Ambitions as a child: -Bestselling novelist -Astronaut -Archeologist -Inventor Ambitions as an adult: -Survive sitting in one spot while staring at Google sheets for 8 hours every day -Eat food -?? -Play Mario Party and card games with my friends on Saturdays
ambitions as a child: -become a dinosaur ambitions as an adult: -survive the horrors -indulge in the majesty of existence fr tho it really do be like that, we have a sense of wonder as children that progressively gets beat out of us so we can become integrated into the economic system as adults lol. it's all made up tho, like ricebender said, real life really is the biggest open world MMORPG, you can legit do anything with yo life. even become an astronaut lmfao, i was looking it up and apparently you just need a masters degree nowadays. anyway yeah!!! i get it dude. thanks for watching & i hope you have fun playing mario party & have a jovial rest of your day :)
@@introvertedmadness You can still identify as a dinosaur by switching your philosophy to otherkin. Scalies are generally less extreme, but do appreciate dressing the part.
They don’t even have family anymore. There’s so much competition, toxicity, and a lack of love amongst humans in general. Lack of community and people rely on constant distractions. it benefits large corporations that rely on your attention, sickness, and dedication for profit.
I really felt this. I'm under 30 and the death of critical loved ones have absolutely blown up my already fragile family balance. Even before the toxicity was truly revealed, none of those people gave a real damn about quality time together. My friends live in other states & my hobby groups allow me to have friendly interactions, but it's not the type of friendship that's described as the cure to loanliness in platonic friendships.
this is so real. carlin: "You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers. People who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork, and just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly sh**** jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and the vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and now they’re coming for your Social Security money." "You don't need a formal conspiracy when interests converge."
Honestly getting invited to hang out with friends is nice from time to time, enjoy it because one day they may say "he always says no why bother" but if they understand you're introverted then it's all good.
Im so glad you brought up urban design. A factor that’s underrated in the conversation is transportation. In college, my friends and I were super busy, but we lived within a mile of each other, so we hung out almost every day. As adults, it’s rare to be able to get to someone’s place within 30 minutes if they’re not from the same town or neighborhood.
yeah there's a good article about in the atlantic how we should all live close to our friends and i couldn't agree more!!! if you live close to your friends, you can legit just drop in every now and then just to hang, but if you live a trip away then you gotta start making plans and stuff and plans take like WEEKS to come to fruition lol (it'd be one thing if we had good public transport in the US, but we don't lol). also random but i think it's not good that people spend their formative college years living/making friends who are most likely all going to move away from each other once they graduate. not ideal!!! anyway thanks for sharing your perspective & i hope u have a marvelous rest of ur day :)
Did urban design change drastically over the past few decades? Why wasn't any of this as much a problem for our parents or their parents? It's the internet stupid.
@@bk1507it’s gotten worse and worse over time as cities have become more and more built around cars. It was a problem in the 90’s but it’s even worse today.
@@bk1507 Actually, it's not just the internet. Third spaces like malls, libraries, parks, places people go to socialize and find community are have been deteriorating for decades. Particularly in poorer neighboorhoods. This has been documented since the 80's. It's not new and predates the internet. The internet just made it worse.
My friends in highschool just straight up didn't want to hang out. I would always try to plan hangouts, parties, whatever. I turned my mom's garage into an amazing hangout spot - basketball hoop, big screen TV, sofa, etc. I kept inviting them to all kinds of things and they would never come. The instant there would be girls at some event though, all their excuses disappeared. I cut those guys off, but now I have no friends. Years have passed now and I feel like I've lost social skills and the ability to make new friends. I'm in college and I never made a single friend yet. I graduate soon.
I had some great friends in college, I even kept in touch with most of them after graduation, but they stopped responding soon. I felt especially betrayed when 2 of them finally got married and I wasnt invited. I met one of those guys by chance 3 years ago, we caught up, it was really fun. When I wanted to meet again I got th usual "I'm busy" excuse. These days, people dont even make up excuses anymore, they just straight up ghost.
As a girl, and probably much older than you, unfortunately this decline of socialization happened even back in my day. Everyone was glued to their phones, nobody talked and the only time people would show up is when they can get a good selfie out of it and post it to their account. But just to meet up for coffee or go for a hike with me I would be left on read
My entire friend group “forgot” my 21st birthday, and the only two (of at least six in the group) that apologized did so once I brought it up. One of them even initially gave me a “well we didn’t do anything for mine and you don’t see me whining about it.” No hangout, no calls, not even a happy birthday text. Nothing. Two weeks later they all wished happy birthday to our friend’s dog. It’s been about 15 months since I cut them off and I haven’t had barely any friends since. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much of college by not having friends, and this is (hopefully) my final year. I feel like the 30 year olds who used to have a lot friends but don’t hang out because everyone got busy with life, and I’m scared that the few friends I do still have just don’t want to be around me.
Bro they were never your friends Same thing happened to me I just changed numbers Hope I never see my old friends ever again and if I do they can fuck off
I had the same issue in undergrad (just graduated a few months ago). People are saying it'll get easier to make friends in grad school. Coming into my second semester in a few weeks and I still haven't made any. At this point, I just think it's a lost cause for me. My social skills are basically nonexistent at this point.
All in all, it's a paradox. The Iphone was invented to connect, yet people feel lonlier than ever. Cities are full of people, yet the anonymity makes us feel lonely. The amount of people on earth is growing, but friendships are less and less a thing.
I don't feel lonely in big citties, seeing people living their lives is enough companion for my brain for the most part. I felt way more lonely living in a small town as being a weirdo like me make people treat you poorly and never seeing those similar to you also create inadequation feelings.
I used to run outside in my neighborhood in the morning. Then a lady pulled her car over and honked while I was running. She was complaining that I could have gotten hit by a car and I should be careful. She went on a short rant on young people. I was on the other side of the street walking in the damn grass. I can't even leave my own house without getting harassed by unfriendly people.
most chill interaction with a car driver nah i get you, i'll go outside and have one bad interaction with someone mean and im like yeah screw this. car drivers especially, i feel in my bones what you're saying lol, car drivers act like you are being SUCH an inconvenience to them by trying to enjoy being outside and daring to making them actually stop at a stop sign. i feel like for me i had to realize that in a world of 7 billion people, there are bound to be some unfriendly people, but that doesn't mean friendly people don't exist. in fact friendly people are the majority!!! i started tuning out negative strangers, like ain't no way you about to ruin my day with your ridiculousness. anyway thanks for sharing your perspective dude, i hope you're doin well and get to run outside again soon peacefully
@@Immadeus Someone on their property (younger, maybe 30 ish) blowing leaves threatened to shoot me, a minor, during Covid because I was running by on the sidewalk without a mask on. For real though, you have to be above the negativity, act out of love.
Shake it off. I know that's easier said than done. I'm a distance runner for many years now. It is good for my mental and physical health to get out and be active even though I don't have many friends. There's always going to be bad drivers and Karens calling you out whether it's your fault or not. I hope that incident hasn't stopped you from running-that is a very healthy hobby. Good for mental health, physical health, and get you natural vitamin D being outside. Also makes it easier to sleep at night, at least for me. Good luck out there! 😀
You have to SEEK OUT friendships as an adult. It is hard, it is awkward, you will sometimes be rejected. You have to individually personally reach out to people and ask them to do activities with you. You should do this with neighbors, coworkers, people who share hobbies with you, etc etc etc. Offer to cook them a meal, ask if they want to go to the movies or bowling, ask to go on a walk with them. Do favors for people you don't know well. Strike up conversations in public. It's all so awkward and humiliating but THIS is how you make friends.
It definitely is very challenging as an adult to make friends. The biggest thing I have learned is that the friendship is like dating. You might really want to be friends with someone but it isn't reciprocated. Sometimes the people you least likely think of being friends with become a great life long friend. Also, in today's world getting together or communicating with someone once a year or so is enough as an adult to maintain a friendship. For an adult who might be lonely and want more from a particular friendship, this can be tough to deal with.
I also think friendship shouldn’t be forced and some people do like to be alone. For example, with content like this which is common, would opinions such as loneliness is unhealthy like smoking a pack of cigarettes really lead to us seeking out friendship out of curiosity or out of a fearful, lacking mindset. I feel like my generation, late millennials and gen Z, approach marriage and friendship in a fearful state which might make it forceful. I might be wrong but this is what I’ve gathered from seeing a lot of content that makes not having friends seem dangerous and panic of population decline and stuff.
i think another great way to engage with other people is open world audio, i found a pickup basketball game on there in a park near me and met some cool people
start a group chat for your apartment building, print out the qr code for it and a little description for what it is, put it up around the building, like in the elevators and by main doors. Then start asking for advice and recommendations for casual things, like products, services and restaurants etc, also offer whatever kind of help you can if anyone needs it like dogsitting or grocery pickup etc. Soon enough you can start hosting potlucks and other events and bam you have community and friends :) worked for me
this is so cool, it reminds me of openworldaudio because i found a pickup basketball game near me and i was able to meet some new people and link with them
this is why i so desperately hold onto the friendships i already have. most of my friends are from middle/high school that i kept up with for several years. i made one singular friend in all of my 6 years in college that i still keep up with and see a couple of times a year. i really don’t want to end up like my parents who are only friends w their family members that that don’t even really get along with.
@@samsalo1084 here’s a tip that I wish I did in middle and high school, if you really fw someone and you don’t want to lose them after school it is so important to keep in contact with them! Communication is the key🔑 let them know that you don’t want to lose them and always keep in contact with them, make plans with them:), etc. even if one you if not both move away just always keep in contact and you won’t ever lose them🫶🏼🫶🏼🧩
Just some additional tips and pointers Think about making friends like a lootbox. Go out to events but don't have any expectations of actually making a friend. Focus on exploring and getting to know other people. If you go out regularly you're bound to meet people who vibe with you and who you vibe with. For friends who are currently in your life, while it's easy to just meet up more sometimes the nature of the relationship itself isn't one where both parties want to do that. In that situation it's best to just understand that that isn't the type of relationship yall have and move on.
ayo we gotta compile all our random tips we gain from living our lives lol. i 100% with not necessarily having any expectations of making friends - i think it helps reduce the pressure and allow you to focus on just having a good time, which is the whole point anyway lol. thanks for sharing your thoughts, hope u have a fantastic rest of your day
I live in the city and it’s crazy how on multiple occasions I’ve run into people who live in my building attending the same event I went to or people who I’ve encountered at an event that live in my building. Super small world!
I think having social media “friends” and online communities made all of us feel way too comfortable detaching ourselves from reality. Before social media, making friends was one kind of survival skill when you moved to a new environment.
I am one of the most cynical, jaded human-haters...but...I try my best to do what my dad does. He banters with strangers. It's funny because you'd think most people don't like it. But 80% or more laugh at his jokes or respond to his inquiries, or add to the conversation. All of a sudden you feel like you know the people around you and trust them just a little bit. And I think that helps people grow trust in each other. We're seriously all just...people. Trying our best. The people who are out and about and who want to hurt you would be actively trying already. There are obviously exceptions but the people who break into your house or car or mug you on the street are frequently the ones you don't even know by sight because they live two zipcodes over. We need to suspect our neighbors less. I think that's a huge problem and it's also a powerful weapon against "the system" which desperately wants us to be estranged from one another. It's a trope because it's true: there is strength in numbers. Kindness fosters kindness. Even the little things.
My mom and dad do the same thing. I'm not sure if it's generational due to phones since myself and other ppl I grew up with were more aloof even b4 we got cell phones. Maybe for some it stems from being to told not to talk to strangers?
Yeah my mom talks to strangers a lot. I told her “but stranger danger” as a kid bc I thought she was weird for it and she was like “then how are you supposed to make friends?” Child me was 🤯
yo your dad is legit doing god's work he out here spreading positivity and dad jokes i salute him i think it's on us to do stuff like this more - i feel like older generations are more comfortable with talking to strangers cuz they grew up in a time when you legit just found your friends on the street, cuz there was no internet, there was legit no other way lol. i don't know how to "bring back neighborliness" cuz i feel like growing up in nyc people are always just suspicious of each other...but it wasn't always this way right??? nyc used to be a tiny random dutch colony and im sure people were tighter then im not saying we gotta be a dutch colony but stuff like this is more malleable than people think. somehow we gotta get people to suspect each other less, like you said. idk how but i guess we just go out there and try and see what works and what doesn't. 10000% agree with strength in numbers. thanks for sharing your story, i really appreciate it. hope u have a delightful rest of ur day
i am super shy and anxious so i normally don't say much to ppl out in the ~real world~ (except sometimes i compliment ppl's nail polish or eye color lol) but the funniest interaction i've had that i can think of was at a grocery store and i needed to get to something but this older boomer age man was in the way so i said "excuse me" and he said "oh i'm sorry!" and i said "no it's okay you're fine" and he was like "fine!? the last time someone said i was fine was 20 years ago!!" lol so funny
Seriously though. I'm in a third-world country where thefts can be common and even life-threatening, so I would've never had trusted strangers around me in public. That changed ever since my 2 accidents. I fully expected at least my wallet to be stolen at those instances, but no. Strangers carried me to the nearby hospital, both times. By the times I woke up, they were always already gone, so they weren't looking for a payoff either. These experiences can be written off as just being lucky, but for someone who used to be very suspicious of everyone, they became learning points. While it's necessary to prepare for the worst scenarios, we should have a little faith in our fellow people. Our lives might just rely on them someday, and theirs on us too.
