Oh, they think they apologize - it's just not for the right thing. You call them on a lie or any form of disrespect, and they say well I'm sorry you're upset. No accountability. They are unable to acknowledge their inappropriate behavior or speech. It's your fault for having feelings.
As Tupac said in a song or maybe in a comment, just because you lost me as a friend does not mean you get me as an enemy, I'm better than that, I still want to see you eat just not at my table.
Yes this is me...I just blocked my children's father... he's a straight narcissist...he needs to get with his kids..and not worry about me and what I'm doing in my life..
@@LIL-MAN_theOGThe understanding and acknowledgement alone helps so much. True friends love at all times and are born for times of distress. Though humans may disagree or not fully empathize, feeling supported works wonders for growth within that relationship. 💜
Good people always watch your behavior first without sharing what they observe. Once we collected enough data in our minds us leaving you is justifiable.
Yes! I have cousins who are SO self absorbed, entitled, very low emotional intelligence, and thrive on toxicity. I was unable completely rid myself of them because they would always have a presence around my mum (their maternal aunt). But after my mum passed away, I cut them off 5yrs ago, and have never looked back. It's a shame that it took losing my mum to get those other people out of my life.
My cutoff game has been intense this last few years . I see right through people, always have . But now its a big bye bye . No more feeding off me , I can’t take the energy
@@suekaiser4163. Man, I hate the drama! If I want drama, I’ll go to the movies LOL. No tolerance for it IRL, but it is everywhere! Drama is a major part of many people’s personas. Sigh.
So true 🙏🏽 I'm grateful for the Gift 🎁 of discernment and Goodbye in this last season. Not in my own strength, but APTTMH 🙏🏼 for delivering me from the energy vampires that I allowed to stay waaaay too long in my life. This is definitely a spiritual movement in the Kingdom since so many of Us Chosen Ones are experiencing it. I believe it's the separation of the wheat 🌾 and the tares. I truly feel in my spirit there's a shifting and a storm coming that we've Neva seen or experienced. But those who trust in the Almighty shall Not fear🙏🏼. Stay prayed and armoured Up family 💕.
The times I've tried to "have a mature conversation" (pressured usually by my outside environment despite my intuition telling me otherwise), it has ALWAYS backfired on me. These kinds of toxic/negative/malignant people do NOT want to be reasoned with and will go at great lengths to either convince you that YOU'RE the crazy one and will flip the tables on you.
I blame '90's talk shows for the stupid advice of trying to talk. You have figured out exactly the truth of it. No grown adult is responsible for teaching another grown adult how to be a grown adult.
I had to do this to a co-worker who I thought could've been a friend. After, I decided I couldn't trust her, I was still cordial with her at work, but I kept my distance from her backstabbing ways.
@@FlipFreedom1997 They don't fail to realize; they are testing us and when we don't react, they escalate the bad behavior. They're like children who push and push until Mommy reaches out and smacks them one.
This is absolutely true. People think it’s me and something is wrong when I cut people off. It’s because I’ve been watching their behavior and it just didn’t align with my values. So they had to go
No warning, no hint as to why? Sometimes people are genuinely unaware that their behaviour offends others - like people on the autism spectrum, who might benefit from feedback before it's too late. It's unfortunate that you have known so many 'unaligned' people to have to shun.
@@Bearwithme560and that’s my problem with this kind of self righteous thinking a lot of people here seem to have. Being on the receiving end of what’s basically ghosting for behavior you had no idea was a problem is extremely confusing and hurtful, and if someone who you thought was your best friend doesn’t even make an effort to salvage the friendship before just slicing you off then does that really make him such a great person?
@@roy7o9 Good point. l recall my formerly dear friend ghosting others inexplicably, thinking there must have been a good reason. When it was applied to me, l was stunned. Now l see it as passive-aggressive cruelty - though the cognitive dissonance is still present. No, she wasn't that great a person in retrospect.
I made excuses for them thinking maybe they don’t know better. But I realised I was enabling their behaviour. I love them but I choose to love them from a distance
Yes. This is me. I told one of my BFFs about a mutual friend we have, but she's like a sister to me since I've known her for almost 40 years. Her behavior is so crazy and erratic for someone our age, I told my friend, I love her, but I have to love her from a distance. She's disruptive and my peace is more important than one of her drunk crisis.
I’ve also noticed that some people are ok with trauma dumping on you but don’t extend the same level of understanding and grace given to them when the cut off friend has an issue. Some of these “good” people require the grace that they refuse to give others. Many aren’t comfortable telling the truth and are also self righteous while being hypocrites.
@@food4thought692 precisely true. We all make mistakes. In other videos on this page i speak more about working on my “toxic” behaviors. Being able to recognize that we all have the potential to be the “bad friend” is the starting point to growth and understanding.
0:35 It’s never sudden, impulsive, or immediate. It just seems that way to people who bring drama and are messy folks. They want good people to endure their chaos. No thank you! Quietly cutting messy folks off.
It grows over the years. In my late 20's you got one chance to play with my energy. I don't need to explain, reason or warn. I've left Jobs, churches, romances, friends and even family members without a word. You aren't going to play in my face.
I’m 63 and just did exactly this. Sadly it’s not a first time. But YOU, young woman, are an extremely gifted and wise soul. Thank you for your courage to share your wisdom. 💕✨
Girl. You summed this up beautifully. I’m the ultimate people pleaser, and I find that people will use you and disrespect you at the same time. All the people that I left needed me way more than I needed them. I just couldn’t do it anymore.
Last year, I "abruptly" cut off a coworker. I told her, "We can still have a positive working relationship and we can still hang out - as long as it's in a group setting. However, I no longer want to be friends, carpool, etc" She was really upset (as well as extremely confused) and I had to tell her "I've already dedicated too much of my energy and time to this. I know this sounds mean - and I'm not trying to be mean - but you need to be really honest with yourself and talk to your therapist about this". I refused to give her an explanation because I knew she would just become abusive. Also - and this has taken me a long time to realize - I don't owe anyone an explanation for taking care of myself.
Right! No explanation required. It will just open the conversation up and they will excuse, deny, gaslight, promise, lie, complain, blame, etc. It’s a no-go zone. I love how you handled the situation.
Yes, just diagnosed as Autistic with ADHD recently, at mid-life, making everything make total sense and I finally see how people have used me, bullied me, breadcrumbed me or neglected me all my life... I never realized until now how people I considered friends, and even family, have tried to keep me down. None of the people I cared about felt the same way as I did about them. It sucks, but I am not doing that to myself any longer- I only have me, and I will love myself first. No more of my energy will go to people who could take me or leave me.
Yeah, understand you totally. I'm on waiting list for Autism/ADHD. I'm 58. Sounds like very similar experiences. I've been very naive in reading people. Judging them the same way I care, give. They don't.
Ohhweee you spoke a word land telling my life!! No MORE!! I will never put no one before my well being!! No more giving without Reciprocation🫶🏾❤️❤️❤️ I’m so happy you’ve awake and taken your power✨✨✨ Awin🤞🏾❤️
Yes, my name is Danielle! And I also understand this whole senerio perfectly! When I was 5 years old I was diagnosed with ADHD! Yet I knew my whole life it was way more than ADHD. I knew I was on the spectrum. I haven't yet been diagnosed with Autism but I have an idea that I have it anyway! I'm 26 now! I was raised a single mother who is a narcissist and she never fully acknowledged me or uplifted me much at all! I noticed it more and more, the older I got. I never knew why my mom treated me like that. And still has until this day. I realized last year that I'm an empath/HSP aka highly sensitive person. It explains a lot why I'm treated the way I have been treated my whole life. I was raised as a Christian in church. I've generally only had God and Jesus Christ in my life to protect, strengthen, support, and uplift me. No one overall made me feel the way God n Jesus made me feel. Everyone growing up seemed against me. But when your that young you try not be think that because it's your parents and your their child. But now I understand that just because someone birthed you, doesn't mean they truly love you or are for you. We all came from God first. God is my Father, and I am his daughter. ❤ God Bless Everyone. 🌎 🙏 🙌 HALLELUJAH! AMEN!😇🙏🙌🌈💯✝️☮️☯️
💯 And I’ll add, once the switch does get flipped in your head and you start seeing all the boundaries you allowed them to cross, try to be kind to yourself. Don’t continue to do their work for them and berate yourself. Yes you *did* BUT you aren’t NOW. Each day is a gift bc you get to take what you learned and try again. Be kind to yourself during this process. You can’t go no contact without self love driving you ❤️🔥
Thank you for creating this video-it perfectly captures the reality of enduring toxic behavior, even as a kind and considerate person. Watching it felt like revisiting my own experience of staying in a friendship far longer than I should have. You’ve articulated something I’ve struggled to express, and it’s both validating and freeing. Amazing work!”
