I was a happy extroverted child up until puberty. Suddenly, I become anxious and filled with insecurities. I went from an extroverted child to an introverted teenager and an introverted adult who isolated themselves all the time. Most of my adult life I have struggled with high-functioning depression and anxiety. I grew up in a dysfunctional home and was physically abused and emotionally neglected as a child. I ended up blaming all my emotional struggles on a shitty childhood but could also not understand why I was still so bothered by it at 30, 40, and 50. It was bad, but it was NOT that bad. I spent years in therapy for PTSD, depression and anxiety, but nothing helped until I sought help for combat PTSD from my military service. I went through Cognitive Processing Therapy and after having dealt with my PTSD, I started to apply those lessons to the rest of my life. After a while, I was emotional ready to face the elephant in the room and asked myself those hard questions I had been avoiding my whole life. Once I accepted myself being a transgendered woman and started HRT, my depression and anxiety went away and hasn't returned. I haven't had a single bad day the last five months and I consider myself a happy person and I have also become more extroverted and comfortable socializing with people. I now even attend so called "Cuddle Parties" where I feel comfortable cuddle with complete strangers of all genders.
My primary issue is gender dysphoria and this results in secondary issues such as lack of confidence, anxiety, fear, isolation, depression etc. I am becoming more aware of the fact that the "hyper focus" I have on myself striving for feminine perfection in the way I want to look is actually the road to increased gender dysphoria, therefore moving away or reducing the focus on myself will reduce or at least manage gender dysphoria a lot better. Now, before I just go out, I am reducing the time I spend in front of the mirror and this helps.
I spent 4 decades treating my depression and anxiety not my GD. I spent about a week working on my GD to understand the problem. 8 Months latter my mental health has done a drastic u-turn. When no therapist or person is providing answers seek them out yourself.
I definitely shied away from social contact as a teenager and young adult. I often felt very uncomfortable in social situations where people would try to be 'laddish' towards me, which I never appreciated or just treating me as a man. Actually, very frequently my mental faculties were occupied by thoughts of "if only I was a woman, I'd feel so much better about myself," or "I would shoot for such and such an opportunity, but I'm not comfortable doing it as a man," or "I'd handle this social situation better if I were female." It's fair to say that I always envisioned living as a woman, not as a man and that I wasn't happy progressing through life until I felt comfortable with my gender. I do remember me telling myself, as a young child, that as soon as I reached the age of 20, I'd become a woman. For various reasons that didn't happen but chief among them I think was that I constantly told myself it was a childish fantasy and that I'd grow out of it. Well I never did grow out of that, in fact, I think what I did grow out of was keeping up the façade of being a man when it simply wasn't me.
I'm nonbinary and I was much the same way growing up, but because I wasn't binary trans, the answer didn't come to me as readily. I didn't even know other possibilities even existed until much later in life. I just knew that things weren't working out so well for me, and I didn't fit in anywhere, for some unknown reasons. Above all was this obsession with "resetting" my life in hopes of getting a better result next time. It turns out these are all pretty significant signs of being trans.
I have been struggling with depression. I was adamant it was due to life situation but could not put my finger on what it was. I have a house, family, food, career, money. Eventually I went to the doctor and was told the best solution was medication. I did not think it was a chemical problem, but I didnt know what else to do besides try that with therapy. The drugs did not help at all in my opinion. I had no idea about the formalities of clinical depression and situational depression as explained so well in this video, but I knew in my head there was a difference. This has helped explain so much, thank you so much Dr Z.
This video explains so much of my life for the past few years. I recently realized I am trans and once I accepted it and started to work on figuring myself out and how I'm moving forward it felt like my depression and anxiety went down a lot. I do recognize my gender dysphoria for what it is now and it does cause anxiety but overall I'm feeling a lot better than I have in years, maybe ever. Thank you so much for these videos!
I've spent my entire life depressed. I was diagnosed with treatment-resistant major depression and autism around 7 or 8. The irony is that autism is linked to gender dysphoria because you have to learn how to be stealth by mimicking others. There's also a link with attachment disorders because you self-sabotage from resentment and being closed off. Nothing seemed to help until one day I started HRT. Now I don't need my antidepressants at all. My friends tell me I'm much more relaxed and seem happier and more sociable. I can't think of a time I lost my temper since starting hormones. Crying during movies is an interesting development :) And OMG I love onions now. Instead of showering every other week, now I shower every other day. I'm still afraid to go full feminine out in public but I'm working on it. I was put on disability because of my depression and PTSD, but I'm getting close to being able to get back in the work force. Before transition, before my egg even cracked, I had no emotional difference between the time I owned a business and the time I was homeless. Now, I'm much better. I came out to my parents as trans and they said they don't approve and it didn't hurt. I laughed it off and continued on my day. Life isn't perfect. I still have a very small budget, I still have back pains, I still argue with a neighbor sometimes. But my life is SOO much better. PS: I'm watching every single video on your channel and that will take a very long time hahaha. You've already answered some of what I was going to ask you, such as fixing social anxiety with small steps out in public. I'm getting androgynous clothes to wear and learning very light makeup. Thank you for your channel and your in-depth content.
SO happy to hear you are taking small steps. Thats the key. The small steps vs doing nothing. Each step is like a brick for your new foundation as you build your confidence.
