Desperate, refeeding syndrome, hypos, no help, black outs, panicking
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
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Hi dear! On this channel I will share my journey with you how NOT to die from anorexia... I am still alive by the grace of God. I have suffered from all kinds of eating disorders since 31 years (!!) now. It is a miracle that I am still alive! And though I seem to be 'at my last end', I will keep trusting that I am still alive for a reason. One of which is to share my story with you. I will give all I have to give as long as I keep breathing. And I hope that you can use it for the better to prevent you and/or your beloved to suffer as much from this disease as I have. Topics I certainly will address: anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, orthorexia, intestine issues, intolerances, fear, anxiety, what I eat in a day, panic attacks, urges, overeating, undereating, purging, medical help, hospitalisation, inpatient treatment, outpatient treatment, twelve step program, spirituality, Higher Power... and so much more! Subscribe and like not to miss out on anything.
Those of us with eating disorders have to recognize that fear is our biggest enemy. We must trust in the process to succeed.
You were miserable at home praying to get into a place that can care for you and now you are there. You have to let go of the control.
Needing to know the plan and wanting to know exactly what you need to do is your disease trying to take control of the situation. Just let go and do as they say. Sending you strength ❤
Lique, you are in the clinic! That is something to celebrate, even though it doesn’t feel that way yet. You made it! Give it at least 10 days to settle in. The fear will start to dissipate. Perhaps it might help to actually think hard about what you are you scared of? Them not being able to help you? Or them actually helping/losing control? Or both? Is there a therapist there to chat too, reassure you? I know you don’t have any energy now, but try to keep distracted from the bad thoughts. Maybe start imagining the wonderful life that recovery is going to bring. Wishing you all the very best my dear. Natalie ❤
Edit: I have since watched Lique’s next video in which she explains what her fear revolves around. Apologies Lique if this comment was perceived as negative in regards to the mental health comment.
Lique, calm down. You are there to get help. What happened today would’ve happened at home . What would you have done? There are people there to help you. This is going to take time. Be patient. You didn’t get to this point overnight and you won’t be cured overnight. It’s going to be unpleasant as your body is needs to adjust to the feeding plan. You can’t start thinking about going somewhere else. There is nowhere else to go. You must get positive about this. It’s not going to be easy I know, but it must be done in order for you to keep on living. This place is your only option. I pray that you can surrender yourself from the chains of this disease. May God give you the strength to get through the hard days. You can do this one day at a time.
Very well said agreed
@@sarahschechter399 thank you.
I absolutely agree with you. However, it is outrageous and shocking to me that the nurses give her food that she is sensitive to, and because of this she cannot keep any food inside for 1-2 days, even though in her case every single calorie is vital! Didn't they discuss this at the beginning? How is this possible? I am completely shocked.
@@m6ranim they don't know how to handle eating disorders. This was known beforehand but there are no other alternatives.
Very well said,my friend
Completely agree with your wise words.😊
It's like there are two people. The person who is out of the hospital and is using all of her physical and mental energy to get in one. And the one that is in a treatment center and desperately wants to get out. I haven't heard this whiney voice since the last time you were in care. When you are out of hospital seem like a very confident, motivated person. You have my sincere sympathy that you have this disease. Hopefully, you will be successful in recovering from it.
yup I went through it. - part of you wants to get better and fights for yourself and the disease wants to wriggle away from all the progress you made. But she can recover!
@@willowwinkle Yes, it's part of the illness.
You could interpret that as the healthy and unhealthy parts of her mind…and it’s the war between those two states that makes anorexia so difficult to both endure and treat
Dear Lique, I have been watching your channel for quite some time now but have never written. You have always been in my thoughts. I'm now in recovery from my anorexia, but most days can still be a challenge. I remember at my most weakest points God spoke to me that it is not my battle to fight, it is His. While it is so challenging to do that, it is worth asking Him for that. I pray that you may know His comfort, peace and healing. Baby steps, my friend. Sending you love and hugs from Australia, Jade
Stay strong. The doctors may well be discussing amongst themselves what they think is best and when they see you they will share that, you can also bring your own thoughts to the table. All you need to do is accept the help and keep fighting x
This is not Angelique talking, it’s the eating disorder. She’s somewhere that can help, but anorexia doesn’t like this, so is making everything seem scary and creating the illusion that she’s been left alone. As an ex-anorexic I know, we are unreliable narrators.
Angelique, you will get through this. The first step is accepting the fear, and knowing that this is part of the process.
So well said. As a former and recovered anorexic I agree whole heartedly with this.
YES!!!! Enduring the unknowns and inability to have control is the scariest part. You need relinquish all control, plan or no-plan they are here to help you and you need to trust in their care. The wheat incident is unfortunately but definitely could have ended up worse should you have been alone at home when blacking out. Some discomfort for a day is better than dying. Please give in and allow yourself to be cared for!!!!
Couldn't have said this any better. I completely agree 🙏 and I hope she has the strength to overcome all this
Any addict is an unreliable narrator.
100% agree as another ex-anorexic. The intense fear of losing control and "I don't know what to do" terror is part of the ED and you can't believe everything you feel and/or think.
Personally I think it’s just your eating disorder freaking out about losing control. It sounds like there were some more urgent patients which was unfortunate for you but if you can go this long you certainly can go a few more days without a formal plan. It sounds like they got you into refeeding and you had someone clean up the syrupy mess as well as a gentlemen who went and got your food for you. Unpacking your items for you is probably of no priority to the staff at the moment with the difficult patients they have to deal with and with getting your most basic needs met. To me the fact that you were started on refeeding despite it not going well and you’ve been brought meals and had bloodwork shows the team is caring for you to the best of their ability. The doctor probably has even less time and more urgent patients. I do think if you are still waiting to see her it’s because they’ve deemed you CAN wait. For now you are in a bed, in a facility with a care team which is more than you’ve had in a long time. Sorry about the wheat bread but also you have to make sure you are advocating for yourself. They are busy and overworked. I have to do this with my own medical conditions all the time constantly checking does this have this or checking my own medicine against each other. I think the wheat situation can be a learning opportunity for you and the staff and you need to make sure they know everything you are allergic to and you need to double check with anyone who gives you something that what they gave you doesn’t have that in it. Sometimes these kinks happen early on and they are just learning experiences and can make the rest of the process much smoother. The hardest part is at the beginning. You will get your things un packed, build relationships with the staff and adjust to their ways. As for the nausea there is a medication called zofran that’s the brand name in the states but they also have generic. I take it for nausea due to chronic health issues and let me tell you it makes it physically impossible to be nauseous as it blocks all the nausea receptors in your body. I would ask the doctor when she comes if you can get a prescription for that since it might aid in your recovery. Be your best advocate and hang in there you’ve got this!!
A practical suggestion on the Zofran. That's good.
yeah and she makes excuses that what she has isn't psychological, which of course makes no sense.
@@Goldenretriever-k8m she said she realizes she has an eating disorder and understands it controls her but the reasons for it are a bit different than other people. Her’s was started from a medical issue rather than starting off as a fully psychological problem. I had an ED myself, so I understand what she means. Theres a large interplay between various factors that can cause an eating disorder and some of them are more complicated than others.
