All else aside, when a hospital runs tests on an entire family for organ compatibility the results of those tests should only be disclosed on an individual level. Whether you are compatible or not, you should be the only one informed of that so that *you* can make an informed, uncoerced decision on whether to donate your organ or not. Because otherwise it makes this exact scenario, where someone has to actively decline donating an organ while everyone knows their organs are compatible. If it's not common practice to keep that sort of information private, it definitely should be.
As you can imagine most of these stories are made up and in this case I have to call BS on this story. 1. As you mentioned medical privacy actually is a law, least in the USA. It is called HIPAA in short. 2. You would actually need two donors. The lower lobes of a lung (your right lung has three lobes, and the left lung has two) and two lobes from two donors are transplanted. Considering she is a smoker she would not be a candidate to receive a donated lung from a general organ donor.
It's pretty pointless though. Your family members would already know that you did these compatibility tests. If they pressure you for details, what will you say? No? Because, on a psychological level, if the member in question isn't a match, they'll automatically state that they aren't a match and have nothing to hide. On the other hand, if they are a match, and refuse to disclose the information, that's still the same as saying "Yes, I'm a match, but I'm not telling you because I won't give you my organ". So, not disclosing this information is quite pointless. All it takes is just that one question and the whole "secure" situation would tumble down like a house of cards. In other words, *how* would you keep such an information private between family members exactly?
@@alext9320 Suuuuure, until they ask you for the official statement. Again, they aren't strangers. They're family. The psychological trail still ensues. You lie? => they ask for the official statement => Refuse? => They'll assume you're a match but that you've decided to reject. It's not rocket science. They're narcs, not stupid.
@@alext9320 They're "family". They ask for official statements -> Refuse? -> They'll think you're compatible and you don't want to donate. Otherwise, why hide it? It's not rocket science. OP did the right thing. He was blunt and truthful.
I gave my mom a kidney. we both quit smoking the day we found out it was the only way. My mom is a treasure she takes care of herself and has many more years with her grandchildren. Our transplant was 16 years ago. I don't drink, never did. Our only real sacrifice is NSAIDS and no smoking. This means I won't have to ask my son, and he grew up in a non-smoking, and I won't have to ask a I saved a ton of money, my mom and myself.
@@phantom8926No. When your kidneys begin to fail, you can't smoke, drink, or take NSAIDS. You also have to lose weight if you're overweight. Doctors wouldn't let me donate a kidney to my mom since she couldn't stop smoking
As a parent, I wouldn't ask my children, 24 and 25, to give me a lung. I wouldn't jeopardize the long, healthy, happy lives that I pray for them both to have. I, however, would've given a lung to my mom. We were very close and she was one of the 4 people I love the most in the world, my sis is the 4th. But for o.p. to refuse is his decision and perfectly ok. He has the right to say no. Especially if she is going to continue to smoke, spoiling such an amazing gift. I hope his basketball dreams come true.
Yeah, I’d never ask my kids for an organ. My choices got me there, so they need to keep their body parts and do better than me. That’s the whole point of being a parent. Quote from John Q (fantastic movie): “I’m not going to bury my son. My son is going to bury me.”
@thecrowfather1919 I wouldn't ask or allow my daughter to donate to me, either. I would, however, go against her objections if I were going to donate my lung to her. I love her
I kinda hope it goes to court, and the prosecutor gets to ask "we are aware of your lack of funds, so from where did you get the money for this frivilous lawsuit?" It is hard to disprove cohersion when she answers that one.
I could never consider asking my kids for a kidney, let alone a LUNG! Their quality of life would be so shit forever. Especially for something that would be my own fault, my own addiction and selfish weakness. She didn't sgop.smoking for herself or her family and then berates and abuses her own barely-adukt child for a gd lung?!? How do people like this even exist? You're going to croak anyway. Why try to extend your own miserable life at the expense if your child's? Can people really be that afraid of death or that uncaring about the life they brought into the world? Apparently, and it is disgusting.
OP should have told the hospital staff what happened so that he could have gotten out of the situation, but OP’s mom didn’t even listen to the doctor’s orders that eventually lead to her death
The emotions OP is feeling about his mother's death is PROOF he's not a bad person. He felt sorrow when he remembered the good times, then remembered all the Poo he was put through and feels relief he won't have to experience it again, then finally, feels guilt about 'feeling good' about someone's death. That guilt shows he doesn't have a bad moral compass.
he is her son, likely they didn't tell her. But this kid is under their thumb for so long and likely acting sus after the doctor tells him. That's why OP said he only just learned from reddit how to understand narc and how before he is clueless.
