I once got somebody to bug off my friend who’s asexual by saying “Hey quit it. This is like….the only person I know that isn’t doing the naughtiest with your mom. Maybe show them respect :3”
@@Falcodrin Thankfully (?) I think we got that one out of the way at our wedding. The guy marrying us casually mentioned that we intended to foster and adopt in the future. 🤦♀️ (We gave him a heads-up afterwards to maybe not announce the future child-having plans of a couple at their wedding, cos it resulted in a very unexpected conversation to have to have with the parentals) So I kinda just straight up said "yep, yep, I'm incapable of conceiving, oh well, too bad." 😅
@@irishuisman1450 He's the cutest. On an anniversary he gave me a piece of paper to work out the LITERAL statistics of us getting together. (How many aces were in Australia within a certain age bracket who felt compatible types of romantic attraction, and we're sex repulsed, etc) He full on just went and was like "yeah so statistically speaking, we're soulmates!"
"When have you ever heard of a guy getting beat up for being ace?" I literally had to start telling the random men who hit on me in the parking lot that im a lesbian because it was met with fewer instance of sexual harassment than when i told them i was asexual. And now i have to tell them i have a boyfriend instead, because somehow they respect the boundaries of my imaginary boyfriend more than they respect mine.
As someone who actually DID get shoved to the ground when I said I was ace, that is absolutely false. It's scary how entitled men, and sometimes even women, get when drunk.
Yeah. Whenever someone seems like they're trying to proposition me, I try to let them know I'm ace so that way I'm not leading them on, but as soon as I say that, they take that as a challenge. Maybe I should just tell them I would only sleep with someone if I've known them for years and years.
"Ace don't experience discrimination" I have literally been called 'inhuman' and had people casually accuse me of pedophilia and bestiality, as if 'none thanks' is a less believable option than 'children'. Like, I feel like I've had a pretty good life, and I would call 99% of what I've gone through more 'impolite confusion' than active discrimination, but it definitely has an effect on some one's life, and if the person is less comfortable and confident in themselves, even impolite confusion can be pretty harmful when you get it from nine out of ten people you talk to.
Bro people who automatically assume those things about you when you say you're ace are awful people for that. I feel you. On a semi related note I have seen people pretend to have an asexual lable just so no one can target them for pedophilia and beastiality. So while those cases do exist, if someone immediately assumes everyone who says they're asexual as that, that person assuming probably needs to be checked
You should see my huge argument thread on a comment I made regarding dating and looks. All I said was that I am Ace so I will never understand why people are so harsh about looks; that I love based on personality and my husband and I are going strong in comparison to most of the couples around me. It led to all sorts of people trying to say my seizures/disabilities since birth/genetic defects screwed me up and caused me to be Ace, that my mental illness did it, then my chronic pain/hEDS made me not like sex/enjoy sex, then my parents were to blame for educating me on the dangers of the world yet teaching me to be sex positive (ironically they were both supportive and not with me being Ace yet they let me just do my thing and didn't stop it) and somehow people are just cherry picking everything they can find in my comments/arguments to support that being Asexual doesn't exist and it is just insane!
@@oldladytrexarms I've always known that I've lived a wonderful life with very little negativity, even with the odd questions I've gotten through the 'ace' discussion. Your story, which I'm terribly sorry it happened to you, is a much better example of how aces *can* in fact be discriminated against. I'm glad to hear you and your husband are happy together despite the nonsense some people want to spew.
@@oldladytrexarms yup, people on RUclips always cherry pick comments. It's a form of chosen ignorance. They stay ignorant even tho the truth is right there just because of their hate. Every comment I make about mu story on Jamie's channel someone always tries to cherry pick my argument despite the fact of me stating I'm happy XD. But yeah hatred of the ace community makes no sense. Nothing is wrong with you to "make" you ace, you just are, that's how you were born.
Society at large is so pair-bonding focused. 🙅♀ The constant refrain I hear is _"need to find someone who'll take care of you when you're old."_ I'm like, "Yeah right. I'm American. I'm going to die at my job because I won't have the ability to retire." ..somehow my parents still think I'm joking when I say this. 🤷♀
I never understood Virgin Shaming like they are so mad about Ending their Bloodline, but there are like 8B+ people in this planet.Yeah we aint dying any time soon 💀
Recently I saw a tiktok where someone (don’t remember if they were part of the community or an ally) said that Aces and Aros were “Gays in denial” Like if I said that about ANY other sexuality I know people would immediately call me out since that is bigoted but because it’s about the Aces and Aros suddenly it’s perfectly fine to say (despite a lot of Aces and Aros considering themselves a part of the community)
oh god yeah. i told people i was ace when they asked about my virginity and all they said was "oh you have to try it at least once or youll never know" LIKE HUH? I GET SICK THINKING OF IT??
One time I was working as secretary at a lgbt+ friendly church. There was this one jerk who had started coming there because he had been kicked out of all the other churches and he really wanted to make this one less accepting. He tried to tell the pastor that me being ace meant I was “extremely promiscuous” and should be fired. I laughed so hard when the pastor told me. Soon after that and some other instances of him harassing a girl for being female and Mexican the church’s motto changed to “all are welcome - except Tony” and any time he showed up an army of elderly gentlemen would peacefully surround him until he got uncomfortable and left
I'm just imagining a bunch of old gentlemen T-posing around a guy while looking him straight in the eye while he just gets more and more uncomfortable, and it's a glorious image
That is a church I would attend in a heartbeat. I miss church so much! Unfortunately, I am Ace and Gender Dysphoric. Neither of which i am particularly good at hiding. Add to that the fact that i live in the Bible Belt of a particularly intolerant state, and Church isn't an option for me.
Bro got Carrie Nation-ed. For those who don't know during women's sufferage against alcohol, Carrie Nation would go around literally destroying many bars/pubs/taverns and many of them put a sign up that said All Nations Welcome Except Carrie.
As an ace, I can confirm that YES, there is a difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction. Took me the longest time to figure that out. But I read a very good statement a while ago that sums it up perfectly: "Sometimes I see a person and feel attracted and start wondering if I'm really ace. But then I realise that I look at them the same way and with the same feelings that I look at a beautiful painting or a bookshelf. And I'm pretty sure that I don't want to bugger a bookshelf."
@@chalkopirate I'm so glad I could be of some help. Took me the longest time, and I certainly wouldn't have figured things out without some help, so I'm glad if I can do the same for others. Btw, love your "my guy/girl/something - I'm nonbinary, so the shoe fits.😂
Monkey D Luffy is a true ace icon. The one time he canonically displayed attraction to another character, the author came out and confirmed that he was just playing along with his allosexual friend. He's so ace he's immune to an attraction-based power that has been used successfully on inanimate objects.
The succubi thing reminded me of a post about how "asexuals are immune to sirens". Then someone else brought up how sirens don't necessarily tempt you with secks since in the Odyssey, the sirens tempted Ulysses with the prospect of knowledge and wisdom. So in my case, all a siren would have to do is say they have cheesecake, and I'd dive right off the boat
@@0Shanna I mean I'd be game for that, but I'm pretty sure it's because of his love for his wife Penelope he wouldn't have been tempted by secks from the sirens
My greatest Ace moment was when I thought Netflix and chill meant hanging out and watching Netflix fully clothed. I was shocked when I learned it meant sex and had to quickly back peddle on the invitation.
Tbh it's such a dumb phrase. It literally sounds like a phrase an incel or someone with questionable ability to rationalize would say. It's just a meme or joke at this point no one actually uses it seriously.
I asked some chick if she wanted to watch a movie and she got all weird. I was actually confused, like I thought she might want to watch a movie. She got mad that I wanted to watch a movie.
I'm an ally. We are not the "A," in LGBTQIA+. I think it's odd that an ally would claim that position, especially after being corrected, and with the ability to look up accurate information. Claiming the "A" as an ally would be like calling myself a football player because I learned the rules of the game; buy merch; stand up for my team, whether they're popular or not; and cheer from the stands. That makes me a fan, not an athlete. Teachers, especially, have a duty to ensure that the information they teach is as accurate as possible. It is incredibly important for teachers to model humility and graciousness, instead of stupidly doubling down on the error.
It's really weird, being an ally just means you support them and maybe go to events and have fun! The point is you aren't in the community, but you would absolutely be someone there to support those having a hard time
I think a lot of allies are more members of the community than say Terfs. There are some non-queer people who have literally put their lives on the line (and careers and reputations) to protect and serve queer people, particularly during the AIDS crisis and I would call them a member of the community any day above an ace exclusionist or whatever. But anyone who says A stands for ally and NOT ace, aro, or agender is absolutely not an ally and needs to stfu. And there's a big difference between "ohhh I'm an ally....but don't do that in front of me and why do you have to dress like that" and "I will actively defend your right to be who you are even if it ends up getting me shunned by my community or killed"
My husband is currently a pizza delivery guy as his second (extra job) and he's never mentioned this as an issue. HOWEVER, when his second job was a bouncer at a club, this type of sexual harassment went on EVERY NIGHT. And YES, is sexual harassment, even if the woman is harassing the man. He hated it and his friends would laugh about it with me and say, "I don't know how he does it when women are always throwing themselves at him", thinking they were making it better or I would be "proud". Instead, it just made me question their own morals and ability to control themselves. SMH
The pizza guy thing was satire, but I hope your husband is doing better now and has better friends. I wish I could offer him something more than "that shouldn't have a happened to you."
As someone who has worked furniture delivery jobs and security yes it happens. Delivered a bed once. Helped the woman assemble it while the rest of the team brought the rest of the furniture in. Woman: now we just need to test it... Me: oh look I have another deliver
Honestly that bouncer job sounds exhausting. The harassment alone sounds exhausting, I hope he never has to go back to dealing with that in any job he has. Well. And in general.
I once had someone tell me that ace minors are "too young to know" because kids "dont have those kinds of feelings yet" (ignoring the fact that puberty is a thing) and i asked her "what about gay kids?" And she said "thats different" like bruh how
@@Titancameraman64 maybe, but if your kid comes out to you as ace, insisting that they're a late bloomer, haven't found the right person, or things like that feel incredibly demeaning and disrespectful. Mostly cause you don't know that. For example, i came out to my mom at 14 (she said all of the above) - im 22 now, still aromantic, still ace.
@@denjidenji9162exactly this!!! and if they eventually find out that the labels they’d had before no longer fit, that’s okay too! the thing they’ll remember (the thing i wish i got to have) is how their parents supported them through a period of self discovery (which can be incredibly difficult at times)! i used to identify as aromantic asexual. i am now questioning my sexuality and romantic attraction again, and though i have yet to find a specific label that really fits, i know that the previous ones of aro and ace don’t fit me anymore. i so so wish i had heard less of “you’re a late bloomer” or “you don’t need to worry about that stuff right now anyway” because those comments just felt so diminishing at the time, and it made it hard for me to even feel comfortable bringing up the topic again
@@denjidenji9162 I'm in my mid-40s and Ace. I assure you that your parents will _continue_ to expect you to conform to their understanding of reality. 😩 (Thankfully at least I've reached the age where my parents have stopped whining about me not giving them grandkids.)
While I believe that sexual orientation is not something set in stone, it is still something a person feels about themselves. Figuring stuff out takes time and we don't always know whether tsomething about ourself changed or we discovered something new. When I kid tells their parents about their preference, the parents should accept that that is their reality. What they discover in the future might be entirely different. So not a tone of "you will conform eventually" but "We love and support you. Your feelings now are valid. Just keep in mind that as you go through life and experience more and more, you might find things out about yourself that don't fit neatly into categories." But what do I know. I think I'm pretty cis/het. Maybe demi but that's up for judgement.
As an aroace, I hate it when I'm like "omg he/she/they/etc are so hot" to a fictional character and they are like "i thought you were aroace" and i have be like "i am, this is a fictional character, and i can find someone attractive without actually wanting a romantic or sexual relationship with them"
In real life about actual people too 😭, I'll go say something about how someone is nice or good looking or I like being around them or whatever and people immediately go 'Partner?? Crush??'. No, we've been over this, why do you keep doing this
There's actually a word for the part of the ace spectrum where you're basically only attracted to people you have no chance of ever meeting in real life. (Celebrities, athletes, fictional characters, RUclipsrs 😂) I mean, no. I haven't looked this up for myself. A friend was asking. 😂
@Absbabs88 In the end, even if the character is 2D and never going to be real I still could imagine actually doing anything. Its just "she's cute" or "he's hot" or "omg can you step on me"
Me too, but , nine times out of ten, if they’re pretty enough to make me think that, they are DEFINITELY a disguise villain. It’s always the blondes, don’t trust them.
I’ve been told a bunch that me being ace “isn’t fair on my potential partners” who aren’t ace. It’s almost like I can just ✨not date✨ someone that wants a sexual relationship.
@@blakksheep736 they always do, whether it's ace, lesbian or whatever. They always care that someone somewhere is getting deprived of something they'll probably never have anyway. I remember the post about a woman having to debate with her doctor that getting her tubes tied was her decision solely bc she had no partner and had to explain that no she didn't care if some guy in the future wanted kids with her and no she didn't care that her parents wouldn't become grandparents, for the doctor it was all about who *else* would be affected by her doing something to her *own* body. It's amazing the mental gymnastics people will go to to tell you that your choices are affecting some imaginary people so you should conform and surrender your happiness for this illusion.
I am bisexual and I love this meme that says "Just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean you're attractive" haha We don't owe anyone a relationship! ❤Everyone who feels attraction has a type too, it's so wild to assume of them they could be the perfect match for someone when their feelings are clearly one sided and the other person has totally different expectations from a relationship
They are Simple fact I got fired from my last job for not being comfortable with raunchy music being forced on my ears. I feel like it's not that hard to separate work and personal life? Like idk how people can be so horny 24/7 That sounds exhausting. Ace people get belittled, treated like garbage for not wanting things (or wanting them differently then allo people) They get weird passive aggressive comments from parents and other (some parents that make legit sexual comments and assumptions about their kids doesn't help at all) Ace people are not allowed a safe space even within most "lgbtq+ supportive communities" Aces even within their own spaces are discriminated against by other aces when it comes to some sensitivities or someone doesn't see that person as "Ace enough"
@dragonwolfzero820 wow, everyday I see how truly weird this world is. I thought being being asexual was fine as fuck, better than an active person, this is so weird.
Exactly. Inclusion should be about WANTING to include people. Not looking for reasons to exclude them, or demanding proof that they "deserve" to be included. So many people still need to unlearn so many toxic patterns. Instead, they moved the same patterns a bit to the side so now those rules benefit them and marginalise new not-thems.
I am Ace. I always found it so confusing when people discriminate against us. I’m just you without a need for sex. I’m the epitome of “waiting for the right person.” Let me eat my garlic bread in peace.
As a non-ace, I have also found it confusing. I went quite a long time not having seen someone be openly ace, and I just assumed if it had ever happened, everyone would have been fine with it. Then I finally witnessed it and, well, I'm sure you know how that went. Yet another time almost everybody is all on the same page and I'm left scratching my head like "what just happened?"
I had a succubus/incubus dream that my asexuality made really funny. I was at a bar having a cocktail and this really handsome guy walked up and started chatting with me about psychology. It's a field I care a lot about and he was super engaging and well informed. We had a great conversation, then he hit on me and I turned him down. He left. A few minutes later a super hot woman with large boobs comes and sits with me and strikes up a conversation about sociology, another field I care a lot about. She's equally engaging and well informed. After a few minutes, she hits on me and I turn her down. Then the dream succubus/incubus shifts back into its true form and is like "OK the first time you turned me down I figured you just weren't into men but you turned me down as a woman too, what's up with that?" I explained my asexuality to the succubus/incubus and it felt better about itself, so I guess I made a spectral friend? Lol.
I was reading a book that had the demon of Lust and he was reflecting on the various demisexual and asexuals he'd encountered and how they all wanted something i.e. shopping, eating, etc. And there was one person who really wanted soft things, so he'd found comforters and pillows and all the soft things he could and then they had a nice snuggle fest. Which sounded really lovely to me. The book was A Beginner's Guide to Mistakenly Summoned Demons and other Misadventures by Shannon Mae
Why does the soft thing part really remind me of me and not just because I am Ace, but because I am disabled and my bed is covered in Squishmallows and a multitude of pillows and soft stuff cause I hurt all the time? That honestly would be me, too, if I had to ask the demon of Lust for something.
Re: 42:46, I met a woman at a convention and she seemed cool. Wanted to get to know her better. A few months later, we met again at a party. She was having trouble getting a ride after the party, so I offered to drive her home. After 10 minutes of awkward talking in my car once we got there (neither of us wanted to end the conversation there), she invited me up to her apartment for tea. I followed her upstairs and was met with a cozy little apartment with a trans flag on the wall, and she showed me her massive tea collection and introduced me to her roommates. We got through two brews of a tea I'd never heard of before I went home. 10/10, the best way to find out a person is trans is looking at her pride flag in her apartment over a cup of tea. We still meet up for board games years later.
I will never understand the discrimination against asexuals or the people who think it doesn't happen. I've literally been denied medical care by my (now former) doctor because I refused to take STI tests when I wasn't sexually active. My doctor insisted it was just a side effect of childhood trauma and that once I healed, I would want to have Adult Fun Time so badly that I would not be able to wait until I could tested to find a smexual partner. She literally canceled my prescriptions and put down in my medical records that I was hostile and resistent to recieving care. All because I said "girl i barely leave the house how am i going to contract herpes?"
@John_Weiss yeah that was the last time i saw that doctor. Sadly I have bad luck with finding doctors who listen to me. I may need to check my chart to make sure previous GPs haven't written things on my chart that make me look bad.
Apparently we get denied adopting kids nevermind trying to get housing because we..... Won't bring back strange men to make messes with???? And that's bad apparently?????
That really sucks. I have not had proper health care in all my adult years until a couple years ago I was introduced to a clinic that was fairly cheap due to having a lot of private funding. I had recently just come out, or rather found out I was ace, and confided in my doctor. The first thing she said was, "Thank you for trusting me to tell me that." Honestly, since I had only just learned about being Ace for maybe three months at the time, I had no clue why she was thanking me. It wasn't until I learned more about the community that I realized I had it easy coming out to my healthcare provider. Sadly, she moved on to greener pastures and I now have a male doctor that I have no clue how to just be straight and tell him. His wife is the gynecologist and when she asked me, "How do you protect yourself?" I was confused as to why she would ask me that, so she rephrased it, "How do you protect yourself from s*x?" I immediately replied, "Easy, not get married." I did not enjoy the procedure.
