I have delayed emotional processing, and it has caused a lot of conflict with me not standing up for myself in the moment, and then being thought of as passive aggressive later on. Like I’m plotting something or harboring resentment when my hurt feelings just didn’t occur to me until some time had passed. I don’t like having to explain this but I also know that it’s important to treat my feelings like they’re important, and not push them aside. I really appreciate you talking about this.
I meant nothing disrespectful, I've never met you in person. It was just from persoanl experience, and an idea. Whatever works best, to keep you at your best. 🥰
Listening to your videos is calming. I am an 18 year old guy and I struggle with a lot of things that you mention. I don't know if I am autistic or not, I feel like I am but also I don't feel qualified to make that assumption. So, who knows. But I love to just play your videos and listen, it's so calming how you can just get out complete thoughts and such, idk. No edits or anything, just pure talking. Big fan of it
So helpful when we get to discuss these things with other people who also experience it. It helps remove the invisibility cloak neurodivergence hides under when it isnt talked about. That moment when another human says "oh me too, I also find that so hard and nobody else seems to so I thought I was alone" - it's just so validating, and it offers space to think about ways to accommodate it, instead of just suffering for being different.
7:31 My problem with crowds is 1) Because of joint instability and because it's a stim, I like to have room to sway, so I have a large personal bubble. 2) In any indoor space, crowds have a tendency to overwhelm the AC and warm up the room, and I have sensory issues with heat.
the funny thing about my slow processing is that when someone comes up to me with something mean to say i have zero reaction and obv they are looking for a reaction, and it is kind of satisfying to see them looking like a kicked puppy because i didn't react in an entertaining way, even though it's not because im so emotionally strong or anything im just autistic 😂
10:55 Very smart autist here. The way I sometimes describe it is "Neurotypicals think in sentences. I think in paragraphs." It's not exactly true, but it gets the point across: I process information in larger batches, with a longer time per batch. As long as there's enough information to fill a batch, and as long as I'm not constantly being interrupted in the middle of a thought, I can process things incredibly quickly. If I'm interrupted, a large batch gets thrown out unfinished, and if I'm not getting information quickly enough to fill every batch, then the fact that a batch takes me longer to process outweighs the fact that I'm doing larger batches, and suddenly I'm performing slower than a neurotypical. I've had a hyperfixation recently on how high-performance CPUs are designed, and a consistent trend you see in that space is design choices that prioritize throughput over response time. Doing large batches at once is one such design choice (the latest generation of high performance CPUs tries to execute eight-ish instructions every clock cycle), and another such choice is called pipelining. If each batch takes you longer to process, you can minimize the amount that that slows you down by processing batches on an assembly line: you don't wait to finish batch one before starting batch two: you divide each batch into a number of steps and do each step at one spot along the assembly line, and move each batch one spot down as each step is completed. Quite possibly you start batch 20 before you finish batch one. This helps you push a huge amount of work through, but if you get interrupted, you don't just throw out a large batch, you throw out multiple large batches (up to however many spots you have along the assembly line). If you imagine the autistic brain being designed along similar principles, you can see how we can think both incredibly quickly (in aggregate), and incredibly slowly (waiting for a single small batch to make it through a 50 step pipeline, especially if it has to restart several times because of interruptions). And if you're designing a CPU to react quickly and consistently, you make all the opposite choices: one item in flight at a time, small batches. Throughput sucks, but the start-to-finish time for a single batch is lightning quick, and interruptions cause less of a penalty to throughput and get responded to more quickly. And this model can explain a lot about autism: delayed processing, sensory issues (can't deal with a high rate of interruptions, so either tune the senses way down, or be unable to think in the presence of lots of sensory input), executive dysfunction, dyspraxia (longer pipeline for motor planning means trying to make physically precise movements with more lag before they actually happen), etc.
I have ADHD and also process slowly. It's fairly annoying to experience "getting" something hours, days, weeks, or even years later, to say nothing of other people's rudeness when I display behavior that is not neurotypical. Anyway, I remind myself that if something is important to me, then it is not too late to bring it up later. Ok, maybe not years later, but, I mean, yes, sometimes years later! It's okay to be yourself. There is no shame in it. The Creator does not make mistakes.
Yes ADHD here too, some rare times I am a super snappy processor but more often there's a delay compared to other people. It takes time to think over an unexpected question or comment, and time to decide how to respond. Making decisions is challenging because I've learned I can't necessarily trust myself to have considered all the factors. I need a little time to gather info.
@@TS-yd6cnWhen it comes to designing CPUs, there's actually a tradeoff between raw performance and reliably low-delay response to input. It's just that humans generally don't process anything in less than a tenth of a second, so consumers tend to just think "fast CPU" vs "slow CPU", but you don't use AMD's hottest new CPU in an industrial controller that has to react to what the machinery it's controlling is doing within a millisecond or two lest something explode.
I don't know if it is slow processing, alexithymia, or both, but it seems like the more upset I am by something, the longer it takes me to work through it. For example, I would wake up in the middle of the night for MONTHS after my mom died with entire new aspects to consider. Other people accuse me of "dwelling on" something when I haven't even finished processing it yet. I know it's annoying for them, because it's annoying for me, too. Anybody else have this experience?
Right there with you. If I make an observation due to a triggered memory of my childhood, I have a friend who asks me why I dwell on things like that. Now I just keep such things to myself, but I am now realizing that I am only just now processing things. When they happened I thought it was all my fault, not that someone was using me, being mean, or it would have been appropriate to speak up.
