Lol funny enough when Jesus was saying “woman”, the translation into Hebrew was “ishah” or something around that, and actually it was more of a term of respect lol in Hebrew context, so not to worry guys, Jesus didn’t mean “woman” derogatorily 😂
@@carolinpurayidom4570 I am Catholic and we do call her “our lady”, but I didn’t know it came from this. What I did hear though as a child from an adult at Sunday school was that the word used for “woman” could also mean “mother” based on the context.
I explained it as “madam” or “ma’am” since his address to men is translated, “sir”. I had some disgruntled grannies in my Bible study until I explained the translation! It definitely came off to them as being like this video.
Never forget that Jesus repeatedly told the disciples what he was going to do and each and every time they were like "yeah man!" And then proceeded to be in complete shock when Jesus actually did it. And then Jesus proceeded to call them out on it😂
Jesus literally pranked his friends by letting them think he'd drown only for him to walk on water and go, "Why are you so afraid? You have so little faith 🤷🏻♂️" Imagine from their POV -- the guy you've been following, believing in, risking your life for this whole time, pranks you into thinking he's a fake only to later go "just kidding y'all I'm the real deal" and you fall for it EVERY SINGLE TIME
@@WeAreTheDraikenbecause of misogyny itself. man is considered to be a good and friendly term because men are seen as superior, but to be female is seen as inferior. that's why "don't be such a girl" is an insult.
@@YouLikeKrabbyPattiesDontYou So doesn't that mean women also are self misogynistic. Because I remember saying to a woman once when she was ranting. "Woman, Chill" And she took that offensive, saying I was being sexist. When honestly I've always talked like that calling people what they are, man, woman, human, ape even sometimes (when people start feeling thier too important, got to remind they are a hairless ape with clothing).
@@YouLikeKrabbyPattiesDontYou So doesn't that mean women also are self misogynistic. Because I remember saying to a woman once when she was ranting. "Woman, Chill" And she took that offensive, saying I was being sexist. When honestly I've always talked like that calling people what they are, man, woman, human, ape even sometimes (when people start feeling thier too important, got to remind they are a hairless ape with clothing).
ACTUALLY IS EVEN BETTER! He calls them “whited sepulchers”, these were made not only with bones but also dirt and everything unclean, which connects to the Mosaic Law that says that whoever touches a dead body would be unclean for seven days! Jesus not only called them hypocrites for faking how clean they were on the outside but saying they were the worst kind on unclean in their insides since they were filled with death!!!!
I read this to my husband last night. 🤣 He was PISSED in this part of Matthew. He’d just busted up the temple market and was like, “YOU’RE a hypocrite! YOU’RE a hypocrite! EVERY ONE OF YALL’S A HYPOCRITE!” 😲 He’s maaadhhh.
True!. I always say that act is a sermon in itself..the confidence and intimate knowledge she has of her beloved Son. He'd never let her down before. .
@@ClokworkGremlinhe lied. he could have let Jesus go and no one would have punished him for it. The common Israelites loved Jesus, the Romans had no problem with him. he was just trying to please a vocal minority
He wasn’t savage. That word is overused for meme purposes. He was rather gentle with people, aside from clearing the merchants out of the Temple. He wasn’t some snarky back-talker. That’s just a performance choice this guy made.
one of my personal favorites is when he forgives the sins of a paralyzed man and the Pharisees are like "noooo you can't do that" and Jesus was like "well what was I supposed to do? tell him to get up and walk? bc I can do that too" and then HE DID
"your sins are forgiven" was considered blasphemy because only God can forgive sins.... The pharisees didn't consider the alternative reason why Jesus just did that.
One of my favorites is when He is asked to perform a miracle, healing, that none of his disciples could and He basically responds, “How much longer do I have to put up with/be around you people/this generation?” before doing it💀 Then basically says “try having faith” when they ask Him how he managed 😭 Matthew 17:17-20 if you wanna read it
It was casting out a demon. The boy was having seizures and falling all over the place, and the disciples were given the power to cast out demons but they couldn't do it this time. And Jesus was like Siiiiiiiiigh.....ok fine, bring him to me.😂
@@caomhan84It’s important to know that they most likely weren’t seizures as seizures are not caused by demonic possession or activity. The medical cause for seizures is widely known.
Yeah he wasn’t about forcing people to listen to him. I personally liked “if you come to a town that doesn’t listen to you, shake their dust off your sandals and keep moving”
@@Nortarachanges That's because the disciples' time was being wasted. If they continued trying to reach people who rejected their message, they would better use their time to reach people who wouldn't.
And literally when people said that it couldn’t be done since he was dead for four days (they believed their spirits only stayed for three days, how savage of Jesus to purposely get there “late” just to prove then wrong 😂)
I love the brown sash over the hoodie. 😂😂 But Jesus was def a savage on Earth. First time He speaks in the Bible He was 12 giving Mary all types of attitude in the temple. ‘Why were you looking all over for me? You should have known where I was. 🙄’ Next time we heard from Him mans was 30. 😂
I LOVE Jesus' sass lol. One of my favorite lines is from Mark 2 when the Pharisees reprimand him for healing the sick man, and Jesus retorts: Which is easier to say, thy sins be forgiven thee, or take up thy bed and walk. He was the ultimate Sassy McSnarkypants and I love Him even more for it.
I was raised Christian, but what kept me staying Christian (vaguely) was Jesus flipping a table on some guys and calling them hypocrites, and you KNOW when the man is getting real when he throws that word out. Regardless of whether you believe he's the son of God or not, Jesus was cool af and we should all strive to be like him not even in the religious sense but because he was truly just based.
