Future faking is a crime that narc commits to paralyze the empaths. My narc mom, my close friend, and now my boss. Oh God, how was I naive. We suffered because seek protection from the monsters.
Always talked about our dream house in the country. So I worked my butt off to save for a deposit to find out he bought a house behind my back with the intention of running away. And then when I took him back he had been looking at other properties with someone else behind my back
You need to speak about future faking marriage. I have been future faked a marriage and wedding for 2+ years only to postpone another month EVERY SINGLE MONTH. I was so naive to believe it was because of circumstances out of his hands but now that I am watching those videos he never actually had an actual intention or plan to do so. Good thing he is an ex now, and he is still trying to hoover to suck a few more years out of my life
All facts! Thank you so much for helping me understand the mess I’ve been in for almost 13 years (back and forth) I can see how mentally and emotionally abusive he really was. A wolf in sheep’s clothing fr!!! Never thought the day would come where I absolutely have no positive feelings towards him. I think about him and it absolutely disgusts me to my core. I WISH I did not have to deal with him ever in life, but we have a 7 year old. He’s so fake and manipulative and a lot of people think he’s this great, Godly Man. He’s a faker and wanted so bad to destroy me, but he could NEVER! he even would look back on his exes pictures and say she looked so unhappy. But it was because of all his bs! He would tell me “You didn’t look sad or hurt” when I was pregnant and he broke up with me. It’s like he would look for ways he hurt women and that would make him feel powerful because deep down he’s a piece of shit!! I can see it so clearly now. Energy never lies and I will never discredit my own intuition. A Man trying to play multiple women and now he has to stick a needle in his penis in order for it to get hard. At the age of 42…how pathetic! I tried my best to love him and still be there for him even after that. It’s no fun being intimate with someone who has to stop and go poke his penis to get hard, or have it already hard before leading up to being intimate. Nothing natural, but I still was there for him. He tried to destroy me because I was so strong and capable of so much. He hated that because he wasn’t that and never will be. I can write a book, but I’ll never question myself anymore. He’s a sick person and he will get all that’s coming to him. He will never have an opportunity to cause me anymore pain. He future faked me to the core! Went looking for houses and then the next day he emails me saying we need to seek God and we’re moving too fast. Then did premarital counseling, only to break up with me before we finished. All the break ups were so silly! It was always when I held him accountable, or caught on to his bs and called him out on exactly what he is! I still kept going back and I had to figure out why. I now know it’s because of my own childhood wounds and me desiring a love from a Man because my father wasn’t present. It was my abandonment issues and me wanting to see the good in people, no matter what. Me wanting to be liked, loved and cared for. It was my own issues that led me to him in the first place. He took advantage of my values and my light and tried to control and get me to conform to his way and I never would. Every time I would speak up for myself he would shut me down and then come back weeks and months later with an apology that seemed so sincere. But then he would keep doing the same things over and over and that’s how you know it’s pure manipulation! Anybody that truly values you and loves you will not continue to hurt you. If they hurt you unintentionally and you tell them about it, they won’t be dismissive or get mad and tell you that you’re insecure and have a problem with everything. They will try to understand you and make it right. Most importantly, someone who loves you won’t put you in a position to lose you. Lee Hammock said it best “An apology without changed behavior is manipulation” we have to go thru the hurt and trauma in order to heal. These people come into our lives to teach us about our wounds and make us stronger. It’s never about love or a happy ending. It’s called life and it’s an opportunity for a lesson. I will be 39 next month and sometimes I feel as though I have wasted my youthful years, but I know it had to happen. I’m not a victim, I’m a victor! I had to keep going back until I got the lesson. Now I can walk in my purpose and hold my power. Now I can be who I am called to be because of the lesson I’ve learned. Now I can help other people and show that there is hope after the storm. Love and light to all. You are stronger than you think! I promise! 🙏🏽❤️ I am taking this time to learn more about me and love me. No dating and no entertaining until I am completely healed. It’s mandatory at this point!!!
My ex also did the retrospect faking also. He would use reverse psychology alot and if he thought i was going to say no because i was busy, upset, or didn't feel well, he would invite me to go out with him or act as if he wanted intimacy. One time on purpose when he offered to take me with him somewhere i said yes and suddenly flipped it and said i didn't need to go with him because he was coming right back.
My ex narc/borderline would always future fake me about us moving into the house she’s buying. We’ve had in depth discussions about engagement rings, having children & which one of us would carry. Had discussions on which of our parents would help to babysit while we’re working, etc. We’ve had these conversations multiple times in details. Meanwhile she wasn’t out to her family & still had a boyfriend apparently. She did this while not being in trouble for anything, she wasn’t trying to get out of anything. These are conversations that we would have together on good days
In the end of the one sided " relationship" ( the discard phase) as love to them is what you can do for them and how it makes them feel " in the moment." It was my experience that the narc will happily share with you all the things that they premeditatedly intentionally withheld from you weather it be money, affection, sex, validation, just whatever... as the mask is off.