He wouldn't be the cause of his mother's death. Her own stupid addictions would be the cause of her own death. That and if she won't stop smoking anyway, then it'd be wasted on her. Truly.
I cant imagine asking, let alone demanding an organ from my kids. If they needed one, id be in that operation room quicker than they could consider even asking. But asking them? No.
I know she's such a damn child...she couldn't make it more obvious if she said, "Waaaaa! My son won't give me a lung so I can ruin it..." This woman is why those rules exist. He shouldn't and doesn't have to give that witch a lung. She screwed up and doesn't want to deal with the consequences...she's stupid AF if she thinks they'd force him to do it. The law is going to chew her up and spit her out with this behaviour. She deserves whatever she gets from that law suit
OP doesn’t owe that egg donor a lung. The egg donor will just smoke through the donor lung and would be back to square one. The egg donor is not entitled to rob OP of their future. The opening of OP’s mail is also a federal felony. OP needs to go NC with both parents at the nearest opportunity. OP’s egg donor would have liquidated OP’s graduation present anyhow. OP’s parents do not love nor care about OP, and its clear they only care about what OP can do for them. OP needs to secure their credit, bank accounts, and their important documents like a social security card. OP’s sperm donor is also just as bad as the egg donor as he keeps enabling and supporting the egg donor’s abuse of OP. This story is an object lesson as to why narcissists deserve no sympathy, understanding, nor grace. They’re social predators and malignant cancers in the lives of those around them.
First story is easy. nothing in the world is worth giving into her coercion. Just wait until you're adult, OP! This is terrifying to read, the kid obviously has nobody but internet strangers. The post is SADLY realistic on living with toxic parents. Then the Mom is gone and OP is like, "What am I going to do? I am relieved she is gone but I also feel sorry-" Then RL hit, Ndad is uselessly wasting away and OP is not in college fast enough to get away from ground zero.
No, live donation is always an option, from organs that come in pairs like lungs and kidneys. Actually lungs come in 5 lobes, 3 lobes in the right one, and 2 in the left. The left is smaller to allow room for the heart. Lobes can be transplanted separately but you'd need at least 2 to be able to live. In this case though she was off of the dead-donor list because of her own stupid actions. If you need a lung transplant and they say you have to stop smoking to receive one, you stop smoking. If you don't, you've taken your life in your own hands like everything else in life. Some people think the rules don't apply to them, even of reality, and they can cheat, as long as they bitch and moan and make enough of a fuss that people will pander, just to get rid of them. Or else some poor sucker might actually fall for the emotional manipulation. But that's her dumbass life, medicine works to higher standards. Doctors are trained to be stoic, they tell people they're gonna die every day. Ethics is a subject all doctors are taught, and their job depends on remaining ethical. And the ethics make sense, so likely most doctors believe in them anyway. Bitching like a toddler doesn't get you far with life's grown-ups. Perhaps the mother didn't really learn that because she avoided situations where her bullshit wouldn't work, until she had no choice. Serves her right, entirely her fault and nobody else's. The world is a slightly better place for the lack of her. Even if you don't achieve much in life, most people won't end up having that said about them. You don't have to be perfect but don't be a pestilence.
Living lung donation is only done from ages 25-40 and only one of the bottom lobes. Not a full half from a live donor. They never would have done the surgery.
I would donate for my mom specifically because she's the type of person who would tell me NOT to do it. She's difficult to be around sometimes, but she'd be more concerned about the risks to me, even in such a state as the one OP's mom is in. She would be, you know, a caring parent who would be concerned about me, as most parents, at least good ones, would be. My ex father was more like OP's mom in terms of how he treated me and I would never have done it for him.
It may be a good idea for the OP to seek grief counseling. Due to the messy and layered situation it would be beneficial to have someone help to navigate the feelings. If OPs dad’s work has a EAP program he could see a counselor through that. EAPs extend to the employee and family members.
The ending hit home. My egg donor was the worst. But i always had hope that she would turn herself around and we could have a relationship. So when she died, i didn't grieve for her. i grieved what could have been.
This is one of those cases where the kid needs to disown his parents and gtfo. Yeah life is going suck for a bit, you will struggle and be alone but it will get better.
okay 99% on board with this guy's POV but the point of quitting smoking is to save your lungs not go entirely nicotine free (though ultimately that is a good end point) , quitting cold turkey is BRUTAL I can attest, and gum and patches are a way to save your lungs AND curb cravings so you aren't a raging bitch to everyone around you, it's a valid method of quitting and in fact, even here in america, if you tell a doctor "I am addicted to nicotine and I want to quit" they even give you a free prescription for gum and or patches so you get them for free
Nicotine is pretty harmless, especially relative to smoking. Nicotine doesn't harm your lungs, it's all the other stuff in smoke (and likely vapes) that does. So nicotine patches were actually a good sign. Though just as likely a bullshit one, put out for display.