@@karennorris7880 i thought so :/ its really quite a shame for anyone, particularly an anorexic person who isnt able to eat due to fighting nausea all day and there is a simple solution to fixing that
@@-Kristeen remember this is a woman who has been starving to death for 30 years her brain is going to get aspects of stories wrong unintentionally. All you can do is be kind and encouraging. She’s ill and needs support even if sometimes things dont make sense.
I am praying for you Lique!! I have a sign in my bedroom that says "Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear". You can do this! One day at a time! Let go and let God!!
Amazing quote, I'll be sure to keep it in mind. Thank you for sharing, quite an eye-opener!
Lique, please, DON'T FORGET how hard you fought to be in a clinic. I know it's easy to forget sometimes, it happens to all of us. But remembering how hard you fought and how desperate you were to receive any sort of treatment should help you push forward despite the fear you're feeling. Even if things are far from perfect right now, at least you're not alone somewhere with no help. Things could be much much worse. This is it Lique, the time where the Light Warrior and Lioness in you fights the old stories and the fears and keep on moving forward. Move forward and never look back. Keep your eyes on the final Goal. I know you can do this....you're so close to the finish line, so close to victory! You might not see it yet, but they say that it's always darkest before dawn. You believe that you have to do it on your own and that no one there is helping you, but you are still in a medical facility. You have to BREAK THE OLD PATTERN. *This time you have got to do things differently than what you did before.* You cannot repeat the same cycle, that cycle belongs to the past and you have to leave it there. Even if you think the situation is out of your control....you still have to act in a different way, different than how you've been in the past. Only then can we finally break the cycle. Life around us can only change when WE change. Unfortunately circumstances will never be perfect enough for us....so you've got to make peace with your circumstances and believe that you are in the right place at the right time. It takes faith, but once you have faith, miracles will happen.
she reminds of emma caris...literally on her death bed talking about how she can't eat this or that. apparently willing to get better and yet resisting treatment
That's exactly what's happening. She herself wants to get well but the Anorexia does not want this. It wants to kill her. It wants to starve her to death. Plain and simple. It's stronger than her. My fear is that it will unfortunately win. Poor lady. Mental illness is extremely sad.
@@Zoe-dr5ps yes, I feel for her. Can’t imagine how lonely and miserable she must be feeling in that bed. Don’t take ‘negative comments’ the wrong way, Lique. We’re just trying to open your eyes that only you can help yourself. With professional help of course but you are the one that has to do it. Your willpower is enormous, but you’ve been using it to slowly destroy your body, but your power is there!! It can help you get well❤️🩹 🙂
@@Zoe-dr5ps and then she posts a video where she is mad at comments like these, saying they are judgmental. sigh. All part of this mental illness. It's horrible.
She had severe problems with her digestion
Just lay back and stop worrying about what to do. They are taking care of you so there is nothing you have to worry about doing. What is a hypo? You’re where you need to be and that’s a wonderful thing.
They aren’t taking care of me in any sense at all… 😳
Hypo=hypoglycemia
Very low blood sugar
Makes you very sleepy and possibly pass out.
@@liquefaith maybe you can ask friends to bring you some snacks that you can keep in your drawer next to your bed? Then you can eat something as needed and don’t have to wait for the nurses to bring you something. This should not be a problem that cannot be solved.
They a”ARE” feeding you and that is better than what you do for yourself . Do you not see your cycle here ? This may be you’re very last chance ! Stop complaining and eat and get better !
@@liquefaith it’s a process and takes time . pls do not leave the facility . your life is on the line
Your not signing and already complaining is an indication that you are not fully committed to doing what you need to do to recover. If you do not sign and relinquish control this will be a repeat of your previous hospitalization where you leave.
And it will be everyone else's fault as usual
Refeeding syndrome may take months to get better for you because of your severity. I think it can be quite a shock especially since it is very hard when you feel alone and lonely and with severe anxiety which I have so I can understand why you are so worried. I think these emotions remind us that we are alive. It will get harder, it is a fight but it's a fight for the best life. You are processing this. You will get through ❤
Lique, this might sound harsh and if it does I'm so sorry. It's not meant to be unkind but being Autistic I'm sometimes a little blunt. It is such early days, you know this is going to be bad before it gets better. Any admission is normally highly chaotic in the first week or so. On top of that a very unwell patient when admitted tends to massively destabilise the units dynamics because it will trigger more than just those with EDs, it normally triggers a lot of those with attachment issues, invalidation wounds etc. Basically it will often mean you will get a period of severe destabilisation in the other patients, staff will be trying to manage a lot and also be very very concerned about you and how they can help you. You are going to be feeling terrified, probably at your physical worse and mentally really really not good in this period. You can do this but if you are going to have a chance to live (and thrive) you have to on some level surrender to being there. Accept that if you knew how to do this you wouldn't be in the place you are. Accept that it will be team work, it will take time and currently everything in you will be screaming to not trust anyone, you will be hyper aware of anything being a problem because it will give your brain more reasons to leave and you know that is something that happens for you. I relate, it's what used to happen to me. You can do this. I believe you can do this 100%. This bit of the process will be scary and really hard but you can do this. X
Very well said. I don’t think you were harsh.
@@sweetluvgurl thank you. I struggle to know how I come across! X
Remember you're in a medical facility NOT a hotel with room service! You should thank your lucky stars they had a bed for you! Just eat what they give you, take your meds and try to get up and move around a little bit everyday to build yourself back up. It's going to take along time to get your strength back. Consider it a huge blessing you've been handed. Now reach out for the hand up and hold on tight!!! ❤ IT'S UP TO YOU WHETHER YOU'VE GOT ENOUGH WILL TO MAKE IT!!!!!! No one can do it for you! ❤
In other words Lique only you can Stop you from getting better.
Well said
Judgemental much, Susan?
@@angelabarrera24 Nope, she is not...as a recovered Anorexic/Bulimic, I needed a strong dose of firm love and REAL talk in order to get out of my head and own way!!
I like that you're Brutally Honest.
I saw you messaged back to someone saying they aren't taking care of you. But when you are not there then who is taking care of you... Better some help than no help. Nobody was taking care of you before so just take what you can get. The fact that there are nurses around is positive. Typically when In Treatment wherever it may be you don't have 24 hour care. There are many patients to get to. When I was in hospital I also had to wait a very long time to have a nurse listen to me or help with a simple thing. Remember how things were before, it wasn't better. Just hang in there. We know it's not easy but it's better than before. We are holding the hole for you and only want the best for you. All you need to do is relax and stay patient
Lique, you’ve got this. Don’t let the fear overtake your thoughts. Try and distract yourself if you can with whatever you can do. The more you think about the fear the worse it will become. You have already made such a huge step to sign yourself into treatment knowing you cannot leave. So you can either fight with all your might and leave walking out with your head held high once you have recovered or succumb to the fear… and we are all cheering you on to recover! Head up my love! You’ll be okay. Look for the positives you have xo
I’ll just add that I saw your comment to someone else later on that you haven’t signed the papers to stay in treatment. My apologies, I thought you had. Either way, you’re in my thoughts x
You keep saying you “don’t know what to do…” Angelique in your state, the only thing to do is surrender to the process. I know it hurts. I know it’s not perfect. But those people are there to help you and are doing the absolute best that they can. You are extremely lucky to have gotten a bed. Now please, for the love of God stay. I know your ED is telling you to run right now, but there is nowhere to run.