My ex narc would tell me when initiating sex “let me put my baby in you.” He’d call me “wife,” but after he proposed he didn’t tell no one and wouldn’t refer to me as fiancé 🤔
But my narc actually moved abroad with his new supply, we had planned and even visited the cities abroad we would move to, but he discarded me, but moved with the new supply…
I wanted to note this as it's not heard very often: not everyone gets loved bombed, sometimes it's just good future faking on the narcs part. Note: I didn't write borderline he a full fledged covert narcissist. I once asked him what it was about me that made him feel he was " in love" with me. His response; "you're independent and you don't take crap off people." In hindsight and with a few years of research on the subject nevertheless living it firsthand, narc translation meant, you're a prime target to financially use/ abuse and gleefully destroy with little to no love bombing effort involved. Narc translation for his comment of my not taking crap off others is probably because he views himself as a victim of everyone/ everything. I read in his dwi program class book were it asked him his biggest pet peeve, well he ( mr. grandious/delusional, entitled/above the law) wrote, " stupid people". He obviously underestimated me because my not taking crap off people didn't mean that he was an exception to the rule. Humm...I guess that makes him the stupid one. But then again he is his own worst enemy.
They're all their worst enemy because they destroy everything and everyone good in their lives and blame the very people they destroy. They destroy your love then put the blame/shame on you.
I recently made my retirement plans, he said " well, that's not what I want so it won't work. I said "well then, it doesn't include you because I'm the one paying for it '
My husband's narc ex always have some fantasy that she's going overseas or to another country (like 10 months down the road) just so she can hoover and see if we can keep the kids (which she already knows they're always welcome). And one of the "kids" is 19 yrs old already but we know how they like to infantilize their adult children . I don't think she's aware at all of how obviously childish she is to the observers of her behavior.
There are many different reasons why they future fake with you. Yes, it's to keep you focused on the promise while they're setting up the next situation. It's also used as a reason to hoover or cause a reverse hoover. My narc left some belongings behind. She kept promising that when she got some money, she was going to send for it. That was 5 months ago.
He future faked me for 9 years. Come the 10th year where he was meant to "keep all his promises" he started making excuses and turning it on me like he was not able to fulfill his promises because of me and what ive done. He is refused to accept that he was also in survival mode therefore he did all that to use me as his survival during that 9 years. More than anything im struggling to forgive myself for putting my life on hold for 9 years. Worse he dsnt care that i lost 9 years of my life supporting him and setting up for a position where hed be able to fulfill his promises. In the end his circumstances ddnt allow him to fulfil his promises, also ive bee. So mean and disrespectful towards him throughout the 9 years, he is struggling to fulfill his promises. My friends wud give me an objective view that this person and his family were using me, i held on to that fake future. I cdnt even wait to get there so they would eat their words😢 look at me now
I was married to my husband for 23 years and I loved him incredibly I believed anything he ever told me because why would he ever lie to me if you love me the same as I loved him his future faking was building a house somewhere he even drew up the house, (but there were no actual plans, and how to get there no step 123 or four )but in order for that to happen, I always had a change this this, or that the ceiling was always higher. In order to see my dreams come to fruition I would always have to keep striving. You could write a movie about my life. He convinced me I had a mental illness. He abused me in every way you could imagine it wasn’t until I got pregnant after 20 years of marriage that I woke up and knew I could not live the lie because I knew it was real. (and got professional help I actually went to multiple professionals because each one told me that I was not crazy or had a mental illness you see I wanted to be the one crazy so that I could be the one to fix it. )Your videos help me they help me come to grips, that I’m in love with two completely different men the one that loves me and the one that hurts me. There’s one thing that I love more than anything and that is my children and that gives me strength and fortitude to move forward because if it wasn’t for them, I think I’d let him continue to convince me of the lie of the future fake I let him tell me I was crazy just so he would love me see the real source of the problem is I never truly loved myself so until I get the strength to love myself enough I will use the love I have for my children to point me in the right direction for a real Future
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It was all empty promises. It destroyed my feelings for him.Zero respect for me. Ruined my credit. Waste my damn time. No goals even for himself.
Future faking is a crime that narc commits to paralyze the empaths. My narc mom, my close friend, and now my boss. Oh God, how was I naive. We suffered because seek protection from the monsters.