My current 3 years experience living in the US (California) is that most people just don’t want to make friends. They already have a group of friends I assume from college/high school/childhood neighbors and it is closed, period. No matter how good/cool you are you are not becoming their friend. It is what it is you just move on and talk to the next person. There are exceptions I have made 4 good friends here; 1 was my Uber driver once and we vibed, 2 of them we met at a bar where we sat next to each other and 1 was my hinge date and we stayed friends. So yes in my experience you have to be out to make friends and probably is going to be 1 out of 100 people that you talk to. PD: I have tried “make friends close to you apps” and they are hella lame and maybe is because there is a tabu of making new friends in this culture for some reason so the user base is not there yet.
yeah i feel like once people feel like they have their "group" they exit friend-making mode. it doesn't help that i think in the US we have a culture of not really being friendly to strangers/blowing them off because "eh it takes too much effort to turn this random person into a friend, i could just stay with my current group of friends which im comfortable with." i feel like this doesn't make sense, because talking and being social with people you "don't know" is rewarding in and of itself (like talking to an uber driver or random people at the bar) cuz you get new perspectives and get to meet interesting new people. and who knows, maybe they will end up being your friend!! but i feel like people are reluctant to give it a shot like you said. there's a study that says that every 7 years, half our friend group changes, so talking to new people also helps you find people who align more with your stage of life or whatever. anywhooo thanks for sharing your perspective. i lived in california for a few years and also didn't have the easiest time making friends, but i believe :) hope you're chilling and enjoying ya california summer, have a delightful rest of ur day!!!
It is the same in University. I moved to a different city, but most people are from this city. The already have a friend group and their families. And even if you befriend them you never will be a good friend as their old friends to them.
@@somarribas yeah i’ve been living in northern california for a few years and i gave up on making friends. people here are weird and generally really conservative so we don’t vibe at all. there’s also not many people in my age/demographic here. most people are either old or families. horrible place for a 26 year old queer autistic woman to be. i’m hopefully going to be moving to the UK next year tho
You could honestly just boil it down to those last two points. Everything is so expensive that you have to basically live at work to make ends meet. Meaning you have no free time (or money) to go out and meet people. It's the same reason why everyone's single.
i was thinking that things being more expensive could actually have a weird effect where people get closer together (for example, if rent is more expensive then people are FORCED to have roommates, which maybe isn't ideal if you hate roommates but does force some socialization). but i think that actually falls apart cuz when stuff like going to a concert or buying a drink is mad expensive, people are just less likely to get to the "activation energy" threshold to even meet people or hang out. this is why i feel like we gotta make friends for free lol!!!! but our general societal vibe is not ready for that or smthn yet polarization is also big, i think that could actually be the thing that is "perceived" incorrectly - we all FEEL like polarized and us vs them mentality, but we actually have more in common than we think. human beings are chill (kinda? i hope? in the right situation?)
Most friendships start after two people have had repeated incidental social contact and mutually decide they're interested in getting to know the other person better. That's why it's so much easier to meet people through school or work, why going to trivia night every week works, and why the perennial friend-making suggestions are to join a social club or take an ongoing pottery class. On another note there is a doctor of psychology "Dr Ana" on here who has an entire playlist of research-backed videos on how to form and maintain friendships. I found them very helpful.
can we normalize sending letters if it’s hard to meet up in person bc it’s actually rlly fun to get creative with making the letters fun like painting a little painting to include or making an origami animal as a little gift
from your mouth to god's ears i hope, frick yes we need to write more letters!!! honestly i would probably communicate more and have more in-depth conversations with friends if i could only write them letters instead of sending them a random meme every few months
im working on making a whole personalised wax-sealed handwritten letter set for myself with a whole quill pen and everything to make it a fun experience. it can help to get into random little hobbies like yeah origami or calligraphy and with each letter send a small gift. opening letters will be like a present to everyone who gets one, and they cant just cheat and read it as a text preview.
Funny thing is, people in areas with less safety and resources, are MORE trusting and friendly to each other, NOT LESS. People in the developed world are much more scared of "stranger danger" than in the developing world.
i could see this, i feel like in countries like the US for example, we're all SO afraid of getting murdered when we walk home at night, when in reality, that's like being afraid lightning is gonna strike you. sure it happens but also not necessarily something that you really need to think about??? idk. maybe it has to do with people in the developing world being more aware of "realistic" dangers that they actually need to worry about that we in the developed world take for granted. anyway thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspective!!! i hope u have a breathtaking rest of ur day :)
Definitely true. Speaking from personal experience, my area used to be pretty lower middle class to middle class and we all kind of got along. Now, a lot of people have moved into the area who have a lot of money and nobody talks to each other anymore at all
@@bootscooty I think it's because when people live in a tough area, they know they importance of sticking together. People in developed countries have the means to sustain themselves independently. If you're living in a low income, real rough place, who knows what could happen if you had no community to fall back on. Also, not saying your area was a "tough area." I just think that the harder life gets for a group of people, they more they realize they have to stick together.
People don’t have friends 1. cause people constantly compare themselves to their childhood friendships. Therefore think their adulthood friendships aren’t valuable. 2. People suffer from The Goob effect from Meet the Robinsons. IE. negative self esteem. 3. They are boys who didn’t go to college, the military, or any other institution that forced social interactions. 4. Have something undiagnosed that would impact their ‘friend making abilities’ 5. Spend too much time online 6. Moves away from their friends, and that distance mentally affects them more than they think. Idk. These are things I typed BEFORE watching the video, so I’ll see how I do.
Mad accurate, I’m introverted as hell and I have a lot of adult friends I’ve made in the military. Although we all live in different areas of the world, we still keep in contact
I had a strong group of friends since elementary, I had to cut them off for crossing major boundaries in my past relationship that I couldnt forgive. (Even bad talking me and my brother at their work with strangers). Makes me sad that I lost them and cant really go back to em cause of all the things they did and never apologized for. Even two of them who didnt do anything to wrong me, i tried keeping contact, but it was clear they didnt want to unless I blindly forgave the rest of the guys.
I have low self esteem and I'm probably autistic, making friends is difficult but the ones I've made are because I met them at work or school / saw them everyday for a period of time. And they are mostly neurodivergent so we get each other.
As an identical twin, I've found that it's incredibly easy for me to make friends whenever I'm with my sister. People's fascination becomes a conversation starter, and I end up exchanging numbers with people all the time. From this experience, I've learned that having some friendliness about you, learning new skills and about new cultures, and learning to break the ice is a key ingredient to making friends. When I'm not with my twin, I've found a way to break the ice with other conversation starters. If someone is dressed nice, I give a compliment and ask where they got the outfit. At the library, if I see someone pick up a book I like, I tell them (I still do go to libraries). I stand up for people who are being mistreated or stand in when someone needs help. One time, a girl with one leg was short on change, and I paid for her items. She was grateful. We became friends. If someone sounds like they are from a different country or they have an accent, I might ask where they are from, and since I'm interested in learning new languages and traveling I might let that lead to a new conversation. I'm very interested in Japanese, Chinese, and Korean, so if I meet anyone from that group and they speak the language, I usually break the ice by practicing some of my language skills. I also talk to people of many different races and backgrounds. I'm Black, so when I talk to other races of people freely and openly without judgment, people are often incredibly surprised because so many Black people are distrustful of outsiders. A always give a smile or not to people who are passing by, no matter if they're in their 20s or in their 90s. People in their 80s and 90s are especially willing to talk. I show interest in their stories and experiences too. Of course, going to community events, festivals, places of religion, clubs, and classes can improve chances of making lifelong friends, too.
You've pretty much summed up all of my advice on making new friends. Coincidentally I'm also Black and I'm learning Japanese too! I also do this thing where anytime I go to a Japanese restaurant, I ask the waitress if there's anyone on staff that speaks Japanese that I can practice ordering food with. It hasn't happened (yet) but I'm looking forward to the day it does :-]
doesn’t sound nice but laziness is also a factor here. relationships take work so it is easier to seek comfort and entertainment from electronic stimuli, since it won’t require you to pour back into them and support them
this video got me to go check out what events are held at my public library. i may just be about to check out two or three different events(drawing, embroidery, gardening) now and talk to people with similar hobbies as me. suddenly feeling like all hope isnt lost!!!
LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i frickin love the library, they always planning events, great aesthetic, chill vibe, i mean what's there not to like. thanks for bein here, hope ur doin swell, and have a unforgettable rest of ur day :)
@@gircakes2 update is i ended up only regularly committing to the drawing events, and it's been nice. Not a lot of people are reoccurring, but ive had some delightful conversations all the same while making some fun art. I've lowkey ended up befriending the librarian instead, and she's suggested having me teach drawing dinosaurs to kids/teens as a library event. (Says I'm basically vetted because i've showed up so much lol.) So that's really cool if we get that worked out!
As someone who works a full time job and has a wife and a kid, I literally don't have time to make friends. I moved to a city last year and I haven't met anyone or made any new friends this entire year. My average day looks like this: Wake up, make breakfast and coffee, clean for 2 hours, shower, go to work for 8 hours, make dinner, clean for 2 more hours, and go to bed. On my days off I usually just clean and watch my daughter all day to give my wife a break. There is no time left for friendships.
You have energy to clean 4 hours a day? Damn, I need that. I end up pushing all my cleaning to the weekend so I end up indoors on both Saturday and Sunday.
I used to be more introverted, and then I became an RA in college while I lived in New York. I honestly haven’t thought of "making friends" this much since I was more of an introvert. To all introverts, it’s way easier and better for you than you think to become extroverted. Here’s a step-by-step guideline to being more of an extrovert: 1. It’s ok if you’re awkward. Go out more and get embarrassed. 2. Once you get embarrassed, congratulations! It’ll never feel as embarrassing as the first time. If you’re a functioning human being, you WILL learn how to not be as embarrassed after more exposure of going out. This is what’s called, "developing social skills." 3. You should be less awkward now, especially if you’ve completed the first two steps multiple times. But it can still be a little nerve-wracking, especially if you tend to overthink. Think less. Do more. Embrace the awkwardness and just make Spider-Man-esque self-deprecating jokes. Everyone who's safe and cool will find you funny and like you because only insane or boring people don’t like Spider-Man. 4. You’ll probably have a falling out with some of your friends, but don’t let it demotivate you from keeping your other friends. Trust people who are trustworthy. And if you need to, start from step 1 again. A fresh start doesn’t happen just when you move somewhere new, it can happen as much as you want it to. Heck, I know it sounds corny, but it kinda happens every day you wake up. 5. You’re probably an extrovert at this point without realizing. Be a planner. Be kind, but assertive. Become the person who actually gives their friends the options. Invite friends over, go to a specific place (maybe to eat), and/or text/call/video chat. I know this sounds crazy, but do things that you and your friends would ALL want to do. 😱 Make a group chat. Joke. Don’t take things too seriously. Not every conversation has to be deeper than the last. Quality time is enough. 6. Now that you’ve become an extrovert, you’ll eventually realize that everyone is really just an ambivert and has different moods. Heck, you’ve probably been an extrovert before in your life and it only took you this long to realize it. Everyone has introverted and extroverted moments. Social batteries are always moving at different levels. Because being extroverted is actually really good for you. You’ll overthink less, you’ll see people more, people with think you’re cool, and you’ll have a better radar for who around you is a good person. 7. Be an optimist. There’s always a reason to say, "things are worse than ever." Newsflash, people who say that aren’t realists. If you’re living a life without hope, that’s not realism. That’s pessimism. Hope is a part of reality, so you should always have a little. And when you’re an optimist, you’ll be living your best life. If you take back and look at your life, you’ll probably realize that the times you’ve felt the most joy where when you had the most hope. And the times you were the saddest was probably after your hope took a massive blow. Hope. You’ll make your life, and all lives around you better. :) TLDR Be more like Spider-Man (except the overthinking part). Think less, do more. Hope.
ayo this is good!!! totally agree, you just gotta put yourself out there and keep doing - yes it's awkward at first but what isn't??? no one is perfect the first time they do anything, including socializing. sometimes i think too people identify too much with introverted/extroverted - like even if you think of yourself as an "introvert" like i do, that doesn't mean you can't talk to new people, invite your friends out, be there person that makes plans, etc. thanks for sharing your perspectives and thoughts, appreciate you for being here dude. hope you're doing well and have an incredible rest of ur day
True people think being an awkward dumbass is actually pretty funny and charming when you can own it with confidence. I also agree that people that consider themselves introverted need to be more extroverted, and some people that are way too extroverted need time to themselves to reflect deeply. Its all about moderation
Damn this comment is SPOT ON, rrally living up to the man on your pfp I see😂. Saving for future reference but this is EXACTLY what I've been doing💯. I used to OVERthink SOOO much when trying to talk/flirt until one day I just made up my mind to "JUST DO IT" and deal with the consequences after😂. I've grown A LOT in these last few years, albeit I met some people who gave me a couple permanent scars but I'm way more into my wholistic development than I thougut I'd EVER be Funnily enough Introverts usually had more extroverted moments as kids, as it was easier for us to become comfortable as we don't pay attention to others opinions as much until the teen years. When the teens years hit and we become more conscious of others, that's when we develop this imaginary pressure to either fit in or not stand out or both If I could add one thing onto what you said as it pertains to making friends and finding purpose: Discover what you are really passionate about by doing some introspection and then follow this passion. Allong the way you'll meet other people who are as passionate as you about whatever field you're in and you'll most likely have a few things in common. Network amongst these people and find who matches with you the most. Eventually you'll have your own clique and maybe even loved ones💯🙏 Also I'd say it makes more sense to be like Superman, remaining hopeful even in the worst times. Spider-Man at the moment isn't the best guy to take life advice😭. But his charming nature IS an asset though💯
Modern adult friendship is seeing people once every few weeks for like three hours and asking if you've "seen that one Tiktok" and maybe playing a game you all pretend to like.
went to new york for the first time at 22 years old (i’m from louisiana) and i would say “g’day!” and “hello!” to everyone i made eye contact with out of habit and not only did i get everything from crazy looks to literal slurs, but my boyfriend (who is from philly) pulled me aside and told me to stop bc it’s dangerous. not only do i make us look very muggable but apparently if you tell the wrong person to have a good day they might just try to jump you :/ also saying hello to everyone you make eye contact with in new york is exhausting like i def realize why it fell out of culture and is seen as weird as hell.