I was a pizza delivery woman. One time I had a delivery to a bar. The guy, as I'm counting his change, says, "What would you do if I grabbed your ass?" Without even looking up from my counting I blandly said, "Probably break your arm." His sister was sitting with him and she starts cackling so hard that she slid under the table. When she regained her seat, she says, "That's the funniest shit I've heard in months!" Then she hands me $20 and elbows her brother. "Give the girl a decent tip, you asshole." I walked out with $40.😂 I occasionally had people offer me booze or drugs as tips or invite me to stay to party with them. Yeah no. Cash only tips, please.😊
Or even worse accusing her of like 4D chess grooming because some idiots believe that saying you have no sexual attraction makes children more attracted/trusting towards you which makes them more vulnerable for grooming? IDK, we’re just living through the dumbest moral panic right now
One of my favorite "Ace" moments came from the recent Hazbin Hotel series, where one of the other characters refers to Alastor as an "Ace in the hole", and he responds with "A what now?" Because hes from the fucking 1920s and doesn’t know he's Asexual
Haven't watched Hazbin Hotel yet, but I loved Helluva Boss. You don't happen to know if the entire show is out yet or if it's still airing? (not sure if there are several seasons planned or anything, but I want it to at least be one season out so I can binge)
I feel this is a good place to mention this. I've had an acquaintance tell me, multiple times, that if I keep saying I'm AroAce, no one will want to date me. At this point, I just answer "I know" or "Isn't it great" and laugh when he gets confused. I don't think he understands lol.
I loved the demi standard "like other people" thing because when I told my mom that there was a point I thought I was demi because I on a singular occasion felt attraction to another human and it was a close friend, and my mom asked me to explain what that was. Then she went: "But that's just normal. All this hyper-sexualization in the world is just fiction." and "I didn't feel sexual attraction until I met your dad." I'm almost certain that she's just a demi herself. xD
lol part of the reason it took me so long to catch on that I was aroace is that my mom dated 1 guy for a week when she was 14 and didn't date again until she met my dad after college. I briefly had a bf in high school (who I wasn't attracted to) and was like Ahhh my experiences are completely normal and I am right on track to a het relationship
I'm asexual and demiromantic. I was talking to a friend about my split attraction and what the difference between strictly a vs demi is, and her reaction after I finished explaining was "I think I'm demisexual."
Honestly? First time I ever read that term, cause I just never felt the need to do some research on this topic (even though my brother is ace). Now I'm quite sure I am demi...
Dude one of my friend asked me the same thing!!! I just said "Idk I just do what I like, maybe create some short stories" and he was mindblown. Said he was almost envious I could think of anything else and Im there like why, can't- can't you...?
@@ShinyShilla this is similar to the situation where I found out I was ace. One of my friends told me about her situationship and how they were alone sitting on his bed and she wanted to sleep with him so bad, but she was proud she didn't do it. And I was like "...wait, is it hard to just not do it?" Tbh, I actually don't know how I would live *with* sexual attraction because wdym it would take up a good portion of my time and thoughts every day? I don't have the capacity for that?!
@@ShinyShilla I have ADHD and I keep thinking if I weren't ace, I imagine I'd get distracted or bored halfway through and start making a candle or painting something like I do know with all my other crafts that sit half finished. 😂
Most "Ace" representation in media is "x character isn't romantically interested in anyone and is sad bc of it and then The One (tm) appears and they become a couple and now x is happy." and yeah I'd rather not have representation if that's what we get stuck with. Ace people are in fact capable of being happy without a relationship.
Well I know one that isn’t like that :))) Saiki k, Kusuo, the main character is very aroace and doesn’t get with anyone, and is very happy to not be with anyone, he’s actually the one who said “I don’t understand why seeing a girl naked is so weird” or something in the video
When I realised I was ace I alse realised that when I watched movies and stuff I felt like this: "Everyone is ace until proven otherwise" xD like if a character have a partner or is very open about their sexuality.
I’m ace. I’m also married (I do have romantic feelings). We did sex therapy, where they actually almost broke our relationship because we didn’t know I am ace. Even now, we’ve had friends give us toys for the bedroom as gifts because they think I just need to be fixed. They just don’t understand. I also had really awkward friend group events. Like Ann summers parties.
That whole thing of "what are you doing?!" was my whole experience as well. When I was in college, I literally had a girl in my bed watching anime until 1:00am. I looked at the clock and went "Woah... we both have class in the morning. You should go back to your room." People were asking me all week why I didn't let her stay, to which I kept going "...cause we had class... in the morning?" UTTERLY CONFUSED. Took me another 10 years and a failed long term relationship to go "Oh wait... I'm asexual..."
I'm ace, and I fell in love with my friend who is aro. He's really into me, but in a way I can't feel about him; I'm really into him, but in a way he can't feel about me. We both know it would never work out, so we're just friends. More tragic than anything Shakespeare could ever come up with.
An ace and aroace attracted to each other? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of being ace and aro, especially aro? Coming from someone with little knowledge of this community, sought to learn more.
@@Nobody.thatyouknow There is Actually a Difference Aro Short For Aromantic is a person who feels no Romantic Attraction but can have Sexual attractions Ace is Short for Asexual is a person who feels no Sexual Attraction but can feel Romantic Attraction and Aroace Short for aromantic asexual is Someone who feels No sexual AND Romantic Attraction
Asexuality really confuses the crap out of me, I don't understand it, but I don't understand the Korean language either and I don't act like an asshole towards Koreans! It's called being a decent human being.
Yeah I couldn't even imagine not liking it. I'm so far removed from the ace spectrum I'm in outer space 😭 On the other hand, there are many things that I don't like but other people like and enjoy doing so I can understand in that aspect. You're ace? Aight cool, that means I don't have to worry about you having ulterior motives (especially if you are a guy) and we can just vibe. Also I've heard that ace people give amazing hugs (if they like hugs) and cuddles. I love cuddles.
@@desirosethorne4429 Being asexual doesn't always mean they don't like it or don't want it or don't want to be in a relationship. It means they have little or no sexual attraction to others and it's a spectrum. A lot of the time it does mean the person doesn't want sex but that's not true for all asexuals. I'm demisexual, which is a type of asexuality. I have never been sexually attracted to anyone physically, but have been in serious long term relationships with intimacy. I was sexually attracted to my partners both emotionally and mentally, but not in a physical sense. If I'm interested in someone, I have to go really slow and get to know them for a while before I'm comfortable about the idea of being intimate with them. Not everyone is that patient but that's their problem, not mine. There are many things that makes me incredibly uncomfortable as an asexual. This includes one night stands, friends with benefits, sex and making out scenes on TV and movies, porn, etc. Of course this doesn't apply to every asexual but it's not uncommon.
If you wanna understand it, think of it like this. I'm going to be speaking specifically about sex-repulsed asexuals in this because that's the one I understand best, so keep that in mind. Imagine seeing something you would never want to have sex with. Maybe you're only attracted to one gender, so it's a gender you're not attracted to. Maybe it's a dead blob fish. I don't know. Now imagine if you felt the way you feel toward that thing with EVERY person you encounter. That's what it's like.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 That's true. It's definitely a huge spectrum. I'm bisexual so I can definitely understand the spectrum part since bisexuality is also a spectrum. My friend is also demisexual and doesn't really find people attractive. To him he has to get to know the person first and then he finds them attractive. He doesn't even find Ryan Reynolds attractive which is an absolute tragedy /j
I always love the 'ace people aren't oppressed because nobody cares if you don't want that' argument because it's painfully obvious they've never been repeatedly told 'you just haven't found the right person yet' or 'you can't know you don't like it if you've never tried it', or had people try to set you up with a hookup because they think they know better than you. People care way too much about other people's business ahaha
Hell even single hetro people aren't badgered for being single by some people. Ofcourse non hetro people are given shit for simply existing. Humans are morons.
I suppose my biggest asexual moment was learning that "Netflix and Chill" didn't actually mean just hanging out watching Netflix. It meant "we gonna bump uglies with Netflix in the background". It was pretty funny when I told coworkers I was going to Netflix and chill with a guy friend, them getting all giddy and hyping me up and me just standing in asexual confusion.
It is hilarious to me that my parents tell me I shouldn’t kiss someone before marriage because that could lead to ooky spooky sex, but when I’ll come out to them as ace one day, they’ll try to convince me that I do in fact want to harm my mental/ physical health so I can live out the life they want me to live. I’m a simple guy. I like my Spagetti with tomato sauce I like rewatching the same movie over and over again AND I DONT WANT SEX.
I'm too old to tell my parents that I'm Ace, because I don't have the stamina needed to explain, and re-explain, to them what being Ace even is. Good luck in your efforts. Gotta ask, what movie? I find Megamind eminently re-watchable, but my roommates get annoyed. Thinking maybe I should change it up a bit. 😅
As if the typical sequence of *"no Fun Times!"* turning into *"girlfriend/boyfriend when?"* as soon as they deem you adult enough, turning into *"wedding when?"* as soon as they see you hang out with a same age person of the other gender and finally turning into *"grandkids when?"* or outright *"give grandkids!"* (Basically telling their child to have s*x) upon the wedding wasn't creepy enough... 😪 People just get too nosy and exited for other people's lives sometimes. Especially they're own kid's or young family members' lives...
@@Hawkthejunimomy advice would be this (based on a few minor assumptions which may be wrong): You should make sure she knows the ways in which you *do* feel attracted to her, especially if you've been in this relationship for a while - basically making sure that no *sexual* attraction doesn't get misunderstood as no attraction at all. If you don't think she knows much about the topic, it might be worth trying to explain what it is slightly before you come out (as in "this is what asexuality is, and how asexuals still love people, which is how I feel ago" kind of deal). After that point, it kinda comes down to her. Either she'll be okay with it, or she won't. If she is, you didn't need to worry. If it causes problems, it's still better that it's approached directly than if she just finds out later - talking about it directly will probably make it a lot easier to reconcile any potential differences on that front, and find a way you can both be happy. If it does "ruin your relationship", then it was still something that was always going to be an issue, and it's probably better to get it over and done with earlier rather than later. I get it can be daunting, but stuff like this will always come out eventually. The longer it's kept secret, the more likely it is to cause problems. If you're on the same page about what you each want and expect from the start, then the worst case scenario is that you both realise it's not going to be able to work, and agree you're better off as friends - which might still feel like a bad outcome, but it's better if you realise this with a conversation at the start, than a few months later with a fight.
Or “Have you tried ______” [that they’d never want*] “No? Well, that’s how I feel.” *A good example is something like “kissing a cactus”. But yours is also lovely: I’m stealing it!
I think they get upset about the sex before marriage/being ace thing because they feel that it NEEDS to be a struggle; you have to prove you can "resist temptation"
@@missnaomi613 bingo. One person even admitted it was something I couldn't control, but that refusing to try to change it anyway meant I wanted to live in sin.
That's good reasoning which is why we can be sure this is definitely not what they're doing, people like that usually don't have actual reasons Still a good headcanon though
the thing with demi is like...there's a difference between not wanting to rush into sex with someone, and physically not being attracted to them until you know them better
"Ace isn't part of LGBT+ because you aren't persecuted because of that sexual identity." Bro, you literally just persecuted someone because of their sexual identity. See replies for your arguments. Got that it isn't really persecution, but not going to chicken out and edit it.
i agree that ace people are lgbt, but that isnt a good argument. with an argument like that, you can also just say "heterosexual people arent lgbt because they arent persecuted for their identity" and then boom, they would be persecuted as well. a better argument is one that says lgbt status isnt defined by persecution but just not being straight and/or cis
Me: I’m asexual. Coworker: You never get horny? Me: Not never just like not enough to do something about it. Coworker: Well that’s boring. You’ll never find someone to marry. 😅
@@theappler9516 Fair point, but it does go into gatekeeping where some community members will say being ace isn't real and just people wanting clout or something, or because aces are able to slip under the hetero-normative radar, so to speak.
@@kassiedelong7983 Ask if they're only interested in their partner because they can sleep together, and not for their personality, intellect, or looks; that should get your point across.
It wasn't delivery, but when I worked at McDonalds someone tried to offer sex to me for payment for a 60$ order. I just said "so you don't want to pay for what you ordered? I can cancel it for you right now" They awkwardly paid and tried to get coupons at the next window. Where the manager told them to get lost.
@@bruh-xx6kr It was a kick i the teeth order - 4 of those huge bundle box meals, plus 10 drinks, and a few other things. 60$ might not even be enough for what their order was, but it was like 6-7 years ago now
My favorite asexual moment was when I up until like 22 genuinely thought 'being horny' was just a phrase, like a metaphor or something, and not like a physical feeling. That was a very interesting conversation with my mom and sister.
I remember as a kid when I was “supposed” to hit my “boy crazy” phase and it just never happened. I had ZERO context for it so when the girls on my class started theirs, I thought something was in the water.
I remember being in school and getting hit on constantly. I just couldn't understand why. In the end I would just go "no" and walk away. Even in my 20s my friends would go on about sex (a few even trying.. and failing to flirt with me) and I'm just "what's the big deal it's just meh" cue 4 women in their 20s and 30s all "oh you've just had bad sex" or "oh you'll meet the right girl one day.., or guy and it will just click"
I just assume “being horny” is just getting a high libido for a while, and then you don’t know what to do with it, so you waste half your day daydreaming trying to get anything out of it
I love seeing all the Ace people vibing and being supportive in the comments. Not Ace myself, but I am very queer and I never understood why there's such a massive wall between the Ace community and the rest of the LGBTQ peeps. Y'all have the most wholesome, chill, loyal bff vibes, and you're obviously just as valid. This whole community is supposed to be about the celebration of our individual "abnormal" sexuality. . . . not having much or any sexual attraction is very obviously and always has been a part of it-
"No one's ever gitten beat up for being asexual." But they've died... I remember when I was in middle school I came across an article about this young woman, 20 at most but I think she was 18 or 19, who had a largish following on instagram. She came out as ace and started getting stalked and eventually... Yeah, no happy ending.
Ppl got insanely heated over Jaden so it is not hard to extrapolate. My mom's generation also commonly got heated over George Michael coming out as gay, I asked what about Elton John and Freddie Mercury?😵 welp 😫... ... ♦️♣️Never figured it out since mom wouldn't outright say it (until my late teens)♥️♠️
I have some PTSD from being constantly sexually assaulted by my gay friend and young boys who felt they could touch me because I was the one weirdo not interested in sex when we were in school so they thought it meant they could do what they want to me and I wouldn't get offended; it didn't help I have the inattentive ADHD so my sister and some protective friends had to start defending me cause that is how a lot of this happened. Eventually I met and started dating my now husband of 16 years who is Ace like me. Him and his best friend really helped put a stop to those things happening once we started dating because I explained my multiple disabilities to him and he started looking out for me and has been since. So, it does happen even if it isn't completely as deadly as being gay.
I once had a university professor say that asexuality is when people choose not to have sex. I corrected her, but she said "you can't control how other people identify." I was ace questioning at the time. The same year I had a guy try to convince me I wasn't ace
I once tried explaining asexuality to a relative... long story short, he declared HIMSELF an asexual after giving me the most incelish speech I've heard from him Basically, he was ace because "his horrible, abusive (thankfully now ex) wife hadn't done it with him for two decades!" ... btw, that was bs, and I can testify. Effing walls are paper thin. Plus, HE was the horrible one.
I hate when ppl say that "Asexuality is just not wanting to have sex" sooooo much. You can be straight, gay, bi, whatever, and not want to have sex. That doesn't automatically make you asexual and not all asexuals don't not want to have sex. Most asexuals just aren't generally interested in it bc they're not attracted to anyone to begin with.
A while ago (like... Around 10 years or so?) there was a survey in the US about who people would be the most ADVERSE to have as a roommate based on their sexuality. Almost everyone in the survey was against having an Ace roommate. I don't know if it can still be found online but I remember feeling seriously puzzled when I saw it. Like... Are you offended they might not be attracted to you or something...?? What. That part with the vampire and the necklace suddenly reminded me of that Doctor Who episode in which Rose's mother tries to seduce the Doctor by going "There's a man in my bedroom..." and he just goes *...wtf?*😂
Wait what? That - HUH? why would somebody be against an ace roommate? I would guess when there would be hope for a romantic or sexual relationship, but that wouldn't have to be a room mate? I would kind of get it from nymph-people to not make the roommate uncomfortable but I don't think there are that many sexdriven people out there that would be considering themselves as nymph
@@KaliqueClawthorne yeah that left me pretty puzzled as well. I still don't get it honestly. I heard people say that ace people freak them out because "everybody wants to have sex and not wanting to is unnatural" but... that's rubbish really. I just don't get it. 👀
Some of the stuff about how ace people arent LGBTQ+ and/or don't need a movement/community really hits home. There's a woman I know, i love her to death, she's like another mom to me, but she refuses to accept I'm ace. Keeps saying that i cant know since ive never had sex, it'll change once I have it... doesn't matter that I'm VERY sex repulsed and have bad body dysmorphia. Like I said, love her to death, but it's frustrating. And that's just one person in my life...
I'm sorry she doesn't get you. I know how frustrating it can be. You know that no one can understand you better than yourself. It's also so great that there are communities now for people who are looking for answers and support from others that have gone through the same things. Know that there's always a community for you and we get it. Not everyone in your life will understand what you are going through but perhaps they are in your life for a different purpose. Wishing you love and laughter always!
Forcing yourself to have sex would not work, it would just confirm to you that you dont want it and dont like it. It would not change you in anyway, you would still be ace. Source: i have tried because i was pressured by others to see what it was aaaall about (it was boring to me)
My ex bf was like that. Then we had sex and I was still not physically attracted to him and told him flat out that I was not letting another person ever have sex with me cus I hated every moment of it. We broke up a week alter 😅
I was in a QSA (Queer straight alliance) in high-school, and a group of is were making pennants on a string of pride flags. I said "aww we don't have colors for ace" (I'm panromantic axesual) and someone said "asexuality isn't a part of the lgbtq+ community because they don't face oppression" . And the others agreed????? Like wtf
yea my hs alliance was a bit like that but it was more of lack of representation or like people saying they were valid cus at that time i was relying on others to hint that what i felt was valid but i kinda just ghosted it instead. my college’s alliance has a lot of aces (more than half my friend group is ace or generally lgbtq)
Shit like this irritates me so much. I didn’t realise I was ace (asexual, hetero-romantic) until about 2 years ago and only just really came out to a few of my friends and family about 4-5 months ago. I have a good number of queer friends. Two of my close friends are gay guys and they are very excepting, but there’s a bi girl who’s kinda an acquaintance and she’s said some weird stuff. Recently, it was how I shouldn’t come with her and some other people (including my BEST friend, who’s straight) to a gay club. I’m not a big clubbing person, so I wouldn’t have really liked it anyway, but it was the fact that she said it that pissed me off.
One thing that annoys me as an asexual is when people don't know the difference between aromantic and asexual. Yes they're similar but they are not the same.