I will say for myself what I am learning is that the cut off needs to happen long before you get to the point you’re too exhausted to tell them why you’re leaving. That person‘s been draining you for a very long time and you choose to ignore your own intuition. All of this costs you getting to better relationships and opportunities sooner. I also consider it mature to let people know that a relationship needs to end. Not arguing, not fighting… just letting them know it’s over for a clean break.
This. Once, I got to the beyond exhausted point before walking. Subsequently, it’s been swift and silent firing. That first experience used up my ability to put up with foolery that messes with my peace.
It's not always so easy. Some people have to rely on these people. They can be family and good people have a lot of guilt and shame for putting their needs first plus being gaslit endlessly. Imagine your own mother is the person you should cut off. Not easy and society will blame you.
The more I go through life, the more I realize how important it is to move on when people don’t take responsibility for their behavior. In the past, I’ve given many chances because I genuinely care about them, but experience shows that is the real end. Some people also just don’t want to go there, and I respect it. I just can’t hang with it.
There we have it folks. An incredibly insightful and astute resumen. Especially the point about not saying anything when exiting. There is no point to enter into a lengthy discussion about why we are leaving because it's not like we are deciding on where to go to eat, these are deep and integral differences in VALUES. Fundemental character differences which are often deeply unconcious on the other side (responses to trauma which again, they will not take accountability for). We realize there is nothing we can possibly say because the divide is too great. And adding more heat to fire is pointless. People are who they are. We are who we are. When there is a fundemental divide, it's time to split and move on. I think on a deep level we know we have to let people be who they are, we don't feel like we have a mandate to change people.
Thank you so much for making this video. It came just at the right time and you said just the right words that confirms why I have to cut off the relationship with my mother. Like you said verbatim the thoughts I have had and the actions that were done. May other compassionate souls find this and remove the toxic relationships from their lives so that the grow into the bright light for humanity they are meant to be❤❤❤
Mam oh man. I am soooo PROUD of the level of discernment that my Beloved Sister's are displaying I don't know what in the world too do. Thanks for the clarity 🙏🏿
Thank you. I had to ghost a friend 8 years ago. She low and high level stalked me for years and insinuated herself into the lives of people in my circle IRL and on the socials. I've sometimes felt guilt for not giving her an explanation because I really had to cover my tracks and go off the radar to shut it down, but, frankly, I became not just annoyed but afraid of her. She would have angry tantrums when she thought I wasn't giving her enough attention even though I looked after her house while she was hospitalized and dying which it turns out wasn't true. She would show up at my work, call my mom, all the things. I'm straight and in a longterm relationship, but I began to realize she wasn't, which added another level of pressure and discomfort because she was aggressive and possessive in public and I felt like she wanted people to see us as a couple by making loud comments like, "what should we have for dinner at home?" while she sidled up too close in a lineup or whatev. We were never roomates nor did we eat supper together. Don't care if she's gay or bi, just not my jam. I don't know why I felt guilty other than I don't like being in the position to be mean and go no-contact with someone who is mentally struggling. She was dangerous, I'm setting the guilt down. Thank you!❤
This is sadly what I had to do with my little sister. Unfortunately she's very similar to my mom with narcissistic tendencies. I gassed her head up and loved her so much that she just stopped appreciating me and almost seemed a bit irritated. And eventually it became embarrassing. Walking away was very hard because I love her and i know shes got deep rooted issues from narcissistic abuse, but I would have just been her doormat for life. I respect myself too much for that. Ill always miss her and love her though 😢 I think in a way she's still a sweetheart overall, she just doesn't know how to properly take in love and affection without pushing it away.
@lets_ENJOY...hopefully over time she will get help and can act normal. Life, DNA, and trauma has made people so sick in the head and soul. Very pitiful, I know the kinds!
It is the most difficult with family. You will see them at holidays, weddings, funerals, etc. My brother is a bit like your sister, but the issue is that his wife is lovely and I enjoy my time with her. Sigh.
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didn't go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isn't always rosy, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain dear one, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.
RUclips knew what it was doing randomly recommending this video to me because I've been struggling with that exact justification on abruptly cutting people out of my life essentially gaslighting myself into thinking that what I did was NOT justified. I've never seen your channel before, but thank you for this concise explanation. It helped explain what I do without being able to put it into words myself and made me feel better about making that decision for myself about many people I've had to leave alone.
Yes and the problem with them is they think they’re so smart. And they think things went over your head. Nah just because I was quiet don’t mean I didn’t notice. Believe me I caught it all. Now you cut off. ✌🏾
This was so timely and applies to my relationship with family as well as ex friends. They keep trying to reach out but I just ignore their attempts to reel me in. Spending the holidays with me, myself, and I without any obligations! Some may view that as sad, but beyond sad is what I would’ve been in their presence. I choose peace ✌️ Blessings to those with a similar experience 💜💕
Spending the holidays with yourself isn't sad, it's peaceful (at least in my book). I have enjoyed it and don't mind doing it again should the circumstance present itself.
Finally a holiday of…probably the first time you can remember…peace? Nothing sad about that. That’s a theme people write aspirational movies about. Congratulations.😊
Peace is cool… that’s exactly why I pulled back after my friend kinda bounced like this video is talking about… I kind of displayed some toxicity while I was triggered. It really sucked and I understand why she left…. Wish we could reconcile … blah
Me, myself and I will be doing the same. Two years ago, on Christmas Day, my sister verbally attacked me for the last time. She goes to Church in the morning and becomes a demon in the afternoon. Wow, I choose peace...
Your words are so true. I just let got rid of a "friend" because she kept talking down to me like I was her child. She was disrespectful, condescending, and haughty. I decided to love me more, so I went no contact, blocked her, and called it a day.
I have a strong discernment gift since a child and had a friend for 22 years that I knew since middle school they were a narcissist yet I kept them around this long. In spite of everything I seen in dreams and reality I did EVERY SINGLE THING they asked me to do even when I was tired, had my own personal issues which they NEVER asked if I was okay or how im doing I just stayed by their side, let my guard down and helped them. To cut to the chase during a hard time in my life I find out they had been talking about me behind my back for YEARS from a reliable source. When I asked them about it they admitted to me with no apology and walked away from me for a few months then tried to come back like everything was ok. I kept the door closed and never looked back. Since I didn't snap back to her she told people I stopped talking to her instead of telling people the truth. Some believed them but most people who knew my character didn't believe anything they said and distanced themselves on their own. People pleasing will never get you any where and we must move on and be true to ourselves and believe God will connect us to the right people at the right time or we will be at peace on our own.
I feel this deeply. It’s important for people to understand that narcissistic individuals often cut others off too without any conversation. This is possibly because they have been talking about you behind your back or falsely accusing you, making it easier for them to cut you off silently and later attempt to reconnect on their terms. Like you, I receive dreams and other signs that I initially disregarded because I thought highly of her. In the end, she tried to gaslight me, but I didn’t allow it. She expected me to act like her other friends, who would come back and try to be part of her life again, (which in a childish way brought her so much joy to know they attempted to come back) But I’m different. When I know what I need to know, I’m done. I just want to forgive myself for ignoring the red flags with the friends she told me about before i knew her and the ones she had during our friendship. I have worked hard on forgiving her and also on truly seeing her for who she was, not who I wanted her to be. Looking back I see that she is very unhealed and carried a lot of offense. I’ve also done the work to stop being a people pleaser and to understand the true revelatory power of God. He was revealing things to me, but I didn’t discern they were from Him. Had I heeded all these warnings and better understood my discernment and the power of God operating within me, I could have avoided a lot of hurt.
