value 👍”NA” never alone 🙏🏻👣❤️☮️💡
I love your book learning so much more and yes thank you for writing this book. ❤
So true. Just leave them to live in their wonder world.They are very unlikely to change ( and no it's not just men believe me). Don't waste your daylight on these people. They will waste your time and they enjoy it.
This was an INCREDIBLE interview! I am listening to Dr. Ramani crash course! I need help as I have been with a narcissist mom, spouse and “friend”. In process of getting away from all. Thank you!!!
How can I be part of your group please?
How do I get this book 📖? Is it available on Amazon? I think I really need to read the audio version or get a copy of it.
Thank you so much!
No. For me NOT thinking of the good focusing on the BAD of the narcissist helps me be strong and stay away.
Radical acceptance
It is hard, just found out my narc is Machiavelli and he planned it....heard he even makes jokes to let me getting killed now he knows I really am going to leave this time....
I would like @dr. Ramni to cover why I have launched many businesses but I completely dissociate and don’t keep any consistency and then a whole year passes and I remm again that I have theee gifts for the world but same thing happens again… there’s something in me that I’m not quite zooming in on.
Perhaps one loss is leading to the next. I went through a series of losses (deaths, jobs, relationships) and it felt neverending. Finally, I made one decision and stuck with it and built a life through a series of building blocks (buy a home, start a business, build a relationship). What do you want? It’s okay to know and pursue what you want and build a life. It begins with believing you deserve it and making one solid decision after another….wishing you well…you can do it.
I think living in a narc partnership is like reliving your childhood wounds, as the narc plays theirs out on you. It seems like the most heinous betrayal of trust I can think of. How deeply sad that anyone could be so cruel, and keep passing the buck onto others. We, at least, need to face up to our past. Use the narcs hurt to reveal what needs healing in you. Let your healing be what you gain. Otherwise we are just going to be casualties. Healing and grief are one and the same. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are not alone ❤
I feel you. I don’t think I was loved too
Hi all,
I experienced 16 years marriage where sacrificed all I had. After divorce he continued to manipulate me and my children. Any advice to coo parent ( where he live in other country and only see children few weeks in a year… ) Financial things also not cleared… it is very painful and long journey and yeah that guilt and shame feeling is a huge issue to move and start living. Sadly there is not much legal help.
But how does it go from normal relationship compromise (i.e. gluten free pasta, white colored walls, etc) to my life is not my own - bc we’re taught to compromise and in the moment it doesn’t seem so big or abusive. I guess compromise should go both ways?
I am not sure how detrimental this is going to be, but I went COMPLETELY ZERO CONTACT with my ex husband of 16 years and we have a teenager (15 year old girl) that obviously don’t co-parent. However, as much as I have tried to consider having minimal contact for my daughter’s sake, I freeze, my anxiety is much more and I can’t find a real valid reason since he does nothing to keep in contact with our daughter, nor does he provide anything financially. B
49:43 yup
How do i deal with a narcissist sister in-law?
I am a Christian, so back in the day, I knew little from the Bible. Going to therapy, my body falling apart, crying, only to hear narcissist Melford Morris would say, I thought she would be like Ruth and Naomi, I wanted to kick him and the Pastor, he was a liar and a thief, after making several changes and adjustments, it was never ending. I am still healing Prayers Psalm 23 -73🙏🇯🇲🫅❤️
I just ordered your book 😅❤
I was dating a toxic person, who's chronical people pleaser, he wanting to date forever, used me as a company, no progress in relationship. I broke after ten month of dating to nowhere, he was keeping all on superficial level, it felt like he didn't care. New type of toxic personality to me
I can’t leave him due to financial reasons. What can I do when he screams at me so that I don’t end up screaming like him.
That is so good
How long have narcissists personalities existed? How many other hidden personalities exist?
15:55 me too 😢
My father is an EXTREME NARCISSIST! Then my Ex husband DID NOT SHOW SIGNS UNTIL AFTER HE FILED FOR DIVORCE AND TRIED TO PUNISH ME BY ALIENATING MY CHILDREN FROM ME! But the SADDEST PART FOR ME IS I DONT FEEL LOVE since all of the Abuse from my dad. So HOW DO YOU MAKE YOURSELF FEEL ANYTHING INCLUDING LOVE! I WANT SO MUCH TO LOVE! The ONLY PEOPLE I LOVE ARE MY 3 young adult children and my dog! I want soooooo desperately to Love and not be Numb and Afraid. PLEASE HELP !!!!
Yes, he didn’t intentionally hurt me, but he didn’t even think about me and how his actions affected me.
And yes, he offloaded his shame on me and was the one that looked good in public, so I’ve borne the brunt of shame on so many levels. I left but haven’t been able to work because I’m now prone to trauma responses, and I don’t know what the rest of my life is going to look like. The grief is overwhelming on so many levels.
They don’t care - my narc ex-husband told me many times that emotions are needless and that I should not have them😢
I was in amartaige with a Narcissist. And lol he was a psychoanalyst he left after 25 yrs which ended in divorce and then after another 35 yrs Ifaell got attracted to a man finally who turns out to be a narcissist how strange he love bombed me and i got obsessed with him and eventually got out
For six months he has been better, I have c-pest. He can’t handle my rumination etc.
I don't believe in staying in a relationship when kids are involved as it teaches your children that this is a normal relationship so damaging. Teach your children respect selfworth and self-esteem to leave a abusive manipulator.
My concerns are not his.
You’re ashamed of people knowing what you’re going through
Right. And when they do know, they don’t care, or are glad to hear your marriage is not as happy as you pretended to be. Lots of “friends” get dropped during this stage.
Yes!