Love Is Blind - Final Thoughts - Season 6
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- Опубликовано: 21 апр 2024
- Dr. Kirk Honda reacts to Love Is Blind Season 6. Includes clips from Love Is Blind (Netflix).
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Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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It’s so satisfying that this is the 100th part.
I know, right!
Another All 100 Episodes Watcher here ✋ Been watching your vids for a couple of years but as a pro lurker. Just wanna say that first of all, all your content is both thoughtful as well as thought-provoking, but your LIB Season 6 stuff has been absolutely phenomenal. In particular, the Borderline Abuse series might be my favorite piece of reality tv content I’ve ever watched, period. Your passion and compassion is contagious, and I am grateful for all the work and energy you’ve put in, it really does come through. I’ve spent a lot of time after watching your videos reflecting on myself and those around me, and man, some of your stuff has been really eye-opening. Thank you so much for the work you do, for this channel, and yes, for your contribution to humanity (mine, at least lol). Can’t wait for the next LIB with Dr. Honda!
Thanks, Reblueka! Very kind of you. Yeah, this series felt satisfying to make. And you and the others were most of it.
You're the only channel I'm a member for because I love how genuine and caring you are about the people you discuss. As a person who enjoys seeking out different perspectives, I think you're one of the few people who gives such a compassionate and understanding viewpoint since everyone has a a reason for doing things that are seemingly bad or negative. I realize more and more that everyone is coming from a place of trauma and hurt and that we shouldn't be so quick to judge. I also see bits of myself in the people you talk about and am learning more about myself and more about how I can become a better person for myself and for others :) Thank you so much for your content ❤
Same!
Same!
Perfectly said.
Totally agree!
Same 😊
@36:00 - There is a scene on Love is Blind Sweden that addresses this issue fully, the woman making fun of her partners place (the setup) and it really hurt his feelings. It was notable because she was otherwise the most differentiated and sweetest person on the show and when she realized she hurt him she felt horrible. She even started she realized by laughing at his apartment, she was laughing at a part of him, and she feels ashamed, was crying etc. You might find it interesting, Dr. Honda.
I was thinking about this too! He was very straightforward about how hurtful it was, and she fully acknowledged it. Something we haven't seen on LIB USA.
I wish you had a golden wine glass in your merch store!
Love is Blind - Kirk is Kind (unless you pee in the pool!)
Underrated comment 😅
This is FANTASTIC
Absolute gold 😂😂😂
Ha! Yeah, I mean, don't pee in the pool... Mackenzie!
DR Honda saying ‘yikes of the highest level’ got me laughing at the thought of Shmeremy being diagnosed with severe yikes disorder. 😂 Yikes of the highest degree. Mans got yikehosis.
I can buy Matthew not being able to navigate social situations, leading to the awkward behavior; this could be exacerbated by editing. But my main question is, if his lack of social skills and awareness is so salient, would he still be able to accurately gauge and address AD’s emotions when she confronts him? That’s what made it so chilling for me-he was just a bumbling, unaware person, but when caught, his social awareness seems crystal clear and he even seems to manipulate and sway her
Also, thanks for the in-depth breakdown this season, I loved it and it gave me a lot of reflect on about myself and my relationships.
Such an interesting comment, I can totally see a lot of reason here. Very relatable actually.
I had a former partner who was abusive. They tried to claim they didn't know how to/ have the ability to control their abusive and violent verbal and eventually physical impulses, but somehow they were able to totally keep a lid on it at work? with their parents? with their siblings? at their sports events? at the bar? sure buddy.
You "can't help it" but then suddenly you have full control over yourself when it benefits YOU to hold back... SURE.
There are many mental illnesses that people genuinely don't have control over. Those illness cause actions that are NOT purposeful and intentional, and often make the person doing those things as upset at the possible victims of that behavior or bystanders.
I have a bazillion physical and mental health issues, but I don't expect my current or future partners to tolerate mean and targeted behavior just because I'm suffering. I still strive to be a good and okay person, even if I'm in the pits. And in return, my loved ones have some patience for me since they KNOW I'm trying despite massive pain.