We love you Angelique. I’m sorry if the comments are rather blunt here. Nobody wants to hurt your feelings. You have said again and again that given the opportunity, you will stay in the program. Please fulfill that promise.
I see nothing blunt in your comment. It is totally valid
It’s “blunt” because nobody wants to hear “this is your only option.” Especially her ED. Because right now it’s desperately fighting to take back control and an anorexic persons normal inclination is to push everyone away who tries to help them. So even if she’s been going on about wanting help for months, now that she has it all she wants to do is push it away. This is her real test right now.
I have had severe anorexia myself. You will get setbacks from time to time no matter where you are. But it is important to never give up on the process. I just wanted to live a full life and do normal things and it motivated me. Never give up on yourself and your ability to fight the eating disorder ❤
I've been watching your channel for sometime. I don't want to be harsh but I think you don't want to be helped. You're in a facility well equipped to help you. It's not a magic ball. You need time. Sit tight and let them do their work. Stop the winning it's not gonna help you. Please stop it.
Refeeding is not going to be pleasant even with a plan. Sadly its something you juts will have to endure i know you have exciting bowl issues which probable makes it feel even worse there just isnt much to be done about that at this stage. When you get to a certain point then adjustments can be made. The body doesnt really know anymore how to deal with these things in time things will feel different i promise you. I believe you can get over this! I know everything is scary and its not nice to feel like this but sadly it is part of recovery. Hang in there please! I know you can do this! you are so strong!
so truth and well said🙏
Time, Lique. That’s the plan. Time and food and medication for refeeding. You so desperately want a tangible plan because you want to be able to fight for some control and feel soothed but there is nothing. All they can do is keep you alive and feed you. You said it yourself, this is not a place for therapy etc they are just here to keep you alive and you have to do your part by eating and resting. You are going to be just fine on the other side but it is such a long road, and this fear is just part of your disorder that you have to battle and you CAN overcome!!
I think this is the best possible thing for you right now, anxiety and fear is normal but at least there you have hope
My mom is fighting stage IV brain cancer. She is fighting to live… this honestly makes me sick.
You can't compare illnesses. This is a mentall illness. I'm so sorry about your mother. But still, you can't compare anorexia to cancer. Both illnesses weren't made by choice.
Amanda,i understand every word you have written.I wish i could find something to say that would ease this for you and your mum.All i can do i send my love to you.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
May God heal her and hold her close. 🙏
Lique, it's good to see you. I'm glad you are there. There's time that things can get turned around. Hang in there! I generally black out whenever someone takes my blood. It doesn't last long, though, with me. I can understand your being scared. Glad you are figuring out how to manage your eating, and gradually educating the staff. Love from Arkansas, in the US.
Honey, fear is good! It’s one of the few things that is kicking ass of your eating disorder. This is the time to fight! And there is a plan: to do every single thing that your nurses say, no matter what.
I’m not trying to sound insensitive here, but I’m noticing a pattern after watching you for almost a year now. When you can’t find a facility that will help you, you use phrases like, “I’m beyond desperate”, and “I’ll accept any place at this point”, and “I’m fighting to live”.
Once you’re in a program/facility, you lose that train of thought. You instead focus on inconsequential stuff. Who cares if your clothing isn’t in the closet? And noisy neighbors are out of your control. I say this with peace and love ✌️🫶
@@Beaver-With-A-Chainsaw exactly...
I’m so sorry that happened to you Lique, I have faith that your doctor has a plan help you keep moving forward with getting better. You have the right to feel scared with all that’s happened to you, but please continue to have faith and trust that the doctor will be able to help you get better.
I am sending prayers and love ❤️
I would advise watching your previous videos where you talk about needing to be in a clinic, but felt doubtful that help would come. Then you can say to yourself "I did it, I'm here now." ❤️
I am deeply sorry you are going through this 😢 and can’t imagine how you must feel. Although you don’t feel strong at the moment, I hear and see how tough you truly are in these difficult times❤ You have endured a lot and continue to persevere, always looking to find hope and inspire. Many of us would struggle to be half as resilient as you ☺️
You are so loved and YOU MATTER ❤!!!!God bless you dear one 🙏🏼 I am so glad you are being well cared for. We are here, you’re not alone 🥰 🙏🏼🥰🙏🏼🥰
I'm starting to question what kind of person I am that I'm continuing to watch someone destroying herself. Is there entertainment in this? Otherwise, why do people watch? I've read a lot of the supportive messages, but don't see any positive impact from them. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone (because I've been watching, too). I just wonder if somehow we're all feeding into this horrible situation and making it worse.
I think you may be right. Initially we were rooting for her so we tuned in to see how she was progressing. But it's going in circles now. Really, I wish she wouldn't make any more videos for her own sake. I want her to live but I don't see that happening.
@@joannmaciorowski8386 I saw one of Lique 's videos dated 11 months ago.Absolutely nothing has changed.Same thing throughout all 11 months.
I think it's like a train wreck, you know it's going to end bad but you keep watching it. I've only watched a few of her videos but it's the same thing over again, she gets into a clinic then leaves. And she talks and talks and talks a lot.
She really needs to get off her computer and eat, I think she probably uses this channel to have something to do other than what she should be doing which is eating, so yep it's probably all making it worse for her. But she gets attention and she wants that, her anorexia gets her attention.
@@joannmaciorowski8386 I'm still rooting for her, I guess I keep thinking "it can't get any worse, surely it's only up from here and now we'll see her turn things around and finally get better" and I still think that. I can't stop watching because I can't accept for it to end in tradgey I need to know she succeeds. If she listened to the comments and took them to heart I think she really could succeed and I believe she is capable to pull herself out of this. she wants to live badly, but she doesn't seem to want to let go of the anorexia thinking, the thing between her and life is the anorexia, for her to thrive again all she needs to do is release her old ways of thinking and move on. I guess it's personal to me, I had anorexia but I recovered, my mom has anorexia that she's had for 30 years and she won't move on, is in complete denial and it breaks my heart. But as someone who recovered myself I know its hard but i know it is possible, it is possible for lique to do it and it's so confusing and frustrating that she doesn't really want to recover from her ana fears and thoughts, and i think we just keep watching because it's so strange to see, like how can this be? when everyone is pointing it out in the comments of every video but she still doesn't get it, how?
It comes down to this. You need to make a choice to live or not. I hope you choose life. Nothing else matters. Nothing. You have a luxury few people have. Be grateful. ❤️
Lique, I'm sorry if this is going to come across as harsh but you really need to keep some snacks at the side of your bed if you know you are going to have a hypo. You need to be prepared. It's not like this has NEVER happened before. It is an everyday occurrence in your life and there are things you can do to prepare, so you're not eating messy pudding and syrup and 2am in the morning. You need some structure in place.
