My In-Laws Won’t Move Out (What Should We Do?)
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- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
- My In-Laws Won’t Move Out (What Should We Do?)
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I've never had good experiences when it comes to allowing relatives to move in, a few years ago my spouse and I allowed his nephew to move in so he could get on his feet, we paid off alot of his debt, he didn't have to pay rent or expenses while living with us so he could save money, the only thing we wouldn't pay for was his child support that was solely his responsibility. He eventually found a better paying job and moved out on his own. Recently we learned through other family members that he trashed us and said we were horrible to him and was always telling him what to do.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I find a nice warning about the potential legal consequences of slander encourages family members to stop telling lies.
Of course. People like that (lazy and self entitled) don't respect house rules or take accountability. Grown adults how need to be told to adult see it as an insult.
I hope you don't help him again!
FACT.
Gosh that's terrible after all you did for him!
What a loser!!!
This guy will not have this conversation with his folks. If he does, he will tell them that his wife wants them out.
YES, that is correct put the blame on his wife. I'm sure the parents will demand to have their house back at the price they sold it for.
@@cutehumoryea they aren’t going to buy a house now, not in this market
My son separated from his wife several times. The last time he actually came to stay with us. They got back together and it more or less caused conflict.
Then her parents should also move in and stay, and the husband can deal with that@@cutehumor
She married a woosie
My mother in law has been living with us for 3 months. I dream about moving out myself.
Your divorce is imminent if you don't figure that out ASAP. The longer she stays, the less he's responsible for taking care of with his mother, he will fight for her to stay if she guilts him.
Is she ill or has a disability? Otherwise, that is horrible.
@@KristaAndersonPhilippsterrible advice
@@samwatson8079 Oh ok, well, just because your wife is cool with being a doormat to your family doesn't mean everyone else is.
OP, sounds like your husband made that decision for the family. have to set boundaries
My mother lived with us after my younger brother died. It was horrific. She kept looking at me like the wrong child died and then would blame us for everything wrong in her life. After she moved out we had so much more peace in our little family.
I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤ please know you're not to blame
@@reneeantwi-boasiako3974 we know, but it is a difficult thing to realise that your mother does not have love for her daughter, son in law, grandchildren and a great grandchild. She is the one who made the decision to be this kind of person. I believe it's a decision as she knows how to play nice with the right people if it is to her advantage.
As Dr Delony says, it’s better to live with guilt than resentment.
It is better to live without guilt or resentment, both are bad & his one or the other deal is not helpful
@@greggpurviance7252 it’s reality.
@@greggpurviance7252 either way we have to pick if we’ll pick the peace and suffer in silence or have the awkward conversation. Yes, life is all about choices.
In laws still view the house as theirs despite the fact that they sold it
That is very insightful. Don't buy homes once owned by family.
It's also possible they spent all the money, & can't afford to move out.
@@catherinep2034 if they did that’s a choice they made and need to live with by being evicted
@@randyadams1312 I think MIL will use guilt trip on them to stay.
@@catherinep2034 they can try. I’d be curious to know what that money was spent on
There was a pause when Delony mentioned paying the caller’s MIL for childcare going forward.
Think she’s expecting to still get that for free.
Expecting? lol my mom in law laughed hard when I offered to pay her to watch our son. She never wants paid; she comes over happily all the time
@MamaLove2118
Are you the caller, no?
Perhaps listen to the video and stop internalizing everything.
@@emilyh6293- I don’t get your question. These channels are here to watch and discuss. Your comment sounds like a typical Karen. Touch a nerve?
@truthbetold6942 - I didn’t ask you anything. You ok?
If the inlaws are living there without paying anything, Ellen is not getting childcare for free now.
I was on her team until she said Grandma was their childcare & husband struggles to speak his thoughts to his mom. It seems like Grandma must be under the impression that despite the initial plan, this has become a symbiotic relationship with housing/convenient childcare. Mom can't just use her inlaws and not say a word and then wonder why they haven't left. Grandma probably thinks shes doing them a favor by staying. What a mess. 😅
Exactly my thoughts 💯
She probably wants to leave, too, but stays because she believes she's helping them out.
