How To Be A Happy Loner (And The PROs Of Being Alone)

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  • Опубликовано: 3 дек 2024

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  • @bruh_hahaha
    @bruh_hahaha 5 лет назад +466

    Relationships and having many “friends” is exhausting. I’ll keep my life as simple, stress-free, drama-free and emotionally debt-free as possible.

    • @donnajk4423
      @donnajk4423 4 года назад +13

      MiL_BoT absolutely agree I’m not someone who needs a lot in life. And love simple days to just amble and be. It sounds wonderful how you live your life ✌🏻😊

    • @aahhh3207
      @aahhh3207 4 года назад +14

      Being alone and being lonely is not the same. 👍

    • @donnajk4423
      @donnajk4423 4 года назад +12

      Aahhh!! A true. I can be lonelier in a room full of people than I am by myself.

    • @danshari5975
      @danshari5975 4 года назад +5

      Very wise!!!

    • @thaungthanhan5928
      @thaungthanhan5928 4 года назад +3

      But i feel sad sometimes

  • @ldreese33
    @ldreese33 5 лет назад +396

    Don’t ever count on other people to make you happy. You have to make yourself happy first.

    • @imdeadshot3632
      @imdeadshot3632 4 года назад +5

      How

    • @prsgrind8794
      @prsgrind8794 4 года назад +8

      @@imdeadshot3632 Make a journey to discover yourself and find your purpose, there´s no magic formula for that...

    • @danshari5975
      @danshari5975 4 года назад +3

      SACRED TRUTH!!!

    • @eddykohlmann471
      @eddykohlmann471 4 года назад +3

      Clichés

  • @Philmuhnuts
    @Philmuhnuts 5 лет назад +258

    Better to be alone than in bad company

  • @stevendaniel8126
    @stevendaniel8126 3 года назад +26

    I have been a loner for 71 years. I don't regret it at all. People are too chaotic. Life is so much simpler and uncomplicated without the shallowness of the human species.
    I recommend it...
    ..

  • @megandersen3
    @megandersen3 5 лет назад +218

    Exhaustion is my results in crowds and relationships. Draining. Alone = internal calmness, creativity, personal growth activities.

    • @donnajk4423
      @donnajk4423 4 года назад +12

      Sara Thomas I thought I was weird feeling like that .People try to make me feel guilty, one person in particular, when I don’t want to mix or go out and have “fun”. I am by no means a miserable person I love a laugh and I am friendly. But I just do not need a room full of people or constantly. Doing things to be happy. Alex has got it spot on What you said about exhausted 😩 when it’s been a day of having to interact is so real I seem to grow and find my own peace alone. And like you, calmness and
      Creativity. I feel like we are all very similar in the comments. It’s the first time I feel easy listening to someone who also feels this way. Your comment also resonated with me. 😊✌🏻

    • @marcoa.gaiotto6195
      @marcoa.gaiotto6195 4 года назад +16

      "When I am alone I feel whole, but when I am with others I feel alone."
      Do you have this thought?

    • @megandersen3
      @megandersen3 4 года назад +4

      Marco A. Gaiotto - It’s actually the first time I’ve focused on this. But I can appreciate what your feelings are.

    • @donnajk4423
      @donnajk4423 4 года назад +2

      Marco A. Gaiotto yes I can understand this. Absolutely. Same for me too

    • @mightyobserver12
      @mightyobserver12 4 года назад +1

      TruE

  • @lorenzoantonio5589
    @lorenzoantonio5589 5 лет назад +166

    I have spent so much time alone that now I prefer it. To be able to think without the overbearing influence of the "Groupthink" is liberating. I choose to be alone because my mind seems to work better at generating ideas and the stress of conformity vanishes. I don't seek acceptance or approval. In fact I am grateful for my solitude. When I am in the company of most people I feel a sense of anxiety and can't wait to escape and feel the happiness of solitude.

    • @AlexShailer
      @AlexShailer  5 лет назад +6

      Thanks for sharing Lorenzo!

    • @SIERRATREES
      @SIERRATREES 2 месяца назад +1

      Here I am 5 years later, and totally agree with your thought. That feeling of the happiness of solitude is a big tell for me. When I ignore it , for whatever reason, I end up feeling miserable.

  • @D1987Gd
    @D1987Gd 5 лет назад +171

    I'm in the best company when I'm in my own company 😎

  • @brianhill5877
    @brianhill5877 5 лет назад +91

    So many relationships are so frustrating because they take way more work than what you get in return.

    • @charliebird5299
      @charliebird5299 4 года назад +2

      Amen to that. 😒

    • @abidmalik3773
      @abidmalik3773 4 года назад +1

      Damn i felt this.

    • @jogon7914
      @jogon7914 4 года назад +6

      You have summed up in one short sentence exactly how I've been feeling these past few months. I've got a trail of break-ups behind me and I'm on the verge of splitting with my partner now (she understands my depression but just not enough to give me space alone). I realise I have become content (in my 40s) to finally accept I'm happy being alone and being in my own solitude. I don't like socialising anymore as much and - yes- relationships take so much work. Sex is nice (I am actually a loving person) but it's not the be-all and end-all anymore. If this changes as I get much older I'm ok with that, but now -as I approach my 50s, I'm happy with my life and realise my regrets are just not worth it anymore. I am happy to be left alone.

    • @tagaway6173
      @tagaway6173 4 года назад +1

      @@jogon7914 Did you end up breaking up with her?