Please stopp giving her medical or eating devices. Refeeding syndrome is not as easy to handle as with some snacks beside your bed. Too much food and too much calories can be deadly!
@@Morganna0815 But she can be prepared is all I am saying. I'm not telling her what to eat.
The Oak Tree
A mighty wind blew night and day.
It stole the Oak Tree’s leaves away.
Then snapped its boughs
and pulled its bark
until the Oak was tired and stark.
But still the Oak Tree held its ground
while other trees fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke,
How can you still be standing Oak?”
The Oak Tree said, I know that you
can break each branch of mine in two,
carry every leaf away,
shake my limbs and make me sway.
But I have roots stretched in the earth,
growing stronger since my birth.
You’ll never touch them, for you see
they are the deepest part of me.
Until today, I wasn’t sure
of just how much I could endure.
But now I’ve found with thanks to you,
I’m stronger than I ever knew. 🙏💕🙆
❤
Going to write this down. Thanks. Very profound.
When you feel worry or fear or panic, all of which your aware mind knows are part of the process, what if you looked at it like “I feel fear and panic because I am ALIVE. I am proving that I am stronger than my illness. I said I will live and I am doing it!” Thank you for making a video and letting us all surround you with love and tell you that your life matters to so many! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I am reading this in bed late at night. Try to relax and un wind yourself. Worry and fear will cause you to tense up very bad and you won't be able to sleep. I am praying for you now, turn your fear over to God. Your going thru hard times and it's scary but know people are keeping you in prayer, you are not alone. Try to relax and hopefully you can eat breakfast in early morning, your mind needs to calm down some so your body can receive the food. Your in my prayers, peace and blessings to you. Love from Canada
Angelique maybe you had blackouts before but didn't notice as you were alone all day. Maybe it's nothing new but you just didn't know before. Don't be so afraid - You've come so far and I sincerely believe that you can make it.
Dear Lique, this is the only place willing to help you at this point, please trust the staff. I know it is really hard, but you are there now and you need to let go. I also hear the ED speaking here a lot, and not Lique herself. This is your illness throwing tantrums because the ED-monster does not like to be treathened. Fight, Lique, you can do this. You are in the right place now, even if it doesn't feel that way and it is scary, but you've got this far. Don't give up. Have faith in yourself and the people who are willing to help. ❤
I am on my second fight against cancer and a lung condition. I was in a coma and had multiple surgeries and lived on a breathing machine for months. I didn’t whine and carry on like she does. I did all my regular things asap and with little help.
I didn’t whine and cry and throw the pity act.
Either do what you are supposed to do to recover or give up. I don’t feel sorry for someone who just wants attention and fights all the help she gets.
❤❤❤❤❤We could all learn a lesson from you xxxx
@ •
Although I think you are very brave I do think you can't compare cancer and mental health issues.
Would you say the same about someone with schizofrenia who is delusional and psychotic?
Every ilness has it's own valid struggle.
@@marjol3in I have horrible ptsd from the coma and have severe anxiety when undergoing anesthesia because I have a high risk of death due to my lungs. It’s a disease which has had an impact on my mental health but I keep looking to the future. She can do the same but she enjoys everyone feeling sorry for her. You have to rise above the disease and do the best you can. She doesn’t do that she just wallows in self pity.
I never did that I fight to get better every time I have a new challenge. You can do it if you try
@@yeahbro760 thank you💕 I have multiple pets and I can’t leave them so I do my best
Your best is incredible🎉🎉🎉🎉animals are so comforting.They instantly lift my spirits.If you get the chance,cuddle a shetland pony❤❤❤❤❤❤xxx
Hey girl! Fear means that you give a damn about your recovery (which we already know ❤️). Just hang tight and let the doctors talk things over amongst themselves. You’ve only just arrived, which makes things a little chaotic at first - especially when you are very sick. Remember to work on separating self from sickness at this time. YOU want to get better. Your DISEASE doesn’t want you to get better. Don’t let IT win. You are strong :) So brave. So proud of you that you made it there and are ready to go. Keep that spirit, and for now, just rest. Don’t fight the current, let this moment carry you where you need to be. Just float for now, God has you in the palm of His hand ❤️
I’m sorry you’re feeling unwell, my friend. The staff will learn to care for you better. In the meantime, you must find patience.
It’s going to be difficult, but you will do it. Put your energy into fighting the ED. Know that we are out here, and we are pulling for you. Reach out, whatever your situation. We care about you!
DON'T LEAVE THIS HOSPITAL LIQUE!!! You are where you need to be. If you check out of there Lique you are not going to get another chance now you get serious here and SIGN that paper as soon as possible. You stay where you are and you get better, you promised yourself and you promised a lot of people on here that are counting on you and cheering you on. Don't let this disease take your life! God loves you he did not give you a spirit of weakness, you can do this. Don't give up. You had better not leave that hospital Lique I mean it you are going to die if you do. Now stop making excuses and start eating.
Lique, I'm not in your shoes so I can't possibly understand everything you're going through, but just try to relax and not stress out so much. It seems like you decline a little mentally when you're in a hospital setting. It's probably due to a lack of control but you must try to make the best of your situation. You don't have any alternatives at this point, so just try to put your heart and soul into recovery. You also need to think as positive as possible in order to overcome your eating disorder. It's going to be a huge challenge to recover so you have to want it more than anything else in the world. I believe you can do it. You have so much to offer the world! You're beautiful, articulate, smart, resilient, and the list goes on. You also need to pray like you've never prayed before. Talk to God throughout the day and really lean on Him. Talk to Him the way you talk to us. He's there and will help you through this. All my love Lique! I'll be praying for you.
Lique...I'm sorry you're scared and struggling but happy you're finally in a, clinic setting and not alone in that apartment. I will pray 🙏 God sends the help you need to heal and recover. God Bless you my dear. Sending much love❤ from THE USA. 🇺🇸
Lique remember to breathe and the grace to accept what you can’t control and forgiveness to the staff who can’t always follow your routines and change can be positive and powerful ❤️
Your in the right place. Give it time. It’s going to be ok. Try to rest. Give your fears to god. Know that we are all praying for you ❤
Beautiful Angel of the Internet, I totally understand your fears but now you have hands there to help you now.
You are not alone.
You have a medical team on your side.
Deep breaths... transitioning is tough. Baby steps... it's a slow process...but it's a process. The seed to wellness has been planted.
🌷🌷🌷🌷
The road to recovery has a lot of bumps in the road, it's far from peaceful road... but you are honestly in the best place for right now...trust in the process to recovery. 🤗 You have made it this far to this place... to this space...keep going. 🌈❤🌈 Sending Healing vibes of love 💗❤💗❤💗❤💗
Girl...why do you need help holding a fork/spoon...but you don't need help holding that phone camera which is much heavier and has to be done constant....😑😑😑 You ain't fooling nobody. If you can hold a camera 🤳📲 to make these videos then you can SURELY hold up a spoon and fork🍴 to feed yourself. Smh.
