Therapy taught me that I was also a villain in my life…I initially started to feel validated about the way I was being treated but I learnt that I have a lot more control of the good and bad things that happened in my life
Western therapy is always making the victims into villains. Psychiatric therapy: "you've got a bad brain." Psychological therapy: "you've got to take responsibility for the things that happened to you as an infant."
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your realness and candor. I think a lot of us are struggling more than we realize or more than we’d like to admit, and it’s really nice to hear that I’m not alone.
Yesss! The title of her first video screamed that and she was actually able to hold it up in that video and then continues to be real. Talking about divorce, trauma, depression, anxiety, and youtube commenters and how they affect her is so crucial to the audience she is building. Please keep it up XOXO
I watched your video about being 33 and being directionless. I know how you feel. I am 53 and still struggle sometimes. I am sure you have seen the views and comments for your recent videos. Do you see how many people feel like they are in the same boat as you and can relate? Have you thought about taking people on your journey? Have you thought about going the route of training as a therapist? You are still young. Would love to chat with you,tell you my story and maybe give you some tips.
I have been in therapy for the past 2 years weekly and twice a week for the past year. It's been intense and I have been unemployed for the past year. I went to therapy because of PTSD from work. I then went through complex PTSD when you experience the trauma again. My therapist has been so amazing and I have learned so much! I learned that I have several traumas from several physical abuse from childhood to adulthood, toxic friends, immigrating to US in a all white school (I am Hispanic). I learned a new language moving to USA. And I learned that I am autistic, ADHD, and slight dislexic. What really surprise me is I am someone who has straight As, for summa cum laude in engineering school, got a master's to transition career. However, I just struggled over giving in my work and people pleasing in unhealthy environments without ever realizing. The saddest part is that the past year wasn't my only unemployment as I was before for many years before graduate school. The difference is I didn't have therapy then. I had a hard time asking for help. Now, I feel much more secure with where I am but that doesn't mean all my problems are gone. It just means I have better shield and clarity to pick better paths for me. I love your journey and I am looking forward to create my own and sharing here. Thank you!!
I went into therapy twice, my trauma seemed like a dungeon where all my dreams drained into. I got paranoid, depressed and abused alcohol until my health couldn't allow it. I still have my fears but cutting off people that are not adding to our healing is one step out. I am doing that now. Thank you.
I love my therapist! Wouldn't have gotten through the last 3 plus years without her. I've learned that I don't need to have everything figured out. A recovering control freak here so thats huge. I have no idea what I'm doing professionally and for the first time in my life I'm okay with that.
I just watched this video and the one on being 33. I'm turning 25 next year and I'm in this transition phase between graduation from uni and finding a job. I felt so alone in this feeling of transitioning, and a bit lost. It's hard to find a job and a new apartment in my city, and it feels like everybody else knows what they are doing. It may sound weird but I feel a relief from hearing your story. This experience is normal and a part of life. It is okey and just a part of the journey❤
This is such an exciting but big time of your life. I'm 33 and have been in your shoes before. I've heard people say your 20s is one of the hardest times because of all the transitions and I have to agree. My 20s were full of that same uncertainty, loneliness and that feeling of being lost. But they can also be a great time for self-discovery, learning and exploration of who you are and what interests you. Wishing you the best and much success!
Just want to say I’m loving your videos. Keep posting when you can and don’t feel pressured. Sometimes that takes the fun and enjoyment out of things. People who have negative comments and feel they just HAVE to get them out are the ones with the real problems, please ignore them. People who are genuinely interested in your story and your content will be here, people who aren’t, are just spectators and need some attention. Anyway, I love therapy! Had to recently give it up for insurance reasons, but it’s kind of like self-care for me. I like having someone who can look at things objectively and tell me what they see that I may be missing. Or sometimes the affirming of things from someone outside of your inner circle feels good too. And sometimes you just want to vent! It’s the one time when you can literally have a conversation be all about you. I’m all for it! Thanks for sharing ❤
I can’t wait for the Lord Jesus to change your life. I can’t tell you how that will work but you’re in the right spot for you to finally meet Him for who He is as Lord and savior of your story. Blessings!
Hi from Anna, I live in Russia and I've started to watch your videos on YT, and you know I love the way you are sharing your own experience with us, I feel that you are my therapist at the moment)).I feel so much better now!Thank you for these 10 tips. Can you please tell us your name? As for the holidays, don't forget to make a video for us and we'll send you our best wishes to you, you are not alone anymore)), you are great, brave girl how are known in many countries, please keep making your videos for us! Please tell us what makes you feel happy, maybe hobbies, pets, food, walking around, I mean when you feel that you want to smile)
I had the unfortunate experience of being forced/coerced into therapy by toxic people in my life- as a result I struggled with finding purpose in therapy. Now- I've been in therapy on my own accord for about 5 years. I think the biggest thing I've learned is that trauma has impacted nearly every aspect of how I live my life. Which, may sound negative and sad for some people, but when I came to that realization about my trauma- I began to understand why I live my life the way I do and why I make the choices that I make. Understanding myself for the better :)
You are one of the most realistic person I've come across on you tube I'm so glad I found you because you speak about feelings, life situations , struggles, everything that I myself have been through since forever . Whenever I feel regret about some decisions I've made in the past I tend to feel really sad at the present moment which sucks but watching videos of you makes me feel a little calm even if it's just for a moment
I often feel like therapy is only so good in so far as it helps you see what you don't see in yourself or your life. Like you mentioned wrt your relationship with someone you were close to not growing you. But after a certain point, we have to realise that our negative emotions and pain aren't only 'internal' - they're caused by the very real difficult circumstances we're stuck in. Financial pain, relationship pain... being sad and depressed is actually a very normal reaction to trauma and deprivation! A lot of individualistic propaganda makes us think otherwise and centers the 'fault' in our minds rather than: the economic depression, global political nonsense, pandemic, social problems etc. Of course, we can only control how we react to things (not the things themselves) but at the same time, there's no way to pull up your bootstraps past a certain point! We are all trying really, really hard. You're trying really hard too! To the negative commenters - they just put others down to make themselves feel better. I see your effort and you trying to find a way towards having goals and dreams again. As a 23-year-old whose hopelessness goes up and down regularly as well, know I'm proud of you for continuing to try. Your videos mean a lot! Your heart is reaching us❤
hi! I want to say that I am really happy to hear your story and thoughts about life- it feels like someone understands what I might feel. And that's nice to hear some realistic point of view on life where we might face difficulties and changes. Anyway, just wanted to support you in the content you make! ^^
I also learned these in therapy. Lovely to have a succinct recap of these lessons. Also love that we look alike because it feels like a wiser version of me talking to me.