  • @mariemarkovski821
    @mariemarkovski821 5 лет назад +70

    No partner and no friends... thanks for this video

    • @burlesque607
      @burlesque607 4 года назад +6

      I'm kinda the same and it got worse over ill health but I'm always around. This really helped my thought process x

    • @wayofthewarrior_9_9_3
      @wayofthewarrior_9_9_3 4 года назад +7

      Yeah same here we are all brothers and sisters betrayed abandoned and forgotten

    • @jowyschwarz313
      @jowyschwarz313 3 года назад

      @@burlesque607 yeah, the sad part if you are a loner is when u have illness, or chronic illness is worse. You can do nothing, alone, so u really need extra care for yourself

    • @burlesque607
      @burlesque607 3 года назад

      @@jowyschwarz313 yep, same boat

    • @jowyschwarz313
      @jowyschwarz313 3 года назад

      @@burlesque607 keep on spirit brother, live for yourself. I'm a loner because conditioning growing up, lack of social skill, but it's okay i accept myself as im. Then now i suffer with so many illness, that make me hard to go for work.. But then realize, in the end there is nobody will survive, nobody immortal, everyone will die, it's absolute fate. So now i just live the best as i can

  • @raybands3707
    @raybands3707 5 лет назад +42

    I have been alone most of my life, I have many hobbies, and I'm financial successful, I like people but I don't like to waste time talking, I enjoy doing!!!

  • @PappyTrappy
    @PappyTrappy 4 года назад +33

    “If you’re the type of person who feels you think differently, it can be very isolating” thank you so much for articulating this. I’ve never been able to express this to others because I don’t want to seem like I have a huge ego. I’m not saying my thinking is elevated compared to others, I just feel as if my perspectives are very different from everyone around me.

    • @angelalomeli8620
      @angelalomeli8620 2 года назад +2

      i feel the exact same its like everyone is elsewhere and im here by myself i dont belong anywhere i feel like i wasn’t supposed to be here

  • @georgesontag2192
    @georgesontag2192 3 года назад +36

    I am 65 years old with life experience. My friends all seemed to stab me in the back in time. Even at work, you cannot trust them.
    Don't even think you can trust your wife, they can stab you in the back via family court. A good friend is next to impossible

    • @SuperDetroit9
      @SuperDetroit9 3 года назад +3

      @George sontag;I got burned by disregarding the Bibles advice against being a respecter of persons which makes it simple and plain:To be a respecter of persons is not good;for a piece of BREAD that man(or woman,who you hold SO much regard for)will TRANSGRESS." I used to"BLINDLY"trust a cousin because she professed to be so holy and virtuous while quoting 4 or 5 Scriptures accurately and could ape all the Christian-cliches!! One day before I(wisely)DELETED my FaceBook account,a good friend who I hadn't seen or heard from in a quarter of a CENTURY contacted me with:"Remember me?" I replied partly"offended"that she would even ASK if I remembered her,with:"Of COURSE I remember you lady!!! We then began to play"catch-up"on the 25 years since we spoke and she asked what I was up to,then I told her my birthday was in 3 days. She asked what did I have planned and I said:"Nothing."as since 2003 when I was irreparably MAIMED by Detroit Receiving Hospital,due to Gross Medical Negligence,and have been forbidden to work again,I didn't have the capital to celebrate my birthday suitably,and it basically was regarded AS much as"Pistachio Day"is!! On August 5th I see a HUGE box on the porch next to the cast-iron bench,and thought my mother had bought an appliance for the kitchen,when I curiously sauntered over to the box to see MY name on it from some floral shop out of Coral Gables Florida!! My friend sent me TWO-dozen roses,a cute teddy-bear and a sweet birthday card reading:"Hey old friend,here's a rose for EVERY year we've been estranged. I WAS going to send a 4-layer CAKE,but I didn't know if that would ship safely and in time for your birthday." I was so ESTATIC to hear from a loyal friend,that I showed EVERY one this card including my mendacious,treacherous cousin,who read it right IN my presence,before saying:"Nice;I'm going to go read THIS in the back bed room. I asked:"WHY(never even suspecting she was planning to take the card for her keeping)do you need to read it back THERE?!? You just READ it right HERE?!?" There's nothing more to READ,than the few lines you'd JUST read!!" Still she walks to the back bedroom with the card,closes the DOOR,then emerges 12 minutes later walking SWIFTLY right BY me as I typed-out the 6th chapter of my 2nd book:"On 7TH Thought"without speaking a WORD!!! My intuition/non-conscious mind said:"STOP her,she STILL has your CARD!!" But my reasoning/conscious mind said:"Harper would never STEAL from you;she's a holy,honest woman. But my non-conscious mind finally won with:"Man,get UPyou fool and get your card from her NOW!!" By the time I reached the porch,she was backing her little b.s car out the driveway,in such a hurry,to leave,she never even rolled the window up!! I yelled from the porch:"WHERE did you put my card?!?" She leaned her drawn face out the window with:I don't KNOW!!" I replied:"What do you MEAN,you don't know?!?as I advanced toward her car,before she hit the gas,sped backwards to the street,and zoomed off into the distance!!! Avoiding me for 3 months,my maimed memory capacity could recall the bizarre,out-of-character manner in which she departed with my special card,and so I(stpidly,naively)ASKED her what did she do with my card after emerging from the back bedroom. She(sensing my ravaged memory was unsure of what actually transpired)said:"I gave it right BACK to you remember?!? Right outside the kitchen remember? Remember? REMEMBER?!?"smiling reassuringly as she DELIBERATELY exploiting my raped memory as well as the TRUST I'd always held FOR her!! Now my mother tries to"hold me hostage"with the ole"forgiveness spiel"saying if I don't just forget that a ONE of a KIND birthday card from the ONLY woman in the world who was truly loyal TO me,is now totally unaccounted for,I'm going to get callously tossed into Hell by Jesus!!! Well Jesus won't forgive until one admits their sin and asks forgiveness,so neither will I.until that strumpet admits to her base deed and asks me to forgive her like Luke 17:4 outlines. All things being equal,I'm MORE afraid of what people will do TO me when they find out,that whatEVER they DO to me and my property,I'M forbidden to even be upset ABOUT it,than I am of burning forever in Hell.... You can't put a timetable on sincere forgiveness;it'll come WHEN it comes!!! Playing ME for a complete FOOL carries a CONSEQUENCE!! Forgiving someone is different from"Giving them a Pass"!!! I'm no longer inclined to trust anyone any further than I can THROW them!! The lesson I culled from this pathetic experience:Never confuse what someone would've NORMALLY done with WHAT they actually DID!! And Jesus never INTENDED for forgiveness to be exploited as a means by which to lie and steal with IMPUNITY!!

