Yes, I heard it. When she mention beauty and the beast, I knew she was an adult woman living a child’s fantasy of love...perfect attitude to be swindled.
For sure, woman's "fantasy" ideas of love create the perfect scenario to be taken advantage of in so many ways. So hard to deprogram this stuff from childhood too because it is so engrained from movies, to songs to how people talk to children about love.
I'm glad you're saying it Women gotta know its dangerous to just run with emotions and fantasy... The world is not a joke... Can cost u everything including ur life
She was on the plane as fast as he was snapping his fingers... She didn't hesitate once. Why? Because the guy "was loaded". When he said: I was a prisoner in South Africa, but I wasn't guilty... She ignored that and believed him... When he said, "I have enemies". She ignored that. It's like going out with El Chapo and believing that everything is legit and business as usual.
i agree... these women brought it onto themselves, its obvious they are were looking for a "lifestyle" versus real love, and they paid the consequence. Problem 1#. Those women really thought a mutli-millionaire diamond dealer would be on tinder looking for a woman lol... Men loaded like that mingle in certain circles and have access to plenty of women. He would have no need to be on tinder
@Dhi Mancini but she wasn't really his girlfriend. The whole thing from start to finish only went on for a month mostly online. She was willingly living in a fantasy he created for her
I love how the first woman ALREADY makes herself a fool by explaining that Disney teaches her love. Mind you in that this is within the first 5 minutes. The first 5 minutes.😑
@@kennyweiss Kenny, with all do respect, this was a documentary and that line at the beginning was meant for a narrative arc. What you are doing here is victim shaming and it is gross no matter what colour your blazer is. Do you have a license to be practicing anything? Probably not because you would have had to study ethics and what you are doing in this video is pretty misogynist and gross. All these women are probably well aware of the dynamics now and if you weren't victim blaming then why are all of your comments doing so? This video is iatrogenic and gross.
This is why when I talk about my ex I make sure to mention that I allowed his treatment or behavior, until I “woke up”. I always hold myself accountable for what happens to me when I’m aware of it. And it’s another reason why my children will never watch Disney movies or read the books. And not to mention Disney anything is banned in child care for the reasons that it teaches victim vs villain and false romance.
Yes this is true. I definitely grew up watching them all and thought hat was how life was going to be. It was embedded in my mind, I thought I’d be saved and life should go this way. I was wrong and swindled because of this. But thank goodness I woke up and learned. This man is not lying. Learned behavior is no joke. Take care every one.
Yes maam. Us men never understood how women allowed men to do the things they complained about. A man is abusive, we say leave, but then the excuses come about emotional roller coaster.
@@KNByam I can appreciate your sentiment but my belief is that both people play equal and different roles. In other words, they both share responsibility. I also want to make clear that at least in this case, with this man, he was consciously aware of how he was hurting others. The women, because we’ve never taught how any of this works, we’re not consciously aware that they were playing an active part. To me, that is a big distinction. That’s why I did the video. I’m trying to educate all sides because if the women knew how this worked, that would be their protection against getting sucked into a dynamic like this.
I always wondered why so many young adult women are obsessed with Disney. The Tinder Swindler finally made it click. There are so many women that have not grown up. They pass up all the guy hoping to some day meet their prince charming.
Yes, our culture creates an emotional set that is looking for a fantasy. It is a conditioned emotional response that we all get to decide if we want to admit, face, address and heal from?
@@anagcbr8636 true. Just as women are seduced by a man with his wealth, men can be had and seduced by a woman via her looks. Looks or money… which is more shallow?
@@anagcbr8636 A more apt comparison would be John Wick. We would all like to see ourselves as that character. It’s romantic nonsense. Or Jackie Chan movies.
I watched the documentary today. I couldn’t believe the decisions these women were making. I thought about your videos and noticed the traits of codependency in each woman. Wow!
I watched Tinder Swindler this week & know I'm nearly recovered from my recent narcissist relationship because as soon as I saw him..knew/sensed immediately he was a narcissist because of his eyes..cold & empty & you described them perfectly. Reading your book currently & it's helping me tremendously- thank you🙏
You are very welcome! I hope that as you learn more about how The Worst Day Cycle works, you are noticing how relationships like this and life, in general, make sense now?
But if you find so called 'nice' or 'normal' guys NOT interesting, then you will tend to want another narcissist person, just wrapped in a different package......So you have to realize 'nice' and 'normal' are actually the TRUE winners out there and not the Disney nonsense...
What cold and empty eyes? The way he so flagrantly displayed all his supposed riches is proof enough and a major turn off. These women was not turned off by such ostentatious peacockesque displays, which also tell me a lot about their motivations.
@@PungiFungi for me it goes deeper. If a person can’t recognize that somebody else is a predator, it’s because as a child they grew up in a dysfunctional home and that dysfunction became normalized. Therefore they are actually looking for a predator, they are most comfortable with a predator and that’s why they won’t see those eyes as cold and empty. They will see those eyes as sexy and they will feel like home when they look into them. That’s why it’s so important we all developer Emotional Mastery and heal the pain from our past
She was head over heels about his appearance, you can tell that. Her eyes nearly bulging out when she talks about his apparent wealth, his business and status, , his Gucci sweaters and Prada socks. She thought she nailed a big game. She would not think of saving some broke drug addict or petty criminal, I guess. And the other one, I wondered if she thought of herself as a Champagne fly, like she thought of the other girls.
@@blippypippy8167 She shouldn’t. But a woman with a saviour complex would. I am giving a contra argument against his claim that she was looking for a man to save.
@@yellowbears1 women should not be shamed for being hypergamous. That's just how they are designed. It's the same way that men should not be shamed for being attracted to women who are youthful; that's just how we are. Obviously, women should still be held accountable when making emotional decisions, void of rationale, and trying to play victim after the fact.
@@johnhenrey8964 Yes, our brain and body do become addicted to our unhealed self-sabotaging emotions. That is why ALL depression medications test nearly the exact same as a sugar pill. They don't actually help, we just believe the white coats so we manufacture the feeling that they are helping us.
@@kennyweiss they never helped me. They just made me gain weight and made my head numb to everything. Once I finally realized, I stopped trusting the doctor and weaned myself off of them. I wish I would have realized much sooner.
I learned bad living thoughts with Spanish novelas! I grew up watching these novelas where the main character is poor, innocents and has to go through turmoil, living hell, to get the man she loves. I lived that life and went through unnecessary hell for lack of wisdom and no parent support. Now, as an adult, I refuse to continue to think and live that kind of life. Thank you for your loving knowledge and support you give. I continue to gain positive vibes thanks to people like you who share your information. 💚 Happily subscribed to your channel💚
I’m really happy to hear that you’re letting go of all of those childhood messages that were destructive. And thank you for subscribing. I really appreciate your trust😁
I used to watch those with my Grandma 😂 good memories , just the stories were terrible for a naive mind. They normalize being a doormat or being a victim, competing for a man against ‘enemies’.
This was a very informative and balanced video. Well done! It is true that the swindler should face consequences for his actions, but everyone should also try to smarten up and protect themselves from falling victim to these scams as well.
As an ex over giver you hit the nail on the head. Over Giving is absolutely a shame wound response. I was full of resentment and it took me years to figure out why. I subconsciously over gave in exchange for loyalty and validation in short term, In long term, I expected at least the ball park of reciprocation of what i was giving. If the receiver wasn’t giving me what I felt I deserved I continued to grow resentment until I couldn’t take it anymore and would cut them off cold turkey. (In which they never did-they were takers so it was the same result every time) I lead the start of all relationships/friendships with over giving which attracts toxic ppl (chronic takers) and makes healthy ppl run for the hills. A vicious cycle i continued until I went on a self healing journey at 30. I realized I was just as toxic as the taker but in a different way. In hindsight, it’s not ridiculous to expect the same energy back you put in, the issue lies that you started the relationship from a place of low self worth, over giving and not expecting the same back immediately, just hoping and praying that the person will do the right thing (bc you would and you’re projecting) & see your worth from all the giving you did and reciprocate when they’re not capable of that and never were bc they’re takers with low self esteem themselves. You didn’t require it in the beginning, that’s why they leeched on to you. You believed you had to give and prove yourself to be worthy of receiving. It’s a terrible investment. You delusionally believe if you invest in others first it will make them invest back into you, giving you the validation and feeling of worthiness you’re looking for. This is not how it works at all. Instead of seeing you a generous, kind person they see you as a fool that’s easy to take advantage of. (Not 1 person I ever “invested” in gave me even a quarter back of what I did for them) Healthy ppl with healthy self esteem don’t lead by over giving. They establish boundaries and expectations immediately and allow ppl to prove themselves to them over time then give accordingly.
THANK YOU........finally someone who get's it. She will end up a 50 year old woman......complaining that there are "no good guys out there"....meanwhile she will have passed over hundreds of great guys to sleep with dozens of assholes, and then blame society.
