Sociopath Discusses Attraction to Serial Killers (hybristophilia)
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- Опубликовано: 21 сен 2024
- Why are people attracted to serial killers? I will discuss the hypothesis behind why hybristophilia occurs in so many individuals (mainly women) and how people develop it. I will give examples relating to Ted Bundy, Chris Watts and others. Make sure to like, subscribe and hit that notification bell.
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REMINDER: I am professionally diagnosed with ASPD, as well as NPD traits. Everything I mention here is talked through my lenses and the ones of my close friends with Cluster B disorders. I only speak for high functioning individuals with ASPD/NPD, not low functioning. I am NOT a mental health professional, & only have a degree in abnormal psychology.
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People have called me weird for being able to relax to serial killer documentaries but I would not say I'm attracted to the actual serial killers, just the information of what makes them do what they do. For me it is entirely educational.
You’re not the only person who finds comfort or is relaxed by them. I have seen people post on places like Reddit, asking if they also feel comfort or soothe by true crime, to which some replied yes. For me it’s mostly the paranormal that relaxes me because I know it’s bullshit. True crime docs do make me forget about my stress at the moment though.
Me 3. I'll watch shit like Dahmer on Netflix when I crawl into bed and it helps me go to sleep. My gf however isn't so understanding. 😂
I relax to weird shit too like sk's and metal music. I like studying sk's too. Also psychopaths/sociopaths.
Perhaps you guys exhibit antisocial personality disorder, or some dark triad disorder, and learning about other persons with the same disorders reassure you ? Just a thought.
@@InXLsisDeo hmmm maybe I dunno u could be right though
I think people who fall in "love" with killers are vulnerable to begin with. Charisma probably has something to do with it, but it also is possible that they listened to their sad upbringing and empathized with that. Maybe, it happens because they lived a childhood similar to them and they liked that they acted on the violence that they wish they could do. Some school shooters idolized killers and then went through with a similar crime cause their idol gave them the "courage" to act on it.
I believe it's both that, and that they see these killers as people who were able to defy society, and therefore, who are strong enough to protect themselves and them, even if it's by killing others. I see how they could "admire" that and how they'd, in a weird way, feel safe by their side. Of course this is everything but rational, but it could explain why the vast majority of people who like serial killers are women. Most of us are both weaker than most men and brought up looking at men as protective figures
@@kfkkfk7995 Good point. I also think that maybe people who are attracted to killers are people who can be vengeful and by being with the killer they think they could fulfill their fantasy. Something like the Netflix show "YOU". If the killer was the obsessive type, they could also love the idea of that attention on them if they lacked it growing up. And as a statistic limitation to consider, it could be it is only observed the most in women because the researchers aren't asking people who are LGBTQ+, which messes up the data to an extent. Also, have to consider that it is likely that if men do have an attraction to killers they are less likely to say so, especially if they like another man. Not saying it is the norm or the majority, but I have seen men who fell for killers who are women. It could also be that in Western society at least, we do not focus that much on killers who are women as much as men. And then of course if they are up to beauty standards, someone who is young could easily become infatuated with that fantasy as well. I've definitely seen men fall for the woman that is known for the Barbie and Ken killings. Very interesting to think about.
@@emilyau8023 oh absolutely, I remember not long ago when a woman, I think in japan, who almost killed her boyfriend and is conventionally attractive, went viral for looks. Female attractive killers get simped over by a lot of men. It definitely is not only a women problem, but I do think it's more prevalent (simmilarly to the "girls falling for the bad guy" trope, a lot of men (who almost nobody considers when talking about this) do so too, so it's not just a women phenomenon, it is more prevalent in women but can be seen in men too. Also, recently there have been a lot of women killers who have had edits made of them, have gone viral, etc. on tiktok, just for their looks. I think it's not necessarily that they fantasize with that killer entering their lifes and fulfilling a fantasy of revenge, but instead fantasize with being part of the life of the other person, thus share their motivations, etc. To get the "perks" of being with them and feeling in control, but not necessarily in their daily life circles, I doubt many of them would want to murder people they know currently if they don't have really strong reasons to do so, but I think if they met another person with the idea of "they could be their next victim" and didn't have any other preconceived notions, that would change, but this is just my theory
And the thing about attention, I think it can be part of the reason but it's such a skewed way of potentially getting that attention, that there must be something else. Many people (both men and women) are promiscuous just to get that attention and validation, thus putting at risk their health and safety (I don't think there's anything morally wrong with promiscuity, I don't mean it like that, I am saying that having sex with someone who's not your partner poses a risk, not that I have anything against it, if you know the risk and still decide to have sex, enjoy it, your body, your choice) and they're much more common than people who have crushes on killers. I do think attention necessity is most likely a factor though
Also, with the lgbtq+, true, idk why I hadn't thought about it, I'm bisexual myself lol. We usually aren't really taken into account in theae kinds of studies lol
The idea that serial killers have a sad upbringing is nonsense part of the time.
Usually if there's a sob story about a difficult childhood it's more of a manipulation tactic and less so a sincere self assessment.
Jeffrey Dahmer may have had a somewhat dysfunctional upbringing but that's fairly common.
He had an all around ok childhood which is similar to that of many people. His own obsession with dead animals wasn't something that his parents caused, it seemed to come on its own.
@@allmertalex it's not just his childhood he was severely mentally ill, which made him more vulnerable than 'normal people' when it came to his emotions.
What I find so interesting is that Kanika, with her diagnosis (that the uneducated would consider makes her a dire threat to the world), has more common sense and decency than so many people I know. Kudos to her for speaking up about this and all the work she does! Thank you so much!
