Glad to see you back. Missed you a lot. Your insights and experiences have helped me in my own journey in this life. Many of your own experiences are similar to my own and in some ways it's makes it easier to see where you are coming from and it makes me feel less alone.
Thank you!! It’s good to be back and be able to communicate with all you! I Guess taking a break is good and healthy, so that may be a good reminder too. It helps when we stick together and not go off alone like we think we deserve…
So good to see you here again! I’ve missed your videos. You have such a levelheaded way of looking at things and are well spoken in relaying your thoughts. I’m really glad that you took the time you needed to rest and take care of yourself💗
Its great that both you and your parents are striving to stay in and grow a relationship! Far better to seek some common ground now, than regret not having done that after parents are gone.
Very happy to know you took a break because you needed one. Listening to our body is important. That's how we keep from breaking. And well done keeping the communication lines open with your family. Truly. I'm so happy you gifted yourself and your parents with that necessary treasure. You take care!
Hey so the OCD thing… not easy. Glad you’re starting on the journey of working on that beast because when I found out I had OCD, I was so tangled up in scrupulosity (Catholic here, on the fence about leaving) that I had to be hospitalized. I think Catholicism exacerbates and even encourages OCD. If you are already a perfectionist, this religion will take you to next level neurotic, I swear. Immaculate Conception, need I say more? The church also has no understanding of personality disorders or neurodivergence tbh. I have Borderline and ADHD, and impulsivity and hypersexuality are things I struggle with. I am literally considering leaving so I can work on my mental health. I think many Catholics oversimplify the spiritual journey and have little to no sense of nuance. Getting into a yoga practice myself, all the exorcists can clutch their rosary beads while I find peace 🙃 anyway, glad you’re back, and glad you’ve started looking at OCD recovery.
I’m glad that your meeting with your parents went better than you had hoped. As you intimate, in human relationships just enjoying one other’s company and conversation means so much. You made me smile. You will remember, like me, hearing “Once a Catholic, always a Catholic!” Well, I certainly reject that; but I HAVE found that my Catholic past is a shadow which follows me wherever I go! Sometimes I find it beneficial, sometimes not. Your perfection thing is maybe part of your own Catholic shadow? I take inspiration from the English rock band from the past, Oasis! ''True perfection has to be imperfect. I know that that sounds foolish, but it's true''. (Their song “Little by Little”)
"Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” Brother just call out to him to save you. I've said rhe same prayer myself and repented "Lord if you will you may make me clean." God bless you and may the blessed Mother cover us with her mantle. Amen
Dear Francis, I relate to you so much. I am dying to speak with you, the things you say may as well have come out of my own mouth I am struggling with my faith similar to how you have. The control need is a fear of the misbehaving that uncertainty is equated to. We fear misbehaving because we believe from our childhood that we would then be unworthy of love. I have insightful thoughts and moments of doubt, guilt and staying stuck in a grey area (not practising catholicism, living in mortal sin yet not fully losing my faith). I wonder, what is your MBTI? Mine is INFJ, I am a highly sensitive artist, it does correlate to struggling with aspects of catholicism making it hard to surrender to its doctrine and culture, ESPECIALLY the mortification stuff, giving up the self, looking amish etc etc. I am estranged with my parents and struggle with similar thoughts you had. Gosh, it would just be great to conversate with you, i hope you reach out to me! I am a 32 year old female, not being helped by my sspx priest despite my desperation atm and it ruined my catechizing completely and sent me off into a spiral of sin. I just ...I relate to you alot, I understand some of what you are going through and there is just so much i wanna talk to you about.
It’s interesting-your description of always feeling like you had to be perfect, and beating yourself up for failing to achieve that, reminds me a lot of Martin Luther.
