How I Racked Up $10,000 Of Credit Card Debt For Other People's Weddings
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- Опубликовано: 19 май 2024
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To kick off our wedding miniseries, Chelsea sits down with Abigail Taylor, a former bridesmaid who got with massive bills. They talk about the cost breakdown, what she learned, and what she plans to do for her own wedding.
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$700 for drinks when you don’t actually drink?!? Nope, I would have denied that request immediately. I have no shame about that.
Actually, you should send that Venmo request back to the woman and now that your friend is happily married, I would bring this issue up to her. This is absurd! $700 is more than I make in a week!
Word. The girl is the worst kind of trooper. I would have paid what I drank and called it a day. I always make it clear I only pay for myself and anything I offered to pay for anyone I was with.
Right? I would have laughed in her face and told her to get stuffed. She straight up got scammed by that woman.
Yea I think the buffer of Venmo would have emboldened me to hit deny.
She got scammed
The disappointing truth is that the huge favor of being a bridesmaid can be forgotten in a couple of years. The friendship moves on but you are left with the debt.
yes. I think most young people have such intense friendships that they don't realize--friendships are temporary. 99% of the time.
Sad truth we all have to learn. And even if the friendship endures,what if one friend doesnt get married ever, either by choice or not. There will never me an equally demanding favor most likely @brookiegremlin6660
Excellent point.
INDEED, can't agree no more.
This these brides don’t maintain the friendships and invite alot of people for gifts.. don’t know anyone that that kept contact.. alone broke people want big weeding that they can’t afford nothing I knew of a person that didn’t pay for hair or makeup or transportation for any of her bridesmaid but rented out an expensive castle they couldn’t afford themselves .. the bridal couple are in debt and at risk to be laid off from their tech jobs
That $700 request would have had me howling "SHOW me the receipts!" and then pointing out I had 1 sprite.
This that’s why I don’t eat out with people I don’t mess with like that
I’m sorry this was her fault. That’s easily handled. It’s a no ! and if they’re mad oh well $700 to keep the peace is crazy
I simply wouldn't pay. And why would anyone put their card down? I my world, the bride pays. End off
If I go to a wedding and I am paying for my flight, and my accommodation, I am sorry but my presence is your gift.
I agree! A gift is a gift; not required.
I agree. I think someone's presence is always sufficient and a gift is extra. Even if it was a local wedding that is inexpensive to attend, as a bride, I'd much rather have someone attend my wedding to celebrate with me than to send a gift.
We included cards with our invitations that explicitly stated this (we also refused to register anywhere-I’m very anti-registry to this day), and we had friends later admit to us that that was why they attended-they couldn’t afford both to attend and to buy a physical gift. Gifts get forgotten, but those you love being there gets remembered.
@@lynninfinite I’ve ALWAYS detested how a gift is seen as a measure of how much you love someone.
@@NoelleTakestheSky agree, not everyone is on the same financial wagon. The dream would be to have 0 monetary gifts from guests and if they so please, they can donate the money instead to a local charity or cause. People expect people to show up with money or a Vitamix but it’s not always that easy.
I have a strong feeling the $700 you paid was the balance that others refused to pay.
I feel that too. Other people said no, and she tried with this lovely person, and she fell for it because she is too nice. :(
Wow
Either that or she was straight up scamming them all. Or maybe I’ve seen too many movies.
I was thinking that she made everyone pay off her debt!
10000%. Oof
$700 split among multiple people. That sounds like she got scammed into paying for others.
Well yeah, if you’re the idiot who doesn’t check and make sure then you’re the Group Sucker
This
I was recently in Vegas for EDC and we did the club, the bottle service bs and even we didn’t hit 700 per person. It was 1,400 split between 6 people, including tax and tip
me personallyyyy, that $700 request would’ve been ignored 💀
Same
Ignored so hard
Hahahahah
not ignored, but straight up declined by me lol
Period 💯
Controversial take, elope for your wedding and then have ever increasing fun anniversary celebrations
You are a genius
That's actually such a dope idea!
If I could do it all over again, I would elope.
I eloped. Best decision ever. No stress, very minimal planning, no gifts, but epic wedding with only two guests.
You can do that, but also, you can skip having a bridal party and fancy bachelorette trip. So everyone just pays for whatever dress they want to wear or even wear something they already own and that's it.
I feel like this woman definitely paid off $700 of that other bridesmaid's credit card debt. If I get a Venmo request for $700 after just having a soda the answer is going to "No" full stop.
That's what I was thinking, too
Agreed. She said she had a boundary about alcohol, and she was proud of herself, but then paid $700 anyway. Part of being an adult is saying sometimes-uncomfortable no’s.
Yeah...I feel like a lot of this was the toxic combo of insane bridal party expectations foisted on a shy people-pleasing young person...the ideal victim lol. In my 30's now, I will absolutely fight the big spenders in a group to get an itemized receipt and I don't care if it's "annoying" to them... but I could totally see younger "nice" me just agreeing because I "didn't want to cause trouble". I'm sure after this experience this young woman will be a lot harder to push around!!
@@NoelleTakestheSky "Part of being an adult is saying sometimes-uncomfortable no’s." Great sentence.
This she used her to pay off her credit card bill
Ive declined invitations to be in weddings. I still was invited as a guest. You can politely decline, if they are a real friend they will understand.
I agree with you if this is not a person with whom your relationship is daily there is no reason to go to his wedding just because he is in work, studies or you were friends in the past and I remember you because he is getting married do what you feel it is your money and time .
You can also just be straight up with them about the financial reasons. If they can afford it and truly want you involved then they'll cover your cost.