I'm definitely actually an introvert. I'm also pretty sure I'm autistic, and social situations drain me. I'm much happier in my own little world. I deal with a lot of anxiety and depression, but they're life and work related. Everything takes too much energy to deal with. There are too many steps and too many details to try to organize it and do it all without getting overwhelmed. I'm constantly overwhelmed, and that's why I'm constantly exhausted and depressed. It's always better when I have fewer things to deal with. When I can stay home and relax and play video games, I always have less anxiety and depression. Up until Sunday evening when I start dreading the upcoming week. I think it would be easier if I didn't have to deal with my chest constantly making me physically and mentally uncomfortable, but I don’t think it would completely fix my struggles.
I knew I was depressed by the colloquial meaning before I started transition, but the bit you mentioned about favorite comedy movie kinda got me thinking. One of the main effects I noticed emotionally to going on hormones is that I suddenly noticed that I could laugh at movies and shows. Like before I'd know what I was watching was funny but I was completely unable to laugh. I remember specifically thinking about it and wondering what was wrong with me. Now I have absolutely no problem laughing
I definitely had social anxiety all my life. I couldn’t look people in the eye because I thought they would see something was wrong with me. When I discovered I was transgender this went away immediately. I can now look people directly in the eye and not back away or even break out in a sweat. My biggest problem now is I want to tell everyone I’m transgender. I’m even proud of it but because of my standing in my town my family and close friends who know I’m transgender don’t think I should. So, I’m doing everything I can to help people understand people who are transgender should be accepted and respected. Also as a Christian I have become more loving of all people. I’m trying so hard to find ways where I can make a difference.
Wow! That very much explains my social life since puberty. Since transitioning, my anxieties and depression has gone down a LOT! Before, I was very reserved and introverted. Now, nearly a year and a half after coming out and transitioning, I’m much happier, more expressive and more extroverted. It’s taking some getting used to. I kinda need to practice being social since I’ve had so little practice. Transition saved me from a life of depression and self neglect. I probably would have died from some simple medial issue because I didn’t have the motivation to take care of it.
It's funny that you mention this. I've been on and off antidepressants for over fifteen years. I recently got back on because for the first time in my life I've been having anxiety attacks. I've told my psychologist and psychiatrist about my gender concerns and they have been noted. My psychiatrist has got me on two different antidepressants as a combination treatment. Unfortunately my psychologist is not well versed in gender issues. Honestly I'm lucky to have even found a PHD clinical psychologist which is covered by my insurance. I came to her suggesting that I have above symptoms, possible bipolar and other personality disorders. Right now we are simply discussing thoughts, personal history and how to manage anxiety.
This would explain a lot. Ive tried a few different medications in the past to manage depression and anxiety. They never seemed to fully work. I'm thinking because it wasn't addressing the root of the problem, it was just masking it. Since I came to accept myself (been about a year) and made the decision that I must transition, my anxiety and depression is through the roof at times. The thing is, I know exactly what is exacerbating the situation. I keep ruminating on what the consequences of transitioning will be and also what they would be if I did not transition. I fear for losing my job, I've worked there for about 12 years and it pays pretty good. I don't think It will be easily replaced if I lose it. Also there is the family aspect. What will my wife and kids go through because I am being selfish and trying to be who I feel I am inside? But if I don't transition I don't think I'll survive it much longer. All this adds up to me being extremely anxious and depressed to the point where I feel like it would be better for everyone if I just took myself out. I don't even want to get started on what certain politicians have planned for transgender people. I don't know if I can do this but I must. I just would like to thank you yet again Dr Z! I really don't know where I would be if I hadn't found your channel and had your help in finding a therapist. 😁🥰
Arghhh I am so sorry but I just want to scold you and thousands other trans folks who, due to the years and years and years of self deprecation, shame, and guilt, never learned how to have a healthy sense of value. Especially toward your health! Yes your family may not be happy! But that is their task to deal with. You are not committing a crime! You simply need to take care of your health. Period. It is saying "I value my health in the only lifetime I am given and If I dont take care of it, I can't be here for anyone else."
@@DRZPHD Please. Scold away. I need to hear it. Deep down I know that this is what I have to do. I've only had a few sessions with my therapist but she said essentially the same thing you did. I seek out things that will make me feel bad because I need confirmation that I am indeed a piece of shit for being trans and even thinking about transition. I guess it's called a leap of faith for a reason. I just have to have faith that it will all work out in the end and have faith that the people in and around my life will not turn their backs on me. I am reluctant to add psychotropic drugs to the mix but anxiety is terrible. The depression I believe will subside as the anxiety does. I'm slowly crawling out of this dark place I've made for myself and gaining confidence to just let go and be me. 😁
@@John-zo1wt I feel the same some days. I am almost certain it's not clinical depression. Some days I feel good and everything is OK. Other days however I am completely taken over by the fear. That's all it is. Fear. Fear of the unknown. It's almost impossible to predict how someone will react to your coming out as transgender. Those that you think will be your biggest supporter could turn out to be your biggest detractor and vise versa. In an effort to break down my internal barriers about myself i wore clear nail polish to work today. While not colorful it is very shiny and I love it. Makes me feel good just looking at them and I have no doubt that this did not go unnoticed by other people. Are there any small things you can do to alleviate a bit of the dysphoria? I have also completely given up on men's deodorants and underwear. It's not much but it has helped me a bit.