  • @noproblem2big337
    @noproblem2big337 5 лет назад +114

    I'm happy with my lot in life, life is great on your own and I am the happiest I've ever been in my life...I have survived a relationship with a sociopathic person and cannot imagine wasting one more day of my short life with anyone else, and remember, behind every successful person there is no body...so enjoy life, try to make this world a better place and don't be scared to die alone...it's the only way to be:)

    • @AlexShailer
      @AlexShailer  5 лет назад +11

      Peace to you :)

    • @storagefigure3865
      @storagefigure3865 4 года назад +9

      I felt that surviving with a sociopathic person. Mine didn't last long but it felt like decades had past before me. It was exhausting. But i am quite grateful for it because it made me realize that i should appreciate myself first before any other person. I also don't want to be with anyone else as well because of the trauma it gave me. I feel so much better now than who i was before. I learned to love myself and everyone around me. I appreciate a lot of things, i have a good perspective of life now.

    • @donnajk4423
      @donnajk4423 4 года назад +5

      noproblem2big I so agree. Unfortunately I am still in that situation and I am fighting to keep my peace. It literally is a case of survival with these type of people. Even after an hour in their company is so draining and such hard work. I’m glad tour out of that and happy now

    • @dannysze8183
      @dannysze8183 3 года назад +2

      true

    • @قناةعاليةالثقافيّة
      @قناةعاليةالثقافيّة 3 года назад +2

      I love your thinking about living alone 💜👍

  • @jdub2591
    @jdub2591 3 года назад +31

    In the words of John Mayer, I'm perfectly lonely and that's the way I like it. Embrace your solitude! I'm 48, never married with no kids. True freedom!!

    • @mulliganstew72
      @mulliganstew72 3 года назад +2

      Same here. 49. What an awesome feeling, right?

    • @yogifrombrooklynnewyork6901
      @yogifrombrooklynnewyork6901 2 года назад +1

      One man show is the way to go! I talk to some people here and there. I find people are complaining for the most part about money, politics, relationships and some electronic media icon that been forced down their throat for so long that they are hypnotized and brainwashed into feeling a close relationship with them. Just mostly parrot types repeating some mind control program they picked up from media or a carbon copy producing educational institution. I’ve been around the world and this country and it’s the same complaints just about everywhere. Alone I have uninterrupted happiness, peace and joy. Thanks! Great video!🙏🕉🗽

    • @benwherlock9869
      @benwherlock9869 2 года назад

      Same here at 47.

  • @syedmammar1
    @syedmammar1 5 лет назад +48

    Relationships are either emotionally draining or very fulfilling. I'd rather be on my own than surrounded by toxic people.

  • @Butterflyechoes
    @Butterflyechoes 3 года назад +12

    I have no real friends. My best friend was only my Mother. I am alone already for more than 20 years and I am a happy loner. Thank you for sharing the video Sir!

    • @AlexShailer
      @AlexShailer  3 года назад +1

      Appreciation

    • @johansen8989
      @johansen8989 Год назад +1

      I’m sure you have more friends now, but I’m 34 and my best friend is my dad. I have my own place and life ain’t so bad..

  • @michaeljackson7361
    @michaeljackson7361 2 года назад +4

    I dig this. One stretch 17 days with no human contact in my off grid cabin. It was amazing . Now people know where I live.
    I'm alone, not lonely

  • @libertasca1636
    @libertasca1636 5 лет назад +120

    I feel exactly the same. I’m an introvert and I remember I used to not understand myself and felt inappropriate. Now that I’m almost 30, I have found myself and accepted myself as who I am. I love to be by myself most of the time! 😊

    • @AlexShailer
      @AlexShailer  5 лет назад +15

      Liking your own company is a good thing eh? :)

    • @libertasca1636
      @libertasca1636 5 лет назад +12

      Conscious Personal Growth It’s wonderful! 😍

    • @kimberdejesus7874
      @kimberdejesus7874 5 лет назад +2

      I love you

    • @donnajk4423
      @donnajk4423 4 года назад +6

      Libertas Ca I am so happy to of found Alex and a whole group of people who I can identify with. For the first time in my life. I’m 61. 😊. I have never read so many comments that resonate with how I live. I’m really happy to of found this channel

    • @rubenromero793
      @rubenromero793 4 года назад +2

      Your to beautiful to be alone

  • @abefroman6482
    @abefroman6482 5 лет назад +12

    Hobbies, Hobbies, Hobbies! Occupying your time doing something constructive will fill that loneliness void.

  • @RayT70
    @RayT70 5 лет назад +30

    My friends keep interrupting me. It's one of the things that drives me away from them.