Girl you were spot on this is what happened to me recently I had to let go of two people I was friends with and a lot was going on jealousy and envy towards me and I had to cut and run
This is soo me 🙈😩. When I cut off I cut off. And sometimes it’s sudden and people don’t know what it is that hit them . I had 2 past people repeatedly reaching out to me trying to figure out what happened .
@@esterthereallol my friend would have a field day with that one. We encourage defamation of character and slander due to lack of accountability. Like 2+2=10 And I'm to busy to clear it up or gaf lol
@@urstrulii5932 lol exactly. I told them I’m done explaining. DONEEE. That’s part of the reason I’m doing it, you friggin’ basic-ass dimwits (lol sorry). I’m unfortunately an expert at the game, and I am officially deep in the negative amount when it comes to fucks to give. My response was basically “okay” lol like you think I care? You’ve seen everything I’ve been through and you think your opinion matters to me? That’s cute. Hahaha ahhh… I probably should have responded after eating. A little hangry over here 🤣🤣😅
OMG…🎯🎯🎯 I am going through this with a friend now! Her conversation starts with “Please don’t be offended “ about stuff that I have said several different times, I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS!! She texted me today and I have felt weird every since this afternoon. I really want to tell her…. Look! I don’t want you in my life, you don’t have boundaries, your disrespectful and stop trying to control me. Leave me alone!!! So this is VERY VERY TRUE CONTENT! If we NEVER talked again I wouldn’t care! They know when they are in the wrong because the use opportunities to check your temperature, knowing that you both know they WENT TO FAR. They do it piss you off wait a while check your temperature make you comfortable again and then strike again!!! It’s a pattern. It’s toxic. Sorry so long, I just needed to get this out today!!! This is exactly what I am struggling with in this moment right now!!! It will not be anymore conversations over the phone just indifferent text. Like, you too, ok, Gn. Have a good one, take care, ttyl, working, 😂😂😂😂NEW SUBSCRIBER!!! Thank you!!!
The thing is, Why even the brief responses? The best feeling is to not have to think about them at all. They don’t intrude on your existence or your thoughts. You go on and live and enjoy your life entirely without their draining, weighty presence. 😮💨😊 If this is somebody you don’t want in your life again, you can block and move on. They aren’t even entitled to your explanation. 🤷🏽♀️
@ 🙌🏽 I know it was hard at first but. But ask time has went by, it’s a lot easier. I don’t know why it’s hard for me sometimes. But I am definitely handling it much better. Thank you for your directness .
I'm glad I found this. Some people want to get mad and gaslight you, calling you sensitive but they just want to be a**holes without any consequences. They're too immature to look at their stupid behavior. People like that rarely change. As a matter of fact they become more outrageous.
I cut a friend off only once in my life (completely ghosted them) and I have felt very guilty about it. I just couldn’t bring myself to be in their presence anymore. I wish I were more courageous and knew the best way to verbalize how I was feeling, but I couldn’t take it anymore! I saw how they behaved and how their friends (not mine) behaved and I was very put off. It built up over time and I just shut down I guess. I now realize that I was a people pleaser at that time, however after some tough life lessons I now am very particular about who I let in my personal space. I weed people out early on and protect my peace.
The ACCOUNTABILITY!! They just CANNOT DO IT!! It’s WEAK to them! NOT KNOWING WHERE YOU STAND with someone is THE WORST and THEY MAKE YOU FEEL INVISIBLE out of ENVY or RESENTMENT and it is ON PURPOSE!
Really relate to this. There is a moment in these relationships that triggers an aha moment of realizing this person is really not your friend or (blank space) and that they actually want you to fail or just not be "better" than them. Once you finally realize that, you can't undo it or go back. I just had this happen to me. There was a conversation where this person was basically trying to say I was less than but I didn't catch on until weeks later when the comment randomly replayed in my head and I just couldn't believe I had missed that. It was the last straw and I stopped replying. I can't do it anymore. Most likely stayed so long because I am not trying to be competitive with anyone and someone's success doesn't threaten me. It's really mind boggling how many people you can be related to or are "friends" with that are just not good people but it takes time to see and accept it because we genuinely do care for them and can't imagine it's all fake.
I hate that the people I cut off will never see this. I always turn out to be the bad guy all because I walked away. These people deserve the karma, I swear they do. I absolutely had a friend snap on me for the last time and I disappeared. He was dead wrong, he would snap and make it seem like it was mu fault yet he always wanted me around even though he claimed I was such a bad person and with "terrible" behavior! Telling my friends I am unsafe and a drunk all because they cant control me. I hated it and I wish they would care about this message if it crossed them but when we want them to feel our pain they never do in the peak of their evil persona. Granted karma does happen but in the moments you really want these people to feel your pain, it seems like they never do and it makes me feel like I am in a room where nobody can hear me and the thought of this makes me feel like I can not breathe.😢
Holy smokes that is a complete replica to a situation I had with someone.... I was sooooo "toxic" yet they still "still want to be friends".... Woah...
Some of us hear you, sweetie. I wish I could hug you. Believe me or not, it really does get better. As you live, you learn. Keep the lessons you learn from people in your mind. Protect that beautiful heart of yours by observing and recognizing negative behaviors. I know it's not so simple, but you can do this if you remember that you are too important to be mistreated by anyone. Sending love and hugs. You are not alone.💜
OMG, I had to do this to a “friend” years ago. The final straw was her being unsupportive when my husband and I bought a new home. She criticized our place and put me down. I had finally had enough and never called her back. You have put into words how I was with her. Looking back, she never truly saw me as an equal but I have learned and l still wish her well.
This is needed. I would add that the empathetic friend likely tried to explain their feelings, their perspectives, and their need for boundaries which was either met with indifference or circus monkey behaviour.
The way I see it, when it comes to a friend or anyone in your personal life, there is a level of patience that is required in order for you to deal and interact with that person. And the second the SECOND that that patience runs out, the relationship is OVER and there is NOTHING that can be done to rekindle it.
I don't have friends or gfs for almost two decades now and I'm 48. It's by choice, I just don't want to deal with others issues, drama or toxicity. I want peace in my life and I feel as though people get in the way of that. I'm also mild mannered and kind but I also read people very well and I'm very stern, straight forward and no nonsense . When I call people out they never take responsibility, and they get offended. I rather die alone than deal with others.
You hit the nail on the head with this one. I recently experienced all of this... Thank you for putting this message out there. I feel understood as to why I had to let certain people go. On top of receiving dreams associated with the need for the cut off.
These were not words that I necessarily wanted to hear but am grateful for. I see myself through the eyes of those close who have left me and I do not like what I see. I am really grateful for your message.
😢 feels like my whole damn life - ready to be alone by myself forever. Sick of getting mistreated by those who suck up the goodness in others and act so surprised when they get called out for it. TY for this video.
Say it louder so the people in the back can hear you. Thank you for saying this so eloquently. This video sums up why I walked away from a few fake friends with no problems this year without saying a word to them.
Whewwwww you definitely summed this up in a nut shell!!! I have been doing this a lot as of late! I got fed up and definitely started removing myself from ppl who doing too much! I feel soooo free!!
This is a healing video for the givers & I thank you for your perspective. It describes my situation 100%. Seriously, 100%. I will return to this video often for peace of mind. You have a gift!!