@TJ her first date with the guy she got on a plane and went to a different country with this stranger and his child and the mother of his child. If she was 18, I'd understand since she would be young and naive, but at 28-29 she's just dumb and asking to be taken advantage of. I don't have any sympathy for her or girls like her. Giving her sympathy enables other women to make bad decisions, which actually doesn't help them. A little bit of shame can go a long way
@@tjhookit honestly if a woman told me about that I wouldn't date her past that story. The shame was she was a very pretty girl so she really could of had a pick of men to choose from
She’s definitely to blame. She also sold herself short- sex on the first date, going on a private plane and meeting in a hotel. She is lucky she wasn’t sold into trafficking
What a gem 💎 of a channel!!! I’m truly happy you brought up this perspective. No one ever wants to take responsibility of their participation. When you’re a victim in a situation, you’re likely to fall into the same situation again.
I’m a personal development coach and this is so good. I don’t work in the field of rewiring the brain from emotional trauma as I work in performance coaching but this could be another tool for my tool box. I do have to remind my clients that if they don’t complete something or take action that it’s a shame free environment with no judgement. I knew the Disney fairytale played a major role in the first Lady being scammed and your breakdown of it made complete sense. When I saw the documentary a couple weeks ago and she mentioned Disney, I immediately judged her because I knew it was game over from there. I have a bit more understanding of her “why” now and hopefully more people will get away from the saviour love addicted complex and move towards healthy attraction .👊🏾
But in Disney, no poor girl gives money to billionaires. The poor girl is just wanting marriage and a happily ever after. In no Disney story do you see a girl sleeping with the guy on the first date , or being a feminist bragging about sleeping with many guys… I think these women were acting desperate and they’re lucky they didn’t get trafficked or worse.
Thank you Cedric and yes, developing these techniques for performance is vital. Unfortunately most people don’t recognize that we feel before we think and so one of the gaps in performance coaching is they try to make everything cognition-based. We now know through MRI that we always have a feeling before we have a thought. So if we’re neglecting a clients emotional mastery development, we are limiting their potential.
Thank you so much for this video. I have been working on learning about emotional mastery as soon as I realised I came from a narcissistic household where I was “the golden” child but still dealt with enormous neglect when my parents separated. I got severely depressed 5 years ago and started going to therapy. Which helped me realising I was mimicking some of my parents behaviours in relationships and I had trouble regulating my emotions due to all the unhealed trauma. Your videos have been helping me to not only identifying the role I play in unhealthy relationships but also how to take responsibility and create change. So again, thank you so much. May God bless and protect you!!
What a beautiful message I’m so happy for you. And I love your authenticity and honesty with yourself for being perfectly imperfect and sometimes hurtful to others. Not because you’re a bad person but because you’re human and you took the most important step we all need to take when we decide to heal. Focus on the part we played and our own recovery. When we can do that we are set free
You just preached,teached and educated me on my role in assisting the narcissist with my victim/power position, thank you ...I'm awaken now thank you Sir🙂
It is completely true that at 1st it seems counterintuitive to say that the victims did it to themselves. But once you hear the "why and how" behind it, it makes perfect sense. It is so shocking to realise we live in a society so well advanced in scientific knowledge but a 1000 times far behind in emotional knowledge and control. This knowledge to me is THE most important concept I have EVER heard in my whole life because it explains why every relationship in my live (including and most importantly the one I have with myself and in all my romatic relationships) have ended up with me falling for a narcissist. Learning that I am the other type of narcissist generates a feeling of shame (bc nobody wants to be described as one), but being aware of this is definitely a big step into redifining my beliefs. This is one of the best videos I have ever watched in my life! I thank you so much for making this information available to us! I admire your work and passion so much and finally restored my hope that I can fix this part of my subconscious mind that has been dictating my life in very deleterious ways.
You are so welcome and perfectly said. Our lack of emotional skills and tools is killing us all because it creates societal and individual systemic denial of truth. We don’t realize that we play an equal part in our troubles and we are creating our own self-destruction. Because of the lack of information and teaching everyone plays the victim and thinks the other person is the problem and that’s just not true. It’s not true scientifically. People don’t know that her brain and body actually repeats its unhealed trauma against itself no matter who you are. Therefore everyone is stuck in purgatory and as victims but we don’t have to be. We just have to make a choice to start talking about the things myself and others like myself talk about
This is the best video on RUclips that I have ever watched and I'm 60 plus years old. I grew up around and still live among drama queens. I detest it when people try to fix or save me when I don't need to be fixed.
Thank you xla. I hope it does. I would like more people to have the knowledge, skills and tools that society won't teach us and therefore it keeps us all in pain.
I have often believe victim blaming, grooming, etc etc are all terms to absolve people responsibility of their own stupid behavior. This guy was half decent looking. It was the illusion of his wealth that got them hook line and sinker.
You're doing a good job at delivering the scientific evidence in a compassionate way. I've been watching your videos and they're reinforcing some of the strategies I've been learning in counseling. Thank you for the content.
I clicked thinking this video would be boring like a sermon but I learned a lot. Thank you for sharing this kind of content. I'm definitely subscribing to this channel. Greetings from Peru. 🌸
Thank you for your 'The Tinder Swindler & How The WOMEN Conned Themselves' So good bringing back to the basics that our brain in the beginning give us the basic emotion of comfort or discomfort making time of our own healing & thank for your recommendation Lisa Feldman You aren't at the mercy of your emotions. Your brain creates them. Thank you Kenny
So refreshing hearing someone that can articulate opposing views on one sentence. “They were not to blame, but YET RESPONSIBLE” gotta have some intelligence to come in to term that you are actually liable. Thanks dude
You're nailing it Gonna check out your other stuff Always nice to see a dude that embraces his age and uses it to his advantage For men, life begins at 40, and it's refreshing to hear these things all of us need to hear but are being blocked from
It's sad that grown women are organizing their lives based on Disney films for children. I know women who think that Edward the vampire in the "Twilight" books is the ideal man, or Christian Grey in "50 Shades of Grey".
What I find even more sad is we don’t teach these basic relationship and life concepts that I talk about in my videos. Instead we teach how to live by fantasy. That’s why I don’t blame anyone they’re only doing what they know. Until we know better we can’t do better. That’s why I do all of this. For those who want to have more options in their life and not hurt as much I try to provide them with the knowledge, skills, and tools to learn and grow
This story "The Beauty and the Beast" looks to me like sexual abuse of an imprisoned girl. It was proven that Disney films have built in subliminal sexual images to imprint on children's brains adult perverted fantasies about sex.
I’m one of these women!!!! A complete idealist who was living in a fantasy world. I actually have rose-coloured glasses … this video is SO ESSENTIAL 👏🏿thank you for posting this incredibly insightful video. 🙏🏽
This is such a constructive video! When you begin the path of self reflection, it’s very important to recognize how we create our reality. As a mom, every day I’m triggered by my childhood experiences, and I catch myself repeating patterns. It’s a daily practice.
I like this straight talk! Hopefully it will help many potential victims, really appreciate you putting this out there! 2:00 Lisa Feldman - How emotions are made. The worst day cycle - Kenny Weiss. 4:25 Emotions are created by 3 things. 1) The physiology of your body. 5:40 2) The culture you're raised in. 6:39 3) Your childhood environment. What was modelled to you. So more difficult to see the red flags. 7:00, 19:00, 25:00
Big thank you Kenny for your sincere and wise videos. You’re gifting us your experience and education in this many other subjects. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
True, True True!...I must own my bullshit, question my own assumptions about love and life in general. It takes time, insight, and commitment to change.
You're so passionate for deciphering human behaviour!!! Jaja its so amusing to watch your content!!! A zest for living, learning and teaching, thanks for all these videos 🎉🎉🎉🎉
What i find interesting is that now, everyone that breaks up just says the “other” was a narcissist. Isn’t it interesting how all pf a sudden everyone is a narcissist even tho this disorder affects around 1% of the population in the last 50 years? (Yes actual number you can look it up) I believe whoever is calling the other a “narcissist” is very and highly likely just projecting the part of themselves they dislike the most.
@Noberto Gonzalez. You’re confusing narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism is different from NPD which is a disorder that can only be diagnosed by a professional. We can all occasionally display narcissistic traits e.g. being selfish, not considering others etc. Describing someone has a narc is no different than saying someone is shy, introverted or stubborn, but we don’t ever say that those words are overused.
Yes, you are right. And let me tell you it was one of the hardest things for me to do to admit that I have Narcissistic tendencies. But that is what saved and is saving my life.
@@moirabijker thank you for saying this and my respects to you for reflecting within yourself, certainly a daunting task. You are not alone, i also have many narcissistic tendencies, I’ve worked hard on fixing them and i think this kind of “work” will never end. Go through the pain and i hope we find the things that made us this way, the courage to face it and the love to fix it. I still find it hard to forgive my self for the harm i have caused but i am working on it and will get there someday. Love and light to you and thank you once more for your honesty. 🙏
That 1% only accounts for the Narcs who seek help/have been diagnosed. If you consider the fact that 99% of Narcs would not entertain treatment/therapy/behavioral change, it's worth acknowledging that '1%' is a highly conservative estimate and the real ## is much much much higher. Additionally, I think humans are a lot more perceptive than they used to be. Removing the constraints of religions allows for more freedom of thought. It's easy to con people in a capitalistic world, it's the conman's era.
