The view of autism was very different when this man was in school, tho. OP is still right, but we have to remember, this man was born and raised when the hard R word thrown around like candy at a Halloween parade.
@@alexismyers6053 my self and my siblings are in David's age range so things certainly were different back in the 80's and 90's in regards to autism and other mental issues. However this also means David and his parents saw the many changes which occurred with understanding mental issues and had access to the internet like so many did for the last 2 decades. For 2 decades they had ample opportunities to get David help and therapy to make him more sociable and independent. They choose not to do so. Even though OP is right to not invite him it's truly sad that their brother has to suffer being an outcast because mom and dad failed David.
Autism is not the same for everybody. OP gave a couple of examples, but the reality is that it is likely to be something David does all the time. You have a bbq and get loads of fun facts about that and how you can give everyone food poisoning. You are shopping for something and you get a load of fun facts about whatever item you are buying. You serve dinner and you get fun facts about everything on the menu, some of them putting you off the food. The constant drip of fun facts and spoiling special moments, will make you sensitive to them. Even with historic views his parents should have been trying to encourage more social behaviour. Never too late and should be seeking support/social groups for him.
He sounds just like my ex. Never even bothers to call our kids, visits maybe 3 afternoons a year, but tells everyone I keep them from him and screams that he'll take me for custody over me setting even basic boundaries (like the time I told him to give us 24 hours heads up bc the kids are teens and have their own plans)
Yeah, OP needs to inform the court, mediator, and / or lawyers what the ex is saying about what he really wants from custody. Then the courts will figure out the actual custody arrangement the ex wants and apply the appropriate child support.
The story that really worries me and that no one is commenting on is the woman who moved to New Zealand, and is putting her hubby through college while he feels it's his right to control her and her mothers money. Grab your passport and get out!
It sounds like one of those creepy stories where she ends up being isolated and abused and her family is too far away to help her. Maybe she could tell him that she will visit her mother instead and then just not come back.
It worries me, too. The only reason the husband hasn't ruined her birth control to trap her with a baby is she's paying all his college bills. If she does get pregnant, they'll turn her into a house slave.
I didn't fully catch if she actually did join their account. But, the signs are there for her to get them separated again for her plans to move out of that place.
S1- parents aren't doing David any favours. As an autistic person, we aren't above treating others well and learning how to read the room, time/place etc.
Exactly. Our son is autistic and his fun facts are actually pleasant. The brother sounds intentionally nasty. He generally gets along well with others. He also went to regular school classes. We actually parented him though.
@ This is what happens when you pamper your special needs kid. Our son is in his second year if college in engineering and doing well. He had a summer job last summer and they have him planned to come back next summer. He plays an instrument in a local orchestra and the director asked him to stay as a TA after he turns 20 ( he cannot be a student at that point because it’s a HS group). They need some adjustments (he wears ear plugs because noise is overwhelming) but this behavior in the story sounds like he’s a spoiled brat
@@alexismyers6053 well if he does not work, does not get to go out without a parent, and has no friends then it's safe to assume he has loads of time to look that stuff up.
@@alexismyers6053 yeah, he probably did. Cause it's pleasant for him, and possibly he thought he was helping. The "fun facts" sharing, or "infodumping" is an activity many autistic people enjoy, and mostly practice with people they like. He can have big trouble "reading the room". He is a sponge for knowledge, bits and pieces, and finds it hard to keep a "fun fact" to himself, in the hopes that others might enjoy the facts as well. Sadly, not many do, and it's understandable. He is old enough that his siblings don't necessarily even know it's a neurological issue that just makes him "weird" and see malice where it doesn't really exist. Possibly he could have learned better skills but was never really pushed to.
Story #2: NTA!! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Tell the judge that you're being harassed and ask for full custody, triple child support and alimony! That way all he has to worry about is paying you every month!
Which I hope by OP not inviting them due to their enabling will help them see the light. Who am I kidding? They never will and will expect OP and siblings to be David’s keeper after they leave this world.
S2- the 50/50 custody is a joke for the ex to think that she should do 90% of the primary parenting and he does basically nothing to avoid paying CS. I had to listen to that story twice to hear that he understood that while his daughter was in his custody, he needed to make sure she was fed, entertain, watched over, cleaned etc. and that op was going to come over and be a nanny until daughter’s bedtime.
Story 1: Everyone understands David. It's the parents that don't understand David and, as a result, don't understand the world doesn't have to like him just because he talks a lot about what he wants. Yes, perhaps he is autistic, but I highly doubt he's stupid. I would not be the least bit surprised that he's doing this on purpose because he just has to hide behind mommy and daddy. But if he's truly unable to understand, then he's screwed over big time since his parents made it impossible for people to like David.
The other kids are glass children its sad. They shouldn't have spend a wedding in his schadow. Last comment is stupid. IT does help to exclude him and parents from the wedding it gives a lot less stress. Btw i don't know he neurodeversion. Mij daughter has a lot of fun facts about everything. I tell her to chill about other people not everyone has the same interest. I get the feeling that this behavior is enabled he getsvattention with it from mum.. could be a golden child situation.
Story 1 - NTA. Tell you parents, "Oh, fun fact. Y'all are the reason he's a 40 year old virgin living in your basement. No self respecting woman would want him." But then again, I'm petty AF.
The OP’s ex husband is learning what it means when you are a divorced dad and have 50/50 custody. His demand of OP picking up after him and tending to their daughter all of the time. Dude it doesn’t work that way. If he is unable to handle that then he needs to be the non primary custody parent and deal with it. He needs to put his big divorced boy pants on and tell his family to leave his ex alone because he isn’t able to be an active 50/50 custody parent due to his work and (weaponized incompetence) schedule.
Yeah. The main reason I can't keep a job is my *physical* health. The areas where time blindness really causes problems is with one-time things like doctor appointments. I end up setting a *lot* of alarms. Wonder what he considers "weird political beliefs."
Also, there are prank videos and there are prank videos. There is a channel on here called 'just for laughs', a group of professional pranksters who mostly do harmless things. Think about asking someone to hold their dog when they go to a bathroom and come out with a similar-looking dog.
Story 2-Lady, take that dude to court if you must. Demand primary custody if at all possible. Your "husband" wants to avoid paying childcare without having the child in his custody and care for the kid. No judge is going to support the guy's version of 50/50 and if he tries to explain the logic to the judge, chances are good you'll get primary or even sole custody because who in their right minds wants to send kids to a parent who clearly does not want them and cannot care for them.
Last story- op needs to seperate their finances and run. Shes being used as an atm. The inlaws being in their finances is absolutely cult level psychotic
The laundry story is ridiculous, I mean this is another story if the roles were reversed many people would not be complaining about a woman doing a man’s underwear but since it’s a woman then it’s an issue
my thoughts exactly. It's not like OP went into her room and rummaged through her things to get it. He didn't do the laundry because he was sinister. Say OP made her lunch, would she be upset because a man touched the bread that she'd be placing in her mouth. She also doesn't seem upset that OP was living there while she was visiting.
As a woman I'd be pissed if another woman did my laundry without asking much less another man. I just don't want other people handling my laundry ever- favor or no it's just weird
Absolutely I wanted to shake the commenters on that one. If she didn’t want her laundry washed, she should’ve kept it in a bag in her own room, not put it in the laundry room. Or maybe even use her grown-up words and said something like hey I’ll do my laundry later. I’ve got some stuff in there. I wanna make sure I take care of in a certain way. But she decided to just be freaked out because heaven forbid a man touch her underwear. 10:15
New Zealander here, the last story is concerning, coz if OPs husband is a nz citizen he will qualify for govt interest free student loan, which does not have to be paid back until he starts earning over a certain amount, so what he is getting from her to put towards college???
I'm sure she's paying most of the household bills without realizing it. The husband and the parents are using her as a cash cow. When she "accidentally" gets pregnant, they'll turn her into the house slave.