If they’re not paying rent, providing childcare is a reasonable substitute for payment.
"And by the way, can you guys still do us the favor of watching little Jimmy?" 😂😂
@@Gila699 Exactly. I think it's rather selfish to use grandma up all you want but turn around and tell her to find a place in 3 months. I mean honestly. You've got some nerve to ask her for help after making them leave.
They also need to stop using the in-laws for free childcare. Maybe the in-laws have stayed thinking they are helping them with the kids and don’t want to hurt them by moving, resulting in them paying thousands in childcare per month.
I really think that's a huge part of why they are still there.
@@wordsalad01 they may be taking advantage. They also may want to move to a small apartment by the beach but worry that the parents of young children, having bought a home, cannot afford $1,300 per child per month in childcare. They all need to communicate and not assume the worst of each other.
wish my MIL could have moved in with us. She was an amazing woman who left our lives far too soon. Bc of her I have never known what it's like to have a "monster-in-law." Thank you Andrea💜
Finally someone who didn't hate the mother in law.
My mom told me “Never live with your mother in law”.
Your mom is a smart woman because that’s exactly how it should be 💯 I agree with her 100000000%
When my dad was young, his grandmother moved in with his family. My dad comments how his father at that point lost his wife and gained two mothers.
My experience is different. My very sweet and very elderly parents moved in with us so we could help care for my mama. It wasn't easy sometimes but it was definitely a blessing to us all. My kind husband even picked out the bedroom that would work best for them when we moved to our current home. My mama was with us almost a year before she passed and my dad was with us 9 more years. He passed at almost 98. I still miss them and dont regret one minute of the time we had with them and our kids just adored them.
You must’ve had good, caring parents who loved your husband and he in turned loved them..sadly it doesn’t work that way for all in-laws
Do they pay the mother for child care? Do they pay her the market rate? If not, she may think that housing is compensation for taking care of the kids. You’ve got to put everything on the table. I’ve assumed that my (uncompensated) taking care of my grandchildren was worth more than my daughter and son-in-law thought it was. Get it straightened out now - before feelings get hurt.
Childcare is very expensive.
The couple purchased A HOUSE. Unless the purchase price is being returned, babysitting is not an equitable trade.
If they want to discuss childcare in lieu of utility payments, that's a separate conversation. But, staying in a home they agreed to sell for over a year is manipulative and a lie. That's not okay.
Her in-laws don't get to live rent free and invade their childrens' lives just for baby-sitting. When I was a teenager, I babysat neighbors' kids for what amounted to less than minimum wage. Parents thinking they get to live rent free and take over their childrens' lives as a result is a ridiculous level of entitlement, and really points to there being other issues going on with regards to healthy boundaries and privacy. If the parents think they have the right to just move in like this in exchange for babysitting, there's a lot more going on than just them thinking they have a "right" to their children's home in exchange for doing what any teenager will do for pennies!
I don't know what planet you are living on but my teen granddaughters get 20 per hour to babysit
It's a sad state when grandparents want to be compensated for watching their grandchildren.
It is mind blowing that two grown ass individuals need to be told this
My mother-in-law lived with us for 2 months at a time during covid (a total of 4 months). It was HELL. We got rid of our guest bedroom bc we don’t want that to happen again😂
🤣🤣
Lmao
I’ve already told my hubby that his entitled mother will never live with me in our home..he responded no problem..you can leave which if time comes and she can no longer take care of herself (which @ 85 she doesn’t do much) and hubby wants mommy living with us I will gladly divorce his a$$ and take half of everything he has..
My mom was having mini strokes repeatedly. She was pretty much wheel chair bound, but could transfer and take care of her needs. My sister lived with her but was never home. So we took Mom in to care for her. It was good the first year, then she became very bossy and demanding. She didn't pay rent and flat out refused to baby sit. After five years her physical care became too complex and we took her to assisted living.
Should’ve done that instead of taking her in…as a sick/disabled person gets older they become more demanding and entitled..as with my 85 yo mil who I will refuse to ever let live with me
"There is power in the pause" love that.