Thank you for this great insight and please there’s no need to feel apologetic for coming across as victim shaming these women. Of course it’s their mistake and they went in on false hopes and hope they have learned from it. We only can learn from our mistakes rather than expecting people to pity us when we make mistakes. Delayed gratification is key and we have to exercise control and step back when things don’t add up.
This video is so powerful!! I’ve been obsessed with love since I was a little kid and the Disney princess movies made me search for that my entire life. I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t find it!
That is very common and I got caught up in that as well. It’s a hallmark of love addiction. There’s nothing wrong with you Rachel, you just experienced emotional injuries in your childhood and this became your way to try and sooth those injuries.
Wow! The power of the subconscious mind of a little girl 👧🏻 who was programmed to create a fantasy in order to keep her safe and survived whatever environment she had growing up with her parents. It all make sense. Now. It’s not our fault that we were hurt in the past. However, as adults, it’s our responsibility to heal our wounds from childhood to form safe, secure, stable and healthy relationships with everyone especially with men. Thank you for this analysis. 🙏🏼
Perfectly said that’s how it works for all of us. That’s the worst day cycle and that’s why we need emotional Mastery. If you think you can help others please share it
The Swindler could only do this in nordic countries. Why...you ask? They are feminist countries where they have no men guiding them. If they were to ask a man for guidance a man would laugh and tell them straight up "don't be a moron"
… 😂 wait this guys is brilliant, he found a topic that everyone is talking about, he uses a controversial title and even before starting talking about the subject that made you click on this video… he sells his book 🥂
You are fantastic. Exactly where I had arrived in my long years of reflexions. I will go ahead and pu4chase your book. Never enough help when it comes to unconscious tendencies droved by our conceprion of our universe as a result of childhood nature and nurture.. you are helping many people.. I would say men and women alike!!
It's like any of the bat and ball sports. If the batter is committed to a shot, they are easy to get out. Having any pre-written narrative in our head makes us easier to be manipulated. And that's probably true of every kind of relationship.
Instead of Disney Princess dross I grew up reading "Paper Bag Princess" (very empowering) by Robert Munsch & yet still allowed myself to get rather swindled (emotionally) ! Luckily the healing process is helping me uncover the reasons, be accountable & move forward without too many illusions. Onward ! *Really appreciate your work & offerings Mr. Weiss 🙏
Beauty. Beauty. Beauty. He knew it. I didn’t know it. I knew something was off. It costed my life. I keep myself happy saying that I kept my illusion alive. I still do to hold peace in my heart. If not, I will be lost is what I feel.
A very good topic mentioned in this video - both parties self absorbed and narcisistic: one believes he can take anything and get away, and the other believes she can be chosen without having anything to offer by "superman" from the rest women, why? Because she is special.
Thank you very much. I’m happy to hear that it resonated with you and helped you. And, I appreciate you sharing it with others so that more people can find the love and happiness that they deserve.👏😁
Why do men call them gold diggers? They were On tinder. Any woman will try and date a wealthy man… if that’s the case we are natural gold diggers. 🤣 if they were on some dating site only for rich men I get it but tinder 🤨🤨🤨 you’re just insecure of your finances.
It was too late by the time I realized that “ALL” of the “Love” came from me! I fell in love with my own reflection being mirrored back at me in the beginning. And by the end they sucked the life out of me through that mirror by projecting all of their guilt, shame and blame and ugly accusations onto me and then stealing my qualities and taking them out on the road and leaving me for dead! That was the lowest points that I learned to never allow them back in! Take away the mirror! No more reflections! No more projections! No more spotlights or gaslights! Just crickets and ghost!
I’m sad you experienced that and if I can gently remind you, all of the guilt shame and blame is a mirror also. That’s why we pick them. We want somebody to show us our own pain and the darkness inside of us that is screaming to be loved and forgiven. The mirror reflects both light and dark and the solution is to Drop out of denial and accept that their darkness is our darkness. We chose them so that we could Feel so much pain that it crushes our denial and forces us to do the work to heal it and ultimately forgive ourselves for it. If we choose not to do that and we continue to judge, blame and criticize them, we are walking away from the wisdom that we were seeking when we chose them!
@@kennyweiss It took being ALONE and AWAY from the NOISE to even begin to SEE that what you just said is the TRUTH! I was passed from one to another completely disconnected from REALITY! I feel like I have woke up from some kind of dream world or nightmare? Anyhow it’s like I never existed!! 👻 But I do! I am here!
WOW 😳 it was i Truly eye opening video. U truly make SENSE where b4 it was not an option to understanding what I was thinking and doing from it. Your words are very much appreciated. U Are helping me to heal finally 🌈🌻💯 Thank you 👍
Bringing the hard truths. Hoping you get more subscribers. This information is needed. A lot of the content around this topic does not challenge people to hold themselves accountable for their own emotions.
Excellent presentation. It explains why "EDMR" treatment is so successful in fixing trauma. It unravels the chain reaction that links back to when that trauma first happened.
Thanks Kenny. You made me watch tinder swindler. Totally agree, women's emotions and idea of prince charming (thats why i dont like disney princesses at all) gets them in trouble. Giving out money (1k, 5k, 10k, 25k or more) says a lot about that person, money doesnt equate to love. I have many friends who have been conned into giving money to ex bfs. My rule is this, unless you are married to that person, giving them 10 k is just plain stupid, most esp if you are just dating the person. Or like to movie Catch and release, Gray said unless you know the guys mothers last name, you really dont know the guy. Lesson learned for these women and I hope many will watch this show and learn from your logical and intelligent explanantions on our own behaviour, imperfectly perfect.
This is the type of video I was looking for! I will read that book, thanks for the reference. I didn't remember what she said about the Beauty and the Beast, when you read it I was like "ooh, she's doomed". It is a really interesting topic. I guess those girls and maybe everyone can spot those narcissists, she was looking for the beast after all, she saw a beast indeed and she was down for it.
Yes when you learn how emotions work and the worst day cycle which I talk about in my book, you will see that this dynamic plays out in every relationship not just these types of relationships. It is everywhere. It’s how people pick their careers, their hobbies their friendships literally every aspect of life is tied up in these two dynamics. It makes life incredibly simple to navigate and understand when you can see how emotions and the worst day cycle work together
That victim/savior complex is why a lot of people are a part of enforcing movements in society that they don't even understand fully. I don't want to say too much for risk of censorship but I've had to say about certain agendas as of late I don't need or want anyone to swoop in and save me from a situation they don't even understand in the first place. I have to watch how I say even that because to some people that can make me the bad guy.
She was looking for a lavish lifestyle because Narcs come poor too but she wanted the wealthy Narc so she got conned in return. Equal opportunity con artist. 🤣
That’s true. As soon as I heard her benchmark is Beauty & The Beast, I realises has problem. Because Beauty & The Beast had been the talk of the town few yeara back that from psychology POV, it’s not a healthy children’s movie. Yes, having Prince Charming to save the day is I think part of many women’s secret wish. Mine is Cinderella. True. Parents often unintentionally blame the child. Not clearly explaining it was the action the was wrong. Even when they cleary explain that it was the action that was wrong, like my mom did, she would then making a closing statement with sentence like “what a stupid child…do you think about it first before doing it?”. She said it with kind tone, but the words themselves is not good. My family is a big mess. Sometimes I think maybe it would be better for me to be alone. So I won’t pass down all the chaos in me to a child.
I told myself I was powerful enough to save another beast. Then walked away saying I couldn’t save the first one like I can save another. I used ask myself how on earth these swindler even think of conning me
Opportunists are people who see a chance to gain some advantage from a situation, often at the expense of ethics or morals. This is what these women are, and every video I've seen on the subject is that it isn't their fault and that is the problem.
Thnx, Kenny. I've been wondering about the role the "victim" must play in this dynamic. I've known the term "Narcissist" for only about 2 years. Now I know what I've been dealing with for 40+ years. Although we split up a few times, he always came back--- I thought it was because he loved me (the 1st few times). Plus I felt sorry for him & thought he would change. I would have been fine if he had stayed away. So for these last 2 yrs, I have hated myself for not knowing that he was a narc & would never change. I hated myself because I would have been happy to be alone & I wouldn't have felt sorry for him. I hated that everything he did that killed me inside, but he turned everything back on me. I never did anything to provoke him cause I was scared to, & he already was blaming me for doing everything he was doing. I knew he was abused by his parents& revered by a grandma. I didn't know to connect that with narcissism. I wasted a lot of yrs.
