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- Опубликовано: 25 июл 2024
- Suzanne explains what millennials get wrong when it comes to money and marriage.
According to a 2021 Fidelity Investments Survey, one in five couples aged 25 and older who are either married or in a relationship identify money as their greatest relationship challenge.
Over 50% of millennials don’t want to get married “until their finances are in order.” Suzanne discusses why this is the wrong approach.
Why being a TEAM, as opposed to living like roommates, is the surefire path to financial success when you're married.
Why being equal partners doesn't have to mean performing the same tasks
NEW STUDY: "Pooling finances and relationship satisfaction" concludes that couples who pool all of their money, compared to couples who keep some or all of their money separate, experience greater relationship satisfaction and are less likely to break up.
BUY How to Be a Wife: 7 Secret Steps to a Peaceful & Passionate Relationship with Your Man:
www.suzannevenker.com/how-to-...
“People don’t have to engage in the same tasks in order to be on the same team.” That’s it!
Exactly. Why would I want a woman/wife who was good at everything I was good at?
One of us is superfluous in that case.
No. I want a woman/wife who has strengths where I am weakest.
I want a woman/wife who understands how men and women are supposed to complement one another.
And that means having offsetting strengths and weaknesses.
And she better be humble enough to admit that she has weaknesses that we can work together to overcome as any couple who claim to love each other are meant to help each other become their very best.
Dear Suzanne, I so deeply appreciate the work you do to spread the truth. I am a young millennial, bordering on Gen Z, and have been married for 2 years. After being a corporate career girl in my early to mid twenties in NYC, with a string of failed (equality-based) relationships, I’ve found my Husband and embraced a more traditional way of life. Everything you say in your podcasts really resonates with me. Growing up in a suburb of nyc, I was raised with the expectation that career would be my top priority, that I would have to be a breadwinner, “pull my weight” and delay having children, rely on childcare workers etc.
Something about this just felt very wrong for me after awhile.
Now that I’m married to a man who embraces his masculine duties, and respects and honors my femininity and womanhood, I feel so calm and safe. At the moment, I don’t work, and he does. All our finances are completely transparent. He manages it mostly, and I have a budget for necessities and I have my own spending money.
It’s a very different way of dealing with money than when I was single and working. I spend a lot less, but I also waste a lot less…
Restricting myself financially, to be able to have the freedom to embrace my role as a wife, has been worth the sacrifices. It’s a lifestyle.
I think the main thing stopping both men and women from this kind of lifestyle comes down to selfishness and materialism. Women who have been working and earning through their thirties have grown accustomed to spending on whatever they want. The millennial generation, my generation is also much more wasteful with their money than previous generations. They spend significantly more money on eating out, traveling, taking our big loans and mortgages on universities, houses, and cars that are not actually within their means. Unfortunately modern young people do not seem interested in giving any of these things up. Men are now relying on women to work because they contribute to this unnecessarily “luxurious” lifestyle. My theory is, if people were to experience the happiness and peace of honoring their roles, they might see it could be worth it.
Thank you again !
Sukanti
Mind if I ask if you met your husband in nyc, or did you move elsewhere and then found him? I’m asking because I’m struggling so much to find a masculine, provider, and problem-solver man since I find most guys here are painfully effeminate and LGBTQ+ population is increasingly growing here due to being a liberal state so a big portion of guys aren’t even straight
@@PrincessMultiracial He's from South Africa 😂 He moved to the US in 2019. We are also religious, so that very much impacts his values in this regard. I totally agree with what you shared above. I have found that in the NYC area, many men are either effeminate, or are masculine but have this bro mentality that project onto women. It's like they see you as their "earning bro" you're just a roommate who helps them cover bills! It's also born out of the fact that it's so darn expensive. Don't give up on your quest for a masculine provider! They are there, even though there are less of them. I do think that there are other areas of the country where you may have more luck finding someone with these values. But taking my story into account, one benefit of NYC is there are a lot of people from a variety of different cultures, all in one place, which means there are definitely people out there who are likeminded, somewhere :) anyway, I hope this helped in some way.