I hate the long pauses on this show. They make me cringe.
My mother in law has been living with my wife and I to help raise our children. No complaints.
It's a little different when it's the mother of the son.
@@Andible probably true.
This is a fantastic way to destroy a marriage. Have the conversation, and then sell the house. Because even if they leave they’re gonna resent you having “their” house even though they sold it to you.
My parents lived with us for two years, it was actually a really positive experience overall. My children were very close to them then and for the rest of their childhood. But I suspect our experience is rare. That was 1998-2000, now my Papa has passed over, and my mother is very elderly, I have no regrets. But transitioning them was not super difficult. The advice to have a leave date/exit strategy is excellent and was something we did not have. And that did eventually cause stress, it is a very long story.
I'm 49 and my mom still treats me like a kid. She wants to baby me. I would go nuts having to live with her again.
My sister and her 2 daughters and my mother moved into my home in 2019. I've never been happier. My sister is a neat freak, and my house is always spotless. I dread the day she moves out 😂😂😂😂
I'm so glad this arrangement works well for you. However, is there a spouse in the picture?
@@monicacollins8289 -Obviously not
I’ll take them, when they move out.😂❤
@@monicacollins8289I think if there was a spouse he wouldn’t want his wife whole family living with them..sounds like she’s happy cause sis takes care of the house and probably has mom cooking and her whole life is taken care of by them, lol
sounds like a estrogen high!
My narcissistic friend asked if he could stay with me for 2 weeks. 2 weeks turned into 3 months and he brought his girl and daughter with him. I found an apartment, paid for the first month and got him to move there so that he would get out of my house. After that I cut him off. He ended up losing his apartment in less than 3 months
My husband's uncle moved in with my MIL and FIL when he got divorced, while he got "back on his feet." He lived there for years and years, until MIL finally had enough and it became a big issue. He would've stayed there until the day he died, but they had to muster up the courage to tell him to leave.
Did he eventually leave, and if so, was he angry?
@@RealAnita926 I don't know how he reacted initially, but he did leave without a lot of drama. He turned in his gate pass when he left, because they lived in a gated community.
@@budgiebirdy thanks for responding
My husband and I have been married for 8 years and we have never lived alone. First it was my sister needing help, then it was my brother, now it’s my elderly mother and mentally ill brother. It does not seem like they will be able to move out soon and the circumstances are so difficult to just kick them out. My adult siblings are no help in the situation. Bless my husband for being so supportive but I wish things were different.
Put them in a home so they can get the help they really need.
God give you strength and bless you.
Make it different. Don't wait for your hubby to get tired of the situation and you for not thinking of his well being. Just because he's not complaining doesn't mean you can take him for granted like that.
Don’t make it an option. It interferes with your marriage and you’re never able to be a couple. They will be ok if you stop wanting to be the savior.
Dr. D is 💯 right here. Time for
The man of the house to start acting like the man of the house. Grow up!
Whatever ‘profit’ the in-laws made 2 years ago when the kids purchased their home, has probably already been spent. And the in-laws have no extra money to rent or buy.
Is the stepdad still working? If not there might be bigger problems.
I think the kids are going to have to sell, and pay for the 1st month rent & deposit for the in-laws to get them situated in a apartment.
And start off with a clean slate.
How could the money have been spent from the sale of an entire house?
Say they sold their home for an average of $400-500k or even higher, who aside from gamblers or spendthrifts would have gone through that much equity in 2 years?
Plus, MIL and stepdad aren't paying any rent or expenses while living in their former home for free.
They don't owe the MIL any money for rent on a new place after they bought their house and have saved the couple $$$ by allowing
them to live in their former home minus property taxes, utilities,and other bills/upkeep for the past two years!
Agree the parents are broke and will guilt trip their son so bad and blame them for being "homeless."
Sell the house. They bought parent's house. Emotionally it'll always be the parent's house.
Best idea:Hire a lawyer at the onset to write up an agreement, both parties sign, and have it notarized. Then no one needs to be in this mess.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Great advice though.