About OP's comment on Nicotine patches. Nicotine does have a effect on lungs but does not damage it. So it is fine to use patches when withdrawing from smoking.
It’s funny how the father blames Op when he’s the one enabling his wife. And let’s say hypothetically the mother does get a lung transplant, she’ll probably sneak 1 or 2 cigarettes, it’s obvious he only cares about his wife and not the child they gave birth to.
I feel so sorry for the guy. I lost my mum last year and hearing the way he described his pain just brought it all back to me as well. The pain and the despair truly is indescribable.😢🥺😭
Poor guy. If I have any words of wisdom it’s this. You aren’t mourning the mother you had, you’re mourning the perfect version of her in your heart; the one you hoped would have loved and supported you, would’ve seen her own shortcomings and apologized; the one who would’ve placed your future and aspirations above hers. Mourn that ideal because it’s right to, but try and disentangle the real and the ideal because otherwise you uplift the one who abused you and drag down the one you should’ve had.
And while she was an awful person, I'm glad Op's mom's suffering is over. It probably helps Op more than most would think to not see her in pain every day.
@@RequiemPoete yea I actually strangely know 2 people who were afflicted and caused death while in this situation, 1 was the fatality and passenger survived after climbing from over road side a steep hill and severely injured but got saved, the other hit a pedestrian and slammed into an old style traffic pole and hit his face so hard it resulted in death but the pedestrian did survive despite severely injured.
I have cut off all communications with my abusive mother I even have a restraining order filed against her and after I moved out of her house did buy a 🔫 for self defense.
I wouldn't even take that test bruh my answer is always no regarding things i can't have back specially if it was someone who dont even give a shit abt their health
1:10 yo are not the cause of her decline, cigaretes are. I could never ask my kid for something that selfish, or at least I hope I wouldn;t if I were to be in her situation. I feel bat for her, but kids must go first. Protect your health, be kind to her, but do not donate. Than, make a family of your own, and be non-selfish parent.
"Everything changes when they pass away" Lost my dad after I went a year of refusing to talk to him. The situation between us wasn't nearly as bad as what this video is describing and I did fortunately get to speak with him before he passed. OP absolutely made all the correct decisions in this case and I wouldn't encourage anyone to indulge an abusive parent. But when they pass, it's going to hit you. You may think you have 100% cut them off, but generally it's still going to hurt. You may not break down in tears, but for a while at least, you're going to feel a dull pain in the pit of your stomach. I'm not sure when/if it ends since I'm going on 7 months.
hearing narc for narcissist is weird to me narc has always been a term for narcotics officer. so its real odd hearing it being used to describe a narcissist
I would not take any organs from my kids, if I had any. They'd have their whole lives ahead of them, while I'd be old and most likely caused my situation myself.
My dad smokes. However, he's trying to quit. If he needed a lung, I'd give him one if it meant saving his life. That is, if I was a match. Fortunately for me, he doesn't need a lung, nor does he seem like he'll need one if he succeeds in quitting.
Well, she did yell at him about his driving skills and look who's loughing now? Anyway, maybe its better this way, at least his family shouldnt blame op for her death
I asked my mom if she would take my lung and she told me she wouldn't let me donate it if I wanted to. Guess some parents are better people then others.
OP says he won’t let anyone abuse him again, yet took his Mom to the hospital because they were getting along. Almost 2 decades of abuse doesn’t mean on a good day you should trust them? Then she goes and assault medical staff…
That's not true. It's often done together, because it's easier than plumbing in new lungs to a different heart, there's important, big connections to make. Just replacing the whole unit is more reliable. But that's, obviously, only done using dead donors. Live lung transplants obviously exist, because otherwise there wouldn't be this video. But besides that, they exist.
I'm left to wonder who was at fault in the accident and if anyone else was hurt/killed. Did his mother have a coughing fit and lost control of her vehicle or was she hit by a drunk driver or something.
This makes me wonder how I'll really feel when my mother dies. I haven't spoken to her in a long time and don't have any interest in doing so, so I assume it'll be different for me. I'm also older than OP and didn't grow up with mine around.
More like what’s making the choice easy is that your mother has treated you so terribly and she’s also a smoker so she’s pretty much just asking for it (my mom is a smoker, I feel the same way about her, she’s asking for what’s coming and she does not care no matter what I do, her addiction is too strong in comparison to her maternal instincts, I say this because I had no choice but to be driven by her any time she was drunk for years)
She messed up her body and wanted to use her kid she already didn't treat right as spare parts?? Her smoking already disqualified her, even if they did agree, it wouldn't happen.