So true! There’s so much she says that doesn’t make sense
That’s true! But maybe she props it up on something like a table or bed. The camera doesn’t move around too much so maybe it’s just sitting there? I’m trying to think more optimistically here.
@@roselee7092 we have seen it more than ones that she’s holding the camera
@@Norwegiangirl83 when she’s in bed I think you’re right.
@@roselee7092 And thats takes more strength than holding a spoon
It’s ok to be scared. You don’t have to figure things out, that’s why you are there. It may not seem like there is a plan, but I guarantee there is, and has been, so much more happening behind the scene regarding your care. The good news is you and the hospital have the same goal; to get you healthy again. There will be some discomfort, adjustment and bumps on your path to recovery, that is a necessary part of the process. I’m praying for you and I know there are better days ahead. You’ve got this!! ❤
I wonder if there's actually any personality left which you can access. The're videos from you on RUclips from years ago on older channels where you already are severely underweight. It seems to be years of that stage of wasting away. At least a year of not being able to walk anymore. Your body is forced to eat your organs including your brain. So who knows if there's even any Angelique left. Sure you sound smart and coherent with lots of things but that doesn't mean these are your thinking process of today. There are addicts who severely fried their brains with chemicals but still say smart things. Patterns from the past which they're still able to repeat. Sometimes people are very much gone but still can retrieve and speak out things they've thought and said in the past. Although no new consideration and actual reflection of action and reality is happening anymore. The words are shells from different times. Not long ago you were talking about supplements and how it's dangerous to overdose them (yeah, maybe you should worry about the opposite). Also you were saying that you want to eat but you're afraid of binging as you're also a binger. Well, if this is really your concerns knowing that your body for months or years already is feeding on your literal organs including brain, then there is really nothing left. Mental and physical illness still is influenced by decisions and your lifestyle. It's still your own responsibility to settle yourself up for success and at least ANY progress. You demand from your body to not want to binge or otherwise you won't just let it go and eat. Well, then it's actually your choice to die. You can be anorexic but still allow yourself to become "fat" if this is still your concern (based on your words because you said multiple times how you fear binging and that you know only extremes. Restriction to death or binging. You've had months and months and generous people offering you nice places to stay and you still allowed yourself just to keep heading towards death. Allowing yourself to think and act on finding it legitimate to not eat if you don't feel like it or if thoughts arise that you need to eat normal or not eat at all. Sad that your personality gets eaten away but it is what it is. You can still be anorexic but allow yourself to binge and figure out later on how to eat normal.
Who knows if you have access to your prefrontal cortex, maybe you should ask yourself that too and stop believing your thoughts. Distrust yourself, sometimes it's the best. Especially as someone in her 40s who couldn't gain a pound for years, not Being able to walk with actually healthy legs.
"It's not going well"... Of course not
By far the most honest comment i have seen.By far the most correct.You have spoken volumes here.Well done🎉🎉🎉
💯💯💯
It's amazing she is still alive I'm surprised she is still here, her organs have to be shutting down or close to it by now. It's probably just a matter of weeks at this point if that long because she needs to be tube fed for any chance of it as bad as it is now. I'm not a doctor but she is skin and bones. And what she is eating doesn't seem to be enough for a bird to survive much less a human. Sad.
You might be right...she is gone, she is just repeating what she has repeated for years. Makes sense.
she has metal disease...you always forgot that...
This is you feeling out control. Ana has had control over your life for some long and now you NEED to let go. You are in a safe place with people who will check on you and ensure that if you do blackout you will be ok. This is your chance to get your life back but you have to let go of control. You've got this!!!!
Why do you need a "plan"? The plan is to get you better and that's why you are there!
She means a meal plan. It's part of eating disorder recovery.
@@GrannyGooseOnRUclips true, but this isn't an ED clinic so I wonder how they are going to do that
@@GrannyGooseOnRUclipsYes, you are probably right. But what I mean is that the plan doesen't really matter, as long as she gets better? Whatever the plan maybe, they are taking care of her. I think she just wants to know because it's part of her ED, the control issue. She needs to let that go in order to get better, easier said than done, but a must for survival in her condition.
The most important thing is that you stay here. This is your chance. I know you know that, but it cannot be reiterated enough! Don't be tempted to fall back into the familiar and known, be brave! You have to go forward to live, lots of love from New Zealand
It does not seem to be so many problems at all. So many times when I have been travelling it takes me days if not a week to unpack. And the hypo will pass as your body adjusts. Just let it be, and let it pass through you, you need to let them help you at the best of their ability. They cant make it 100% comfortable for you. And you know it is when you are scared or conflicted you will find everything annoying and overreact to small problems. It is just change, and you will be okay. Nothing in life is a straight and narrow road❤ this is part of healing, learning to become okay with some sort of uncertainty, I mean going home is certain death for you. So what is worse certain death og hypoglycemia? Death or luggage not yet unpacked? Just remind yourself that this is safest, even if it feels out of control. My dad is an alcoholic and he does the same each time he goes to rehab. He gets angry and complains about everything, and then he goes back home and almost drinks himself to death. And then he cant cope and ends up in rehab agein. He is now in a care facility. His organs have failed and he will die there. And regardless of what you or my dad or anybody else choose to do, I do not judge. It is your life and you can do what you want with it. It is your prerogative to decide over your own life. And I understand it is scary, I just dont believe all people will heal, and it is not a given that you will either. Accept this help with gratitude and grace, and look for all the things you are grateful for. And remember some people dont even get that. Some people survive refugee camps, long uncertain wars and they do not have it very comfortable, still they can take it, and still they take immense risk fleeing in rubber boats across oceans. I am not saying this to belittle you, but to share with you the immense strength that lies within us as a species. We are resilient, and overcoming obstacles are what makes us strong, powerful and it builds confidence and faith. When you are not strong, and you prey for strength: God will give you the challenge to help you build it. He will not build a comfortable fortress to help you hide from the war, he will give you the chance to fight it. And you need to fight real hard, and fight hard to give yourself a chance to actually live. There are so many fun things you are missing out on, and I am sad for you. If you want to heal, you need to accept your circumstance, this is your only option, which means you need to sacrifice some comforts to get something better. It will be hard, and blaming others will not help you, only deteriorate your mood and dreams and belittle your goals. And then you might fail. Having multiple people in my family with alcoholism I have seen how ridiculing help and complaining has led to a terrible downward spiral. So if you want to succeed, stop it.
So I know a lot of this is the anorexia talking but it's interesting to see a mind who finds problems in every situation and scenario, whether that be in hospice care, staying with friends and having home health care, being at an eating disorder clinic, or also being in a psychiatric facility. Obviously nothing is ever perfect but she is profoundly unhappy in all scenarios. I don't know what kind of trauma she's experienced, but I'm wondering if she's not already, if she should be on psych meds or a change of meds, to help her panic/anxiety and perpetual "this isn't the right place for me and I'm not being given enough" outlook. Her perception truly is that no one is helpful enough no matter what situation she's in and every situation is overwhelming. That is a lot to deal with emotionally and mentally. Her brain must be mentally fatigued, hence why I wonder if psych meds can help. Please speak with a psychiatrist to see if they can help you manage this.