Sometimes it's so on the nose it's like you have a camera in my house. Lol. (Not really laughing, but it's laugh or cry guys)
This is the most manipulative thing they do, in my opinion
Always talked about our dream house in the country. So I worked my butt off to save for a deposit to find out he bought a house behind my back with the intention of running away. And then when I took him back he had been looking at other properties with someone else behind my back
You need to speak about future faking marriage. I have been future faked a marriage and wedding for 2+ years only to postpone another month EVERY SINGLE MONTH. I was so naive to believe it was because of circumstances out of his hands but now that I am watching those videos he never actually had an actual intention or plan to do so.
Good thing he is an ex now, and he is still trying to hoover to suck a few more years out of my life
Yes! It totally screwed up my plans. I would not have helped him with rent. He wasn't nothing but a lying user.
All facts! Thank you so much for helping me understand the mess I’ve been in for almost 13 years (back and forth) I can see how mentally and emotionally abusive he really was. A wolf in sheep’s clothing fr!!! Never thought the day would come where I absolutely have no positive feelings towards him. I think about him and it absolutely disgusts me to my core. I WISH I did not have to deal with him ever in life, but we have a 7 year old. He’s so fake and manipulative and a lot of people think he’s this great, Godly Man. He’s a faker and wanted so bad to destroy me, but he could NEVER! he even would look back on his exes pictures and say she looked so unhappy. But it was because of all his bs! He would tell me “You didn’t look sad or hurt” when I was pregnant and he broke up with me. It’s like he would look for ways he hurt women and that would make him feel powerful because deep down he’s a piece of shit!! I can see it so clearly now. Energy never lies and I will never discredit my own intuition. A Man trying to play multiple women and now he has to stick a needle in his penis in order for it to get hard. At the age of 42…how pathetic! I tried my best to love him and still be there for him even after that. It’s no fun being intimate with someone who has to stop and go poke his penis to get hard, or have it already hard before leading up to being intimate. Nothing natural, but I still was there for him. He tried to destroy me because I was so strong and capable of so much. He hated that because he wasn’t that and never will be. I can write a book, but I’ll never question myself anymore. He’s a sick person and he will get all that’s coming to him. He will never have an opportunity to cause me anymore pain. He future faked me to the core! Went looking for houses and then the next day he emails me saying we need to seek God and we’re moving too fast. Then did premarital counseling, only to break up with me before we finished. All the break ups were so silly! It was always when I held him accountable, or caught on to his bs and called him out on exactly what he is! I still kept going back and I had to figure out why. I now know it’s because of my own childhood wounds and me desiring a love from a Man because my father wasn’t present. It was my abandonment issues and me wanting to see the good in people, no matter what. Me wanting to be liked, loved and cared for. It was my own issues that led me to him in the first place. He took advantage of my values and my light and tried to control and get me to conform to his way and I never would. Every time I would speak up for myself he would shut me down and then come back weeks and months later with an apology that seemed so sincere. But then he would keep doing the same things over and over and that’s how you know it’s pure manipulation! Anybody that truly values you and loves you will not continue to hurt you. If they hurt you unintentionally and you tell them about it, they won’t be dismissive or get mad and tell you that you’re insecure and have a problem with everything. They will try to understand you and make it right. Most importantly, someone who loves you won’t put you in a position to lose you. Lee Hammock said it best “An apology without changed behavior is manipulation” we have to go thru the hurt and trauma in order to heal. These people come into our lives to teach us about our wounds and make us stronger. It’s never about love or a happy ending. It’s called life and it’s an opportunity for a lesson. I will be 39 next month and sometimes I feel as though I have wasted my youthful years, but I know it had to happen. I’m not a victim, I’m a victor! I had to keep going back until I got the lesson. Now I can walk in my purpose and hold my power. Now I can be who I am called to be because of the lesson I’ve learned. Now I can help other people and show that there is hope after the storm. Love and light to all. You are stronger than you think! I promise! 🙏🏽❤️ I am taking this time to learn more about me and love me. No dating and no entertaining until I am completely healed. It’s mandatory at this point!!!
A promise to travel for work less if we had a second child; ended up traveling the most ever for his job after the second child was born.
My ex also did the retrospect faking also. He would use reverse psychology alot and if he thought i was going to say no because i was busy, upset, or didn't feel well, he would invite me to go out with him or act as if he wanted intimacy. One time on purpose when he offered to take me with him somewhere i said yes and suddenly flipped it and said i didn't need to go with him because he was coming right back.
My ex narc/borderline would always future fake me about us moving into the house she’s buying. We’ve had in depth discussions about engagement rings, having children & which one of us would carry. Had discussions on which of our parents would help to babysit while we’re working, etc. We’ve had these conversations multiple times in details. Meanwhile she wasn’t out to her family & still had a boyfriend apparently. She did this while not being in trouble for anything, she wasn’t trying to get out of anything. These are conversations that we would have together on good days
In the end of the one sided " relationship" ( the discard phase) as love to them is what you can do for them and how it makes them feel " in the moment."