Just recently couple of friends came to my house to tell us some good news. I saw it coming to I said straight to their faces " I hope you are not getting married!". I remember the shock bride's face. She did not expect that someone would not see any value in the institition of marriage, wedding and all the traditions that go with it. Because I watch Finatial Diet I asked who was going to pay for the accommodation and flights from London to Italy. Obviously me. Then the bride tried to conviced to make holidays out of this trip. I have never been to a wedding in my adult life and my close friends are not interested in merriage so I had no idea that getting married is taking a year. It's like a tidious and stressful process that people force themselves to get through.
Yep! I told a woman I couldn’t be in her wedding party…. still went to the wedding.
She wanted an engagement party out of town, bachelorette party out of town, and a ton of other expenses. I think only 4 girls ended up agreeing to be a bridesmaid
That $700 venmo request is my Roman Empire. I'm gonna think about it every day until the day I die.
😂😂😂
😂😂
SAME
I work as a bridal tailor in the luxury market. This means we work for brides who choose $3k dresses and THEN choose in depth luxury tailoring on top of that purchase. Its WILD how many women tell me they came to me because "they had no choice." You do. You could choose davids bridal, you could choose a bridal consignment or even thrift store. Its alarming how many of these women reject taking financial control of their choices and yet are about to enter into a very intense commitment. They are rejecting control of their LIFE choices at an alarming rate.
That is such interesting insight and I agree with you completely. Them saying they had no choice, part of that reasoning is them feeling like they have no choice *because* they don't want to let go of the whole social media/social status/showing off game. It's like they let themselves get drunk or high on the spell of instagram glamour life and they desperately want that too even though it's so expensive, they still give in - so them saying they have no choice is basically saying they're too hooked on it to let it go. As I said in another comment here it's not too different from "lifestyle creep" and "keeping up with joneses". People faking life and going into debt essentially due to materlism and ego.
Exactly. Personal responsibility. If you can afford it, awesome! If you can’t, you don’t need it. I paid for my own wedding. I found the cutest dress at a consignment shop and did the alterations myself. My sister found the perfect dress at the same shop for $150 and didn’t even need alterations.
I also paid for my bridesmaid dresses too. I brought them to the same shop and told them to pick out a navy dress. Everything was affordable and accessible to everyone involved and my wedding was beautiful!
I bought my dress for 120 Euros and the shop where I bought it changed it (slightly) for free.
I just bought my wedding dress. It was $690 including shipping. I got it from Still White. It originally cost $4000. There certainly are many options.
One of my dealbreakers in dating (or often even in general when getting to know people) is credit card debt. Most people end up in that position because of stupid choices, which they often won’t even admit were their choices to begin with. Like you said yourself, those women thought they “didn’t have a choice”. It is absurd.
My best friend (since we were 8) lives in Michigan, and I live in NYC. When she got married when we were in our mid-20s, and she didn't ask me to be her maid of honor, I was extremely hurt. But now, in my mid-30s, I realize she was actually being EXTREMELY thoughtful. She told me after that she didn't want me to feel any pressure to do more than I could since I don't live in the same state, and she still asked me to read the "Love is..., etc." passage from the Bible during the ceremony, so I would be involved in some way. And she had the bachelorette in a local downtown area the same weekend as the wedding, so I was able to go to that without feeling extra financial stress. Honestly, I'm taking notes from how she did things, and it's funny how almost a decade of personal/financial growth can drastically change your perspective.
In 2013 I had to put my foot down and tell some other bridesmaids my budget for the wedding was approximately $500 for the "events". Some if the other women ( them all in relationships, Me single) were willing to throw down thousands. It basically ended my friendship with the bride, as I didnt even get the courtesy of a plus 1 at the wedding. At the time, I cpuld tell everyone thought it was really classless of me to ve that upfront about money. After all "This is our friend! We shouldnt care about money!". So glad there is finally a loud conversation about everything surrounding the wedding industrial complex and marriage/baby events in general.
Sorry that happened, you're probably better off. "This is our friend! We shouldn't care about money" should instead be "this is our friend too, we don't want to cause her financial strife."
Good for you. Those aren't ppl you want as friends anyway!
Well to be clear I was only friends with the bride. I think that is part of the issue with the whole bridal party thing, so often people in the bridal party arent good friends with one another, so they only have allegiance to one person - the bride.
@ghostlyMostly1 this totally happened to me too. My request for a more reasonable budget was so frowned upon, the entire bridal party (+the bride) turned cold and unwelcoming to me. I left halfway through the wedding to board a midnight flight back home. After all my tears dried up, I still had my credit card bill to remind me of the reckless, unnecessary expenses I’d racked up 😂
This is our friend, we should not care about never getting financially ahead in life ever again!
I would not want my friends go into debt.
That's why I always demand for self-made food if somebody wants to gift me something.
Everybody can afford it and I have enough money to buy myself food, but self-made food is something you can't buy for any money in the world.
Also if you can't tell your friend "your bud made me pay $700 and it's bullshit" - is she your friend?
These relationships are superficial and fake that’s why
There is an absolute dynamic in some female friendships that calling people out or being direct in that way is perceived as “mean” or “bitchy”
No.
@@annafournaris1622Those aren’t friendships then, they’re fake friendships
Learn the difference, insist that people respect your boundaries and LO AND BEHOLD: you don’t have “friends” like that
It’s really not that hard
If anyone is going to insist or defend not being able to have a meaningful conversation with a friend I feel sorry for your life and what you settle for but plenty of us don’t play like thay
There’s no way in hell that the girl who requested $700 per person wasn’t just trying to make money off of strangers. YIKES.
Also I didn’t have a bridal party at my wedding and it was 10/10 a fantastic decision in every way 🎉🎉
Same and no regrets! We had a small wedding and we’re still together so it’s all good 😂
I don't know. I have seen bachelorette parties where a co worker was helping with the budget. It was way over $700/head and bride was not pocketing any.