It can be very dangerous to be ace in intolerant communities like the military or police force because if you choose not to have sex with anyone, it may look like you’re hiding wanting to have sex with the same gender and even if you’re not homosexual, you get ascribed to that group by others, and Sometimes attacks can happen as a result. Also, the number of people who think you’re weird and broken and then don’t trust you because they don’t know your motivations. And the number of people who genuinely think if you are not interested in sex, you are sociopathic or psychopathic is far farther from zero than anyone is comfortable with.
@@killsims mostly because most people don’t really understand either ace or sociopathy. They don’t understand that what is in their mind one flavor of broken does not mean other flavors. Despite neither meaning broken, just slightly different. Because of all of the cop shows and other things and mainstream media, even sociopathy and psychopathy are not represented accurately. There are people who can register on those spectrum’s who are perfectly nice kind, and average people, they just interact with the world very differently.
I am usually fine with that. Cuz there are multiple conditions which do take away the sex drive .and being ace The symptom just doesn't show. It's better to do a test to be safe. But it does get annoying if it happens everytime
@@KiyoGam1But there's a vast difference between "Doc, help me, I don't have libido and I used to/want to!!" vs "I psychologically am not interested in sex and don't want to be fixed." The doctor does not get to make that distinction.
@@j.d.thedragking2872 I know there is. But doctors tend to be paranoid old people who don't understand the spectrum. A lack of libido can be a symptom of a different underlying problem. And when you are ace . The underlying problem becomes asymptomatic. So they just test to make sure of it. It's annoying I know I've been there. I am aroace. They mean well but are just uninformed
@@j.d.thedragking2872it IS important though, because it could be a genetic condition and can be due to a severe hormonal imbalance, which actively places you in danger.
@@xenogaming5997i dont think you understand. Libido and sexual attraction are not the same thing. Being ace doesnt mean you have erectile dysfunction. It just means your urges arent directed at a certain sex
I always assumed I was a “late bloomer” because that was the narrative I encountered. But I’m in my mid thirties, and have finally realized there’s no flower malingering inside. I’m asexual, and it’s such a relief to have the words for it now.
Lol, I know, right?! I have finally come to understand/embrace who I am, and I finally get the whole being proud of your orientation thing on a whole new level. You can tell close-minded people think it's about being proud of who like you to bang or not bang, but of course it's about accepting and loving yourself in the face of a hostile world. I feel so free. I wish I knew this about myself my whole life, because I kinda did, and really didn't. I felt like should be an option,, but everyone else seemed so ready to dive in, and nobody brought up that there was another way that's natural too. I too have been waiting so long for the "special feelings", and found myself always being impatient with romantic plotlines in books and movies that were always really just shoehorned in, and casually mocking smexy commercials like, does this work on anyone lol? Eventually, I realized I was the outlier. But now I really want to make ace friends, and write my ace novel that actually has deep platonic friendships, with a plot that isn't sidelined by love (**cough**lust**cough**) triangles
my mom was like that, she was always like "don't have sex before marriage!" and I was like "I'm ace" and she was like "if you don't have sex your husband will leave you!" I also had someone say "I think we should all be asexual until marriage" which....wow...I no longer ID as ace but the things I was told were wild
My favourite explanation for asexuality is "Just because I admire a sunset, doesn't mean I wanna have sex with it." (Don't remember where it was said, but it’s so true)
from my experience with ace people, they always have some sort of unresolved/unconfronted childhood trauma, or they have some misunderstanding about the sexual urges of other people, making them believe that normal people act like the extremely sensitive virginal protagonists of harem anime
I remember telling my childhood best friend that I’m a biromantic ace and she said “nah you’re not, you’re too young to know and it’s probably a phase anyway” Mind you, she’s younger than me and came out as bisexual when she was around 8😭
@jinxcraft1170 Absolutely. And Netflix and chilled beverages. Also, if one finds it expedient to break the vow of chastity, the atonement is to clean out the litter box. Also cheese. Blessed are the cheese makers.
@ashlingemberstone3913 From what I understand, a lot of lactose intolerant people will happily set the world on fire or at least smother it in gas because cheese is just that good. But I think there are lactose free cheeses. Vegan cheese perhaps? Ooh, that can be your holy quest, finding a vegan or otherwise lactose free cheese that actually tastes good!
It always rubs me the wrong way how many people think ace means u have to be s3x repulsed or indifferent. Even within the community itself. Comments like "I am ace so I don't wanna do physical stuff" always overgeneralize the whole community.
There's quite literally an argument happening in the replies of another comment on this video because someone in said replies doesn't think demisexual/grayace people are real. It's crazy. This is a video FOR our community and it's STILL happening. It's so frustrating.
@@persooniemand8346Thank you, I appreciate yours too (I saw that it had gotten deleted and you put in the extra effort to write it again, which I applaud you for because I wouldn't have had the patience)! It's just so frustrating since I get so excited when I see creators like Click post videos about us, because I know he is supportive, and I feel like for once the comments will get it too. And most do. But there's always some that are like, "actually you aren't real" and it's always SO invalidating (especially when it comes from "allies" or other people within the community). It shouldn't be, but it is.
I totally get what you mean! I didn't know asexuality was a spectrum. Years ago I thought I was an asexual. I was surprised when I found out I liked being in an intimate relationship with someone I was with, so I figured I was wrong. Decades later, I found out that I'm demisexual, which I didn't know was a thing. Now I understand much more about who I am and why I've never been sexually attracted to anyone physically. It now makes sense to why I have been attracted to my long term partners on mental and emotional level and liked being intimate with them.
I'm on the Ace spectrum, too. I'm Aceflux. Sometimes sexual attraction and/or touch makes me feel like I wanna vomit, curl up in a ball, and turn into dust. Other times, I'm ok with it, and sometimes I'm ok with touch but not anything further.
I'm ace and demiromantic. In one of my smaller classes at school, we had a fun mini-assignment where we had to describe our ideal partner and how we met them. I was absolutely shocked when people described a love-at-first-sight trope every time with the person's physical appearance down to a T. And then THEY were confused when I said that I could only imagine falling in love with someone who I've known for a while, and I genuinely didn't care what she looked like. I think they assumed that I was pretending to be better than I was to avoid looking like a "toxic man" (I'm one of the only AMAB people in that class) when I just genuinely don't have an idea of a perfect partner, and I find being attracted to looks so weird.
I'm asexual and could describe my "ideal partner" physically quite well, but that only describes the kind of body I like looking at basically. What I find aesthetically pleasing. I'm quite strict in who I find good looking and I kinda refuse the idea of being with someone I wouldn't find nice to look at, but I know personality is so much more important and I've heard often enough that when you love someone you don't really see their looks anymore,like they look perfect to you no matter what they look like. Being with someone I've known for a while as friend sounds like a good idea to me cause it's so much more chill to get to know them that way, but I'd find it incredibly difficult to take the step to be together and ask them out. Idk. My whole romantic attraction confuses me af.
@@brokenprincessofhell4743 I experience a slightly similar sort of thing, but for me it's quite literally just the aesthetic the person chooses to present, because that often says a lot about a person - like a punk aesthetic or some such. I find myself attracted to people because of their clothes, and it's slightly confusing.
FINALLY someone who also had this activity in school. In my class, we were divided by gender and told to reach a group consensus on the ideal partner in terms of looks. It's there when I realized how much my classmates think about looks and certain people. The girl group very quickly started pulling out reference photos that were already on their phones. Talking about things down to the finest details. Even hyper focusing on a specific boy in the school who was literally in the class and could hear everything they were saying about his shirtless photos. (Seriously the teacher should have stopped them. He clearly wasn't completely comfortable with the attention even if those were public photos. This activity would never happen like this these days.) The boys was so much more awkward and vague about things to not be seen as creepy. I just moved away from both groups, looked at my teacher and said I just wanted my partner to be my height or a bit taller. And that wasn't even a firm requirement. I never paid much attention to people's looks or thought about the looks of some "dream partner." But became clear that others very much did a lot.
I am discovering things about myself on this thread and in general through Click and this video. I always get repulsed when men ask me for s~e~x on the FIRST DATE and it usually makes me very angry and I just tell them off and leave and block on everything 😂 This hook-up culture really bothers me and lately I’ve been wondering if I’m just Ace, because I don’t experience this sexual attraction AT ALL - not even on 3rd, 4th date and so on. But I am conflicted because - as you guys mentioned in your comments - I can only begin to like someone romantically if we’ve been friends for a little while and I know their personality. That makes me feel safe. Also FINALLY someone put what I’ve been feeling into words - I find it extremely attractive when someone has a particular ~aesthetic~ about them, like they know what looks good on them and flattering colours and do it. I love it when they put effort into their clothes and I also like people based on clothes. I also relate to not knowing what a particular face and body appearance for a partner should be. I guess I’m lucky in that regard because I’ve been in love with Marilyn Manson since I was 12. 😊😅🎉 But I know not everyone can be Marilyn Manson but the man himself, so I just kinda like that Metalhead aesthetic, also goth and vampire-like, i guess. Maybe also - tall guy who likes to wear dark colours. 😆 I feel so validated by this thread, thank you guys! ❤
My husband, Ace like me, was the only guy to look past my big front teeth and actually commented on my smile being pretty and the first thing he saw on me in comparison to every guy before him hitting on me for my body and/or sex. We've hit 16 years of marriage now, both of us falling in love with each other's personalities and finding our outsides as pretty as the inside despite people having bullied us for being ugly. It's crazy how much looks matter to people. I feel for people in the dating scene because I've seen so many people get dumped after accidents like being burnt in a fire and stuff all because "they're no longer handsome like before" and I find that horrible yet others find it "ok because it's their preference"; like, they don't even understand how it could be viewed as horrid/wrong to leave someone after something like that.
My two best friends from college are bisexual and asexual. Not only did my conservative Christian mother believe we were in this lesbian thrupple but now they're a couple and have been together happily for over 8 years now.
"Aces don't belong in the LGBTQ+ because they're not getting sh*t on for being ace" Then why am I always surprised when a youtuber is genuinely supportive of us? But seriously, I was nervous to click on this video, because I can never be sure how people handle the the topic of asexuality. A lot of people dismiss us, or pity us, or are downright hateful. And even well meaning people are barely educated beyond the surface level, despite making entire videos about us or the broader LGBTQ+ community. Thank you for being a genuine ally. It's means more to us than you know.
real! and when theyve taken the time to educate themselves it just makes it so much better! i discovered this channel recently and have seen this video pop up on my suggestions a few times, but never looked bc ive been burned before. its very nice to see someone with some kind of reach actually care about people like me. (and i literally cannot stress enough how happy i was that he knew what he was talking about. i was cheering for him through most of this video)
Can I just say, 13:44 the person not only not getting weird when denied again that no, not gay either, but KNOWING OUR LORE AND CONTINUING THE JOKE WITH OUR SACRED BREADSTUFFS is so iconic
I’m a sex repulsed aro/ace. I’ve always hated the line “You just haven’t met the right person yet,” or “you’ll change your mind when you get older.” It’s nice to see that there are others that had experienced this type of mindset
Honestly you're so valid I'm Grey Ace and have so many layers to my asexuality including repulsion when its a topic in conversations or media. Being on the ace spectrum is one of my biggest reasons for avoiding dating apps. (I'm a hopeless romantic but due to my sexuality being complicated I just haven't tried bc I feel unlovable)
I’m in highschool, not rly out but like whenever parents mention kids and other stuff like that I’m like no I really don’t want that and they r always like no that will change T.T
I get that so freakin often. My 2 go-tos are "needing to meet the right person before I experience attraction is still being queer/on the A spectrum, that's the definition of demi" and "so [name], how can you be sure that you aren't into [gender]? Have you ever really tried dating them? Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet, you just need to open yourself up to opportunities". etc - I have gotten an "ahhhh I get it now" from several people with that last one but there is just no helping some people.
I think something a lot of people don't understand when being explained asexuality is that for a lot of asexuals the physical part of attraction is not there at all. If you ask an asexual what kind of person they like, or what part of the body catch their attention first or who they find attractive often they won't be able to answer, asexuals know what someone beautiful is supposed to look like but usually won't see what part of it is supposed to excite you or make be attractive
I assume it's like that business card scene in American Psycho, where everyone who's obsessing over the details of the cards are the ones interested in sex, but the people who just see ordinary business cards are asexual?
well I have favourite parts of body I like to draw, hands are dufficzlt to draw but super beautiful when drawn well... tho always liked drawing face the most.Like I like human anatomy except one part, never want to draw the naugthy bits.
I've just taken to telling people "It's like when you see ( a person from whatever demographic they don't happen to be sexually attracted to), but you still think they look nice. Nothing down there responds, and that's okay."
The town of Dildo in Newfoundland, Canada kept getting the town sign stolen. Year after year. Month after month. Their solution to fund all the replacement signs and fund other stuff was to open a tourist shop that had a variety of different Town of Dildo road signs for sale legally. Sign theft did in fact decrease afterwards.
On a similar note, a village in Austria respelled their name to "Fugging" because English-speaking tourists were stealing their signs and sometimes performing lewd acts. I don't know if YT allows the old spelling in a comment.
Same with a few funny German signs. Also, the town of Wacken (where the metal open air happens, same name) started to just weld their sign onto the post at some point rather than screwing on a new one
@@AIHumanEquality The problem isn't with the amount of people, it's with the amount of land. There is so much wilderness that you can drive for hours on the highway without seeing anything but trees, mountains, maybe the coastline, and the road. It's a lot of woods with no real surveillance, especially in coastal areas, so all it really takes is to know when people aren't around, drive out to the sign with some tools and a buddy to hold the sign, and get to work. You could then drive off away from the town and basically not be found until someone notices the sign either in your possession, or notices the sign is missing and noticed you drove in that direction only to return acting suspiciously. Plus there is a lot of areas with no cellphone service at all, so unless you're dumb enough to leave a GPS on you, no one would question why you and your buddy couldn't be located for a few hours.
A friend of mine once said he couldn't say "no" to women offering sex. I said he absolutely could say "no", and asked if he needed an intervention because he was engaged at the time. When I pushed a bit for an answer, he kind of blew off the question, but I hope he understood that I would have run interference and helped him get out if he wanted it.
26:17 My boyfriend and I had this discussion before. I drool over muscular guys and pretty girls all the time, but in the sense of "omg they're so nice to look at". He's the same way. He likes to look at people and admire the work they put into themselves, but he doesn't see it as anything sexually attractive.
@@heavygaming1167 just have to ask, both ways as in both thighs and abs or, as in both male / female, or like? Just curious, and I know it has nothing to do with me so feel free to not answer if you don't want to. I'd rather ask and get denied than run around curious about things constantly. (mostly curious because like they're not mutually exclusive and it's fun to imagine if just one of those traits made your operative system restart, what then both traits on one person would do to you.)
I think one of the most important things about ace representation and inclusion that people forget about is the number of ace people who assume they're broken and force themselves to be in toxic/abusive relationships and/or have sex because they think they're supposed to.
I remember Jaiden's sexual orientation reveal video, and I just felt..."you know, this explains why I never felt like she and James (TheOdd1sOut) would be a couple." Because I certainly recall a lot of "fan shipping" appearing before that reveal. That in of itself is not unusual, a lot of popular RUclipsrs have fans that make shippy fanart of them, Clicky himself not immune to that. What got me was how confident some of these people were that they were going to end up together just because they had simular art styles, lived in the same state, knew the same people, had similar interests and all that. It felt like I was reading a fanfic, rather than people having a serious discussion on the possibility and not even touching on why they might not. It really bugged me how deep some people can get into their fantasies and act like the world is ending when their fantasy isn't played out. Some people really don't know where the lines are when it comes to their fantasies.
@@alicebthegachaweirdo8378 I can forgive if it were just their cartoon selves, Jaiden and James have said those aren't actually their true selves, they're simply a medium for them to talk through. It's going after the actual person that is a big "NO" to me. James is happy with "GIF" (his actual girlfriend) and Jaiden is happy to live with her birds. I was very much in the "we'll see" camp with Jaiden and James until they revealed the truth of their romantic lives (Jaiden being ace, James having a different woman) because I could accept a "it could happen" and leave it at that. It just really disappoints me how people can marginalize people just because of fame.
I've never been very comfortable with the idea of shipping real people. It feels weird and invasive. I don't generally have any issue with shipping fictional characters though, since with fictional people it doesn't impact real relationships (except when people get super toxic towards anyone who doesn't agree with their ship). Shipping real people just feels... problematic. Even when the ships may seem wholesome.
I feel like it's weird to ship real people in general. Even if they DO end up together it should not be of concern to anyone outside of the relationship
@@kannahvivien7525It's like when an actress and an actor don't get together just because they looked good and did good in this one job they did together, and someone come along and shouts "I'm your biggest fan! So get together already! You're perfect." Dude, I'm not banging my co-worker just because we successfully made a lot of money together that one time. Chris Hemsworth showed many a time that while he kisses a lot of women, the only woman he wants to kiss is Elsa, *his wife*
A fun bad guy who's canonically ace is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel. "There is no naughty attraction. Only angy!" (13:09) As far as I can tell, that fits him to a T.
40:36 - I actually would love to see a character that is an asexual bard that just seduce people, and then proceeds to friendzone them in order to deal massive amounts of EMOTIONAL DAMAGE! XD
lol I might actually try that with my current Bard in D&D. sounds so funny. Edit. I posted it to my D&D group and they thought it was pretty funny. Just have to hear if my DM can let my bard do emotional dmg lol
@@ashlingemberstone3913 That was my first thought too! Because I'm autistic. And man, have I ever just wished people would say what they meant and be direct. Turns out they kind of were, but I wasn't getting the social signals that are apparently obvious to most people. I literally (not figuratively) can't even imagine what it's like to know that stuff automatically. It's taken me DECADES to figure out what facial expressions and "body language" means. I'm still working on it. Also that not everyone who's curious about something wants an info dump of the minutiae on the topic. Because I sure do!
@@jooleebilly Forty-eight years of undiagnosed and untreated ADHD here. I realize it's not precisely the same, but I feel very similar. I still have to learn social cues and things that I missed, and I'm not really young anymore, so I feel dumb constantly.
My favorite Asexual icon is Sun Wukong, The Monkey King. He was literary too busy making the gods of heaven and the underworld fear him and killing evil demons for relationship. Then decided to be a buddist superhero and because it felt more spiritually stimulating.
A few years ago I backed a Kickstarter called Mini Minority Monsters which created a comic to help explain the lgbtqia in terms of monsters and they had an asexual succubus as one of the monsters.