We help each other, we learn to communicate needs and wants, we discuss boundaries which end up being mostly mutual.
I also struggle with social queues, skills, expectations etc.
And that is never an excuse for being a creep, and a manipulator like Matthew.
Also fun little side note, I have a friend named Matthew who looks almost IDENTICAL to Matthew from LIB, and MY Matthew is the sweetest, most emotionally open, most soft, tender , considerate, sweet, gentle giant out there.
He also looks like Clark Kent, but thankfully have zero personality traits in common with Matthew lol
@@PenelopeAstonygod I can't believe what a universal experience that is. This was also my first realization that allowed me to finally leave my abusive ex - in the midst of screaming in my face, having just smashed my phone in front of me due to some unspecified transgression of mine, a buddy of his walked past and he flipped that switch he said he didn't have and acted like a completely normal person..
On the other hand, when it comes to Matthew, it sounded so cold and distant and I thiiiink it may have been an example of cognitive empathy... He's walking himself through the emotions she may be feeling because he doesn't instinctually know. Which is also why it sounded so completely strange.
Autistic and non-autistic people can be defensive.
I think important is that the way you framed your thoughts around social skills and awareness isn't how autistic people experience things.
The disconnects you notice are coming from a completely different perspectives and things that are given focus.
Which means that you may think for example, that X is happening in a situation when they see Y happening. So, when you are speaking from the perspective of Y, to that other person it may seem like you are the one who is gaslighting them and not the other way around.
There are also a lot of socially accepted things that just really often don't sit well with autistic people. A good example is when they are trying to figure out how you are doing yet detect a difference between your statements and what they can perceive from you emotionally. To someone who is autistic that disconnect can feel deceptive. Example: You keep saying that you are okay yet showing all kinds of visual, auditory and gestures that indicate that you are not.
Dr. Honda does a good job of explaining the anger things -- I will add that it can be really frustrating and angering to have things go poorly socially all of the time in a way that seems patterned yet you can't seem to escape. There is no way to tell definitively if Matthew is autistic from what we've seen -- what we saw is consistent with it though plus it's useful (thanks Dr. Honda) to think through what it mean if he were in analyzing what we saw.
@@malopalo4512 I'm sorry you've been through that, but I'm glad you know it's not something you're alone with!
I've heard the same tactics and circles from many peers in abuse recovery, and it really helped me feel validated in what I went through with the "two versions" of my partner stuff. Hopefully you're safe now, happy, and well loved!
@@haniyyahn Oo! I really enjoyed reading this.
I am also an AuDHD person, and your "X vs Y" example made a ton of sense to me. I'm gonna need to rewatch Matthews parts of this show and his interviews again.
Y'all have had some super sick comments on this thread so far, thanks for being vulnerable and sharing! and taking the time to type stuff out, cuz that's labor in itself, and so appreciated
Thank you Dr. Honda for taking us for this journey! 100 episodes, what a treat this season ❤
To me, AD's line about every second of Matthew's day being scheduled sounded like her answer to the assignment, "Tell them I'm autistic without telling them I'm autistic".
As an AuDHD adult I appreciate your way of handling Matthew and the way you admitted at the end that maybe you have an issue with not considering autism enough.
Watched all 100 episodes of your thoughtful analysis. Thanks so much for this. I've learned a great deal, and more importantly have much to consider, think about in my own context. And yes, it's like camp...I'll miss this regular touch point and look forward to more when you've had a well deserved break. 🙏
AD is the person I loved most but she’s also the one I worry about the most. She’s forgiving at the cost of her own self-interest. She went out again with Matthew?? Why? I hope she is ok and meets a wonderful caring partner.
Finally some kind words about Matthew, his editing made him look crazy
1:33:30 you and your message and purpose means so much to us!