@@foreveryoung999 talking about in real life. And Inventing Anna isn't the exact same because she doesn't swindle multiple men. The Men actually all caught on very quickly to Anna's scandal. The women in the show all swindled themselves the same way they did in the swindler doc.
Wow! This is so exciting to hear someone else validate what I’ve been learning!! We all know that the narcissist acts like they think that they are the God of the universe! But what a humbling experience to realize that I was running around thinking I was the Holy Ghost Junior that could save the world!! I agree wholeheartedly with what you’re saying! The only difference is we know that we are NOT God and that we don’t want to be God! I am very sorry for that and I repent! I need God! I think that’s why we get such a smack down off the throne! 😂 I am so GLAD to NOT be RESPONSIBLE for the weight of the world anymore!
Precisely. Even though no one believes this is a good dude, this documentary is promoting abdication of responsibility for those who willingly chose to engage in behaviour none of their fathers would choose for them Just like a man who gets with a loose woman knows what he was doing, so did the women here. Transactional relationships come with understandings of what the nature of the relationship is. No one hires a hooker because they are seeking a wife. These women need to grow up and accept responsibility. This is not a man/woman thing. This is an ADULT thing.
I'm so glad I stuck it out and watched the whole video. I was with a woman who displayed these very characteristics. I couldn't quite pin down what was wrong with her. There seemed to be indicators of narcisissm, but she never really "used" me. She never asked for money, gifts or the like and the gaslighting was very covert. She was very keen on trying to "help" me while at the same time subjecting me to her constant musing about her judgmental parents and ex-boyfriends who she either couldn't "help" or were beyond redemption for a range of reasons. The part you left out is what happens when you deny these people that crucial God Complex they desire ro maintain. Needless to say, things get pretty testy when you try to pull them out of it. Suddendly, you're their newest abuser and they'll try to tear tou to shreads. Suddenly you're made to feel like a gasligher of some sort for trying to encourange them to do what's best for them... These people are dangerous. Possibly more than narcs because they are ability to convince you that they're good, well-meaning people is very convincing and can render their non-narc hosts "trauma-bonded" to them. You need to do a part two that discusses what happens when these people are pushed to the brink. They do some very strange things...
Wow. Out of all I have learned about narcissistic abuse, THIS video got right to the source of how I allowed myself to become embroiled with that sociopath...to fix him. Rather, pray him through to being fixed...i'm a Christian, you see. 🙄 I just learned about you today. I WILL be watching your videos, and bracing myself for what I'm in for. ☺️ Thank you.
"Man with 1000 Kids" is also interesting especially how most people connect someone being attractive as the equivalent as being a trusting, good person.
When the first woman slept with him on the first night after saying she only wanted a long term relationship. I just rolled my eyes. She is not self aware at all.
You are so right here, the god complex is real, and I thought I could “save” my former spouse, didn’t realize how awful that is to treat him like he’s an idiot, and I carried that thinking into my current marriage, but bless his heart, he stands up for himself!! He is the reason I am looking into why I do this. Because of your videos, I am working on my belief system, once I can identify the false beliefs, I can change them. I also want to attach my emotions to my behavior, I have been so detached for 50+ years that I really cannot describe.
That’s pretty common, that level of detachment because of how we are raised this video is a perfect example of how all of that happens to everyone of us. If you need help figuring all of that out and want to save yourself an incredible amount of time, for a limited time I am offering my complete emotional mastery method, all of my online master classes which teach you the full process that’s in my videos for only $47 a month. You can cancel anytime. Here’s the link if you’re interested in starting your journey thegreatnessu.com/p/the-complete-emotional-mastery-method
We grow up hearing : "Don't be judgemental", " Accept people the way they are", "Innocent until proven guilty ".... Now I do the total opposite... I'm judgemental: If it looks and smells bad, chances are it's bad. I don't Accept people the way they are if their actions are detrimental to my mental and physical well being ... and everyone is guilty until proven innocent. That alone keeps me out of a lot of trouble.
I FUCKIN LOVE THIS F++,KING GUY BRILLIANT! "He who knows not & knows he knows not is a student TEACH HIM !! "He who knows & knows he knows is a teacher FOLLOW HIM!!! "He who knows not & knows not he knows not is a fool!!! SHUN HIM!" BARRY KNOWS TRY
There is so much in this video. And I relate to all of it. Truly I just need to get a new story because being a victim sucks it's a stupid story and I am an intelligent woman. I am right in the middle of getting away from the fear of a Narc. I accept whatever is coming because it will show me who I am and what I believe about myself and the world. Even if this means I end up on the street. It might be an exciting thing to experience. Who knows. For real though...by meditating and coming into my body, I have done the most healing and helpful thing for myself. Thank you again for all this invaluable information.
You are very welcome. I would encourage you to learn how the worst day cycle keeps you repeating that behavior and the process I share to heal and grow out of it.
Yes, I heard it. When she mention beauty and the beast, I knew she was an adult woman living a child’s fantasy of love...perfect attitude to be swindled.
She hopped on a plane and flew to another country with a man she met online and barely knew anything about other than his profile.
For sure, woman's "fantasy" ideas of love create the perfect scenario to be taken advantage of in so many ways. So hard to deprogram this stuff from childhood too because it is so engrained from movies, to songs to how people talk to children about love.
@@Mumbasa10 50 Shades of Grey, Twilight, Beauty and the Beast and Movies with a Rich man who chooses the poor girl, Cinderella.
U got that part too..she wanted to believe in fantasy.... That's rough
Cecile was definitely living in Disney fairytale land
I'm glad you're saying it
Women gotta know its dangerous to just run with emotions and fantasy...
The world is not a joke... Can cost u everything including ur life
She was on the plane as fast as he was snapping his fingers... She didn't hesitate once. Why? Because the guy "was loaded". When he said: I was a prisoner in South Africa, but I wasn't guilty... She ignored that and believed him... When he said, "I have enemies". She ignored that. It's like going out with El Chapo and believing that everything is legit and business as usual.
There's no such thing as a millionaire who can't access his own money. Anyway you'd have to be crazy to run up huge debts for someone else
i agree... these women brought it onto themselves, its obvious they are were looking for a "lifestyle" versus real love, and they paid the consequence. Problem 1#. Those women really thought a mutli-millionaire diamond dealer would be on tinder looking for a woman lol... Men loaded like that mingle in certain circles and have access to plenty of women. He would have no need to be on tinder
@Dhi Mancini but she wasn't really his girlfriend. The whole thing from start to finish only went on for a month mostly online. She was willingly living in a fantasy he created for her
oh My
I love how the first woman ALREADY makes herself a fool by explaining that Disney teaches her love. Mind you in that this is within the first 5 minutes. The first 5 minutes.😑
Very powerful and sad that she was never taught how that set her up for the rest of her life.
@@kennyweiss Kenny, with all do respect, this was a documentary and that line at the beginning was meant for a narrative arc. What you are doing here is victim shaming and it is gross no matter what colour your blazer is. Do you have a license to be practicing anything? Probably not because you would have had to study ethics and what you are doing in this video is pretty misogynist and gross. All these women are probably well aware of the dynamics now and if you weren't victim blaming then why are all of your comments doing so? This video is iatrogenic and gross.
@@SW-jg7yh Thank you for sharing your reality
@@kennyweiss your blazers are very nice though!
@@SW-jg7yh thank you very much 😁
This is why when I talk about my ex I make sure to mention that I allowed his treatment or behavior, until I “woke up”. I always hold myself accountable for what happens to me when I’m aware of it. And it’s another reason why my children will never watch Disney movies or read the books. And not to mention Disney anything is banned in child care for the reasons that it teaches victim vs villain and false romance.
Perfectly and beautifully said
Yes this is true. I definitely grew up watching them all and thought hat was how life was going to be. It was embedded in my mind, I thought I’d be saved and life should go this way. I was wrong and swindled because of this. But thank goodness I woke up and learned. This man is not lying. Learned behavior is no joke. Take care every one.
Yes maam. Us men never understood how women allowed men to do the things they complained about. A man is abusive, we say leave, but then the excuses come about emotional roller coaster.
@@KNByam I can appreciate your sentiment but my belief is that both people play equal and different roles.
In other words, they both share responsibility.
I also want to make clear that at least in this case, with this man, he was consciously aware of how he was hurting others.
The women, because we’ve never taught how any of this works, we’re not consciously aware that they were playing an active part.
To me, that is a big distinction. That’s why I did the video. I’m trying to educate all sides because if the women knew how this worked, that would be their protection against getting sucked into a dynamic like this.
Exactly I'm with u on this....
I always wondered why so many young adult women are obsessed with Disney. The Tinder Swindler finally made it click. There are so many women that have not grown up. They pass up all the guy hoping to some day meet their prince charming.
Yes, our culture creates an emotional set that is looking for a fantasy. It is a conditioned emotional response that we all get to decide if we want to admit, face, address and heal from?
As much as men are obsessed with playboy 😂
@@anagcbr8636 true. Just as women are seduced by a man with his wealth, men can be had and seduced by a woman via her looks. Looks or money… which is more shallow?