The parents are just going to blame her and hate her so get ready for the hate
Personally, being hated doesn't bother me but hating my life definitely would.
If I had to bet my bet would be that the in-laws sold her on this idea by a) a deal on the house and b) the idea of live-in Nannies, which probably sounded great for two busy health care professionals working OT during COVID. Never make a deal with the devil, ahem, I mean the in-laws.
Which are the Devil I’ve found out!
That is a difficult talk. I had an in-law live with us for 11 years and you are right on! You grow to resent each other. I tried to give this talk and it made it worse. The Spouse who’s parent it is has to be willing to give the talk. Otherwise it gets worse!
My spouse has already told me that if his mom needs more care than she does now @ 85 that she will move in our home and when I told him no she wouldn’t he told me I could leave I said fine since you evidently love your entitled, bitter mother more than me I’ll leave and take half of everything u have..but he didn’t like the idea of having to divide everything with me so since she lives next door he can go live with her and I’ll have perfect peace!
If the conversation doesn't happen between son and MIL the next convo is husband and wife about the big D.
I think they need to have a family meeting with everyone involved.
Why doesn't her husband call the show? It's like in my marriage, my husband's family was so dysfunctional, and I went to therapy for 3 years before I finally divorced him. Did they go to counseling...heck no.
Because he's downstairs in the living room sucking on his mommy's tit.
what happened till death do us part?
@boston312 maybe it would have been her death if she had stayed.
@@boston312that's just something people say when they have a wedding.
@@RepentImmediately most mean it when they say it
This is why I won’t ever ever let people move in with me. It’s too hard for the change at the other end.
Me and my girlfriend had to kick out her friend last year. And she had an 8 year old with her.
If you don't have a cohabitation agreement with your girlfriend you're still playing with fire.
@@RepentImmediately I guess that’s why my friends call me Pyro. 🤨
I did talk to a lawyer before I moved her in. And have a game plan if worst comes to worst. But I also live in a pretty favorable
cohabitation state. And he told me I don’t risk losing anything. Just an uncomfortable 3 to 6 months if we break up and she decides to be difficult about moving out.
But I wouldn’t change the decision. It’s been a blast having her and those kiddos here. And very very fullgilling!!
@@abcdlilbit11good on you for getting legal consult.
Marriage?
@@lcam9241in my non professional opinion, there's far more risk in marriage than in cohabitation and almost all the legal benefits of marriage can be acquired through proper estate planning. I'm not an attorney but I managed an estate for 6 years and had to review and revise many estate docs on behalf of my client so I know what's possible with estate planning. My own estate is set up so that my boyfriend is my primary heir and beneficiary. But I can always change my estate plans if I choose to. However, if I were to marry him and he decided years later to divorce me, I could potentially end up paying alimony or lose some of my wealth.
Dr. John is very correct. It is the husband's job to speak to his folks. They were very kind to the folks for putting them up for a long time, and 90 days for an exit strategy is more than fair. The folks will forever be thankful for the kindness of the son and daughter-in-law, as least they should be. It was also astute that Dr. John zoned in on that he calls the stepfather that married when he was a grown man dad. That isn't like bad or whatnot, but does show how nonconforming he is.
Dr. John: “You’re going to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to avoid a conversation?”
Her: “Yes”
😂
That's what I heard her say. It came thru in her voice.
I agree that it's better for the husband and wife to have their own home without relatives also living there, but I also remember watching the Walton's on tv lol, and the whole family including grandparents lived together on that show, and saw nothing wrong with it. I think a lot of families did that back in the day though for financial reasons most probably.
Yeah, but financially this is a crappy deal. They bought the house. The parents received that money and they are sitting on a pile of cash. They are free loading.
@@kara2162 I agree and even said in my other comment, "I agree that it's better for the husband and wife to have their own home without relatives also living there".
You know that was fiction, right? The Waltons didn’t have any more family conflict than the writers (and the censors) allowed them to have.
I do agree with you that it was a necessity, though. At that time children WERE the retirement plan, and the deal was “You take care of me and then you inherit the house and land.” When the kids buy the house instead, it’s pretty different.