It’s good that you say there is no overnight fix, because trauma, depending on how old it is, wires the brain in the ways needed to survive the trauma; since trauma isn’t normal, the brain gets wired in an abnormal way, and so you have to function daily with abnormal wiring and thus the stress from the strain of trying to function in life on abnormal wiring. Since life does not stop for us it drains you and stress you out creating new traumas that might require more emergency wiring. So old trauma is deep complicated emergency wiring that keeps creating more stress as we try to push through to live life. So rewiring the brain with healthy calmness takes a long time of maintaining a calm state while going through life, it could take decades to see clues if improvement. But you will be getting better the whole time as your life and body adjust to the calmness way of life.
Here's my story (no lie): Jesus healed me from my deepest traumas and insecurities without throwing any of my past mistakes right onto my face. My point is: Take a leap of faith and try Him out, too. It's soo worth it. Plus: it's for free and brings freedom and peace on a level that (believe me) you've never experienced before. 🙏💖🔥
1st time i went to therapy i was 14 and thru out my life i have had about 8 therapist im in my 40s now im more suicidal then ever it didnt help at. All i can't wait to this life is over
Great video. Thanks for bringing up the holidays. I used to live holiday time for the gatherings, the decorations, the cookies. But as I get older, it has become so demanding at a time where I already feel stretched thin. I don’t want to cook! I don’t want to decorate! I don’t want to exchange gifts! I work most holidays and honestly, I just want to stay home, listen to some music and drink some tea after I get home from work. Maybe I’ll love it again in the future, but right now my relationship to the holidays is hot & cold.
I am psychologist here in souhtwest of Brazil and i loved this video, you share your experience can help people all over the word!!! You've been doing a great job! I'm rooting for you!
Proud of how much you've overcome!! Great job on continuing to work on yourself through it all. 10 years is a huge testament to how you never gave up on yourself!!!
I love this video so much! I hope you keep making these. Protect your heart and don't let the mean comments harden you. You're so right that love is not enough--that's such a hard lesson to learn. Just because you love someone doesn't mean the relationship will work.
I have tried therapy for about a year, however, I think I was my own enemy. I ended up caving to my demanding job instead of keeping up with my biweekly sessions. Also, I felt overwhelmed about all the things I needed to "fix" about my life. It was hard to set clear goals for me to work towards. Idk, I've been thinking about resuming therapy, but I'm afraid of plateauing again. Lol this probably made no sense. Love the video! Thanks for opening up!
When nothing works physically there's a spiritual battle going on. Give God a try let him direct your years of waste. I did and I found no regrets. From a failed marriage no children to a business owner love again 😂 not venturing the marriage yet haha but girl when all else fails look up and say Baba I've tried everything take over. Also watch your words no matter how dry your life seems don't curse it any more with your mouth. The scripture declares life and death is in the power of our tongues. Choose life sis. Where there is life there is hope. 🎉
I don't need a therapist I need the therapist to find the shitty people who won't leave me the fk alone and quit doing or saying shitty things to me that have more to do with their own internal rot. For anyone who does want one good for them but it's not for me. I'm fine I just need other people to be fine with me being alright and literally stop trying to mess my life up. Not all women sit around and need constant connection with everyone or to hear anyone's random mind garbage that you aren't even qualified to help them with in the first place. Then they want to get mad because you aren't in their feelings with them. I am a doer not a talker.
Therapy is a waste of money, wish I never paid for any of it. Felt like a scam. Last "therapist" tried to call cops on me, all 'cuz landlord was evicting me because I fed some cats on his property. Yeah... there is no "help" . Society makes people sick on purpose, so that's the only thing keeping me sane, knowing how sick society is. I do creative things, walking and have my cat. That's it LOL. Lonely as heck but I'm a writer, so I'm used to being lonely. I have my imagination too, so that's some help.
Hey you know I just found your video- I do I feel just like you. I've had my channel here for a minute but yeah struggle is real sometimes but you know what the best is yet to come! Much love can't wait to see what's to come here I'll check back ✨🎶💫
Hi Akouto, thank you so much for sharing your experiences as well as tips from your therapist. They're extremely helpful and genuinely eye-opening! I'm of a similar age with you in similar situations; no career prospects, failed relationships, toxic family members and although I have friends, but many of them have their own lives to live for so I feel guilty for having to rely on them for support. I have a cousin whom I've been relying on lately and I can tell that it's becoming a burden to her and I so very much wish that I could help her but I'm not sure how long it will take for me to be able to repay her. I'm so deep into my debts now, I don't know if I will ever get out from here. I'm working two jobs at the moment; my day-time office jobs and side hustle translating scripts BUT the mental exhaustions that I have been experiencing is extremely debilitating and I honestly don't know if it's even worth it for me to keep on living at this point. No amount of self-care and hobbies and exercises could get me motivated but then, the RUclips algorithm works in my favour and your video is exactly the boost that I need. So, thank you for willingly putting yourself out there and share all your vulnerable moments. I definitely felt less alone after hearing your stories and I sincerely pray that we all could work towards a better and happy life :)
I’m 30 and started therapy for the first time this year. I’d been meaning to do it for a loooong time, but I was way too scared to take the plunge, which is probably a sign in itself i needed therapy lol. It’s been incremental baby steps each session, but looking back at my progress I can’t believe how much it’s helped. I’m definitely not done yet though, and whether or not I keep this up for another year or ten, I hope (and believe!) I’ll be where I want to be one day 💛
I love your content! Keep up the good work!! The background music in the beginning of the video was a bit loud and made it hard for me personally to listen to what you were saying, but I’m glad I didn’t click away!