I was gonna recommend the kid move out of the house. He maybe still should. His main antagonist has gone but his dad wasn't much better. Does this mean now there's no lung needed he's "forgiven"? Really he needs to run like hell and never come back. Best of luck in his new life at college.
I see most of these comments. Most of them never got beyond the first few updates. I hope OP is doing well. His dad is dealing with some shit and is probably at a motel or at family/friend house to get away for a bit to calm down, so he should be safe and will hopefully come back in a few days. Op himself, well i dont really know what he can do since i dont think he has a job and is currently also dealing with the stress from Graduation. Perhaps he should rely on his social conditioning and deal with it till after graduation when he can seek therapy. I cant say this from experience but even if you hated your mother and hate yourself for her passing, dont try to remove her from your life. The memory will always be there and its best to come to terms with it so it hurts less. Best wishes to the OP
If you ever find yourself in the same situation, you can tell the doctor privately that you're being coerced or that you don't want to do it. The medical staff will make up some reason to say that you are not a match, even if you are. This happened with my mother when she needed a kidney because destroyed a lot of her internal organs with over three decades of hardcore drug use. I ended up being a match, and I told the doctor I didn't want to go through with it. The doctor told him I wasn't a match.
Never give an organ to someone who is addicted to that which caused the problem with the original organ. An organ transplant is worthless if the patient is only going to continue with the damaging behavior.
Ok to be fair, nicotine pouches are one of the best ways to get off of cigarettes imo. Yes it's bad, no you shouldn't get into it if your not smoking. But my father who has been smoking since he was 16, quit at 28 with them so they are alright in my opinion.
![Megan Thee Stallion - Neva Play (feat. RM) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/TpYTyAaTRts/mqdefault.jpg)
![[FULL STORY] I Left My Family After Years of Being the 'disappointing' Child. Now My Golden Child...](/img/1.gif)
All else aside, when a hospital runs tests on an entire family for organ compatibility the results of those tests should only be disclosed on an individual level. Whether you are compatible or not, you should be the only one informed of that so that *you* can make an informed, uncoerced decision on whether to donate your organ or not. Because otherwise it makes this exact scenario, where someone has to actively decline donating an organ while everyone knows their organs are compatible. If it's not common practice to keep that sort of information private, it definitely should be.
As you can imagine most of these stories are made up and in this case I have to call BS on this story. 1. As you mentioned medical privacy actually is a law, least in the USA. It is called HIPAA in short.
2. You would actually need two donors. The lower lobes of a lung (your right lung has three lobes, and the left lung has two) and two lobes from two donors are transplanted. Considering she is a smoker she would not be a candidate to receive a donated lung from a general organ donor.
It's pretty pointless though. Your family members would already know that you did these compatibility tests. If they pressure you for details, what will you say? No? Because, on a psychological level, if the member in question isn't a match, they'll automatically state that they aren't a match and have nothing to hide. On the other hand, if they are a match, and refuse to disclose the information, that's still the same as saying "Yes, I'm a match, but I'm not telling you because I won't give you my organ". So, not disclosing this information is quite pointless. All it takes is just that one question and the whole "secure" situation would tumble down like a house of cards. In other words, *how* would you keep such an information private between family members exactly?
@@afollowerofchrist5789 You just lie and say you're not compatible if you don't want to donate. It's not rocket surgery.
@@alext9320 Suuuuure, until they ask you for the official statement. Again, they aren't strangers. They're family. The psychological trail still ensues. You lie? => they ask for the official statement => Refuse? => They'll assume you're a match but that you've decided to reject. It's not rocket science. They're narcs, not stupid.
@@alext9320 They're "family". They ask for official statements -> Refuse? -> They'll think you're compatible and you don't want to donate. Otherwise, why hide it? It's not rocket science.
OP did the right thing. He was blunt and truthful.
Ironic how she said she would die in a car crash
Damnit I was thinking the same exact thing
The story was made up so of course she died in a car crash
@@ILikeADaMudkips how optimistic how you say this is a lie
@@ILikeADaMudkipswhy would you assume it's a lie?
One day the real world will hit you i want you to think of this heartless comment @ILikeADaMudkips
I gave my mom a kidney. we both quit smoking the day we found out it was the only way. My mom is a treasure she takes care of herself and has many more years with her grandchildren. Our transplant was 16 years ago. I don't drink, never did. Our only real sacrifice is NSAIDS and no smoking. This means I won't have to ask my son, and he grew up in a non-smoking, and I won't have to ask a I saved a ton of money, my mom and myself.
You can't take NSAIDs anymore because of a kidney transplant?