@@greenAbbot I agree that this situation is different yes. You are right about that...the kids bought the house with the agreement that the parents would find their own place to live, but the parents (at least at this time) don't seem to be willing to stick to the agreement everyone made in the beginning.
It was an agreement. Parents didn't keep their end. Need to be held accountable.
Walton deal happens all over the world, but it is normal in the cultural context & needed most of the time because of economic situations
Don’t do business with friends and family.
I have had both my parents and my in-laws live with me and my ex at various times. It was hell regardless whose parents it was. Lack of privacy., interference, my own mother would jump into our marital conversations Omggg don’t do it.
My brother was in a similar situation. My mom sold the house to my brother and his wife after they got married. My brother didn’t want to kick my mom out and they had a baby soon after, so they were also getting help with the baby. Long story short, my mom overstepped her role as grandmother and she disrespected my sister-in-law. My brother stood up for his family and kicked my mom out. It was very difficult for him but it was the best decision he’s ever made for himself and his family. They are thriving now and so is my mom.
Dr John is right. This lady’s husband should not be referring to his mom’s new husband as “dad”. That does tell you a lot about the kind of child-like mindset this guy has.
My dad married his new wife when I was 11. Therefore, she helped raise me. So she is, and will forever be, my stepmom. However, my mother married her new husband when I was 22 and out of the house. So I do not see him as my stepdad, nor would I ever refer to him as such. To me, he is simply “my mom’s husband”. And whenever I’ve needed to confront him about things, I have spoken to him man-to-man as his equal. This lady’s husband needs to grow up and grow some balls.
My SIL move in and breached my VERY clear boundaries including but not limited to staying twice as long as I had stipulated was the maximum time.
Hubby wasn't able to have the conversation, so I ended up having a breakdown and respectfully to leave. My SIL and I still have a great relationship because I was honest about what was happening.
The husband should go to a counselor and TRAIN for the conversation. Meaning role play. While the counselor pulls all the tricks and strategies that can be expected. I wonder if one of them comes from a culture where families live together and the parents and in-laws have a lot of leverage over the young families.
Be prepared to have to evict them if need be.
My situation is rare but my sister and I bought a beach house. BIL, sis, BF and I are contemplating expanding our guest house and living there post retirement. Our primary residences have so much equity built in or paid off, we come into this financially secure. We like each other and think it will be nice. My brother has his own beach house down the road. Rare. I know.
To be fair, I'd be curious about the childcare situation. There's a lot of comfort in knowing your child is with someone who loves them and being in healthcare generally means long hours and extra shifts. I'd bet Grandma has been available for all that, plus the extra expense of finding a daycare provider to cover those longer or strange shift hours might play into this. Sticky situation, all the way around.
If she is wanting them to leave I doubt they are getting the benefit of childcare from the in-laws especially if she's paying the MIL to watch the kids.
Grandma can still be abusive though. Being taken cared of by a family members doesn't protect you. She could be a covert narcissist.
@@kcourtney6826if Grandmas getting paid or not when granny moves out she can get paid to take care of grandkids in her own home!
The in-laws are taking advantage of them in a dirty way! They sold their house and got PAID! WTH?! Simple conversation, we need the full run of our home by this date (insert date), you guys need to find a place to live (PERIOD)!
The in-laws are not "taking advantage" of them, people can only do to you what you allow them to. The in-laws have been ALLOWED to stay and continue to live with them and that's on the husband and wife. Like John says, the husband needs to grow a backbone and take authority over the situation to get it resolved.
They also need to stop using the in-laws for free childcare. Maybe the in-laws have stayed thinking they are helping them with the kids and don’t want to hurt them by moving, resulting in them paying thousands in childcare per month.
TWO things can be true. They should not have allowed it to go on this long AND the in-laws are taking undue and disgusting advantage!
All of those are conversations to be had. They probably feel like grandma better at least watch the kids if she's staying here free! But it just does not seem logical that the in-laws would assume they could stay and not discuss it, unless they meant to impose and live free! If I sell my house, I'm assuming I have to find another home and move!
