"I'm literally trying so hard not to try so hard and I can't stop trying so hard!"... you've just summed up my entire social experience across my entire lived experience!! Another spot-on and deeply insightful video, thank you. Keep doing what you do 😊
What you said about getting to be friends with people with your mask on, then over time you feel comfortable around them and your authentic autistic qualities surface - and that's around the time the relationship would blow up. What a great observation. I've never thought about this before, but it makes so much sense. It's been so automatic with me and I never paid attention. Back in high school and college I had no idea I had ASD and wondered why I felt so phony and stressed out. I didn't know who I was, but I hated myself and was so ashamed of not understanding social situations. I'm going to have to re-think some of my history now. I'm late diagnosed and life is finally making sense. Thank you!
Relationships are just me being forced to dance and when I get tired of dancing 24-7, I get left behind. At this point it's happened to me thousands of times. I'm not willing to do it anymore.
I'm 40. Turning 41 this year. But you just 100% explained my experience in my 20s, and throughout my life! I had to share this video on my feed, it's so accurate! I've taken so many autism tests online since the late 90s, and they always say I'm autistic, but since I could make myself act "appropriately" in social situations, I thought it was ok, and I could just ignore it. But man, by the time I was 30, I gave up on trying to hide anymore. ❤❤❤ You're very self aware and I love your videos! Keep it up, and if I ever have enough, I'll donate to your page, for sure!
I totally agree that the worst part of masking isn't knowing who you really are. I didn't realize that I was masking because I had done it for so long. I would notice at times that I would make myself weirded out by some things that I would do, say, and/or think. I realize now that it was a bit of the real me showing. I know who I want to be, but isn't that just masking? OT: Sorry if this is unwanted info, but I know how annoying it is to have dyed skin. If you put petroleum jelly on your skin before you color then it saves you a couple of weeks of trouble.
Masking.... yes, I think it is necessary. Unmasking at home or with safe people is also necessary. Thank you for the content. I appreciate the work you put in to make it. Have a great weekend and enjoy some of your interests.
Thank you for another very relatable video, one of the big questions I had too after being diagnosed was who am I really?, because such a big part of my previous life was masking to be someone I wasn't.
The way I see it masking is just a tool, I use it most of the time because the benefits outweigh the negatives but it's extremely refreshing when I find people I can unmask around.
I am late diagnosed and didn’t really know what masking was prior to getting my dx. My mask was so utterly ingrained that I couldn’t answer autism self-assessents correctly which held me back from getting a dx at least a decade. I thought ”should I answer this question like what I would want to do, or what I actually do”? I didn’t understand why that didn’t seem to be an issue for anyone else.
Sometimes I think we aren't deficient in any particular capacity. Maybe we just can't surrender to the autopilot like other people can. Masking takes all my energy, but it also feels like it just runs on it's own.
I love your videos, so relatable. Not related to this one but I remember u talking about feeling like your not a woman as in like a woman woman or something like that. I think I didn't imagine that lol. I feel like I'm not either. I'm kinda one of the guys, but it's not that gr8
This was such a great video, I’m still early on in my unmasking process and some of the points you brought up made me realize some other areas of my life that I should try to unmask in. What you said about the mask slipping down, as if against your will is so true, I think that’s why I dont always consciously know that I’m masking. And I definitely have that feeling where my personality totally changes whenever I’m with a different group of people.
i am kinda ashamed, because i am not like hardcore autistic as other persons, but since i got adhd medication, I discovered that i am actually pretty happy about being autistic, wich is in essence being myself. before, i was always ashamed of all my failings, and i tried very hard to imitate role models - which didnt quite worked. it worked a little bit, but as soon as people took my playacting as literal, i couldnt follow through with it, because i didnt have plans for that. so nowadays, i strongly identify with being and autistic person, because it feels like home to me, its always something i can say when people give me _hit about this and that. of course, they are thinking i am full of _hit because i dont look autistic at all (i am more the no education, shady type of guy). but i dont care, because its official, and thanks to the adhd meds, i am much more self conscious about being myself. i began playing guitar. fawning was also a big thing for me, it was terrible, because i couldnt think straight from all the calculations of what i could say to another person to get them to wiev me in a positive light. intimation with love interests was also terribly stressfull, so stressfull i stopped trying. on the other side, countless girls hit on me, but i just wouldnt get it. i only realized like 15 years later.
