I remember i had a collegue from South Africa who also always said "yes. no problem at all" and in the end he never really finished what he should do, while i always said rather "no .. maybe .. but it would take time" and even though my bosses prefered the answer of the other guy, i was in the end the one who finished the work, and at some point even took over most of the projects of the other guy and made them much better, running more stable (it was programming stuff). So personally i don't like these "yes sayers" that in the end don't get anything done beside pleasing the bosses at that moment when they are asked.
I’m somewhere in between (and I think that’s why so many North Americans are so burnt out) .. as a Canadian I almost always say yes to everything! But I also ALWAYS follow through. I get things done that are almost humanly impossible sometimes and then later realize … why do I do this to myself? It’s so bad for my mental health! But I just can’t say no 😞 it’s engrained in me
@@lifeingermany_Maybe this could help you: If someone ask you something like "Can you do this by next week?" you could answer "Let me think about it for some minute". And when you are sure about your answer you could tell it the other one.
You've never been to Berlin, right? Normal people don't go to the "international" parts of Berlin, don't work in start ups and they have no interest in kids from southern germany who came to Berlin to study social studies and think they know what Berlin is like
@@jensbarlau2256 Hauptstädte sind immer etwas anders, Großstadt, Millionen Menschen aufeinander. Fährt man aber in die Bezirke außerhalb des S-Bahnrings dann wird es wieder mehr das alte Berlin. In den Zentren, vorallem Friedrichstraße, Wilhelmstraße, Schönhauser Allee/Danziger Straße das ist es internationaler. Die komischen Deutschen in Berlin, sind allerdings selten echte Berliner, es sind zugereiste, meistens aus dem Süden/ Südwesten, die ihrer langweiligen, biederen, muffigen Heimat voll von Konservativen entfliehen wollen und dann im Gegenteil irgendwann nicht mehr klarkommen. Die Randalierer früher zur Walpurgisnacht und zum 1.Mai in Kreuzberg, die kamen Hauptstraße aus Süddeutschland, unter der Woche Krawall machen in Kreuzberg und zum Wochenende mit dem Auto gekauft von den Eltern zurück in die schwäbische Heimat für Kaffee und Kuchen im Einfamilienhaus
I often say one has to visit Berlin and Germany, because the two to me are VERY different from one another. Berlin is so special is so many different ways but certainly not always similar to the rest of Germany
Definitely! Berlin is very different to the rest of Germany. I’m still looking for the best place to get some decent Kartoffelpuffer and there are just the frozen ones 😢
As i (a german) see it, friendship is a 3 tiered construct. The first level you can reach is "Bekannter" - of the top of my head i don't know if there is a englisch translation. These can be colleagues, neighbors, teammates from the sportsclub you visit and so on. To reach the second level of friendship it takes time and hard work, especially if you are older. Most friendships are forged in the great halls of your local kindergarten and schools at a younger age. Those are the chosen ones i would call friends. And then there is the last level, a level only few people can reach. I would go as far and say that this level is reserved for one, maybe two people tops. Thats what i call "Bester Freund/in" - your BFF I prefer it this way. Calling everyone friend who you meet in a bar, have a few drinks and exchange a few words is like having 1500 Facebook Friends - it means nothing. If it comes to friendship i prefer quality over quantity.
and it's such a shame that it no longer exists. Life is already so planned out in childhood that any spontaneity and therefore a completely different attitude to life is created.
I think in every culture on earth we all do the same, showing respect to the other to tell them we’re friendly and don’t want to start a fight. The way we show our respect however is very different in societies. In a lot of societies people smile a lot, or they are very forthcoming and jovial, or they apologise often. I think what foreigners experience as brutally honest and the well known “German stare” is a way to tell your counterpart that you don’t hide anything from them, that you look them straight in the eye because you don’t want to deceit them. It’s just another way to show respect I guess.
I love this comment! It couldn’t be more true! I really enjoy understanding the WHY of all these cultural differences around us. On the surface it’s easy to chalk things up as “rude” or “dumb” or “silly” but historically, there’s reasons for it all
Business: 10 mins is a exaggeration, when I invite for 9:00 I expect everyone to be there at 9:01 - within the minute, not hard to do. I would open the call at 8:59 and chat away with the early joiners until 9:01. Whoever is last to join will type the meeting minutes, unspoken rule! Private Invitation at a place in town, like a Cafe etc.: being punctual, max 3 Min late Private Invitation at s/o home: be 3 to 10 Mins late when food is involved. If it is a leisurely party 1/2h late. If you know in advance that one is being late, for example trains schedule, other appointments before, just announce it right at the invitation and give a possible time frame. Mind you if you are known for being late, the host might have announced an earlier time only to you, or does not bother to show up himself 1/2h late.
For me as a German it makes absolutely no sense to say yes when it is not true. If someone asked me if I can fly a plane I would say NO. What use does it have for the person who asked if I say Yes? I can not flay a plane. So he can look for someone else without losing time.
It would be good to know that you shouldn't take it personally if someone says no, i think that's the main "problem" that foreigners take it peronally and feel rejected and it would be better if you could appreciate it that Germany are honest, they do not lie at you and it should give you a feeling of safety and there is no second guess and you can rely on what they say. But to receive a present and say that I do not like it is very impolite and considered bad manners- even in Germany
Hi, I have not a dog myself but one thought popped up in my head. Dont touch a forreign dog could also have the reason to protect your dog because it was through hard times in life and full of fears. It learn to trust. Germans adopt a lot of pets.
I appreciate that video very much. As a German it told me that a lot of things that seem completely selbstverständlich to me aren't actualy. I love to learn about your outside view on our habits. Thanks for that one!
While Freund or Freundin may be the correct translation for friend, it's not exactly the same. A Freund in German is someone you don't hesitate to call at 2am on Sunday morning after you totalled your car 100kms away from home and need someone to drive you home right now. The somewhat awkward English word of "acquaintances" (in German: Bekannter/Bekannte) is closer to describe the relationship you may have with a lot of people you may consider to be already your friends. I *think* you say in English "Friends are the Family you choose" (or similar), while in Germany we say "Family is something you have, but friends you can choose". And we don't mean that one bit tongue-in-cheek. (Caveat: Family in this context will usually mean the "rest of the family", and not your own spouse and own kids.)
Yep. You have to understand the difference between Bekannter/Bekannte und Freund/Freundin. What the lady describes as friend is Bekannter in Germany. 🙂
Please don't generalize. I live in a village in a "Siedlung" (settlement) with lots of neighbouring houses. When you are partying, nobody would call the authorities (Police, Ordnungsamt). If any they would call you or knock on your door. What I do then? I invite them over so they are part of the noise.😉 But actually nobody complains. Showing up early at a party is a no go as @XynxNet wrote. The hosts are on the home stretch for preparing everything and you would disturb their preparations. Because we feel embarassed when we are not ready when the guests arrive.
As to dogs: lately I had an appointment for a lengthy Dental surgical session. My dog sitter did not appear and so I went to see the doctor and asked what I should do about it. After some discussion with the staff I was to keep my dog on my lap for the 2 hour procedure, on that horrible dentist‘s bed. Everything is possible, even in Germany 🤗
"a lot of people smoke in Germay" Some years ago there were much more smokers. When I was in school (I am 57 now) me and approx. 5 others in my class were the only ones who did not smoke and it was not easy to stay firm.
One thing you did not mention is the "staring", which actually is a kind of communication. If a go for a walk and a stranger comes my way, I will stare at him/her, once she looks my way I will smile or nod and so will she/he. It is just another way of saying 'hello'. Next time our ways cross the same thing will happen. The third time a few words might be exchanged or we may si on the same bench for a bit of smalltalk. And just 20 years later we may even consider us to be friends ...
At my work, first thing in the morning is reading my mails. I don't just start with the actual stuff. 😂 And at lunchtime I meet with some of my friends to talk about everything, also including private things.
The noise restrictions are "selbstverständlich" bc they are written in law. Oc you need to adhere to the local laws. And just like foreigners would need to put their beer in a brown bag when drinking it outside, you would need to lower your noise after 10 p.m. untill 7 a.m. and from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m.