@@doomedwit1010 either way, I would have demanded to see a receipt
This woman should have stuck up for herself more. It's insane how egotistical, materialistic, and selfish weddings have become. Just because YOU want to have a wedding, it doesn't mean everyone in your life has to sacrifice hundreds of dollars and a year of their lives to make it all about you.
Yes she really should have stuck up for herself more! Seems like she has learned to do this the hard way.
Her friends also needed to speak up. She tried to defend them but it is plain to see they suck.
I need this girl to just give us all the tea. Like start at the beginning and tell us everything.
😂 I was waiting for that
I feel like in her case there’s not really much tea .. it seems to be a case of her not really fighting her own case, whether someone was trying to take advantage of her or not
RIGHT lol. Bring her back!!!
I have followed this channel for years now, and it is what gave me the courage to say "I can't go to your bachlorette party because I can't afford it financially. " It was something I said to 4 different friends, and I was not a bridesmaid in any of their weddings. They were all understanding and nobody got mad at me.
For context, I had 10 friends get married between 2018-2019.
Thank you for talking so openly about money topics that majorly impact women.
Good for you!
This comment will give me courage
7 weddings and 3 bachelorette parties in one year!?! I means even besides the money issue, that just sounds so exhausting
It is…my husband and I went to 10 weddings the year before we got married. Three were multi day Indian weddings. I was a bridesmaid in two of them.
That sounds so energy draining.
The wedding year phenomenon is real. Sadly, there are no do-overs - go or miss out on reconnecting with good friends.
In your 20s it's just super exciting
This is all so foreign to me. I'm from a backyard weddings in clothes we already own kinda family. My step mother didn't even tell me I was a bridesmaid until I was ready to go sit in the audience, and she pulls me back and says, "but you are my maid of honor!" I didn't even tell my mom I was getting married. Judge at a park with a photographer friend. My Bachelorette party was helping my college theatre run a Mardi Gras themed fundraiser the night before. It's about being happy. Don't add the stress, and you can enjoy where you are.
I love how Chelsea was trynna get the tea on that $700 venmo situation lol she’s so real 😂
I got married in 2010 and purposely did not have any of my sisters as bridemaids because I knew it would be a financial burden for them. My husband and I also did not spend much on the wedding because we bought a condo instead. It was a wedding on a budget and still the best party I've ever been to. And, we are still happily married! Weddings should never financially burden anyone.
I originally had big plans for whom was going to be my bridesmaids. After attending 2 weddings as a bridesmaid, I decided to have no bridesmaids at all because I didn't want to put anyone through that cost.
I only had a maid of honor, and my husband and I paid for her dress as well as the tux rental for my dad and the ring bearer (my oldest nephew). No way was I going to make everyone pay to be in MY wedding party!
My husband was okay having his best man pay for his tux rental though.
Getting married first out of my friends, I have 3 bridesmaids as my fiance wanted his 3 friends, and I feel terrible for asking them to buy dresses & shoes (dresses in the $40-15 range, shoes $30), but we are all in our early 20's and either early career or studying still, this is video making me feel like I should have just not had any bridal party.....
The bachelorette was at an "expensive city down south" -- LOL definitely Nashville 🤣✨🤠
YUP😂
I thought Nashville was cheap??
Austin was my guess
@@shannongarrety6105 or Atlanta
Or New Orleans. Could be expensive
$20 says that lady scammed everyone she could to pay her card card debt from the other wedding. $700 each seems ludicrous
This
If the "friend" asked a bunch of the group for $700, it wouldn't surprise me if word got back to the bride and that's the reason (or a big part of the reason) they aren't friends anymore.
$700 for a sprite? Nah. The bride wouldve been getting an earful from me.
Ya, I really don't subscribe to this whole "don't stress out the bride!" thing.... if the bride wants a big, expensive, complicated bachelorette and wedding she will lie in the bed she made.
I feel like it was kind of mean to not tell the bride until way later, when it was too late for her to do anything about it.
What a lovely conversation that extends beyond the wedding complex. I think Abigail is brave to share her story. More importantly, she grew as a person as a result of this experience. Sometimes, it takes extreme situations to force us to grow into our better self -- the more assertive person who stands up for themselves with love. Yep, a lot of people can proport that they would never be in a similar situation...but some of us just have to mess around and find out on our own time. Kudos to Abigail!
Agreed. While a $700 or even $5-10K "lesson" is expensive, there are a whole lot of people who wish their life lessons were that cheap! Definitely plenty of people who have made much more expensive errors.
well said! :)
They also forget that a $500 dress in 1985 is a $1500 today.
They also forget their feelings spending that much.
My pediatrician friend had a wedding that to this day just stands out to me because it was a destination wedding she didn’t have to pay for. Her job paid for her continuing education credits, so she had that done in Hawaii. Her plane, lodging, food - all covered by the employer. Her then fiance flew himself to Hawaii (he can afford it, he’s a radiologist), and they got married there in Hawaii, just the two of them.
Do I get a refund if the couple divorces?
😂😂😂
Seriously. I spent hundreds on a friend's wedding a few years ago and they got divorced after 4 years and we don't talk anymore. Such a waste of my time and money
Ms.Wanda please don't send me into a spiral😭😭😭😭because I had a very close friend who got married and they divorced about 3 yrs later. I spent over 5k (in 2001 so that was a lot for me) and I've been wedding free ever since. I'll send you a crock pot or towels but don't ask to be in your wedding.
Especially with super expensive weddings and bachelorette holidays, I sometimes have the impression that the bride might want her dream wedding and dream bachelorette holiday but not really thinks about the marriage afterwards. Disclaimer: I don't want to blame anyone for being greedy - it's rather my impression that the more super elaborate weddings and fancy bachelorettes people see, the more they wish for themselves to have something like that and might rush into a marriage that they don't want.
Lol
46:00 I missed a friend's wedding last year because I had a concert I prepaid for on the same day in another city. I met up with him and his husband on a later date and spent the whole day with them. That quality time after meant more to me and them than attending the actual event.