Thanks for another great video. I love the way you manage to talk about personal experiences and the emotional consequence to you about this. The emotional consequences are sometimes so enormous for me, when I don't have enough time to express how I feel about something that has just happened. I think that my Autism gives me the slow processing time. Then the ADHD makes me look at all different angles of what it may mean . If you then add hierarchy, people telling me lies. By this time, there is just not much chance of anything sensible coming out of my mouth. I think it is important for us to recognize our weakness here at the time. This may help to stress less about it. I love the way you slow your conversation. Maybe if I did that, people will give me more time.
14:21 "Safe"? I have not felt safe for over 5 years. I forgot how safe feels, and I havent had that feeling in so long. At any second, someone could knock at my door, a housing inspector for example, and threaten me "dont you want to stay housed" if I fail to respond swiftly. To speed up my processing in what to say, my instincts (since I was four is when I started speaking) has caused me to cut corners, and what got cut out is "think before I speak" for if someone else is speaking, I cannot think, I cant process the pre-filtering segement of word-production. My ability to think before making my words tangible, is in atrophied, for decades now. Mental filtering required/expected by society doesnt work very well in my brain, so I often fail to deliver a "proper" message, in acceptable time frames, without unecessary-to-allistic verbal bloat from my brain. They get alot of verbage, or they get silence from me. My communication continues to be my biggest deficit, a disability that exists because of the society around us demanding us to go faster, respond immediately, cut out the blathering, or go homeless. I cant sleep solidly, as any sudden noise will stir me awake! Stemming from punishments I got as early as 2 years old for not waking/sleeping at proper times (not waking up in 15 mins too) My body has developed a reflex to be ready to jump out of bed immediately to answer that door... And unfortunately, my subconscious cannot tell the differences between any sudden noise, so I wake up screaming sometimes, from something as unimportant as a dog bark or a neighbor slamming a door. I am more often "too slow" for the rest of the world, and waking up is included in my "delays". I'm not dumb, just slow, slow as in my speed. I will get there to the destination, just not as quickly as most expect. If I'm rushed (with any task), I figuratively trip over myself, and may not complete a task, which I would be able to complete if I was not rushed through it. Slow down world, y'alls going too fast for me! Safe does not exist for me as long as there are allistics surrounding my home, and inserting themselves (and their policies) into my life demanding responses. I cant fix this painful reflex and numerous threatening scenarios, because I dont control other people, nor the policies that dictate responding requirements, deadline obedience, and what is and is not acceptable behavior. I would be ok if I didnt have to respond immediately to others' demands that can genuinely threaten my safety and housing. The very real threat to my comfort (going homeless or being locked up in a looney bin) has left me feeling persistently unsafe and frequently disturbed. Life feels like the Tortoise and the Hare story, but different. I'm the tortoise, and most of the world are hares, and they win the race, while I am in perpetual catch-up. ----- In somewhat relatable thinking... I fear I might be leaving too many comments. Do I need to back off and keep more thoughts to myself? Or am I ok here? The internal critic is complaining I am being too much, again. But I know it is often wrong, but is sometimes correct. Depends on you who is in charge of this comment section. i am a guest here, and I want to remain within your boundaries of what you find acceptable. I vibe so well with you, I feel you would understand my worries. I appreciate all you do here, I feel less alone.
Sorry I'm just getting to this! Please, please, please feel welcome to leave as many comments and as short or long as you want. I may not be able to respond to all of them, but I do read them all. Sometimes I don't respond because it's good info, but I don't have anything to add. Sometimes comments just come on huge waves and I don't have the mental capacity to answer them all. But I do appreciate them and I do hold this space for others to process and share. The comment section also helps other people process my videos too. So yes, please participate as much or as little as you want, but your comments are welcome. - Amanda
@@i.am.mindblind I understand completely you cant get to all the comments! Also dont feel sorry at all! I dont expect hasty responses (I dont xpect responses at all, each reply is a special treat!). Me commenting does help me process my own difficulties, you are so accurate! I appreciate you so much. Thank you for giving me a sense of safety here, a rare treat in my life. I was worried I would offend, so your approval makes me feel happy cold chills. You are beautiful, heart and soul. I appreciate you 🥰
Oh my days. Thank you. I never really had word for this before, as I've not been diagnosed but show many ADHD symptoms. My neighbour came to my door spreading drama a couple of days ago, and I was so wound up that it wasn't until the next day that I'd managed to untanlge everything that'd happened and put word to how I felt. When I did talk to her to say how she's upset me. She asked why I didn't say anything at the time? Then your video appeared. An ex-partner of mine used to like getting any tensions out of the way immediately and to be honest didn't shy away from an argument. Most of the times I'd have to take a walk just to figure out how I was actually feeling, put names to the emotions and then put it into the correct communication to him. If I don't do this and immediately respond? I always end up upsetting someone, or not conveying myself properly. Thank you. One more thing. Please don't say to yourself, 'I'm ADHD'. You're YOU, not a disorder. Please don't let it idendify who you are, you're more than that. Even just changing how you say that, will change how others see you, and that you're not just your disability. Blessings.