I remember a family gathering at my grandparents, my sisters and female cousins were mostly early teens. Grandmother was sorting laundry she had done and found an undergarment she didn't recognize and assuming it was a granddaughter's held it up and said, "Who's itty bitty bra is this?" Her youngest daughter, married and with a daughter of her own, rushes in blushing and snatches it from grandma's hands , saying "Mo-ther!"
Story 2: Genius doesn't understand what 50/50 custody is. If he doesn't want actual 50/50 custody don't settle for less than full custody on your end. He will neglect the child.
The laundry thing is weird.. my husband's friends were staying for a week, and i just grabbed any dirty clothes i found and washed them. Maybe it is because i am a chick, but that seems like double standards
It's more than double standards. I would not stand there and let some prissy B go off on me in my house. All because I did the laundry. I'd be telling her to GTFO. She can get herself a hotel room. If GF doesn't like it. She can go with her friend. After her friend is gone. We'll have a talk. I'm not taking that crap from her or her friends.
It's not that "all men" will do bad things, but that you should ask permission to make people comfortable. Perverts will go through women's used laundry and steal the underwear to sniff and wank to later. A police officer was caught on someone's home security footage sniffing their girl toddler's underwear, and it hit the news. It is a thing that happens. Women have caught their roommate's boyfriends stealing their underwear, those stories have gone viral on Reddit. Just don't touch any of their things without permission.
David is the perfect example of why INT and WIS are two different stats. Intelligence is knowing that the diamond industry is pretty messed up, wisdom is knowing that your brother's engagement is not the ideal time to bring that up.
Laundry story. NTA. She wasn’t mad that someone else touched her laundry. She was mad that a man touched her the laundry and the way the girlfriend be back her up solidified that this wasn’t about OP asking permission to do the laundry. It was the fact that he did her laundry while being a man.
On the other hand, a lot of bras and panties need specific care for washing, so it really depends on how much care OP actually took to do this. I feel like OP should have checked with the friend if they wanted to have their cloths washed together, rather than just doing it.
It's a kind gesture, yes, but you shouldn't touch a guest's stuff without permission. All he had to do was say "hey I'm doing laundry later. Do you want me to toss your stuff in with ours?"
@@DigitalCowboy000 I could ask basically the same question to you, why are you assuming OP did read the labels? As my second sentence reads, it does depend a lot on if OP did the laundry correctly by the label (though some people do things differently from the label too). Regardless, one simple question would have avoided all the issues.
Last Story: What tf was that? OP, what are you doing with this guy? How does a lack of comprehension equal he's just shy?? "Well I'm stuck with this now" she says. No honey, a thing called divorce exists.
Right? Buy this house and let your brother live in it rent free in perpetuity on a vague promise to buy the house "someday" at what I'm sure will be below market value. GTFOH.
Laundry woes: The Opie should henceforth do *only* his own laundry, and let The GF do her own, too. No favors. Ever. After all, he doesn't want to get berated again, right?
Agree if it's the GF but diaagree if it's the guest. OP doesn't know if she has any allergies to certain washing detergent or perfumes. Other then that he's like: I did something nice for you. Be thankful! Uhm no? I didn't ask you to do that and why would OP touch a stranger's underwear? Like WTF? Who does that? Sure she is GF's best friend but not his.
OP should tell his GF and her friend. Since you're going to act like I stole your CC. Don't worry. I'll Never do Anything for you again. I'll start with G T F out of my house. Go get you a hotel room. If GF has a problem with that. She can go stay with her friend.
Yuppers. Op should apologize, let gf & BFF know that it will never happen again and that BFF's implications have made op uncomfortable and she will not be allowed to stay at their home again
@@Allmight_Kitty She left her stuff in the laundry room. Keep your stuff to yourself or tell people you're allergic to their washing detergent if you have a problem. If you don't use your words like an adult then someone might... gasp... do something nice to you. THE AUDACITY.
What has the gf have anything to do with it ? Her friend has bounderies she asked him to not touch her clothes again. And bc the gf agrees he needs to now punish her for it ? Yeah doesn't sound toxic at all.. she could have had wash that's delicate, she could have had blood stains from her period on her underwear, many bras need special wash or else they loose shape & its expensive af. Or maybe its just intimate or she just doesn't like ppl touching or going through her things. That's 100% something you ask for & ppl are not horribly entitled bc they ask you to not touch their belongings. I am in the twilight zone ?? I had been doing my wash since 15yo & even at uni I had to tie it up & hiding ut underneath my bed, where she sometimes went to take it anyways, bc my mother could not respect not washing my clothes. And she would shrink it & fade the colors so many times. Ruin my bras a lot. Who knows if op is competent ? Nobody implied it bc he was man that he could be unskilled. Even ppl who do the wash regularly frick it up when it's a different fabric they are used to. I also don't want my friends bf to go through my period underwear tf. Like wtf are ppl are so obsessed with defending him bc he gets brownie points for being man who does laundry that everyone is missing the point. Don't touch ppls belongings without their permission, this shouldn't be debatable.
Uhm... if you are a guest/are traveling, the NORMAL thing to do is put your own dirty clothes in a plastic bag in your suitcase so you can do your own laundry when you get home. If you leave your clothes in a laundry bin in someone else's house, you really should NOT be surprised when they get washed. She's just being sexist, because she would have absolutely zero problems if the woman had washed her crusty undies.
Yeah, I thought the BFF was a bit odd. She is only staying for a week so why would she place her dirty clothes in her host's laundry room instead of keeping her stuff with the rest of her belongings? I have stayed in the homes of family members while on vacation and even there, my clothing (dirty or clean) stayed in the room where I slept.
S2- ops ex has never had to parent and now wants to have his cake and eat it too by wanting to not have child care but also not pay child support. And his family enable this nonsense. Absolutely pathetic
There are alarms and other things you can get to help you with this problem. He's just to lazy. My one g-daughter has it very bad, but she has a watch that reminds her very loudly of everything from in the morning to get up until tonight when she finally goes to bed. It is her best friend and so far it has kept her from being late for anything. She holds down a job and and none of us is ever going crazy wondering if she's OK.
I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts he told the real truth about white wedding dresses not being a traditional thing but rather started by Queen Victoria with her Irish Crochet dress that was all in white. Before that wedding dresses tended to be blue or whatever really nice gown someone had. And that upset someone because they were firmly in the "white is for purity" camp which actually came waaay after it became The Thing to wear white at a wedding. About engagement rings: that was literally started by a very effective jewelry campaign including the "you need to spend three months of your salary on it!!!" about a hundred years ago. Before that, engagement gifts could be anything, even a really nice red apple.
@@mbyerly9680 Lbr the chances they're from a western country is high given the terminology and attitudes so unless he had a specific interest in the marriage custom of other cultures he's not likely to know them.
It's ok for a tradition to start from a single person wearing a pretty dress and it going "viral" in the days before viral, that's still a "traditional thing." We can start traditions at any time for any reason really, they don't have to come from the superstitions of our ancestors. It sounds to me that it's not the "fun facts" themselves, though they do sound annoyed at some of them in particular; it's that he dominates the "conversations" and info dumps the entire time. He can't read the room and has no boundaries. His mother forces everyone to let him regurgitate every factoid he's ever heard at all times. Some of my friends welcome info dumping, but when I'm out with other people, I have to let them talk about things too. A lot of my problems growing up were from my tendency to just rattle off every fact I knew about everything that came up, instead of what was relevant and appropriate at the time. They wanted to have a dress fitting as a fun day for the girls to say positive things about their bodies and the wedding and the dresses. They wanted to have a nice positive uplifting wedding, without the guy following guests around telling them about the divorce rates from 1980 to 2010.
You're doing it too. Except here whoever doesn't want to interact with you is not forced to interact with you. And you're also one comment among many but David seems to have main character syndrome and their parents don't care if he is inconsiderate, inappropriate or annoying others.
Last story: Anger is an emotion like all other emotions. It's a valid emotion. People are allowed to get angry. OP should get so angry it gives her the strength to leave her husband and his controlling family. Otherwise she will be treated as a doormat until the day she dies.