Please don't take me wrong, but love relationships, aren't always going to be full of love. There are time when things are rough and rocky, but you fight to the people you lov3. Love is a principle, a decision to commit and a enduring conscious decision. The same goes with our relationship with God, mother, father, siblings, marriage. Love isn't a feeling always
I'm coming up to my later 30s and going through a lot of uncertainty...This video is really helpful because it breaks down everything...Number 3 really makes sense...Thank you !!
You are so beautiful and eloquent in talking. The kind of person I would like to drink hot chocolate and chill with. Grateful for us viewers to have you on RUclips!
Your videos are such a comfort and I'm so happy to of found your channel 💓 i'm 21 and have been in therapy for the past 3 years and it has helped me transition through large life changes such as college as well as working on healing past traumas. It is truly such an amazing tool and I can't imagine how I would be without it!
loved this video. even it covered things that I did discover by myself before, these were all important points that worth coming to back again and again. so i might even re-watch it sometimes. and about the question in the end. i did went through a psycho-dynamic psychotherapy for a semester but i ended up ghosting my therapist when i entered a bad depressive episode. i am dealing with a childhood trauma. even though i did some confrontations with one of the people who caused it. i am not completely healed. it still is on my mind everyday and it hurts. however i think it hurts lots less than it used to do, i think i had good progress. i am also dealing with executive dysfunction and that sometimes makes me feel terrible that i have been wasting so much time. i think i should build a support system and maybe find another therapist , but i do not have the means now. but there are many self help methods i am aware of so, firstly, i just need to be in the moment with myself without distractions and unhealthy coping mechanisms, just concentrating on healing and improving my psyche and doing things and improving skills that can help me strengthen my self-esteem and allat self-etcs. anyways, thank you for the video, thank you for sharing. i wish you a lovely autumn :)))
Solution: find a purpose in life. Something you can wait to go & it will be hard to drop it & go home. Find something you can do to help others; e.g help sick kids, old people home; teach “illiterate” how to read / write. Most importantly: have a list of people & things you are grateful for, think about all the blessings you have. As you human beings, we are responsible for our own happiness, nobody can give it to you.
He even ghosted his boss. And his boss took him back. So he's used to ghosting and people ignoring or forgiving him. When I was younger and immature I used to ghost some of my bosses. When I didn't want to go to work. I didn't like the job or felt embarrassed for not being on time. One time I had a really good job, but I wasn't used to such a positive environment. I learned it has to do with childhood and how trash communication was with your caregivers. It's fear, not wanting to confront them and fear of rejection. It's disrespectful and really childish. They want to keep strings attached so they can pick you up once they get the courage to try again. If they haven't healed they will repeat this cycle. I've unlearned that and now I communicate with people when I'm unsure and I know I just can't do it. Or ask them to reschedule when I'm overwhelmed with things in my life.
You are a beautiful, articulate and knowledgeable woman. Your content is so authentuc and refreshing. You are clearly a voice of your generation and are helping a lot of people! New subscriber!
Assalamualaikum as I'm sad because I hurt my side somehow. I watched your video.. I'm actually looking for a therapist here in Africa. I honestly need someone to talk to. I don't celebrate holidays but I do celebrate my bday. Thank you for a very interesting inside addition to your life. 💜
About san francisco--as a native of 50yrs, its not a very friendly place for bw. Despite its liberal label, its not at all inclusive. You have to have a certain amount of no fucks to give to survive there as a black woman. Life and friendships are also very transactional.
This might just be one of the best videos on the internet. Please keep making these videos and being so beautifully honest! We are here to support you and to learn from and with you.
Firstly, I agree with you on all this 100%. I've been in therapy since I was 11, I'm now 32. Been with my current therapist for 13 years and so thankful for her. Second is there gonna be a video about how you moved to LA? I'm near SF and trying to get down there as soon as I can and could do with hearing about someone else's process, especially someone I relate with. I'm pretty much starting over, or starting, period.
Saying goodbye to negative people (and situations) and focusing on myself were some of the key lessons I gleaned from my social worker from talk therapy. You, however, have a wealth of knowledge from therapy and a refreshingly honest take on things. I wanted to especially thank you for stating that it's okay to not like the holidays. In past years, I always felt bad whenever I wasn't feeling cheery during Christmas and instead very melancholy/reflective. My birthday falls just after the new year in January too, so I often found myself reflecting on the past year and things I hadn't accomplished yet. This year, however, feels very different and I think I will be happy during the holidays and new year for once.
I like the analogy of therapy as being like a personal trainer for your mind. Kerry Washington said it in a clip talking about being in therapy long-term
I really love your videos they are very refreshing to see someone else going through the same kind of stuff I going through. I’m almost 26 and I’ve been in therapy for 6 years now I’ve been in therapy off and on since high school but this is the first time I actually stuck with one for more than a couple months and it has made a world of difference. I’m bipolar and I’m finally finding better balance in my life I was also married young and I got divorced last year it completely up rooted my life and I feel as if I am having to learn how to live again. I feel as if I got married to have a sense of stability in my life but of course love is not enough and I was being very codependent on him. Anyways it’s nice to see I’m not alone thank you for this video
Omg are you my angel or what, i just started my first ever booking for therapy today before this video. And i relate to your first popular video (as a younger person)
My advice is it is likely your environment. I was stressed out in America and Uk. Moved to Ghana and I am so much happier. White people can't advise well. We live a different reality than them. Good luck #Afrikansuperstar ✊🏿
You are enough. You don't have to feel bad for being single. And when you are ready to date and with a purpose, do ROTATIONAL dating.. Yes holidays are just merchandising and marketing to rip off money through the seasons...