Thank you for the video. I needed the reminder. As someone who is also experiencing this from the other end, I need to make sure time does not dull my understanding of all the wrongs I allowed and committed. The pain doesn't end, but I lowkey don't want it to. I hope the people I hurt are living bright and vibrant lives full of joy, love, trust, and peace. I'm of course sorry I will never be a part of it again, but I pray that fact is for the better for you. Fly high, fly strong, let nothing and no one hold you back ever again. 💜🙏🏿
I’ve been feeling quite guilty or wrong for ending a friendship so abruptly, due to seeing the harmful toxic traits in a them that just couldn’t stand anymore. I was actually disgusted when I realised just how toxic and manipulative she was being, and angry. But I still feel bad about just ending the friendship but I felt like I had no choice, for my own sake. This breakdown has helped me understand my own feelings more. Thank you ❤❤❤❤
You spoke so well about me! And you are right it is not all of a sudden and I am very intuitive. Once I have had enough I’m done and there is no need to have conversations because people never seem to know what they have done. And you are exactly right about the gaslighting and the conversation not being productive. When I make my exit I’m gone
This is on point for why I do this I thought I was wrong but this sums up pretty much all the reasons I cut someone off. I literally felt terrible to be honest but I seen how all the people I cute off have treated me and it wasn’t with respect so I had to leave
Been doing this my entire life "its just my genetic make-up" I DONT FEEL BAD AT ALL. Anyone who has been in my life or apart of my circle ALWAYS WITHOUT A DOUBT, level up in their life! So after I observe a continually pattern of behavior that doesn't align with my moral values as a person, friend, co-worker, siblings or significant other. I remove myself. And life won't be the same for you. I add value to others not devalue you. Therefore, why should I feel bad?? #winning
You just described how and why I ended a 27 year friendship. No call, no text, no covo. I just changed my number and went ghost. She'll get the hint sooner or later. I don't regret it.. I'm tired of people playin' in my face and rationalizing shady behavior. 🤷🏽
i been walked over basically my whole life and nobody ever cared.. this year i hit my breaking point and gained complete 0 tolerance for any and everybody and now people think ive gone crazy...they always call you crazy when you cant and wont be manipulated anymore.. ill take that but since i cut them off ive been the happiest i ever felt in life i cant believe this is what was waiting for me the entire time but i was too busy caring about what people thought about me🤦🏽♂️
Exactly. You expressed it so well. I am estranged from my sister for exactly these reasons and reached a point where there was nothing left in me to give to the relationship. Thank you.
Holy cow, the whole time, I’m nodding my head “yes” to everything you said. Had to cut a friend off recently for not respecting my boundaries. I could tell they were to listening to react, not to empathize. Just a plethora of many other things that added up to me just not giving any more of my oxygen. Thank you for putting this out there. Couldn’t have said it better myself.❤
That's me, proudly ❤ Edit: I have learnt to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt. I have learnt to stop wasting my energy. I have learnt to go within for validation, love and filling up my cup. ❤
Very true, it was like a switch just a few days after my birthday I just couldn’t do it anymore. It was just time to leave people where they chose to stay, and that this is who they are.
You have PERFECTLY described my situation, and the many unfortunate incidents that eventually led me to quietly withdraw/walk away from "friends" of more than 20 years. Truth be told ! 💪
💯 x 💯 🎯 . Once I’m done I cannot get out of there fast enough. Also 💯 correct that I know by that point no explanation or discussion will have any positive outcome.
Thank you for this insightful & freeing video. 🙏🏼 After years of verbal and emotional abuse by an older sibling, I finally walked away. I pray for her, wish her well and have forgiven her, while choosing to protect my peace.
Thank you for putting that into words. I am always certain when turning my back away that there's no return and on the same time there's no grudge too. It usually happens after my heart gets heavily swollen and nearly explodes from what it has absorbed. There is no a better relief than to walk away and make a fresh start ❤ Happy new year 🎊
It’s usually that you let things go and accepted that they aren’t the best people. And it must be the worst right? And then they get even worse and your like goodness there’s more? They get worse. And you’re like, nah. This thing is going straight to hell. I’m off
Very true, people always think I cut them off abruptly, but it’s usually been weeks of me observing and contemplating on whether or not I should keep this person in my life
This is so true - in my humble opinion - there is no use for revenge in these scenarios as this is a hurt person inadvertently hurting another. Due to their trauma. And the person in receipt of the behaviours discussed finally realizing this is not for them to bear any longer. This can take many years.
It's crazy how accurate this is. Every single word. I recently went no contact with my mother. She just summed up every single aspect of the emotions and thought process
You hit the nail on the head for me. I just had enough been dealing with this my entire life I am 71 years I wish I had learned this early on. Good for you young lady.
Don’t misunderstand my kindness for weakness. Don’t be so entitled to expect me to just put up with abuse.
This
So many people have mistaken that with me and they always find out at the perfect moment that I'm not someone who tolerates emotional abuse.
Come on and say it again!🙌🏽👏🏾👌🏾
Story of my life lol
YAS!!! Don't be so entitled to expect me to put up with abuse. Folk acting all surprised because I'm done - you got what you asked for!
I noticed that they never, ever apologized for anything.
This is very true, I can definitely testify of this - currently going through this. Will get out of this with God. In Jesus name, Amen.
wow, truth again. Never seen them apologize even once
Energy drainers bring drama wherever they go.
Oh, they think they apologize - it's just not for the right thing. You call them on a lie or any form of disrespect, and they say well I'm sorry you're upset. No accountability. They are unable to acknowledge their inappropriate behavior or speech. It's your fault for having feelings.
Yep … ever!
As Tupac said in a song or maybe in a comment, just because you lost me as a friend does not mean you get me as an enemy, I'm better than that, I still want to see you eat just not at my table.
👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽
That's a dope lyric. Perfectly sums it up.
Great lyrics
Well said.
Real talk
Idc what people say, call me immature, crazy, neurotic. When my intuition says jump I jump.
period sis !
Yeah they call us crazy for "jumping" on a whim. But if intuition says go, we go. Period!
Stay Intuitive, Aware, Mindful, and Discerning
💯💯💯💯💯
Yes this is me...I just blocked my children's father... he's a straight narcissist...he needs to get with his kids..and not worry about me and what I'm doing in my life..
She just advocated for all empaths, that once trying to co exist with narcissist lover or fam, friend
Thank you for this video. ❤ No lies told. I've experienced this and had to cut off so many people to protect my peace.
❤❤❤❤
Straight up!💯💯
well, not all of us are empaths...but we too are friends of empaths and understand them...and we do the same
@@LIL-MAN_theOGThe understanding and acknowledgement alone helps so much. True friends love at all times and are born for times of distress. Though humans may disagree or not fully empathize, feeling supported works wonders for growth within that relationship. 💜
"When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time"
-Maya Angelou
I love this quote. I try to use it all the time.
💯
She gets credit for the quote, which is fine. But it is actually an old African saying.
Perfect... Thats the motto I live by.
Good people always watch your behavior first without sharing what they observe. Once we collected enough data in our minds us leaving you is justifiable.
Preach
Exactly! We observe everything and make discernments, not judgments.
❤👁️❤
Yes, so true.
wow😌 this comment is a virtual hug bc I feel so understood
I call it “protective ghosting”. 🎯🎯🎯
I like that term. So fitting.
Love this.
Love it!
This!
Yes. That helps. ❤
If you confront them with their Behavior, they will go crazy and deny it. You are on point with this💯💯
@@Malacha-v8f exactly. Thank you! ☺️
NO CAP🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
Then go on a smear campaign, just in case you talk try to vent to others.
@@LoneRager90 yep. They got to ruin our Reputation before we Ruin theirs and we ain't even trying to Ruin them
@@FlipFreedom19974 Replies
Know why they are shocked by your “abrupt” exit? Because they were only paying attention to themselves the whole time.
This isn't just friends this is family 😢
!!!!
I was just talking about this
Yes! I have cousins who are SO self absorbed, entitled, very low emotional intelligence, and thrive on toxicity. I was unable completely rid myself of them because they would always have a presence around my mum (their maternal aunt). But after my mum passed away, I cut them off 5yrs ago, and have never looked back. It's a shame that it took losing my mum to get those other people out of my life.
It's worse when it's fam - I don't speak to any of them anymore, All bullies.
In my case, especially family.
Never try to explain yourself to those who are dedicated to misunderstanding you.
💯
Well said👌
My cutoff game has been intense this last few years . I see right through people, always have . But now its a big bye bye . No more feeding off me , I can’t take the energy
Yeah with age, tolerance become less.
I hear ya. As a senior woman, I no longer have the energy for this drama❤
@@suekaiser4163. Man, I hate the drama! If I want drama, I’ll go to the movies LOL. No tolerance for it IRL, but it is everywhere! Drama is a major part of many people’s personas. Sigh.