@@anagcbr8636 A more apt comparison would be John Wick. We would all like to see ourselves as that character. It’s romantic nonsense. Or Jackie Chan movies.
Sadly he is just one of many men doing this, all age ranges are taken in both men and women.
I watched the documentary today. I couldn’t believe the decisions these women were making. I thought about your videos and noticed the traits of codependency in each woman. Wow!
I watched Tinder Swindler this week & know I'm nearly recovered from my recent narcissist relationship because as soon as I saw him..knew/sensed immediately he was a narcissist because of his eyes..cold & empty & you described them perfectly. Reading your book currently & it's helping me tremendously- thank you🙏
You are very welcome! I hope that as you learn more about how The Worst Day Cycle works, you are noticing how relationships like this and life, in general, make sense now?
But if you find so called 'nice' or 'normal' guys NOT interesting, then you will tend to want another narcissist person, just wrapped in a different package......So you have to realize 'nice' and 'normal' are actually the TRUE winners out there and not the Disney nonsense...
Lmao. Stop it
What cold and empty eyes? The way he so flagrantly displayed all his supposed riches is proof enough and a major turn off. These women was not turned off by such ostentatious peacockesque displays, which also tell me a lot about their motivations.
@@PungiFungi for me it goes deeper. If a person can’t recognize that somebody else is a predator, it’s because as a child they grew up in a dysfunctional home and that dysfunction became normalized. Therefore they are actually looking for a predator, they are most comfortable with a predator and that’s why they won’t see those eyes as cold and empty. They will see those eyes as sexy and they will feel like home when they look into them.
That’s why it’s so important we all developer Emotional Mastery and heal the pain from our past
She was head over heels about his appearance, you can tell that. Her eyes nearly bulging out when she talks about his apparent wealth, his business and status, , his Gucci sweaters and Prada socks. She thought she nailed a big game. She would not think of saving some broke drug addict or petty criminal, I guess. And the other one, I wondered if she thought of herself as a Champagne fly, like she thought of the other girls.
Women are shame for seeking hypergamy
Why should she seek a broke druggie or petty (or any kind of) criminal?
@@blippypippy8167 She shouldn’t. But a woman with a saviour complex would. I am giving a contra argument against his claim that she was looking for a man to save.
@@yellowbears1 women should not be shamed for being hypergamous. That's just how they are designed. It's the same way that men should not be shamed for being attracted to women who are youthful; that's just how we are.
Obviously, women should still be held accountable when making emotional decisions, void of rationale, and trying to play victim after the fact.
@RationalMinded I agree 👍🏾it just seems like more emphasis is placed on her being a "gold digger" than her stupidity.
The fact that she interprets nervousness as a good sign was what bothered me. Lots of bad things make you nervous!
Butterflies in the stomach equals love is what they say.
Anxiety is addictive. Swipe Right is like a hit from a Joe Biden Crack Pipe.
@@KNByam Yes and in fact, those butterflies indicate you are about to repeat your trauma history.
@@johnhenrey8964 Yes, our brain and body do become addicted to our unhealed self-sabotaging emotions. That is why ALL depression medications test nearly the exact same as a sugar pill. They don't actually help, we just believe the white coats so we manufacture the feeling that they are helping us.
@@kennyweiss they never helped me. They just made me gain weight and made my head numb to everything. Once I finally realized, I stopped trusting the doctor and weaned myself off of them. I wish I would have realized much sooner.
I learned bad living thoughts with Spanish novelas! I grew up watching these novelas where the main character is poor, innocents and has to go through turmoil, living hell, to get the man she loves. I lived that life and went through unnecessary hell for lack of wisdom and no parent support. Now, as an adult, I refuse to continue to think and live that kind of life. Thank you for your loving knowledge and support you give. I continue to gain positive vibes thanks to people like you who share your information. 💚 Happily subscribed to your channel💚
I’m really happy to hear that you’re letting go of all of those childhood messages that were destructive. And thank you for subscribing. I really appreciate your trust😁
Cinderella.
I used to watch those with my Grandma 😂 good memories , just the stories were terrible for a naive mind. They normalize being a doormat or being a victim, competing for a man against ‘enemies’.
Yes, the telenovelas 😆🤦♀️
Novelas are even worse fantasies 😂😂😂
As a woman, I can agree with everything you are stating in this video. You are wise beyond your years! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Azra, that’s very kind of you to say
wise beyond his years?? lol the man looks over 50... most men, if they have dealt with women enough, understand them by 30yos
I wasn’t going to watch this but you said: “conned themselves”. Suddenly, I couldn’t stop laughing
Exactly
This was a very informative and balanced video. Well done! It is true that the swindler should face consequences for his actions, but everyone should also try to smarten up and protect themselves from falling victim to these scams as well.
Thank you and yes, that was my goal. To point out that we all play a different but equal role in our relationship pain.
@@kennyweiss 👏👏👏👏👏
face consequences? simon is horrible but you can't jail a person for having bad morals
The women played themselves giving money and sex to a complete stranger
@@cheery-hex He was threatening to kill them and come after their family if they didn't pay the guy money. That is extortion and a punishable offense.
As an ex over giver you hit the nail on the head. Over Giving is absolutely a shame wound response. I was full of resentment and it took me years to figure out why. I subconsciously over gave in exchange for loyalty and validation in short term, In long term, I expected at least the ball park of reciprocation of what i was giving. If the receiver wasn’t giving me what I felt I deserved I continued to grow resentment until I couldn’t take it anymore and would cut them off cold turkey. (In which they never did-they were takers so it was the same result every time)
I lead the start of all relationships/friendships with over giving which attracts toxic ppl (chronic takers) and makes healthy ppl run for the hills. A vicious cycle i continued until I went on a self healing journey at 30.
I realized I was just as toxic as the taker but in a different way.
In hindsight, it’s not ridiculous to expect the same energy back you put in, the issue lies that you started the relationship from a place of low self worth, over giving and not expecting the same back immediately, just hoping and praying that the person will do the right thing (bc you would and you’re projecting) & see your worth from all the giving you did and reciprocate when they’re not capable of that and never were bc they’re takers with low self esteem themselves. You didn’t require it in the beginning, that’s why they leeched on to you. You believed you had to give and prove yourself to be worthy of receiving. It’s a terrible investment. You delusionally believe if you invest in others first it will make them invest back into you, giving you the validation and feeling of worthiness you’re looking for. This is not how it works at all. Instead of seeing you a generous, kind person they see you as a fool that’s easy to take advantage of. (Not 1 person I ever “invested” in gave me even a quarter back of what I did for them)
Healthy ppl with healthy self esteem don’t lead by over giving. They establish boundaries and expectations immediately and allow ppl to prove themselves to them over time then give accordingly.
You’re exactly right healthy people don’t over give👏👏
Thank you for this brilliant analysis I subscribe to it totally 👏🏾
She was on Tinder for 7 years. How many good guys did she reject or swindle herself in that time, and she's not to blame? Please
THANK YOU........finally someone who get's it.
She will end up a 50 year old woman......complaining that there are "no good guys out there"....meanwhile she will have passed over hundreds of great guys to sleep with dozens of assholes, and then blame society.
@TJ her first date with the guy she got on a plane and went to a different country with this stranger and his child and the mother of his child. If she was 18, I'd understand since she would be young and naive, but at 28-29 she's just dumb and asking to be taken advantage of. I don't have any sympathy for her or girls like her. Giving her sympathy enables other women to make bad decisions, which actually doesn't help them. A little bit of shame can go a long way
@@zeeski7454 Agree 100%
@@tjhookit honestly if a woman told me about that I wouldn't date her past that story. The shame was she was a very pretty girl so she really could of had a pick of men to choose from
She’s definitely to blame. She also sold herself short- sex on the first date, going on a private plane and meeting in a hotel. She is lucky she wasn’t sold into trafficking
What a gem 💎 of a channel!!! I’m truly happy you brought up this perspective. No one ever wants to take responsibility of their participation. When you’re a victim in a situation, you’re likely to fall into the same situation again.
Thank you I’m happy it resonated with you
I’m a personal development coach and this is so good. I don’t work in the field of rewiring the brain from emotional trauma as I work in performance coaching but this could be another tool for my tool box. I do have to remind my clients that if they don’t complete something or take action that it’s a shame free environment with no judgement. I knew the Disney fairytale played a major role in the first Lady being scammed and your breakdown of it made complete sense. When I saw the documentary a couple weeks ago and she mentioned Disney, I immediately judged her because I knew it was game over from there. I have a bit more understanding of her “why” now and hopefully more people will get away from the saviour love addicted complex and move towards healthy attraction .👊🏾
But in Disney, no poor girl gives money to billionaires. The poor girl is just wanting marriage and a happily ever after. In no Disney story do you see a girl sleeping with the guy on the first date , or being a feminist bragging about sleeping with many guys… I think these women were acting desperate and they’re lucky they didn’t get trafficked or worse.