In extremely low weight patients a lot of psych meds don’t work until there has been weight gain..and meds like anti depressants often take at least a month to have therapeutic benefit. Because of physical pain and sleep deprivation the mindset of a patient gets worse and often anti psychotic meds are used not because of psychosis but because they level out mood and increase sleep. Many psych drugs have interactions with pain meds also so it would need to be balanced as to not slow breathing as many opioids have that effect and cannot be used in with serotonin. It will be a challenge for a medical team to find a combination of medical and psych meds that cover all conditions whilst she is emaciated. Non drug therapies such as meditation might be more useful if she has the ability to practice for stress relief
@@meherenow is that true, that psych meds dont work until there is weight gain? so weird because the brain would operate regardless?
@@Goldenretriever-k8m in extreme weight loss cases the brain is changed and there is shrinkage and cognitive processes are effected..it’s not all psych meds that don’t work but generally those with seratonin have limited impact..in my case I knew what weight I needed to reach before I could get any therapeutic benefit..there probably research studies out there if you want to follow it up..I know one treatment team I worked with would alsways say there was no benefit giving antidepressants below a certain bmi…..the role of seratonin in anorexia nervosa is also interesting if you wanted to research it
If it was about finding a place that feels comfortable, nobody would get help. These are professionals, they have a plan. They couldn’t feed patients if they didn’t know about allergies. They do know what they are doing. You may not see the plan yet, & I’m sure that’s not easy on the nerves. But with how much you need this help, & how few options you have left, please don’t jeapordize for comfort. Just focus on wake up, follow the rules, and rest when you can. Faith is required. I know you can do this. Messes, nausea, syrup, these are all fixable. 🙏🏼
The way we are hearing it the clinic or hospitals are all run by un trained staff with no experience at all. There are Dietitians who can make an eating plan for Lique, that's their job. The staff are not amateurs.
@@dianestevens2659 correct. Part of the plan sometimes, is not revealing the plan in its entirety. These disorders are disorders about control. That’s what it stems from. It’s not going to feel comfortable bc the control isn’t in the hands of the patient. But for good reason.
People shouldn't attack you for being honest. We are lucky that you even share your feelings with us. Most people are unable to be so honest with strangers. I thank you for this. You have helped me in making some important decisions in my life. Thank you again.
Prayers for you, Angelique. You are in the right place. Professional nursing care , Therapy monitoring. One minute at a time we all love you.❤
Dear Angelique, you really have to sit with your fear this time. Things WILL improve but it’s going to take time. You WILL get through this but it won’t be easy but you CAN do this! Xx❤
Blackouts can come from anxiety and stress. With everything going on, you have to remind yourself this is what is happening and it is just where we are right now. I believe in you darling
Her brain is getting no nutrition. Thats whats causing black outs
The most important thing is, and everybody agrees Lique: accept the advice and help you get right there where you are. That is your only option. You are always in our thoughts. Bless you. Everybody is praying for you.❤❤❤❤
I just hope that you can feel the love and support all of us are sending your way every single day.
I hope you will find calm in this situation soon. This is the right place. It's ok to feel the fear. You will get help and get through this! You will get the plan eventually. It's only been two days even though it for sure feels like ages. Hang on there. Eating every hour is a good idea, too! Much love❤
Hang in there,Lique! You are loved and I will pray for you...your RUclips family will take care of you!❤❤🙏🙏
You’re in the right place, even if your mind is trying to tell you otherwise. You’ve fought too hard for this to give up when bad things happen.
Like you’ve said before, surrender to the process. Communicate directly with the staff about problems. They’re there to help you, not the enemy.
I know it’s hard, because these have been your coping strategies for so long, but you know the harm different things are doing, and you know what the alternative is, Lique.
You don’t need to leave. Keep fighting for yourself, and let people help you. It’ll be okay. It’s normal to be scared. Just don’t let that fear control you.
Please keep going with this plan and communicate with the staff. It’s only the beginning. Things can get better. Love you. 💕
Refeeding syndrome is the worst. But it will end! Keep pushing through & remember how amazing it will feel to be able to eat without pain one day. To live without anorexia will be worth it. Sometimes treatment hurts, but the body is healing. Don’t think to far into the future, just take each moment at a time. You can do this 💛
If you always do what you've always done....you'll always get what you've always got. Is that what you want?
Exactly... I fear this is truly her LAST chance.
Big hug for you. I know you're fears are very real and valid. But we have a God so much bigger than any of our fears. I pray He will wrap a blanket of comfort around you. And that He will give the staff the wisdom to help.
And may He take your fears and turn them into hope.
Sending love your way!!
The good thing is that they seem to be treating you kindly when helping you. Also, it helps to remind ourselves that "Feelings are not facts." Hopefully you'll see the doctor soon and get a plan.
I am sorry that you are feeling sick and afraid. in my experience of similar situations all I could do to get through it was to keep breathing and let time pass. for good or for bad change will come
You've got to want real help to recieve it. If you don't truly want to get better you won't. If you just want to not die, and not actually put the work in, you aren't going to get very far...
You dont need a plan you need to eat more or you will die.
Yep. that's about it.
I do understand wanting a food plan, but I think in liques case it's a control issue , and she will list so many dietary restrictions that it will be near impossible to even come up with an adequate plan. It's again her way of controlling everything.
Exactly!,Rabbit food is not real food😅
You don't understand that she is Intolerant to many foods. When she eats that she gets diarrhea and intestine problems which is making her not absorb any nutrients.
@@beanj580You don't believe you can be intolerant to many foods?
Who dropped you off at this clinic? Confused why they didn’t help setup your room and put your things away.
She knew very well where she was going and they don’t put away her luggage because it’s not their job
I meant the family or friend who dropped her off ? Why wouldn’t they stay a bit to just get her stuff situated? I agree it’s not the hospital staffs job to it. They have enough to do on their shift.
I know you're scared of not knowing what's next but when I was in the hospital I kept asking to see a doctor. It also helps if someone on the outside (family or friend, in the USA they ask for you to make a list of people who the doctor can share your personal information with) calls and asks about your plan. I know there's a lot of patients in there but when family gets involved & calls they'll know you're willing and ready to start working on the issues. Please don't give up! Take a deep breath and know you're in good hands. We will pray for you as well. You are loved my friend ❤ Lots of love & hugs.
I've been watching this channel for nearly a year and I see an adult woman who is - of course very sick and I don't negate that fact - but also capricious, demanding and behaving like a child. The world doesn't revolve around you, Lique. Anything happens you are not satisfied, so what exactly should happen to satisfy you?
That's literally part of Anorexia - it's the reason there is almost no workable treatment for severe/enduring cases available worldwide. At least some of you are getting a lesson into this insidious disease. Too bad you aren't realizing it.
That level of emaciation makes you very childlike as your brain is working on reduced levels of nutrition..it is reversible if adequate nutrition and weight gain occurs..as a severe enduring case I overcame a similiar level of emaciation but with ongoing medical issues to deal with everyday
I'm noticing it's is childlike behaviour too. Like wanting to be treated like a baby. And going in moods about things that are simply not worth it.