Ive had depression and anxiety for most of my life nothing has ever improved it until i started to transition a few months ago i realise now it was because of childhood trauma as a result of being transgender i couldnt live as myself whilst around the person who caused the trauma ive now moved away and feel i can finally live as me for the first time im looking forward to the future i recently came out as trans thats made me feel stronger too
It makes perfect sense, I've been isolated in my life for Loong Loong period of times, depressed and full of anxiety. In my case sadly (I didn't know it was gender dysphoria) I abused drugs to calm the pain of dysphoria and other stuff in my life for 7 years, I went to the psychiatrist and he sent me antidepressives but I didn't have tell to anyone that I had struggles, when I did it I was referred to a clinic and the psychiatrist kept sending me medication because she said that due to the life I'd had to go through I have to be really stable because hormones can make a lot of mess and that has to be controlled. This friday I'll see her and if everything's ok I'll finally start my HRT. But yeah, a life full of depression, pain and isolation in my case gender dysphoria combined with everything have made me a person that can't fonction in society, I really want to be a useful member of society and I'm taking this leap of faith as my last option because I am tired.
I think this might be me... As a child I was always the one who brought brightness into the room. I was happy and dancing and always has this glow in my eyes. But then puberty came. For some reason, i didnt like bathing anymore, even though I *loved* it as a child. My family said that to me once and the conversation later somehow came to my hairy legs and i asked if it wouls be weird as a boy to shave it. I didn't know why i asked that back then. Some years later I realized I was trans and actually came out to my parents, it was anti climatic. I gave them a heartfelt letter that i cant even read now cause its hard (i saved the pictures of it). My dad said hed be there for me and we went to therapy. We only talked about it in therapy and at home it was tabboo. - i know my parents said they accepted me but i dont think i was ready to come out then. - Me and my mom met with a doctor a year after and she said i had to live as a woman for a year before i get hrt. I got scared by that idea, i wanted to transition in secret and then slowly reveal myself to public. I didnt want to be "a man in woman's clothing". - fast forward a couole months i said it's over i dont need this anymore and tnat i regretted it. The psychologist said something about I can always come back and we restart where we left off but i just left the room. Ever since that day we've never talked about it. it became taboo. And even worse, my father started discreetly talk I'll of transwomen and hse slurs when they were on tv etc etc... so that sucks.. Years goes by and I've become a shell of a person. Im empty inside and im empty to everyone. I have no desire for connection and i hate everyone and myself. I just want to be alone. Instead of bringing brightness in the room i bring shadows. No one likes me. Im cold and distant. I want to be liked and wish i could be a likeable happy person that helps and make people feel good but i *cant*. Nothing feels right. I feel like an observer - like a ghost looking out on life. Nothing surprises me. I wish i was a ghost, i dont like when people take acknowledge of me - i want eberyone to ignore me i just want to be a ghost. I dont know who i am anymore and i dont know if it's depression. I just know I wish i was born a woman.
I think it can be partially hard to tell because our baseline happiness can be so low. The chronic incongruency I've been feeling for the last ~10ish years has been really hard. I'm numb to it in a lot of ways, but also numb to so much of life. Rarely feel like I'm in the moment due to feelings of shame around how I exist. I definitely see a path forward now though and am excited.
Intresting, I use to have bad anxiety , sum depression then finding I had dyphoria all makes sense how you describe ther all link ...... I transition 3 yrs ago doing better , my fears are gone and Im happier 😊
Thank you Dr.Z once again. I was so severely anxious for 2 years plus before coming out, to the point where I had panic attacks daily. It's scary thinking back now. But coming out was such a relief, It was tough but I was well supported at work and with my family. My anxiety and mood has gotten so much better with social transition and with HRT. I lost my marriage though. To a woman I loved for over ten years, she couldn't support me and we deteriorated. So now I grieve, and even though I am more happy in myself, I often am very depressed and am still coping with grief. Because both are linked I often question why I transitioned in the first place, could I have held on etc. But thinking back in not sure I would have survived had I continued.
Again thank you so much, I am a clinician myself and I so appreciate what you are doing, often I don't have access to a knowledgeable gender therapist and your videos have helped so much.
I got heavily addicted to Xanax and Clonazepam in HS because i had this terrible anxiety that i had no idea where it was coming from. When i got clean from that i turned to drinking. More recently I've gotten away from my alcohol addiction thanks to finally understanding why i was so anxious and depressed. I still want to fall back into it and thats why im trying to see a councilor/therapist about my feelings of GD so i don't fall back into that unhealthy lifestyle. Ive also been self isolating more and more and i can no longer say its introversion because its almost to the point of agoraphobia. The thoughts of finally understanding myself and what ive been feeling has helped tons, and the idea of transitioning gives me a hope for the future like what my passion for music did for me as a kid. And music while is still my passion, ive not taken any joy in creating music in a long time. Now that im coming to terms with myself, and looking forward to the future again, that musical passion and inspiration is starting to come back. Slowly but surely.