@@tartarustrommler5454 In my world there are lots of different kinds of creatures who can feed on fear through sleep paralysis. Some of them have to, and some of them are able to but can feed on other stuff instead. I imagine alps (I’m assuming that you’re talking about those and alb is an alternate way to spell it) to be a type of fairy, whereas I imagine succubi/incubi to be a type of demon. Alps can be easily distinguished from them because they always wear hats. It mentions them wearing hats in their Wikipedia article and I thought that was goofy and felt like fairy behaviour. I admittedly haven’t put much thought into alps
@@someonessecondaltaccount6932 I looked it up and they are selling it on etsy along with the keychains from the Kickstarter shop name TabKimpton. I am also thinking about getting a new keychain as the one I got from the Kickstarter is becoming very worn and I am worried about it breaking.
As for corrective R, I always heard of it for forced heterosexuality but when I learned about it for Ace cinnamon rolls, it broke my heart. Especially how often it is done by partners in relationships or 'friends' clearly not interested in being friends. Unfortunately, sexual violence is a universal experience across the sexuality spectrum from Ace to hetero. I hate that they all have that in common.
I was reading Loveless a couple of months ago and 17:50 reminded me of a scene from it. One of the protagonist’s friends tells her “How can you be aromantic when you’ve not even dated anyone before?” The protagonist responds by telling her that that’s the same as asking her “how can you be a lesbian if you’ve never even dated men” Pretty good counterargument I think
The pizza delivery boy skit was *chef’s kiss* excellent. You can read it as him being asexual and standing his ground. You can read it as a dig into how media (and porn in particular) portray sexually active women. You can read it as a reminder that harassment in either direction is not cool. You can read it as an example of how not all men fit the stereotypes culture has of them.
There’s a few episodes of different shows like Buffy or the like, usually relating to vampires where they invite the pizza boy over and he is food. Those always made more sense to me than any of the MILF meme ever did.
that and paying for college these days is socioeconomic violence if this skit is actually a common problem for pple who have a lot of appeal against their will.
I feel like most really old people just don't give an F anymore about what people want to identify as. It's nice that so many can just accept change in the world, and only a few become bitter about change.
Oh! I live with my great grandparents and when I came out as Aroace to her she was just like “good, I don’t need to worry about you” she also randomly asked if I was ready to come out as trans during dinner a few years before that… she like… came out for me?? It was weird but also sweet, she changed my name legally and got me a cake saying “happy birthday (new name)” it wasn’t my birthday she just couldn’t think of anything else to write
I'm not out to my elderly neighbor but she was like "oooh darling stay single being married sucks" and I tried not to laugh in aroace, like Sure Norma, no problem, that was the plan actually
Had a gay couple on my tour, and while that isn't unusual, nor is continuing a convo after, they mentioned their relationship to me. I guess they didn't think i picked up on it, despite their obvious affection? Anyway, they were very happy about the acceptance in my city, New Orleans... 🤦🏼♀️ I agreed that our city is very open. And that as an ace, I really appreciate the support from so many. Eyebrows shot up... "Ace? Yeah... I never understood that!" I looked at them, laughed and said, "Um, that's ok. You don't have to understand someone elses sexual preferences. " That's when it dawned on them. Talk about an epiphany! They apologized... I told them there was no need, and we all had a good laugh about it.
I don't mind sex scenes in books/shows/movies but I don't like them if they are overly detailed or placed at the worst time possible. Like in some books, the big bad will literally be at the door and the main characters are like "We got time for a quickie."
This is why I have avoided watching Game of Thrones, despite all it's praise. From how I hear people describe it, there are a ton of those scenes and they are not skippable because they actually provide necessary plot exposition.
"You're just haven't met the right person" "Oh You're just gay and in the closet" "Everyone likes sex" "You're just want to be special" "That's not a real sexuality" "Does that mean you have both parts... can I see?" just ones i've heard in the last 24hr
I have a friend who always says that "Being demi is just normal!" And I have tried to explain to her OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN that THEY ARE JUST DEMI. It drives me insane.
"So is being hard of hearing and wearing a machine day in and day out! Wait it's not normal because you're the opposite? But I've done it all my life! You're all abnormal!!" XP
Honestly I felt this way for SO long before I finally was willing to entertain the fact that I am demi. For me it was like a cognitive dissonance because I have like done SW and been in adult performances and so I assumed that I must be allosexual, and then I found the definition of demi and tried to reconcile it like your friend, "I'm not demi, this is just how all allosexuals are, demi must be something different that I don't understand". I'm not sure it was totally conscious it just takes a while for your brain to make it make sense when a core belief about yourself is challenged.
Every single friend I've ever had has been demi so I'm a little doubtful that that's not just as common as not being demi. If demi is on the asexual spectrum I'm pretty sure like at least 50% of people are on the ace spectrum, at least
God, every time I explain it to anyone in or out of the community, I am always met with that. "That's a long winded way to say you're like every other straight person on the planet" (quote from my mother and close friend several years later, few differences between them) mfer-- NO! THE POINT IS THAT I AM ACE UNTIL I LOVE SOMEONE LIKE A BEST FRIEND! WHERES THE MISCOMMUNICATION?!
Oh hey! I can answer the delivery question! Not me personally but I worked T&S (Trust and Safety) for a delivery company. A Delivery driver reported a customer for being awful. I opened the ticket and it was a picture of the text she got which was of the the pizza with his uh. Sausage. Laid across it. Text said "Come work for your tip" Yes we banned the customer.
I'm a straight male, but if a woman gets in the way of me making money by trying to "pay with their body" or similiar shit, my attraction would instantly go into negatives.
It made me really happy to see how much Clicky actually understands Asexuality and could even personally relate to a few of the concepts. It’s a really nice change from what we usually deal with. :)
I generally stay in the closet about being ace because I'm fucking sick of people treating a dude who doesn't want sex as "weird" or "broken". There's this idea that I'm not a "real man" because I don't turn into a drooling pig whenever someone attractive comes around. I can appreciate someone having a nice body, regardless of their gender, but it's the same way I look at a cool painting or a trailer for a movie I like. Add in the fact that I'm trans and everyone just loses their shit about how I'm just confused and hurting myself. Thank you for your understanding approach and your general practice of accepting everyone until proven otherwise, it really gets me through the day.
As an ace currently not attending school today due to atrocious period cramps, this has made my day a whole lot better. So that’s something I guess 🤷♀️
Had a gay creator come up during my Facebook reels scrolling. A couple of his videos later, and he's addressing something or other and straight up says "the A in LGBTQIA stands for Ally" and I have never felt more erased. Plenty of fellow ace people were in the comments of that video correcting him, but man is it invalidating knowing that there are both straight and LGBT people who think the A is for ally, not Ace.
I don't mind it standing for Ally - IF people also acknowledge that is also and primarily stands for Ace, Aro, Agender. That usually isn't the case, like you said it's usually used a weapon for erasure.
8:00 my ex unironically used that article to claim i was chating on and abusing him while he literally displayed every narcissistic relationship trait in the book and went home with drunk college girls one on one weekly to "walk them home" and would be there for the next hour or three, unreachable.
That's really terrible and I'm glad you got out of this situation but could you not use the word narcissistic when talking about an abusive relationship, that word is a scam and essentially just ableism repackaged. Not only does it somewhat stem from the idea that "evil" (mentally ill) people are the only one that abuse people, it also deponises a bunch of somewhat amoral traits (think beige-flags such as low empathy, identity issues or dependence on people's opinions which is something) that can be found in neurodivergent people (like with autism, bipolar or PTSD to give a few examples) It's especially harmful to people who have personality disorders who gets harassed by people who want to use them as scapegoat and dehumanise them) Not only that but the person who made the term was incredibly homo-phobic and especially trans-phobic (considering that these two things were incredibly narcissistic and showed a clear moral falling) Plus _"narc abuse_survivor" spaces have this kind of toxic victim mentality you should avoid. I know it's easy to fall into that because if you google abuse victim you won't get a link to any safe space aside from them but I advice you to avoid those if you have good connections to people who help you deal with what you went through. To make this clearer, I just wanted to make this comment to spread awareness. Much love and appreciation❤ (Also, happy Ramadan if you're part of the faith ☪️❤✨)
@@sunnyscript1224you raise some really good points! I agree, I rlly hate the misuse of mental illness and adjacent terms that end up demonising mentally ill or neurodivergent ppl, and ruining the meaning. I think however that in some contexts (perhaps not here but elsewhere) narcissistic does work as an adjective simply meaning self-obsessed (I'm thinking about the Narcissus myth itself) - but yeah, in relationship contexts it is a very overused and often misunderstood and misused term. thanks for the info!
I appreciate the Ace memes representing sex-positive/non-repulsed aces. I struggled to learn I was Aroace because I'm super sex-positive and experienced aesthetic attraction (finding things beautiful but never sexually attracted to it). I would love to see more memes like that because wew I could've avoided hurting a lot of people had I known sex-positive Aroace people were a thing.
yeah, i keep seeing ppl complaining about how everyone is constantly talking about only sex favorable aces and not sex repulsed aces apparently, but somehow i, both when i was trying to figure myself out and now as well, am constantly seeing only the sex repulsed part of the community?? like is there some sex favorable underground everyone is complaining about that i'm somehow not aware of?? it took me so long to figure myself out, bcos i don't mind being in a relationship and i read a lot of romance/smut, i'm just not attracted to ppl - but how you know you don't have something you never had in the first place.
@@niofo7713 Frrr, it took years of fighting an uphill battle for me to finally land on the fact that I'm ace specifically 'cause my only real exposure to it was that any form or sexual attraction = not ace. Having a complete aesthetic obsession with anatomy while also having 0 desire to actually 'engage' with said visually appealing things was an extremely confusing experience to grow up with
@@Krimson241 Yeah it was a painful realization for me. Think of it as how an artist can see beauty in so many things, like anatomy or the passion in scenarios or displays, how an artist can be enamored with it. That doesn't mean they want to have sexual relations with whatever that thing is though. I see beauty in a lot of things and I love seeing a loving relationship or seeing GOOD, tasteful sexual content, but when I sit back and think if I want to do that with that person. My answer is a definitive no. Even engaging in those acts, I went through with it because my partner wanted to and I thought they were aesthetically pleasing, not realizing at the time that finding someone aesthetically pleasing and wanting them sexually is two COMPLETELY different things. It's why I said I wish I had known cause a lot of those partners thought they were bad or did something wrong and I legitimately couldn't give a reasonable explanation at the time.
I always thought I was bi because I can be with a man or a woman. But it turns out I'm demisexual ie I can feel sexual attraction, but only once I'm secure as fuck emotionally with my partner. I've been with my current partner for a decade and sexual energy really doesnt exist (we do have it) but it took me like 2 years before I even thought about it. It's actually a healthier way to a decent relationship that I cant do one night stands or sleeping with people just after meeting them. I have to trust the person first and know they're not just using me.
Asking an asexual to "prove it" is like Amazon asking you to prove that a package never came.
I would make Asexual identity cards specifically for these moments. I'm not Asexual myself but I'd totally support them this way anyway.
This is kinda fantastic honestly, you prove it by not sleeping with them 😂
Prove it
"points towards pants like the old man from 'guess I'll die meme' "
I once got somebody to bug off my friend who’s asexual by saying “Hey quit it. This is like….the only person I know that isn’t doing the naughtiest with your mom. Maybe show them respect :3”
Prove it?
I don't wanna. There's your proof.
I'm a sex-repulsed ace, and so is my husband! His mother stopped doing the "you just haven't met the right person yet" line when we got together.
looks like he did, in fact, find the right person xD
Incoming "when are you giving us grandbabies" harassment for the rest of your life
@@Falcodrin Thankfully (?) I think we got that one out of the way at our wedding. The guy marrying us casually mentioned that we intended to foster and adopt in the future. 🤦♀️ (We gave him a heads-up afterwards to maybe not announce the future child-having plans of a couple at their wedding, cos it resulted in a very unexpected conversation to have to have with the parentals) So I kinda just straight up said "yep, yep, I'm incapable of conceiving, oh well, too bad." 😅
Power-move on both your parts! Internet Uncle-Gay🏳️🌈 approves! 😊
@@irishuisman1450 He's the cutest. On an anniversary he gave me a piece of paper to work out the LITERAL statistics of us getting together. (How many aces were in Australia within a certain age bracket who felt compatible types of romantic attraction, and we're sex repulsed, etc) He full on just went and was like "yeah so statistically speaking, we're soulmates!"
"When have you ever heard of a guy getting beat up for being ace?" I literally had to start telling the random men who hit on me in the parking lot that im a lesbian because it was met with fewer instance of sexual harassment than when i told them i was asexual.
And now i have to tell them i have a boyfriend instead, because somehow they respect the boundaries of my imaginary boyfriend more than they respect mine.
That is legit such a problem, when you're perceived as someone's SO you're somehow more off limits, it's awful.
As someone who actually DID get shoved to the ground when I said I was ace, that is absolutely false. It's scary how entitled men, and sometimes even women, get when drunk.
Yeah. Whenever someone seems like they're trying to proposition me, I try to let them know I'm ace so that way I'm not leading them on, but as soon as I say that, they take that as a challenge. Maybe I should just tell them I would only sleep with someone if I've known them for years and years.
As an ace man, dear god. On behalf of my fellow man - I am sorry, but they probably aren't. We kinda stink.
Pretty crazy. I never would've imagined
"Ace don't experience discrimination" I have literally been called 'inhuman' and had people casually accuse me of pedophilia and bestiality, as if 'none thanks' is a less believable option than 'children'. Like, I feel like I've had a pretty good life, and I would call 99% of what I've gone through more 'impolite confusion' than active discrimination, but it definitely has an effect on some one's life, and if the person is less comfortable and confident in themselves, even impolite confusion can be pretty harmful when you get it from nine out of ten people you talk to.
Bro people who automatically assume those things about you when you say you're ace are awful people for that. I feel you.
On a semi related note I have seen people pretend to have an asexual lable just so no one can target them for pedophilia and beastiality. So while those cases do exist, if someone immediately assumes everyone who says they're asexual as that, that person assuming probably needs to be checked
"Impolite confusion" is a really good way of putting it.
You should see my huge argument thread on a comment I made regarding dating and looks. All I said was that I am Ace so I will never understand why people are so harsh about looks; that I love based on personality and my husband and I are going strong in comparison to most of the couples around me. It led to all sorts of people trying to say my seizures/disabilities since birth/genetic defects screwed me up and caused me to be Ace, that my mental illness did it, then my chronic pain/hEDS made me not like sex/enjoy sex, then my parents were to blame for educating me on the dangers of the world yet teaching me to be sex positive (ironically they were both supportive and not with me being Ace yet they let me just do my thing and didn't stop it) and somehow people are just cherry picking everything they can find in my comments/arguments to support that being Asexual doesn't exist and it is just insane!
@@oldladytrexarms I've always known that I've lived a wonderful life with very little negativity, even with the odd questions I've gotten through the 'ace' discussion. Your story, which I'm terribly sorry it happened to you, is a much better example of how aces *can* in fact be discriminated against. I'm glad to hear you and your husband are happy together despite the nonsense some people want to spew.
@@oldladytrexarms yup, people on RUclips always cherry pick comments. It's a form of chosen ignorance. They stay ignorant even tho the truth is right there just because of their hate.
Every comment I make about mu story on Jamie's channel someone always tries to cherry pick my argument despite the fact of me stating I'm happy XD.
But yeah hatred of the ace community makes no sense. Nothing is wrong with you to "make" you ace, you just are, that's how you were born.
Whenever people say people don't discriminate against asexuals, I just bring up virgin shaming culture.
Society at large is so pair-bonding focused. 🙅♀
The constant refrain I hear is _"need to find someone who'll take care of you when you're old."_ I'm like, "Yeah right. I'm American. I'm going to die at my job because I won't have the ability to retire." ..somehow my parents still think I'm joking when I say this. 🤷♀
I never understood Virgin Shaming like they are so mad about Ending their Bloodline, but there are like
8B+ people in this planet.Yeah we aint dying any time soon 💀
I find it odd, it seems they shame virgins if it's men but desire virgins if it's women. Like make up your mind society.
Recently I saw a tiktok where someone (don’t remember if they were part of the community or an ally) said that Aces and Aros were “Gays in denial” Like if I said that about ANY other sexuality I know people would immediately call me out since that is bigoted but because it’s about the Aces and Aros suddenly it’s perfectly fine to say (despite a lot of Aces and Aros considering themselves a part of the community)
oh god yeah. i told people i was ace when they asked about my virginity and all they said was "oh you have to try it at least once or youll never know" LIKE HUH? I GET SICK THINKING OF IT??
One time I was working as secretary at a lgbt+ friendly church. There was this one jerk who had started coming there because he had been kicked out of all the other churches and he really wanted to make this one less accepting. He tried to tell the pastor that me being ace meant I was “extremely promiscuous” and should be fired. I laughed so hard when the pastor told me.
Soon after that and some other instances of him harassing a girl for being female and Mexican the church’s motto changed to “all are welcome - except Tony” and any time he showed up an army of elderly gentlemen would peacefully surround him until he got uncomfortable and left
I'm just imagining a bunch of old gentlemen T-posing around a guy while looking him straight in the eye while he just gets more and more uncomfortable, and it's a glorious image
That is a church I would attend in a heartbeat. I miss church so much! Unfortunately, I am Ace and Gender Dysphoric. Neither of which i am particularly good at hiding. Add to that the fact that i live in the Bible Belt of a particularly intolerant state, and Church isn't an option for me.
Tony was apparently trying to speedrun getting banned from all churches in the area
Bro got Carrie Nation-ed.
For those who don't know during women's sufferage against alcohol, Carrie Nation would go around literally destroying many bars/pubs/taverns and many of them put a sign up that said All Nations Welcome Except Carrie.
Imagine not knowing the context and just going to a local church and you see the moto
"you're not really ace it's just a phase" okay aunt Sharon then this "phase" has lasted longer than all 3 of your marriages
Hhh I laughed so hard at this, thanks for that
I almost spit out my tea
Thank u so much
Even if it is, or you change in some way, who cares? Why should you suffer now because you "might feel differently" in the far off future?
@@LMBillingsley why should i hurt myself because this box i chose for myself *might* not fit later on?
I also have an aunt Sharon…
As an ace, I can confirm that YES, there is a difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction. Took me the longest time to figure that out. But I read a very good statement a while ago that sums it up perfectly: "Sometimes I see a person and feel attracted and start wondering if I'm really ace. But then I realise that I look at them the same way and with the same feelings that I look at a beautiful painting or a bookshelf. And I'm pretty sure that I don't want to bugger a bookshelf."
I love the phrase "bugger a bookshelf", it has a nice rhythm to it.
@shadowldrago haha, thanks! I paraphrased, so I guess the literal phrase 'bugger a bookshelf' is indeed my own, so thanks a lot for the comment 😂😊
My guy/girl/something, you have no idea just how much this statement helped me since I first read it about 3 months ago.