@@rowenawilson2323 I noticed this very childlike behavior also...
Not coping emotionally gets worse the lower your weight goes..she isn’t trying to be like this, it’s a byproduct of starvation and emaciation…thinking becomes chaotic and small things seem unmanageable
Hello Angelique, It's so great to hear from you! 😊 First let's look at the positive things. 1) The nurses have been kind to you. 2) You don't have whatever that poor girl in the next room has. 3) You have an online support group (us) that love you and care about you. 4) You are eating! Yay! Keep it up girl. God is healing you! I really believe you are going to get better. You've gotten through the first week and you know where you're going to be for at least the next six months so that's one less thing to worry about. 5) You are still relatively young. That means your body is more capable of healing itself. Okay - those are things to be grateful for. Now I have a Question. Are you allowed to put posters on your walls? I looked at your room and all those bare walls and I thought to myself Oh My God! All that beautiful Dutch Art and not one piece of poster art on your walls? Even I would be depressed and scared if I had to look at those bare walls all day!!! Where are the Vermeers and Rembrandts and Van Gogh, de Koonings, Kalf's, the Brueghels (Younger's and Elder's) Mondrians and of course Rachel Ruysch Paintings? Or even just paintings or cheerful posters from your friends? You know that Vermeer exhibit I told you about is Big, Big, Big News in the United States. I really wish you could go see it. Remember I told you at that exhibition of Dutch Still Lives I saw at the Amon Carter Museum in Fort Worth that just blew me away? I know you said you also love Dutch Art. 🎨🖼🖌🪟Where are the vases of tulips by your bedside?💐 You know tulip bulb's are still big business in the Netherlands. They even have this huge harvesting machine for bulb's that they then ship around the world.🌷🌷🌷 You need to be surrounded by the incredible beauty of your Dutch Heritage! It's wonderful and beautiful and to be appreciated just like you my dear little sister.⭐ 🎉🌟🍰🌞🍬🌤🍫🎊🍭🫖🍧🧁💖💝💖💝💖💝😇🙏
About number 4. She's been there for only 2 days and hasn't signed the papers yet. So the question now is: will she stay or leave? Because there is no other alternative left.
Wasn’t the whole plan for this time ? That she was “committed “ so she cousin t just leave again ? Was she not telling the truth ?
@@marjol3in I vote for stay. Six months in one place without having to move around and having help to shower and go to the bathroom etc. Plus, this is something she has not tried before. But I do think she needs to decorate the space a little bit to make it more cheerful and home-like. Her friends and family can help her with that. Maybe Angelique can give us her mailing address to send little get-well cards and gifts...
@@lauramcclain8651 I thought the plan was that she cannot leave as well, so involuntary hold. But she has said under one of the comments here that she hasn’t signed them yet. I was confused by that as well!
❤ Dear Lique, Very glad to see you, strong girl. This is the disease & anxiety talking, they don't want to let go of you. The hypos will happen, now you're in their care, the staff knows what to do, EVEN THOUGH it might feel wrong to you, dear.
⛑️ The Plan is already in place, they're following it. You're going through one the TOUGHEST parts right now... But strengthening you is #1. Your brain & body need to heal, time & patience, (Ugh, As a fellow Leo, not our forte!) we're here with you Lique. ❤️ Look how strong you are!! You're at this moment, yet you updated us.. Takes alot of guts & heart to do that. Give yourself some credit, you made it there! But, did you say it's only for a few days ? Please stay, Lique - There's no other way 🙏
😊 Very glad you made this for us, I hope you feel our love, prayers & support through the heartwaves. ❤
I know it's scary but it seems like you find something wrong with every place you go to. You have to stick it out this time because if you check out again I'm worried for you. You're not happy at home and you're not happy in any of the facilities. Take control, you can do it.
You need to let go of the negativity and control. This is your bottom. Please take the help and get well. It is most likely your last chance. Prayers for strength for you dear.
Please Lique this time stay. This is your very last chance and your only hope. Don’t let your mental illness win any more.
You will be okay Lique. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you will be. It's amazing that you made it to the clinic and there are staff around to help you now. You say you don't know what to do, but there's not much you need to do: eat when you can, ask staff for help, and wait for the doctor's plan. It's likely scary that there isn't much you can *do* because now you have to let go and let your body and life be restored by others, which your ED won't want... But this is a good thing. It's what you need and you know that, deep inside somewhere.
You are safe now in the clinic. You already won the fight of getting there 💕
You have to remember you have been dealing with this your WHOLE life. The need in women's minds to be skinny is just exhausting. I can't say I've been in ur shoes because I haven't but I am a recovering addict. Some of the staff may be wondering if this is really what you want. You have to fight for it. Be strong. I'm still confused as to why there are no inpatient treatment centers there for ED. You have to remember there are other patients there and they told you what was in store before you came. I wish so badly that you would not have restricted yourself over the years from food. You have to fight and be strong! Keep reminding yourself how strong you are!!!! You got this!!!! And u are going to be ok!!!!🙏🙏🙏🙏
They will get you straightened out. Have faith. Don’t worry that you don’t know the plan. Be willing to let someone else be in control. It’s scary, but it sounds like at least you have someone who cares enough to try and help you. Allow them to help. I know you are strong. Let go and let God guide the clinic staff. He will not let you down. Trust in Him. Embrace change as a good thing. You can do this.
I want to tell you something that you can actually use psychologically to help yourself. There's a lot of sympathy here and a lot of advice. I'm going to give you some information on something that you still control because I know you are in a situation you don't control and control is very important to you.
Whatever we focus on and whatever we put our attention on will grow and get bigger. When you focus on the negative about what is bad and what is not working and what is scaring yo,u those thoughts will make those feelings get bigger and bigger. Even in your desperate situation where you truly do not control what you wish you could, and you feel you're not getting the help that you feel you need, you still have awareness and control over your own thoughts and what you choose to focus on.
The importance of focusing on what is good and what is working (no matter how small or how little) is the key to hope in your situation. In each moment or each event that you experience in the future it is best for you if you can find even./just one positive thing in it and choose to focus on that one positive thing for as long as you can. And if your mind travels to frightening places... to all the places that you just described, to all the things that didn't work, to all the bad and to all the disappointment and to all the fear and your mind will because that's what minds do, they are only trying to protect us by alerting to us constantly about what is wrong when your mind does that acknowledge it and say to yourself; I see that and I feel bad but in this moment I'm going to choose to find and focus on one good thing (no matter how small).
For example, the woman who was screaming next door. Yes, that was horrible and disturbing to hear and the nurses were also not available to you during that time, but instead choose to focus on the fact that the woman was luckily receiving help and that you are in a place where nurses exist and at some point later they will also have time for you. This is your one good thing focus. This is your gratitude.
Great advice for all of us
Great words!
This is the best advice. Be grateful. When we are grateful, those who are serving us (which is what the staff and nurses are doing) respond to this. You will develop a better and better relationship with them.