I spoke out at about the need for a budget and immediately became the outcast bridesmaid. It was a large bridal party, with a long list of expectations, but no intimate time spent with the couple. Really regret all the expenses I charged to my credit card for people I barely talk to now😢
Usual scenario
I realized recently that what really makes me angry is how much time bridesmaids spend with the actual event planning stuff vs the groomsmen. (I realize it's different for every wedding. But from what I've observed any help from the groomsmen is praised as amazing, and for bridesmaids, it's expected). So it's not just the amount of money we're putting into these events, it's also volunteer labor.
I had to help set up and decorate the arch for the altar and then rush to get ready in time for the actual ceremony while all the groomsmen played pool and ate sandwiches.
THE LABOR IS NO JOKE AS A BRIDESMAID
I would have said “hell no” to that $700 request and deleted it.
Blocked and delete
As a 2024 bride, I am doing a destination wedding, and I know that means some people will say no. I also am not doing any wedding party, no bridal shower, no bachelorette party, and asking for no gifts.
I did the same! Destination wedding but off season (flights and hotel were so cheap). I didn't have any bridesmaids but went to a museum with my best friend as our "bach" and she got ready with me the morning of. Also half my family already lived in the destination so it was easy for those to attend.
We did the same! No bachelor or bachelorette trip no bridal shower. We said their attendance was our gift but if they wanted to contribute they could but not expected. It actually lower our cost bc of how many guests even tho a lot more rsvpd vs what we expected. We had an amazing time and honestly did not expect gifts but were so grateful for how many did
That's great, but if the destination is, let's say, Hawaii... guest aren't saving much money there.
While it is your choice, and while you didnt opt in for the full glamorous package, a destination wedding still says - if you cant afford it, be it a good family member or friend, too bad you dont get to attend. Again, its your choice but lets call it what it is, its pressing some family and friends to spend and excluding others.
@@AA-iy4gmI mean yes I can see this but a lot of people these days don’t live near both sides of their family or where their friends are. I could do a wedding where I currently live or where I’m from and a large swath of my potential guests might not come. It’s not an option to give everyone a local venue, but I’m also not saying “too bad you can’t afford it” to someone who can’t. It’s really a case by case basis. This commenter could be in a similar situation.
This is why I didn't have a wedding party. I would never ask someone to go through this.
So this is what I am doing because if I don’t want to do the whole bridesmaid thing why would I ask anyone else too! My question for you is. How was the wedding day? Did you feel like you were missing anything or anyone?
We just went out for dinner with my family and went for drinks after. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive 😭 we just wanted to hang out - that’s the important part or should be anyway!
Yeah you did it right. Is the wedding not about the union of two individuals or am i just confused. We seem to have lost the plot
@@makailaf8448 Not at all! My best friends were all there and so were his. It was a big party with zero pressure. The two people who would have traditionally been the maid-of-honor and best man were asked to sign the witness form for us and then they also gave speeches. We did not ask them to give speeches but they both wanted to do it, which was fine with us. I honestly think that they had more fun because they could wear whatever they wanted to and they didn't have to stand up there with us! I walked down the aisle with my parents, married my husband, and then we all went to dance. No long procession, just in and out in 20 minutes. If you're doing anything special during the ceremony (a reading, prayer, song), you can just ask the individual folks if they would like to play that role. My cousin read a bible verse and my brother-in-law came up to sing a song. And really...this is all because people wanted to be involved.
@@schuylergeery-zink1923 Love this! We had a full out ceremony/reception, but it was on the smaller side and the whole thing felt like a sweet gathering of friends & family. A wedding is a lovely excuse to hang out with folks.
What I gathered from this video is that yall need to find and cultivate better friendships. I don't have a single friend who would be this demanding, selfish, and predatory just because they're getting married. I am getting married, I have a bridal party and I have asked nothing of them. My party, my problem.
Yeah, this is it. I literally cannot imagine putting anyone I care about in such a position. Even the bride in the first story is sus to me. Letting your friends who are strangers to each other deal with everything while you sit back and claim ignorance to any problems. Lordy 😐
HEAR FCKIN HEAR!!!!!!!
I’m in my 50s and this episode is triggering for me. 😂But seriously, it really is. I didn’t have two nickels to rub together in my 20s. I actually had to decline attending some weddings because I just couldn’t afford it. I also declined being a bridesmaid for that reason, which was hard and I got some grief from people over that, but it was what it was. Weddings have gotten so out of hand. I’m shocked by how much people will spend on weddings and all the trappings. To be honest, the best weddings I’ve attended were the simplest!
The lovely part of getting married at 35 instead of 25 is that I was old enough to say no to anything I didn't want as it was my wedding and not our family's wedding. No bridal party, 40 people, low cost ceremony venue, no sit down dinner, no DJ/dance floor, no engraved cake cutting set, no engraved drink glasses, no garter. All the small purchases that balloon a budget. I got to talk to everyone for a long time, and we got to spend more per person on food and drinks at the reception (even while keeping overall costs low) because we saved money elsewhere on stupid stuff the wedding industrial complex wants you to buy. The few decorations I did buy were pretty generic in silver and glass, and all fit in a standard storage tub, so any time my husband and I had a date night at home during Covid, I pulled them out to jazz up the dinner table into something romantic.
We didnt have a bridal party either-best decision ever. It really simplified the whole experience to be about just me and my husband
That's a wedding, for me that's the best weeding a couple can have, I'll never understand why this parties are so important, whats the logic about ? Just all this stress and preparation gives me anxiety, even when money is not a problem the time consuming is unreal, imagine all this stress just before(and during) married no way!!!! reading your story gives me the exactly opposite reaction, simple, easy, chill, congratulations!