@@phantom8926No. When your kidneys begin to fail, you can't smoke, drink, or take NSAIDS. You also have to lose weight if you're overweight. Doctors wouldn't let me donate a kidney to my mom since she couldn't stop smoking
@@phantom8926 NSAIDs are broken down in the kidney so if they only have one, I can see why their doctor would recommend not taking them
@@phantom8926 NSAIDs can cause kidney issues.
@phantom8926 they damage the kidneys. And well, with only one, you dont want to risk too much
As a parent, I wouldn't ask my children, 24 and 25, to give me a lung. I wouldn't jeopardize the long, healthy, happy lives that I pray for them both to have. I, however, would've given a lung to my mom. We were very close and she was one of the 4 people I love the most in the world, my sis is the 4th. But for o.p. to refuse is his decision and perfectly ok. He has the right to say no. Especially if she is going to continue to smoke, spoiling such an amazing gift. I hope his basketball dreams come true.
Yeah, I’d never ask my kids for an organ. My choices got me there, so they need to keep their body parts and do better than me. That’s the whole point of being a parent.
Quote from John Q (fantastic movie): “I’m not going to bury my son. My son is going to bury me.”
I would also donate to my mom because she is my world
@@Isabel_editsrobloxsameee
I wouldn't donate my lung and she wouldn't let me.
@thecrowfather1919 I wouldn't ask or allow my daughter to donate to me, either. I would, however, go against her objections if I were going to donate my lung to her. I love her
I kinda hope it goes to court, and the prosecutor gets to ask "we are aware of your lack of funds, so from where did you get the money for this frivilous lawsuit?"
It is hard to disprove cohersion when she answers that one.
Well what's the point, she's dead now
What are you fucking on about even the stuff my grandparents say makes more sense
That poor kid. I can only hope that he goes to college and lives his best life.
not your fault, she dug her own grave putting her addiction before her own health, you reap what you sow.
I was looking for this comment!! 100% truth!
I could never consider asking my kids for a kidney, let alone a LUNG! Their quality of life would be so shit forever. Especially for something that would be my own fault, my own addiction and selfish weakness. She didn't sgop.smoking for herself or her family and then berates and abuses her own barely-adukt child for a gd lung?!? How do people like this even exist? You're going to croak anyway. Why try to extend your own miserable life at the expense if your child's? Can people really be that afraid of death or that uncaring about the life they brought into the world? Apparently, and it is disgusting.
I heard this one before. I hope op is doing well. God only knows what he's going through. All the luck to him.
.hope so
OP should have told the hospital staff what happened so that he could have gotten out of the situation, but OP’s mom didn’t even listen to the doctor’s orders that eventually lead to her death
The emotions OP is feeling about his mother's death is PROOF he's not a bad person. He felt sorrow when he remembered the good times, then remembered all the Poo he was put through and feels relief he won't have to experience it again, then finally, feels guilt about 'feeling good' about someone's death. That guilt shows he doesn't have a bad moral compass.
They shouldnt tell.the patient whos a match and who isnt
he is her son, likely they didn't tell her. But this kid is under their thumb for so long and likely acting sus after the doctor tells him. That's why OP said he only just learned from reddit how to understand narc and how before he is clueless.
He wouldn't be the cause of his mother's death. Her own stupid addictions would be the cause of her own death.
That and if she won't stop smoking anyway, then it'd be wasted on her. Truly.
Sigh, I think OP needs to lock the house and stay at his friend's place until they find the dad's body.
I cant imagine asking, let alone demanding an organ from my kids. If they needed one, id be in that operation room quicker than they could consider even asking. But asking them? No.
Oh no if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.
Lol fr
I know she's such a damn child...she couldn't make it more obvious if she said, "Waaaaa! My son won't give me a lung so I can ruin it..." This woman is why those rules exist. He shouldn't and doesn't have to give that witch a lung. She screwed up and doesn't want to deal with the consequences...she's stupid AF if she thinks they'd force him to do it. The law is going to chew her up and spit her out with this behaviour. She deserves whatever she gets from that law suit
1 replies only?
OP doesn’t owe that egg donor a lung. The egg donor will just smoke through the donor lung and would be back to square one. The egg donor is not entitled to rob OP of their future. The opening of OP’s mail is also a federal felony. OP needs to go NC with both parents at the nearest opportunity. OP’s egg donor would have liquidated OP’s graduation present anyhow. OP’s parents do not love nor care about OP, and its clear they only care about what OP can do for them. OP needs to secure their credit, bank accounts, and their important documents like a social security card. OP’s sperm donor is also just as bad as the egg donor as he keeps enabling and supporting the egg donor’s abuse of OP. This story is an object lesson as to why narcissists deserve no sympathy, understanding, nor grace. They’re social predators and malignant cancers in the lives of those around them.
