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Good point but if this is the reality so I Think people need a constant reminder of their mistakes. That’s only way that they will understand if they are conscious enough so that they can see how their mistakes can create .
I didn't date when I was a teenager and now I barely know how to talk to people I'm trying to attract. I feel like skipping that in my twenties as well will be completely detrimental to my social skills.
If anything you can just try socializing in other things like conventions, the skatepark (if you skate), the library, clubs, even online video games. And then maybe you'll find your special someone that way too
Same, I’m just now getting in actual relationships and it’s strange. Breakups are like h the end of the world for me but with others it doesn’t phase them at all. I think it’s because I’ve only had 2 like sex filled relationships but still others are past that stage. As a result I’ve stopped dating for now, plan on going the passport route but once I move to Houston I’ll start to casually date. Just for the people skills, social stuff and to not feel lonely. Taking people serious is something you do at our age I guess
I understand not wanting to marry in your 20s, but not date? Pursuing romantic relationships, learning about yourself and learning what makes a compatible partner for you is just as important for your personal development as learning skills + money. Theres nothing wrong with pursuing dating and self improvement as long as one side does not overtake or infringe on the other side
As someone that's also in his mid-twenties, I feel like it's best to focus most of your time on building yourself up. I think it's fine to spend a bit of time on dating, but it shouldn't be your main focus. If you find someone that's a great fit for you, then by all means, get in a relationship if that's what you want to do. But building yourself up is more important in this phase of your life. Fully neglecting your dating life also doesn't seem like a good option because your social skills will suffer. That's why I mainly focus on improving myself, but I also see dating as a way to do this. I see life as a game, and going on dates helps me to level up my (introverted) character. Thought-provoking video! It's also really well edited, keep it up! 👊
I simply will not go particularly out of my way, or expend obtuse amount of resources on it. I am content with the dating experiences I have had, her genuineness while we date and willingness to meet me halfway on things to make the dating life easier on me so my mental energy can remain elsewhere. Unfortunately, women in their 20s have different standards for us men in our 20s. This is where the mismatch happens. I am focused on my future, she is focused on her emotions and the right now. So finding someone who is has mutual attraction, genuine conversation, and they understand I am working on my life is rare. Therefore, dating is a small part of my life that comes around rarely. I do not avoid it all entirely, but reality of putting myself first is that it is next to nonexistant in my life and idek if its particularly my fault for doing whats best for me
You don't think by the time you hit 30 that all the women around your age and younger will be damaged goods? The issue is finding a quality woman. Can't find that when 99% of the women have toxic exes, kids, and are jaded. Rather find a woman younger so we avoid as much baggage as possible.
Good luck with your endeavors, Cole. I learned many of the same things you did in many of the same ways. I'm now 31, have a beautiful and supportive wife, 4 young sons and a surging career and control of my life. I wish it on everyone.
I think, men dating in their 20's might still have value but focus should not be chasing potential partners but building up yourself. When you build up yourself, the rest is more likely, to just come to you.
@@ColeHastings Lol it depends on the type of person cuz U Attract what U are so, if U Figure out How to Manifest w Patience to get the Success , then U can Get Anything U Want out of life. Great GOD on your side helps a lot with that Process too..U just got to Trust the Process that way you’re Younger Self will give Thanks & Be Proud of U…
@@isadora1727 " we attract the people and events in our lives based on who we are" - yet people always play the victim card, including myself in my 20s. EVERYTHING mirrors our internal, I repeats, EVERYTHING you experience in this matrix is just a mirror to how you FEEL about yourself on the inside :)
I’m turning 30 next year and as much as I’ve tried, learn from mistakes, and try again, I’ve never been in a relationship. I’m not a virgin anymore, but dating has been nearly impossible, and harder to make a positive impression with women than being in a job interview
Well im 37 but with V card on me still. As age goes up i clearly see im missing that " experience" to build anything in my current age. So yea... Men should date when they are in their 20's just to get that experience alone.
For me, I feel each person has to find their own balance of personal development while single, and while dating. Some are more comfortable always dating or maintaining a relationship, and others are content with being single. What’s most important is to not stagnate in either, such as staying in a relationship that should have ended years prior for a plethora of reasons, or finding yourself going a decade without ever trying to go on a date. Being single and dating are both crucial aspects of life to improve in, not just one or the other. It’s up to the individual to find the balance that is most comfortable for them. And for that demographic of people that seemingly never truly do find “the one”, I know it can be difficult, but all you can do at that point is keep putting yourself out there. Keep trying. And in the meantime, focus on ways you can love, understand, and improve yourself. Great thought provoking video as always, keep up the great work.
I'm 41, bro I promise you, stay single lol just say no. Focus on your skills, travel with your friends and make amazing memories. Matter of fact, make so many memories like I did that nothing fazes you. In your 30s start a spiritual practice (if you can start earlier, do it) and build yourself character/values/morally. Once this is set and you hit your peak at 32-35, amazing things will start happening for you :)
Dating is part of learning, and being in my 30s i’ve learned what’s not for me by dating in my 20s. Keep dating, it helps you find yourself and what you truly want
I am a 21 year old guy and I never had a girlfriend or even my first kiss yet. After having no luck with 2 girls in my college and 2 girls whom I knew since my high school days and also no luck on dating apps, finally 3 days ago, a girl matched with me on one of the dating apps and for the first time, I had a decent chat with a girl on dating app without getting ghosted. She is a 19 year old girl and for the past 3-4 days, the chats were decent enough. We live in the same city but different college and different course too. Do you think this time I will at least get my first kiss? I also get worried thinking what if she ends up ghosting me too or wouldn't want me.
@@samgaming0626 it wasn't a relationship. She rejected me horribly after I asked her out and insulted me. I turned 22 just 8 weeks ago and still no girlfriend.
@@manosijroy8282 It's cruel. I understand that I can't really support you with words, but I sincerely wish you to find a girl worthy of you. But don't sit still yourself! Errors are a field for experiments. They are like fuel for your self-development engine. The only thing that matters is the quality of the fuel, so don't do anything really stupid. God, now I'm ashamed that I'm teaching the life of an adult. I'm only 18 myself, but thoughts about relationships have started to arise more and more often. At the same time, no matter how stupid it sounds, I don't want to start a serious relationship. At least right now. I just want to talk to a girl, get to know her better and only then decide what exactly I want from this relationship. In a way, I just want to practice in a relationship so that in the future I won't miss that "dream girl" because of my own inexperience and shyness. But that's pretty cynical, isn't it? And it is extremely unfair to the girl. After all, in this case, I will only consider her as a mannequin on which I can practice. But she is not a mannequin and she also has feelings. That's why I'm hesitating. I can't figure out where I can find someone who shares my desire to learn more about relationships and whether I can find her at all.
Don't do monk mode! The idea of not dating in your 20's to solely focus on your personal development is bs. Going through the awkward stages of dating is part of your personal development.
This is true, in the end, whatever path you choose to go through in life is development, just own it, whether you chose the hobby/job/etc path or the love path, or a bit of both, it's development.
Agree. You need to learn how to interact with girls in your twenties, but do not get marry, unless you were born into a well-off family and already got your finance together 💥
Yes okay solid relationships take years to develop a true bond. Going into your 30’s with developed relationships is a must and your 20’s are so valuable for that.
@@ColeHastings I mean it is a truly interesting question for young guys. I don't like how some personal development channels are currently saying skip women for your entire teens & twenties to focus on developing yourself. That seems like such a waste of youth, love and sexytime to me. Simultaniously I currently have the girl of my dreams, the appartment and the puppy I always wanted. But I did put a break on my YT channel for a year to get these things and it is a question where it could have been had I fully focused on my career. Simultaniously I would never trade my girl and puppy for any amount of income.
From 19 to 24 I was on drugs I had a neglectful and abusive childhood. At 27, I just care about my sobriety and indulgence in my passions.. I will always despise those who throw relationships in my face, it was never in the cards for some people. You'd think in a generation that cries so much about mental health they wouldn't purposely upset those who just aren't like them.
I got serious about self development when I turned 15. Decided to shut off everything else in life and focus only on programming and health care. I'm currently 17yo and my net income is over 70k a year working as a software developer. Life is made of decisions and whatever you pick you're gonna see a lot of results from it.
Did you take a bootcamp to learn to be a software developer or how did you learn? I’m 26 but I’ve been looking into becoming a software engineer. How long did it take you to start earning good money?
@@mycrazylife408 I didn't. It took me around 1.5 years to get this job. I used to study around 2 hours everyday through Udemy courses. You can definitely do it quicker if you have a studying plan in mind.
You will fall in love, and you will learn from failed relationships. Everyone has their own views and values in their significant others, but as an older gentleman in my 40's, nothing is more important than learning about yourself and taking care of your needs 1st, always. You might achieve this by getting into relationship's or going monk, but everyone must create their own path. Just please understand that everyone's path will be different, and that there is no playbook, nor wins or losses. There is just living!
As someone in their late 20s who missed the boat and never got to be in a relationship, I implore all you youngsters to socialize as much as possible and be open to experience all kinds of relationships, while also working on yourself.
Not all kinds. Some people and relationships with them are really toxic. I know several people who are still traumatized after bad relationship experiences.
I@@nightfighter7452 I feel you I put myself out there a lot in college and only landed a fews by sheer luck. However none of these dates turn into long-term fun relationships. I may not be conventionally the most handsome guy out there but day by day I am evolving to become better than yesterday.