People with dogs are a bit cautious when strangers approach their dogs because they don't know how near correctly. I had a Doberman some years ago. He was a soul of a dog, not a dangerous one at all. He loved to hug with me and my family. One day when I was one a walk with him a child on a bike (parents had been 100 meters behind) came close to us. I waited on one side for letting the child pass. Suddenly the child lost a bit control and headed directly towards my dog. He got scared and snapped at the child. That really wasn't his fault but the parents were angry and I had a verbal dispute with them.
Ja, die Deutschen sollten ihre Kinder dazu erziehen, wie man mit Hunden umgeht bzw. sich ihnen nähert. Ich habe selber einen miniature poodle, und die Kindetr wollen oihn immer anfassen, was er als Bedrohung sieht.
@@Jochen.Lutz-GermanyIch habe keinen Hund, aber selbst wenn ich einen hätte, wäre das ist kein Garant dafür, dass ich mit jedem Hund richtig umgehen könnte. Deswegen fragt man ja den/die Besiter/in, ob man den Hund anfassen darf und bekommt dann eine entsprechende Antwort.
A bit ger-mansplaining here ;-) According to 4: 10 the translation of "selbstverständlich" is not "self-explanatory" (which stands for "selbsterklärend") but more "self-evident", "natural", "obvious", "taken for granted" , in Spanish like "por supuesto" and "por descontado". The expression "Aber selbstverständlich!" can be translated into "Of course!" and "Needless to say!". And Berlin is not the right place as a reference for Germany. The more rural regions are better examples for german cultures and habits.
True , but the use of selbstverstandlich as we use it in the German language is not accurate. And that is the beauty of the word and its relation to the culture. If you look into the definition of the word , it’s about something that we agreed on without really talking about it.
I concur , Berlin is not typical Germany 😂 but I take my input through the traditions of my grandma who was born in Chemnitz and my granddad who was born in Hamburg. I can even make very nice Lebkuchenhäuser ❤
@@tic-tacdrin-drinn1505 works for a couple of situations but not in all contexts. Words that cannot be translated into other languages help understand the cosmovisión of that society better. Selbstverstandlich is one of those amazing words
Hi Jenna, the "No" topic is very interesting and a thing I never thought about. Perhaps the reason is that we are "head people". We think about a point before we agree.
'selbstverständlich' has different meanings. It means that something was already understood by it's context. But it could be used as an answer to a request -> 'it's a pleasure (to serve you)'. About work, in most companies, you have one or more (paid) field days (or hiking day) with your colleagues. Usually once in summer and once in chrismas time.
This video is super interesting hearing someone describing my culture from an perspective of a person who didn't grow up here. Quite fascinating. Especially since the stuff you talked about is "selbstverständlich" and therefore not thought or talked about.😀 On punctuality, I'd like to add that this 10 minute early rule is more for work. There you come early and the meeting starts on time with everyone having their stuff prepared, the data at hand, and stuff and we then dive right into it. . No small talk, or very little. When you are invited to someones home, don't come early. Come on time or a bit later. If it gets much later, just text or call and just say so. I always hate it when someone comes to early when visiting me, because more often than not I am rushing to get everything ready on time and if someone came too early, that would mess up my plan to get everything done. And if you are invited to a party, come when you want to if the invitation said something like "Ab 18:00", except it's a dinner party. Wow, that is the first time I actually thought about this. This stuff is more complicated than I thought. There are even more points I could address, but I'll stop here. LOL. Hope that is helpful. Cheers. 😘
I think even in Germany saying you dont like a present is considered as rude 🙈 Or is it just my perspective? I've never experienced that someone does that. Maybe if you get the same thing every year, then you could say in a really really nice way that you dont like it. But otherwise why would you?? 😳 Its still nice, someone wanted to do a nice thing. If you dont like it, just give it to someone who does and everyone is happy.
I mean especially when you get a little "Mitbringsel" - If YOU dont like it, maybe someone else in your family does. Or, if its something to eat or drink, just keep it for the next party or whatever.. 😅 I would never say thanks but I hate it 🙈
"I think even in Germany saying you dont like a present is considered as rude" it depends. If I gift a wine to somebody and they tell me they don't like wine I wouldn't get offended. Quite the opposite I would appreciate this information because this way I can avoid wasting money the next time. "But otherwise why would you?" As already said, because it's a waste of money. "If you dont like it, just give it to someone who does and everyone is happy." That - pretending to like a gift and than giving it away - would be rude. I always prefer honesty in such cases.
Of course, you wouldn't say "I hate it" but probably something like "I don't drink alcohol, but my .. does - so I'll give it to her/him. I'm sure they'll like it."
Yes, it's rude and I would not recommend anyone starting a life here to pick it up as a typical German habit. I won't say that it does not occur, but you'll probably have at least a 50/50 split here of locals saying it was honest versus rude. As you wrote: If someone was bringing the same stuff you don't like over and over again, you could say something. But even then, I'd feel awkward.
Maybe alcohol is a special case and there it is more common to say, I dont drink. But if its a once in a lifetime thing where someone brings a specialty from another country, I still think its rude to say I dont like it, even in Germany 😅 I mean, its just a common thing to bring something when you come to visit. I wouldnt make such a big thing out of it, just say thank you and everyone has fulfilled their "task". I think sometimes its just about social conventions 🤷 I would want my guests to feel comfortable and they just want to be polite. I think sometimes social conventions are a bit like a game you play with certain rules and without deeper meaning 😊
Regarding saying "no" at first: I think the reason is, if you say "yes" you accept the situation/task and full responsibility. There is no backing out later, if it turns out to be harder/more complicated than expected. So Germans will think more before saying "yes", but then it is "fix".
5:46 No! 😂 Honestly not true, it - as everything - depends! I am and my colleagues are / were open, even as for private life, mind you back in 1998 it was a start up, and most people employed were about the same age. Today is a little bit different, but generally it really depends on the culture of the company you are joining. We went to celebrate together on a regular basis from the caretaker to the CEO, every Thursday same Bar and Club later on. Generalisations are always skewed, it depends on personal experience. Delivering a general picture about Germany - as divers in culture as it is - is always a fail. Northern Germany - their behaviour is closer to its northern neighbours, like Denmark as it is to Southerns like Swabians or Bavarians, which are in turn closer to Austrians or Swiss. US & Canadian generalisations are usually failing as they do not take the diversity within the country in account, or are not able to grasp it
Exactly. I have also only been in jobs where the colleages often spent time after work. And over the coffee in the morning we shared private or work related things. 🙋♀
Every Wednesday we have a mini business breakfast. Once a quarter we have a really big one that lasts 1-2 hours. And once a quarter we go out to eat privately in the evening. Every now and then we go on an excursion. And generally we talk about private things at work. 😊
Some years ago I was in Berlin with a friend and my dog in a pub on Hackescher Markt. A woman came to our table and said to my dog: Is he cute, can I pet him? My friend said: Go ahead. She sat on my lap and then started to pet me. It was a joke from his new girlfriend, who I didn't know yet
I think you can't generalize it. For instance I know that many Germans don't like that their visitor come 10 minutes before the appointed time, myself included. It's better to come a couple of minutes late than to early. Another topic concerning work. It depends where work. In my case, we laugh and talk a lot with some colleagues. In our days you can't make a general rule anymore
Berlin is to Germany exactly the same as, for instance, New York City, where I lived 8 years, is to the US. I've lived in four cities in four different sections of Germany for work and now in retirement. Each of the cities, Heidelberg, Freiburg, Düsseldorf and nearly 20 years in Berlin, where I live now, are all completely different with different cultural norms, customs, selbst verständliche norms, accents and language usages. I traveled for work and have more personal experience with the country than most Germans born and raised in Germany (as well as many other European cities). I thoroughly enjoyed this video, and there is so much more to impart.
Recently talked with some gals and guys that worked in the same company about the difference in working today and twenty years ago. In the past, we had coffee breaks, were sitting or standing in the kitchen, and kept discussing work subjects or strategies. These days people work from home and there is a lot less communication. These days, my kids are a lot more strict about keeping smalltalk out of their business hours, even when working from home.
@@FineHupeline True, I was comparing young people (under 30). Oldsters that have been working together for 10+ years have less need to communicate and usually less of a problem to just call if they want to know something
@@wora1111 My department cannot work from home. In my team we're mostly younger, late 20 to early 40, and we communicate a lot. Also about private matters. :D I think it's mostly about the company and what work someones does, not the age.