Im scared for young girls with hibristofilia. It could be dangerous.
It is for them,which is why people shouldn’t stigmatise it.
It’s not something you choose and you can overcome it.
Just like all of us with mental health issues we need to teach them they have choices and they have free will. The urges to be attracted to danger is there, there may always be intrusive thoughts, incredibly powerful ones, but the choices are still theirs
Their weirdos
Fatal love
Not really sure if I have it. I just have extreme sadomasochism fantasies so the attraction to certain people who could fulfill those fantasies is there.
I suspect the fantasy is that the “fan” will be SO unique, that this murderer won’t be able to resist developing emotions for them. That it’s not about what the killer has done but what he hadn’t done - FELT LOVE. That the fan then is THE most unique, loveable , sexy etc person to exist I guess . It’s a way for the fan to experience self love, within a fantasy. Similar to the effect lovebombing has .
I have hybristophilia as well and actually been with someone - extremely psychopathic, sadistic and criminal. (7+years in prison + runaway with different identities, part of many criminal organizations, motorcycle clubs, highly trained with and without armed weapons, also from his time as a mercenary etc.) So here's my story: (i will leave out some parts cause i dont wanna risk getting banned or whatever.) Nothing ever compared to how i felt for him, it was SO intense.
In his eyes, having emotions is weak (in any life situation) and knowing im the only one who gets glimpses of his, veeery deep underlaying, barely existing "emotions" made me feel so special.
I always felt weird admitting what my ideal type of guy is to normal people, because they'd judge and think im weird (even tho sometimes it's quiet entertaining)
But this man (superficially) checked ALL the boxes. Fearless, grandiose, untouchable, unbeatable, worked in private military, fought in different countries, even modifying and building weapons etc themselves with his clan members, part of a motorcycle club, like i mentioned above, but super careful and protective to not get me involved for my own safety, even tho i wanted...
Laying in his arms was the safest and most loving place I've ever felt until he slowly started unmasking.. i did everything for him, he was super possessive and controlling (which imo was a sign of his love and care towards me, even tho i know rationally, thats not the case)
And well, it ended up backfiring. He ruined me completely. Lies, manipulations, abuse..He doesn't care about anyone or anything.
I really thought I've found the one because of how much we seemed to fit together - bonnie & clyde type of stuff. The s*x was phenomenal, also a perfect fit because of him being sadistic and violent, and me being submissive and masochistic.
I knew what i was getting myself into when i met him. But over time i realized, through all the pain he caused, that it will keep getting worse. He mentioned one of his boys strangling his wife to death and hiding her under his bed for 4 weeks, how they now locked him up tho.
Each day he became meaner and hurt me more. He never cared. If i cried, he would laugh and mock me with baby crying sounds.
I knew i needed to get out, but i couldn't. He threatened to come to my place and beat the sht outta me, and r*pe me afterwards. Now the thing is, as messed up as it sounds, i don't really care. I never cared if he beat me up or does stuff without my consent, i actually got turned on by this for some reason.
After one time he deeply hurt my feelings and i didn't want to sleep with him, he didn't care and proceeded against my will. And if i told him to stop he slapped me over and over again across my face. I guess that already counts as r*pe but it ended up turning me on because im a weirdo myself lol. Now, the only thing i did ask of him, was NOT to hurt me emotionally. (Like i said, if it was physical i don't really care that much) but he ended up doing just that. Seemingly enjoying when I broke down, purposely hurting me, ruining my trust, and being amused by it.
He's done this with every woman hes been with and has no issue admitting how messed up he is, and how badly he treats women. For whatever reason, i thought i could change him. With my pure loyalty, patience, and love. But no.
What I'm trying to say here is, i feel like a BIG part of why we are into these men, is simply because of our flawed views on love and all the fantasy that we make up with them. But they never end up in reality. Only disappointment, pain, danger.
Let me tell you this past week been absolute hell for me and I'm seeking therapie asap (i needed it even before i met him lol) but here in my country, i don't think stuff like hybristophilia is common and well researched. I hope i can "heal" from this, because at the end of the day, no matter how intense the feelings are, it will end up detrimental. And to everyone else experiencing, fantazising, etc, just be careful. Try to find the cause, try to understand what attracts you so much towards this person. For me, also a huge part was, that he was living the life and embodied parts i always wanted to live up to, but was never able to do. (Luckily i guess?)
It's fked tbh, especially if you are aware, that you are being a total weirdo, but you just CANT GET RID OF IT. I hope it's somewhat treatable. And to everyone else who deals with this, good luck and stay strong ) )
Thank you for sharing this really needed to hear this
@Natalie thank you❤️ but idk how you come up with the racism part tho 🤣
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm in the process of walking away from someone similar and finding it difficult since I'm in the early stage where it's been all rosy so far. The "love" feels so real and intense. I'm seeking the self-discipline and willpower to end things now before the mask fully comes off. Your story is helping me find the strength to do so. Thanks again ❤.
@Davina Etwaroo i feel you so much!! It's so insanely hard. I've been taking my time to try heal but god damn im so traumatized that i can't even bring up the energy to stay normal for 10-15 minutes. It hurts so badly it's beyond. BUT it will be better. It will get better. And our heads are aware, but our love keeps pulling us back despite knowing it will do more harm to us, than good, in the long run. God i hope this pain will end. If you ever wanna talk you can shoot me a dm! Hope you'll get through it
Women be like
i was attracted to dangerous people growing up because it gave me a sense that i could feel protected if i developed a connection with them, i understand a lot of children go through this and growing up and deconstructing that attraction has made me so concerned for all the other little girls and boys who seek out this feeling
I did the same thing as a young boy due to being bullied pretty badly. I would often try and make friends with the bad kids, the hard kids, for my own protection.