Laundry story: Friends clothes shouldn’t have been in the laundry room since it sounds like OP does laundry regularly (or gf would be freaking out more that he went out of his way to do it). When you provide a guest with a laundry basket, the guest keeps it in the guest room with them generally.
That is not what time-blindness is. Time blindness is "a difficulty with accurately perceiving and managing time. It is not a formal medical diagnosis, but rather a term used to describe a range of symptoms that can impact a person's ability to plan, organize, and execute tasks on time." It has nothing to do with alarms or being unable to read a clock.
@@smramos1979 And let's not forget the fact alarms are not a "fix" for time blindness. You can turn off the alarm, get distracted, five minutes turn to 30 before you realize. Alarms are literally useless when you're dealing with a perception issue in your brain.
I can explain it. It's because we've dealt with way too many creeps. There's too many out there who have made inappropriate comments, touched without permission, sniffed us weirdly and stolen panties. It's unfortunate, but it's why we're a little touchy about personal items like underwear.
While traveling in France, a colleague and I were staying in a small hotel. I had asked the owner if there were any laundromats where I can do laundry. He offered to do my laundry. He combined it with my colleague’s and washed it all in hot water, including my pair of red underwear. My fault for not telling him to use cold water and my colleague was quite perturbed that all his white things were now a delightful pink. I had a white shirt with a black stylized fish pattern and I must say the shirt looked so much better in pink.😂
Mixed washing - how ridiculous that friend is being. Op did the friend’s washing, he wasn’t keeping her underwear as souvenirs. I really cannot be bothered with these ridiculous non-problems.
Where I live, water rates are rather high. Doing everyone’s underwear separately would be a waste of water, detergent, and electricity. OP did a nice gesture and was treated like perv of the year.
I live in an apartment with terrible laundry machines. So i drive to my parents and do loads there. Sometimes i have more than i have time for that day. At first, i always made sure i did my bf and my underwear first, but then i might not have pants. All because i didnt want my parents to have to mess with them. I have given up as they do not care. Theyre both retired
Story 1: it is a definite hard NTA for OP or his fiancé. Because while I can understand that OP’s brother might struggle with things do to be mentally disabled, I myself have autism, adhd and ocd, it is no excuse to act so condescendingly or better than anyone else whenever he says his “fun facts”, which I will point out, nobody asked him for nor cared about whatsoever. And the parents are absolute asshats for not only enabling his obscene behavior but also for coddling and sheltering him from the consequences of his actions and behavior as well as the cold and harsh reality of the world. So OP was right to not invite his brother or his parents to his wedding. Because it is obvious that the brother would just make the whole wedding about himself and their parents would do nothing but make excuses for his behavior. At this point I can see that when the parents are gone and the very second OP’s brother gets hit with the reality that the real world doesn’t care and how he feels he is going to cry for mommy and daddy dearest to come and save him because they never bothered to correct his behavior or pushed him to get his life together sooner.
This right here. I'm autistic. I've also never been great in social situations. But I am aware enough to know that people aren't going to want to be around you if you always try to show off how "intelligent" you are, especially if you throw a hissy fit once they've made it clear they want to drop the subject. And to any parent out there: If you have a child that behaves like this and you don't correct them on it, not only will people grow to dislike your kid sooner or later, but they aren't going to be very fond of you, either.
The story about the uncle telling the parents to actually parent... I also was concerned. They've been at work all day and after dinner nobody spends time with the kid?
First one: 40, doesn't work and has no manners? All the parents what their plants are for him when they are dead? They probably think they'll leave everything to him PLUS his siblings will have to take care of him.
I feel awful for david as his parents let him down so much. Please beg them to get him specialised care and counselling so he can develop his skills. But by all means no to the wedding.
The launch story had me laughing. If the OP had been a woman doing a male guests laundry. Und the gyest went ballistic. Everyone would be on the women's side. If OP's wife had done the guest's laundry, I agree that she wouldn't have had a problem with it.
I’d be weirded out if someone went through my underwear, man or woman. But I’d probably be that little bit more uncomfortable if it were a man. The reasons for that should be obvious.
@averycheesypotato it would be weird if he went searching for it, but she out it on their laundry room with their stuff, what did she think was gonna happen?
50/50 custody story please go to court op with you having primary custody he needs to pay child support. If that’s the route you go you can definitely force him to be a parent
I love how one very idiotic reddior somehow things being married and having a kid means you have your life together means you have your life together it doesn’t nor does it make you a good parent
Time blindness is real but it’s your job to recognize that it affects you and come up with strategies (usually alarms and gps ( to know exactly how long it takes to get somewhere)) to stay on track.
The laundry story: I would give OP a gentle YTA. Some people are very private about their things, especially underwear. He was trying to be nice, but you really shouldn’t be touching other people’s private things without permission. Apologize for overstepping, and don’t do it again unless you’ve talked to the friend about it first.
Parenting story: I'm sorry, being "time blind" is not a diagnosis. We are all time blind at some point or another. It's why we can drive back and forth to work without even realizing what we've passed because we're so used to it.
1-NTA but is David neurodivergent or on the spectrum? If your parents are enabling his behavior they are in for a shock when the get older and David can't take care of them and none of the rest of the family are full on NC. Not to mention where David will be after they die. 2-NTA F your ex and his family. Ex needs to man up and be a parent. 3-ESH. If the friend didn't want you to wash the clothes then the clothes should have stayed in her room. F the commenter's trying to call him out. Op, you did a nice thing. 4-YTA WHOA! Do you have kids? 5-NTA You need to have your own account and a shared one for communal expenses, ASAP. Time to talk to a lawyer and run!
Story1: NTA. Its not about David spouting the "fun facts". It's about the fact that he has no respect for boundaries and doesn't take a hint when someone tells him to shut up. It sounds like he interrupts and talks over other people and doesn't let them get a word in. This is entirely the fault of the parents for enabling/encouraging this behavior. They have infantilized him and kept him dependent on them instead of teaching him how to function in the adult world. This is a huge disservice to him and everyone else. It sounds like the parents don't respect boundaries either so it's a learned behavior. Laundry story: ESH. I don't care what someone's gender is, you don't mess with someone's laundry without asking them. I can understand the friend being irritated that he messed with her laundry without asking but the whole "men shouldn't touch laundry" is an AH move. I will say that I think OP had good intentions and had he asked permission to do the laundry it would have been fine. If OP had been a woman it still would have been the right thing to ask. The sexism from both women in the story sucks. Prank watching video: YTA. I get being concerned and all but there are better ways to have broached it. Could have expressed concern for the child's wellbeing without telling the sister she was a terrible parent. OP is still mentally a child himself with how he acts. As an aside, I have numerous friends who are neurodivergent and they still manage to hold down jobs. It's not always easy and at least one of them has gone through numerous jobs-- got fired a LOT-- but he finally found the right therapist and is doing much better.
11:26 You called your sister a bad mom for, “having a kid too young,” and watching a RUclips video. And now you’re complaining your parents are going to kick you out at 30? Yk what I think? I think you’re *too old* to be living off mommy and daddy. 💀
And doing the math, "too young" is *24* as far as he's concerned. The hell? My maternal grandma was working on her third kid at that age. Raised seven in total and was considered an honorary mom by some neighbor kids. A lot of her sons- and daughters-in-law were closer to her than to their *own parents.* My own mom had me when she was 24 (she turned 25 five months after my birth). Having kids in your 20s is *normal.* There's less risk of certain congenital conditions when you have kids at that age, too.
I also can do some math. Those ridiculous prank shows were also going on when OP was a kid, but they were just on TV. In particular the show Jackass is pretty much exactly what most prank channels are like and were a big thing for preteen to teenage boys back in the early 00s (right when OP would have been about his nephew's age). Yes, the kid not being interacted with is a generally bad sign, but that's something that's been going on in different ways for generations. If the parents literally don't interact with their kids every night, it's a pretty big issue.
@@patrickdix772Well, OP is the one saying they don't interact with their kid but they did have dinner with their son and then had individual time for themselves while the kid was just in the next room quietly watching RUclips. And they absolutely did know what their kid was watching and they were ok with it. The child was openly watching it.