Just remember: Jesus *braided* the whip he used. And presumably didn't have some thorns pre-braided before he showed up. So, when you're thinking of the table-flipping, don't forget to include the 15-20 minutes of Christ sitting there, quietly braiding and *glaring* at the intolerable exploitation happening in front of him.
In my entire life I've never been so interested in religion as I am *now* I rlly need to read the bible to understand these references better, I never thought it was actually that incredible and interesting!!
Not to mention the part right after (Matthew 21:18-22) where He curses a fig tree and it withers instantly, then when his disciples ask how He did it He responds with "bffr you wouldve made a mountain go drown itself if you had the same amount of faith as me"
@@nanamacapagal8342I don’t know exactly what he said as to *_why_* he did it but I remember agreeing with an interpretation I saw once - which I also don’t remember.
Also the subtle savagery of John, like, "the apostle whom Jesus loved" (I think that's right) and he wrote that he beat Peter to the tomb to like lol John you didn't need to do Peter like that but he did deny Jesus so.....
He's like "I beat you to the tomb because I'm younger, faster, and less out of shape, old man. So anyway.." To be fair, he does give Peter credit for actually going into the tomb.
I know you meant it jokingly, but to me, calling himself "the apostle whom Jesus loved" was John's way of showing humility. It didn't matter who he was, it only mattered that Jesus loved him.
I never thought about it that way, that's a good point, you might just be right. And I know that being the apostle Jesus loved was true because not only did Jesus leave his mother in his care, and let John see heaven but John was also the only one who lived to old age and wasn't killed
@@Tyler_WYes, after “flexing” that he’s so scrupulously polite to never enter a room before his elders and betters. (And slowers) 😂 I love how real they all are!
He was the Original Dude, Jesus Lebowski, robe and all. I think the “do not cast your pearls before swine,” can be summed up as “well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.” And let’s not forget “This aggression will not stand, man.”
I’ve always said that Jesus is the spiciest dude in the Bible! He stays on people’s necks constantly. Makes sense before his crucifixion people were trying to stone him left right and centre 😂😂😂 gotta love him!
For real. People saying that he never claimed to be God have no idea what they're talking about and never seriously read the Bible. He very clearly did. It's why so many people were threatening to stone him for blasphemy.
@@cinderleaves3949 read that scripture again. I believe it's Matthew 5 Vs 27-30 He was talking about taking responsibility for your salvation and not looking for excuses to wander off the wrong way.
He challenged man's definition of the word peace IMO. He challenged man's definition of almost everything. He brought God's perspective! 2000 years down the line many are still struggling to grasp it. No rival 🙌
OK, so the 1st one: the Jewish culture had this manner of conversation where you said the oposite if you meant to agree. So when Jesus said it was none of His business, He actually meant "Ok, I'll handle it." It was something that had me wondering for the longest time and then a priest explained the cultural circumstances in sermon this one time, so I'm passing it on 😊 It's funny how cultures have those special wys of communicating. In my country in the past, if two families met to arrange a marriage, they would be talking about bying/selling a cow 😊
In my country to propose the guy would visit parents of the girl, and if she wouldn't like him she could bring him a PUMPKIN without even saying anything and make him go away lol
Yeah Jesus had lines but God in Old Testament had some serious smack too. Especially his tone in Job, my guy like “oh teach me Job about the beasts of earth and sun and moon since you were there when they were made 🙄🙄” Job 38:1-21 The LORD Answers Job [1] Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said: [2] “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? [3] Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me. [4] “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. [5] Who determined its measurements-surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? [6] On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, [7] when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy? [8] “Or who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb, [9] when I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band, [10] and prescribed limits for it and set bars and doors, [11] and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stayed’? [12] “Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place, [13] that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it? [14] It is changed like clay under the seal, and its features stand out like a garment. [15] From the wicked their light is withheld, and their uplifted arm is broken. [16] “Have you entered into the springs of the sea, or walked in the recesses of the deep? [17] Have the gates of death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gates of deep darkness? [18] Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth? Declare, if you know all this. [19] “Where is the way to the dwelling of light, and where is the place of darkness, [20] that you may take it to its territory and that you may discern the paths to its home? [21] You know, for you were born then, and the number of your days is great!
That stack condensed: "Oooh, you think you know so much? Let's go over each of our qualifications and see who's the better fit for the position of GOD, shall we? 😒"
I've heard it was like our modern day use of ma'am or madam. Also man called her woman before sin, and Jesus calls her woman, a hearken back to Genesis 2.
Or him asking the adulteress "Where have your accusers gone?" After the famous "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" line. He was literally like "Well where'd they go?"
And she responded in kind and He applauded her. Jesus enjoyed it when people actually attempted to match wits with Him, especially for an answer to a prayer.
I should probably read the actual quotes, but I remember seeing an interpretation where the response was simply, that the dogs will still eat the crumbs from their master’s plate.
That time when the disciples woke Jesus up from a nap because the boat was about to capsize in a storm, and he went up to the bow and yelled "SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!" and the storm stopped. (It's usually translated as "Peace! Be still!" But given that he then gave the disciples a what for over disturbing his nap for nothing, I believe the actual delivery was much more on the cranky side.)
I always imagined adolescent Jesus being a little grating know-it-all, but I am all for this mental picture of a fed-up adult Jesus channeling his inner Danny Glover. Dude’s 30 and mumbling “Too old for this shit,” as the disciples whinge about how scary it is walking on water.
By calling His mother 'woman', he did not mean to disrespect her. He was addressing her as the woman spoken of in Genesis who would crush the head of the devil and give birth to a seed who would be at enmity with the devil. That is Mary and Jesus. The new Eve and Adam. In the book of Revelation Mary is also referred to as woman.