So true. I’m working on this now
So true 🙏🏽 I'm grateful for the Gift 🎁 of discernment and Goodbye in this last season. Not in my own strength, but APTTMH 🙏🏼 for delivering me from the energy vampires that I allowed to stay waaaay too long in my life. This is definitely a spiritual movement in the Kingdom since so many of Us Chosen Ones are experiencing it. I believe it's the separation of the wheat 🌾 and the tares. I truly feel in my spirit there's a shifting and a storm coming that we've Neva seen or experienced. But those who trust in the Almighty shall Not fear🙏🏼. Stay prayed and armoured Up family 💕.
The times I've tried to "have a mature conversation" (pressured usually by my outside environment despite my intuition telling me otherwise), it has ALWAYS backfired on me. These kinds of toxic/negative/malignant people do NOT want to be reasoned with and will go at great lengths to either convince you that YOU'RE the crazy one and will flip the tables on you.
Yes, gaslighting for sure. Or call you jealous, when you just will not allow them to drain you anymore.
YYYYYUP.
@@azalea1043 they call you jealous when they're lowkey the jealous ones. It's hilarious.
...and you simply can't ...reason with them.
I blame '90's talk shows for the stupid advice of trying to talk. You have figured out exactly the truth of it. No grown adult is responsible for teaching another grown adult how to be a grown adult.
The disrespect is your closure. #Beyondmycontrol
❤
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
🎯
I had to do this to a co-worker who I thought could've been a friend. After, I decided I couldn't trust her, I was still cordial with her at work, but I kept my distance from her backstabbing ways.
💯
You have to be okay being alone. It’s not always easy but my peace is without price. It’s priceless & I’ll take loneliness over toxicity any day.
It's better to be alone than to wish that you were.
Wise words!
Well said, couldn't agree more!
Although the loneliness does really suck, too. Still, better than toxic.
People that said i love you, have used my heart and kindness as tool to manipulate my emotions. Apparently to them kindness is weakness.
@@FarieSag I’m so sorry you have experienced that
But they always fail to realize that WE NOTICE these behaviors IMMEDIATELY!!! They think we don't know or that our alarms aren't going AWWFF!!
@ ‼️
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
@@FlipFreedom1997 They don't fail to realize; they are testing us and when we don't react, they escalate the bad behavior. They're like children who push and push until Mommy reaches out and smacks them one.
This is absolutely true. People think it’s me and something is wrong when I cut people off. It’s because I’ve been watching their behavior and it just didn’t align with my values. So they had to go
No warning, no hint as to why? Sometimes people are genuinely unaware that their behaviour offends others - like people on the autism spectrum, who might benefit from feedback before it's too late. It's unfortunate that you have known so many 'unaligned' people to have to shun.
@@Bearwithme560and that’s my problem with this kind of self righteous thinking a lot of people here seem to have. Being on the receiving end of what’s basically ghosting for behavior you had no idea was a problem is extremely confusing and hurtful, and if someone who you thought was your best friend doesn’t even make an effort to salvage the friendship before just slicing you off then does that really make him such a great person?
@@roy7o9 Good point. l recall my formerly dear friend ghosting others inexplicably, thinking there must have been a good reason. When it was applied to me, l was stunned. Now l see it as passive-aggressive cruelty - though the cognitive dissonance is still present. No, she wasn't that great a person in retrospect.
I actually never felt bad letting go of a 50 year friendship. I only felt relief.
The person who needs to see this did. The person who needs to hear this won’t. Great post and well-spoken
@@anhedoniaw5060 thank you!
I made excuses for them thinking maybe they don’t know better. But I realised I was enabling their behaviour. I love them but I choose to love them from a distance
Yes. This is me. I told one of my BFFs about a mutual friend we have, but she's like a sister to me since I've known her for almost 40 years. Her behavior is so crazy and erratic for someone our age, I told my friend, I love her, but I have to love her from a distance. She's disruptive and my peace is more important than one of her drunk crisis.
That makes a lot of sense!
ME 2
I'm tempted to send this to those I've had to walk away from. Spot on.
Me too. Sadly.
No need. They won't still get it 😅
DON’T. DO. IT
I might, if they ask 😂
😅😂😂
I’ve also noticed that some people are ok with trauma dumping on you but don’t extend the same level of understanding and grace given to them when the cut off friend has an issue. Some of these “good” people require the grace that they refuse to give others. Many aren’t comfortable telling the truth and are also self righteous while being hypocrites.
@@food4thought692 precisely true. We all make mistakes. In other videos on this page i speak more about working on my “toxic” behaviors. Being able to recognize that we all have the potential to be the “bad friend” is the starting point to growth and understanding.
@ Agreed! 💕
This! Trauma dumping while not realizing they are the common denominator when it comes to all those issues.
A friend is not a free therapist.
Some ppl love the lies more than they ever "loved" you 💯
@ 💯
0:35 It’s never sudden, impulsive, or immediate. It just seems that way to people who bring drama and are messy folks. They want good people to endure their chaos. No thank you! Quietly cutting messy folks off.
It grows over the years. In my late 20's you got one chance to play with my energy. I don't need to explain, reason or warn. I've left Jobs, churches, romances, friends and even family members without a word. You aren't going to play in my face.
THIS IS SO CORRECT, Shake the dust off your feet......and Leave ..🙏❤️
I’m 63 and just did exactly this. Sadly it’s not a first time. But YOU, young woman, are an extremely gifted and wise soul. Thank you for your courage to share your wisdom. 💕✨
I'm shocked, because you only looked in your thirties. Honestly!
@ awe!! Thank you! You made my day. 🤗💕
Girl. You summed this up beautifully. I’m the ultimate people pleaser, and I find that people will use you and disrespect you at the same time. All the people that I left needed me way more than I needed them. I just couldn’t do it anymore.
Last year, I "abruptly" cut off a coworker. I told her, "We can still have a positive working relationship and we can still hang out - as long as it's in a group setting. However, I no longer want to be friends, carpool, etc" She was really upset (as well as extremely confused) and I had to tell her "I've already dedicated too much of my energy and time to this. I know this sounds mean - and I'm not trying to be mean - but you need to be really honest with yourself and talk to your therapist about this". I refused to give her an explanation because I knew she would just become abusive. Also - and this has taken me a long time to realize - I don't owe anyone an explanation for taking care of myself.
Your comment is wonderful, I so appreciate it.
Right! No explanation required. It will just open the conversation up and they will excuse, deny, gaslight, promise, lie, complain, blame, etc. It’s a no-go zone. I love how you handled the situation.
Exactly
Yes, just diagnosed as Autistic with ADHD recently, at mid-life, making everything make total sense and I finally see how people have used me, bullied me, breadcrumbed me or neglected me all my life... I never realized until now how people I considered friends, and even family, have tried to keep me down. None of the people I cared about felt the same way as I did about them. It sucks, but I am not doing that to myself any longer- I only have me, and I will love myself first. No more of my energy will go to people who could take me or leave me.
❤️❤️❤️❤️ I understand you. Same here.
Yeah, understand you totally. I'm on waiting list for Autism/ADHD. I'm 58. Sounds like very similar experiences. I've been very naive in reading people. Judging them the same way I care, give. They don't.
Ohhweee you spoke a word land telling my life!! No MORE!! I will never put no one before my well being!! No more giving without Reciprocation🫶🏾❤️❤️❤️
I’m so happy you’ve awake and taken your power✨✨✨
Awin🤞🏾❤️
Good for you. You should be proud of yourself for prioritizing you!