@@chalkopirate I'm so glad I could be of some help. Took me the longest time, and I certainly wouldn't have figured things out without some help, so I'm glad if I can do the same for others. Btw, love your "my guy/girl/something - I'm nonbinary, so the shoe fits.😂
You just haven't meet the right bookshelf XD
Monkey D Luffy is a true ace icon. The one time he canonically displayed attraction to another character, the author came out and confirmed that he was just playing along with his allosexual friend. He's so ace he's immune to an attraction-based power that has been used successfully on inanimate objects.
"allistic" there sounded correct until I realized
Also Frieren, no?
I'm finally convinced to watch One Piece.
@@MaticTheProto I wouldn't know, I'm behind on current anime
wait luffy is autistic?
The succubi thing reminded me of a post about how "asexuals are immune to sirens". Then someone else brought up how sirens don't necessarily tempt you with secks since in the Odyssey, the sirens tempted Ulysses with the prospect of knowledge and wisdom.
So in my case, all a siren would have to do is say they have cheesecake, and I'd dive right off the boat
All the sirens would need to say is "Free Pizza". 😅They wouldn't even need to mention bread-sticks.
Sirens : Gar~lic breaaad!
@@sintanan469yep, just got me
So Ulysses was ace?
@@0Shanna I mean I'd be game for that, but I'm pretty sure it's because of his love for his wife Penelope he wouldn't have been tempted by secks from the sirens
My greatest Ace moment was when I thought Netflix and chill meant hanging out and watching Netflix fully clothed. I was shocked when I learned it meant sex and had to quickly back peddle on the invitation.
Tbh it's such a dumb phrase. It literally sounds like a phrase an incel or someone with questionable ability to rationalize would say.
It's just a meme or joke at this point no one actually uses it seriously.
Oh, I would've cried if that happened. I thought it just meant hanging out and watching Netflix for a long time too.
Bro same but I'm bisexual
I asked some chick if she wanted to watch a movie and she got all weird. I was actually confused, like I thought she might want to watch a movie. She got mad that I wanted to watch a movie.
W H A T
I seriously thought it was just Netflix
I'm an ally. We are not the "A," in LGBTQIA+. I think it's odd that an ally would claim that position, especially after being corrected, and with the ability to look up accurate information.
Claiming the "A" as an ally would be like calling myself a football player because I learned the rules of the game; buy merch; stand up for my team, whether they're popular or not; and cheer from the stands. That makes me a fan, not an athlete.
Teachers, especially, have a duty to ensure that the information they teach is as accurate as possible. It is incredibly important for teachers to model humility and graciousness, instead of stupidly doubling down on the error.
It's really weird, being an ally just means you support them and maybe go to events and have fun! The point is you aren't in the community, but you would absolutely be someone there to support those having a hard time
I think a lot of allies are more members of the community than say Terfs. There are some non-queer people who have literally put their lives on the line (and careers and reputations) to protect and serve queer people, particularly during the AIDS crisis and I would call them a member of the community any day above an ace exclusionist or whatever. But anyone who says A stands for ally and NOT ace, aro, or agender is absolutely not an ally and needs to stfu. And there's a big difference between "ohhh I'm an ally....but don't do that in front of me and why do you have to dress like that" and "I will actively defend your right to be who you are even if it ends up getting me shunned by my community or killed"
My husband is currently a pizza delivery guy as his second (extra job) and he's never mentioned this as an issue. HOWEVER, when his second job was a bouncer at a club, this type of sexual harassment went on EVERY NIGHT. And YES, is sexual harassment, even if the woman is harassing the man. He hated it and his friends would laugh about it with me and say, "I don't know how he does it when women are always throwing themselves at him", thinking they were making it better or I would be "proud". Instead, it just made me question their own morals and ability to control themselves. SMH
The pizza guy thing was satire, but I hope your husband is doing better now and has better friends. I wish I could offer him something more than "that shouldn't have a happened to you."
On the plus side, sounds like you married a lovely guy. 😁
I'm a romantic so 👍❤️!
As someone who has worked furniture delivery jobs and security yes it happens.
Delivered a bed once. Helped the woman assemble it while the rest of the team brought the rest of the furniture in.
Woman: now we just need to test it...
Me: oh look I have another deliver
yikes @@crwydryny
Honestly that bouncer job sounds exhausting. The harassment alone sounds exhausting, I hope he never has to go back to dealing with that in any job he has. Well. And in general.
I once had someone tell me that ace minors are "too young to know" because kids "dont have those kinds of feelings yet" (ignoring the fact that puberty is a thing) and i asked her "what about gay kids?" And she said "thats different" like bruh how
With gay kids there an actual attraction there
withs Ace kids they could just be late in developing the feelings.
@@Titancameraman64 maybe, but if your kid comes out to you as ace, insisting that they're a late bloomer, haven't found the right person, or things like that feel incredibly demeaning and disrespectful. Mostly cause you don't know that. For example, i came out to my mom at 14 (she said all of the above) - im 22 now, still aromantic, still ace.
@@denjidenji9162exactly this!!! and if they eventually find out that the labels they’d had before no longer fit, that’s okay too! the thing they’ll remember (the thing i wish i got to have) is how their parents supported them through a period of self discovery (which can be incredibly difficult at times)!
i used to identify as aromantic asexual. i am now questioning my sexuality and romantic attraction again, and though i have yet to find a specific label that really fits, i know that the previous ones of aro and ace don’t fit me anymore. i so so wish i had heard less of “you’re a late bloomer” or “you don’t need to worry about that stuff right now anyway” because those comments just felt so diminishing at the time, and it made it hard for me to even feel comfortable bringing up the topic again
@@denjidenji9162 I'm in my mid-40s and Ace. I assure you that your parents will _continue_ to expect you to conform to their understanding of reality. 😩
(Thankfully at least I've reached the age where my parents have stopped whining about me not giving them grandkids.)
While I believe that sexual orientation is not something set in stone, it is still something a person feels about themselves. Figuring stuff out takes time and we don't always know whether tsomething about ourself changed or we discovered something new.
When I kid tells their parents about their preference, the parents should accept that that is their reality. What they discover in the future might be entirely different. So not a tone of "you will conform eventually" but "We love and support you. Your feelings now are valid. Just keep in mind that as you go through life and experience more and more, you might find things out about yourself that don't fit neatly into categories."
But what do I know. I think I'm pretty cis/het. Maybe demi but that's up for judgement.
As an aroace, I hate it when I'm like "omg he/she/they/etc are so hot" to a fictional character and they are like "i thought you were aroace" and i have be like "i am, this is a fictional character, and i can find someone attractive without actually wanting a romantic or sexual relationship with them"
In real life about actual people too 😭, I'll go say something about how someone is nice or good looking or I like being around them or whatever and people immediately go 'Partner?? Crush??'. No, we've been over this, why do you keep doing this
@merelha5930 Yeah, for me, though, as soon as that fictional person became real they'd no longer be attractive.
There's actually a word for the part of the ace spectrum where you're basically only attracted to people you have no chance of ever meeting in real life. (Celebrities, athletes, fictional characters, RUclipsrs 😂)
I mean, no. I haven't looked this up for myself. A friend was asking. 😂
@Absbabs88 In the end, even if the character is 2D and never going to be real I still could imagine actually doing anything. Its just "she's cute" or "he's hot" or "omg can you step on me"
Me too, but , nine times out of ten, if they’re pretty enough to make me think that, they are DEFINITELY a disguise villain. It’s always the blondes, don’t trust them.
I’ve been told a bunch that me being ace “isn’t fair on my potential partners” who aren’t ace.
It’s almost like I can just ✨not date✨ someone that wants a sexual relationship.
As a fellow aroace, please don't tell me that people are getting offended on the behalf of HYPOTHETICAL "victims" now. 😭
@@blakksheep736 they always do, whether it's ace, lesbian or whatever. They always care that someone somewhere is getting deprived of something they'll probably never have anyway. I remember the post about a woman having to debate with her doctor that getting her tubes tied was her decision solely bc she had no partner and had to explain that no she didn't care if some guy in the future wanted kids with her and no she didn't care that her parents wouldn't become grandparents, for the doctor it was all about who *else* would be affected by her doing something to her *own* body. It's amazing the mental gymnastics people will go to to tell you that your choices are affecting some imaginary people so you should conform and surrender your happiness for this illusion.
I am bisexual and I love this meme that says "Just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean you're attractive" haha
We don't owe anyone a relationship! ❤Everyone who feels attraction has a type too, it's so wild to assume of them they could be the perfect match for someone when their feelings are clearly one sided and the other person has totally different expectations from a relationship
Not to mention, most people who go “no one is discriminating against ace people” are, in fact, actively discriminating against ace people
They are
Simple fact
I got fired from my last job for not being comfortable with raunchy music being forced on my ears.
I feel like it's not that hard to separate work and personal life? Like idk how people can be so horny 24/7
That sounds exhausting.
Ace people get belittled, treated like garbage for not wanting things (or wanting them differently then allo people)
They get weird passive aggressive comments from parents and other (some parents that make legit sexual comments and assumptions about their kids doesn't help at all)
Ace people are not allowed a safe space even within most "lgbtq+ supportive communities"
Aces even within their own spaces are discriminated against by other aces when it comes to some sensitivities or someone doesn't see that person as "Ace enough"
@dragonwolfzero820 wow, everyday I see how truly weird this world is. I thought being being asexual was fine as fuck, better than an active person, this is so weird.
@zabbee2323 I appreciate the kind words! Also, I agree, a safe space should be somewhere no feels scared, uncomfortable or disrespected.
Exactly. Inclusion should be about WANTING to include people. Not looking for reasons to exclude them, or demanding proof that they "deserve" to be included. So many people still need to unlearn so many toxic patterns. Instead, they moved the same patterns a bit to the side so now those rules benefit them and marginalise new not-thems.
@@RadishTheFool the way I see it, inclusion is a good in and of itself
I am Ace. I always found it so confusing when people discriminate against us. I’m just you without a need for sex. I’m the epitome of “waiting for the right person.” Let me eat my garlic bread in peace.
On the bright side, we'll never have to worry about vampires with all the garlic bread we're given :D
My only problem with (some) ace people is I've met some that treat people that actually like sex as subpar individuals or shame them for it.
@@13thMaiden You right, no vampires for us!
As a non-ace, I have also found it confusing. I went quite a long time not having seen someone be openly ace, and I just assumed if it had ever happened, everyone would have been fine with it. Then I finally witnessed it and, well, I'm sure you know how that went. Yet another time almost everybody is all on the same page and I'm left scratching my head like "what just happened?"
It's funny how conservatives will always be like "SEX IS BAD, DON'T HAVE SEXX.!!!!! "
asexuals: literally exist
"NO, NOT LIKE THAT"
I had a succubus/incubus dream that my asexuality made really funny. I was at a bar having a cocktail and this really handsome guy walked up and started chatting with me about psychology. It's a field I care a lot about and he was super engaging and well informed. We had a great conversation, then he hit on me and I turned him down. He left. A few minutes later a super hot woman with large boobs comes and sits with me and strikes up a conversation about sociology, another field I care a lot about. She's equally engaging and well informed. After a few minutes, she hits on me and I turn her down. Then the dream succubus/incubus shifts back into its true form and is like "OK the first time you turned me down I figured you just weren't into men but you turned me down as a woman too, what's up with that?" I explained my asexuality to the succubus/incubus and it felt better about itself, so I guess I made a spectral friend? Lol.
>it felt better about itself
It was closeted, wasn't it?
Isn't this a tumblr post? I remember reading this on tumblr
@@dannhoff6646 I've told the story online before so someone else might have reposted it to tumblr.
id want this as a short animated video or something. be nice representation or another way to explain some of ace stuff.
Oh my gosh I love this!
I was reading a book that had the demon of Lust and he was reflecting on the various demisexual and asexuals he'd encountered and how they all wanted something i.e. shopping, eating, etc. And there was one person who really wanted soft things, so he'd found comforters and pillows and all the soft things he could and then they had a nice snuggle fest. Which sounded really lovely to me.
The book was A Beginner's Guide to Mistakenly Summoned Demons and other Misadventures by Shannon Mae
Why does the soft thing part really remind me of me and not just because I am Ace, but because I am disabled and my bed is covered in Squishmallows and a multitude of pillows and soft stuff cause I hurt all the time? That honestly would be me, too, if I had to ask the demon of Lust for something.
He must've been like "Finally, I get to sit down and just hang out with them, I'm tired af."
I need to see this book, it sounds super fun.
@@zalatavcer4573 I really enjoyed the whole series. I hope you do as well.
Re: 42:46, I met a woman at a convention and she seemed cool. Wanted to get to know her better. A few months later, we met again at a party. She was having trouble getting a ride after the party, so I offered to drive her home. After 10 minutes of awkward talking in my car once we got there (neither of us wanted to end the conversation there), she invited me up to her apartment for tea.
I followed her upstairs and was met with a cozy little apartment with a trans flag on the wall, and she showed me her massive tea collection and introduced me to her roommates. We got through two brews of a tea I'd never heard of before I went home. 10/10, the best way to find out a person is trans is looking at her pride flag in her apartment over a cup of tea.
We still meet up for board games years later.
Vibe
@@Niaomi101 really is
Goals, my dude. Goals.
That's awesome, sounds like such a good time 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
Aww that's nice
"astethicly pleasing things sell" well yeah, why do you think we watch you click?
For his inclusivity and random rants?
His voice and his kindness, mixed with a bit of wicked humour
All of this
His ASMR voice.
I.. just imagined him saying that in the voice and I had to giggle.
As Aro ace I concur
I will never understand the discrimination against asexuals or the people who think it doesn't happen. I've literally been denied medical care by my (now former) doctor because I refused to take STI tests when I wasn't sexually active. My doctor insisted it was just a side effect of childhood trauma and that once I healed, I would want to have Adult Fun Time so badly that I would not be able to wait until I could tested to find a smexual partner. She literally canceled my prescriptions and put down in my medical records that I was hostile and resistent to recieving care. All because I said "girl i barely leave the house how am i going to contract herpes?"
That's when you find a new doctor.
I've "fired" 2 doctors and need to look for a new GP, because they weren't listening to me.
@John_Weiss yeah that was the last time i saw that doctor. Sadly I have bad luck with finding doctors who listen to me. I may need to check my chart to make sure previous GPs haven't written things on my chart that make me look bad.
Apparently we get denied adopting kids nevermind trying to get housing because we..... Won't bring back strange men to make messes with???? And that's bad apparently?????
That really sucks. I have not had proper health care in all my adult years until a couple years ago I was introduced to a clinic that was fairly cheap due to having a lot of private funding. I had recently just come out, or rather found out I was ace, and confided in my doctor. The first thing she said was, "Thank you for trusting me to tell me that." Honestly, since I had only just learned about being Ace for maybe three months at the time, I had no clue why she was thanking me. It wasn't until I learned more about the community that I realized I had it easy coming out to my healthcare provider.
Sadly, she moved on to greener pastures and I now have a male doctor that I have no clue how to just be straight and tell him. His wife is the gynecologist and when she asked me, "How do you protect yourself?" I was confused as to why she would ask me that, so she rephrased it, "How do you protect yourself from s*x?" I immediately replied, "Easy, not get married." I did not enjoy the procedure.
I dunno I got conjunctivitis from the cats 😫🤣
I was a pizza delivery woman. One time I had a delivery to a bar. The guy, as I'm counting his change, says, "What would you do if I grabbed your ass?"
Without even looking up from my counting I blandly said, "Probably break your arm."
His sister was sitting with him and she starts cackling so hard that she slid under the table. When she regained her seat, she says, "That's the funniest shit I've heard in months!" Then she hands me $20 and elbows her brother. "Give the girl a decent tip, you asshole."
I walked out with $40.😂
I occasionally had people offer me booze or drugs as tips or invite me to stay to party with them. Yeah no. Cash only tips, please.😊
Jeez, this is the 2020’s, not the 60’s. People are disgusting
The JaidenAnimations hate was crazy. Like damn, people really called them a psychopath for not wanted sex lmao
Or even worse accusing her of like 4D chess grooming because some idiots believe that saying you have no sexual attraction makes children more attracted/trusting towards you which makes them more vulnerable for grooming? IDK, we’re just living through the dumbest moral panic right now
@@SiRenfield It's so crazy. Some people will do insane mental gymnastics just to hate people.
@@10Gpixelsbut still that’s „Cirque du Soleil“ LvL of mental gymnastics
I would break my brain by trying to bend it by trying to follow their logic
Being a girl on the internet, you're gonna attract weirdos. It's a dark reality of the internet. Happens sometimes to men too but mostly women.
@@10Gpixels It really is
One of my favorite "Ace" moments came from the recent Hazbin Hotel series, where one of the other characters refers to Alastor as an "Ace in the hole", and he responds with "A what now?" Because hes from the fucking 1920s and doesn’t know he's Asexual
That was one of my favorite scenes in the show. It made me burst out laughing
Haven't watched Hazbin Hotel yet, but I loved Helluva Boss. You don't happen to know if the entire show is out yet or if it's still airing? (not sure if there are several seasons planned or anything, but I want it to at least be one season out so I can binge)
@@FoxiestLia Pretty sure a whole season is out. It wraps up pretty well. Hoping for more though, it was good
she knew he was an ace in the hole!!
I love Rosie's friendship with Alastor its just so condescendingly funny to me for some reason
I feel this is a good place to mention this. I've had an acquaintance tell me, multiple times, that if I keep saying I'm AroAce, no one will want to date me. At this point, I just answer "I know" or "Isn't it great" and laugh when he gets confused. I don't think he understands lol.
But if you keep telling everyone you're aroace, how are you gonna sleep with a wahman?
@@AIHumanEqualityRight!!! Or a man, either way, not happening lol
Also, there are cats.
@@tealkerberus748Cats are much better than whatever the allos are doing lol
"That's the point" is a good answer too
I loved the demi standard "like other people" thing because when I told my mom that there was a point I thought I was demi because I on a singular occasion felt attraction to another human and it was a close friend, and my mom asked me to explain what that was. Then she went: "But that's just normal. All this hyper-sexualization in the world is just fiction." and "I didn't feel sexual attraction until I met your dad." I'm almost certain that she's just a demi herself. xD
lol part of the reason it took me so long to catch on that I was aroace is that my mom dated 1 guy for a week when she was 14 and didn't date again until she met my dad after college. I briefly had a bf in high school (who I wasn't attracted to) and was like Ahhh my experiences are completely normal and I am right on track to a het relationship
I'm asexual and demiromantic. I was talking to a friend about my split attraction and what the difference between strictly a vs demi is, and her reaction after I finished explaining was "I think I'm demisexual."