Eh, there's not really evidence for that. Jesus is the new Adam but using that example means that Mary is Eve, thus meaning that Mary (his mom) is also his... Wife? Last time I checked, Mary wasn't Jesus' wife.
Yes Mary is the new Eve, no she is not Jesus’s wife. She unites in one person virginity and motherhood, so she is the archetype for all Christian women in one direction or the other. That’s why she’s the new Eve.
She is not only the new Eve, she is also the new Ark of the Covenant.. recall that the Ark of the Covenant disappeared for centuries and only reappeared in Revelation... mentioned right after the Woman who gave birth to the Son who was to rule the nations.
So much is lost in generations and translation. Jesus was actually reminding Mary he would have to start his mission and that would meant she would have to give him up to the divine plan. The sword would strike her heart. She co operated with him in this mission.
*as he's doing it* "Why do you involve me?" isn't giving savage so much as it's giving my Jewish husband. They still talk like that to this day. "I love you~" "Who authorized this?!" *gives hugs and kisses*
Ok but the woman is a poor translation (its translating literally rather in the context in which Jesus was speaking) a better translation is my lady he was referring to her with deep reverence and respect which is why Catholics call her Our Lady. Also the rock is allegorical and also a respectful term by basically saying that he is the foundation on which the church will be built on. Also the woman at the well wasnt meant un a rude way but rather to reveal to her how intimately he knows her even though they havent formally even met each other
@@xuniepyro7399 You left out the most important thing: Although he reacts negatively at first, Jesus Christ does exactly what Mary asks, he turns the water into wine! This passage always gives me hope that one could change God's mind in prayer about smaller things... one can negotiate with God, the prophets did that too..
My favorite part by far is “Tell me, the Baptism of John was from men or from God?” “We don’t know” “Then I won’t tell you by what authority I do what I do” What a Man
I have always found it funny how many people forgot just how savage Jesus could be when he was making a point. Every time I think about the money changers at the temple I can only imagine how terrifying that moment of his righteous anger must have been.
When Peter asked Jesus about the end of John the beloved he answered “what’s that to you if I want him to live? Literally saying mind your own business 😂😂😂
one of my favorite things is realizing how much humor is in the bible. it's not a "dry" or "boring" read at all. one bit that made me fall out laughing was moses saying "did i give birth to these people?? then why do i have to carry them around like babies!!" god created us in his image, and i believe that includes senses of humor and laughter
I mean, in context that was basically a combination of "watch out, things are about to get really bad" and "make sure there's enough evidence for the Romans to arrest me". When they actually tried _using_ the sword, His response was pretty fierce.
I love the "who needs to be healed part" He's there to guide those who have lost their way, Not those who are on the right path~ ! But Jesus is there for everyone whenever you need him anyway ❤
Jesus was a kind caring man. That's why he was so approachable to children, lepers, and repented sinners. That some gentiles were blessed by his miracles for their faith yet his brothers didn't believed he was the Messiah and his hometown didn't witness any miracles says a lot. Kind minded Pharisees would get a moment of being taught by Jesus in a kind manner that reflected God's love and personal interest in them. The zealous Pharisees and other Jewish sects would be scolded and called hypocrites and sons of Satan for their actions and burdening the people with their oral traditions that went beyond the Mosaic Law. He truly is the greatest man that ever lived.
I like the Matthew write that down part. Jesus was actually savage, was reading 1Kings one day, and all i could think was dem Elisha and co definitely got their violence from somewhere😂
One thing that made my heart sank for Jesus is when He tried to wake uo the sleepy two or three apostles (if im not mistaken) who came with him while He was praying before they judge and crucify Him. There was like kind of worriness and anxiousness in Him that time, that the prophecy should be fulfilled, but He prayed and prayed to the Father for Him to continually have courage and face it all...
Quick Catholic fun fact: The “woman what is this to you and to me” line is actually incredibly significant, particularly the woman part because he is referencing his mother as THE woman, the new Eve through which the world will be saved (through her son). And “what is this to you” is essentially reminding her “to you this may just be a miracle, an act of faith but…” and the “and to me” is essentially saying “but to me this would be the start of my public ministry, the start of the countdown to my death” which Mary also would have known. By insisting her son turn the water to wine she is giving up her son to the world, knowing that at the end of his ministry he will die My source? I think fr Mike Schmitz or Jeff cavins
"render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and render unto God that which is God's" is 1000x funnier when you know that "render unto Caesar" was the battle cry of the revolutionary groups at the time
You're right you don't have A HUSBAND you have 5 HUSBANDS😅😅
I remember reading this 😂😂
Actually He said, You HAD 5 husbands.
😂😂😂 HE DID SAID THAT
And the man you're living with now is not your husband. (There are women today living just like her.)
Had*
"Your name is rock now."
We all laugh, but David didn't beat Goliath with a marshmallow.
@@FadzaiSimango they used the word didn't. It's a negative
@@khaleesijerwood505 You are correct
Smooth 😂
David could have beat Goliath with a feather. It was his faith that God had his back that actually killed the giant!
@@chugeneWell that plus God guiding the rock to cave in Goliath’s head while making sure none of those other soldiers charged David in the aftermath.
The disciples when they heard Jesus' one liners: Let him cook!
😂
Let him feed the 5000! 😅
On Himself, let him cook
@@jordanbrown6889 that is brilliant
*let Him cook
Lol funny enough when Jesus was saying “woman”, the translation into Hebrew was “ishah” or something around that, and actually it was more of a term of respect lol in Hebrew context, so not to worry guys, Jesus didn’t mean “woman” derogatorily 😂
It mean my lady and Catholics call her our Lady
@@carolinpurayidom4570 oooooh okok thank u for clarifying bro :D
@@carolinpurayidom4570
I am Catholic and we do call her “our lady”, but I didn’t know it came from this. What I did hear though as a child from an adult at Sunday school was that the word used for “woman” could also mean “mother” based on the context.