Don't worry, OP went very no contact with his mom at the end of the story
@@nuclear_stardust 😨
my bro, there was only one story here.... did you watch to the end?
@@desaugI think it was a joke
@@essenceconnellfollon7467 i know but it's a poor one, i was replying to the comment
First story is easy. nothing in the world is worth giving into her coercion. Just wait until you're adult, OP! This is terrifying to read, the kid obviously has nobody but internet strangers. The post is SADLY realistic on living with toxic parents.
Then the Mom is gone and OP is like, "What am I going to do? I am relieved she is gone but I also feel sorry-" Then RL hit, Ndad is uselessly wasting away and OP is not in college fast enough to get away from ground zero.
Forshadowed the death. This was the biggest tip off that this was a creative writing exercise.
Lungs are normally donated in pairs. From a dead donor.
No, live donation is always an option, from organs that come in pairs like lungs and kidneys. Actually lungs come in 5 lobes, 3 lobes in the right one, and 2 in the left. The left is smaller to allow room for the heart. Lobes can be transplanted separately but you'd need at least 2 to be able to live.
In this case though she was off of the dead-donor list because of her own stupid actions. If you need a lung transplant and they say you have to stop smoking to receive one, you stop smoking. If you don't, you've taken your life in your own hands like everything else in life. Some people think the rules don't apply to them, even of reality, and they can cheat, as long as they bitch and moan and make enough of a fuss that people will pander, just to get rid of them. Or else some poor sucker might actually fall for the emotional manipulation.
But that's her dumbass life, medicine works to higher standards. Doctors are trained to be stoic, they tell people they're gonna die every day. Ethics is a subject all doctors are taught, and their job depends on remaining ethical. And the ethics make sense, so likely most doctors believe in them anyway.
Bitching like a toddler doesn't get you far with life's grown-ups. Perhaps the mother didn't really learn that because she avoided situations where her bullshit wouldn't work, until she had no choice. Serves her right, entirely her fault and nobody else's. The world is a slightly better place for the lack of her. Even if you don't achieve much in life, most people won't end up having that said about them. You don't have to be perfect but don't be a pestilence.
Whoa, that dad is a piece of work. Not only placating the mom, but also vanishing like that?
Living lung donation is only done from ages 25-40 and only one of the bottom lobes. Not a full half from a live donor. They never would have done the surgery.
SHES SMOKING. IT’S YOUR LUNG AND IF YOU DONATE IT SHE’S STILL GOING TO DIE
While addiction is difficult to beat a lung donation is an enormous sacrifice.
I would donate for my mom specifically because she's the type of person who would tell me NOT to do it. She's difficult to be around sometimes, but she'd be more concerned about the risks to me, even in such a state as the one OP's mom is in. She would be, you know, a caring parent who would be concerned about me, as most parents, at least good ones, would be. My ex father was more like OP's mom in terms of how he treated me and I would never have done it for him.
It may be a good idea for the OP to seek grief counseling. Due to the messy and layered situation it would be beneficial to have someone help to navigate the feelings. If OPs dad’s work has a EAP program he could see a counselor through that. EAPs extend to the employee and family members.
The ending hit home. My egg donor was the worst. But i always had hope that she would turn herself around and we could have a relationship. So when she died, i didn't grieve for her. i grieved what could have been.
I hope op gets a better life
glad buddy said said no. COPD is a ticking time bomb no matter what you do. my mom has it
I hate to be that person but in my way of thinking, it’s like God was trying to spare him from being blamed for her death… it’s bittersweet I suppose
Yes but more sweet then bitter
If my mum told me these things I would actually tell her " save us all the time and K Y S "
HOLY SHIT LMAO
Jesus Christ man
This is one of those cases where the kid needs to disown his parents and gtfo. Yeah life is going suck for a bit, you will struggle and be alone but it will get better.
okay 99% on board with this guy's POV but the point of quitting smoking is to save your lungs not go entirely nicotine free (though ultimately that is a good end point) , quitting cold turkey is BRUTAL I can attest, and gum and patches are a way to save your lungs AND curb cravings so you aren't a raging bitch to everyone around you, it's a valid method of quitting and in fact, even here in america, if you tell a doctor "I am addicted to nicotine and I want to quit" they even give you a free prescription for gum and or patches so you get them for free
Nicotine is pretty harmless, especially relative to smoking. Nicotine doesn't harm your lungs, it's all the other stuff in smoke (and likely vapes) that does. So nicotine patches were actually a good sign. Though just as likely a bullshit one, put out for display.