Thank you Cedric and yes, developing these techniques for performance is vital.
Unfortunately most people don’t recognize that we feel before we think and so one of the gaps in performance coaching is they try to make everything cognition-based.
We now know through MRI that we always have a feeling before we have a thought. So if we’re neglecting a clients emotional mastery development, we are limiting their potential.
Thank you so much for this video. I have been working on learning about emotional mastery as soon as I realised I came from a narcissistic household where I was “the golden” child but still dealt with enormous neglect when my parents separated. I got severely depressed 5 years ago and started going to therapy. Which helped me realising I was mimicking some of my parents behaviours in relationships and I had trouble regulating my emotions due to all the unhealed trauma. Your videos have been helping me to not only identifying the role I play in unhealthy relationships but also how to take responsibility and create change. So again, thank you so much. May God bless and protect you!!
What a beautiful message I’m so happy for you. And I love your authenticity and honesty with yourself for being perfectly imperfect and sometimes hurtful to others. Not because you’re a bad person but because you’re human and you took the most important step we all need to take when we decide to heal. Focus on the part we played and our own recovery. When we can do that we are set free
You just preached,teached and educated me on my role in assisting the narcissist with my victim/power position, thank you ...I'm awaken now thank you Sir🙂
You're welcome. If you go to the playlist I suggest, you can learn more about how to see it more clearly in yourself and begin the healing.
@@kennyweiss ,Will do 🙂
Me too. I totally get it and I take responsibility.
@@moirabijker good for you 👏
Karpman Drama Triangle 😉
It is completely true that at 1st it seems counterintuitive to say that the victims did it to themselves. But once you hear the "why and how" behind it, it makes perfect sense. It is so shocking to realise we live in a society so well advanced in scientific knowledge but a 1000 times far behind in emotional knowledge and control. This knowledge to me is THE most important concept I have EVER heard in my whole life because it explains why every relationship in my live (including and most importantly the one I have with myself and in all my romatic relationships) have ended up with me falling for a narcissist. Learning that I am the other type of narcissist generates a feeling of shame (bc nobody wants to be described as one), but being aware of this is definitely a big step into redifining my beliefs.
This is one of the best videos I have ever watched in my life! I thank you so much for making this information available to us! I admire your work and passion so much and finally restored my hope that I can fix this part of my subconscious mind that has been dictating my life in very deleterious ways.
You are so welcome and perfectly said. Our lack of emotional skills and tools is killing us all because it creates societal and individual systemic denial of truth. We don’t realize that we play an equal part in our troubles and we are creating our own self-destruction.
Because of the lack of information and teaching everyone plays the victim and thinks the other person is the problem and that’s just not true. It’s not true scientifically. People don’t know that her brain and body actually repeats its unhealed trauma against itself no matter who you are. Therefore everyone is stuck in purgatory and as victims but we don’t have to be. We just have to make a choice to start talking about the things myself and others like myself talk about
I agree. I’m guilty of creating my own fantasies. I’ve learned it is best to deal with reality.
I agree😁
Childhood, society, and culture are right on the nose!
This is the best video on RUclips that I have ever watched and I'm 60 plus years old.
I grew up around and still live among drama queens.
I detest it when people try to fix or save me when I don't need to be fixed.
I really appreciate the depth and balance. Pure gold here!! Your channel is going to explode!!
Thank you xla. I hope it does. I would like more people to have the knowledge, skills and tools that society won't teach us and therefore it keeps us all in pain.
I have often believe victim blaming, grooming, etc etc are all terms to absolve people responsibility of their own stupid behavior. This guy was half decent looking. It was the illusion of his wealth that got them hook line and sinker.
🙌👍 I 1000% agree with what you wrote
I couldn’t agree more. They were all after his money. No such thing as a free lunch!
You're doing a good job at delivering the scientific evidence in a compassionate way. I've been watching your videos and they're reinforcing some of the strategies I've been learning in counseling. Thank you for the content.
Glad you like them and they have helped you!
I clicked thinking this video would be boring like a sermon but I learned a lot. Thank you for sharing this kind of content. I'm definitely subscribing to this channel. Greetings from Peru. 🌸
You're welcome. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for subscribing. 😁
Thank you for your
'The Tinder Swindler & How The WOMEN Conned Themselves'
So good bringing back to the basics that our brain in the beginning give us the basic emotion of comfort or discomfort making time of our own healing & thank for your recommendation Lisa Feldman You aren't at the mercy of your emotions. Your brain creates them. Thank you Kenny
You are very welcome
So refreshing hearing someone that can articulate opposing views on one sentence. “They were not to blame, but YET RESPONSIBLE” gotta have some intelligence to come in to term that you are actually liable. Thanks dude
You're nailing it
Gonna check out your other stuff
Always nice to see a dude that embraces his age and uses it to his advantage
For men, life begins at 40, and it's refreshing to hear these things all of us need to hear but are being blocked from
Thank you
Not only for men! 😎
It's sad that grown women are organizing their lives based on Disney films for children. I know women who think that Edward the vampire in the "Twilight" books is the ideal man, or Christian Grey in "50 Shades of Grey".
What I find even more sad is we don’t teach these basic relationship and life concepts that I talk about in my videos.
Instead we teach how to live by fantasy. That’s why I don’t blame anyone they’re only doing what they know. Until we know better we can’t do better. That’s why I do all of this. For those who want to have more options in their life and not hurt as much I try to provide them with the knowledge, skills, and tools to learn and grow
Yes, nordic women do that. Not all women
This story "The Beauty and the Beast" looks to me like sexual abuse of an imprisoned girl.
It was proven that Disney films have built in subliminal sexual images to imprint on children's brains adult perverted fantasies about sex.
I’m one of these women!!!! A complete idealist who was living in a fantasy world. I actually have rose-coloured glasses … this video is SO ESSENTIAL 👏🏿thank you for posting this incredibly insightful video. 🙏🏽
This is such a constructive video! When you begin the path of self reflection, it’s very important to recognize how we create our reality. As a mom, every day I’m triggered by my childhood experiences, and I catch myself repeating patterns. It’s a daily practice.
Perfectly sad, that’s what happens to all of us.
A book saved my dating life years ago: he's just not that into you.
Logic is love and love is logical.
Amen, we should not receive or expect praise for choosing to be a victim
The best and hardest thing in life is face yourself. Tell yourself the truth about yourself.
I like this straight talk! Hopefully it will help many potential victims, really appreciate you putting this out there! 2:00 Lisa Feldman - How emotions are made. The worst day cycle - Kenny Weiss. 4:25 Emotions are created by 3 things.
1) The physiology of your body. 5:40
2) The culture you're raised in. 6:39
3) Your childhood environment. What was modelled to you. So more difficult to see the red flags.
7:00, 19:00, 25:00
Thanks for the time stamps
Big thank you Kenny for your sincere and wise videos. You’re gifting us your experience and education in this many other subjects. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
True, True True!...I must own my bullshit, question my own assumptions about love and life in general. It takes time, insight, and commitment to change.
Well said
You're so passionate for deciphering human behaviour!!! Jaja its so amusing to watch your content!!! A zest for living, learning and teaching, thanks for all these videos 🎉🎉🎉🎉
What i find interesting is that now, everyone that breaks up just says the “other” was a narcissist. Isn’t it interesting how all pf a sudden everyone is a narcissist even tho this disorder affects around 1% of the population in the last 50 years? (Yes actual number you can look it up)
I believe whoever is calling the other a “narcissist” is very and highly likely just projecting the part of themselves they dislike the most.
Perfectly said Norberto 👏😁 in most cases, 99% that’s true
@Noberto Gonzalez. You’re confusing narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism is different from NPD which is a disorder that can only be diagnosed by a professional. We can all occasionally display narcissistic traits e.g. being selfish, not considering others etc.
Describing someone has a narc is no different than saying someone is shy, introverted or stubborn, but we don’t ever say that those words are overused.
Yes, you are right. And let me tell you it was one of the hardest things for me to do to admit that I have Narcissistic tendencies. But that is what saved and is saving my life.
@@moirabijker thank you for saying this and my respects to you for reflecting within yourself, certainly a daunting task. You are not alone, i also have many narcissistic tendencies, I’ve worked hard on fixing them and i think this kind of “work” will never end. Go through the pain and i hope we find the things that made us this way, the courage to face it and the love to fix it.
I still find it hard to forgive my self for the harm i have caused but i am working on it and will get there someday.
Love and light to you and thank you once more for your honesty. 🙏
That 1% only accounts for the Narcs who seek help/have been diagnosed. If you consider the fact that 99% of Narcs would not entertain treatment/therapy/behavioral change, it's worth acknowledging that '1%' is a highly conservative estimate and the real ## is much much much higher.
Additionally, I think humans are a lot more perceptive than they used to be. Removing the constraints of religions allows for more freedom of thought. It's easy to con people in a capitalistic world, it's the conman's era.