I explained it as “madam” or “ma’am” since his address to men is translated, “sir”. I had some disgruntled grannies in my Bible study until I explained the translation! It definitely came off to them as being like this video.
So it was less "woman" and more "m'lady"?
The *æuughh!* in response to the "Matthew write that down!" Is killing me 😂.
Matthew was his hostage?
me tooo 😂😂
@@audyathome7515no, he was one of his disciples
@@michaestephens4077 lol in the context of THE JOKE
@@audyathome7515 the roman officer assigned to Matthew: yes Ceasar, Jesus kidnapped the tax collector
Never forget that Jesus repeatedly told the disciples what he was going to do and each and every time they were like "yeah man!" And then proceeded to be in complete shock when Jesus actually did it. And then Jesus proceeded to call them out on it😂
“The absolute madlad actually did it”
Shocked pikachu face
@@JoshTheValiantJesus: 🤦
Jesus literally pranked his friends by letting them think he'd drown only for him to walk on water and go, "Why are you so afraid? You have so little faith 🤷🏻♂️"
Imagine from their POV -- the guy you've been following, believing in, risking your life for this whole time, pranks you into thinking he's a fake only to later go "just kidding y'all I'm the real deal" and you fall for it EVERY SINGLE TIME
@@every_username_is_taken It was Peter who was drowning
One note- "Woman" in that culture and context was actually more of an honorific. It was a respectful way to adress the women.
Why is calling a woman a woman derogatory now even?
Like if you said to a man , "Man, why are you bothering me?" ,nobody considers that derogatory.
m'lady
@@WeAreTheDraikenbecause of misogyny itself. man is considered to be a good and friendly term because men are seen as superior, but to be female is seen as inferior.
that's why "don't be such a girl" is an insult.
@@YouLikeKrabbyPattiesDontYou So doesn't that mean women also are self misogynistic.
Because I remember saying to a woman once when she was ranting.
"Woman, Chill"
And she took that offensive, saying I was being sexist.
When honestly I've always talked like that calling people what they are, man, woman, human, ape even sometimes (when people start feeling thier too important, got to remind they are a hairless ape with clothing).
@@YouLikeKrabbyPattiesDontYou So doesn't that mean women also are self misogynistic.
Because I remember saying to a woman once when she was ranting.
"Woman, Chill"
And she took that offensive, saying I was being sexist.
When honestly I've always talked like that calling people what they are, man, woman, human, ape even sometimes (when people start feeling thier too important, got to remind they are a hairless ape with clothing).
One of my favorites is Jesus telling the Pharasees: You're like a tomb. Pretty on the outside, but full of dead man's bones.
ACTUALLY IS EVEN BETTER! He calls them “whited sepulchers”, these were made not only with bones but also dirt and everything unclean, which connects to the Mosaic Law that says that whoever touches a dead body would be unclean for seven days! Jesus not only called them hypocrites for faking how clean they were on the outside but saying they were the worst kind on unclean in their insides since they were filled with death!!!!
This is hard ngl 😂😂😂
Oh, this one slaps! 🎉
I read this to my husband last night. 🤣 He was PISSED in this part of Matthew. He’d just busted up the temple market and was like, “YOU’RE a hypocrite! YOU’RE a hypocrite! EVERY ONE OF YALL’S A HYPOCRITE!” 😲 He’s maaadhhh.
“You’re a white washed tomb with dead man’s bones inside”
Can’t wait for the flipping tables bit 😂
I love that part 😂
Yep, his father was a carpenter before power tools so he was most lilky training in it as well. I can image he was not a small dude.
Reminds me of an AI image of Jesus doing a back flip over a table because the generator miss understood the prompt lmao
@@ShaiLai AI will never comprehend the glory of Jesus flipping over tables of overpriced scam merch inside a parish
...or using a whip on the money changers!!!😮
Oh, YES HE DID!!!😁
Mary said to the staff “Do what he tells you” and walked away. Such a mom move.
HAHA soooo true! Jesus likely got a lot of His attitude from her lol
Based mom based son lol
He told her “not going to do that yet”
And she flat out changed his mind
Mary is not to be trifled with ^_^
True!. I always say that act is a sermon in itself..the confidence and intimate knowledge she has of her beloved Son. He'd never let her down before. .
Dude the absolute toughness but tenderness of Mary is amazing to me ❤
“are you the king of the jews?”
“you said so”
"You said it, not Me... 😒"
-Jesus of Nazareth, to the acting high judge in an open court
@@savvivixen8490And then said judge did everything he could to have Jesus released.
@@ClokworkGremlin Pilat is pretty chill dude ngl 🤝
“If my Kingdom were of this world, my followers would’ve threw hands to prevent my capture.”
@@ClokworkGremlinhe lied. he could have let Jesus go and no one would have punished him for it. The common Israelites loved Jesus, the Romans had no problem with him. he was just trying to please a vocal minority
People forget how SAVAGE Jesus was. He was sick of everyone's bullcrap.
everyone's religions
He wasn’t savage. That word is overused for meme purposes. He was rather gentle with people, aside from clearing the merchants out of the Temple. He wasn’t some snarky back-talker. That’s just a performance choice this guy made.
@@brandonburum8279No, he knew how to let fly when he wanted to.
@@brandonburum8279 he was rather gentle, unless you are reading luke.