I'm glad the video was helpful! But just so you know, I and many disabled people prefer identity first language. I'm autistic and adhd, I don't have them. They aren't something separate from me that I can set down. Being Autistic and ADHD literally effects every aspect of my life. I am disabled. But that's okay! There's nothing wrong with being disabled. People collapse disability with bad/wrong/sad ect. Nope. Disabled is just different. Not bad. It can be hard to exist as a disabled person in this ableist society, but I love my AuDHD brain and absolutely wouldn't change it! 😊
This was really validating; there's so much to digest and (unironically) process; another super video Amanda. 🥰 I Love the Tee, the message behind it is so worth us integrating into our belief system because of our experiences, pushing ourselves.
Thank you. Seriously, I think at 44, hearing Kamala say, "I'm not aspiring to be humble" was the first time I heard someone say that other than myself. And I always got looked down for saying it.
2:54 13:04 He didn't say it *is* dumb, he said it *sounds* dumb. That's a statement of empathy ("been there, thought that"), not an assertion of fact. I'd say the chances are good he'd clocked *your* internalized ablism and was trying to reassure you out of it. Food for thought: are you letting your masking instinct turn empathy people show towards you on its head? (Possibly a chain of thought like "Ah, they said that feeling is normal. Therefore, I'm now obligated to feel that, or I'm weird, and if I'm weird, nobody will like me").
He was talking about himself in a very condescending tone. I'm not saying I don't have internalized ableism, most of us do. It's something I actively work on. But, no, he wasn't clocking me. He was very much saying how he felt dumb that he struggled with such an easy task. I wasn't quoting him word for word in the video. I was summerizing an entire conversation we had about task initiation.
The worst part is when they won't give you time to answer, so they keep saying more things, which restarts the thought process and makes it take even more time to answer the original question, and then get mad at you for taking too long. My ex would do this constantly, as would two of my old bosses. Unmedicated adhd folks like them and level 3 autistics like me are like oil and water, but their disability is more socially acceptable so they have more societal power. Low support needs disabled folks can be the most ableist people because they assume they have it the worst even though they're on top of the disabled pyramid. We need better disability education for low support needs folks, as they're often our worst oppressors without meaning to be.
Being low support disabled does not eliminate the possibility of being narcissistic 😉 I might suggest it increases the chances of such things, as with being “on top” of any pyramid scheme … ones must look past the actions questioning one’s intentions … We (neurodivergents) are magnets for narcissistic abuse via our blindspots becoming a means of manipulation. It wasn’t till someone pointed it out to me, I spent time studying narcissistic behaviours, that I became aware of how true this is for me.
Great video, and very timely for me. I just got back home from having surgery and feeling wiped out, partly from sedation but I woke up with this very strong feeling about how there was zero accomodations for neurodiversity at the hospital and I struggled through the experience in many unnecessary ways but with my processing delay i couldn't advocate for myself at the time. This isn't new gor me but I was always frustrated by my lack of action in similar situations but i can accept now I needed time (and a nap) to reflect on the experience. This makes me feel much more self acceptance, thank you!
I have a couple videos from April 23 where I talk about how I think autistic people recover from surgery at a slower rate. There is research being done on this too
Thanks, Amanda! An excellent discussion ...again! One of the most comforting things about my relationship with my (also late diagnosed autistic) husband is that we are both slow processing. That means no knock-down-drag-out fights, since the stimulus that could have triggered a fight is delayed, so disagreements start with "Know that thing you said/did a couple of hours ago? Here's what I think...and why I think ..." So many people who know us have marvelled at our "maturity" (partly because we are *old* I suspect) in discussing things calmly instead of fighting, but really, when the stimulus dawns on us hours later in a quiet moment, it changes the dynamic. Discussing it calmly later is just *easier*! Much easier than our relationships with allistic people who when we inadvertently offend them want to have a screaming fight now! Autism is a difference and as far as I can tell, the main disability comes from the allistic culture we're immersed in.
Oh, and one of the things I actually came down here to comment on (case in point?) is that instead of bringing things up with allistics in person two days later, I often send a note on a pretty card to, if for instance, I wanted to point out to your doctor that calling an ADHD symptom "dumb" is internalised ableism, and that he might want to reconsider thinking about it that way. It lets me put the words together and rework it until it says what I want to say, it doesn't require any response from the recipient unless they want to, and a note coming in the mail makes it seem less "odd" that it's coming so long after the conversation... (and I find writing easier than speaking anyway.) Just a thought that might help someone?
Even under the social model of disability, it's a disability, as you cannot remove yourself from society. Autism ever not being a disability is a comfortable ableist lie that low support needs folks tell themselves so they feel removed from their more disabled neurokin.
If I do want to stand up for myself or someone else 'in the moment', it's going to be me unmasked and very blunt. I have to be cautious about that and can't unmask in every situation, so it's another layer of thought that delays processing even further. People sometimes get annoyed when I bring things up a day later, but I try to include points about why - considering it seriously and wanting to raise it sensitively. They generally don't buy that I have slower processing, but I totally do!
I have come to see how much my mother used to comment about things about me, like things I did or said. Or didn't do or say. How critical she was about things that I now know stem from my autism. She always told me that I was very slow on the uptake. Her words. That's what this is. Slower processing. She made me feel like there was something wrong with me. She really affected my life in a negative way. But now that I know that I am autistic, I can work on it.
11:27 I learned over my decades among allistics... if I call something out, I will be verbally attacked and shamed. Their reciprocal behavior towards me (hate, pain, conflict, rejection, DARVO, etc) is so painful to me, has taught me to not butt into others business, regardless of how morally wrong I feel their choices are. I cant tolerate the feedback.