In my 20s I would go to parties but people only ever talked to the people they already knew. If you went up to someone and introduced yourself they look at you like you’re insane. I learned the trick is that you have to have someone introduce you. The inherent distrust is real. Meeting girls was hell back then. 😂
Are you sure that he is (a) a man and (b) german? Men are typically simple creatures who do not consider anything a question if it cannot be answered with yes/no. Maybe you should try "german rudeness" and stop his monologues immediately by asking for a simple yes/no?!
I think how dogs are treated at home depends on the owner(s). But in public - about 40 years ago there were much less rules and regulations for dogs and their owners. But since then it has become so much more crowded and therefore conflicts have increased. I am afraid it has become a necessity to implement rules and to train the dogs.
I'm a middle-aged german, living on the countryside and many things never happened to me. I've never had an authority stop my party. Also I'd never say "I dont like that" if get a present. And I always hug my friends' dogs and cats (the ones I like). But I agree there're quite some people in germany with this negative attitude. We're joking this is caused by the bad weather here.
This not mixing friends and job is very specific for the cubicle type jobs eg management/sales/bankers ..on more 'low' end type of jobs or really depeds on your workfield/location/background of your coworkers. Your higher ups will have a tendency to keep it professional. But i would say specially if you are more the type of craftsman or in some specific workfields there is a big comradery within your collegues. Ofc like you said in the friends section stuff will take a lot more time than in the us.
That’s very true! 🙃 I think we ask foreigners always mention this work/life separation is because many who come to Germany for highly skilled jobs typically are the ones facing these issues of not being able to make friends quickly in the workplace (often cubicle like you mention) 💛
I'm German and even I am shocked about the honesty of Germans considering presents for example. But I think its mostly older generations that are thst direct. Personally I think its just rude in the context of receiving gifts.
I totally agree, the honesty with presents is definitely a generational German thing! I love living here and watching the young generations thrive! Germanys youth are much more open, optimistic and tolerant 🥰
Ich gehöre zur älteren Generation Deutscher und bedanke mich für Geschenke, auch wenn sie mir nicht gefallen, weil es auf die gute Absicht ankommt. Nur wenn ich etwas wirklich nicht brauchen kann und es in meiner Wohnung nur Platz verschwendet, lehne ich ab, aber schonend und empathisch. Und zu meinen besten Freunden bin ich sowieso immer direkt und lehne sofort ein Geschenk ab, wenn ich es nicht mag. Die sind dann nicht sauer, weil sie umgekehrt genauso reagieren. Manchmal sind wir sehr brutal einander gegenüber 🤣.
If you don't tell people that you don't drink red wine only to please, then you end up getting red wine for the rest of your life, while people think they are gifting you with something you like. I think it would be rather rude to not tell them the truth and let them waste their money. And it can be kind of awkward if years into the friendship people find out, that you have been lying about liking their gifts
@@AntjeKrause-pt4cc I get that! But I think with close friends, it’s easier to be honest… it’s usually the one off or once a year guests who I wouldn’t say anything to
@@AntjeKrause-pt4cc You act like that is a weekly subscription and people just get you the same presents every week for the rest of your life because you didn't tell them. What about being kind and waiting, if they even bring the same present the next time or the timer after before being that rude? That's another thing with Germans, they don't get the spirit of gestures. :D
Well, if you say yes to something, then people should be able to count on your word. So, saying yes is kind of like signing a verbal contract. Sorry if that is such a foreign concept
As a Hamburg German I wonder... What country are you talking about? 😅 I have never made the experience you did... Friends came over or phoned and then we were off. Punctuality is good, but please, never 10 minutes early. Staying longer can be okay, depends on the time, read the hosts mood 😊 Hamburg dogs are usually very well behaved. Normally you can ask and pet the dog. There are only very few aggressive dogs. But all of this could be caused by my living conditions. Where I live, what places I frequent etc... Oh, and at work we talk about private life as well. And we use our mobile from time to time. There is no exclusion.
Hey guys. I'm Mexican married to a Deutschlander, and when I joined his family, it was and still is very hard to adjust. First, I tend to smile a lot to what they respond, making halves/fake smiles like making fun of me. Another thing is they must know all about my doings, absolutely everything. I like to have some privacy in my life. When they say "No" to some of my requests, it is hard for me to hear that rudeness, I am a sensitive person. Also, the fact that to see us for a cup of coffee, they must set an appointment, and that is in a week or two. There is much more, but I stop here. 😅
das mit den Hunden erkläre ich immer so: Stelle Dir vor du läufst irgendwo und jemand findet dich hübsch. Und er stürmt auf dich zu und krault Dir die Haare und will mit Dir Kuscheln. Würde dich das freuen? Jedes Tier hat einen eigenen Charakter und ist auch Familienmitglied.(manchmal sogar der einzige Sozialkontakt)
About the No thing: When I visited my sister who was living in Mexico, she warned us that they would rather lie to you just to avoid sayin no there. She said if we asked for directions, it could very well be that they would sometimes rather give us wrong directions if they didn't know where we wanted to go than saying "no, I don't know where it is."
Hahaha yes, that’s exactly what Sigrid said too in the video! 😂 I like German honesty in this regard haha… I had the same issue in India when living there for a bit too… they always pretended to know the answer rather than admitting they didn’t know 🙈
I always talk to the dog first. Why should I talk to the owner? Most pet owners will insist that their pet is not a "thing" by law. OK, than you have also no say over him. let the dog decide.
For me it's very hard to understand the way of trading the price in Tunesia, Turkey or Egypt for example. As a German I ask for thr price and decide by myself if I think it's suitable. If I get a 50% discount within 2 minutes I'm (feeling) fooled
The "no" thing may relent to the way more binding contracs germans feel obligatet to of of the most casual remarks given in conversation. So, a remark like "nice weather", and if I say "yes", its my fault, when it starts raining later ...
It’s so interesting to read comments like these 💛 as a Canadian I’d never feel responsible for something like that, but when I have guests visiting for example I always feel overly responsible for their comfort and happiness and go out of my way even if it means stress and uncomfortable situations for me… simply to make my guests happy. It’s exhausting, and ridiculous, and how I was raised so it’s hard to take it out of the way I work as a human haha Such an interesting topic though isn’t it?!
@@lifeingermany_ Hehe, the "raining" example was the most far fetched i could come up with that day. A more fitting one would have been the : "Meet a very distant acquaintance on the street, and part with a innocent "Oh, we should meet again for coffee some time" ... For americans, thats something like "bye bye", germans take that dead serious ...
So strange, I am German from Berlin. Parents came and stayed after kids parties. Sometimes very long and we had a lot of fun. Our family would consider telling someone who brought a gift: thank you but I do not like it, very rude. Seems to be also the bubble one is living in.
Don't be early to a party at someone's home, they are probably still preparing something. Of course don't be too late either if there are clear plans like dinner or games. A dog is like a child, don't touch without parental approval. Unfortunately the younger people here don't feel bound by the rules anymore. Being loud after ten p.m. up till 4 o'clock and jaywalking is just two of those things. But maybe it is just my part of Berlin. I wouldn't say I don't like a present even if I hate it, but I would probably mention that I don't drink alcohol myself to not get alcoholic presents in the future, or admit that I already have that book, but always make it clear that I'm thankful for the gift nevertheless. It is the thought that counts after all.
It is very interesting, however, doesn't it make sense to say "no" honestly or yes honestly - meaning I say "yes" and then I am really going to do it, reliably?
Am I not a typical German? When I am supposed to be somewhere at I say 3 pm, I am there minimum 10 minutes prior, but then I wait until it is exactly 3 pm and then I ring the bell.😂 It is a little awkward, isn't it?🙈
I think it's common sense not to touch anyones pet without a permission, becaude you can never know how the animal will reackt, if they're scared of people or the enviorment or the other animals. Even tho the owner would train the pet to be friendly towards humans they can still be scared for multiple reasons. You can never assume certain behavior because it's an animal with unpredictable instinct.