  • @CaesarAllerZeiten
    @CaesarAllerZeiten 5 лет назад +14

    For a year I was suffering of depression because of being lonely and looking for friends I was thinking I'm different I'm boring maybe not smart enough maybe not that attractive person I even put myself in stupid situations in hope of make the others think that I'm cool and funny I did waste my time and my first semester at the university was horrible in all aspects because of those thoughts. Finally I realized that I don't need alot of people around me to be happy and have new experiences in life, it's just not my thing. Being satisfied to be a loner helped me to specify exactly what I want in my life, and to consider myself at first, it feels really good and I can concentrate much better on my studies, hoppies and looking. Just walking alone in the streets or even eating alone in a restaurant is not a shame, and during the daily path of life you'll see and talk to different people and you'll realize that no one is perfect and no one is better than you, we are just not the same...
    I don't know why I'm telling this but wanted just to share my thoughts 😅😅

    • @donnajk4423
      @donnajk4423 4 года назад

      Moe bakili I am so happy you shared your thoughts. Thankyou.

  • @3e593
    @3e593 5 лет назад +85

    I’m natural born loner, and people have gone to extreme measures to bum me out over it.

    • @unocualqu1era
      @unocualqu1era 5 лет назад +18

      I'm going to guess because loners are not conforming to the social norm, and so people try to force them to socialize. So yeah, the very same thing you don't like is the thing that forces you to like it.

    • @lionheart4529
      @lionheart4529 4 года назад

      Alexi Barona you’re forcing people. So stop!

    • @donnajk4423
      @donnajk4423 2 года назад

      Especially when people say " oh you SHOULD see More people ", or you "SHOULD"this and "SHOULD" that.

    • @wingedcheetah9089
      @wingedcheetah9089 2 года назад +1

      The reason people do that is when you dont fit the norm their animal brains cant comprehend that someone could be different

  • @fluffysox6072
    @fluffysox6072 3 года назад +2

    I bit the bullet last week and went to a concert by myself after the person I was supposed to go with bailed. I was hesistant at first, but did it anyway. The whole time I naturally felt free, confident and at ease. That surprised me. I talked to the people that I wanted, and didn’t speak to those who I didn’t. I walked around when I felt like it, danced like no one was watching and sang my heart out. I already bought another ticket for the next show, whether i had someone to go with me or not. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to pull people in towards me,because I felt like I needed them. I feel so liberated now and I couldn’t imagine missing out on anything just because I don’t have anyone to go with. I am a lone wolf in spirit, I am happiest that way - and that’s 100% fine. ❤️

  • @shaanz2.087
    @shaanz2.087 5 лет назад +16

    Never been happier ALONE.
    I love my company best.
    Your video was enlightenment.
    Love & hugs from Mumbai

  • @maherf768
    @maherf768 4 года назад +10

    I spent most of my life willingly alone, I learned to be happy with limited social interactions but still had some dark years. hopefully no more.

  • @markfeuilherade5618
    @markfeuilherade5618 5 лет назад +10

    I would way rather be around a few true authentic and sincere people than be in a superficial and insincere environment. Fortunately my strong intuition guides me to gravitate towards people I can have a mental connection with, otherwise I love spending time alone.

  • @jonjonwp
    @jonjonwp 6 лет назад +51

    I dread having to have visitors and will do anything to get out of visiting others. Lots of good advice here from you.

    • @ldreese33
      @ldreese33 5 лет назад +11

      Jon woodville-price same here, I really don’t like going to other people’s houses. I prefer my own house, alone.

    • @bellabong8862
      @bellabong8862 4 года назад +2

      Me too, totally.

    • @jonjonwp
      @jonjonwp 4 года назад

      @@bellabong8862 😍

    • @warframedeaths4881
      @warframedeaths4881 3 года назад

      Walking alone in crowded places weird I avoid

  • @sp610
    @sp610 4 года назад +21

    Great video. My story is almost identical to yours. I find outdoor activities and fitness helps a lot. Being in groups leads to anxiety and mental exhaustion. If you want to remind yourself why you are a 'loner' just hang out in a group for half an hour.

    • @dabprod
      @dabprod 2 года назад +1

      Boy.....ain't that the truth.

  • @danshari5975
    @danshari5975 4 года назад +4

    "The best company is that of our own." (OSCAR WILDE)
    I perfectly understand what you mean! I was and am still now the same. The worst loneliness is the one you feel surrounded by people you don't understand or don't understand you. Be yourself. Don't ever conform to others. You come into this world to be unique not another copy of someone else. You wouldn't immagine how many people are induced to stay with others, to stay in friendships or relationships just to avoid the fear of being alone with such overwhelming and self destructive compromises!
    I've been an outsider, an outcast all my life. That turned out to be a great advantage: it taught me to reply on myself and learn to be happy with myself. Many great people, great minds, were in fact lonely people.
    Social connections are often trivial: people come and go in life; everything changes.
    As far as relationships are concerned, well, a life time isn't enough to know yourself, not to mention another person.
    Remember that a good book is a great friend.
    Love yourself. Do what you love. Love what you do.

  • @danielroberto9183-w8j
    @danielroberto9183-w8j 3 года назад +12

    Maybe being alone and okay with it is a skill that can be learned. It's the "me time" which is not the same as being antisocial or a loner. Thank you for your insights Alex!

  • @blackpsychosis513
    @blackpsychosis513 5 лет назад +49

    I've always felt disconnected from others. I enjoy being alone but at the same time I experience profound feelings of isolation. I'm surrounding by people but I always feel alone. I've just went back to school to get my BA and i can see other people making friends but i can't. All I need is one. not superficial but a true friend. you said a lot of things that make sense but i just feel overwhelmed with the amount of self work i need to do to become more open to others. i just need to remind myself to take it day by day.