Thank you! It's such a great message on the shirt. I'm not normally a spontaneous purchaser but when I heard kamala say that I had to rush out and buy it
You made me think of a way to think about what you said. Information for a neurotypical person takes a direct path, while information for the neurodiverse takes a scenic path. We all get to the same place. I would like to see the scenery. What's the hurry?
Thank you! I am often told, "For some reason, you can't just go from point A to point B." Now I can just answer, "Nope, just me taking the scenic route!"
Pushing back against an offensive, off-hand comment is a skill worth working on. I have found, that instead of objecting or correcting them, it often works better to offer them a chance for a do-over. For example, when someone refers to a disability as dumb, you might give them a thoughtful pause and suggest, that with a little thought, they could probably come up with a much more thoughtful and empathetic adjective than "dumb". Then move on. You will have planted a seed.
Unfortunately I am on the opposite spectrum hyper speed Adhd never needed a diagnosis to identify it. No one gets my ability to talk over and listen at the same time. Very upsetting to constantly be told to be quiet and listen… Hate it
I can talk and listen at the same time too, but I still often don't process an entire situation until later. I often THINK I'm processing everything at the time, then later, I realized I didn't think to ask or say several things.
@ Yes exactly its like we can hear too much all at once but it’s as if the brain runs on overdrive. Processing constantly… I feel reading or listening to music has helped calm some of that. Can get super frustrating because it’s difficult to break it all down
It must be an active effort of both parties to not speak over each other else the conversation will inevitably get off track as emotions rise with the push and pull of differing processing escalates. I am at my best in chaos but this is because I shut off regulation and allow adhd to take over. In this state I recognize I am functioning on a level far surpassed most others. I also acknowledge that operating in fight/flight is unhealthy for myself while also being uncomfortable for most people. The outcome is shutdowns leading overtime to meltdowns and if left unaddressed complete breakdowns. Meanwhile during hyper vigilant processing I believe I am processing everything yet after the fact I will have much delayed processing to come to terms with the events which just transpired without seeming to affect me… my brain takes it all in but it is impossible to process it all in real time.
@ I can identify with this type of reaction to ADHD . After a while you embrace it not as a hindrance but a gift and it truly is a unique and superior way of observing the world around us. I live in this constant fight or flight mode too. I feel you !
I'm only slow when compared to neurotypicals. I was slow to potty, slow to walk, slow to talk, but somehow super fast at learning to grab, and draw... And my memory still remembers how I felt all the way back to when I was crawling. I have many skills, yet different neurotypical values dominate in modern society... I am very disabled among them. Great visual/emotional memory, crappy word memory... and my speed, in relation to typicals, is repeatedly complained about. "It's not so hard" ohhhh boy if I had a dollar everytime someone said that to me.
(Thank you so much for sharing this! ❤ I am learning and working with a counselor about maybe having autism as well as my ADHD. And this is helping me understand why I have some communication issues.) ... If you can't just jump to the answer for the doctor right away, maybe 🤔 an accomodation could be to say in the beginning of talking with doctors, that you won't be able to decide an answer for anything at that time, even if it might seem silly to them? Maybe say you will call back with all answers the next day, if that's ok. If they look confused, you could say, "imagine you and I are trying to talk and I ask you a question, but the music is 10x louder, and the lights 10x brighter, would you be able to hear me or know what I am asking? Hmm, ok maybe not that part?... I wonder 🤔 if we can come up with a simple analogy or meme type of situation or statement that could translate that feeling instantly to them? I guess that is 2 ideas? 1) somehow in your accomodation, have it ask if all questions can be answered the next day. I understand it might seem silly to them, but that is what invisible disability is. So I don't understand why people don't then translate what that actually is like for the disabled person? I struggle with this a lot, even with my family after 7 years actively working to understand each other. The whole, "I can't see it, you look "fine" to me, therefore.. it must not exist". Some people will actively argue with you and tell you that you are wrong and it can't be. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ I don't understand this at all. So it's hard to figure out how to explain something to them in a way they understand, because It doesn't make sense to me. Why they don't. Then I have to translate to neurotypical speak. And to me it's simple. It's so confusing. And then add in communication issues trying to convey something. Hmm 🤔 I will think on this, this week. (I hope! I forget everything! So I understand you so much here!) My ADHD wants me to answer things right away because I won't remember in 5 minutes. :'(. Sometimes before I even finish saying or typing something. Hmm.. food for thought?
Hey, Amanda, Does your ADHD oftalmologyst use a different kind of flashlight to avoid the overstimulation in autistic patients? I work in a oftalmology consultation and anyone of them has a special type of flashlight neither get the hand far away from the eyes. They know nothing about it and they don't even want to. So I guess if there is any suggestion I can make to the chief of the service.
I think you mean Optometrist? I couldn't find anything on Google about oftalmology. But no, I haven't had them use different types of flashlights on me.
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I have delayed emotional processing, and it has caused a lot of conflict with me not standing up for myself in the moment, and then being thought of as passive aggressive later on. Like I’m plotting something or harboring resentment when my hurt feelings just didn’t occur to me until some time had passed. I don’t like having to explain this but I also know that it’s important to treat my feelings like they’re important, and not push them aside. I really appreciate you talking about this.
I meant nothing disrespectful, I've never met you in person. It was just from persoanl experience, and an idea. Whatever works best, to keep you at your best. 🥰
Listening to your videos is calming. I am an 18 year old guy and I struggle with a lot of things that you mention. I don't know if I am autistic or not, I feel like I am but also I don't feel qualified to make that assumption. So, who knows. But I love to just play your videos and listen, it's so calming how you can just get out complete thoughts and such, idk. No edits or anything, just pure talking. Big fan of it
I'm so happy, I wish I had had similar when I was younger. Which is one reason why I make these videos.
