This video and diagnosis described my marriage. Unfortunately we divorced after 12 years and ultimately my former husband drank himself to death after retiring. His emotions were seriously suppressed, and was an alcoholic as a result. He refused counseling and was contemptuous of emotions and anything "touchy feely." His idols were John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, stoic macho males with too many firearms and not enough emotional intelligence. This denial killed him. I am similar but a little more to the center on the "CEN continuum." Thank you for all your wonderful work, Dr. Webb, you and the concept of CEN weren't around when I was a young adult!
I love your videos, you seem so passionate and speak so kindly. My husband and I after the kids moved out are finally working on ourselves! We both suffer from childhood neglect, but made our lives work together with raising our boys to not be how our parents' raised us.
My husband and I both experienced childhood neglect, neglect and abuse on my part especially. I am 3 years sober after spending a decade of my life trying to get rid of my feelings/memories with a bottle. Started therapy in July and my husband is insanely supportive and understanding. Even though we absolutely struggle sometimes especially with emotional maturity and regulation. I feel blessed to have found someone who has similar background as me and that was willing to grow with me and get sober. We are finally self aware and healing the wounds that caused all of this to begin with together. 💕🙏🏻
ADHD adult who suffered child emotional neglect here; I am doing as well as I can, every day is a struggle living life now with cptsd, anxiety and depression while my marriage is falling apart. In a weird way it’s forced me to learn about myself and really try to have compassion for myself.
My recent partner and I struggled with this concept, except that I was actively working on myself through counseling and different recovery groups. Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings really help you to focus on "becoming your own loving parent," and that has been a great foundation for me to work from. He did grow through his connection with me, but he also resisted and that came out in verbal abuse and insults. In the end, I feel sad whenever someone doesn't choose to grow and heal their childhood wounds. I think now he might be looking at these issues, as we are not together as a couple anymore. It would be a gift if he could open his heart and look at how the emotional neglect of his own childhood affected him today. As for me, I am glad to keep growing and changing. Thank you Jonice, great recovery help here.
Could you do a video on when a CEN is with an emotionally healthy person. I feel I've found someone that's helped me heal and we have a great relationship but : 1. I get triggered every now and then by his emotional healthiness - I can feel resentful and jealous of his freedom to not have had to carry the weight that I do and can interact with life so much easier. 2. I get jealous of him in social situations where he has ease and confidence, whereas all my relating to others feels heavy and complex with the result that he can make good connections with others and I can feel left out which is a HUGE trigger. 3. Being with him I can feel doubly worthless as I'm constantly comparing myself to him. Having said all of that though, we would never have been together for 30 happy years if it wasn't the combination of him being so understanding and 'motherley' towards me (the only person in my life that has given me unconditional positive regard) and myself being acutely aware of the why's and wherfores of who I am and making it my life's work to get better.
This is exactly what happened to iny childhood and its still happening, amd im 40 years old. I came across a guy: 45 years old (met him when he was 39) with the same issue.
This video sounds like me in my last relationship. HOWEVER you make it sound so easy when you say "access your emotions" and fix it all. Still trying to find the video of yours (I really enjoy your videos) that helps me start to unravel my problem of repressed emotions. I'm pretty sure I already watched your free 10-part series 'CEN breakthrough'.
I feel so much hope when listening to this. I read your book "Running on empty" and it really opened my eyes, I could relate so much to what was written and I'm currently learning how to better understand what I'm feeling at any given moment. So I just want to say thanks for the work you're doing. Greetings from Sweden!
Dr.Webb, can you create a video that describes what impact CEN has on sibling relationships? Maybe there are some parallels? Thank you again! You are wonderful and so helpful!
Yeah, they end up getting divorced ....just went through it all this summer. Now my children will be put through the same treatment as I have little to no custody. Gotta love the system when it comes to divorce court.
Learn much more about the importance of speaking your truth and how to communicate emotionally relationships in my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenbreakthrough13 To find out if you have CEN, take the free Emotional Neglect Test: bit.ly/entest To learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and how to heal it to improve your relationships, check out my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.
Hi Dr. Webb, thank you SO much for making this very specific video about the effects of CEN on a marriage...I truly appreciate this very helpful information!
