P - My last letter

Texten är från det självmordsbrev jag skrev 2019 innan mitt sbc försök.
Lätt redigerat och översatt.
The text is from the suicide note I wrote in 2019 before my sbc attempt.
Slightly edited and translated.
Forgive you who believed in me
I have long had a will and desire to die
And today was apparently the lucky day
I really couldn't cope with this defeat
work was something that kept me alive
barely
And now they pulled the rug out from under me
Sorry my beloved son, you are not forgotten
daddy loves and loved you so dearly
I hoped you would be my salvation,
but instead it turned out that I let you down entirely
You have many people who love you so very much
Your Mother
Grandma
Grandpa
Grandmother
Grandfather, and so many more
I never stopped loving you
I just couldn't stand myself
However you want to remember me HATE me, LOVE me
I want you to do it with all your heart
But I am too weak an individual to lead you on
you need this to guide you forward
I didn't make many good choices
mostly they knocked me down
I lost to myself
I will do a phone call so they can find me
And now my dear family
sorry for not being able to resist my longing for death
I want and hope you are there for my son
because he loves you, as I love you
I'm sorry for being such a disappointment
sorry for letting you down so many times
hopefully you won't see me as NOTHING now
I wish I had done so much more
but it was not in me
The death wish was so fucking strong
so fucking strong
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
If you love me let me go
let me go
I'm truly so fucking sorry