Bullying can cause several impacts in one's mental health, i wish people could understand this more.
As a young boy and adolescent I was attracted to and hung out with some dangerous people, because I was bullied, pretty badly for several years in grade school into high school. I made friends with the bad kids for protection basically. The bullies were really the middle of the road and the supposed good kids in class. And the teachers.
Chris Watts' case is bonkers. The amount of people harrassing Shanann's family is bizarre, to say the least.
Great video!
That one is very sad to me maybe because it's more modern and I connect with it, as I wasn't around in the 70s or whenever Dahmer was around, but yeah. Plus with the age of the internet and we can all see the interrogation footage, we know Chris is a horrible person, it's so shocking
Chris Watts looks like a weak innocent guy, but He is indeed a monster. Even they are professional killers and criminals who has limit to not hurt children. Chris has not limit or feelings for his children. It is like someone who knows his true identity will be rejected so he mirror what people want of him.
A lot of them pick her apart and blame her. He just wanted a new life and she was in the way. It's not her fault.
It’s pretty scary, just as scary as having a nice neighbor who ends up killing his cute little babies 😢. I get not liking Shanann. I don’t like her either based in her vids. But that doesn’t mean what happened is justified!
@@kateashby3066exactly. Even if she were unlikable (I can't comment on rather she is or not, I don't know enough about her.) That doesn't mean she deserved to die....she deserved to die for a murderer husband and equally questionable mistress (Look that part up if you haven't. I have shocked.) doesn't? People are so scary in how they justify such horrible actions..
Your hair is beautiful Kanika!! And at the end of the day, if you love it, so do we. Great topic by the way. X
Thank you Leanne ❤️
@@KanikaBatra Kanika, what do you think of Casey Anthony?
I wonder if it has anything to do with an attraction to a certain primal dominance in males, too….
Like women finding these killers desirable bc they’re the most “scary” in society and intimidating to everyone else. If we go back in time, i’d imagine females would want their ideal mate to be at the top of the “food chain” bc they’d associate it with what they subconsciously perceive as guaranteed safety and protection for them and any kids they’d have.
Obviously with a conscious mind, and for anyone that can see clear, it’s easy to see that everyone is prey to these people and no one is off the menu. But I think this fetish is blindness to that.
Makes sense
Natural selection at work
It's not about being at the top of the food chain. Women like violent men, who are violent to others, because they want their protection.
@@ericlarousse1149 that’s what i said
Still natural selection at work
Loving the addition of the cat cam!
Me too that was so unexpected I love it
Honestly I personally think the charm lies in being someone's property, and if someone else touches you, you'll be protected untill the end without a doubt. < at least, that's what I think our subconscious tells us. > We mistake it for love and protection, and that's insanely attractive. So detecting some kind of no-empathy behaviour, we can get insanely attracted to that sort of ''strength''.
Most serial killers are weak and effeminate and they choose only weaker victims than themselves. They dont mess with an alpha macho, only with women, children, teenagers(gacy) etc. Except dahmer But he druged Those men first
I very much agree.
I have a major crush on Dexter Morgan. He's obviously a fictional character but I absolutely love how they paired him with a woman like Rita. As empaths, we are attracted to partners who provide space for our emotions to run wild and take flight. That only works when one partner is flat, stable, and steady.
Lol so you’ve never seen Buffy, Rita is a total psycho on that show 🧛♀️
Yes Dex ❤
are you attracted to the character dexter or the actor who play's dexter? ! Most of these serial killers wouldn't be known if they weren't above average looking for the most part
At least Dexter only kills scumbags and not innocent people.
@@manofaction5305most are effeminate or creepy looking i havent seen a hansome serial killer. Bundy îs average But too feminine, the rest are trash 🤣🤣🤣🤣
You are very brave to speak with such candour about this kinds of topics
Girl, i could listen to you for hours. Feel free to do longer formats, I'd love to listen to you.
I think it's also one of the F responses to trauma-- fight, flight, fawn, freeze. It's the "fawn" response, girls fawn over the predator because it's a technique in some survival situations that has worked, and it's in our genetic makeup and instincts. Some people aren't aware of it and it may be entirely subconscoius, it may present as a fetish, but I think it boils down to that response if you're talking about the lizard brain lol
Plus I realize these girls aren't in the situation, they didn't experience the trauma firsthand, but if they have empathy or have been through similar abuse themselves then they might respond with a fight-or-flight response even if that serial killer isn't in a position to be dangerous to them. The brain still does what it does when processing the information, so when the girls (or whomever is attracted) sees the killer, hears about the murders, processes that information about the violence and the horror, their response may be to fawn. Especially since fight and flight don't apply
Came to say this but you beat me to it
Blonde suits you really well.
I've often thought the people who have crushes on conventially attractive serial killers and other criminals have a fantasy that dating one of these people will go differently for themselves. That's why Twilight was so popular- they want to be the special "one" for whom the killer will reform themself, or hold back their worst instincts for, in the name of "love."
Maybe the women who crush on Ted Bundy think that being "ravished" by Bundy would be swell, but only because they imagine that he will "ravish" them in only the ways they enjoy, and that Bundy would not.... do the things Bundy actually enjoyed doing to his victims.
They were total nutjobs!!!
Bundy had girlfriends and he didnt kill them. You dont shit where you eat.
And i dont think he made the same kind of violent sex as with His victims. Even serial killers want to have someone in their lives. He Even had a child with one woman. She didnt know about His dark secrets.