Yes they are taking advantage by not leaving like they said they would. They are taking advantage of their son’s lack of a backbone and they know it.@@lhughes6656
I lived with my mother in law for 6 months one time. It was some of the worst 6 months of my life. Never again. If some people can make it work great but that wasn’t the case for us.
The caller OWNED themselves the price of housing has skyrocketed the past three years with 8% interest rates for 30 year mortgages! OWNED The in-laws won't have the money to buy a home, it's probably why they are still living with them!! My house value jumped from 650k to 950k in the past three years! IF I bought my own home in 2023, I wouldn't be able to afford to pay the mortgage!!
@@wordsalad01 It's on the caller, you never mix money and family whether it's personal loans or buying a home from them. They screwed up and they are stuck with the in-laws. EVEN if you did buy a home from a family member, they better be moved out when you close on the home. How stupid they were to not make that a demand! OWNED themselves hard. I predict the caller will have to sell the home back to the parents for the PRICE they bought the home for. Mixing money and family, they would be DISOWNED by his parents if they don't meet their demands. The in-laws have all the leverage, and they know it! Dave Ramsey calls this a "stupid tax!!"
Won't be at that inflated value for long though.
Sometimes family has to evict and that can take 6 months or more.
Nothing like a very defined contract.
I have told both my parents if one passed I will NOT move in with the surviving parent.
My late aunt and grandmother lived together for about 2 years when my late aunt moved back from overseas and it was a total disaster. I literally had a front row seat watching them them bickering and fighting and it was like watching 2 scorpions in a bottle.
Moreover, I have watched my peers in my age bracket "move back home" and they literally have NO life, can't make their own decisions, have no privacy and have no personal space.
No way. I will NOT do that. I admire anyone who can, but it's definitely NOT in the cards for me.
Offer to sell the house back to them since they enjoy living there. Yes, I’m joking.
Poor Kelly catching strays 😂😂
Haha, I’m an old lady and I understand them thinking about buying a new house instead of having an adult conversation. Lol!
Some parents are so greedy and just inconsiderate ugh
Sell the house let the new owners deal with it 😊
Are there any stories of people who have asked their folks to move out and it has either worked out great afterwards or it hasn’t? That would be interesting to hear the outcomes.
My husband and I are building an in law suite for my parents. They will help with our children so we can both work and they will live basically for free here. Win win situation. They want to get rid of his parents and still will ask them to watch their children?? She said they are working full time, it’s beneficial to have them close. I feel like they are extremely ungrateful.
They bought the house and the in-laws too.
Father and law has lived with us nearly 2 years. When he moved in I asked my wife “what are we going to do if he is still living here after a year” and my wife said “oh surely we will have to talk to him”. I’ve brought it up numerous times since then, but he is in no hurry. Big mistake! Don’t let your in laws move in with you.
If I were in this position I would be "helping" them find another home, like a senior community or assisted living. Some of those places have waiting lists. As soon as a place is available, they go
“ I love pickles”
…. Alllrrright
If i were Dr John, would have persisted "Classen or Vlassic? Sweet or Dill? Whole or relished?"....Dill pickles are my favorite, best on a reuben, yum.
Bad situation. This isn't going to go well. Hubby won't be able to do what he needs to do. The free babysitting also muddied the waters. The in-laws won't want to go. Then there is the current housing market....
My sister, BIL, 2 boys, and 10 pets lived with me and my parents for 9 months. It was hell. I had warned my mom what was going to happen. My dad lives in a fantasy world and thought everyone would be fine living together. I will never do that again
10 pets triggered my anxiety 😩😩😩😩
Sounds like the husband is fine with the arrangement.
She said he doesn't like living with them. He just doesn't have a backbone.
Sell the house. 😅
That’s the exact “spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to avoid a conversation” option that John made very clear would cause the caller to lose respect for her husband.
that will work. Sell the house and no one gets it! perfect solution!
No renting to family.
I come from a hispanic culture. It is not uncommon for extended families to live together. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. My grandmother lived with my family until she died. It worked out well. My mother in law lived with my husband amd l until she died. It was hell. My mother in law wanted to control our lives whereas my grandmother did not. It all depends.