So helpful when we get to discuss these things with other people who also experience it. It helps remove the invisibility cloak neurodivergence hides under when it isnt talked about. That moment when another human says "oh me too, I also find that so hard and nobody else seems to so I thought I was alone" - it's just so validating, and it offers space to think about ways to accommodate it, instead of just suffering for being different.
7:31 My problem with crowds is 1) Because of joint instability and because it's a stim, I like to have room to sway, so I have a large personal bubble. 2) In any indoor space, crowds have a tendency to overwhelm the AC and warm up the room, and I have sensory issues with heat.
the funny thing about my slow processing is that when someone comes up to me with something mean to say i have zero reaction
and obv they are looking for a reaction, and it is kind of satisfying to see them looking like a kicked puppy because i didn't react in an entertaining way, even though it's not because im so emotionally strong or anything im just autistic 😂
10:55 Very smart autist here. The way I sometimes describe it is "Neurotypicals think in sentences. I think in paragraphs." It's not exactly true, but it gets the point across: I process information in larger batches, with a longer time per batch. As long as there's enough information to fill a batch, and as long as I'm not constantly being interrupted in the middle of a thought, I can process things incredibly quickly. If I'm interrupted, a large batch gets thrown out unfinished, and if I'm not getting information quickly enough to fill every batch, then the fact that a batch takes me longer to process outweighs the fact that I'm doing larger batches, and suddenly I'm performing slower than a neurotypical.
I've had a hyperfixation recently on how high-performance CPUs are designed, and a consistent trend you see in that space is design choices that prioritize throughput over response time. Doing large batches at once is one such design choice (the latest generation of high performance CPUs tries to execute eight-ish instructions every clock cycle), and another such choice is called pipelining. If each batch takes you longer to process, you can minimize the amount that that slows you down by processing batches on an assembly line: you don't wait to finish batch one before starting batch two: you divide each batch into a number of steps and do each step at one spot along the assembly line, and move each batch one spot down as each step is completed. Quite possibly you start batch 20 before you finish batch one. This helps you push a huge amount of work through, but if you get interrupted, you don't just throw out a large batch, you throw out multiple large batches (up to however many spots you have along the assembly line).
If you imagine the autistic brain being designed along similar principles, you can see how we can think both incredibly quickly (in aggregate), and incredibly slowly (waiting for a single small batch to make it through a 50 step pipeline, especially if it has to restart several times because of interruptions).
And if you're designing a CPU to react quickly and consistently, you make all the opposite choices: one item in flight at a time, small batches. Throughput sucks, but the start-to-finish time for a single batch is lightning quick, and interruptions cause less of a penalty to throughput and get responded to more quickly.
And this model can explain a lot about autism: delayed processing, sensory issues (can't deal with a high rate of interruptions, so either tune the senses way down, or be unable to think in the presence of lots of sensory input), executive dysfunction, dyspraxia (longer pipeline for motor planning means trying to make physically precise movements with more lag before they actually happen), etc.
Thanks for explaining this so well! So relatable.
Brilliant, I like this very much.
I have ADHD and also process slowly. It's fairly annoying to experience "getting" something hours, days, weeks, or even years later, to say nothing of other people's rudeness when I display behavior that is not neurotypical. Anyway, I remind myself that if something is important to me, then it is not too late to bring it up later. Ok, maybe not years later, but, I mean, yes, sometimes years later! It's okay to be yourself. There is no shame in it. The Creator does not make mistakes.
Yes ADHD here too, some rare times I am a super snappy processor but more often there's a delay compared to other people. It takes time to think over an unexpected question or comment, and time to decide how to respond. Making decisions is challenging because I've learned I can't necessarily trust myself to have considered all the factors. I need a little time to gather info.
@@TS-yd6cnWhen it comes to designing CPUs, there's actually a tradeoff between raw performance and reliably low-delay response to input. It's just that humans generally don't process anything in less than a tenth of a second, so consumers tend to just think "fast CPU" vs "slow CPU", but you don't use AMD's hottest new CPU in an industrial controller that has to react to what the machinery it's controlling is doing within a millisecond or two lest something explode.
I don't know if it is slow processing, alexithymia, or both, but it seems like the more upset I am by something, the longer it takes me to work through it. For example, I would wake up in the middle of the night for MONTHS after my mom died with entire new aspects to consider. Other people accuse me of "dwelling on" something when I haven't even finished processing it yet. I know it's annoying for them, because it's annoying for me, too.
Anybody else have this experience?
Right there with you. If I make an observation due to a triggered memory of my childhood, I have a friend who asks me why I dwell on things like that. Now I just keep such things to myself, but I am now realizing that I am only just now processing things. When they happened I thought it was all my fault, not that someone was using me, being mean, or it would have been appropriate to speak up.
Thanks for another great video. I love the way you manage to talk about personal experiences and the emotional consequence to you about this. The emotional consequences are sometimes so enormous for me, when I don't have enough time to express how I feel about something that has just happened. I think that my Autism gives me the slow processing time. Then the ADHD makes me look at all different angles of what it may mean . If you then add hierarchy, people telling me lies. By this time, there is just not much chance of anything sensible coming out of my mouth. I think it is important for us to recognize our weakness here at the time. This may help to stress less about it. I love the way you slow your conversation. Maybe if I did that, people will give me more time.