This is so true!!! I’m a millennial and when I was dating I was a bank teller full time and I found men were not interested in me when they found out what I did and did not have a bachelor degree. A lot of men expect women to earn enough money to be equal to them. I did find a good man and when we married we both worked and shared chores. We would have fights about money and chores. After our second baby was born we finally made it work for me to stay home. Two years later and we are so much happier and a team. We just accepted our new traditional rolls and it really works for us. We have less money now and never fight about it now, we just make it work and communicate about spending.
Whenever someone refers to their spouce as "partner" i immediately think they're talking about their gay lover. Is that just me?
English is not my mother tongue, and I hate when the word partner is used for a relationship/marriage. I always associate it with business and sports(tennis partners), and it just seems cold and unromantic.
Me too. The Aussies always use that term and at first
I mistakenly surprised at how many gay relationships there were
Getting a wife like this is rare and been a hassle as a Christian, because too many follow western society, especially being a traditional man, seeing many modern women mindsets with 50/50 is even in the Christian community.
I get a sense of lack of trust, and many choose men not stable, especially picking men everybody wants who have more options.
Thank you for this message Suzanne - Moses D
Completely agreed as another Christian. Nearly impossible to find a Christian woman looking long term, let alone one that is willing to take on the Christian definitions of husband and wife without complaining about it.
Look at the immigrant community. I'm an immigrant with traditional christian values, married to an American man
Keep on looking, she's out there.
This is definitely my marriage. Started long distance, she moved to my state and that's when I realized that we were very different. I felt the pressure to try to make it work after she picked up her life and moved. It was all fun when we saw each other but when you are local to each other, you actually see habits. And as I was contemplating discussing this may not work, she's pregnant. She did not come from a married home but my parents are still married. I take the "L" for not having the tough conversations. She does make more than me, I am primarily the housekeeper mainly because I'm OCD and she doesn't have anxiety over piles or dishes or clothes like I do. Everything was definitely centered for me around having the kid. I know that my parents put the majority of money in one account and gave each other stipends for their own accounts out of the paychecks. But we never discussed any of this. It wasn't until the weekend I got married (at 37) that I asked, "How did y'all get together?" I think having conversations are so important.
Suzanne you nailed it. In these modern times marriage is about the money. Even in the last five decades we’ve seen the role of marriage as a wealth machine. It certainly was for my in-law. My mother in-law was a spinster shrew who I always believed was a closet lesbian. She married my father in-law as a desperate act to keep up appearances. Irish born and later came to America. It’s was a loveless marriage and my mother in-law wasn’t fooling anyone about her feelings. My parents noticed it right away. My mother in-law taught her daughters men are disposable and to keep their money separate. Something my parents never did. So my wife repeated her parents practice. My wife never had the best credit despite coming from a very privileged background. I had to buy my wife two cars. The first was a 2015 Toyota Sienna AWD ($40k) which I always stayed five months ahead on the payments. The second a 2021 Toyota Camry AWD ($32k). I let my wife be a co- signer to help rebuild her credit. I certainly didn’t need her to but the car and her credit rating has improved because of my credit worthiness and timely payments. I even added her to my Visa account with her own card with a large limit just in case she needed it. My wife inherited property which we just sold for $2.25 million. We’re going to buy a house cash but my wife tells me it’s her money, her decision and the house will be in her name only . We’ve been married 27 years with four children. We’ve known each other since childhood. We’re both college grads who make good incomes. I can’t tell you how hurt I am that my wife treats me like an outsider. Her decision harks back to her mothers advice not to trust men and keep their money separate. If this is the future for millennials and zoomers I would never suggest getting married. Got to say mymother tried to warn me.
Find the courage to hold your ground or move on. Imagine what life will be like in 20 more years. If the life lessons of the past 20 plus year have not brought about maturity in this regards you must except that it will not as well in the next 20. I know I did the same and finally chose to leave. What I am able to see now a year outside from a one sided focused marriage is I made the right choice. Life is so much better. Even without companionship.
Pack your bags and leave, at least you can retain some shred of dignity
M A P properly provided for and aided/built his wife up, but with no requirement of accountability on her part and there was no 'we' established.