Story 1: David's "fun facts" were not about the wedding dress. They were about the bride. Nobody wants a would-be insult comic at their wedding, and David's performance at the dress shopping showed how he would have behaved at the wedding. No wonder the sister eloped!
I'm ADHD - I have been able to hold a full-time job even before I was medicated. It was hard for me to be a good PARTNER before getting medicated, as I used literally all of my energy at work. But years of talk therapy and going back on medication (I quit taking meds when I was 18), I hold a full-time job and am a more-or-less capable partner.
Child free people who tell folks with kids how to raise them are the worst. They have never sat up with a crying baby for hours, potty trained or even changed a diaper but they feel they have something to contribute!
The story about the brother complaining about how his sister is raising her 8 year old…. Nta… to a degree. He is correct that as a parent you should always monitor what your child is watching. You should never get so wrapped up in your own shit that you are ignoring your child, and this is coming from a single mother of two and grandma of 4 aunty and great aunt. I raised my kids for the most part alone and even though I worked and went to school I still knew where my kids were, who they were with, what they were doing or likely doing and how they were. I didn’t just sit my kids in front of the tv and then went to do my thing. I watched tv with them. I gave up my soap operas so that they could watch educational programs on PBS. I watched with them to answer questions and make funny comments that kept them interested while encouraging them to think. My son played video games as a kid and I would play with him even when his friends were over or I’d watch them play and get a chuckle outta listening to them argue with the game and accuse it of cheating 😂 I used to play with my brother when the first gaming system Sega Genesis came out. When the PlayStation One came out and then the Game Cube I used it as a way of bonding with my son especially when he hit the age around 8 years old. You have to be careful what your kid is looking at especially with boys and especially with stuff like prank shows or videos or people doing dare devil stunts. Otherwise your kid will be trying dangerous stunts cause it looked easy and no big deal or pranking people because the people in the video make it seem harmless and funny. Not everybody likes or appreciates pranks. I personally hate them unless both people involved are laughing and okay with it and the pranks are harmless. Op was only wrong in his delivery… how he approached his sister on the issue. You have to be careful how you say things. Parents get sensitive about their parenting.
Story 1: Parents have abused all of their kids, including David. They're solely responsible for the fact that no one wants to be around him. Stand with your fiancé. Don't allow any more of this.
S3 - OP is clearly the AH. It is not up to him to decide what is best for the child. I'm not even sure what RUclips program the kid was watching. In fact, I get annoy with RUclips for deciding what I can or cannot watch.
The only interesting wedding dress fact is that they weren't white until Queen Victoria got married in one. White dresses became popular after that. Now, for some reason, people think it's an ancient tradition or whatever.
I swear to God, people are so eager to be taken advantage of and controlled that I'm honestly starting to wonder if I'm the sucker for working a real job and not getting myself some of that bang maid sugar momma money.
Laundry story: YTA. You don't know what detergents she's allergic to. When travelling, most women overpack on the tops and the underwear/bras, and wash EVERYTHING when they get home. I'm not saying you are incapable, but my aunt ruined half of my wardrobe by washing dresses on hot that I always washed on cold (the label fell off) when I was in the hospital. But simply put, those ain't yo' clothes.
Story 1: Ok the brother IS the problem…but the main issue is that the parents have a golden child and Op and his siblings were left in the dust. NTA Op you are doing the right thing, also no his fiancée’s comments ARE helpful cause she’s right, the parents SHOULDNT be invited if they act up (which they WILL do)
Unfortunately what is happening with the parents on phone, watching TV and the child on the computer is a norm.The brother is right. When is their any communication between them.This starts with young children being in daycare often8 to 9 hours away.Parents often do not know their children. I am early childhood trained and see these children
TV story: again NTA if parents watched what their kids are watching they wouldnt have to deal with such spoiled brats im with OP watch what your kids are watching if you are gonna make a big deal out of it
The sad part is brother David should have been taught coping skills and how to live as independently as possible.
David's autism was ignored. He was prevented from being socialized to learn how to interact. The parents did him such a disservice.
The view of autism was very different when this man was in school, tho. OP is still right, but we have to remember, this man was born and raised when the hard R word thrown around like candy at a Halloween parade.
@@alexismyers6053 my self and my siblings are in David's age range so things certainly were different back in the 80's and 90's in regards to autism and other mental issues. However this also means David and his parents saw the many changes which occurred with understanding mental issues and had access to the internet like so many did for the last 2 decades. For 2 decades they had ample opportunities to get David help and therapy to make him more sociable and independent. They choose not to do so. Even though OP is right to not invite him it's truly sad that their brother has to suffer being an outcast because mom and dad failed David.
100%
Autism is not the same for everybody. OP gave a couple of examples, but the reality is that it is likely to be something David does all the time. You have a bbq and get loads of fun facts about that and how you can give everyone food poisoning. You are shopping for something and you get a load of fun facts about whatever item you are buying. You serve dinner and you get fun facts about everything on the menu, some of them putting you off the food. The constant drip of fun facts and spoiling special moments, will make you sensitive to them. Even with historic views his parents should have been trying to encourage more social behaviour. Never too late and should be seeking support/social groups for him.
"All child care related tasks..."
I see why OP is dumping him.
And the divorce came out of nowhere.
Bingo.
If he was responsible for all the financial responsibilities, would he be volunteering to continue that, too?
Did he ever want or love his child????
How is he being prevented 50/50 custody when he is literally the one avoiding it? Wt kind of metal gymnastics is that whole family doing?
His parents don't want to take over the childcare either. But they suck for not pointing out that a husband should, you know, actually parent.
And imagine his next step when he realizes that he’ll have to pay child support
He sounds just like my ex. Never even bothers to call our kids, visits maybe 3 afternoons a year, but tells everyone I keep them from him and screams that he'll take me for custody over me setting even basic boundaries (like the time I told him to give us 24 hours heads up bc the kids are teens and have their own plans)
He just doesn’t want to pay child support, or even 50/50
She's refusing to enable him and apparently they find that offensive
OPs ex only wanted 50/50 custody so he could reduce support obligations.
Yeah. What do you bet he will neglêçt those children during his time?
Yeah, OP needs to inform the court, mediator, and / or lawyers what the ex is saying about what he really wants from custody. Then the courts will figure out the actual custody arrangement the ex wants and apply the appropriate child support.
The story that really worries me and that no one is commenting on is the woman who moved to New Zealand, and is putting her hubby through college while he feels it's his right to control her and her mothers money.
Grab your passport and get out!
It sounds like one of those creepy stories where she ends up being isolated and abused and her family is too far away to help her. Maybe she could tell him that she will visit her mother instead and then just not come back.
Separate her money from his. He doesn't need to have access to it. Especially since she seems to be the one paying for everything.
It is absolutely terrifying to me. She definitely needs to get out of there ASAP.
It worries me, too. The only reason the husband hasn't ruined her birth control to trap her with a baby is she's paying all his college bills. If she does get pregnant, they'll turn her into a house slave.
I didn't fully catch if she actually did join their account. But, the signs are there for her to get them separated again for her plans to move out of that place.
Story 2. He wanted 50/50 custody to avoid paying child support. He's been found out with his lack of childcare arrangements
sounds like he’s never actually parented 😕
S1- parents aren't doing David any favours. As an autistic person, we aren't above treating others well and learning how to read the room, time/place etc.
Exactly. Our son is autistic and his fun facts are actually pleasant. The brother sounds intentionally nasty. He generally gets along well with others. He also went to regular school classes. We actually parented him though.
It sounds like he goes out of his way to look up these “fun facts.” Like… who knows that much about wedding dresses off hand?
@ This is what happens when you pamper your special needs kid. Our son is in his second year if college in engineering and doing well. He had a summer job last summer and they have him planned to come back next summer. He plays an instrument in a local orchestra and the director asked him to stay as a TA after he turns 20 ( he cannot be a student at that point because it’s a HS group). They need some adjustments (he wears ear plugs because noise is overwhelming) but this behavior in the story sounds like he’s a spoiled brat
@@alexismyers6053 well if he does not work, does not get to go out without a parent, and has no friends then it's safe to assume he has loads of time to look that stuff up.