Really useful things to have in consideration. Sometimes, people really don't know any of this even after their 20's, it's kinda crazy. I think this should be taught in schools.
DO NOT FALL FOR POTENTIAL couldn’t b more true in all honesty. I use to b one of those ppl n boy did I learn the hard way sheesh. Also loving n falling in love is NOT enough n that’s fact. I need stability, consistency, supportive partner n someone to lean on instead of being strong always.
I am your same age and dabbled in my fair share of therapy. Over the past year I have reconnected with my Catholic roots and I have to say, I think they have a better recipe for human well being and happiness. One big difference would be to your first point. In the Catholic Church, you care about people’s eternal souls, so you always want to act for the ultimate good of that person, even if that means making space from them and praying for them. It is really different from cutting someone out and having no concern about their well being. And the considerations for cutting them out aren’t based on negative emotions, but rather a deep examination of what would be best for you and what you can reason would help them the most. Any advice that has you be lead by your emotions is sus to me because that is the level on which the devil manipulates. I believe a friend cut me out because she felt negatively from what I said to her. But I was basically trying to tell her to stop getting in massive student loan debt for a degree which has zero job prospects.
i’ve been in therapy since 8th grade- so about 9-10 years now. there have been periods when i wasn’t seeing a therapist, like when i moved to college my freshman year. but by sophomore year, i had a regular therapist again whom i’ve been working with for 3 years now. i’ve really only had 2 long term therapists in my life. one for 4 years throughout high school, and the one i’m seeing now who i’ve seen for almost the entire time i’ve been in college. both experiences were definitely positive and helpful, but i’ve found that with my current therapist, we were able to form a rapport that really worked for me. it’s not that my old therapist wasn’t good, but it just kinda felt like talking w an old friend when i met with my current therapist for the first time. i feel like i can be myself (including all of my sarcasm, pessimism, and weird ‘quirks’) and i do feel like aside from my bf and sister, my therapist is probably the person who knows me best and who knows the real me. one that isn’t masked and incredibly guarded. i’ve grown a lot throughout the almost decade that i’ve been in therapy. but i’m still not perfect. of course i never expect to be. i have good periods and i have some really really bad ones. but it’s been nice to have someone consistent through it all to help me navigate it. i actually have to change therapists at the start of the new year due to new insurance and honestly, i was so much sadder than i thought i would be. it felt like a genuine loss, even though this was just someone i had met with once a week for an hour for a few years. it still felt like he had been present for so many big moments in my life in the last few years- good and bad ones. and it felt like having to move away from a friend or something. because it makes you really vulnerable to actually open up to someone that much on a regular basis. it’s never affected me this much before and i’m scared that i won’t connect w my new therapist in the same way. i’m sure they’ll be good and we’ll be able to work together, but i’ve just never had a therapist/mental health professional that i vibed with so well. and it’s sad to say goodbye to that. but i guess something i’ve learned in my time in therapy is sometimes endings aren’t always a bad thing. maybe it was time for me to grow and move on and change. and i certainly have a lot of changes coming my way. this was longer than i meant it to be, but it’s nice to share my experience and hear about others’ as well. it’s really comforting
Therapy taught me that I was also a villain in my life…I initially started to feel validated about the way I was being treated but I learnt that I have a lot more control of the good and bad things that happened in my life
Western therapy is always making the victims into villains. Psychiatric therapy: "you've got a bad brain." Psychological therapy: "you've got to take responsibility for the things that happened to you as an infant."
You've been my safe space these past few days. Thank you so much for your videos and your kind soul. Much love from France ♥
The same here
Same, and also much love from France
Love her - she has such a inviting, humble energy
Her videos are very uplifting. I’m going through a very bad depression phase and I feel much better
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your realness and candor. I think a lot of us are struggling more than we realize or more than we’d like to admit, and it’s really nice to hear that I’m not alone.
✨🎶🌀
Yesss! The title of her first video screamed that and she was actually able to hold it up in that video and then continues to be real. Talking about divorce, trauma, depression, anxiety, and youtube commenters and how they affect her is so crucial to the audience she is building. Please keep it up XOXO
I watched your video about being 33 and being directionless. I know how you feel. I am 53 and still struggle sometimes. I am sure you have seen the views and comments for your recent videos. Do you see how many people feel like they are in the same boat as you and can relate? Have you thought about taking people on your journey? Have you thought about going the route of training as a therapist? You are still young. Would love to chat with you,tell you my story and maybe give you some tips.
I could definitely see her being a therapist.
It doesn't have to be one on one. I'd love to see her talk more abt this stuff on yt
you come off as an internet big sis! I am 22 yrs old and your advice is so enlightening
I have been in therapy for the past 2 years weekly and twice a week for the past year. It's been intense and I have been unemployed for the past year. I went to therapy because of PTSD from work. I then went through complex PTSD when you experience the trauma again. My therapist has been so amazing and I have learned so much! I learned that I have several traumas from several physical abuse from childhood to adulthood, toxic friends, immigrating to US in a all white school (I am Hispanic). I learned a new language moving to USA. And I learned that I am autistic, ADHD, and slight dislexic. What really surprise me is I am someone who has straight As, for summa cum laude in engineering school, got a master's to transition career. However, I just struggled over giving in my work and people pleasing in unhealthy environments without ever realizing. The saddest part is that the past year wasn't my only unemployment as I was before for many years before graduate school. The difference is I didn't have therapy then. I had a hard time asking for help. Now, I feel much more secure with where I am but that doesn't mean all my problems are gone. It just means I have better shield and clarity to pick better paths for me. I love your journey and I am looking forward to create my own and sharing here. Thank you!!