Great video! I didn't date in my 20s as I was so focused on building my ideal life. I put all of my focus on my fitness (lost 125 pounds) and eventually quit my 9-5 job and built a successful business.
After getting out of a 2-3 year relationship. It made me realize the problems I had and how I needed to improve myself. I’m still in the heartache phase, but I know I’ll get past it. I’m 32 now, I have a decent career, but want to really focus on my mental health and being content with not needing a new girlfriend right away. I want to build other areas of my life up before I pursue someone again within a 6 month span.
I will say, from a Christian perspective, I understand that we need experience but not the sexual things outside of marriage because if you got with someone, had intimacy with them and then break up, you shared something valuable with them that you cannot get back. And when you have a wife, all memories that you had with the previous person who you had intimacy with will come back with your wife and won't be as enjoyable and it will be hard to embrace her. But, what is impossible with man is possible with God. Respecting women is a game changer, saying no is a power and being holy through Christ will help with that. Yes, experience is great, but do not gamble with your soul/life/spirit for pleasure. Been there, I don't want to go back. Good video, my man.
Cole is a mind reader hahaha, I used to feel out of place for not seriously dating in my 20s, I've dated a few people but I haven't been on a date in a couple of years, because I'm focusing on myself. Happy Wednesday Cole!!!
I'm not sure if there are a lot of 29 year olds like myself. But I can speak for myself that I didnt get my first relationship until I was 25 years old. That's because I was focusing on building myself to the person I want to be and overcome all my past traumas & negative thoughts that came originally from my Mom's toxic family. I knew back then that I didnt want to half-ass a relationship if I kept on feeling insecure about myself. I learned that if you focus on yourself the right people will come to your life if you both invest in yourself and expose yourself to social situations. Fast forward now, I had two relationships and both ended on really good terms and a few hours ago I just took the nursing exam. I don't plan on getting a relationship anytime soon because I want to focus on my career, improve all around health, and expose myself to life and people. It's all about living life and believing in yourself no matter what people say to you. Just know your self worth and doors will open up. 😁🙏
I’m 22 and I can see me in your comment. I’ve pass for some things like that and i needed some time to put my head together. Now I’m more ok with me and life but also sometimes I feel like I’ve miss a lot of things during that time at the point to makes me down. It’s just in my head and I’ll keep doing my best. Everyone has their time to do things and it’s ok. English is not my first language so I’m sorry if I wrote something wrong.
I feel like I don't just hear your words, but they go directly into my soul. Thank you for sharing such beautiful thoughts and useful experiences. Definitely one of my favorite channels.
After my last relationship ended (before covid), I needed to work on myself and see who I was. I stopped being so clingy and needed to set up boundaries with what's right and wrong in a relationship. Recently tried to get with a girl I work with and after 3 weeks of talking and hanging out with her she decided to avoid me. So I'm going to continue on myself
The only thing that worries me about not finding a partner is not being able to continue the bloodline. It feels like you failed your family in a way. Like "We did all that work for it to end here" seems like that's what they would be thinking. All the other insults, whether online or in person, about being a virgin or still being single are kind of irrelevant. You ultimately don't control how someone feels about you and if they love you or not. It doesn't make sense to stress about. There's so much more to life
Bro breakups are lit, you get an insane level of motivation and all that broken self worth can be built into something even stronger. I was heartbroken over the pandemic and I speak fucking advanced Russian now XD
I'm a very attractive guy, but im very picky with who iam with. I have an Avoidant attachment style. And everytime a girl is interested in me, i found out that they dont meet my standards, and thats one of the reasons im still single.
Needed to hear this tbh, been so focused for so long on chasing that I changed myself to be what I thought others wanted, resulting in me at 29 not knowing who I am or what I want, and only having dated one girl. Need to figure out who I am and what I want, but the social pressure to not be “old and alone” is always in the back of my mind
I went through a breakup that harmed my self image. But I then built it up from the ground again, without there being self doubt, one would never go through pain everyday to fight that doubt. Now in the best shape of my life and an amazing job, i can only say that pain is the only currency of change.
It’s funny, just told my friend today I like being single now after being in constant relationships in high school and early 20’s. I can finally focus on myself and build my life.
Saving this to watch later, but this is definitely something I need to hear, I watched a romance movie the other day, started beating myself up for being all alone at 24, really I need to focus on my RUclips channel, finances, career, gym, church, etc... More than a girl right now
lol, ppl have been preaching self help on RUclips for around 10 years now, and not a single bit of it has changed!!! There’s the advice given by the gurus and then there are the ppl in the comments section complaining about their dumpy life. It’s amazing how none of it changes. Always the same cycle being repeated. This is one of the reasons I don’t listen to self help anymore…at some point it’s just an infinite loop of sameness. But what’s really mind blowing is that the number of views is greater for self help shit than anything else!!! Miserable lads commiserating in their victim hood and blame of others. “Hit the gym!” Says one guy…and so on.
@@shitmandood human nature stays consistent. Thats why its good to focus on a goal and not worry much about the noise around. Fomo is an illusion for many things
if you go into a relationship not with a specific expectation or goal (like staying together indefinitely), but instead just with the intent to spend a joyful time together, then I don't think it necessarily has to end in heartbreak. even when you separate again, then that does not diminish the value of the time spent together and the experiences made. it'll just mean that it's time for another chapter. so I suggest to try to be open to any outcome: you may stay together all the way, or you may separate again after a month, a year, a decade, and both of these outcomes are perfectly fine. it's not about the outcome in the first place, but - again - about the quality of time spent together. let yourself be surprised of whatever will come out of it, don't try to force a specific outcome.
youre right, i dont know what its like to be in a relationship, probably never will. at this point the only reason I haven't ended it is because my parents would be devastated
This is a pretty toxic idea because it conditions people to treat first relationships as a stepping stone to the next one and to treat potential prospects (especially men) as less valuable if they havent had enough relationships because first relationships are “unlikely to succeed”. Do not listen to this feelgood nonsense. Unless you’re a playboy or playgirl every relationship you get into should be done with the intention of finality and anything less is a waste of time if you are serious. If it doesn’t work out the first time, it is what it is but at least it wont be for lack of trying.
@@MinuteBraceletIf someone truly loves you, they'll want to see you even at your lowest. You got to find a women who's willing to see you grow and build up to your success in your 20s. If you can't find one, then move along. If no women gives you a chance in your 20s and you've been growing to be successful, then it doesn't change the result. Definitely be careful with the women who jumped into dating you once you reach success but ignored you in your 20s.
Your first gf was a real one. She saw you acting soft and smacked some tough love into you. I had a similar experience at 18 and my gf at the time sympathized with me when honestly i think some tough love from her woulda helped a lot more
One relationship in High School is Essential but you might go through Heartbreak so be prepared. Once you’re in your 20s stop trying to find love, go get Rich! And when U Ready to Love..Make sure U Fully Love Yourself before U Anybody Else. Also Only love on the Ppl that Show U they Love U !
Good video man. I’m still sad about my breakup and the emotions are still raw. But I know all the pain will make me stronger and that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Very grateful to have had the great relationship I did for all the great memories and lessons. Looking forward to moving forward to improving myself. But also going on dates when I can, and not hiding out of social anxiety! Very important to keep that in mind! Thanks man
I just turned 28 and I have never experienced a dating life. I am too stuck in my insecurities, and by now I feel that it's too late because probably all the women I will try to talk to they will think that I am too immature. And I am not saying that I never tried in the past to flirt or to ask for a date, I just always have been rejected
Hey man I think that if you give up now youre going to regret it later and its going to hurt a lot. I understand what you are feeling, but youre extremely young. Do your best to not live a life full of regrets, open wounds and psychological problems. What you do now is going to affect you until you die, 60 years from now, probably. It a lot of time.
Try to work on your insecurities and put yourself out there. There's a really good channel about interactions called social animal. It's just a dude that brings out randoms dude and pushes them out of their confort zone to talk to people and put themselves out there. You should totally check it out, might give you a boost or some motivation. It's all up to you, how you decide to enjoy your life though. Cheers man :)
I'm 25 and I feel liked I'm fucked too, all of my crushes rejected me from thier friendzoned, they give me the boyfriends card or straight out get the creep label dating here in the US sucks
This was a decent video. I'm 21 and havent dated anyone. And it's on my mind constantly. I'll get lonley. But I know I need to focus on myself. Or focus on finding friends first
It’s not always about necessarily “dating”. Bro just talk to girls as humans and you never know what can come out of it. People don’t have many connections because they don’t talk. Everybody got it in them :)
You can get these benifits without dating, which is good because whenever i try to talk to women they act as though im attacking them or setting them up for trafficking. You cant make women want to date you if they dont want to date you, you can work out have almost 6 figs and a motorcycle and convertible work out eat right be kind, and you are still invisible to women. Literalyl nothing i do helps, and no one has cared since i was squeezed out, dating for some is just not an option. Most people will try their hardest and will never win. Old and alone is kind of what most 30 year old guys look forward to. And im just hoping we legalize euthenasia.
@@smiles1113 women don’t have to invest anything into the relationship. Being a woman is her safety net. A woman can build her self while the man wastes his time giving her ego boost and energy. I think having sex and exploring sex is better than wasting time and energy into that. there is 0 reason to go into a relationship. Just nut and get your fix.