Thank you for this. Before I started transitioning I was on 2 antidepressants and 2 antianxiety meds. I no longer take anything. I am not proud to admit that I have used alcohol as a therapy at times. I live off grid though and getting a therapist to deal with all the real life issues outside of gender dysphoria is next to impossible. All in all though, my life is much better! I did have to cut nearly everyone out of my life including family but it's been worth it. I'd rather have 2 people who love and accept me than 2 family trees that don't.
Today, I have overcome my familiar tendency to procrastinate. I'm proud of myself for waking up earlier, my follow along workout at home and my walk at the park before heading to work. Actually, this all sounded possible to me, after watching your last video, such as drawing inspiration from the yogini. Also, this week was a first for me, just surrounding myself into a support group, which I find to be beneficial for my mood until this day. I noticed, my overall process of thinking starting to unravel. Thank you for this video, I am wishing myself to feel comfortable with other daily activities with the outside world and I already feel grateful for allowing myself to relax a little bit 😊
A very interesting video. I definitely fall right into some of what you are saying. I am a corporate executive that some consider very engaging with our team members and customers yet I consider myself very much an introvert. I have been on MTF hormones for almost 30 yrs yet live my day to day life as a male out of fear of losing my career and family. The one thing I take exception too is isolation. I never get depressed when I isolate myself. In fact it is the only time that I am comfortable. I do get very depressed after being around people, I think because I know it is an act.
For years I've had depression that did not respond to any kind of treatment, from therapy, to medication, to group counseling, to ECT. When I finally figured out I was trans, the depression seemed to go into remission, like this was the answer I'd been missing all along. Even though I still struggle with depression from time to time, it doesn't last as long. I've realized in hindsight that much of what I thought was depression, social anxiety, and OCD may have been misdiagnosed gender dysphoria, or at least caused by gender dysphoria. I know I still have a lot of challenges ahead of me, but at least I have a better sense of direction than I did before.
Once I came out to myself, first there was a huge relief, I was able to stop antidepressants, the constant depressive state of mind subsided to occasional flare-ups, I stopped having panic attacks. But after some time, as I was exploring the whole gender dysphoria thing, it started to come back - strong and obviously related to situations, which touched and triggered the GD. The isolation started to be a thing - I'm very extrovert in fact and it pushed me in a trap - I couldn't go out but I felt so bad when alone. That was the moment I decided for transition. Since then, after every step, the depressive and anxious periods are shorter and easier to manage.
Thank you so much for talking facts without being condescending, if this is the standard quality of all you things then this is something I can share with people so people can understand more about trans-issues. A lot of other RUclipsrs who wants to talk about this have been condescending and outright rude and that's the best way to lose people. So I thank you for not being like that! I hope with your videos I will be able to bring the message forth that people who trans-persons are also people who deserve love.
Hi. I have nothing but love and respect for trans folks and I hope it shows in all my videos! There is so much hate out there and so many people really don’t know the severity and extend of Dysphoria when they talk about it. Thank you for watching.
I’m really going through it I want ffs but to get botched would destroy me I’m learning to live within my means and grow my hair out and see if my disforia lessons also bottom surgery is even more scary for me but I really want it so so badly
What would you think about a male whom perceives Testosterone is a critical threat to his heart health + wants to increase his Hair Health yet harbors no ideas on being gay or transgender yet seeks to take female hormones only as a safeguard for cardiac health and to improve one's hair health?
Hi Dr. Z, these videos have been helpful for me this past week. I was wondering if there was a link between gender dysphoria and seasonal depression. For a few years during the fall and winter months I become much sad compared to the spring and summer months. I ask because I started to question my gender recently and want to know if maybe it’s because of the time of year for me possibly.
Hi, I haven't seen a specific link other than depression in general is common with GD. You may just struggle with seasonal depression as stand alone issue. I never noticed how much Oregon rainy weather affected me till I moved to LA and realized my mood is so much better year round.
Doctor Z what a great segment I have to tell you when my wife found out about the cross dressing 22 years ago she rushed me to our family physician and of course they thought it was an obsessive compulsive disorder sent me to a psychiatrist put me on prozac fast forward 22 years later or I actually 20 years later I had a horrible anxiety attack I went to see my docsir she knows that I was seeing a gender therapist At the time and kind of had a heart-to-heart that maybe it was time that I start hormones of transition she felt that instead of an anti-depressant anti anxiety meds that I probably needed To be on hormones instead I chicken out and said I would try another anti-depressant she put me on trintellics 20 mg I went to my next gender therapy appointment my gender therapist said that's all well and good but you probably rather than doing another anti-depressant would benefit more on being on hormone I just thought that was very interesting and again doesn't take away my destroyer Dysphori
I was a happy extroverted child up until puberty. Suddenly, I become anxious and filled with insecurities. I went from an extroverted child to an introverted teenager and an introverted adult who isolated themselves all the time. Most of my adult life I have struggled with high-functioning depression and anxiety. I grew up in a dysfunctional home and was physically abused and emotionally neglected as a child. I ended up blaming all my emotional struggles on a shitty childhood but could also not understand why I was still so bothered by it at 30, 40, and 50. It was bad, but it was NOT that bad. I spent years in therapy for PTSD, depression and anxiety, but nothing helped until I sought help for combat PTSD from my military service. I went through Cognitive Processing Therapy and after having dealt with my PTSD, I started to apply those lessons to the rest of my life. After a while, I was emotional ready to face the elephant in the room and asked myself those hard questions I had been avoiding my whole life. Once I accepted myself being a transgendered woman and started HRT, my depression and anxiety went away and hasn't returned. I haven't had a single bad day the last five months and I consider myself a happy person and I have also become more extroverted and comfortable socializing with people. I now even attend so called "Cuddle Parties" where I feel comfortable cuddle with complete strangers of all genders.