    • @TellyTingz2000
      @TellyTingz2000 5 лет назад

      I agree

    • @nifi2337
      @nifi2337 5 лет назад +1

      Lol sounds like I wrote this.

    • @rubenromero793
      @rubenromero793 4 года назад +1

      Look inside yourself you've already found it it's you

  • @donaldsweeney784
    @donaldsweeney784 2 года назад +2

    Friends are overrated. I feel alone in a crowded room.
    Thank you

  • @nou257
    @nou257 5 лет назад +83

    im an introvert who also usually prefers being alone but it really gets difficult when i have to be an office employee. everyone expects you to be an extrovert, otherwise youre the weird one.

    • @jonathanharry4684
      @jonathanharry4684 4 года назад +6

      Being a freelancer is good for a loner

    • @felixfelix7447
      @felixfelix7447 4 года назад +8

      Oh absolutely! Ya face don't fit. Ha. Don't expect anyone to have any respect for your individuality. However no one's right no one's wrong. Were all just different. The workplace can be very toxic. Stick to your in own path. You'll win in the end...☺️

    • @crystalfullerton3908
      @crystalfullerton3908 3 года назад +4

      It's tough also when the majority of jobs deal with the public in some capacity and the public has a problem with the way you carry yourself.

    • @Emiliapocalypse
      @Emiliapocalypse 3 года назад

      How are you dealing with the pandemic? Working from home probably helps circumvent the need to play extravert

    • @nou257
      @nou257 3 года назад

      @@Emiliapocalypse im an online business owner now which is so much better for my personality lol i cant work with others

  • @Automedon2
    @Automedon2 4 года назад +7

    You described my early life to a T. Then, in my 30s I discovered you can have people around you, even vying to be around you, if only you become a chameleon and pretend to be someone you aren't - if you do it well enough. But inside, though you enjoy the attention you've never had, you know it isn't who you are. It becomes exhausting and you can't wait for the times you are alone again. Now, at 63, I have no more masks to wear. I have no interest in being a part of or seeking approval. My final act on earth will be to live exactly as I choose in virtual isolation. Being alone is only painful if you are still denying your personality. Personality is set in childhood - you don't change it, despite what all the gurus and TV psychologists tell you. If you are always yearning to be someone you aren't, if you always envy those who are popular and gregarious, then you are doomed for misery.

  • @gotbeagle39
    @gotbeagle39 5 лет назад +12

    Needed to hear this today, thank you. Always felt and thought like an 'outsider' up until my early 30s, then somehow for 20 years I ended up married and with scads of 'couple friends'(almost completely nurtured by her).
    Now that all of that disintegrated a year ago(the marriage and the friends - most disappeared right away, and it was just weird with those that hung around for a while) and I am back to my 'normal', I am having trouble accepting and loving my new/old loner self.
    Just got to keep working at it.

  • @michaelduke4500
    @michaelduke4500 3 года назад +6

    I was born and raised as an only child, and to this day, I have never felt lonely. Too many friends can drain my batteries.

  • @Renee1110
    @Renee1110 3 года назад +2

    My husband died of cancer in 2002 then my best friend killed herself in 2004. My parents have passed away and many aunts, uncles and cousins. My children are both busy with their lives, far away from me.
    I’m 60 and it’s very hard to open up to a new friendship. The thought of losing another loved one just stops me cold. I miss the laughter that a dear friend can bring but the heartbreak of losing them is just too much for me to deal with in my old age.

  • @marlonius2680
    @marlonius2680 3 года назад +3

    I used to feel alone once me and my ex split after being together for almost 6 years, but I learnt to really love myself and value alone time. The title of this video left me feeling intrigued and I actually couldn't THANK YOU enough for this informative video. Truly learnt so much!!!

  • @carlyk7322
    @carlyk7322 5 лет назад +6

    Thank you for this. I found it inspirational. Recently separated and it’s been a struggle. I like my own company best, but it can be lonely at times. I discovered that creating the best environment in my home helped a lot. So on a bad day, I have my comfort zone to snap out of it.

  • @ingenuity168
    @ingenuity168 5 лет назад +3

    Spot on! It's our thoughts of lack that makes us feel lonely.

  • @tomcolton5662
    @tomcolton5662 5 лет назад +59

    You think differently because most people don't engage in personal development at all & stumble through life as unquestioning adolescent sheep until death.

    • @V_For_Vigilante
      @V_For_Vigilante 5 лет назад +6

      True

    • @dannysze8183
      @dannysze8183 3 года назад +5

      so many stupid parents who don't know how to teach their kids.

  • @robyndaniels1381
    @robyndaniels1381 5 лет назад +6

    The sooner people realise that you're born on your own and you die in your own the better and that getting through life is down to you - just you. Other people make life interesting for sure but most people only connect or communicate with others cos they want something (self interest) - that's just the way it is. Learn to live and provide yourself with all you need (self-sufficiency). Expect nothing from others and you won't be disappointed in life. More and more people are realising this and choosing to live alone. Happiness is not a natural state any more than depression is but contentment can be if you are happy with who you are and that you have enough and are grateful to be alive. There is no good or bad just situations and challenges we attach emotion or meaning to. Most of us live inside our heads (past, present, future) so you'd better like what goes on in your own head. Alone is not the same as lonely x

    • @Chriscaew
      @Chriscaew 2 года назад +1

      "Most of us live inside our heads (past, present, future) so you'd better like what goes on in your own head." Thankyou Robyn Daniels for those wise words. I've never heard anything so true.