I am spending my 20's building for my future. Already met with a financial advisor on what I should do after college and already off to a great start. I would like to date at least once before 30 but I'm not holding my breath on it. My future is being built right now on the basis I won't be married or have a girlfriend. There is room for it to happen and I will be open to it happening, but I'm not counting on it. I may fall into that category of never married and I'm ok with it. I've made peace with it for a long time. But life is not all about that. Great people in history have accomplished good things like Harper Lee who wrote To Kill a Mockingbird without being married. So If this is my fate having a single grave in a graveyard, so be it. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong it would be great to have it. This quote sticks with me. "As thrilling as the next adventure might be, in the end...you're always left with that same feeling. Sometimes you just gotta... choose what you're gonna keep and... what you're gonna let go." -Nathan Drake
@@ColeHastings I hope so too. Here I am at 22 and the more I talk the more I sound so old. Lol. Maybe that's why I'm having trouble dating. I'm just ahead of the curve maturity wise and I'm just waiting on others to catch up.
@@ColeHastings definitely me. 29, engineer with college degree, public service job and enough money to consider buying a house in 2-3 years. Life is peaceful without women and I have accepted being alone as a viable solution. It definitely hasn't been like that all the time, however. I've had to work on myself a lot to get there. I could be in a relationship right now, but the women available are leagues behind my emotional level and driven by insecurities. It's a drag to interact with them so I stopped, especially when it's always me who has to keep communication alive. I'm too busy for these silly games.
Man, you hit the nail on the head with your original post, and I especially resonate with your reply! It seems like all I encounter is immature behavior and poor communication, which ends up with me not having any dates. This is considering that people are surprised nowadays that I haven't dated anyone (I'm a late bloomer who's in my mid twenties lol). On one hand, you can be grateful that you didn't form any significant attachment to the less mature person. On the other hand, it can be difficult to manage expectations well enough to not be upset by this dating wasteland we see today. This stuff's got me thinking about being a priest or something of the like to have a tangible entity that I'm committed to instead of a woman lol. Being ahead in this sense can be lonely, but purpose is what will keep us afloat 👌🏾
So long as men can't give all their love without worrying about losing half their s*** in a divorce, the current (sharply downward) trajectory of society will continue. Not sure what the big mystery is with all these "why are men so lonely" videos. We saw what happened to our parents. We're not idiots.
People always ask: "How do I find the right partner for me?" what they should be asking is: "How do I become the partner who is right for someone else?".
i like u cuz you're actually relatable unlike a lot of these "how to talk to people" youtubers who are already at their best and say "just do this" like its super easy. you went through the same shit a lot us who are watching ur vids are going through now and you express that so well in ur vids so its very easy to relate and feel comfort. my problem just comes from... actually applying what you say in ur vids. cuz clearly i'm just watching this stuff for entertainment rather than to actually help myself. i need to change that
A relationship teaches you things you cannot learn on your own. If you're with someone that promotes growth within you, and supports your dreams, then don't let that go. A truely compatible relationship is not an accessory that you acquire at some specific point in life.
The double standards are real man. Could you imagine if your girlfriend was the one crying and you had slapped HER? You would've been arrested probably. This world is a messed up place man. Don't let it bother you though. Keep up the grind for greatness bro.
Have appreciated your videos since i found them last year during my breakup. Thank you. You dont understand how grateful i am. Don’t stop being vulnerable and showing your experiences. Keep on keepin on!
I think the only way to fix my life is honestly to delete myself I'm almost 30 and never grew in my 20's not one relationship, no college degree, no friends severly depressed going to end up dead hopefully soon.
Plain and simple, humans are meant to be close and connect with one another. What society has really done is encourage that it’s ok to be alone, creating people who actively close themselves off from others to be in the “I don’t need anyone else because I’m happy being alone” club. It’s honestly complete bs. There are times to work on yourself, and not let the alone times turn you into a negative person, but at the end of the day, smiles, laughs, love, hate, and all the beauties of life don’t mean sh*t unless you can share it with someone. Very thought provoking. Thanks for the upload man.
Can't believe we are the same age Cole and you're actually one of the most honest realistic person to actually give out real facts than those fake other "influencers" out there! So thanks again Cole keep it up :)
1. Women select the Men. 2. Men accept or reject. That’s the actual science. Be the guy YOU want to be. She will find you. She’s got her heart set on the type of person she wants, years before you read this.
2:42 Morale of the story: don't get Gone Girl'd and cope in a play of a "relationship" with a partner where your identity has evaporated. Do cool stuff in public, develop emotional intelligence, and have lots of friendships instead of being whiny and emotionally immature because women apparently want the stereotypical "emotional rock" of a man in public and a cold shoulder to cry on in private as their guy absorbs their pain without any consideration as to the pain males might be suffering in the meantime. Eventually someone is gonna think you're cool enough to be "dateable" and the strengths on both sides of the relationship should compliment one another.
as a 28 y/o guy who just mutually ended or paused my first "serious" relationship of a year and a half- let me give some insights "dating" girls is important in ur 20s no doubt- u need to get experience get comfortable and discover what u like and dont like in life- and that goes for women as well. the issue is investing too much time and resources into the relationship when your lacking other parts of your life, u can never become dependent on the relationship or outcome, the key is to have independence and peace bieng alone with yourself. men need time to themselves and single time, as well as dating periods and trials and tribulations with potential partners, if u can date girls honestly and communicate what u truly want whether that is commitment freedom or whatever etc it will always be better than settling in a relationship and not being transparent or happy. the number one key i learned after dating 100s of 100s of women is honesty and authenticity, own who u are and be brutally honest about ur feelings and what u want, learn how to communicate properly, and truly be your best self day in and day out- your opportunity awaits once you master these 3 components.
I remember approaching my first "serious" relationship with this exact mindset explained in the latter half of the video Didn't save me from sulking for one and a half years after being dumped through text in "it's-not-your-fault-you're-a-great-guy" fashion three months into the relationship though.
Thanks for this video, i think it's important message for women too. I grew up as anti social girl and didn't have any relationship till now (I'm 20), and I think, it's right. The problem with relationships is we think it will fill us up and give us what we always lack, but this is a lie. All humans being NEED to build your personality first, then show others, who a you. It's a big problem with our society. Too many impose the wrong values.
So true. I think that too many people make a relationship their entire life. Women (or men), are a nice addition to your life, but they shouldn't be your whole life.
I also think you can grow and become more with someone you love. It doesn't mean being alone. What about people in arranged marriages? What about the nearly 40yr old who has gone through the self help journey, changed, discovered grown but is still single. I wish things were black and white but everyone has a different story.
It's always funny how women say "I was anti-social girl, because my first relationship was until the VERY old age of 20". It's funny, because they don't even imagine what truly lonely men can be and that having literally 0 dating experience in 20s is COMMON for most men. What women think is so outrageous and abnormal for them is just common for men. Women wouldn't survive men's loneliness if they think that being 20 without relationships is "anti-social" (for example that man being 40 and a virgin, around 9 min 40 s in the video).
@@piotr004 Yeah I laughed when I read 'VERY old age of 20'... then theres me and millions of other men in their late 20s with literally not so much as a kiss LOL. Whenever a woman is single, its by choice
Great take Cole. I wasn’t a fan of those videos where people encourage guys to not date in their 20s. Your 20s is a great time to learn and grow from relationships. Don’t sit around and wait to start those experiences in your 30s.
pain is essential in life for us to grow and you weren't going to learn that if you only keep your self safe.. go out there and actually know what u like and u dont, have yourself choices, experiences will teach you
We are only a moment. Life works out for some and doesn’t work out for others. It’s just so random. Some people die in their 20s due to over worrying and stress that they’re not where they want to be in this life journey. It is what it is. We’re only taking our selves with us in the end and it’s all meaningless once it’s over.
@Infernal 777 Yeah I know. Just gotta suck it up and live while you're still breathing. Find a distraction or something you enjoy doing to get your mind off things.
@Infernal 777 At the same time I just wanna be grateful for every second I get. I'm 21 and living each day as if it was my last. Listen to my favorite music and watching my favorite shows and movies you know...
I was just thinking about these things yesterday. As someone who is 24 and has had no real relationship it feels tough to even start. I’ve definitely improved a lot and I’m a lot better at socializing than I was even a year ago, but I still have this lingering fear of it not being good enough and that my improvement will never lead to anything. I guess those two questions are things I should think about.
@@ColeHastings I laughed so hard how you segued into the sponsor ad. And your headline game been strong. Sounds like you've either found your niche here or getting great advice from someone. Check out Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon. It's been changing my creative process. Hope you check it and allow it to do the same for you bro!
I'm 25 ... The last 15 years were just hell for me, I was this shy/skinny/short teenage boy that got bullied daily ... in those 15 years, I was the sadness itself when It came to dating/relationships. I'd had one serious relationship for 2,5 years but, it was just average. I'd wouldn't mind just casual dating. who knows If I met someone I'd actually want to spent 50+years with? I'm just not good with flirting or being a "chad" like they say.
Same. I also don't really have external hobbies and don't like drinking (and the environment around it). So I need to solve that problem. I also have no local friends so I can't even meet people that way.
The only reason I keep watching these self help videos is so I can stay reminded of what to do I already know what to do but at the same time I need to keep my self up to date so i can stay fresh.
I wish I could enact on this advice. I just feel like dating is out of my control right now. I can't find any matches online and I struggle to approach people in real life. When it comes to having crushes on girls they either don't feel the same way or have a boyfriend. It sucks but at least I tried right? I guess all I can do is work on my confidence to approach people in the real world
You’re absolutely right about the benefits of self discovery when you enter into a relationship, pour all your heart out, and have it broken by the person you trust the most.