Thx for the upload! I actually came across a post about people wanting to explore unmasking more and sent them here! I know ive found these videos super helpful.... im certain they will too!
My unmasking was totally not my choice. The alphabet soup that was going on in my brain weirdly evened me out. (Think mr burns and the door) But then I got sick, I got sepsis, scored some totally (not) rad brain damage and everything going on in my brain stopped presenting the same and was no longer evening me out. I can mask now. Ish. I can keep myself together for an hour ish but the real me starts slipping out.... and is usually too much for most people. It's frustrating. The Me that everyone can handle is on a time limit. And it's pretty sucky to try and either build a friendship one hour at a time, or...... sort thru the masses to find a person or two that can handle me at my most me. Lol. Yay, socializing!!
It’s a fine line between being yourself in your head, but presenting outwardly with a mask vs becoming your mask or otherwise embodying it, which involves utterly dissociating from your genuine sense of self.
can you do a video on autism and sex? i wanna hear what your opinion about it. nobody in the autism community really talks about being autistic and their experience with sex.
incredibly stress inducing. didnt know what was permitted and when, didnt know what the other person wanted, the only thing i could think in my head was how incredibly stressed out i was. had one girlfriend, it only worked because we were on 2 week holiday together, and we kinda just fit together, without formal dates and stuff like that. i often had sensual overload with her, like, i would complety shut down and couldnt talk. but she kinda understood on a subconscious level, and didnt gave me a hard time over it, so that was okay. she was one of the rare persons that i would permit touching me, like, snuggling on the sofa. she kinda had a huge calming effect on me.
Love all your videos. I totally relate to all you talk about. I have only just been dienosed with autism /asburgers. At the age of 54. I also was dienosed with adhd, sensory progressing disorder and dislexer. Struggle all my life not knowing why i found every thing so hard. On my 2nd marriage first marrage my x left me becose her said i was laze and did not do enoth. So i was left to bring uo my firt daughter when she we 12 i had no seport as most of my family had passed away. by the time my daughter got to 14 i could not cope with trying to run a home 8n my own and look after a 14 year old who had a lot of problems. She went to live with her dsd. Then i meat somone online we got on rely well so i left the uk wher im from and moved to finland in with by boyfrend who i only meet once in person when he cam to mert me in englade and stayed for 3 week with me. but we video call every day. For about a year befor meeting. I came to finland in 2006 ive now live here for 17 years and mrred my finnish boyfriend who speeks good English. We had a dsughtwe togeer who is now 14 years old. It becose of my 2 daughter i found out about Aultisam and adhd. My yonges daughter who was born in finland was dienosed with adhd at 6 yesrs old and my oldest daughter was dienosed with aultisam 3 years ago age 28 sge will be 32 next month. Since coming to Finland ive been dienosed with dislexer, adhd, aultisam sensory prossing disorder. And my yongest daughter just going though getingn her dienosses for aultisam. Soallwhat you talk about in your videos it like you know me as had so many of the same things ive gone though. Sorry for the long text
"I'm literally trying so hard not to try so hard and I can't stop trying so hard!"... you've just summed up my entire social experience across my entire lived experience!! Another spot-on and deeply insightful video, thank you. Keep doing what you do 😊
I'm insufferable without a mask but not a real person with it... It's fun!
