Do Avoidants Care If You Leave?
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- Опубликовано: 27 июн 2023
- Today we’re going to talk about if avoidants care if you leave.
This is actually a difficult question to answer because there’s not a specific pass/fail or yes/no response to it.
Here’s the best I can come up with.
At first an avoidant will go through this period of separation elation and often won’t feel your loss until they perceive that you have moved on. At that point they start to reminisce and could potentially start caring if you leave.
I think it’s important to kind of take into account the entire scope of what’s going on with avoidants when you go through a breakup with them.
So, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to answer the following questions.
Understanding The Death Wheel Prison Most Avoidants Are Trapped In Gives You Insight Into When They Start Caring
Pinpointing Exactly When The Avoidant Will Care
Looking At The Major Signs An Avoidant Exhibit When They Are Affected By Your Loss?
Alrighty!
Let’s get started. 
Хобби
Avoidants are immature time wasters. No accountability, no emotional maturity, and conflict resolution skills of a 4yo. Prove me wrong...
Agreed- Can’t pay me a trillion dollars to deal with an avoidant ever again. I think they’re borderline narcissistic.
💯 percent correct. One experience was enough for 10 lifetimes. They are selfish and lack self awareness.
As an avoidant myself, I'm none of the things you listed. I'm also very upfront with people about my inability to attach and bond. I've been told women see it as a challenge b/c they think they can change me. I'm really nice, always polite and thoughtful but I'm just playing a role. I act how I think a good partner would act but it isn't b/c of my feelings. I just don't really develop feelings for people. I would likely never be in a relationship but it's women that pursue me.
@davedavester9060 Like I said - no accountability, no maturity, and conflict resolution of 4 yo. Thank you for providing my point once again..
Are you okay? Every ex I've ever had would take me back in a second and frequently reach out trying. So, they didn't think it was so bad. You may want to look into therapy. Spending your life angry and bitter isn't good.@@Candlelight787
Good lawd, they're exhausting.
Yes... They are... I am literally dying
Yea, you’re better off alone to be honest. I’m don’t with my avoidant ex
Even if they suddenly care when you leave, it’s coming from a very selfish place. It doesn’t mean that they really want to be with you and have learned the error of their ways. They will use you (love bomb) to rekindle that limerence stage, and the cycle repeats where they discard again.
if they start caring when you move on its like they never cared in the first place.. there is no difference.. ignore them.. they are not worth your effort.
Agree 100% . During an hour long conversation, DA opened up and talked about his feelings, family, health issues, etc. I probably spoke 4 or 5 sentences the whole time, as he was on a roll, and I wasn't going to stop him. I was secretly excited, thinking he was finally opening up and trusting me. It was short lived. I haven't from him since that time ( a month now). He triggered himself!
Lol triggered himself
They are such babies. I literally can't.
Lmaaaaoooo
Jesus, had a similar experience!! Sigh
Same thing passed with me and my partner
Forget them and move on
You may not all want to hear this, but sometimes...within this process of trying to understand and hoping they come back (which is a part of trying to understand and moreover exonerate yourself) you sometimes reach a point where you think 'i don't want this person who basically doesn't like me!' You then start to think 'I don't like them and I'm no longer even interested in their pain and what makes them tick'.
I think Chris knows this too and he's pretty open about the fact that most of 'us' here won't achieve what we first set out to. But Chris is pretty good at explaining avoidants - I feel that this is his real unique take on relationship failures.
Thank you for helping. And thank you for helping some of us step off the avoidant death wheel to find clarity and fulfilment elsewhere.
My DA partner of 20 years was definitely a covert narcissist as well. Your death wheel is so true in my experience.
If there's no genuine Communication or shared ability to self reflect, accept your issues and be accountable there's really NO HOPE. Nobody is responsible to Parent another person or be a dumpster for their unhealed self.
Mine constantly pushed me away and devalued me. I went through therapy as I ended up so depressed, anxious and feeling worthless and alone. Every time I tried to work on our relationship she totally ignored my thoughts, needs and feelings saying " I don't understand you what?? Don't understand plain English spoken and written!!? Sorry but I'm out of it ! I broke off contact 3 months ago. I will never return to that crazy making world of a DA . Now I'm focusing on rebuilding my shattered sense of self .I'm volunteering in community mental health care after going through training courses and I'm enjoying a new life, meeting new people and it's so satisfying working with people who actually want to work on living a fuller life by addressing their emotional / mental health problems. The sickest people are those who say there's nothing wrong with me, it's always someone else's problem.