I'm actually struggling with this right now feel like I see everyone around me just meeting people all the time and I'm on my own most of the time I try too accept it and control what I feel but sometimes it does weigh on me any advice ?
@@ColeHastings well I do this it's more just the dating side of it I tend too have no dating life and then I withdraw from some of my friends as I don't feel I can relate too them but go too the gym everyday and joining jiujitsu so I'm taking positive steps i think
Nothing wrong with being alone. I prefer it these days. People in general are just a hassle. I have very few friends and not interested in dating and I’ve never been happier.
you prob won't see this cole but i just wanted to say thank you. i never thought i'd be saying that to a youtuber but here we are. your reflections and meditations on your life have given me a lot of insight into my own, and the clarity of your thinking is inspiring. i can tell how hard you've worked for it. can't believe you haven't hit a mil yet.
I have never been in a relationship, I worked hard to change that. I spent my youth studying to become a doctor, in which I succeeded. I started looking for a girlfriend again after graduation, and no success. I came back to the gym and lost weight, but it seems like I am not making any progress despite the work on myself. So, I made a decision after watching the latter half of the video that mentions staying single after working on myself and having no success... If I remain single by the age of 35, I will take my own life. I can't imagine staying alone the whole life. I dread the prospect of being an old man with no family. I would rather commit suicide at that age rather than waiting for the old age to see that I have created nothing during my lifetime.
I doubt you will stick to this, but if you were to, that desperation would be your downfall. The closer you got to 35, the more feverish you'd be with women, ruining your chances.
I'm a 22 years old gay boy and I've never been in a serious relationship. The biggest fear of mine is ever geting it to meet the "true love of my life" (a concept a don't truly belive in by the way) and not being mature enough in relationship affairs. Fortunately I have learnt a lot with all the times I got rejected and I feel prepared to get into a relationship.
I never dated someone cuz I always been rejected by asking them out. Even if I look handsome and tried more than 40 times to ask them out with confidence, I still get rejected so.... I still don't know what dating looks like. I'm 26 years old and still single. I just only have my family, church community and still looking for a job because I finished my college studies.
Rejection sucks, I know, but there are MILLIONS of people in the world that you could still ask. I'm in the same spot as you. I just hope your situation isn't as bad as mine. There's someone out there who will say "Yes", but it'll take some time. Just don't rush it when getting to know someone.
Dude hire pickup coach. I know lots of frauds there, but it's the best thing I did. Even if you don't want to skyrocket bodycount, the knowledge and practice are priceless.
I'm 30 and I've never been in a relationship I see all these videos about Self Help and how to be yourself in order to pursue a relationship but in all honesty I still don't know because I lack that experience. Personally when I look at a relationship I'm doing everything all for the wrong reasons and don't even know the reality of it because of my lack of experience.
I feel what you are saying, and I must admit I'm probably not open enough to pull all that off. I hate the party culture there are lots of men and women that genuinely seem toxic, pursuing my hobbies also never really helped me in that regard. Online dating seems to really hard overlap with party culture and I must say I tried it but grew tired of it after a few years of getting dates on and off, just to be finally left on read and used as a free meal. Sometimes I think, maybe dating is just not for me, or I suck at it too much, but at the same time I want to believe in a relationship where I can support and embrace another human being and getting the same out of it. I just do not know where to start and in the end I always come to the solution that I rather focus on myself and let conversations and meet and greets happen and be open for anything but not to look for it actively....I honestly do not know if that is a mistake
hmmm im 34 and an in a very loving and secure relationship now for 3 years (engaged). Some of what you said is true, but I also think its important to spend your 20s achieving your full potential in body, mind, and spirit. I would suggest that any man who is able to sample as many women as they can so that they 1. Can see various womens personality/sex types and 2. getting extremely comfortable with being a leader in male/female relationships. Its so important to be detached and not desperate when dealing with women and the best way to achieve that is to be comfortable around any woman no matter how hot or ugly she is. Most women want masculine men who are going to lead.
Man, that low-point in the first relationship... I don't know where you get the courage to say those things online. Mad respect, bro. I've learned to take your videos more like "suggestions" and not "facts". Just someone else's viewpoint, and not a guide to life. Your videos have being even more helpful since then, and I enjoy them more. I don't know if you did something to generate that feeling, bur regardless, good job. Great job. Keep it up and stay safe~
If you are dating in your teens or 20s is it okay to think this might work out? My fist relationship failed because I wanted focus on school and my dad said I should get to know a variety of women to find out what I liked. Twenty years later, I still miss that one.
I've never been in a serious relationship in my entire life unfortunately. I did have a female friend that I had feelings for who ended up friendzoning me and getting another bf. It almost felt as bad as getting dumped. The biggest thing I'm working on is putting myself out there more. That "perfect partner," isn't just gonna magically come to you. You have to be proactive. That being said, I'm still happy with the direction my life is going. I might not be where I want to be, but I know I'm headed in the right direction.
do not get too attached because, Stage 1 is goated but stage 2 kinda sucks thats ur first heart break you will go through alot of crazy chicks in the end of the beginning of dating. thats what i completed. now i chase a bit more mature girls but because of social media they are very hard to find in the west.
I've had so many cool experiences from dating and it's so depressing to solely focus on yourself because in the end you always do it for something or someone. And if we don't channel out or desire to meet people that we might have something sexual with, we might end up letting it out with porn, which is like a drug. So if people wanna date, I think they definitely should. And it eased my social anxiety.
Superficial and shallow brains are much more prone to feeling not-enough if they are not doing what the rest is doing; and practically everyone is partaking in shitty teenage-like relationships just to have a reputation of 'Not-lonely person'.
@@ColeHastings it is. Most people in their 20s are exclusively interesed in virtual reputation. ''No picture? Didn't happen" kind of mentality. And of course they let that motto ruin their relationships as well. I quit trying dating after I realized these under-developed individual's only way of talking is to perform interviews in order to get to know your social/financial background so they can know how to treat you. There is no interest in meaningful relationships at least within my age range
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Good point but if this is the reality so I Think people need a constant reminder of their mistakes.
That’s only way that they will understand if they are conscious enough so that they can see how their mistakes can create .
I didn't date when I was a teenager and now I barely know how to talk to people I'm trying to attract. I feel like skipping that in my twenties as well will be completely detrimental to my social skills.
Don’t skip it bro :)
If anything you can just try socializing in other things like conventions, the skatepark (if you skate), the library, clubs, even online video games. And then maybe you'll find your special someone that way too
Not necessarily, you date when you’re ready and theres no such thing as having a specific set of skills to do so
Same here, I only started truly dating in my late twenties, which felt like the perfect time for me
Same, I’m just now getting in actual relationships and it’s strange. Breakups are like h the end of the world for me but with others it doesn’t phase them at all. I think it’s because I’ve only had 2 like sex filled relationships but still others are past that stage.
As a result I’ve stopped dating for now, plan on going the passport route but once I move to Houston I’ll start to casually date. Just for the people skills, social stuff and to not feel lonely. Taking people serious is something you do at our age I guess
I understand not wanting to marry in your 20s, but not date? Pursuing romantic relationships, learning about yourself and learning what makes a compatible partner for you is just as important for your personal development as learning skills + money. Theres nothing wrong with pursuing dating and self improvement as long as one side does not overtake or infringe on the other side
You can learn about yourself in your 20s without a relationship
@@jaysouthmusic8230 It's much faster with healthy Relationships tho
@@_ao101 For me personally it's not but to each it's own.
It’s incel cope to not date in your 20’s
i don't want to have sex with or even kiss anyone before marriage. and i want to marry a virgin girl
As someone that's also in his mid-twenties, I feel like it's best to focus most of your time on building yourself up. I think it's fine to spend a bit of time on dating, but it shouldn't be your main focus. If you find someone that's a great fit for you, then by all means, get in a relationship if that's what you want to do. But building yourself up is more important in this phase of your life. Fully neglecting your dating life also doesn't seem like a good option because your social skills will suffer. That's why I mainly focus on improving myself, but I also see dating as a way to do this. I see life as a game, and going on dates helps me to level up my (introverted) character. Thought-provoking video! It's also really well edited, keep it up! 👊
agreed bro every date we grow.
Yes! And most girls appreciate a man with a purpose in life.
I simply will not go particularly out of my way, or expend obtuse amount of resources on it. I am content with the dating experiences I have had, her genuineness while we date and willingness to meet me halfway on things to make the dating life easier on me so my mental energy can remain elsewhere. Unfortunately, women in their 20s have different standards for us men in our 20s. This is where the mismatch happens. I am focused on my future, she is focused on her emotions and the right now. So finding someone who is has mutual attraction, genuine conversation, and they understand I am working on my life is rare. Therefore, dating is a small part of my life that comes around rarely. I do not avoid it all entirely, but reality of putting myself first is that it is next to nonexistant in my life and idek if its particularly my fault for doing whats best for me
No 🧢
You don't think by the time you hit 30 that all the women around your age and younger will be damaged goods? The issue is finding a quality woman. Can't find that when 99% of the women have toxic exes, kids, and are jaded. Rather find a woman younger so we avoid as much baggage as possible.
Good luck with your endeavors, Cole. I learned many of the same things you did in many of the same ways. I'm now 31, have a beautiful and supportive wife, 4 young sons and a surging career and control of my life. I wish it on everyone.