@@lifeingermany_ It's lovely to hear that in Canada dogs are mainly friendly and likes humans, that's super! And as I still said before, dogs are just animals and they are unbredictable. Dog may be be afraid of people or they might be scared easily and then the dog might attack, because it is just an animal and have an animal instincts. and that's why it's good to ask firts if it's okay to touch the pet. Yoy can never know and it's better be safe than have unpleasant suprise. And it doesn't hurt anyone to ask a question ''can I/can my child pet your dog?'' Just to make sure it is safe and okay. For example I don't want anyone to come up and pet my dogs because I'm training them not to be so excited about other dogs and peoples.
It's so funny when foreigners who are living here for some years are holding a mirror up to us. Sometimes you show some aspects that are so normal for us and totally strange for foreigners. 😂
I grew up in a Mexican German family and I really thought a lot of things where normal until my friends told me they were only so because of my grandmother 😂
It really should be selbstverständlich that you don't pet a stranger's dog without asking. A friend of mine had a Malinois with terrible backaches and touching the wrong spot caused her severe pain, yet people did it all the time. We got a 13 months old goldi and she's just adorable, but she's training to be a school dog and as such has to be trained properly. I cannot count how many times people came over and completely disregard everything that's going on to pet her. If you pet my dog without asking, I will pet you without asking.
9:49 again No😂 not true, I wonder whom you are socialising with, regularily I chat with my neighbours over the fence and it ends in an exchange we want to deepen, and invite us over to have a beer, like instantly. My other neighbour just opposite he is German, bit was raised in England from age of 12 and his Hungarian wife, just having a toddler, meet spontaneously he just screams over the street if we want to have a chat and meet at their or our place. To me it really seems you are not socially involved sufficiently with your neighbours, as this will happen naturally on many occasions during the year. Maybe that is a behaviour pattern of yours causing it? Generally people perceived as naturally and winning over personalities have no probs settling.
I would say you’re quite lucky to have a neighbourly situation like this, I wouldn’t call it the norm. Sigrid and I are from very different backgrounds and live on opposite sides or the country and many many Germans who I speak with daily around Germany live in similar situations to us. It’s all a matter of where you live! ☺️
Definitely, I love Berlin but since it’s a city, there are interesting aspects to it. I love that in the smaller places people say good morning to each other
7:23 that is why one joins the smokers in their smoke break, even when not being a smoker 😂. Come on you are not surprised by soft skills - are you? One cannot be that naiv
"Can you do that?" "Yes!" "Ok, I take the results tomorrow!" Why would you say "yes" if you don't know how to do, you don't have the time or similar? You would get in stress afterwards. So if there is any doubt, say "no" and inform about why. May be your supervisor will shift the focus, give additional information, training or find someone who has the time and knowledge.
Cultural differences are astounding aren’t they?! 😂💛 I love being able to create videos like this for that reason!! To answer those WHYs and really understand them! I’ve been studying into “why Germans can just say I’m sorry” for ages and it’s one i get now but still don’t fully understand! There’s always a deeper reason behind it all!
Ich verstehe nicht…so how would a person ever get a date/girlfriend/wife) ? I remember doing spontaneous things with my girlfriend (wife), and she just showed up at my cousin‘s party soon after we met (my cousin asked, I didnt know about it), we did all kind of random stuff and it showed interest. So I get the drift this doesnt happen over there? I would be so screwed…..
With my German husband it was a similar situation in South Africa where we met. I found out through his friends that he was “into me” and was utterly shocked! I was throwing out signs left right and centre and at the end of the day assumed he wasn’t interested in me at all 😂 turned out to be the exact opposite! I have no idea how one is supposed to know!
@@lifeingermany_ if I lived there, I would have had trouble dating a German, only because of the cultural behaviors. When I visit, I always try to speak German & I find everyone very friendly when I do. They even small talk a little with me. Shocking! If I was younger & married I would so move there, just so much more family friendly than the USA. Thx for responding. Your channel is terrific.
Why on earth would you say you love maple syrup when you hate it or red wine when you don't drink alcohol? When you are not honest and pretend to love it, you'll be given the same present time and again. To me as a German that's just silly. Of course you thank them for the gift but explain to them why you wouldn't like to get the same "Mitbringsel" again. Some advice: Try to find out beforehand if people like maple syrup, baseball hats, whisky, olive oil ...
To me as a German it would be just plain rude and tactless to say that to the face of a person giving me a small present. You don't need to say that you love maple syrup when you hate it, but it's just a small token and not supposed to start an endless supply of weekly deliveries of maple syrup. And who in his or her right mind would hate real maple syrup in the first place? ;-)
I wouldn’t tell the truth either 😂🙈 to be honest though… I also don’t like red wine but am glad when people gift it to me 😂… I then can restock my “emergency gift giving box” to make someone else happy when I know loves red wine 😍
Maybe you should have had a German join the conversation to hear a Germans viewpoint? Would make sense to maybe also understand better? Or maybe it's not a reality but just a feeling that foreigners coming from a different culture get, because it is "foreign" to them?
@@Kloetenhenne hey, sie lebt! Hi Kli, gibt es dich doch noch! Hab immer nach deinen Kommentaren geguckt und da war immer Nix… Nun bin ich Grad TV mäßig in Düsseldorf, Fußballspiel, Endphase. Ich hoffe bei dir ist alles okay? Was macht euer Hauskauf? Entschuldige, dein Hauskauf! LG, Ben
I am a middle-aged german, living in quite a big town and i wonder in what very very strange environment you are living. 90 % of that what you are telling in this video never, never happend to me. Perhaps it's like this in Berlin. But the most Germans don't like this terrible city.
Ultimately, as we see, we are not really “ourselves,” but a product of our limited environment with learned values, emotions, and reactions that can vary at will.
I remember i had a collegue from South Africa who also always said "yes. no problem at all" and in the end he never really finished what he should do, while i always said rather "no .. maybe .. but it would take time" and even though my bosses prefered the answer of the other guy, i was in the end the one who finished the work, and at some point even took over most of the projects of the other guy and made them much better, running more stable (it was programming stuff).
So personally i don't like these "yes sayers" that in the end don't get anything done beside pleasing the bosses at that moment when they are asked.
I’m somewhere in between (and I think that’s why so many North Americans are so burnt out) .. as a Canadian I almost always say yes to everything! But I also ALWAYS follow through. I get things done that are almost humanly impossible sometimes and then later realize … why do I do this to myself? It’s so bad for my mental health!
But I just can’t say no 😞 it’s engrained in me
@@lifeingermany_Maybe this could help you:
If someone ask you something like "Can you do this by next week?" you could answer "Let me think about it for some minute". And when you are sure about your answer you could tell it the other one.
If you want to learn about German culture... don´t go to Berlin. Berlin is too international and even the Germans in Berlin are ..... special 🙂
You've never been to Berlin, right? Normal people don't go to the "international" parts of Berlin, don't work in start ups and they have no interest in kids from southern germany who came to Berlin to study social studies and think they know what Berlin is like
@@RoyalDudeness Doch doch.. War ich schön des Öfteren. Berlin ist eine sehr untypische Stadt für Deutschland.
@@jensbarlau2256 Hauptstädte sind immer etwas anders, Großstadt, Millionen Menschen aufeinander.
Fährt man aber in die Bezirke außerhalb des S-Bahnrings dann wird es wieder mehr das alte Berlin.
In den Zentren, vorallem Friedrichstraße, Wilhelmstraße, Schönhauser Allee/Danziger Straße das ist es internationaler. Die komischen Deutschen in Berlin, sind allerdings selten echte Berliner, es sind zugereiste, meistens aus dem Süden/ Südwesten, die ihrer langweiligen, biederen, muffigen Heimat voll von Konservativen entfliehen wollen und dann im Gegenteil irgendwann nicht mehr klarkommen.
Die Randalierer früher zur Walpurgisnacht und zum 1.Mai in Kreuzberg, die kamen Hauptstraße aus Süddeutschland, unter der Woche Krawall machen in Kreuzberg und zum Wochenende mit dem Auto gekauft von den Eltern zurück in die schwäbische Heimat für Kaffee und Kuchen im Einfamilienhaus
I often say one has to visit Berlin and Germany, because the two to me are VERY different from one another. Berlin is so special is so many different ways but certainly not always similar to the rest of Germany
Definitely! Berlin is very different to the rest of Germany. I’m still looking for the best place to get some decent Kartoffelpuffer and there are just the frozen ones 😢
As i (a german) see it, friendship is a 3 tiered construct. The first level you can reach is "Bekannter" - of the top of my head i don't know if there is a englisch translation.