You are in a better situation than home alone ❤. You are very scared now because it’s different and difficult to adjust to. Also you have given up control, which is a good thing for now. Let them control for a bit until you are healthier. 🙏🙏🙏
I know it’s overwhelming, but your in a safe environment now. Believe in the process. Everything eventually does fall into place. Day by day, minute by minute second by second. I know you’re scared, I’m also scared to death of hypos. But they do end eventually. The plan is try to eat whatever you can, the whole thing is to get food into your body. Every mouthful is a step in the right direction. Love you sweetheart, you can and will beat this. We’re both in this together☀️🥰❤️🙏🤞
This is your life. You and only you are responsible for it.. You get one chance in life, live it or play the victim and roll over. The world does not owe you a living, you have to get it for yourself. The plan is eat. stop feeling sorry for yourself, get stronger and live your life......if that is what you want. Yes you will feel nauseous, that's the reality, it is the same for everyone. You have to suck it up. Hard as it is you need to stop focusing on the negatives and be positive. That is your choice. If you want to get better then you can, so I wish you well.
The fact that she is getting typos shows she is not eating enough of the right foods. Ask for antiemetic medication if nauseous.
You don't have to have a plan. That's the ED talking. You just got there, and there's no instant cure. Fear is normal. Be brave. You're working your faith. 🙏❤
Dear Lique,
I am hearing my own words coming from your mouth but for different reasons. I have become very immobile and I have many competing physical issues from my pain disorder and I tell my doctors that I have lost myself and I am afraid that I will never be myself again. I understand the concept of operating from a place of fear. It is paralyzing. My friend’s 87 year old mother is a therapist- she doesn’t officially practice anymore but she taught me a wonderful quote. She said when you are paralyzed with fear and you feel like there’s too much going on and you feel like you are struggling, you need to do what you would do if you were stranded in the ocean. You will wear yourself out fighting against the current m you just need to get on your back and float.
I understand your fear but try to turn off your mind and don’t keep worrying about a specific plan. You just have to go from one minute to the next. One meal to the next. I understand it would be ideal to have everything laid out neatly for you. But that’s often not the way life works. You know that. The ED is about having a sense of control but it’s really being out of control.
And with God, he is in control. You talk about your higher power so just remind yourself that no matter how you are feeling, God is in control of this situation and He brought you to this clinic and you just have to get through each day. You are going to need to retrain your body to understand how to digest foods. But it will happen little by little. Just commit to doing your best every day and trust in the process.
And try to tell yourself that this whole situation is being guided even if you are feeling scared. Fear is a feeling but remind yourself that you are as safe as possible at this clinic and although you may feel alone, we are all thinking of you and sending love and prayers to you.
Stay calm and try to let go, let God.
Bless you,
Abby
Abby, I so relate to this. I'm sorry you're dealing with pain and the voices of fear ("I'll never be ok") -- but glad you know that you're trying to embrace "Let go and let God." and floating as best you can. - I'm sending you a big hug. Don't forget - doctors (or our brains!) don't know everything - and bodies are miraculous. I hope you feel better ❤🙏
Lique,please just concentrate on calm breathing and eating whatever you can.Having been in your shoes I know the panic/ nausea/ fear/ desperation and exhaustion.Looking back I know it was about control and feeling incredibly vulnerable. Please...breath...let the terror come but release it.Find a focal point in the room...and just breath..Distract yourself with quiet music on your phone if necessary. I know places like this can be chaotic & loud. I am holding you in my heart💖💓Hang in there xxx
Oh no, none of the foods and drinks that were brought to you and that you so desperately needed actually ended up in or staying in your body, and this was everybody’s fault but yours. Right…
Your anorexia fears recovery not YOU, Lique. God has called you by name and has a plan for you, to prosper and be well. You already know that since I heard it from you as well. Not giving advice, but meds for nausea and to help you relax might be good. Also, having drink and snack at all times within arms reach is helpful. Having things prepared and available before hypo and eating slowly ALL DAY might be the key in your early stage recovery. Don't forget the adult Lique is caring for you as well. Prayers sent and a stern voice to encourage you to step up young woman!
Remember that back at your friend's, you were all the way alone. And now you're not!!
She's complaining no one has discussed a plan, but she said herself before going in to this clinic that she would need to order, prepare and eat her own food, and that the clinic would give some supportive care such as ordering blood work. So she already knew that was the plan.
it is totally absurd to put severe anorexic patient in clinic that is not able to make fully comitment to her food aspect...bc its literally main problem in anorexia.Prepare her own food? Really? She is in wrong place.
@@blueaqua9300 Of course she is in the wrong place. But the point is that she IS in a place and that's better than staying with friends and waiting to die.
This is the last option that she has. Better to have something than nothing at all.
@@blueaqua9300 well that’s the price she has to pay for leaving places more fitted to help her
@@blueaqua9300 Yes, she absolutely is in the wrong place. The clinic acknowledged this and did not want to take her. Angelique used the court system to force this clinic to accept her. But the clinic told Angelique ahead of time that they could not help her her eating disorder as that was not their area of expertise.
@@da4441 Use court system to force clinic to accpet her? Severe anorexic patient force someone to help her not to die?
It will take some time to settle in and for the staff to get to know you and your needs. Please try to sit with the uncertainty…people around you will be working on a plan…it’s time to have faith now and believe in others and take the steps you can until you can meet with the doctor…you don’t need to know every step you just need to focus on the next meal and get the nourishment. It’s understandable you feel fear and uncertainty being in a new environment…try to show yourself some compassion by acknowledging those big emotions..say “yes I feel fear right now because it’s a new situation but soon I will know people and start getting the care I fought so hard for..you are just in the settling in period and everyone finds the first five to seven days very difficult. Have faith the care you need will happen..it might take some time to sort but like you said there was one nice nurse that helped..so try to believe you will have more positive experiences in the future rather than investing in your negative mindset
Lique you have had to be hyper vigilant for so so very long. These people are here to help you. You have got somewhere safe and now your mind will not let you relax.
Talk to yourself as if you were another person. Step to the side and give yourself good counsel.
Hypoglycemia sucks- it runs in my family- but it messes with your mind! You cannot believe anything your brain tries to tell you when you’re hypo.
Now is the time to surrender. I know it’s hard! But now is the time to accept help. ❤
We Love you so much ❤
We are praying for the best outcomes that only God can bring, and he is!! Keep the FAITH XOX
Wat moeilijk dat je je zo bang en hulpeloos en wanhopig voelt. Om dan woorden te vinden die je kracht geven zonder dat ze leeg klinken of leeg zijn is heel erg lastig, die zijn er soms niet. Ik bid voor bescherming voor je leven en dat degene die Hoop is, deze woorden tegen jou spreekt. En dat Hij, samen met jou en het medische team, jou op een lichtere en gezondere plek in je leven krijgt. Zolang er Hoop is, is er leven. Ik denk aan jou en bid voor je ❤
Hey Lique, it's good to see you. I can imagine how frightened you feel. I hope you have a good chat with your doctor soon. In the meantime your plan of dividing up meals and eating more often, that sounds perfect. Great for keeping your blood sugars more level and easier for your tummy to digest. Hang in there, kia kaha. Sending love from New Zealand xx