Bro ur the same person who posted on this vid 2 hours ago
I think, men dating in their 20's might still have value but focus should not be chasing potential partners but building up yourself. When you build up yourself, the rest is more likely, to just come to you.
Probably not as simple as just "coming to you" but i pretty much agree
@@ColeHastings Lol it depends on the type of person cuz U Attract what U are so, if U Figure out How to Manifest w Patience to get the Success , then U can Get Anything U Want out of life. Great GOD on your side helps a lot with that Process too..U just got to Trust the Process that way you’re Younger Self will give Thanks & Be Proud of U…
@@bigmanmusic340 agreed, things happen for a reason and we attract the people and events in our lives based on who we are
@@ColeHastings well nothing is ever that simple is it
@@isadora1727 " we attract the people and events in our lives based on who we are" - yet people always play the victim card, including myself in my 20s. EVERYTHING mirrors our internal, I repeats, EVERYTHING you experience in this matrix is just a mirror to how you FEEL about yourself on the inside :)
I’m turning 30 next year and as much as I’ve tried, learn from mistakes, and try again, I’ve never been in a relationship. I’m not a virgin anymore, but dating has been nearly impossible, and harder to make a positive impression with women than being in a job interview
Women are delusional these days unfortunately.
did u pay for it?
@@bro918 hell no, I’m not hopeless, women find me attractive. I just have perpetual “foot in mouth” syndrome
@@TheNucaKola so u got a one night stand or smth
Well im 37 but with V card on me still.
As age goes up i clearly see im missing that " experience" to build anything in my current age.
So yea... Men should date when they are in their 20's just to get that experience alone.
For me, I feel each person has to find their own balance of personal development while single, and while dating. Some are more comfortable always dating or maintaining a relationship, and others are content with being single.
What’s most important is to not stagnate in either, such as staying in a relationship that should have ended years prior for a plethora of reasons, or finding yourself going a decade without ever trying to go on a date.
Being single and dating are both crucial aspects of life to improve in, not just one or the other. It’s up to the individual to find the balance that is most comfortable for them.
And for that demographic of people that seemingly never truly do find “the one”, I know it can be difficult, but all you can do at that point is keep putting yourself out there. Keep trying. And in the meantime, focus on ways you can love, understand, and improve yourself.
Great thought provoking video as always, keep up the great work.
I'm 41, bro I promise you, stay single lol just say no. Focus on your skills, travel with your friends and make amazing memories. Matter of fact, make so many memories like I did that nothing fazes you. In your 30s start a spiritual practice (if you can start earlier, do it) and build yourself character/values/morally. Once this is set and you hit your peak at 32-35, amazing things will start happening for you :)
Dating is part of learning, and being in my 30s i’ve learned what’s not for me by dating in my 20s. Keep dating, it helps you find yourself and what you truly want
I am a 21 year old guy and I never had a girlfriend or even my first kiss yet. After having no luck with 2 girls in my college and 2 girls whom I knew since my high school days and also no luck on dating apps, finally 3 days ago, a girl matched with me on one of the dating apps and for the first time, I had a decent chat with a girl on dating app without getting ghosted. She is a 19 year old girl and for the past 3-4 days, the chats were decent enough. We live in the same city but different college and different course too. Do you think this time I will at least get my first kiss? I also get worried thinking what if she ends up ghosting me too or wouldn't want me.
Exactly.
@@manosijroy8282 What is the progress after 3 months of relationship? If you don't mind, I'd love to hear it from you.
@@samgaming0626 it wasn't a relationship. She rejected me horribly after I asked her out and insulted me. I turned 22 just 8 weeks ago and still no girlfriend.
@@manosijroy8282 It's cruel. I understand that I can't really support you with words, but I sincerely wish you to find a girl worthy of you. But don't sit still yourself! Errors are a field for experiments. They are like fuel for your self-development engine. The only thing that matters is the quality of the fuel, so don't do anything really stupid. God, now I'm ashamed that I'm teaching the life of an adult. I'm only 18 myself, but thoughts about relationships have started to arise more and more often. At the same time, no matter how stupid it sounds, I don't want to start a serious relationship. At least right now. I just want to talk to a girl, get to know her better and only then decide what exactly I want from this relationship. In a way, I just want to practice in a relationship so that in the future I won't miss that "dream girl" because of my own inexperience and shyness. But that's pretty cynical, isn't it? And it is extremely unfair to the girl. After all, in this case, I will only consider her as a mannequin on which I can practice. But she is not a mannequin and she also has feelings. That's why I'm hesitating. I can't figure out where I can find someone who shares my desire to learn more about relationships and whether I can find her at all.
Don't do monk mode! The idea of not dating in your 20's to solely focus on your personal development is bs. Going through the awkward stages of dating is part of your personal development.
Doesn't have to be a part of everybody's, but it helped me
This is true, in the end, whatever path you choose to go through in life is development, just own it, whether you chose the hobby/job/etc path or the love path, or a bit of both, it's development.
Agree. You need to learn how to interact with girls in your twenties, but do not get marry, unless you were born into a well-off family and already got your finance together 💥
Yes okay solid relationships take years to develop a true bond. Going into your 30’s with developed relationships is a must and your 20’s are so valuable for that.
@@ColeHastings I mean it is a truly interesting question for young guys. I don't like how some personal development channels are currently saying skip women for your entire teens & twenties to focus on developing yourself. That seems like such a waste of youth, love and sexytime to me. Simultaniously I currently have the girl of my dreams, the appartment and the puppy I always wanted.
But I did put a break on my YT channel for a year to get these things and it is a question where it could have been had I fully focused on my career. Simultaniously I would never trade my girl and puppy for any amount of income.
From 19 to 24
I was on drugs
I had a neglectful and abusive childhood. At 27, I just care about my sobriety and indulgence in my passions..
I will always despise those who throw relationships in my face, it was never in the cards for some people. You'd think in a generation that cries so much about mental health they wouldn't purposely upset those who just aren't like them.
Rooting for you, king
I got serious about self development when I turned 15. Decided to shut off everything else in life and focus only on programming and health care. I'm currently 17yo and my net income is over 70k a year working as a software developer. Life is made of decisions and whatever you pick you're gonna see a lot of results from it.
damn congrats man!
Damn man. What I wouldn't give to start at 15.
Dang, and here i am still having made $200 in the past 2 years with my game lmao.
I need to get more serious with this somehow.
Did you take a bootcamp to learn to be a software developer or how did you learn? I’m 26 but I’ve been looking into becoming a software engineer. How long did it take you to start earning good money?
@@mycrazylife408 I didn't. It took me around 1.5 years to get this job. I used to study around 2 hours everyday through Udemy courses. You can definitely do it quicker if you have a studying plan in mind.
You will fall in love, and you will learn from failed relationships. Everyone has their own views and values in their significant others, but as an older gentleman in my 40's, nothing is more important than learning about yourself and taking care of your needs 1st, always. You might achieve this by getting into relationship's or going monk, but everyone must create their own path. Just please understand that everyone's path will be different, and that there is no playbook, nor wins or losses. There is just living!
He's not saying to not date he's saying it's not a necessity in your 20s I wish the commenters could understand that 😂
No matter how much I explain myself in my videos, different people will interpret what I say differently
and this many people are confused on what someone is saying doesnt some of the blame fall on him for not explaining his points properly?
As someone in their late 20s who missed the boat and never got to be in a relationship, I implore all you youngsters to socialize as much as possible and be open to experience all kinds of relationships, while also working on yourself.
Doesn't matter what I'm open to if no one is open to meeeeee🙃
Not all kinds. Some people and relationships with them are really toxic. I know several people who are still traumatized after bad relationship experiences.
I@@nightfighter7452 I feel you I put myself out there a lot in college and only landed a fews by sheer luck. However none of these dates turn into long-term fun relationships. I may not be conventionally the most handsome guy out there but day by day I am evolving to become better than yesterday.
Great video! I didn't date in my 20s as I was so focused on building my ideal life. I put all of my focus on my fitness (lost 125 pounds) and eventually quit my 9-5 job and built a successful business.
He looks like the kind of guy who would cry for weeks over an ex
Imagine thinking you can just jump into a relationship at 30 without knowing anything what you want in a partner.
There's plenty of reasons. Number one is you'll have no experience.
After getting out of a 2-3 year relationship. It made me realize the problems I had and how I needed to improve myself. I’m still in the heartache phase, but I know I’ll get past it. I’m 32 now, I have a decent career, but want to really focus on my mental health and being content with not needing a new girlfriend right away. I want to build other areas of my life up before I pursue someone again within a 6 month span.
I will say, from a Christian perspective, I understand that we need experience but not the sexual things outside of marriage because if you got with someone, had intimacy with them and then break up, you shared something valuable with them that you cannot get back. And when you have a wife, all memories that you had with the previous person who you had intimacy with will come back with your wife and won't be as enjoyable and it will be hard to embrace her. But, what is impossible with man is possible with God. Respecting women is a game changer, saying no is a power and being holy through Christ will help with that. Yes, experience is great, but do not gamble with your soul/life/spirit for pleasure. Been there, I don't want to go back. Good video, my man.
Cole is a mind reader hahaha, I used to feel out of place for not seriously dating in my 20s, I've dated a few people but I haven't been on a date in a couple of years, because I'm focusing on myself.
Happy Wednesday Cole!!!