As an autistic woman, I subscribe to the theory that Matthew is likely autistic AND a complete dick. I keep thinking back to the time when one of the guys in the lounge handed Matthew his notebook and he didn't say thank you. That's not autism, that's just dickishness. My Level 2 autistic, 7 year son knows to say thank you. The autism hypothesis does hold a lot of water for me however, (I'm also terrible with idioms and am making an "I'm-confused-by-that-idiom-and-is-it-even-the-right-one-face" as I type this). I can relate to so much of his behaviour. The not socialising with the guys in the pods - if he's not a socially motivated autistic person, that's what that can look like. It took me 40 years to realise that if you don't explicitly signal to people that you like them and are interested in them, they will assume you don't like them and are hostile. And as you pointed out, if he is autistic, he wouldn't have the spoons for socialising for hours in the pods and then continue in the lounge all day long. Telling AD how she felt and what she wants reminded me of the Chris Voss Masterclass on negotiation that I took - tell people that they are experiencing the emotion you want them to have - is one of the strategies he teaches. One of the hallmarks amongst late diagnosed autistic people is that we're still learning social skills and about how people work, well into adulthood. Also, if I were going on a show like this I would prepare by hyper-focusing on learning relevant skills, which might look like manipulation from a certain perspective but in reality is the only way I know how to do anything. Telling 2 women the same lines - this could be a combination of scripting and rigid behaviour and maybe not taking the experiment seriously. I think you've already covered scripting but the rigid behaviour seems relevant in this way - In a dynamic, rapidly evolving landscape, an autistic person may take their pre-planned idea of how things were going to be and what they were going to say and have immense difficulty adjusting it to the new reality. It can be incredibly distressing and dysregulating. I often persevere with something that isn't working for much longer than I should for this reason. It's incredibly appealing to not adjust your original plan at all, especially if the reason to adjust it would require theory of mind, such as in this case. The only reason in this case to not say the same things to 2 women is because of what one would imagine the women might make it mean in their heads. An autistic person might just skip that theory of mind step entirely.
Maybe. If someone is extremely scripted/has had to really learn behaviors like that Thank you and they are stressed out which many autistic people would be in a situation like LIB -- out of your comfort zones, in which a gaggle of strangers not to mention what Dr. Honda mentioned (having had to deal with bullying and negative social interactions a lot - trauma is huge for autistic people) - minimal interaction with them and lack of social finesse and niceties' with them would make lots of sense.
Autistic men and women are also usually differently socialized as well as perceived differently. In my life experience, I have found that with autistic women the social skills have been emphasized and enforced much more, plus women/femmes present and are perceived differently.
I can very much imagine many of the autistic men I know especially under stress and maybe trying to reserve their spoons for the pods, not saying thank you. I also know a lot of the guys might perceive the exercise as being their interactions in the pods and any other interactions being unimportant and maybe diversionary.
I can imagine many of the autistic women in my circles either saying thank you or otherwise showing being amenable with their body language or smiling or something, even under pressure. And even if they didn't, often being "cute" often softens people's reactions to the missing scripting.
Thank you for sharing this, it's made me look at Matthew's behaviour in a new way.
Thank you for the 100 episode of this season (and for those of the other seasons). Your way of looking on things from different perspectives, your honesty, assertiveness, love for people and, last but not least, professionalism are a wonderful example for all of us!
For me, every podcast you have created (that I watched) is full of meaning and brings insights and knowledge! Thank you!
Dr Honda, I am so sorry you had a negative experience with your first clinical supervisor. I sadly relate. She was so terrible I left the counseling field all together in order to reassess what I really wanted and to heal from the emotional abuse. It’s been two years now and I have healed enough and have taken care of my own wellbeing in order to be the best version of my counselor self. I have resubmitted my paperwork to return to clinical practice. I wonder, can you point me in the direction of any video(s) or podcast episode(s) where you speak upon this experience with your clinical supervisor? Or would you be open to making one on that topic? I would find that very validating to my own experience, especially because it’s not talked about enough. Thank you for all you do, you wonderfully smart, funny, and kind clinician + human!