  • @smasherlol351
    @smasherlol351 4 года назад +8

    I didn't choose to be a loner it chose me and I'm happy with it

  • @prabhakarsingh1397
    @prabhakarsingh1397 5 лет назад +23

    I am the happiest loner in the world .well I am not introvert though ,sometimes extroverts get scared of me when I speak but still prefer to be loner,when you spend more time with yourself you get to know about your hidden capabilities that you would have never known mingling with others.its so addictive and beneficial that if I were the only person to live on this planet still would not have given a fuck.

  • @chak_dz6961
    @chak_dz6961 2 года назад +1

    I love how your videos are presented ..with no music ,no other, sounds.. just the important content 🌟

    • @AlexShailer
      @AlexShailer  2 года назад +1

      I think some of my older videos had music but I'm leaving them raw nowadays haha

  • @beybrain7896
    @beybrain7896 4 года назад +4

    As an INFJ-A, I can relate to pretty much everything you said about being a loner. Loners tend to form their own views and develop insights about the world that others don't relate with.

    • @kimsurvivorthriver8086
      @kimsurvivorthriver8086 2 года назад +1

      I am an infj I have always been a loner to.
      Yes we do form our own views.
      I belivie we are truth tellers.

    • @dwai963
      @dwai963 Год назад

      Same here

  • @BatBrakesBones
    @BatBrakesBones 4 года назад +3

    Man, I don't like people. Everybody think they're right. Somebody always wants to one-up you. Even when you don't wanna play the game, you're still in the game, but now as a social outcast. I find that I thrive by myself. Other people are just distractions. I will keep building my own value so that anyone that wants to be on my life will have to come to me. I won't chase anyone.

  • @SuperDetroit9
    @SuperDetroit9 3 года назад +3

    This topic has given me an idea for a new book:"Two's a Conflict"

  • @donnajk4423
    @donnajk4423 4 года назад +1

    I really feel a connection with what you say Alex. You have no falseness or vanity or pretence about you. You seem to be a deeply genuine man and the fact that you have been down the Anxiety/ panic road as I have, I believe it was meant, so that our personal growth would be helped by the struggles. I have always loved alone time. I very rarely feel lonely if at all , and enjoy my own company. I’m truly enjoying and learning from your videos. And not having to contend with endless advertising interruptions is wonderful. Thankyou. Thankyou. Thankyou. for sharing. Be blessed.

  • @theoneandonly34
    @theoneandonly34 3 года назад +4

    5:19.. thanks mate... that really got to me.. as I’m feeling exactly like that right now as I’m 33. If you read this comment.. just wanted to let you know that you’ve saved a life

  • @markward9350
    @markward9350 3 года назад +1

    I'm both isolatory and autistic. I get great solace by being alone. The few relationships i've been involved with have typically left me exhausted day to day. I have one true friend now and i am more than happy with that. We message on the phone each day and i see her once a week for drinks or a coffee at home. I don't want to be in another relationship because i don't want all the emotional drama, the ups and downs and the expectancy and demands of another person's "priority" needs. I offer gratitude each morning that i can do my own thing in my own time. I've surrounded myself with my interests and things which make me feel calm and balanced. I'm 50 now and in all honesty i feel that this is it for me now.

  • @V_For_Vigilante
    @V_For_Vigilante 5 лет назад +16

    I love being a loner

  • @lacplesis484
    @lacplesis484 5 лет назад +11

    I go to the forest, build a fire, enjoy the fire, boil some water, dunk a teabag and enjoy life. And when I come home I appreciate life more. I am thankful for what I've got. :)

  • @Crownd1_
    @Crownd1_ 5 лет назад +25

    It's weird but I feel more lonely while I'm in a relationship. Been married and divorced 3 times. Being alone I absolutely enjoy. I don't experience loneliness any longer. I have left the human race behind at this point. 🍻✌

  • @anntan7449
    @anntan7449 4 года назад +1

    i have a lot of those things going on right now and watching your video made me feel felt. thank you. to be more attuned to myself, i journal, go for walks in nature, draw and make cards, meditate and watch something funny or uplifting.

  • @tonysimmons5729
    @tonysimmons5729 3 года назад +1

    Congrats Alex! Discomfort=growth.

  • @glitch5174
    @glitch5174 4 года назад +5

    Bruh people I know don’t let me just be alone. To them being alone is a sad thing and for that they always bug me with “are you okay” “what’s wrong” and questions like that. How does one who is a natural loner still remain kind and open to people around them

  • @vidusha123
    @vidusha123 6 лет назад +15

    I can so relate. Blaming yourself is the worst you can do. I learned after time that its alright and its not my fault, and its ok to feel that. Realizing that lifted a whole burden from my mind. :)

  • @Prlvrboi1
    @Prlvrboi1 Год назад

    I love exploring a new city alone, going to museums, movies, and clubs. Now in my 50’s I relish opening my front door and finding peace and quiet. I always have short pleasant interactions with strangers everywhere I go. That’s enough for me. I’ve learned to totally enjoy my company.

  • @P..
    @P.. 4 года назад +10

    I'm 24 and haven't been out with anybody my age since I was 15. 9 years of not socialising in person 😕

    • @SuperDetroit9
      @SuperDetroit9 3 года назад

      @Panda:I feel you;I haven't dated in EIGHTEEN years and I'm just as giddy as I can be!! That matches my former streak of 18 years,beginning at 1:23 a.m August 6th 1971,since my mother "played me false"after I passed"Drivers Treaining"at Detroit Mackenzie High(b.k.a"The Mack")over the summer by refusing to let me apply for a drivers permit or even use her car(like all her earlier offspring did)so I was a loser"in high-school without the means to even take a chick out on a date!!