I am from Louisiana and I’m exactly the same way I felt this to my core. I’m a gay man and I wish the south wasn’t so …. Hostile to people who are different because if you’re otherwise cis straight and dress really boring people will be so kind and loving to you.
@@xg2513 oh my god this!! I live in Texas and I'm also queer, so I hate the south for many, *many* reasons, but we are MUCH more approachable and friendly towards strangers than the North. I still usually never walk outside my neighborhood without another person with me, but I don't feel this miserable fear of strangers saying hi to me. I feel like an interaction here I had that I would never have anywhere outside the South was when me and my dad went to a plant nursery to buy new mints. This sweet old Black lady was helping us out and she just complimented my braids as we were walking around trying to find mints. It wasn't grandious but when I talk with strangers in the South, I get a completely different vibe of "I see you my fellow sister." (which I present as female but I'm non-binary femme so I don't mind). It just makes me very happy :-)
I'm in a small town and I totally get this! Our school was taking a trip to NYC and they had to warn us not to make eye contact with anyone. It's just politeness here, but if a teenager that's clearly a tourist is saying hello to strangers on the street in the city, they're just asking to get mugged. it's sad :(
@@copper.canary it’s def a bit sad when you think of it that way. but i was visibly overwhelmed! so with that many people around you at ALL times it does make sense to just…not do that. as harsh at it does seem lol.
I tried to become friends with the family next door, a woman and her 2 young daughters. They had me arrested and sent to the county jail on a charge of felonious stalking. I had done nothing wrong. It's just that instead of being considered innocent, I was accused of being the worst kind of offender, as though I had evil intentions. You can't be nice to people nowadays, it freaks them out. I'm 70 years old
No, you can't be nice as a 'guy' 😂. If you were a mean old man, she wouldn't call the cops. She'd still find condescending ways to try n make you feel bad.
Yup life is hard as hell for a man. And society .. at large.. the governments and corporations and women largely do not care. It is even worse the older you get. We are extremely discriminated against and you cant admit it without every other group attacking you for daring suggest we suffer to. Women are brain washed to fear, distrust and hate men. And it doesn't help that most women have bad experiences with a bad boy who broke their heart at one point in their life, causing them to generalize all men as bad. The truth is both men and women in particular are cruel to the opposite gender especially when they are not attracted to the person. ugly people get the short end in life... and people just tell you to suck it up, man up, like everything else..... no wonder everyone is walking away. It is a clown show.
I read a quote somewhere that was like- “Adults don’t trust other adults, like they used to.” In reference to parents not having the same mutual trust in each other to reprimand neighbors/family friend’s kids.
The work bad section reminds me of how hard it is to make friends in High School, since there's so many different classes of different people, and you tend to choose to either hang out with friends or do good in school, very few people being able to multitask both successfully.
i haven't had any social connection outside of family for a couple of years. whenever i'm on campus, it feels so difficult to even talk to anybody because so many people are in groups already. even now i have just one acquaintance that i've been trying to make plans with but the communication is a bit dodgy (they have their notifs on mute so it takes a while to respond) i really hope to have a nice friend group that i can just hang out with and have a nice time. hoping that many others can have the same thing too.
i went to college for 6 years i think total... and i never made a single friend or went out with a single person while there. But that was due to past trauma and bullying all my life. Had i just not been afraid and had the confidence i could have made alot of friends... its a shame.
Living in a rural town the only spaces I can mingle to is the corn fields and dairy farms, I'm an adult but you have to be 21 in USA to enter bars. While small towns have deeper connections and everyone knows each other that makes it so isolating when you don't fit in. Being gay for example just instantly cuts most of the community from my life. Can't join the military because of past suicide attempts, I don't wanna go back to being a warehouse worker which couldn't afford rent even with OT. I tell myself I wanna become some mountain man and survive on my own away from the world, but in truth I just want a relaxed life with a community I'm proud of and friends to laugh with. Anyway, right now it's just me and the corn and a flicker of hope.
Damn. You and me both my friend. Hope things get better for you. Life can be very good and very wonderful, and I think life will have many good things in store for you. ❤️
thanks for sharing your perspective and experiences - yeah i definitely glossed over the cons of living in a more rural/small town area, i grew up in nyc so i've only heard about the hanging out in corn fields and parking lots experience, but i definitely see how that's not an ideal location to meet new people, and yeah, not having different types of people/perspectives in a small town im sure can lead to an "in group" which sucks too. im sorry to hear you've been having a rough go at it, i sincerely wish you the best and hope you're doin ok :) eff those people who judge you, you sound like a cool person in my book. im hopeful too dawg, i think that's all we have in this world lol. thanks again for being here and sharing your story, i hope you have a dazzling rest of ur day
I live in a rural town and I’m a warehouse worker 😭 I agree with you that all I want is a community and more friends to laugh with. This is out there, but since we’re all here, why don’t we become online friends and get to know each other? 😅
i'm the same way. There is nothing i want more then to be part of a tight knit community with friends.. getting a wife one day and raising kids. Having parties.... going out on weekends iwth others I've dreamed about it since I was a teenager. But i was never able to have any of them and was socially isolated and bullied most of my life. Which made everything hard for me and traumatized me. My second biggest dream would be to just retire and homestead somewhere nice and not have to work for a corporation till i die. To be able to just be self sufficient and grow my own food... live my own life in the moment, in the real world, away from computers and the internet, with some farm animals and dogs and cats and not have to worry about society or people. Mostly just disconnect from the internet and id' be happier. I bet you i would get 10 times happier and 100 times less stressed. I truly hate my life.... i merely cope with it, but it isn't the life i wanted or dreamed about or expected, even after lowering my expectations over decades. But at least my life is improving and i have hope. There is still a chance for me turn my life around. To be fair many others have it worse then me. I am lucky and blessed in many ways.
Knowing all the reasons is interesting but also a lot of people simply don't want to put in any effort or time in making or keeping friends but simply expect them to spring into existence one day
Great video, i think embracing the awkwardness of meeting a stranger is key to breaking the ice & what not. trials & tribulations, never let one bad experience cloud the future
i used to only have one friend group (from high school) and when i started uni and got a job (and started putting myself out there to meet new people) i formed many strong friendships that i maintain nowadays. my high school friends didn’t like it tho because that meant my focus wasn’t 100% on them and it caused a falling out. i try reaching out to them constantly but i’m always kept at arms length. kinda sad honestly
Work friends went from being a thing you were wary of, to being one of the only ways to talk to people during your day. Meaningful connections can still be made, it does just feel harder for those of us just breaking into the adult world.
Idk. I’ve always tried to be friendly to people and have sometimes overextended my kindness to people, and it never resulted in anything. I know I shouldn’t expect anything (and I should just be nice because it’s the right thing to do), but sometimes I feel that people expect friends to be 1. Hot 2. Cool 3. Wealthy 4. Well connected. I fear that people don’t even want to be friends with average people. Surprisingly, ever since I learned to find comfort in own solitary life, I feel better and mostly happier. I’ve spent so much of my life being kind, smiling, helping people beyond my means, always being the shoulder to cry on, and like……it’s resulted in nothing. Life feels really transactional nowadays, I fear. But idk, maybe I just suck. 🤔
same. i mostly just chat with other neurodivergent people on discord if i feel like i need social interaction nowadays. i feel a lot better now than i did when i was constantly trying and failing to forge irl friendships with people who couldn’t care less about me or just wanted to use me for something
SAME, SAME, SAME! I always try to be nice and... nothing, then i switch it up and think:" maybe people will be attracted to me if i was a bitch"... even more nothing, and then i feel confused afterwards. I already have established relationships in my own town, but in the city where i live now because of studies i feel like i have zero people to lean on and giving up on friends. It is like people dont care about you and dont want to try to talk to you or be friends with you especially if ylu aren't from their city.
I lost nearly all my friends to... marriage, basically. In our teens we had a vibrant neighborhood and would meet to play sports as well as board games. Once they got married my friends considered that they should dedicate all their time to their wives and never make themselves available for activities... it appears to be an intractable male problem because the women do fairly well in maintaining their friendships, meeting regularly, etc.
It's because people are selfish to the point where they think optimizing is the only goal. They don't care about life balance everything is a checklist.
Women relationships are just as insane. They backstab each other, gossip, judge people, care about other peoples problem instead of fixing their own problems. These types of people are miserable to be around and I'm glad they end up alienating themselves. You have been blessed by not having to deal with these types of people they will never be happy and are always looking to use people to get what they want.
I have a friend group primarily of males and they still find time to hangout with two of the main people making plans both being men. To be fair, only two of them are dating but they still make time to hangout. Maybe when they get married they'll prioritize their marriage but that'd be pretty sad considering we'd been friends for years
this got me thinking about why it might be easier for women to maintain friendships and I have an unsubstantiated theory. I always see jokes online about how men will hang out with their buddies and then if you ask them any personal details about their friends they don't know much and the girls are like what do yall even talk about then? meanwhile as a woman myself me and my friends often have deep personal sometimes emotional conversations and of course we joke around too but the depth of those interactions makes it so that I didn't see them for a month I wouldn't feel like we've drifted apart we still are close it's just been a minute.
Depends on what this is. If you're talking about life? Yup. If you are talking about Java then this is a keyword used to self reference a class and it's properties. In other languages i.e Rust "this" is "self".
Get a hobby that requires showing up in person, then don't act too much like a creep or weirdo, don't smell, don't be too negative, respect the dumb opinions of other people and you are heavily increasing your chances of making friends.
For me, solo traveling another countries and staying hostel helped me talk with strangers. It is like first day at college, everyone is trying to figure out the new location so people are super friendly!!
the part where you say bars and places like that advertise the fantasy of community is I think really insightful. My question is, are there any types of places today where community is not just an ad campaign outside of like, joining a literal cult? Genuinely what are the communities people are talking about, where are they
book clubs, public art studios, craft circles, sewing classes, volenteering groups, hiking groups, running groups, community centers have a lot of classes, some people do poker circles, your local punk scene, workout classes, game shops if your into magic or dnd, and dance studios are good places to start. Bars and coffee shops can also offer genuine community, good signs to look out for are miss-matched chairs, baristas or bartenders bantering with eachother and regulars, local artists on the walls, an open mic night, and cheap drinks.
@@itss.mfkntori second on the craft circle and public art studios, where I'm at in the US the local art scene and local craft scene has quite a bit of overlap (at least within my general age cohort) and there's been a big push to meet new people, build community, and expand the circle and what has ended up happening is that once you stumble upon one part you can find the others.
Anywhere where people go to build/learn a skill has been the most helpful for me (I go roller skating every week on discount day) it's like a built in conversation starter where you go up to someone who's better than you and ask "hey how do you do that?". Most of the time people love to teach others about the hobby they are passionate about. It did take me months of going every week before I could get myself to finally talk to someone but once you get your foot in the door everything opens up for you.
the man vs bear thing is about men's violence toward women being worse than a bear, it's not about general public mistrust, it's a gender specific issue in this case
@@chaosbringer-planeteater Bears also kill humans who don't even pose a threat to them. Hence bear mace. At least humans can blame the intersection of having no money and needing money for drugs for putting one's feelings above those of their victims.
@@CTimmerman if you're insinuating that men only want money or drugs from female victims, that's not what the man vs bear argument is about. it's about sexual violence because that is what a woman is afraid of, rightfully so
My thinking is that we kind of have to factor gender into this at least partly, because it actually seems like this is mostly a problem for men. For American men, it has mostly been your immediate family, the person you're married to, any kids you have, and whatever interactions you have with co-workers. That's it. And with the way society is now, most of those things are harder to get. People are having fewer kids and relationships don't last as long. People often work remotely or spend a lot of time on their phone or at the computer even if they are at the office. You no longer have an excuse to walk over to someone and ask a question in person because everything can be done via text or e-mail. Eating out, the one thing you used to be able to ask people to do, is now seen as an expensive luxury. Going to the theater is also seen that way when you could just stream something at home. The truth was, this was just barely working, and modern technology and economic issues just pushed it over the edge until now it doesn't work at all anymore. The issue I see is this. Traditionally, single men are not trusted by society, because they cause a lot of problems and in a way people subconsciously rely on the fact that a woman trusts a man enough to be in a relationship with him, as a proxy for how trustworthy he is in general. That is to say, having a girlfriend/wife is not just about having a girlfriend/wife, it's about telling the other people around you, "Hey, a woman trusts me enough to be in a committed relationship with me, I'm not a threat. I won't steal your girl, I won't hit on you or worse, and I have something to lose if I go to jail." This is acknowledged in politics, a lot of male politicians have always known they have to be married because of the optics. So basically, the doors to friendship don't really open for men until after they have a wife, and at that point often the wife's friends and any kids they have are sufficient to satisfy their needs. In order to get a wife and a committed relationship, you usually need to have a solid, good-paying job. That's problem number two... good jobs are harder and harder to come by, which means men aren't getting married as much, which means we now have an epidemic of single men who are either unemployed, or work jobs that don't pay much and aren't very stable, and the truth is that society just doesn't want these men, they're seen as "losers," and it only gets worse as they age and fail to thrive. These men tend to see each other more as competition than as company for the most part, and aren't really going to rely on each other. Unless maybe they're gay or something, but for normal, straight men, that would be very odd indeed unless they're childhood friends or served in the military together or something. I would say it's really not technology that's the problem, it's that our society isn't setup for the current moment. We live in a society that is extremely competitive, individualistic, and which seeks efficiency. This worked fine back when technology was less advanced, because we had plenty of practical excuses to interact with other people and form bonds. Lots of things had to be done in person, and they gave us all kinds of practical excuses to do things in real life and interact with people without appearing weak or desperate. All those practical excuses are gone, and now to want to do things in real life is to admit to wanting something impractical, to being sentimental and lonely, and being a lonely guy is kind of a "ick" for most people. Women have handled it better because they are naturally focused on the friendship itself and nurturing the connection rather than on the hobbies and practical excuses that incidentally lead to friendships like guys are. With guys, they are finding that they can pursue all their hobbies in total isolation now, unless maybe they're younger and into sports or something. Their jobs don't require as much human contact, their hobbies don't require as much human contact, the inefficiency of doing things in person when they don't have to be done that way kind of ruins them and makes the intent too obvious, so now they have to endure more loneliness because they are not going to ask for more human connection and look lonely and desperate, and they probably wouldn't get it even if they did. Of course, this is just my perspective, as an asexual 36-year old man, who hasn't been in the workforce for years. The only friendship I have managed to make since I started trying, is this 70-year old man from Vietnam who meets with me three times a week to learn English. At some point, we started going over various articles related to medical stuff together. He brings food every time. After I'd been doing this for about a year... he started checking my blood pressure before we start each time, and we'd compare our numbers to see whose blood pressure numbers were better. The interesting thing is, we originally met through a conversation partners program that was targeted to teaching foreigners English. He had asked for additional meetings a couple of times before the program ended, and I agreed to them. So, somehow, even after the program ended and he went back to Vietnam for several months, he called me back up and we started meeting regularly again. So somehow, we ended up being friends somehow because of a now-defunct program offered at a community college, and the connection didn't end simply because a habit formed where he'd ask for additional conversation practice outside the meetings while they were still going on. The other people in the program, who didn't do this, I never heard from them again. Only the one who formed the habit of asking for additional help ahead of it ending.