These can be colleagues, neighbors, teammates from the sportsclub you visit and so on.
To reach the second level of friendship it takes time and hard work, especially if you are older. Most friendships are forged in the great halls of your local kindergarten and schools at a younger age. Those are the chosen ones i would call friends.
And then there is the last level, a level only few people can reach. I would go as far and say that this level is reserved for one, maybe two people tops. Thats what i call "Bester Freund/in" - your BFF
I prefer it this way. Calling everyone friend who you meet in a bar, have a few drinks and exchange a few words is like having 1500 Facebook Friends - it means nothing. If it comes to friendship i prefer quality over quantity.
Ringing on a friend's door and ask for them to come out to play was normal in the 90s in Germany ;).
and it's such a shame that it no longer exists. Life is already so planned out in childhood that any spontaneity and therefore a completely different attitude to life is created.
@@gabibavaria This is not true. The kids do it also these days. My kids and their friends do it all the time.
I think it totally depends on the neighbourhood in Germany! But it’s nice to hear it’s still a thing in some areas 🥰
Ja das ist noch überall normal(außer Stinkreichen Gegenden oder Wessis vielleicht 😅)
@@Oderoderuchte warum soll es im Westen nicht normal sein?
I think in every culture on earth we all do the same, showing respect to the other to tell them we’re friendly and don’t want to start a fight. The way we show our respect however is very different in societies. In a lot of societies people smile a lot, or they are very forthcoming and jovial, or they apologise often. I think what foreigners experience as brutally honest and the well known “German stare” is a way to tell your counterpart that you don’t hide anything from them, that you look them straight in the eye because you don’t want to deceit them. It’s just another way to show respect I guess.
I love this comment! It couldn’t be more true! I really enjoy understanding the WHY of all these cultural differences around us.
On the surface it’s easy to chalk things up as “rude” or “dumb” or “silly” but historically, there’s reasons for it all
10:54 Oh no! Beeing on time means on time. Beeing 10min early at a private invitation is a big no no! At work it is ok.
Business: 10 mins is a exaggeration, when I invite for 9:00 I expect everyone to be there at 9:01 - within the minute, not hard to do. I would open the call at 8:59 and chat away with the early joiners until 9:01. Whoever is last to join will type the meeting minutes, unspoken rule!
Private Invitation at a place in town, like a Cafe etc.: being punctual, max 3 Min late
Private Invitation at s/o home: be 3 to 10 Mins late when food is involved. If it is a leisurely party 1/2h late.
If you know in advance that one is being late, for example trains schedule, other appointments before, just announce it right at the invitation and give a possible time frame.
Mind you if you are known for being late, the host might have announced an earlier time only to you, or does not bother to show up himself 1/2h late.
I’m always 2-3 minutes early 😂 never earlier and never later
For me as a German it makes absolutely no sense to say yes when it is not true. If someone asked me if I can fly a plane I would say NO. What use does it have for the person who asked if I say Yes? I can not flay a plane. So he can look for someone else without losing time.
... and you can be sure that a german means yes when he/she says yes.
@@frankheims6441 Yes. (And as I am a German: this means yes.)
It would be good to know that you shouldn't take it personally if someone says no, i think that's the main "problem" that foreigners take it peronally and feel rejected and it would be better if you could appreciate it that Germany are honest, they do not lie at you and it should give you a feeling of safety and there is no second guess and you can rely on what they say. But to receive a present and say that I do not like it is very impolite and considered bad manners- even in Germany
Hi, I have not a dog myself but one thought popped up in my head. Dont touch a forreign dog could also have the reason to protect your dog because it was through hard times in life and full of fears. It learn to trust. Germans adopt a lot of pets.
Exactly! Why do so many people think that dogs like being touched by strangers?! Most of the dogs do NOT enjoy it.
I appreciate that video very much. As a German it told me that a lot of things that seem completely selbstverständlich to me aren't actualy. I love to learn about your outside view on our habits. Thanks for that one!
🥰💛 thanks so much for your sweet comment!
While Freund or Freundin may be the correct translation for friend, it's not exactly the same. A Freund in German is someone you don't hesitate to call at 2am on Sunday morning after you totalled your car 100kms away from home and need someone to drive you home right now.
The somewhat awkward English word of "acquaintances" (in German: Bekannter/Bekannte) is closer to describe the relationship you may have with a lot of people you may consider to be already your friends. I *think* you say in English "Friends are the Family you choose" (or similar), while in Germany we say "Family is something you have, but friends you can choose". And we don't mean that one bit tongue-in-cheek. (Caveat: Family in this context will usually mean the "rest of the family", and not your own spouse and own kids.)
Yep. You have to understand the difference between Bekannter/Bekannte und Freund/Freundin.
What the lady describes as friend is Bekannter in Germany. 🙂
Please don't generalize. I live in a village in a "Siedlung" (settlement) with lots of neighbouring houses. When you are partying, nobody would call the authorities (Police, Ordnungsamt). If any they would call you or knock on your door. What I do then? I invite them over so they are part of the noise.😉 But actually nobody complains.
Showing up early at a party is a no go as @XynxNet wrote. The hosts are on the home stretch for preparing everything and you would disturb their preparations. Because we feel embarassed when we are not ready when the guests arrive.
So true, all of it.
As to dogs: lately I had an appointment for a lengthy Dental surgical session. My dog sitter did not appear and so I went to see the doctor and asked what I should do about it. After some discussion with the staff I was to keep my dog on my lap for the 2 hour procedure, on that horrible dentist‘s bed. Everything is possible, even in Germany 🤗
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Very interesting points brought up. I enjoyed this video. 😊❤
I'm so glad! 🥰💛 thanks!!!
Great video .. enjoyed it 🙂
"a lot of people smoke in Germay" Some years ago there were much more smokers. When I was in school (I am 57 now) me and approx. 5 others in my class were the only ones who did not smoke and it was not easy to stay firm.
One thing you did not mention is the "staring", which actually is a kind of communication. If a go for a walk and a stranger comes my way, I will stare at him/her, once she looks my way I will smile or nod and so will she/he. It is just another way of saying 'hello'. Next time our ways cross the same thing will happen. The third time a few words might be exchanged or we may si on the same bench for a bit of smalltalk. And just 20 years later we may even consider us to be friends ...
Thank you for this!! ❤
"FELLKINDER"❤😂 Oh my god, she knows better than me!!!!!😅 What a nice word.
At my work, first thing in the morning is reading my mails. I don't just start with the actual stuff. 😂 And at lunchtime I meet with some of my friends to talk about everything, also including private things.
The noise restrictions are "selbstverständlich" bc they are written in law. Oc you need to adhere to the local laws. And just like foreigners would need to put their beer in a brown bag when drinking it outside, you would need to lower your noise after 10 p.m. untill 7 a.m. and from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m.
People with dogs are a bit cautious when strangers approach their dogs because they don't know how near correctly.
I had a Doberman some years ago. He was a soul of a dog, not a dangerous one at all. He loved to hug with me and my family. One day when I was one a walk with him a child on a bike (parents had been 100 meters behind) came close to us. I waited on one side for letting the child pass. Suddenly the child lost a bit control and headed directly towards my dog. He got scared and snapped at the child. That really wasn't his fault but the parents were angry and I had a verbal dispute with them.
Thank you for this!
Ja, die Deutschen sollten ihre Kinder dazu erziehen, wie man mit Hunden umgeht bzw. sich ihnen nähert. Ich habe selber einen miniature poodle, und die Kindetr wollen oihn immer anfassen, was er als Bedrohung sieht.
@@rosedewittbukater4203 Wer keinen Hund hat, weiß auch nicht, wie man sich ihnen nähert. Man muß da als Hundebesitzer ein wenig Hilfestellung geben.
@@Jochen.Lutz-GermanyIch habe keinen Hund, aber selbst wenn ich einen hätte, wäre das ist kein Garant dafür, dass ich mit jedem Hund richtig umgehen könnte. Deswegen fragt man ja den/die Besiter/in, ob man den Hund anfassen darf und bekommt dann eine entsprechende Antwort.