I feel like Demi is definitely a pretty large chunk of the population, but since it’s almost never a conflict point people just assume they’re normal
Honestly? First time I ever read that term, cause I just never felt the need to do some research on this topic (even though my brother is ace). Now I'm quite sure I am demi...
I once had a dude ask me how I live without sexual attraction. Like...I live a normal life? I just...don't have sex with people? It's not that weird.
Should have ended it with: “So exactly like you!” :D
Dude one of my friend asked me the same thing!!! I just said "Idk I just do what I like, maybe create some short stories" and he was mindblown. Said he was almost envious I could think of anything else and Im there like why, can't- can't you...?
@@ShinyShilla this is similar to the situation where I found out I was ace. One of my friends told me about her situationship and how they were alone sitting on his bed and she wanted to sleep with him so bad, but she was proud she didn't do it. And I was like "...wait, is it hard to just not do it?"
Tbh, I actually don't know how I would live *with* sexual attraction because wdym it would take up a good portion of my time and thoughts every day? I don't have the capacity for that?!
@@ShinyShilla I have ADHD and I keep thinking if I weren't ace, I imagine I'd get distracted or bored halfway through and start making a candle or painting something like I do know with all my other crafts that sit half finished. 😂
The audacity of wanting to live your life how you want. /s
Most "Ace" representation in media is "x character isn't romantically interested in anyone and is sad bc of it and then The One (tm) appears and they become a couple and now x is happy." and yeah I'd rather not have representation if that's what we get stuck with.
Ace people are in fact capable of being happy without a relationship.
The best part about anime is they have a character for everyone.
Well I know one that isn’t like that :)))
Saiki k, Kusuo, the main character is very aroace and doesn’t get with anyone, and is very happy to not be with anyone, he’s actually the one who said “I don’t understand why seeing a girl naked is so weird” or something in the video
When I realised I was ace I alse realised that when I watched movies and stuff I felt like this: "Everyone is ace until proven otherwise" xD like if a character have a partner or is very open about their sexuality.
We also have alastor from hazbin hotel
What I find funny is that quite a lot of harem anime/manga have ace coded MC, where they're not interested (though in some the MC is just oblivious)
I’m ace. I’m also married (I do have romantic feelings). We did sex therapy, where they actually almost broke our relationship because we didn’t know I am ace. Even now, we’ve had friends give us toys for the bedroom as gifts because they think I just need to be fixed. They just don’t understand. I also had really awkward friend group events. Like Ann summers parties.
Friends giving you sex toys… ouff that’d be awkward, reminds me of a story of Louis the 15th
It may just be my opinion but I feel like friends giving sex toys in general is kind of weird. Like, my sex life is completely unrelated to you
if they think that you need to be fixed then they arent good friends
You should get new friends. If they aren’t listening to you, that’s not friendship
@@thescrimblofilesI, Internet Uncle-Gay🏳️🌈, say you are valid and are part of my community.
That whole thing of "what are you doing?!" was my whole experience as well. When I was in college, I literally had a girl in my bed watching anime until 1:00am. I looked at the clock and went "Woah... we both have class in the morning. You should go back to your room." People were asking me all week why I didn't let her stay, to which I kept going "...cause we had class... in the morning?" UTTERLY CONFUSED.
Took me another 10 years and a failed long term relationship to go "Oh wait... I'm asexual..."
I'm ace, and I fell in love with my friend who is aro. He's really into me, but in a way I can't feel about him; I'm really into him, but in a way he can't feel about me. We both know it would never work out, so we're just friends. More tragic than anything Shakespeare could ever come up with.
ouch. that hurts even while reading. you okay?
Devastating
An ace and aroace attracted to each other? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of being ace and aro, especially aro?
Coming from someone with little knowledge of this community, sought to learn more.
@@Nobody.thatyouknow The asexual is romantically attracted to the aromantic, while the aromantic is sexually interested in the asexual.
@@Nobody.thatyouknow There is Actually a Difference
Aro Short For Aromantic is a person who feels no Romantic Attraction but can have Sexual attractions
Ace is Short for Asexual is a person who feels no Sexual Attraction
but can feel Romantic Attraction
and Aroace Short for aromantic asexual is Someone who feels No sexual AND Romantic Attraction
Asexuality really confuses the crap out of me, I don't understand it, but I don't understand the Korean language either and I don't act like an asshole towards Koreans! It's called being a decent human being.
THIS!
Yeah I couldn't even imagine not liking it. I'm so far removed from the ace spectrum I'm in outer space 😭
On the other hand, there are many things that I don't like but other people like and enjoy doing so I can understand in that aspect. You're ace? Aight cool, that means I don't have to worry about you having ulterior motives (especially if you are a guy) and we can just vibe.
Also I've heard that ace people give amazing hugs (if they like hugs) and cuddles. I love cuddles.
@@desirosethorne4429 Being asexual doesn't always mean they don't like it or don't want it or don't want to be in a relationship. It means they have little or no sexual attraction to others and it's a spectrum. A lot of the time it does mean the person doesn't want sex but that's not true for all asexuals.
I'm demisexual, which is a type of asexuality. I have never been sexually attracted to anyone physically, but have been in serious long term relationships with intimacy. I was sexually attracted to my partners both emotionally and mentally, but not in a physical sense. If I'm interested in someone, I have to go really slow and get to know them for a while before I'm comfortable about the idea of being intimate with them. Not everyone is that patient but that's their problem, not mine.
There are many things that makes me incredibly uncomfortable as an asexual. This includes one night stands, friends with benefits, sex and making out scenes on TV and movies, porn, etc. Of course this doesn't apply to every asexual but it's not uncommon.
If you wanna understand it, think of it like this. I'm going to be speaking specifically about sex-repulsed asexuals in this because that's the one I understand best, so keep that in mind. Imagine seeing something you would never want to have sex with. Maybe you're only attracted to one gender, so it's a gender you're not attracted to. Maybe it's a dead blob fish. I don't know. Now imagine if you felt the way you feel toward that thing with EVERY person you encounter. That's what it's like.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 That's true. It's definitely a huge spectrum. I'm bisexual so I can definitely understand the spectrum part since bisexuality is also a spectrum.
My friend is also demisexual and doesn't really find people attractive. To him he has to get to know the person first and then he finds them attractive. He doesn't even find Ryan Reynolds attractive which is an absolute tragedy /j
I always love the 'ace people aren't oppressed because nobody cares if you don't want that' argument because it's painfully obvious they've never been repeatedly told 'you just haven't found the right person yet' or 'you can't know you don't like it if you've never tried it', or had people try to set you up with a hookup because they think they know better than you.
People care way too much about other people's business ahaha
It's painfully obvious that they care.
I don't think they view micro aggressions as oppressive, which they definitely are.
this comment >>>
Hell even single hetro people aren't badgered for being single by some people. Ofcourse non hetro people are given shit for simply existing. Humans are morons.
It just made the sexual harassment worse.
I suppose my biggest asexual moment was learning that "Netflix and Chill" didn't actually mean just hanging out watching Netflix. It meant "we gonna bump uglies with Netflix in the background". It was pretty funny when I told coworkers I was going to Netflix and chill with a guy friend, them getting all giddy and hyping me up and me just standing in asexual confusion.
nah that phrase is confusing though, my mom thinks it’s literal and she’s allo 😭 also bump uglies is a new one lmao
@@lemongloves Actually bump uglies is an old one lol
I also went through not understanding that, I blame them for making a name that sounds so nice and calm for something I find disgusting
@@Solstice261 To be fair, the vast majority do not find it disgusting, so you can't really blame the naming either.
@@MartinFinnerup fair, but I want to be petty
It is hilarious to me that my parents tell me I shouldn’t kiss someone before marriage because that could lead to ooky spooky sex, but when I’ll come out to them as ace one day, they’ll try to convince me that I do in fact want to harm my mental/ physical health so I can live out the life they want me to live.
I’m a simple guy.
I like my Spagetti with tomato sauce
I like rewatching the same movie over and over again
AND I DONT WANT SEX.
I'm too old to tell my parents that I'm Ace, because I don't have the stamina needed to explain, and re-explain, to them what being Ace even is. Good luck in your efforts.
Gotta ask, what movie? I find Megamind eminently re-watchable, but my roommates get annoyed. Thinking maybe I should change it up a bit. 😅
As if the typical sequence of *"no Fun Times!"* turning into *"girlfriend/boyfriend when?"* as soon as they deem you adult enough, turning into *"wedding when?"* as soon as they see you hang out with a same age person of the other gender and finally turning into *"grandkids when?"* or outright *"give grandkids!"* (Basically telling their child to have s*x) upon the wedding wasn't creepy enough... 😪
People just get too nosy and exited for other people's lives sometimes. Especially they're own kid's or young family members' lives...
Real
I am also asexual and my gf isn’t
I’m worried that coming out to her will ruin our relationship
@@Hawkthejunimomy advice would be this (based on a few minor assumptions which may be wrong):
You should make sure she knows the ways in which you *do* feel attracted to her, especially if you've been in this relationship for a while - basically making sure that no *sexual* attraction doesn't get misunderstood as no attraction at all. If you don't think she knows much about the topic, it might be worth trying to explain what it is slightly before you come out (as in "this is what asexuality is, and how asexuals still love people, which is how I feel ago" kind of deal).
After that point, it kinda comes down to her. Either she'll be okay with it, or she won't. If she is, you didn't need to worry. If it causes problems, it's still better that it's approached directly than if she just finds out later - talking about it directly will probably make it a lot easier to reconcile any potential differences on that front, and find a way you can both be happy. If it does "ruin your relationship", then it was still something that was always going to be an issue, and it's probably better to get it over and done with earlier rather than later.
I get it can be daunting, but stuff like this will always come out eventually. The longer it's kept secret, the more likely it is to cause problems. If you're on the same page about what you each want and expect from the start, then the worst case scenario is that you both realise it's not going to be able to work, and agree you're better off as friends - which might still feel like a bad outcome, but it's better if you realise this with a conversation at the start, than a few months later with a fight.
When people say that you won't know until you try it, the only right thing to say is "I have tried not having sex and it is amazing"
Omg this is amazing, I'm gonna shamelessly steal that lol
Totally gonna use this
Best reply ever!🎉
Or “Have you tried ______” [that they’d never want*] “No? Well, that’s how I feel.” *A good example is something like “kissing a cactus”. But yours is also lovely: I’m stealing it!
I think they get upset about the sex before marriage/being ace thing because they feel that it NEEDS to be a struggle; you have to prove you can "resist temptation"
Yep. I've literally been told I'm sinning for not experiencing sexual attraction.
@@waffles3629 by their own rules, those who would say that are sinning by judging you. They suck.
@@missnaomi613 bingo. One person even admitted it was something I couldn't control, but that refusing to try to change it anyway meant I wanted to live in sin.
@@waffles3629 wow, they need therapy.
That's good reasoning which is why we can be sure this is definitely not what they're doing, people like that usually don't have actual reasons
Still a good headcanon though
the thing with demi is like...there's a difference between not wanting to rush into sex with someone, and physically not being attracted to them until you know them better
"Ace isn't part of LGBT+ because you aren't persecuted because of that sexual identity." Bro, you literally just persecuted someone because of their sexual identity.
See replies for your arguments. Got that it isn't really persecution, but not going to chicken out and edit it.
i agree that ace people are lgbt, but that isnt a good argument. with an argument like that, you can also just say "heterosexual people arent lgbt because they arent persecuted for their identity" and then boom, they would be persecuted as well. a better argument is one that says lgbt status isnt defined by persecution but just not being straight and/or cis
@@theappler9516I'd say we both have to deal with heteronormativity
Me: I’m asexual.
Coworker: You never get horny?
Me: Not never just like not enough to do something about it.
Coworker: Well that’s boring. You’ll never find someone to marry.
😅
@@theappler9516 Fair point, but it does go into gatekeeping where some community members will say being ace isn't real and just people wanting clout or something, or because aces are able to slip under the hetero-normative radar, so to speak.
@@kassiedelong7983 Ask if they're only interested in their partner because they can sleep together, and not for their personality, intellect, or looks; that should get your point across.
It wasn't delivery, but when I worked at McDonalds someone tried to offer sex to me for payment for a 60$ order. I just said "so you don't want to pay for what you ordered? I can cancel it for you right now"
They awkwardly paid and tried to get coupons at the next window. Where the manager told them to get lost.
holy shit 😂 that's seriously so messed up and awkward! Also like... $60??
@@bruh-xx6kr It was a kick i the teeth order - 4 of those huge bundle box meals, plus 10 drinks, and a few other things. 60$ might not even be enough for what their order was, but it was like 6-7 years ago now
We once dared a friend to "drop her bath towel" when the pizza guy arrived. He insisted he didn't need a cash tip!
My favorite asexual moment was when I up until like 22 genuinely thought 'being horny' was just a phrase, like a metaphor or something, and not like a physical feeling. That was a very interesting conversation with my mom and sister.
This is a mood
I remember as a kid when I was “supposed” to hit my “boy crazy” phase and it just never happened. I had ZERO context for it so when the girls on my class started theirs, I thought something was in the water.
@@Chocobo0Scribesame here but the other gender, I’m so confused about what the others are talking about
I remember being in school and getting hit on constantly. I just couldn't understand why. In the end I would just go "no" and walk away.
Even in my 20s my friends would go on about sex (a few even trying.. and failing to flirt with me) and I'm just "what's the big deal it's just meh" cue 4 women in their 20s and 30s all "oh you've just had bad sex" or "oh you'll meet the right girl one day.., or guy and it will just click"
I just assume “being horny” is just getting a high libido for a while, and then you don’t know what to do with it, so you waste half your day daydreaming trying to get anything out of it
I love seeing all the Ace people vibing and being supportive in the comments.
Not Ace myself, but I am very queer and I never understood why there's such a massive wall between the Ace community and the rest of the LGBTQ peeps.
Y'all have the most wholesome, chill, loyal bff vibes, and you're obviously just as valid.
This whole community is supposed to be about the celebration of our individual "abnormal" sexuality.
. . . not having much or any sexual attraction is very obviously and always has been a part of it-
HE HAS RECOGNIZED US ACES!!!!! LES GOOOOOO
FR!!!
Cause you guys are the "ace" in the hole~ I'm not leaving
yayy
BRO I WAS WAITING FOR THIS-
FINALLY!!!
"No one's ever gitten beat up for being asexual."
But they've died...
I remember when I was in middle school I came across an article about this young woman, 20 at most but I think she was 18 or 19, who had a largish following on instagram. She came out as ace and started getting stalked and eventually... Yeah, no happy ending.
Oh shit
Ppl got insanely heated over Jaden so it is not hard to extrapolate. My mom's generation also commonly got heated over George Michael coming out as gay, I asked what about Elton John and Freddie Mercury?😵 welp 😫...
...
♦️♣️Never figured it out since mom wouldn't outright say it (until my late teens)♥️♠️
I have some PTSD from being constantly sexually assaulted by my gay friend and young boys who felt they could touch me because I was the one weirdo not interested in sex when we were in school so they thought it meant they could do what they want to me and I wouldn't get offended; it didn't help I have the inattentive ADHD so my sister and some protective friends had to start defending me cause that is how a lot of this happened. Eventually I met and started dating my now husband of 16 years who is Ace like me. Him and his best friend really helped put a stop to those things happening once we started dating because I explained my multiple disabilities to him and he started looking out for me and has been since. So, it does happen even if it isn't completely as deadly as being gay.
@@oldladytrexarms ❤️
I once had a university professor say that asexuality is when people choose not to have sex. I corrected her, but she said "you can't control how other people identify." I was ace questioning at the time. The same year I had a guy try to convince me I wasn't ace
Who in this day and age has not heard of abstinence...?
I once tried explaining asexuality to a relative... long story short, he declared HIMSELF an asexual after giving me the most incelish speech I've heard from him
Basically, he was ace because "his horrible, abusive (thankfully now ex) wife hadn't done it with him for two decades!" ... btw, that was bs, and I can testify. Effing walls are paper thin. Plus, HE was the horrible one.
@@secaleohsrevlis2039fr, I was like... no, that's called being celibate, not the same thing
@@secaleohsrevlis2039And she was a SOCIOLOGY professor too
I hate when ppl say that "Asexuality is just not wanting to have sex" sooooo much. You can be straight, gay, bi, whatever, and not want to have sex. That doesn't automatically make you asexual and not all asexuals don't not want to have sex. Most asexuals just aren't generally interested in it bc they're not attracted to anyone to begin with.
A while ago (like... Around 10 years or so?) there was a survey in the US about who people would be the most ADVERSE to have as a roommate based on their sexuality. Almost everyone in the survey was against having an Ace roommate. I don't know if it can still be found online but I remember feeling seriously puzzled when I saw it. Like... Are you offended they might not be attracted to you or something...?? What.
That part with the vampire and the necklace suddenly reminded me of that Doctor Who episode in which Rose's mother tries to seduce the Doctor by going "There's a man in my bedroom..." and he just goes *...wtf?*😂
Wait what? That - HUH? why would somebody be against an ace roommate?
I would guess when there would be hope for a romantic or sexual relationship, but that wouldn't have to be a room mate?
I would kind of get it from nymph-people to not make the roommate uncomfortable but I don't think there are that many sexdriven people out there that would be considering themselves as nymph
@@KaliqueClawthorne yeah that left me pretty puzzled as well. I still don't get it honestly. I heard people say that ace people freak them out because "everybody wants to have sex and not wanting to is unnatural" but... that's rubbish really. I just don't get it. 👀
Some of the stuff about how ace people arent LGBTQ+ and/or don't need a movement/community really hits home. There's a woman I know, i love her to death, she's like another mom to me, but she refuses to accept I'm ace. Keeps saying that i cant know since ive never had sex, it'll change once I have it... doesn't matter that I'm VERY sex repulsed and have bad body dysmorphia. Like I said, love her to death, but it's frustrating. And that's just one person in my life...
What do they think the + in LGBTQ+ means?
I'm sorry she doesn't get you. I know how frustrating it can be. You know that no one can understand you better than yourself. It's also so great that there are communities now for people who are looking for answers and support from others that have gone through the same things. Know that there's always a community for you and we get it. Not everyone in your life will understand what you are going through but perhaps they are in your life for a different purpose.
Wishing you love and laughter always!
I hope this helps at least a little bit: I see, I believe you, I support you, you and your feelings are valid!
Virtual hug 🫂 if you're into that.
Forcing yourself to have sex would not work, it would just confirm to you that you dont want it and dont like it. It would not change you in anyway, you would still be ace.
Source: i have tried because i was pressured by others to see what it was aaaall about (it was boring to me)
My ex bf was like that. Then we had sex and I was still not physically attracted to him and told him flat out that I was not letting another person ever have sex with me cus I hated every moment of it.