I'm sorry that happened to you. It's such a betrayal of trust! I'm glad you're going back, healed!
So proud of you! I NEVER had a good supervisor experience and still greatly resent that.
In case he doesn't answer you, I think Dr. Honda has talked about his experience a few times before, I just can't remember the episodes. He was fired from his first internship. He raised an ethical concern that the people there didn't appreciate or take seriously. And then his supervisor asked him a clinical question that the supervisor felt he "answered wrong" or something.
48:11 Not the highest level YIKES!😮 LoL touché but also Ashe's seminar gave me the ick back then and now when you mentioned it again lol
That dating seminar that Ashe stumbled through with his bulging eyes was some of the most cringe-worthy and oddly fascinating 15 minutes of reality tv.
The way Dr. Kirk says, "they're learning" about the producers has a quality that reminds of a character talking about the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. 🤣
AHABAHAHAHA YEP!!!
From watching your videos, I think LIB gives you a lot of good opportunities to talk about mental health topics.
This has been an enjoyable “class” and I’ll continue to watch your other videos 😁 & here’s what I’d like to share at the end of this class. I’m also a professor (of math education), so I research the psychology of math learning and teaching.
I'm a fan from the other side of the world and I just want to say your videos are something I look forward to every night 😊 they have kept me entertained in the early hours of the morning as a night owl!
thank you for the time and education ❤️
Thank you for this perspective on Matt! I couldn't help but feel empathy for him as someone who struggles with a similar kind of anxiety. Some of the scenes reminded me of ways I have felt misunderstood while I desperately felt a need for someone to understand me. It's difficult to rectify things when your issue communicating compacts the problem!
The way that I interpreted AD's whisper voice was that that was the voice she gets when she is sad / on the verge of tears (I get that way too). I didn't think anything else of it as it seemed to come out during more vulnerable conversations or when she might be feeling hurt (as opposed to confronting Sarah where she felt safe to be assertive, maybe because it had nothing to do with her?)
Kirk, this quote made me think of your sentiments about responding to this show (namely by presenting the expertise you've gained over time for particular human experiences) being your life's work.
“I shall pass this way but once; any good that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being; let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”
Etienne de Grellet
Thank you for your service. I look forward to communing with you near-daily next season.
I just want AD to want better for herself. Chelsea also.
Same
Thanks so much for this long, long ride! I'm one of the ones that has watched every video and have really gained a lot from the series, especially more understanding and grace for the BPD folks in my life. That alone is a huge gain for me. You're doing great work getting this information out into the world!
This was the most charitable and for me, as a therapist who works with people who have ASD and especially those who are either undiagnosed or late in life diagnosed, realistic explanation of Matthew’s behavior. The entire time you were walking us though, I was nodding in agreement. Thank you, as always for offering your alternative perspective on this Dr. Kirk!
Thank you Dr. Honda. See you. Feel it. You are super welcome. Cyber shit shot. I know my cat is the best. Hee Hee.
My heart feels something special hearing you speak of life’s purpose. I am grateful to be small part of the Psychology in Seattle community.
Take care to everyone.
Dr Honda - thank YOU! Been here for every episode. It brings me great joy to know I contribute to your sense of purpose in life. Your hard work and insights are literally changing lives. I’ve read so many comments of people you helped. Keep doing what you do!
Thanks Dr. Honda for explaining what things may be like for Matthew if he (or someone who presents as he does) is autistic. The clincher for me that this may be the case with Matthew was what AD said about the extremely structured way his life is - visible even in the little bit of interaction she had with him post-show. Autistic also fits with the visceral negative (social) reactions the other guys had to him when they were sharing space. Autistic people do sometimes do things like walk out on people if they think they or the other person is done talking. It can seem weird to non-autistic people when there is no transition -- when the person just gets up and leaves but it's not unusual for autistic people.