I'm not sure if there are a lot of 29 year olds like myself. But I can speak for myself that I didnt get my first relationship until I was 25 years old. That's because I was focusing on building myself to the person I want to be and overcome all my past traumas & negative thoughts that came originally from my Mom's toxic family.
I knew back then that I didnt want to half-ass a relationship if I kept on feeling insecure about myself. I learned that if you focus on yourself the right people will come to your life if you both invest in yourself and expose yourself to social situations.
Fast forward now, I had two relationships and both ended on really good terms and a few hours ago I just took the nursing exam. I don't plan on getting a relationship anytime soon because I want to focus on my career, improve all around health, and expose myself to life and people.
It's all about living life and believing in yourself no matter what people say to you. Just know your self worth and doors will open up. 😁🙏
I’m 22 and I can see me in your comment. I’ve pass for some things like that and i needed some time to put my head together. Now I’m more ok with me and life but also sometimes I feel like I’ve miss a lot of things during that time at the point to makes me down. It’s just in my head and I’ll keep doing my best. Everyone has their time to do things and it’s ok.
English is not my first language so I’m sorry if I wrote something wrong.
I feel like I don't just hear your words, but they go directly into my soul. Thank you for sharing such beautiful thoughts and useful experiences. Definitely one of my favorite channels.
Thank you for watching my videos. Glad they impact you like that
After my last relationship ended (before covid), I needed to work on myself and see who I was. I stopped being so clingy and needed to set up boundaries with what's right and wrong in a relationship. Recently tried to get with a girl I work with and after 3 weeks of talking and hanging out with her she decided to avoid me. So I'm going to continue on myself
I never date women at work. Don't pee where you eat.
The only thing that worries me about not finding a partner is not being able to continue the bloodline. It feels like you failed your family in a way. Like "We did all that work for it to end here" seems like that's what they would be thinking. All the other insults, whether online or in person, about being a virgin or still being single are kind of irrelevant. You ultimately don't control how someone feels about you and if they love you or not. It doesn't make sense to stress about. There's so much more to life
Bro breakups are lit, you get an insane level of motivation and all that broken self worth can be built into something even stronger. I was heartbroken over the pandemic and I speak fucking advanced Russian now XD
This motivated me to perhaps restart learning a foreign language. 🎉
I'm a very attractive guy, but im very picky with who iam with. I have an Avoidant attachment style. And everytime a girl is interested in me, i found out that they dont meet my standards, and thats one of the reasons im still single.
how old r u?
@@ahmetburakkarhan130 18
Needed to hear this tbh, been so focused for so long on chasing that I changed myself to be what I thought others wanted, resulting in me at 29 not knowing who I am or what I want, and only having dated one girl.
Need to figure out who I am and what I want, but the social pressure to not be “old and alone” is always in the back of my mind
I have the problem that i CANT get in a relationship
Honestly, I genuelly believe that I have no reasons to date in this era, I just doing things on my own.
if that works for you then do it!
I went through a breakup that harmed my self image. But I then built it up from the ground again, without there being self doubt, one would never go through pain everyday to fight that doubt. Now in the best shape of my life and an amazing job, i can only say that pain is the only currency of change.
Mind if I ask what job?
It’s funny, just told my friend today I like being single now after being in constant relationships in high school and early 20’s. I can finally focus on myself and build my life.
Saving this to watch later, but this is definitely something I need to hear, I watched a romance movie the other day, started beating myself up for being all alone at 24, really I need to focus on my RUclips channel, finances, career, gym, church, etc... More than a girl right now
I have full confidence in you bro!
Im in the same boat, keep pushing bro!
A girl will throw all your dreams away.
lol, ppl have been preaching self help on RUclips for around 10 years now, and not a single bit of it has changed!!!
There’s the advice given by the gurus and then there are the ppl in the comments section complaining about their dumpy life.
It’s amazing how none of it changes. Always the same cycle being repeated.
This is one of the reasons I don’t listen to self help anymore…at some point it’s just an infinite loop of sameness.
But what’s really mind blowing is that the number of views is greater for self help shit than anything else!!! Miserable lads commiserating in their victim hood and blame of others. “Hit the gym!” Says one guy…and so on.
@@shitmandood human nature stays consistent. Thats why its good to focus on a goal and not worry much about the noise around. Fomo is an illusion for many things
Who else didnt see that ad coming. Such a smooth transition
Haha thanks
if you go into a relationship not with a specific expectation or goal (like staying together indefinitely), but instead just with the intent to spend a joyful time together, then I don't think it necessarily has to end in heartbreak. even when you separate again, then that does not diminish the value of the time spent together and the experiences made. it'll just mean that it's time for another chapter.
so I suggest to try to be open to any outcome: you may stay together all the way, or you may separate again after a month, a year, a decade, and both of these outcomes are perfectly fine. it's not about the outcome in the first place, but - again - about the quality of time spent together.
let yourself be surprised of whatever will come out of it, don't try to force a specific outcome.
Thank you!!!!
youre right, i dont know what its like to be in a relationship, probably never will. at this point the only reason I haven't ended it is because my parents would be devastated
are you still with us? you doing better?
@@peanutgallery5427 I'm still here. And no, not really
I literally cannot function without this connection and love I used to have in my life. Everyday all I think about is offing myself.
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm with you
I’ve never been in a relationship,virgin,I’m 23
I’ve learned to tolerate misery aight 😊❤
Dam bro I know the feeling it will get better
@@lesshuman00 your still 21 you have a lot of years ahead
This is a pretty toxic idea because it conditions people to treat first relationships as a stepping stone to the next one and to treat potential prospects (especially men) as less valuable if they havent had enough relationships because first relationships are “unlikely to succeed”. Do not listen to this feelgood nonsense. Unless you’re a playboy or playgirl every relationship you get into should be done with the intention of finality and anything less is a waste of time if you are serious. If it doesn’t work out the first time, it is what it is but at least it wont be for lack of trying.
Amen
Female cope
@@device_not_found i am a dude, i refuse to enter any relationship if i dont think it can become my last
@@MinuteBraceletIf someone truly loves you, they'll want to see you even at your lowest. You got to find a women who's willing to see you grow and build up to your success in your 20s. If you can't find one, then move along. If no women gives you a chance in your 20s and you've been growing to be successful, then it doesn't change the result. Definitely be careful with the women who jumped into dating you once you reach success but ignored you in your 20s.
Your first gf was a real one. She saw you acting soft and smacked some tough love into you. I had a similar experience at 18 and my gf at the time sympathized with me when honestly i think some tough love from her woulda helped a lot more
One relationship in High School is Essential but you might go through Heartbreak so be prepared. Once you’re in your 20s stop trying to find love, go get Rich!
And when U Ready to Love..Make sure U Fully Love Yourself before U Anybody Else. Also Only love on the Ppl that Show U they Love U !
Good video man. I’m still sad about my breakup and the emotions are still raw. But I know all the pain will make me stronger and that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Very grateful to have had the great relationship I did for all the great memories and lessons. Looking forward to moving forward to improving myself.
But also going on dates when I can, and not hiding out of social anxiety! Very important to keep that in mind! Thanks man
I just turned 28 and I have never experienced a dating life. I am too stuck in my insecurities, and by now I feel that it's too late because probably all the women I will try to talk to they will think that I am too immature. And I am not saying that I never tried in the past to flirt or to ask for a date, I just always have been rejected
Hey man I think that if you give up now youre going to regret it later and its going to hurt a lot. I understand what you are feeling, but youre extremely young. Do your best to not live a life full of regrets, open wounds and psychological problems. What you do now is going to affect you until you die, 60 years from now, probably. It a lot of time.
Try to work on your insecurities and put yourself out there. There's a really good channel about interactions called social animal. It's just a dude that brings out randoms dude and pushes them out of their confort zone to talk to people and put themselves out there. You should totally check it out, might give you a boost or some motivation. It's all up to you, how you decide to enjoy your life though. Cheers man :)
Be honest with where you are in life without being self-deprecating, if they’re interested, they’ll come
I'm 25 and I feel liked I'm fucked too, all of my crushes rejected me from thier friendzoned, they give me the boyfriends card or straight out get the creep label dating here in the US sucks
I too, have been in 3 serious relationships starting from as early as 5 years old. I'm leaps and bounds ahead of you.
hahaha
This was a decent video. I'm 21 and havent dated anyone. And it's on my mind constantly. I'll get lonley. But I know I need to focus on myself. Or focus on finding friends first
It’s not always about necessarily “dating”. Bro just talk to girls as humans and you never know what can come out of it. People don’t have many connections because they don’t talk. Everybody got it in them :)
You can get these benifits without dating, which is good because whenever i try to talk to women they act as though im attacking them or setting them up for trafficking. You cant make women want to date you if they dont want to date you, you can work out have almost 6 figs and a motorcycle and convertible work out eat right be kind, and you are still invisible to women. Literalyl nothing i do helps, and no one has cared since i was squeezed out, dating for some is just not an option.
Most people will try their hardest and will never win. Old and alone is kind of what most 30 year old guys look forward to. And im just hoping we legalize euthenasia.
yup. blackpill is law
@@bro918 Natural law but hey who am I to fight the will of nature.
I feel like I had more personal growth through one relationship than doing 5 years of inner work on my own.
This advice is for men, but I completely understand what you mean.
Good men can lead, so I understand why you may of had that experience. Don't expect that to be applicable to all tho, especially men
what growth?