This time it was hell. 14:31
.
Free childcare is a huge deal. Your kids are with a loving family member and it's free. She wants her cake and eat it too.
Do they put the kid in front of a TV or are they engaging, taking child to park, etc. Depends on the quality of care. Family members are like number 1 for sex abuse so family doesn’t mean anything except common DNA.
Usually it's an uncle, brother or stepfather who abuses like that. @@hiddenhand6973
A contract 📑 is needed for these situations, with each side having a hand signed individual contract & a joint contract stating the same & hand signed by each party.
You could do a 90 day-leave by a certain date, contract in the same way, if you didn’t originally do a written contract.
My guess is despite the sale of the house, the in-laws still see it as their house. Change is hard. Maybe they are using the proceeds of the sale to live on, and don’t think they can afford to move out.
Acknowledge how much help mom has been regarding childcare. Maybe offer her back pay if that helps get them in another house.
John is right about it being the husband’s job to have the conversation. Otherwise they will wail about the evil DIL “throwing them out” of the home they lived in for 50 years.
This was a really constructive experience shared!
“Eleanor” by The Turtles❤
🎶Eleanor, Gee I think you're swell 🎶
Why do people dig themselves into situations like this?? My gosh! My husband and I have had this conversation: no extended family are members are allowed to live with us. Ever. It causes way more issues than not. Get some backbone and confront the issue with your people, or your spouse with their people, instead of dancing around it. You will save time, money and sanity.
2 years? The gall of the parents to even do this. I’d tell my husband it’s me or them.
Enmeshment is awful
Great to have a grandparent to babysit but I can see how this works……first, grandma should be paid. IF she is coming to your house you are winning them back again. You get home, want to say hello and spend time with your baby. Grandma will plant herself at the kitchen table to “visit”. The semi-Dad will swing by and still be there for dinner. Grandma will offer to do bathtime while you clean the kitchen. This will quickly feel like them living there and you’re off to Round Two. Only way I would even consider it is Baby goes TO GRANDMA and she gets paid. It now is more of a business contract and you can be home and have a family dinner.
My other plan is move them to The Villages. My personal idea of a corner of hell and I’m 77. I live 25 minutes from my daughter, a full time mom of four. I take the two older ones to a movie or whatever periodically. Love them all dearly. Also love my empty apartment.
They are terribly annoying in-laws but do provide free childcare...tough decision. 🤔I vote for a family meeting, where they BOTH tell the parents they can either buy the house back (with closing costs) or move out before they sell the house. Too many bad memories under that roof.
If she is on the mortgage along with her husband it's a dual transaction moving forward
I remember a couple and her husband had his 9 relatives to move in with them and he didn't think he needed to get permission from his wife because he says he paid for the house. This is the lvel of disrespect he had for her. this is why i have my own home bought with my own money where I don't have to deal with husbands and in laws or anyone else
Give them
A 90 days written notice certified mail. If hubby fights you on it get a separation until he gets with the program. Yours going to have to pay for childcare
@@Katherinedawn25 sadly that might be true.
“That’s like punting on 2nd down” 😂😂😂
In my home!!! In my bedroom
where my wife sleeps!! Where my children come to play with their toys. In my home…… 😂 the parents gots to
Go bye bye
Enemies will be made either way- but if decisions are based justly, resentment won’t evolve into retribution
I have listened to a lot of the podcast and not much of the RUclips (video). Is this dude really wearing a Turnstile shirt? So cool!
I don't think it's necessarily really odd that the husband calls his stepdad "dad" even though the man was an adult when his mother married the stepdad, because when I married my husband, I started calling his mom "Mom", because all of her other (in law children and real children) called her that, and she seemed to prefer it. It was never a problem. Both of my parents had moved to another city in our state when I was just 18 for my dad's job situation, and we were closer to my husband's mother when we got married, so it just seemed normal and natural I guess (at the time).
Not really relevant except that she mentioned it in their case but thanks.