Yes, my name is Danielle! And I also understand this whole senerio perfectly! When I was 5 years old I was diagnosed with ADHD! Yet I knew my whole life it was way more than ADHD. I knew I was on the spectrum. I haven't yet been diagnosed with Autism but I have an idea that I have it anyway! I'm 26 now! I was raised a single mother who is a narcissist and she never fully acknowledged me or uplifted me much at all! I noticed it more and more, the older I got. I never knew why my mom treated me like that. And still has until this day. I realized last year that I'm an empath/HSP aka highly sensitive person. It explains a lot why I'm treated the way I have been treated my whole life. I was raised as a Christian in church. I've generally only had God and Jesus Christ in my life to protect, strengthen, support, and uplift me. No one overall made me feel the way God n Jesus made me feel. Everyone growing up seemed against me. But when your that young you try not be think that because it's your parents and your their child. But now I understand that just because someone birthed you, doesn't mean they truly love you or are for you. We all came from God first. God is my Father, and I am his daughter. ❤ God Bless Everyone. 🌎 🙏 🙌 HALLELUJAH! AMEN!😇🙏🙌🌈💯✝️☮️☯️
💯
And I’ll add, once the switch does get flipped in your head and you start seeing all the boundaries you allowed them to cross, try to be kind to yourself. Don’t continue to do their work for them and berate yourself. Yes you *did* BUT you aren’t NOW.
Each day is a gift bc you get to take what you learned and try again. Be kind to yourself during this process. You can’t go no contact without self love driving you ❤️🔥
@@hank_430 I love this statement. Thank you.
Wow. This is powerful.
Girl!!! On point because Before the Year is OUT ALOT of people are on my chopping block 😂 I’ve never cut so much ppl off in my LIFE 😭
Hi want be my empath Friend?❤
Same girl. Keep it up, better things are on the horozon once the trash is out. 💯
Good for you honey. A tree has to lose its’ dead leaves to grow. Don’t let those people siphoning your energy hold you back.
Thank you for creating this video-it perfectly captures the reality of enduring toxic behavior, even as a kind and considerate person. Watching it felt like revisiting my own experience of staying in a friendship far longer than I should have. You’ve articulated something I’ve struggled to express, and it’s both validating and freeing. Amazing work!”
I will say for myself what I am learning is that the cut off needs to happen long before you get to the point you’re too exhausted to tell them why you’re leaving.
That person‘s been draining you for a very long time and you choose to ignore your own intuition. All of this costs you getting to better relationships and opportunities sooner.
I also consider it mature to let people know that a relationship needs to end. Not arguing, not fighting… just letting them know it’s over for a clean break.
@TimTheEnchanter0 yes. Absolutely. Discussed this towards the end of the video.
This.
Once, I got to the beyond exhausted point before walking.
Subsequently, it’s been swift and silent firing.
That first experience used up my ability to put up with foolery that messes with my peace.
It's not always so easy. Some people have to rely on these people. They can be family and good people have a lot of guilt and shame for putting their needs first plus being gaslit endlessly. Imagine your own mother is the person you should cut off. Not easy and society will blame you.
The more I go through life, the more I realize how important it is to move on when people don’t take responsibility for their behavior. In the past, I’ve given many chances because I genuinely care about them, but experience shows that is the real end. Some people also just don’t want to go there, and I respect it. I just can’t hang with it.
Some people don't understnad that sitting in your house in peace, eating snacks and minding your own business is priceless.
@@eugenedavis6792 priceless! 😂😂😂
There we have it folks. An incredibly insightful and astute resumen. Especially the point about not saying anything when exiting. There is no point to enter into a lengthy discussion about why we are leaving because it's not like we are deciding on where to go to eat, these are deep and integral differences in VALUES. Fundemental character differences which are often deeply unconcious on the other side (responses to trauma which again, they will not take accountability for). We realize there is nothing we can possibly say because the divide is too great. And adding more heat to fire is pointless. People are who they are. We are who we are. When there is a fundemental divide, it's time to split and move on. I think on a deep level we know we have to let people be who they are, we don't feel like we have a mandate to change people.
@@olistormz absolutely true! Thank you for your insightful addition to the conversation
I've been taking notes during this conversation but damn! You put into words exactly what I was trying too hard to get at.
Thank you so much for making this video. It came just at the right time and you said just the right words that confirms why I have to cut off the relationship with my mother. Like you said verbatim the thoughts I have had and the actions that were done. May other compassionate souls find this and remove the toxic relationships from their lives so that the grow into the bright light for humanity they are meant to be❤❤❤
Mam oh man. I am soooo PROUD of the level of discernment that my Beloved Sister's are displaying I don't know what in the world too do. Thanks for the clarity 🙏🏿
Thank you. I had to ghost a friend 8 years ago. She low and high level stalked me for years and insinuated herself into the lives of people in my circle IRL and on the socials. I've sometimes felt guilt for not giving her an explanation because I really had to cover my tracks and go off the radar to shut it down, but, frankly, I became not just annoyed but afraid of her. She would have angry tantrums when she thought I wasn't giving her enough attention even though I looked after her house while she was hospitalized and dying which it turns out wasn't true. She would show up at my work, call my mom, all the things. I'm straight and in a longterm relationship, but I began to realize she wasn't, which added another level of pressure and discomfort because she was aggressive and possessive in public and I felt like she wanted people to see us as a couple by making loud comments like, "what should we have for dinner at home?" while she sidled up too close in a lineup or whatev. We were never roomates nor did we eat supper together. Don't care if she's gay or bi, just not my jam. I don't know why I felt guilty other than I don't like being in the position to be mean and go no-contact with someone who is mentally struggling. She was dangerous, I'm setting the guilt down. Thank you!❤
This is sadly what I had to do with my little sister. Unfortunately she's very similar to my mom with narcissistic tendencies. I gassed her head up and loved her so much that she just stopped appreciating me and almost seemed a bit irritated. And eventually it became embarrassing. Walking away was very hard because I love her and i know shes got deep rooted issues from narcissistic abuse, but I would have just been her doormat for life. I respect myself too much for that. Ill always miss her and love her though 😢 I think in a way she's still a sweetheart overall, she just doesn't know how to properly take in love and affection without pushing it away.
@@lets_ENJOY_LIVING very sad. 😞
@lets_ENJOY...hopefully over time she will get help and can act normal. Life, DNA, and trauma has made people so sick in the head and soul. Very pitiful, I know the kinds!
It is the most difficult with family. You will see them at holidays, weddings, funerals, etc. My brother is a bit like your sister, but the issue is that his wife is lovely and I enjoy my time with her. Sigh.
My exact life story. Still miss and love my little sister but have to do it from a distance. Couldn't take the deception and abuse anymore.
They will also say that this is you, not them, and convince EVERYONE that this is YOU, NOT THEM, AND SAY THEY CUT YOU OFF 😂
That is so true, your articulation of the situation is excellent.
@@KarenLloyd-v4u thank you so much!
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didn't go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isn't always rosy, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain dear one, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
RUclips knew what it was doing randomly recommending this video to me because I've been struggling with that exact justification on abruptly cutting people out of my life essentially gaslighting myself into thinking that what I did was NOT justified.
I've never seen your channel before, but thank you for this concise explanation. It helped explain what I do without being able to put it into words myself and made me feel better about making that decision for myself about many people I've had to leave alone.
Yes and the problem with them is they think they’re so smart. And they think things went over your head. Nah just because I was quiet don’t mean I didn’t notice. Believe me I caught it all. Now you cut off. ✌🏾
This was so timely and applies to my relationship with family as well as ex friends. They keep trying to reach out but I just ignore their attempts to reel me in. Spending the holidays with me, myself, and I without any obligations! Some may view that as sad, but beyond sad is what I would’ve been in their presence. I choose peace ✌️ Blessings to those with a similar experience 💜💕
Spending the holidays with yourself isn't sad, it's peaceful (at least in my book). I have enjoyed it and don't mind doing it again should the circumstance present itself.
Finally a holiday of…probably the first time you can remember…peace? Nothing sad about that. That’s a theme people write aspirational movies about. Congratulations.😊
Peace is cool… that’s exactly why I pulled back after my friend kinda bounced like this video is talking about… I kind of displayed some toxicity while I was triggered. It really sucked and I understand why she left…. Wish we could reconcile … blah
Me, myself and I will be doing the same. Two years ago, on Christmas Day, my sister verbally attacked me for the last time. She goes to Church in the morning and becomes a demon in the afternoon. Wow, I choose peace...
Absolutely perfect! You are so well spoken, thoughtful, caring and beautiful. Thank you for sharing. This is just what I needed to hear today.❤
Your words are so true. I just let got rid of a "friend" because she kept talking down to me like I was her child. She was disrespectful, condescending, and haughty. I decided to love me more, so I went no contact, blocked her, and called it a day.