Sounds like you're moving forward positively respect to you. Same for me...started with lack of intimacy...I was so confident before yet this made me really insecure. Went on for 5 years then I had to seperate because it was soul destroying. Went onto losing my job and still want my ex...she said to me the other day...maybe you need to focus on yourself. I knew I did...but because of the affects of the relationship. Note to myself I need to use all this free time now to step up and go...sure okay. Because I think she thinks in saying that it's likely I don't....but really what I need to do...is do it and say thanks you're advice was invaluable
the avoidant i knew was hot and cold. i became so tired of it that i moved and changed my number. he asked all around and no one told him anything. i heard one year later that he got married! and now he is no longer my problem
That marriage is doomed haha. But not your problem. Feel bad for his wife though.
Yeah, because we are all born to cater for avoidants core wounds and when they start to care.
In my eyes Avoidants are LITTLE NARCISSISTS! Take care folks. 🫶🏻
Actually they are not worth it, if they give the bare minimum to contact. I remember received that from ex guys before. They just lightly WZ text 1 emoji or 1 single word or line. That's show how lame they are & alrdy when not speaking to me when in relationship, I made all the effort. So better as a woman, find an anxious guy also back. The avoidant will never marry u, if even marry u, will be ambivalent & avoid u in marriage, cos is the same relationship. He will do bare minimum in marriage. So for ur sake of happiness. Just fck them back up & block them. Level up as woman & get a man anxiously in love with u & demand ur love instead.
Anxiously in love and DEMANDING love? 🤢 I'd rather be single. Your suggestion sounds like it will result in nightmare of never ending drama, suspicion and histrionic meltdowns sprinkled with codependency and controlling abusive behaviours, hard pass.
The single word text, after 3 months of ghosting 🙄
A DA reached out to me after the last time he ghosted for 8 weeks. He got triggered and ghosted again. Been about 8 weeks. He’s blocked so I don’t expect to hear from him this time. That’s fine.
Classic us. We just split for about 12th time in 2 years…. HELLO. I’m the anxious and she’s the dismissive. I always chase but now I’m finally hurt too much.
I’ve given everything, emotionally, time and money and support. I asked 1 thing…. There was zero trust back.
I’m lonely, low, hurt, angry but walking onwards. There is someone wonderful out there that deserves me and a simple loving both committed relationship z
A good 40-50 times for me in the 2.5 years I knew her.
We were getting along brilliantly well before this
You get to a point where the juice ain’t worth the squeeze brutal people to be in a relationship with
My DA reached out twice during our two break ups, after about 7- 9 months. He reached out they can’t help themselves. It’s always indirectly at first and then they make it more obvious they fear rejection. They’re miserable and they can’t stand the thought of you being happy without them or someone else making you happy.
It’s like they have a mentally of I don’t want you in my life but I also don’t want you to have another man in your life.
Hi Chris it’s the 3rd time he ran I’m sick of this . He always comes back saying he loves me and knows I’m the one, THEN he pulls away and tells me he fears commitment but remembers how I get when I don’t get my way ( talking about me wanting a relationship) he is always monkey branching onto another rebound but somehow ends up in a relationship with them but after the honeymoon period he breaks up with that person!
He discards then and sends me a message “ hey b can we talk ? “ He has even kept something sentimental of mine saying he needs to return it but never does ( this is used as repeated bait).
I’ve blocked him for good t’s like a mixture of the grass is greener syndrome and a narcissist.
It’s a neverending cycle!
Omg that sounds horrible. That person needs help and not a relationship. I‘m sorry for you that you had to go through that. You deserve the best
One of the Best Chris Seiter video. Thx.
Divorce is never the way out, My wife and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser,i wasnt going to let my marriage of 18years crash
@EmilioYepez7 well not the orthodox way but i was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer
@EmilioYepez7 her name is *Victoria Lee Hess* ,and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as caster
Divorce is in fact the way .