I went into therapy twice, my trauma seemed like a dungeon where all my dreams drained into. I got paranoid, depressed and abused alcohol until my health couldn't allow it. I still have my fears but cutting off people that are not adding to our healing is one step out. I am doing that now. Thank you.
I love my therapist! Wouldn't have gotten through the last 3 plus years without her. I've learned that I don't need to have everything figured out. A recovering control freak here so thats huge. I have no idea what I'm doing professionally and for the first time in my life I'm okay with that.
I just watched this video and the one on being 33. I'm turning 25 next year and I'm in this transition phase between graduation from uni and finding a job. I felt so alone in this feeling of transitioning, and a bit lost. It's hard to find a job and a new apartment in my city, and it feels like everybody else knows what they are doing. It may sound weird but I feel a relief from hearing your story. This experience is normal and a part of life. It is okey and just a part of the journey❤
This is such an exciting but big time of your life. I'm 33 and have been in your shoes before. I've heard people say your 20s is one of the hardest times because of all the transitions and I have to agree. My 20s were full of that same uncertainty, loneliness and that feeling of being lost. But they can also be a great time for self-discovery, learning and exploration of who you are and what interests you. Wishing you the best and much success!
I think you have a Big Career ahead of you. Have you tried working in a museum?
Everyone should be in therapy to help with mental health. It’s such a good tool.
I’ve been putting off therapy for 4 years and after finishing this video, I’m going to sign up this week.
Just want to say I’m loving your videos. Keep posting when you can and don’t feel pressured. Sometimes that takes the fun and enjoyment out of things. People who have negative comments and feel they just HAVE to get them out are the ones with the real problems, please ignore them. People who are genuinely interested in your story and your content will be here, people who aren’t, are just spectators and need some attention.
Anyway, I love therapy! Had to recently give it up for insurance reasons, but it’s kind of like self-care for me. I like having someone who can look at things objectively and tell me what they see that I may be missing. Or sometimes the affirming of things from someone outside of your inner circle feels good too. And sometimes you just want to vent! It’s the one time when you can literally have a conversation be all about you. I’m all for it! Thanks for sharing ❤
I can’t wait for the Lord Jesus to change your life. I can’t tell you how that will work but you’re in the right spot for you to finally meet Him for who He is as Lord and savior of your story. Blessings!
Hi from Anna, I live in Russia and I've started to watch your videos on YT, and you know I love the way you are sharing your own experience with us, I feel that you are my therapist at the moment)).I feel so much better now!Thank you for these 10 tips. Can you please tell us your name? As for the holidays, don't forget to make a video for us and we'll send you our best wishes to you, you are not alone anymore)), you are great, brave girl how are known in many countries, please keep making your videos for us! Please tell us what makes you feel happy, maybe hobbies, pets, food, walking around, I mean when you feel that you want to smile)
I had the unfortunate experience of being forced/coerced into therapy by toxic people in my life- as a result I struggled with finding purpose in therapy. Now- I've been in therapy on my own accord for about 5 years. I think the biggest thing I've learned is that trauma has impacted nearly every aspect of how I live my life. Which, may sound negative and sad for some people, but when I came to that realization about my trauma- I began to understand why I live my life the way I do and why I make the choices that I make. Understanding myself for the better :)
LOVE this! Thank you for sharing and Im sorry to hear were coerced! That's tough but im glad you found you own way back. :)
You are one of the most realistic person I've come across on you tube I'm so glad I found you because you speak about feelings, life situations , struggles, everything that I myself have been through since forever . Whenever I feel regret about some decisions I've made in the past I tend to feel really sad at the present moment which sucks but watching videos of you makes me feel a little calm even if it's just for a moment
I often feel like therapy is only so good in so far as it helps you see what you don't see in yourself or your life. Like you mentioned wrt your relationship with someone you were close to not growing you. But after a certain point, we have to realise that our negative emotions and pain aren't only 'internal' - they're caused by the very real difficult circumstances we're stuck in. Financial pain, relationship pain... being sad and depressed is actually a very normal reaction to trauma and deprivation! A lot of individualistic propaganda makes us think otherwise and centers the 'fault' in our minds rather than: the economic depression, global political nonsense, pandemic, social problems etc. Of course, we can only control how we react to things (not the things themselves) but at the same time, there's no way to pull up your bootstraps past a certain point! We are all trying really, really hard.
You're trying really hard too! To the negative commenters - they just put others down to make themselves feel better. I see your effort and you trying to find a way towards having goals and dreams again. As a 23-year-old whose hopelessness goes up and down regularly as well, know I'm proud of you for continuing to try. Your videos mean a lot! Your heart is reaching us❤
hi! I want to say that I am really happy to hear your story and thoughts about life- it feels like someone understands what I might feel. And that's nice to hear some realistic point of view on life where we might face difficulties and changes. Anyway, just wanted to support you in the content you make! ^^
GIRL I LOVE YOU! your content si so so amazing, keep up the good work!!!
I always say don’t date potential
i learned this the hard way! lol!
As a man whose 30 now I feel much of the same. Thank you for the video needed to hear it
I also learned these in therapy. Lovely to have a succinct recap of these lessons. Also love that we look alike because it feels like a wiser version of me talking to me.
You will never find happiness IN THIS WORLD. True joy and peace only comes from ABOVE, only God give those things.
I love your content from 🇿🇦
What’s up with the comments?? Therapy can be a good way to organize thoughts and goals imo Your life doesn’t have to be falling apart to go to therapy
It canals help you get to know yourself better.