@@Jochen.Lutz-Germanydas ist SELBSTVERSTÄNDLICH ..man muss KEINE Hilfestellung geben, als Besitzer...man hat zu fragen .. Punkt!
A bit ger-mansplaining here ;-) According to 4: 10 the translation of "selbstverständlich" is not "self-explanatory" (which stands for "selbsterklärend") but more "self-evident", "natural", "obvious", "taken for granted" , in Spanish like "por supuesto" and "por descontado". The expression "Aber selbstverständlich!" can be translated into "Of course!" and "Needless to say!".
And Berlin is not the right place as a reference for Germany. The more rural regions are better examples for german cultures and habits.
True , but the use of selbstverstandlich as we use it in the German language is not accurate. And that is the beauty of the word and its relation to the culture. If you look into the definition of the word , it’s about something that we agreed on without really talking about it.
I concur , Berlin is not typical Germany 😂 but I take my input through the traditions of my grandma who was born in Chemnitz and my granddad who was born in Hamburg. I can even make very nice Lebkuchenhäuser ❤
@@Sigs23 "Obvious"
@@tic-tacdrin-drinn1505 works for a couple of situations but not in all contexts. Words that cannot be translated into other languages help understand the cosmovisión of that society better. Selbstverstandlich is one of those amazing words
Hi Jenna, the "No" topic is very interesting and a thing I never thought about. Perhaps the reason is that we are "head people". We think about a point before we agree.
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'selbstverständlich' has different meanings.
It means that something was already understood by it's context.
But it could be used as an answer to a request -> 'it's a pleasure (to serve you)'.
About work, in most companies, you have one or more (paid) field days (or hiking day) with your colleagues. Usually once in summer and once in chrismas time.
This video is super interesting hearing someone describing my culture from an perspective of a person who didn't grow up here. Quite fascinating. Especially since the stuff you talked about is "selbstverständlich" and therefore not thought or talked about.😀
On punctuality, I'd like to add that this 10 minute early rule is more for work. There you come early and the meeting starts on time with everyone having their stuff prepared, the data at hand, and stuff and we then dive right into it. . No small talk, or very little.
When you are invited to someones home, don't come early. Come on time or a bit later. If it gets much later, just text or call and just say so. I always hate it when someone comes to early when visiting me, because more often than not I am rushing to get everything ready on time and if someone came too early, that would mess up my plan to get everything done. And if you are invited to a party, come when you want to if the invitation said something like "Ab 18:00", except it's a dinner party.
Wow, that is the first time I actually thought about this. This stuff is more complicated than I thought. There are even more points I could address, but I'll stop here. LOL.
Hope that is helpful. Cheers. 😘
I think even in Germany saying you dont like a present is considered as rude 🙈 Or is it just my perspective? I've never experienced that someone does that. Maybe if you get the same thing every year, then you could say in a really really nice way that you dont like it. But otherwise why would you?? 😳 Its still nice, someone wanted to do a nice thing. If you dont like it, just give it to someone who does and everyone is happy.
I mean especially when you get a little "Mitbringsel" - If YOU dont like it, maybe someone else in your family does. Or, if its something to eat or drink, just keep it for the next party or whatever.. 😅
I would never say thanks but I hate it 🙈
"I think even in Germany saying you dont like a present is considered as rude"
it depends. If I gift a wine to somebody and they tell me they don't like wine I wouldn't get offended. Quite the opposite I would appreciate this information because this way I can avoid wasting money the next time.
"But otherwise why would you?"
As already said, because it's a waste of money.
"If you dont like it, just give it to someone who does and everyone is happy."
That - pretending to like a gift and than giving it away - would be rude.
I always prefer honesty in such cases.
Of course, you wouldn't say "I hate it" but probably something like "I don't drink alcohol, but my .. does - so I'll give it to her/him. I'm sure they'll like it."
Yes, it's rude and I would not recommend anyone starting a life here to pick it up as a typical German habit. I won't say that it does not occur, but you'll probably have at least a 50/50 split here of locals saying it was honest versus rude. As you wrote: If someone was bringing the same stuff you don't like over and over again, you could say something. But even then, I'd feel awkward.
Maybe alcohol is a special case and there it is more common to say, I dont drink. But if its a once in a lifetime thing where someone brings a specialty from another country, I still think its rude to say I dont like it, even in Germany 😅
I mean, its just a common thing to bring something when you come to visit. I wouldnt make such a big thing out of it, just say thank you and everyone has fulfilled their "task". I think sometimes its just about social conventions 🤷
I would want my guests to feel comfortable and they just want to be polite. I think sometimes social conventions are a bit like a game you play with certain rules and without deeper meaning 😊
Regarding saying "no" at first: I think the reason is, if you say "yes" you accept the situation/task and full responsibility. There is no backing out later, if it turns out to be harder/more complicated than expected. So Germans will think more before saying "yes", but then it is "fix".
I agree if I say yes I do and you could trust in me/ count on me.
5:46 No! 😂 Honestly not true, it - as everything - depends! I am and my colleagues are / were open, even as for private life, mind you back in 1998 it was a start up, and most people employed were about the same age. Today is a little bit different, but generally it really depends on the culture of the company you are joining. We went to celebrate together on a regular basis from the caretaker to the CEO, every Thursday same Bar and Club later on. Generalisations are always skewed, it depends on personal experience. Delivering a general picture about Germany - as divers in culture as it is - is always a fail. Northern Germany - their behaviour is closer to its northern neighbours, like Denmark as it is to Southerns like Swabians or Bavarians, which are in turn closer to Austrians or Swiss. US & Canadian generalisations are usually failing as they do not take the diversity within the country in account, or are not able to grasp it
Exactly. I have also only been in jobs where the colleages often spent time after work. And over the coffee in the morning we shared private or work related things. 🙋♀
Every Wednesday we have a mini business breakfast. Once a quarter we have a really big one that lasts 1-2 hours. And once a quarter we go out to eat privately in the evening. Every now and then we go on an excursion. And generally we talk about private things at work. 😊
Some years ago I was in Berlin with a friend and my dog in a pub on Hackescher Markt. A woman came to our table and said to my dog: Is he cute, can I pet him? My friend said: Go ahead. She sat on my lap and then started to pet me. It was a joke from his new girlfriend, who I didn't know yet
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Die wär geflogen. Meterweit 😂
@@Kloetenhenne Ach was, war genau meine Art Humor
😂😂😂
@@renerieche6862 ich finde es suuuuuper, wenn fremde Leute mich ungefragt anfassen. Also wäre sie geflogen 😂
You beautiful ladies really did a good job with this dialogue, very informative and straight forward. I’m looking to leave the U.S right now.
Thanks so much! 🥰
I think you can't generalize it. For instance I know that many Germans don't like that their visitor come 10 minutes before the appointed time, myself included. It's better to come a couple of minutes late than to early.
Another topic concerning work. It depends where work. In my case, we laugh and talk a lot with some colleagues.
In our days you can't make a general rule anymore
Berlin is to Germany exactly the same as, for instance, New York City, where I lived 8 years, is to the US. I've lived in four cities in four different sections of Germany for work and now in retirement. Each of the cities, Heidelberg, Freiburg, Düsseldorf and nearly 20 years in Berlin, where I live now, are all completely different with different cultural norms, customs, selbst verständliche norms, accents and language usages. I traveled for work and have more personal experience with the country than most Germans born and raised in Germany (as well as many other European cities).
I thoroughly enjoyed this video, and there is so much more to impart.
Selbstverständlich mag ich deinen channel 👍👍❤❤
Awww 🥰💛
Recently talked with some gals and guys that worked in the same company about the difference in working today and twenty years ago. In the past, we had coffee breaks, were sitting or standing in the kitchen, and kept discussing work subjects or strategies. These days people work from home and there is a lot less communication. These days, my kids are a lot more strict about keeping smalltalk out of their business hours, even when working from home.