  • @mlgpro5663
    @mlgpro5663 5 лет назад +10

    You my friend deserve way more subscribers. Keep the good work up and I am sure you will get a great audience. Cheers! 😃

  • @chantzabrams1527
    @chantzabrams1527 3 года назад +3

    I do love people BUT not according to the rules of the Status Quo. People tend to drain me very fast. People are all too quick to take advantage of my generosity and empathy. I have made lots of changes how I interact with people. Mostly its to not do so... and I like it that way. : )

  • @davidareyouhuman
    @davidareyouhuman 3 года назад +6

    I’ve come to a point in my life we’re I searched for this on RUclips.

  • @isaiahdrye218
    @isaiahdrye218 4 года назад +2

    Being happy always come from self love. Putting yourself first is key to living a happy life ⭐️

    • @SuperDetroit9
      @SuperDetroit9 3 года назад

      @MindRule;My Daddy being sick of me crying over some broad leaving me,told me:"Son,quit walking around with a"long face"every time one of these goofy broads "sends you on down the road";look until You're happy with who YOU are;aint NO chick IN the world gon' be able to"MAKE"you happy!! Love"you" FIRST man!!"

  • @mh-pc1lo
    @mh-pc1lo 5 лет назад +4

    Thank you for your pearls of wisdom! I hope this channel grows!

  • @hooch87
    @hooch87 2 года назад

    The advice you gives sounds Stoic. The 'thing' is neither go or bad, its your reaction to it that decides. And your reaction is in your own hands.

  • @felixfelix7447
    @felixfelix7447 4 года назад +1

    Some one said to me one day that " I just do my own thing don't I?" It was an eye opener. Yes I was busy being myself. I didn't realize that it made me enigmatic. I didn't really have a response. However..these days I'm becoming more aware of what they were seeing and I am grateful to me....

  • @gabicranmer6598
    @gabicranmer6598 4 года назад

    I have such a huge problem with putting others before myself, so much that it gives me crippling anxiety when I have to face myself but recently I've been going through a hard time and life changes to where I am forced to be with myself a lot of the time. I've been pretty depressed to the point of not taking proper care of myself (not that I was doing great with that anyway, but definitely better than how I've been) and I've made myself sick because of my fear and this colossal feeling of having no self worth. But I've come to the point of WANTING to be better, wanting to be happy and healthy even if I'm alone because I finally realize that I can. I've had these thoughts before but have had a falling out of them from recent events but I'm sick of hiding and being upset. I want to embrace being alone and I ultimately want to embrace being myself. These videos have helped me a lot.

  • @arpo71
    @arpo71 4 года назад +2

    Wow you're describing me and my life exactly. And yes, I did quit my day job three years ago to start something that might be revolutionary.

  • @jerryc3240
    @jerryc3240 4 года назад +1

    I enjoy being alone.. Peace, Quiet and Freedom

  • @snezhanafiuortt9859
    @snezhanafiuortt9859 5 лет назад +1

    Thank you for this video! I had a similar story and now try to learn how to be happy on my own, no matter of situation or people around me

  • @johnmalcstan
    @johnmalcstan 4 года назад +7

    I am a loner but I am never alone. There is Me Myself and I to keep me comfortable. Loneliness, what the heck is that?
    A real loner looks after himself and enjoys his own company. Never feels alone but loves every minute of it.

    • @joecook5689
      @joecook5689 3 года назад +1

      Happy for you. Me, myself, and Irene was kind of a funny movie.

  • @kymgarcia09
    @kymgarcia09 3 года назад +2

    I am actually more energized when I'm in solitude.. I find some people can be very exhausting that is why I prefer being alone..

  • @pvsk10
    @pvsk10 3 года назад +1

    The biggest help I have found in dealing with loneliness is zen meditation. It has helped eliminate a lot of unnecessary underlying anxiety and friction which are the cause of suffering

  • @lunaticslair81
    @lunaticslair81 2 года назад

    Such an incredible video. I have had one of the worst days and been looking for a video like this one. Thank you so much.

  • @dinastefaniedoldt4057
    @dinastefaniedoldt4057 5 лет назад +4

    Thank you for this great and honest video!😀👍❤️

  • @breakthrough1019
    @breakthrough1019 3 года назад +1

    I like the mind shift from loneliness to aloneness .. thank you !

  • @damnman7226
    @damnman7226 5 лет назад +3

    Recently came across your videos, they are amazing keep it up

  • @alextint5987
    @alextint5987 4 года назад +4

    I'm tired of waiting "That Achievement" to be happy. I'm trying to work in myself, it's hard but not impossible

  • @isaac7769
    @isaac7769 5 лет назад +14

    Thank you for speaking to me...👏👌

  • @TheKaneChroniclesVA
    @TheKaneChroniclesVA 3 года назад

    when I am alone I dive into my passions, into my outlets an step away from the "noise" of life to focus on myself and to create, I always end up feeling overwhelmed, an exhausted talking to so many people that I need to step away an ask myself what is it I want and what I want to do

  • @kal6363
    @kal6363 4 года назад +1

    I’m so happy I watched this. Thank you so much

  • @SHax-wj4mi
    @SHax-wj4mi 5 лет назад +32

    How to be a happy loner? I just am ... It comes naturally, didn't have to learn.

