The IDEAL Response for Parents
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- Опубликовано: 27 сен 2024
- Dr. Karyn Purvis explains the I.D.E.A.L. response for parents when dealing with their children in various situations, especially those involving poor choices or misbehavior by a child.
I'm shaken. This is the kind of relationship I want with my kids. I want it with everything in me. I'm going to learn.
i would recommend reading the connected child :)
Kathryn Purvis was a genius. Talk about someone being a light! I wish I had met her in person or seen her speak during her lifetime. I will never forget some of these concepts she developed and taught. I hope I can live up to what I have learned from videos of her. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this!
These are great for all families giving them knowledge and skills to work their child's behavior's.
Oh how I miss her perspective....so grateful the time we did have with her....
Could not agree more!
Amazing video!! Thank you so much!!
This also works for student/teacher relationships.
Such a wise and lovely lady
What if they WILL NOT do the right thing (i.e. put the pencil back in your hand)? Then what do you do?
Take opportunities to practice the skill you want the child to learn, outside of the moment
Give them choices... "You can put it here or here"
Or I stay there and say, let me know when you're ready to put it in my hand and act really bored until they do.
When they do the right thing I say thank you and reconnect.
Hope that helps!
Hi Kristin, love that everyone here is discussing this topic. Nice to hear your perspective. I'm not sure what I would do because I don't presently have kids. However, I would be happy and content in knowing I had tried my best, and I guess in our own way we will perceive the video with subjective emotion, and rational. That's the beauty of this comment thread, we all want to discuss, express, and theorize because ultimately we love children, and want good for our species.
However, there are some comments that give very little comment at all, like No. I would appreciate that Shahud provide a more dignified and careful response as we are talking about childhood development, it is not a whimsical topic. Either comment something worthy of merit, or engage yourself in something that is suited to your binary perspective on life, either or, this or that, yes and no.
@@swilson1560 Exactly! The key is the reward they want. A child (or even a pet young puppy dog for that matter) wants your love, your attention. When you don’t give that, even when you pretend not to give that for a moment… I do NOT mean by being bad, but simply not making eye contact, then that is likely enough. And when they do make THEIR choice to hand over the pencil… that’s the time to lavish them with the praise and recognition of your eye contact and thank you words. You have again got the connection and established the behavior that is needed for the relationship. It is a delight to see in kids (and even pet dogs but of course in our wonderful children the dividends go beyond the years we will live!)
4:10 "I have relationship." But, what is the nature of the relationship? It sounds like how to teach a child to have a peer relationship with the parent. I agree, as a parent, force is not necessary. But disrespect needs to be corrected. Else you have enforced manipulation in that: if I have a greater, more negative response, I can get can get an adult to compromise with me and in doing so, get further down the road of what I want. It will also teach any children in the vicinity, "I will get more of what I want, if I have a greater, more negative response like 'Tommy' does. No, greater rebellion should equal less freedoms and choice. Not more.
Just curious, are you a trauma informed parent? This woman made it her life work to help heal broken kids - so unless that matches your life values, it's not going to make sense.
Respect is a very important part of TBRI.
In those instances, it is not disrespect, it is dis-regulation. If you're more concerned about losing your "power/control" as a parent than trying to help your child manage their emotions/words then that's a problem. If you're trying to control rather than coach, that's a problem. If you watch other videos about TBRI is NOT about being a doormat or not telling them certain behavior is inappropriate. It is being able to do that while still providing connection in moments of dis-regulation because childrens' brains are not developed the way adults' are. As a kid, sure I never disrespected anyone...but that was because I was so afraid of my parents I didn't dare. I had no voice, had an internal voice ruling me with fear/blame/punishment and it caused MAJOR problems in my relationships later on in life. Go take a training and see for yourself how it works!
No
All the parents should be reading her books and following her. she is so good in what she is doing.