Girls who might fall in love with him might struggled with Stockholm Syndrome
@@dreamlove361Reminded me of Christian Grey in 50 shades of grey and always hiding his secret on his gf
I think in tandem with this, the media is always Always glorifying (even if it's in a heinous light) these serial killers.
Giving them more screen time and attention than any of the victims families or loved ones will ever get, giving them nicknames and perpetuating this air of curious mystery for viewers to draw them in. So we skirt a fine line of curiosity and being wooed by the mystery behind it.
I don't find it to be an odd phenomenon that these women find themselves fantasizing about killers. It's dark and unsettling, but not surprising.
At the end of the day I think for most of the women, or even men, that do find themselves attracted to these serial killers- I don't think most would have the same mindset if some of the horrible acts the serial killers had done to their victims was done unto them. Attraction is neither here nor there when you're being tortured and brutally murdered.
I love listening to Kanika. She's interesting but I find her voice very calming too .
choosing to not act on your natural impulses is not easy and choosing to do the right thing over your natural impulses should be applauded
I mean fear and attraction can go hand-in-hand. Sometimes it's hard to tell which one you are feeling! You see this all the time in abusive relationships. Also trauma bonds where you become addicted to that up and down cycle an abuser will put you through
So for some I think not knowing how to separate those kinds of feelings can make them more interested.
I have had crushes on very bad FICTIONAL men before and although it's not the same as actual relationships or having crushes on irl serial killers, there was that element of being both scared and attracted to them at the same time. Because I had space from the actual person (them being a fictional character and all) I was able to process my emotions in a safe place without actually going through abuse or romanticising a real criminal. My sister had also recently gotten out of an abusive relationship so I was educating myself about that and learning vocabulary and patterns I hadn't previously known
I realized that because the character I adored was cast with an extremely attractive actor and was written to be alternatively bubbly/charming/funny and absolutely terrifying, I was having a hard time separating my attraction and fear, and I was also caught up in a cycle of looking forward to the next bit where he would showcase the best parts of his personality
Similar things happen in cults of personality. The dictator will show the best parts of their rule and then instill fear through authoritarianism, then be generous again, and cycle through like that. It's a common thing in humans for fear, adoration, love, etc to get mixed around
I have another theory but I'm not sure what percentage of fans it might apply to.
Personally when I find myself attracted to fictional toxic men it's bc of what I call a Protector Fantasy. This can apply to lovely characters or absolute monsters
This might sound ridiculous for some people, but the idea of a monster who protects you from other monsters is not so uncommon. Think about stories like Kong Skull Island where the main characters thought Kong was dangerous, but he ended up being the one protecting the world from the REAL monsters. Or vigilantes like Batman who can be scary but protect others.
Now if you escalate that a bit (or a lot), that's where some of the appeal comes from. Twilight is a good example of where it starts to get toxic. I've seen other women commenting on how Twilight appeals to the desire of many women to feel protected from dangerous men. I'm sure some of these fans of serial killers have that kind of idea in mind. "He's scary to everyone else, but to him I'll be special and he won't hurt me. He'll protect me."
The show Vincenzo about a mafia member taking on a corrupt conglomerate has the premise of "It takes a devil to drive out another devil" and the show was HUGELY successful. One of the top Netflix shows in 2021
So all in all I think many of the root causes of hybristophilia are very human, but can be amplified in women. Perhaps because our fear response is stronger? Logically, we have more cause to be afraid than most men. We are often targets of violence and we have less ability to defend ourselves. So the fear mixed in with attraction is stronger, and the highs and lows which lead to trauma bonds MAY be more exagerrated. Plus we find more practical need for protection/a defender
And like you said, being in control of one's self and the situation is often seen as masculine
I’ve fell in love with quite a few fictional bad boys as well. I’m a sucker for the bad boy turned good story arc. Idk what that says about my psyche 😂
i really think you’re spot on!! Since most women who have this have some sort of self esteem issues or “daddy issues” it would make sense that the idea of a serial killer (epitome of an uncaring, yet powerful figure) that takes special interest in them would fill that void of being unloved and neglected by the men in their lives perfectly. Most of us women have extreme trust issues due to men, are constantly paranoid and on guard, can’t even trust our friends, have been let down by our fathers and our officers and ministers… to think of a powerful, charismatic, intelligent man who would literally KILL for you and allow you to heal him would be an amazing fantasy!! I can’t relate though cuz thankfully i turned out the opposite where I love sweet men and dangerous men are pathetic to me. But i can understand the appeal.
That's only a female thing. Men don't equate fear and attraction. It also begs the question of why hybristolphilia occurs.
@@justineharper3346 I haven't watched it yet. Didn't Fifty Shades Of Grey do well?
@ericlarousse1149 some do
It’s always interesting trying to change hair color. It’s understandably a long process to go from black to blonde and you are sticking it out and following what you want to do with your appearance! I can’t wait to see the finished product!
I went through this blonde journey in 2020 and really enjoyed it! The brass struggle is real! I used a heap of purple shampoo. I'm a natural level 4 I think, and went to a level 9 or 10. After 8 months of root touch ups and toners, my hair was dead and I dyed it brown again. lol
My brother changed his hair color from brown to electric blue, now it feels weird seeing old pictures of him with brown hair
I see alot of parallels between this and stockholm syndrome but I'll try to separate the two
it's because Ted bundy had good people skills in otherwords he knows how to guilt trip people or even get people to relate to him because he's good at expressing his thoughts and feelings cause people with aspd score really high on communication are the complete opisite of someone with expressive language disability
I've always found this interesting, and odd. I have an interest and psychological fascination and intrigue with certain serial killers, and there's also a degree of understanding there, as I feel like if my life and loved ones weren't so good, I may have ended up doing certain...unpleasant things.