@@alexismyers6053 yeah, he probably did. Cause it's pleasant for him, and possibly he thought he was helping. The "fun facts" sharing, or "infodumping" is an activity many autistic people enjoy, and mostly practice with people they like. He can have big trouble "reading the room". He is a sponge for knowledge, bits and pieces, and finds it hard to keep a "fun fact" to himself, in the hopes that others might enjoy the facts as well. Sadly, not many do, and it's understandable. He is old enough that his siblings don't necessarily even know it's a neurological issue that just makes him "weird" and see malice where it doesn't really exist. Possibly he could have learned better skills but was never really pushed to.
1) "let the boy talk." Bs. Dave's no more a boy at 40 then I'm a giraffe.
2) nta. If you want kids you have to step up and take care of them.
He never grew into a man because his parents coddled him into being a forever boy, Mr./Ms. Giraffe.
If you’re fibbing, & really are a giraffe, your english is spot on.
@@catmaxwell6691yeah, this giraffe is pretty smart to find a way to type with those big hooves lol
"Bu--but I never had to care for my kid _before!"_ Bruh.
Story #2: NTA!! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Tell the judge that you're being harassed and ask for full custody, triple child support and alimony! That way all he has to worry about is paying you every month!
There's no such thing as triple child support
@nannettepolcastro4799 I know. It was me just ranting!!🖖🏾🖖🏾
Story 1 NTA David is autistic and the parents suck cause they're doing him no favors
Which I hope by OP not inviting them due to their enabling will help them see the light. Who am I kidding? They never will and will expect OP and siblings to be David’s keeper after they leave this world.
Custody story. Dude only really wanted 50/50 custody so he didn’t have to pay child support.
Yeah, then he started doing the math on child care.
S2- the 50/50 custody is a joke for the ex to think that she should do 90% of the primary parenting and he does basically nothing to avoid paying CS. I had to listen to that story twice to hear that he understood that while his daughter was in his custody, he needed to make sure she was fed, entertain, watched over, cleaned etc. and that op was going to come over and be a nanny until daughter’s bedtime.
Story 1: Everyone understands David. It's the parents that don't understand David and, as a result, don't understand the world doesn't have to like him just because he talks a lot about what he wants. Yes, perhaps he is autistic, but I highly doubt he's stupid. I would not be the least bit surprised that he's doing this on purpose because he just has to hide behind mommy and daddy. But if he's truly unable to understand, then he's screwed over big time since his parents made it impossible for people to like David.
The other kids are glass children its sad. They shouldn't have spend a wedding in his schadow. Last comment is stupid. IT does help to exclude him and parents from the wedding it gives a lot less stress.
Btw i don't know he neurodeversion. Mij daughter has a lot of fun facts about everything. I tell her to chill about other people not everyone has the same interest. I get the feeling that this behavior is enabled he getsvattention with it from mum.. could be a golden child situation.
Story 1 - NTA. Tell you parents, "Oh, fun fact. Y'all are the reason he's a 40 year old virgin living in your basement. No self respecting woman would want him." But then again, I'm petty AF.
They turned him into an incel!
The OP’s ex husband is learning what it means when you are a divorced dad and have 50/50 custody. His demand of OP picking up after him and tending to their daughter all of the time. Dude it doesn’t work that way. If he is unable to handle that then he needs to be the non primary custody parent and deal with it. He needs to put his big divorced boy pants on and tell his family to leave his ex alone because he isn’t able to be an active 50/50 custody parent due to his work and (weaponized incompetence) schedule.
I'm neuro-divergent and time blind. It takes more work to keep myself on a schedule, but its possible. OP is just making excuses.
Same, & agree:) Avoiding the negative attention being constantly late always invited definitely made the effort worthwhile.
Yeah. The main reason I can't keep a job is my *physical* health. The areas where time blindness really causes problems is with one-time things like doctor appointments. I end up setting a *lot* of alarms.
Wonder what he considers "weird political beliefs."
Also, there are prank videos and there are prank videos. There is a channel on here called 'just for laughs', a group of professional pranksters who mostly do harmless things. Think about asking someone to hold their dog when they go to a bathroom and come out with a similar-looking dog.
Time blind aghsjdkc
Story 2-Lady, take that dude to court if you must. Demand primary custody if at all possible. Your "husband" wants to avoid paying childcare without having the child in his custody and care for the kid. No judge is going to support the guy's version of 50/50 and if he tries to explain the logic to the judge, chances are good you'll get primary or even sole custody because who in their right minds wants to send kids to a parent who clearly does not want them and cannot care for them.
Last story- op needs to seperate their finances and run. Shes being used as an atm. The inlaws being in their finances is absolutely cult level psychotic
The laundry story is ridiculous, I mean this is another story if the roles were reversed many people would not be complaining about a woman doing a man’s underwear but since it’s a woman then it’s an issue
my thoughts exactly. It's not like OP went into her room and rummaged through her things to get it. He didn't do the laundry because he was sinister. Say OP made her lunch, would she be upset because a man touched the bread that she'd be placing in her mouth. She also doesn't seem upset that OP was living there while she was visiting.
I would have a problem with it. Not because he saw or touched my panties but because they need to be handwashed.
As a woman I'd be pissed if another woman did my laundry without asking much less another man. I just don't want other people handling my laundry ever- favor or no it's just weird
Absolutely I wanted to shake the commenters on that one. If she didn’t want her laundry washed, she should’ve kept it in a bag in her own room, not put it in the laundry room. Or maybe even use her grown-up words and said something like hey I’ll do my laundry later. I’ve got some stuff in there. I wanna make sure I take care of in a certain way. But she decided to just be freaked out because heaven forbid a man touch her underwear. 10:15
@@anotherloser2858 Then I hope you keep yours with your luggage and not in the host's laundry area
I ❤ the chuckle at the utterance "Hey, we're not all stupid, y'know?!"
New Zealander here, the last story is concerning, coz if OPs husband is a nz citizen he will qualify for govt interest free student loan, which does not have to be paid back until he starts earning over a certain amount, so what he is getting from her to put towards college???
lmfao proof ppl be talking out there butt 😂 you can't buy this. He has nothing to gain but to prevent future financial difficulties.
I'm sure she's paying most of the household bills without realizing it. The husband and the parents are using her as a cash cow. When she "accidentally" gets pregnant, they'll turn her into the house slave.
I remember a family gathering at my grandparents, my sisters and female cousins were mostly early teens. Grandmother was sorting laundry she had done and found an undergarment she didn't recognize and assuming it was a granddaughter's held it up and said, "Who's itty bitty bra is this?" Her youngest daughter, married and with a daughter of her own, rushes in blushing and snatches it from grandma's hands , saying "Mo-ther!"
You did your girlfriend’s female friend’s laundry? Boy I was yelling nooooo at the top of my lungs.
Story 2: Genius doesn't understand what 50/50 custody is. If he doesn't want actual 50/50 custody don't settle for less than full custody on your end. He will neglect the child.
The laundry thing is weird.. my husband's friends were staying for a week, and i just grabbed any dirty clothes i found and washed them. Maybe it is because i am a chick, but that seems like double standards
I don’t know. I wouldn’t want someone washing my underwear with fabric softener bc that can cause infectïøns!!! But that’s just me 💀
@@brookelynnwu8016 Then don't put your clothes in the community laundry basket.
It's more than double standards.
I would not stand there and let some prissy B go off on me in my house. All because I did the laundry. I'd be telling her to GTFO. She can get herself a hotel room. If GF doesn't like it. She can go with her friend. After her friend is gone. We'll have a talk. I'm not taking that crap from her or her friends.