I am married to an avoidant i love him dearly and i believed that he loves me too. However, i noticed odd behaviors that he blamed on his depression such as hot/cold towards me, distant in many ways, no boundaries with anyone in his life, no intimacy and can go without getting close for ever, selfishness, his way or the highway, feels overwhelmed that when i discuss my needs and emotions...things started boiling up until we got into a heated argument one night and he came back the next morning said that he loved me but not in love with me..i was so puzzled and couldn't understand how he just told me that he was in love with me a week before....he told me that he feels that i am controlling because i voiced that his relationships should have boundaries, female coworkers, mother showing up unannounced, mother saying disrespectful things tp me out of the blue and i stay respectful but he didn't stand up for me....he started sleeping in a separate room a month ago andwe started marriage counseling. We had 4 sessions and he came after this last session and said to me to he wants a divorce and that he feels relieved for having his independence back. I am not perfect and no one is but he started twisting reality and accused me of being controlling 😮 i am woman that has no problem self evaluating and i always try to see and understand why people feel a certain way towards anything i did that way if it is true i can better myself and fix it. I don't think that i am controlling i believe he didn't like boundaries. We still live in the same house but he wants to sell get the money and move out. I wouldn't lie I love my husband and would love to fix our marriage. Lately he doesn't even want any physical touch or be close to me. I feel very hurt. Is there anything I can do to fix the marriage and change his mind about the divorce?
Most likely you need to lose weight and be more feminine. Women gain testosterone as they age making them very bitchy. Check on that.
I'm sorry that you are passing through this... I think the best thing you can do right now is give his space, ignore his existence, don't cook for him, just pretend he is you roommate. You don't deserve to be treated with such disrespect..
Exactly, live your life and focus on doing things for you, ignore him and basically just do what he does to you. But honestly, if he treats you like that you have to accept that he might never change if you want to still be with him.
What happened? Please update
This happened to me almost exactly in my marriage. You are in abusive relationship. This man is potentially narcissistic. He is taking out his issues into you. If you fight against it and keep trying it will damage you and lower your self worth. I did for months and had to ride every painful wave of despair and grief. But now that I have distance and my own place, I have peace and I am regaining the confidence I lost with this man. I am telling you it will get better but you have to fight against that trauma bond and surround yourself with people who value and love you. My ex three divorce at me to keep me bound but never filed. I eventually had to. It’s control and manipulation. No person deserves to be devalued to that degree. I am sorry, I will pray you find freedom.
If they only care about you when you move on, then they never truly cared. That's not love, that's just possession. They don't really want you, but they don't want anybody else to have you either. It's like that shirt in your closet you haven't worn in 3 years. You clearly don't like it that much, but you refuse to get rid off it and you'd be outraged it if someone who liked it came in and just took it. You're just an object in their minds.
There perfectly set up to be side pieces ..married guys..side chick.
There goid for sex and nothing else.
There not capable of anything deeper.
They also love your money so essentially..you are paying a prostitute..she comes gets off and goes...always searching never able to stay long..they struggle internally with There need for independence and need to be important to someone..play the game use her for what her true value is..dont get emotions with these types ..they have none There just going to mirror yours.
For those resources..favors..cash payments ...lol...😂
But dont tell them because they will be wounded and dont want to be used like they use you..😂
Perfectly said!
In All healthy relationships there will be disagreements which subsequently require conflict resolution. If they are scared of conflict and want to avoid it all then it’ll never work… hence the break up.🤷🏽♀️
Exhausting 😮
My partner is an avoidant. I’m an introvert. We spend time together every weekend and have been this way for 8 months. I was wishing for more from him. We do argue. He pulls away. We get back together before the weekend comes. It’s been a never ending cycle. I’m so attached to him I would rather settle for this than nothing at all. Being an introvert it would be exhausting to be around him more often anyway. He is very affectionate when he is with me and that’s my love language. We occasionally go on dates. But for the most part it’s all bedroom action. I know it’s not love but the way he treats my body it feels that way. The dating pool is very slim in my town so as sad as it is I’m ok with our arrangements. I don’t want marriage or anyone living with me.
This was my experience as well. He was normal during the honeymoon phase but after that, he started to withdraw. Most of the affection was sex.
He created a trauma bond. He wants you to chase him and give in the relationship while he offers you nothing. He gives you a little happiness to keep you hooked then pulls away. You’re going to exhaust yourself because you are getting nothing. Date someone who can’t actually give you something. Discover what wounds you have and heal sweetie. ❤
Oh god. I felt this. So relatable. I’m in a similar situation. My DA is a passionate lover when he’s not pulling away. The polarity drives me insane bt I must train my self to seek better
Not sure what your wanting? You say you want more but also say more would be too much. Get clearer with yourself as to what you need and then see if it fits well enough.
No relationship is perfect, no person is perfect. is it what your both happy to live with is the question. nothing worse than being lonely and miserable in a marriage/relationship, better to be happy single than that.