I've read my bible back to back a lot and I can tell you, the only thing gentle about the man Jesus was allowing himself to be arrested and crucified!
one of my personal favorites is when he forgives the sins of a paralyzed man and the Pharisees are like "noooo you can't do that" and Jesus was like "well what was I supposed to do? tell him to get up and walk? bc I can do that too" and then HE DID
Awesome, I love that part ❤ 😂
Yeah, which is easier to say (or demonstrate)- 🤷
"your sins are forgiven" was considered blasphemy because only God can forgive sins....
The pharisees didn't consider the alternative reason why Jesus just did that.
One of my favorites is when He is asked to perform a miracle, healing, that none of his disciples could and He basically responds,
“How much longer do I have to put up with/be around you people/this generation?” before doing it💀
Then basically says “try having faith” when they ask Him how he managed 😭
Matthew 17:17-20 if you wanna read it
I mean peter walked on water for a bit
It was casting out a demon. The boy was having seizures and falling all over the place, and the disciples were given the power to cast out demons but they couldn't do it this time. And Jesus was like Siiiiiiiiigh.....ok fine, bring him to me.😂
Or, if that happened in modern age: "git guud"
@@caomhan84It’s important to know that they most likely weren’t seizures as seizures are not caused by demonic possession or activity. The medical cause for seizures is widely known.
@@Nesymafdet he had demonic twitching movements of intense severity.
Some would shorten this to: seizures caused by demonic possession.
Don't forget He also said whenever you feel that someone is rejecting your wisdom, "CAST NOT YOUR PEARLS TO SWINES".
I can't recall everything in the New Testament, but this was a nice one! Thank you for remembering it! ✨💖
Yeah he wasn’t about forcing people to listen to him. I personally liked “if you come to a town that doesn’t listen to you, shake their dust off your sandals and keep moving”
I can just see the Supa hot fire squad getting hyped up from Jesus lol
Some real wise shit out there
@@Nortarachanges That's because the disciples' time was being wasted. If they continued trying to reach people who rejected their message, they would better use their time to reach people who wouldn't.
"MATTHEW WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN!!" was so funny🤣🤣
Fr it craked me up 😂😂
"Ääuuueeeeghhh" 😂😂
YES! 😂
He also brought Lazarus back from the dead by just telling him to get up lmao.
"Get up you lazy fucker!"
Amateur just died smh
And literally when people said that it couldn’t be done since he was dead for four days (they believed their spirits only stayed for three days, how savage of Jesus to purposely get there “late” just to prove then wrong 😂)
@@queenofgoldenheartsWow. I had no idea that was another reason for Jesus’ assumed tardiness.
Eyes opened. 👀
Bro said, " Get up, You just died bruh, walk it off"
"Your name is rock now"
_Dwayne Johnson has entered chat._
Because you sank like a stone!
Out of context, this is freaking hilarious
@@ScientistCat That's why Simon was "John-son" 😁
@@ScientistCat😭
I love the brown sash over the hoodie. 😂😂 But Jesus was def a savage on Earth. First time He speaks in the Bible He was 12 giving Mary all types of attitude in the temple. ‘Why were you looking all over for me? You should have known where I was. 🙄’ Next time we heard from Him mans was 30. 😂
Man was grounded for 18 years 😔
@@DarthLesbianHOLLERING 😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣
I dont think that was disrespect or attitude on his part. It literally says he was obedient to his parents.
I LOVE Jesus' sass lol. One of my favorite lines is from Mark 2 when the Pharisees reprimand him for healing the sick man, and Jesus retorts: Which is easier to say, thy sins be forgiven thee, or take up thy bed and walk. He was the ultimate Sassy McSnarkypants and I love Him even more for it.
@@allaniadall9686he was obedient, but I’m sure he said it with some sass as any child would lol
I was raised Christian, but what kept me staying Christian (vaguely) was Jesus flipping a table on some guys and calling them hypocrites, and you KNOW when the man is getting real when he throws that word out. Regardless of whether you believe he's the son of God or not, Jesus was cool af and we should all strive to be like him not even in the religious sense but because he was truly just based.
Just remember: Jesus *braided* the whip he used. And presumably didn't have some thorns pre-braided before he showed up. So, when you're thinking of the table-flipping, don't forget to include the 15-20 minutes of Christ sitting there, quietly braiding and *glaring* at the intolerable exploitation happening in front of him.
@@Wote89 Brother I didn't know that one that's just *METAL.*
In my entire life I've never been so interested in religion as I am *now*
I rlly need to read the bible to understand these references better, I never thought it was actually that incredible and interesting!!
No, thanks. I'd like to keep my morals intact
@@TheGentleApesaying that while having a disney pfp is crazy. blud has no idea what the entertainment industry is like
Jesus is so underrated, I can’t believe only a handful of people know him
Amen AMEN!!!!! 😂😂❤ I mean, honestly, though. I’m forever baffled.
I pray that more people come to know Him 😥🙏🏽
The remnants..... You can't see them but they there. We can only pray to meet them and connect to them
It's a sarcastic comment @matheuscaneta1194
Yeah, we need to tell them!
You forgot when he chased a bunch of merchants out of the temple with a whip. Our God is not weak or harmless.
And the table flipping!!!
Not to mention the part right after (Matthew 21:18-22) where He curses a fig tree and it withers instantly, then when his disciples ask how He did it He responds with "bffr you wouldve made a mountain go drown itself if you had the same amount of faith as me"
@@nanamacapagal8342I don’t know exactly what he said as to *_why_* he did it but I remember agreeing with an interpretation I saw once - which I also don’t remember.
“I gave you one of these 👄 and two of these 👂… why do you think I did that?” Had me laughing soooo hard 😂
Epictetus
where is this in the bible?