It's not that "all men" will do bad things, but that you should ask permission to make people comfortable. Perverts will go through women's used laundry and steal the underwear to sniff and wank to later. A police officer was caught on someone's home security footage sniffing their girl toddler's underwear, and it hit the news. It is a thing that happens. Women have caught their roommate's boyfriends stealing their underwear, those stories have gone viral on Reddit. Just don't touch any of their things without permission.
@@lindah3803it was not a community laundry basket. It was her own separate basket. And he did it as a separate load of laundry as well.
David is the perfect example of why INT and WIS are two different stats. Intelligence is knowing that the diamond industry is pretty messed up, wisdom is knowing that your brother's engagement is not the ideal time to bring that up.
Laundry story. NTA. She wasn’t mad that someone else touched her laundry. She was mad that a man touched her the laundry and the way the girlfriend be back her up solidified that this wasn’t about OP asking permission to do the laundry. It was the fact that he did her laundry while being a man.
Laundry story: NTA if you don’t want you clothes washed don’t put them in a basket. It’s as simple as that!
Agreed, the OP tried to do a good deed. Und sadly, as the old saying goes, "No good deed goes unpublished."
On the other hand, a lot of bras and panties need specific care for washing, so it really depends on how much care OP actually took to do this. I feel like OP should have checked with the friend if they wanted to have their cloths washed together, rather than just doing it.
@@patrickdix772 why are you assuming that the OP didn't read the labels?
It's a kind gesture, yes, but you shouldn't touch a guest's stuff without permission. All he had to do was say "hey I'm doing laundry later. Do you want me to toss your stuff in with ours?"
@@DigitalCowboy000 I could ask basically the same question to you, why are you assuming OP did read the labels? As my second sentence reads, it does depend a lot on if OP did the laundry correctly by the label (though some people do things differently from the label too). Regardless, one simple question would have avoided all the issues.
Last Story: What tf was that? OP, what are you doing with this guy? How does a lack of comprehension equal he's just shy?? "Well I'm stuck with this now" she says. No honey, a thing called divorce exists.
Last Story: You need to get out!! Take every bit of the money and leave!
Exactly! They want OP to be a legally binding sugar momma
Anybody getting “Do it for Dan” deja vu? 😅
Oi, that was a saga. Dan’s wife had me cringing out loud.
Right? Buy this house and let your brother live in it rent free in perpetuity on a vague promise to buy the house "someday" at what I'm sure will be below market value. GTFOH.
Laundry woes: The Opie should henceforth do *only* his own laundry, and let The GF do her own, too. No favors. Ever.
After all, he doesn't want to get berated again, right?
Agree if it's the GF but diaagree if it's the guest. OP doesn't know if she has any allergies to certain washing detergent or perfumes. Other then that he's like: I did something nice for you. Be thankful! Uhm no? I didn't ask you to do that and why would OP touch a stranger's underwear? Like WTF? Who does that? Sure she is GF's best friend but not his.
OP should tell his GF and her friend. Since you're going to act like I stole your CC. Don't worry. I'll Never do Anything for you again. I'll start with G T F out of my house. Go get you a hotel room.
If GF has a problem with that. She can go stay with her friend.
Yuppers. Op should apologize, let gf & BFF know that it will never happen again and that BFF's implications have made op uncomfortable and she will not be allowed to stay at their home again
@@Allmight_Kitty She left her stuff in the laundry room. Keep your stuff to yourself or tell people you're allergic to their washing detergent if you have a problem. If you don't use your words like an adult then someone might... gasp... do something nice to you. THE AUDACITY.
What has the gf have anything to do with it ? Her friend has bounderies she asked him to not touch her clothes again. And bc the gf agrees he needs to now punish her for it ?
Yeah doesn't sound toxic at all.. she could have had wash that's delicate, she could have had blood stains from her period on her underwear, many bras need special wash or else they loose shape & its expensive af.
Or maybe its just intimate or she just doesn't like ppl touching or going through her things.
That's 100% something you ask for & ppl are not horribly entitled bc they ask you to not touch their belongings. I am in the twilight zone ??
I had been doing my wash since 15yo & even at uni I had to tie it up & hiding ut underneath my bed, where she sometimes went to take it anyways, bc my mother could not respect not washing my clothes.
And she would shrink it & fade the colors so many times. Ruin my bras a lot.
Who knows if op is competent ? Nobody implied it bc he was man that he could be unskilled. Even ppl who do the wash regularly frick it up when it's a different fabric they are used to.
I also don't want my friends bf to go through my period underwear tf.
Like wtf are ppl are so obsessed with defending him bc he gets brownie points for being man who does laundry that everyone is missing the point. Don't touch ppls belongings without their permission, this shouldn't be debatable.
Uhm... if you are a guest/are traveling, the NORMAL thing to do is put your own dirty clothes in a plastic bag in your suitcase so you can do your own laundry when you get home. If you leave your clothes in a laundry bin in someone else's house, you really should NOT be surprised when they get washed. She's just being sexist, because she would have absolutely zero problems if the woman had washed her crusty undies.
It would never occur to me to leave my washing for my host!
Yeah, I thought the BFF was a bit odd. She is only staying for a week so why would she place her dirty clothes in her host's laundry room instead of keeping her stuff with the rest of her belongings? I have stayed in the homes of family members while on vacation and even there, my clothing (dirty or clean) stayed in the room where I slept.
Story #2: he's never done child care before. Welp, there's a first time for everything. 🤷♀️
If only there was a literal sea of help books and videos to assist with that.
He's never been a parent before. Or an adult or decent husband apparently. maybe his mommy can find him a new wife. 😂
It also explains why they're divorcing.
S2- ops ex has never had to parent and now wants to have his cake and eat it too by wanting to not have child care but also not pay child support. And his family enable this nonsense. Absolutely pathetic
Story #1: Yes, he does need to care for his child when she's living with him.
Wrong story
S1: NTA, I'm Autistic and into fun facts. However, I know when to shut up and was never allowed to be a jerk to others.
Story 4. Yta. Time bllindnes is why you cant hold a job. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
30 yrs old, single, jobless and suddenly decides he knows all about parenting. To use an old, but apt, phrase "what a boob".
Yeah, even those with time blindness take care to set alarms for work, like everyone else. This one is just too incompetent and lazy.
Guaranteed this guy hasn’t even tried to find something to help him cope. 😂 I have the same problem but I set alarms!! Like an adult!!
There are alarms and other things you can get to help you with this problem. He's just to lazy. My one g-daughter has it very bad, but she has a watch that reminds her very loudly of everything from in the morning to get up until tonight when she finally goes to bed. It is her best friend and so far it has kept her from being late for anything. She holds down a job and and none of us is ever going crazy wondering if she's OK.
Laundry: OP should have asked. "Hey, I'm doing laundry later. Do you want me to toss your clothes in with ours?" It's always better to ask.
You did get the part where op said his gf and the guest were still asleep when he decided to do the laundry?! When exactly should he have asked?
I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts he told the real truth about white wedding dresses not being a traditional thing but rather started by Queen Victoria with her Irish Crochet dress that was all in white. Before that wedding dresses tended to be blue or whatever really nice gown someone had. And that upset someone because they were firmly in the "white is for purity" camp which actually came waaay after it became The Thing to wear white at a wedding. About engagement rings: that was literally started by a very effective jewelry campaign including the "you need to spend three months of your salary on it!!!" about a hundred years ago. Before that, engagement gifts could be anything, even a really nice red apple.
Then there are the cultural traditions from other parts of the world.
@@mbyerly9680 Lbr the chances they're from a western country is high given the terminology and attitudes so unless he had a specific interest in the marriage custom of other cultures he's not likely to know them.
It's ok for a tradition to start from a single person wearing a pretty dress and it going "viral" in the days before viral, that's still a "traditional thing." We can start traditions at any time for any reason really, they don't have to come from the superstitions of our ancestors.