P.S. there is nothing wrong with this type of relationship if it suits you both. For alot of ppl in these comments (mostly ap with a chip on their shoulder) this type of arrangement is their version of hell, but they are not you and you are not them, don't think what you need in a relationship is the same as these people, and don't let them pressure you into thinking otherwise. only two people that matter, you and your partner everyone else can go stick their own expectations and mind their own business.
The thing is, most relationships don't pootle along like this forever...it sounds fine for you for now but it's early days and if Chris is right (he's right btw) your partner will start to find fault - he's already testing the water with weekly break up cycle...
They don't even notice you broke up with them bc they don't call or text
New sub, your videos are really helpful 🙏
Avoidant is just someone who not interested in you not think you are worthy
An one avoidant to you but anxious for someone other
It's better to have self respect and move on
this video is so interesting! I probably dated a lot of guys like this 😅
What if you're married to one? Do you keep taking them back? We have no children. He says he wants to get back together but can't promise he will not run away again (but he will try not to). He blames me and says, "I don't listen to him, or to stop acting like a therapist." He even says i act like a lawyer because I like to clarify what he says. He won't call me this is all via text.
This is exhausting. :( I miss my ex so much and it seems it will either not happen or a long time later.
@@oliviasophia9306 How? :)
I miss you babe
What do think! When then text you love you too
Nope!
I posted this in another video but i gladly ask some thoughts even here.
Long story very short: dated an FA for 4 months and had a panic attack one night, she BU with me after 5 days. I gave her time and space during the dating saying things like: "with your time, don't worry". We were really into each other and cared for each other. I was calm and collected using "I" statements during the BU talk. I told her that i respected her decision and also told her that i wanted my things back and she could give it to our friend (F) in common. Her best friend and one of my dearest friend. Also i never obliged her to do something she would not want to do. Next week will be 3/4 weeks of no contact. If you have any questions about the dating i will gladly answer.
So yesterday i saw her best friend and she gave me my stuff back and i gave her hers back. I told her about how i felt about this dating and she also said something. She said that panic attack was the trigger, but now she is very very calm because i gave her space and i was calm, soft and collected at the "talk". She had past trauma with her last relationship, she lived in symbiosis with her ex and she always hanged out with him and his group of friends. She was scared that she might fall again in this. She never knew any of my closest friends by the way. She also said to me that my ex dating really really enjoyed this dating and that in my ex dating point of view we had a ton of COMPLICITY. It was a great great dating and she felt great. When i said at the end that i was open to talk to her again she immediately said: "well you can send her a message next week, not now because she knows that we met each other this week". She even told me: "If you think it's worth,you should definitely give it a shot" and "don't jump instantly saying you want to fix things, just some light messages. Remember also to stop messaging her after 3/4 text of her, answer back after a day or two". I was delighted hearing this. I answered back saying: "if you said to stop and not try to reach out to her i would defenetly not try, but you are saying this so ok". She insisted in trying. Next week is around the 3/4 weeks of no contact mark. Is it good that her best friend told me these things?
That is a very good friend! I liked the tips she gave you, wonder if it applies to my DA ex too...
@@sukiarts She is a very good friend of mine and her best friend. She knows more than me, i hope the tips mean something. What happened with your DA ex?
@@JupiterWaltz Well, my case is more complicated than that. It's a LDR, we already met in person. It was fun, but sometimes he would keep me at arm's length.
At the end of the visit he was laying his head on my lap and while I was talking about the relationship, he said "I don't think I can". So I suggested that we could wait for him to finish all his tasks, while I'd visit him again another time. He said "thank you". He values his freedom a lot, so I wanted him to have plenty of time for his friends.
And that's what bugs me, because LDR does give what he needs, which is space and freedom, and all I wanted was to talk with him. But our conversation declined a lot and I got anxious... On a phone call I asked how he was and he said he was feeling anxious and lonely because his friends were leaving him. He was also crying a lot, apologizing to me and saying he can't control his emotions very well. I told him that everyone is at different stages of life, and said something to calm him down. He had a very crazy shift, wasn't crying anymore, and asked me how I was, so I said that I was also anxious and "ah I was just wondering why you have been distant lately"
He said in an angry tone: I told you I can't do LDR! Then with a cold tone: I think we should meet other people, sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.
Me: Is the problem just the distance?
He: Yes. I don't want to drag this if it's not gonna work!
I was in shock and crying, not like crazy tho.
He: (my name) your are amazing, beautil and smart, I'm sure you can solve this- I mean find someone else.
I thought he was feeling low and not very confident about himself, so I gave him ideas of what I could do, like studying at his country (it was a 3h flight) and he said that I should do that to myself and not to him, when I told would be for us, he didn't want to try anything new when I was about to give another options.