I have a strong discernment gift since a child and had a friend for 22 years that I knew since middle school they were a narcissist yet I kept them around this long. In spite of everything I seen in dreams and reality I did EVERY SINGLE THING they asked me to do even when I was tired, had my own personal issues which they NEVER asked if I was okay or how im doing I just stayed by their side, let my guard down and helped them. To cut to the chase during a hard time in my life I find out they had been talking about me behind my back for YEARS from a reliable source. When I asked them about it they admitted to me with no apology and walked away from me for a few months then tried to come back like everything was ok. I kept the door closed and never looked back. Since I didn't snap back to her she told people I stopped talking to her instead of telling people the truth. Some believed them but most people who knew my character didn't believe anything they said and distanced themselves on their own. People pleasing will never get you any where and we must move on and be true to ourselves and believe God will connect us to the right people at the right time or we will be at peace on our own.
I feel this deeply. It’s important for people to understand that narcissistic individuals often cut others off too without any conversation. This is possibly because they have been talking about you behind your back or falsely accusing you, making it easier for them to cut you off silently and later attempt to reconnect on their terms. Like you, I receive dreams and other signs that I initially disregarded because I thought highly of her. In the end, she tried to gaslight me, but I didn’t allow it. She expected me to act like her other friends, who would come back and try to be part of her life again, (which in a childish way brought her so much joy to know they attempted to come back) But I’m different. When I know what I need to know, I’m done.
I just want to forgive myself for ignoring the red flags with the friends she told me about before i knew her and the ones she had during our friendship.
I have worked hard on forgiving her and also on truly seeing her for who she was, not who I wanted her to be. Looking back I see that she is very unhealed and carried a lot of offense. I’ve also done the work to stop being a people pleaser and to understand the true revelatory power of God. He was revealing things to me, but I didn’t discern they were from Him. Had I heeded all these warnings and better understood my discernment and the power of God operating within me, I could have avoided a lot of hurt.
Girl you were spot on this is what happened to me recently I had to let go of two people I was friends with and a lot was going on jealousy and envy towards me and I had to cut and run
This resonates with me. I have an older sibling with similar traits. Distance is my answer. Thanks for the video. Peace.
This is soo me 🙈😩. When I cut off I cut off. And sometimes it’s sudden and people don’t know what it is that hit them . I had 2 past people repeatedly reaching out to me trying to figure out what happened .
@@LifeofShay33 🥺
Me too
Yes, exactly. I was labelled mentally ill.
@@esterthereallol my friend would have a field day with that one. We encourage defamation of character and slander due to lack of accountability. Like 2+2=10
And I'm to busy to clear it up or gaf lol
@@urstrulii5932 lol exactly. I told them I’m done explaining. DONEEE. That’s part of the reason I’m doing it, you friggin’ basic-ass dimwits (lol sorry). I’m unfortunately an expert at the game, and I am officially deep in the negative amount when it comes to fucks to give. My response was basically “okay” lol like you think I care? You’ve seen everything I’ve been through and you think your opinion matters to me? That’s cute. Hahaha ahhh… I probably should have responded after eating. A little hangry over here 🤣🤣😅
Oh wow. Yes! Truth right here
Thank you ❤️🙏🏼
OMG…🎯🎯🎯 I am going through this with a friend now! Her conversation starts with “Please don’t be offended “ about stuff that I have said several different times, I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS!! She texted me today and I have felt weird every since this afternoon. I really want to tell her…. Look! I don’t want you in my life, you don’t have boundaries, your disrespectful and stop trying to control me. Leave me alone!!! So this is VERY VERY TRUE CONTENT! If we NEVER talked again I wouldn’t care! They know when they are in the wrong because the use opportunities to check your temperature, knowing that you both know they WENT TO FAR. They do it piss you off wait a while check your temperature make you comfortable again and then strike again!!! It’s a pattern. It’s toxic. Sorry so long, I just needed to get this out today!!! This is exactly what I am struggling with in this moment right now!!! It will not be anymore conversations over the phone just indifferent text. Like, you too, ok, Gn. Have a good one, take care, ttyl, working, 😂😂😂😂NEW SUBSCRIBER!!! Thank you!!!
@@tandyt8783 welcome to the channel!
The thing is, Why even the brief responses? The best feeling is to not have to think about them at all. They don’t intrude on your existence or your thoughts. You go on and live and enjoy your life entirely without their draining, weighty presence. 😮💨😊
If this is somebody you don’t want in your life again, you can block and move on. They aren’t even entitled to your explanation. 🤷🏽♀️
@ 🙌🏽 I know it was hard at first but. But ask time has went by, it’s a lot easier. I don’t know why it’s hard for me sometimes. But I am definitely handling it much better. Thank you for your directness .
@ thank you
That temperature analogy was golden 💪🏾
I'm glad I found this. Some people want to get mad and gaslight you, calling you sensitive but they just want to be a**holes without any consequences. They're too immature to look at their stupid behavior. People like that rarely change. As a matter of fact they become more outrageous.
People DO change when the discomfort (pain) becomes unbearable. I just can't wait around for them to get the message.
I cut a friend off only once in my life (completely ghosted them) and I have felt very guilty about it.
I just couldn’t bring myself to be in their presence anymore. I wish I were more courageous and knew the best way to verbalize how I was feeling, but I couldn’t take it anymore!
I saw how they behaved and how their friends (not mine) behaved and I was very put off. It built up over time and I just shut down I guess.
I now realize that I was a people pleaser at that time, however after some tough life lessons I now am very particular about who I let in my personal space. I weed people out early on and protect my peace.
You spoke my heart. Thank you for validating my feelings. I can move on without guilt.
The ACCOUNTABILITY!! They just CANNOT DO IT!! It’s WEAK to them! NOT KNOWING WHERE YOU STAND with someone is THE WORST and THEY MAKE YOU FEEL INVISIBLE out of ENVY or RESENTMENT and it is ON PURPOSE!
Really relate to this. There is a moment in these relationships that triggers an aha moment of realizing this person is really not your friend or (blank space) and that they actually want you to fail or just not be "better" than them. Once you finally realize that, you can't undo it or go back. I just had this happen to me. There was a conversation where this person was basically trying to say I was less than but I didn't catch on until weeks later when the comment randomly replayed in my head and I just couldn't believe I had missed that. It was the last straw and I stopped replying. I can't do it anymore. Most likely stayed so long because I am not trying to be competitive with anyone and someone's success doesn't threaten me. It's really mind boggling how many people you can be related to or are "friends" with that are just not good people but it takes time to see and accept it because we genuinely do care for them and can't imagine it's all fake.
I hate that the people I cut off will never see this. I always turn out to be the bad guy all because I walked away. These people deserve the karma, I swear they do. I absolutely had a friend snap on me for the last time and I disappeared. He was dead wrong, he would snap and make it seem like it was mu fault yet he always wanted me around even though he claimed I was such a bad person and with "terrible" behavior! Telling my friends I am unsafe and a drunk all because they cant control me. I hated it and I wish they would care about this message if it crossed them but when we want them to feel our pain they never do in the peak of their evil persona. Granted karma does happen but in the moments you really want these people to feel your pain, it seems like they never do and it makes me feel like I am in a room where nobody can hear me and the thought of this makes me feel like I can not breathe.😢
@@TinyandFeminine I can relate to these feelings. Sending good energy your way. 🫶🏽
Holy smokes that is a complete replica to a situation I had with someone.... I was sooooo "toxic" yet they still "still want to be friends".... Woah...
Twin!! 😢
Some of us hear you, sweetie. I wish I could hug you. Believe me or not, it really does get better. As you live, you learn. Keep the lessons you learn from people in your mind. Protect that beautiful heart of yours by observing and recognizing negative behaviors. I know it's not so simple, but you can do this if you remember that you are too important to be mistreated by anyone. Sending love and hugs. You are not alone.💜
OMG, I had to do this to a “friend” years ago. The final straw was her being unsupportive when my husband and I bought a new home. She criticized our place and put me down. I had finally had enough and never called her back. You have put into words how I was with her. Looking back, she never truly saw me as an equal but I have learned and l still wish her well.