But my interest in these people is more cognitive, psychological and on a kind of "equal" level. NO emotional attachment or any kind of sexual attraction. No thanks!
Some serial killers have had one or two particular women in their lives who they seem to put on a pedestal or love in a sort of more innocent or protective way. Either the mother, or the wife if there is one. The mother represents comfort and the wife represents "normal life".
So I wonder if these women who are attracted and "crushing on" these men are fantasising about being THAT one special woman in their life. The ONE who could help them, who could truly understand them (although they really just can't at all and are clueless in that regard), and who could be above / immune from all the other women who would either be ignored or killed.
I think porn plays a part in this. Ted Bundy said that he and every other serial killer he met had a porn addiction. According to him it makes you see other people, especially ones of the opposite sex as objects. My experience with porn has been the same, i'm quite neurotypical and far from criminal but it also made me view women less than human, it also distorted my taste in what I find attractive and noticed that I need to watch increasingly extreme and agressive porn to get excited. I think maybe if men with ASPD watch porn then their chances of hurting or raping people become much higher.
Charles manson roasted him it
You believe a word out of Bundy's mouth? He was manipulating the priest & other listeners with that excuse
This was dark intriguing topic! I'll have to check out your book 🖤💕
I have always got the sense that women who obsess about some serial killers do so because the objects of their “love” are “captive”. They like that the killer is in jail and in a controlled environment & cannot leave their love-bombing, if that makes sense. Great, thoughtful video.
You look amazing with that red lipstick and black shirt!
Thank you Kanika , once again, for speaking about an important topic that doesn't get talked about enough in this way. 🙏 👑 Queen ❤️🔥
You are such an intersting, inteligent and well spoken woman, and your views in these topics can help us (regular people with none personality disorders diagnosed) understand more about human mind, i find intersting how you guide yourself without having the sense of empathy or remorse to say ok i won't do this because i have the Will power to choose not to do it.
Thoughts on empathy: You say that you can understand it cognitively but you will not understand it as a neurotypical person does (...). What interests me is did you ever consider feeling empathy for a person with the same diagnosis as you? Someone whose feelings and thoughts you can relate to? (I understand those feelings won't lead you anywhere, but still... I would be interested in this question!)
İ can catch when someone is manipulating and what they think while they doing this (bpd&aspd here)
@@rosalina2773 i wont say i have ASPD, unless i go to a therapist to confirm it but i did notice i have dulled emotions and lack of empathy too . I think when i did meet people who were kind of or really like me just kind of annoyed me ? lol
@@selcouthkalopsia775i had planty of empathy until 30 yrs old and now i have none. What does that mean ? I have 42 now.
I've written to and befriended prisoners since roughly early 1986 and many of them were serial killers. Arthur Shawcross was a SK I visited three different times in the early 2000s. His conversation was actually quite normal, even tame and jovial. When I visited Phil Jablonski in 2016, the atmosphere was just as friendly, but the topics of conversation were COMPLETELY different. While all of the other death row inmates in the visiting area were talking w/ families, praying and so forth, Phil laughed and talked openly about his murders. Surprisingly, he once sent me a copy of his list of crimes since age 17 and wrote in ADDITIONAL crimes for which he was never charged. Even though I considered Art and Phil as friends, I was also aware that in Phil's case, he could NEVER be allowed around women; in fact when I asked if a then mutual female friend of ours would be "in trouble" if she was in the same area we were sitting, he laughed and decisively replied, "Oh yeah!" The dichotomy between how nice and respectful he was with me and a few others versus how brutal he was to the rest of the world was a clinical study in and of itself!
Hey gorgeous --- never apologize for you or your hair. People who criticize? eff em --- who needs them
RUclipsrs need them. You have to stay aware of your audience.
Love the blonde hair on you and so happy I found your channel!
Thank you so much 🤗
Blonde is good! Suits you ! ❣️
thank you for discussing a syndrome most people are unaware of
I think that since females are socialized to be loyal and helpful, the thought of fixing this beat up and battered man is a lot more appealing. It forces you to stay loyal and work to get this dangerous and masculine figure to be better, it’s a feminine form of power. On the other hand, some women may just feel they deserve men like this, especially if men where like this to them, kind of teaching them what they believe her worth should be. I’m not attracted to men exactly like this, or killers. I am not a fan of blatant abuse, but I do put of with logically way more than I should, and feel I deserve It weather it’s true or not. I have had no good male roll models and luckily nothing too bad has happened, I don’t really date so I only had bad experiences with people I was considering partnering with ( being with ). I’ve had very poor experiences with men throughout my life and if I weren’t so protective over my “purity” who knows what I may have ended up doing to fill my role, or feel emotional and intimate connection.
If it's something that would interest you, I'd love if you made a few reaction videos to programmes or films with characters considered to be sociopaths/psychopaths, for example killing eve
The warm blonde suits your complexion. I find the cooler blonde competes with it.
You are speaking a lot better than before. What I mean is that you are getting better at expres yourselfe and explain things. Good job!
Perhaps it's my bpd but I definitely understood why the fictional Hannibal Lecter and the lovely Villanelle killed probably bc they didn't just kill indiscriminately imo. She killed for a high paying job and Hannibal chased the demons of what was done to his baby sister (and the free range rude lol). Many root for the underdog to get away but no real serial killers I do not understand although I have deep empathy for Kemper for sure.