This episode gave me the courage to Venmo request everyone that owes me $25 for the bachelor I just planned lol
Hike that shit up to $75, and say oops I confused the 7 with a 2, here is the $25 dolla request
The wedding industry is completely out of control. We didn’t do bachelor or bachelorette trips or have a wedding party at all. We had 27 guests in my grandparents’ backyard and it still cost about $10k. I don’t know how people feel comfortable expecting their friends to fork over this kind of money, especially again and again
This is ME. I’m in planning mode and I’m standing Firm on family only no bridesmaids and I’ve gotten like side eyes and comments about it but if I can barley afford life and a wedding and I know my friends are in similar boats HOW CAN I REASONABLY ASK FOR THEIR TIME AND MONEY
I love the registry. That said I wish it was more acceptable to just give cash to the couple. But better a registry than having to guess and getting copies of the same thing for spending money on crap they feel bad getting rid of.
What in the world did you spend 10k on? 2k for food, 1k for miscellaneous, 7k for the dress?
In my 20s my boyfriend had this friend that was always arranging parties and weekends away for the group and then telling us the price... Ok guys May long weekend is $280 each party bus, houseboat and 2 steak dinners with keg included! It took me a while to realize she was partying for free, making a profit and wasn't really my friend.
This was me and my couple friends.. the person booking was getting the better space in the Airbnb and always got the points on her card which she was basically booking for free
Planning it should be compensated but of course being transparent about it is important
It's so bizarre how these people operate. I was invited to stay over at someone's mountain house for new years. When I got home I had a message from the host "of course we're not gonna charge for staying we're so generous" and then proceeded to charge 200$ a person in food an drinks that they somehow racked up. Needless to say I never entered another financial transaction with these people.
$280 for the houseboat and two steak dinners is not bad
My maid of honour asked me what I wanted for my hen do. I told her I wanted a Jane Austen themed weekend in Bath (Bath England but we live in England so no flights). She went away crunched some numbers and told me what I wanted was too expensive and would I mind a weekend in her City. I said I still wanted to go to Bath but could it be a day trip instead and she agreed. I was happy, I had a fantastic time and no one had to get in debt. All it took was an honest conversation and a little bit of compromise.
I'd love to see some wedding stuff from men's points of view too. I still remember going to a coworker's wedding (which was fun 3 coworkers go married 3 months in a row). And I was talking to one of my other coworkers, He goes on about how you can still back and relax going to weddings you don't need to worry or get a present or anything. I looked at him confused and went into a speal about uh, no you are expected to get a present and it should cost at least as much as your plate (this was several years ago, I am guessing this has infalted since). He looked at me, he looked at his wife and was like "Did you get them a present?" She had of course. But the level of cluelessness just blew me away.
That’s a really outdated way of looking at it (matching your gift cost to the cost of your plate ) and classist AF so maybe stop reinforcing it
If you’re confused Chelsea goes into it several times in the wedding-related episodes
@@Wee_Catalyst This was several years when that was considered the standard. Which I was always confused about because how are you supposed to know how much the plate cost? I did look up the current expectations and I see it has changed a bit to be less mysterious and more standard.
@@brandchanI have never heard of this and I am SO confused on how you’re supposed to know how much the plate costs per person as a guest???
@@Kyiecutie Yeah, This was about a decade ago. I was never sure how you were supposed to figure that one out too.
I think you can politely decline and offer to take them out to dinner separately at a classy restaurant instead. You can give them a gift still -but it's a more intimate yet less expensive way to share in their joy. Not everyone can afford flights, hotels, dresses etc...
Agreed! My friend was in her residency program and couldn’t come to my wedding. I really appreciated just going out to dinner with them and getting a nice bottle of wine. It felt personal.
Agreed! An auntie of mine declined, she called me we had a chat, she even sent us cash gift(so sweet) and I really appreciated her time on the call and the cash gift.
I did this because my friend’s wedding was in an incredibly hot humid location I would have had to travel to in a state with super effed up laws around queer people and I just didn’t feel comfortable spending goo-gobs of money to literally suffer the entire time
I am an anomaly. I say this because I was so budget conscious that I searched high and low for affordable halls. The place included flowers, cake and the wedding. I only havld 80 ppl and for my bridesmaid dresses only cost $100 and I found matching shoes for only $20, which I paid for. The dress was also able to alter the alterations for future wear. I was very aware of what my friends were paying.
You truly love your friends and it shows 🫶🏼🥹💕 I wish more brides were like you !!
I've been in 4 weddings so far and I am DONE. Fuck weddings. I'm so over the half a mil photoshoot day that when I get married I'm eloping, not telling anyone, taking at most 5 pics, and spending it all on the honeymoon. Mostly out of spite. I'm not even friends with two of the girls anymore. Apparently once your married and get all the fun out of your system with your friends you just fall of the face of the planet.
My financial confession? The only decision about my wedding that I’ve never regretted is the person I married. There was so much pressure to do things the “right” way that it never felt quite like me. We only spent $3k, and I still think that was too much. I wonder if that’s why people do vow renewals - to have the wedding they actually wanted. P.S. I’m a woman, and my husband never even noticed that pressure… we’re much better at communicating 11 years later. 😊
I strongly suspect that's also why so many parents of engaged couples pressure them to have a big wedding. The parents want their kids to have the perfect big wedding THEY couldn't have for whatever reason.
As a former wedding photographer who routinely watched people go into massive debt before their marriage even begins while spending the day stressed and unhappy I have to fully agree with you. There is a good reason why I’m no longer a wedding photographer. The last wedding I shot they short changed me and spent more on their monogramed M&Ms than their photos. Had to get out.
