If your an individual who doesn't make enough money to join the programs apply for the scholarship for yourself and/or marriage or like in my case, not anywhere near rich but looking for something to help harness the insane chaos of coping or repairing...Try the boot camp for couples. Ladies & gentlemen it's free! Keep in mind about the boot camp it does not work if BOTH spouses are NOT fully invested. You can't do the work for your spouse, they have too because they have the information that's needed. Don't force, but just graciously ask. Make time for the homework separately or together. Man, it's such a liberty and awesome emotional release from the personal hell I sat in dealing with addiction until I made the changes I needed too for myself and our marriage. One day at a time as always. Peace- Tammy.🌹
Thank you so much for uploading these videos. I am a betrayed and I listen to these when I drive to and from work and I mean faithfully everyday. I will be looking into the free boot camp and will be trying to get my spouse to come see you all.
Couldnt agree more. Not because doing recovery work is impossible to be done alone/in pairs. But because what you are going to EXPERIENCE from your partner can be SOOO MISUNDERSTOOD and taken the wrong way. "He/She has gone insane! A "normal" person wouldnt act like this" or "He/Shes a complete narcissist because he/she doesnt want to open up/talk about this, so OBVIOUSLY they dont care about me and our relationship." No! Not necessarily! My relationship would have surely FAILED if people from AR wouldnt have broken down to me what my spouse is actually going through and why could he be acting so and so, and why have I reacted so and so. So, really agree with this one.
A big pitfall is when the unfaithfull does not actually get physically caught and have that moment. The torment and abuse can go on so long. Until the betrayed intuitively knew all along but could not prove and had to endure the pain and gut wrenching lies and BS.
Thank you again Samuel! This is perfect timing for us. We were attempting to try to repair our marriage ourselves. It’s clear we do not have the expertise to do it ourselves. I will look into the free Boot Camp first and try to move forward with planning an EMS online or weekend. Thanks again!
This is my husband. Totally not doing things he should be. Help is the number 1 thing. If I go On, he’s gonna fall behind. Then this time and work will be wasted. But he won’t do any work. None. That’s on him, but that hurts me so he’s hurting me again.
Took me a while to understand this but thankfully did in the end! Curious to know, after all these years, if the topic of infidelity comes up between you and Samantha, what tone is it discussed in? Does the topic come up? Apologies for the very direct and personal question!
comes up all the time due to the nature of my work and involvement. it's very compassionate in it's discussion on a general level as samantha knows the hurt so many are in. she hears about my work and videos easily etc, and it's something that's part of our lives in terms of helping people. we don't talk about it for hours, but i get her insight all the time and she enjoys giving it.
How do we get in contact with groups? I’m alone. I’m still fighting the side effects of chemo from cancer….Plus multiple betrayals and porn addiction…. Help? Please…..
Thank you Samuel for such an insightful video... Do you have any experience or opinion about a couple who has gone through EMS online ... and is now considering EMS weekend? I'm the unfaithful spouse and I'm ashamed to admit I wasn't being 100% truthful when we did EMS online. Any insight would be appreciated thank you for all you do.
you need to do the ems weekend my friend. if that's the case, go to the weekend and get it all out. i'll be there to stand with you too. but it's far different when you're in person with the therapists and are working with them face to face. it's far more engaging and life changing.
have you considered enforcing boundaries to get him to understand it's not optional? these two resources can help: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change
After his affair my husband moved out. His on off 4.5 year affair is now over but he says he loves his home and he doesn't want to move. I can't move in with him as it's too small. He wants to be friends and enjoy my company and if I need help he'll be there. I want my husband not a part time husband. He also say he doesn't have any passion for me. We've been married for 42 years he's 76 I'm 61
I have felt the same way, my husband wants to be my friend. I did not get into this to just to be seen as a friend. I know i deserve the kind of relationship i am craving not the crumbs drop off someone's table. Life is to short.
Be sure it’s not a physical problem. In my 46-year marriage that I am trying to save (after living apart for 2 years and after I was unfaithful) he is seeing doctors to try to get things to work so we can have a good sex life. In the 2 years apart, he let his physical fitness in all ways decline to the point where sex is difficult for him. Seeking medical help (he has low testosterone) can help...it did help a few years ago. Your husband might benefit from a good physical exam. Maybe not, but worth a try!
it happens a lot. that's OK, for now. do the work you need to do. do the work that you can do and continue to reevaluate the situation. fact is, if you're the unfaithful then you put your spouse/partner in this situation and you have to ask yourself how long you can be the one doing the work? everyone is different, but remember, as i had to, you cheated. so at some level, there should be willingness to be patient with their pain.
Maybe they want to see that the Unfaithful spouse is actually owning their sh** and serious about not hurting them again and are willing to do whatever it takes? The Unfaithful should not be pressuring the betrayed "I'm seeing a therapist and so should you" No. Eventually? Yes but when they are ready.