My former spouse who passed away had npd and borderline traits. It’s so good to see you evaluating all the behaviors. It’s so hard to be treated poorly emotionally. And makes your head spin. Just trying to make sense of it all, so, thank you so much.
Thanks for making all these videos ! I've watched every one - Its become kind of a routine for me after watching love is blind to go watch dr.kirks analysis of it. I find them super interesting and love comparing it to how I see the season. I feel like they make me have more empathy and watch with more interest and intent, and give me a huge insight into myself - why certain people trigger me more than others, why certain people don't, etc. Anyway, as long as you make them, I'll watch them!
I was really glad to hear your conceptualization of Mathew because this was my initial reaction, that he was extremely socially awkward and had genuine feelings for both AD and Amber but felt like he had to preplan what he said in advance. And like you pointed out, because of that awkwardness be couldn't explain that.
I do think AD was actually just being sympathetic towards Chelsea, saying it was sad to see her so insecure, not that she suddenly saw her as compromised or abusive.
I called it,100 episodes!
Thank you Dr Honda! I watched all 100 episodes and it was a beautiful and insightful journey!
It definitely feels like a bond
Dr Honda, I watched up to the end. Thank YOU for following your purpose. I have learned SO MUCH in this season. Can't wait for the next one.
Having family members that present like Mathew, it breaks my heart when I watched it and makes me feel validated to hear your take potentially painting Mathew as not a horrible person. Family understands and loves them,and other people might not get it right away.
You're insight and understanding of Mathew is simply incredible!!! ❤❤
I really appreciate your commentary on the show. It really opened my eyes up on how I initially may perceive others and judge them without much deeper thought. I’ve started to stop those thoughts as they come up and engage deeper to a more empathetic way of thinking rather than negative judgement.
I’ve also done the same with myself in many ways too.
I appreciate all of the analysis.
Thank you!
I love your work! I enjoy it so much, I’m learning so much about myself and the relationships I form, and I’m getting more and more inspired about Mental Health Science. I always look forward to seeing every next video. The setup is always on my headphones or while driving, cleaning, grocery shopping. More like podcasts 😊Keep on!
Just a small correction, you've mentioned a few times that Jimmy Fallon was mocking Chelsea on his show. The moment that was reenacted on the show was actually the moment when Jess confronted Jimmy in the reunion episode, it didn't involve Chelsea at all.
I am one of the people that watched all the LIB episodes and I have learned so much, mostly about myself and about my past relationships. Thank you, doc🙏 By now you feel like my friend😉💝
fuck his shirt move on sent me hahahah i love watching this channel more than love is blind on its own
Hi, Dr Honda, I had a dream that we were friends and we were waiting for a delivery from IKEA in some garage and you said many funny puns and my belly hurt from laughing and I kinda think it must be close to who you are as a friend.
But anyway, as a psychologist and as a youtuber, you are cool, too! Thanks for the work you do for all of us.
I can't speak to the whole world, but I know you make my world better and like the five people I interact with.
Thank you for the healing! There’s a Chelsea in me that I think you unlocked and just the acknowledgment of the pain really helps and I hope one day to have the bandwidth to get a therapist ❤
Thank you, Dr. Honda. You made my world a better place. Your insight is so great and excellent. For me It has been food for thought. What a great way to integrate subjects of psychology in such a casual and relatable context. Thanks! I just finished all the series and it has been great 🌟.
I certainly appreciate these videos and have watched all of your love is blind content!
When I was listening this morning and getting ready for work my spouse was like you are still listening to love is blind content and I was like yup and smiled! ;)
What a triumph, Dr. Honda! Enjoyed and learned from every one of these. Bravo!