From Ethiopia 🇪🇹 we love you keep going keep posting
It’s good that you say there is no overnight fix, because trauma, depending on how old it is, wires the brain in the ways needed to survive the trauma; since trauma isn’t normal, the brain gets wired in an abnormal way, and so you have to function daily with abnormal wiring and thus the stress from the strain of trying to function in life on abnormal wiring. Since life does not stop for us it drains you and stress you out creating new traumas that might require more emergency wiring. So old trauma is deep complicated emergency wiring that keeps creating more stress as we try to push through to live life. So rewiring the brain with healthy calmness takes a long time of maintaining a calm state while going through life, it could take decades to see clues if improvement. But you will be getting better the whole time as your life and body adjust to the calmness way of life.
Here's my story (no lie): Jesus healed me from my deepest traumas and insecurities without throwing any of my past mistakes right onto my face. My point is: Take a leap of faith and try Him out, too. It's soo worth it. Plus: it's for free and brings freedom and peace on a level that (believe me) you've never experienced before. 🙏💖🔥
keep posting, i really enjoy ur videos and they also make me feel like im not the only one who doesnt feel okay
I think Therapy is very helpful to get a non- biased opinion on certain things. Sometimes you’re family/ friends aren’t very honest with you
1st time i went to therapy i was 14 and thru out my life i have had about 8 therapist im in my 40s now im more suicidal then ever it didnt help at. All i can't wait to this life is over
Great video. Thanks for bringing up the holidays. I used to live holiday time for the gatherings, the decorations, the cookies. But as I get older, it has become so demanding at a time where I already feel stretched thin. I don’t want to cook! I don’t want to decorate! I don’t want to exchange gifts! I work most holidays and honestly, I just want to stay home, listen to some music and drink some tea after I get home from work. Maybe I’ll love it again in the future, but right now my relationship to the holidays is hot & cold.
I relate to that
I am psychologist here in souhtwest of Brazil and i loved this video, you share your experience can help people all over the word!!! You've been doing a great job! I'm rooting for you!
Proud of how much you've overcome!! Great job on continuing to work on yourself through it all. 10 years is a huge testament to how you never gave up on yourself!!!
I love this video so much! I hope you keep making these. Protect your heart and don't let the mean comments harden you.
You're so right that love is not enough--that's such a hard lesson to learn. Just because you love someone doesn't mean the relationship will work.
I have tried therapy for about a year, however, I think I was my own enemy. I ended up caving to my demanding job instead of keeping up with my biweekly sessions. Also, I felt overwhelmed about all the things I needed to "fix" about my life. It was hard to set clear goals for me to work towards. Idk, I've been thinking about resuming therapy, but I'm afraid of plateauing again. Lol this probably made no sense. Love the video! Thanks for opening up!
I've been waiting for another video from you!
When nothing works physically there's a spiritual battle going on. Give God a try let him direct your years of waste. I did and I found no regrets. From a failed marriage no children to a business owner love again 😂 not venturing the marriage yet haha but girl when all else fails look up and say Baba I've tried everything take over. Also watch your words no matter how dry your life seems don't curse it any more with your mouth. The scripture declares life and death is in the power of our tongues. Choose life sis. Where there is life there is hope. 🎉
I only find my happiness in JESUS. His my only source of JOY and PURPOSE IN LIFE!
I don't need a therapist I need the therapist to find the shitty people who won't leave me the fk alone and quit doing or saying shitty things to me that have more to do with their own internal rot.
For anyone who does want one good for them but it's not for me.
I'm fine I just need other people to be fine with me being alright and literally stop trying to mess my life up.
Not all women sit around and need constant connection with everyone or to hear anyone's random mind garbage that you aren't even qualified to help them with in the first place.
Then they want to get mad because you aren't in their feelings with them.
I am a doer not a talker.
The lyrics person you get to control is yourself.
Therapy is a waste of money, wish I never paid for any of it. Felt like a scam. Last "therapist" tried to call cops on me, all 'cuz landlord was evicting me because I fed some cats on his property. Yeah... there is no "help" . Society makes people sick on purpose, so that's the only thing keeping me sane, knowing how sick society is. I do creative things, walking and have my cat. That's it LOL. Lonely as heck but I'm a writer, so I'm used to being lonely. I have my imagination too, so that's some help.
Maybe you just had the wrong therapist.
Hey you know I just found your video- I do I feel just like you. I've had my channel here for a minute but yeah struggle is real sometimes but you know what the best is yet to come! Much love can't wait to see what's to come here I'll check back ✨🎶💫
Sound like you would have a great career as a Therapist.
You can find everything you need in the Gospels.
Hi Akouto, thank you so much for sharing your experiences as well as tips from your therapist. They're extremely helpful and genuinely eye-opening!
I'm of a similar age with you in similar situations; no career prospects, failed relationships, toxic family members and although I have friends, but many of them have their own lives to live for so I feel guilty for having to rely on them for support. I have a cousin whom I've been relying on lately and I can tell that it's becoming a burden to her and I so very much wish that I could help her but I'm not sure how long it will take for me to be able to repay her. I'm so deep into my debts now, I don't know if I will ever get out from here. I'm working two jobs at the moment; my day-time office jobs and side hustle translating scripts BUT the mental exhaustions that I have been experiencing is extremely debilitating and I honestly don't know if it's even worth it for me to keep on living at this point.
No amount of self-care and hobbies and exercises could get me motivated but then, the RUclips algorithm works in my favour and your video is exactly the boost that I need. So, thank you for willingly putting yourself out there and share all your vulnerable moments. I definitely felt less alone after hearing your stories and I sincerely pray that we all could work towards a better and happy life :)
Can you show us more about your LA lifestyle like navigating your career, the industry if people want to move there tips.
that's coming up then!