We broke up a week alter 😅
I was in a QSA (Queer straight alliance) in high-school, and a group of is were making pennants on a string of pride flags. I said "aww we don't have colors for ace" (I'm panromantic axesual) and someone said "asexuality isn't a part of the lgbtq+ community because they don't face oppression" . And the others agreed????? Like wtf
So they were being oppressive, while saying ace isn't oppressed? Cool. Cool. People suck.
@@jennthya6982 mind rot truly is everywhere
yea my hs alliance was a bit like that but it was more of lack of representation or like people saying they were valid cus at that time i was relying on others to hint that what i felt was valid but i kinda just ghosted it instead.
my college’s alliance has a lot of aces (more than half my friend group is ace or generally lgbtq)
"QSA"
Shit like this irritates me so much. I didn’t realise I was ace (asexual, hetero-romantic) until about 2 years ago and only just really came out to a few of my friends and family about 4-5 months ago. I have a good number of queer friends. Two of my close friends are gay guys and they are very excepting, but there’s a bi girl who’s kinda an acquaintance and she’s said some weird stuff. Recently, it was how I shouldn’t come with her and some other people (including my BEST friend, who’s straight) to a gay club. I’m not a big clubbing person, so I wouldn’t have really liked it anyway, but it was the fact that she said it that pissed me off.
One thing that annoys me as an asexual is when people don't know the difference between aromantic and asexual. Yes they're similar but they are not the same.
And then there's people that think you're calling them stinky because they mentally added an n.
I explain them as siblings. Cause siblings are similar but definitely not the same.
"Ken doesn't have sex. He's above that." Based.
It can be very dangerous to be ace in intolerant communities like the military or police force because if you choose not to have sex with anyone, it may look like you’re hiding wanting to have sex with the same gender and even if you’re not homosexual, you get ascribed to that group by others, and Sometimes attacks can happen as a result. Also, the number of people who think you’re weird and broken and then don’t trust you because they don’t know your motivations. And the number of people who genuinely think if you are not interested in sex, you are sociopathic or psychopathic is far farther from zero than anyone is comfortable with.
@@killsims mostly because most people don’t really understand either ace or sociopathy. They don’t understand that what is in their mind one flavor of broken does not mean other flavors. Despite neither meaning broken, just slightly different. Because of all of the cop shows and other things and mainstream media, even sociopathy and psychopathy are not represented accurately. There are people who can register on those spectrum’s who are perfectly nice kind, and average people, they just interact with the world very differently.
"aces aren't discriminated against"
Me every time I mention Im ace to a doctor, "whelp, time to do a blood test"
I am usually fine with that. Cuz there are multiple conditions which do take away the sex drive .and being ace The symptom just doesn't show. It's better to do a test to be safe. But it does get annoying if it happens everytime
@@KiyoGam1But there's a vast difference between "Doc, help me, I don't have libido and I used to/want to!!" vs "I psychologically am not interested in sex and don't want to be fixed." The doctor does not get to make that distinction.
@@j.d.thedragking2872 I know there is. But doctors tend to be paranoid old people who don't understand the spectrum. A lack of libido can be a symptom of a different underlying problem. And when you are ace . The underlying problem becomes asymptomatic. So they just test to make sure of it.
It's annoying I know I've been there. I am aroace. They mean well but are just uninformed
@@j.d.thedragking2872it IS important though, because it could be a genetic condition and can be due to a severe hormonal imbalance, which actively places you in danger.
@@xenogaming5997i dont think you understand. Libido and sexual attraction are not the same thing. Being ace doesnt mean you have erectile dysfunction. It just means your urges arent directed at a certain sex
I always assumed I was a “late bloomer” because that was the narrative I encountered. But I’m in my mid thirties, and have finally realized there’s no flower malingering inside. I’m asexual, and it’s such a relief to have the words for it now.
Welcome to the club! Have some cake. 🍰
I'm 55 and only realized I'm asexual in the last few years. Before, I thought there was something wrong with me.
"You thought I was a flowering plant? Jokes on you, I'm Lycen!"
@@secaleohsrevlis2039 The cake is a lie!!
Lol, I know, right?! I have finally come to understand/embrace who I am, and I finally get the whole being proud of your orientation thing on a whole new level. You can tell close-minded people think it's about being proud of who like you to bang or not bang, but of course it's about accepting and loving yourself in the face of a hostile world. I feel so free. I wish I knew this about myself my whole life, because I kinda did, and really didn't. I felt like should be an option,, but everyone else seemed so ready to dive in, and nobody brought up that there was another way that's natural too. I too have been waiting so long for the "special feelings", and found myself always being impatient with romantic plotlines in books and movies that were always really just shoehorned in, and casually mocking smexy commercials like, does this work on anyone lol? Eventually, I realized I was the outlier. But now I really want to make ace friends, and write my ace novel that actually has deep platonic friendships, with a plot that isn't sidelined by love (**cough**lust**cough**) triangles
my mom was like that, she was always like "don't have sex before marriage!" and I was like "I'm ace" and she was like "if you don't have sex your husband will leave you!" I also had someone say "I think we should all be asexual until marriage" which....wow...I no longer ID as ace but the things I was told were wild
My favourite explanation for asexuality is
"Just because I admire a sunset, doesn't mean I wanna have sex with it."
(Don't remember where it was said, but it’s so true)
Oh I think that was Red from Overly Sarcastic Productions
Wait I'm not supposed to want to f the sun?
@@AIHumanEqualitynot everyone is
Interesting
@@Chocobo0ScribeI WAS JUST ABOUT TO DO THAT QUOTE
I think the "you're not ugly, you're just not your type" statement just changed my outlook on myself in an instant
🎉🎉🎉
I heard it a few years ago, and it definitely did the same for me too! ❤
As an asexual myself, I really appreciate you covering this subreddit and your nuanced takes
I really enjoy One Topic At A Time's videos on LGBT+ reddits as well.
Just don't watch the House episode "Better Help". It is beyond abysmal for ace representation.
How is there acephobia! Yall are like the most precious little beans!
from my experience with ace people, they always have some sort of unresolved/unconfronted childhood trauma, or they have some misunderstanding about the sexual urges of other people, making them believe that normal people act like the extremely sensitive virginal protagonists of harem anime
@@starspangledkiwi7224 I’ll refer you to the comment below yours for an example of acephobia.
I remember telling my childhood best friend that I’m a biromantic ace and she said “nah you’re not, you’re too young to know and it’s probably a phase anyway”
Mind you, she’s younger than me and came out as bisexual when she was around 8😭
For no particular reason, I enjoy this subreddit
Is that the russian flag in your pfp
I cant possibly think of a reason you would like this subreddit either. Huh, weird.
we'll never know why
What country is on your pfp
@@anotparticularlynotableguyAre you serious? That's the homophobic flag.
Vow of chastity: holy person
Ace: freak.
I'm currently thinking about starting a religion where we all take a vow of chastity and worship cats.
Sounds fun! Would there be any other tenets? I am assuming garlic bread & cake will be important 😁🍰
@jinxcraft1170 Absolutely. And Netflix and chilled beverages.
Also, if one finds it expedient to break the vow of chastity, the atonement is to clean out the litter box.
Also cheese. Blessed are the cheese makers.
Can i make the pantheon? I have several ideas already (worldbuilding is my strong suit)
@@Jacqueline_Thijsenhelp i’m lactose intolerant, how will we connect with the sacred cheese people
@ashlingemberstone3913 From what I understand, a lot of lactose intolerant people will happily set the world on fire or at least smother it in gas because cheese is just that good.
But I think there are lactose free cheeses. Vegan cheese perhaps? Ooh, that can be your holy quest, finding a vegan or otherwise lactose free cheese that actually tastes good!
It always rubs me the wrong way how many people think ace means u have to be s3x repulsed or indifferent. Even within the community itself. Comments like "I am ace so I don't wanna do physical stuff" always overgeneralize the whole community.
There's quite literally an argument happening in the replies of another comment on this video because someone in said replies doesn't think demisexual/grayace people are real. It's crazy. This is a video FOR our community and it's STILL happening. It's so frustrating.
@@thesaltycat9493yeh I saw it, just wanted to say I appreciate the effort you put in those comments, really wish it wasn't necessary tho
@@persooniemand8346Thank you, I appreciate yours too (I saw that it had gotten deleted and you put in the extra effort to write it again, which I applaud you for because I wouldn't have had the patience)! It's just so frustrating since I get so excited when I see creators like Click post videos about us, because I know he is supportive, and I feel like for once the comments will get it too. And most do. But there's always some that are like, "actually you aren't real" and it's always SO invalidating (especially when it comes from "allies" or other people within the community). It shouldn't be, but it is.
I totally get what you mean! I didn't know asexuality was a spectrum. Years ago I thought I was an asexual. I was surprised when I found out I liked being in an intimate relationship with someone I was with, so I figured I was wrong. Decades later, I found out that I'm demisexual, which I didn't know was a thing. Now I understand much more about who I am and why I've never been sexually attracted to anyone physically. It now makes sense to why I have been attracted to my long term partners on mental and emotional level and liked being intimate with them.
@@grenade8572 just wanted to stop by to say Helloooo fellow cupioromantic! It’s cool to see other Cupios around
I'm on the Ace spectrum, too. I'm Aceflux. Sometimes sexual attraction and/or touch makes me feel like I wanna vomit, curl up in a ball, and turn into dust. Other times, I'm ok with it, and sometimes I'm ok with touch but not anything further.
I'm ace and demiromantic. In one of my smaller classes at school, we had a fun mini-assignment where we had to describe our ideal partner and how we met them. I was absolutely shocked when people described a love-at-first-sight trope every time with the person's physical appearance down to a T. And then THEY were confused when I said that I could only imagine falling in love with someone who I've known for a while, and I genuinely didn't care what she looked like. I think they assumed that I was pretending to be better than I was to avoid looking like a "toxic man" (I'm one of the only AMAB people in that class) when I just genuinely don't have an idea of a perfect partner, and I find being attracted to looks so weird.
I'm asexual and could describe my "ideal partner" physically quite well, but that only describes the kind of body I like looking at basically. What I find aesthetically pleasing. I'm quite strict in who I find good looking and I kinda refuse the idea of being with someone I wouldn't find nice to look at, but I know personality is so much more important and I've heard often enough that when you love someone you don't really see their looks anymore,like they look perfect to you no matter what they look like. Being with someone I've known for a while as friend sounds like a good idea to me cause it's so much more chill to get to know them that way, but I'd find it incredibly difficult to take the step to be together and ask them out. Idk. My whole romantic attraction confuses me af.
@@brokenprincessofhell4743 I experience a slightly similar sort of thing, but for me it's quite literally just the aesthetic the person chooses to present, because that often says a lot about a person - like a punk aesthetic or some such. I find myself attracted to people because of their clothes, and it's slightly confusing.
FINALLY someone who also had this activity in school. In my class, we were divided by gender and told to reach a group consensus on the ideal partner in terms of looks. It's there when I realized how much my classmates think about looks and certain people. The girl group very quickly started pulling out reference photos that were already on their phones. Talking about things down to the finest details. Even hyper focusing on a specific boy in the school who was literally in the class and could hear everything they were saying about his shirtless photos. (Seriously the teacher should have stopped them. He clearly wasn't completely comfortable with the attention even if those were public photos. This activity would never happen like this these days.) The boys was so much more awkward and vague about things to not be seen as creepy. I just moved away from both groups, looked at my teacher and said I just wanted my partner to be my height or a bit taller. And that wasn't even a firm requirement. I never paid much attention to people's looks or thought about the looks of some "dream partner." But became clear that others very much did a lot.
I am discovering things about myself on this thread and in general through Click and this video.
I always get repulsed when men ask me for s~e~x on the FIRST DATE and it usually makes me very angry and I just tell them off and leave and block on everything 😂 This hook-up culture really bothers me and lately I’ve been wondering if I’m just Ace, because I don’t experience this sexual attraction AT ALL - not even on 3rd, 4th date and so on.
But I am conflicted because - as you guys mentioned in your comments - I can only begin to like someone romantically if we’ve been friends for a little while and I know their personality. That makes me feel safe.
Also FINALLY someone put what I’ve been feeling into words - I find it extremely attractive when someone has a particular ~aesthetic~ about them, like they know what looks good on them and flattering colours and do it. I love it when they put effort into their clothes and I also like people based on clothes.
I also relate to not knowing what a particular face and body appearance for a partner should be. I guess I’m lucky in that regard because I’ve been in love with Marilyn Manson since I was 12. 😊😅🎉
But I know not everyone can be Marilyn Manson but the man himself, so I just kinda like that Metalhead aesthetic, also goth and vampire-like, i guess. Maybe also - tall guy who likes to wear dark colours. 😆
I feel so validated by this thread, thank you guys! ❤
My husband, Ace like me, was the only guy to look past my big front teeth and actually commented on my smile being pretty and the first thing he saw on me in comparison to every guy before him hitting on me for my body and/or sex. We've hit 16 years of marriage now, both of us falling in love with each other's personalities and finding our outsides as pretty as the inside despite people having bullied us for being ugly. It's crazy how much looks matter to people. I feel for people in the dating scene because I've seen so many people get dumped after accidents like being burnt in a fire and stuff all because "they're no longer handsome like before" and I find that horrible yet others find it "ok because it's their preference"; like, they don't even understand how it could be viewed as horrid/wrong to leave someone after something like that.
My two best friends from college are bisexual and asexual. Not only did my conservative Christian mother believe we were in this lesbian thrupple but now they're a couple and have been together happily for over 8 years now.
"Aces don't belong in the LGBTQ+ because they're not getting sh*t on for being ace"
Then why am I always surprised when a youtuber is genuinely supportive of us?
But seriously, I was nervous to click on this video, because I can never be sure how people handle the the topic of asexuality. A lot of people dismiss us, or pity us, or are downright hateful. And even well meaning people are barely educated beyond the surface level, despite making entire videos about us or the broader LGBTQ+ community.
Thank you for being a genuine ally. It's means more to us than you know.
real! and when theyve taken the time to educate themselves it just makes it so much better! i discovered this channel recently and have seen this video pop up on my suggestions a few times, but never looked bc ive been burned before. its very nice to see someone with some kind of reach actually care about people like me. (and i literally cannot stress enough how happy i was that he knew what he was talking about. i was cheering for him through most of this video)
Can I just say, 13:44 the person not only not getting weird when denied again that no, not gay either, but KNOWING OUR LORE AND CONTINUING THE JOKE WITH OUR SACRED BREADSTUFFS is so iconic
I’m a sex repulsed aro/ace. I’ve always hated the line “You just haven’t met the right person yet,” or “you’ll change your mind when you get older.” It’s nice to see that there are others that had experienced this type of mindset
Honestly you're so valid
I'm Grey Ace and have so many layers to my asexuality including repulsion when its a topic in conversations or media.
Being on the ace spectrum is one of my biggest reasons for avoiding dating apps. (I'm a hopeless romantic but due to my sexuality being complicated I just haven't tried bc I feel unlovable)
I’m in highschool, not rly out but like whenever parents mention kids and other stuff like that I’m like no I really don’t want that and they r always like no that will change T.T
I get that so freakin often. My 2 go-tos are "needing to meet the right person before I experience attraction is still being queer/on the A spectrum, that's the definition of demi" and "so [name], how can you be sure that you aren't into [gender]? Have you ever really tried dating them? Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet, you just need to open yourself up to opportunities". etc - I have gotten an "ahhhh I get it now" from several people with that last one but there is just no helping some people.
I think something a lot of people don't understand when being explained asexuality is that for a lot of asexuals the physical part of attraction is not there at all. If you ask an asexual what kind of person they like, or what part of the body catch their attention first or who they find attractive often they won't be able to answer, asexuals know what someone beautiful is supposed to look like but usually won't see what part of it is supposed to excite you or make be attractive
Asexuals just haven't met pyramid head. Not even asexuals can resist the appeal of that triangle.
I assume it's like that business card scene in American Psycho, where everyone who's obsessing over the details of the cards are the ones interested in sex, but the people who just see ordinary business cards are asexual?
@@AIHumanEqualityI'm asexual but I see what you're saying 🤤 unfortunately real people don't be having those sexy sexy head triangles 😂
well I have favourite parts of body I like to draw, hands are dufficzlt to draw but super beautiful when drawn well... tho always liked drawing face the most.Like I like human anatomy except one part, never want to draw the naugthy bits.
I've just taken to telling people "It's like when you see ( a person from whatever demographic they don't happen to be sexually attracted to), but you still think they look nice. Nothing down there responds, and that's okay."
The town of Dildo in Newfoundland, Canada kept getting the town sign stolen. Year after year. Month after month. Their solution to fund all the replacement signs and fund other stuff was to open a tourist shop that had a variety of different Town of Dildo road signs for sale legally. Sign theft did in fact decrease afterwards.
Prohibition logic also apparently applies to signs
On a similar note, a village in Austria respelled their name to "Fugging" because English-speaking tourists were stealing their signs and sometimes performing lewd acts. I don't know if YT allows the old spelling in a comment.
How did they not know who was stealing the sign? Doesn't Newfoundland have a population of like 30 people.
Same with a few funny German signs.
Also, the town of Wacken (where the metal open air happens, same name) started to just weld their sign onto the post at some point rather than screwing on a new one
@@AIHumanEquality The problem isn't with the amount of people, it's with the amount of land. There is so much wilderness that you can drive for hours on the highway without seeing anything but trees, mountains, maybe the coastline, and the road. It's a lot of woods with no real surveillance, especially in coastal areas, so all it really takes is to know when people aren't around, drive out to the sign with some tools and a buddy to hold the sign, and get to work. You could then drive off away from the town and basically not be found until someone notices the sign either in your possession, or notices the sign is missing and noticed you drove in that direction only to return acting suspiciously. Plus there is a lot of areas with no cellphone service at all, so unless you're dumb enough to leave a GPS on you, no one would question why you and your buddy couldn't be located for a few hours.
A friend of mine once said he couldn't say "no" to women offering sex. I said he absolutely could say "no", and asked if he needed an intervention because he was engaged at the time. When I pushed a bit for an answer, he kind of blew off the question, but I hope he understood that I would have run interference and helped him get out if he wanted it.
26:17 My boyfriend and I had this discussion before. I drool over muscular guys and pretty girls all the time, but in the sense of "omg they're so nice to look at". He's the same way. He likes to look at people and admire the work they put into themselves, but he doesn't see it as anything sexually attractive.
meanwhile i just restart like windows vista if i see a person with either thicc thighs or muscular abs (or both, i swing both ways)
@@heavygaming1167 just have to ask, both ways as in both thighs and abs or, as in both male / female, or like? Just curious, and I know it has nothing to do with me so feel free to not answer if you don't want to. I'd rather ask and get denied than run around curious about things constantly. (mostly curious because like they're not mutually exclusive and it's fun to imagine if just one of those traits made your operative system restart, what then both traits on one person would do to you.)