Mckenzie and the POOOOOL LMAOOOO
Thank you so much for making all these meaningful videos!!! I can't believe this season of Dr. Kirk's Love is Blind reaction videos is over. Bittersweet ❤
Been watching. Been learning. Been along for the ride. Thanks for your commitment Doc! 💛
I'm going to miss these videos, thank you Dr Honda for sharing your knowledge and teaching us to have more compassion. I would love to go to your lecture and be able to thank you in person as well as show you the pictures of my dogs 😅 Please take care of yourself because you deserve it, you really really do ☀️☀️☀️
Thank you so much for continuing to cover this show and this season in particular. I remember watching and feeling so uncomfortable but not knowing why necessarily, but your videos have given me something to talk about and understand better in therapy! Thank you for all your hard work and thoughtfulness behind every scene and couple and person, it is truly appreciated!
I wanted to also slide in a random recommendation of a show to watch; Love & Translation! It is an experiment-like show like LIB, but instead there are 12 women from all over the world who do not speak the same languages, trying to find love in 3 guys who only speak English. They do some interesting... real or maybe not real... experiments on the show to determine attraction and such outside of language. It would be so fascinating to see what you think of the hostess, the cast, and how the connections were formed! If you have a chance that is, I know you probably have a huge list to get through!
Is Johnny and Aimee an example of people with no relational trauma? I was like that in my 20s - I had no idea people lie, cheat, etc I was completely relaxed in my relationships
1:15:16 Dr. Honda idk if I can buy the theory you’re throwing out here with Matthew. It seemed like he has high motivation to get at least one of the girls to leave the pods early with him so he didn’t have to propose. Why would that be the case with this maladaptive personality trait? From what we saw he seemed to subtly try to convince either lady, Amber or AD, to leave the pod with him and used things like asking their dad as methods to convince them. I think he liked AD more but once he gauged she wasn’t going to leave the pod and had another connection he changed his method and switched to Amber being his focus. From what we hear behind the scenes she was planning on leaving early all along bc she had a boyfriend back at home and Matthew telling her and AD the same thing gave her the perfect out of the pods without suspicion.
Love these final thoughts videos. Much more satisfying than ending a series at the final episode because we get to recap main points and go over hypotheses for things that could be happening overall for the participants.
I found it odd that Kirk didn’t talk about him trying to convince them to leave with him
Dr. Honda’s thoughts about Matthew in this episode resonated with me. He really felt like someone who was socially awkward struggling to deal with a really overwhelming situation. I also interpreted Matthew’s comment about “living a sober lifestyle” as suggesting that he was possibly a recovering alcoholic who was having to learn to navigate social situations without alcohol.
I also really felt for him in the lounge when it was clear that the other guys didn’t get along with him. The scene where Jeremy forcibly climbed on Matthew’s lap despite his objections seemed to be an intentional move to aggravate him, knowing it would make him uncomfortable. He reminded me a lot of kids I grew up with who were bullied a lot.
Yes! now I can tell everybody I was at camp with Dr. Honda!
what a journey, mr. Kirk. thank you. 🥰
Your analysis of Matthew is spot on..... and Trevor
Kirk, that ending made me all verklempt! Iy would be great to have a video of you looking at member's cats and telling how cute our cats are. 😆
Clay saying he was working but being with other women? 😬 not surprising since he looks up to his daddy so much.
Thank you so much for your content . It’s always informative , endearing and enjoyable ❤
100? Wow Dr!
I’ve watched all the videos (and all your other LIB videos) and am always sad when we get to the end. 😢
AD did talk about being in therapy at the vacation phase, and she talked about some of the same hypothesis kirk quickly came up with in the pods
As Ive learned a year or 2 of therapy can be the tip of the iceberg. Im 6 years in and still making new milestones and finally living out what i have learned and putting it into practice. My husband eventually decided to get a therapist after my 2 girls and I being in therapy for many years- i like to think he (once a never therapy guy for himself) saw the changes in us and wanted to help himself. Its a process for sure- a life long journey for most!