Wow that’s a very good take and analysis to what other factors besides the phone and social media pandemic has produced the current situation. Let’s see where it goes. Maybe in 10 years we’ll say the comment section on RUclips is missing in todays society 😂
Amazing, one of your best videos. The graphics and pacing is perfect, and the script is spoken clearly and is easy to follow. Super well written. just please make your thumbnail less busy lol. if you flick your eye over it is difficult to read the keyword 'friends'. But this video is gonna do really well regardless, especially since it is a topic that relates to everyone. Good job
i really appreciate the kind words and feedback!!!! means a lot, thanks bein here and caring enough to give suggestions, i hope u have a SUPERB rest of ur day
Great video! I thought it would be clickbait because the title is something that’s obvious to everyone with eyes and a brain, but you broke the problem and possible solutions down very informatively. I think “unfriendly-ness” is a perfect term for this issue.
I've literally observed this while taking a walk anywhere: the older people will say hi in passing but the younger generations do not. There's so much distrust in people my age that they don't ever talk to strangers outside of their work.
I think it's a little disingenuous to immediately jump to the conclusion of fear and distrust, when kindness and consideration are huge factors. The world doesn't revolve around you, and it's a bit entitled to assume that a random stranger - who has their own life, and goals, and inner world - is interested in striking up a conversation with you. Sure, they could be afraid or distrustful of you, but the more likely option is that they are either disinterested, or are being kind and considerate by not bothering you without a good reason.
I realized last year that one of my friends I made wasn't a friend at all. I ended up severing that friendship, and my life has been much better since then. Sometimes you feel obligated to maintain a friendship due to how long it's been around, only to realize it was toxic. Now, I've learned how to become more open to creating new friendships. Also, in terms of talking to people, I accidentally mistook a stranger for someone I knew. She was so nice, and said she was sure I would be a nice person to know. I regret not taking the conversation further!
thank god i meet the realest friends in the most unexpected ways . me and my new bsf julio met on sep , we’re both seniors , and i hope we can be friends for a very long time
None of them reach out to me man. I used to always be calling friends wanting to hang out, but it was always me. Stopped calling to see if they really did wanna hamg out and i guess i got my answer over 10 years later.
I am 20 years old (gen z) and I am definitely really lonely but also very numb to the loneliness. I get to see my high school friends maybe once a year which is pretty depressing ngl. It has been quite hard for me to find any real friends in college everyone I’ve met at college have never truly been friends I would meet up with or have lunch just people I would text occasionally on insta. I have been told by my parents to join clubs to make friends but all the clubs are held in the afternoon when I have work or around 7:30 am ish and I am a commute student and need my rest lol (ain’t going to wake up that early feel to exhausted from working mon-Friday and class.) I also live in the countryside and rent is so expensive I have to live with my parents, I love them so much but I can’t help but feel if I lived on my own or with roommates I probably would have a better social life. I am just waiting to get my B.A, maybe after I get a full time job I’ll meet people through work 🤞🏻
This is literally why i cover everything i own in Fandom merch. I am far more comfortable talking to strangers if they also like a tv show i like. Unfortunately I have only made one new freind by doing this. So yall need to start complimenting stickers and pins more
for me, the way my city talked about socialization during and even well after lockdown really impacted the way people interact, at least where I live. people are almost afraid to look at each other lol and it feels like every hangout is forbidden or breaking some kind of rule. my city handled lockdown really poorly though, so i think it kind of freaked people out and now they don't know how to act around other people anymore
Is bro watching me? I'm graduating this year and realizing that my "friends" aren't treating me with the same respect/consideration. So now I have no real friends. 😃
It's tough because It feels like a lot of connections are simply temporary. Speaking from experience, I am fairly active and I try to do a lot of activities (Work, volunteering, gym). However, it feels like even when I do get along with people, since there is no community, there's always that "We need to meet up some other time"; Except that other time never comes. I guess I just need to try more but overall it becomes really tiring after a while, especially once you start working and trying to start a business. At a certain point, you really just start questioning what the point even is. It's definitely a tough situation. To everyone going through it, I wish you luck, I hope we all make it 🙏
When I grew up in Cleveland, in a middle class area, no one on my block had fenses in their backyards. There was an expance of green grass, a block long. It was very nice. I knew everyone on my street, and us kids would play outside every day.
Hey man, I'm latino (from Panama). The one thing I realized is that not everything that comes out of the US is good, such as the way people here in the US socialize. I get it, most people want to sell something when they approach you but most of the time, it's all about smiling and saying hi to people and taking it from there. Smile genuinely, say hi, and ask them their name. It's really easy to get to know people.
Thank you for this video!!!! ❤ makes me feel less alone 😄 and restores my faith in humanity and reminded me of my original self 😅 i think thats a lot but yah.. pretty hard making friends nowadays so im very grateful for the friend interactions i do get :’)
What do you mean it's no one's fault we live far away from each other? I blame single family zoning and the lack of cheap places to hang out. These are the fault of lawmakers for decades.
My knitting group had to go virtual once the pandemic hit. We all ended up moving away from each other, but are still able to keep in contact. There is one member who ended up living within minutes of me, and we never actually met in person. We're going out for coffee for the first time soon! I also played a tabletop game with a group virtually for the first time. I found it much less enjoyable since it didn't have the personal connection that you get face to face. I also have a bit of a weakness for mini figures too, I'll admit.
"His go to attack is the biological equivalent of swinging a rock in a sock" I never ever thought of a punch like that and it had me crying of laughter
I try to get my friends out all the time but they never want to do anything. Always staying home to save money. They don’t put any effort in either so I’m letting them fade out.
This was a really nice video, not really sure how else to put it. Made me feel better about only having one friend. We’ve been hanging out more and I’ve been so much happier even though it hasn’t been a lot.
Unfortunately I try to make plans to hang out with the current friends I have but they're all wrapped up in their own lives and are terrible at communication and never commit to any plans. (Trust me this is why I'm looking for new ones.)
Interesting topic! One curious discussion I read said the decline of third spaces may be due to how much better homes are now. Think about it, before the Internet, there was far less entertainment and thus more incentive to go outside. Nowadays I could just (and sometimes do) spend hours online.
this is such an interesting perspective as a small towner myself. I have grown up in rural minnesota all 18 years of my life. I have a job (at a gas station but work is work) and plenty of friends I see and say hi to all the time. This video almost made me want to be on my small-town high horse and pity all of the people who live in big cities but i can’t say I blame you all for not wanting to make friends. here in MN it’s so common to say hi to strangers on the street, i say hi to everyone that comes into the gas station when I’m working. I don’t even consider myself to be much of an extrovert, i just like being nice to people. maybe the minnesota nice stereotype has warped my perspective on what people are like these days but I like to think the general population is a pretty good bunch! my advice to you all, be suspicious of strangers, but not so suspicious that you hide yourself like a turtle every time someone waves at you. I hope this made sense and that you all have a wonderful day! ❤❤
Had a mental breakdown and my gen x parent couldnt understand why i didnt know why my coworkers didnt bother to talk to me or why every single friend ive had has actually been emotinally manipulative. I was doing okay building acquaintances in highschool but never invited anywhere never could get anyone to come with me and then college? Fucking nothing.
Ppl are struggling just to survive. Friend groups exist just not like Hollywood. Hobbies and interests get u to meet new ppl and such. Tbh not all friendships last, things run their course, let it go
truth. people think that the friend group they made in middle school is supposed to last forever. the fact is that most people’s social circles are formed out of convenience and proximity. it’s ok to let go of a friend group once you’re no longer in proximity with those people or you no longer have the thing in common that drew you together in the first place
I might just ask random locals in their 70/80/90s who have been there done that to tell me if there really was such thing as community 50 or 60 years ago and if people were more open, nice and friendly.
Having friends as an adult is so hard. I’m 29. I work 2 jobs because what I was doing for work is a dying industry and the cost of everything had skyrocketed. After two jobs, putting time and energy into my relationship with my partner, spending time with my cats, squeezing in time for workouts, and while planning to go back to college so I hopefully don’t have to work 2 jobs anymore, there’s just zero time for friends. I have 2 friends and we’re lucky if we see each other every month and a half. Our world isn’t designed for us to have friends. It’s designed for us to work and buy and be online.
I've unfortunately gone through a Bronze Age Collapse of friendships since 2020-2021. Its about sharing common interests and prioritizing who we really want in our lives who's important.
Ambitions as a child:
-Bestselling novelist
-Astronaut
-Archeologist
-Inventor
Ambitions as an adult:
-Survive sitting in one spot while staring at Google sheets for 8 hours every day
-Eat food
-??
-Play Mario Party and card games with my friends on Saturdays
Make a change. It’s never too late. Everything except for the Astronaut is still achievable!
ambitions as a child:
-become a dinosaur
ambitions as an adult:
-survive the horrors
-indulge in the majesty of existence
fr tho it really do be like that, we have a sense of wonder as children that progressively gets beat out of us so we can become integrated into the economic system as adults lol. it's all made up tho, like ricebender said, real life really is the biggest open world MMORPG, you can legit do anything with yo life. even become an astronaut lmfao, i was looking it up and apparently you just need a masters degree nowadays. anyway yeah!!! i get it dude. thanks for watching & i hope you have fun playing mario party & have a jovial rest of your day :)
That last ambition as an adult is pretty cool, tbh.
Bruh I guess that’s how it is, build a business I guess at the same time
@@introvertedmadness You can still identify as a dinosaur by switching your philosophy to otherkin. Scalies are generally less extreme, but do appreciate dressing the part.
They don’t even have family anymore. There’s so much competition, toxicity, and a lack of love amongst humans in general. Lack of community and people rely on constant distractions. it benefits large corporations that rely on your attention, sickness, and dedication for profit.
Yh corporations have devalued family to the point that everyone has been made into corporate cattle that they can easily replace and milk for money
I really felt this. I'm under 30 and the death of critical loved ones have absolutely blown up my already fragile family balance. Even before the toxicity was truly revealed, none of those people gave a real damn about quality time together.
My friends live in other states & my hobby groups allow me to have friendly interactions, but it's not the type of friendship that's described as the cure to loanliness in platonic friendships.
There were never family to begin with.
😅@@MinteaJade
this is so real.
carlin: "You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers. People who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork, and just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly sh**** jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and the vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and now they’re coming for your Social Security money."
"You don't need a formal conspiracy when interests converge."
I watched this instead of meeting friends.
i made this video instead of meeting friends :)
Honestly getting invited to hang out with friends is nice from time to time, enjoy it because one day they may say "he always says no why bother" but if they understand you're introverted then it's all good.
Yet here you are in the comments, making friends or at least acquaintances.
@@introvertedmadnessi like your style. It reminds me Frugal Aesthetics format
Wasssup!!? 😅
Im so glad you brought up urban design. A factor that’s underrated in the conversation is transportation. In college, my friends and I were super busy, but we lived within a mile of each other, so we hung out almost every day. As adults, it’s rare to be able to get to someone’s place within 30 minutes if they’re not from the same town or neighborhood.
yeah there's a good article about in the atlantic how we should all live close to our friends and i couldn't agree more!!! if you live close to your friends, you can legit just drop in every now and then just to hang, but if you live a trip away then you gotta start making plans and stuff and plans take like WEEKS to come to fruition lol (it'd be one thing if we had good public transport in the US, but we don't lol). also random but i think it's not good that people spend their formative college years living/making friends who are most likely all going to move away from each other once they graduate. not ideal!!! anyway thanks for sharing your perspective & i hope u have a marvelous rest of ur day :)
Did urban design change drastically over the past few decades? Why wasn't any of this as much a problem for our parents or their parents? It's the internet stupid.
@@bk1507it’s gotten worse and worse over time as cities have become more and more built around cars. It was a problem in the 90’s but it’s even worse today.