How did Americans manage to commercialize weddings so much that GUESTS have to pay a shitload of money to attend one!? 🤦🏻♀️
In Germany most weddings don't even have bridesmaids let alone forcing them to pick a certain outfit and spend money on it. This is so mind-blowing to me
Right? I feel like this is very American? I'm from the Netherlands and my friends weddings never had dresscodes it's just whatever you feel comfortable with (I chose to get a new dress cause I could and find that fun). Also I think it's normal for the bridesmaids to plan the bachelorette party and it's just 1 day, 1 afternoon or 1 evening, not a whole weekend (most of the times?) It's not a crazy lavish weekend in Tulum😹😹
'Getting the bride involved is like CC'ing your boss" hahaha
If you are doing a destination wedding just pay for hotel rooms for your guests. Or don’t do one. It’s always cheaper to negotiate on a big number of rooms anyway. It’s not a regular holiday for your guests. They are spending their own money to come to the wedding.
My colleague invited me to her wedding in south of France in july. It’s the middle of tourist season, flights, hotels everything goes through the roof. As much as I like her I am not willing to spend 1k€ without any gift
Why did she accept the venmo request 😭
Seriously 😭😭😭😭
I had the wedding decade between age 20 to 30. After I casually added my expenses and it totalled $5000, I declined all further bridesmaid requests. Additionally, I am not available to attend weddings unless I can drive.
Curiously I, rarely, hear from the brides now that our lives have evolved.
My girlfriend is almost always the maid of honor and she purposely breaks down MONTHS ahead of time what the costs will be and what each person’s responsibilities would be and gives them a chance to balk on some costs or activities. I sometimes even help her put it into an excel to break down a trimmed down trip that includes fewer activities for lower cost.
I think you’ve missed the point.
A table at a club can early cost 4-5k so I can see this now that I think about it. It’s partly alcohol and partially the seating.
A seat at the club should be like -$200. They should pay me to bother myself to fill up their seats and make their club look good.
I avoid clubs, bottle service, tables, pool cabanas, etc LIKE THE PLAGUE. I don't mind splashing out, but those things are all the most absurd rip offs imaginable. $100 for a beer, etc.
In 2018 I went through a messy breakup to the point where I had to move. In that same year I stood up in 2 weddings, took out a home loan and spent over $2,000 for the two weddings between my dresses, hair, makeup, the bachelorette parties, the showers, the gifts, etc. Then ...just for fun, in the SAME month as the 2nd wedding a month after I moved into my house, I lost my job. FUN times. NOT..
I have my head on straight now.
Absolutely love it!!! I'll have to be financially stable in every sense before purchasing my first supercar. The best thing to do with your money is to invest rightly because money left saving will end up with no returns
No doubt being financially free and able to afford these luxuries cannot be overemphasized, making smart plans and setting up diversified investment portfolios is quite essential.
you don't need that much, as long as you have 250k to 350k in cash, and earn at least 40k plus is fine. It not like you are going to pay the car off, get the car, drive it for a year or two then get something else. You don't need millions of manov to oniov nico thinnc.
Most people miss it but the secret to retiring comfortably is finding a way to make returns while your money works for you. My Dad, as i remember started saving for retirement quite late but I know he was making more than 10k returns from his investments monthly and it was completely passive.
Our family got introduced to a financial consultant about four years before my dad retired. That was what changed things, and I think my retirement income will be on the right track, luxury cars and trips
@@christopherherbert2407 Please could you guide me on how to get in touch with your consultant? My funds are being eroded by inflation and seek a more lucrative investment strategy to effectively utilize before I consider retirement.
I was a bridesmaid 3 times. We did the bachelorette party at an affordable restaurant with great food and fun games. Don’t understand why people need to get completely drunk to celebrate the bride.
As a German: US weddings are crazy! Yes, weddings are expensive. Catering for 80 people, room, clothing… But for guests it’s only gas and like for a birthday you bring a gift to help the pair starting their home or at least pay your own drinks (I will at least give enough to cover a normal catering for me, more depending on how close I am to the couple). But often you will also just throw your money together and in the end nobody knows who gave what amount of money. We don’t have bridesmaid dresses. We have bachelorettes but it’s usually just a night out or - in my case - a cheap weekend with my best friends, homemade food and some board games. I think they paid 60€ pP for everything (rented house, activities, eating and drinking). And because we didn’t go out everyone knew how much they had to pay before the trip.
I would have declined a 700 Dollar request. I would have asked for her bank account sheets. Of course, I wouldn’t let her down on debt, but you don’t know the person and I really also would have asked for the bill. We mostly just split everything with paying or directly say: I will cover X drinks, you have to pay for more yourself.
Have to add: we married quite young. Most of my guests were students at university and in the end we were happy we got enough money as gifts to cover the party costs (with the support of our parents) and not have to go into debt for it.
I was a bridesmaid for a college friend who got married almost 20 years ago. Helped cover bachelorette party as well as my own costs, plus did shower gifts and a wedding check gift. Once she got married, it was like I was forgotten about. I understood that her hubby was a priority but she would cancel plans on me and saw me mainly as her single friend. She contacted me was when the Great Recession hit and she was in financial trouble; I wasn't in a place to lend her money (I found out that I would not have a job by the end of 2010) and she stopped talking to me after that.
I know I'm in the minority but I desperately regret not spending more on my wedding. It was such an important day to me and it was a complete disaster, I don't even have a wedding portrait, and now I'm spending more than I did on my own wedding to go to other people's. I'm glad I didn't have to go into debt to get marriee but I wish I'd had a day.
Would you mind going a bit more into detail about what you think would have been better if you weren't as frugal? :) I recently got married and we spend like 5k (€ that is) for everything including our outfits and rings and for me it was a perfect day.
@MartinaT95 it was mostly "you get what you pay for." The cake was wrong (I don't mean wrong flavor, I mean I think they scraped "happy birthday" off of someone else's cake the day of), the officiant made up our vows as she went, announced us for the first time as the wrong people, our "professional" photos are so bad we have to use people's cell phone pictures if we ever want a wedding album, I could go on but it gets depressing. We didn't have the money and like I said I'm glad we didn't go into debt but I wish I'd had a day.