@@xoxoakouto thank you!
therapy helped me make the leap to become a traveler! talk therapy can help get your dreams and goals out of your head too! love this content
yaaasssss
I’m 30 and started therapy for the first time this year. I’d been meaning to do it for a loooong time, but I was way too scared to take the plunge, which is probably a sign in itself i needed therapy lol. It’s been incremental baby steps each session, but looking back at my progress I can’t believe how much it’s helped. I’m definitely not done yet though, and whether or not I keep this up for another year or ten, I hope (and believe!) I’ll be where I want to be one day 💛
Just wanted to let you know you are a beautiful soul I definitely enjoy your videos and you will definitely find happiness in soo sure of it ❤
Thank you for your wisdom and kindness! Sending love from the UK!! 💕💕
Will you be getting a PO box that way people that have small businesses can send you items
Sure thing! I'll upate my profile once that is ready!
I love your content! Keep up the good work!!
The background music in the beginning of the video was a bit loud and made it hard for me personally to listen to what you were saying, but I’m glad I didn’t click away!
Please don't take me wrong, but love relationships, aren't always going to be full of love. There are time when things are rough and rocky, but you fight to the people you lov3. Love is a principle, a decision to commit and a enduring conscious decision.
The same goes with our relationship with God, mother, father, siblings, marriage. Love isn't a feeling always
I'm coming up to my later 30s and going through a lot of uncertainty...This video is really helpful because it breaks down everything...Number 3 really makes sense...Thank you !!
You are so beautiful and eloquent in talking. The kind of person I would like to drink hot chocolate and chill with. Grateful for us viewers to have you on RUclips!
Your videos are such a comfort and I'm so happy to of found your channel 💓 i'm 21 and have been in therapy for the past 3 years and it has helped me transition through large life changes such as college as well as working on healing past traumas. It is truly such an amazing tool and I can't imagine how I would be without it!
loved this video. even it covered things that I did discover by myself before, these were all important points that worth coming to back again and again. so i might even re-watch it sometimes.
and about the question in the end. i did went through a psycho-dynamic psychotherapy for a semester but i ended up ghosting my therapist when i entered a bad depressive episode. i am dealing with a childhood trauma. even though i did some confrontations with one of the people who caused it. i am not completely healed. it still is on my mind everyday and it hurts. however i think it hurts lots less than it used to do, i think i had good progress. i am also dealing with executive dysfunction and that sometimes makes me feel terrible that i have been wasting so much time. i think i should build a support system and maybe find another therapist , but i do not have the means now. but there are many self help methods i am aware of so, firstly, i just need to be in the moment with myself without distractions and unhealthy coping mechanisms, just concentrating on healing and improving my psyche and doing things and improving skills that can help me strengthen my self-esteem and allat self-etcs. anyways,
thank you for the video, thank you for sharing. i wish you a lovely autumn :)))
I’ve deleted negative people out my life.
I just found your channel and Immediately love your persona , & your advice . Please keep making videos ! ❤
Solution: find a purpose in life. Something you can wait to go & it will be hard to drop it & go home. Find something you can do to help others; e.g help sick kids, old people home; teach “illiterate” how to read / write. Most importantly: have a list of people & things you are grateful for, think about all the blessings you have. As you human beings, we are responsible for our own happiness, nobody can give it to you.
He even ghosted his boss. And his boss took him back. So he's used to ghosting and people ignoring or forgiving him.
When I was younger and immature I used to ghost some of my bosses. When I didn't want to go to work.
I didn't like the job or felt embarrassed for not being on time.
One time I had a really good job, but I wasn't used to such a positive environment.
I learned it has to do with childhood and how trash communication was with your caregivers.
It's fear, not wanting to confront them and fear of rejection.
It's disrespectful and really childish.
They want to keep strings attached so they can pick you up once they get the courage to try again. If they haven't healed they will repeat this cycle.
I've unlearned that and now I communicate with people when I'm unsure and I know I just can't do it. Or ask them to reschedule when I'm overwhelmed with things in my life.
This channel deserves so much more views. It is so authentic. It gona blow up in a year a two.
You are a beautiful, articulate and knowledgeable woman. Your content is so authentuc and refreshing. You are clearly a voice of your generation and are helping a lot of people! New subscriber!
Assalamualaikum as I'm sad because I hurt my side somehow. I watched your video.. I'm actually looking for a therapist here in Africa. I honestly need someone to talk to. I don't celebrate holidays but I do celebrate my bday. Thank you for a very interesting inside addition to your life. 💜
About san francisco--as a native of 50yrs, its not a very friendly place for bw. Despite its liberal label, its not at all inclusive. You have to have a certain amount of no fucks to give to survive there as a black woman. Life and friendships are also very transactional.
The therapist are not trained to heal you, they get paid because u come there
True happiness is found in only God. He has a plan and purpose for you and us all. You are so loved by the Lord God almighty ❤❤❤
How did you afford it? It’s quite expensive
Thanks for this video! You ate.
I searched for a women’s with your kind of skin tone for years and I found one three years ago.
I believe what you are distinguishing is joy and happiness. Happiness is transient… joy is internal and regardless of external factors
I’m so glad I found you …. Enjoy watching ur videos
This might just be one of the best videos on the internet. Please keep making these videos and being so beautifully honest! We are here to support you and to learn from and with you.
girl you are so pretty, and i love those frames!
Firstly, I agree with you on all this 100%. I've been in therapy since I was 11, I'm now 32. Been with my current therapist for 13 years and so thankful for her. Second is there gonna be a video about how you moved to LA? I'm near SF and trying to get down there as soon as I can and could do with hearing about someone else's process, especially someone I relate with. I'm pretty much starting over, or starting, period.