Well at list shes out of her misery,emotional, physically,mentally
But remember, she did this to her
About OP's comment on Nicotine patches. Nicotine does have a effect on lungs but does not damage it. So it is fine to use patches when withdrawing from smoking.
In North American hospitals, if the doctors know that there is pressure or coercion, they will say that the prospective donor is not a match.
Look at the bright side, your lung wasn't wasted on someone who died from accident
tearing up after the last updaye right now, god bless you and i hope you pursue your dreams
The doctor/hospital dropped the ball. The donor match should be informed first before the recipient to avoid this type of problem
This mom ain’t giving her son any breathing room
It’s funny how the father blames Op when he’s the one enabling his wife. And let’s say hypothetically the mother does get a lung transplant, she’ll probably sneak 1 or 2 cigarettes, it’s obvious he only cares about his wife and not the child they gave birth to.
I feel so sorry for the guy. I lost my mum last year and hearing the way he described his pain just brought it all back to me as well. The pain and the despair truly is indescribable.😢🥺😭
Poor guy. If I have any words of wisdom it’s this. You aren’t mourning the mother you had, you’re mourning the perfect version of her in your heart; the one you hoped would have loved and supported you, would’ve seen her own shortcomings and apologized; the one who would’ve placed your future and aspirations above hers.
Mourn that ideal because it’s right to, but try and disentangle the real and the ideal because otherwise you uplift the one who abused you and drag down the one you should’ve had.
The coughing fits associated with this kind of illness is commonly a driving hazard. Sad all around, hopefully op has a peaceful remainder of life.
And while she was an awful person, I'm glad Op's mom's suffering is over. It probably helps Op more than most would think to not see her in pain every day.
@@RequiemPoete yea I actually strangely know 2 people who were afflicted and caused death while in this situation, 1 was the fatality and passenger survived after climbing from over road side a steep hill and severely injured but got saved, the other hit a pedestrian and slammed into an old style traffic pole and hit his face so hard it resulted in death but the pedestrian did survive despite severely injured.
I have cut off all communications with my abusive mother I even have a restraining order filed against her and after I moved out of her house did buy a 🔫 for self defense.
I wouldn't even take that test bruh my answer is always no regarding things i can't have back specially if it was someone who dont even give a shit abt their health
1:10 yo are not the cause of her decline, cigaretes are. I could never ask my kid for something that selfish, or at least I hope I wouldn;t if I were to be in her situation. I feel bat for her, but kids must go first. Protect your health, be kind to her, but do not donate. Than, make a family of your own, and be non-selfish parent.
"Everything changes when they pass away"
Lost my dad after I went a year of refusing to talk to him. The situation between us wasn't nearly as bad as what this video is describing and I did fortunately get to speak with him before he passed. OP absolutely made all the correct decisions in this case and I wouldn't encourage anyone to indulge an abusive parent. But when they pass, it's going to hit you. You may think you have 100% cut them off, but generally it's still going to hurt. You may not break down in tears, but for a while at least, you're going to feel a dull pain in the pit of your stomach. I'm not sure when/if it ends since I'm going on 7 months.
hearing narc for narcissist is weird to me narc has always been a term for narcotics officer. so its real odd hearing it being used to describe a narcissist
I can't believe in actually listening to all of this🙏🏿
"Anything she can control she takes advantage of" You're *18* so she can't control anything
he lives at her house- ohhh yes she can. He is dependent on her.
The mother would just keep smoking and abuse the new lung. “Oh cool, now I won’t die as soon.” vibes
I wouldn’t give a lung to someone who is just going to ruin it smoking because they refuse to quit, but that’s just me.
I would not take any organs from my kids, if I had any. They'd have their whole lives ahead of them, while I'd be old and most likely caused my situation myself.
My dad smokes. However, he's trying to quit. If he needed a lung, I'd give him one if it meant saving his life. That is, if I was a match. Fortunately for me, he doesn't need a lung, nor does he seem like he'll need one if he succeeds in quitting.
Well, she did yell at him about his driving skills and look who's loughing now? Anyway, maybe its better this way, at least his family shouldnt blame op for her death
You misspelled laughing
@@JacobTang-z9e sorry, im not native speaker
I asked my mom if she would take my lung and she told me she wouldn't let me donate it if I wanted to. Guess some parents are better people then others.
Imagine if he DID donate the lung and then she died in the car crash!
Most parents would not want their child to give them an organ. I know I would not.
if she used YOUR graduation and colledge whatever money on a lawyer, i would have killed myself on the spot
OP says he won’t let anyone abuse him again, yet took his Mom to the hospital because they were getting along. Almost 2 decades of abuse doesn’t mean on a good day you should trust them? Then she goes and assault medical staff…
Lung transplants only work if you also transplant the same donors heart as well.