@@bk1507 Public transportation wasn't utter shit back then
@@bk1507 Actually, it's not just the internet. Third spaces like malls, libraries, parks, places people go to socialize and find community are have been deteriorating for decades. Particularly in poorer neighboorhoods. This has been documented since the 80's. It's not new and predates the internet. The internet just made it worse.
"unfriendliness has penetrated the vibe"
just a crazy sequence of words
none of these words are in the bible
@@introvertedmadness Not yet!
@@introvertedmadness
has + the
Checkmate atheist
My friends in highschool just straight up didn't want to hang out. I would always try to plan hangouts, parties, whatever. I turned my mom's garage into an amazing hangout spot - basketball hoop, big screen TV, sofa, etc. I kept inviting them to all kinds of things and they would never come.
The instant there would be girls at some event though, all their excuses disappeared.
I cut those guys off, but now I have no friends. Years have passed now and I feel like I've lost social skills and the ability to make new friends. I'm in college and I never made a single friend yet. I graduate soon.
I had some great friends in college, I even kept in touch with most of them after graduation, but they stopped responding soon. I felt especially betrayed when 2 of them finally got married and I wasnt invited. I met one of those guys by chance 3 years ago, we caught up, it was really fun. When I wanted to meet again I got th usual "I'm busy" excuse. These days, people dont even make up excuses anymore, they just straight up ghost.
As a girl, and probably much older than you, unfortunately this decline of socialization happened even back in my day. Everyone was glued to their phones, nobody talked and the only time people would show up is when they can get a good selfie out of it and post it to their account. But just to meet up for coffee or go for a hike with me I would be left on read
My entire friend group “forgot” my 21st birthday, and the only two (of at least six in the group) that apologized did so once I brought it up. One of them even initially gave me a “well we didn’t do anything for mine and you don’t see me whining about it.” No hangout, no calls, not even a happy birthday text. Nothing. Two weeks later they all wished happy birthday to our friend’s dog.
It’s been about 15 months since I cut them off and I haven’t had barely any friends since. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much of college by not having friends, and this is (hopefully) my final year. I feel like the 30 year olds who used to have a lot friends but don’t hang out because everyone got busy with life, and I’m scared that the few friends I do still have just don’t want to be around me.
Bro they were never your friends
Same thing happened to me I just changed numbers
Hope I never see my old friends ever again and if I do they can fuck off
I had the same issue in undergrad (just graduated a few months ago). People are saying it'll get easier to make friends in grad school. Coming into my second semester in a few weeks and I still haven't made any. At this point, I just think it's a lost cause for me. My social skills are basically nonexistent at this point.
All in all, it's a paradox. The Iphone was invented to connect, yet people feel lonlier than ever. Cities are full of people, yet the anonymity makes us feel lonely. The amount of people on earth is growing, but friendships are less and less a thing.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve seen this comment I’d be rich
It wasn't invented to connect. Apple products are supposed to be bicycles for your mind.
@@bk1507 i meant like, cellphones. They were invented with fast communication in mind. The Iphone is just a popular example.
I don't feel lonely in big citties, seeing people living their lives is enough companion for my brain for the most part. I felt way more lonely living in a small town as being a weirdo like me make people treat you poorly and never seeing those similar to you also create inadequation feelings.
It's funny. As an ex los Angelino living in the sticks I actually kind of miss some aspects of the city anonymity.
I used to run outside in my neighborhood in the morning. Then a lady pulled her car over and honked while I was running. She was complaining that I could have gotten hit by a car and I should be careful. She went on a short rant on young people. I was on the other side of the street walking in the damn grass. I can't even leave my own house without getting harassed by unfriendly people.
most chill interaction with a car driver
nah i get you, i'll go outside and have one bad interaction with someone mean and im like yeah screw this. car drivers especially, i feel in my bones what you're saying lol, car drivers act like you are being SUCH an inconvenience to them by trying to enjoy being outside and daring to making them actually stop at a stop sign. i feel like for me i had to realize that in a world of 7 billion people, there are bound to be some unfriendly people, but that doesn't mean friendly people don't exist. in fact friendly people are the majority!!! i started tuning out negative strangers, like ain't no way you about to ruin my day with your ridiculousness. anyway thanks for sharing your perspective dude, i hope you're doin well and get to run outside again soon peacefully
@@introvertedmadness thanks dude, I forget sometimes how often we remember bad things more than good things, negativity bias and all that
@@Immadeus Someone on their property (younger, maybe 30 ish) blowing leaves threatened to shoot me, a minor, during Covid because I was running by on the sidewalk without a mask on. For real though, you have to be above the negativity, act out of love.
Shake it off. I know that's easier said than done. I'm a distance runner for many years now. It is good for my mental and physical health to get out and be active even though I don't have many friends. There's always going to be bad drivers and Karens calling you out whether it's your fault or not. I hope that incident hasn't stopped you from running-that is a very healthy hobby. Good for mental health, physical health, and get you natural vitamin D being outside. Also makes it easier to sleep at night, at least for me. Good luck out there! 😀
@@introvertedmadness "friendly people are the majority!!!" yeah, where? They never answer that.
You have to SEEK OUT friendships as an adult. It is hard, it is awkward, you will sometimes be rejected. You have to individually personally reach out to people and ask them to do activities with you. You should do this with neighbors, coworkers, people who share hobbies with you, etc etc etc. Offer to cook them a meal, ask if they want to go to the movies or bowling, ask to go on a walk with them. Do favors for people you don't know well. Strike up conversations in public. It's all so awkward and humiliating but THIS is how you make friends.
It definitely is very challenging as an adult to make friends.
The biggest thing I have learned is that the friendship is like dating. You might really want to be friends with someone but it isn't reciprocated. Sometimes the people you least likely think of being friends with become a great life long friend.
Also, in today's world getting together or communicating with someone once a year or so is enough as an adult to maintain a friendship. For an adult who might be lonely and want more from a particular friendship, this can be tough to deal with.
I'm a millennial who went back to College and holy shit, young 20 somethings are DETERMINED not to know anyone beyond face value
I also think friendship shouldn’t be forced and some people do like to be alone.
For example, with content like this which is common, would opinions such as loneliness is unhealthy like smoking a pack of cigarettes really lead to us seeking out friendship out of curiosity or out of a fearful, lacking mindset.
I feel like my generation, late millennials and gen Z, approach marriage and friendship in a fearful state which might make it forceful. I might be wrong but this is what I’ve gathered from seeing a lot of content that makes not having friends seem dangerous and panic of population decline and stuff.
Yes, thank you for mentioning that it is not only awkward, but HUMILIATING.
Every "just do this..." internet guru seems to omit that.
i think another great way to engage with other people is open world audio, i found a pickup basketball game on there in a park near me and met some cool people
start a group chat for your apartment building, print out the qr code for it and a little description for what it is, put it up around the building, like in the elevators and by main doors. Then start asking for advice and recommendations for casual things, like products, services and restaurants etc, also offer whatever kind of help you can if anyone needs it like dogsitting or grocery pickup etc. Soon enough you can start hosting potlucks and other events and bam you have community and friends :) worked for me
ayo you a real life social engineer, but the good kind, lets goooooooooooo :)
this is so cool, it reminds me of openworldaudio because i found a pickup basketball game near me and i was able to meet some new people and link with them
omg this is genius
great Idea, but it will not work that well with younger People (at least in Evrope). The People are too much into their "Strong Lone Wolf" phase....
this is why i so desperately hold onto the friendships i already have. most of my friends are from middle/high school that i kept up with for several years. i made one singular friend in all of my 6 years in college that i still keep up with and see a couple of times a year. i really don’t want to end up like my parents who are only friends w their family members that that don’t even really get along with.
I be so jealous of people who still have friends left from highschool and just school period😩😩
@@cherishxoxo2738 I'm about to graduate from high school and I'm scared that I will lose all those friends since it happens to most ppl :(
@@samsalo1084 here’s a tip that I wish I did in middle and high school, if you really fw someone and you don’t want to lose them after school it is so important to keep in contact with them! Communication is the key🔑 let them know that you don’t want to lose them and always keep in contact with them, make plans with them:), etc. even if one you if not both move away just always keep in contact and you won’t ever lose them🫶🏼🫶🏼🧩
Just some additional tips and pointers
Think about making friends like a lootbox. Go out to events but don't have any expectations of actually making a friend. Focus on exploring and getting to know other people. If you go out regularly you're bound to meet people who vibe with you and who you vibe with.
For friends who are currently in your life, while it's easy to just meet up more sometimes the nature of the relationship itself isn't one where both parties want to do that. In that situation it's best to just understand that that isn't the type of relationship yall have and move on.
this j worked for me a couple months ago !! so happy rn
@@bb4251 happy for you!
ayo we gotta compile all our random tips we gain from living our lives lol. i 100% with not necessarily having any expectations of making friends - i think it helps reduce the pressure and allow you to focus on just having a good time, which is the whole point anyway lol. thanks for sharing your thoughts, hope u have a fantastic rest of your day
@@introvertedmadness thank you for replying! I hope you have a great day as well!
I live in the city and it’s crazy how on multiple occasions I’ve run into people who live in my building attending the same event I went to or people who I’ve encountered at an event that live in my building. Super small world!
I think having social media “friends” and online communities made all of us feel way too comfortable detaching ourselves from reality. Before social media, making friends was one kind of survival skill when you moved to a new environment.
I am one of the most cynical, jaded human-haters...but...I try my best to do what my dad does. He banters with strangers. It's funny because you'd think most people don't like it.
But 80% or more laugh at his jokes or respond to his inquiries, or add to the conversation. All of a sudden you feel like you know the people around you and trust them just a little bit.
And I think that helps people grow trust in each other. We're seriously all just...people. Trying our best.
The people who are out and about and who want to hurt you would be actively trying already. There are obviously exceptions but the people who break into your house or car or mug you on the street are frequently the ones you don't even know by sight because they live two zipcodes over.
We need to suspect our neighbors less. I think that's a huge problem and it's also a powerful weapon against "the system" which desperately wants us to be estranged from one another.
It's a trope because it's true: there is strength in numbers. Kindness fosters kindness. Even the little things.
My mom and dad do the same thing. I'm not sure if it's generational due to phones since myself and other ppl I grew up with were more aloof even b4 we got cell phones. Maybe for some it stems from being to told not to talk to strangers?
Yeah my mom talks to strangers a lot. I told her “but stranger danger” as a kid bc I thought she was weird for it and she was like “then how are you supposed to make friends?” Child me was 🤯
yo your dad is legit doing god's work he out here spreading positivity and dad jokes i salute him
i think it's on us to do stuff like this more - i feel like older generations are more comfortable with talking to strangers cuz they grew up in a time when you legit just found your friends on the street, cuz there was no internet, there was legit no other way lol. i don't know how to "bring back neighborliness" cuz i feel like growing up in nyc people are always just suspicious of each other...but it wasn't always this way right??? nyc used to be a tiny random dutch colony and im sure people were tighter then
im not saying we gotta be a dutch colony but stuff like this is more malleable than people think. somehow we gotta get people to suspect each other less, like you said. idk how but i guess we just go out there and try and see what works and what doesn't. 10000% agree with strength in numbers.
thanks for sharing your story, i really appreciate it. hope u have a delightful rest of ur day
i am super shy and anxious so i normally don't say much to ppl out in the ~real world~ (except sometimes i compliment ppl's nail polish or eye color lol)
but the funniest interaction i've had that i can think of was at a grocery store and i needed to get to something but this older boomer age man was in the way so i said "excuse me" and he said "oh i'm sorry!" and i said "no it's okay you're fine" and he was like "fine!? the last time someone said i was fine was 20 years ago!!" lol so funny
Seriously though. I'm in a third-world country where thefts can be common and even life-threatening, so I would've never had trusted strangers around me in public. That changed ever since my 2 accidents. I fully expected at least my wallet to be stolen at those instances, but no. Strangers carried me to the nearby hospital, both times. By the times I woke up, they were always already gone, so they weren't looking for a payoff either.
These experiences can be written off as just being lucky, but for someone who used to be very suspicious of everyone, they became learning points. While it's necessary to prepare for the worst scenarios, we should have a little faith in our fellow people. Our lives might just rely on them someday, and theirs on us too.
It's easy to make friends, what's hard is making decent friends...
It's hard to meet decent people in general.
i found this pick up basketball game near me on openworldaudio and i met some cool people, im definitely hopeful about finding lore decent people now
*more
it's easy to make a generic comment, what's hard is making a decent one
Right, this lovable yet clueless goof is basically rambling for 20 min..
My current 3 years experience living in the US (California) is that most people just don’t want to make friends. They already have a group of friends I assume from college/high school/childhood neighbors and it is closed, period. No matter how good/cool you are you are not becoming their friend. It is what it is you just move on and talk to the next person. There are exceptions I have made 4 good friends here; 1 was my Uber driver once and we vibed, 2 of them we met at a bar where we sat next to each other and 1 was my hinge date and we stayed friends. So yes in my experience you have to be out to make friends and probably is going to be 1 out of 100 people that you talk to. PD: I have tried “make friends close to you apps” and they are hella lame and maybe is because there is a tabu of making new friends in this culture for some reason so the user base is not there yet.