Just watched It on Netflix with my GF and she couldnt believe how dumb those girls were
Thank you for this great insight and please there’s no need to feel apologetic for coming across as victim shaming these women. Of course it’s their mistake and they went in on false hopes and hope they have learned from it. We only can learn from our mistakes rather than expecting people to pity us when we make mistakes. Delayed gratification is key and we have to exercise control and step back when things don’t add up.
Wow, Absolutely Brilliant Kenny! This came straight from your HEART ❤ Happy Valentines Day!
Thank you
This video is so powerful!! I’ve been obsessed with love since I was a little kid and the Disney princess movies made me search for that my entire life. I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t find it!
That is very common and I got caught up in that as well. It’s a hallmark of love addiction. There’s nothing wrong with you Rachel, you just experienced emotional injuries in your childhood and this became your way to try and sooth those injuries.
Wow! The power of the subconscious mind of a little girl 👧🏻 who was programmed to create a fantasy in order to keep her safe and survived whatever environment she had growing up with her parents.
It all make sense. Now.
It’s not our fault that we were hurt in the past. However, as adults, it’s our responsibility to heal our wounds from childhood to form safe, secure, stable and healthy relationships with everyone especially with men.
Thank you for this analysis. 🙏🏼
Perfectly said that’s how it works for all of us. That’s the worst day cycle and that’s why we need emotional Mastery. If you think you can help others please share it
The Swindler could only do this in nordic countries. Why...you ask? They are feminist countries where they have no men guiding them. If they were to ask a man for guidance a man would laugh and tell them straight up "don't be a moron"
Everyone is saying that. Even kids can see this women were gullible.
And senior citizens, I work with older people that get conned by younger people online..
This can never happen in Africa countries. The women will just abadon you if a man ask them for money.
@@bibaolaitan5189
Sure! They would have told Simon their own enemies were already at their doors!😅
… 😂 wait this guys is brilliant, he found a topic that everyone is talking about, he uses a controversial title and even before starting talking about the subject that made you click on this video… he sells his book 🥂
I totally like and agree with this guy's take on this situation.
Thank you Chelsea. I’m glad it resonated with you😁
@@kennyweiss you're welcome 😊
You are fantastic. Exactly where I had arrived in my long years of reflexions. I will go ahead and pu4chase your book. Never enough help when it comes to unconscious tendencies droved by our conceprion of our universe as a result of childhood nature and nurture.. you are helping many people.. I would say men and women alike!!
Thank you so much. That’s very kind of you and I’m really happy to hear that you feel what I talk about is helping you😁
It's like any of the bat and ball sports. If the batter is committed to a shot, they are easy to get out. Having any pre-written narrative in our head makes us easier to be manipulated. And that's probably true of every kind of relationship.
Instead of Disney Princess dross I grew up reading "Paper Bag Princess" (very empowering) by Robert Munsch & yet still allowed myself to get rather swindled (emotionally) ! Luckily the healing process is helping me uncover the reasons, be accountable & move forward without too many illusions. Onward ! *Really appreciate your work & offerings Mr. Weiss 🙏
You’re very welcome and I commend you for your courage to do the work to take ownership and heal
They were all chasing something and ultimately looking for an outside source to fill something missing.
To think all those women could not find a man in their physical vicinity to fill whatever needs they had.
I like the part on how emotions are created
Before things happen, especially in relationships, we already painted a picture in our minds how its supposed to go.
Love Bombing red flag ….how could a person tell you how crazy they are about you w
Hen they DONT KNOW YOU …when she was saying that it was frightening
Beauty. Beauty. Beauty. He knew it. I didn’t know it. I knew something was off. It costed my life. I keep myself happy saying that I kept my illusion alive. I still do to hold peace in my heart. If not, I will be lost is what I feel.
A very good topic mentioned in this video - both parties self absorbed and narcisistic: one believes he can take anything and get away, and the other believes she can be chosen without having anything to offer by "superman" from the rest women, why? Because she is special.
Well said .Excellent . Will attend , your ‘ Emotional mastery’ will share with family , friends etc
Thank you very much. I’m happy to hear that it resonated with you and helped you.
And, I appreciate you sharing it with others so that more people can find the love and happiness that they deserve.👏😁
Gold diggers looking for the easy score let themselves get conned.
Why do men call them gold diggers? They were
On tinder. Any woman will try and date a wealthy man… if that’s the case we are natural gold diggers. 🤣 if they were on some dating site only for rich men I get it but tinder 🤨🤨🤨 you’re just insecure of your finances.
That's what I was going to say.
These ladies maybe thought they were doing the swindling, but actually they were the ones swindled.
I always laugh when people call them golddiggers bc golddiggers would never give a man a dime
@@AFFTFOMSICHTS To con a con man is to let him think he going get pay in the end and all he has to do is put in little of his own money.
It was too late by the time I realized that “ALL” of the “Love” came from me! I fell in love with my own reflection being mirrored back at me in the beginning. And by the end they sucked the life out of me through that mirror by projecting all of their guilt, shame and blame and ugly accusations onto me and then stealing my qualities and taking them out on the road and leaving me for dead! That was the lowest points that I learned to never allow them back in! Take away the mirror! No more reflections! No more projections! No more spotlights or gaslights! Just crickets and ghost!
I’m sad you experienced that and if I can gently remind you, all of the guilt shame and blame is a mirror also.
That’s why we pick them. We want somebody to show us our own pain and the darkness inside of us that is screaming to be loved and forgiven.
The mirror reflects both light and dark and the solution is to Drop out of denial and accept that their darkness is our darkness.
We chose them so that we could Feel so much pain that it crushes our denial and forces us to do the work to heal it and ultimately forgive ourselves for it.
If we choose not to do that and we continue to judge, blame and criticize them, we are walking away from the wisdom that we were seeking when we chose them!
@@kennyweiss It took being ALONE and AWAY from the NOISE to even begin to SEE that what you just said is the TRUTH! I was passed from one to another completely disconnected from REALITY! I feel like I have woke up from some kind of dream world or nightmare? Anyhow it’s like I never existed!! 👻 But I do! I am here!
@@heatherlynn3438 Yes, I had the same experience so I know exactly what you’re feeling. :-)
WOW 😳 it was i Truly eye opening video. U truly make SENSE where b4 it was not an option to understanding what I was thinking and doing from it.
Your words are very much appreciated. U Are helping me to heal finally 🌈🌻💯
Thank you 👍
Rewatched this half a dozen times because it's really a wake up call...
Bringing the hard truths. Hoping you get more subscribers. This information is needed. A lot of the content around this topic does not challenge people to hold themselves accountable for their own emotions.
Thank you
This was extremely enlightening and most beneficial. I think I'm learning quite a lot. I appreciate it. Thank you so much 😊✨️
You are so welcome!
Good video. Watch till the end.A balanced analysis. "Don't judge a book by its cover" in its truest sense. 👍
Thank you Ken
Excellent presentation. It explains why "EDMR" treatment is so successful in fixing trauma. It unravels the chain reaction that links back to when that trauma first happened.
Thanks Kenny. You made me watch tinder swindler. Totally agree, women's emotions and idea of prince charming (thats why i dont like disney princesses at all) gets them in trouble. Giving out money (1k, 5k, 10k, 25k or more) says a lot about that person, money doesnt equate to love. I have many friends who have been conned into giving money to ex bfs. My rule is this, unless you are married to that person, giving them 10 k is just plain stupid, most esp if you are just dating the person. Or like to movie Catch and release, Gray said unless you know the guys mothers last name, you really dont know the guy. Lesson learned for these women and I hope many will watch this show and learn from your logical and intelligent explanantions on our own behaviour, imperfectly perfect.
You are very welcome
This is the type of video I was looking for! I will read that book, thanks for the reference. I didn't remember what she said about the Beauty and the Beast, when you read it I was like "ooh, she's doomed". It is a really interesting topic. I guess those girls and maybe everyone can spot those narcissists, she was looking for the beast after all, she saw a beast indeed and she was down for it.
Yes when you learn how emotions work and the worst day cycle which I talk about in my book, you will see that this dynamic plays out in every relationship not just these types of relationships. It is everywhere. It’s how people pick their careers, their hobbies their friendships literally every aspect of life is tied up in these two dynamics. It makes life incredibly simple to navigate and understand when you can see how emotions and the worst day cycle work together
@@kennyweiss Thank you for your answer. I'll read both books, they sound really eye opening.
@@guaridadelabestia You are so welcome. I really appreciate your heart to dig deep and grow. That takes guts. Enjoy the journey. :-)
Well put together Kenny Weiss. Very helpful! Love what you have talk about. Thanks for sharing your topics. ❤
This is actually pretty Interesting and insightful
Thank you. I hope it was a help!
That victim/savior complex is why a lot of people are a part of enforcing movements in society that they don't even understand fully. I don't want to say too much for risk of censorship but I've had to say about certain agendas as of late I don't need or want anyone to swoop in and save me from a situation they don't even understand in the first place. I have to watch how I say even that because to some people that can make me the bad guy.
