Is It Avoidant Attachment? Or Are They Just Not That Into You?
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- Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
- Is it Avoidant Attachment, or Just Not That Into You? (Avoidant Attachment Style in Relationships )
Struggling to understand why someone seems hot and cold? You might be dealing with Avoidant Attachment. This video dives deep into the signs of avoidant attachment in relationships, helping you decipher if it's a deeper issue or just someone playing the field.
In this video, you'll learn:
Classic signs of avoidant attachment
How to differentiate avoidant behavior from someone just not interested
Tips for navigating relationships with avoidantly attached individuals
Whether you're looking for clarity, or navigating your own attachment style, this video is for you!
**Leave a comment below and let me know your experiences! **
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#avoidantattachment #avoidantattachmentstyle #attachmentstyles #relationship #relationships #relationshipadvice #dating #datingadvice #marriage #marriageadvice #attachment #attachmentstyles #avoidant #dismissiveavoidant #anxious #anxiouspreoccupied #hesjustnotthatintoyou #personality #independence #hyperindependence #sensationseeking #adhd
Best thing I did was to stop trying to get my avoidant partner to be vulnerable and connective after months of the focus being solely on their needs and finally put myself first and block them from my life. While it hurt, the entire relationship hurt. The inconsistency and empty promises that just parroted what I asked for with no real work or change hurt much more than finally waking up and realizing I was worth a lot more than this. I don't see how anyone can have a fulfilling or healthy relationship with an avoidant unless they put in the hard work and go to therapy. Personally, I would not advise anyone to partake in this. It's almost abusive but in a quiet neglectful way. I hope to never experience this again.
The fact that you "soley focused on their needs" is REALLY offputting to most DA's.
Not only do they don't need that kind of attention, it can really come off as being needy instead of careing.
@@jhlfscshe was very selfish and liked to use me as a kink dispenser. She was very focused on having her own needs met
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Same experience here..I deeply love my dismissive avoidant but at the end of the day the hurt and hot/cold cycle made me crazy and not healthy. It broke my heart and soul
Video starts at 3:35
These avoidant attachment folks sound very exhausting to deal with.
Not nearly as much as a clingy, melodramatic, desperate anxious attachment style can be.
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In case of new acquaintances, just move on. No need to start this project.
Good advice, honestly.
True, this dynamic can go on for months or years, and you'll regret the time wasted.
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This is a helpful reframe. It’s easy to focus on attachment styles and see everything as a sign of attachment style, when there are so many other factors at play in people’s lives.
Yes, I’m sure that stalker guy I was seeing could think of all these reasons to blame me. But no, I was intuiting what was truly going on and discerning.
Ewe.
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Even if it's a personality issue, the attachment style is still avoidant. The effect on relationships are more or less the same. My understanding is that attachment styles do not always develop from childhood wounds. And personality issues can be due to genetic factors, environmental factors or both.
That's fair. There seems to be more than one theory about how attachment styles work.
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Can a dismissive avoidant be hyper sexual always cuddles in the beginning or always when they are with you?Or is this a covert narcs way of getting you attached then disappear/devalue? Expects to be chased, which I never would! But they come back years later, don’t peruse enough or ever apologize when you expressed how they hurt you for leading you on and mistreating you? Dismissive and covert narcs seem the same to me.
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I have googled this very question . I’ve been trying to work this out. My boyfriend has no obvious childhood issues . He is rather independent though .
He is super physically affectionate but doesn’t express emotional intimacy verbally.
It’s almost like He is borderline Avoidant .
I also think He isn’t developing deeper feelings for Me.
@Michelle Shelly Style / Fashion over 60 Some things happen in Men past and the Abuser told them to be quiet and and they carry that on to adulthood, just talk to him during the act of making love you have to start it off to get him to feel comfortable with talking during the act of love making, my partner had to get me to open up in that way of talking, now it's fun and it's videos on RUclips about it 😊
Look if he is a narcissist. They have similarities with Avoidants. Meaning their brain is different.
He will never give you feelings or intimacy - there are big holes in their brain where human program should be.
Listen to Sam Vaknin videos.
They are all personality disorders, so you can not make a human being out of reptile :)))
Narc can only communicate through sex.
And you are a sex doll, nothing more.
Don't invest your feelings in this man you will get burned....
@@NMTDelightfulMusicwtf, you read some lines about somebody and judge him, but based on what? Your professional experience with thousands of cases? I strongly doubt that. I do not see signs of a narcissist here.
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I’m going thru the same. What to do ?!
I think it's always they're just not that into you. 😂
They're basically scared of your love. It's crazy
Yup if the love was enough they would work on the fear.
They dont like you.
Move on.
They dont like anyone.
So dont take it personal.😂😂
@@YtdeletesallmycommentsIt’s way more nuanced than this. It depends what the dynamic you had with the person was. If you guys were getting to know each other genuinely and they didn’t want to move the connection along seriously, they probably didn’t feel the connection. But if they never put a real effort into getting to know you or connecting with you, how would they know that you’re worth it or not? Thats the avoidance. The lack of trying to connect. The walls. The emotional distancing. When I was really hurt after my first breakup and emotionally unavailable, I still dated guys and even though we were spending time together, I kept it on the surface. I never shared my inner world or asked them about theirs. Because I didn’t want to go deep. I didn’t want to confuse or complicate things for myself or them. So even though I can look back on those guys now and be like “wow they were a catch, we probably could’ve had a great connection” I wasn’t open to seeing that at the time.