I also think location plays a part in this as well because I know the west coast is notorious for being 'cliquey' when it comes to friendships.
yeah i feel like once people feel like they have their "group" they exit friend-making mode. it doesn't help that i think in the US we have a culture of not really being friendly to strangers/blowing them off because "eh it takes too much effort to turn this random person into a friend, i could just stay with my current group of friends which im comfortable with." i feel like this doesn't make sense, because talking and being social with people you "don't know" is rewarding in and of itself (like talking to an uber driver or random people at the bar) cuz you get new perspectives and get to meet interesting new people. and who knows, maybe they will end up being your friend!! but i feel like people are reluctant to give it a shot like you said. there's a study that says that every 7 years, half our friend group changes, so talking to new people also helps you find people who align more with your stage of life or whatever.
anywhooo thanks for sharing your perspective. i lived in california for a few years and also didn't have the easiest time making friends, but i believe :) hope you're chilling and enjoying ya california summer, have a delightful rest of ur day!!!
You've got to literally join a class or some activity to make friends, which can cost money and time.
It is the same in University. I moved to a different city, but most people are from this city. The already have a friend group and their families. And even if you befriend them you never will be a good friend as their old friends to them.
@@somarribas yeah i’ve been living in northern california for a few years and i gave up on making friends. people here are weird and generally really conservative so we don’t vibe at all. there’s also not many people in my age/demographic here. most people are either old or families. horrible place for a 26 year old queer autistic woman to be. i’m hopefully going to be moving to the UK next year tho
Internet + polarization + people perceive things as more expensive + work
Perceive ? No everything IS expensive
I wish we only perceived things as expensive instead of them actually being expensive.
You could honestly just boil it down to those last two points. Everything is so expensive that you have to basically live at work to make ends meet. Meaning you have no free time (or money) to go out and meet people. It's the same reason why everyone's single.
“Perceive” bruh
i was thinking that things being more expensive could actually have a weird effect where people get closer together (for example, if rent is more expensive then people are FORCED to have roommates, which maybe isn't ideal if you hate roommates but does force some socialization). but i think that actually falls apart cuz when stuff like going to a concert or buying a drink is mad expensive, people are just less likely to get to the "activation energy" threshold to even meet people or hang out. this is why i feel like we gotta make friends for free lol!!!! but our general societal vibe is not ready for that or smthn yet
polarization is also big, i think that could actually be the thing that is "perceived" incorrectly - we all FEEL like polarized and us vs them mentality, but we actually have more in common than we think. human beings are chill (kinda? i hope? in the right situation?)
Most friendships start after two people have had repeated incidental social contact and mutually decide they're interested in getting to know the other person better. That's why it's so much easier to meet people through school or work, why going to trivia night every week works, and why the perennial friend-making suggestions are to join a social club or take an ongoing pottery class. On another note there is a doctor of psychology "Dr Ana" on here who has an entire playlist of research-backed videos on how to form and maintain friendships. I found them very helpful.
can we normalize sending letters if it’s hard to meet up in person bc it’s actually rlly fun to get creative with making the letters fun like painting a little painting to include or making an origami animal as a little gift
from your mouth to god's ears i hope, frick yes we need to write more letters!!! honestly i would probably communicate more and have more in-depth conversations with friends if i could only write them letters instead of sending them a random meme every few months
im working on making a whole personalised wax-sealed handwritten letter set for myself with a whole quill pen and everything to make it a fun experience. it can help to get into random little hobbies like yeah origami or calligraphy and with each letter send a small gift.
opening letters will be like a present to everyone who gets one, and they cant just cheat and read it as a text preview.
Funny thing is, people in areas with less safety and resources, are MORE trusting and friendly to each other, NOT LESS. People in the developed world are much more scared of "stranger danger" than in the developing world.
i could see this, i feel like in countries like the US for example, we're all SO afraid of getting murdered when we walk home at night, when in reality, that's like being afraid lightning is gonna strike you. sure it happens but also not necessarily something that you really need to think about??? idk. maybe it has to do with people in the developing world being more aware of "realistic" dangers that they actually need to worry about that we in the developed world take for granted. anyway thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspective!!! i hope u have a breathtaking rest of ur day :)
Definitely true. Speaking from personal experience, my area used to be pretty lower middle class to middle class and we all kind of got along. Now, a lot of people have moved into the area who have a lot of money and nobody talks to each other anymore at all
this is so true
@@bootscooty I think it's because when people live in a tough area, they know they importance of sticking together. People in developed countries have the means to sustain themselves independently. If you're living in a low income, real rough place, who knows what could happen if you had no community to fall back on.
Also, not saying your area was a "tough area." I just think that the harder life gets for a group of people, they more they realize they have to stick together.
Import the third world, become the third world.
People don’t have friends 1. cause people constantly compare themselves to their childhood friendships. Therefore think their adulthood friendships aren’t valuable.
2. People suffer from The Goob effect from Meet the Robinsons. IE. negative self esteem.
3. They are boys who didn’t go to college, the military, or any other institution that forced social interactions.
4. Have something undiagnosed that would impact their ‘friend making abilities’
5. Spend too much time online
6. Moves away from their friends, and that distance mentally affects them more than they think.
Idk. These are things I typed BEFORE watching the video, so I’ll see how I do.
Wym they are boys?
Mad accurate, I’m introverted as hell and I have a lot of adult friends I’ve made in the military. Although we all live in different areas of the world, we still keep in contact
I had a strong group of friends since elementary, I had to cut them off for crossing major boundaries in my past relationship that I couldnt forgive. (Even bad talking me and my brother at their work with strangers). Makes me sad that I lost them and cant really go back to em cause of all the things they did and never apologized for. Even two of them who didnt do anything to wrong me, i tried keeping contact, but it was clear they didnt want to unless I blindly forgave the rest of the guys.
I have low self esteem and I'm probably autistic, making friends is difficult but the ones I've made are because I met them at work or school / saw them everyday for a period of time. And they are mostly neurodivergent so we get each other.
As an identical twin, I've found that it's incredibly easy for me to make friends whenever I'm with my sister. People's fascination becomes a conversation starter, and I end up exchanging numbers with people all the time. From this experience, I've learned that having some friendliness about you, learning new skills and about new cultures, and learning to break the ice is a key ingredient to making friends. When I'm not with my twin, I've found a way to break the ice with other conversation starters. If someone is dressed nice, I give a compliment and ask where they got the outfit. At the library, if I see someone pick up a book I like, I tell them (I still do go to libraries). I stand up for people who are being mistreated or stand in when someone needs help. One time, a girl with one leg was short on change, and I paid for her items. She was grateful. We became friends. If someone sounds like they are from a different country or they have an accent, I might ask where they are from, and since I'm interested in learning new languages and traveling I might let that lead to a new conversation. I'm very interested in Japanese, Chinese, and Korean, so if I meet anyone from that group and they speak the language, I usually break the ice by practicing some of my language skills. I also talk to people of many different races and backgrounds. I'm Black, so when I talk to other races of people freely and openly without judgment, people are often incredibly surprised because so many Black people are distrustful of outsiders. A always give a smile or not to people who are passing by, no matter if they're in their 20s or in their 90s. People in their 80s and 90s are especially willing to talk. I show interest in their stories and experiences too. Of course, going to community events, festivals, places of religion, clubs, and classes can improve chances of making lifelong friends, too.
this is some of the most helpful advice i've seen. thank you.
Be interesting and be interested. Goes a long way
You sound very charming! Your friends are lucky to have you
You've pretty much summed up all of my advice on making new friends. Coincidentally I'm also Black and I'm learning Japanese too! I also do this thing where anytime I go to a Japanese restaurant, I ask the waitress if there's anyone on staff that speaks Japanese that I can practice ordering food with. It hasn't happened (yet) but I'm looking forward to the day it does :-]
doesn’t sound nice but laziness is also a factor here. relationships take work so it is easier to seek comfort and entertainment from electronic stimuli, since it won’t require you to pour back into them and support them
this video got me to go check out what events are held at my public library. i may just be about to check out two or three different events(drawing, embroidery, gardening) now and talk to people with similar hobbies as me. suddenly feeling like all hope isnt lost!!!
LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i frickin love the library, they always planning events, great aesthetic, chill vibe, i mean what's there not to like. thanks for bein here, hope ur doin swell, and have a unforgettable rest of ur day :)
libraries are the best!
Any updates?
@@gircakes2 update is i ended up only regularly committing to the drawing events, and it's been nice. Not a lot of people are reoccurring, but ive had some delightful conversations all the same while making some fun art. I've lowkey ended up befriending the librarian instead, and she's suggested having me teach drawing dinosaurs to kids/teens as a library event. (Says I'm basically vetted because i've showed up so much lol.) So that's really cool if we get that worked out!
As someone who works a full time job and has a wife and a kid, I literally don't have time to make friends. I moved to a city last year and I haven't met anyone or made any new friends this entire year. My average day looks like this: Wake up, make breakfast and coffee, clean for 2 hours, shower, go to work for 8 hours, make dinner, clean for 2 more hours, and go to bed. On my days off I usually just clean and watch my daughter all day to give my wife a break. There is no time left for friendships.
You have energy to clean 4 hours a day? Damn, I need that. I end up pushing all my cleaning to the weekend so I end up indoors on both Saturday and Sunday.
bro what are you cleaning 4 hours every day lol
@@supa1009 He's probably a germophobe. Or He has OCD and dust messes with his psyche.
Why are you cleaning so much don’t you have a wife
help how do i balance my budget
phone bill - $70
food - $40
roblox - $10,320
electricity - $50
I used to be more introverted, and then I became an RA in college while I lived in New York. I honestly haven’t thought of "making friends" this much since I was more of an introvert. To all introverts, it’s way easier and better for you than you think to become extroverted.
Here’s a step-by-step guideline to being more of an extrovert:
1. It’s ok if you’re awkward. Go out more and get embarrassed.
2. Once you get embarrassed, congratulations! It’ll never feel as embarrassing as the first time. If you’re a functioning human being, you WILL learn how to not be as embarrassed after more exposure of going out. This is what’s called, "developing social skills."
3. You should be less awkward now, especially if you’ve completed the first two steps multiple times. But it can still be a little nerve-wracking, especially if you tend to overthink. Think less. Do more. Embrace the awkwardness and just make Spider-Man-esque self-deprecating jokes. Everyone who's safe and cool will find you funny and like you because only insane or boring people don’t like Spider-Man.
4. You’ll probably have a falling out with some of your friends, but don’t let it demotivate you from keeping your other friends. Trust people who are trustworthy. And if you need to, start from step 1 again. A fresh start doesn’t happen just when you move somewhere new, it can happen as much as you want it to. Heck, I know it sounds corny, but it kinda happens every day you wake up.
5. You’re probably an extrovert at this point without realizing. Be a planner. Be kind, but assertive. Become the person who actually gives their friends the options. Invite friends over, go to a specific place (maybe to eat), and/or text/call/video chat. I know this sounds crazy, but do things that you and your friends would ALL want to do. 😱 Make a group chat. Joke. Don’t take things too seriously. Not every conversation has to be deeper than the last. Quality time is enough.
6. Now that you’ve become an extrovert, you’ll eventually realize that everyone is really just an ambivert and has different moods. Heck, you’ve probably been an extrovert before in your life and it only took you this long to realize it. Everyone has introverted and extroverted moments. Social batteries are always moving at different levels. Because being extroverted is actually really good for you. You’ll overthink less, you’ll see people more, people with think you’re cool, and you’ll have a better radar for who around you is a good person.
7. Be an optimist. There’s always a reason to say, "things are worse than ever." Newsflash, people who say that aren’t realists. If you’re living a life without hope, that’s not realism. That’s pessimism. Hope is a part of reality, so you should always have a little. And when you’re an optimist, you’ll be living your best life. If you take back and look at your life, you’ll probably realize that the times you’ve felt the most joy where when you had the most hope. And the times you were the saddest was probably after your hope took a massive blow. Hope. You’ll make your life, and all lives around you better. :)
TLDR
Be more like Spider-Man (except the overthinking part). Think less, do more. Hope.
ayo this is good!!! totally agree, you just gotta put yourself out there and keep doing - yes it's awkward at first but what isn't??? no one is perfect the first time they do anything, including socializing. sometimes i think too people identify too much with introverted/extroverted - like even if you think of yourself as an "introvert" like i do, that doesn't mean you can't talk to new people, invite your friends out, be there person that makes plans, etc. thanks for sharing your perspectives and thoughts, appreciate you for being here dude. hope you're doing well and have an incredible rest of ur day
@@introvertedmadness Wow, thank you! I didn’t think you’d reply! :D
Your New York video is hilarious, I love it so much. Hope you have a good day too!
True people think being an awkward dumbass is actually pretty funny and charming when you can own it with confidence. I also agree that people that consider themselves introverted need to be more extroverted, and some people that are way too extroverted need time to themselves to reflect deeply. Its all about moderation
@@yum8666 ^ This guy gets it
Damn this comment is SPOT ON, rrally living up to the man on your pfp I see😂. Saving for future reference but this is EXACTLY what I've been doing💯.
I used to OVERthink SOOO much when trying to talk/flirt until one day I just made up my mind to "JUST DO IT" and deal with the consequences after😂. I've grown A LOT in these last few years, albeit I met some people who gave me a couple permanent scars but I'm way more into my wholistic development than I thougut I'd EVER be
Funnily enough Introverts usually had more extroverted moments as kids, as it was easier for us to become comfortable as we don't pay attention to others opinions as much until the teen years. When the teens years hit and we become more conscious of others, that's when we develop this imaginary pressure to either fit in or not stand out or both
If I could add one thing onto what you said as it pertains to making friends and finding purpose:
Discover what you are really passionate about by doing some introspection and then follow this passion.