What you said about getting to be friends with people with your mask on, then over time you feel comfortable around them and your authentic autistic qualities surface - and that's around the time the relationship would blow up. What a great observation. I've never thought about this before, but it makes so much sense. It's been so automatic with me and I never paid attention. Back in high school and college I had no idea I had ASD and wondered why I felt so phony and stressed out. I didn't know who I was, but I hated myself and was so ashamed of not understanding social situations. I'm going to have to re-think some of my history now. I'm late diagnosed and life is finally making sense. Thank you!
Your videos are so helpful. For someone like me who has been masking my whole life it can be so draining. Thank you for your great content
I hate having to go to the job centre every month. Not sick enough to get the health benefit yet i get PIP.
Relationships are just me being forced to dance and when I get tired of dancing 24-7, I get left behind. At this point it's happened to me thousands of times. I'm not willing to do it anymore.
I'm 40. Turning 41 this year. But you just 100% explained my experience in my 20s, and throughout my life! I had to share this video on my feed, it's so accurate! I've taken so many autism tests online since the late 90s, and they always say I'm autistic, but since I could make myself act "appropriately" in social situations, I thought it was ok, and I could just ignore it. But man, by the time I was 30, I gave up on trying to hide anymore. ❤❤❤ You're very self aware and I love your videos! Keep it up, and if I ever have enough, I'll donate to your page, for sure!
I totally agree that the worst part of masking isn't knowing who you really are. I didn't realize that I was masking because I had done it for so long. I would notice at times that I would make myself weirded out by some things that I would do, say, and/or think. I realize now that it was a bit of the real me showing. I know who I want to be, but isn't that just masking?
OT: Sorry if this is unwanted info, but I know how annoying it is to have dyed skin. If you put petroleum jelly on your skin before you color then it saves you a couple of weeks of trouble.
Thanks i love your videos! They are very validating and makes me realize that I need to find autistic friends.
Masking.... yes, I think it is necessary. Unmasking at home or with safe people is also necessary. Thank you for the content. I appreciate the work you put in to make it. Have a great weekend and enjoy some of your interests.
Thank you for another very relatable video, one of the big questions I had too after being diagnosed was who am I really?, because such a big part of my previous life was masking to be someone I wasn't.
The way I see it masking is just a tool, I use it most of the time because the benefits outweigh the negatives but it's extremely refreshing when I find people I can unmask around.
I am late diagnosed and didn’t really know what masking was prior to getting my dx. My mask was so utterly ingrained that I couldn’t answer autism self-assessents correctly which held me back from getting a dx at least a decade. I thought ”should I answer this question like what I would want to do, or what I actually do”? I didn’t understand why that didn’t seem to be an issue for anyone else.
Sometimes I think we aren't deficient in any particular capacity. Maybe we just can't surrender to the autopilot like other people can. Masking takes all my energy, but it also feels like it just runs on it's own.
I feel this deeply too
I love your videos, so relatable. Not related to this one but I remember u talking about feeling like your not a woman as in like a woman woman or something like that. I think I didn't imagine that lol. I feel like I'm not either. I'm kinda one of the guys, but it's not that gr8
This was such a great video, I’m still early on in my unmasking process and some of the points you brought up made me realize some other areas of my life that I should try to unmask in. What you said about the mask slipping down, as if against your will is so true, I think that’s why I dont always consciously know that I’m masking. And I definitely have that feeling where my personality totally changes whenever I’m with a different group of people.
Thanks Dana. I'm always in awe of how brilliant you are at explaining everything. Your content is SO helpful! 😊
i am kinda ashamed, because i am not like hardcore autistic as other persons, but since i got adhd medication, I discovered that i am actually pretty happy about being autistic, wich is in essence being myself. before, i was always ashamed of all my failings, and i tried very hard to imitate role models - which didnt quite worked. it worked a little bit, but as soon as people took my playacting as literal, i couldnt follow through with it, because i didnt have plans for that. so nowadays, i strongly identify with being and autistic person, because it feels like home to me, its always something i can say when people give me _hit about this and that. of course, they are thinking i am full of _hit because i dont look autistic at all (i am more the no education, shady type of guy). but i dont care, because its official, and thanks to the adhd meds, i am much more self conscious about being myself. i began playing guitar. fawning was also a big thing for me, it was terrible, because i couldnt think straight from all the calculations of what i could say to another person to get them to wiev me in a positive light. intimation with love interests was also terribly stressfull, so stressfull i stopped trying. on the other side, countless girls hit on me, but i just wouldnt get it. i only realized like 15 years later.
