"They want to enslave the adorable new alien friends? Well that just won't do!" *Proceeds to go absolutely ape-shit, would make our primate ancestors proud*
Crab aliens: "The humans have a weakness for furry creatures, so we'll cover ourselves with fur to put them off their guard!" Humans: "AAARGH! Giant tarantulas!!" (Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!)
A fundamental rule of humanity. If you are our friend, then there is very little we will not do for you. If you are our enemy, then there is very little we will not do to you.
@@chrisb9143 Yeah, at that point the geneva convention becomes a to do list full of beautiful suggestions on how best to exterminate the vermin. Which is why we would probably have asked any alien to sign the space version of it right there during first contact if viable. Anyone who does not sign it is liable to experience the geneva suggestion instead of being bound by the geneva convention, if they piss us off enough. XD
"Wait, you're telling me almost every species in the universe is a giant crab?" "Well, some are more like lobsters." "MA! GET THE FTL DRIVE WARMED UP! AND BUY MORE BUTTER!"
"I heard you struck my Yukak. May I ask why?" "Well, sir, it's because they tried to enslave the space otters, and, well, the humans took offense." " ...oh! "
I imagine that the adults took over the former slaver empire once the kids had to go home. Remaining Yukuk leader: "You're leaving?" *imagines that they can go back to their slaving ways once the monsters leave* Ashley: "Yep. We have to go home. But don't worry, the grownups will be taking over from us." *giant hulking power armor that utterly dwarfs Ashley steps into view* Ashley: "Isn't that right, Daddy?"
Yukuk Leader: Wait, you all weren't even adults... *Starts having a minor nervous breakdown* Ashley: Nope! Still got another few years to go for that Every sentient species in the Galactic Community: Note to self, Humans are terrifying even as adolescents and the adults only take that further. Under no circumstances provoke the homocidal space monkies
That ending reminded me of that line from the story Child's Play, "Congratulations Ruagari, you lost a war to children with a debilitating sickness. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad."
Ah, I remember that one. That part was pretty badass, but the story as a whole is pretty messed up when you think of the implications of what happens next.
Ah yes, the paradox that is being near apex predator and prey. Protective and survival instinct combined into one with adrenaline to give that extra oomph.
Xenia: *come for slaves* Humans: *adrenaline.exe has activated* *WARNING PROTECTIVE AND SURVIVAL INSTINCTS.EXE AND INSANE MENTALITY.EXE HAVE ACTIVATED*
The only thing that saved the Yukuk, is they very luckily didn't get a chance to even hurt one of the cute and cuddly space otters in front of the humans. If they had, there wouldn't be any Yukuk left to surrender.
"What happened to this one?" "It fell down the stairs 27 times" "27 times?" "At that point it wasn't worth scraping it up for another go." "Ah, alright then."
"Like most species in the galaxy, they had evolved into crabs" This made me laugh so hard. To those who dont know, "crabs" have evolved multiple times on earth. Thi gs keep turning into crabs. Half the crabs we call crabs are from different evolutionary branches. Itd be simple convergant evolution if it had happened once or twice...but .. It keeps happening.. Thus leading to the joke amongst people interested evolutionary biology that tue crab is the ultimate form for organic life, and everything will eventualy evolve into a crab.
Yeah I have read a couple papers about that and seen a few presentations. The thing is no one really knows why everything seems to eventually evolve into a crab. But hey, we just need to make sure we keep cows around so we can keep up the supply of butter.
Maybe the Crab form is the best one possible for a bentonic predator, much like the croc form is the best for aquatic ambush predator AND the fish form is the best to swim?
@@VadulTharys well i mean the formula seems straight forward right? getting beaten the hell out of at school? 'this case the ocean' well just bring a riot shield. whos ganna hit you now. oh no someone found away around said shield. bring a gu- i mean. "defense tool" and boom now your a badass tank with claws. oh. you taste really good? dam that sucks for you. OH SHIT THERES BUTTER?! DEVOLVE! NOW GET OUT OF THERE!
It's how nature made us cute=young young=future anything threatens young/cute MUST, with extreme prejudice, either be taught the error of its ways or eliminated, lest it become a threat later
@@paulhuston9991 there's a reason most dangerous animals instinctively fear humans, our ancestors removed enough of those that didn't from the gene pool
Ah, humans being sweet and gentle with their allies while tearing enemies limb from limb. Now those are the kinds of HFY/'humans are Space Orcs' kinda stories I can get behind.
Thank you for reading my story! It's great to see everyone enjoying it! Back in high school, we needed community service every year to graduate so I figured if a bunch of students are on the warpath they might as well cover their bases. They just needed the people they 'serviced' to sign something. I hope to start my own youtube channel as soon as I figure out how to get around the fact I can't draw or animate. Hopefully, I will have more stories for people to enjoy.