14:21 "Safe"? I have not felt safe for over 5 years. I forgot how safe feels, and I havent had that feeling in so long. At any second, someone could knock at my door, a housing inspector for example, and threaten me "dont you want to stay housed" if I fail to respond swiftly.
To speed up my processing in what to say, my instincts (since I was four is when I started speaking) has caused me to cut corners, and what got cut out is "think before I speak" for if someone else is speaking, I cannot think, I cant process the pre-filtering segement of word-production. My ability to think before making my words tangible, is in atrophied, for decades now.
Mental filtering required/expected by society doesnt work very well in my brain, so I often fail to deliver a "proper" message, in acceptable time frames, without unecessary-to-allistic verbal bloat from my brain. They get alot of verbage, or they get silence from me. My communication continues to be my biggest deficit, a disability that exists because of the society around us demanding us to go faster, respond immediately, cut out the blathering, or go homeless.
I cant sleep solidly, as any sudden noise will stir me awake! Stemming from punishments I got as early as 2 years old for not waking/sleeping at proper times (not waking up in 15 mins too) My body has developed a reflex to be ready to jump out of bed immediately to answer that door... And unfortunately, my subconscious cannot tell the differences between any sudden noise, so I wake up screaming sometimes, from something as unimportant as a dog bark or a neighbor slamming a door. I am more often "too slow" for the rest of the world, and waking up is included in my "delays".
I'm not dumb, just slow, slow as in my speed. I will get there to the destination, just not as quickly as most expect. If I'm rushed (with any task), I figuratively trip over myself, and may not complete a task, which I would be able to complete if I was not rushed through it. Slow down world, y'alls going too fast for me!
Safe does not exist for me as long as there are allistics surrounding my home, and inserting themselves (and their policies) into my life demanding responses. I cant fix this painful reflex and numerous threatening scenarios, because I dont control other people, nor the policies that dictate responding requirements, deadline obedience, and what is and is not acceptable behavior.
I would be ok if I didnt have to respond immediately to others' demands that can genuinely threaten my safety and housing. The very real threat to my comfort (going homeless or being locked up in a looney bin) has left me feeling persistently unsafe and frequently disturbed.
Life feels like the Tortoise and the Hare story, but different. I'm the tortoise, and most of the world are hares, and they win the race, while I am in perpetual catch-up.
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In somewhat relatable thinking...
I fear I might be leaving too many comments.
Do I need to back off and keep more thoughts to myself?
Or am I ok here?
The internal critic is complaining I am being too much, again. But I know it is often wrong, but is sometimes correct. Depends on you who is in charge of this comment section. i am a guest here, and I want to remain within your boundaries of what you find acceptable.
I vibe so well with you, I feel you would understand my worries.
I appreciate all you do here, I feel less alone.
Sorry I'm just getting to this! Please, please, please feel welcome to leave as many comments and as short or long as you want. I may not be able to respond to all of them, but I do read them all. Sometimes I don't respond because it's good info, but I don't have anything to add. Sometimes comments just come on huge waves and I don't have the mental capacity to answer them all. But I do appreciate them and I do hold this space for others to process and share. The comment section also helps other people process my videos too. So yes, please participate as much or as little as you want, but your comments are welcome. - Amanda
@@i.am.mindblind I understand completely you cant get to all the comments! Also dont feel sorry at all! I dont expect hasty responses (I dont xpect responses at all, each reply is a special treat!).
Me commenting does help me process my own difficulties, you are so accurate! I appreciate you so much.
Thank you for giving me a sense of safety here, a rare treat in my life. I was worried I would offend, so your approval makes me feel happy cold chills.
You are beautiful, heart and soul. I appreciate you 🥰
💜💜💜
Oh my days. Thank you. I never really had word for this before, as I've not been diagnosed but show many ADHD symptoms.
My neighbour came to my door spreading drama a couple of days ago, and I was so wound up that it wasn't until the next day that I'd managed to untanlge everything that'd happened and put word to how I felt. When I did talk to her to say how she's upset me. She asked why I didn't say anything at the time? Then your video appeared.
An ex-partner of mine used to like getting any tensions out of the way immediately and to be honest didn't shy away from an argument. Most of the times I'd have to take a walk just to figure out how I was actually feeling, put names to the emotions and then put it into the correct communication to him.
If I don't do this and immediately respond? I always end up upsetting someone, or not conveying myself properly.
Thank you.
One more thing. Please don't say to yourself, 'I'm ADHD'. You're YOU, not a disorder. Please don't let it idendify who you are, you're more than that. Even just changing how you say that, will change how others see you, and that you're not just your disability.
Blessings.
I'm glad the video was helpful!
But just so you know, I and many disabled people prefer identity first language. I'm autistic and adhd, I don't have them. They aren't something separate from me that I can set down. Being Autistic and ADHD literally effects every aspect of my life. I am disabled. But that's okay! There's nothing wrong with being disabled. People collapse disability with bad/wrong/sad ect. Nope. Disabled is just different. Not bad. It can be hard to exist as a disabled person in this ableist society, but I love my AuDHD brain and absolutely wouldn't change it! 😊
This was really validating; there's so much to digest and (unironically) process; another super video Amanda. 🥰 I Love the Tee, the message behind it is so worth us integrating into our belief system because of our experiences, pushing ourselves.