True, it has changed a lot
Depends on where you work. 😅
@@FineHupeline True, I was comparing young people (under 30). Oldsters that have been working together for 10+ years have less need to communicate and usually less of a problem to just call if they want to know something
@@wora1111 My department cannot work from home. In my team we're mostly younger, late 20 to early 40, and we communicate a lot. Also about private matters. :D I think it's mostly about the company and what work someones does, not the age.
@@FineHupeline Sorry, meant to talk about different work styles, not ages. Sounds like you work like we did 'in der guten alten Zeit'.
In my 20s I would go to parties but people only ever talked to the people they already knew. If you went up to someone and introduced yourself they look at you like you’re insane. I learned the trick is that you have to have someone introduce you. The inherent distrust is real. Meeting girls was hell back then. 😂
Thank you. Very interesting to watch being a German. 🙂
Glad you enjoyed it! 🥰
Flowers twice a week?? Crazy. Twice a Year would be ok. Maybe some Gänseblümchen😁
😂😂
To be honest I wanted to say twice a year but my mind played tricks on me 🫣
I buy myself flowers once a month. 😂
I wish my (German) husband would say "no". Or "yes". Any question I ask I get a half-hour lecture but never a binary answer.
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😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Are you sure that he is (a) a man and (b) german? Men are typically simple creatures who do not consider anything a question if it cannot be answered with yes/no. Maybe you should try "german rudeness" and stop his monologues immediately by asking for a simple yes/no?!
I think how dogs are treated at home depends on the owner(s). But in public - about 40 years ago there were much less rules and regulations for dogs and their owners. But since then it has become so much more crowded and therefore conflicts have increased. I am afraid it has become a necessity to implement rules and to train the dogs.
I'm a middle-aged german, living on the countryside and many things never happened to me. I've never had an authority stop my party. Also I'd never say "I dont like that" if get a present. And I always hug my friends' dogs and cats (the ones I like). But I agree there're quite some people in germany with this negative attitude. We're joking this is caused by the bad weather here.
This not mixing friends and job is very specific for the cubicle type jobs eg management/sales/bankers ..on more 'low' end type of jobs or really depeds on your workfield/location/background of your coworkers. Your higher ups will have a tendency to keep it professional. But i would say specially if you are more the type of craftsman or in some specific workfields there is a big comradery within your collegues. Ofc like you said in the friends section stuff will take a lot more time than in the us.
That’s very true! 🙃 I think we ask foreigners always mention this work/life separation is because many who come to Germany for highly skilled jobs typically are the ones facing these issues of not being able to make friends quickly in the workplace (often cubicle like you mention) 💛
I'm German and even I am shocked about the honesty of Germans considering presents for example. But I think its mostly older generations that are thst direct. Personally I think its just rude in the context of receiving gifts.
I totally agree, the honesty with presents is definitely a generational German thing! I love living here and watching the young generations thrive! Germanys youth are much more open, optimistic and tolerant 🥰
Ich gehöre zur älteren Generation Deutscher und bedanke mich für Geschenke, auch wenn sie mir nicht gefallen, weil es auf die gute Absicht ankommt. Nur wenn ich etwas wirklich nicht brauchen kann und es in meiner Wohnung nur Platz verschwendet, lehne ich ab, aber schonend und empathisch. Und zu meinen besten Freunden bin ich sowieso immer direkt und lehne sofort ein Geschenk ab, wenn ich es nicht mag. Die sind dann nicht sauer, weil sie umgekehrt genauso reagieren. Manchmal sind wir sehr brutal einander gegenüber 🤣.
If you don't tell people that you don't drink red wine only to please, then you end up getting red wine for the rest of your life, while people think they are gifting you with something you like. I think it would be rather rude to not tell them the truth and let them waste their money.
And it can be kind of awkward if years into the friendship people find out, that you have been lying about liking their gifts
@@AntjeKrause-pt4cc I get that! But I think with close friends, it’s easier to be honest… it’s usually the one off or once a year guests who I wouldn’t say anything to
@@AntjeKrause-pt4cc You act like that is a weekly subscription and people just get you the same presents every week for the rest of your life because you didn't tell them. What about being kind and waiting, if they even bring the same present the next time or the timer after before being that rude? That's another thing with Germans, they don't get the spirit of gestures. :D
Well, if you say yes to something, then people should be able to count on your word. So, saying yes is kind of like signing a verbal contract. Sorry if that is such a foreign concept
As a Hamburg German I wonder... What country are you talking about? 😅 I have never made the experience you did... Friends came over or phoned and then we were off.
Punctuality is good, but please, never 10 minutes early. Staying longer can be okay, depends on the time, read the hosts mood 😊
Hamburg dogs are usually very well behaved. Normally you can ask and pet the dog. There are only very few aggressive dogs.
But all of this could be caused by my living conditions. Where I live, what places I frequent etc...
Oh, and at work we talk about private life as well. And we use our mobile from time to time. There is no exclusion.
Hey guys. I'm Mexican married to a Deutschlander, and when I joined his family, it was and still is very hard to adjust. First, I tend to smile a lot to what they respond, making halves/fake smiles like making fun of me. Another thing is they must know all about my doings, absolutely everything. I like to have some privacy in my life. When they say "No" to some of my requests, it is hard for me to hear that rudeness, I am a sensitive person.
Also, the fact that to see us for a cup of coffee, they must set an appointment, and that is in a week or two. There is much more, but I stop here. 😅
I still miss Berlins bakeries. I worked at Teufelsberg 75/77
das mit den Hunden erkläre ich immer so: Stelle Dir vor du läufst irgendwo und jemand findet dich hübsch. Und er stürmt auf dich zu und krault Dir die Haare und will mit Dir Kuscheln. Würde dich das freuen? Jedes Tier hat einen eigenen Charakter und ist auch Familienmitglied.(manchmal sogar der einzige Sozialkontakt)
About the No thing: When I visited my sister who was living in Mexico, she warned us that they would rather lie to you just to avoid sayin no there. She said if we asked for directions, it could very well be that they would sometimes rather give us wrong directions if they didn't know where we wanted to go than saying "no, I don't know where it is."
Hahaha yes, that’s exactly what Sigrid said too in the video! 😂 I like German honesty in this regard haha… I had the same issue in India when living there for a bit too… they always pretended to know the answer rather than admitting they didn’t know 🙈
It’s not an intention to “lie” it’s more of an almost “system error” to say no … so , it’s complicated to ask for directions in Mexico
I always talk to the dog first.
Why should I talk to the owner?
Most pet owners will insist that their pet is not a "thing" by law.
OK, than you have also no say over him. let the dog decide.
For me it's very hard to understand the way of trading the price in Tunesia, Turkey or Egypt for example. As a German I ask for thr price and decide by myself if I think it's suitable. If I get a 50% discount within 2 minutes I'm (feeling) fooled
It stresses me out but I had to live with it since in Mexico is the same
The "no" thing may relent to the way more binding contracs germans feel obligatet to of of the most casual remarks given in conversation. So, a remark like "nice weather", and if I say "yes", its my fault, when it starts raining later ...
It’s so interesting to read comments like these 💛 as a Canadian I’d never feel responsible for something like that, but when I have guests visiting for example I always feel overly responsible for their comfort and happiness and go out of my way even if it means stress and uncomfortable situations for me… simply to make my guests happy. It’s exhausting, and ridiculous, and how I was raised so it’s hard to take it out of the way I work as a human haha
Such an interesting topic though isn’t it?!
@@lifeingermany_ Hehe, the "raining" example was the most far fetched i could come up with that day. A more fitting one would have been the : "Meet a very distant acquaintance on the street, and part with a innocent "Oh, we should meet again for coffee some time" ... For americans, thats something like "bye bye", germans take that dead serious ...
@@derdawaere515 hahaha so true! Great examples though!
So strange, I am German from Berlin. Parents came and stayed after kids parties. Sometimes very long and we had a lot of fun. Our family would consider telling someone who brought a gift: thank you but I do not like it, very rude. Seems to be also the bubble one is living in.
Don't be early to a party at someone's home, they are probably still preparing something. Of course don't be too late either if there are clear plans like dinner or games.
A dog is like a child, don't touch without parental approval.
Unfortunately the younger people here don't feel bound by the rules anymore. Being loud after ten p.m. up till 4 o'clock and jaywalking is just two of those things. But maybe it is just my part of Berlin.