😂😂😂
@@penshinn James 1:19
Also the subtle savagery of John, like, "the apostle whom Jesus loved" (I think that's right) and he wrote that he beat Peter to the tomb to like lol John you didn't need to do Peter like that but he did deny Jesus so.....
“Anyway so the apostles who wrote the gospel are Matthew, Mark, THE APOSTLE WHOM JESUS LOVED and Luke”
He's like "I beat you to the tomb because I'm younger, faster, and less out of shape, old man. So anyway.."
To be fair, he does give Peter credit for actually going into the tomb.
I know you meant it jokingly, but to me, calling himself "the apostle whom Jesus loved" was John's way of showing humility. It didn't matter who he was, it only mattered that Jesus loved him.
I never thought about it that way, that's a good point, you might just be right. And I know that being the apostle Jesus loved was true because not only did Jesus leave his mother in his care, and let John see heaven but John was also the only one who lived to old age and wasn't killed
@@Tyler_WYes, after “flexing” that he’s so scrupulously polite to never enter a room before his elders and betters.
(And slowers) 😂 I love how real they all are!
Been a Christian for 25 years. THANK YOU for pointing this out. The Son of God who died for us also flipped tables and told it like it is.
Jesus is the OG savage, I swear 🤣🤣🤣
The Bible is full of savage one liners.
He so is lol
He was the Original Dude, Jesus Lebowski, robe and all. I think the “do not cast your pearls before swine,” can be summed up as “well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
And let’s not forget “This aggression will not stand, man.”
Wait till you watch a short about Diogenes
Yeah but David was cool “I used to chase off bears on my farm how hard can a giant guy be”
I’ve always said that Jesus is the spiciest dude in the Bible! He stays on people’s necks constantly. Makes sense before his crucifixion people were trying to stone him left right and centre 😂😂😂 gotta love him!
For real. People saying that he never claimed to be God have no idea what they're talking about and never seriously read the Bible. He very clearly did. It's why so many people were threatening to stone him for blasphemy.
@Tyler_W "You shall not tempt the lord your God" Matthew 4:7
Jesus telling catcallers to gouge out their eyes is also iconic
@@Ambulatory_Viscounthe stood up for women’s rights and women’s wrongs what an icon
@@cinderleaves3949 read that scripture again. I believe it's Matthew 5 Vs 27-30
He was talking about taking responsibility for your salvation and not looking for excuses to wander off the wrong way.
Exactly @@Favour-l4l
He also said to dress modestly 🩷
@@גקדןרק where?
This is hilarious… the comment section is hilarious too😂. My Christian brothers and sisters learn to laugh.
Jesus was like nah
Imma stir up some violence before I leave this world for y'all
“I did not come to bring peace but a sword”
-also Jesus
@@kylefoster2777 Hallelujah! 🙌🏽
He challenged man's definition of the word peace IMO. He challenged man's definition of almost everything. He brought God's perspective! 2000 years down the line many are still struggling to grasp it. No rival 🙌
The way you delivered Jesus’s renaming Simon kills me lol
One of the lawyers answered him, “Teacher, in saying these things you insult us also.” And he said, “Woe to you lawyers also!”
Luke 11:45-46
OK, so the 1st one: the Jewish culture had this manner of conversation where you said the oposite if you meant to agree. So when Jesus said it was none of His business, He actually meant "Ok, I'll handle it." It was something that had me wondering for the longest time and then a priest explained the cultural circumstances in sermon this one time, so I'm passing it on 😊
It's funny how cultures have those special wys of communicating. In my country in the past, if two families met to arrange a marriage, they would be talking about bying/selling a cow 😊
In my country to propose the guy would visit parents of the girl, and if she wouldn't like him she could bring him a PUMPKIN without even saying anything and make him go away lol
This makes me want to read the bible and be more careful about that
@@kamomiru5584Which country, because this made me spit out water while laughing
THANK YOU for this clarification! That bit felt weird to me, but that makes more sense now! 😊
@@kamomiru5584 Are pumpkins like an all time rejection symbol, or only when someone's proposing? and does a guy do the same?
Yeah Jesus had lines but God in Old Testament had some serious smack too. Especially his tone in Job, my guy like “oh teach me Job about the beasts of earth and sun and moon since you were there when they were made 🙄🙄”
Job 38:1-21
The LORD Answers Job
[1] Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:
[2] “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
[3] Dress for action like a man;
I will question you, and you make it known to me.
[4] “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell me, if you have understanding.
[5] Who determined its measurements-surely you know!
Or who stretched the line upon it?
[6] On what were its bases sunk,
or who laid its cornerstone,
[7] when the morning stars sang together
and all the sons of God shouted for joy?
[8] “Or who shut in the sea with doors
when it burst out from the womb,
[9] when I made clouds its garment
and thick darkness its swaddling band,
[10] and prescribed limits for it
and set bars and doors,
[11] and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther,
and here shall your proud waves be stayed’?
[12] “Have you commanded the morning since your days began,
and caused the dawn to know its place,
[13] that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth,
and the wicked be shaken out of it?
[14] It is changed like clay under the seal,
and its features stand out like a garment.
[15] From the wicked their light is withheld,
and their uplifted arm is broken.
[16] “Have you entered into the springs of the sea,
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
[17] Have the gates of death been revealed to you,
or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
[18] Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth?
Declare, if you know all this.
[19] “Where is the way to the dwelling of light,
and where is the place of darkness,
[20] that you may take it to its territory
and that you may discern the paths to its home?
[21] You know, for you were born then,
and the number of your days is great!
That stack condensed:
"Oooh, you think you know so much? Let's go over each of our qualifications and see who's the better fit for the position of GOD, shall we? 😒"
@@savvivixen8490thanks for condensing 😂
"Gird thy loins, punk"
That's the problem. Ya'll don't want to read the Bible.