This is needed. I would add that the empathetic friend likely tried to explain their feelings, their perspectives, and their need for boundaries which was either met with indifference or circus monkey behaviour.
@@CikisHelyzet lol! Exactly. “Circus monkey behavior” I love it
The way I see it, when it comes to a friend or anyone in your personal life, there is a level of patience that is required in order for you to deal and interact with that person. And the second the SECOND that that patience runs out, the relationship is OVER and there is NOTHING that can be done to rekindle it.
That part.
I don't have friends or gfs for almost two decades now and I'm 48. It's by choice, I just don't want to deal with others issues, drama or toxicity. I want peace in my life and I feel as though people get in the way of that. I'm also mild mannered and kind but I also read people very well and I'm very stern, straight forward and no nonsense . When I call people out they never take responsibility, and they get offended. I rather die alone than deal with others.
This is so true. There’s people that I have given several years to grow & correct their behavior. When I finally choose to walk away, I’m done.
You hit the nail on the head with this one. I recently experienced all of this... Thank you for putting this message out there. I feel understood as to why I had to let certain people go. On top of receiving dreams associated with the need for the cut off.
@@livnluv007 I’m so glad you found a resolution that gave you peace and this resonated with you.
Livnluv, you are VERY FORTUNATE that you have dreams like that. Do not take them for granted, nurture them.
These were not words that I necessarily wanted to hear but am grateful for. I see myself through the eyes of those close who have left me and I do not like what I see. I am really grateful for your message.
😢 feels like my whole damn life - ready to be alone by myself forever. Sick of getting mistreated by those who suck up the goodness in others and act so surprised when they get called out for it.
TY for this video.
Say it louder so the people in the back can hear you. Thank you for saying this so eloquently. This video sums up why I walked away from a few fake friends with no problems this year without saying a word to them.
Whewwwww you definitely summed this up in a nut shell!!! I have been doing this a lot as of late! I got fed up and definitely started removing myself from ppl who doing too much! I feel soooo free!!
I am currently dealing with this issue because every time I try to defend myself I’m the villain and they are the victim
This is a healing video for the givers & I thank you for your perspective. It describes my situation 100%. Seriously, 100%.
I will return to this video often for peace of mind.
You have a gift!!
Thank you for the video. I needed the reminder.
As someone who is also experiencing this from the other end, I need to make sure time does not dull my understanding of all the wrongs I allowed and committed. The pain doesn't end, but I lowkey don't want it to. I hope the people I hurt are living bright and vibrant lives full of joy, love, trust, and peace. I'm of course sorry I will never be a part of it again, but I pray that fact is for the better for you. Fly high, fly strong, let nothing and no one hold you back ever again. 💜🙏🏿
You are a star for doing this. Thank you so much. It hits different when someone says it out loud. Thanks again ❤️❤️❤️
I’ve been feeling quite guilty or wrong for ending a friendship so abruptly, due to seeing the harmful toxic traits in a them that just couldn’t stand anymore. I was actually disgusted when I realised just how toxic and manipulative she was being, and angry. But I still feel bad about just ending the friendship but I felt like I had no choice, for my own sake. This breakdown has helped me understand my own feelings more. Thank you ❤❤❤❤
@@chocolatesugar4434 you’re. I know from experience that it’s a very difficult place to be.
You spoke so well about me! And you are right it is not all of a sudden and I am very intuitive. Once I have had enough I’m done and there is no need to have conversations because people never seem to know what they have done. And you are exactly right about the gaslighting and the conversation not being productive. When I make my exit I’m gone
This is on point for why I do this I thought I was wrong but this sums up pretty much all the reasons I cut someone off. I literally felt terrible to be honest but I seen how all the people I cute off have treated me and it wasn’t with respect so I had to leave
Been doing this my entire life "its just my genetic make-up"
I DONT FEEL BAD AT ALL. Anyone who has been in my life or apart of my circle ALWAYS WITHOUT A DOUBT, level up in their life! So after I observe a continually pattern of behavior that doesn't align with my moral values as a person, friend, co-worker, siblings or significant other. I remove myself. And life won't be the same for you. I add value to others not devalue you. Therefore, why should I feel bad?? #winning
Same I used to think I was wrong even though the other person done put me through the ringer
You just described how and why I ended a 27 year friendship. No call, no text, no covo. I just changed my number and went ghost. She'll get the hint sooner or later. I don't regret it.. I'm tired of people playin' in my face and rationalizing shady behavior.
🤷🏽
i been walked over basically my whole life and nobody ever cared.. this year i hit my breaking point and gained complete 0 tolerance for any and everybody and now people think ive gone crazy...they always call you crazy when you cant and wont be manipulated anymore.. ill take that but since i cut them off ive been the happiest i ever felt in life i cant believe this is what was waiting for me the entire time but i was too busy caring about what people thought about me🤦🏽♂️
Exactly. You expressed it so well. I am estranged from my sister for exactly these reasons and reached a point where there was nothing left in me to give to the relationship. Thank you.
The last line, "You let them walk all over you cause you think they need someone" got my subscription. 100👏🏾%👏🏾 facts👏🏾
Holy cow, the whole time, I’m nodding my head “yes” to everything you said. Had to cut a friend off recently for not respecting my boundaries. I could tell they were to listening to react, not to empathize. Just a plethora of many other things that added up to me just not giving any more of my oxygen. Thank you for putting this out there. Couldn’t have said it better myself.❤
That's me, proudly ❤
Edit: I have learnt to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt. I have learnt to stop wasting my energy. I have learnt to go within for validation, love and filling up my cup. ❤
Very true, it was like a switch just a few days after my birthday I just couldn’t do it anymore. It was just time to leave people where they chose to stay, and that this is who they are.
Thank you soo much. 15 years of this back and forth internal conflict. 😖 I finally broke.
Hopefully you are being kind to yourself 😊
You have PERFECTLY described my situation, and the many unfortunate incidents that eventually led me to quietly withdraw/walk away from "friends" of more than 20 years.
Truth be told ! 💪
💯 x 💯 🎯 . Once I’m done I cannot get out of there fast enough. Also 💯 correct that I know by that point no explanation or discussion will have any positive outcome.
Thank you for this insightful & freeing video. 🙏🏼
After years of verbal and emotional abuse by an older sibling, I finally walked away. I pray for her, wish her well and have forgiven her, while choosing to protect my peace.
I mainly watch how others trample my boundaries, especially when I have clearly drew the line not to cross.
Thank you for putting that into words. I am always certain when turning my back away that there's no return and on the same time there's no grudge too. It usually happens after my heart gets heavily swollen and nearly explodes from what it has absorbed. There is no a better relief than to walk away and make a fresh start ❤
Happy new year 🎊
They expect a person to accept that behavior forever. As if we don't have a choice to distance ourselves. Manipulative and destructive! 👀🗒️🙅♂️
FR LIKE WE ALL HAVE LIMITS DELULU
It’s usually that you let things go and accepted that they aren’t the best people. And it must be the worst right? And then they get even worse and your like goodness there’s more? They get worse. And you’re like, nah. This thing is going straight to hell. I’m off
@@MissOdyssey-n1w 🤣🤣🤣yep! Exactly!
Very true, people always think I cut them off abruptly, but it’s usually been weeks of me observing and contemplating on whether or not I should keep this person in my life
This is so true - in my humble opinion - there is no use for revenge in these scenarios as this is a hurt person inadvertently hurting another. Due to their trauma. And the person in receipt of the behaviours discussed finally realizing this is not for them to bear any longer. This can take many years.
I knew this intuitively but its good to hear it out loud. I can build off this, I can heal.
It's crazy how accurate this is. Every single word. I recently went no contact with my mother. She just summed up every single aspect of the emotions and thought process
You hit the nail on the head for me. I just had enough been dealing with this my entire life I am 71 years I wish I had learned this early on. Good for you young lady.
When a narcissist exposes themselves I peacefully RUN. No words no nothing no nada. Just stay the hell away from me!
What a wise and beautiful soul. Spot on. ✌🏽✨💫💚🙏