I wouldn't say I don't like a present even if I hate it, but I would probably mention that I don't drink alcohol myself to not get alcoholic presents in the future, or admit that I already have that book, but always make it clear that I'm thankful for the gift nevertheless. It is the thought that counts after all.
I don't agree. I say often yes if I can help and no if not. I don't think we always say no to everything.
It is very interesting, however, doesn't it make sense to say "no" honestly or yes honestly - meaning I say "yes" and then I am really going to do it, reliably?
We need to thank whoever coined the term “Jein” 😂
Am I not a typical German? When I am supposed to be somewhere at I say 3 pm, I am there minimum 10 minutes prior, but then I wait until it is exactly 3 pm and then I ring the bell.😂 It is a little awkward, isn't it?🙈
😂😂 I do the EXACT same thing too!!!
I think it's common sense not to touch anyones pet without a permission, becaude you can never know how the animal will reackt, if they're scared of people or the enviorment or the other animals. Even tho the owner would train the pet to be friendly towards humans they can still be scared for multiple reasons. You can never assume certain behavior because it's an animal with unpredictable instinct.
In Canada, most dogs are friendly and no one really asks permission.. it’s just a totally different type of interaction
@@lifeingermany_ It's lovely to hear that in
Canada dogs are mainly friendly and likes humans, that's super! And as I still said before, dogs are just animals and they are unbredictable. Dog may be be afraid of people or they might be scared easily and then the dog might attack, because it is just an animal and have an animal instincts. and that's why it's good to ask firts if it's okay to touch the pet. Yoy can never know and it's better be safe than have unpleasant suprise. And it doesn't hurt anyone to ask a question ''can I/can my child pet your dog?'' Just to make sure it is safe and okay.
For example I don't want anyone to come up and pet my dogs because I'm training them not to be so excited about other dogs and peoples.
It's so funny when foreigners who are living here for some years are holding a mirror up to us. Sometimes you show some aspects that are so normal for us and totally strange for foreigners. 😂
I grew up in a Mexican German family and I really thought a lot of things where normal until my friends told me they were only so because of my grandmother 😂
It really should be selbstverständlich that you don't pet a stranger's dog without asking. A friend of mine had a Malinois with terrible backaches and touching the wrong spot caused her severe pain, yet people did it all the time. We got a 13 months old goldi and she's just adorable, but she's training to be a school dog and as such has to be trained properly. I cannot count how many times people came over and completely disregard everything that's going on to pet her.
If you pet my dog without asking, I will pet you without asking.
I would translate it with, it’s understood
9:49 again No😂 not true, I wonder whom you are socialising with, regularily I chat with my neighbours over the fence and it ends in an exchange we want to deepen, and invite us over to have a beer, like instantly. My other neighbour just opposite he is German, bit was raised in England from age of 12 and his Hungarian wife, just having a toddler, meet spontaneously he just screams over the street if we want to have a chat and meet at their or our place. To me it really seems you are not socially involved sufficiently with your neighbours, as this will happen naturally on many occasions during the year. Maybe that is a behaviour pattern of yours causing it? Generally people perceived as naturally and winning over personalities have no probs settling.
I would say you’re quite lucky to have a neighbourly situation like this, I wouldn’t call it the norm. Sigrid and I are from very different backgrounds and live on opposite sides or the country and many many Germans who I speak with daily around Germany live in similar situations to us. It’s all a matter of where you live! ☺️
@@lifeingermany_ my take is there is a difference between inner city and town & villages.
Definitely, I love Berlin but since it’s a city, there are interesting aspects to it. I love that in the smaller places people say good morning to each other
It's so funny looking your videos, even for me as a German. We seem to be a bit odd I think.. or you might think
But in a funny way
Wow, to say you don't like or need the gift you have brought is just rude. Even for germans in my opinion.
Being from California the German ways feel real nice for a change 😅
It certainly is refreshing 😂☺️
I am from Kenya and i can get friend from Germany?
7:23 that is why one joins the smokers in their smoke break, even when not being a smoker 😂. Come on you are not surprised by soft skills - are you? One cannot be that naiv
"Can you do that?"
"Yes!"
"Ok, I take the results tomorrow!"
Why would you say "yes" if you don't know how to do, you don't have the time or similar?
You would get in stress afterwards.
So if there is any doubt, say "no" and inform about why.
May be your supervisor will shift the focus, give additional information, training or find someone who has the time and knowledge.
Cultural differences are astounding aren’t they?! 😂💛 I love being able to create videos like this for that reason!! To answer those WHYs and really understand them!
I’ve been studying into “why Germans can just say I’m sorry” for ages and it’s one i get now but still don’t fully understand!
There’s always a deeper reason behind it all!
@@lifeingermany_ in deed they are!
And if you misunderstand them you think about so polite or unpolite or fake people.
So keep on researching "why"?
Ich verstehe nicht…so how would a person ever get a date/girlfriend/wife) ? I remember doing spontaneous things with my girlfriend (wife), and she just showed up at my cousin‘s party soon after we met (my cousin asked, I didnt know about it), we did all kind of random stuff and it showed interest. So I get the drift this doesnt happen over there? I would be so screwed…..
With my German husband it was a similar situation in South Africa where we met. I found out through his friends that he was “into me” and was utterly shocked! I was throwing out signs left right and centre and at the end of the day assumed he wasn’t interested in me at all 😂 turned out to be the exact opposite! I have no idea how one is supposed to know!
@@lifeingermany_ if I lived there, I would have had trouble dating a German, only because of the cultural behaviors. When I visit, I always try to speak German & I find everyone very friendly when I do. They even small talk a little with me. Shocking! If I was younger & married I would so move there, just so much more family friendly than the USA. Thx for responding. Your channel is terrific.
@@kkaminska2451 thanks so much for the sweet message 🥰 and I totally agree with you on that one!!
There is a reason why dating in berlin is awful ! Trust me 😂
@@Sigs23 Berlin ist ein Drecksloch heutzutage.
Why on earth would you say you love maple syrup when you hate it or red wine when you don't drink alcohol? When you are not honest and pretend to love it, you'll be given the same present time and again. To me as a German that's just silly. Of course you thank them for the gift but explain to them why you wouldn't like to get the same "Mitbringsel" again. Some advice: Try to find out beforehand if people like maple syrup, baseball hats, whisky, olive oil ...
To me as a German it would be just plain rude and tactless to say that to the face of a person giving me a small present. You don't need to say that you love maple syrup when you hate it, but it's just a small token and not supposed to start an endless supply of weekly deliveries of maple syrup. And who in his or her right mind would hate real maple syrup in the first place? ;-)
@@heikozysk233I'm German too and I totally agree with you.
I wouldn’t tell the truth either 😂🙈 to be honest though… I also don’t like red wine but am glad when people gift it to me 😂… I then can restock my “emergency gift giving box” to make someone else happy when I know loves red wine 😍
Beerliiin, not Börlinn
OOOH NOOO ! ! !
YOU MAST MOVE TO THE NETHERLANDS
Maybe you should have had a German join the conversation to hear a Germans viewpoint? Would make sense to maybe also understand better? Or maybe it's not a reality but just a feeling that foreigners coming from a different culture get, because it is "foreign" to them?
Selbstverständlich ... nicht!
😜
😂
@@tasminoben686 Hi Ben Alles Gute!
Da sindse wieder. Die ganzen Auswanderervideosgucker 😂
@@Kloetenhenne 🤣👍
@@Kloetenhenne hey, sie lebt! Hi Kli, gibt es dich doch noch! Hab immer nach deinen Kommentaren geguckt und da war immer Nix… Nun bin ich Grad TV mäßig in Düsseldorf, Fußballspiel, Endphase. Ich hoffe bei dir ist alles okay? Was macht euer Hauskauf? Entschuldige, dein Hauskauf! LG, Ben
Germans say often no? Nein ^^
I am a middle-aged german, living in quite a big town and i wonder in what very very strange environment you are living. 90 % of that what you are telling in this video never, never happend to me.
Perhaps it's like this in Berlin. But the most Germans don't like this terrible city.
Garantiert nicht in Berlin...
Ultimately, as we see, we are not really “ourselves,” but a product of our limited environment with learned values, emotions, and reactions that can vary at will.