@@JustinCase780 That's ok. It doesn't have to be relevant to you. It was to me lol, and that's all that really mattered to me.
It is odd, because she did say they don’t have a father son relationship. It’s not as odd in your case if you aren’t close to your parents and she is indeed like a mom to you.
@@Sheryl777 Not to me but to her challenge with them not moving out. It wasn't relevant to her and wasn't a part of the situation. But yea if it was about you that's cool! Rock on!
@@JustinCase780 👍
Omg. Just talk to your parents. Geez, grow the hell up and pay for the childcare. The wife can’t have it both ways. Bet the MIL also cooks dinner.
If the benefits of having the MIL around outweighed the discomfort of living with her, she wouldn't want her to leave.
🤣That's why I would never live with my almost MIL. She doesn't eat or cook anything I like. I'd die of starvation.
💯💯💯@@RepentImmediately
Something tells me that there is more to the story...financing from the parents, daycare that she needs, etc.. Put hubbie on the phone instead of calling behind his back.
How do you know she called behind his back. he is avoiding the conversation (she would be more direct) however she mentioned that he too is exasperated - they have discussed buying other homes. It is highly likely that she told him she was going to call in, and no doubt will discuss what was said.
How do you know she’s doing anything “behind his back?” They have clearly been talking about this for a long time if they’ve developed plans to buy their way out of the conversation. And is there anything in this call to suggest “hubbie” would even get on the phone? He doesn’t want to be told anything that will cause him to have to confront his parents.
@@franziskani Because they aren't communicatig and her situation blows. And, there is more going on because they aren't mature about the family situation. She absolutely is calling behind his back.
with in-laws in the house, how is the husband getting action? that would make me madder than anything!
@@JustinCase780she specified that he said he needed more to "figure it out" and John said "It's been two years!" The husband is avoidant and she's tired of it.
As an aside, ocd doesnt just go away after help. Its always there.
Had 2 grown kids living here for a bit. Both in their 20’s. They regressed to teenagers. Arguing with a 28 year old about cleaning the bathroom they used. Sister said we needed to kick out our son and his girlfriend and newborn. Brother said we needed to kick her out because she was nasty to everybody. The only one I wanted here was the baby!
She married a coward, sucks to be her to finally realize it now
I want to know the outcome of this one.😮
The parents won’t pay rent, what is she thinking?
Free daycare.
@@deniseheupel8814 Yep. Good childcare is very expensive.
Good childcare teaches potty training, arts, language, etc. Grandma better not be sticking the kid in front of a tv, hope they’re going to parks and all the good stuff for free room and board.@@linhaton4957
There is the song "Ellie Dear" like girl version of "Danny Boy"
She loves her husband and wants to take care of the problem for him
I think she's just tired of waiting for her husband to behave like a grown man
Her husband is a WIMP. Glad I'm not married to him.
This caller doesn't seem to like the advice Dr. D gave her. I am annoyed with her Husband too because why is HE not the one calling in for help?
Swamp gas…. where does Delony come up with these things? It’s so random!! 🤣
If they can afford to buy a bigger house . They most likely can afford child care . A good nanny will provide exponentially more value than a family member ever could .
When it comes down to it , family members who watch children full time for free, they do the bare minimum feed / keep the child safe ,
Where as a good child care provider would be scheduling play dates , outing at the zoo , library etc depending where they live . Managing nap schedules along side other child related duties
As a nanny, I can confirm this is true.
Speak for yourself with your lazy and selfish attitude to the kids in your extended family Matt
@@analyticalchick3064 lol
@@lindac2554 Linda are you a nanny ?
I can't wait till my MIL finally comes live with us. ❤ Family is so important. In my culture we take care of our elders. No matter how difficult it gets, you have to remember it comes from a place of love. ❤
Abuse in the name of love 🤣
Thats probably because you like your in laws…. no relationship, even family is worth dealing with stress everyday in your own home
Look up the song Helene by Roch Voisine.
Poor woman. Married to a weak child. In laws living with her. I would want to run away.
Pretty sure this is about the 100th time that man-child has Fk'd-up.