The late great Fr Hesse talks about your problem, you like Martin Luther were a scrupulent - skip to 11.45 mark m.ruclips.net/video/PaVfyIfi3O4/видео.html
You did not fully grasp the difficulty of the struggle of your ssa as a lay person and even worse, when going for the priesthood. Your sense of perfection and intelligence led you to trust in your own strength and willpower as opposed to trusting in God which would have led you to realize that as someone with deep seated homosexual tendencies, you were not a suitable candidate for the priesthood. Your attractions may not be your fault but your decision to go on to be a priest is your fault. That led to your crisis. Homosexuality creates a lot of faulty thinking and faulty perceptions of self and identity. You were not in a position to be a spiritual father. You set yourself up for failure and blame God for “not knowing your limits”. Priests are already a target for the Devil and homosexual priests must be even bigger targets. Perhaps your focus towards your goal of achieving the priesthood allowed you to put your homosexuality in a box that you could ignore but once you were ordained and settling into your vocation, after the “honeymoon period” was over and reality set in, you fell apart and broke down. Perhaps God’s grace allowed you to leave rather than lead a double life. Perhaps God’s Grace is preventing you from completely going over the edge. Your crisis now that you are out is that our hearts are restless until they rest in Jesus. Nobody is perfect though we are called to be and that is not an easy pursuit. It seems that you like a challenge. You are not the first person to fall into sin. You are not the first person to fall from grace and loose the faith. You are not the first Catholic with ssa. You are not special because you think you are different. You are special because God created you and loves you deeply, whether or not you feel it or believe it. You were in the confessional listening to penitents so you know that sin changes the way one thinks. You still have the chance to come back to God. He is desperately waiting for you to come back to Him. Yes, He is the one waiting, for you. You need to believe and accept, whether you feel inspired or not. You need to arrive at a place of spiritual maturity despite your deep struggle and be sorry for your sins. And then, confess them. And be ready to carry your cross, though you may fall. You will need to give your challenges and pressures and ssa struggles and brokenness and issues with perfection to Jesus. You will not be a priest as before but you are a priest forever. You may be a saint one day, perhaps a great one. Take courage.
Glad to see you back. Missed you a lot. Your insights and experiences have helped me in my own journey in this life. Many of your own experiences are similar to my own and in some ways it's makes it easier to see where you are coming from and it makes me feel less alone.
Thank you!! It’s good to be back and be able to communicate with all you! I Guess taking a break is good and healthy, so that may be a good reminder too.
It helps when we stick together and not go off alone like we think we deserve…
So good to see you here again! I’ve missed your videos. You have such a levelheaded way of looking at things and are well spoken in relaying your thoughts. I’m really glad that you took the time you needed to rest and take care of yourself💗
We all need a break sometimes, in order to come back stronger than ever. Lol. Thanks for watching!!
Its great that both you and your parents are striving to stay in and grow a relationship! Far better to seek some common ground now, than regret not having done that after parents are gone.
Yeah… I thought about that… life really is too short to always be “right.”
Very happy to know you took a break because you needed one. Listening to our body is important. That's how we keep from breaking. And well done keeping the communication lines open with your family. Truly. I'm so happy you gifted yourself and your parents with that necessary treasure. You take care!
Hey so the OCD thing… not easy. Glad you’re starting on the journey of working on that beast because when I found out I had OCD, I was so tangled up in scrupulosity (Catholic here, on the fence about leaving) that I had to be hospitalized. I think Catholicism exacerbates and even encourages OCD. If you are already a perfectionist, this religion will take you to next level neurotic, I swear. Immaculate Conception, need I say more? The church also has no understanding of personality disorders or neurodivergence tbh. I have Borderline and ADHD, and impulsivity and hypersexuality are things I struggle with. I am literally considering leaving so I can work on my mental health. I think many Catholics oversimplify the spiritual journey and have little to no sense of nuance. Getting into a yoga practice myself, all the exorcists can clutch their rosary beads while I find peace 🙃 anyway, glad you’re back, and glad you’ve started looking at OCD recovery.
Glad you're making mental health a priority. I totally get, "...no understanding of personality disorders or neurodivergence." Very true.
I’m glad that your meeting with your parents went better than you had hoped. As you intimate, in human relationships just enjoying one other’s company and conversation means so much.
You made me smile. You will remember, like me, hearing “Once a Catholic, always a Catholic!” Well, I certainly reject that; but I HAVE found that my Catholic past is a shadow which follows me wherever I go! Sometimes I find it beneficial, sometimes not.