And yes, his mother did warn of what should be expected to come.
You can articulatebso well why you shouldn't have married her, why did you?
I'm at work but I can not wait to listen to this later.
Too many people don't WANT to know they don't know everything. They don't want to even think that they could be wrong!
Most men ask themselves if they can afford to lose half of everything they have and half of everything they are going to have and still live comfortably. If yes, they will marry and sort out who pays for the vet bill and trip to Bora Bora
Just a note to the topic, a "statistical" one, for a lack of a better term: pay gap is no longer existent and women often earn more than their potential suitors. Additionally, there's a growing college education gap between men and women, which only worsens the situation. Therefore, women will need to either adapt and accept being the main earner, or stay single in the long term, never building a family.
Regarding combining income: it works best in a case of big income discrepancy between spouses (e.g. lower paycheck covers just fixed expenses or mortgage), BUT it works ONLY when the wife is making less $$$. Other way around, not so much, it will only lead to divorce. Because when she is earning less, he will (happily?) cover the gap and they can both live comfortably. However, when he makes less, she expects him to "catch up", "man up", etc. It's his problem, not hers. And hearing various stories regarding the issue, it appears that economic violence thrives whenever wife is the main breadwinner.
Please define what you mean by economic "violence???"
@@raularmas317 it's a well known term - go and check it out instead of typing multiple question marks and brackets in wrong places.
Q woman needs the man to catch up. If she has a minimum standard of living in mind for when they have children that will normally be based off her income because man is in the image of God, rules countries, is strong yada yada childhood indoctrination.
So when a man can't keep up it feels like something is wrong with him or he's not trying.
It's hard for both parties to acknowledge the man is too weak to.
Follow the money....85% of the time SHE has her hands on it spending!! 😉
AS A Man, I make certain that the funds are there for the growing of the family:
My wife can not spend anything that I pay to the (Electric-Gas-Water Co), so
what money are you worried that your wife is spending?
If "The Hair Salon" is getting paid - the resturant is not, she gets her hair done - we do not go
to the Stake Resturant - Artis Show - or the Ocean Cruise": The choice is hers.
Good luck telling women that the money she is going to make, that she has to share it with her husband.
We and Our can't exist because devorce laws make that impossible. She take closer to 3/4 in a devorce and leave his in shambles. Even worst if he has children, he is reduce to a part time nanny when he wanted to be a father. It's sad that a man is reduce to nothing but an ATM.
Partner is the same as marriage/spouse. Period. Millennials will not waiver on this.
I was married and hated having 1 joint bank account that we dumped all our money in. I suggest having a shared household account for bills, family entertainment, etc.
Keep a separate account to maintain autonomy.
Dad puts in 80%, Mom puts in 20% and/or Mom puts her check into Savings too.
Not difficult at all.
No one is leaving Feminism because it Naturally came about for a reason. Men need to evolve as well.
Separate account true! But wait until kids come along, your individuality ideas will go out of the window
Great practical advice for harmonious relationships
Suzanne! When are you going to discuss the RISK men face in contemplation of marriage? We want to know!
Today it is not a risk. it is virtual certainty.
In an effort to mitigate the damage instead of trying to solve intractable problems, my suggestion for men is to accept that divorce is likely and proceed accordingly by:
Stop allowing other people, especially your wife, to control all of the finances.
You should be enforcing a strict budget and investing 20, 30, 40, 50% (or more if you can) of your income into assets that grow in value and produce additional passive income.
If no divorce occurs everyone wins.
If it does, there’s plenty to split.
Any man who divorces poorer than when he married, did it wrong. Read that again.
this is the best piece of advice, forget the video. maybe mgtow is not just a bunch of virgin nerds and forever wounded men
The only seperation in money my wife and i have is the money that is my company's. But in that case it's not mine or hers. Its the company's. And even this took alot of conversations to gammer out.
I was born in 1989. Money was reason my parents divorced. As a 33y old men living in Poland, I'm not even thinking about been married. Not only there is nothing in it for me. The way family court system is right now is too dangerous for a men. Cheers.