    • @SuperDetroit9
      @SuperDetroit9 3 года назад

      Everytime someone skips up smiling with:"Hey,how're you doing?"I reply:"I'm not"doing"ANY kind of way;I just-------------------AM." or sometimes:"Singular." or even:Disparate." These chipper people have learned to quit asking me that question.

    • @SuperDetroit9
      @SuperDetroit9 3 года назад

      Everytime I lie in bed to"RISE asleep",I recite in my mind the lyrics to:"The Sound of Silence":"Hello Darkness my old friend,I've come to"talk"to yo again. In restless dreams I walked along,narrow streets of cobblestone..." I LOVE dwelling in the world of my non-conscious mind!! I don't wake up in the morning,rather I wake-DOWN into a world teeming with tiny-minds and their endless drivel!!

  • @alexandriamcnairn5865
    @alexandriamcnairn5865 5 лет назад +3

    Wow,just came across your site,amazing talk,thank you for sharing,I totally embrace being on my own,wasn’t until I got to my 50s that I really realised how much I love it.i tell my kids to love their time by themselves,never depend on anyone for your happiness ,it all comes down to yourself,!I never have enough time in the day for myself!

  • @waheebulla5003
    @waheebulla5003 5 лет назад +7

    I'm an extroverted loner.
    But man do I love your content.
    Simply amazing.

  • @Παθεια_Γνωστικα
    @Παθεια_Γνωστικα 4 года назад +2

    At the same time, being in solitude (even for some time), can be like some kind of detox from excessive outer influence from people. Like it is hard to hear oneself, when lots of people speak with one, filling a person with different thoughts, talks, ideas, etc, etc. Solitude is like an attempt to hear oneself, one's desire, feelings, needs, etc, etc.

    • @stickybread4180
      @stickybread4180 4 года назад +1

      Penumbrum Obscurum You read my mind!

    • @aahhh3207
      @aahhh3207 4 года назад

      Being alone and being lonely is not the same.

  • @christermannen
    @christermannen 5 лет назад +27

    Me and my cat

  • @brookebishop8254
    @brookebishop8254 5 лет назад +5

    Thank you these words were much needed.

  • @David-lx4yb
    @David-lx4yb 4 года назад +3

    If you are lonely and crave the company of people -- you are not a loner, and please stop claiming that you are. You have some type of social disorder that prevents you from going out and being around people.
    True loners need to be alone. However, being alone does not mean we're hermits. I have a handful of carefully picked friends, and I enjoy being around them and I can actually be the life-of-the-party if in the right situation. But for every hour I spend with people, I need at least four-or-five hours alone, and I can go for days without human contact and be happy.
    Of course, I can get bored just as anyone can, but I find things to do... alone. The truth is that you can never know true peace until you are comfortable within your own mind. Honestly, I have never been lonely a day in my life and I do not even understand how it feels to be lonely.

  • @2driverpls652
    @2driverpls652 4 года назад

    Alex I was the opposite of you in some respects. I was an athlete at an early age and played at a very high level. Contrary to popular belief this is a lonely existence. While other kids, teenagers, young adults are socializing, I was playing or practicing. And I loved it. I went through this at work twice. At two different companies I had huge social circles. In both cases the industry collapsed. Those people, rightfully, had to move away to earn a living. I literally went from a bus load of friend to just 2 or 3. I am a loaner by nature so I adjusted quickly. Got some dogs, and got into training them as a hobby. Took up hiking and did some solo wilderness hikes. I learned so much about myself in the middle of nowhere. I took up a bunch of new hobbies. I learned to play golf well. Now I make a habit of making a reservation and filling in another parties open foursome. Met some great people. I have joined some nature groups that do conservation work. Last there was an article I saw recently that said that people actually get more out of lots of casual interactions rather than trying to foster deep relationships. You just have to work on being a conversationalist.

  • @kiddracula556
    @kiddracula556 5 лет назад +6

    I think to be alone woud make me happy so there is no more duality

  • @jtc9098
    @jtc9098 3 года назад +1

    Our generation has social media. That alone makes it much easier to be introverted than extroverted. I think there’s more introverted people today than there ever has been. People are just people. We all have problems. At the end of the day, just do what makes you happy and be smart about it. Life will happen like it’s supposed to.

  • @Hanoshf
    @Hanoshf 3 года назад +1

    Very useful video, thank you 🙏

  • @TheNucaKola
    @TheNucaKola 5 лет назад +2

    Thank you for this video, lots of good advice, all of it relatable to how lonely I tend to feel

    • @AlexShailer
      @AlexShailer  5 лет назад

      Glad you got some value out of it. Thanks for stopping by :)

  • @chiragparrikh7973
    @chiragparrikh7973 5 лет назад +1

    Thanks so much for making and sharing this video. Gratitude !

  • @rankoutsider73
    @rankoutsider73 2 года назад

    Good word brother, thank you.

  • @sagenosnibor9173
    @sagenosnibor9173 5 лет назад +2

    You are a blessing💗. THANK YOU

  • @paulpatinaiv4012
    @paulpatinaiv4012 3 года назад

    Thank you so much for your video and your advice. You made so many references and I felt that you were even talking to me directly. Thank you so much.

  • @Misterbumm
    @Misterbumm 5 лет назад

    I have many good friends and know many women but the realest i know is myself ,and i need time for myself at times. Keep that in mind

  • @josephmichaelgoncalves1728
    @josephmichaelgoncalves1728 3 года назад +2

    There are some real jealous, evil sociopaths that will try f-ing with your head, and try putting you on a guilt trip for being a loner with their 7th grade psychology and mentality, within their pathetic little click. LOL!!!
    Just thank God for your blessings, hold your head up high, and be yourself.