That was probably one of the better ones I've listened to. Especially at the end when you find out they're actually juvenile delinquents there to do community service. Edit. The original author has commented and said that I am Incorrect and it was a requirement for the school that they have extra credit.
that also makes the competence with improvised weapons seem more believable. Humans can do a bunch of cool stuff but that's usually with experience or some specialization; a lot of the stories just go with "this is what people have done in the past so this random person can do that too" rather than building a general idea of the person's capabilities- I know that the stories would be a lot longer if they went over the back ground of ever human.
@@calvingreene90 while that is true, some of those high schools are also the schools where they send the delinquents. I suppose anybody could take the story any Direction they want I just kind of prefer it from my perspective.
Was another HFY story I stumbled across a few months ago, the galaxy's most feared race attacked and killed a ship with human school kids on a field trip and broadcast it to the galaxy. Their extermination was quick and total.
The Space Crabs wouldn't like my family. Aside from my mother's side of the family (and by extension, my step-father's) EVERY household in my family has at least 1 Crab Pot, except my Sister, who has only just moved into her own place. And Christmas isn't Christmas without a Mud Crab in the middle of the table.
Funny thing us crabs ain't even that bad looking. I mean, still creepy, especially if they're big as us. But honestly fungus and actual insects are far more disgusting. But good on that crab guy for recognizing that humans' long experience with domestication has ingrained in us a protective drive for allied species almost as strong as that we show our children. "This was the first time an entire sapient species was adopted wholesale by another." -Exceprt, "Humans Are Weird Monsters; or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cuddles."
An entire space empire got felled by a few juvenile delinquents and a construction crew on a space otter colony. Just imagine what would have happened if an actual Militia or the actual Military got involved.
The funny thing is, that is exactly the reason that they would actually want to surrender to a group of kids specifically. The military would have no grounds for retaliation.
Y'know, we might have defended the crabs against slavers if they weren't slavers. Heck, I could see us looking the other way if they hunted the adults for food(unlikely, but I could see it; natural order and all). But kidnapping baby otters for slavery? No. We'll serve you up with butter and cornbread. If it's other space otters kidnapping the babies, we'll use BBQ sauce. For all things cute and cuddly!
"Yeah you see they come and steal our children cause it's easier to train them young" .............. "Human are you alright?" Eye begins twitching. "Human...?" *Rage ⚠️* THEY FOCKIN WOT?!?
"I do not love the sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I only love that which they defend." -Faramir, son of Denethor, Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien.
Even if I know that the one giving orders should be in their late teens at the youngest I keep imaging a 10 year old girl screaming "KILL! PROTECT THE CUTE & CUDDLY!!"
And that was college students,... I dare say the far more violent military would have crushed them so quickly and throughly that wouldn't have even been able to surrender. It would have been over before it was even on.
considering that most recruits are only 18 - 19 when they join, college students are older. As for community service, I could fill a battalion from soldiers who got in minor trouble and had to do some community service, mostly disorderly conduct on a Friday night.
"Who's bringing the butter?" I'm picturing that young girl absolutely murdering that giant crab and asking for butter after. Sure she would like a snack after all that fighting, though.
You kill a Human, we'll hunt you down and put you to trial, where you'll be severily punished. You kill one of our fluffy cute and cuddle companions? You won't even get to have a trial.
Ashley: No retreat, no surrender and for the love of everything cute and cuddly...no mercy.(Doom music kicks in) Don't be a tasty looking crab alien slaver...we will bring butter and lemon
"To the Coalition of Armed *Student Volunteers*." They weren't even a primarily military force, rather they just armed themselves and won a war against a slaver race. Shows exactly what humans are capable of.
"oh... so the space crabs are slavers who want to take the space otter pups? how about we give them something different?" *proceeds to go ape-shive on any space crab dumb enough not to run back into their ships*
@@JimmyAgent007, I might need to reread this to actually know what I'm talkin about, lol,, but I recall it was some very good writing, and a great story! Good job buddy!
4:12 This diplomat's first instinct, upon meeting a new and hithertoo unknown alien species, was to approach them rapidly and manhandle their children. Fucking humans, man.
...I know it's wrong to eat sentients but they were trying to hurt the space otters.. and yes I did bring some genuine terran spices. If the space otters dont twll I'm not telling either.
They surrendered to the students in 6 miners. The human military didn’t get involved apparently or it would have been over in 1 month. Tell the people in the Northeast of the US and that empire would be gone in a week.