@@nocapnobs7845 why only men?
@@smiles1113 women don’t have to invest anything into the relationship. Being a woman is her safety net. A woman can build her self while the man wastes his time giving her ego boost and energy. I think having sex and exploring sex is better than wasting time and energy into that. there is 0 reason to go into a relationship. Just nut and get your fix.
Comfort is the enemy of the mind and body.
I am spending my 20's building for my future. Already met with a financial advisor on what I should do after college and already off to a great start. I would like to date at least once before 30 but I'm not holding my breath on it. My future is being built right now on the basis I won't be married or have a girlfriend. There is room for it to happen and I will be open to it happening, but I'm not counting on it. I may fall into that category of never married and I'm ok with it. I've made peace with it for a long time. But life is not all about that. Great people in history have accomplished good things like Harper Lee who wrote To Kill a Mockingbird without being married. So If this is my fate having a single grave in a graveyard, so be it. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong it would be great to have it.
This quote sticks with me.
"As thrilling as the next adventure might be, in the end...you're always left with that same feeling. Sometimes you just gotta... choose what you're gonna keep and... what you're gonna let go."
-Nathan Drake
I hope everyone watching this can get to that point
@@ColeHastings I hope so too. Here I am at 22 and the more I talk the more I sound so old. Lol. Maybe that's why I'm having trouble dating. I'm just ahead of the curve maturity wise and I'm just waiting on others to catch up.
@@ColeHastings definitely me. 29, engineer with college degree, public service job and enough money to consider buying a house in 2-3 years.
Life is peaceful without women and I have accepted being alone as a viable solution. It definitely hasn't been like that all the time, however. I've had to work on myself a lot to get there. I could be in a relationship right now, but the women available are leagues behind my emotional level and driven by insecurities. It's a drag to interact with them so I stopped, especially when it's always me who has to keep communication alive. I'm too busy for these silly games.
Man, you hit the nail on the head with your original post, and I especially resonate with your reply! It seems like all I encounter is immature behavior and poor communication, which ends up with me not having any dates. This is considering that people are surprised nowadays that I haven't dated anyone (I'm a late bloomer who's in my mid twenties lol).
On one hand, you can be grateful that you didn't form any significant attachment to the less mature person. On the other hand, it can be difficult to manage expectations well enough to not be upset by this dating wasteland we see today. This stuff's got me thinking about being a priest or something of the like to have a tangible entity that I'm committed to instead of a woman lol. Being ahead in this sense can be lonely, but purpose is what will keep us afloat 👌🏾
@@mannyobi6171 So many fax in this comment thread especially yours and OP's I'm glad im not the only one because it feels like it sometimes.
So long as men can't give all their love without worrying about losing half their s*** in a divorce, the current (sharply downward) trajectory of society will continue. Not sure what the big mystery is with all these "why are men so lonely" videos. We saw what happened to our parents. We're not idiots.
People always ask: "How do I find the right partner for me?" what they should be asking is: "How do I become the partner who is right for someone else?".
i like u cuz you're actually relatable unlike a lot of these "how to talk to people" youtubers who are already at their best and say "just do this" like its super easy. you went through the same shit a lot us who are watching ur vids are going through now and you express that so well in ur vids so its very easy to relate and feel comfort.
my problem just comes from... actually applying what you say in ur vids. cuz clearly i'm just watching this stuff for entertainment rather than to actually help myself. i need to change that
I love how understanding I am when I listen to these videos keep up the progress 👍👍👍👍
A relationship teaches you things you cannot learn on your own. If you're with someone that promotes growth within you, and supports your dreams, then don't let that go. A truely compatible relationship is not an accessory that you acquire at some specific point in life.
Teaches you what? Skills you only need when you're actually in a relationship?
"Stay single" - guy who has a hot gf
The double standards are real man. Could you imagine if your girlfriend was the one crying and you had slapped HER? You would've been arrested probably. This world is a messed up place man. Don't let it bother you though. Keep up the grind for greatness bro.
Have appreciated your videos since i found them last year during my breakup. Thank you. You dont understand how grateful i am. Don’t stop being vulnerable and showing your experiences. Keep on keepin on!
At least you had relationship. It's a privilege.
Relationships or not, at the end of the day.
Consciously speaking, we all born alone, sleep alone and will die alone.
I think the only way to fix my life is honestly to delete myself I'm almost 30 and never grew in my 20's not one relationship, no college degree, no friends severly depressed going to end up dead hopefully soon.
Are you still alive?
Plain and simple, humans are meant to be close and connect with one another. What society has really done is encourage that it’s ok to be alone, creating people who actively close themselves off from others to be in the “I don’t need anyone else because I’m happy being alone” club. It’s honestly complete bs. There are times to work on yourself, and not let the alone times turn you into a negative person, but at the end of the day, smiles, laughs, love, hate, and all the beauties of life don’t mean sh*t unless you can share it with someone. Very thought provoking. Thanks for the upload man.
Can't believe we are the same age Cole and you're actually one of the most honest realistic person to actually give out real facts than those fake other "influencers" out there! So thanks again Cole keep it up :)
Thanks Rockhard Johnson
1. Women select the Men.
2. Men accept or reject.
That’s the actual science. Be the guy YOU want to be. She will find you.
She’s got her heart set on the type of person she wants, years before you read this.
2:42 Morale of the story: don't get Gone Girl'd and cope in a play of a "relationship" with a partner where your identity has evaporated.
Do cool stuff in public, develop emotional intelligence, and have lots of friendships instead of being whiny and emotionally immature because women apparently want the stereotypical "emotional rock" of a man in public and a cold shoulder to cry on in private as their guy absorbs their pain without any consideration as to the pain males might be suffering in the meantime.
Eventually someone is gonna think you're cool enough to be "dateable" and the strengths on both sides of the relationship should compliment one another.
as a 28 y/o guy who just mutually ended or paused my first "serious" relationship of a year and a half- let me give some insights
"dating" girls is important in ur 20s no doubt- u need to get experience get comfortable and discover what u like and dont like in life- and that goes for women as well. the issue is investing too much time and resources into the relationship when your lacking other parts of your life, u can never become dependent on the relationship or outcome, the key is to have independence and peace bieng alone with yourself. men need time to themselves and single time, as well as dating periods and trials and tribulations with potential partners, if u can date girls honestly and communicate what u truly want whether that is commitment freedom or whatever etc it will always be better than settling in a relationship and not being transparent or happy. the number one key i learned after dating 100s of 100s of women is honesty and authenticity, own who u are and be brutally honest about ur feelings and what u want, learn how to communicate properly, and truly be your best self day in and day out- your opportunity awaits once you master these 3 components.
I remember approaching my first "serious" relationship with this exact mindset explained in the latter half of the video
Didn't save me from sulking for one and a half years after being dumped through text in "it's-not-your-fault-you're-a-great-guy" fashion three months into the relationship though.
Sometimes, no amount of preparation can help. Hope you’re doing better
@@ColeHastings yeah I do, but crippling fear of approaching people isn't going anywhere for now, so I've just started therapy. Thanks for replying
if you cant get a girlfriend dont cope by argumenting its useless
Thanks for this video, i think it's important message for women too. I grew up as anti social girl and didn't have any relationship till now (I'm 20), and I think, it's right. The problem with relationships is we think it will fill us up and give us what we always lack, but this is a lie. All humans being NEED to build your personality first, then show others, who a you. It's a big problem with our society. Too many impose the wrong values.
Same goes for me.
So true. I think that too many people make a relationship their entire life. Women (or men), are a nice addition to your life, but they shouldn't be your whole life.
I also think you can grow and become more with someone you love. It doesn't mean being alone. What about people in arranged marriages? What about the nearly 40yr old who has gone through the self help journey, changed, discovered grown but is still single. I wish things were black and white but everyone has a different story.
It's always funny how women say "I was anti-social girl, because my first relationship was until the VERY old age of 20". It's funny, because they don't even imagine what truly lonely men can be and that having literally 0 dating experience in 20s is COMMON for most men. What women think is so outrageous and abnormal for them is just common for men. Women wouldn't survive men's loneliness if they think that being 20 without relationships is "anti-social" (for example that man being 40 and a virgin, around 9 min 40 s in the video).
@@piotr004 Yeah I laughed when I read 'VERY old age of 20'... then theres me and millions of other men in their late 20s with literally not so much as a kiss LOL. Whenever a woman is single, its by choice
Not in my 20's anymore, but was still able to find nuggets that I NEEDED to hear. Thanks Cole!
thanks for watching
Great take Cole. I wasn’t a fan of those videos where people encourage guys to not date in their 20s. Your 20s is a great time to learn and grow from relationships. Don’t sit around and wait to start those experiences in your 30s.
pain is essential in life for us to grow and you weren't going to learn that if you only keep your self safe.. go out there and actually know what u like and u dont, have yourself choices, experiences will teach you
29 years old never dated anyone, however had many heartbreaks. Guess I‘ll die alone 🤷🏼♂️
We are only a moment. Life works out for some and doesn’t work out for others. It’s just so random. Some people die in their 20s due to over worrying and stress that they’re not where they want to be in this life journey. It is what it is. We’re only taking our selves with us in the end and it’s all meaningless once it’s over.
@Infernal 777 Yeah I know. Just gotta suck it up and live while you're still breathing. Find a distraction or something you enjoy doing to get your mind off things.