Perhaps getting into debt for a worthless degree isn’t a good idea.
Lol, yes. I knew enough at age 18 to not take out student loans. I'm now 54. This isn't rocket science. I lived like a pauper til almost age 30. This is a choice.
Too bad our parents told us to do just that! Thanks, Boomers!
Thanks!
Divorce attornies say the "stay at home mom" divorces the most. The stay at home mom has all day to plan her exit. She also has all day to find a new guy. She is doing this while your working hard. Happened to me just this way. A man's odds of finding a good wife is very low. It just too risky in today's world and state laws. Tell her you will marry her at 70 years old and she if she stays - she will run.
Sorry to hear about your situation but woman who work in my opinion cheat just as much. Why cause they always see better
how is she cheating if she has kids?
I can assure you I have absolutely no time to "plan my exit" 😂 You are wrong, it's the college educated women that file for divorce not the SAHM.
It seems perfectly reasonable (as I reflect on how to raise a healthy, societally well-engaged child) for him/her to see both Mom and Dad making their own individual societal contributions as they share in the raising of their own children.
They grow up knowing this as their healthy norm and what is expected of them as they transition from school work to working in and with other non-family members in their own community.
I work am I am the breadwinner because my husband has had some circumstances in his life preventing him from moving up in his career. He recently stopped working to go back to school- pursuing medicine. That being said- I am definitely the breadwinner. Just accepted a job at $120k plus bonuses. When I work- yeah it’s my work. But once that paycheck hits our joint account, it’s our money, period. We both get stipends for guilt free spending. We have a budget for allocating our funds towards bills, giving, travel, school fees etc. I thank God.
As a woman who will never be a man in divorce court… the advice assumes fault based divorce laws… however, half of the women in current relationships know who will be Mr. Next… along with being married and on Tinder… Men, save yourself, do not cohabitate, marry, or have a joint account… For a man, too often marriage is the choice to end up homeless and struggle with self deletion… Susan, please go to a co-parenting class and watch… go to a divorce court and spend a day or two… would your advise be the same if you saw your son going through a divorce?
Suzanne, main reason why men don’t want to marry: MARRIAGE LAWS!!!! Until they change, most men just don’t want it. It has nothing to do with not wanting a commitment or to be committed or divested. It’s just simply a one-way street and not worth it any longer for the vast majority of us men.
After listening to this video, this is honestly a vast majority of problems that come from women far more than coming from men in society. All these podcasts should be dedicated to generation of women causing the vast majority of problems. Much of the only choice that men have left is just leaving and not accepting women anymore and just going their own way. Doesn’t fix the problems but at least men can subtract themselves from the problems.
This is true, but such people will just scream "Pick better!" As if bait and switch never happens. The internet is revealing numerous stories of men who were the victim of bait and switch, and how often it happens.
No, if such people want marriage back, they can either make the laws change, or they can forget ever seeing their dreams come true. However, that would take hard work and courage.
Now all they want to do is yeet white feathers of cowardice at men and expect them to be cannon fodder. Eventually it stops working.
I never married the second time because I experienced how unfair divorce laws are to men. 50 50 is fair when you split, but the alimony, house, child support calculations just are one sided.
With family laws as they are and family court so disgustingly bias against men both financially AND with custody a man would want to be beyond stupid to marry. Men are not afraid of marriage, men are terrified of divorce and what the family law court system can do to him. 50,000 men today... this very day... are in prison for non payment of child support. Now does anyone really think that 50,000 American fathers actually have the money to pay but said to themselves " ah F**k the kids and the ex, Id rather go to prison than pay maintenance"? Of course not. Can you imagine what the kick back would be if 50,000 American mothers were in prison today? Society does not really care about men. Family court systems dont, women most certainly dont really and so men have just got wiser to the truth of things and a great deal of men are just pulling out of commitment and marriage and long term relationships. Its really sad because no one wins including men but such is life.
@@private-private " F**k the kids and the ex, Id rather go to prison..." Holy crap, Frank...i'm gonna use this. that is a powerful statement, paired with the 50,000 stat.