At least they didn't make it to my old AF headcanon sci-fi civilization, those guys would casually check if there are otters onboard, and then proceed with making a mess from those crabs. TL;DR idea was kinda dimension-hopper race making alliances with various fictional universes they stumbled upon, based on what I was watching, reading or playing. Following scene is an example of possible outcome, not nearly as hillarious, but properly showing how lucky those space crab Batarians are: *Slaver ship appears* -Psy-corps, any sings of our otter friends on ship? *One of techie things on ship hull moving, and a group of psionics doing a collective ping using amplifier tech* -Ping returned negative, sir *With malicious change in voice on "systems intact"* -Then pop that ship, I want their systems intact -Call in one of our Hammerheads, I want the Yamato shot to their engine, and a virus in life support running rampant *Space otter is in shock* -W-what do you mean? *Person in question gives malicious smile to holo-comms* -Well, Command said they wanted systems operational, when I pop that craft, nothing about the crew, and struggling for air as they're running for their voidsuits, means no one will be there to fight or get any other stupid ideas And that be same people who's been acting like a girl who seen adorable kittens when around otter younglings
If you are are friend there is almost nothing we will not do for you. If you are our enemy there is almost nothing we won't do to you. --- From somewhere on the internet. Ps. Enslaving children makes you our enemy. Cute and cuddly children doubly so.
Humans may not make good pets, but cute and cuddly aliens could do a lot worse than allowing humans to consider them as pets!😉 I loved the line about the misunderstanding about the crab festival. 😁 I could see most of the races in the galaxy being crabs becoming a problem down the road, however. 😋🍴🍲
@@VadulTharys pets are property of their master which can be traded or sold meaning treating a intelligent being like a pet is not really different than treating them as a slave
i wonder how we'd react to a species of heartmeltingly adorable aliens who'd also use their looks to prey upon other species like Xenomoprhs or Ashen or something. I imagine we'd want to eardicate them for their transgressions against all pure cute and cuddly things?
and hence forth the galaxy learnt to fear the war cry of ''FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING CUTE AND CUDLY!'' I just.... for some reason it gives me the mental image of a drooling slaving horde of orcs fighting each other looking up as something catched ther attention seeing a kitten who's owner died being picked up by some infiltrator crab alien.. and suddenly like riples on water all orcs stops fighting each other and charges the kitten eating one with rage making ther previous screaming and mutilating violance of each other look like a court dance XD
"So what did you do for your community service requirement?" "Oh, you know, destroyed an alien slave empire because they were stealing baby space otters. You?"
Alien: you glassed 6 of our world's over 6 children. Human amabassador: we have said it so often it's a cliche, Our children mean the world to us. We never it was our world. The Geneva convention isn't a list of war crimes. It's our list of things we know work to effectively. It's to protect us from ourselves not you from us.
"humans are weird monsters... end of story" humanity summarized, abridged version Though I have to wonder what the aliens would have done if the humans had send them some delicious recipes... like crab rangoon.
Listen I'm recently started a divorce and fell heavy into ❄️ abuse. I'm now battling for my life divorce drive me to substance and that pushed my children away. My new gf ran around while I was at work and laughed about it behind my back to her pals and did for 6months plus numeric guys like at least 2 a month at least 2 a month.....this channel keeps the gun out of my mouth every damn night. Thank you
As a vegetarian, the crab fest doesn't appeal to me, but I can totally get on board with the "for everything cute & cuddly" sentiment. Ambassador Pul's children sound otterly adorable. 😉
LOL, well humans tend to love even things not cute and cuddly. Lizards can be cute, as can snakes, spiders and more. Not to mention even fierce frightening things can be beautiful and make humans want to defend them. If a huge fire breathing, terrifying but beautiful dragon landed as first contact, humans would be lining up to give it gifts.
For the people that have spiders they can. Ever seen the face of a jumping spider? Those big eyes make them look cute. If it's your beloved pet or animal companion, then it's loved by you. Others might not think them cute, cuddly or lovable, but the pet person does.
"They want to enslave the adorable new alien friends? Well that just won't do!" *Proceeds to go absolutely ape-shit, would make our primate ancestors proud*
Reject society, return to monke!
Xeno Churchill: "Let's those hairless apes die. Their gestation cycle is nine months, they can breed their numbers back"
*Holds up sharp stick* Agreed WE MUST NOT SURRENDER.
@@zzav2345 Thanks for the video
Gang war evolution at its finest
Crab aliens: "The humans have a weakness for furry creatures, so we'll cover ourselves with fur to put them off their guard!"
Humans: "AAARGH! Giant tarantulas!!" (Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!)
This made my day, and also terrified the shit outta me.
Hans get the plasma thrower!!!
HANS SCORCH EARTH SCOOOOORCH EAAAAAARRTTTHH
Nuke them from orbit,it's the only way to be sure.
Kill it! Kill it! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!! AND THEN WE EAT!!!
Defending tiny, adorable, little baby otter floofs from monster slavers?
*all of humanity stands*
WE FIGHT!
The slavers: We should not have done that.