@Infernal 777 At the same time I just wanna be grateful for every second I get. I'm 21 and living each day as if it was my last. Listen to my favorite music and watching my favorite shows and movies you know...
that ad transition was insanely smooth
I was just thinking about these things yesterday. As someone who is 24 and has had no real relationship it feels tough to even start. I’ve definitely improved a lot and I’m a lot better at socializing than I was even a year ago, but I still have this lingering fear of it not being good enough and that my improvement will never lead to anything. I guess those two questions are things I should think about.
1 year later how u doing my friend
fr
Bro you're stepping your shit up! Really shocking me lately with quality of content!
Thank you!
@@ColeHastings I laughed so hard how you segued into the sponsor ad. And your headline game been strong. Sounds like you've either found your niche here or getting great advice from someone. Check out Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon. It's been changing my creative process. Hope you check it and allow it to do the same for you bro!
@@dimkachum Thanks for the rec!
I'm 25 ... The last 15 years were just hell for me, I was this shy/skinny/short teenage boy that got bullied daily ... in those 15 years, I was the sadness itself when It came to dating/relationships. I'd had one serious relationship for 2,5 years but, it was just average. I'd wouldn't mind just casual dating. who knows If I met someone I'd actually want to spent 50+years with? I'm just not good with flirting or being a "chad" like they say.
Same. I also don't really have external hobbies and don't like drinking (and the environment around it). So I need to solve that problem. I also have no local friends so I can't even meet people that way.
The only reason I keep watching these self help videos is so I can stay reminded of what to do I already know what to do but at the same time I need to keep my self up to date so i can stay fresh.
That’s important . Good stuff
None of this can happen if you can't find anyone who shows any interest in you.
Something I don’t wanna over look is that she hit you. Hitting is never okay in a relationship.
but for some reason women are literally expected to be married by like 25 💀make it make sense
Men and women are different
Now I respect you 2 times more for your desktop wallpaper
I wish I could enact on this advice. I just feel like dating is out of my control right now. I can't find any matches online and I struggle to approach people in real life. When it comes to having crushes on girls they either don't feel the same way or have a boyfriend. It sucks but at least I tried right? I guess all I can do is work on my confidence to approach people in the real world
Good luck.
Not your fault
You’re absolutely right about the benefits of self discovery when you enter into a relationship, pour all your heart out, and have it broken by the person you trust the most.
I'm actually struggling with this right now feel like I see everyone around me just meeting people all the time and I'm on my own most of the time I try too accept it and control what I feel but sometimes it does weigh on me any advice ?
If you're on your own most of the time and don't want to be, start putting yourself in more social situations
@@ColeHastings well I do this it's more just the dating side of it I tend too have no dating life and then I withdraw from some of my friends as I don't feel I can relate too them but go too the gym everyday and joining jiujitsu so I'm taking positive steps i think
@@dan8182 Definitely positive steps dude! good stuff
@@ColeHastings that's just right, if you feel some problem there, may they be
Nothing wrong with being alone. I prefer it these days. People in general are just a hassle. I have very few friends and not interested in dating and I’ve never been happier.
you prob won't see this cole but i just wanted to say thank you. i never thought i'd be saying that to a youtuber but here we are. your reflections and meditations on your life have given me a lot of insight into my own, and the clarity of your thinking is inspiring. i can tell how hard you've worked for it. can't believe you haven't hit a mil yet.
I have never been in a relationship, I worked hard to change that. I spent my youth studying to become a doctor, in which I succeeded. I started looking for a girlfriend again after graduation, and no success. I came back to the gym and lost weight, but it seems like I am not making any progress despite the work on myself.
So, I made a decision after watching the latter half of the video that mentions staying single after working on myself and having no success... If I remain single by the age of 35, I will take my own life. I can't imagine staying alone the whole life. I dread the prospect of being an old man with no family. I would rather commit suicide at that age rather than waiting for the old age to see that I have created nothing during my lifetime.
Uuhhh don't take your own life. Accept the loneliest explore and adventure in life soon someone will find you...
I doubt you will stick to this, but if you were to, that desperation would be your downfall. The closer you got to 35, the more feverish you'd be with women, ruining your chances.
I'm a 22 years old gay boy and I've never been in a serious relationship. The biggest fear of mine is ever geting it to meet the "true love of my life" (a concept a don't truly belive in by the way) and not being mature enough in relationship affairs. Fortunately I have learnt a lot with all the times I got rejected and I feel prepared to get into a relationship.
I never dated someone cuz I always been rejected by asking them out.
Even if I look handsome and tried more than 40 times to ask them out with confidence, I still get rejected
so....
I still don't know what dating looks like.
I'm 26 years old and still single.
I just only have my family, church community and still looking for a job because I finished my college studies.
Don't worry!I'm 32 years old single, never been in relationship, but I'm non-straight guy.
Rejection sucks, I know, but there are MILLIONS of people in the world that you could still ask.
I'm in the same spot as you. I just hope your situation isn't as bad as mine.
There's someone out there who will say "Yes", but it'll take some time. Just don't rush it when getting to know someone.
@@External29 most people have gotten at least 1 yes before 21 years of age unlike me. Feels pointless to even try anymore
Dude hire pickup coach. I know lots of frauds there, but it's the best thing I did. Even if you don't want to skyrocket bodycount, the knowledge and practice are priceless.
In my experience, date but don't put the other person on a pedestal- put yourself first no matter
I'm 30 and I've never been in a relationship I see all these videos about Self Help and how to be yourself in order to pursue a relationship but in all honesty I still don't know because I lack that experience. Personally when I look at a relationship I'm doing everything all for the wrong reasons and don't even know the reality of it because of my lack of experience.
I feel what you are saying, and I must admit I'm probably not open enough to pull all that off. I hate the party culture there are lots of men and women that genuinely seem toxic, pursuing my hobbies also never really helped me in that regard. Online dating seems to really hard overlap with party culture and I must say I tried it but grew tired of it after a few years of getting dates on and off, just to be finally left on read and used as a free meal.
Sometimes I think, maybe dating is just not for me, or I suck at it too much, but at the same time I want to believe in a relationship where I can support and embrace another human being and getting the same out of it. I just do not know where to start and in the end I always come to the solution that I rather focus on myself and let conversations and meet and greets happen and be open for anything but not to look for it actively....I honestly do not know if that is a mistake
Sorry to break this to you but Established Titles is just another scam
Look it up.
hmmm im 34 and an in a very loving and secure relationship now for 3 years (engaged). Some of what you said is true, but I also think its important to spend your 20s achieving your full potential in body, mind, and spirit. I would suggest that any man who is able to sample as many women as they can so that they 1. Can see various womens personality/sex types and 2. getting extremely comfortable with being a leader in male/female relationships. Its so important to be detached and not desperate when dealing with women and the best way to achieve that is to be comfortable around any woman no matter how hot or ugly she is. Most women want masculine men who are going to lead.
The problem is that you first have to get into a relationship for all this. If that's already a mystery for one, well...
Man, that low-point in the first relationship... I don't know where you get the courage to say those things online. Mad respect, bro.
I've learned to take your videos more like "suggestions" and not "facts". Just someone else's viewpoint, and not a guide to life. Your videos have being even more helpful since then, and I enjoy them more. I don't know if you did something to generate that feeling, bur regardless, good job. Great job.
Keep it up and stay safe~
If you are dating in your teens or 20s is it okay to think this might work out? My fist relationship failed because I wanted focus on school and my dad said I should get to know a variety of women to find out what I liked. Twenty years later, I still miss that one.
nobody can answer that question for anyone else my man
I've never been in a serious relationship in my entire life unfortunately. I did have a female friend that I had feelings for who ended up friendzoning me and getting another bf. It almost felt as bad as getting dumped. The biggest thing I'm working on is putting myself out there more. That "perfect partner," isn't just gonna magically come to you. You have to be proactive. That being said, I'm still happy with the direction my life is going. I might not be where I want to be, but I know I'm headed in the right direction.
do not get too attached because, Stage 1 is goated but stage 2 kinda sucks thats ur first heart break you will go through alot of crazy chicks in the end of the beginning of dating. thats what i completed. now i chase a bit more mature girls but because of social media they are very hard to find in the west.
@@NickIntoTech Yea, you have to approach witn caution. You can't get attached too easily or else you'll get your feelings hurt.
I've had so many cool experiences from dating and it's so depressing to solely focus on yourself because in the end you always do it for something or someone. And if we don't channel out or desire to meet people that we might have something sexual with, we might end up letting it out with porn, which is like a drug. So if people wanna date, I think they definitely should. And it eased my social anxiety.
Most important thing is to live for Christ. Casual sex with will just leave your or the girl heartbroken when things don’t work out.
if it was that easy to find someone there wouldnt be incels
@erik9157 that's why I don't do friends with benefits it sucks
i love the authenticity! love you man no homo great work and great lessons shared
Superficial and shallow brains are much more prone to feeling not-enough if they are not doing what the rest is doing; and practically everyone is partaking in shitty teenage-like relationships just to have a reputation of 'Not-lonely person'.
It is a huge problem when people get into relationships by force and/or societal pressure
@@ColeHastings it is.
Most people in their 20s are exclusively interesed in virtual reputation.
''No picture? Didn't happen" kind of mentality. And of course they let that motto ruin their relationships as well.
I quit trying dating after I realized these under-developed individual's only way of talking is to perform interviews in order to get to know your social/financial background so they can know how to treat you.
There is no interest in meaningful relationships at least within my age range
Men r also like that in my country