I am super intrigued by your take on Chelsea's talking about thibgs that are painful with a smile. I definitely do that all the time, but I never thought of it as something maladaptive. In fact it is a very concious choice - people can be very easily put off by someone telling them all thier problems and pain in all seriousness, so with people who are more at small talk level I will usually make light of those problems, because I still want to be honest, bit not for people to feel uncomfortable. If they want to talk about it more in detail or more seriously they usually give a signal and the we can talk more seriously. I also talk to people very seriously about the same things when they are my friends when it feels more appropriate
I feel as though AD's "mousiness" could, while being protective machinism, also be in part a reaction to as a woman, and particularly a black woman, feeling as though you shouldn't be "too agressive" so you comply and people please instead
I see most of the participants the same way as you did today. I align more with the adjusted description you had about Jimmy. He does have some issues that come with his incline to avoid, but yes they were eclipsed bu the much greater problems of his partner Chelsea, I do think if he had chosen Jessica we would have seen those issues more highlighted, maybe even more than Chelsea’s. I think Laura has issues as well but she is in a similar circumstance than Jimmy, her issues were eclipsed by Jeremy’s greater issues.
Since you like LIB so much you should watch and review it from other countries! They are all great, i know you will love it 😁
AD confronting Sarah Ann was not AD’s place to even raise those questions. AD is overly involved with other’s problems instead of focusing on her own issues with Clay which were plenty.
yes! I came here to write that. That it was none of her business to confront Sara in the first place. It was a hard disagree with Kirk with his take on this.
Thank you, Dr. Honda!
Your book? What book? Where can l get it?
I think its on his website:)
i have watched every single video! please never stop!
It was excellent & appreciate the Matthew alternative hypothesis!
Love your content. Watched every video until I had a beautiful baby in May, 2023. Now I only have time to keep up with Love Is Blind reaction videos and have loved every minute of them! Super busy with work and baby care and your reaction videos are what I go to the vast, vast majority of the time when I have 10 minutes here and there to listen to something. Thank you for your beautiful work!!!
I think it is both with Matthew. I have found that many socially awkward men gravitate toward manipulative tactics espoused by the manosphere, because these tactics are often framed as cheatcodes around the issues of that awkward. So, brushing up on manipulative tactics could be just another element of preparation like the numbered questions
Hm, I dunno, Dr. Kirk. I wonder if it's a little harsh to say that AD should've rode it out with Matthew. It feels a bit like she can't win, y'know? She gave a lot of grace to both Clay and Matthew, and I feel like she was also critiqued heavily for that.
I’ve watched or listened to all of these episodes and I really enjoy them! Sometimes I listen when I go for a walk or do the dishes and sometimes I just sit down and watch.
I first started watching your channel because I was a fan of LIB and felt the need to better process what I had seen. A few seasons later, I now watch LIB because I'm a fan of yours! You have made me a more compassionate person. Thank you. ❤
💝thank you for doing these videos! I saw the entire LIB series!
In regards to the questions Matthew asked, I interpreted him saying let’s be original as in into the answer the women were saying to the question asked.
I have watched all these videos and I know how many hours this has been
On Clay talking about 'cheating doubts', there is a point where radical honesty becomes manipulation. I hope AD walks away and heals.
I also thought it was manipulative to go comfort her after saying 'no'. To me it was not an act of kindness because he left her even more confused as to what his real answer is. Him saying "you think I'm done with you? I'm not leaving" (or something along those lines) was very unkind right after rejecting her. The kind thing would be to be clear about what you want and why you said no. Even if he said "Im sorry I said no, I just want to date more and then revisit the marriage issue in about x amount of time" would have been kinder as it would be clear, assertive and not wishy washy.
@@devochkadee 100% YES to all of this! He's saying 'I only want you on my own terms' which is a terrible message women have to navigate all the time. Especially women like AD, who are kind and codependent, often bend to this and that's where you get the whole 'I don't even know who I am anymore' sentiment from women in relationships, all the bending to men saying, 'of course I love you! As long as you are this way and do this for me and never have needs and boundaries of your own.'
@FishareFriendsNotFood972 good point! Wow I didn't even think it that far through to be honest. I just thought I'd be so annoyed if someone did this to me lol indecisiveness like this is like nails on the chalkboard for me.