Thank you for sharing.
My primary issue is gender dysphoria and this results in secondary issues such as lack of confidence, anxiety, fear, isolation, depression etc.
I am becoming more aware of the fact that the "hyper focus" I have on myself striving for feminine perfection in the way I want to look is actually the road to increased gender dysphoria, therefore moving away or reducing the focus on myself will reduce or at least manage gender dysphoria a lot better. Now, before I just go out, I am reducing the time I spend in front of the mirror and this helps.
So sorry to hear of your struggles. Sounds like you are doing the best you can.
I spent 4 decades treating my depression and anxiety not my GD. I spent about a week working on my GD to understand the problem. 8 Months latter my mental health has done a drastic u-turn.
When no therapist or person is providing answers seek them out yourself.
Well put!
I definitely shied away from social contact as a teenager and young adult. I often felt very uncomfortable in social situations where people would try to be 'laddish' towards me, which I never appreciated or just treating me as a man. Actually, very frequently my mental faculties were occupied by thoughts of "if only I was a woman, I'd feel so much better about myself," or "I would shoot for such and such an opportunity, but I'm not comfortable doing it as a man," or "I'd handle this social situation better if I were female." It's fair to say that I always envisioned living as a woman, not as a man and that I wasn't happy progressing through life until I felt comfortable with my gender.
I do remember me telling myself, as a young child, that as soon as I reached the age of 20, I'd become a woman. For various reasons that didn't happen but chief among them I think was that I constantly told myself it was a childish fantasy and that I'd grow out of it. Well I never did grow out of that, in fact, I think what I did grow out of was keeping up the façade of being a man when it simply wasn't me.
Damn! So glad you grew out of facade of who you are NOT! What an amazing story. Thanks for sharing.
I'm nonbinary and I was much the same way growing up, but because I wasn't binary trans, the answer didn't come to me as readily. I didn't even know other possibilities even existed until much later in life. I just knew that things weren't working out so well for me, and I didn't fit in anywhere, for some unknown reasons. Above all was this obsession with "resetting" my life in hopes of getting a better result next time. It turns out these are all pretty significant signs of being trans.
I have been struggling with depression. I was adamant it was due to life situation but could not put my finger on what it was. I have a house, family, food, career, money. Eventually I went to the doctor and was told the best solution was medication. I did not think it was a chemical problem, but I didnt know what else to do besides try that with therapy. The drugs did not help at all in my opinion. I had no idea about the formalities of clinical depression and situational depression as explained so well in this video, but I knew in my head there was a difference. This has helped explain so much, thank you so much Dr Z.
This video explains so much of my life for the past few years. I recently realized I am trans and once I accepted it and started to work on figuring myself out and how I'm moving forward it felt like my depression and anxiety went down a lot. I do recognize my gender dysphoria for what it is now and it does cause anxiety but overall I'm feeling a lot better than I have in years, maybe ever. Thank you so much for these videos!
I've spent my entire life depressed. I was diagnosed with treatment-resistant major depression and autism around 7 or 8. The irony is that autism is linked to gender dysphoria because you have to learn how to be stealth by mimicking others. There's also a link with attachment disorders because you self-sabotage from resentment and being closed off. Nothing seemed to help until one day I started HRT. Now I don't need my antidepressants at all. My friends tell me I'm much more relaxed and seem happier and more sociable. I can't think of a time I lost my temper since starting hormones. Crying during movies is an interesting development :) And OMG I love onions now. Instead of showering every other week, now I shower every other day. I'm still afraid to go full feminine out in public but I'm working on it. I was put on disability because of my depression and PTSD, but I'm getting close to being able to get back in the work force. Before transition, before my egg even cracked, I had no emotional difference between the time I owned a business and the time I was homeless. Now, I'm much better. I came out to my parents as trans and they said they don't approve and it didn't hurt. I laughed it off and continued on my day. Life isn't perfect. I still have a very small budget, I still have back pains, I still argue with a neighbor sometimes. But my life is SOO much better.
PS: I'm watching every single video on your channel and that will take a very long time hahaha. You've already answered some of what I was going to ask you, such as fixing social anxiety with small steps out in public. I'm getting androgynous clothes to wear and learning very light makeup. Thank you for your channel and your in-depth content.
Some people just have very limited beliefs, send them love and continue your beautiful journey towards happiness :)
SO happy to hear you are taking small steps. Thats the key. The small steps vs doing nothing. Each step is like a brick for your new foundation as you build your confidence.
I'm definitely actually an introvert. I'm also pretty sure I'm autistic, and social situations drain me. I'm much happier in my own little world. I deal with a lot of anxiety and depression, but they're life and work related. Everything takes too much energy to deal with. There are too many steps and too many details to try to organize it and do it all without getting overwhelmed. I'm constantly overwhelmed, and that's why I'm constantly exhausted and depressed. It's always better when I have fewer things to deal with. When I can stay home and relax and play video games, I always have less anxiety and depression. Up until Sunday evening when I start dreading the upcoming week. I think it would be easier if I didn't have to deal with my chest constantly making me physically and mentally uncomfortable, but I don’t think it would completely fix my struggles.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I knew I was depressed by the colloquial meaning before I started transition, but the bit you mentioned about favorite comedy movie kinda got me thinking.