Thanks for posting.
@@slchance8839 No one knows that stat St chance. My question is why?? Why are men so passive in this battle? Why are women so well organised and vocal about women's issues for the last 50 years and men remained silent and passive in the face of family court systems designed to obliterate them from existence? Why do we still sign legal marriage contracts designed to financially ruin us if she simply changes her mind or gets bored? You see I dont blame women at all, I blame the mute men for never ever standing up for ourselves as a sex, never voicing it at dinner parties, never talking about it with male friends and I guess it may be male nature to just accept things but we dont just accept work relation practices do we? We happily pay our union subscriptions so why do we accept no fault divorce and why did we say nothing as the laws changed? You see now that men are running away from commitment and marriage in their droves this is not the answer either. If anyone doubts my stat then look it up. I did and I dont even live in the states. Im Irish! but dont hold that against me. :)
I think when you generalize millenials, I noticed it seems to be female oriented perspective, which is fine, but you should make it clear that the mindset issue here is female.
I think we are wary of marriage because we saw our boomer parents drop each other like used socks.
Confrontations... Good...Good.
Confrontation is about openness and transparency.
Openness and transparency...Good...Good.
You(pl.) run/manage your(pl.) money together as an interdependent couple.
Conflict...bad...bad...Bad.
Conflict is essentially War.
Not good for the longevity of interdependent marriage where you have agreed to meet interdependent needs(belonging, affection,housing, meals, education and entertainment needs, etc.)
I have no problem with hard conversations..."you're not having sex and not submitting? Ok, bye"
I appreciate your talk, and you make good points-for people who were born 50-60 years ago. I’m still married, for better and worse, after almost 26 years; and it’s worked at all because we’re a team, though there have been plenty of confrontations. As I have learned from our son, many young people cannot consider or understand what you said. It’s a different language; a different thought process; and a different set of values that they do not consider to be wrong. The indoctrination of sameness of roles is too thorough. I simply encourage my son not to even consider marriage. I hope he considers what I’ve told him so he doesn’t have to learn by touching that fire.
How do you expect your son to build a life and have children?? What is he to do with his "WIFE, the children's mother"??
I don't do 50/50 relationships. I'll lead and if she's not on board then she needs to go.
honestly, separate finances should be the default. (for disposable income) It nullifies the risk of one party becoming complacent or leeching off the other's wealth. Sustaining yourself financially is part of being an adult. If your significant other makes enough to take care of you, and cover your expenses - great. They can do that IF THEY WANT TO. It's a gift on their part, and you damned well better appreciate it, and not expect it as a given.
Now, if you're living together under the same roof, then you should share the main expenses of rent, electricity and water. Maybe even insurance and whatever else as well. The way you do this properly is by having those bills paid through a shared account you both contribute to in amounts proportional to what you earn. If you both make similar amounts of money, it's easy, both of you contribute 50/50 to paying the expenses. If one party makes 70% of the total household income, they contribute 70%. But it must never be 100/0.
The soy boys are to blame for putting up with this crap.
#ShameASimp #SaveASoul
OK. So, blah blah, blah blah, have a joint account.
Okay, good luck solving tragedy of the commons in the bank account. If you can't, you'll never see people get joint accounts when married, ever again.
Sure, feeling genuine trust might be great. However, do we actually live in a society where that is possible anymore? Too many people have been ripped off too many times to just trust ever again. Sounds like genuine trust is a luxury item many can't afford anymore.
14:34 Well, better than making more OOW babies. You might not be able to make people go for a greater good, but you can make them go for a lesser evil.
27:09 Work harder, honey, I want a bigger house and car.
31:30 Money printer go brrr. Want the old days back? Remove a lot of currency from circulation and go back to the gold standard. Make real estate ownership about a place to live, not for financial firms to use as assets in huge numbers.
Great comments. 👍
no matter how fair a couple starts out.the goal post is always moving for men.women pay too much attention on what other's think,with modern marriage laws and the way men have been treated over the last several generations I'm not surprised young men wont get married.