It sounds to me that it's not the "fun facts" themselves, though they do sound annoyed at some of them in particular; it's that he dominates the "conversations" and info dumps the entire time. He can't read the room and has no boundaries. His mother forces everyone to let him regurgitate every factoid he's ever heard at all times. Some of my friends welcome info dumping, but when I'm out with other people, I have to let them talk about things too. A lot of my problems growing up were from my tendency to just rattle off every fact I knew about everything that came up, instead of what was relevant and appropriate at the time. They wanted to have a dress fitting as a fun day for the girls to say positive things about their bodies and the wedding and the dresses. They wanted to have a nice positive uplifting wedding, without the guy following guests around telling them about the divorce rates from 1980 to 2010.
You're doing it too. Except here whoever doesn't want to interact with you is not forced to interact with you. And you're also one comment among many but David seems to have main character syndrome and their parents don't care if he is inconsiderate, inappropriate or annoying others.
Last story: Anger is an emotion like all other emotions. It's a valid emotion. People are allowed to get angry. OP should get so angry it gives her the strength to leave her husband and his controlling family. Otherwise she will be treated as a doormat until the day she dies.
david is that way because his parents isolated him as a child instead of getting him in therapy and socializing with other kids
"diamonds have a lower resale value" dude 😭😂 no
Is he mistaking diamonds with a car?
Why would that even be relevant? XD
@TailsFan My first thought was he was talking about in case of a divorce or something lol
Story 2: The ex and his family’s arguments and excuses are giving me a migraine…. 🤦♀️
NTAH to bad if he didn’t have do before. Now he has to be a Dad
Laundry story: Friends clothes shouldn’t have been in the laundry room since it sounds like OP does laundry regularly (or gf would be freaking out more that he went out of his way to do it). When you provide a guest with a laundry basket, the guest keeps it in the guest room with them generally.
I'd even say when they put/leave their laundry basket in the laundry room they silently give permission for it to be washed.
"Time-blindness" = "I can't even get arsed to buy/use an alarm clock".
Fixed that for ya...
🎯
100%, I can't be trusted to keep an eye on the time well so I set alarms. That's part of being an adult. Working to mitigate your own limitations
Or if it's something that happens on speciffic times a day; set a gorram alarm on your phone!
That is not what time-blindness is. Time blindness is "a difficulty with accurately perceiving and managing time. It is not a formal medical diagnosis, but rather a term used to describe a range of symptoms that can impact a person's ability to plan, organize, and execute tasks on time." It has nothing to do with alarms or being unable to read a clock.
@@smramos1979 And let's not forget the fact alarms are not a "fix" for time blindness. You can turn off the alarm, get distracted, five minutes turn to 30 before you realize. Alarms are literally useless when you're dealing with a perception issue in your brain.
Last OP needs to wake up.
Women are silently WEIRD about underwear. We don’t want to admit it, because it’s odd and we can’t explain it.
I can explain it. It's because we've dealt with way too many creeps. There's too many out there who have made inappropriate comments, touched without permission, sniffed us weirdly and stolen panties. It's unfortunate, but it's why we're a little touchy about personal items like underwear.
It’s our package’s package, so it feels a bit personal:)
Well for starters, we don’t want our unmentionables line dried outside without our consent
@@paulagoeringer9466 I have literally never had any of that happen to me so please don't speak for all of us.
While traveling in France, a colleague and I were staying in a small hotel. I had asked the owner if there were any laundromats where I can do laundry. He offered to do my laundry. He combined it with my colleague’s and washed it all in hot water, including my pair of red underwear. My fault for not telling him to use cold water and my colleague was quite perturbed that all his white things were now a delightful pink. I had a white shirt with a black stylized fish pattern and I must say the shirt looked so much better in pink.😂
Mixed washing - how ridiculous that friend is being. Op did the friend’s washing, he wasn’t keeping her underwear as souvenirs. I really cannot be bothered with these ridiculous non-problems.
With the laundry story I'd apologize but I would only do my laundry from that point forward
Same. Girlfriend never gonna get her laundry touched ever again.
Where I live, water rates are rather high. Doing everyone’s underwear separately would be a waste of water, detergent, and electricity. OP did a nice gesture and was treated like perv of the year.
I live in an apartment with terrible laundry machines. So i drive to my parents and do loads there. Sometimes i have more than i have time for that day. At first, i always made sure i did my bf and my underwear first, but then i might not have pants. All because i didnt want my parents to have to mess with them. I have given up as they do not care. Theyre both retired
Story 1: Op, your parents are coddling him, not helping! He’s offending people are clearly lacks social skills.
Story 2....yeah..."50/50"
Story 1: it is a definite hard NTA for OP or his fiancé. Because while I can understand that OP’s brother might struggle with things do to be mentally disabled, I myself have autism, adhd and ocd, it is no excuse to act so condescendingly or better than anyone else whenever he says his “fun facts”, which I will point out, nobody asked him for nor cared about whatsoever. And the parents are absolute asshats for not only enabling his obscene behavior but also for coddling and sheltering him from the consequences of his actions and behavior as well as the cold and harsh reality of the world. So OP was right to not invite his brother or his parents to his wedding. Because it is obvious that the brother would just make the whole wedding about himself and their parents would do nothing but make excuses for his behavior. At this point I can see that when the parents are gone and the very second OP’s brother gets hit with the reality that the real world doesn’t care and how he feels he is going to cry for mommy and daddy dearest to come and save him because they never bothered to correct his behavior or pushed him to get his life together sooner.
This right here. I'm autistic. I've also never been great in social situations. But I am aware enough to know that people aren't going to want to be around you if you always try to show off how "intelligent" you are, especially if you throw a hissy fit once they've made it clear they want to drop the subject. And to any parent out there: If you have a child that behaves like this and you don't correct them on it, not only will people grow to dislike your kid sooner or later, but they aren't going to be very fond of you, either.
Story 2 the ex doesn't understand what 50/50 means
Joint? Red flag. Divide that back up and run.
OP better put it reverse like Terry!
I mean, joint accounts with a spouse are pretty normal. I'm concerned that she missed a bunch of red flags *before* the marriage.
She does not have any of her own. Most who have joint also have a separate one, too.
The story about the uncle telling the parents to actually parent... I also was concerned. They've been at work all day and after dinner nobody spends time with the kid?
First one: 40, doesn't work and has no manners? All the parents what their plants are for him when they are dead? They probably think they'll leave everything to him PLUS his siblings will have to take care of him.
Story 2: I can agree with commentors on op's conditions for the 50/50 split...if there was also no alimony.
16:16 apparently people don’t know what YTA means. If a woman is being mistreated, Reddit condemns her for being mistreated
I feel awful for david as his parents let him down so much. Please beg them to get him specialised care and counselling so he can develop his skills. But by all means no to the wedding.
The launch story had me laughing.
If the OP had been a woman doing a male guests laundry. Und the gyest went ballistic. Everyone would be on the women's side.
If OP's wife had done the guest's laundry, I agree that she wouldn't have had a problem with it.
I’d be weirded out if someone went through my underwear, man or woman. But I’d probably be that little bit more uncomfortable if it were a man. The reasons for that should be obvious.
@averycheesypotato it would be weird if he went searching for it, but she out it on their laundry room with their stuff, what did she think was gonna happen?
@@b.beth57 she put it in the laundry room separate from his stuff?
50/50 custody story please go to court op with you having primary custody he needs to pay child support. If that’s the route you go you can definitely force him to be a parent
I love how one very idiotic reddior somehow things being married and having a kid means you have your life together means you have your life together it doesn’t nor does it make you a good parent
Time blindness is bullshit
Oooooo boyyyy
Time blindness is real but it’s your job to recognize that it affects you and come up with strategies (usually alarms and gps ( to know exactly how long it takes to get somewhere)) to stay on track.
Story 2 welcome to being divorced
The laundry story: I would give OP a gentle YTA. Some people are very private about their things, especially underwear. He was trying to be nice, but you really shouldn’t be touching other people’s private things without permission. Apologize for overstepping, and don’t do it again unless you’ve talked to the friend about it first.
Story 1. "Fun facts"? I agree on the "facts" part.
I would say if the girlfriend and guest don't want him to do their laundry, they have to do it 100% of the time.