Kanika you are a beautiful girl you can rock any hair color but the most flattering was the honey brown you had some months ago that was lovely and brought out your golden tones 😊
Love your cat’s face. Looks very wise. The cat cam is a nice feature.
love your videos girly! been watching you since you posted your first video 🥰
and you look beautiful blonde! I'm surprised you were able to get it that light, its gonna look great
💗💗💗
Thank you so much for being here for this long, it really means a lot & yes your username is very familiar 💗
I think there's something to that low self esteem/abandonment issues/nurturer/fixer combo you mentioned.
It reminded me about how Dahmer allegedly just wanted a boyfriend who would never leave him and do whatever he wanted. To me it really sounds like his primary motivation was loneliness, that he was generally deteriorating as a person and that his mental health issues removed any sense of empathy or guilt or even basic foresight.
I also think women are generally heavily conditioned by our society to put a lot of their self worth into their nurturing skills and ability to de-escalate negative male feelings. Along with that comes a bit of delusion around male behavior in order to function ("oh, he's not that bad," "he was just upset, he really means well" "he was kidding!").
On top of that a lot of us grow up seeing adult women in our lives modeling that behavior, gaslighting themselves even under extreme or even lethal circumstances.
I say all that to say: I think this nightmare cocktail means that a lot of women are looking at serial killers through a deeply twisted lens that tells them that those men are just misunderstood, unloved romantics who have been mistreated by women and the world at large.
That they themselves are a wellspring of love and understanding waiting to quench the needs of this poor man if only she could get near enough to let him know that she sees him. The *real* him. And then she'll be whole because she will have risen above the others, fulfilled her highest potential and filled the hole in her own heart all at the same time.
The obvious thing to say is "but they're working against their own interests, they could get killed!" To which I say, what about playing along with the patriarchal system we're doesn't, in several ways, work against our long term interests and safety? SINCE WHEN HAS WOMANHOOD EVER BEEN SAFE??
In my opinion these women are a bit warped and they need help, but they're just suffering from an extreme version of what a lot of us grew up dealing with: measuring our own value by how much we can "heal" a man and make him love us.
tl;dr patriarchy and internalized misogyny turns some women into the biggest pick me's in the world
Ive had a life long fascination with serial killers. I did a book report on John Wayne Gacey in elementary school to the horror of my english teacher. What fascinated me was the unorthodox behavior and outlook. Its a power thing. They see people as objects to serve their emotions and killing them gives them the ultimate high because in that moment they have total power and total control over another. The desires stem for childhood damage or missing components that where never formed so theres no higher regulation and a lower functioning system of balance is formed. Sometimes its just the desire for control to feed emotional desire being worth more than other things because those other ideals dont serve them. I think that attraction that woman have comes from this "ultimate"power. If they are willing to go that far for shear will and self serving then they will do whatever is necessary to get where they wanna be or what they want.
Ambitious and domineering males also do this and these men become CEOs, billionaires, etc....Its the power these woman become intoxicated with not unlike any high value man...he has the power and ability to stir the emotions and emotions are at the core of the feminine and they dominate her....his actions demonstrate power, control and emotional stimulation. Thats the source of the attraction.
Yeah, So why most of Those men are weak and Look effeminate and only choose weaker victims then themselves ? They dont kill an alpha macho, they kill only children, women and teenagers. That demonstrate that they dont have real Power and dominance inside them, But By killing they have the illusion that they are the dominant males…
Kanika is the queen 👸. She is over 2000% beautiful and with a 2000% attractive image.
Love your little Mario mushroom guy! He’s too cute! :). ❤️. So is kitty. :)
Ahhh someone spotted bucky!!!
@@KanikaBatra ❤️😊
Goombas are VERY versatile 👏🏼👏🏼👀
It's very interesting as someone with BPD to hear you speak. We are complete oposites.
personally, as someone who tends to take the role of the nurturing figure in a relationship, it makes sense to why someone people take “i can fix him” to the extreme. i have been in a lot of toxic or abusive relationships because of my personality that leans towards being very empathetic and caring. it gives me some feeling of worth and validation to see someone i care for get better over time. obviously, when dealing with abusers, it’s not the truth. i think people with hybristophilia take that validation to the extreme, it’s a savior complex.
off topic, but i wanted to add this!
i’m someone who’s very empathetic and tends to care more about others than myself to the extent of harming myself or others, it’s equally as problematic as having little or no empathy. your videos are really interesting to me as someone who can’t imagine what it’s like to not have empathy, and you have really helped me to break down my old beliefs that all people with ASPD or NPD are bad people. i really love what you’re doing, keep up the good work. ❤
I will just say, I do think your hair looks pretty good here in this video! It was sort of brassy in the past few videos. But when it's toned the blond actually looks pretty good on you!
Hi Kanika! Great video!
Just discovered your channel and have to say it's so interesting. I studied psychology and I'm very fascinated by how a human mind works and how we can be wired so different. You explain things so clearly, I would like to ask you some questions.
- How do you manage feeling no guilt & maintain a healthy relationship(s)? How do you feel when you've hurt someone's feelings?
- What is your opinion of Jodi Arias?
I love how you discuss important topics that are never discussed. Good on you.
I didn’t realize how much I missed your videos till now ahhhhh so glad you are back with editor! Also your room set up and cameras are fantastic, and I dunno who is saying anything negative about your hair. You are strand to strand gorgeous
It makes a lot of sense if you look at it through the lense of attachment theory, which you did mention briefly when you stated that people who experience this paraphillia have abandonment issues. That would be a person with insecure attachment. These people are codependent. To be codependent there are inherently narcissistic qualities involved. One of the examples you mentioned at the end, a women who was getting a book deal from being with a serial killer, and another example of the people who wrote hate letters to the victims’ families, these people are projecting codependency in its most severe and narcissistic form. These people have such severe insecure attachment that they have become the codependent narcissist themselves and thus, exhibit extremely low empathy, lack of remorse, and a disregard for others when they are dating these people to make money and harassing and threatening victims. That’s just my opinion as a young psychologist.