WE SHOULD NOT DONE THAT.
"Prepare my flagship and rally all available ships in the quadrant.
I will see to this xenos scum, personally."
@@robertstan9733 "AYE AYE, SIR"
FOR THE LOVE OF ANYTHING CUTE AND CUDDLY
@@robertstan9733 "Sir, we have already done that as soon as we heard the call for the love of everything cute and cuddly"
A fundamental rule of humanity. If you are our friend, then there is very little we will not do for you. If you are our enemy, then there is very little we will not do to you.
Yep
Think about it, Humans have had to create laws of war because we know how far we can go.
@@VadulTharys 'Always remember, follow the human rules of warfare. They are there for YOUR protection!'
@@robertschumacher2707 "When you break their rules, the become creative. You DON'T want that"
@@chrisb9143 Yeah, at that point the geneva convention becomes a to do list full of beautiful suggestions on how best to exterminate the vermin. Which is why we would probably have asked any alien to sign the space version of it right there during first contact if viable. Anyone who does not sign it is liable to experience the geneva suggestion instead of being bound by the geneva convention, if they piss us off enough. XD
Warriors don't fight because they hate what is in front of them; they fight because they love what is behind them.
aamen!
Sabaton but also yes
And baby space otters are something we will protect.
As a combat medic in 3 war zones and 5 aid missions I can attest to this. Only things stronger than fear is hate, love and hunger.
Thank you.
"Wait, you're telling me almost every species in the universe is a giant crab?"
"Well, some are more like lobsters."
"MA! GET THE FTL DRIVE WARMED UP! AND BUY MORE BUTTER!"
Pro tip: invest heavily in Old Bay stock.
*banjo music starts*
Suddenly feels like I’m playing stellaris lol
MEDITERRANEAN MENU IS BACK BABY
Mind if I bring the Cajun seasonings?
When in doubt on how to contact humanity, just send in your most adorable species. Preferably covered in fur and looking like mammals.
"I heard you struck my Yukak. May I ask why?"
"Well, sir, it's because they tried to enslave the space otters, and, well, the humans took offense."
" ...oh! "
The call her Hela
The Goddess of Helheim?
No. She's the one you send to kill the fucking Goddess of Helheim
Ashley. In theaters October 24 2014
@@hunterv9983 Good one XD
Absolutely brilliant hahahah u made my day
"What are you spraying the giant crabs with?"
'Lemon juice and melted butter."
"You know, for cooking"
"You barbarian!"
"...you need garlic and salt too."
@@SetzerII They clog up the sprayer and need to be added later.
@@SetzerII "Ya, thanks for the information"
Thou shall not eat Sapient beings
No matter how much they deserve it
Do NOT mess with the Cute and Cuddly things, especially threatening slavery. Young human petting machines suddenly become ..... Hulk Smash!
I imagine that the adults took over the former slaver empire once the kids had to go home.
Remaining Yukuk leader: "You're leaving?" *imagines that they can go back to their slaving ways once the monsters leave*
Ashley: "Yep. We have to go home. But don't worry, the grownups will be taking over from us."
*giant hulking power armor that utterly dwarfs Ashley steps into view*
Ashley: "Isn't that right, Daddy?"
Yukuk Leader: Wait, you all weren't even adults... *Starts having a minor nervous breakdown*
Ashley: Nope! Still got another few years to go for that
Every sentient species in the Galactic Community: Note to self, Humans are terrifying even as adolescents and the adults only take that further. Under no circumstances provoke the homocidal space monkies
@@nullvoided8387 "Humans are terrifying even as adolescents". Something humans have known for years now.
My Chemical Romance had warned us about this. XD You get a cookie if you know what I mean 🍪
@@SH-qs7ee Humans are terrifying especially as adolescents!
Then they meet the elderly who yearn for Valhalla.
That ending reminded me of that line from the story Child's Play, "Congratulations Ruagari, you lost a war to children with a debilitating sickness. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad."
That still makes me laugh. Hard to top a burn of that magnitude.
That was a good story ^^
Ah, I remember that one. That part was pretty badass, but the story as a whole is pretty messed up when you think of the implications of what happens next.
@@Theminecraftian772 well, Humans were just teenagers being rebelious ^^
Link?
whelp, there is a note here somewhere about getting between females and cute things....
I had a friend say she would castrate someone if they didn't let her play with a puppy she was almost 20
@@roboticfish317 makes sense
Ah yes, the paradox that is being near apex predator and prey. Protective and survival instinct combined into one with adrenaline to give that extra oomph.
Xenia: *come for slaves*
Humans: *adrenaline.exe has activated* *WARNING PROTECTIVE AND SURVIVAL INSTINCTS.EXE AND INSANE MENTALITY.EXE HAVE ACTIVATED*
This. Exactly this.