I 'm enjoying your channel very much
Saying goodbye to negative people (and situations) and focusing on myself were some of the key lessons I gleaned from my social worker from talk therapy. You, however, have a wealth of knowledge from therapy and a refreshingly honest take on things. I wanted to especially thank you for stating that it's okay to not like the holidays. In past years, I always felt bad whenever I wasn't feeling cheery during Christmas and instead very melancholy/reflective. My birthday falls just after the new year in January too, so I often found myself reflecting on the past year and things I hadn't accomplished yet. This year, however, feels very different and I think I will be happy during the holidays and new year for once.
I like the analogy of therapy as being like a personal trainer for your mind. Kerry Washington said it in a clip talking about being in therapy long-term
I really love your videos they are very refreshing to see someone else going through the same kind of stuff I going through. I’m almost 26 and I’ve been in therapy for 6 years now I’ve been in therapy off and on since high school but this is the first time I actually stuck with one for more than a couple months and it has made a world of difference. I’m bipolar and I’m finally finding better balance in my life I was also married young and I got divorced last year it completely up rooted my life and I feel as if I am having to learn how to live again. I feel as if I got married to have a sense of stability in my life but of course love is not enough and I was being very codependent on him. Anyways it’s nice to see I’m not alone thank you for this video
This day and age, I believe everyone should have gone to therapy. The hard part for some us- is that it cost SOOOOOOOOOOO much.
lots of free options.
Omg are you my angel or what, i just started my first ever booking for therapy today before this video. And i relate to your first popular video (as a younger person)
Are you Nigerian or Ghanaian or from West Africa? You have very strong West African features
Im Togolese! (Togo next to Ghana! :)
Can I get you a Christmas gift? 😊
OMG That's so sweet! i will make an amazon wish list! Thank you!
@@xoxoakouto Perfect! I'll be on the lookout for it. ❤
Here is my wishlist! www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/KTOD4WZVHYNO?ref_=wl_share thank you again!
@@xoxoakouto You're so welcome! What's your P.O. Box?
Grown math lol
LMAO!!
Love watching you💕
My advice is it is likely your environment. I was stressed out in America and Uk. Moved to Ghana and I am so much happier. White people can't advise well. We live a different reality than them. Good luck #Afrikansuperstar ✊🏿
very inspiring
I have always wanted to try therapy, but I don't have the money.
Thank you for sharing❤❤❤
You are enough. You don't have to feel bad for being single. And when you are ready to date and with a purpose, do ROTATIONAL dating..
Yes holidays are just merchandising and marketing to rip off money through the seasons...
Love this girl. I just discovered her and subscribe right away. Her calm voice brings me peace and she has real contents. Good luck in everutyhing
Really useful things to have in consideration. Sometimes, people really don't know any of this even after their 20's, it's kinda crazy. I think this should be taught in schools.
I think as far as an Immediate Plan, join your local chamber and create a couple of (scan & paper) styles of Business Cards.
so helpful!
DO NOT FALL FOR POTENTIAL couldn’t b more true in all honesty. I use to b one of those ppl n boy did I learn the hard way sheesh.
Also loving n falling in love is NOT enough n that’s fact. I need stability, consistency, supportive partner n someone to lean on instead of being strong always.
I am your same age and dabbled in my fair share of therapy. Over the past year I have reconnected with my Catholic roots and I have to say, I think they have a better recipe for human well being and happiness.
One big difference would be to your first point. In the Catholic Church, you care about people’s eternal souls, so you always want to act for the ultimate good of that person, even if that means making space from them and praying for them. It is really different from cutting someone out and having no concern about their well being. And the considerations for cutting them out aren’t based on negative emotions, but rather a deep examination of what would be best for you and what you can reason would help them the most.
Any advice that has you be lead by your emotions is sus to me because that is the level on which the devil manipulates.
I believe a friend cut me out because she felt negatively from what I said to her. But I was basically trying to tell her to stop getting in massive student loan debt for a degree which has zero job prospects.
Showing love from Minnesota
i’ve been in therapy since 8th grade- so about 9-10 years now. there have been periods when i wasn’t seeing a therapist, like when i moved to college my freshman year. but by sophomore year, i had a regular therapist again whom i’ve been working with for 3 years now. i’ve really only had 2 long term therapists in my life. one for 4 years throughout high school, and the one i’m seeing now who i’ve seen for almost the entire time i’ve been in college. both experiences were definitely positive and helpful, but i’ve found that with my current therapist, we were able to form a rapport that really worked for me. it’s not that my old therapist wasn’t good, but it just kinda felt like talking w an old friend when i met with my current therapist for the first time. i feel like i can be myself (including all of my sarcasm, pessimism, and weird ‘quirks’) and i do feel like aside from my bf and sister, my therapist is probably the person who knows me best and who knows the real me. one that isn’t masked and incredibly guarded. i’ve grown a lot throughout the almost decade that i’ve been in therapy. but i’m still not perfect. of course i never expect to be. i have good periods and i have some really really bad ones. but it’s been nice to have someone consistent through it all to help me navigate it.
i actually have to change therapists at the start of the new year due to new insurance and honestly, i was so much sadder than i thought i would be. it felt like a genuine loss, even though this was just someone i had met with once a week for an hour for a few years. it still felt like he had been present for so many big moments in my life in the last few years- good and bad ones. and it felt like having to move away from a friend or something. because it makes you really vulnerable to actually open up to someone that much on a regular basis. it’s never affected me this much before and i’m scared that i won’t connect w my new therapist in the same way. i’m sure they’ll be good and we’ll be able to work together, but i’ve just never had a therapist/mental health professional that i vibed with so well. and it’s sad to say goodbye to that. but i guess something i’ve learned in my time in therapy is sometimes endings aren’t always a bad thing. maybe it was time for me to grow and move on and change. and i certainly have a lot of changes coming my way.
this was longer than i meant it to be, but it’s nice to share my experience and hear about others’ as well. it’s really comforting
Jesus is what you need
Another great video, can't wait for the next one!