@@devochkadee Same with me, I'm a lawyer, so indecisive people are kinda the sworn enemies of my people.🤣 Make your decisions and stand ten toes down on them!
1:27:15 happy to join you and this community at camp 😉 ❤
I think you are too hard on Chelsea, and that Jimmys edit is very favourable. My take on ADs view of Chelsea's edit is more that Jimmy brought out the worst in her, and she was surprised.
Really love the summer camp analogy 😅 i don’ttt comment as much but i watch every love is blind episode lol. But thanks for the always sharing your truthful insights. I can’t imagine how many people you help by just doing what you love 🙂
100 episodes blessed, yet somehow feels never enough
OMG I forgot about the Kirk's Yikes Scale! Who sent that? They are AMAZING!!! Ash's seminar lolololol
I hate to be the one to break the news to everybody, but if you've ever stepped foot on a pool deck where they do competitive swimming, just know there is often not time for the swimmers to go to the restroom to pee, so not only do they pee in the pool, but they also pee right on the deck. Swimmers' suits and legs are already wet from swimming, and they're often standing around watching the other fellow swimmers swim, so you don't even notice it's happening, but there's pee everywhere.
Please Please Please watch The Affair on Showtime 🙋🏻♀️❤️ It will give you sooooooooo much to talk about in reference to ALL the shows you watch for us 😄
Agreed! It's such a fascinating show in terms of the fallibility of human memory and interpersonal understandings.
Dr Honda is so kind and understanding and willing to give the benefit of the doubt for so many different behaviours until it comes to peeing in the pool LOL
Gonna miss this series so much! And seeing less of Dr. Honda less every day 😭
I agree with Dr. Honda's assessment of Matthew. He reminded me of people i know that have Asburgers from the very beginning of the pod conversations. Another thing to mention is that he asked both women to leave the show with him. I don't think he thought he would do well with the rest of the process. I think that was his plan from the beginning if he had met someone he felt a connection with.
Absolutely LOVE that we ended with don't pee in the pool 😂
27:50 - I get and appreciate that you feel Chelsea's pain and emphasize with her so much! She needs that and you are a wonderful person and therapist to have so much compassion and empathy. I would have put her on my "don't like"-list higher up, because she was SO triggering! And it's not the fact that she was hurt - that usually provokes a lot of empathy in me. It's the fact that she blames everybody around her and doesn't see her own wrong behaviour ("I just reacted, because YOU DID xy"). That has "I just hit you because you did XY"-vibes of DV for me and those people are hurting too (and won't get much empathy from a non-therapist like myself). It would have been a lot easier to emphasize with her if she took some accountability (at least the day after or at the very least now after airing). Don't get me wrong: Your take is much healthier and empathetic. Just trying to explain why she might be the villian for many.
I have to agree about hiw being clean doesn't just gi with gender. I mostly had girls as roommates and at least two of them were soo disgusting 😭 one would keep putting her dishes with food in the sink si it would get clogged all the time and the water would just stay there and stuff would get mold on them. Just thinking about gross me out! The other one was dirty in general. Fortunately i spend with one and other just short time if fee months.
On the other hand one guy, that i had for roommate was very clean, he would always clean the kitchen after his cooking, bathroom also was fine. No problems with him.
Yeah i had the same experience. I have found girl roommates that were super clean and when I moved right after her I had this grown woman (36yo) who would leave her dirty plates piled up in the sink for DAYS. I would tell her all the time I couldn't even do my own dishes because her dishes occupied the whole sink, she didn't even bother to clean the food residues. And that's one of the many bad things about her 😅 my roommate now is a guy and he is much more considerate and respectul
Crazy theory: did Matthew get confused between his Amber's? AD explained that her first name was Amber, what if that's what he wrote down, and he could never line them up/recall who had what conversation? So he tried to treat them the same until he figured things out? It's a bit out there, but I wonder.
Thanks
Thanks, Aliss!
Lol, poor MacKenzie 😅😂