We got boh fight and flight, protect and sacrifice. A real weird mix of intincts.
You forgot.
Safety interlock disable
Activate emergency pain blockers
Release restraint level 0.
DISABLING ALL NONLETHAL PREFERENCES
SEARCHING FOR NEAREST IMPROVISED WEAPON
The only thing that saved the Yukuk, is they very luckily didn't get a chance to even hurt one of the cute and cuddly space otters in front of the humans. If they had, there wouldn't be any Yukuk left to surrender.
"What happened to this one?"
"It fell down the stairs 27 times"
"27 times?"
"At that point it wasn't worth scraping it up for another go."
"Ah, alright then."
@@robertschumacher2707 lmao
I'm pretty sure we'd have killed and eating them
@@robertschumacher2707 reasonable reaction have a nice day
@@robertschumacher2707 🤣🤣🤣
"Like most species in the galaxy, they had evolved into crabs"
This made me laugh so hard. To those who dont know, "crabs" have evolved multiple times on earth. Thi gs keep turning into crabs. Half the crabs we call crabs are from different evolutionary branches. Itd be simple convergant evolution if it had happened once or twice...but .. It keeps happening..
Thus leading to the joke amongst people interested evolutionary biology that tue crab is the ultimate form for organic life, and everything will eventualy evolve into a crab.
I’m laughing way too hard at this.
Yeah I have read a couple papers about that and seen a few presentations. The thing is no one really knows why everything seems to eventually evolve into a crab. But hey, we just need to make sure we keep cows around so we can keep up the supply of butter.
Maybe the Crab form is the best one possible for a bentonic predator, much like the croc form is the best for aquatic ambush predator AND the fish form is the best to swim?
I remember roanoke gaming talking a little about this before. I find it hilarious that this keeps coming up since then.
@@VadulTharys well i mean the formula seems straight forward right? getting beaten the hell out of at school? 'this case the ocean' well just bring a riot shield. whos ganna hit you now. oh no someone found away around said shield. bring a gu- i mean. "defense tool" and boom now your a badass tank with claws. oh. you taste really good? dam that sucks for you. OH SHIT THERES BUTTER?! DEVOLVE! NOW GET OUT OF THERE!
It's how nature made us cute=young young=future anything threatens young/cute MUST, with extreme prejudice, either be taught the error of its ways or eliminated, lest it become a threat later
You dont wait for the snake to bite. You smash it before it can!!!
@@paulhuston9991 there's a reason most dangerous animals instinctively fear humans, our ancestors removed enough of those that didn't from the gene pool
Extreme prejudice? You want us to be racist at them?
@@wrathshorts2894 turn of phase, often used to indicate lack of mercy and/or with lots of aggression
@@wrathshorts2894 can't be racist against food
Ah, humans being sweet and gentle with their allies while tearing enemies limb from limb. Now those are the kinds of HFY/'humans are Space Orcs' kinda stories I can get behind.
Thank you for reading my story! It's great to see everyone enjoying it!
Back in high school, we needed community service every year to graduate so I figured if a bunch of students are on the warpath they might as well cover their bases. They just needed the people they 'serviced' to sign something.
I hope to start my own youtube channel as soon as I figure out how to get around the fact I can't draw or animate. Hopefully, I will have more stories for people to enjoy.
Thank you for writing it, and best of luck with your RUclips excursion
Thank you for the permission and the story
Man I would love to see the fall of the yukack empire
@@AgroSquerril I dropped a link to this video in the story itself.
I lost it when they cried, "Who brought the butter?" Because, of course, that is what they would say.
*To the Coalition of Armed Student Volunteers*
I wish my college had a Xeno Stomping club! What a field trip!
That was probably one of the better ones I've listened to. Especially at the end when you find out they're actually juvenile delinquents there to do community service.
Edit. The original author has commented and said that I am Incorrect and it was a requirement for the school that they have extra credit.
that also makes the competence with improvised weapons seem more believable. Humans can do a bunch of cool stuff but that's usually with experience or some specialization; a lot of the stories just go with "this is what people have done in the past so this random person can do that too" rather than building a general idea of the person's capabilities- I know that the stories would be a lot longer if they went over the back ground of ever human.
In many places community service credit requirements are not punishment just a requirement to graduate from high school.
@@calvingreene90 while that is true, some of those high schools are also the schools where they send the delinquents. I suppose anybody could take the story any Direction they want I just kind of prefer it from my perspective.
@@calvingreene90 My school did this so that's why I had it in the story
@@JimmyAgent007 are you the original author?
4 word warning that gets anything killed... "DONT FRICK WITH KIDS!"
Was another HFY story I stumbled across a few months ago, the galaxy's most feared race attacked and killed a ship with human school kids on a field trip and broadcast it to the galaxy. Their extermination was quick and total.