Yes I know what you mean I have to be careful in my videos because our society is promoting professional victimhood and denial
We don't know what we don't know. Great tie-in with the Tinder Swindler, Beauty & the Beast and the narcissist abuse.
She was looking for a lavish lifestyle because Narcs come poor too but she wanted the wealthy Narc so she got conned in return. Equal opportunity con artist. 🤣
That’s true. As soon as I heard her benchmark is Beauty & The Beast, I realises has problem. Because Beauty & The Beast had been the talk of the town few yeara back that from psychology POV, it’s not a healthy children’s movie.
Yes, having Prince Charming to save the day is I think part of many women’s secret wish.
Mine is Cinderella.
True. Parents often unintentionally blame the child. Not clearly explaining it was the action the was wrong. Even when they cleary explain that it was the action that was wrong, like my mom did, she would then making a closing statement with sentence like “what a stupid child…do you think about it first before doing it?”. She said it with kind tone, but the words themselves is not good.
My family is a big mess. Sometimes I think maybe it would be better for me to be alone. So I won’t pass down all the chaos in me to a child.
Cinderella for me too. It's just a hope for a better more loving life. Why can't we have a better more loving life?
I told myself I was powerful enough to save another beast. Then walked away saying I couldn’t save the first one like I can save another. I used ask myself how on earth these swindler even think of conning me
Opportunists are people who see a chance to gain some advantage from a situation, often at the expense of ethics or morals. This is what these women are, and every video I've seen on the subject is that it isn't their fault and that is the problem.
Thnx, Kenny. I've been wondering about the role the "victim" must play in this dynamic. I've known the term "Narcissist" for only about 2 years. Now I know what I've been dealing with for 40+ years. Although we split up a few times, he always came back--- I thought it was because he loved me (the 1st few times). Plus I felt sorry for him & thought he would change. I would have been fine if he had stayed away. So for these last 2 yrs, I have hated myself for not knowing that he was a narc & would never change. I hated myself because I would have been happy to be alone & I wouldn't have felt sorry for him. I hated that everything he did that killed me inside, but he turned everything back on me. I never did anything to provoke him cause I was scared to, & he already was blaming me for doing everything he was doing. I knew he was abused by his parents& revered by a grandma. I didn't know to connect that with narcissism. I wasted a lot of yrs.
If the roles were reversed there wouldn’t be a Netflix special.
Watch inventing anna.
@@foreveryoung999 talking about in real life. And Inventing Anna isn't the exact same because she doesn't swindle multiple men. The Men actually all caught on very quickly to Anna's scandal. The women in the show all swindled themselves the same way they did in the swindler doc.
I’m grateful for a rough childhood. I was able to see through my loved ones mistakes. The money love scam is real.
Thank goodness someone is saying these things out loud!!!!!
😁👌
now THIS is interesting and you are 100% correct!
Wow! This is so exciting to hear someone else validate what I’ve been learning!! We all know that the narcissist acts like they think that they are the God of the universe! But what a humbling experience to realize that I was running around thinking I was the Holy Ghost Junior that could save the world!! I agree wholeheartedly with what you’re saying! The only difference is we know that we are NOT God and that we don’t want to be God! I am very sorry for that and I repent! I need God! I think that’s why we get such a smack down off the throne! 😂 I am so GLAD to NOT be RESPONSIBLE for the weight of the world anymore!
Yes that’s true the one attracted to the narcissist will admit there imperfection and usually do the work to heal
Precisely. Even though no one believes this is a good dude, this documentary is promoting abdication of responsibility for those who willingly chose to engage in behaviour none of their fathers would choose for them
Just like a man who gets with a loose woman knows what he was doing, so did the women here.
Transactional relationships come with understandings of what the nature of the relationship is. No one hires a hooker because they are seeking a wife.
These women need to grow up and accept responsibility. This is not a man/woman thing. This is an ADULT thing.
Fantastic video Kenny Weiss, once again. ❤️❤️
Thanks Kaye
I'm so glad I stuck it out and watched the whole video.
I was with a woman who displayed these very characteristics. I couldn't quite pin down what was wrong with her.
There seemed to be indicators of narcisissm, but she never really "used" me. She never asked for money, gifts or the like and the gaslighting was very covert. She was very keen on trying to "help" me while at the same time subjecting me to her constant musing about her judgmental parents and ex-boyfriends who she either couldn't "help" or were beyond redemption for a range of reasons.
The part you left out is what happens when you deny these people that crucial God Complex they desire ro maintain.
Needless to say, things get pretty testy when you try to pull them out of it. Suddendly, you're their newest abuser and they'll try to tear tou to shreads. Suddenly you're made to feel like a gasligher of some sort for trying to encourange them to do what's best for them...
These people are dangerous. Possibly more than narcs because they are ability to convince you that they're good, well-meaning people is very convincing and can render their non-narc hosts "trauma-bonded" to them.
You need to do a part two that discusses what happens when these people are pushed to the brink. They do some very strange things...
Healthy people attract healthy people as partners.
Not on dating apps lol. There people are on the prowl. Question is why would you give money to a mere hook-up?
Does anyone else see that he has the demeanor and voice of the actor James Caan. Great content
You think so? I have never heard that one. 😁 I am glad you like what I teach!
You've helped me today..I knew some of what you mentioned already..but I also learnt something new today. Thank you 🙏🏾
You’re welcome 😁
My only dispute with this awesome content is that I’d say Disney know full well what they are teaching. Great info & insight Kenny. Thank you 🙏🏼
Wow. Out of all I have learned about narcissistic abuse, THIS video got right to the source of how I allowed myself to become embroiled with that sociopath...to fix him. Rather, pray him through to being fixed...i'm a Christian, you see. 🙄 I just learned about you today. I WILL be watching your videos, and bracing myself for what I'm in for. ☺️ Thank you.
You’re very welcome and yes unfortunately the spiritual climate in many cases twists the teaching into something that’s very damaging for all of us
"Man with 1000 Kids" is also interesting especially how most people connect someone being attractive as the equivalent as being a trusting, good person.
Hearing this while doing my anatomy homework currently on the CNS and PNS this is actually very entertaining and helpful 😂 thank you!
Happy to help!
Wow, This is Powerful Knowledge. It makes so much sense.
Thank you
Glad it was helpful!
When the first woman slept with him on the first night after saying she only wanted a long term relationship. I just rolled my eyes. She is not self aware at all.
Yeah! In the beginning she just said in her profile she wasn't in the "hookup culture". Interesting 🤔
Scandinavian girls are brainwashed into feminism.
Wow!! Thank you so very much Sr.! You put beautifully and well balanced in words my thoughts.
You are very welcome
You are so right here, the god complex is real, and I thought I could “save” my former spouse, didn’t realize how awful that is to treat him like he’s an idiot, and I carried that thinking into my current marriage, but bless his heart, he stands up for himself!! He is the reason I am looking into why I do this. Because of your videos, I am working on my belief system, once I can identify the false beliefs, I can change them. I also want to attach my emotions to my behavior, I have been so detached for 50+ years that I really cannot describe.
That’s pretty common, that level of detachment because of how we are raised this video is a perfect example of how all of that happens to everyone of us. If you need help figuring all of that out and want to save yourself an incredible amount of time, for a limited time I am offering my complete emotional mastery method, all of my online master classes which teach you the full process that’s in my videos for only $47 a month. You can cancel anytime. Here’s the link if you’re interested in starting your journey
thegreatnessu.com/p/the-complete-emotional-mastery-method
"Enjoy that journey"...Thank you!☺️
You’re welcome 😁
Thank you for this video. Love the content.
You’re welcome 😁
I knew she was in a mess when she started talking about Disney movies and her unrealistic romantic fantasy
We grow up hearing : "Don't be judgemental", " Accept people the way they are", "Innocent until proven guilty ".... Now I do the total opposite... I'm judgemental: If it looks and smells bad, chances are it's bad. I don't Accept people the way they are if their actions are detrimental to my mental and physical well being ... and everyone is guilty until proven innocent. That alone keeps me out of a lot of trouble.
I FUCKIN LOVE THIS F++,KING GUY
BRILLIANT! "He who knows not & knows he knows not is a student
TEACH HIM !!
"He who knows & knows he knows is a teacher FOLLOW HIM!!!
"He who knows not & knows not he knows not is a fool!!!
SHUN HIM!" BARRY KNOWS TRY
There is so much in this video. And I relate to all of it. Truly I just need to get a new story because being a victim sucks it's a stupid story and I am an intelligent woman. I am right in the middle of getting away from the fear of a Narc. I accept whatever is coming because it will show me who I am and what I believe about myself and the world. Even if this means I end up on the street. It might be an exciting thing to experience. Who knows. For real though...by meditating and coming into my body, I have done the most healing and helpful thing for myself. Thank you again for all this invaluable information.
You are very welcome. I would encourage you to learn how the worst day cycle keeps you repeating that behavior and the process I share to heal and grow out of it.