@Jess well said 100%! 👍👍
I think you look beautiful with blond hair ❤
Many people are fascinated by serial killers which make it normal. But being attracted and ACTIVELY pursue those killers? Not normal.
Your hair and complexion are both very beautiful so whoever is complaining is jealous. You are always stunning...goals!
I may have this. I'm an empath who dated a sociopath. She told me she was addicted to un-aliving people. To this day, I can't view it as a bad thing.
Seriously? Innocent people being murdered and it's not a bad thing? What's wrong with you?
A warm blonde or little "brass" suits your skin tone, it doesn't look bad on you, it's flattering imo
Liking a killer is more like having daddy issues. Women attracted to killers probably have been abused as a kid.
I like good guys.
Thanks to my dad, he treated me well and raised me well! I expect nothing less from a man
Interesting. Why are you here?
Good for you
The Bbauty and the best theme. Stupid and naive women are attracted to psychopaths
I am a Hybristophiliac among other things but I do not defend killers or criminals or have a favorite that I obsess over because it's irrelevant to my life and I cannot form a connection with them. I have attracted/been attracted to deviant minded, criminal natured partners in the past and learned I have an attraction to ASPD and dark triad personality people. There's a lot going on with my psyche, I mean a LOT but I will just stay in relation to the information in the video. there was a lack of a decent father figure, a busy mom, and emotionally/mentally abusive sibling, but always physically supported and cared for ie. fed and comfortable. I sometimes wonder if it is a fascination about the idea of a threat to my safety or my foundation crumbling because of some criminal who came into my life. In fact, that has happened to me and I am recovering after two years, but still constantly craving the chaos that partner provided and fantasizing about these previous partners if it had turned out the right way. I think it stems from a lot of things for me personally
I have a special form of love and he won't hurt me because of it. Also, he will use his fearless power to protect me.
Like your videos Kanika. Keep them coming!
I agree it should be studied more, if left unstudied and treated, who knows how big it will get.
from what i can gather, a lot of people with these fascinations also have a history of being victimized. its almost like that toxic cycle of remaining in a comfort zone that is not safe.
I do not have this fetish, but I can deeply understand why women find these men attractive despite not really being conventionally attractive. There is something enthralling about the level of charisma and leadership a person with aspd is capable of showing. Especially for women who feel lost. It's attraction to something you feel is out of your own grasp
Now that I'm older and more confident in myself, I am not attracted to it anymore, I'm suspicious. I see someone with that much charm and I know there is no good reason to be that charming. But sometimes I do miss the way my ex with aspd could lead a group. It was like being in a small cult. It brought feelings of community and purpose. He always had a plan or a solution and made everyone feel important
@@spiralcat6376Lol u dont find him attractive cause u hit the wall and now u just want a provider
It also links back to damaged, traumatised women particularly. Who are attracted to Narcissists.
Big, strong, dangerous men. Part of their fantasy is being protected by them, because of their *love, subservience.
I've read.
I don't fetishize serial killers but one of my two father figures used to work as a serial killer. He used to work for the Italian Mafia because he had to so he could buy apartments for his two sons and raise them. Serial killers are people first of all. I also have respect for Charles Manson because was the only one to train women serial killers. Tedd Bundy and The Zodiac where interesting. Vera Rinczi of Romania was the most interesting woman serial killer. I'm Borderline comorbid Antisocial comorbid Bipolar and feel safe around the man whom is a father figure to me. He's NO rapist piece of garbage. He is a man whom literally done everything for his sons not to go through the same traumas and poverty he went through in his childhood and early teenages.
Maybe they are themselves victims of violent crimes and in order for their brains to process their experience, self preservation kicks in and either romanticizes or sexualizes the experience creating a sense of connection with the abuser that triggered them. Kinda like an extended trauma bond or maybe an extended "Stockholm syndrome".
Love the video. And the color of your lipstick.
I didn't know there was an actual name for it. How interesting.
Sociopaths are made psychopaths are born
I've just discovered your channel and I really like how you present on your channel- real or not, it's great material, great attitude! And if you are doing the work to control your destructive urges... in my eyes, that makes you more moral, more downpipe, self aware and more valuable than nearly everyone I know.
About your hair... if you want it a certain way, I support you lol. I think you'd look "better" with your natural color and then having an icy, cool toned blonde wig instead, to be honest, but that's only my opinion 😊
Anyways, I like you and appreciate your channel. I hope you have a beautiful, healthy, constructive life journey. Xo
Woah, woah, woah, my father is a narcissist, but when I was a teenager apparently I took many, many of your trades to defend myself. I always thought I was a bad person, he was telling me. that all the time and I had the worst example of how people behave, and how he treated my mother, to the point that she had cancer (nobody knew) but she was very sick, she even had a stroke and he didn't take to the hospital.
My brother is the punching bag and I ruuuuun away to the other side of the world.
I love so much your advice on relationships because I finally hear a woman "human being" talking and explaining things as a human being and not just "as a woman"
I live in my bubble and that's how things are for me, buuuuuut when I go out...
1 I have anxieties (from the amygdala and not from over-thinking)
2 I don't know how to play the game of people, it's hard for me
Though I learned how to sympathize, and realized after all I'm an empath, I only feel comfortable at work, but not the outside world, I guess you know why. I wish my therapist really talk to me like you do (she is old school... 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️)
This is a really interesting subject..thanks for bringing it to ur channel ❤it isn't talked about really at all....appreciate ur honesty and research...