One of the main effects I noticed emotionally to going on hormones is that I suddenly noticed that I could laugh at movies and shows. Like before I'd know what I was watching was funny but I was completely unable to laugh. I remember specifically thinking about it and wondering what was wrong with me.
Now I have absolutely no problem laughing
So glad to hear you are doing well.
I definitely had social anxiety all my life. I couldn’t look people in the eye because I thought they would see something was wrong with me. When I discovered I was transgender this went away immediately. I can now look people directly in the eye and not back away or even break out in a sweat. My biggest problem now is I want to tell everyone I’m transgender. I’m even proud of it but because of my standing in my town my family and close friends who know I’m transgender don’t think I should. So, I’m doing everything I can to help people understand people who are transgender should be accepted and respected. Also as a Christian I have become more loving of all people. I’m trying so hard to find ways where I can make a difference.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Wow! That very much explains my social life since puberty.
Since transitioning, my anxieties and depression has gone down a LOT! Before, I was very reserved and introverted. Now, nearly a year and a half after coming out and transitioning, I’m much happier, more expressive and more extroverted. It’s taking some getting used to. I kinda need to practice being social since I’ve had so little practice.
Transition saved me from a life of depression and self neglect. I probably would have died from some simple medial issue because I didn’t have the motivation to take care of it.
Thats so great to hear! Good for you!
It's funny that you mention this. I've been on and off antidepressants for over fifteen years. I recently got back on because for the first time in my life I've been having anxiety attacks. I've told my psychologist and psychiatrist about my gender concerns and they have been noted. My psychiatrist has got me on two different antidepressants as a combination treatment. Unfortunately my psychologist is not well versed in gender issues. Honestly I'm lucky to have even found a PHD clinical psychologist which is covered by my insurance. I came to her suggesting that I have above symptoms, possible bipolar and other personality disorders. Right now we are simply discussing thoughts, personal history and how to manage anxiety.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
This would explain a lot. Ive tried a few different medications in the past to manage depression and anxiety. They never seemed to fully work. I'm thinking because it wasn't addressing the root of the problem, it was just masking it. Since I came to accept myself (been about a year) and made the decision that I must transition, my anxiety and depression is through the roof at times. The thing is, I know exactly what is exacerbating the situation. I keep ruminating on what the consequences of transitioning will be and also what they would be if I did not transition. I fear for losing my job, I've worked there for about 12 years and it pays pretty good. I don't think It will be easily replaced if I lose it. Also there is the family aspect. What will my wife and kids go through because I am being selfish and trying to be who I feel I am inside? But if I don't transition I don't think I'll survive it much longer. All this adds up to me being extremely anxious and depressed to the point where I feel like it would be better for everyone if I just took myself out. I don't even want to get started on what certain politicians have planned for transgender people. I don't know if I can do this but I must. I just would like to thank you yet again Dr Z! I really don't know where I would be if I hadn't found your channel and had your help in finding a therapist. 😁🥰
Arghhh I am so sorry but I just want to scold you and thousands other trans folks who, due to the years and years and years of self deprecation, shame, and guilt, never learned how to have a healthy sense of value. Especially toward your health! Yes your family may not be happy! But that is their task to deal with. You are not committing a crime! You simply need to take care of your health. Period. It is saying "I value my health in the only lifetime I am given and If I dont take care of it, I can't be here for anyone else."
@@DRZPHD Please. Scold away. I need to hear it. Deep down I know that this is what I have to do. I've only had a few sessions with my therapist but she said essentially the same thing you did. I seek out things that will make me feel bad because I need confirmation that I am indeed a piece of shit for being trans and even thinking about transition. I guess it's called a leap of faith for a reason. I just have to have faith that it will all work out in the end and have faith that the people in and around my life will not turn their backs on me. I am reluctant to add psychotropic drugs to the mix but anxiety is terrible. The depression I believe will subside as the anxiety does. I'm slowly crawling out of this dark place I've made for myself and gaining confidence to just let go and be me. 😁
@@John-zo1wt I feel the same some days. I am almost certain it's not clinical depression. Some days I feel good and everything is OK. Other days however I am completely taken over by the fear. That's all it is. Fear. Fear of the unknown. It's almost impossible to predict how someone will react to your coming out as transgender. Those that you think will be your biggest supporter could turn out to be your biggest detractor and vise versa. In an effort to break down my internal barriers about myself i wore clear nail polish to work today. While not colorful it is very shiny and I love it. Makes me feel good just looking at them and I have no doubt that this did not go unnoticed by other people. Are there any small things you can do to alleviate a bit of the dysphoria? I have also completely given up on men's deodorants and underwear. It's not much but it has helped me a bit.