The examples here of thoughts and feelings that the partners won't directly tell each other, and the misinterpretations that ensue, make me think of the terms "covert contract" and "overt contract" I've seen elsewhere. Are you familiar with these terms, and do they seem relevant to you? The distinction between the two revolves around whether or not people can tell each other explicitly about all of their real goals and values, which include what they fear or feel insecure about. And when we don't tell each other what we need explicitly, we can still end up pursuing those needs covertly, which can cause its own layer of new problems. What do you think?
A CEN marriage is further complicated when both spouses were raised in emotionally abusive families. As a child, my ex-husband had undiagnosed learning disabilities that led to him doing poorly in school. His father, a brilliant but cold and sarcastic man, insulted his son and also ignored him. My father was gruff and often smelled of beer. My much older siblings, and my parents, all teased me mercilessly and showed me no kindness. I felt best when I could go off by myself and get away from my family. Since I had a hard time recognizing my emotions and figuring out how to deal with situations, I put up with verbal and emotional abuse from my ex.
Good reason not to get married. I never did and it was right. I wanted to end the generational nature of this problem. I still carry the scars and I'm in my 70s. But now I'm too tired to journal, be in touch, work a program, etc.
Let me guess, the result is fireworks. Or the more sensitive one goes quietly away and dies. Also emotionally neglected people don't give people lifts, not anywhere.
Honestly, I didn't like your videos when I first encountered them.... Mostly, because it made me too uncomfortable. I may have even given you a thumbs down at one point --Sorry. But the more I reluctantly watched your videos (accidentally?), the more I realized the importance of your messages. I am still struggling, but still watching and listening in small dosages....
![Gunna - HIM ALL ALONG [Official Visualizer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/HiCxoDeo0hc/mqdefault.jpg)
![ARGENTINA vs. BOLIVIA [6-0] | RESUMEN | ELIMINATORIAS SUDAMERICANAS | FECHA 10](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/C3wPtKNbAOA/mqdefault.jpg)
This video and diagnosis described my marriage. Unfortunately we divorced after 12 years and ultimately my former husband drank himself to death after retiring. His emotions were seriously suppressed, and was an alcoholic as a result. He refused counseling and was contemptuous of emotions and anything "touchy feely." His idols were John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, stoic macho males with too many firearms and not enough emotional intelligence. This denial killed him. I am similar but a little more to the center on the "CEN continuum."
Thank you for all your wonderful work, Dr. Webb, you and the concept of CEN weren't around when I was a young adult!
I love your videos, you seem so passionate and speak so kindly. My husband and I after the kids moved out are finally working on ourselves! We both suffer from childhood neglect, but made our lives work together with raising our boys to not be how our parents' raised us.
My husband and I both experienced childhood neglect, neglect and abuse on my part especially. I am 3 years sober after spending a decade of my life trying to get rid of my feelings/memories with a bottle. Started therapy in July and my husband is insanely supportive and understanding. Even though we absolutely struggle sometimes especially with emotional maturity and regulation. I feel blessed to have found someone who has similar background as me and that was willing to grow with me and get sober. We are finally self aware and healing the wounds that caused all of this to begin with together. 💕🙏🏻
What would an adult look like who suffered child emotional neglect but also had undiagnosed ADD, ADHD or autism?
Great question! No reply 😢
ADHD adult who suffered child emotional neglect here; I am doing as well as I can, every day is a struggle living life now with cptsd, anxiety and depression while my marriage is falling apart. In a weird way it’s forced me to learn about myself and really try to have compassion for myself.
In the classic BBC drama 'Fawlty Towers' John Cleves perfectly illustrates a CEN man in action.
My recent partner and I struggled with this concept, except that I was actively working on myself through counseling and different recovery groups. Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings really help you to focus on "becoming your own loving parent," and that has been a great foundation for me to work from. He did grow through his connection with me, but he also resisted and that came out in verbal abuse and insults.
In the end, I feel sad whenever someone doesn't choose to grow and heal their childhood wounds. I think now he might be looking at these issues, as we are not together as a couple anymore. It would be a gift if he could open his heart and look at how the emotional neglect of his own childhood affected him today. As for me, I am glad to keep growing and changing. Thank you Jonice, great recovery help here.
Could you do a video on when a CEN is with an emotionally healthy person. I feel I've found someone that's helped me heal and we have a great relationship but :
1. I get triggered every now and then by his emotional healthiness - I can feel resentful and jealous of his freedom to not have had to carry the weight that I do and can interact with life so much easier.
2. I get jealous of him in social situations where he has ease and confidence, whereas all my relating to others feels heavy and complex with the result that he can make good connections with others and I can feel left out which is a HUGE trigger.