Big love from uk x
"Some people just don't change." Probably most people, unless they really want to. I think we need to understand these people are out there so we are cautious.
I just bleached my hair recently and I have naturally dark brown hair with red undertones, the struggle is real, you are rocking the blonde life 😊 it looks great.
Totally off topic but I was trying so hard to figure out where your legs were in some views (at least on MY phone it looks like you don’t have any). But I knew better cuz I’ve watch nearly every single video. 😂
I've talked with psychiatrists who study psychopathy in prisons. ASPD criteria focuses too much on criminality so they are overdiagnosing people and that also goes with the PCL-R. Relax people. We are not conquered by sociopaths/psychopaths. Just to say, nothing racist against people with psychopathy(for me and for many scientists psychopathy and sociopathy(aspd) are the same. Just the tests are different. PCL tests focus mostly on interpersonal traits and dsm/aspd on criminal traits and reckless behavior. So thats why people think that sociopaths are a more criminal type of psychopaths but it is the same. Just psychopaths don't have all the exactly same traits and this happens with all personality disorders. I've talked With Paul Babiak, Steve Hart and more people like these about these matters so I just share this knowledge).
I am an empath and I think she has an underlying sadness and pain she doens't even realize. Its deep down.
Kari Kari I totally agree with you and believe that it's in regard to her childhood trauma issues, which is the case with so many people though. 😥
She knows.
Your cat is everything!
My partner was one… it was all self- defense; he was walking in Detroit
But… I stepped back from a new relationship with one.
You look fabulous.. ignore any hate ❤️
Kernberg talks about the death drive. Probably the serial killer who is already jailed seems a safe object at whom to direct that. Serial killing is usually displaced rage at the mother which becomes compulsive for having failed to eliminate her. Anyone with such a hatred of women doesn't have a vibe that appeals to those with intact self-worth
So mature in this video and I’m sorry if it’s offensive but you displayed something quite like empathy when you didn’t know how someone could write that to the family
Having low empathy doesn’t mean you can’t feel disgust towards others for shitty actions, nor does it mean you have no compassion for others.
Enjoying my blonde life too. (I am brunette with out my hairdresser:) PS. Blonde looks great on you. Both colors doo, but I prefer the blonde
I’m so glad you talked about this. There are people writing love letters to Bryan Kohberger (supposed Idaho murderer) I suspect may have ASPD traits
New intro I see you, girl 🙌
Its ones own actions that define him or her. That is actually very smart statement. as far as people being attracted to serial killers no I don't understand that. I can see how one can be interested in it (I am) but to actually liking them or seeing them as "cool" (for the lack of a better word) is idiotic at best. Especially ones like Ted Bondy. Some of the serial killers really did have terrible lives and that is what led them to commit horrible crimes. But the ones like Ted Bondy were assholes simply because that is what they were. having hybristophilia is not like having a normal kink. This isn't BDSM this is serious laps of judgement. As far as wanting to help a misunderstood person that is actually a noble idea.( of course I assume you would disagree with that) its just not always easy to distinguish who is misunderstood and who is simply evil. some people can change given a chance some people can't. Ted Bondy was one that could not be changed. I find any one who is obsessed with movie star annoying. But someone who is in love with a serial killer like Ted Bondy they need to go to therapy.
I’ve always been fascinated by the mind of killers and what gets them to that point BUT I’ve never understood the extreme fan girling that happens around these people. How their crimes aren’t an instant turnoff is beyond my way of thinking. These are not misunderstood people who just need the love of a good woman/man to change them, and they wouldn’t think twice about those idolising them becoming one of their victims.
You live your blonde life girl 🥰
Maybe its some fascination with a strong man as a predator, a cat or like, ready to pounce, gotten completely out of hand.
Live that blonde life girl
Any kind of fascination or obsession with Josef Fritzl or Ariel Castro is a new level of deplorable.
For the hair…get that purple tone shampoo. I don’t have a link but it can be found on Amazon. Additionally if your water has minerals your hair is more porous if lightened and will suck in the minerals which leaves a colored deposit on your hair. Salons usually have a mineral deposit removal treatment.
I've seen since the new show Dahmer came out on Netflix a lot of women sympathizers have come forward on social media
Possible sociopath here, and I need to share this. When I was 14, I had a psychotic break, had a sexual obsession with Eric Harris, and attempted to do a school shooting. I was arrested and then hospitalized, diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar type, and was recently in my adulthood diagnosed with BPD. I struggle with remorse and just feel differently than others, showing most other signs of sociopathy but I feel like the medicines dull it a lot. By the way, I just found this channel. You are beautiful and brave for speaking out. Much love, Nessa
If you struggle with remorse then you can’t be a sociopath. You may have sociopathic traits, but if it isn’t on a consistent basis and extreme
Then I don’t think you’d be diagnosed as such.
@@73aven thanks for the input but I worded that figuratively. If I’m speaking literally, I don’t feel that I have any remorse. I feel shame, and embarrassment, but not guilt. I’m not saying I am absolutely a sociopath, just clarifying. Also, you can’t be diagnosed as a sociopath, to my understanding, it’s not a diagnostic term.
@@VV-mh6vf well they do diagnose one with having Aspd when they fit the DSM 5 criteria so I’m not too sure in what regards you’re speaking of.
Either way, I would always suggest that if it’s something you feel perhaps you should get evaluated so that way you can get a proper diagnosis and have an answer to all your questions.
Much luck to you!
@@73aven thanks! I’m in the process of getting diagnosed.
Hey peoples there's nothing wrong with brassiness aka: golden blonde : ) She looks great : )