Damn…Ashley pulled a Glory Kill on that crab monster
You go girl, RIP AND FUCKING TEAR!!!
The Yukuk survivors still tell horror stories about . . . "old bay."
Poor bastards can't even look at tall pots or butter without having a panic attack.
Great story.
I can just imagine my daughters manning the barricades. The crabs would not have lasted long. No harm shall come to cute and cuddly..
The Space Crabs wouldn't like my family.
Aside from my mother's side of the family (and by extension, my step-father's) EVERY household in my family has at least 1 Crab Pot, except my Sister, who has only just moved into her own place.
And Christmas isn't Christmas without a Mud Crab in the middle of the table.
@@Deconstruction_Administrator The crabs would be horrorfided
Load shotguns with Old Bay, "Girls, they want to take the cute and cuddlys..." ... "Ya'll don't go out there now... it will be messy "...
The humans in this universe be like: TIME FOR SEAFOOD.
Seafood Diet in Space: we see them as food.
...
...
...
In Space.
MEAT'S BACK ON THE MENU BOIS
Funny thing us crabs ain't even that bad looking. I mean, still creepy, especially if they're big as us. But honestly fungus and actual insects are far more disgusting.
But good on that crab guy for recognizing that humans' long experience with domestication has ingrained in us a protective drive for allied species almost as strong as that we show our children.
"This was the first time an entire sapient species was adopted wholesale by another." -Exceprt, "Humans Are Weird Monsters; or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cuddles."
An entire space empire got felled by a few juvenile delinquents and a construction crew on a space otter colony.
Just imagine what would have happened if an actual Militia or the actual Military got involved.
The funny thing is, that is exactly the reason that they would actually want to surrender to a group of kids specifically. The military would have no grounds for retaliation.
I don't think student volunteers sent to watch over a daycare would be a group of delinquents
@@MoSteel497 I imagine if it's minor stuff like stealing it's possible, but anything more than that and it's a definite no
Not delinquents. We would not send even someone who had a minor record.
More like "foriegn exchange students", out on a cultural exchange trip.
@@MoSteel497 well they left their post so by definition they became delinquent 🙃
Y'know, we might have defended the crabs against slavers if they weren't slavers. Heck, I could see us looking the other way if they hunted the adults for food(unlikely, but I could see it; natural order and all). But kidnapping baby otters for slavery? No. We'll serve you up with butter and cornbread. If it's other space otters kidnapping the babies, we'll use BBQ sauce.
For all things cute and cuddly!
Tiny floofy thing: *is in danger*
Humankind: *Halo theme intensifies*
If humans beat the covenant to discovering grunts
"Yeah you see they come and steal our children cause it's easier to train them young" .............. "Human are you alright?" Eye begins twitching. "Human...?" *Rage ⚠️* THEY FOCKIN WOT?!?
Well its a good thing they weren't Space Amazon River Otters or we might've wound up siding with the damned crabs!
Jesus Christ, i agree. They look like they want to eat my soul
At that point they would probably be more dangerous than us
Crab Aliens: We have come to enslave all things cute and cuddly.
Humans:...so you have chosen DEATH
"I do not love the sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I only love that which they defend."
-Faramir, son of Denethor, Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien.
Even if I know that the one giving orders should be in their late teens at the youngest I keep imaging a 10 year old girl screaming "KILL! PROTECT THE CUTE & CUDDLY!!"
Sometimes the one in charge is simply the one with an idea and a plan.
Pul: Smiles and nods.
Of all the souls I have met, his was the most... Human.
And that was college students,... I dare say the far more violent military would have crushed them so quickly and throughly that wouldn't have even been able to surrender. It would have been over before it was even on.
considering that most recruits are only 18 - 19 when they join, college students are older. As for community service, I could fill a battalion from soldiers who got in minor trouble and had to do some community service, mostly disorderly conduct on a Friday night.
Yeah as a military man there would probably not be enough to toss in the pot for dinner
"Who's bringing the butter?" I'm picturing that young girl absolutely murdering that giant crab and asking for butter after. Sure she would like a snack after all that fighting, though.
Who wouldn't!? lol
The Yukak upon finding out they were defeat by teens start singing
"Teenagers scare the living shit outta me!"
You kill a Human, we'll hunt you down and put you to trial, where you'll be severily punished.
You kill one of our fluffy cute and cuddle companions?
You won't even get to have a trial.
"They are slavers!"
[chill music stops]
"they're here for our children"
["The Only Thing They Fear" starts playing]
The sea food market is going to have a hella economic boom. You know what I’m talking about…
Ashley: No retreat, no surrender and for the love of everything cute and cuddly...no mercy.(Doom music kicks in)
Don't be a tasty looking crab alien slaver...we will bring butter and lemon
Congratulations crabs you just provoked literal millennia of pack bonding instinct and our pathological primate rage.