That's not true. It's often done together, because it's easier than plumbing in new lungs to a different heart, there's important, big connections to make. Just replacing the whole unit is more reliable. But that's, obviously, only done using dead donors. Live lung transplants obviously exist, because otherwise there wouldn't be this video. But besides that, they exist.
I'm left to wonder who was at fault in the accident and if anyone else was hurt/killed. Did his mother have a coughing fit and lost control of her vehicle or was she hit by a drunk driver or something.
Temper tantrums sound like death throes.
he can say I will save it for my kids if they ever need it.
being a smoker you actually signed up for losing your lungs
Honestly this story makes me sad for you cuz this is a tough situation ur in, hope u pull through
This makes me wonder how I'll really feel when my mother dies. I haven't spoken to her in a long time and don't have any interest in doing so, so I assume it'll be different for me. I'm also older than OP and didn't grow up with mine around.
... if the cops told me my mom passed away id be like... gone! Gone! Gone! Smegol is free!!!!!!
More like what’s making the choice easy is that your mother has treated you so terribly and she’s also a smoker so she’s pretty much just asking for it
(my mom is a smoker, I feel the same way about her, she’s asking for what’s coming and she does not care no matter what I do, her addiction is too strong in comparison to her maternal instincts, I say this because I had no choice but to be driven by her any time she was drunk for years)
My narcissistic mother reached out from beyond the grave to hurt me one more time. She left me one dollar in her will.
This wasnt the ending I'd hoped for.
Donating a king would be pointless if that person will continue to smoke
That 18 year old grew up to be Lebrone Jahames. Let that sink in...
Dayum Lebron Jahames
I am almost positive you can't donate a lung. I think the most you can donate is one of the lobes.
Did his dad come back. God, this poor kid
Id still go no contact with dad afterwards.
i wouldnt even demand a lung from my future children, i would just enjoy the remaining time i have
She messed up her body and wanted to use her kid she already didn't treat right as spare parts?? Her smoking already disqualified her, even if they did agree, it wouldn't happen.
I was gonna recommend the kid move out of the house. He maybe still should. His main antagonist has gone but his dad wasn't much better. Does this mean now there's no lung needed he's "forgiven"? Really he needs to run like hell and never come back. Best of luck in his new life at college.
I felt so dirty about being around so much toxicity, I took two showers. Perfection!
Damn that dad went to get the milk
I see most of these comments. Most of them never got beyond the first few updates.
I hope OP is doing well. His dad is dealing with some shit and is probably at a motel or at family/friend house to get away for a bit to calm down, so he should be safe and will hopefully come back in a few days.
Op himself, well i dont really know what he can do since i dont think he has a job and is currently also dealing with the stress from Graduation. Perhaps he should rely on his social conditioning and deal with it till after graduation when he can seek therapy.
I cant say this from experience but even if you hated your mother and hate yourself for her passing, dont try to remove her from your life. The memory will always be there and its best to come to terms with it so it hurts less. Best wishes to the OP
mom's own fault for smoking. if she wont stop it's her own fault.. harsh truth.
Wow poor kid, hope he is doing better
Most real Reddit story:
Storylouge u basically got an army of fans by Ur side
It's okay she was mean, as long as your childhood wasn't too bad, you do it for your mother
i am calling dibs on the remaining one.
I didn't know you can donate lungs while still alive.
“Bro, I just want your lung.”
Far too many tears shed for a pos human. She deserves no more of OP’s emotions.
You could survive with 1 lung but maybe both were bad
If you ever find yourself in the same situation, you can tell the doctor privately that you're being coerced or that you don't want to do it. The medical staff will make up some reason to say that you are not a match, even if you are.
This happened with my mother when she needed a kidney because destroyed a lot of her internal organs with over three decades of hardcore drug use. I ended up being a match, and I told the doctor I didn't want to go through with it. The doctor told him I wasn't a match.
I am surprised that a smoker would be on a lung transplant list, even if a family member donated.
Never give an organ to someone who is addicted to that which caused the problem with the original organ. An organ transplant is worthless if the patient is only going to continue with the damaging behavior.
You shouldn't thanks us, we are helping you that is good for us, plz feel happy
Ok to be fair, nicotine pouches are one of the best ways to get off of cigarettes imo. Yes it's bad, no you shouldn't get into it if your not smoking. But my father who has been smoking since he was 16, quit at 28 with them so they are alright in my opinion.
its the smoke thats really unhealthy, the nicotine is what makes it addictive
@@rjlooker true that.
She’s old. She lived her life. I’m sorry. How could anyone ask you. Insane
"Story Lounge give me one of your internal organs "
well that was a plot twist i didn’t ever guess would happen