Ive had depression and anxiety for most of my life nothing has ever improved it until i started to transition a few months ago i realise now it was because of childhood trauma as a result of being transgender i couldnt live as myself whilst around the person who caused the trauma ive now moved away and feel i can finally live as me for the first time im looking forward to the future i recently came out as trans thats made me feel stronger too
It makes perfect sense, I've been isolated in my life for Loong Loong period of times, depressed and full of anxiety. In my case sadly (I didn't know it was gender dysphoria) I abused drugs to calm the pain of dysphoria and other stuff in my life for 7 years, I went to the psychiatrist and he sent me antidepressives but I didn't have tell to anyone that I had struggles, when I did it I was referred to a clinic and the psychiatrist kept sending me medication because she said that due to the life I'd had to go through I have to be really stable because hormones can make a lot of mess and that has to be controlled. This friday I'll see her and if everything's ok I'll finally start my HRT. But yeah, a life full of depression, pain and isolation in my case gender dysphoria combined with everything have made me a person that can't fonction in society, I really want to be a useful member of society and I'm taking this leap of faith as my last option because I am tired.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I think this might be me... As a child I was always the one who brought brightness into the room. I was happy and dancing and always has this glow in my eyes. But then puberty came. For some reason, i didnt like bathing anymore, even though I *loved* it as a child. My family said that to me once and the conversation later somehow came to my hairy legs and i asked if it wouls be weird as a boy to shave it. I didn't know why i asked that back then.
Some years later I realized I was trans and actually came out to my parents, it was anti climatic. I gave them a heartfelt letter that i cant even read now cause its hard (i saved the pictures of it). My dad said hed be there for me and we went to therapy. We only talked about it in therapy and at home it was tabboo. - i know my parents said they accepted me but i dont think i was ready to come out then. - Me and my mom met with a doctor a year after and she said i had to live as a woman for a year before i get hrt. I got scared by that idea, i wanted to transition in secret and then slowly reveal myself to public. I didnt want to be "a man in woman's clothing". - fast forward a couole months i said it's over i dont need this anymore and tnat i regretted it. The psychologist said something about I can always come back and we restart where we left off but i just left the room.
Ever since that day we've never talked about it. it became taboo. And even worse, my father started discreetly talk I'll of transwomen and hse slurs when they were on tv etc etc... so that sucks..
Years goes by and I've become a shell of a person. Im empty inside and im empty to everyone. I have no desire for connection and i hate everyone and myself. I just want to be alone. Instead of bringing brightness in the room i bring shadows. No one likes me. Im cold and distant. I want to be liked and wish i could be a likeable happy person that helps and make people feel good but i *cant*. Nothing feels right. I feel like an observer - like a ghost looking out on life. Nothing surprises me. I wish i was a ghost, i dont like when people take acknowledge of me - i want eberyone to ignore me i just want to be a ghost.
I dont know who i am anymore and i dont know if it's depression. I just know I wish i was born a woman.
I think it can be partially hard to tell because our baseline happiness can be so low. The chronic incongruency I've been feeling for the last ~10ish years has been really hard. I'm numb to it in a lot of ways, but also numb to so much of life. Rarely feel like I'm in the moment due to feelings of shame around how I exist. I definitely see a path forward now though and am excited.
Intresting, I use to have bad anxiety , sum depression then finding I had dyphoria all makes sense how you describe ther all link ...... I transition 3 yrs ago doing better , my fears are gone and Im happier 😊
Glad to hear you are doing so much better!
Thank you Dr.Z once again. I was so severely anxious for 2 years plus before coming out, to the point where I had panic attacks daily. It's scary thinking back now. But coming out was such a relief, It was tough but I was well supported at work and with my family. My anxiety and mood has gotten so much better with social transition and with HRT. I lost my marriage though. To a woman I loved for over ten years, she couldn't support me and we deteriorated. So now I grieve, and even though I am more happy in myself, I often am very depressed and am still coping with grief. Because both are linked I often question why I transitioned in the first place, could I have held on etc. But thinking back in not sure I would have survived had I continued.
Again thank you so much, I am a clinician myself and I so appreciate what you are doing, often I don't have access to a knowledgeable gender therapist and your videos have helped so much.
I am so sorry to hear about your marriage ending. Sadly, we often have to close those chapters in our life even if we would rather not.
I got heavily addicted to Xanax and Clonazepam in HS because i had this terrible anxiety that i had no idea where it was coming from. When i got clean from that i turned to drinking. More recently I've gotten away from my alcohol addiction thanks to finally understanding why i was so anxious and depressed. I still want to fall back into it and thats why im trying to see a councilor/therapist about my feelings of GD so i don't fall back into that unhealthy lifestyle. Ive also been self isolating more and more and i can no longer say its introversion because its almost to the point of agoraphobia.
The thoughts of finally understanding myself and what ive been feeling has helped tons, and the idea of transitioning gives me a hope for the future like what my passion for music did for me as a kid. And music while is still my passion, ive not taken any joy in creating music in a long time. Now that im coming to terms with myself, and looking forward to the future again, that musical passion and inspiration is starting to come back. Slowly but surely.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Thank you for this. Before I started transitioning I was on 2 antidepressants and 2 antianxiety meds. I no longer take anything. I am not proud to admit that I have used alcohol as a therapy at times. I live off grid though and getting a therapist to deal with all the real life issues outside of gender dysphoria is next to impossible. All in all though, my life is much better! I did have to cut nearly everyone out of my life including family but it's been worth it. I'd rather have 2 people who love and accept me than 2 family trees that don't.