"Men can do laundry. They're not *all* stupid *xo chuckles*"
Parenting story: I'm sorry, being "time blind" is not a diagnosis. We are all time blind at some point or another. It's why we can drive back and forth to work without even realizing what we've passed because we're so used to it.
1-NTA but is David neurodivergent or on the spectrum? If your parents are enabling his behavior they are in for a shock when the get older and David can't take care of them and none of the rest of the family are full on NC. Not to mention where David will be after they die. 2-NTA F your ex and his family. Ex needs to man up and be a parent. 3-ESH. If the friend didn't want you to wash the clothes then the clothes should have stayed in her room. F the commenter's trying to call him out. Op, you did a nice thing. 4-YTA WHOA! Do you have kids? 5-NTA You need to have your own account and a shared one for communal expenses, ASAP. Time to talk to a lawyer and run!
"All childcare- related tasks are my responsibility, because I'd always done them"? Ex-husband clearly doesn't understand why they're divorcing.
Story1: NTA. Its not about David spouting the "fun facts". It's about the fact that he has no respect for boundaries and doesn't take a hint when someone tells him to shut up. It sounds like he interrupts and talks over other people and doesn't let them get a word in. This is entirely the fault of the parents for enabling/encouraging this behavior. They have infantilized him and kept him dependent on them instead of teaching him how to function in the adult world. This is a huge disservice to him and everyone else. It sounds like the parents don't respect boundaries either so it's a learned behavior.
Laundry story: ESH. I don't care what someone's gender is, you don't mess with someone's laundry without asking them. I can understand the friend being irritated that he messed with her laundry without asking but the whole "men shouldn't touch laundry" is an AH move. I will say that I think OP had good intentions and had he asked permission to do the laundry it would have been fine. If OP had been a woman it still would have been the right thing to ask. The sexism from both women in the story sucks.
Prank watching video: YTA. I get being concerned and all but there are better ways to have broached it. Could have expressed concern for the child's wellbeing without telling the sister she was a terrible parent. OP is still mentally a child himself with how he acts. As an aside, I have numerous friends who are neurodivergent and they still manage to hold down jobs. It's not always easy and at least one of them has gone through numerous jobs-- got fired a LOT-- but he finally found the right therapist and is doing much better.
Laundry guy: TA. How do you know she aint allergic to your detergent? Softner? Other stuff you use?
11:26 You called your sister a bad mom for, “having a kid too young,” and watching a RUclips video.
And now you’re complaining your parents are going to kick you out at 30? Yk what I think? I think you’re *too old* to be living off mommy and daddy. 💀
And doing the math, "too young" is *24* as far as he's concerned. The hell? My maternal grandma was working on her third kid at that age. Raised seven in total and was considered an honorary mom by some neighbor kids. A lot of her sons- and daughters-in-law were closer to her than to their *own parents.* My own mom had me when she was 24 (she turned 25 five months after my birth). Having kids in your 20s is *normal.* There's less risk of certain congenital conditions when you have kids at that age, too.
I also can do some math. Those ridiculous prank shows were also going on when OP was a kid, but they were just on TV. In particular the show Jackass is pretty much exactly what most prank channels are like and were a big thing for preteen to teenage boys back in the early 00s (right when OP would have been about his nephew's age).
Yes, the kid not being interacted with is a generally bad sign, but that's something that's been going on in different ways for generations. If the parents literally don't interact with their kids every night, it's a pretty big issue.
@@patrickdix772Well, OP is the one saying they don't interact with their kid but they did have dinner with their son and then had individual time for themselves while the kid was just in the next room quietly watching RUclips. And they absolutely did know what their kid was watching and they were ok with it. The child was openly watching it.
Story 1: David's "fun facts" were not about the wedding dress. They were about the bride. Nobody wants a would-be insult comic at their wedding, and David's performance at the dress shopping showed how he would have behaved at the wedding. No wonder the sister eloped!
I'm ADHD - I have been able to hold a full-time job even before I was medicated. It was hard for me to be a good PARTNER before getting medicated, as I used literally all of my energy at work. But years of talk therapy and going back on medication (I quit taking meds when I was 18), I hold a full-time job and am a more-or-less capable partner.
1: Sheldon Coopers do exist IRL.
The problem is that people do understand David and that is why they avoid him.
Child free people who tell folks with kids how to raise them are the worst. They have never sat up with a crying baby for hours, potty trained or even changed a diaper but they feel they have something to contribute!
The story about the brother complaining about how his sister is raising her 8 year old…. Nta… to a degree. He is correct that as a parent you should always monitor what your child is watching. You should never get so wrapped up in your own shit that you are ignoring your child, and this is coming from a single mother of two and grandma of 4 aunty and great aunt. I raised my kids for the most part alone and even though I worked and went to school I still knew where my kids were, who they were with, what they were doing or likely doing and how they were. I didn’t just sit my kids in front of the tv and then went to do my thing. I watched tv with them. I gave up my soap operas so that they could watch educational programs on PBS. I watched with them to answer questions and make funny comments that kept them interested while encouraging them to think. My son played video games as a kid and I would play with him even when his friends were over or I’d watch them play and get a chuckle outta listening to them argue with the game and accuse it of cheating 😂 I used to play with my brother when the first gaming system Sega Genesis came out. When the PlayStation One came out and then the Game Cube I used it as a way of bonding with my son especially when he hit the age around 8 years old. You have to be careful what your kid is looking at especially with boys and especially with stuff like prank shows or videos or people doing dare devil stunts. Otherwise your kid will be trying dangerous stunts cause it looked easy and no big deal or pranking people because the people in the video make it seem harmless and funny. Not everybody likes or appreciates pranks. I personally hate them unless both people involved are laughing and okay with it and the pranks are harmless. Op was only wrong in his delivery… how he approached his sister on the issue. You have to be careful how you say things. Parents get sensitive about their parenting.
Story 1: Parents have abused all of their kids, including David. They're solely responsible for the fact that no one wants to be around him. Stand with your fiancé. Don't allow any more of this.
Story 2, men can do laundry however, he had no right to do that lady’s laundry without her permission.
S3 - OP is clearly the AH. It is not up to him to decide what is best for the child. I'm not even sure what RUclips program the kid was watching. In fact, I get annoy with RUclips for deciding what I can or cannot watch.
The only interesting wedding dress fact is that they weren't white until Queen Victoria got married in one. White dresses became popular after that. Now, for some reason, people think it's an ancient tradition or whatever.
I swear to God, people are so eager to be taken advantage of and controlled that I'm honestly starting to wonder if I'm the sucker for working a real job and not getting myself some of that bang maid sugar momma money.
Laundry story: YTA. You don't know what detergents she's allergic to. When travelling, most women overpack on the tops and the underwear/bras, and wash EVERYTHING when they get home. I'm not saying you are incapable, but my aunt ruined half of my wardrobe by washing dresses on hot that I always washed on cold (the label fell off) when I was in the hospital. But simply put, those ain't yo' clothes.
"Ex hasnt ever had to be responsible for those tasks before"
Yes... he was... he just didn't do it like an asshole.
S1: David should never be allowed at any important events. Ever.
Story 1: Ok the brother IS the problem…but the main issue is that the parents have a golden child and Op and his siblings were left in the dust.
NTA Op you are doing the right thing, also no his fiancée’s comments ARE helpful cause she’s right, the parents SHOULDNT be invited if they act up (which they WILL do)
Story #3: NTA!! Both the girlfriend and her friend are stupid!! I would have been so thankful!!
lol that laundry one was all about the stains on her underwear. Some guys get it and some don’t.
Unfortunately what is happening with the parents on phone, watching TV and the child on the computer is a norm.The brother is right. When is their any communication between them.This starts with young children being in daycare often8 to 9 hours away.Parents often do not know their children. I am early childhood trained and see these children
TV story: again NTA if parents watched what their kids are watching they wouldnt have to deal with such spoiled brats im with OP watch what your kids are watching if you are gonna make a big deal out of it
Maybe im weird, but there is no way in hell im washing someone's underwear with my laundry 🤷🏽♀️😅