I think about this with people from my high school. Some of those knuckle draggers towered over the teachers. Boys AND girls.
"To the Coalition of Armed *Student Volunteers*." They weren't even a primarily military force, rather they just armed themselves and won a war against a slaver race. Shows exactly what humans are capable of.
indeed
Anyone else have a sudden and inexplicable craving for crab cakes?
A truly magnificent banner to rally behind.
*PROTECC THE OTTERS!*
*FOR ALL THAT IS CUTE AND CUDDLY!*
Whats even more funnier is that it was students!! Not the actual human military but actual students that brought down that slave empire
"oh... so the space crabs are slavers who want to take the space otter pups? how about we give them something different?" *proceeds to go ape-shive on any space crab dumb enough not to run back into their ships*
That was an unexpected story. Gruesome, enjoyable, but oh man, what a party that must have been!
"Because he was the first to leave the star system who wasn't a politician." is a gem! Lol!
Thank you!
@@JimmyAgent007,
I might need to reread this to actually know what I'm talkin about, lol,, but I recall it was some very good writing, and a great story! Good job buddy!
4:12
This diplomat's first instinct, upon meeting a new and hithertoo unknown alien species, was to approach them rapidly and manhandle their children. Fucking humans, man.
That was not a war. It was arresting a kidnapping gang.
That turned into an all you can eat crab leg feast
Crab slaver aliens: "No doubt about it, we need to get bigger guns!"
*Laughs in humanity
*Pulls out bigger "gun"
I call her "the Peacemaker".
Heh, funny.
Somehow nature alway evolves crabs, up to five times already!
This is the concept of Carcinisation.
...I know it's wrong to eat sentients but they were trying to hurt the space otters.. and yes I did bring some genuine terran spices. If the space otters dont twll I'm not telling either.
Cuuuute~ 🥰 I would defend these space otters with all I have! For all that is cute and cuddly!!
Them crabs shouldn't be near a hungry human ... Show them mukbangers...
It's a curse being so tasty... Who can resist??
Furry toddlers awww!!! FTA!!
They were given a choice: Surrender or be the "guests of honor" at a Sea food Buffet
They surrendered to the students in 6 miners. The human military didn’t get involved apparently or it would have been over in 1 month. Tell the people in the Northeast of the US and that empire would be gone in a week.
I can't stop giggling. This is such a great story.
glad you enjoyed
At least they didn't make it to my old AF headcanon sci-fi civilization, those guys would casually check if there are otters onboard, and then proceed with making a mess from those crabs. TL;DR idea was kinda dimension-hopper race making alliances with various fictional universes they stumbled upon, based on what I was watching, reading or playing. Following scene is an example of possible outcome, not nearly as hillarious, but properly showing how lucky those space crab Batarians are:
*Slaver ship appears*
-Psy-corps, any sings of our otter friends on ship?
*One of techie things on ship hull moving, and a group of psionics doing a collective ping using amplifier tech*
-Ping returned negative, sir
*With malicious change in voice on "systems intact"*
-Then pop that ship, I want their systems intact
-Call in one of our Hammerheads, I want the Yamato shot to their engine, and a virus in life support running rampant
*Space otter is in shock*
-W-what do you mean?
*Person in question gives malicious smile to holo-comms*
-Well, Command said they wanted systems operational, when I pop that craft, nothing about the crew, and struggling for air as they're running for their voidsuits, means no one will be there to fight or get any other stupid ideas
And that be same people who's been acting like a girl who seen adorable kittens when around otter younglings
If you are are friend there is almost nothing we will not do for you.
If you are our enemy there is almost nothing we won't do to you. --- From somewhere on the internet.
Ps. Enslaving children makes you our enemy. Cute and cuddly children doubly so.
13:25 the construction crew was just saying what was on all our minds lol
Humans may not make good pets, but cute and cuddly aliens could do a lot worse than allowing humans to consider them as pets!😉 I loved the line about the misunderstanding about the crab festival. 😁 I could see most of the races in the galaxy being crabs becoming a problem down the road, however. 😋🍴🍲
Billy-Bob, Space Trucker has a lot to say about, and I quote, "The ass-faced crabs."
@Donald Scholand
i dont know being consider a pet is the same of being domestic slave just with a cuter sounding name to it...
@@chongwillson972 No dogs are not slaves, and cats are actually our masters though we call them pets.
@@VadulTharys
pets are property of their master which can be traded or sold meaning treating a intelligent being like a pet is not really different than treating them as a slave
@@VadulTharys dogs are our partners.
i wonder how we'd react to a species of heartmeltingly adorable aliens who'd also use their looks to prey upon other species like Xenomoprhs or Ashen or something.