Your perfection thing is maybe part of your own Catholic shadow? I take inspiration from the English rock band from the past, Oasis! ''True perfection has to be imperfect. I know that that sounds foolish, but it's true''. (Their song “Little by Little”)
"Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”
Brother just call out to him to save you. I've said rhe same prayer myself and repented "Lord if you will you may make me clean." God bless you and may the blessed Mother cover us with her mantle. Amen
Dear Francis, I relate to you so much. I am dying to speak with you, the things you say may as well have come out of my own mouth I am struggling with my faith similar to how you have. The control need is a fear of the misbehaving that uncertainty is equated to. We fear misbehaving because we believe from our childhood that we would then be unworthy of love. I have insightful thoughts and moments of doubt, guilt and staying stuck in a grey area (not practising catholicism, living in mortal sin yet not fully losing my faith). I wonder, what is your MBTI? Mine is INFJ, I am a highly sensitive artist, it does correlate to struggling with aspects of catholicism making it hard to surrender to its doctrine and culture, ESPECIALLY the mortification stuff, giving up the self, looking amish etc etc. I am estranged with my parents and struggle with similar thoughts you had. Gosh, it would just be great to conversate with you, i hope you reach out to me! I am a 32 year old female, not being helped by my sspx priest despite my desperation atm and it ruined my catechizing completely and sent me off into a spiral of sin. I just ...I relate to you alot, I understand some of what you are going through and there is just so much i wanna talk to you about.
It’s interesting-your description of always feeling like you had to be perfect, and beating yourself up for failing to achieve that, reminds me a lot of Martin Luther.
I Guess all that is left is to make my own religion. Can I count you in? 😜
Lol I have my own!
The late great Fr Hesse talks about your problem, you like Martin Luther were a scrupulent - skip to 11.45 mark m.ruclips.net/video/PaVfyIfi3O4/видео.html
hey man good to see you
Thank you!!
So happy you went to see your parents!
Hey Francis, is there anyway I can get in contact with you? I have been following your stuff for a while.
Good content.
Good to see you bro
Keep fighting 💪
Thanks man!! Good luck with your video endeavors as well. 😉😉
What a handsome man you are!!!
You did not fully grasp the difficulty of the struggle of your ssa as a lay person and even worse, when going for the priesthood. Your sense of perfection and intelligence led you to trust in your own strength and willpower as opposed to trusting in God which would have led you to realize that as someone with deep seated homosexual tendencies, you were not a suitable candidate for the priesthood. Your attractions may not be your fault but your decision to go on to be a priest is your fault. That led to your crisis. Homosexuality creates a lot of faulty thinking and faulty perceptions of self and identity. You were not in a position to be a spiritual father. You set yourself up for failure and blame God for “not knowing your limits”. Priests are already a target for the Devil and homosexual priests must be even bigger targets. Perhaps your focus towards your goal of achieving the priesthood allowed you to put your homosexuality in a box that you could ignore but once you were ordained and settling into your vocation, after the “honeymoon period” was over and reality set in, you fell apart and broke down. Perhaps God’s grace allowed you to leave rather than lead a double life. Perhaps God’s Grace is preventing you from completely going over the edge. Your crisis now that you are out is that our hearts are restless until they rest in Jesus. Nobody is perfect though we are called to be and that is not an easy pursuit. It seems that you like a challenge. You are not the first person to fall into sin. You are not the first person to fall from grace and loose the faith. You are not the first Catholic with ssa. You are not special because you think you are different. You are special because God created you and loves you deeply, whether or not you feel it or believe it. You were in the confessional listening to penitents so you know that sin changes the way one thinks. You still have the chance to come back to God. He is desperately waiting for you to come back to Him. Yes, He is the one waiting, for you. You need to believe and accept, whether you feel inspired or not. You need to arrive at a place of spiritual maturity despite your deep struggle and be sorry for your sins. And then, confess them. And be ready to carry your cross, though you may fall. You will need to give your challenges and pressures and ssa struggles and brokenness and issues with perfection to Jesus. You will not be a priest as before but you are a priest forever. You may be a saint one day, perhaps a great one. Take courage.
Your poor parents 😢