Allong the way you'll meet other people who are as passionate as you about whatever field you're in and you'll most likely have a few things in common. Network amongst these people and find who matches with you the most. Eventually you'll have your own clique and maybe even loved ones💯🙏
Also I'd say it makes more sense to be like Superman, remaining hopeful even in the worst times. Spider-Man at the moment isn't the best guy to take life advice😭. But his charming nature IS an asset though💯
Modern adult friendship is seeing people once every few weeks for like three hours and asking if you've "seen that one Tiktok" and maybe playing a game you all pretend to like.
went to new york for the first time at 22 years old (i’m from louisiana) and i would say “g’day!” and “hello!” to everyone i made eye contact with out of habit and not only did i get everything from crazy looks to literal slurs, but my boyfriend (who is from philly) pulled me aside and told me to stop bc it’s dangerous. not only do i make us look very muggable but apparently if you tell the wrong person to have a good day they might just try to jump you :/ also saying hello to everyone you make eye contact with in new york is exhausting like i def realize why it fell out of culture and is seen as weird as hell.
I am from Louisiana and I’m exactly the same way I felt this to my core.
I’m a gay man and I wish the south wasn’t so …. Hostile to people who are different because if you’re otherwise cis straight and dress really boring people will be so kind and loving to you.
@@xg2513 oh my god this!! I live in Texas and I'm also queer, so I hate the south for many, *many* reasons, but we are MUCH more approachable and friendly towards strangers than the North. I still usually never walk outside my neighborhood without another person with me, but I don't feel this miserable fear of strangers saying hi to me.
I feel like an interaction here I had that I would never have anywhere outside the South was when me and my dad went to a plant nursery to buy new mints. This sweet old Black lady was helping us out and she just complimented my braids as we were walking around trying to find mints. It wasn't grandious but when I talk with strangers in the South, I get a completely different vibe of "I see you my fellow sister." (which I present as female but I'm non-binary femme so I don't mind). It just makes me very happy :-)
I'm in a small town and I totally get this! Our school was taking a trip to NYC and they had to warn us not to make eye contact with anyone. It's just politeness here, but if a teenager that's clearly a tourist is saying hello to strangers on the street in the city, they're just asking to get mugged. it's sad :(
@@copper.canary it’s def a bit sad when you think of it that way. but i was visibly overwhelmed! so with that many people around you at ALL times it does make sense to just…not do that. as harsh at it does seem lol.
Return of the king
The Twin Towers
@@RoflMaiWaffel no fellowship though cuz no friends :(
@@srinjoychatterjee2164 internet friends :)
ur very sweet
So you're saying everyone needs to get together and have an epic cavalry charge against the forces of Mordor?? Count me in!
I don’t need friends. Also interacting with people feels like it’s draining all my energy and I need to go back to sleep again.
I tried to become friends with the family next door, a woman and her 2 young daughters. They had me arrested and sent to the county jail on a charge of felonious stalking. I had done nothing wrong. It's just that instead of being considered innocent, I was accused of being the worst kind of offender, as though I had evil intentions. You can't be nice to people nowadays, it freaks them out. I'm 70 years old
Woah! That's insane, I am so incredibly sorry man. May I ask when this happened? I'm curious.
No, you can't be nice as a 'guy' 😂. If you were a mean old man, she wouldn't call the cops. She'd still find condescending ways to try n make you feel bad.
Yup life is hard as hell for a man. And society .. at large.. the governments and corporations and women largely do not care. It is even worse the older you get. We are extremely discriminated against and you cant admit it without every other group attacking you for daring suggest we suffer to.
Women are brain washed to fear, distrust and hate men. And it doesn't help that most women have bad experiences with a bad boy who broke their heart at one point in their life, causing them to generalize all men as bad. The truth is both men and women in particular are cruel to the opposite gender especially when they are not attracted to the person. ugly people get the short end in life... and people just tell you to suck it up, man up, like everything else..... no wonder everyone is walking away. It is a clown show.
I read a quote somewhere that was like- “Adults don’t trust other adults, like they used to.”
In reference to parents not having the same mutual trust in each other to reprimand neighbors/family friend’s kids.
The work bad section reminds me of how hard it is to make friends in High School, since there's so many different classes of different people, and you tend to choose to either hang out with friends or do good in school, very few people being able to multitask both successfully.
i haven't had any social connection outside of family for a couple of years. whenever i'm on campus, it feels so difficult to even talk to anybody because so many people are in groups already. even now i have just one acquaintance that i've been trying to make plans with but the communication is a bit dodgy (they have their notifs on mute so it takes a while to respond)
i really hope to have a nice friend group that i can just hang out with and have a nice time. hoping that many others can have the same thing too.
i went to college for 6 years i think total... and i never made a single friend or went out with a single person while there. But that was due to past trauma and bullying all my life. Had i just not been afraid and had the confidence i could have made alot of friends... its a shame.
Living in a rural town the only spaces I can mingle to is the corn fields and dairy farms, I'm an adult but you have to be 21 in USA to enter bars. While small towns have deeper connections and everyone knows each other that makes it so isolating when you don't fit in. Being gay for example just instantly cuts most of the community from my life. Can't join the military because of past suicide attempts, I don't wanna go back to being a warehouse worker which couldn't afford rent even with OT. I tell myself I wanna become some mountain man and survive on my own away from the world, but in truth I just want a relaxed life with a community I'm proud of and friends to laugh with. Anyway, right now it's just me and the corn and a flicker of hope.
Damn. You and me both my friend. Hope things get better for you. Life can be very good and very wonderful, and I think life will have many good things in store for you. ❤️
@@Jmpwfdpdl Thanks bro, hope life treats ya well too.
thanks for sharing your perspective and experiences - yeah i definitely glossed over the cons of living in a more rural/small town area, i grew up in nyc so i've only heard about the hanging out in corn fields and parking lots experience, but i definitely see how that's not an ideal location to meet new people, and yeah, not having different types of people/perspectives in a small town im sure can lead to an "in group" which sucks too. im sorry to hear you've been having a rough go at it, i sincerely wish you the best and hope you're doin ok :) eff those people who judge you, you sound like a cool person in my book. im hopeful too dawg, i think that's all we have in this world lol. thanks again for being here and sharing your story, i hope you have a dazzling rest of ur day
I live in a rural town and I’m a warehouse worker 😭 I agree with you that all I want is a community and more friends to laugh with. This is out there, but since we’re all here, why don’t we become online friends and get to know each other? 😅
i'm the same way. There is nothing i want more then to be part of a tight knit community with friends.. getting a wife one day and raising kids. Having parties.... going out on weekends iwth others I've dreamed about it since I was a teenager.
But i was never able to have any of them and was socially isolated and bullied most of my life. Which made everything hard for me and traumatized me.
My second biggest dream would be to just retire and homestead somewhere nice and not have to work for a corporation till i die. To be able to just be self sufficient and grow my own food... live my own life in the moment, in the real world, away from computers and the internet, with some farm animals and dogs and cats and not have to worry about society or people. Mostly just disconnect from the internet and id' be happier.
I bet you i would get 10 times happier and 100 times less stressed. I truly hate my life.... i merely cope with it, but it isn't the life i wanted or dreamed about or expected, even after lowering my expectations over decades. But at least my life is improving and i have hope. There is still a chance for me turn my life around. To be fair many others have it worse then me. I am lucky and blessed in many ways.
Knowing all the reasons is interesting but also a lot of people simply don't want to put in any effort or time in making or keeping friends but simply expect them to spring into existence one day
Great video, i think embracing the awkwardness of meeting a stranger is key to breaking the ice & what not. trials & tribulations, never let one bad experience cloud the future
i used to only have one friend group (from high school) and when i started uni and got a job (and started putting myself out there to meet new people) i formed many strong friendships that i maintain nowadays. my high school friends didn’t like it tho because that meant my focus wasn’t 100% on them and it caused a falling out. i try reaching out to them constantly but i’m always kept at arms length. kinda sad honestly
Work friends went from being a thing you were wary of, to being one of the only ways to talk to people during your day.
Meaningful connections can still be made, it does just feel harder for those of us just breaking into the adult world.
This video hit me at the perfect time. I love your work dude! You got a life long viewer right here.
aye i really appreciate the support and kind words
I do my best to talk to people but man it can be hard dealing with people that rather not talk to you.
This video no joke kinda changed my life. The four year old approach to friendship was cathartic
Idk. I’ve always tried to be friendly to people and have sometimes overextended my kindness to people, and it never resulted in anything. I know I shouldn’t expect anything (and I should just be nice because it’s the right thing to do), but sometimes I feel that people expect friends to be 1. Hot 2. Cool 3. Wealthy 4. Well connected. I fear that people don’t even want to be friends with average people. Surprisingly, ever since I learned to find comfort in own solitary life, I feel better and mostly happier. I’ve spent so much of my life being kind, smiling, helping people beyond my means, always being the shoulder to cry on, and like……it’s resulted in nothing. Life feels really transactional nowadays, I fear. But idk, maybe I just suck. 🤔
same. i mostly just chat with other neurodivergent people on discord if i feel like i need social interaction nowadays. i feel a lot better now than i did when i was constantly trying and failing to forge irl friendships with people who couldn’t care less about me or just wanted to use me for something
SAME, SAME, SAME! I always try to be nice and... nothing, then i switch it up and think:" maybe people will be attracted to me if i was a bitch"... even more nothing, and then i feel confused afterwards. I already have established relationships in my own town, but in the city where i live now because of studies i feel like i have zero people to lean on and giving up on friends. It is like people dont care about you and dont want to try to talk to you or be friends with you especially if ylu aren't from their city.
I lost nearly all my friends to... marriage, basically. In our teens we had a vibrant neighborhood and would meet to play sports as well as board games. Once they got married my friends considered that they should dedicate all their time to their wives and never make themselves available for activities... it appears to be an intractable male problem because the women do fairly well in maintaining their friendships, meeting regularly, etc.
It's a bad thing honestly. But from the women's perspective, no harm can come of it
It's because people are selfish to the point where they think optimizing is the only goal. They don't care about life balance everything is a checklist.
Women relationships are just as insane. They backstab each other, gossip, judge people, care about other peoples problem instead of fixing their own problems. These types of people are miserable to be around and I'm glad they end up alienating themselves. You have been blessed by not having to deal with these types of people they will never be happy and are always looking to use people to get what they want.
I have a friend group primarily of males and they still find time to hangout with two of the main people making plans both being men. To be fair, only two of them are dating but they still make time to hangout. Maybe when they get married they'll prioritize their marriage but that'd be pretty sad considering we'd been friends for years
this got me thinking about why it might be easier for women to maintain friendships and I have an unsubstantiated theory. I always see jokes online about how men will hang out with their buddies and then if you ask them any personal details about their friends they don't know much and the girls are like what do yall even talk about then? meanwhile as a woman myself me and my friends often have deep personal sometimes emotional conversations and of course we joke around too but the depth of those interactions makes it so that I didn't see them for a month I wouldn't feel like we've drifted apart we still are close it's just been a minute.
you guys ever wonder what the point of all of this is
Depends on what this is. If you're talking about life? Yup. If you are talking about Java then this is a keyword used to self reference a class and it's properties. In other languages i.e Rust "this" is "self".
lowkey
Yeah bro
no idea. maybe try to enjoy yourself while you can
@asandax6 Actually the point of this is to reference the instance of a class for which the method was invoked... ofc silly 🤓
Get a hobby that requires showing up in person, then don't act too much like a creep or weirdo, don't smell, don't be too negative, respect the dumb opinions of other people and you are heavily increasing your chances of making friends.
Paying for friends sounds like the next step.
Group therapy lol
New idea: fraternities and sororities but for adults
@@swagistan69420dude adult frats is called the Rotary club. Believe me these organizations are insufferable
For me, solo traveling another countries and staying hostel helped me talk with strangers. It is like first day at college, everyone is trying to figure out the new location so people are super friendly!!
the part where you say bars and places like that advertise the fantasy of community is I think really insightful. My question is, are there any types of places today where community is not just an ad campaign outside of like, joining a literal cult? Genuinely what are the communities people are talking about, where are they
book clubs, public art studios, craft circles, sewing classes, volenteering groups, hiking groups, running groups, community centers have a lot of classes, some people do poker circles, your local punk scene, workout classes, game shops if your into magic or dnd, and dance studios are good places to start. Bars and coffee shops can also offer genuine community, good signs to look out for are miss-matched chairs, baristas or bartenders bantering with eachother and regulars, local artists on the walls, an open mic night, and cheap drinks.
Screenshotted this so I can stop giving excuses to not make friends
@@keyoimani even if you don't make acctual friends from this, talking to familiar people will bosst your mental health so don't be discouraged!
@@itss.mfkntori second on the craft circle and public art studios, where I'm at in the US the local art scene and local craft scene has quite a bit of overlap (at least within my general age cohort) and there's been a big push to meet new people, build community, and expand the circle and what has ended up happening is that once you stumble upon one part you can find the others.
Anywhere where people go to build/learn a skill has been the most helpful for me (I go roller skating every week on discount day) it's like a built in conversation starter where you go up to someone who's better than you and ask "hey how do you do that?". Most of the time people love to teach others about the hobby they are passionate about. It did take me months of going every week before I could get myself to finally talk to someone but once you get your foot in the door everything opens up for you.
introvertedmadness's humor is truly 1 of a kind xD
the man vs bear thing is about men's violence toward women being worse than a bear, it's not about general public mistrust, it's a gender specific issue in this case
He eventually addresses that, but yah, you’re right.
I, too, wish for bears instead of violence, but don't bears unalive other bears' cubs?
@@CTimmermanwhat does that have to do with meeting one in the forest? we're not bear cubs
@@chaosbringer-planeteater Bears also kill humans who don't even pose a threat to them. Hence bear mace. At least humans can blame the intersection of having no money and needing money for drugs for putting one's feelings above those of their victims.