It was my experience that the narc will happily share with you all the things that they premeditatedly intentionally withheld from you weather it be money, affection, sex, validation, just whatever... as the mask is off.
My ex narc would tell me when initiating sex “let me put my baby in you.”
He’d call me “wife,” but after he proposed he didn’t tell no one and wouldn’t refer to me as fiancé 🤔
But my narc actually moved abroad with his new supply, we had planned and even visited the cities abroad we would move to, but he discarded me, but moved with the new supply…
I wanted to note this as it's not heard very often: not everyone gets loved bombed, sometimes it's just good future faking on the narcs part. Note: I didn't write borderline he a full fledged covert narcissist.
I once asked him what it was about me that made him feel he was " in love" with me. His response; "you're independent and you don't take crap off people."
In hindsight and with a few years of research on the subject nevertheless living it firsthand, narc translation meant, you're a prime target to financially use/ abuse and gleefully destroy with little to no love bombing effort involved.
Narc translation for his comment of my not taking crap off others is probably because he views himself as a victim of everyone/ everything.
I read in his dwi program class book were it asked him his biggest pet peeve, well he ( mr. grandious/delusional, entitled/above the law) wrote, " stupid people". He obviously underestimated me because my not taking crap off people didn't mean that he was an exception to the rule. Humm...I guess that makes him the stupid one. But then again he is his own worst enemy.
They're all their worst enemy because they destroy everything and everyone good in their lives and blame the very people they destroy. They destroy your love then put the blame/shame on you.
I recently made my retirement plans, he said " well, that's not what I want so it won't work. I said "well then, it doesn't include you because I'm the one paying for it '
Great and very informative video Ben! Thank you for sharing this.
My husband's narc ex always have some fantasy that she's going overseas or to another country (like 10 months down the road) just so she can hoover and see if we can keep the kids (which she already knows they're always welcome). And one of the "kids" is 19 yrs old already but we know how they like to infantilize their adult children . I don't think she's aware at all of how obviously childish she is to the observers of her behavior.
Thank you for sharing that, hope the family is doing okay !
There are many different reasons why they future fake with you. Yes, it's to keep you focused on the promise while they're setting up the next situation. It's also used as a reason to hoover or cause a reverse hoover. My narc left some belongings behind. She kept promising that when she got some money, she was going to send for it. That was 5 months ago.
So well explained
Do narcissists ever really love you???? Absolutely nothing about him says he does
Here's a video that might help ruclips.net/video/p6UDQy-sdpE/видео.html , ill also create a new one :) Thanks for watching
He future faked me for 9 years. Come the 10th year where he was meant to "keep all his promises" he started making excuses and turning it on me like he was not able to fulfill his promises because of me and what ive done. He is refused to accept that he was also in survival mode therefore he did all that to use me as his survival during that 9 years. More than anything im struggling to forgive myself for putting my life on hold for 9 years. Worse he dsnt care that i lost 9 years of my life supporting him and setting up for a position where hed be able to fulfill his promises. In the end his circumstances ddnt allow him to fulfil his promises, also ive bee. So mean and disrespectful towards him throughout the 9 years, he is struggling to fulfill his promises. My friends wud give me an objective view that this person and his family were using me, i held on to that fake future. I cdnt even wait to get there so they would eat their words😢 look at me now
💥 BOOM
3:20
😂
I was married to my husband for 23 years and I loved him incredibly I believed anything he ever told me because why would he ever lie to me if you love me the same as I loved him his future faking was building a house somewhere he even drew up the house, (but there were no actual plans, and how to get there no step 123 or four )but in order for that to happen, I always had a change this this, or that the ceiling was always higher. In order to see my dreams come to fruition I would always have to keep striving. You could write a movie about my life. He convinced me I had a mental illness. He abused me in every way you could imagine it wasn’t until I got pregnant after 20 years of marriage that I woke up and knew I could not live the lie because I knew it was real. (and got professional help I actually went to multiple professionals because each one told me that I was not crazy or had a mental illness you see I wanted to be the one crazy so that I could be the one to fix it. )Your videos help me they help me come to grips, that I’m in love with two completely different men the one that loves me and the one that hurts me. There’s one thing that I love more than anything and that is my children and that gives me strength and fortitude to move forward because if it wasn’t for them, I think I’d let him continue to convince me of the lie of the future fake I let him tell me I was crazy just so he would love me see the real source of the problem is I never truly loved myself so until I get the strength to love myself enough I will use the love I have for my children to point me in the right direction for a real Future