Thank you. Seriously, I think at 44, hearing Kamala say, "I'm not aspiring to be humble" was the first time I heard someone say that other than myself. And I always got looked down for saying it.
@@i.am.mindblind 😍
2:54
13:04
He didn't say it *is* dumb, he said it *sounds* dumb. That's a statement of empathy ("been there, thought that"), not an assertion of fact. I'd say the chances are good he'd clocked *your* internalized ablism and was trying to reassure you out of it.
Food for thought: are you letting your masking instinct turn empathy people show towards you on its head? (Possibly a chain of thought like "Ah, they said that feeling is normal. Therefore, I'm now obligated to feel that, or I'm weird, and if I'm weird, nobody will like me").
He was talking about himself in a very condescending tone. I'm not saying I don't have internalized ableism, most of us do. It's something I actively work on. But, no, he wasn't clocking me. He was very much saying how he felt dumb that he struggled with such an easy task. I wasn't quoting him word for word in the video. I was summerizing an entire conversation we had about task initiation.
The worst part is when they won't give you time to answer, so they keep saying more things, which restarts the thought process and makes it take even more time to answer the original question, and then get mad at you for taking too long. My ex would do this constantly, as would two of my old bosses. Unmedicated adhd folks like them and level 3 autistics like me are like oil and water, but their disability is more socially acceptable so they have more societal power. Low support needs disabled folks can be the most ableist people because they assume they have it the worst even though they're on top of the disabled pyramid. We need better disability education for low support needs folks, as they're often our worst oppressors without meaning to be.
Being low support disabled does not eliminate the possibility of being narcissistic 😉 I might suggest it increases the chances of such things, as with being “on top” of any pyramid scheme … ones must look past the actions questioning one’s intentions …
We (neurodivergents) are magnets for narcissistic abuse via our blindspots becoming a means of manipulation. It wasn’t till someone pointed it out to me, I spent time studying narcissistic behaviours, that I became aware of how true this is for me.
Great video, and very timely for me. I just got back home from having surgery and feeling wiped out, partly from sedation but I woke up with this very strong feeling about how there was zero accomodations for neurodiversity at the hospital and I struggled through the experience in many unnecessary ways but with my processing delay i couldn't advocate for myself at the time. This isn't new gor me but I was always frustrated by my lack of action in similar situations but i can accept now I needed time (and a nap) to reflect on the experience. This makes me feel much more self acceptance, thank you!
I have a couple videos from April 23 where I talk about how I think autistic people recover from surgery at a slower rate. There is research being done on this too
Thanks, Amanda! An excellent discussion ...again!
One of the most comforting things about my relationship with my (also late diagnosed autistic) husband is that we are both slow processing. That means no knock-down-drag-out fights, since the stimulus that could have triggered a fight is delayed, so disagreements start with "Know that thing you said/did a couple of hours ago? Here's what I think...and why I think ..."
So many people who know us have marvelled at our "maturity" (partly because we are *old* I suspect) in discussing things calmly instead of fighting, but really, when the stimulus dawns on us hours later in a quiet moment, it changes the dynamic. Discussing it calmly later is just *easier*! Much easier than our relationships with allistic people who when we inadvertently offend them want to have a screaming fight now!
Autism is a difference and as far as I can tell, the main disability comes from the allistic culture we're immersed in.
Oh, and one of the things I actually came down here to comment on (case in point?) is that instead of bringing things up with allistics in person two days later, I often send a note on a pretty card to, if for instance, I wanted to point out to your doctor that calling an ADHD symptom "dumb" is internalised ableism, and that he might want to reconsider thinking about it that way.
It lets me put the words together and rework it until it says what I want to say, it doesn't require any response from the recipient unless they want to, and a note coming in the mail makes it seem less "odd" that it's coming so long after the conversation... (and I find writing easier than speaking anyway.)
Just a thought that might help someone?
Even under the social model of disability, it's a disability, as you cannot remove yourself from society. Autism ever not being a disability is a comfortable ableist lie that low support needs folks tell themselves so they feel removed from their more disabled neurokin.
If I do want to stand up for myself or someone else 'in the moment', it's going to be me unmasked and very blunt. I have to be cautious about that and can't unmask in every situation, so it's another layer of thought that delays processing even further. People sometimes get annoyed when I bring things up a day later, but I try to include points about why - considering it seriously and wanting to raise it sensitively. They generally don't buy that I have slower processing, but I totally do!
Yep, you nailed it. If I stand up in for myself in the moment, it's often because I've been triggered and my response will be "Blunt" and unfiltered.
I have come to see how much my mother used to comment about things about me, like things I did or said. Or didn't do or say. How critical she was about things that I now know stem from my autism. She always told me that I was very slow on the uptake. Her words. That's what this is. Slower processing. She made me feel like there was something wrong with me. She really affected my life in a negative way. But now that I know that I am autistic, I can work on it.
I think knowing I'm autistic has made such a huge difference in how I work though trauma. 💜
You have amazing insight!
11:27 I learned over my decades among allistics... if I call something out, I will be verbally attacked and shamed. Their reciprocal behavior towards me (hate, pain, conflict, rejection, DARVO, etc) is so painful to me, has taught me to not butt into others business, regardless of how morally wrong I feel their choices are. I cant tolerate the feedback.
Love this and love your shirt!
Thank you! It's such a great message on the shirt. I'm not normally a spontaneous purchaser but when I heard kamala say that I had to rush out and buy it
You made me think of a way to think about what you said. Information for a neurotypical person takes a direct path, while information for the neurodiverse takes a scenic path.