If your an individual who doesn't make enough money to join the programs apply for the scholarship for yourself and/or marriage or like in my case, not anywhere near rich but looking for something to help harness the insane chaos of coping or repairing...Try the boot camp for couples. Ladies & gentlemen it's free! Keep in mind about the boot camp it does not work if BOTH spouses are NOT fully invested. You can't do the work for your spouse, they have too because they have the information that's needed. Don't force, but just graciously ask. Make time for the homework separately or together. Man, it's such a liberty and awesome emotional release from the personal hell I sat in dealing with addiction until I made the changes I needed too for myself and our marriage. One day at a time as always. Peace- Tammy.🌹
Thank you so much for uploading these videos. I am a betrayed and I listen to these when I drive to and from work and I mean faithfully everyday. I will be looking into the free boot camp and will be trying to get my spouse to come see you all.
so glad you're here. welcome to the community my friend. thank you for watching and posting.
Couldnt agree more. Not because doing recovery work is impossible to be done alone/in pairs. But because what you are going to EXPERIENCE from your partner can be SOOO MISUNDERSTOOD and taken the wrong way. "He/She has gone insane! A "normal" person wouldnt act like this" or "He/Shes a complete narcissist because he/she doesnt want to open up/talk about this, so OBVIOUSLY they dont care about me and our relationship."
No! Not necessarily!
My relationship would have surely FAILED if people from AR wouldnt have broken down to me what my spouse is actually going through and why could he be acting so and so, and why have I reacted so and so.
So, really agree with this one.
A big pitfall is when the unfaithfull does not actually get physically caught and have that moment. The torment and abuse can go on so long. Until the betrayed intuitively knew all along but could not prove and had to endure the pain and gut wrenching lies and BS.
Thank you again Samuel! This is perfect timing for us. We were attempting to try to repair our marriage ourselves. It’s clear we do not have the expertise to do it ourselves. I will look into the free Boot Camp first and try to move forward with planning an EMS online or weekend. Thanks again!
very welcome, so glad I could help.
This is my husband. Totally not doing things he should be. Help is the number 1 thing. If I go On, he’s gonna fall behind. Then this time and work will be wasted. But he won’t do any work. None. That’s on him, but that hurts me so he’s hurting me again.
Took me a while to understand this but thankfully did in the end! Curious to know, after all these years, if the topic of infidelity comes up between you and Samantha, what tone is it discussed in? Does the topic come up? Apologies for the very direct and personal question!
comes up all the time due to the nature of my work and involvement. it's very compassionate in it's discussion on a general level as samantha knows the hurt so many are in. she hears about my work and videos easily etc, and it's something that's part of our lives in terms of helping people. we don't talk about it for hours, but i get her insight all the time and she enjoys giving it.
How do we get in contact with groups? I’m alone. I’m still fighting the side effects of chemo from cancer….Plus multiple betrayals and porn addiction…. Help? Please…..
I truly appreciate your integrity!
Thank you Samuel for such an insightful video... Do you have any experience or opinion about a couple who has gone through EMS online ... and is now considering EMS weekend? I'm the unfaithful spouse and I'm ashamed to admit I wasn't being 100% truthful when we did EMS online. Any insight would be appreciated thank you for all you do.
you need to do the ems weekend my friend. if that's the case, go to the weekend and get it all out. i'll be there to stand with you too. but it's far different when you're in person with the therapists and are working with them face to face. it's far more engaging and life changing.
As the older generation say back in MS, "you hoping me"!!!
I just wish my husband was willing to get professional help for us.
have you considered enforcing boundaries to get him to understand it's not optional? these two resources can help: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change
You will have to be proactive and seek help for yourself if he doesn't want to. God bless you with your healing
After his affair my husband moved out. His on off 4.5 year affair is now over but he says he loves his home and he doesn't want to move. I can't move in with him as it's too small. He wants to be friends and enjoy my company and if I need help he'll be there. I want my husband not a part time husband. He also say he doesn't have any passion for me. We've been married for 42 years he's 76 I'm 61
Honey move on. You have time to find someone who wants you and loves you. If you’re not interested in just friendship, it’s time to end things
I have felt the same way, my husband wants to be my friend. I did not get into this to just to be seen as a friend. I know i deserve the kind of relationship i am craving not the crumbs drop off someone's table. Life is to short.
Be sure it’s not a physical problem. In my 46-year marriage that I am trying to save (after living apart for 2 years and after I was unfaithful) he is seeing doctors to try to get things to work so we can have a good sex life. In the 2 years apart, he let his physical fitness in all ways decline to the point where sex is difficult for him. Seeking medical help (he has low testosterone) can help...it did help a few years ago. Your husband might benefit from a good physical exam. Maybe not, but worth a try!
What if only the unfaithful spouse is doing recovery work and the betrayed doesn't?
it happens a lot. that's OK, for now. do the work you need to do. do the work that you can do and continue to reevaluate the situation. fact is, if you're the unfaithful then you put your spouse/partner in this situation and you have to ask yourself how long you can be the one doing the work? everyone is different, but remember, as i had to, you cheated. so at some level, there should be willingness to be patient with their pain.
I have the opposite problem.
Maybe they want to see that the Unfaithful spouse is actually owning their sh** and serious about not hurting them again and are willing to do whatever it takes? The Unfaithful should not be pressuring the betrayed "I'm seeing a therapist and so should you" No. Eventually? Yes but when they are ready.
I wished my wife wanted to even try to take truth