I think one of the most important things about ace representation and inclusion that people forget about is the number of ace people who assume they're broken and force themselves to be in toxic/abusive relationships and/or have sex because they think they're supposed to.
I think I have seen some of these before, sad
Me being that person 😭
I remember Jaiden's sexual orientation reveal video, and I just felt..."you know, this explains why I never felt like she and James (TheOdd1sOut) would be a couple."
Because I certainly recall a lot of "fan shipping" appearing before that reveal. That in of itself is not unusual, a lot of popular RUclipsrs have fans that make shippy fanart of them, Clicky himself not immune to that. What got me was how confident some of these people were that they were going to end up together just because they had simular art styles, lived in the same state, knew the same people, had similar interests and all that.
It felt like I was reading a fanfic, rather than people having a serious discussion on the possibility and not even touching on why they might not. It really bugged me how deep some people can get into their fantasies and act like the world is ending when their fantasy isn't played out.
Some people really don't know where the lines are when it comes to their fantasies.
Yea, it’s really annoying to me too that people likes to ship real people together.
@@alicebthegachaweirdo8378 I can forgive if it were just their cartoon selves, Jaiden and James have said those aren't actually their true selves, they're simply a medium for them to talk through. It's going after the actual person that is a big "NO" to me. James is happy with "GIF" (his actual girlfriend) and Jaiden is happy to live with her birds.
I was very much in the "we'll see" camp with Jaiden and James until they revealed the truth of their romantic lives (Jaiden being ace, James having a different woman) because I could accept a "it could happen" and leave it at that.
It just really disappoints me how people can marginalize people just because of fame.
I've never been very comfortable with the idea of shipping real people. It feels weird and invasive. I don't generally have any issue with shipping fictional characters though, since with fictional people it doesn't impact real relationships (except when people get super toxic towards anyone who doesn't agree with their ship). Shipping real people just feels... problematic. Even when the ships may seem wholesome.
I feel like it's weird to ship real people in general. Even if they DO end up together it should not be of concern to anyone outside of the relationship
@@kannahvivien7525It's like when an actress and an actor don't get together just because they looked good and did good in this one job they did together, and someone come along and shouts "I'm your biggest fan! So get together already! You're perfect."
Dude, I'm not banging my co-worker just because we successfully made a lot of money together that one time. Chris Hemsworth showed many a time that while he kisses a lot of women, the only woman he wants to kiss is Elsa, *his wife*
A fun bad guy who's canonically ace is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel. "There is no naughty attraction. Only angy!" (13:09) As far as I can tell, that fits him to a T.
He was also recently confirmed as aromantic as well in January!! Big aroace win
Rosie literally called Alastor an "Ace in the hole".
40:36 - I actually would love to see a character that is an asexual bard that just seduce people, and then proceeds to friendzone them in order to deal massive amounts of EMOTIONAL DAMAGE! XD
Cue Stephen He video
lol I might actually try that with my current Bard in D&D. sounds so funny. Edit. I posted it to my D&D group and they thought it was pretty funny. Just have to hear if my DM can let my bard do emotional dmg lol
So a toxic twitter/instagram/tinder person is who you want to make as a character.
@@AIHumanEqualityNnoooooOo! XD
It becomes bad when we make it realll T-T
@@malcerne7496 Most fantasy things in reality would be horrendous. Lol.
Even though this is just general advice for anyone, STOP HINTING! Flirting or not. STOP HINTING AT THINGS AND JUST COMMUNICATE!!
YES. I FOUND THIS BADGE WITH THE AUTISTIC INFINITY THING SAYING “PLEASE BE BLUNT”
(SORRY THIS IS ALL IN CAPS)
@@ashlingemberstone3913 That was my first thought too! Because I'm autistic. And man, have I ever just wished people would say what they meant and be direct. Turns out they kind of were, but I wasn't getting the social signals that are apparently obvious to most people. I literally (not figuratively) can't even imagine what it's like to know that stuff automatically.
It's taken me DECADES to figure out what facial expressions and "body language" means. I'm still working on it. Also that not everyone who's curious about something wants an info dump of the minutiae on the topic. Because I sure do!
@@jooleebilly YES
also, if you’re looking for someone to infodump on, what be your current special interest?
That my friend is very good advice 😊
@@jooleebilly Forty-eight years of undiagnosed and untreated ADHD here. I realize it's not precisely the same, but I feel very similar. I still have to learn social cues and things that I missed, and I'm not really young anymore, so I feel dumb constantly.
Listening to this while I work and having to explain why i burst out laughing at the "asexuals are not fucking around" line.
My favorite Asexual icon is Sun Wukong, The Monkey King. He was literary too busy making the gods of heaven and the underworld fear him and killing evil demons for relationship. Then decided to be a buddist superhero and because it felt more spiritually stimulating.
A few years ago I backed a Kickstarter called Mini Minority Monsters which created a comic to help explain the lgbtqia in terms of monsters and they had an asexual succubus as one of the monsters.
Sounds interesting
I have an OC who’s an asexual succubus who feeds on fear instead of lust by giving people sleep paralysis instead of wet dreams.
@@thepip3599 Not to deride your character or anything, but wouldn't that just be an alb?
@@tartarustrommler5454 In my world there are lots of different kinds of creatures who can feed on fear through sleep paralysis. Some of them have to, and some of them are able to but can feed on other stuff instead.
I imagine alps (I’m assuming that you’re talking about those and alb is an alternate way to spell it) to be a type of fairy, whereas I imagine succubi/incubi to be a type of demon. Alps can be easily distinguished from them because they always wear hats. It mentions them wearing hats in their Wikipedia article and I thought that was goofy and felt like fairy behaviour. I admittedly haven’t put much thought into alps
@@someonessecondaltaccount6932 I looked it up and they are selling it on etsy along with the keychains from the Kickstarter shop name TabKimpton. I am also thinking about getting a new keychain as the one I got from the Kickstarter is becoming very worn and I am worried about it breaking.
As for corrective R, I always heard of it for forced heterosexuality but when I learned about it for Ace cinnamon rolls, it broke my heart. Especially how often it is done by partners in relationships or 'friends' clearly not interested in being friends.
Unfortunately, sexual violence is a universal experience across the sexuality spectrum from Ace to hetero. I hate that they all have that in common.
Yep. It's never happened to me, but I've been "offered" corrective R, and been told my partner should just to it to me.
36 times in my case. The phrase 'I can fix that for you' sends me into fight or flight faster than you'd think possible.
I was reading Loveless a couple of months ago and 17:50 reminded me of a scene from it. One of the protagonist’s friends tells her “How can you be aromantic when you’ve not even dated anyone before?”
The protagonist responds by telling her that that’s the same as asking her “how can you be a lesbian if you’ve never even dated men”
Pretty good counterargument I think
Also 20:37 Saiki is peak aroace rep, love that he’s in the video
OMG I LOVE LOVELESS
@saragoodman1020 I absolutely read your name as Saul Goodman for 5 seconds and thought "woah... Saul Goodman loves Loveless... so cool 😍"
@@squidpile LMFAO 🤣🤣 that once happened when I commented on a livestream they read my name out loud as saul Goodman
The only problem with it is that it doesn't work on people who HAVE dated multiple genders :(
2:45 - No. Do not enjoy the chili in this manner. That's how burns in inconvinient places happen.
The pizza delivery boy skit was *chef’s kiss* excellent. You can read it as him being asexual and standing his ground. You can read it as a dig into how media (and porn in particular) portray sexually active women. You can read it as a reminder that harassment in either direction is not cool. You can read it as an example of how not all men fit the stereotypes culture has of them.
There’s a few episodes of different shows like Buffy or the like, usually relating to vampires where they invite the pizza boy over and he is food. Those always made more sense to me than any of the MILF meme ever did.
that and paying for college these days is socioeconomic violence if this skit is actually a common problem for pple who have a lot of appeal against their will.
2:24 my Great Grandma's reaction to me being ace (After I explained it to her): "Oh, good you don't need any of that" BEST RESPONSE TO THIS DAY
your great grandma is a treasure. too based for this world ♥️
@@rosesapling72 honestly I was surprised her response was positive -v-'
I do love her tho
I feel like most really old people just don't give an F anymore about what people want to identify as. It's nice that so many can just accept change in the world, and only a few become bitter about change.
Oh! I live with my great grandparents and when I came out as Aroace to her she was just like “good, I don’t need to worry about you” she also randomly asked if I was ready to come out as trans during dinner a few years before that… she like… came out for me?? It was weird but also sweet, she changed my name legally and got me a cake saying “happy birthday (new name)” it wasn’t my birthday she just couldn’t think of anything else to write
I'm not out to my elderly neighbor but she was like "oooh darling stay single being married sucks" and I tried not to laugh in aroace, like Sure Norma, no problem, that was the plan actually
Had a gay couple on my tour, and while that isn't unusual, nor is continuing a convo after, they mentioned their relationship to me. I guess they didn't think i picked up on it, despite their obvious affection? Anyway, they were very happy about the acceptance in my city, New Orleans... 🤦🏼♀️
I agreed that our city is very open. And that as an ace, I really appreciate the support from so many.
Eyebrows shot up... "Ace? Yeah... I never understood that!"
I looked at them, laughed and said, "Um, that's ok. You don't have to understand someone elses sexual preferences. "
That's when it dawned on them.
Talk about an epiphany!
They apologized... I told them there was no need, and we all had a good laugh about it.
As an aro/ace myself, I absolutely hate it when I am reading a book, and a sex scene shows up, I usually have an audiobook to go along with my book
I don't mind sex scenes in books/shows/movies but I don't like them if they are overly detailed or placed at the worst time possible. Like in some books, the big bad will literally be at the door and the main characters are like "We got time for a quickie."
This is why I have avoided watching Game of Thrones, despite all it's praise. From how I hear people describe it, there are a ton of those scenes and they are not skippable because they actually provide necessary plot exposition.
"You're just haven't met the right person"
"Oh You're just gay and in the closet"
"Everyone likes sex"
"You're just want to be special"
"That's not a real sexuality"
"Does that mean you have both parts... can I see?"
just ones i've heard in the last 24hr
Why are people so creepy
You need to be around better people.
OMG, why are people so weird sometimes???
Wait, people actually _thought_ and _said_ that last one??
I mean, I really hope that last one was a total misunderstanding. Damn.
I have a friend who always says that "Being demi is just normal!" And I have tried to explain to her OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN that THEY ARE JUST DEMI. It drives me insane.
I mean hey, it is normal. Just as it's normal to be anything else.
"So is being hard of hearing and wearing a machine day in and day out! Wait it's not normal because you're the opposite? But I've done it all my life! You're all abnormal!!" XP
Honestly I felt this way for SO long before I finally was willing to entertain the fact that I am demi. For me it was like a cognitive dissonance because I have like done SW and been in adult performances and so I assumed that I must be allosexual, and then I found the definition of demi and tried to reconcile it like your friend, "I'm not demi, this is just how all allosexuals are, demi must be something different that I don't understand".
I'm not sure it was totally conscious it just takes a while for your brain to make it make sense when a core belief about yourself is challenged.
Every single friend I've ever had has been demi so I'm a little doubtful that that's not just as common as not being demi. If demi is on the asexual spectrum I'm pretty sure like at least 50% of people are on the ace spectrum, at least
God, every time I explain it to anyone in or out of the community, I am always met with that. "That's a long winded way to say you're like every other straight person on the planet" (quote from my mother and close friend several years later, few differences between them) mfer-- NO! THE POINT IS THAT I AM ACE UNTIL I LOVE SOMEONE LIKE A BEST FRIEND! WHERES THE MISCOMMUNICATION?!
Oh hey! I can answer the delivery question! Not me personally but I worked T&S (Trust and Safety) for a delivery company. A Delivery driver reported a customer for being awful. I opened the ticket and it was a picture of the text she got which was of the the pizza with his uh. Sausage. Laid across it. Text said "Come work for your tip"
Yes we banned the customer.
Holy poop! Thanks for answering this question.
Should've put chilli on top of it...
😳🤮
That's just disgusting behaviour.....
@@scaathreykr and make sure that chilli has ghost peppers or something worse
I'm a straight male, but if a woman gets in the way of me making money by trying to "pay with their body" or similiar shit, my attraction would instantly go into negatives.
It made me really happy to see how much Clicky actually understands Asexuality and could even personally relate to a few of the concepts. It’s a really nice change from what we usually deal with. :)
Ngl I was confused about him for the entirety of this video
I generally stay in the closet about being ace because I'm fucking sick of people treating a dude who doesn't want sex as "weird" or "broken". There's this idea that I'm not a "real man" because I don't turn into a drooling pig whenever someone attractive comes around. I can appreciate someone having a nice body, regardless of their gender, but it's the same way I look at a cool painting or a trailer for a movie I like. Add in the fact that I'm trans and everyone just loses their shit about how I'm just confused and hurting myself. Thank you for your understanding approach and your general practice of accepting everyone until proven otherwise, it really gets me through the day.
You are 100% valid
I'm in the same boat
Stay strong man, I can't say it'll get better because I ain't no fortune teller but I can say I *hope* it will
As an ace currently not attending school today due to atrocious period cramps, this has made my day a whole lot better. So that’s something I guess 🤷♀️
Literally going thru the same thing rn lmao.
Oh, hope you feel better soon :(
im staying home for the same reason! we can get through this 💕💕
Period cramps mean the devil's inside you.
Oof same tho. Body betrayal today
Had a gay creator come up during my Facebook reels scrolling. A couple of his videos later, and he's addressing something or other and straight up says "the A in LGBTQIA stands for Ally" and I have never felt more erased. Plenty of fellow ace people were in the comments of that video correcting him, but man is it invalidating knowing that there are both straight and LGBT people who think the A is for ally, not Ace.
I don't mind it standing for Ally - IF people also acknowledge that is also and primarily stands for Ace, Aro, Agender. That usually isn't the case, like you said it's usually used a weapon for erasure.
It's so weird. There's asexuals, aromantics and agender people and they go with ally? Hmm.
8:00 my ex unironically used that article to claim i was chating on and abusing him while he literally displayed every narcissistic relationship trait in the book and went home with drunk college girls one on one weekly to "walk them home" and would be there for the next hour or three, unreachable.
Yeesh, glad he's your ex.
That's really terrible and I'm glad you got out of this situation but could you not use the word narcissistic when talking about an abusive relationship, that word is a scam and essentially just ableism repackaged. Not only does it somewhat stem from the idea that "evil" (mentally ill) people are the only one that abuse people, it also deponises a bunch of somewhat amoral traits (think beige-flags such as low empathy, identity issues or dependence on people's opinions which is something) that can be found in neurodivergent people (like with autism, bipolar or PTSD to give a few examples)
It's especially harmful to people who have personality disorders who gets harassed by people who want to use them as scapegoat and dehumanise them)
Not only that but the person who made the term was incredibly homo-phobic and especially trans-phobic (considering that these two things were incredibly narcissistic and showed a clear moral falling)
Plus _"narc abuse_survivor" spaces have this kind of toxic victim mentality you should avoid. I know it's easy to fall into that because if you google abuse victim you won't get a link to any safe space aside from them but I advice you to avoid those if you have good connections to people who help you deal with what you went through.
To make this clearer, I just wanted to make this comment to spread awareness.
Much love and appreciation❤
(Also, happy Ramadan if you're part of the faith ☪️❤✨)
@@sunnyscript1224you raise some really good points! I agree, I rlly hate the misuse of mental illness and adjacent terms that end up demonising mentally ill or neurodivergent ppl, and ruining the meaning.
I think however that in some contexts (perhaps not here but elsewhere) narcissistic does work as an adjective simply meaning self-obsessed (I'm thinking about the Narcissus myth itself) - but yeah, in relationship contexts it is a very overused and often misunderstood and misused term.
thanks for the info!
17:25 in the Netherlands there was a sexual harrasment charge for 2 woman who tried to get the 15 year old pizza delivery boy to sleep with them
Oh dayum, where was it? Like Den Haag?
DAMN WHAT IN THE LOVE OF CHEESE
Well I hope he's OK???
Well that charge is deserved
Those women need to goto prison for years.
I appreciate the Ace memes representing sex-positive/non-repulsed aces. I struggled to learn I was Aroace because I'm super sex-positive and experienced aesthetic attraction (finding things beautiful but never sexually attracted to it).
I would love to see more memes like that because wew I could've avoided hurting a lot of people had I known sex-positive Aroace people were a thing.
Yeah, I'm sex-averse myself but it makes me sad how rarely I see the sex-favorable among us getting represented.
. . . wait. . . hold on a second. . . why does this make sense. . .
Ig you learn something new about yourself every day.
yeah, i keep seeing ppl complaining about how everyone is constantly talking about only sex favorable aces and not sex repulsed aces apparently, but somehow i, both when i was trying to figure myself out and now as well, am constantly seeing only the sex repulsed part of the community?? like is there some sex favorable underground everyone is complaining about that i'm somehow not aware of?? it took me so long to figure myself out, bcos i don't mind being in a relationship and i read a lot of romance/smut, i'm just not attracted to ppl - but how you know you don't have something you never had in the first place.
@@niofo7713 Frrr, it took years of fighting an uphill battle for me to finally land on the fact that I'm ace specifically 'cause my only real exposure to it was that any form or sexual attraction = not ace. Having a complete aesthetic obsession with anatomy while also having 0 desire to actually 'engage' with said visually appealing things was an extremely confusing experience to grow up with
@@Krimson241 Yeah it was a painful realization for me. Think of it as how an artist can see beauty in so many things, like anatomy or the passion in scenarios or displays, how an artist can be enamored with it.
That doesn't mean they want to have sexual relations with whatever that thing is though.
I see beauty in a lot of things and I love seeing a loving relationship or seeing GOOD, tasteful sexual content, but when I sit back and think if I want to do that with that person. My answer is a definitive no.
Even engaging in those acts, I went through with it because my partner wanted to and I thought they were aesthetically pleasing, not realizing at the time that finding someone aesthetically pleasing and wanting them sexually is two COMPLETELY different things. It's why I said I wish I had known cause a lot of those partners thought they were bad or did something wrong and I legitimately couldn't give a reasonable explanation at the time.
I always thought I was bi because I can be with a man or a woman. But it turns out I'm demisexual ie I can feel sexual attraction, but only once I'm secure as fuck emotionally with my partner. I've been with my current partner for a decade and sexual energy really doesnt exist (we do have it) but it took me like 2 years before I even thought about it. It's actually a healthier way to a decent relationship that I cant do one night stands or sleeping with people just after meeting them. I have to trust the person first and know they're not just using me.