I don’t know who you are or what stage of life you are in, but maybe you can have a nice vow renewal ceremony and go all out. You know what you wish you splurged on and what you don’t need to splurge on. You can make it just the way you want because now you know what you like ❤
Honestly the first girl is so sweet and seems like such a good friend. But it’s truly your responsibility to say “no, I’m not paying you $700 for drinks I didn’t drink.” I would’ve been floored if I saw that venmo request.
"What are you, Pitbull?!"
What's weird is that it used to be that a CASH BAR at the reception was tacky but now instead of expecting ppl to pay $5 for a cocktail to keep cost down (all optional and easy to forgo or manage costs by say ordering domestic beer rather than a martini), now they're supposed to pay THOUSANDS in the bridal party and well beyond the basics of dress/tux, hair/makeup (which often was done by the attendant themselves) and maybe chipping in for a pre-wedding night of bar hopping. Like wtf
But why did she just pay the $700….just say fuck no.
She should have sent her $7.00 and the memo: Sprite 🥤
Holy s***. The girl that charged her should be ashamed of herself. And you know it was Nashville 😂
This is one of the gripes I have with woman social norms is that if a conflict comes up, it's preferable to "take the L," as Chelsea put it, rather than to investigate and find the truth. I've been the accountant for large events as well and the tension in the room when I tell people their bill is higher than what they offered is insane. People get embarrassed, and to be fair, I don't think people intentionally underpay (maybe some do,) but most people aren't used to doing the calculation of tax and tip, they just round up to what they think sounds right, but usually that falls short. The process of doing the math is seen like "oh you don't trust me?" rather than, "lets all pay for exactly what we got." Of course not everyone is this way but it is such a common occurrence that we can have hours long podcasts about this exact issue. The secret expectations around weddings and modern day bride-culture is insanely toxic.
Are people not showing receipts to the group traveling? I always show receipts of every place when I'm in charge of planing a trip with a group.
Nope, the $700 is all on this girl for paying instead of asking to see receipts and actually making it fair. It’s on you to ask questions instead of blindly going along with a $700 venmo request when you don’t even know how much everything cost that night.
Just got home today from a wedding where I spent more than I ever planned to or expected, so to open my feed to this video is wild! Appreciate it so much, though!
You can tell that Abi is such a sweetheart. I can totally see why she is often invited to weddings and I bet she is able to create wonderful friendships. She seems so kind and warmhearted.
On the other side, I can also see that it can be hard to say to your beloved friends that you're not (fully) participating with all the festivities leading to and being their major milestones because of money even though of course it should be easy and okay to set boundaries.
I'm glad she was able to get rid of the debt this quickly and she had the capacities to solve this problem all by herself. All the best to her!! 🎉
Oh no no no. I’ve put down some money to smooth things over occasionally but absolutely not would anyone be getting that amount out of me if I only had a sprite. My politeness has a max price and it’s approximately $50 over what I actually owe, ain’t one cent more 😂😂
After being in the wedding party for three weddings, i started telling my friends to please not ask me to be in the wedding party, or basically letting them know my answer will be a polite no if you ask. It worked.
Thank God I hadn't any friends
Statistically speaking you'll die young😢
That’s not normal to not have any friends
It can be normal, no judgement here
No friends, no drama! Focus on you. ❤
@@kasey33 humans evolved to be social creatures, this is not normal. Don't encourage it
Yeah the part that hits me hard about attending weddings is that single people are always expected to pay just as much as couples for things but the couples have 2 incomes & paying for a hotel room for 3 nights & Ubers to & from airports, etc , is way more affordable with 2.
That is often overlooked and not factored in & it’s really unfair.
Yes I think there’s an episode that being in a couple helps you save money haha
DINKs! DINKWADs!
(Dual Income, No Kids, With a Dog). That is what I aspire to be.
and we never get a plus one!
I completely agree with this! It’s so irritating that couples don’t realize that it costs so much more to be single just in general but also attending events, especially if you’re single, don’t get a plus one, and aren’t necessarily close to anyone else there.
This is why I disagree with what she said about registries in your 30s is tacky. Why doesn’t love in your 30s deserve as much celebration/gifting as when you’re in your 20s? Maybe the gift items change but the desire to celebrate and be celebrated shouldn’t. I’m 38, just got married for the first time, with only 30 people there. So I’m not talking about the wedding industrial complex here.
Especially bc all this time being single has been more expensive for us, yet we’ve gifted for everyone else’s bridal showers, weddings, baby showers etc. Why can’t we want those things in return when they finally happen for us?
I think it’s so strange you didn’t just remind the other guest that you didn’t drink alcohol and say you’re not paying. There would be no drama from that imo. It’s simple and reasonable
"You are a saint for not going after that woman" is perpetuating the taboo though? Why shouldn't she feel comfortable asking follow-up questions when asked to pay $700 that doesn't make sense to her? Idk I find it difficult to sympathize with the guest here, she made her own mess, don't blame society..
This was such a good conversation!!
These type of weddings have to stop unless the bride is willing to pay all expenses. Also, research shows a large percentage of weddings costing over 25k, end in divorce. Waste of $$$.
I'm a woman in my 30s and almost never think about weddings
Lucky lol
Same, my husband and I got married at 20 and 21, most of our friends were married by 23, so it's not even a thought anymore.
Watching this, I'm feeling very proud about the costs of my wedding. My bachelorette party was snacks and a Pure Romance presentation, before which I told everyone that they are required to not buy anything unless they want to. I only had my Maid of Honor, who did her own makeup (no specialists) but I paid for her hair and her dress, which I required to be something that she could wear again. My only requirement was that there was blue in it, and she wore it for a job interview! My registry had a wide range of prices, as low as $5 and a couple items that were a few hundred dollars, and most between $10-20. Shocked me that the expensive things (a grill and an outdoor table set) sold first. My whole wedding cost $4,013 in 2016, and very little got passed on to my bridal party.