Holy shit you can't help but feel little while reading this
"I gave you TWO of these, and ONE of these!" Lol God bless you, brother.
"Hey, there's a 2x4 in your eye, not sure how you didn't notice that."
This one measures up.
Lol 😂
Love this lol. Jesus was pretty funny somtimes. He was a very sassy dude, especially to the Pharisees lol.
Small thing, but calling someone "woman" was not insulting back then, but actually respectful.
I've heard it was like our modern day use of ma'am or madam. Also man called her woman before sin, and Jesus calls her woman, a hearken back to Genesis 2.
Jesus vs the Pharisee's always gets me😂😂
He literally called them,"Dense,hypocrites, blind leaders and brood of vipers"...#Premuim_Savagery🤣🤣.
My FAVORITE example of this is Mark 12:22-27. He literally fires 5 roasts in a row!
He sandwiches it lol,
"Do ye not therefore err... ye therefore do greatly err."
Pharisees: *blink blink*
Was waiting for the one when a gentile woman asked for healing and he said:
"its not right to give the children's bread to the dogs"
😅
Or him asking the adulteress "Where have your accusers gone?" After the famous "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" line. He was literally like "Well where'd they go?"
And she responded in kind and He applauded her. Jesus enjoyed it when people actually attempted to match wits with Him, especially for an answer to a prayer.
But calling her dog is not an insult tho... the literal translation for that word is "puppy" "small dog" so a pet.
@@limprooster3253Jesus is da boss
I should probably read the actual quotes, but I remember seeing an interpretation where the response was simply, that the dogs will still eat the crumbs from their master’s plate.
My brother in Christ, this man’s understanding of the discipleship of Jesus is so hilariously on point. God’s humor speaks through him🤣🙏🏾
That time when the disciples woke Jesus up from a nap because the boat was about to capsize in a storm, and he went up to the bow and yelled "SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!" and the storm stopped.
(It's usually translated as "Peace! Be still!" But given that he then gave the disciples a what for over disturbing his nap for nothing, I believe the actual delivery was much more on the cranky side.)
I always imagined adolescent Jesus being a little grating know-it-all, but I am all for this mental picture of a fed-up adult Jesus channeling his inner Danny Glover. Dude’s 30 and mumbling “Too old for this shit,” as the disciples whinge about how scary it is walking on water.
“Your name is rock now.”
Yeah, that’s pretty much what happened.
By calling His mother 'woman', he did not mean to disrespect her. He was addressing her as the woman spoken of in Genesis who would crush the head of the devil and give birth to a seed who would be at enmity with the devil. That is Mary and Jesus. The new Eve and Adam.
In the book of Revelation Mary is also referred to as woman.
??? what kind of inaccurate nonsense-
Eh, there's not really evidence for that. Jesus is the new Adam but using that example means that Mary is Eve, thus meaning that Mary (his mom) is also his... Wife?
Last time I checked, Mary wasn't Jesus' wife.
Yes Mary is the new Eve, no she is not Jesus’s wife. She unites in one person virginity and motherhood, so she is the archetype for all Christian women in one direction or the other. That’s why she’s the new Eve.
She is not only the new Eve, she is also the new Ark of the Covenant.. recall that the Ark of the Covenant disappeared for centuries and only reappeared in Revelation... mentioned right after the Woman who gave birth to the Son who was to rule the nations.
@@moa5351 Yes. Both and.
One of my favorite things about Jesus-HE’S SO DIRECT!!!!
Jesus' burn at Peter "Get behind me Satan!"
😂
Matthews panic to get a quill and parchment is hilarious
So much is lost in generations and translation. Jesus was actually reminding Mary he would have to start his mission and that would meant she would have to give him up to the divine plan. The sword would strike her heart. She co operated with him in this mission.
*as he's doing it* "Why do you involve me?" isn't giving savage so much as it's giving my Jewish husband. They still talk like that to this day.
"I love you~"
"Who authorized this?!" *gives hugs and kisses*
Can you elaborate more? Sounds lovely
Jesus was cooking people fr
أجاب يسوع: «أنا هو الطريق والحق والحياة. ليس أحد يأتي إلى الآب إلا بي.
"MATTHEW WRITE THAT DOWN!!"
Ok but the woman is a poor translation (its translating literally rather in the context in which Jesus was speaking) a better translation is my lady he was referring to her with deep reverence and respect which is why Catholics call her Our Lady. Also the rock is allegorical and also a respectful term by basically saying that he is the foundation on which the church will be built on. Also the woman at the well wasnt meant un a rude way but rather to reveal to her how intimately he knows her even though they havent formally even met each other
Okay, and I get that, I know that, but the video itself is still funny 😂
So true, ty for context. Ik most all these stories, but forget it’s important to note for those who aren’t familiar with certain parts yet
Dude, we know that.
We also know that this vid is just a caricature.
Don't take it too seriously!
@@xuniepyro7399 You left out the most important thing: Although he reacts negatively at first, Jesus Christ does exactly what Mary asks, he turns the water into wine!
This passage always gives me hope that one could change God's mind in prayer about smaller things... one can negotiate with God, the prophets did that too..
And the 5 husband's plus live-in-lover thing was also to gently bring her to repentance
My favorite part by far is “Tell me, the Baptism of John was from men or from God?” “We don’t know” “Then I won’t tell you by what authority I do what I do”
What a Man
0:02 This miracle happened in my country !
I have always found it funny how many people forgot just how savage Jesus could be when he was making a point. Every time I think about the money changers at the temple I can only imagine how terrifying that moment of his righteous anger must have been.