I imagine we'd want to eardicate them for their transgressions against all pure cute and cuddly things?
Um... you know about cats, right?
Humans backed into a corner, with something to protect behind them, are very vicious
They would have fought the same even if they were outmatched
and hence forth the galaxy learnt to fear the war cry of ''FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING CUTE AND CUDLY!'' I just.... for some reason it gives me the mental image of a drooling slaving horde of orcs fighting each other looking up as something catched ther attention seeing a kitten who's owner died being picked up by some infiltrator crab alien.. and suddenly like riples on water all orcs stops fighting each other and charges the kitten eating one with rage making ther previous screaming and mutilating violance of each other look like a court dance XD
Not just in space. On Earth, too, every group seems to want to evolve into crabs.
Earth is where I got the idea in the first place.
And those that don't bring the butter.
"So what did you do for your community service requirement?"
"Oh, you know, destroyed an alien slave empire because they were stealing baby space otters. You?"
Now that the initial threat is taken care of, we will take our new ship and pop off to earth to get a few real weapons.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have an enemy looking to harm our cute otter friends. Soldiers prepare for combat, Alexa play (the only one they fear is you)
A question not answered, how did they taste with butter?
Alien: you glassed 6 of our world's over 6 children.
Human amabassador: we have said it so often it's a cliche,
Our children mean the world to us.
We never it was our world.
The Geneva convention isn't a list of war crimes. It's our list of things we know work to effectively. It's to protect us from ourselves not you from us.
The only th9ng that can protect you from us, is us.
Imagine hurting the cute baby space others on our watch...
Don't mess with humanity's friends...we don't don't take kindly to that
We love to cuddle cute creatures and we love eating crabs
indeed we are monsters, but only for those who deserve to be hunted by monsters
In the words of a six-armed alien superweapon monstrosity now living in Hawai'i, "NOT SO CUTE AND _FLUFFY!!!!"_
I don't get the reference.
Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind
@@oblivion715 Lilo and Stitch
@@chrisdufresne9359 Stitch has four arms.
You don't hurt the fuzzies!
If I had to defend adorable otter people against tasty crab bois I’m getting my rifle and my crab boil.
as the age old quote from Dark Souls goes:
Time for Crab
So... it's basically the same motivation as Doom 2.
They killed daisy, the bastards
It was wise to surrender.
We got their ship! Bring butter!
Surrender better than extinct. (burp)
FOR THE EMP... er... THE FLOOFERS!
This was pretty great lol there was probably stuffed crab for weeks
"humans are weird monsters... end of story"
humanity summarized, abridged version
Though I have to wonder what the aliens would have done if the humans had send them some delicious recipes... like crab rangoon.
Totally love the name, Coalition of Armed Student Volunteers, for the love of everything cute and cuddly
Listen I'm recently started a divorce and fell heavy into ❄️ abuse. I'm now battling for my life divorce drive me to substance and that pushed my children away. My new gf ran around while I was at work and laughed about it behind my back to her pals and did for 6months plus numeric guys like at least 2 a month at least 2 a month.....this channel keeps the gun out of my mouth every damn night. Thank you
I know how hard a divorce can suck. I'm glad if my story can help with that.
One small step for man one giant like for the algorithm
For the algorithm
To please the algorithm is all
hold up did they just surrender
to a kids club?
Giant crabs? It's not often lunch delivers itself.
They fought a war for extra credit.... Nice.
As a vegetarian, the crab fest doesn't appeal to me, but I can totally get on board with the "for everything cute & cuddly" sentiment. Ambassador Pul's children sound otterly adorable. 😉
we'er the worst kind of monster the ones the monsters fear
I could 100% see the human race finally getting to the stars and seeing SPACE OTTERS! and doing everything it would take to be their best friends.
LOL, well humans tend to love even things not cute and cuddly. Lizards can be cute, as can snakes, spiders and more. Not to mention even fierce frightening things can be beautiful and make humans want to defend them. If a huge fire breathing, terrifying but beautiful dragon landed as first contact, humans would be lining up to give it gifts.
take horses as an example, many people are afraid of horses almost everyone wants to ride one. same as dragons
NO spider could E V E R be called cute or cuddly!!!
For the people that have spiders they can. Ever seen the face of a jumping spider? Those big eyes make them look cute. If it's your beloved pet or animal companion, then it's loved by you. Others might not think them cute, cuddly or lovable, but the pet person does.
Oh jumping spiders are my favorites. Those big eyes - makes them have such character. They are so intelligent as well.
Funny thing, the larger and older a crab get's the worse it tends to taste. For some reason they just don't taste as good when super large.
50 gal drum of soy, some garlic, hot sauce and butter could make it edible..
It's not about taste, it's about making an example.
toxins build up as they age