My husband and his best man wore suits they already owned!
I always thought that the couple paid for the bridesmaids dresses, hair, makeup etc because why would you make someone buy a strange dress? I was shocked when a friend told me how much she paid for things she would never have purchased but had to because she was asked to be a bridesmaid. AND she and her mom bought the bride a kitchenaid mixer!
She spent 10k on attending weddings and bachelorette parties… she also went to 7 weddings in one year and was traveling for each of them. Far from realistic for most people. Also. You are an adult… if you can’t afford something, you can say no. No one is forcing you to go into credit card debt.
I would have also gone back to that girl and said something along the lines of “hey, I thought I wasn’t getting charged for drinks since I only had a sprite. Did I misunderstand that?”
She spent more than 10k really. Bc the 10k is the debt she incurred *after* running out of money
The contracts and how hard it is to break them in the wedding industry also makes honest conversation between the bride and the bridesmaid pretty difficult even if we summon up some courage to do so. When I spoke up for myself that I was not happy with an arrangement that I was expected to pay as a bridesmaid that was nearly 30% of my monthly income, the bride responded empathetically but ultimately did not back out of the arrangement/contract that was already in place. Ugh but I feel Abby's frustration.
I love these personal and specific money stories!
Venmo? Denied and blocked.
Now that is something I won’t and don’t do. It’s your celebration but not at my literal personal expense. I’ll celebrate you from the cheap seats cause your life doesn’t contribute to my financial goals. ❤
Actually lost it at "godless urbanite heathen" - same girl same 😂
If you put yourself into 5 figure debt to go to other people's weddings, that's on you....
Chelsea, I wanted to thank you. I had a wedding last year, and took a lot of your content into consideration regarding spending on the day, clear communication with bridesmaids, expectations and boundaries with family, and bachelorette party plan. Yes, it was hard to say "no" to things. But it was great success, we made some unconventional choices, everyone expressed very positive feedback, and now we're on track to put together a house deposit. 🙏
My husband and I got married on a small sailboat in St. Michael's. We chose the location because we didn't want to have to make hard decisions on who to invite; we both thought gifts for a gay couple who have everything they need is ridiculous; and Maryland was the only state where the citizens voted to allow gay marriage. While I love the institution of marriage, and I've been to many weddings that were fun and beautiful, the marriage industry itself preys on adult children who watched too many Disney princess movies. This was a great episode.
I never liked the idea of a bride giving a gift to future bridesmaids with “bridesmaids gear” (bridesmaid wine glass, candle, tote bag, sunglasses, etc) BEFORE asking them if they’re ok with being a bridesmaids first. It creates so much pressure to get a “bridesmaid gift” as a way of being asked to be one, and if you’re being recorded for a reaction, it would make you look bad to decline and be like sorry I can’t afford to be a bridesmaid and here’s this gift back that I’d never use after this occasion…
When you put the whole picture together its easier to see that a lot of this nowadays is done for showing off through social media competition between people. Otherwise there would be a whole lot more heart-felt consideration for guests rather than putting people on a spot, guilt tripping them, implying in subtle ways that they need to be on board or they cant attend, et cetera.
People get some kind of a high from going over the top, documenting it and showing off and with that they keep expanding the whole new industrial wedding business model. Its not that different from "lifestyle creep" and "keeping up with joneses"
The narrative that women in their 20s and 30s are constantly attending or participating in weddings has never matched my reality. At 33, I've never even been to a single wedding. Some of it is because I don't have a large number of friends (I've had 4 or 5 friends I've been close enough with that I likely would have been at least invited to their weddings if they'd had one), but most of it is because almost no one I know has gotten married. I know quite a few people in long-term relationships that have gone on for 6, 7 years+, but none of them have taken that step to get married. The only people I see getting married are former high school friends who live in other parts of the country (I live in NYC), which tells me that financial stability (or lack thereof) among the friends and acquaintances near me is probably a reason why they haven't.
This is your reality you can’t speak for other women.
@@laluta9 How is she speaking for other women? She's mentinioning how in our society that the 20-30s is a time when women are constantly apart of or going to weddings which is true. She is saying for her reality that narrative doesn't check out. I'm 27 and will be going to my first friend wedding next January. I know of others (old aquaintances at this point) mostly from high school who have probabbly been or gone to at least 5 weddings the last few years
This is similar to my experience between ages 20-35. I did not attend any friends weddings because they just didn’t get married. They pretty much all wanted to be child free and without that impetus there never seemed to be a rush to get married.
I’ve been to three wedding for friends who were brides but I wasn’t close enough to be asked to be a bridesmaid. A lot of my other close friends just never got married, it doesn’t help that I am in the military and I move around a bit. So I too am a little confused with all these wedding woman in their 20s and 30s are constantly asking to be a part of lol
$700?? even if I had it its a HEYALLL NAWWW! no no no no no! I'm not getting married but my ideal wedding is courthouse and a backyard BBQ! y'all aint putting me in debt 😂.
I am so glad someone is having these conversations
Ironically, the reality for wedding guests has completely flipped ! Wedding in ancient times used to be a whole village preparing a party for the newlyweds and giving them what they could (the baker will bake the cake etc). Now its the newlyweds choosing a very expensive wedding and imposing a crazy price on the guests ...
I need more details about the 700 Vemo request because I'm not sending anything if I only had Sprite and that's A LOT even if it was split between many other people since she said it was a larger bachelorette party. Maybe...just maybe....that was the bill for food? Or maybe they were bar/restaurant hoping and different groups of people were taking care of the bill and it was her and the other girls turn? I need more details about it because it makes no sense to send the money if it wasn't her contribution to the tab.
Financial boundaries. I needed this.