26:20
The other thing weird about that clip was she was the one doing all the talking. She’s wearing the pants in the relationship and he’s passively letting her. Always a bad dynamic that leads to issues down the road.
I also noticed by her own admission she cleans the “easy” rooms and he cleans the hard rooms like the bathroom and kitchen. That’s not something you do to the love of your life.
I doubt they are ever gonna get married. Four years and no ring? He’s waiting for someone better and is too chicken to tell her so. She’s in love with him and isn’t facing facts about her relationship realities.
Team...pay off Chickie's debt
Ah, this guy is cleaning the kitchen and bathroom vs other rooms to get his milk for free! And then comes the marriage. I will never understand how keeping finances separate works (in marriage). So, if we both put equally into joint account to pay the joint expenses. What will the higher earning spouse do with the extra money they have? Buy themselves more things to enjoy by themselves? Eat out by themselves? spend more money on activities whilst the lower earning spouse stays home? go on holiday alone? Will you charge the lower earning spouse interest if they "borrow (and dont get me started on this term in a marriage)" some of your money and take a while to pay it back? Ok, fine, save it for retirement. Then you will have 1 spouse retiring in luxury whilst the other lives on food stamps, will you charge your spouse rent for living in a larger home but contributing less? And then, you die. Will you leave the extra money you saved during your lifetime to your lower earning spouse? or donate it to charity upon death? IF you answer leave it to your spouse, get a reality check. You should have gone OURS from the start. The whole separate-finances-but-in-a-marriage concept is foreign to me.
I risked marriage with my wife to make necessary changes.
Fully agree.
Women are resentful when outearning men. But its not that natural. Its because of female peer pressure.
Im sure that majority of young women woud sacrifice marriage rather than risk backlash from their girlfriends.
No doubt about that.
Its obvious unfaithfulness tolerated by most of men.
Lol, 25:55. True intimacy is all about the money. Comedy gold. I have friends of 50 years and our friendship has nothing to do with money. Guys, don't get married, Suzanne is straight up showing you women's idea of intimacy is about being a parasite on a male.
Again, 32:47...the guy has to get on board with paying off the broads debt. Again, guys, bet it really early, if she has debt, bail immediately.
Your downtown abbey reference is way off, I'm 54 and just want to retire soon. I could give a shit about my official vacation. It's a job for money. Again, I'm 54 and have a networth of $1.3million, looking forward to my pension and social security. My identity has nothing to do with what I did for 30 years as my "career"
Lol, princess saving for a wedding, to flush a shitload of money down the toilet for the narcissist princess can have her special day when all of that money can go to a gigantic down payment on a house, if not straight up buy a 2 bed 1 bath house.
Lets guess which sex has more debt. Lol. Guys, if the girl has debt, and try to suss this out in the first date, ditch her. This aint getting better.
This chick at 10:30, she should be cleaning the apartment with his 3 other wives and they should be fighting with each other for what night they get to sleep with him. That's a normal biblical marriage.
Counseling for men: Avoid toxic women. You can paypal me whatever you like :-)
Again, pooling your money means getting a big pile of money for chicky can spend it. Guys, spend 10% of that on a used boat for yourself and proceed to enjoy life including 21yo hotties in bikinis on the deck of your boat.
As a millennial the most common reason I hear for not marrying is “we can’t afford a house “ , but those are the same people buying the latest iPhones and famous brand bags, the modern generation prefers looking glamorous than marrying and sacrificing comfort.
Lol. Real Simple. Feminist magazine. And we have a chick worried about supporting the financial bozo Chad, but if a guy doesn't want to do that he's mean.
Those podcast clips were painful to listen to lol
It appears there is a price that men have to pay to some of this generations women. An atonement/reparation for past male perceived advantage. It’s interesting.
Suzanne talks like this is just the reality for both men and women and this is what we both have to come to terms with, totally disregarding guys can, especially now once they have the info, decide to just not sign up for this effing shit show.
Marriage is not about money, lmao.
😂 team, aka payoff the chicks debt. Guys, don't get married.
OMG, you're also a Dennis Praeger fan? I'm done
😜 𝓟Ř𝔬𝓂𝔬𝐒ϻ