We both worked from home and had good income, so it didn't make sense to me, why the distance would be a problem.
We talked for a while on the phone and I asked at the end if we could still be friends, he said "promise me you're going to leave me alone, don't be obsessed with me and don't ask me if I love you or not". I told him I wasn't obsessed and never asked that question before...
2 weeks after NC, I texted him an somewhat short apology for not listening to him and making him uncomfortable. Thanked the memories we had during the visit and wished him the best. I also asked if he needed someone for emotional support, since he was feeling anxious and lonely, he thanked me, but was comfortable alone and would let me know if he wanted to talk.
It's been almost 2 months since NC... He liked me because we like to play co-op games, I would let him know what I was thinking and my hands lol.
I don't think it's salvageable, and it sucks because I really enjoyed playing videogames with him and having a little chat. But I learned that I can't change someone's mind. He hasn't blocked me, and I'm still on his discord server with his friends. He also has been offline for a long time, I don't think he had the trouble to create a new account to just avoid me.
Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm doing well each day, sometimes blaming myself for bringing the relationship talk when he wasn't fully ready.
@@sukiarts LDR are one of the hardest relationship, maybe the phone call was the trigger and also when you said the words "distant lately". I know this feeling of yours, speaking to him reassuring that everything is gonna be alright and then a 180 in his decision. Mine was the panic attack, i told her i wanted to do a phone call to try explain my feelings about the panic attack (i lost one of my parents away from home and it was pretty much at the same time i had this PA), and i told her to try to empathize, she told me "i don't think i can". Heartbreaking.
I know how you felt but telling him to be friends maybe was the wrong idea, i know it was the heat of the moment and you did not want to lose him. Remain friends with an Avoidant ex is not a good idea, is all or nothing. My FA did not tell me to remain friends, i would not comprise on this serious thing. I read that DA have longer period of NC, so maybe 2 weeks was too soon to reach out. On the other hand FA has shorter period of NC and they fear rejection so they won't reach out even if they want to do so. 2 months or maybe even 3 is good for a DA, he might reach out to tests the waters. When you have friends in common and play co-op games together really really sucks, i think right now he is in his avoidant phase. Did you try to reach out to one of his friends? He could give you some info about him. Don't ever think it's not salvageable, try to speak before to his friends and after that you can make some assumptions based off of what they're going to say to you.
Don't worry, you took the time to read mine, i'll gladly help and support another human being. I'm doing kinda fine, sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's ok. I told my FA during these months: "if something was wrong just talk it to me", she did not told me a thing. Remember that we are not perfect, and all make mistakes long the road as i did with my dating.
I’m in this exact situation right now just one week into no contact.
This is exhausting 🥴🥴🥴
It’s very hard to be in love with a dismissive avoidant & exhausting & I feel bad for them. But they are not self aware they dismiss their feelings & yours.They want independence is most important but yet they want someone to love them. I have to say so painful no expression of emotions never know where you stand or if they care. It’s a guessing game.
I broke no contact with my FA ex girlfriend and acknowledged what triggered the discard, told her directly that im not chasing, and wished her all the best. I got no response despite knowing she read the message.
I then moved on and started to date someone casually, and she absolutely hates me for it. Go figure......
I don't think they will
If you message them telling them that you want to just be cool but go your separate ways, do you think they’ll realise you don’t need them and want to come back?
That doesn't work out in my experience
My fa is always anxious. I swear. He cannot sleep. He is anxious most of the time. He drowns himself with sleeping pills. He thinks about the future a lot and scared and he is anxious of people’s facial expressions, cannot trust easily, etc.
Been so patient even if i am fa too but he was exhausting. We just stopped talking to each other. 3yrs relationship was wasted
and Phantom Ex?
I grew up with an avoidant mother and alcoholic father. I always thought I‘ve got an anxcious attachment style. But in my on/off relationship with an avoidant I left every single time, when I was hurt or after he pulled away. Sometimes I came back myself, sometimes he did it. I always wanted to make things work, although I left before…
I noticed traits of avoidant in my behaviour when dating men, that are anxcious or secure. I‘m losing interest fast and leave early. I also compare every man to my avoidant ex, I feel like I‘m idealizing him. I would definitely reunite with him. After all this time and pain.
But being anxcious with him
and avoidant with other men?!
Maybe I‘m disorganised? 🙇🏼♀️
Same happened with me
I fell for a man and he was also avoidant and I was avoidant for all others but not for that specific I feel anxious for him.