We all get to the same place. I would like to see the scenery. What's the hurry?
Thank you! I am often told, "For some reason, you can't just go from point A to point B." Now I can just answer, "Nope, just me taking the scenic route!"
Thanks for your incite again...
Pushing back against an offensive, off-hand comment is a skill worth working on. I have found, that instead of objecting or correcting them, it often works better to offer them a chance for a do-over. For example, when someone refers to a disability as dumb, you might give them a thoughtful pause and suggest, that with a little thought, they could probably come up with a much more thoughtful and empathetic adjective than "dumb". Then move on. You will have planted a seed.
Unfortunately I am on the opposite spectrum hyper speed Adhd never needed a diagnosis to identify it. No one gets my ability to talk over and listen at the same time. Very upsetting to constantly be told to be quiet and listen… Hate it
I can talk and listen at the same time too, but I still often don't process an entire situation until later. I often THINK I'm processing everything at the time, then later, I realized I didn't think to ask or say several things.
@ Yes exactly its like we can hear too much all at once but it’s as if the brain runs on overdrive. Processing constantly… I feel reading or listening to music has helped calm some of that. Can get super frustrating because it’s difficult to break it all down
It must be an active effort of both parties to not speak over each other else the conversation will inevitably get off track as emotions rise with the push and pull of differing processing escalates.
I am at my best in chaos but this is because I shut off regulation and allow adhd to take over. In this state I recognize I am functioning on a level far surpassed most others. I also acknowledge that operating in fight/flight is unhealthy for myself while also being uncomfortable for most people. The outcome is shutdowns leading overtime to meltdowns and if left unaddressed complete breakdowns.
Meanwhile during hyper vigilant processing I believe I am processing everything yet after the fact I will have much delayed processing to come to terms with the events which just transpired without seeming to affect me… my brain takes it all in but it is impossible to process it all in real time.
@ I can identify with this type of reaction to ADHD . After a while you embrace it not as a hindrance but a gift and it truly is a unique and superior way of observing the world around us. I live in this constant fight or flight mode too. I feel you !
I'm only slow when compared to neurotypicals.
I was slow to potty, slow to walk, slow to talk, but somehow super fast at learning to grab, and draw...
And my memory still remembers how I felt all the way back to when I was crawling.
I have many skills, yet different neurotypical values dominate in modern society... I am very disabled among them.
Great visual/emotional memory, crappy word memory... and my speed, in relation to typicals, is repeatedly complained about. "It's not so hard" ohhhh boy if I had a dollar everytime someone said that to me.
Love the shirt!
Thank you! I added it to my Amazon storefront (www.amazon.com/shop/iammindblind) under Autistic Joy category. 😊
(Thank you so much for sharing this! ❤ I am learning and working with a counselor about maybe having autism as well as my ADHD. And this is helping me understand why I have some communication issues.) ...
If you can't just jump to the answer for the doctor right away, maybe 🤔 an accomodation could be to say in the beginning of talking with doctors,
that you won't be able to decide an answer for anything at that time, even if it might seem silly to them?
Maybe say you will call back with all answers the next day, if that's ok.
If they look confused, you could say, "imagine you and I are trying to talk and I ask you a question, but the music is 10x louder, and the lights 10x brighter, would you be able to hear me or know what I am asking?
Hmm, ok maybe not that part?...
I wonder 🤔 if we can come up with a simple analogy or meme type of situation or statement that could translate that feeling instantly to them?
I guess that is 2 ideas?
1) somehow in your accomodation, have it ask if all questions can be answered the next day.
I understand it might seem silly to them, but that is what invisible disability is.
So I don't understand why people don't then translate what that actually is like for the disabled person? I struggle with this a lot, even with my family after 7 years actively working to understand each other.
The whole, "I can't see it, you look "fine" to me, therefore.. it must not exist". Some people will actively argue with you and tell you that you are wrong and it can't be. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ I don't understand this at all.
So it's hard to figure out how to explain something to them in a way they understand, because It doesn't make sense to me. Why they don't. Then I have to translate to neurotypical speak. And to me it's simple. It's so confusing. And then add in communication issues trying to convey something.
Hmm 🤔 I will think on this, this week.
(I hope! I forget everything! So I understand you so much here!) My ADHD wants me to answer things right away because I won't remember in 5 minutes. :'(. Sometimes before I even finish saying or typing something.
Hmm.. food for thought?
I'm loving your shorter hair, beautiful xx
Thank you! 😊
Conversations can be challenging (I have a husband that is used to it).
💚
Great video. ❤
Thank you, I appreciate you watching
Hey, Amanda,
Does your ADHD oftalmologyst use a different kind of flashlight to avoid the overstimulation in autistic patients?
I work in a oftalmology consultation and anyone of them has a special type of flashlight neither get the hand far away from the eyes. They know nothing about it and they don't even want to. So I guess if there is any suggestion I can make to the chief of the service.
I think you mean Optometrist? I couldn't find anything on Google about oftalmology. But no, I haven't had them use different types of flashlights on me.
@@i.am.mindblind try "ophthalmologist" 😉
You look amazing
My cat says Meu!
😊 You're comments always make me smile
Thanks!
17:02 Kitty video time! Awww :D
I have no idea why, but YT flagged this comment! So weird! 😧
@@i.am.mindblind RUclips can be so weird sometimes O_O
I just saw Magic.
Yep, she popped in for a moment!