@@CTimmerman if you're insinuating that men only want money or drugs from female victims, that's not what the man vs bear argument is about. it's about sexual violence because that is what a woman is afraid of, rightfully so
I remember as a kid, my friends parents wouldn’t let us hang out that much because they thought we were gay lovers. Shit was so sad
My thinking is that we kind of have to factor gender into this at least partly, because it actually seems like this is mostly a problem for men. For American men, it has mostly been your immediate family, the person you're married to, any kids you have, and whatever interactions you have with co-workers. That's it. And with the way society is now, most of those things are harder to get. People are having fewer kids and relationships don't last as long. People often work remotely or spend a lot of time on their phone or at the computer even if they are at the office. You no longer have an excuse to walk over to someone and ask a question in person because everything can be done via text or e-mail. Eating out, the one thing you used to be able to ask people to do, is now seen as an expensive luxury. Going to the theater is also seen that way when you could just stream something at home. The truth was, this was just barely working, and modern technology and economic issues just pushed it over the edge until now it doesn't work at all anymore. The issue I see is this. Traditionally, single men are not trusted by society, because they cause a lot of problems and in a way people subconsciously rely on the fact that a woman trusts a man enough to be in a relationship with him, as a proxy for how trustworthy he is in general. That is to say, having a girlfriend/wife is not just about having a girlfriend/wife, it's about telling the other people around you, "Hey, a woman trusts me enough to be in a committed relationship with me, I'm not a threat. I won't steal your girl, I won't hit on you or worse, and I have something to lose if I go to jail." This is acknowledged in politics, a lot of male politicians have always known they have to be married because of the optics. So basically, the doors to friendship don't really open for men until after they have a wife, and at that point often the wife's friends and any kids they have are sufficient to satisfy their needs. In order to get a wife and a committed relationship, you usually need to have a solid, good-paying job. That's problem number two... good jobs are harder and harder to come by, which means men aren't getting married as much, which means we now have an epidemic of single men who are either unemployed, or work jobs that don't pay much and aren't very stable, and the truth is that society just doesn't want these men, they're seen as "losers," and it only gets worse as they age and fail to thrive.
These men tend to see each other more as competition than as company for the most part, and aren't really going to rely on each other. Unless maybe they're gay or something, but for normal, straight men, that would be very odd indeed unless they're childhood friends or served in the military together or something. I would say it's really not technology that's the problem, it's that our society isn't setup for the current moment. We live in a society that is extremely competitive, individualistic, and which seeks efficiency. This worked fine back when technology was less advanced, because we had plenty of practical excuses to interact with other people and form bonds. Lots of things had to be done in person, and they gave us all kinds of practical excuses to do things in real life and interact with people without appearing weak or desperate. All those practical excuses are gone, and now to want to do things in real life is to admit to wanting something impractical, to being sentimental and lonely, and being a lonely guy is kind of a "ick" for most people. Women have handled it better because they are naturally focused on the friendship itself and nurturing the connection rather than on the hobbies and practical excuses that incidentally lead to friendships like guys are. With guys, they are finding that they can pursue all their hobbies in total isolation now, unless maybe they're younger and into sports or something. Their jobs don't require as much human contact, their hobbies don't require as much human contact, the inefficiency of doing things in person when they don't have to be done that way kind of ruins them and makes the intent too obvious, so now they have to endure more loneliness because they are not going to ask for more human connection and look lonely and desperate, and they probably wouldn't get it even if they did.
Of course, this is just my perspective, as an asexual 36-year old man, who hasn't been in the workforce for years. The only friendship I have managed to make since I started trying, is this 70-year old man from Vietnam who meets with me three times a week to learn English. At some point, we started going over various articles related to medical stuff together. He brings food every time. After I'd been doing this for about a year... he started checking my blood pressure before we start each time, and we'd compare our numbers to see whose blood pressure numbers were better. The interesting thing is, we originally met through a conversation partners program that was targeted to teaching foreigners English. He had asked for additional meetings a couple of times before the program ended, and I agreed to them. So, somehow, even after the program ended and he went back to Vietnam for several months, he called me back up and we started meeting regularly again. So somehow, we ended up being friends somehow because of a now-defunct program offered at a community college, and the connection didn't end simply because a habit formed where he'd ask for additional conversation practice outside the meetings while they were still going on. The other people in the program, who didn't do this, I never heard from them again. Only the one who formed the habit of asking for additional help ahead of it ending.
Wow that’s a very good take and analysis to what other factors besides the phone and social media pandemic has produced the current situation.
Let’s see where it goes.
Maybe in 10 years we’ll say the comment section on RUclips is missing in todays society 😂
Amazing, one of your best videos. The graphics and pacing is perfect, and the script is spoken clearly and is easy to follow. Super well written. just please make your thumbnail less busy lol. if you flick your eye over it is difficult to read the keyword 'friends'. But this video is gonna do really well regardless, especially since it is a topic that relates to everyone. Good job
i really appreciate the kind words and feedback!!!! means a lot, thanks bein here and caring enough to give suggestions, i hope u have a SUPERB rest of ur day
Great video! I thought it would be clickbait because the title is something that’s obvious to everyone with eyes and a brain, but you broke the problem and possible solutions down very informatively. I think “unfriendly-ness” is a perfect term for this issue.
I've literally observed this while taking a walk anywhere: the older people will say hi in passing but the younger generations do not. There's so much distrust in people my age that they don't ever talk to strangers outside of their work.
I think it's a little disingenuous to immediately jump to the conclusion of fear and distrust, when kindness and consideration are huge factors. The world doesn't revolve around you, and it's a bit entitled to assume that a random stranger - who has their own life, and goals, and inner world - is interested in striking up a conversation with you. Sure, they could be afraid or distrustful of you, but the more likely option is that they are either disinterested, or are being kind and considerate by not bothering you without a good reason.
I realized last year that one of my friends I made wasn't a friend at all. I ended up severing that friendship, and my life has been much better since then. Sometimes you feel obligated to maintain a friendship due to how long it's been around, only to realize it was toxic. Now, I've learned how to become more open to creating new friendships.
Also, in terms of talking to people, I accidentally mistook a stranger for someone I knew. She was so nice, and said she was sure I would be a nice person to know. I regret not taking the conversation further!
thank god i meet the realest friends in the most unexpected ways . me and my new bsf julio met on sep , we’re both seniors , and i hope we can be friends for a very long time
Man, awesome job!!!! You’re speaking into an issue that everyone I know wants to ignore.
There's just nowhere to meet people. I'm not interested in any hobby clubs, so forever alone is all that's left for me.
None of them reach out to me man. I used to always be calling friends wanting to hang out, but it was always me. Stopped calling to see if they really did wanna hamg out and i guess i got my answer over 10 years later.
babe wake up introvertedmadness uploaded
I am 20 years old (gen z) and I am definitely really lonely but also very numb to the loneliness. I get to see my high school friends maybe once a year which is pretty depressing ngl. It has been quite hard for me to find any real friends in college everyone I’ve met at college have never truly been friends I would meet up with or have lunch just people I would text occasionally on insta. I have been told by my parents to join clubs to make friends but all the clubs are held in the afternoon when I have work or around 7:30 am ish and I am a commute student and need my rest lol (ain’t going to wake up that early feel to exhausted from working mon-Friday and class.) I also live in the countryside and rent is so expensive I have to live with my parents, I love them so much but I can’t help but feel if I lived on my own or with roommates I probably would have a better social life. I am just waiting to get my B.A, maybe after I get a full time job I’ll meet people through work 🤞🏻
This channel doesn’t miss. Seriously my favorite.
This is literally why i cover everything i own in Fandom merch. I am far more comfortable talking to strangers if they also like a tv show i like. Unfortunately I have only made one new freind by doing this. So yall need to start complimenting stickers and pins more
for me, the way my city talked about socialization during and even well after lockdown really impacted the way people interact, at least where I live. people are almost afraid to look at each other lol and it feels like every hangout is forbidden or breaking some kind of rule. my city handled lockdown really poorly though, so i think it kind of freaked people out and now they don't know how to act around other people anymore
Is bro watching me? I'm graduating this year and realizing that my "friends" aren't treating me with the same respect/consideration. So now I have no real friends. 😃
Nobody is genuine anymore. That's the answer.
Amazing content recently man! Loved this video a lot!!
It's tough because It feels like a lot of connections are simply temporary. Speaking from experience, I am fairly active and I try to do a lot of activities (Work, volunteering, gym). However, it feels like even when I do get along with people, since there is no community, there's always that "We need to meet up some other time"; Except that other time never comes. I guess I just need to try more but overall it becomes really tiring after a while, especially once you start working and trying to start a business. At a certain point, you really just start questioning what the point even is. It's definitely a tough situation. To everyone going through it, I wish you luck, I hope we all make it 🙏
I love your videos and the creativity and effort behind them, one of my favourite youtubers really !!
When I grew up in Cleveland, in a middle class area, no one on my block had fenses in their backyards.
There was an expance of green grass, a block long. It was very nice.
I knew everyone on my street, and us kids would play outside every day.
love your videos man adds some comic relief to this absurdity known as life
It think that frog in the thumbnail wanted cookies. I remember that duo as a kids book back in the early 90s.
Hey man, I'm latino (from Panama). The one thing I realized is that not everything that comes out of the US is good, such as the way people here in the US socialize. I get it, most people want to sell something when they approach you but most of the time, it's all about smiling and saying hi to people and taking it from there.
Smile genuinely, say hi, and ask them their name. It's really easy to get to know people.
Great video per usual!
Theres plenty of guys out there who definitely are interested in a committed relationship
Bro so glad you’re back. can’t wait for the next vid. Keep it up
i swear i hear what you were saying but i can't get over the stellar song choices
Thank you for this video!!!! ❤ makes me feel less alone 😄 and restores my faith in humanity and reminded me of my original self 😅 i think thats a lot but yah.. pretty hard making friends nowadays so im very grateful for the friend interactions i do get :’)
What do you mean it's no one's fault we live far away from each other? I blame single family zoning and the lack of cheap places to hang out. These are the fault of lawmakers for decades.
My knitting group had to go virtual once the pandemic hit. We all ended up moving away from each other, but are still able to keep in contact. There is one member who ended up living within minutes of me, and we never actually met in person. We're going out for coffee for the first time soon!
I also played a tabletop game with a group virtually for the first time. I found it much less enjoyable since it didn't have the personal connection that you get face to face. I also have a bit of a weakness for mini figures too, I'll admit.
"His go to attack is the biological equivalent of swinging a rock in a sock" I never ever thought of a punch like that and it had me crying of laughter
I try to get my friends out all the time but they never want to do anything. Always staying home to save money. They don’t put any effort in either so I’m letting them fade out.
just discovered your channel and i love this format similar to frugal aesthetic
i could have talked to a total stranger instead of watching this video 😭
This was a really nice video, not really sure how else to put it. Made me feel better about only having one friend. We’ve been hanging out more and I’ve been so much happier even though it hasn’t been a lot.
Pretty great vid man :)
I like your style :)
Unfortunately I try to make plans to hang out with the current friends I have but they're all wrapped up in their own lives and are terrible at communication and never commit to any plans. (Trust me this is why I'm looking for new ones.)
Good luck! ✨:-)
Turns out social media is not so social.
Makin friends is like butterflies but yea you gotta be where the butterflies will actually be to wait for a butterfly to show up.
I’ve been feeling so lonely lately and im glad I saw this
Thanks!
2:11 this statement earned a sub & thats exactly what im doin rn~ just enough to get to tomorrow
Lmfao same
Interesting topic! One curious discussion I read said the decline of third spaces may be due to how much better homes are now. Think about it, before the Internet, there was far less entertainment and thus more incentive to go outside. Nowadays I could just (and sometimes do) spend hours online.
this is such an interesting perspective as a small towner myself. I have grown up in rural minnesota all 18 years of my life. I have a job (at a gas station but work is work) and plenty of friends I see and say hi to all the time. This video almost made me want to be on my small-town high horse and pity all of the people who live in big cities but i can’t say I blame you all for not wanting to make friends. here in MN it’s so common to say hi to strangers on the street, i say hi to everyone that comes into the gas station when I’m working. I don’t even consider myself to be much of an extrovert, i just like being nice to people. maybe the minnesota nice stereotype has warped my perspective on what people are like these days but I like to think the general population is a pretty good bunch! my advice to you all, be suspicious of strangers, but not so suspicious that you hide yourself like a turtle every time someone waves at you. I hope this made sense and that you all have a wonderful day! ❤❤
Had a mental breakdown and my gen x parent couldnt understand why i didnt know why my coworkers didnt bother to talk to me or why every single friend ive had has actually been emotinally manipulative. I was doing okay building acquaintances in highschool but never invited anywhere never could get anyone to come with me and then college? Fucking nothing.
Ppl are struggling just to survive. Friend groups exist just not like Hollywood. Hobbies and interests get u to meet new ppl and such. Tbh not all friendships last, things run their course, let it go
truth. people think that the friend group they made in middle school is supposed to last forever. the fact is that most people’s social circles are formed out of convenience and proximity. it’s ok to let go of a friend group once you’re no longer in proximity with those people or you no longer have the thing in common that drew you together in the first place
I might just ask random locals in their 70/80/90s who have been there done that to tell me if there really was such thing as community 50 or 60 years ago and if people were more open, nice and friendly.
Having friends as an adult is so hard. I’m 29. I work 2 jobs because what I was doing for work is a dying industry and the cost of everything had skyrocketed. After two jobs, putting time and energy into my relationship with my partner, spending time with my cats, squeezing in time for workouts, and while planning to go back to college so I hopefully don’t have to work 2 jobs anymore, there’s just zero time for friends. I have 2 friends and we’re lucky if we see each other every month and a half. Our world isn’t designed for us to have friends. It’s designed for us to work and buy and be online.
I've unfortunately gone through a Bronze Age Collapse of friendships since 2020-2021.
Its about sharing common interests and prioritizing who we really want in our lives who's important.