And also worrying why is this happening it which kind of attachment style I have?
Me too. I realized that I dated avoidant people to mask my own avoidance. The avoidance comes from masking neurodivergent traits in my case. The more I attune to my needs, the less I people please as an unconscious strategy to be accepted (which is pivotal when you are a child, not so much as an adult). While it is still not easy, all my relationships have improved as a result of the improved relationship to myself.
I'm at my wits end!
I was doing the being there method, but now she's saying she can't justify being friends with me to her new guy, so she's blocked me everywhere and said she can't remain in contact with me because it has a negative effect on her relationship and her mental health!
I dunno what to do, she was talking like this was "goodbye" forever
I think now you should go no contact and wait, she can come back after missing you
She's damaged bro. Don't wait for her to change but it's unlikely she will. Let her go. You deserve someone who wouldn't push you away.
You have no idea but you dodged a bullet here. She did you a huge favor. Trust all of us on this
I "ghosted" a male DA acquaintance of 4 months. He texted 2 weeks later with a "what happened to you?" ...... Should I feel "flattered" that he reached out??
don’t feel flattered and don’t reach out, they know what they do and expect you to stay around
Could this all happen if they're with their new partner?
they left for a reason
This is strange to me. As an avoidant myself, I never even think of the person ever again after the relationship ends.
out of genuine curiosity, how long are these relationships lasting?
last gf in college was 2 years, then 7 years, 5 years, 5 years... My relationships generally end b/c I refuse to get married. I'm honest about that from the start though. @@braineroner
That doesn't mean you necessarily miss the ex. You probably just repeat the cycle with the new, like my ex does, and never reflect.
I'm going through a breakup and I struggle with determining if he's an actual narcissist or has an avoidant attachment style. Obviously I have no professional experience in this, but at least understanding his behavior can help show me that I was never the problem (though I'm still struggling with this). He has the narcissistic qualities, but at the end if the day he definitely expresses empathy so I do think he is just more of a avoidant type.
He broke up with me 1/1/24 because of a drunk argument. I have the tendency to lash out after too many tequila shots, and apparently this was the 5th time I've crossed that line. For my own sake I've stopped binge drinking and will never black out again as I am too old for that and never want to be in the situation where I don't remember what I said to someone I love the most. Without the tequila, I've only addressed issues in our relationship with respect for my boyfriend and he even admits this He said to me "the only bad thing I can say about you is that you sometimes lash out when you drink too much." In other words, we never fought unless I was way too drunk that all the small things that were building up came out. This is a fault in my personality because at the end of the day these "small things" were just small things.
This is the fault with his personality. He saw I was serious about stopping my drinking (how could I ever find a good relationship acting like that) and we got back together 2 weeks later. He was away that first weekend, but the second weekend together seemed like the step in the right direction (though not the same as it was before because our feelings were so raw). He made comments about going away on vacations, talked about surprising me for my birthday that's coming up and even opened up to me about very personal/tragic stuff with his family that I never knew about.
Last Friday (1/26/24) he said he needed space and we haven't spoken since (today is 2/2/24). My bday is next week too. Very sad, but this all happened so fast and we had such an amazing relationship before this. At the end of the day I want to know I had the opportunity to walk away and not him, so right now I'm sticking to the no contact rule until my birthday. At least this deadline will show me A) if he doesn't at least wish me a happy bday he can F himself or B) he did want to reconcile things but he's such an avoidant he waited until the last possible minute to contact me before loosing me forever.This is his first serious relationship (we're turning 26) so I always cut him slack with that, but I think he is more of the avoidant type. His unusual relationship with his mother also explains this.
I know I seem unsure about him in this post, but at the end of the day a week ago we seemed ok (post first breakup) and a month ago we were truly living our best lives. I just want hope that it is possible to have a relationship with an avoidant type because they seem to mirror a narrcassit and I can work with an avoidant (if I decide it's worth it) but not a true narcissist. Do you think I should wait for my bday (next friday) to see if he reaches out or just take the chance that he may not even say happy birthday and I may be even more heart broken?
its so sad, please if you are an avoidant, seek medical help or something....pleaaaase
Two years later? Really? Even if she was a covert narcissist?
No, they dont... you better off avoiding the avoidants.
God where am i stuck .. 😂
Mine pressured me to marry him I'm confused
Yup. Mine bullied me into marriage and I feel like a piece of furniture in his house. I’m leaving. I am done.
First!
Wow 😢 that’s pretty yucky… sounds like the equivalent of human razor blades. 🪒 💔