Thanks for sharing and I am glad you are taking care of your needs!
Today, I have overcome my familiar tendency to procrastinate. I'm proud of myself for waking up earlier, my follow along workout at home and my walk at the park before heading to work. Actually, this all sounded possible to me, after watching your last video, such as drawing inspiration from the yogini. Also, this week was a first for me, just surrounding myself into a support group, which I find to be beneficial for my mood until this day. I noticed, my overall process of thinking starting to unravel. Thank you for this video, I am wishing myself to feel comfortable with other daily activities with the outside world and I already feel grateful for allowing myself to relax a little bit 😊
I would suggest writing COMPOUNDED EFFECT someplace and remind yourself of how it all adds up when you feel down.
@@DRZPHD thank you, my new motor 🙌
A very interesting video. I definitely fall right into some of what you are saying. I am a corporate executive that some consider very engaging with our team members and customers yet I consider myself very much an introvert.
I have been on MTF hormones for almost 30 yrs yet live my day to day life as a male out of fear of losing my career and family.
The one thing I take exception too is isolation. I never get depressed when I isolate myself. In fact it is the only time that I am comfortable. I do get very depressed after being around people, I think because I know it is an act.
Thank you for sharing and I hope your situation gets better soon.
For years I've had depression that did not respond to any kind of treatment, from therapy, to medication, to group counseling, to ECT. When I finally figured out I was trans, the depression seemed to go into remission, like this was the answer I'd been missing all along. Even though I still struggle with depression from time to time, it doesn't last as long. I've realized in hindsight that much of what I thought was depression, social anxiety, and OCD may have been misdiagnosed gender dysphoria, or at least caused by gender dysphoria. I know I still have a lot of challenges ahead of me, but at least I have a better sense of direction than I did before.
Thanks for sharing and I am glad to hear you are doing well.
Once I came out to myself, first there was a huge relief, I was able to stop antidepressants, the constant depressive state of mind subsided to occasional flare-ups, I stopped having panic attacks. But after some time, as I was exploring the whole gender dysphoria thing, it started to come back - strong and obviously related to situations, which touched and triggered the GD. The isolation started to be a thing - I'm very extrovert in fact and it pushed me in a trap - I couldn't go out but I felt so bad when alone. That was the moment I decided for transition. Since then, after every step, the depressive and anxious periods are shorter and easier to manage.
So glad to hear things are getting better for you.
Completely agree with exercise. For many years now I have called walking my medicine and my god. However I am feeling I can always walk it off.
Totally agree. I walk off literally everting in my life.
cool scorp ring :) thanks for all of your videos
Thanks for watching!
Thank you so much for talking facts without being condescending, if this is the standard quality of all you things then this is something I can share with people so people can understand more about trans-issues. A lot of other RUclipsrs who wants to talk about this have been condescending and outright rude and that's the best way to lose people. So I thank you for not being like that! I hope with your videos I will be able to bring the message forth that people who trans-persons are also people who deserve love.
Hi. I have nothing but love and respect for trans folks and I hope it shows in all my videos! There is so much hate out there and so many people really don’t know the severity and extend of Dysphoria when they talk about it. Thank you for watching.
I’m really going through it I want ffs but to get botched would destroy me I’m learning to live within my means and grow my hair out and see if my disforia lessons also bottom surgery is even more scary for me but I really want it so so badly
I hear you. Time will help you with decision too.
A new study recently came out stating that serotonin has nothing to do with depression.
Thanks for sharing.
What would you think about a male whom perceives Testosterone is a critical threat to his heart health + wants to increase his Hair Health yet harbors no ideas on being gay or transgender yet seeks to take female hormones only as a safeguard for cardiac health and to improve one's hair health?
Hi Dr. Z, these videos have been helpful for me this past week. I was wondering if there was a link between gender dysphoria and seasonal depression. For a few years during the fall and winter months I become much sad compared to the spring and summer months. I ask because I started to question my gender recently and want to know if maybe it’s because of the time of year for me possibly.
Hi, I haven't seen a specific link other than depression in general is common with GD. You may just struggle with seasonal depression as stand alone issue. I never noticed how much Oregon rainy weather affected me till I moved to LA and realized my mood is so much better year round.
Doctor Z what a great segment I have to tell you when my wife found out about the cross dressing 22 years ago she rushed me to our family physician and of course they thought it was an obsessive compulsive disorder sent me to a psychiatrist put me on prozac fast forward 22 years later or I actually 20 years later I had a horrible anxiety attack I went to see my docsir she knows that I was seeing a gender therapist At the time and kind of had a heart-to-heart that maybe it was time that I start hormones of transition she felt that instead of an anti-depressant anti anxiety meds that I probably needed To be on hormones instead I chicken out and said I would try another anti-depressant she put me on trintellics 20 mg I went to my next gender therapy appointment my gender therapist said that's all well and good but you probably rather than doing another anti-depressant would benefit more on being on hormone I just thought that was very interesting and again doesn't take away my destroyer Dysphori
Thanks for sharing. I see many often get mis diagnosed with other issues.
I don't get depressed. It just never happens. I am also not a transgender. I think I must have tuned in to the wrong channel. Have a nice day.
All the best to you.
Thanks! And to you :)