FYI: When Christ says 'woman' he is not being disrespectful. He is referring to every woman out there.
Jesus loves us all, but hearing him absolutely roast the woman at the well about her five husbands was hilarious
And she was so got, she told everybody. “This guy knew everything I’ve ever done!”
The fact that Matthew did, in fact, write it down 😂
The real “Let him cook” in the whole Humanity’s History
When Peter asked Jesus about the end of John the beloved he answered “what’s that to you if I want him to live? Literally saying mind your own business 😂😂😂
"Jesus! This girls wearing indecent clothing!" "Pluck out your eyes then." "wha-" "you heard me."
😂😂😂
Iconic
😂😂😂
LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!
"Okay but what if I wanna grab her booty?" "Then cut off your hands!"
I need a whole retelling series on the bible like this 😂
'King of the universe'...more like the 'king of sass'❤
"Who told you I can't be both?"
-Jesus of Nathareth
The "sweetheart" and "Matthew write that down, write that down!" was just.... great!!!
the last one is actually such a badass part of the Bible. need more people like him
My favorite is that one time he cursed a tree because it had no fruit.
“Matthew! Write that down! Write that down!” 😂
one of my favorite things is realizing how much humor is in the bible. it's not a "dry" or "boring" read at all. one bit that made me fall out laughing was moses saying "did i give birth to these people?? then why do i have to carry them around like babies!!" god created us in his image, and i believe that includes senses of humor and laughter
😁 Yes! Yes He does and did!
Jesus was savage.
"If you do not have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one."
Jesus said stay strapped.
I mean, in context that was basically a combination of "watch out, things are about to get really bad" and "make sure there's enough evidence for the Romans to arrest me". When they actually tried _using_ the sword, His response was pretty fierce.
@@LincolnDWard He healed the ear though.
@@Felale Yeah, that's part of the response - showing Peter that He was absolutely not on board with Peter's actions.
I really love your work. It’s funny, but informative.
0:34 Rock Johnson 😂😂
As someone who’s been cheated on he was just being real. I’d be way more savage.
"It's giving savage" 😂
Ain’t the Lord just Gangster like that 😂 you should do the resurrection brother👌👍👍👍
1:04 XD too savage!
The look on his face when he said "The healthy or the sick?"😂
I love the "who needs to be healed part"
He's there to guide those who have lost their way, Not those who are on the right path~ !
But Jesus is there for everyone whenever you need him anyway ❤
🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣. I couldn’t stop laughing!!! Clearly you are of the very FEW who can read and understand the scriptures 👏👏👏👏🏆. Loved your translations! 🥰🫶😇
I love how much of a smartass Jesus was when alive and still is to this day! 😂😂😂😂😂
"Matthew, right that down, WRITE THAT DOWN!!!"
"Thank God she's not Korean" That is so fr
Just stumbled across your page and oh so funny but oh so true. Thank you for the laugh and the word.❤❤❤
😂😂😂😂😂 the Lord did give them two of 👂🏾👂🏾and one of this 👄😂😂😂😂 matthew shoulda write it like that😂😂😂 chai!!!
Jesus was a kind caring man. That's why he was so approachable to children, lepers, and repented sinners.
That some gentiles were blessed by his miracles for their faith yet his brothers didn't believed he was the Messiah and his hometown didn't witness any miracles says a lot.
Kind minded Pharisees would get a moment of being taught by Jesus in a kind manner that reflected God's love and personal interest in them. The zealous Pharisees and other Jewish sects would be scolded and called hypocrites and sons of Satan for their actions and burdening the people with their oral traditions that went beyond the Mosaic Law.
He truly is the greatest man that ever lived.
If Bible characters were gen-z 😂😂😂😂❤
GOD BLESS YOU 🙏🏽👉💯❤️
“Matthew write that down!” That was my fav part! 😂😂😂
That last clip is giving SpongeBob yelling at Patrick, “WRITE THAT DOWN! WRITE THAT DOWN!”
If they don’t listen then dust your sandals off and walk!! ❤😂
That last line was cold af I love it
I like the Matthew write that down part.
Jesus was actually savage, was reading 1Kings one day, and all i could think was dem Elisha and co definitely got their violence from somewhere😂
The first one in the last one had me rolling! May God bless you in all things that you do in his name!
One thing that made my heart sank for Jesus is when He tried to wake uo the sleepy two or three apostles (if im not mistaken) who came with him while He was praying before they judge and crucify Him. There was like kind of worriness and anxiousness in Him that time, that the prophecy should be fulfilled, but He prayed and prayed to the Father for Him to continually have courage and face it all...
"لأنك إن اعترفت بفمك أن يسوع هو الرب، وآمنت بقلبك أن الله أقامه من الأموات، خلصت". رومية
When he pointed out the two ears... I died🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Quick Catholic fun fact:
The “woman what is this to you and to me” line is actually incredibly significant, particularly the woman part because he is referencing his mother as THE woman, the new Eve through which the world will be saved (through her son). And “what is this to you” is essentially reminding her “to you this may just be a miracle, an act of faith but…” and the “and to me” is essentially saying “but to me this would be the start of my public ministry, the start of the countdown to my death” which Mary also would have known. By insisting her son turn the water to wine she is giving up her son to the world, knowing that at the end of his ministry he will die
My source? I think fr Mike Schmitz or Jeff cavins
"render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and render unto God that which is God's" is 1000x funnier when you know that "render unto Caesar" was the battle cry of the revolutionary groups at the time
"noOoOOo, your name is Rock noOw" 😂❤😂❤😂
One of my favorites is when he just starts yelling at the Pharisees by calling them a “pit of vipers”