Comforting video. It sucks when we love someone and we must choose to love ourselves MORE because needs, values.
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When I met my husband he had no games. We dated and did wonderful things together.
Our lives were not based in immaturity. When you know what you want honor it.
Well good for you, maybe this place isnt for you then. Move along. 👋
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Thank you so much for this video. I saw evidence of all three scenarios with the person I've been interested in the last 5 months, and agree with you that with all of those scenarios it's not a relationship where I'll feel fulfilled in the dynamic. Ready to move on.
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THIS is the major question!! Thank you for addressing it. The other question is how do you know in yourself the difference....
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and perspective.
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Don’t think this comment has much to do with this video, but my issue is I am an avoidant, but most videos I find are “how to deal with an avoidant” and take it for granted that the only people that want to change to secure are anxious style and avoidants aren’t interested in changing. There aren’t as many resources that help us know how to change. Anyway, thanks for the info in this video!
@tehamill1 have you checked out PDS? AMAZING program and community. So helpful for all insecure attachment styles
@@TheAdventuresOfCollegeGiRL thanks!
@@HiHello-pq8rl hey not an emotionless workaholic here.
Thanks for your comment! Connect with me on Facebook Facebook.com/danielwilliamrobertson and I can help you get more resources.
I agree. As a DA there is barely anything online for us to actually heal and become better people. Just tons of forums and videos of how bad of people we are.....
My DA BF says he likes affection, but its a matter of time before he takes space and pulls away. From what I can tell, he is DA.
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This is exactly what I'm dealing with. It's nice to finally know the name of it.
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Ok but if you met me with my family you’d never know the deep wounds of childhood… it isn’t always out in the open
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People used to think I had avoidant but I'm actually secure but in my personality I am called naturally quiet which means I just don't talk much and I need silence more as this is how I become more creative and productive
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Even avoidants that are into you respect you and dont leave you hanging.
Thank YOU. I have been searching for an answer to this question since I read Attached several years ago.
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Definitely a great video and I am still unclear whether he is dismissive avoidant or Not That Into Me. Or hyper independent I think a little of all three. Actually I think he is really into me but not that into relationships but I'm also a fearful avoidant and partially secure
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Hi I got an great deal of information out of your video. Just went through a traumatic experience with someone who is majorly avoidant and I didn’t even know until I wanted a commitment and he ran away into flight mode.
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Thank you, this video was very helpful as someone dating an engineer who also likes playing video games, you’ve given me something to think about, when I voice concern about interest he won’t let me go, so maybe it is an avoidant thing in addition to a personality thing.
He/she could also just be on the spectrum.
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It's not easy for me to know how the person is, there are a lot to choose from,👍🥰, I do appreciate your video, i'm going to watch it a lot of more times to find out about how the person might be that I wonder about
Hi Margareta, thanks for the comment. Feel free to connect with us on Facebook. We have a free support community called, Dealing with an Avoidant Partner. You can get some help with understanding and support from me and other members of the group.
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Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and perspective.
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This is where I'm unsure if they have an attachment issue or are just very guarded after coming out of a 22 year relationship about their independence and maybe just that early period where they were feeling me out. She's had a couple of prior BF's in last 2 years. Seems her 22 year relationship involved partner working away a lot for long stints. Things broke down when he was home more and started to allegedly exert control/take issue with her socialising (she likes a drink) which was not a concern when he was away so much.
She didn't give or take compliments. She never discussed what she wanted or where things may go. She had a some hang ups about sex and talking about it and how sex was initiated which I've not come across before. I did all the initiating/leading. Think things took a turn when I'd been talking about wanting to make a fun for her upcoming birthday and take her out/away for the night. Got some negative vibes and her putting me off.
Think she maybe then felt pressured to reciprocate. She had 3 kids from prior relationship so she probs didn't want to have to budget for me too after only 4 weeks of seeing each other. Not long after got the delayed response to text (asking about seeing her). "Only just seen this, I'm out". I said no worries and gave her some space. Contacted a couple of days later about meeting..and got "sorry, I don't think we're compatible" I opted for "fair enough, all the best"
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Thank you for this video! It helps a lot.
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and perspective.
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Where's the facebook group link?
Come connect with me on Facebook at facebook.com/danielwilliamrobertson
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Great video, thank you ❤
Glad you enjoyed it!
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Eye opener... Does that mean the one whos personality is just Not into relationships, physical touch and all that stuff, shows that Kind of behaviour from the beginning?
Bc my ex showed that Kind of personality after 2 months of relationship. Before that He was love bombing me, wants to hold hands nonstop, touching, kissing, Sex, talking bout his feelings and opened up. Maybe He s just a narc or lost interest . Iam kind of confused 😅
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Thanks this really made sense
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Good stuff
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Hi Dan, not sure how to contact you?
check description or about section please
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