Thx for the upload! I actually came across a post about people wanting to explore unmasking more and sent them here! I know ive found these videos super helpful.... im certain they will too!
My unmasking was totally not my choice. The alphabet soup that was going on in my brain weirdly evened me out. (Think mr burns and the door)
But then I got sick, I got sepsis, scored some totally (not) rad brain damage and everything going on in my brain stopped presenting the same and was no longer evening me out.
I can mask now. Ish. I can keep myself together for an hour ish but the real me starts slipping out.... and is usually too much for most people. It's frustrating. The Me that everyone can handle is on a time limit. And it's pretty sucky to try and either build a friendship one hour at a time, or...... sort thru the masses to find a person or two that can handle me at my most me. Lol. Yay, socializing!!
It’s a fine line between being yourself in your head, but presenting outwardly with a mask vs becoming your mask or otherwise embodying it, which involves utterly dissociating from your genuine sense of self.
Totally related to the point on manipulation and it stinks feeling like you're manipulating people when going between masking/unmasking around them
By the way people don't skip the ads. RUclips don't pay channel owners for watching their videos if people skip the ads.
I didn't know that! I'll mute them instead from now on.
Thanks so much. Very eloquent and very honest.
can you do a video on autism and sex? i wanna hear what your opinion about it. nobody in the autism community really talks about being autistic and their experience with sex.
incredibly stress inducing. didnt know what was permitted and when, didnt know what the other person wanted, the only thing i could think in my head was how incredibly stressed out i was. had one girlfriend, it only worked because we were on 2 week holiday together, and we kinda just fit together, without formal dates and stuff like that. i often had sensual overload with her, like, i would complety shut down and couldnt talk. but she kinda understood on a subconscious level, and didnt gave me a hard time over it, so that was okay. she was one of the rare persons that i would permit touching me, like, snuggling on the sofa. she kinda had a huge calming effect on me.
Thanks for the video!😁
Thanks for another very relatable video!
Love all your videos. I totally relate to all you talk about. I have only just been dienosed with autism /asburgers. At the age of 54. I also was dienosed with adhd, sensory progressing disorder and dislexer. Struggle all my life not knowing why i found every thing so hard. On my 2nd marriage first marrage my x left me becose her said i was laze and did not do enoth. So i was left to bring uo my firt daughter when she we 12 i had no seport as most of my family had passed away. by the time my daughter got to 14 i could not cope with trying to run a home 8n my own and look after a 14 year old who had a lot of problems. She went to live with her dsd. Then i meat somone online we got on rely well so i left the uk wher im from and moved to finland in with by boyfrend who i only meet once in person when he cam to mert me in englade and stayed for 3 week with me. but we video call every day. For about a year befor meeting. I came to finland in 2006 ive now live here for 17 years and mrred my finnish boyfriend who speeks good English. We had a dsughtwe togeer who is now 14 years old. It becose of my 2 daughter i found out about Aultisam and adhd. My yonges daughter who was born in finland was dienosed with adhd at 6 yesrs old and my oldest daughter was dienosed with aultisam 3 years ago age 28 sge will be 32 next month. Since coming to Finland ive been dienosed with dislexer, adhd, aultisam sensory prossing disorder. And my yongest daughter just going though getingn her dienosses for aultisam. Soallwhat you talk about in your videos it like you know me as had so many of the same things ive gone though. Sorry for the long text
Thanks for sharing!
:0)
Totally felt this ❤
❤