3. Being with him I can feel doubly worthless as I'm constantly comparing myself to him.
Having said all of that though, we would never have been together for 30 happy years if it wasn't the combination of him being so understanding and 'motherley' towards me (the only person in my life that has given me unconditional positive regard) and myself being acutely aware of the why's and wherfores of who I am and making it my life's work to get better.
Me and hubby after 34 years wow
This is exactly what happened to iny childhood and its still happening, amd im 40 years old. I came across a guy: 45 years old (met him when he was 39) with the same issue.
This is exactly our communication. We love each other but we can't get close.
This video sounds like me in my last relationship. HOWEVER you make it sound so easy when you say "access your emotions" and fix it all. Still trying to find the video of yours (I really enjoy your videos) that helps me start to unravel my problem of repressed emotions. I'm pretty sure I already watched your free 10-part series 'CEN breakthrough'.
I feel so much hope when listening to this. I read your book "Running on empty" and it really opened my eyes, I could relate so much to what was written and I'm currently learning how to better understand what I'm feeling at any given moment.
So I just want to say thanks for the work you're doing.
Greetings from Sweden!
Dr.Webb, can you create a video that describes what impact CEN has on sibling relationships? Maybe there are some parallels?
Thank you again! You are wonderful and so helpful!
Yeah, they end up getting divorced ....just went through it all this summer. Now my children will be put through the same treatment as I have little to no custody. Gotta love the system when it comes to divorce court.
This is so interesting and sad. Thank you for sharing what you’ve studied so in-debt.
This video describes my marriage.
Oh yes, I see this happening, it is a pattern. We have committed to recognize and repair.
Thank you Jonice. I rarely comment on videos but your videos and book is helping me so much. Love from Australia
Try being a CEN adult who married a narcissist/CEN
I thinks me
Learn much more about the importance of speaking your truth and how to communicate emotionally relationships in my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenbreakthrough13
To find out if you have CEN, take the free Emotional Neglect Test: bit.ly/entest
To learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and how to heal it to improve your relationships, check out my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook
Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.
Your work answers a lot of my questions and is so so helpful on my healing journey. Thank you 🙏🏻
I AM SO THANKFUL that I've found you. My husband and I are in this category!
Hi Dr. Webb, thank you SO much for making this very specific video about the effects of CEN on a marriage...I truly appreciate this very helpful information!
Thank you for making these videos, can you do videos on Autistic pre schoolers?
Wow. Very helpful, I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for sharing
This is my story. But, I have done a lot of work to make it work. But, I don't wish it on anyone.
Ty for hope. ❤
The examples here of thoughts and feelings that the partners won't directly tell each other, and the misinterpretations that ensue, make me think of the terms "covert contract" and "overt contract" I've seen elsewhere. Are you familiar with these terms, and do they seem relevant to you?
The distinction between the two revolves around whether or not people can tell each other explicitly about all of their real goals and values, which include what they fear or feel insecure about. And when we don't tell each other what we need explicitly, we can still end up pursuing those needs covertly, which can cause its own layer of new problems. What do you think?
What if one of the couple is so angry they wont listen to the other who has discovered CEN & wants to work on it with them
Thank you for sharing this!
A CEN marriage is further complicated when both spouses were raised in emotionally abusive families. As a child, my ex-husband had undiagnosed learning disabilities that led to him doing poorly in school. His father, a brilliant but cold and sarcastic man, insulted his son and also ignored him. My father was gruff and often smelled of beer. My much older siblings, and my parents, all teased me mercilessly and showed me no kindness. I felt best when I could go off by myself and get away from my family. Since I had a hard time recognizing my emotions and figuring out how to deal with situations, I put up with verbal and emotional abuse from my ex.
It end no matter who your with
Good reason not to get married. I never did and it was right. I wanted to end the generational nature of this problem. I still carry the scars and I'm in my 70s. But now I'm too tired to journal, be in touch, work a program, etc.
Let me guess, the result is fireworks. Or the more sensitive one goes quietly away and dies. Also emotionally neglected people don't give people lifts, not anywhere.
Honestly, I didn't like your videos when I first encountered them.... Mostly, because it made me too uncomfortable. I may have even given you a thumbs down at one point --Sorry. But the more I reluctantly watched your videos (accidentally?), the more I realized the importance of your messages. I am still struggling, but still watching and listening in small dosages....